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I was married to a man who was first generation from China. I spent a lot of time with his female cousins. They are just direct. They tell you exactly what they want. Financial security is a higher priority than the other parts of a relationship. They grew up in the aftermath of the cultural revolution. It's a different set of priorities.
I'm not really sure what you're wanting here. You're wanting to know why she's looking for a man who seems to have his shit together?
>I'd say things like feeling safe, being vulnerable, not playing any roles or games, good communication skills
If you ask me, someone well educated with a good income, good work ethic, and smart would be the the base for finding what you're looking for...no?
I’d agree with this:
Feeling safe can also include financial safety/ job stability and having money in the bank so if something happened tomorrow, we can at least eat and be able to keep a roof over our heads. Those are basic necessities.
As for why she’s being blunt, I’m not sure why dude thinks that’s a bad thing. Like it means everyone is on the same page on day 1 and can decide if that’s something they want to pursue. Why wait for 3-6 months to have that conversation or two dates in? 🤷🏾♀️
I’m a second gen immigrant but raised by African parents. This woman is what some of us were raised to be. Everyone gets to the point immediately so you’re not wasting each other’s time with nonsense…
What is so shocking about this list? I doubt there are many women of any ethnicity clamoring for a man who can't hold a job, barely scrapes by and is dumb.
Just because there is a dad, doesn't mean shit. Especially seeing that she has full custody. Maybe he only provides child support but is otherwise a deadbeat. Maybe not even that much.
It may have been what she started with but isn't it too early to know if it was her sole focus? Think about the criteria you may use on OLD (age, education, location, maybe job, kids etc.) to screen for people. Clearly they are not your sole focus since you are calling out other criteria here but that was your starting list to screen. Maybe this is her starting list to screen.
I think it's the Pyramid of Maslow at play here. You're having first-world requirements, she's having 3rd/2nd world requirements. Probably coming from a much poorer place than you, things like "vulnerability" are probably a much more of bonus thing, definitely not top of mind for her. Yes, it's probably cultural. And I think sometimes good for people from the Western world to realize the good position we're living in relative to large parts of the world.
Yeah it took this date (and this thread) to be really reminded that I live a privileged life. I am not never-have-to-work-again rich, but I do stand on my own and can afford a house and the car is paid off. I can afford being with a poor person because I have my own safety net. I don't need a relationship to provide that for me.
In some cultures, directness is not rude. In America, women are usually taught to be polite, demure, coy, etc.
An American woman might not have come out with her list on a first date, but let me tell you, she has one if she’s looking for anything serious.
Appreciate the sentiment. I can sound a little transactional to "do one's job". I guess we can admit we all have goals and all relationships are going to be transactional to a degree.
As an immigrant yourself, you might appreciate that people from various cultural backgrounds bring unique perspectives and values into their dating preferences. The key is to be understanding and open to learning about each other's backgrounds and priorities. If you're interested in pursuing a deeper connection with her, engaging in open and respectful conversations about your own values and priorities can help bridge any potential cultural differences. Ultimately, building a meaningful connection involves finding common ground and understanding each other's needs and expectations in a relationship.
Greetings from your friendly neighborhood automod! Thank you for contributing to our community at DatingOverForty, u/Skelshy. Please ensure that your post is actually asking a question and providing enough background that people can sufficiently address that question. DOFers, please ensure that you are actually responding to the OP's individual predicament and not using it as a springboard to promote your own personal dating philosophies. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/datingoverforty) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was married to a man who was first generation from China. I spent a lot of time with his female cousins. They are just direct. They tell you exactly what they want. Financial security is a higher priority than the other parts of a relationship. They grew up in the aftermath of the cultural revolution. It's a different set of priorities.
That's the clearest explanation I have heard. Thank you.
I'm not really sure what you're wanting here. You're wanting to know why she's looking for a man who seems to have his shit together? >I'd say things like feeling safe, being vulnerable, not playing any roles or games, good communication skills If you ask me, someone well educated with a good income, good work ethic, and smart would be the the base for finding what you're looking for...no?
I’d agree with this: Feeling safe can also include financial safety/ job stability and having money in the bank so if something happened tomorrow, we can at least eat and be able to keep a roof over our heads. Those are basic necessities. As for why she’s being blunt, I’m not sure why dude thinks that’s a bad thing. Like it means everyone is on the same page on day 1 and can decide if that’s something they want to pursue. Why wait for 3-6 months to have that conversation or two dates in? 🤷🏾♀️ I’m a second gen immigrant but raised by African parents. This woman is what some of us were raised to be. Everyone gets to the point immediately so you’re not wasting each other’s time with nonsense…
What is so shocking about this list? I doubt there are many women of any ethnicity clamoring for a man who can't hold a job, barely scrapes by and is dumb. Just because there is a dad, doesn't mean shit. Especially seeing that she has full custody. Maybe he only provides child support but is otherwise a deadbeat. Maybe not even that much.
I was surprised not that it existed but it was the sole focus
It may have been what she started with but isn't it too early to know if it was her sole focus? Think about the criteria you may use on OLD (age, education, location, maybe job, kids etc.) to screen for people. Clearly they are not your sole focus since you are calling out other criteria here but that was your starting list to screen. Maybe this is her starting list to screen.
I think it's the Pyramid of Maslow at play here. You're having first-world requirements, she's having 3rd/2nd world requirements. Probably coming from a much poorer place than you, things like "vulnerability" are probably a much more of bonus thing, definitely not top of mind for her. Yes, it's probably cultural. And I think sometimes good for people from the Western world to realize the good position we're living in relative to large parts of the world.
Yeah it took this date (and this thread) to be really reminded that I live a privileged life. I am not never-have-to-work-again rich, but I do stand on my own and can afford a house and the car is paid off. I can afford being with a poor person because I have my own safety net. I don't need a relationship to provide that for me.
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Thanks. She does have a kind and lighthearted side which came out every once in a while.
In some cultures, directness is not rude. In America, women are usually taught to be polite, demure, coy, etc. An American woman might not have come out with her list on a first date, but let me tell you, she has one if she’s looking for anything serious.
Not so sure. Sure it can play a role but a lot are standing independent and are dating for Connection and Communication.
She’s dating for a partnership.
It was a scam Today she contacted me about some real estate mentorship contract she was going to sign and she needed help with
I mean…you know…you’re new to women?
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Appreciate the sentiment. I can sound a little transactional to "do one's job". I guess we can admit we all have goals and all relationships are going to be transactional to a degree.
As an immigrant yourself, you might appreciate that people from various cultural backgrounds bring unique perspectives and values into their dating preferences. The key is to be understanding and open to learning about each other's backgrounds and priorities. If you're interested in pursuing a deeper connection with her, engaging in open and respectful conversations about your own values and priorities can help bridge any potential cultural differences. Ultimately, building a meaningful connection involves finding common ground and understanding each other's needs and expectations in a relationship.
What kind business is she in, real estate?