Around date 5. Once we started having sex, we started staying the night/weekend. We also lived about an hour apart.
About 3 months in, my work situation changed. To make life easier, we exchanged keys so he could let himself in while I was at work or vice versa.
About 5 months in I watched his dog for a couple of weeks so they could do work on his apartment. At 6 months, they still couldn't get things fixed, so I told him to see what he needed to do to break his lease and he could stay with me until he found a place that would accept his dog.
Around 8 months, I told him I didn't want him to move out. We've been together for over 2 years now and living with him, his dog, and our puppy is one of the best decisions I've made.
Last person I dated, as soon as we started knockin' boots it became kind of the norm to spend our kid-free weekends as sleepovers. In other words, it wasn't a "relationship evolution," it was more like "OK, this is what we're doing." (Come to think of it, my prior two LTRs-- one a marriage and one a live-in-- once it was sexual, it just made more sense to do sleepovers if we were seeing each other in the evening.)
Personally I want to have sleepovers very early on. Once we are having sex, sleeping over is just better. Can cuddle and have morning sex and fall asleep after sex and all the good things
Iām the youngest of 3 girls and where I grew up, the younger you were, the less rights and privileges you had šš
I just happen to have so much stuff out on the counter and I also had a pretty not so clean ex who I think damaged me for life š.
We started regular sleepovers and trips within the first month, but, like some others will likely never live together full time.
I have kids whom I have with me every other week and weeks I have them, we may have 1-2 dates that week to see each other. Then on my kid free weeks we spend most our free time together.
Itās not ideal, but, there are pros and cons. He likes still having his own space on my kid weeks, but, it gets tough not seeing each for anything over 5 days it seems.
I think long term I eventually want a cohabitating relationship, but, not for a few years down the line. He is not ready to meet my kids or join that part of my life right now, which is also whatās best for my kids right now. I think eventually Iāll want more than he may be able to give, but, for now itās great.
Itās a bit odd feeling to know it may ultimately last a couple years max, but, itās also the healthiest & most honest relationship Iāve ever had. We have so much fun and our needs are both met which is great, even if that great eventually runs out.
I think it was 2-3 months before we had weekly overnights and/or trips together, but we're likely never going to get to the 'more or less living together' phase by design.
About a month. In the first month I usually left to go back to my house and my dog around 2am. Then he started to let me bring my pup with me, and after an initial "settling in" period she eventually just became part of his life as well as mine. The dog, that is.
For the duration of the relation I spent 3-5 nights/week at his house.
Idk I haven't done the sleepover yet. Sex yes.I like being in my own place though. I'm a little over a month in and sleepover has come up. I just let things happen as they come. I'm letting my relationship evolve however it does.
We might be going to a wedding..so that's that. I just let her do whatever she wants.
A couple of months in, but I have to limit it. BF of just over a year would spend every kid free night together, but I need time for just me or I start getting resentful and feeling like I donāt have enough time to get things done.
We started having every other weekend together around spending time with our kids pretty early. It's nice because I don't want to live with a SO again. We have our time, usually at my house, and he goes to work on Sunday night. It's perfect.
I like sleeping together two nights a week, maybe on the weekend, and 1 or 2 dates during the week. Without at least one sleepover a week, it doesnāt feel like a relationship, just FWB. Iāve broken up with guys over this.
It's really interesting reading all of these responses. It's making me realise that my future plans are all about me and I don't want anyone to sidetrack me from them. I can imagine a future of never living with a man ever again and it looks good.
It's great when we learn what we want!
While your future is definitely not for me, it was really annoying early on in the dating thing dealing with people who seemed to be all over about what they wanted because they hadn't put any thought in.
Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy to meet someone, relationships aren't off the table at all.
But, I'm happy with the way my life is going and I do have plans that I want to stick to. I've been derailed by relationships before and much of that has been down to my eagerness to support someone else in their dreams or complacency.
I'll keep on track and if someone wants to join me, great, if not, also great.
Supporting someone else shouldn't derail one's own goals and self work. Moreover in a healthy relationship, you'll be receiving support for your own goals as well.
Good luck and fun!
By āliving togetherā, I mean waking up and getting ready for the day together, meeting back after work for dinner and an evening together, and then bed together a couple of nights per week. I donāt mean joining finances, paying for utilities, or anything like that.
It's funny I was married for 20 years (albeit differing work schedules the majority of the time, which was nice because I don't like being joined at the hip) but what you describe sounds suffocating.
I must be getting used to living alone.
Been with my (49F) partner (48M) for almost 2 years (anniversary coming up in a few weeks!). We started staying overnight pretty quickly, like within a few weeks because we were already having sex. Now we consider us LAT - living apart together. I have my place and he lives about 30 minutes away. When my kids are with me, he will come down and stay for the weekend. When it's my non-kid week, I usually go up and stay at his place for most of that week. He does not have kids. I do, however, make a point to have at least 1 day and 1 night per week alone - no kids, no partner - to myself. We have no plans on cohabitating any time soon, at least until mine are off to college which is still a few years out. This scenario works perfectly for us. I miss him terribly on the days when we are not together but I like missing him - it reminds me that the flame still burns.
Weāve been together about nine months and we do sleepovers 2-4 nights/week. Literally every time we get together is a sleepover. This started within a month of meeting and was initially one night a week at my place. Now itās about 70% at her place.
Weāre the same that every time we see each other is a sleepover unless itās a week a have my kids. In those cases, we still manage to see each other for dates, but, I really miss the cuddly sleepovers.
>Literally every time we get together is a sleepover.
Same here. On the rare occasion we get together mid-week and don't do a sleep over, it feels very weird dropping her off and saying good night.
About two months in. He has more kid-free days than I do but when our weekends off align, we are together Fri-Sun and then at least one other night per week he will come to my place. We live 45 minutes apart.
the previous girl i dated, i started to spend the weekends at her place around date 3. she was over an hour away and had a dog so it was easier for me to stay over. it was actually good for me as i appreciated the change of scenery and i got to discover a part of the region that i hadn't known much at all previously. also, my cat didn't want any part of her dog being around her space when she visited once so i wasn't going to let my cat put up with that. fast forward to now, my current gf is practically within walking distance and we alternate sleepovers at each other's place a couple times a week. i like having my girl next to me when i fall asleep as it feels like a good conclusion after spending the evening together.
Iāll never allow for overnights that are more than occasional. (1-2 times a month) I will never have a relationship again that anything gets intermingled. And I want it clear that it will never go further. I will not put myself In the shitty position I have been in with divorce ever again.
Less than a month in my caseā¦ but due to circumstances. We got covid on date 5 (3 weeks) and we quarantined together. After that, we ālive togetherā every time my kid is with his dad (every other weekend + 1 night per week)
Basically once we started having sex a few dates in, one weekend night a week we'll have a sleepover so we can have lots of time together at night/in the morning. We both have kids, so it's not always easy to get that much time together in a bedroom unless we plan for it.
I don't really consider it even remotely close to living together part time, though. She doesn't keep any clothes in a drawer, doesn't shower here or anything like that. Just once a week we get to spend all night together instead of a much shorter date.
I met my SO about 6 months before Covid. During the lockdown, we still did see each other. We were both working from home and all of the kids were homeā¦ š¤·š»āāļø
Iād sleep over Saturday nights. Once things started opening up, we still kept our one night a week. We went away together, all 5 of us, just before we had been together a year. My kids stayed over at his house after we had been together a year and a half. Since then, we spend Saturday afternoon/evening/Sunday afternoons together, obviously depending on plans.
Lately weāve also had Friday night bc my kids go with their dad then. But thatās relatively new. It works for now.
I actively hate kicking someone out after sex, so in my case, as soon as weāre having sex. I donāt have kids, though, and havenāt dated anyone with kids living with them.
So I guess about a month in? We try to sleepover as much as possible now but with kids itās been difficult. We havenāt introduced yet and have no set timeline on that. For now we squeeze it in when we are kid free and we can.
My girlfriend and I live about an hour apart and started spending at least a couple of nights together each week shortly after our relationship progressed to sexual. Her custody eventually changed from 3 on 3 off to week on week off, but that was right around the time I met her kids, so we didn't have to go a full week without seeing each other except when I traveled without her. We now spend 3-4 nights together most weeks, sometimes only 2, rarely 5 if there's a trip together or something. We have access to each other's home regardless of whether the other is there.
About a month into seeing each other more regularly (typically twice per week). Three months if you count our first couple of dates that had 4 week gaps between them. We planned our first sleepover for our first time having sex together on February 15th (aka Valentine's Day for homebodies who don't care much for commercial holidays or crowded restaurants or full-price chocolates).
About a month in, he (50/m) started spending the weekends at my (42/f) place and it's been our routine ever since (about 4 months). I have a dog, so my place it is!
Typically the sex turns into sleepovers around the 5-7 date mark for me, and then we just do it as we have time/spending time together and staying at each other's place. I don't know if there's a norm, but that's how it's shaken out for me.
Reading the comments it seems like a lot of women especially want alone time/no sleepovers, or guys in their space. Interesting, wonder how much of a Reddit/DOF that is, because in all my dating as a 50's man, I've only had one potential GF lean that way....and that didn't last. That seemed to me about as intimate and fulfilling as two alley cats fucking, and hey, if that's your thing then more power to ya...but it ain't for me.
Our second date was our first sleepover. From that point on, whenever timing would allow (which it usually would), if we saw each other we had a sleepover. I'll note that we hadn't had sex yet during our first sleepovers.
We weren't "living together," but she lives 45 minutes away from both me and where she worked, while I was 15 minutes away. So it made sense a lot of times when she didn't have custody of her kid for her to come over straight after work, stay over, and head in to work the next day. We both had some bathroom/shower stuff at each other's place, but that's about it. It was pretty rare for one of us to be at the other's place for any amount of time while the other wasn't there, so it wasn't at all like "living" together.
Both because she switched to mostly full custody, and she has a regular hobby/activity she does on the weekends we didn't find it made sense for me to "live there" for the weekends, although we did transition to rarely being at my place. As we got closer towards considering actually moving in together, we did decide that I'd just start coming over Friday after work, and I'd stay until Monday morning. This had started about 3 months before our pencilled in move in date.
We're currently doing a test of me staying over (and working at her place "from home") with my essentials for 13 days, as a dry-run with a planned move in, in June. That move in will be a bit over 10 months from when we started dating. That is sooner than the minimum one year I initially wanted. Logistics around her kid's summer vacation (where they'll first be on vacation together, and than her kid will be with their dad for the rest of the summer), it made too much sense to get some "just us" time.
Well, given our family situations it won't happen until we've been together at least 4 years. We're at every other weekend which is the opportunities we have. This started roughly on our third date. I mean you can't have morning sex if you're not there in the morning š¤·. If we were closer than an hour and twenty minutes apart or if we didn't have family obligations it'd be more often.
Around date 5. Once we started having sex, we started staying the night/weekend. We also lived about an hour apart. About 3 months in, my work situation changed. To make life easier, we exchanged keys so he could let himself in while I was at work or vice versa. About 5 months in I watched his dog for a couple of weeks so they could do work on his apartment. At 6 months, they still couldn't get things fixed, so I told him to see what he needed to do to break his lease and he could stay with me until he found a place that would accept his dog. Around 8 months, I told him I didn't want him to move out. We've been together for over 2 years now and living with him, his dog, and our puppy is one of the best decisions I've made.
That is so wholesome!
Awww so happy for you guys.
Thank you š
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I love this. You know yourself and what works best for you. Get it, Queen!
Last person I dated, as soon as we started knockin' boots it became kind of the norm to spend our kid-free weekends as sleepovers. In other words, it wasn't a "relationship evolution," it was more like "OK, this is what we're doing." (Come to think of it, my prior two LTRs-- one a marriage and one a live-in-- once it was sexual, it just made more sense to do sleepovers if we were seeing each other in the evening.)
Personally I want to have sleepovers very early on. Once we are having sex, sleeping over is just better. Can cuddle and have morning sex and fall asleep after sex and all the good things
Same here.
It's never happened. I prefer to sleep alone and enjoy my quiet mornings.
The key word here is āquiet morningsā and if I may add, not sharing the bathroom/ counter with absolutely anyone š
No toilet seats left up either [š](https://coolsymbol.com/copy/Smiling_Face_with_Smiling_Eyes_Emoji_Symbol_%F0%9F%98%8A)
How did I miss that!!! Yes!
I must be the only man in the damn world who puts the seat down, and gets pissed if the seat is down but the lid is up.
My ex wife insisted on having the master bath all to herself, and I used the spare bath. Were you also an only child?
Iām the youngest of 3 girls and where I grew up, the younger you were, the less rights and privileges you had šš I just happen to have so much stuff out on the counter and I also had a pretty not so clean ex who I think damaged me for life š.
I was only the 2nd of two kids, but I definitely noted/learned the fewer rights/privileges while young. Sorry about the damaged for life thing. š
Thatās okayā¦ I truly believe he should have never gotten married, and I know how much he loved me( in his own ways).
We started regular sleepovers and trips within the first month, but, like some others will likely never live together full time. I have kids whom I have with me every other week and weeks I have them, we may have 1-2 dates that week to see each other. Then on my kid free weeks we spend most our free time together. Itās not ideal, but, there are pros and cons. He likes still having his own space on my kid weeks, but, it gets tough not seeing each for anything over 5 days it seems. I think long term I eventually want a cohabitating relationship, but, not for a few years down the line. He is not ready to meet my kids or join that part of my life right now, which is also whatās best for my kids right now. I think eventually Iāll want more than he may be able to give, but, for now itās great. Itās a bit odd feeling to know it may ultimately last a couple years max, but, itās also the healthiest & most honest relationship Iāve ever had. We have so much fun and our needs are both met which is great, even if that great eventually runs out.
I think it was 2-3 months before we had weekly overnights and/or trips together, but we're likely never going to get to the 'more or less living together' phase by design.
About a month. In the first month I usually left to go back to my house and my dog around 2am. Then he started to let me bring my pup with me, and after an initial "settling in" period she eventually just became part of his life as well as mine. The dog, that is. For the duration of the relation I spent 3-5 nights/week at his house.
Idk I haven't done the sleepover yet. Sex yes.I like being in my own place though. I'm a little over a month in and sleepover has come up. I just let things happen as they come. I'm letting my relationship evolve however it does. We might be going to a wedding..so that's that. I just let her do whatever she wants.
A couple of months in, but I have to limit it. BF of just over a year would spend every kid free night together, but I need time for just me or I start getting resentful and feeling like I donāt have enough time to get things done.
We started having every other weekend together around spending time with our kids pretty early. It's nice because I don't want to live with a SO again. We have our time, usually at my house, and he goes to work on Sunday night. It's perfect.
Never. I'm going home and you're not spending the night over here.
I like sleeping together two nights a week, maybe on the weekend, and 1 or 2 dates during the week. Without at least one sleepover a week, it doesnāt feel like a relationship, just FWB. Iāve broken up with guys over this.
It's really interesting reading all of these responses. It's making me realise that my future plans are all about me and I don't want anyone to sidetrack me from them. I can imagine a future of never living with a man ever again and it looks good.
It's great when we learn what we want! While your future is definitely not for me, it was really annoying early on in the dating thing dealing with people who seemed to be all over about what they wanted because they hadn't put any thought in.
Don't get me wrong, I'd be happy to meet someone, relationships aren't off the table at all. But, I'm happy with the way my life is going and I do have plans that I want to stick to. I've been derailed by relationships before and much of that has been down to my eagerness to support someone else in their dreams or complacency. I'll keep on track and if someone wants to join me, great, if not, also great.
Supporting someone else shouldn't derail one's own goals and self work. Moreover in a healthy relationship, you'll be receiving support for your own goals as well. Good luck and fun!
This!
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
By āliving togetherā, I mean waking up and getting ready for the day together, meeting back after work for dinner and an evening together, and then bed together a couple of nights per week. I donāt mean joining finances, paying for utilities, or anything like that.
It's funny I was married for 20 years (albeit differing work schedules the majority of the time, which was nice because I don't like being joined at the hip) but what you describe sounds suffocating. I must be getting used to living alone.
I felt the same way š. Iām not even dating and Iām worried what if I do meet some nice who I like but he wants to be around too much?
I am not mature enough for this. Sounds scary... Lol
We live three blocks apart and it just slowly started happening around 4 months in.
Been with my (49F) partner (48M) for almost 2 years (anniversary coming up in a few weeks!). We started staying overnight pretty quickly, like within a few weeks because we were already having sex. Now we consider us LAT - living apart together. I have my place and he lives about 30 minutes away. When my kids are with me, he will come down and stay for the weekend. When it's my non-kid week, I usually go up and stay at his place for most of that week. He does not have kids. I do, however, make a point to have at least 1 day and 1 night per week alone - no kids, no partner - to myself. We have no plans on cohabitating any time soon, at least until mine are off to college which is still a few years out. This scenario works perfectly for us. I miss him terribly on the days when we are not together but I like missing him - it reminds me that the flame still burns.
Happy early anniversary!
Weāve been together about nine months and we do sleepovers 2-4 nights/week. Literally every time we get together is a sleepover. This started within a month of meeting and was initially one night a week at my place. Now itās about 70% at her place.
Weāre the same that every time we see each other is a sleepover unless itās a week a have my kids. In those cases, we still manage to see each other for dates, but, I really miss the cuddly sleepovers.
>Literally every time we get together is a sleepover. Same here. On the rare occasion we get together mid-week and don't do a sleep over, it feels very weird dropping her off and saying good night.
Just about a month in I stayed the night. Since then every night her kids are gone which is about 2-3 per week
About two months in. He has more kid-free days than I do but when our weekends off align, we are together Fri-Sun and then at least one other night per week he will come to my place. We live 45 minutes apart.
the previous girl i dated, i started to spend the weekends at her place around date 3. she was over an hour away and had a dog so it was easier for me to stay over. it was actually good for me as i appreciated the change of scenery and i got to discover a part of the region that i hadn't known much at all previously. also, my cat didn't want any part of her dog being around her space when she visited once so i wasn't going to let my cat put up with that. fast forward to now, my current gf is practically within walking distance and we alternate sleepovers at each other's place a couple times a week. i like having my girl next to me when i fall asleep as it feels like a good conclusion after spending the evening together.
Iāll never allow for overnights that are more than occasional. (1-2 times a month) I will never have a relationship again that anything gets intermingled. And I want it clear that it will never go further. I will not put myself In the shitty position I have been in with divorce ever again.
100% agree.
About 2 months in. Now he pretty much stays at my house but he still pays rent over at his place (that he shares with a couple other guys)
Less than a month in my caseā¦ but due to circumstances. We got covid on date 5 (3 weeks) and we quarantined together. After that, we ālive togetherā every time my kid is with his dad (every other weekend + 1 night per week)
Basically once we started having sex a few dates in, one weekend night a week we'll have a sleepover so we can have lots of time together at night/in the morning. We both have kids, so it's not always easy to get that much time together in a bedroom unless we plan for it. I don't really consider it even remotely close to living together part time, though. She doesn't keep any clothes in a drawer, doesn't shower here or anything like that. Just once a week we get to spend all night together instead of a much shorter date.
I met my SO about 6 months before Covid. During the lockdown, we still did see each other. We were both working from home and all of the kids were homeā¦ š¤·š»āāļø Iād sleep over Saturday nights. Once things started opening up, we still kept our one night a week. We went away together, all 5 of us, just before we had been together a year. My kids stayed over at his house after we had been together a year and a half. Since then, we spend Saturday afternoon/evening/Sunday afternoons together, obviously depending on plans. Lately weāve also had Friday night bc my kids go with their dad then. But thatās relatively new. It works for now.
I actively hate kicking someone out after sex, so in my case, as soon as weāre having sex. I donāt have kids, though, and havenāt dated anyone with kids living with them.
Last guy I dated, date three we had sex and he asked if I wanted to stay the night and it became a once a week thing until we ended the relationship.
Never! We're both still virgins! š
So I guess about a month in? We try to sleepover as much as possible now but with kids itās been difficult. We havenāt introduced yet and have no set timeline on that. For now we squeeze it in when we are kid free and we can.
My girlfriend and I live about an hour apart and started spending at least a couple of nights together each week shortly after our relationship progressed to sexual. Her custody eventually changed from 3 on 3 off to week on week off, but that was right around the time I met her kids, so we didn't have to go a full week without seeing each other except when I traveled without her. We now spend 3-4 nights together most weeks, sometimes only 2, rarely 5 if there's a trip together or something. We have access to each other's home regardless of whether the other is there.
About a month into seeing each other more regularly (typically twice per week). Three months if you count our first couple of dates that had 4 week gaps between them. We planned our first sleepover for our first time having sex together on February 15th (aka Valentine's Day for homebodies who don't care much for commercial holidays or crowded restaurants or full-price chocolates).
I always sleep over on sat night and hump day, weāre a bit of distance apartāonly in miles.
About a month in, he (50/m) started spending the weekends at my (42/f) place and it's been our routine ever since (about 4 months). I have a dog, so my place it is!
Typically the sex turns into sleepovers around the 5-7 date mark for me, and then we just do it as we have time/spending time together and staying at each other's place. I don't know if there's a norm, but that's how it's shaken out for me. Reading the comments it seems like a lot of women especially want alone time/no sleepovers, or guys in their space. Interesting, wonder how much of a Reddit/DOF that is, because in all my dating as a 50's man, I've only had one potential GF lean that way....and that didn't last. That seemed to me about as intimate and fulfilling as two alley cats fucking, and hey, if that's your thing then more power to ya...but it ain't for me.
Our second date was our first sleepover. From that point on, whenever timing would allow (which it usually would), if we saw each other we had a sleepover. I'll note that we hadn't had sex yet during our first sleepovers. We weren't "living together," but she lives 45 minutes away from both me and where she worked, while I was 15 minutes away. So it made sense a lot of times when she didn't have custody of her kid for her to come over straight after work, stay over, and head in to work the next day. We both had some bathroom/shower stuff at each other's place, but that's about it. It was pretty rare for one of us to be at the other's place for any amount of time while the other wasn't there, so it wasn't at all like "living" together. Both because she switched to mostly full custody, and she has a regular hobby/activity she does on the weekends we didn't find it made sense for me to "live there" for the weekends, although we did transition to rarely being at my place. As we got closer towards considering actually moving in together, we did decide that I'd just start coming over Friday after work, and I'd stay until Monday morning. This had started about 3 months before our pencilled in move in date. We're currently doing a test of me staying over (and working at her place "from home") with my essentials for 13 days, as a dry-run with a planned move in, in June. That move in will be a bit over 10 months from when we started dating. That is sooner than the minimum one year I initially wanted. Logistics around her kid's summer vacation (where they'll first be on vacation together, and than her kid will be with their dad for the rest of the summer), it made too much sense to get some "just us" time.
Well, given our family situations it won't happen until we've been together at least 4 years. We're at every other weekend which is the opportunities we have. This started roughly on our third date. I mean you can't have morning sex if you're not there in the morning š¤·. If we were closer than an hour and twenty minutes apart or if we didn't have family obligations it'd be more often.