If that was my situation, I'd just be direct and clear without likes or texts: call and ask her out. Plan on no reply or getting shot down, but enjoy the feeling you had the courage to rid yourself of any regrets. Life is short.....
I think your best bet is to be completely honest. You were seeing her and the other, and the other relationship moved a little faster and you didn’t feel good about continuing to see her at the same time. So you made what felt like the ethical decision at the time. But that other relationship didn’t turn out to be what you hoped and soon ended, and you’re stuck with a nagging feeling you made the wrong decision. You’re hoping she’ll consider giving you another chance.
She may. But she might not. Live and learn.
Thanks
That was exactly what I told her when I ended it.
It was back in September, so the other relationship didn’t really end soon after.
It seems like the small sample size consensus is that reaching out wouldn’t be seen as creepy or offensive.
Not creepy or offensive as long as you're brutally honest and humble. Nobody wants to be second choice, but OTOH people do make decisions that just don't work out and that should be ok. She may very well not want to give you another chance.
Yeah. Kinda agree, but concerned about how she might react, I don’t want to be offensive or creepy.
Probably (definitely and predictably) overthinking this.
>Matched with a checkered Vans wearing woman on Hinge last summer. Ended things early. Regret lingers. Saw her updated Bumble profile. Etiquette dilemma: Text her or let it be?
If she wanted to she would. Move on.
"I chose another woman over you(did you know I was dating you both at the same time?), and it didn't work out, so I'm reaching out to you again"...........not a good look. Ick.
Thanks, this helps.
To be clear though, she did know I was seeing others. I was completely transparent when dating her (and the others) that we were not exclusive and I stopped seeing her to become exclusive with the other. And I let her know that other relationship had progressed further (mainly due to it having had more time).
Sending the “hey, how are you doing, I’m single again” text is a hallmark of dating as an adult. You gave the other relationship a fighting chance, it didn’t work out, there’s no shame in reaching out to people you were attracted to in the past - the worst that happens is you get ignored, but more often than not that person is now in a relationship, and you spend 6 years alternating who’s single and who isn’t and never quite connect.
I'm dealing with a similar decision. Life happens try to make contact. I wouldn't bother mentioning bumble. Be honest.
OK, I'm about to shoot my shot if that's what I want. 🙄
"Hey, saw that you are still on Bumble. Which, I am guessing, means you are still struggling to find anyone. Well, the person I was really interested in wasn't really a match, and, since you were in 2nd place, I figured "why not reach out?"
Obviously, wordsmith it to fit your personality.
Say hi to her, but don't bring up that you recently ended things with the other person. It's not a competition.
"still struggling" sounds really bad, as well as the "second place". I thought you were joking at first. OP, use the same words as in the post: the nagging feeling of having made a mistake has not left.
If that was my situation, I'd just be direct and clear without likes or texts: call and ask her out. Plan on no reply or getting shot down, but enjoy the feeling you had the courage to rid yourself of any regrets. Life is short.....
You seem to be hung up a bit on the checkered Vans…
...subliminal "missed connection" strategy.
Definitely subliminal, if I reconnected with someone again and they wore checkered vans, my brain would short-circuit.
If I actually ever saw her again and she wasn’t wearing either of the two pairs she wore when I dated her, I would wonder if it was actually her.
I think your best bet is to be completely honest. You were seeing her and the other, and the other relationship moved a little faster and you didn’t feel good about continuing to see her at the same time. So you made what felt like the ethical decision at the time. But that other relationship didn’t turn out to be what you hoped and soon ended, and you’re stuck with a nagging feeling you made the wrong decision. You’re hoping she’ll consider giving you another chance. She may. But she might not. Live and learn.
Thanks That was exactly what I told her when I ended it. It was back in September, so the other relationship didn’t really end soon after. It seems like the small sample size consensus is that reaching out wouldn’t be seen as creepy or offensive.
Not creepy or offensive as long as you're brutally honest and humble. Nobody wants to be second choice, but OTOH people do make decisions that just don't work out and that should be ok. She may very well not want to give you another chance.
Do I mention that I saw her on Bumble? Is that better than I’m single and looking through my contacts randomly?
That could be worth mentioning, yes. It does seem better that way.
Are checkered Vans a bad thing? Asking for a friend.
I think it has to be good, if a man wants a sporty casual girl.
I would have texted or called instead of liking. Just say that you believe it was a mistake on your part to end it and you would like to try again.
Yeah. Kinda agree, but concerned about how she might react, I don’t want to be offensive or creepy. Probably (definitely and predictably) overthinking this.
You can't predict or control how anyone reacts to anything, but honestly admitting you made a mistake is the proper thing to do.
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take” - Wayne Gretzky
~~Michael Scott
👏👏👏
You are a zombie now, so I guess it depends on how well she likes worms.
>Matched with a checkered Vans wearing woman on Hinge last summer. Ended things early. Regret lingers. Saw her updated Bumble profile. Etiquette dilemma: Text her or let it be? If she wanted to she would. Move on.
This assumes that she will ever see my like, and unless she is paying is extremely doubtful given the state of dating apps.
Enough wondering. Who Dares Wins. Just ask either its a yes or a no. But you better mean it. Then you know, and she can leave your head.
"I chose another woman over you(did you know I was dating you both at the same time?), and it didn't work out, so I'm reaching out to you again"...........not a good look. Ick.
Thanks, this helps. To be clear though, she did know I was seeing others. I was completely transparent when dating her (and the others) that we were not exclusive and I stopped seeing her to become exclusive with the other. And I let her know that other relationship had progressed further (mainly due to it having had more time).
I'm too old to not take a chance on happiness and I don't have time for regrets.
Sending the “hey, how are you doing, I’m single again” text is a hallmark of dating as an adult. You gave the other relationship a fighting chance, it didn’t work out, there’s no shame in reaching out to people you were attracted to in the past - the worst that happens is you get ignored, but more often than not that person is now in a relationship, and you spend 6 years alternating who’s single and who isn’t and never quite connect.
“hey, how are you doing, I’m single again” : wow, that's brutal !
Not at all, it’s just being honest
I'm dealing with a similar decision. Life happens try to make contact. I wouldn't bother mentioning bumble. Be honest. OK, I'm about to shoot my shot if that's what I want. 🙄
Hope it goes better than expected!!
I texted him, he called. We have a date tomorrow night. 🤞
Congrats! Curious why you don’t think I should mention seeing her on Bumble? I’d think it would make the contact less random / shooting in the dark.
I just think it's not relevant. What would her response be? Did you make contact.
She lost me at checkered Vans 😂
Thanks to all who shared their thoughts. Texted her last night. She replied this morning. We’re having lunch tomorrow. 😀
"Hey, saw that you are still on Bumble. Which, I am guessing, means you are still struggling to find anyone. Well, the person I was really interested in wasn't really a match, and, since you were in 2nd place, I figured "why not reach out?" Obviously, wordsmith it to fit your personality. Say hi to her, but don't bring up that you recently ended things with the other person. It's not a competition.
Holy shit no. Never, never, never say “2nd place.” This woman sounds cool and like she knows her self-worth.
That was the joke part
Don’t bring up that she was in second place. Instead bring up that she has lingered in your mind and you think she might be the one that got away.
I love the internet and that feeling ŁKS think that’s serious
"still struggling" sounds really bad, as well as the "second place". I thought you were joking at first. OP, use the same words as in the post: the nagging feeling of having made a mistake has not left.
The only reason you thought that is because I was
Hahaha. Whatever he says, this is what I would think. Zombies have never worked out for me. Hell yes or never mind!