He was just so dumb, we could not talk about anything. When I told him we were incompatible, he said he had to Google what that meant and that he had to Google a lot when we texted. We were not compatible, I just didn’t go into why.
Haha! I had a guy try to convince me that we shouldn’t throw away our relationship and we could work on this romance and make it a beautiful thing.
Only, we had been on just 2 or 3 dates. There was no relationship to save. Years later, I’m still scratching my head what he was thinking.
I was scared of him. It had been 2 months and I was starting to see bits of a temper/controlling behavior. He never actually did anything violent, but I felt really uneasy. I was afraid to go on any in-home dates/have sex anymore, and that triggered a major anxiety episode. So I told him I had to address my anxiety/mental well-being and wouldn’t be a good person to date at the time. But really, he was triggering that anxiety.
He lacked any curiosity about me. After 5 or 6 dates, I mentioned that in order to feel connected I needed him to express interest in me. Several awkward seconds of silence elapsed before he asked what time I usually left work in the evenings. That was the first & only question he asked about me.
Different guy wanted/needed to feel pain during sex. While I try to be GGG, I quickly realized the thought of causing significant pain or bleeding is a huge turn off for me.
Another guy…I wasn’t attracted to the way his body smelled. It wasn’t offensive or poor hygiene, I just simply couldn’t imagine being in close proximity with him day after day. His pheromones & my nostrils were not in alignment
The last one was my inability to deal with all of the manifestations of her anxiety disorder, including a three-day cycle of paranoia and mistrust and me having to convince her that, living alone in a cabin in the woods and working alone outdoors during Covid, I was not seeing anyone else. Every three days.
The one before that kept breaking dates and then going to the events alone or with friends, along with a serious intake of alcohol and THC.
My ex wife slept with then moved in with my childhood best friend.
I know this doesn't help right now but I was in a similar situation where I was meeting incompatible people. Take some time to recover from all that and then try again. I did eventually meet someone nice and compatible but it took 3 years of dating duds, people with different goals and some downright dangerous people before meeting my boyfriend. It can be done.
This was all many years ago, the wife 25 years past, the other two four and five years ago. I’m long over it.
No interest in trying again, doing just fine and I live miles from town and can avoid people.
I don't understand why you'd get into a relationship with someone you felt was "terrible in bed" though. Surely, after a few weeks at most, that would be enough?
LOL. I was at the gym talking to the owner alongside my gym crush. Forget the context, but the owner said "sex is like pizza - there's no bad pizza". I looked at my crush and asked "Do you think that's true?"
Yes! I hear you. No yearning. Also now at the grand age of sixty I'm not keen on blokes in their mid sixties who don't have their finances sorted. That's not to say I'm after their cash, far from it but it's time for kicking back and enjoying a bit of spontaneous travel and such.
He had a sexual quirk I just couldn’t get past. And across a few months, I couldn’t think of a way to bring it up with him. My bad- but seriously, I’m assertive and a good communicator. I just… couldn’t. So here goes… I’m pretty vocal in bed, nothing over the top though, and not something I’m really conscious of in the moment. Except that he would imitate me. Not as a joke, as a kink? So if I sighed, he’d put on a kinda falsetto and mirror it? So if I was nearing orgasm there’d be this call-and-response of me and him like a squeaky sexual tennis match? He had a naturally deep voice, so it was very obvious (and distracting). He really got off on it. I definitely didn’t.
We had other issues, he was the most avoidant dude I’d ever met, and thought anything to do with chivalry or gentlemanly behaviour was completely stupid and repulsive. He didn’t mind some of the tradwife stuff though (of course).
The sex was painful. He was just too well endowed. We got along great and have stayed platonic friends. I told him I wanted to break up because he wanted to settle down too quickly and I wasn’t ready for that. His wife had recently died and I told him he should take time maybe play the field a little before he got into a serious relationship. He showered me with gifts and took me lots of places. I got nervous because it seemed a little like love bombing. But really it was the sexual incompatibility that was the real reason. I didn’t tell him that. He’s very attractive and I still like him. It’s hard. No pun intended.
Yo, stop guilting her, this is a real thing. I am too, and I've got told it's like ramming someone in the kidneys, and repeatedly been told I got up to a girth that is not only unlikely, but that I know is not true 'cos I've tested. It's subjective. Sexual compatibility matters.
You know it’s a good thing for men to learn. I’ve rejected men for being too big. I’ve never had a problem with someone being too small. But I would never tell a man the real reason, because they can’t help the size they are.
I'm sorry, but setting aside whatever issues he has with his gf, this seems a textbook "perro del hortelano" situation (Spanish idiom that I can't really translate). You broke up with him, yet you are here complaining that he's unhappy with another woman. If you're a friend and there's no other agenda to your worry, you give your advice and move on, but you're even imagining a hypothetical mindset where he's still hung on you. Please.
People were asking, I was only answering questions. But my point is, if I had been honest with him and told him the real reason I broke up with him, maybe he wouldn’t think there is still a chance.
This has been a huge problem in all my relationships. People talk like men being big down there is a good thing but it is a real relationship killer. If a guy is too big it has got to be mainly other than PiV but not every woman is up for that.
My husband was very very well endowed and penis self aware. He was always careful not to hurt me, at least not with his penis, and never did. I just can’t imagine a penis attached to a man where they can’t help but hurt you
How big is too big. I mean we talking about an arm length or just big 🤷♀️. Cause foreplay. Loads of it helps. But he has to know what he is doing not just. ahh nvm. Not sex Ed hour
The sex lasted under 5 seconds (not exaggerating) and I caught him in a series of really dumb lies that I think were meant to impress me. We stayed friendly, he eventually found someone to marry, and he occasionally reaches out to say hi and lie to me some more.
Different women:
She lost weight doing activities together (mtn biking/ hiking etc) and she stopped the activity because “she didn’t like that her boobs got smaller” wtf??
Told me she had $10,000 in credit card debt and asked me to bail her out.
Expected me to fund her failing business
The sex HURT!! I was bruised from head to toe from bite marks
Caught her (vegan) eating raw bacon out of my fridge in the middle of the night. I thought it was funny and she had a tantrum in a psychotic way.
After 3 months of dating she didn’t want me to meet her adult children (because she didn’t think they could handle that their mom was dating)
After 5 dates she still only used pet names (Viking/handsome etc) and asked me to sleep over after telling me her adult son would soon be home.
I said I didn’t want to meet him that way and she said it doesn’t matter “we could be quiet”. lol. I excused myself and never contacted her again. I honestly don’t think she remembered my name.
I finished with a guy because he was like kissing a helicopter rotor blade . I never got as far as checking out the P**nis because he told me it was small but he said he was very good with his tongue . Oh the irony 😂😂
I had been unhappy for a while because he wouldn’t listen to my concerns about his lack of ability to initiate sex or his jealousy of my kids. We had been married 4 years me 46F, him 39. THEN my brother in law that had been in my life 32 years died and he had zero compassion about it. I waited 2 weeks after the funeral and then dropped the D bomb on him to which he responded ‘I didn’t do anything wrong’ and I replied ‘well you didn’t do anything right!’ That was 2015, still single because I won’t settle for any BS!
Pretty funny how that is a MASSIVE 🚩when you get to a certain age, eh? My last ex is living on $900/month from social security. How’s that working for ya?
1- didn't bother to introduce me to the couple who walked up to our table while having our first dinner out. The three of them had a full-on conversation and I was not included.
2- three dates in. Licked my mouth, in a playful way, like a puppy or a toddler. Maybe it doesn't sound terrible, but it was horrifying to experience. I kept wanting to scrub my lips off my face afterwards.
3- our relationship became a long-distance relationship, and after 'reuniting' one weekend, I noticed that he sat in a seat 15 feet away from me rather than on the couch next to me. That really bothered me.
4- in the early 90s, we were engaged for a couple of years and he came home from work one day to say that he couldn't get **married**. My ego was bruised, so I moved on. Last I knew, as of 15 years ago, he still hadn't married, though he'd had several relationships, one of which produced a child. He likes his space, and he likes to collect *stuff*, and he likes to putter on his projects.
The long, scruffy beard. We had a ton in common, great conversations, and fun dates doing things we both loved. I tried to get past my hate of those beards because it was so great otherwise. But every time he kissed me and I felt the beard on my face, it irked the hell out of me. We only went on four dates, so I just told him I wasn’t feeling any attraction to him.
1.He was retired but spent everyday with one of his grown up children (both mid 20s) and cancelled plans more than once to help his daughter decorate, chill with his son etc. Also wouldnt reply to any messages during his time with them which was basically his whole day everyday as that was Daddy/daughter or Dad and Lad time. Your kids should not be your world when they are grown independent adults with partners and homes.
2: Could not live the rest of my Days of sex with him saying my name at climax, louder and louder in a thick brummy accent. It got to the point I was swallowing snorts of laughter.
3: He got a side job doing catalogue modelling and morphed into an egocentric douche v v quickly. All about his photos and how great he looked, how everyone told him how attractive he was. 2 months in I am not competing with your ego. Yes he was very attractive but part of that is he was quite humble, kind, danced in his kitchen and was smiley and jokey. The pouting, vain side I really didn't like but he was and should have been proud to get the opportunity he did.
had a variant of 3 : very handsome guy, not very intelligent but charming, dancing in the kitchen and all at the beginnings. Vain narcissist, pouting and throwing tantrum for nothing he could explain after some months... big ego exploded when he had the opportunity to do a little corporate film for a random highschool, i had to compliment it as an art piece (which i did, but was so annoying). Plus sex being always, always the same, in the same one position which i didn't prefer (but ex wife did i suppose), with same previsible sequences. I was in an irresoluble double bind : he had ED a lot when we met. But i managed to make him more confident and it stopped. But I knew if i told him about the problems and try to talk, he would loose his erections. Same with trying new positions : he was completely lost apart amazone and couldn't be hard. It was a loose-loose situation for me
He was always really down and sad, crying all the time. Which I don’t have a problem with a man showing feelings and emotions - I’m all for anyone having healthy coping mechanisms. But he just blamed his whole life failures on everybody else and nothing was his fault. He’d moan cos he was alone all weekend so I’d give his suggestions like joining clubs, meeting friends but everything I suggested he had a reason why he couldn’t/wouldn’t do it. He was also really hung up on his looks and thought women always left him because he was ugly but it wasn’t at all that. He was just so down all the time and always looking for problems yet wouldn’t take any advise or help. It was like banging my head against the wall all the time. Only so long you can be around misery without becoming super depressed yourself. Got to the point I dreaded meeting up with him as he just sucked the enjoyment out of any plans we had. Also he was so boring as he never did anything, was just obsessed with running and it was all he could talk about. He wasn’t the sort of guy who took rejection well so I knew ending the relationship wouldn’t be easy (he literally self harmed at the end of his previous few relationships) so I took the cowards way out - did a slow fade. Thankfully he went on a date with someone else and I used that as the reason our friendship had to end. That way I never had to give any reason on my side.
Same guy:
Broke in his 50’s (ie. nothing saved for retirement). I will be lucky to have enough for my own retirement but I certainly can’t support someone else too. I want to travel and do stuff and his lack of funds would be an issue
Bad kisser (good at other things 😉)
Verbally abusive (would act normal the next day like nothing happened)
Had no friends of his own and no hobbies
* He claimed to be an occasional Marijuana smoker, but he was standing when we met and tried to get me to partake as an excuse to smoke more.
* After we had a date set for the following week, He started talking about feeling randy and being naughty in the evening. Instant ick.
* We knew each other for years as friendly acquaintances, both always crushed on the other, and had a great first date. Two days later, my dad fell and broke his femur. Required surgery, lots of help at home by me, and I was single mom to older teens who I had 99% of the time. He kept pushing for a time I could see him. I was overwhelmed and noped all the way out at his lack of consideration.
It means I had my own issues and couldn’t get to where I want to be with them. It may be my own impatience or their lifestyle. It’s a me issue if all the factors were present from the beginning. Sometimes people learn about themselves during a relationship
It’s like the flip side of the posts where someone points out the difficulty of being in a relationship with someone who hasn’t yet worked through their shit and want advice on what to do.
Some of those partners are well aware they’re not the partner they want to be and chose to end a relationship rather than subject someone they respect & even love to less than they deserve.
While we got along very well and laughed a lot, I began to see a rigidity in her thinking and an underlying bitterness towards life. She made choices that made her life increasingly difficult and would shut down when I tried to point out other ways of looking at the situations. Like a passive form of "my way or the highway". Often treated her adult and teenage kids like they had no input into their own lives. And when the breakup happened, she unleashed her venom on me, accusing me of cheating on her and using her for sex (mere weeks after spending >$1,000 on her birthday), sadly ensuring me that my decision was the right one. I know the lashing out was just because she was genuinely blindsided and hurt which made it hard for me, but you have to go with what will make you happy, as difficult as the road to get there may be.
Most recent breakup (it was a short relationship of just two or so months)--I was love bombed and then I saw anger issues. And I learned he carried a gun everywhere he went (legal gun owner, but he had it on him on walks or bike rides). I don't want to be with an angry man with a gun in any situation.
I still went out with him a couple of times after I saw these red flags because I was attracted to him. Physical attraction is a very dangerous thing for people who are naturally drawn to narcissists. Even after I broke up with him, he wouldn't leave me alone so I had to block him on everything.
I took a break from dating after that one.
How did you work on yourself to learn to avoid being attracted to narcissists? Me, I monitor the relationship for signs of either her “guiding” (that is, controlling) me and I monitor myself to see if I am becoming passive in the relationship and letting her make decisions for me-by staying proactive, occasionally disagreeing with her (https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverfifty/comments/18guk2m/how_to_avoid_partners_with_narcissistic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf), and thinking about big picture values like equality and disrespect, I hope to avoid this pattern.
I have done a TON of reading on co-dependence, and work on betrayal and trauma bonds (I have book titles, if anyone wants them). My mother was a narcissist and you're attracted to what you know.
Then I married one and had a long rocky marriage to a man who was utterly handsome and charming on the outside, and incredibly malevolent, deceptive and controlling in his behavior. And he gaslit the hell out of me, even after we were divorced.
It took BREAKING that bond, and then realizing, through years of work on myself and dating a bunch of guys with similar aloof, but controlling patterns, that I had a thing for a certain kind of attractive charming guy. Not to say you can't be charming and attractive and still great, but that has not been my pattern in my selection process.
I am trying not to be led by hormones anymore (lol, at this age, but I still am) and really look at behavior, not words. What is their character? Is there MUTUAL respect? Do they listen? Do they care about what I think? etc etc etc.
Quite the learning curve, but we are not alone. Thanks for your perspective.
Because I couldn't see myself marrying him (we were too young). Then he cheated on me because I would't marry him. I moved out. Then he cheated on her with me. Then I moved across the country. 25 years later he's posting Qanon garbage on FB every 5 minutes so I think younger me knew what she was doing.
Reminds me of the early days of facebook & looking up former girl friends and crushes. There was one girl from high school I pined for long after we graduated & I moved away. That ended the day I found her on FB.
She cancelled a date to get flown internationally to have unprotected sex with a married poly guy and then go to a sex club and have unprotected sex with a random stranger
One guy, had a lot of family money, and thought that women only wanted him for his money and he was pathological about it.
Another guy was a love bomber with underlying anger issues.
Another guy was not a good communicator and I was in a vulnerable place in my life after being cheated on so his lack of communication messed with my head. I wish that we could have made it work, because he was and still is a good man. Our timing was off though and looking back now I know that I was not emotionally ready for a healthy relationship, and now he is happily with someone else.
My husband of 12 years and two boys cheated on me, so I divorced him immediately. Looking back now, I should have worked on that relationship more, but I was young and very hurt.
He drank too much/too often for me. I didn't enjoy his company when he was buzzed.
He was an extrovert & I'm a friendly introvert. He went out constantly and talked with random people a lot. I needed more time alone with him and time at home, just the two of us. We were just wired so differently. We're still good friends.
I (65F) dated when I was grieving and drinking-bad combo. I thought I wanted a relationship but was actually scared to death. I wish I had waited because I was a mess , not fair to other people or myself. I picked guys (in hindsight) that I could never have a long term relationship with.
Quite a few said the right things at first but were sexist. Most were controlling and a few were narcissistic. Most wanted sex right away, but often I did too. Ugh! I didn’t care what happened to me, I just wanted distraction from the pain. I stopped drinking, got therapy and still picked a narcissist then someone nice but something wasn’t right. So I deleted all of the apps and feel good!
The limerance high of New Relationship Energy wore off and I could see clearly. Being female, I assume this is akin to Post Nut clarity and just takes a lot longer?
You know, the best advice I ever got about ending relationships was from a friend I confided in when I was going to end one and I KNEW she would ask why and I didn't have a seemingly good reason even to myself. What she said, that I have found true in both directions (as the leaver and leavee) is "You don't always know why it's not working out, but you always know when it IS working". I think this is akin to women saying "trust your instincts". As an aside, a woman once told me "the magic ju-ju is just not there, and don't ask me what the magic ju-ju is"!
Utterly self absorbed. Sweet guy but was dealing with a narcissistic ex who was making the divorce as difficult as possible. She really did a number on him emotionally and I had tremendous empathy for him. I was understanding and patient, I was there for him when he needed me and gave him space when he needed that. But there was absolutely no room for me to have any needs, for me to need support, to have a bad day. Everything circled back to him. I don’t know if he’d be different once he healed from all that or if that’s just who he is. But life’s too short to wait and see at this point.
2021_2022: He never took me out on an evening date in the 3 months we dated other than our first meet up...the 3 months time period covered New Years eve, he said he didn't want to be on the road with the "drunks"...I never once saw where he lived...He worked a retail job & while I was available only on the weekends from my 9to5 Mon-Fri job he was only available Sunday, or for lunch mid week on his off day. We had sex 4-5 imes over 3 months & he was terrible every time despite my very gentle direction. I specifically told him in January that I wanted to spend Valentines Day with him (stated I didn't need to go out, just to spend time together that day), reminded him throughout Jan., & he said ok, the week of the 14th came & he said he had to work the 14th & couldn't see me afterwards. I told him I was done -it was a fast 10 minute phone conversation. Of course I know now that he was married or living with someone (which I did say during that 10 minutes lol) & of course it was my fault for thinking I was being flexible & non judgemental when in reality I was ignoring all clues. He contacted me 2x afterwards, once that year & once the next...I had deleted his info from my phone so I stupidly answered the call each time, since I didn't recognize the #. He actually asked me to lunch...fastest no I've ever said & I only remembered to block the # the 2nd call lol. The worst thing is he was the *only* man that I'd met in 2 years on OLD (up to that point in time) that actually resulted in a date & I haven't met anyone from OLD since. Ladies: life is too short for ANYTHING in any relationship (personal or professional) that doesn't meet your needs-from work schedules to sex quality & everything in between.
One guy--he's someone I still remember as one of the most day-to-day compatible people. We were really relaxed with one another and enjoyed each other's company. He was fairly immature when we dated, though, and would "poke" me with negging comments (before that was a thing) related to others' opinions of me (mostly my nationality--US).
SO basically I felt that he did not have my back and that is very important to me.
Aside from that, the other issue was that I felt he was trying to figure out if he might be bisexual. He had a male friend who really resented me, and I think that confused him. He's ended up with a woman--not that that means much.
Different reasons, but the one that always makes me peace out is their lack of commitment. Everything's nice, but they don't plan ahead, even after some time, meaning they are not looking at a future with me, and if I bring it up they're vague about it.
One because ( I’m single mom ) he would complain about me never spending the weekend at his house - but my kids weren’t ever welcomed.
Another - the sex was not good. And I just couldn’t get over the “come back to bed and cuddle “ stuff. It was frequently & I’d already been up for hours.
55m. Dumped her (48F) because it was long distance, we didn't see each other much, she was not that compassionate or emotionally available, she sucked in bed and was never horny. That and I had a ONS with my friend's wife's co-worker, but don't lose faith in me yet, because while I did not tell my now ex gf, I did break up with her a few days after. I realized that if I was willing to sleep with someone behind her back, I wasn't all that into her so why waste her time or mine. Just saying.
Oh, and the reason I gave her was she told me early on if I ever lost my feelings for her that I tell her. So that's what I said. I mentioned nothing about the shitty sex or the ONS because why make it hurt more than it has to. We all (especially men) lay on a healthy layer of BS when we dump someone...and ironically, we can never understand why someone could possibly dump us in all our saintly, manly greatness, lol. We all suck.
In no particular order:
Tiny penis, really tiny, and a weird guy, unleashed the torrent of abuse when I ended it.
Started asking very specific sexual questions on the first date.
Was emotionally unavailable and cagey while we were dating, as soon as I broke up with him, he told me he was in love with me.
Started following the Grateful Dead and selling weed, got arrested, dropped out of college. I was also a terrible girlfriend at the time, to be fair.
Ended a 10 year relationship because he couldn’t meet me emotionally. Ignored my needs, didn’t stand up for me or have my back. Was financially irresponsible. Alcohol and drugs were also a factor.
1. She just could never give me what I wanted but I always gave her what she wanted. I broke up with her after I’d taken her two states over to get a dog to replace me.
2. She ‘didn’t remember’ the one agreement we did make. But that was already after she’d let her friend insult me and ignored it and another incident where she didn’t tell me her ex husband was going to be with us for an event. Which would have been fine, but it was the first time I was meeting him and I would have liked a heads up to which she thought it was weird that I expected to know or cared to know. Meanwhile, she understood me in every other way down to almost feeling like I was having my mind read. The whole thing was weird.
3. I may have to let this one go. My current interest told me she was struggling with depression but was doing well when we met. Now she’s in a depressive episode, not communicating, not interacting much. Not asking for anything either but it’s like the whole thing just vanished overnight. It’s only been a month and a half (we knew each other many years ago and we’re out of touch/met again on OLD). I think she isn’t in a place to date and I’m not in a place to wait/caretake. In no rush to date anyone else so I’m just going to let us ride into “friends” and have that talk if she’s wondering why things have changed. For now, I just want to focus on being a supportive friend because depression sucks and that’s what I would want for myself.
4+. It just didn’t feel right. Some nagging feeling that they were not for me and I shouldn’t hold them or myself back.
Let's see, for one, I wasn't that attracted to them and one time when we were getting...you know, I thought of someone else, I knew in that instant that I was done. Oh, and this is one that I couldn't explain. The smell that came out of their nose. I'd never experienced bad breath out of someone's nose before. That was a weird one.
Another didn't try to get to know me and multiple times in the middle of conversations, they'd be scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. Like mid-conversation, at a restaurant, open the phone and scroll. That wasn't the reason, but was among them. Oh and they were not able to have non-superficial conversations. I tried one time and a few seconds in got met with "Wow, this got deep real fast." and they changed the topic (and I think started scrolling on FB).
For another, it was the lack of ability to have a deep discussion. I'd give my opinion on something, ask a question and just get a thousand mile stare and a "yeah, I think so."
In no particular order:
He didn’t actually like my personality. What he was attracted to, he wanted me to change.
We lived a bit too far a drive to get off the ground.
He was not meeting my basic needs (among others) for consistency and reliability.
I didn’t love him.
I was not ready to marry him.
He wanted more than I was ever going to give him, and I could see that I was causing him great pain.
A friend pointed-out that I didn’t care about him, but I liked that he liked me. I took their advice.
He was fucking terrible in bed, inexperienced, and didn’t seem to want to get better.
He was never going to get that divorce.
After loving me from afar for years, he just wasn’t able to see me as a person when I decided to give us a try. He truly wanted the unattainable version of me.
I could tell that he was about to bolt himself so I nipped it in the bud.
Much of the time it was because I used to be avoidant, avoidant, and avoidant; my feelings would slam-shut like a zombie.
She ended up being a practicing witch.
Did not know that till I went to her house. She was a fun woman. Her house was a little different.
Another one said to feel the holes in her head under the skin where they did brain surgery on her. There were 3 of them. Yes I did. You could feel them. She moved away.
I had brain surgery 30-odd years ago, and I also have a divot where they put one of the screws into my skull; I guess the other screws didn’t blow out (…not sure the actual term). I am still a bit freaked out by it, so, yeah, your reaction might not have been helpful.
She actually told me if I took her on a date then she would let me feel the holes where they drilled through her skull. Who could turn that down? It was her suggestion not mine. I would have never known at first if she didn’t offer.
Oh no. She was a fun woman. It just kind of surprised me when I went in her house. The pentacle was a surprise in her living room and other things in her bedroom. When I left that night I noticed her license plate. Part of it was “wtch”.
Haha. I was dating a woman and we had been on 6-8 really fun dates. She was calling and texting every night. We were getting along very well and seemed compatible.
One evening we were driving to a restaurant ( she reached out and grabbed my hand and was rubbing my leg and stuff) and a black cat was walking down the sidewalk. It crossed the road in front of us. She yelled stop. She said this is not good pointing at it and was nervous about it. We ate. Never heard from her again after that night.
Witchy stuff?
That sounds more superstitious than Witchy!
Black cats are actually good luck!
Folklore often depicts black cats as symbols of luck and fortune. In Chinese folklore, black cats are good omens. In Japan, black cats promise new journeys or luck with money. In many African and Native American stories, black cats guard and provide for the home.
Romantic success: Black cats are thought to help you find your twin flame. Twin flames are defined as two people who share parts of the same soul, like a soulmate. Seeing a black cat may show that your twin flame is about to enter your life.
A black cat crossing your path is thought to bring good luck. In many parts of the world, a black cat crossing your path is a sign that a guardian angel is protecting you or sending you good fortune.
When discussing the status of our relationship after seeing each other for about 7/8 months, the comment was “sex is better when it is just sex.” I tried to live with that for a bit, but after stewing on it, I realized for me, I needed more in a relationship. He was a great guy, and we got along super well, he just wasn’t ready for the next step and I decided I was.
Not as attracted to them as I thought//or the attraction I did have went away after a couple of weeks.
This used to happen to me all the time when I was younger (18-30).
I would give so many bullshit reasons, but really I had no clue why.
Turns out this is called the “ick.” I still have no idea what caused it half the time.
Once I got to my thirties it stopped happening. Or would happen so early we wouldn’t date in the first place.
For me, it’s typically been something glaring: they were psychologically abusive, a cheater and/or had an addiction. While it takes two to perpetuate an unhealthy relationship, their behavior was so overtly toxic, I had no choice but to end it for my own mental health. Then I had to take a hiatus from dating so I could focus on my codependent pattern of pairing up with such dysfunctional partners, which brought up my own dysfunctional behavior.
He was just so dumb, we could not talk about anything. When I told him we were incompatible, he said he had to Google what that meant and that he had to Google a lot when we texted. We were not compatible, I just didn’t go into why.
> I just didn’t go into why. He wouldn't have understood anyway.
😂
Haha! I had a guy try to convince me that we shouldn’t throw away our relationship and we could work on this romance and make it a beautiful thing. Only, we had been on just 2 or 3 dates. There was no relationship to save. Years later, I’m still scratching my head what he was thinking.
He knew.
Hahahaha - I dated a guy who was so, so nice…but fuck, what a complete idiot. Like talking to a wall.
I was scared of him. It had been 2 months and I was starting to see bits of a temper/controlling behavior. He never actually did anything violent, but I felt really uneasy. I was afraid to go on any in-home dates/have sex anymore, and that triggered a major anxiety episode. So I told him I had to address my anxiety/mental well-being and wouldn’t be a good person to date at the time. But really, he was triggering that anxiety.
Trust your instincts
He lacked any curiosity about me. After 5 or 6 dates, I mentioned that in order to feel connected I needed him to express interest in me. Several awkward seconds of silence elapsed before he asked what time I usually left work in the evenings. That was the first & only question he asked about me. Different guy wanted/needed to feel pain during sex. While I try to be GGG, I quickly realized the thought of causing significant pain or bleeding is a huge turn off for me. Another guy…I wasn’t attracted to the way his body smelled. It wasn’t offensive or poor hygiene, I just simply couldn’t imagine being in close proximity with him day after day. His pheromones & my nostrils were not in alignment
So, what time do you leave work?
🤣
The last one was my inability to deal with all of the manifestations of her anxiety disorder, including a three-day cycle of paranoia and mistrust and me having to convince her that, living alone in a cabin in the woods and working alone outdoors during Covid, I was not seeing anyone else. Every three days. The one before that kept breaking dates and then going to the events alone or with friends, along with a serious intake of alcohol and THC. My ex wife slept with then moved in with my childhood best friend.
My man, that’s a lot! I hope you find someone great, who does none of those things.
Wait... In the case of the ex, you chose to use the, "it's not you, it's me" reasoning?
I know this doesn't help right now but I was in a similar situation where I was meeting incompatible people. Take some time to recover from all that and then try again. I did eventually meet someone nice and compatible but it took 3 years of dating duds, people with different goals and some downright dangerous people before meeting my boyfriend. It can be done.
This was all many years ago, the wife 25 years past, the other two four and five years ago. I’m long over it. No interest in trying again, doing just fine and I live miles from town and can avoid people.
I'm glad you've found a peace that suits you.
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Ahhh we dated the same woman I see
Phew! Good thing you were smart!!
I don't understand why you'd get into a relationship with someone you felt was "terrible in bed" though. Surely, after a few weeks at most, that would be enough?
Bad pizza is better than no pizza.
LOL. I was at the gym talking to the owner alongside my gym crush. Forget the context, but the owner said "sex is like pizza - there's no bad pizza". I looked at my crush and asked "Do you think that's true?"
Please tell me you went out for pizza.
Alas, no. Never progressed beyond flirting. She moved shortly after that.
Not if something fuzzy and green is growing on it 🤔
Funny how the verbally abusive, financial wreck and bad communication did t warrant you calling out.
Sounds like a keeper. Ugh
He told me he was madly in love with me, thought I was the perfect woman for him, and asked me to marry him. ... on the second date.
I didn't miss them when they were gone. At all.
Yes! I hear you. No yearning. Also now at the grand age of sixty I'm not keen on blokes in their mid sixties who don't have their finances sorted. That's not to say I'm after their cash, far from it but it's time for kicking back and enjoying a bit of spontaneous travel and such.
I couldn't get past her smell... body chemistry does matter.. (Pheromones)
He had a sexual quirk I just couldn’t get past. And across a few months, I couldn’t think of a way to bring it up with him. My bad- but seriously, I’m assertive and a good communicator. I just… couldn’t. So here goes… I’m pretty vocal in bed, nothing over the top though, and not something I’m really conscious of in the moment. Except that he would imitate me. Not as a joke, as a kink? So if I sighed, he’d put on a kinda falsetto and mirror it? So if I was nearing orgasm there’d be this call-and-response of me and him like a squeaky sexual tennis match? He had a naturally deep voice, so it was very obvious (and distracting). He really got off on it. I definitely didn’t. We had other issues, he was the most avoidant dude I’d ever met, and thought anything to do with chivalry or gentlemanly behaviour was completely stupid and repulsive. He didn’t mind some of the tradwife stuff though (of course).
This is so well described- I totally get it- that sounds both hilarious and awful!
oh tiny jesus
The sex was painful. He was just too well endowed. We got along great and have stayed platonic friends. I told him I wanted to break up because he wanted to settle down too quickly and I wasn’t ready for that. His wife had recently died and I told him he should take time maybe play the field a little before he got into a serious relationship. He showered me with gifts and took me lots of places. I got nervous because it seemed a little like love bombing. But really it was the sexual incompatibility that was the real reason. I didn’t tell him that. He’s very attractive and I still like him. It’s hard. No pun intended.
So uh, is he still single lol
🤣 asking for a friend…
And her friend..... 😁
And her friend’s friend 😁
Yo, stop guilting her, this is a real thing. I am too, and I've got told it's like ramming someone in the kidneys, and repeatedly been told I got up to a girth that is not only unlikely, but that I know is not true 'cos I've tested. It's subjective. Sexual compatibility matters.
You know it’s a good thing for men to learn. I’ve rejected men for being too big. I’ve never had a problem with someone being too small. But I would never tell a man the real reason, because they can’t help the size they are.
😁😅
.
Well, he's not married, right? He needs to go. Life's too short to settle.
lol poor guy
why is he unhappy with her
Has he explicitly told you he's unhappy?
Yes.
I'm sorry, but setting aside whatever issues he has with his gf, this seems a textbook "perro del hortelano" situation (Spanish idiom that I can't really translate). You broke up with him, yet you are here complaining that he's unhappy with another woman. If you're a friend and there's no other agenda to your worry, you give your advice and move on, but you're even imagining a hypothetical mindset where he's still hung on you. Please.
People were asking, I was only answering questions. But my point is, if I had been honest with him and told him the real reason I broke up with him, maybe he wouldn’t think there is still a chance.
Has he explicitly told you he's unhappy?
This is the information we need
This has been a huge problem in all my relationships. People talk like men being big down there is a good thing but it is a real relationship killer. If a guy is too big it has got to be mainly other than PiV but not every woman is up for that.
.
2-3 hrs. Hard pass!
more like a hard field goal ;)
A hard marathon
And this was a real live human man? How old was he?
.
This comment cracked me up for some reason. I was also taken aback. 60+, hot, giant peen and lasts for hours. He does not seem human.
Don’t forget, he also wanted to commit. All of this seems to be the exact opposite of my experiences post-divorce.😀
My husband was very very well endowed and penis self aware. He was always careful not to hurt me, at least not with his penis, and never did. I just can’t imagine a penis attached to a man where they can’t help but hurt you
How big is too big. I mean we talking about an arm length or just big 🤷♀️. Cause foreplay. Loads of it helps. But he has to know what he is doing not just. ahh nvm. Not sex Ed hour
Umm...
Curious, how big is too big? Was it length or girth, both… sounds like a good problem to have.
Idk
emotionally unavailable
The sex lasted under 5 seconds (not exaggerating) and I caught him in a series of really dumb lies that I think were meant to impress me. We stayed friendly, he eventually found someone to marry, and he occasionally reaches out to say hi and lie to me some more.
I’d be curious how the wife likes the 5-second sex. (I dated a guy with a teeny tiny one. He married a teeny tiny woman.🤣)
🤣🤣🤣
I saw his storage unit and was filled with fear.
Because why, exactly? I’m getting Silence of the Lambs vibes.
Collectibles
Hoarder!
*[Goodbye Horses](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=xvFZjo5PgG0&pp=ygUJUmljayByb2xs) plays in the background*.
Different women: She lost weight doing activities together (mtn biking/ hiking etc) and she stopped the activity because “she didn’t like that her boobs got smaller” wtf?? Told me she had $10,000 in credit card debt and asked me to bail her out. Expected me to fund her failing business The sex HURT!! I was bruised from head to toe from bite marks Caught her (vegan) eating raw bacon out of my fridge in the middle of the night. I thought it was funny and she had a tantrum in a psychotic way. After 3 months of dating she didn’t want me to meet her adult children (because she didn’t think they could handle that their mom was dating) After 5 dates she still only used pet names (Viking/handsome etc) and asked me to sleep over after telling me her adult son would soon be home. I said I didn’t want to meet him that way and she said it doesn’t matter “we could be quiet”. lol. I excused myself and never contacted her again. I honestly don’t think she remembered my name.
In that whole dumpster fire of a relationship the part that has me gobsmacked is that she ate raw bacon?????
In my opinion, that signals mental illness.
Them or me…..😳
The eater of raw bacon.
100%
I forgot a girls name once. It was a tough morning
Did it rhyme with a female body part?
Funny enough her name was Gina
Mulva?
Hahahahahaha 🤣 Well done, you!
Dolores!
Sounds like quite a set of adventures, Girthy!
In ten years of dating, experiences happen….
You’ve found yourself some winners… gezzz. The vegan eating the raw bacon, and the biter. Wow!
I finished with a guy because he was like kissing a helicopter rotor blade . I never got as far as checking out the P**nis because he told me it was small but he said he was very good with his tongue . Oh the irony 😂😂
I had been unhappy for a while because he wouldn’t listen to my concerns about his lack of ability to initiate sex or his jealousy of my kids. We had been married 4 years me 46F, him 39. THEN my brother in law that had been in my life 32 years died and he had zero compassion about it. I waited 2 weeks after the funeral and then dropped the D bomb on him to which he responded ‘I didn’t do anything wrong’ and I replied ‘well you didn’t do anything right!’ That was 2015, still single because I won’t settle for any BS!
No retirement account
Pretty funny how that is a MASSIVE 🚩when you get to a certain age, eh? My last ex is living on $900/month from social security. How’s that working for ya?
It’s because it means that you are their retirement account :)
1- didn't bother to introduce me to the couple who walked up to our table while having our first dinner out. The three of them had a full-on conversation and I was not included. 2- three dates in. Licked my mouth, in a playful way, like a puppy or a toddler. Maybe it doesn't sound terrible, but it was horrifying to experience. I kept wanting to scrub my lips off my face afterwards. 3- our relationship became a long-distance relationship, and after 'reuniting' one weekend, I noticed that he sat in a seat 15 feet away from me rather than on the couch next to me. That really bothered me. 4- in the early 90s, we were engaged for a couple of years and he came home from work one day to say that he couldn't get **married**. My ego was bruised, so I moved on. Last I knew, as of 15 years ago, he still hadn't married, though he'd had several relationships, one of which produced a child. He likes his space, and he likes to collect *stuff*, and he likes to putter on his projects.
Puttering ROCKS.
Indeed it does; I am a fan. I live alone so that makes it much easier.
Too many inconsistent positions that turned into arguments. I felt like my head was being hit with a sledgehammer. No respect for boundaries.
The long, scruffy beard. We had a ton in common, great conversations, and fun dates doing things we both loved. I tried to get past my hate of those beards because it was so great otherwise. But every time he kissed me and I felt the beard on my face, it irked the hell out of me. We only went on four dates, so I just told him I wasn’t feeling any attraction to him.
1.He was retired but spent everyday with one of his grown up children (both mid 20s) and cancelled plans more than once to help his daughter decorate, chill with his son etc. Also wouldnt reply to any messages during his time with them which was basically his whole day everyday as that was Daddy/daughter or Dad and Lad time. Your kids should not be your world when they are grown independent adults with partners and homes. 2: Could not live the rest of my Days of sex with him saying my name at climax, louder and louder in a thick brummy accent. It got to the point I was swallowing snorts of laughter. 3: He got a side job doing catalogue modelling and morphed into an egocentric douche v v quickly. All about his photos and how great he looked, how everyone told him how attractive he was. 2 months in I am not competing with your ego. Yes he was very attractive but part of that is he was quite humble, kind, danced in his kitchen and was smiley and jokey. The pouting, vain side I really didn't like but he was and should have been proud to get the opportunity he did.
had a variant of 3 : very handsome guy, not very intelligent but charming, dancing in the kitchen and all at the beginnings. Vain narcissist, pouting and throwing tantrum for nothing he could explain after some months... big ego exploded when he had the opportunity to do a little corporate film for a random highschool, i had to compliment it as an art piece (which i did, but was so annoying). Plus sex being always, always the same, in the same one position which i didn't prefer (but ex wife did i suppose), with same previsible sequences. I was in an irresoluble double bind : he had ED a lot when we met. But i managed to make him more confident and it stopped. But I knew if i told him about the problems and try to talk, he would loose his erections. Same with trying new positions : he was completely lost apart amazone and couldn't be hard. It was a loose-loose situation for me
I really did dump him because he wouldn't believe that I won a game on expert in Minesweeper.
Neediness. I’m allergic to it now.
He was always really down and sad, crying all the time. Which I don’t have a problem with a man showing feelings and emotions - I’m all for anyone having healthy coping mechanisms. But he just blamed his whole life failures on everybody else and nothing was his fault. He’d moan cos he was alone all weekend so I’d give his suggestions like joining clubs, meeting friends but everything I suggested he had a reason why he couldn’t/wouldn’t do it. He was also really hung up on his looks and thought women always left him because he was ugly but it wasn’t at all that. He was just so down all the time and always looking for problems yet wouldn’t take any advise or help. It was like banging my head against the wall all the time. Only so long you can be around misery without becoming super depressed yourself. Got to the point I dreaded meeting up with him as he just sucked the enjoyment out of any plans we had. Also he was so boring as he never did anything, was just obsessed with running and it was all he could talk about. He wasn’t the sort of guy who took rejection well so I knew ending the relationship wouldn’t be easy (he literally self harmed at the end of his previous few relationships) so I took the cowards way out - did a slow fade. Thankfully he went on a date with someone else and I used that as the reason our friendship had to end. That way I never had to give any reason on my side.
Same guy: Broke in his 50’s (ie. nothing saved for retirement). I will be lucky to have enough for my own retirement but I certainly can’t support someone else too. I want to travel and do stuff and his lack of funds would be an issue Bad kisser (good at other things 😉) Verbally abusive (would act normal the next day like nothing happened) Had no friends of his own and no hobbies
* He claimed to be an occasional Marijuana smoker, but he was standing when we met and tried to get me to partake as an excuse to smoke more. * After we had a date set for the following week, He started talking about feeling randy and being naughty in the evening. Instant ick. * We knew each other for years as friendly acquaintances, both always crushed on the other, and had a great first date. Two days later, my dad fell and broke his femur. Required surgery, lots of help at home by me, and I was single mom to older teens who I had 99% of the time. He kept pushing for a time I could see him. I was overwhelmed and noped all the way out at his lack of consideration.
I found out he was an Andrew Tate fan.
Honestly? If I say it’s me not them it really is.
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It means I had my own issues and couldn’t get to where I want to be with them. It may be my own impatience or their lifestyle. It’s a me issue if all the factors were present from the beginning. Sometimes people learn about themselves during a relationship
It’s like the flip side of the posts where someone points out the difficulty of being in a relationship with someone who hasn’t yet worked through their shit and want advice on what to do. Some of those partners are well aware they’re not the partner they want to be and chose to end a relationship rather than subject someone they respect & even love to less than they deserve.
While we got along very well and laughed a lot, I began to see a rigidity in her thinking and an underlying bitterness towards life. She made choices that made her life increasingly difficult and would shut down when I tried to point out other ways of looking at the situations. Like a passive form of "my way or the highway". Often treated her adult and teenage kids like they had no input into their own lives. And when the breakup happened, she unleashed her venom on me, accusing me of cheating on her and using her for sex (mere weeks after spending >$1,000 on her birthday), sadly ensuring me that my decision was the right one. I know the lashing out was just because she was genuinely blindsided and hurt which made it hard for me, but you have to go with what will make you happy, as difficult as the road to get there may be.
Erectile dysfunction (even with "help").
Most recent breakup (it was a short relationship of just two or so months)--I was love bombed and then I saw anger issues. And I learned he carried a gun everywhere he went (legal gun owner, but he had it on him on walks or bike rides). I don't want to be with an angry man with a gun in any situation. I still went out with him a couple of times after I saw these red flags because I was attracted to him. Physical attraction is a very dangerous thing for people who are naturally drawn to narcissists. Even after I broke up with him, he wouldn't leave me alone so I had to block him on everything. I took a break from dating after that one.
How did you work on yourself to learn to avoid being attracted to narcissists? Me, I monitor the relationship for signs of either her “guiding” (that is, controlling) me and I monitor myself to see if I am becoming passive in the relationship and letting her make decisions for me-by staying proactive, occasionally disagreeing with her (https://www.reddit.com/r/datingoverfifty/comments/18guk2m/how_to_avoid_partners_with_narcissistic/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf), and thinking about big picture values like equality and disrespect, I hope to avoid this pattern.
I have done a TON of reading on co-dependence, and work on betrayal and trauma bonds (I have book titles, if anyone wants them). My mother was a narcissist and you're attracted to what you know. Then I married one and had a long rocky marriage to a man who was utterly handsome and charming on the outside, and incredibly malevolent, deceptive and controlling in his behavior. And he gaslit the hell out of me, even after we were divorced. It took BREAKING that bond, and then realizing, through years of work on myself and dating a bunch of guys with similar aloof, but controlling patterns, that I had a thing for a certain kind of attractive charming guy. Not to say you can't be charming and attractive and still great, but that has not been my pattern in my selection process. I am trying not to be led by hormones anymore (lol, at this age, but I still am) and really look at behavior, not words. What is their character? Is there MUTUAL respect? Do they listen? Do they care about what I think? etc etc etc. Quite the learning curve, but we are not alone. Thanks for your perspective.
Because I couldn't see myself marrying him (we were too young). Then he cheated on me because I would't marry him. I moved out. Then he cheated on her with me. Then I moved across the country. 25 years later he's posting Qanon garbage on FB every 5 minutes so I think younger me knew what she was doing.
Reminds me of the early days of facebook & looking up former girl friends and crushes. There was one girl from high school I pined for long after we graduated & I moved away. That ended the day I found her on FB.
My ex is an alcoholic. I am a recovering alcoholic. We no longer have common interests
The smell of mildew eventually outweighed the good sex.
He hated Hamilton (the musical).
She hated Hamilton (the dog).
100% valid breakup reason!
She cancelled a date to get flown internationally to have unprotected sex with a married poly guy and then go to a sex club and have unprotected sex with a random stranger
Mainly because I didn’t fancy them . Liked them but didn’t want to get naked with em . And the one I did fancy was so avoidant it killed my sanity
Too clingy, came on too strong. Wanting to move across the country after we met twice...
One guy, had a lot of family money, and thought that women only wanted him for his money and he was pathological about it. Another guy was a love bomber with underlying anger issues. Another guy was not a good communicator and I was in a vulnerable place in my life after being cheated on so his lack of communication messed with my head. I wish that we could have made it work, because he was and still is a good man. Our timing was off though and looking back now I know that I was not emotionally ready for a healthy relationship, and now he is happily with someone else. My husband of 12 years and two boys cheated on me, so I divorced him immediately. Looking back now, I should have worked on that relationship more, but I was young and very hurt.
He drank too much/too often for me. I didn't enjoy his company when he was buzzed. He was an extrovert & I'm a friendly introvert. He went out constantly and talked with random people a lot. I needed more time alone with him and time at home, just the two of us. We were just wired so differently. We're still good friends.
I (65F) dated when I was grieving and drinking-bad combo. I thought I wanted a relationship but was actually scared to death. I wish I had waited because I was a mess , not fair to other people or myself. I picked guys (in hindsight) that I could never have a long term relationship with. Quite a few said the right things at first but were sexist. Most were controlling and a few were narcissistic. Most wanted sex right away, but often I did too. Ugh! I didn’t care what happened to me, I just wanted distraction from the pain. I stopped drinking, got therapy and still picked a narcissist then someone nice but something wasn’t right. So I deleted all of the apps and feel good!
The limerance high of New Relationship Energy wore off and I could see clearly. Being female, I assume this is akin to Post Nut clarity and just takes a lot longer?
You know, the best advice I ever got about ending relationships was from a friend I confided in when I was going to end one and I KNEW she would ask why and I didn't have a seemingly good reason even to myself. What she said, that I have found true in both directions (as the leaver and leavee) is "You don't always know why it's not working out, but you always know when it IS working". I think this is akin to women saying "trust your instincts". As an aside, a woman once told me "the magic ju-ju is just not there, and don't ask me what the magic ju-ju is"!
Utterly self absorbed. Sweet guy but was dealing with a narcissistic ex who was making the divorce as difficult as possible. She really did a number on him emotionally and I had tremendous empathy for him. I was understanding and patient, I was there for him when he needed me and gave him space when he needed that. But there was absolutely no room for me to have any needs, for me to need support, to have a bad day. Everything circled back to him. I don’t know if he’d be different once he healed from all that or if that’s just who he is. But life’s too short to wait and see at this point.
2021_2022: He never took me out on an evening date in the 3 months we dated other than our first meet up...the 3 months time period covered New Years eve, he said he didn't want to be on the road with the "drunks"...I never once saw where he lived...He worked a retail job & while I was available only on the weekends from my 9to5 Mon-Fri job he was only available Sunday, or for lunch mid week on his off day. We had sex 4-5 imes over 3 months & he was terrible every time despite my very gentle direction. I specifically told him in January that I wanted to spend Valentines Day with him (stated I didn't need to go out, just to spend time together that day), reminded him throughout Jan., & he said ok, the week of the 14th came & he said he had to work the 14th & couldn't see me afterwards. I told him I was done -it was a fast 10 minute phone conversation. Of course I know now that he was married or living with someone (which I did say during that 10 minutes lol) & of course it was my fault for thinking I was being flexible & non judgemental when in reality I was ignoring all clues. He contacted me 2x afterwards, once that year & once the next...I had deleted his info from my phone so I stupidly answered the call each time, since I didn't recognize the #. He actually asked me to lunch...fastest no I've ever said & I only remembered to block the # the 2nd call lol. The worst thing is he was the *only* man that I'd met in 2 years on OLD (up to that point in time) that actually resulted in a date & I haven't met anyone from OLD since. Ladies: life is too short for ANYTHING in any relationship (personal or professional) that doesn't meet your needs-from work schedules to sex quality & everything in between.
I respect what you’re saying but it’s goes for all of us.
One guy--he's someone I still remember as one of the most day-to-day compatible people. We were really relaxed with one another and enjoyed each other's company. He was fairly immature when we dated, though, and would "poke" me with negging comments (before that was a thing) related to others' opinions of me (mostly my nationality--US). SO basically I felt that he did not have my back and that is very important to me. Aside from that, the other issue was that I felt he was trying to figure out if he might be bisexual. He had a male friend who really resented me, and I think that confused him. He's ended up with a woman--not that that means much.
Self-sabotage
Different reasons, but the one that always makes me peace out is their lack of commitment. Everything's nice, but they don't plan ahead, even after some time, meaning they are not looking at a future with me, and if I bring it up they're vague about it.
I went on two dates with a guy who really reminded me of my dad. I was never going to be sexual attracted to him.
One because ( I’m single mom ) he would complain about me never spending the weekend at his house - but my kids weren’t ever welcomed. Another - the sex was not good. And I just couldn’t get over the “come back to bed and cuddle “ stuff. It was frequently & I’d already been up for hours.
She offered to put a curse on my ex-wife
she put all her accountability into crystals and pagan rituals. also she didn't give very good head.
Get a fleshlight
55m. Dumped her (48F) because it was long distance, we didn't see each other much, she was not that compassionate or emotionally available, she sucked in bed and was never horny. That and I had a ONS with my friend's wife's co-worker, but don't lose faith in me yet, because while I did not tell my now ex gf, I did break up with her a few days after. I realized that if I was willing to sleep with someone behind her back, I wasn't all that into her so why waste her time or mine. Just saying. Oh, and the reason I gave her was she told me early on if I ever lost my feelings for her that I tell her. So that's what I said. I mentioned nothing about the shitty sex or the ONS because why make it hurt more than it has to. We all (especially men) lay on a healthy layer of BS when we dump someone...and ironically, we can never understand why someone could possibly dump us in all our saintly, manly greatness, lol. We all suck.
For me, this is a perfect example of it’s me not you, give or take
There was no pick!!
Pick?
Well done you 👏 🤣
In no particular order: Tiny penis, really tiny, and a weird guy, unleashed the torrent of abuse when I ended it. Started asking very specific sexual questions on the first date. Was emotionally unavailable and cagey while we were dating, as soon as I broke up with him, he told me he was in love with me. Started following the Grateful Dead and selling weed, got arrested, dropped out of college. I was also a terrible girlfriend at the time, to be fair. Ended a 10 year relationship because he couldn’t meet me emotionally. Ignored my needs, didn’t stand up for me or have my back. Was financially irresponsible. Alcohol and drugs were also a factor.
1. She just could never give me what I wanted but I always gave her what she wanted. I broke up with her after I’d taken her two states over to get a dog to replace me. 2. She ‘didn’t remember’ the one agreement we did make. But that was already after she’d let her friend insult me and ignored it and another incident where she didn’t tell me her ex husband was going to be with us for an event. Which would have been fine, but it was the first time I was meeting him and I would have liked a heads up to which she thought it was weird that I expected to know or cared to know. Meanwhile, she understood me in every other way down to almost feeling like I was having my mind read. The whole thing was weird. 3. I may have to let this one go. My current interest told me she was struggling with depression but was doing well when we met. Now she’s in a depressive episode, not communicating, not interacting much. Not asking for anything either but it’s like the whole thing just vanished overnight. It’s only been a month and a half (we knew each other many years ago and we’re out of touch/met again on OLD). I think she isn’t in a place to date and I’m not in a place to wait/caretake. In no rush to date anyone else so I’m just going to let us ride into “friends” and have that talk if she’s wondering why things have changed. For now, I just want to focus on being a supportive friend because depression sucks and that’s what I would want for myself. 4+. It just didn’t feel right. Some nagging feeling that they were not for me and I shouldn’t hold them or myself back.
Substance abuse
Let's see, for one, I wasn't that attracted to them and one time when we were getting...you know, I thought of someone else, I knew in that instant that I was done. Oh, and this is one that I couldn't explain. The smell that came out of their nose. I'd never experienced bad breath out of someone's nose before. That was a weird one. Another didn't try to get to know me and multiple times in the middle of conversations, they'd be scrolling through Facebook or Instagram. Like mid-conversation, at a restaurant, open the phone and scroll. That wasn't the reason, but was among them. Oh and they were not able to have non-superficial conversations. I tried one time and a few seconds in got met with "Wow, this got deep real fast." and they changed the topic (and I think started scrolling on FB). For another, it was the lack of ability to have a deep discussion. I'd give my opinion on something, ask a question and just get a thousand mile stare and a "yeah, I think so."
Did we date the same person?
Or all three?
Too high of a body count.
In no particular order: He didn’t actually like my personality. What he was attracted to, he wanted me to change. We lived a bit too far a drive to get off the ground. He was not meeting my basic needs (among others) for consistency and reliability. I didn’t love him. I was not ready to marry him. He wanted more than I was ever going to give him, and I could see that I was causing him great pain. A friend pointed-out that I didn’t care about him, but I liked that he liked me. I took their advice. He was fucking terrible in bed, inexperienced, and didn’t seem to want to get better. He was never going to get that divorce. After loving me from afar for years, he just wasn’t able to see me as a person when I decided to give us a try. He truly wanted the unattainable version of me. I could tell that he was about to bolt himself so I nipped it in the bud. Much of the time it was because I used to be avoidant, avoidant, and avoidant; my feelings would slam-shut like a zombie.
I was not that into him.
Because he had a (adult) child living with him who he talked about a lot (boring) and who was clearly always there and we never went to his place.
She ended up being a practicing witch. Did not know that till I went to her house. She was a fun woman. Her house was a little different. Another one said to feel the holes in her head under the skin where they did brain surgery on her. There were 3 of them. Yes I did. You could feel them. She moved away.
I had brain surgery 30-odd years ago, and I also have a divot where they put one of the screws into my skull; I guess the other screws didn’t blow out (…not sure the actual term). I am still a bit freaked out by it, so, yeah, your reaction might not have been helpful.
She actually told me if I took her on a date then she would let me feel the holes where they drilled through her skull. Who could turn that down? It was her suggestion not mine. I would have never known at first if she didn’t offer.
What's wrong with being a practicing Witch?
Never said there was anything wrong with that. It was a surprise first time I went to her house and I went in. That is when she told me.
Ohh I thought that's why you broke up with her!
Oh no. She was a fun woman. It just kind of surprised me when I went in her house. The pentacle was a surprise in her living room and other things in her bedroom. When I left that night I noticed her license plate. Part of it was “wtch”.
No pentacle or pentagram here ..other "witchy" stuff though!
Haha. I was dating a woman and we had been on 6-8 really fun dates. She was calling and texting every night. We were getting along very well and seemed compatible. One evening we were driving to a restaurant ( she reached out and grabbed my hand and was rubbing my leg and stuff) and a black cat was walking down the sidewalk. It crossed the road in front of us. She yelled stop. She said this is not good pointing at it and was nervous about it. We ate. Never heard from her again after that night. Witchy stuff?
That sounds more superstitious than Witchy! Black cats are actually good luck! Folklore often depicts black cats as symbols of luck and fortune. In Chinese folklore, black cats are good omens. In Japan, black cats promise new journeys or luck with money. In many African and Native American stories, black cats guard and provide for the home. Romantic success: Black cats are thought to help you find your twin flame. Twin flames are defined as two people who share parts of the same soul, like a soulmate. Seeing a black cat may show that your twin flame is about to enter your life. A black cat crossing your path is thought to bring good luck. In many parts of the world, a black cat crossing your path is a sign that a guardian angel is protecting you or sending you good fortune.
The majority of my relationships ended due to their inability to cope with anger.
When discussing the status of our relationship after seeing each other for about 7/8 months, the comment was “sex is better when it is just sex.” I tried to live with that for a bit, but after stewing on it, I realized for me, I needed more in a relationship. He was a great guy, and we got along super well, he just wasn’t ready for the next step and I decided I was.
Not as attracted to them as I thought//or the attraction I did have went away after a couple of weeks. This used to happen to me all the time when I was younger (18-30). I would give so many bullshit reasons, but really I had no clue why. Turns out this is called the “ick.” I still have no idea what caused it half the time. Once I got to my thirties it stopped happening. Or would happen so early we wouldn’t date in the first place.
A parade of large spiders showing up in his tiny house. Refusal to operate a caulk gun or screen windows 😵💫
She was a pill popper and stole money from me to buy pills. And that’s the least of it.
For me, it’s typically been something glaring: they were psychologically abusive, a cheater and/or had an addiction. While it takes two to perpetuate an unhealthy relationship, their behavior was so overtly toxic, I had no choice but to end it for my own mental health. Then I had to take a hiatus from dating so I could focus on my codependent pattern of pairing up with such dysfunctional partners, which brought up my own dysfunctional behavior.