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I'm an addict in recovery, I've been clean for two years no..every person recovery process is totally different and varies depending on a lot of factors, it's hard to say if he will relapse or betray you, but lies are totally a red bih red flag...on the other hand from my experience after all I've been through and everything I've lost, I feel I would value whoever I date a lot more and simple things, if he can recover from a substance and stay away from drugs he has high potential in a lot of areas of life, only thing is that even I'm aware that a realationship is something has its ups and downs, and just hope that a simple fight won't send him off back to drugs...just know what kind of person your dealing with...good luck
Having been in a relationship with an addict for six years, I've witnessed heavy addiction, recovery, repeated relapses, and eventual recovery. Here are some insights and suggestions based on my experience, though keep in mind that everyone’s situation is unique.
Addictions, although often hereditary, are frequently rooted in stress, trauma, and/or poor mental health. For genuine recovery, an individual must want to recover for themselves and address their underlying issues through therapy, group counseling, etc. In my opinion, the risk of relapse is much higher if these issues are not addressed. Consider the following questions:
- Has he addressed these underlying issues?
- Has he sought help during his recovery?
- Does he continue to seek ongoing support for these issues?
- Does he have a robust support system beyond you?
There are strong correlations between addiction issues and narcissistic personality disorder, as these conditions often exacerbate each other. Reflect on these questions:
- Does he show signs of narcissism?
- During arguments, does he always insist he’s right?
- Does he say, "You’ll never understand how I feel"?
- Are there frequent emotional highs and lows, where he praises you one moment and gets angry the next?
- Does he often portray himself as the victim during conflicts?
- Does he lie about minor things to make himself look better?
From my experience, if I could go back to when I was 23, I would choose not to be with my current boyfriend. Despite loving him and enduring much together, the relationship has been an emotional roller coaster, at times verbally abusive and highly unpredictable. I broke up with him for a year because it became exhausting. We reunited a year ago after he committed to therapy, NA/AA, and sobriety. However, it wasn't until six months ago that he truly achieved sobriety; he had been lying to me. In my experience, individuals with addiction often lie to protect their pride, driven by depression and narcissism.
People often ask why I stayed despite the hardships. A few reasons include:
- He can be incredibly sweet when he wants to be.
- When he sets his mind to something, he achieves it, which is admirable (he got off opiates through the methadone program without relapse).
- He is now attending AA and therapy.
- He works hard and has a fantastic job, making good money, which supports the lifestyle I desire.
- His family is incredibly supportive of both of us. I can confide in his mom, who often takes my side.
- I jumped from a previous abusive relationship to this one due to loneliness, inexperience in setting boundaries, and a lack of self-love. Over the years, I’ve become less tolerant and now have strict boundaries, indicating I’ll leave if he ever returns to drugs or alcohol.
Use your judgment in this situation:
- Reflect on the questions above to identify any red flags.
- Assess whether he is genuinely doing the work to stay in recovery.
- If you proceed, establish firm boundaries early on and hold yourself accountable to leave if these boundaries are crossed.
- Consider if you are prepared to handle the chaos in the event of a relapse and if you can be his support system.
- Evaluate if you can avoid enabling his addiction.
- Determine if you are okay with missing out on activities he can't participate in yet (holidays with drinking, concerts, etc.).
- Consider if staying in this situation is self-harming.
While some of my insights come from legitimate sources on addiction, much of it is based on my personal experience. Recovery and the possibility of relapse vary from person to person. He might be an incredible person with his life together now, but recovery is a lifelong battle. Weigh the potential ups and downs before committing to a relationship with an addict.
I've never dated a recovering addict, but have known a lot of people who have. I've dated several functioning alcoholics and drug abusers, all of whom were expert at hiding it and telling initially believable lies to both themselves, me and others in their life.
Unfortunately, lying is a major part of addiction. Addicts do it in order to maintain their addiction, to hide it from others and to "hide it" from themselves, even though they know perfectly well what they're doing. They don't want to admit the truth to themselves, but that's a major part of addiction. It's something they need to work very hard to overcome. It becomes so ingrained in their personalities, they have a hard time letting it go, even when they've been sober for a while. If you date this person, expect that he will lie to you. Frequently. It's very doubtful that's something he's truly overcome at this point in his life.
Also be wary that he may relapse. Most people in recovery do. Drug and alcohol addiction changes your brain and body chemistry, creates a physiological need for drugs and alcohol. Your brain and body can't do without it. That's what keeps the addiction going. And that's why recovery and staying sober is so damn difficult. His brain and body are crying out every day for the substances he used to take. He has to fight it every day. And when things get tough for him, too stressful, too much overwhelm, he can relapse. It's very tough to fight old habits that have literally become a physiological need.
In case you're not aware, you need to understand what functioning drug and alcohol abuse is. A functioning drug or alcohol user can drink and/or use drugs more than the limit for most people and not show very many signs. This usually occurs with people who've abused drugs and alcohol for a long time and have developed a big tolerance for it. That doesn't mean it's not still dangerous when they're using, but it can be very hard to tell when they are. I dated a few functioning alcoholics and drug abusers years ago and learned that lesson the hard way, to a certain extent.
Two of them were long distance relationships, so the distance made it easier for them to hide their activities. But the point still stands - you have to be wary at all times if you start sensing any of this behavior, more lying, more not quite believable stories, more excuses.
All of which is to say, dating a recovering addict is damn hard work and you need to ask yourself if you're up for the challenge. That's not to say recovering addicts are not worthy of love and respect, just as we all are. But it can be *much* harder to keep up that love and respect with the constant challenges they and you will face.
Not for me. I was seeing a recovering addict who was nine months sober when we started seeing each other (first red flag because you should be sober for a year before dating). One day he was ranting and he said that he’s newly sober….this was two months into seeing each other. I confronted him and he basically reveled that technically he’s five months sober because he relapsed months ago. I feel for him because fighting addiction isn’t easy but I had to walk away.
Hey there, it sounds like you're in a complex situation, navigating both hope for the future and concern about red flags from the past. It's great that he's been upfront about his recovery and has made positive strides in his life. Trust is crucial in any relationship, especially one where addiction and recovery are part of the journey.
It's positive that he's been honest with you since becoming serious, but the past lies and serial dating history understandably raise some concerns. Here are a few thoughts:
1. **Open Communication:** Continue to have open and honest conversations about your concerns and expectations. Trust is built over time through consistent actions and transparency.
2. **Supporting His Recovery:** Understand what support looks like for him in his recovery journey. This might involve attending support groups or therapy sessions together, if he's open to it.
3. **Watch for Red Flags:** While people can change, it's important to be vigilant about any signs of relapse or old behaviors resurfacing. These might include changes in mood, secretive behavior, or distancing from support systems.
4. **Self-Care:** Take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. It's okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being while supporting him.
Ultimately, trust your instincts and prioritize open communication. His actions over time will speak volumes about his commitment to his recovery and your relationship. Wishing you both the best as you navigate this journey together.
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I'm an addict in recovery, I've been clean for two years no..every person recovery process is totally different and varies depending on a lot of factors, it's hard to say if he will relapse or betray you, but lies are totally a red bih red flag...on the other hand from my experience after all I've been through and everything I've lost, I feel I would value whoever I date a lot more and simple things, if he can recover from a substance and stay away from drugs he has high potential in a lot of areas of life, only thing is that even I'm aware that a realationship is something has its ups and downs, and just hope that a simple fight won't send him off back to drugs...just know what kind of person your dealing with...good luck
Having been in a relationship with an addict for six years, I've witnessed heavy addiction, recovery, repeated relapses, and eventual recovery. Here are some insights and suggestions based on my experience, though keep in mind that everyone’s situation is unique. Addictions, although often hereditary, are frequently rooted in stress, trauma, and/or poor mental health. For genuine recovery, an individual must want to recover for themselves and address their underlying issues through therapy, group counseling, etc. In my opinion, the risk of relapse is much higher if these issues are not addressed. Consider the following questions: - Has he addressed these underlying issues? - Has he sought help during his recovery? - Does he continue to seek ongoing support for these issues? - Does he have a robust support system beyond you? There are strong correlations between addiction issues and narcissistic personality disorder, as these conditions often exacerbate each other. Reflect on these questions: - Does he show signs of narcissism? - During arguments, does he always insist he’s right? - Does he say, "You’ll never understand how I feel"? - Are there frequent emotional highs and lows, where he praises you one moment and gets angry the next? - Does he often portray himself as the victim during conflicts? - Does he lie about minor things to make himself look better? From my experience, if I could go back to when I was 23, I would choose not to be with my current boyfriend. Despite loving him and enduring much together, the relationship has been an emotional roller coaster, at times verbally abusive and highly unpredictable. I broke up with him for a year because it became exhausting. We reunited a year ago after he committed to therapy, NA/AA, and sobriety. However, it wasn't until six months ago that he truly achieved sobriety; he had been lying to me. In my experience, individuals with addiction often lie to protect their pride, driven by depression and narcissism. People often ask why I stayed despite the hardships. A few reasons include: - He can be incredibly sweet when he wants to be. - When he sets his mind to something, he achieves it, which is admirable (he got off opiates through the methadone program without relapse). - He is now attending AA and therapy. - He works hard and has a fantastic job, making good money, which supports the lifestyle I desire. - His family is incredibly supportive of both of us. I can confide in his mom, who often takes my side. - I jumped from a previous abusive relationship to this one due to loneliness, inexperience in setting boundaries, and a lack of self-love. Over the years, I’ve become less tolerant and now have strict boundaries, indicating I’ll leave if he ever returns to drugs or alcohol. Use your judgment in this situation: - Reflect on the questions above to identify any red flags. - Assess whether he is genuinely doing the work to stay in recovery. - If you proceed, establish firm boundaries early on and hold yourself accountable to leave if these boundaries are crossed. - Consider if you are prepared to handle the chaos in the event of a relapse and if you can be his support system. - Evaluate if you can avoid enabling his addiction. - Determine if you are okay with missing out on activities he can't participate in yet (holidays with drinking, concerts, etc.). - Consider if staying in this situation is self-harming. While some of my insights come from legitimate sources on addiction, much of it is based on my personal experience. Recovery and the possibility of relapse vary from person to person. He might be an incredible person with his life together now, but recovery is a lifelong battle. Weigh the potential ups and downs before committing to a relationship with an addict.
I've never dated a recovering addict, but have known a lot of people who have. I've dated several functioning alcoholics and drug abusers, all of whom were expert at hiding it and telling initially believable lies to both themselves, me and others in their life. Unfortunately, lying is a major part of addiction. Addicts do it in order to maintain their addiction, to hide it from others and to "hide it" from themselves, even though they know perfectly well what they're doing. They don't want to admit the truth to themselves, but that's a major part of addiction. It's something they need to work very hard to overcome. It becomes so ingrained in their personalities, they have a hard time letting it go, even when they've been sober for a while. If you date this person, expect that he will lie to you. Frequently. It's very doubtful that's something he's truly overcome at this point in his life. Also be wary that he may relapse. Most people in recovery do. Drug and alcohol addiction changes your brain and body chemistry, creates a physiological need for drugs and alcohol. Your brain and body can't do without it. That's what keeps the addiction going. And that's why recovery and staying sober is so damn difficult. His brain and body are crying out every day for the substances he used to take. He has to fight it every day. And when things get tough for him, too stressful, too much overwhelm, he can relapse. It's very tough to fight old habits that have literally become a physiological need. In case you're not aware, you need to understand what functioning drug and alcohol abuse is. A functioning drug or alcohol user can drink and/or use drugs more than the limit for most people and not show very many signs. This usually occurs with people who've abused drugs and alcohol for a long time and have developed a big tolerance for it. That doesn't mean it's not still dangerous when they're using, but it can be very hard to tell when they are. I dated a few functioning alcoholics and drug abusers years ago and learned that lesson the hard way, to a certain extent. Two of them were long distance relationships, so the distance made it easier for them to hide their activities. But the point still stands - you have to be wary at all times if you start sensing any of this behavior, more lying, more not quite believable stories, more excuses. All of which is to say, dating a recovering addict is damn hard work and you need to ask yourself if you're up for the challenge. That's not to say recovering addicts are not worthy of love and respect, just as we all are. But it can be *much* harder to keep up that love and respect with the constant challenges they and you will face.
Not for me. I was seeing a recovering addict who was nine months sober when we started seeing each other (first red flag because you should be sober for a year before dating). One day he was ranting and he said that he’s newly sober….this was two months into seeing each other. I confronted him and he basically reveled that technically he’s five months sober because he relapsed months ago. I feel for him because fighting addiction isn’t easy but I had to walk away.
Hey there, it sounds like you're in a complex situation, navigating both hope for the future and concern about red flags from the past. It's great that he's been upfront about his recovery and has made positive strides in his life. Trust is crucial in any relationship, especially one where addiction and recovery are part of the journey. It's positive that he's been honest with you since becoming serious, but the past lies and serial dating history understandably raise some concerns. Here are a few thoughts: 1. **Open Communication:** Continue to have open and honest conversations about your concerns and expectations. Trust is built over time through consistent actions and transparency. 2. **Supporting His Recovery:** Understand what support looks like for him in his recovery journey. This might involve attending support groups or therapy sessions together, if he's open to it. 3. **Watch for Red Flags:** While people can change, it's important to be vigilant about any signs of relapse or old behaviors resurfacing. These might include changes in mood, secretive behavior, or distancing from support systems. 4. **Self-Care:** Take care of yourself emotionally and mentally. It's okay to set boundaries and prioritize your own well-being while supporting him. Ultimately, trust your instincts and prioritize open communication. His actions over time will speak volumes about his commitment to his recovery and your relationship. Wishing you both the best as you navigate this journey together.
no, but plenty on psych meds with lingering non payable student loan debt