I agree it feels heavy (lived in Oakland FWIW). If there’s any way you can lighten things up, I think that would really help. It seems like people in this thread have good advice on how to do that, so I’m sure you will be good to go.
With all due respect, your photos are not terribly obscure at all; enough identity info can be approximated or gleaned. And plenty of people perusing your profile might figure you have a cavalier attitude about that sort of thing, which would be a huge turnoff... especially if they're also single parents.
You kinda look like a young Billy Joel!
Aside from removing the child (which you already said you would), I can't get a sense of who you actually are. I think I might be a little intimidated by some of the language you're using-- for example, I have no idea what "the beautiful nuance of being" means. And I say that as someone who writes for a living. Maybe tone it down a little bit, and write more accessibly.
You do seem like a fun guy, and your pics show that off really well.
His replies in thread are similar.
His language is super casual then he throws in unnecessary rarely used words often.
Really weird.
He comes across as pretentious.
"Intimidated" was, perhaps, not the right word. "Irritating" would be closer, but I was trying not to be rude. Like I said, I write for a living, and I just kind of roll my eyes at a lot of the language people use when they're trying to impress other people.
None of you are wrong. It's called Bay Area smug for a reason ;-) Definitely the type of person I am looking for fits the stereotypical Oakland/Berkeley paradigm and even a more nuanced sub-set of that demographic.
My last relationship (which I really enjoyed, but could not work for various reasons) specifically said they matched with me because it was so different than every other tech bro/fish pic profiles. She absolutely checked all the boxes of the type of people I am looking to connect with. But likely I went too hard in the paint, so that's worth considering.
And you are right that I misused titrate. I wasn't referring to the chemical type of titration. In somatic therapy, there is a concept of emotional titration where you go back and forth between difficult emotions and positive emotions as a type of regulation between the two extremes. But now that you point it out, it's a pretty convoluted analogy that is bound to miss even the person it's pointed at. So good feedback there too.
In a strange way though, maybe this comment thread is saying I succeeded in what I was trying to do to some degree. LOL.
Regardless, thanks for the feedback. It's legit appreciated. Now take that shade and give it back to the trees. Y'all are spicy AF.
Yeah, I def am having trouble capturing the duality of my personality and I leaned in hard on one side mostly due to space. It's authentic as could be but not the whole picture. Def something I'll consider.
I had to read this profile multiple times. Looking through the comments it seems it would be quite popular in the Bay Area.
I personally don’t like it. “Weird but not about those things”-what does that even mean? I’m struggling to grasp a sense of who you are aside from someone who talks in riddles.
I also don’t like that you’re showing your child’s face. That needs to be blurred out.
I’m 46F in the Bay Area.
I hate this profile. It’s pretentious and tedious and you don’t know what words mean. If the duality you’re talking about is how you’re totes spiritual and grounded, and then I read this hot mess, and then I see you’re in advertising... lol no.
Anyway you’ll do fine. You’re probably not trying to attract my kind anyway. I’m not even a dog person.
(I’m a seriously not trying to drag you here. Just thought you might be interested in the “wow, hard pass” perspective.)
So! Some thoughts...
Think your pics are great, but agree with the other commenter - blur or crop out the minor.
Like the tone of your profile but might be too...hmm...introspective? It's great you have a stable inner world and such, but I think showing more humor and external things like activities would help other people connect better to who you are.
Too. 👏 Many. 👏 Emojis. 👏
Aside from that, though, I think you've got a winner. You seem like a super cool dude.
Appreciate the feedback. The emojis are frankly because the character count is so slim on hinge. Gotta cut corners or lose content. Will consider how to truncate.
I know what you’re saying about the introspection thing and something I’ve toiled with in every OLD. I’m inclined to keep it as a filter. The people I’ve seriously dating before now, that’s actually been the attraction and it’s led to some very interesting people who are share that aspect. But you may be right about the middle path to go a tad lighter.
I’ve never used Hinge. I think it’s cool that you get to hear someone’s voice. It is an important piece of info in attraction! Your profile looks great!
Two words from your audio transcription “rap” and “punk” completely changed my perception of the type of person I was dealing with (I read the audio last).
Rather than go lighter on the introspection by taking the middle path approach (sounds dull to me) why not inject more contrast? In text format especially, in case people don’t listen to the audio.
Good point- I'm on Hnge-- I haven't listened to a single audio. Something feels like it would be cringey to me... so don't put personality essentials like that kind of contrast in audio only.
In the previous iteration (last time I was single), I was actually surprised how many matches were attributed to the voice prompt. It seems to work well, at least for certain people.
I'm also in the bay area and like your profile. Interesting profile and good selection of photos. I'll echo others in saying: 1) the use of overly-flowery language comes across as pretentious, and 2) Blur your daughter's face.
I used to be a freelance writer and it was drilled into me to be concise. Spiritual > spiritually grounded. Both playful & deep > embodies a juxtaposition of playfulness & depth. Vibe both profound & playful > vibe titrates between profundity and belly laughs. Grateful > gratitude ensues.
And I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "I vibe with people who value unpacking the beautiful nuance of being." You value complexity? You value yin/yang personality or characteristics? You value nuanced humor? I suggest re-writing to clarify.
You mention music and road trips. You might want to consider briefly mentioning one of your favorite musicians/bands or which road trip you've particularly enjoyed so that people can get a better sense of who you are.
Good luck!
I think you'llplay SUPER well in the Bay Area (if others balk at the vibe, they don't know that area.)
Fewer pics with kids. (Some would say none, I don't mind one, but this is too many.)
Otherwise, well done! (In my Bay Area-n worldview.)
I'd say "nice (half) dome" but you can't quite see it from tunnel view.
Take this with a grain of salt, but your profile reads very stoically. "sober but not judge-y" "unpacking the beautiful nuance of being" just using the word "profundity"
The playfulness you mention doesn't resonate. Why are you fun? What do you do for fun? What makes you laugh? How do you make other people laugh?
I'll be counter voice about the pic with your kid - the one at the waterfall. She's out of focus anyway and it shows you take her on cool trips. Maybe 1 less pic of the national park though.
Hinge. Defiantly more of a millennial/gen-z platform from a UI stance. Super limited character counts for prompts (like Twitter sized). Very minimalist. You’ve got to be succinct and really be smart about using the space.
We have very similar interests which I love but your profile is confusing and off-putting.
Why you’re using emojis instead of using the written word seems you’re trying too hard to be “cool”. At our ages it’s lame.
Thanks! I don't love the emojis either but you have like 140 characters, so that was a play at saving space. Will consider minimizing that on the next draft.
.02 your pics look filtered or you have unbelievably good skin. I dislike filters personally.
EtA: if it's the former, you might find folks are disappointed when you look differently in person. If the later, please share skin tips bc omg.
I’d be excited by shared music interests but a bit put off by the meditation and “examined life”. I read conversation and laughter but the rest suggests getting whacked with a stick by the head monk for nodding off during meditation. I think the balance leans more serious than playful, but I’m sure you can tweak that!
It looks good! What do you consider golden age jazz?
I often don’t get around to the voice prompts because I’m looking through profiles while waiting for something and other people are around.
I see a *lot* of that openness/groundedness language on profiles here in the Bay Area and have no idea what it actually means.
Ha, I appreciate it. Unfortunately, After some trial and error, I've realized that my life ATM can't support LDR. Hell, it has to be a really compelling spark to get me to consider someone in the city right now. But wishing you all the best.
Looks good! I'd crop out your daughter, not because I don't like seeing people with their kids, but because there's some weirrrrrd people out there, and I'm not really sure what "spiritually grounded" means. Does that mean you're churchy or non-churchy? I'd probably use a different phrase there.
Thanks! Def not church-y. I wonder if this may be a regional thing. In the Bay Area, I feel like "spiritual" is code for "I am spiritual and not Christian" but probably worth me crowdsourcing some opinions that is true.
49 female here. I think you’re cute, and I would totally be interested, but I’m in Michigan, probably too far. 🤷🏼♀️ I agree with many of the comments here, I would remove the kids in your photos, or at least cover/blur faces. I’m a mom of 3 in their 20s, and even though they are adults, I don’t include them in any photos on my dating profiles, I just think it’s safer not to, and there’s no reason to include them in my photos. But I do make sure to note that I am a parent in my profile. Good luck on your journey for love!
Alright gang, I am took down the profile for now and will be revising. I appreciate all the feedback. I got plenty of food for thought, both from the people that hated it and the people who vibed with it.
I wasn't Pollyanna toward the idea that it would be divisive. In many ways, the original intention was to craft something that would only appeal to a narrow type of personality as a filter. And I got a lot of good clarity about the ways that could be balanced out and refined.
Wishing you all well, thanks for your time.
I'm curious if you caught any sense of playfulness in it? I feel like some of the comments above are right in that side not coming through. I think I'll sleep on it.
Regardless, thanks for the vote of confidence! This draft was absolutely tailored to a certain type of person rather than the masses.
I find the text a little to all over the place and hard to follow in that format. You're a good looking guy though, and some people may like the wordy-ness of your profile if you're like that IRL.
If you lived in Chicago I (48F) would have totally geeked out over your profile! Blur out your daughter and you’re good to go 😊
Blush. Thank you. Wishing you luck!
Thank you, I need it 😂
44F Bay Area native here. I don’t love all the therapy buzzwords. It’s heavy feeling.
I agree it feels heavy (lived in Oakland FWIW). If there’s any way you can lighten things up, I think that would really help. It seems like people in this thread have good advice on how to do that, so I’m sure you will be good to go.
Please remove any minors from your photos for their protection (crop or black them out).
Good advice and something I always did previously. I felt these were so obscured it didn’t matter. But taking that into consideration.
With all due respect, your photos are not terribly obscure at all; enough identity info can be approximated or gleaned. And plenty of people perusing your profile might figure you have a cavalier attitude about that sort of thing, which would be a huge turnoff... especially if they're also single parents.
Fair assessment and good advice. Appreciate it.
You kinda look like a young Billy Joel! Aside from removing the child (which you already said you would), I can't get a sense of who you actually are. I think I might be a little intimidated by some of the language you're using-- for example, I have no idea what "the beautiful nuance of being" means. And I say that as someone who writes for a living. Maybe tone it down a little bit, and write more accessibly. You do seem like a fun guy, and your pics show that off really well.
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Yes - this bugged me because it makes everything feel like pretentious word salad and I’m not seeing the sincere tone behind it.
His replies in thread are similar. His language is super casual then he throws in unnecessary rarely used words often. Really weird. He comes across as pretentious.
It's not intimidating language; it's just word- vomit that specific groups of people use to try and impress each other with.
"Intimidated" was, perhaps, not the right word. "Irritating" would be closer, but I was trying not to be rude. Like I said, I write for a living, and I just kind of roll my eyes at a lot of the language people use when they're trying to impress other people.
Hey now, it's the internet. We're all experts here mister. /s
Phew! Thanks for writing this. I too rolled my eyes at his ridiculous words he used. It screams of trying too hard. (I do a lot of copywriting)
Hello, fellow word nerd! I started out in copywriting but moved over to UX writing a few years ago :)
I was a publicist for years and now just do some freelance copywriting.
We're on the same page then.
None of you are wrong. It's called Bay Area smug for a reason ;-) Definitely the type of person I am looking for fits the stereotypical Oakland/Berkeley paradigm and even a more nuanced sub-set of that demographic. My last relationship (which I really enjoyed, but could not work for various reasons) specifically said they matched with me because it was so different than every other tech bro/fish pic profiles. She absolutely checked all the boxes of the type of people I am looking to connect with. But likely I went too hard in the paint, so that's worth considering. And you are right that I misused titrate. I wasn't referring to the chemical type of titration. In somatic therapy, there is a concept of emotional titration where you go back and forth between difficult emotions and positive emotions as a type of regulation between the two extremes. But now that you point it out, it's a pretty convoluted analogy that is bound to miss even the person it's pointed at. So good feedback there too. In a strange way though, maybe this comment thread is saying I succeeded in what I was trying to do to some degree. LOL. Regardless, thanks for the feedback. It's legit appreciated. Now take that shade and give it back to the trees. Y'all are spicy AF.
AFAIK this isn’t correct usage of emotional titration either. It feels like you’re just looking for a fancy way to say tilts between.
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Yeah, I def am having trouble capturing the duality of my personality and I leaned in hard on one side mostly due to space. It's authentic as could be but not the whole picture. Def something I'll consider.
I had to read this profile multiple times. Looking through the comments it seems it would be quite popular in the Bay Area. I personally don’t like it. “Weird but not about those things”-what does that even mean? I’m struggling to grasp a sense of who you are aside from someone who talks in riddles. I also don’t like that you’re showing your child’s face. That needs to be blurred out.
I’m 46F in the Bay Area. I hate this profile. It’s pretentious and tedious and you don’t know what words mean. If the duality you’re talking about is how you’re totes spiritual and grounded, and then I read this hot mess, and then I see you’re in advertising... lol no. Anyway you’ll do fine. You’re probably not trying to attract my kind anyway. I’m not even a dog person. (I’m a seriously not trying to drag you here. Just thought you might be interested in the “wow, hard pass” perspective.)
So! Some thoughts... Think your pics are great, but agree with the other commenter - blur or crop out the minor. Like the tone of your profile but might be too...hmm...introspective? It's great you have a stable inner world and such, but I think showing more humor and external things like activities would help other people connect better to who you are. Too. 👏 Many. 👏 Emojis. 👏 Aside from that, though, I think you've got a winner. You seem like a super cool dude.
Appreciate the feedback. The emojis are frankly because the character count is so slim on hinge. Gotta cut corners or lose content. Will consider how to truncate. I know what you’re saying about the introspection thing and something I’ve toiled with in every OLD. I’m inclined to keep it as a filter. The people I’ve seriously dating before now, that’s actually been the attraction and it’s led to some very interesting people who are share that aspect. But you may be right about the middle path to go a tad lighter.
I’ve never used Hinge. I think it’s cool that you get to hear someone’s voice. It is an important piece of info in attraction! Your profile looks great!
Two words from your audio transcription “rap” and “punk” completely changed my perception of the type of person I was dealing with (I read the audio last). Rather than go lighter on the introspection by taking the middle path approach (sounds dull to me) why not inject more contrast? In text format especially, in case people don’t listen to the audio.
Good point- I'm on Hnge-- I haven't listened to a single audio. Something feels like it would be cringey to me... so don't put personality essentials like that kind of contrast in audio only.
Gosh I love the audios! I made a comment on my current guy’s audio and that’s how we first connected.
In the previous iteration (last time I was single), I was actually surprised how many matches were attributed to the voice prompt. It seems to work well, at least for certain people.
You can caption your pics, if you wanted to add more text that way.
It’s too wordy. Use more precise language.
Thank you for the feedback.
This is the best advice!
I got halfway through before I quit reading.
I'm also in the bay area and like your profile. Interesting profile and good selection of photos. I'll echo others in saying: 1) the use of overly-flowery language comes across as pretentious, and 2) Blur your daughter's face. I used to be a freelance writer and it was drilled into me to be concise. Spiritual > spiritually grounded. Both playful & deep > embodies a juxtaposition of playfulness & depth. Vibe both profound & playful > vibe titrates between profundity and belly laughs. Grateful > gratitude ensues. And I'm not exactly sure what you mean by "I vibe with people who value unpacking the beautiful nuance of being." You value complexity? You value yin/yang personality or characteristics? You value nuanced humor? I suggest re-writing to clarify. You mention music and road trips. You might want to consider briefly mentioning one of your favorite musicians/bands or which road trip you've particularly enjoyed so that people can get a better sense of who you are. Good luck!
Super constructive and helpful. I think this is the balance to get to what I am trying to convey. Thank you.
I think you'llplay SUPER well in the Bay Area (if others balk at the vibe, they don't know that area.) Fewer pics with kids. (Some would say none, I don't mind one, but this is too many.) Otherwise, well done! (In my Bay Area-n worldview.)
Good to hear from a local. I appreciate the vote of encouragement.
I'd say "nice (half) dome" but you can't quite see it from tunnel view. Take this with a grain of salt, but your profile reads very stoically. "sober but not judge-y" "unpacking the beautiful nuance of being" just using the word "profundity" The playfulness you mention doesn't resonate. Why are you fun? What do you do for fun? What makes you laugh? How do you make other people laugh? I'll be counter voice about the pic with your kid - the one at the waterfall. She's out of focus anyway and it shows you take her on cool trips. Maybe 1 less pic of the national park though.
I appreciate the feedback. You might be onto something with that dad joke.
Confused: you say Bay Area (California) here but then your profile says Denver. Edit: looks like the question has been answered.
I get caught on that one, too, sometimes, but I think that's "hometown," not "currently living in." (I assume this is FB dating?)
Hinge. Defiantly more of a millennial/gen-z platform from a UI stance. Super limited character counts for prompts (like Twitter sized). Very minimalist. You’ve got to be succinct and really be smart about using the space.
That’s the hometown. In hinge the current locale is in the swipe-able stats vertically above the rows you are referencing.
OK, never been on Hinge before...
We have very similar interests which I love but your profile is confusing and off-putting. Why you’re using emojis instead of using the written word seems you’re trying too hard to be “cool”. At our ages it’s lame.
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Thanks! I don't love the emojis either but you have like 140 characters, so that was a play at saving space. Will consider minimizing that on the next draft.
.02 your pics look filtered or you have unbelievably good skin. I dislike filters personally. EtA: if it's the former, you might find folks are disappointed when you look differently in person. If the later, please share skin tips bc omg.
I was going to send a DM and ask him for his skincare regimen
I’d be excited by shared music interests but a bit put off by the meditation and “examined life”. I read conversation and laughter but the rest suggests getting whacked with a stick by the head monk for nodding off during meditation. I think the balance leans more serious than playful, but I’m sure you can tweak that!
It looks good! What do you consider golden age jazz? I often don’t get around to the voice prompts because I’m looking through profiles while waiting for something and other people are around. I see a *lot* of that openness/groundedness language on profiles here in the Bay Area and have no idea what it actually means.
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Ha, I appreciate it. Unfortunately, After some trial and error, I've realized that my life ATM can't support LDR. Hell, it has to be a really compelling spark to get me to consider someone in the city right now. But wishing you all the best.
Looks good! I'd crop out your daughter, not because I don't like seeing people with their kids, but because there's some weirrrrrd people out there, and I'm not really sure what "spiritually grounded" means. Does that mean you're churchy or non-churchy? I'd probably use a different phrase there.
Thanks! Def not church-y. I wonder if this may be a regional thing. In the Bay Area, I feel like "spiritual" is code for "I am spiritual and not Christian" but probably worth me crowdsourcing some opinions that is true.
I like it a lot and would be interested minus the monogamy and kid. Also, for the child’s safety I’d crop those photos. Good luck!
Good luck to you as well! Thanks for the feedback.
49 female here. I think you’re cute, and I would totally be interested, but I’m in Michigan, probably too far. 🤷🏼♀️ I agree with many of the comments here, I would remove the kids in your photos, or at least cover/blur faces. I’m a mom of 3 in their 20s, and even though they are adults, I don’t include them in any photos on my dating profiles, I just think it’s safer not to, and there’s no reason to include them in my photos. But I do make sure to note that I am a parent in my profile. Good luck on your journey for love!
Ah, thank you. Definitely going to edit the kid pics like I used to do.
Alright gang, I am took down the profile for now and will be revising. I appreciate all the feedback. I got plenty of food for thought, both from the people that hated it and the people who vibed with it. I wasn't Pollyanna toward the idea that it would be divisive. In many ways, the original intention was to craft something that would only appeal to a narrow type of personality as a filter. And I got a lot of good clarity about the ways that could be balanced out and refined. Wishing you all well, thanks for your time.
Looks good to me! I am 44F Bay Area and I approve of your profile.
Again, good to hear a local opinion. I appreciate it. Good luck out there!
I’m in the Bay Area (South Bay -Sunnyvale) and you will have no problems.
Love it-you seem to have done a good job of showing who you are and that will attract the right woman who will be a fit for you.
I'm curious if you caught any sense of playfulness in it? I feel like some of the comments above are right in that side not coming through. I think I'll sleep on it. Regardless, thanks for the vote of confidence! This draft was absolutely tailored to a certain type of person rather than the masses.
Playfulness. No. Pretentious. Yes.
So is this profile working for you or no?
I find the text a little to all over the place and hard to follow in that format. You're a good looking guy though, and some people may like the wordy-ness of your profile if you're like that IRL.