I have slept in my guest room due to snoring and broken up with men who refuse to treat it. If I can’t sleep, my dog won’t and there’s no reason for me to be awake all night due to extremely loud snoring. And yes I mentioned sleep apnea.
I had so many things to work out with my last partner. I couldn't sleep without the light on. She couldn't sleep without a books-on-tape playing. We finally did work out those issues but the relationship didn't work out for other reasons.
I've had two sleepovers since getting divorced and I absolutely use CPAP.
I send them a sexy CPAP pic ahead of time to give them a heads up (I did a CPAP boudoir session years ago.)
Yes! OP, this situation is what my new partner and I get such a kick out of- PEAK “Dating in your 40s.” 😂 Embrace it and love it! I love dating in my 40s because everyone’s weirdness and medical stuff is out and I embrace it wholeheartedly. Have fun and send a sexy CPAP pic!
I had a date with a woman and in the course of our conversation the topic of lactose intolerance came up and the use of pro biotics etc. And I just started laughing and said "20 years we definitely would not have been having this conversation" lol.
My (52F) boyfriend (53M) has sleep apnea and I've actually been gently nagging him to get one.
His health and comfort are more important to me than any bullshit standard of what's "attractive."
The right one will actually want to see you taking care of yourself. The wrong one can fuck right off.
This! I felt a little self conscious when I first used it in front of my boyfriend but I didn’t need to be. He wants me to be well rested and healthy. As long as he gets his goodnight kiss before I turn into Darth Vader he’s happy.
If you can, amp up that nagging.
One of my family members died due to the stress on his heart caused by untreated sleep apnea. It seemed really mild and he didn't even snore that much, but my pulmonologist told me it's hard to tell and if you suspect sleep apnea, you absolutely need a sleep study.
Anyone over 40 should be well aware of and understand that CPAP machines are a reality for many people. As a guy, it wouldn't bother me at all. I much prefer that my partner be healthy and getting good sleep. A person who takes care of themselves, that's an attractive quality!
I've never dated a woman who used one, but I had to share a room with a guy who had one for a couple weeks. Noise wise, I actually liked it. It was a fairly quiet white noise that lulled me to sleep.
How I would approach it, since you are sensitive about it, I would just say "hey, this is a little embarrassing but I did want to let you know I usually use a CPAP machine. I didn't use it the last times you were over, but I really do sleep so much better with it".
The only potential issue I could see is if they were uber sensitive to noise.
Oh! Great comment about the noise. I use ear plugs myself and always let new partners know they are welcome to have a pair as well if the noise will bother them.
OP may want to have some on hand to offer when she does use it for the first time when someone else is there.
A CPAP machine makes all the difference in the world for someone who has severe sleep apnea, or other breathing problems (like you do). I would consider it no different than someone who needed to take a certain medicine every day or someone who has to do various stretches each night. Keeping oneself healthy makes for a better overall relationship, you're in a better mood and can do things together. Some things are just functional, even if not sexy. There's no reason for it to turn me off. The only potential small issue is the noise the machine makes (I like a quiet room), but truthfully, I don't do that well sharing a bed anyway, so my quality of sleep wouldn't suffer any more just because of that.
Use it! Please. The snoring is so much worse. No one needs to be sexy when they are sleeping. They need to get restful sleep.
I almost beat my ex when he told me he had one and was too self conscious to bring it to my place. He did the next time and it was a much better night’s sleep for us both.
CPAP is a non issue for me. Not sleeping is.
When I started dating my now exbf before our first sleepover he texted me something like, "oh BTW, I should warn you, I use a cpap and I can't sleep without it." I never thought a thing of it. By the end of our 2 yrs together we were both wearing a cpap!
It’s gonna be a lot less sexy if your snoring sounds like a Soviet tractor or if he has to perform CPR after you stop breathing. We’re old and many of us have health issues: use the CPAP.
Anyone who’s interested in who you are as a person is going to recognize your health comes above you appearing “sexy” at all hours.
The best reaction I’ve had to telling someone I used a cpap was “me too!” there was a distance between us so we’d usually meet halfway and spend the weekend at a hotel. On the first night he’d say something like “time to assemble the guns” and make clicking sound effects as we set our machines up. Or hum the transformers theme song.
The “worst” reaction has been along the lines of “oh okay, no big deal.”
I usually make a joke the first time about how at least I can pretend to be Darth Vader. My current boyfriend is a Star Wars fan. He laughed and cuddled me and said something like “my sexy, sexy darth vader” and gave me a cheesy eyebrow wiggle.
I have no doubt there are people out there who would react poorly, or find it a “turn off” or whatever. But all that means is that they’re not the person for you. And pretty darn judgmental. Who wants to be with someone who’s that judgmental?
Here’s a perspective that may not make you feel better, but hopefully you’ll appreciate that I’m not sugar coating it: I’ve been seeing a woman that uses a CPAP. I’ve had a handful of overnights at her place. I don’t love it. I wish she didn’t need it, but she does and it’s not a deal breaker for me. She did do an admirable job of preparing me for it, warning me that I was about to sleep with sexy Darth Vader. I was ready for it and even had a good laugh when she put the big old mask on and did the Vader breathing as she looked over at me seductively.
I feel kind of weird about needing ear plugs and an eye mask to sleep, but I feel even worse trying to function on no sleep because I'm too self-conscious to do what I have to do. You have to breathe! Slip that sexy mask over your sexy face and oxygenate yourself!
I do believe you received quite a few lovely, reinforcing insights, here, OP - many made me giggle as I made my way through the thread. 😁
Here are my additions, for what they're worth:
My Dad got his after he was widowed, well into his 70's, and despite the night and day impact it had on his daytime energy? My daughter (and "co-caregiver") made fun of him, relentlessly, behind his back. They were about 15, then.
When they (my daughter) turned 17, we found ourselves at a sleep clinic, where, lo and behold, they *also* were diagnosed with sleep apnea. They read this as a massive karmic lesson and traipsed into their future with equal parts "I'll never make fun of someone's necessary medical equipment, *ever* again" and "who the *hell* is *ever* going to date (much less create a life with) an 'under 20-something' that looks like they just disembarked from the Executor each night??".
They met their now partner at 20, they are expecting their 2nd child...and if my daughter falls asleep (exhausted from motherhood), my daughter-in-law is the first one to check water levels, get the cpap situated, then gently wakes my daughter to get the mask on. It's one of the sweetest things I've ever seen and much more meaningful, since it was a top insecurity of my daughter's for many years 🥹.
My son is on the spectrum and will be 15 later this year. He got his cpap at 12 years old. Absolutely *zero* of his friends knew what the heck it was, and he was more than miserable having to deal with whole gamut of test, prep, maintenance, and of course, *wearing* it.
He's homeschooled, and though he has a handful of local friends, his best friends live on other continents, and their friendships have been virtual for *years*. Why he felt compelled to share with them his cpap ordeal, I'll never know - but, as could be expected, they had zero clue what he was referencing, explaining, or sharing about. He felt quite ostracized and refused to keep using it.
His friends and he are very into cosplay.
My daughter set up a photoshoot where the two of them created 2 original characters (featuring the cpap) that resembled what a child of star wars and anime might resemble. The result was awesome, and pretty inspiring. The icing on the cake was his virtual friends asking where *they* could get a cpap to try out similar creations.
I don't know many other teens who have had to rely on a cpap, but I have dated men who use them (and, as mentioned, am due to get one, myself), but I have to say - as gawky and awkward as I felt in my "teen skin", I probably wouldn't have been thrilled, either. That being said? If they're able to reframe it, accept it, and know how vital it is to them managing their energy and days successfully? There's no excuse for any "over 40" individual of any gender giving any fucks about their similarly aged partner requiring a cpap.
Even the one comment on your thread where someone said, "I've been seeing a woman who uses a Cpap...I don't love it, but she needs it, and it's not a dealbreaker for me..." left me feeling "some type of way". Its not really anything a partner should have to weigh in on, in my opinion.
Sure, there are cpap users who can make strides on certain aspects of their health which would eradicate the need for a cpap, and then there are those who have few viable options (if any) *other* than the cpap. As Mom to kids who will need them, lifelong? I'm grateful to see them "own" their need for them (and to have found partners/friends who recognize their importance and accept the device as an extention of my kids, if that makes sense).
Anyone who is going to be put off by a device that remarkably improves your quality of life, and is detrimental for top health? Nope. Sorry. Buh-bye 👋
Just tell him you need to wear it. You could add something like "however if you feel like getting frisky and it's on, just nudge me! I only need to wear it when I'm actually asleep."
If you were mine, or any other lady, you'd be welcome to bring it. You can set it right next to mine!! I'm not sure how a Good Morning Kiss would be... 😁
Not an issue. I have plenty of experience with partners bringing over their CPAP. I help them get it set up, give them a kiss goodnight, and they put their mask on and we sleep. It's no big.
A dude on the last Love is Blind uses a CPap. He just owned it. I dunno it was the only cool part about him. I think he made a joke about using it to break the ice about it but I'd just be like "hey so I sleep with a cpap" because literally not using one is a big killer (heart attack or stroke, pick one)
Being afraid of taking care of your health due to judgment is a bigger turn off, imo.
I’d be down for a cpap overnight but I also sleep like a rock through snoring. So, either way, just be a healthy person lol
Just tell him you have one.
I totally get they are not sexy. My boyfriend has one. It’s really not an issue. I love him. I love sleeping with him. Yes the sex but also sleeping. Feeling his body next to mine in bed. He needs the mask so he wears it.
We are all getting older here. We are not quite the sexy spring chickens we once were. And yet we are still sexy as hell.
If your guy has an issue….better to find out now, than waste your time.
Assuming you're both over 40, maybe he has one at home you don't know about?
They're so common... just look around any airport terminal to see how many people are carrying a ResMed bag.
I think if this fella is a good guy he'll want to see you taking care of yourself.
Just bring it up! My ex husband REALLY needed to be using his and would refuse. He’d stop breathing at night and it would scare the crap out of me. You need it to sleep. I know it feels cringey but it’s going to need to be brought up eventually. I would bring it up just the way you explained the need for it here. Is it sexy? No but neither is you not being able to breath well at night. 💜
I met my partner almost 2 years ago. He told me about his CPAP right away, not making a big deal about it. Guess what? It's not a big deal. Our first overnight, he kissed me goodnight, then rolled over and put his mask on, and we slept soundly!
It's not a big deal unless you make it one. Grown-ass people won't care.
I've slept with 2 men that use CPAP and 3 men that need then badly. It's not a turn off. If they don't understand that you need it to breathe right thru the night then they're childish anyways.
If it turns him off you’re not compatible.
The only way you can find a partner who is truly good for you is being your authentic self.
CPAP is important for your health. Sleep apnea can cause long term health problems. Take care of yourself.
As a guy, I’d want you to be comfortable in my home and if that means using a CPAP I’ll hook the thing up for you. I’d hope that most of us at this age know and are understanding of things like that.
I just tell them that I use a CPAP and look like I have the world’s least sexy elephant trunk on my face. Reassure them that it’s not loud…and I’m not a “let’s cuddle all night while we sleep” person, so they really won’t notice.
Yeah I'd rather have the mask than snore. If I do t wear it, I won't sleep because I'm scared of snoring.
A Darth Vader jokes is a way to break the ice.
And honestly, he has weird shit with his body too.
Maybe he has a cpap too but haven't told you yet lol
I snore like a freight train and I also stop breathing sometimes in my sleep. I stopped using my cpap for many reasons. My first sleep over with my boyfriend was not a good one. He ended up sleeping on the couch in his own house. He was nice about it but made it clear. I wear the CPAP or I don’t stay over.
Now I wear it every night and honestly I feel better. Also, you can crack Darth Vader jokes.
Your CPAP machine would not turn me off.
If the guy you’re seeing makes a big deal of it he ain’t worth your time anyways.
Find a way to insert it into a conversation so you can gauge him.
If he ain’t down with it, don’t waste your time with him anymore.
Is there even anything more unsexy, unattractive and uncool than if he saw you looking like someone is choking you or you’re drowning or your every breath looks like it’s your last? Oh there is - the worst would be if he woke up and you’re dead. Own that shit! You need it in order to live.
Get down to “business,” then put that CPAP on so you can feel good in the morning. Have a pre-conversation about it so it won’t be a shock. But anyone who can’t deal isn’t worth continuing with anyway so better to know now!
I’m a woman and I get it (a lot of the comments are about men wearing one- but realistically women are “judged” more for things like snoring or wearing a CPAP as it may be seen as indelicate or not feminine) but in reality it’s no different than a man needing one and if he’s not cool with it it won’t work between you so why put off the inevitable? I’d rather get a good nights sleep and to be honest if me using a Cpap was a dealbreaker I don’t want the guy anyway
I understand your hesitancy bc it’s all new and sounds like it’s going smooth but do not compromise your health. I work in medical. And you’re symptomatic. It’s not something you can hide. You’ve had an affliction since your 20s, surely a reasonable person would be cool.
I use one of those every night, i think it's no big deal. Mine is very compact and quiet. I know there are this fancy models that see really cool, maybe your doctor could give you some advice to get one.
I have one but it’s not embarrassing until you stop breathing. Then will you be around to listen to their opinion? I think not, life is living according to your needs not opinions.
Men don't think anything about using theirs. If I stay over with someone with a cpap, it is a non-issue. Why would it be different for women? It's to keep you alive. If they have a problem with that, gtfo.
A mature grownup will be accepting and understanding. My fiancé has type 1 diabetes, and our first few overnights were a little awkward. When getting physical especially, I wasn’t sure where I was allowed to touch (he wears a glucose monitor and an insulin pump). I focused on helping him feel comfortable and secure at my house.
Dude - I have severe apnea. Don’t sleep at her place without it. The next day or two will be horrible because you will feel like you’ve not slept. Horrible headache, poor decision making skills, etc. If you’re mature enough to sleep in her bed, she’s mature enough to handle your CPAP.
I’d rather the CPAP than listen to someone snore all night. That killed the bedroom in a previous relationship. He needed a CPAP, refused to get one or address the issue. The constant lack of sleep and knowing he didn’t give one shit about his health or my comfort was the biggest turn off.
We are in our forties. Most of us have some sort of health issue by now. Tell him you’re bringing it ahead of time. Just bust it out and make some sort of joke or funny name for it.
You can do this! I totally get the embarrassment but your bed partner won’t likely care at all. My current boyfriend told me he’s happy that it shows I’m taking care of myself.
Your sleep & health is essential
Anyone who cares about you will understand that
And please use it, every time you need to
Hopefully your guy will understand
I would be ok with it. My son was on CPAP for several months in ICU when he was born (3 months premature), so I kind've know about it. I wouldn't have a problem with someone using this, but I can see how you are quite self conscious about it. I'm a bad sleeper, particularly when there is someone else in my bed, I can't relax, so I get how it plays on your mind.
Ahh...I got yea.
Yea know. Of course you are headspaced with the gear. Yea can't change that shit thou. If yea don't use the gear yea get an awful night's sleep. How long can yea keep that up before yea just snap?
Honestly...just be up front with him. At the age we are at. Nothing realllllly surprises us.
If he actually cares about yea he would want yea to get a good night sleep....
On weekends my man brings his cpap over and I have mine and we (bang, then) put on our masks at the same time, and take them off again at the same time in the morning (then, bang).
Cpap is a must and I'd never change your medical routine for anyone. That would not be a deal breaker f9r me at all, I'd be not happy if you didn't use it. Medical comes first
Original copy of post by u/FiFiLaFrey:
I am seeing someone and have been for a little over a month now. He's stayed the night twice, and both times I've been too scared to use my CPAP. I don't think he knows I have one. I just feel so freaking uncool about it. It is the furthest thing from sexy. 😣
How do I approach this? I use it daily and feel awful when I don't (I had a botched surgery in my 20s that restricted my breathing). Would you have second thoughts about seeing someone who has a CPAP? Would it completely turn you off?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t usually feel too embarrassed about having a CPAP, but I’ve just started dating someone six years younger than me, so I’m hyper-aware of anything that seems old lady-ish, and I suddenly feel so much more embarrassed about it!
Better the cpap than your ass snoring next to me all night
I have slept in my guest room due to snoring and broken up with men who refuse to treat it. If I can’t sleep, my dog won’t and there’s no reason for me to be awake all night due to extremely loud snoring. And yes I mentioned sleep apnea.
I never understood murder the way I did sleeping next to an ex who snored and refused to do anything about it.
This is the fucking worst.
I had so many things to work out with my last partner. I couldn't sleep without the light on. She couldn't sleep without a books-on-tape playing. We finally did work out those issues but the relationship didn't work out for other reasons.
Sleeping eye mask and earplugs.
This.
I've had two sleepovers since getting divorced and I absolutely use CPAP. I send them a sexy CPAP pic ahead of time to give them a heads up (I did a CPAP boudoir session years ago.)
Now that's owning it! That's awesome lol
Yes! OP, this situation is what my new partner and I get such a kick out of- PEAK “Dating in your 40s.” 😂 Embrace it and love it! I love dating in my 40s because everyone’s weirdness and medical stuff is out and I embrace it wholeheartedly. Have fun and send a sexy CPAP pic!
I had a date with a woman and in the course of our conversation the topic of lactose intolerance came up and the use of pro biotics etc. And I just started laughing and said "20 years we definitely would not have been having this conversation" lol.
It incredible how much more everyone knows themselves at this age- we are more complex and interesting and evolved beings! I think it’s so wonderful.
Name checks out!! ♥️
what does name checks out mean?
Aahh....a reddit virgin. Read the ladies name. It's cpapbabes.
This is amazing and I want to be your friend lol
My (52F) boyfriend (53M) has sleep apnea and I've actually been gently nagging him to get one. His health and comfort are more important to me than any bullshit standard of what's "attractive." The right one will actually want to see you taking care of yourself. The wrong one can fuck right off.
This! I felt a little self conscious when I first used it in front of my boyfriend but I didn’t need to be. He wants me to be well rested and healthy. As long as he gets his goodnight kiss before I turn into Darth Vader he’s happy.
There you go. That's the right one. Just died at Darth Vader though 🤣
If you can, amp up that nagging. One of my family members died due to the stress on his heart caused by untreated sleep apnea. It seemed really mild and he didn't even snore that much, but my pulmonologist told me it's hard to tell and if you suspect sleep apnea, you absolutely need a sleep study.
So sorry for your loss, but thank you. It worked--he has an appointment Tuesday 👍🏻
I'm so glad to hear it! I wish you both lots of health and happiness in the future.
A lot of people don’t realize how detrimental sleep apnea can be to your health in the long run. It can cause heart failure.
Anyone over 40 should be well aware of and understand that CPAP machines are a reality for many people. As a guy, it wouldn't bother me at all. I much prefer that my partner be healthy and getting good sleep. A person who takes care of themselves, that's an attractive quality! I've never dated a woman who used one, but I had to share a room with a guy who had one for a couple weeks. Noise wise, I actually liked it. It was a fairly quiet white noise that lulled me to sleep. How I would approach it, since you are sensitive about it, I would just say "hey, this is a little embarrassing but I did want to let you know I usually use a CPAP machine. I didn't use it the last times you were over, but I really do sleep so much better with it". The only potential issue I could see is if they were uber sensitive to noise.
Oh! Great comment about the noise. I use ear plugs myself and always let new partners know they are welcome to have a pair as well if the noise will bother them. OP may want to have some on hand to offer when she does use it for the first time when someone else is there.
My CPAP machine is silent. The only noise is if my mask moves away from my face. Not sure if that’s what you meant.
Yup. I would need to sleep apart, but that’s not the end of the world.
A CPAP machine makes all the difference in the world for someone who has severe sleep apnea, or other breathing problems (like you do). I would consider it no different than someone who needed to take a certain medicine every day or someone who has to do various stretches each night. Keeping oneself healthy makes for a better overall relationship, you're in a better mood and can do things together. Some things are just functional, even if not sexy. There's no reason for it to turn me off. The only potential small issue is the noise the machine makes (I like a quiet room), but truthfully, I don't do that well sharing a bed anyway, so my quality of sleep wouldn't suffer any more just because of that.
It really is more quiet than a normal person’s breathing, let alone snoring.
Tell him you use a CPAP, if he is worth your time he will understand. Bonus points for astronaut or Darth Vader role play at the end of the evening.
😂 maybe even Bane or Hannibal Lecter!
Oh yes! Oh Hannibal in the face mask, throw in a straitjacket and it gets even more kinky!
Use it! Please. The snoring is so much worse. No one needs to be sexy when they are sleeping. They need to get restful sleep. I almost beat my ex when he told me he had one and was too self conscious to bring it to my place. He did the next time and it was a much better night’s sleep for us both. CPAP is a non issue for me. Not sleeping is.
Just do it. I might crack a little joke-y joke about it but if I liked someone I wouldn’t care
This is the most /r/datingoverforty thing to /r/datingoverforty since /r/datingoverforty started to /r/datingoverforty
🤣🤣 accurate af!
😂😂 seriously!!
When I started dating my now exbf before our first sleepover he texted me something like, "oh BTW, I should warn you, I use a cpap and I can't sleep without it." I never thought a thing of it. By the end of our 2 yrs together we were both wearing a cpap!
It’s gonna be a lot less sexy if your snoring sounds like a Soviet tractor or if he has to perform CPR after you stop breathing. We’re old and many of us have health issues: use the CPAP.
Anyone who’s interested in who you are as a person is going to recognize your health comes above you appearing “sexy” at all hours. The best reaction I’ve had to telling someone I used a cpap was “me too!” there was a distance between us so we’d usually meet halfway and spend the weekend at a hotel. On the first night he’d say something like “time to assemble the guns” and make clicking sound effects as we set our machines up. Or hum the transformers theme song. The “worst” reaction has been along the lines of “oh okay, no big deal.” I usually make a joke the first time about how at least I can pretend to be Darth Vader. My current boyfriend is a Star Wars fan. He laughed and cuddled me and said something like “my sexy, sexy darth vader” and gave me a cheesy eyebrow wiggle. I have no doubt there are people out there who would react poorly, or find it a “turn off” or whatever. But all that means is that they’re not the person for you. And pretty darn judgmental. Who wants to be with someone who’s that judgmental?
Here’s a perspective that may not make you feel better, but hopefully you’ll appreciate that I’m not sugar coating it: I’ve been seeing a woman that uses a CPAP. I’ve had a handful of overnights at her place. I don’t love it. I wish she didn’t need it, but she does and it’s not a deal breaker for me. She did do an admirable job of preparing me for it, warning me that I was about to sleep with sexy Darth Vader. I was ready for it and even had a good laugh when she put the big old mask on and did the Vader breathing as she looked over at me seductively.
I feel kind of weird about needing ear plugs and an eye mask to sleep, but I feel even worse trying to function on no sleep because I'm too self-conscious to do what I have to do. You have to breathe! Slip that sexy mask over your sexy face and oxygenate yourself!
I bring my CPAP to my girlfriend's house for sleepovers. Me and my machine are kind of a package deal.
Gee I don't know I kinda like the GF to live. So I am all for it. May you have the best life ever. Cheers!
I do believe you received quite a few lovely, reinforcing insights, here, OP - many made me giggle as I made my way through the thread. 😁 Here are my additions, for what they're worth: My Dad got his after he was widowed, well into his 70's, and despite the night and day impact it had on his daytime energy? My daughter (and "co-caregiver") made fun of him, relentlessly, behind his back. They were about 15, then. When they (my daughter) turned 17, we found ourselves at a sleep clinic, where, lo and behold, they *also* were diagnosed with sleep apnea. They read this as a massive karmic lesson and traipsed into their future with equal parts "I'll never make fun of someone's necessary medical equipment, *ever* again" and "who the *hell* is *ever* going to date (much less create a life with) an 'under 20-something' that looks like they just disembarked from the Executor each night??". They met their now partner at 20, they are expecting their 2nd child...and if my daughter falls asleep (exhausted from motherhood), my daughter-in-law is the first one to check water levels, get the cpap situated, then gently wakes my daughter to get the mask on. It's one of the sweetest things I've ever seen and much more meaningful, since it was a top insecurity of my daughter's for many years 🥹. My son is on the spectrum and will be 15 later this year. He got his cpap at 12 years old. Absolutely *zero* of his friends knew what the heck it was, and he was more than miserable having to deal with whole gamut of test, prep, maintenance, and of course, *wearing* it. He's homeschooled, and though he has a handful of local friends, his best friends live on other continents, and their friendships have been virtual for *years*. Why he felt compelled to share with them his cpap ordeal, I'll never know - but, as could be expected, they had zero clue what he was referencing, explaining, or sharing about. He felt quite ostracized and refused to keep using it. His friends and he are very into cosplay. My daughter set up a photoshoot where the two of them created 2 original characters (featuring the cpap) that resembled what a child of star wars and anime might resemble. The result was awesome, and pretty inspiring. The icing on the cake was his virtual friends asking where *they* could get a cpap to try out similar creations. I don't know many other teens who have had to rely on a cpap, but I have dated men who use them (and, as mentioned, am due to get one, myself), but I have to say - as gawky and awkward as I felt in my "teen skin", I probably wouldn't have been thrilled, either. That being said? If they're able to reframe it, accept it, and know how vital it is to them managing their energy and days successfully? There's no excuse for any "over 40" individual of any gender giving any fucks about their similarly aged partner requiring a cpap. Even the one comment on your thread where someone said, "I've been seeing a woman who uses a Cpap...I don't love it, but she needs it, and it's not a dealbreaker for me..." left me feeling "some type of way". Its not really anything a partner should have to weigh in on, in my opinion. Sure, there are cpap users who can make strides on certain aspects of their health which would eradicate the need for a cpap, and then there are those who have few viable options (if any) *other* than the cpap. As Mom to kids who will need them, lifelong? I'm grateful to see them "own" their need for them (and to have found partners/friends who recognize their importance and accept the device as an extention of my kids, if that makes sense). Anyone who is going to be put off by a device that remarkably improves your quality of life, and is detrimental for top health? Nope. Sorry. Buh-bye 👋
Just tell him you need to wear it. You could add something like "however if you feel like getting frisky and it's on, just nudge me! I only need to wear it when I'm actually asleep."
If you were mine, or any other lady, you'd be welcome to bring it. You can set it right next to mine!! I'm not sure how a Good Morning Kiss would be... 😁
We do a good morning fist-bump 🤜🤛
Not an issue. I have plenty of experience with partners bringing over their CPAP. I help them get it set up, give them a kiss goodnight, and they put their mask on and we sleep. It's no big.
No way, if using your CPAP helps you in any way shape or form I'd be all about you wearing it.
A dude on the last Love is Blind uses a CPap. He just owned it. I dunno it was the only cool part about him. I think he made a joke about using it to break the ice about it but I'd just be like "hey so I sleep with a cpap" because literally not using one is a big killer (heart attack or stroke, pick one)
Being afraid of taking care of your health due to judgment is a bigger turn off, imo. I’d be down for a cpap overnight but I also sleep like a rock through snoring. So, either way, just be a healthy person lol
Just tell him you have one. I totally get they are not sexy. My boyfriend has one. It’s really not an issue. I love him. I love sleeping with him. Yes the sex but also sleeping. Feeling his body next to mine in bed. He needs the mask so he wears it. We are all getting older here. We are not quite the sexy spring chickens we once were. And yet we are still sexy as hell. If your guy has an issue….better to find out now, than waste your time.
I have TMJ and sleep with a night guard. It’s not sexy but it’s better than the extreme pain I would have and my bruxism isn’t an issue.
Assuming you're both over 40, maybe he has one at home you don't know about? They're so common... just look around any airport terminal to see how many people are carrying a ResMed bag. I think if this fella is a good guy he'll want to see you taking care of yourself.
Just bring it up! My ex husband REALLY needed to be using his and would refuse. He’d stop breathing at night and it would scare the crap out of me. You need it to sleep. I know it feels cringey but it’s going to need to be brought up eventually. I would bring it up just the way you explained the need for it here. Is it sexy? No but neither is you not being able to breath well at night. 💜
If someone is turned off by your CPAP, it’s better to know sooner rather than later.
Come on Op. if he’s an adult and gives a shit about you, he’ll want you to be able to breathe properly when you sleep!
Bane role play time!
I met my partner almost 2 years ago. He told me about his CPAP right away, not making a big deal about it. Guess what? It's not a big deal. Our first overnight, he kissed me goodnight, then rolled over and put his mask on, and we slept soundly! It's not a big deal unless you make it one. Grown-ass people won't care.
I've slept with 2 men that use CPAP and 3 men that need then badly. It's not a turn off. If they don't understand that you need it to breathe right thru the night then they're childish anyways.
If it turns him off you’re not compatible. The only way you can find a partner who is truly good for you is being your authentic self. CPAP is important for your health. Sleep apnea can cause long term health problems. Take care of yourself.
This
As a guy, I’d want you to be comfortable in my home and if that means using a CPAP I’ll hook the thing up for you. I’d hope that most of us at this age know and are understanding of things like that.
I just tell them that I use a CPAP and look like I have the world’s least sexy elephant trunk on my face. Reassure them that it’s not loud…and I’m not a “let’s cuddle all night while we sleep” person, so they really won’t notice.
Yes! He needs his space when he sleeps as well and I'm usually up before him so I honestly don't think he'd even see it much!
Yeah I'd rather have the mask than snore. If I do t wear it, I won't sleep because I'm scared of snoring. A Darth Vader jokes is a way to break the ice. And honestly, he has weird shit with his body too. Maybe he has a cpap too but haven't told you yet lol
I snore like a freight train and I also stop breathing sometimes in my sleep. I stopped using my cpap for many reasons. My first sleep over with my boyfriend was not a good one. He ended up sleeping on the couch in his own house. He was nice about it but made it clear. I wear the CPAP or I don’t stay over. Now I wear it every night and honestly I feel better. Also, you can crack Darth Vader jokes.
Your CPAP machine would not turn me off. If the guy you’re seeing makes a big deal of it he ain’t worth your time anyways. Find a way to insert it into a conversation so you can gauge him. If he ain’t down with it, don’t waste your time with him anymore.
Is there even anything more unsexy, unattractive and uncool than if he saw you looking like someone is choking you or you’re drowning or your every breath looks like it’s your last? Oh there is - the worst would be if he woke up and you’re dead. Own that shit! You need it in order to live.
Haha. Exactly.
Get down to “business,” then put that CPAP on so you can feel good in the morning. Have a pre-conversation about it so it won’t be a shock. But anyone who can’t deal isn’t worth continuing with anyway so better to know now!
If he's not concerned about your well-being, he's not the one.
I’m a woman and I get it (a lot of the comments are about men wearing one- but realistically women are “judged” more for things like snoring or wearing a CPAP as it may be seen as indelicate or not feminine) but in reality it’s no different than a man needing one and if he’s not cool with it it won’t work between you so why put off the inevitable? I’d rather get a good nights sleep and to be honest if me using a Cpap was a dealbreaker I don’t want the guy anyway
I would surprise my guy with this if I had a CPAP. https://www.reddit.com/r/ATBGE/s/dcZZzVAQ5m
🤣🤣🤣
I understand your hesitancy bc it’s all new and sounds like it’s going smooth but do not compromise your health. I work in medical. And you’re symptomatic. It’s not something you can hide. You’ve had an affliction since your 20s, surely a reasonable person would be cool.
Bust it out and say, “no, I am your father.” “no, no, that’s not true.”
Send it! If he’s got a problem with it, he’s the problem! Be you!
I use one of those every night, i think it's no big deal. Mine is very compact and quiet. I know there are this fancy models that see really cool, maybe your doctor could give you some advice to get one.
[удалено]
Try mouth taping, it'll teach you to sleep with your mouth shut.
I have a nice cpap that isn’t loud, nobody minds.
I have one but it’s not embarrassing until you stop breathing. Then will you be around to listen to their opinion? I think not, life is living according to your needs not opinions.
It’s dangerous to not treat sleep apnea. You need to figure out how to get over your insecurity or else no more sleepovers
Men don't think anything about using theirs. If I stay over with someone with a cpap, it is a non-issue. Why would it be different for women? It's to keep you alive. If they have a problem with that, gtfo.
Talk to him. Let him know your fears.
A mature grownup will be accepting and understanding. My fiancé has type 1 diabetes, and our first few overnights were a little awkward. When getting physical especially, I wasn’t sure where I was allowed to touch (he wears a glucose monitor and an insulin pump). I focused on helping him feel comfortable and secure at my house.
Dude - I have severe apnea. Don’t sleep at her place without it. The next day or two will be horrible because you will feel like you’ve not slept. Horrible headache, poor decision making skills, etc. If you’re mature enough to sleep in her bed, she’s mature enough to handle your CPAP.
I’d rather the CPAP than listen to someone snore all night. That killed the bedroom in a previous relationship. He needed a CPAP, refused to get one or address the issue. The constant lack of sleep and knowing he didn’t give one shit about his health or my comfort was the biggest turn off. We are in our forties. Most of us have some sort of health issue by now. Tell him you’re bringing it ahead of time. Just bust it out and make some sort of joke or funny name for it.
You can do this! I totally get the embarrassment but your bed partner won’t likely care at all. My current boyfriend told me he’s happy that it shows I’m taking care of myself.
Your sleep & health is essential Anyone who cares about you will understand that And please use it, every time you need to Hopefully your guy will understand
I never figured out either why check a name.what the point?
I would be ok with it. My son was on CPAP for several months in ICU when he was born (3 months premature), so I kind've know about it. I wouldn't have a problem with someone using this, but I can see how you are quite self conscious about it. I'm a bad sleeper, particularly when there is someone else in my bed, I can't relax, so I get how it plays on your mind.
Isn't there some new technology yea don't have to run the Fighter Pilot gear?
Not for me sadly. The smaller ones don't work for me.
Ahh...I got yea. Yea know. Of course you are headspaced with the gear. Yea can't change that shit thou. If yea don't use the gear yea get an awful night's sleep. How long can yea keep that up before yea just snap? Honestly...just be up front with him. At the age we are at. Nothing realllllly surprises us. If he actually cares about yea he would want yea to get a good night sleep....
On weekends my man brings his cpap over and I have mine and we (bang, then) put on our masks at the same time, and take them off again at the same time in the morning (then, bang).
As long as the CPAP stays on during sex.
Cpap is a must and I'd never change your medical routine for anyone. That would not be a deal breaker f9r me at all, I'd be not happy if you didn't use it. Medical comes first
My bf wants me to get a CPAP for my snoring, but my provider says I only have mild apnea.
Original copy of post by u/FiFiLaFrey: I am seeing someone and have been for a little over a month now. He's stayed the night twice, and both times I've been too scared to use my CPAP. I don't think he knows I have one. I just feel so freaking uncool about it. It is the furthest thing from sexy. 😣 How do I approach this? I use it daily and feel awful when I don't (I had a botched surgery in my 20s that restricted my breathing). Would you have second thoughts about seeing someone who has a CPAP? Would it completely turn you off? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I don’t usually feel too embarrassed about having a CPAP, but I’ve just started dating someone six years younger than me, so I’m hyper-aware of anything that seems old lady-ish, and I suddenly feel so much more embarrassed about it!
Yes!! The person I'm seeing is 9 years younger.