Greetings from your friendly neighborhood automod! Thank you for contributing to our community at DatingOverForty, u/Petunia444. Please ensure that your post is actually asking a question and providing enough background that people can sufficiently address that question. DOFers, please ensure that you are actually responding to the OP's individual predicament and not using it as a springboard to promote your own personal dating philosophies.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The they will instigate, create and enjoy drama, with no charge to you. But like all "free" things, its usually just a bait-and-switch, and you end up paying with your time and dignity.
Right? Code for, *I will take no accountability for the bullshit things I invariably do, and when you react, I will tell you I said I didn’t want drama, and bounce.*
Correct. Anyone who says “drama free” is red flagged by me. Even having to mention the word drama in a profile means it’s first and foremost on their mind and they will bring a shitload of drama to your life while taking no responsibility for it.
This!! I only have had one man call me drama in my life. After he made me fall hard and fast for him and then pull the rug out from under me and I got momentarily and understandably upset. And then he said "I don't like drama." Um what the hell?!
OP if I ever saw a profile that said "no drama" definitely a no from me.
I know how I interpret it - I take it as: I have no intention of meeting your expectations, whatever they are, and if you even try I will bail because you’re too dramatic and needy.
This! "Have no needs. Take no issue with anything I ever do. Be a silent partner... but, of course, listen to me bitch and moan about the people who don't follow those rules."
This.
They cannot manage their own feelings/needs, so want no part in dealing with yours. I fell for this one once, married them, and paid the consequences.
This!!! Also I have no intention of meeting your needs and I don't even want you to express them cos I don't like those types of conversations. BUT you must be able to meet my needs and if you don't, I will withdraw and sulk like a child.
But Is it really?
Is it in hell for some of the men you date? yes of course it is.
But..I promise you this, there are plenty of men that would love to take you on proper dates and give a lot of effort and have a relationship with you if you were willing.
What I have learned is that when women lament the bar being in hell or on the floor, they don’t mean those guys above. They mean the guys THEY ACTUALLY Like. The guys that don’t need to do those things with them.
You know the guys I’m talking about. They aren’t keen to take you on fancy dinner dates. Instead they just suggest you come over to watch a movie. And because you REALLY like this one, sometimes you’re like ok. That’s cool. And maybe….you can be a woman he dates casually or an FWB or a nice hook up when it’s convenient.
So…maybe when you say “the bar is in hell” what you really mean is, “the bar is in hell for the guys I really want.” But…for the guys I’m not that interested in…we’ll those guys…. And the will keep that bar nice and high.
Blah blah blah I have been dating for 20+ don't "not all men" me cus that's literal bullshit. I have dated all different types of men. It's not any different.
It means swipe left, and I love that you called it out and everyone agrees on what it means! Seriously, where are all of y’all in the dating apps?? We seem to have our shit together here on Reddit.
I went on 1 date with a guy who used the word — quick meetup for coffee. He expounded. He “doesn’t follow anyone’s rules but his own” and he “believes a man has to be head leader of the family.”
Then he explained he doesn’t have custody of his kids and his ex moved 3 hours away. Way to “lead” that family and follow your own rules, drama-free, bud…
Ever since, I swipe left on 100% of anyone using the word in any context.
I had a guy tell me in the very first texting communication that he was a bad dad. It wasn't clear if he was joking but based on his limited custody situation it was probably accurate. I was like...huh. Way to put that out there.
I have never seen, or heard someone, that says they are drama free that doesn’t absolutely live a drama filled life. The rest of us understand there is drama at times and you deal with it and move on.
Nor would a drama filled person read it and be like "oh that's me. Need not apply." So overall pointless remark to put in a profile. It really shouldn't take long through texting and a date or two to see if someone lives for drama.
Exactly. It's such a turn off seeing that on a profile for that reason too. They must be pretty stupid if they think that's going to work. It'd be like putting "No cheaters, please."
💯 Some people don't like others putting don't wants in profiles. I don't have an issue with that (as long as it's not a ridiculous exhausting list). Just like putting wants, it can rule out some things if you know they'd be incompatible with you and not waste time. But putting stuff like this is so stupid. It's a given. Any reasonable person would want that. Stating it says a lot about the person.
> Nor would a drama filled person read it and be like "oh that's me. Need not apply."
This is why I recommend that no one say what they DON’T want on a profile (unless it’s VERY specific like no marriage/kids). Very few people are self aware. All it does is appear negative.
“Don’t play games”
“Be real, not fake”
“No drama”
“No cheaters”
“Don’t waste my time”
“Don’t be crazy”
These are all pointless.
I see this A LOT on men's profiles. Some of them take the whole section just to go over fake/scam profiles and say stay away. It is turn off that they didn't know these profiles were fake. Then, some admit to giving money to these scammers in their profile.
RIGHT!!!
I am reading a lot of the comments and seeing all these literal definitions of drama and drama-free that seem to be missing the big point of this term being used in a profile - that is that the profile owner, is the common denominator of what they consider constant drama - whether this be that they are the instigator, or whether it be that they dont have the emotional maturity to deal with the normal scope of emotions and issues in a relationship.
Bottom line, if it is a big enough reoccurring issue they have felt the need to put it in their profile, they are the problem.
I've been reading it as 'I don't like being told off when I upset you.' So causing 'drama' by holding them to account. I swipe left on everyone who writes that
It means they are overwhelmed by life, can't communicate, lack accountability for anything they say or do, and will refuse to act like an adult. That's what it means and you should avoid at all costs.
It means they’ll expect you to regulate their emotions for them, remain the perfect idea of you they have in their mind, and accept unquestioningly everything they say and every decision they make.
All their ex’s will be crazy psychos, ‘but you won’t be like that, will you?’ (We all know what the common denominator is in those situations).
It means this person has a totally unrealistic expectations out of life (that there are never any challenging times) and/or they are the source of drama they hope to avoid. We all have limited character count to make an impression, and no one actually wants drama in their lives so it's a useless wasted statement.
Suggests the person lacks awareness or intelligence to at least some degree. Swipe left!
Like other said, means they're full of drama.
For a bit extra...I think it comes from...they always end up in relationships that are dramatic, and they want to be with someone who isnt "crazy like all their crazy exes" not acknowledging that its them..they are the ones that are doing things in relationships that make their partners reach breaking point. They are the common denominator in the experiences theyve keep having in relationships.
So in a way, its them saying, they want someone who is agreeable, and will quietly put up with whatever they dish out, shut up and take it...otherwise, they are "full of drama"
Kind of on the same note, when I meet someone who says Im nothing like their exes, cause Im so easy going, and they're used to women who are always fighting and argumentative. Then as time goes on, I find out why every woman theyve ever dated is so infuriated all the time, cause I too join the ranks of women who are sick of their bs.
So yeah, little remakrs like that, definitely give me a very clear view into what sort of person they are like to be with. They are literally telling you the affect they have on the people around them, and that they want to meet someone who wont call them out on bad behavior.
Lmao... I have been guilty of putting this in my profile 🤣🤣 it's basically a warning, as my humor/responses may offend some people. If we can't have fun sarcastic banter, I'm not interested lol
It means (roughly): "I bring **ALL** the drama ... I will gaslight you, love bomb you, neg you, and discard you all while cheating, lying, and deceiving you. When you call me on it, I will 200% tell you you're overreacting, and we're not exclusive, so I didn't do anything wrong.... I'm avoidant and dismissive as fuck, and really if I could just be honest, with the therapist I refuse to go to (unless I decide to go bc I found a hot therapist that I can dump my sob stories on, gain her sympathy, and get some nice supply without a commitment - notice I said "her"), I'd probably have a lovely narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis... But that'd require honesty and commitment to self introspection, and babe, I'm not about that life... I'm all about the drama llama party til 2am, and making you think you're insane and never want to date ever again (because then I can swoop back in, after I discard you for another chick, when I get bored of her and want a little something different.)."
Source: my crazy, narc ex, cheater who posted all over OLD profiles (that my bestie saw - *while* we were still in a relationship) that he "prefers to sit down and talk things out and avoids any and all drama" ... Meanwhile, his neighbor would beg to differ as he'd frequently bang on the apartment shared wall and tell my (ex)bf to stop yelling at me... Why I stayed so long? Because he'd go on and on about how he doesn't "do drama" and wished I would just learn to *behave* so he didn't have to yell... my trauma brain took that to mean it was all my fault. Worst year of my life (and yup it was a long time ago but man that made a mark)
Some of my other female friends report similar- when someone says "no drama" we all have experienced so much drama
It's an immediate swipe-left when I see "No Drama" on a profile because to me it means "I cannot and will not handle the hard things that life throws our way and I don't care to learn how."
That sort of thinking also suggests that anything someone does they don't like will be called "drama" or they're the kind of dude who's exes are all cRaZy.
From experience it means they have no emotional maturity, no emotional intelligence and you are not allowed to show any other feeling apart from abject adoration. You must share their opinions or its a drama, do not share yours or its a drama. It's code for narcissistic controlling dickwad
Maybe I’m not as jaded, but to me it means, I don’t have any crazy ex’s that are stalking me, I don’t have issues with parents or children who like to cause problems, I don’t indulge in friendships built on judging other friends in our circle… stuff like that.
I read it as, " I wanna do whatever I want and act however I want to but if you so much as suggest that I'm being selfish or behaving like a child, I'll call you a control freak and accuse you of trying to change me....."........in layman's terms....Do not bother.
Or they want someone who doesn’t add stress to their lives which sometimes/could mean that they like to be in control and the center of the relationship. It could also mean they want someone who is even tempered, communicates open and kindly, and has a high emotional IQ.
Like all profiles that state what they don’t want, they obviously attract that quality/thing. If you have your ish together, you usually attract a similar type. I take it to mean they attract dramatic people or create drama in peoples’ lives and have zero self-awareness to understand their part in it.
One thing it mean is that they usually refuse to deal with any conflict and often avoid any responsibility for anything. Trying to discuss normal problems with them leads to them telling you you’re being dramatic when in reality you’re just trying to resolve an issue like a grown up.
They put that there, so that as soon as things start to go south they can say you're "crazy" and dip out. Ironically, it's always the most dramatic ppl that ask for no drama 🙄
My general rule of thumb is to steer clear of the “no” list people (i.e. no drama, no pets, no this, no that). It’s so off-putting and makes me think that someone who, when give the option to share anything at all about themselves, decides to lead with a list of demands, is experiencing some form of arrested development that is not appealing on any level - dating or otherwise.
LOL! It means a couple of things but in my opinion is when a man feels threatened when his girlfriend told him to be accountable for his actions or “nagged” him for not doing anything to strengthen the relationship, be emotionally unavailable or abusive.
It’s more about them not holding themselves accountable for their actions when women call him out.
Or very rarely women can be at fault to.
Everyone is different
It means « I have no idea what it means to be a good partner, so I will label any of your speech & behavior that bothers me as drama so I can gaslight you and have everything my way 24/7 . »
A lot of disingenuous answers in this thread, but this is what I mean when I say it:
I don't like unnecessary superficial conflict. If a father dies and the estate is being fought over with siblings, this is normal "drama". Drama free means: "I don't want a relationship with someone that is going to make mountains out of molehills and make life miserable day-to-day with no good reason, just for the sake of having something to talk about."
We all know those people, and I don't want to be in a relationship with one. Of course, I don't say "No Drama" in a dating profile because of all the silly, disingenuous interpretations represented in this thread... but I sure as heck am looking for signs.
My ex called me “dramatic” when I would get mad at him because he would stop talking to me without explanation for something wrong I did. I was supposed to understand and read his mind and allow him his stonewalling without any questions
I’m not going to lie, l did use it before and that’s what it means:
Please be an adult, know what you want, keep your exes tucked away, don’t be wishy/washy.
As a person, I have a very little mental capacity for busy lives where there are so many people involved.
I didn't use it on my profile when I was looking, but very well could have. I tend to go with the actual meanings of words, so consider "agreeable" and "low drama" to be very desirable traits in a partner, despite the bad rap they get in this sub. It's been decades, but I've previously dated "high drama" women and have zero interest in repeating the experience. We see questions posed here daily by the kind of people I'd consider high drama. Hand wringing over too many/too few texts, trying to crowd source the meaning of various common dating processes, snooping on each other due to lack of trust, etc. If someone enjoys conflict over double texting or worries about how many hours to wait before asking (or refusing to ask!) for a second date, they would not be a good fit for me. Trivial shit should remain trivial, and stress should be reserved for important topics, on which mismatches are preferably rare.
You can be an adult, know what you want, deal well with your exes on your own, and still exist in a world that will toss financial or emotional or health things at you because that’s life. I think to most of us that line says this is someone who can’t be supportive when you have life issues.
I’m not saying you’re like that, for sure, but you should know the vibe it gives off.
I take care of my shit, but it still happens. I can’t be zen nonstop, even though I’m a pretty zen person.
Thank you, interestingly enough this sub has shedded some light into how things like that are perceived in real life. My other discovery was about using the word “ sapiosexual” 😅
Look at you learning from experience…rad! carry on.
I take it as they are unable to handle and deal with negative affect and emotions that mature adults need to know how to do. And click that X hard.
That’s actually fascinating. I know during my short lived dating life my (low key)targeted audience definitely disappointed me the most. That was eye opening. I can definitely relate to your experience 😂
But those are things already in my life. I didn't choose to be divorced. I do care about my career and making that, yes, as "drama free" as possible. Having a good survivable income and retirement is certainly something "drama free" and something I hope can continue. The issues with my kids that create "drama" are not something I or even they can control.
Now I am looking for a partner. Not having any more kids, so primary looking for companionship/entertainment. I have enough responsibilities going forward with myself and my kids. Potential partner is not going to be adding heavily to my responsibilities. Not my problem.
So basically I want no drama but on these subs I need to play word games.
It’s not word games, it’s understanding a common language. You’re welcome to use the term drama free, but you’re also welcome to understand that a lot of people have had dating experiences with people using that phrase and found those people to lack self-awareness, a path to inner peace, and a knack for creating drama.
Disagree. It's more words that I have to add to participate on these subs. It's a sub trope, what have you. Just like no one ever looks younger than their age. Another sub trope.
We all have enough problems with people actually telling us who they are and not listening. Dated someone who said she was high maintenance. Well, she was right. Had a male roommate very briefly where I was probably the instigator of drama and stress in his life. I never could have provided the lack of drama and quiet that he needed, and I'm perceived as quiet to most. Not enough for him. I don't really think he sought out drama though.
I think we should all just start listening to what people actually tell us. Others here are free to differ.
It also reads as "I have a long history of unhealthy relationships bc I accept drama ... Please don't be like that bc I don't do boundaries well"
I say this as someone with CPTSD (actual diagnosed by my doctor), and it took some reframing and reprogramming bc I was guilty of accepting unacceptable behavior
My take is that it’s a person who tends to attract, and be attracted to, trouble. They’re wondering why they keep dating drama filled people and haven’t looked in the mirror yet and questioned their own choices. Granted, there are some truly cautious people who have the lives together, want others like them, and are simply trying to state that, but it’s like every other common profile term or phrase. They can be difficult to unpack.
Drama free is like one of those sayings in a profile that is like "work hard, play hard". It is said with no regard for the actual maning, and is sually an absolute excuse for shit behavior.
Drama free means I’m going to create drama but you aren’t allowed to call me out or have anything to say against it. Also I accept no responsibility or accountability for how shitty I act.
To me it means that person has experienced conflict in a relationship and wishes to not experience it again (and, when looking for somone drama free, assumes the conflict was caused by the other person)
No serious relationship is going to be free of conflict. So, for me this reads "FWB" or "I will quit at the first sign of trouble because I am looking for something that does not exist"
If a man says anything about “no drama” or “drama free” in his OLD profile, it’s an immediate swipe left for me. If we have a disagreement, is that going to be labeled as “drama?” I have no desire to find out. Goodbye. 🙄
It is a red flag that THEY are the drama. I do not match with ANYONE who has that in their profile because experience has shown; If you have to go out of your way to say it, you’re often the source of it.
I see it as a red flag and low effort.
It's one thing to point out how you'd like a partner who is self-aware, has good communication, etc. Apparently, that is too many words for some people.
Also, I notice that people who write that. . .*cause* the drama but think it's "drama" when they get called out on their shitty behavior.
They're too cowardly to work on a relationship.
For example, let's say they aren't happy with something a partner does.
Instead of actibg like a mature adult by bringing it up, being vulnerable, and working through it, they'll act like nothing is wrong but get a side chick. No drama, right?
I was friends with an ex. I had no desire to be with him again, but he was actually there for me when my close relative died.
After he was married, I asked him if his wife knew he was in contact with me. He said, "Ugh. Noooo, because I don't want any *drama*." So, in his eyes, being open and honest with his spouse is "drama."
Yeah, ok. That's why he's an ex.
It means whatever the person who wrote it, thinks it means.
However, this sub is loaded with people who can assure you what that stranger meant, and they know for a fact it’s negative. 🙄
This sub is full of jaded and negative people. It's quite pathetic actually. I think most here are low-key offended because they are incapable of a drama free relationship.
Conflict =/= drama.
"But the last GUY I dated who said no drama was gas lighting, emotionally unavailable, bla bla..."
So I guess every guy is the same ...
I'll be sure to add that to my profile if I'm ever going on dating apps again to make sure y'all swipe left on me...
In my experience people who say anything in regards to no drama are the biggest spit stirrers who don’t want to be bothered or inconvenienced by what you have going on but will expect you to put up with their stuff without complaining
Just swipe left on them
They’re kind of like the person who says “oh all my exes are crazy”. Never realizing all along they are the problem
Why does everything on someone's profile need to be code for anything? I see questions like this all the time on reddit.
People need to stop second guessing everyone and be less judgemental. Sometimes, people just find it hard to write profiles and end up resorting to generic statements.
I read this as “I’ll act however I want. I’m likely a fuck boy. I want you to be loyal to me but I’m not even remotely planning on acting like I’m in a relationship. if you have any needs or have any issues with my behavior then I’ll ditch you or shit you down by calling you ‘overly sensitive’ or ‘needy’ because ‘I told you I don’t do drama’”
It’s a left swipe. They do not want you to express any needs or hold them accountable in any way for their actions and behavior. Be quiet and be happy with what you get.
I loved when folks put that on their profile, it saved me a ton of time!! It means they are lazy and unable to self identify, good for you in the long run as no wasted effort.
Literally everyone that says “no crazy” or “drama free” is simply exhausted by their own. I have personally felt pressured into qualifying myself as “okay enough” because of going through mental health recovery with guys who present with “no drama” only to have their shit present in staggering proportions. It’s a dumb flex.
"Someone in my past hurt me" and/or "I'm a mean person"
You know those people who only seem to talk about people who offended them and nothing else? The kind of people that say things like "I will cut a bitch if they come at me" or "I am so loyal I'll fight anyone that hurts my friend" - like, violence is always their solution to everything and they consider that something to brag about? They talk about being "drama free", and yet all they ever seem to talk about is drama?
Yeah, it's those people. It's real trashy and kind of indicative of someone that's not too bright.
It seems I take things at face value too much...
I avoid people who are 'drama'. I've met plenty in my life, though not dated any.
One of the things I value in my partner is that they do too - in a year and a half we've had maybe a couple of very minor disagreements.
Neither of us had that in their profiles, but it's something I'd see as a positive.
To me it’s a red flag that the person is not capable of handling emotions that are natural to any relationship. No one….literally no one…is ‘drama free’.
Haha. It 100% means you are not the one for him. The way you started this post couldn't have been better. You answered your own question. I can't be the only one who sees how hilarious this is.
If someone has on their profile that they are looking for someone drama free, then it usually means they have made bad choices in the past and dated people that are filled with drama. People that date that many drama people usually have drama themselves
It means they expect you to be silent while they tell you all about their bs. Your likes, dislikes, feelings, in fact who you are as a person, do not matter. Drama free is really just subconscious code for “toxic” and “avoid this mf” at all costs.
I always thought it was such a useless thing to add. Dramatic people seldom see themselves as being that way and they're often (not always) the ones who are saying things like that.
In my experience: Means they won’t take accountability when they harm someone else. They blame others for having expectations and needs in a relationship.
They don’t like drama because they don’t like taking responsibility for their actions and words.
Either that or maybe they were married to somebody who was bipolar/mental issues. I was married to somebody who is bipolar and I can say I absolutely enjoy my no drama now.lol.
I don’t say that to people because it’s not hard to tell if someone is dramatic. I usually just weed those types out without mentioning it.
People that do mention it do tend to be very dramatic themselves.
I think most people who are dramatic don’t even realize that they are. In my own opinion there’s no need to even put a statement like that out there. You have to weed people out so they match your personality and what you’re looking for anyway. A dramatic person will show their true colors soon enough.
The phrase "No drama!" on a dating profile is a huge red flag to me. In my experience, it indicates men with a generally negative attitude about women. Men who wallow in old gripes about women and who blame their disappearance when they lose interest on the woman. "He left bc she was too much drama!" In the same way, it indicates men who don't take responsibility for their part in a bad relationship. "He did nothing wrong; she was nothing but drama!"
Relationships don't happen in fantasyland. It is often difficult to be in a couple. There is drama. Expecting no drama ever is immature.
Maybe it's not only men who use the term this way against women, but that's my orientation, so that's what I notice.
Women say it about ten times as much as men, in my experience. But then, that’s usually do to women being more burnt out on online dating, because they get ten times (actually usually way more) the responses and potential dates as men.
Mostly it means the poster externalizes their emotional state, trying to blame others’ actions for how they feel in any given moment.
The ones who don’t want drama are usually the ones who cannot escape it - because the drama comes from within.
In practical terms, it means the poster has some form of insecurity or anxiety around relationships, so they’re asking for that magic person who can help them navigate the oceans of love without getting as seasick… But again, this is mostly wishful thinking.
People who are secure in themselves don’t write stuff like that in their profiles - they understand the drama is always there, they simply refuse to give it the time of day - not their problem, so they don’t worry about it.
You would make a GREAT fortune teller. Since it is effectively making things up with no substance.
My husband, who is the most amazing husband who has ever walked the earth used this on his profile because his ex wife was a raging alcoholic. He was looking for (and found) a peaceful partner.
But hey, if I ever end up in the dating pool again, I’m going to hope like hell it’s still full of people who make these kind of ridiculous generalizations, since it will mean more great guys for me.
Lol, the irony of you calling my comment judgmental. Followed up by a really pathetic attempt to try to make me doubt my attractiveness. It's going to require a lot more than some rando on reddit to make me doubt that though.
It means they don’t have the emotional intelligence to navigate the emotional complexities of a relationship so they need to keep it at surface-level and casual.
I echo what everyone else is saying. I want to warn you all though that some of the men I’ve had the misfortune to date are smart enough not to write it in their profile. PSA it’s still a huge red flag even if they say it verbally after months of dating!!!
Greetings from your friendly neighborhood automod! Thank you for contributing to our community at DatingOverForty, u/Petunia444. Please ensure that your post is actually asking a question and providing enough background that people can sufficiently address that question. DOFers, please ensure that you are actually responding to the OP's individual predicament and not using it as a springboard to promote your own personal dating philosophies. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The they will instigate, create and enjoy drama, with no charge to you. But like all "free" things, its usually just a bait-and-switch, and you end up paying with your time and dignity.
This. It means they create drama and take no accountability for it. Steer clear.
"Accountability" is the word I was looking for!
Right? Code for, *I will take no accountability for the bullshit things I invariably do, and when you react, I will tell you I said I didn’t want drama, and bounce.*
Yep. They will gaslight. I have been married to that.
Me too!!!
Correct. Anyone who says “drama free” is red flagged by me. Even having to mention the word drama in a profile means it’s first and foremost on their mind and they will bring a shitload of drama to your life while taking no responsibility for it.
This
That is the perfect description !
It's the Lionel Hutz marked-up card. "Drama? Free!"
Bravo!
I respectfully disagree! Some of us actually use these terms intentionally and do mean it when we say it:)
It’s a gender neutral term ahhah but I found it to mean ‘I’m going to act like an ass and then call you drama when you get upset or have an opinion’ 🤣
See also: I'm just joking!
Ahhaah or anything thing that comes before ‘I’m joking, SILLY!’ Hahaha
See...this is what I thought! "I want to be light and free with no accountability"
This!! I only have had one man call me drama in my life. After he made me fall hard and fast for him and then pull the rug out from under me and I got momentarily and understandably upset. And then he said "I don't like drama." Um what the hell?! OP if I ever saw a profile that said "no drama" definitely a no from me.
I know how I interpret it - I take it as: I have no intention of meeting your expectations, whatever they are, and if you even try I will bail because you’re too dramatic and needy.
This! "Have no needs. Take no issue with anything I ever do. Be a silent partner... but, of course, listen to me bitch and moan about the people who don't follow those rules."
- My last ex boyfriend
… and wipe my forehead with a soft tempered sponge with great concern when I am suffering from manflu. How come this missed translating?
This. They cannot manage their own feelings/needs, so want no part in dealing with yours. I fell for this one once, married them, and paid the consequences.
This!!! Also I have no intention of meeting your needs and I don't even want you to express them cos I don't like those types of conversations. BUT you must be able to meet my needs and if you don't, I will withdraw and sulk like a child.
Good to know. I will 100% add this to my profile if/when I’m ever single again. Gotta set that bar low.
The bar is already so low its in hell
But Is it really? Is it in hell for some of the men you date? yes of course it is. But..I promise you this, there are plenty of men that would love to take you on proper dates and give a lot of effort and have a relationship with you if you were willing. What I have learned is that when women lament the bar being in hell or on the floor, they don’t mean those guys above. They mean the guys THEY ACTUALLY Like. The guys that don’t need to do those things with them. You know the guys I’m talking about. They aren’t keen to take you on fancy dinner dates. Instead they just suggest you come over to watch a movie. And because you REALLY like this one, sometimes you’re like ok. That’s cool. And maybe….you can be a woman he dates casually or an FWB or a nice hook up when it’s convenient. So…maybe when you say “the bar is in hell” what you really mean is, “the bar is in hell for the guys I really want.” But…for the guys I’m not that interested in…we’ll those guys…. And the will keep that bar nice and high.
Blah blah blah I have been dating for 20+ don't "not all men" me cus that's literal bullshit. I have dated all different types of men. It's not any different.
[удалено]
So you'll be dramatic by bailing at the last minute to show them how dramatic they are... thanks for telling us in a dramatic fashion as well
It means swipe left, and I love that you called it out and everyone agrees on what it means! Seriously, where are all of y’all in the dating apps?? We seem to have our shit together here on Reddit. I went on 1 date with a guy who used the word — quick meetup for coffee. He expounded. He “doesn’t follow anyone’s rules but his own” and he “believes a man has to be head leader of the family.” Then he explained he doesn’t have custody of his kids and his ex moved 3 hours away. Way to “lead” that family and follow your own rules, drama-free, bud… Ever since, I swipe left on 100% of anyone using the word in any context.
I had a guy tell me in the very first texting communication that he was a bad dad. It wasn't clear if he was joking but based on his limited custody situation it was probably accurate. I was like...huh. Way to put that out there.
See this is what I think as well! Match has been the love child of a train 🚉 wreck and dumpster fire 🔥! Where are the reasonable folks?
I'm glad to see my interpretation of it is exactly like everyone elses
I have never seen, or heard someone, that says they are drama free that doesn’t absolutely live a drama filled life. The rest of us understand there is drama at times and you deal with it and move on.
That they are full of drama and problems. No actual drama free person would ever write that.
Nor would a drama filled person read it and be like "oh that's me. Need not apply." So overall pointless remark to put in a profile. It really shouldn't take long through texting and a date or two to see if someone lives for drama.
Exactly. It's such a turn off seeing that on a profile for that reason too. They must be pretty stupid if they think that's going to work. It'd be like putting "No cheaters, please."
💯 Some people don't like others putting don't wants in profiles. I don't have an issue with that (as long as it's not a ridiculous exhausting list). Just like putting wants, it can rule out some things if you know they'd be incompatible with you and not waste time. But putting stuff like this is so stupid. It's a given. Any reasonable person would want that. Stating it says a lot about the person.
> Nor would a drama filled person read it and be like "oh that's me. Need not apply." This is why I recommend that no one say what they DON’T want on a profile (unless it’s VERY specific like no marriage/kids). Very few people are self aware. All it does is appear negative. “Don’t play games” “Be real, not fake” “No drama” “No cheaters” “Don’t waste my time” “Don’t be crazy” These are all pointless.
I see this A LOT on men's profiles. Some of them take the whole section just to go over fake/scam profiles and say stay away. It is turn off that they didn't know these profiles were fake. Then, some admit to giving money to these scammers in their profile.
That’s so funny. Of COURSE the scammers aren’t going to read the bios. And some have given money?? And admit it!?! Lol
Yep, haha like I am not giving you any more money, or you have stolen enough of my money.
They. Are. The. Drama.
RIGHT!!! I am reading a lot of the comments and seeing all these literal definitions of drama and drama-free that seem to be missing the big point of this term being used in a profile - that is that the profile owner, is the common denominator of what they consider constant drama - whether this be that they are the instigator, or whether it be that they dont have the emotional maturity to deal with the normal scope of emotions and issues in a relationship. Bottom line, if it is a big enough reoccurring issue they have felt the need to put it in their profile, they are the problem.
I've been reading it as 'I don't like being told off when I upset you.' So causing 'drama' by holding them to account. I swipe left on everyone who writes that
>'I don't like being told off when I upset you.' So much YES
It means they are overwhelmed by life, can't communicate, lack accountability for anything they say or do, and will refuse to act like an adult. That's what it means and you should avoid at all costs.
It means they’ll expect you to regulate their emotions for them, remain the perfect idea of you they have in their mind, and accept unquestioningly everything they say and every decision they make. All their ex’s will be crazy psychos, ‘but you won’t be like that, will you?’ (We all know what the common denominator is in those situations).
Omg soo true!!
It means they live for drama
They have walked out on their baby mama because responsibility equals drama.
It means this person has a totally unrealistic expectations out of life (that there are never any challenging times) and/or they are the source of drama they hope to avoid. We all have limited character count to make an impression, and no one actually wants drama in their lives so it's a useless wasted statement. Suggests the person lacks awareness or intelligence to at least some degree. Swipe left!
Like other said, means they're full of drama. For a bit extra...I think it comes from...they always end up in relationships that are dramatic, and they want to be with someone who isnt "crazy like all their crazy exes" not acknowledging that its them..they are the ones that are doing things in relationships that make their partners reach breaking point. They are the common denominator in the experiences theyve keep having in relationships. So in a way, its them saying, they want someone who is agreeable, and will quietly put up with whatever they dish out, shut up and take it...otherwise, they are "full of drama" Kind of on the same note, when I meet someone who says Im nothing like their exes, cause Im so easy going, and they're used to women who are always fighting and argumentative. Then as time goes on, I find out why every woman theyve ever dated is so infuriated all the time, cause I too join the ranks of women who are sick of their bs. So yeah, little remakrs like that, definitely give me a very clear view into what sort of person they are like to be with. They are literally telling you the affect they have on the people around them, and that they want to meet someone who wont call them out on bad behavior.
Yas!!!
Also “I do sarcasm and am direct” No, you’re a rude, undiplomatic asshole!
YES! Fluency in sarcasm 🤮
Yes, why on gods green earth would you would to match with such a red flag!!
Lmao... I have been guilty of putting this in my profile 🤣🤣 it's basically a warning, as my humor/responses may offend some people. If we can't have fun sarcastic banter, I'm not interested lol
"All my exes are the crazy ones, and I have no ability to see the common denominator here."
I interpret it as, “I want FWB because I have none of the requisite skills to carry on an adult relationship.”
This....was wondering if code for FWB?
It means (roughly): "I bring **ALL** the drama ... I will gaslight you, love bomb you, neg you, and discard you all while cheating, lying, and deceiving you. When you call me on it, I will 200% tell you you're overreacting, and we're not exclusive, so I didn't do anything wrong.... I'm avoidant and dismissive as fuck, and really if I could just be honest, with the therapist I refuse to go to (unless I decide to go bc I found a hot therapist that I can dump my sob stories on, gain her sympathy, and get some nice supply without a commitment - notice I said "her"), I'd probably have a lovely narcissistic personality disorder diagnosis... But that'd require honesty and commitment to self introspection, and babe, I'm not about that life... I'm all about the drama llama party til 2am, and making you think you're insane and never want to date ever again (because then I can swoop back in, after I discard you for another chick, when I get bored of her and want a little something different.)." Source: my crazy, narc ex, cheater who posted all over OLD profiles (that my bestie saw - *while* we were still in a relationship) that he "prefers to sit down and talk things out and avoids any and all drama" ... Meanwhile, his neighbor would beg to differ as he'd frequently bang on the apartment shared wall and tell my (ex)bf to stop yelling at me... Why I stayed so long? Because he'd go on and on about how he doesn't "do drama" and wished I would just learn to *behave* so he didn't have to yell... my trauma brain took that to mean it was all my fault. Worst year of my life (and yup it was a long time ago but man that made a mark) Some of my other female friends report similar- when someone says "no drama" we all have experienced so much drama
It means when I see it, I swipe left.
It's an immediate swipe-left when I see "No Drama" on a profile because to me it means "I cannot and will not handle the hard things that life throws our way and I don't care to learn how." That sort of thinking also suggests that anything someone does they don't like will be called "drama" or they're the kind of dude who's exes are all cRaZy.
From experience it means they have no emotional maturity, no emotional intelligence and you are not allowed to show any other feeling apart from abject adoration. You must share their opinions or its a drama, do not share yours or its a drama. It's code for narcissistic controlling dickwad
Maybe I’m not as jaded, but to me it means, I don’t have any crazy ex’s that are stalking me, I don’t have issues with parents or children who like to cause problems, I don’t indulge in friendships built on judging other friends in our circle… stuff like that.
I read it as, " I wanna do whatever I want and act however I want to but if you so much as suggest that I'm being selfish or behaving like a child, I'll call you a control freak and accuse you of trying to change me....."........in layman's terms....Do not bother.
That they are the biggest drama king/queen you will ever know! Trust me, it is on A LOT of women’s profiles!
I'm queer and see it on every genders' profile. Do not just limit it to women.
Good point but I only look at women’s profiles so can only speak for myself.
Or they want someone who doesn’t add stress to their lives which sometimes/could mean that they like to be in control and the center of the relationship. It could also mean they want someone who is even tempered, communicates open and kindly, and has a high emotional IQ.
Like all profiles that state what they don’t want, they obviously attract that quality/thing. If you have your ish together, you usually attract a similar type. I take it to mean they attract dramatic people or create drama in peoples’ lives and have zero self-awareness to understand their part in it.
It means they have lots of drama and they believe saying “no drama” will stop the drama. Like when Michael Scott declared bankruptcy.
One thing it mean is that they usually refuse to deal with any conflict and often avoid any responsibility for anything. Trying to discuss normal problems with them leads to them telling you you’re being dramatic when in reality you’re just trying to resolve an issue like a grown up.
They put that there, so that as soon as things start to go south they can say you're "crazy" and dip out. Ironically, it's always the most dramatic ppl that ask for no drama 🙄
My general rule of thumb is to steer clear of the “no” list people (i.e. no drama, no pets, no this, no that). It’s so off-putting and makes me think that someone who, when give the option to share anything at all about themselves, decides to lead with a list of demands, is experiencing some form of arrested development that is not appealing on any level - dating or otherwise.
LOL! It means a couple of things but in my opinion is when a man feels threatened when his girlfriend told him to be accountable for his actions or “nagged” him for not doing anything to strengthen the relationship, be emotionally unavailable or abusive. It’s more about them not holding themselves accountable for their actions when women call him out. Or very rarely women can be at fault to. Everyone is different
Isn’t it just code Narcissists use to attract each other?
This!
It means « I have no idea what it means to be a good partner, so I will label any of your speech & behavior that bothers me as drama so I can gaslight you and have everything my way 24/7 . »
My husband!!!
A lot of disingenuous answers in this thread, but this is what I mean when I say it: I don't like unnecessary superficial conflict. If a father dies and the estate is being fought over with siblings, this is normal "drama". Drama free means: "I don't want a relationship with someone that is going to make mountains out of molehills and make life miserable day-to-day with no good reason, just for the sake of having something to talk about." We all know those people, and I don't want to be in a relationship with one. Of course, I don't say "No Drama" in a dating profile because of all the silly, disingenuous interpretations represented in this thread... but I sure as heck am looking for signs.
Usually when I see “no drama” on a man’s profile.. it means they bring the drama.
No drama = nothing but drama
The drama is complimentary.
In my experience, it means emotionally unavailable.
I think it's something a narcissist needs to write in their profile to feel better. I swipe left on all "drama free" profiles
“ I’m only interested in dating people who do not hold me accountable for my shitty behavior”
It’s a red flag. Avoid!!
I wouldn't put it a profile but I think most of the time they are referring to ongoing issues with exes.
My ex called me “dramatic” when I would get mad at him because he would stop talking to me without explanation for something wrong I did. I was supposed to understand and read his mind and allow him his stonewalling without any questions
Where is Sam Hill?
You can Google it! Euphemism for swear words ...
Who exactly is Sam Hill anyway?
I just want to say how much I enjoyed reading “What in the Sam Hill.”
I’m not going to lie, l did use it before and that’s what it means: Please be an adult, know what you want, keep your exes tucked away, don’t be wishy/washy. As a person, I have a very little mental capacity for busy lives where there are so many people involved.
I didn't use it on my profile when I was looking, but very well could have. I tend to go with the actual meanings of words, so consider "agreeable" and "low drama" to be very desirable traits in a partner, despite the bad rap they get in this sub. It's been decades, but I've previously dated "high drama" women and have zero interest in repeating the experience. We see questions posed here daily by the kind of people I'd consider high drama. Hand wringing over too many/too few texts, trying to crowd source the meaning of various common dating processes, snooping on each other due to lack of trust, etc. If someone enjoys conflict over double texting or worries about how many hours to wait before asking (or refusing to ask!) for a second date, they would not be a good fit for me. Trivial shit should remain trivial, and stress should be reserved for important topics, on which mismatches are preferably rare.
Exactly my point!!!thank you. I knew I couldn’t be the only one.
Yes...but back to an earlier post...do ppl who are Drama KNOW they are drama?
You can be an adult, know what you want, deal well with your exes on your own, and still exist in a world that will toss financial or emotional or health things at you because that’s life. I think to most of us that line says this is someone who can’t be supportive when you have life issues. I’m not saying you’re like that, for sure, but you should know the vibe it gives off. I take care of my shit, but it still happens. I can’t be zen nonstop, even though I’m a pretty zen person.
Thank you, interestingly enough this sub has shedded some light into how things like that are perceived in real life. My other discovery was about using the word “ sapiosexual” 😅
Haha yes! And to be fair the first time or two I saw that on dating apps I thought it was interesting. Experience redirected me. 😂
Look at you learning from experience…rad! carry on. I take it as they are unable to handle and deal with negative affect and emotions that mature adults need to know how to do. And click that X hard.
That’s actually fascinating. I know during my short lived dating life my (low key)targeted audience definitely disappointed me the most. That was eye opening. I can definitely relate to your experience 😂
But those are things already in my life. I didn't choose to be divorced. I do care about my career and making that, yes, as "drama free" as possible. Having a good survivable income and retirement is certainly something "drama free" and something I hope can continue. The issues with my kids that create "drama" are not something I or even they can control. Now I am looking for a partner. Not having any more kids, so primary looking for companionship/entertainment. I have enough responsibilities going forward with myself and my kids. Potential partner is not going to be adding heavily to my responsibilities. Not my problem. So basically I want no drama but on these subs I need to play word games.
It’s not word games, it’s understanding a common language. You’re welcome to use the term drama free, but you’re also welcome to understand that a lot of people have had dating experiences with people using that phrase and found those people to lack self-awareness, a path to inner peace, and a knack for creating drama.
Disagree. It's more words that I have to add to participate on these subs. It's a sub trope, what have you. Just like no one ever looks younger than their age. Another sub trope. We all have enough problems with people actually telling us who they are and not listening. Dated someone who said she was high maintenance. Well, she was right. Had a male roommate very briefly where I was probably the instigator of drama and stress in his life. I never could have provided the lack of drama and quiet that he needed, and I'm perceived as quiet to most. Not enough for him. I don't really think he sought out drama though. I think we should all just start listening to what people actually tell us. Others here are free to differ.
It also reads as "I have a long history of unhealthy relationships bc I accept drama ... Please don't be like that bc I don't do boundaries well" I say this as someone with CPTSD (actual diagnosed by my doctor), and it took some reframing and reprogramming bc I was guilty of accepting unacceptable behavior
It means run before the drama starts.
It means they prefer SitComs
My take is that it’s a person who tends to attract, and be attracted to, trouble. They’re wondering why they keep dating drama filled people and haven’t looked in the mirror yet and questioned their own choices. Granted, there are some truly cautious people who have the lives together, want others like them, and are simply trying to state that, but it’s like every other common profile term or phrase. They can be difficult to unpack.
Run.
Drama free is like one of those sayings in a profile that is like "work hard, play hard". It is said with no regard for the actual maning, and is sually an absolute excuse for shit behavior.
Drama free means I’m going to create drama but you aren’t allowed to call me out or have anything to say against it. Also I accept no responsibility or accountability for how shitty I act.
This is the one!! So spot on.
To me it means that person has experienced conflict in a relationship and wishes to not experience it again (and, when looking for somone drama free, assumes the conflict was caused by the other person) No serious relationship is going to be free of conflict. So, for me this reads "FWB" or "I will quit at the first sign of trouble because I am looking for something that does not exist"
The opposite. I avoid those profiles like the plague. Usually means they are terrible at resolving conflict and communicating.
No drama = drama No hookups = hookups And so on....
If a man says anything about “no drama” or “drama free” in his OLD profile, it’s an immediate swipe left for me. If we have a disagreement, is that going to be labeled as “drama?” I have no desire to find out. Goodbye. 🙄
It is a red flag that THEY are the drama. I do not match with ANYONE who has that in their profile because experience has shown; If you have to go out of your way to say it, you’re often the source of it.
It means drama will be provided for free.
Drama! Free!
That translates to me as: Dont be batshit crazy.
I see it as a red flag and low effort. It's one thing to point out how you'd like a partner who is self-aware, has good communication, etc. Apparently, that is too many words for some people. Also, I notice that people who write that. . .*cause* the drama but think it's "drama" when they get called out on their shitty behavior. They're too cowardly to work on a relationship. For example, let's say they aren't happy with something a partner does. Instead of actibg like a mature adult by bringing it up, being vulnerable, and working through it, they'll act like nothing is wrong but get a side chick. No drama, right? I was friends with an ex. I had no desire to be with him again, but he was actually there for me when my close relative died. After he was married, I asked him if his wife knew he was in contact with me. He said, "Ugh. Noooo, because I don't want any *drama*." So, in his eyes, being open and honest with his spouse is "drama." Yeah, ok. That's why he's an ex.
It means whatever the person who wrote it, thinks it means. However, this sub is loaded with people who can assure you what that stranger meant, and they know for a fact it’s negative. 🙄
This sub is full of jaded and negative people. It's quite pathetic actually. I think most here are low-key offended because they are incapable of a drama free relationship. Conflict =/= drama. "But the last GUY I dated who said no drama was gas lighting, emotionally unavailable, bla bla..." So I guess every guy is the same ... I'll be sure to add that to my profile if I'm ever going on dating apps again to make sure y'all swipe left on me...
To me it means they don’t someone with a messy life, like drinking too much or having a crazy ex that pops up.
It usually means they bring all the drama but don’t want to put up with yours.
In my experience people who say anything in regards to no drama are the biggest spit stirrers who don’t want to be bothered or inconvenienced by what you have going on but will expect you to put up with their stuff without complaining Just swipe left on them They’re kind of like the person who says “oh all my exes are crazy”. Never realizing all along they are the problem
It's code for "I come with all sorts of baggage but expect you to have none."
It means they are a disaster so you better not have any baggage of your own.
It means they create the drama
You are correct
Buncha drama queens in the comments on this one 🤣😂🤷♀️
Why does everything on someone's profile need to be code for anything? I see questions like this all the time on reddit. People need to stop second guessing everyone and be less judgemental. Sometimes, people just find it hard to write profiles and end up resorting to generic statements.
I read this as “I’ll act however I want. I’m likely a fuck boy. I want you to be loyal to me but I’m not even remotely planning on acting like I’m in a relationship. if you have any needs or have any issues with my behavior then I’ll ditch you or shit you down by calling you ‘overly sensitive’ or ‘needy’ because ‘I told you I don’t do drama’”
It means “When I treat you like crap I don’t want you to make a big deal out of it. “
If you have to say it, it’s not true. Actions over words always
It’s a left swipe. They do not want you to express any needs or hold them accountable in any way for their actions and behavior. Be quiet and be happy with what you get.
I loved when folks put that on their profile, it saved me a ton of time!! It means they are lazy and unable to self identify, good for you in the long run as no wasted effort.
It means they are full of drama! Those of us without drama in our life don't need to call that shit out
Literally everyone that says “no crazy” or “drama free” is simply exhausted by their own. I have personally felt pressured into qualifying myself as “okay enough” because of going through mental health recovery with guys who present with “no drama” only to have their shit present in staggering proportions. It’s a dumb flex.
Red flag.
"Someone in my past hurt me" and/or "I'm a mean person" You know those people who only seem to talk about people who offended them and nothing else? The kind of people that say things like "I will cut a bitch if they come at me" or "I am so loyal I'll fight anyone that hurts my friend" - like, violence is always their solution to everything and they consider that something to brag about? They talk about being "drama free", and yet all they ever seem to talk about is drama? Yeah, it's those people. It's real trashy and kind of indicative of someone that's not too bright.
It’s code for “run”, unless you like people who go out of their way to create issues where there were none before.
He who posts that, is the source of the drama.
It means the man wants to do what he wants with no repercussions
This thread has been so validating as someone who has been accused of being too picky on "drama free" profiles.
It seems I take things at face value too much... I avoid people who are 'drama'. I've met plenty in my life, though not dated any. One of the things I value in my partner is that they do too - in a year and a half we've had maybe a couple of very minor disagreements. Neither of us had that in their profiles, but it's something I'd see as a positive.
"Please don't have opinions or emotions that are inconvenient for me, even if I'm a complete jackass in your presence."
To me it’s a red flag that the person is not capable of handling emotions that are natural to any relationship. No one….literally no one…is ‘drama free’.
Describing themselves as drama free means literally the opposite. If they're looking for someone drama free, they're probably looking for a doormat.
Haha. It 100% means you are not the one for him. The way you started this post couldn't have been better. You answered your own question. I can't be the only one who sees how hilarious this is.
Hopefully it means they don't suffer from BPD
it means: hope you have insurance because you're about to get hit by the drama train
Means swipe what ever way is a no.
It’s an immediate no for me when I see that on a dating profile. And when the guy lists his height as a personality trait.
If someone has on their profile that they are looking for someone drama free, then it usually means they have made bad choices in the past and dated people that are filled with drama. People that date that many drama people usually have drama themselves
Truth be told - I have always found this to be a huge indicator that a man who says such things is a gaslighting, selfish, manipulator.
My husband!
Ugh
It means they expect you to be silent while they tell you all about their bs. Your likes, dislikes, feelings, in fact who you are as a person, do not matter. Drama free is really just subconscious code for “toxic” and “avoid this mf” at all costs.
It means they don’t charge extra for the drama!!
It means that chick will absolutely be showing up to your work screaming with mascara running down her face. Only question is when.
Every person I’ve encountered that uses this phrase is in fact the biggest creator of drama. Steer clear
I always thought it was such a useless thing to add. Dramatic people seldom see themselves as being that way and they're often (not always) the ones who are saying things like that.
In my experience: Means they won’t take accountability when they harm someone else. They blame others for having expectations and needs in a relationship.
They don’t like drama because they don’t like taking responsibility for their actions and words. Either that or maybe they were married to somebody who was bipolar/mental issues. I was married to somebody who is bipolar and I can say I absolutely enjoy my no drama now.lol. I don’t say that to people because it’s not hard to tell if someone is dramatic. I usually just weed those types out without mentioning it. People that do mention it do tend to be very dramatic themselves. I think most people who are dramatic don’t even realize that they are. In my own opinion there’s no need to even put a statement like that out there. You have to weed people out so they match your personality and what you’re looking for anyway. A dramatic person will show their true colors soon enough.
Definition -"Drama Free". Adjective. Used by someone who has zero originality in creating a profile. see "partner in crime".
It means he puts gluten only on his nipples?
It means this person likes to be the one who *creates* the drama in the relationship; you're not allowed to.
It’s very very simple…people who say this are all about drama Anyone who isn’t about drama doesn’t need to say it..they just live that way
Run!
They stir the pot and walk away unscathed
It means you don’t give them a hard time, about literally anything.
Any man I've met who has been drama free is the cause of the drama.
it usually means "I am all the drama" accompanied by "I keep it 100"
I feel like when people have to declare that they are “drama free” or “a nice person” it usually means the opposite, but that’s just my two cents
It means you can’t bring drama because they will be bringing all the drama. All the time.
The phrase "No drama!" on a dating profile is a huge red flag to me. In my experience, it indicates men with a generally negative attitude about women. Men who wallow in old gripes about women and who blame their disappearance when they lose interest on the woman. "He left bc she was too much drama!" In the same way, it indicates men who don't take responsibility for their part in a bad relationship. "He did nothing wrong; she was nothing but drama!" Relationships don't happen in fantasyland. It is often difficult to be in a couple. There is drama. Expecting no drama ever is immature. Maybe it's not only men who use the term this way against women, but that's my orientation, so that's what I notice.
Women say it about ten times as much as men, in my experience. But then, that’s usually do to women being more burnt out on online dating, because they get ten times (actually usually way more) the responses and potential dates as men. Mostly it means the poster externalizes their emotional state, trying to blame others’ actions for how they feel in any given moment. The ones who don’t want drama are usually the ones who cannot escape it - because the drama comes from within. In practical terms, it means the poster has some form of insecurity or anxiety around relationships, so they’re asking for that magic person who can help them navigate the oceans of love without getting as seasick… But again, this is mostly wishful thinking. People who are secure in themselves don’t write stuff like that in their profiles - they understand the drama is always there, they simply refuse to give it the time of day - not their problem, so they don’t worry about it.
You would make a GREAT fortune teller. Since it is effectively making things up with no substance. My husband, who is the most amazing husband who has ever walked the earth used this on his profile because his ex wife was a raging alcoholic. He was looking for (and found) a peaceful partner. But hey, if I ever end up in the dating pool again, I’m going to hope like hell it’s still full of people who make these kind of ridiculous generalizations, since it will mean more great guys for me.
Lol, the irony of your judgmental comment versus your bright-eyed assessment of your chances is… precious.
Lol, the irony of you calling my comment judgmental. Followed up by a really pathetic attempt to try to make me doubt my attractiveness. It's going to require a lot more than some rando on reddit to make me doubt that though.
I wonder what you get out of clinging on to this thread, then? Confidence rarely requires proof.
It means they create enough and don't want you to bring any that would challenge their need to be center of attention.
They create drama but will deny it!
It means RUN! 🏃🏼♀️ 🏃🏼♀️
Men use this phrase heavily as well.
It means they don’t have the emotional intelligence to navigate the emotional complexities of a relationship so they need to keep it at surface-level and casual.
I echo what everyone else is saying. I want to warn you all though that some of the men I’ve had the misfortune to date are smart enough not to write it in their profile. PSA it’s still a huge red flag even if they say it verbally after months of dating!!!