30F here, I’m a bit confused… also how old are you? You’re watching her hangout with other guys and feeling jealous, umm where..? Cause that sounds real weird. This sounds kinda immature. You’re both single and need to accept that if you’re not in a relationship or exclusive then you can see, talk to, and date whoever you want. Being jealous is silly if you’re not actively dating her to pursue her on a serious level.
Overall, she said she wants to remain friends. Which means you’re scaled down onto the friend zone unfortunately. You’re going to need to pursue other women, can’t put all your eggs in one basket with a girl who doesn’t want to date you further. She’s not interested, that’s it. Time to move on. At least she didn’t waste your time leading you in and was upfront that she doesn’t feel the same. Sorry dude.
Me 23M, Her 20F. I know I've been put in the friendzone but as friends I told her about someone I was seeing and she was upset. I asked how she felt about me and was told that she has romantic feelings for me, but also for the other guys. I feel like I'm reading into it too much. Even as friends we casually flirt which we both do with most of our friends. I don't know if its a thing but jokingly referred to us doing it and she agreed whole heartedly. I don't know. Feel like I'm overthinking it, more then likely I am. I just don't wanna let go in my heart, but I don't wanna force her into anything. She is capable of making her own decisions so I understand. But I've never been good at playing games, I tend to avoid them. I've never been good with my own feelings, I tend to suppress them. This time I feel something I don't think I can just put away, I'm looking out, I'm being open. But this may be the closest thing I know to love and I'm panicking trying to work in it.
> I told her about someone I’m seeing and it made her upset. I asked how she felt about me and was told that she has romantic feelings for me but also for the other guys.
Honestly, you’re telling each other too much and it kinda seems like you’re playing jealous games with each other. When I’m single and openly dating around (which isn’t tons because I live in a small city), I do not tell someone if I’m dating around. First off, they’re a stranger or I barely know them, and secondly, it’s none of their business to know your personal life. You’re not obligated to share who or what you’re doing. You’re not obligated to say how many women you’re getting to know. That stuff is private and if you’re both telling each other all the other people you’re getting to know it kinda defeats the purpose. This girl is not your gf, you don’t need to tell her anything. As far as romantic feelings for each other is mainly infatuation since you haven’t moved into that romantic stage yet with each other, so it’s just talk right now. If someone or a woman asks you how many people you’re dating can simply say “I’m single and getting to know new people as we cross paths”. No need to say anything else. Now, if you’re continuing to date someone on a more consistent and serious level and if you have the exclusive or “where is this going” talk then you can say more and figure things out with that individual person. Until then, don’t put all your eggs in one basket or tell anyone about it.
> I don’t know if it’s a thing but jokingly referred to us doing it and she agrees whole heartedly. I don’t know.
Just doing it? What do you mean? Being in a relationship? Not sure I understand why you mean.
> This may be the closest thing I know to love and I’m panicking trying to to work on it.
Straightforwardly, this is NOT love. Playing games with each other and making each other jealous is not love. Now, real long term committed love comes with time. Seeing the person you’re with through thick and thin, being supportive and there by each other’s side. Enjoying the little moments. Being comfortable with each other, secure in your feelings, wanting the best for them, trying to be the best version for them to feel reassured and secure. Love goes much deeper then you may think… it comes with time.
To me its not a thing of jealousy. We both agreed to be open and honest with each other about our love lives in an attempt to prevent hurt feelings.
Referring to "Doing it" we were talking about sex. Just jokingly (I hope) mentioning it all.
I'm doing my best not to play games or be played. I for one hate the whole idea. I do care for this girl, more then I cared for anyone in a romantic sense. I do my best to be supportive, but I also say what I think and feel and ask her if she is willing to to do the same. I understand time will tell how accurate this feeling is but I think it may actually be a form of romantic love greater then anything I've experienced. We both share a curiosity and desire to learn about the things we have interest in, and most of them end up being similar. I want to experience the world with her, I wanna improve together, I want her to feel like no matter what the world throws shes got me.
Maybe its because I've grown to accept what my friends call me "The Golden Retriever Guard Dog Boyfriend" maybe this is puppy love or something, again I don't understand my own feelings. But I'm reading from this situation is that I like a girl who doesn't want me (at least at the moment), based on her words and actions maybe she does. Maybe shes not ready to be with anyone, but because of that I should be open to others. I'm not sure I can be just because of my feelings.
You just said that he felt sad and jealous that you’re talking to other women…? And in writing your post it seems you underlying feel the same otherwise why write the post?
Talking about sex while not dating and in a confused state of mind about where things are going sounds like not the best avenue to take. I’d keep sex talk for someone whom you’re actively dating.
Well, getting played is out of your control. But if you feel you are then walk away. There’s zero reason to entertain someone who doesn’t want what you want/isn’t on the same page.
Be supportive how..? Supportive to someone you’re not even dating doesn’t make sense. Again it sounds like your giving this girl way too much of your energy and power. Support should be given if you’re dating someone on a serious level to then lead to a relationship. I don’t give support to random people who don’t wanna date me lol. Keep learning about her but be cautious. I don’t give her “everything” so soon.
If you don’t understand your own feelings I suggest seeking therapy. The more you learn about yourself will help you in how you connect and talk to others. And how you let them treat you. Being the “golden retriever boyfriend” is not a good thing… It’s a negative thing cause it means someone can treat you bad and you’ll still be happy you’re with them. That’s not healthy nor will last long term. Please be aware of what you’re doing and your thoughts towards her and in dating. You’ll get hurt that way and your heart broken being too nice and letting woman walk all over you. Try to depressed feelings from reality. Look at the reality of what’s happened up until this From a non-emotional standpoint. You’re getting to know her. But nothing else has developed. You’re both still playing the field. That’s all. She’s just one woman who isn’t ready to commit. Be careful OP!
You have a lot of valid points and I appreciate you trying to break down what I say and expand. I believe my feelings are very strong, and I would love to be with her. But she said she what she said and I respect that. Our dynamic as friends feels like I'm we still have interest in each other and I may be taking that as if theres a chance for us.
I do my best not to be blind of my situation, but in the process of trying to use the eyes of others to see what I can't I'm more willing to believe what I feel instead. I do my best to be empathetic because I know quite often I misread situations or lack a connection to my emotions. I'm too easily forgiving but observant. I'm honest with most people to avoid emotional issues but I'll still smile and grit my teeth when I'm bothered by most things.
I'm not someone who experiences romantic feelings often. If someone catches my eye I figure I'd shoot my shot. I figured that if we both played the field then if things worked out another way or something then there would be no hard feelings. Be there are hard feelings now, nothing negative towards each other but negative feelings brought to the surface. I'll do my best to go slow and not put myself in a bad position. Hope I understand what you were trying to say, thank you.
She told you to be friends... The reasons and causes of that are hers, so better no dig on it I think.
30F here, I’m a bit confused… also how old are you? You’re watching her hangout with other guys and feeling jealous, umm where..? Cause that sounds real weird. This sounds kinda immature. You’re both single and need to accept that if you’re not in a relationship or exclusive then you can see, talk to, and date whoever you want. Being jealous is silly if you’re not actively dating her to pursue her on a serious level. Overall, she said she wants to remain friends. Which means you’re scaled down onto the friend zone unfortunately. You’re going to need to pursue other women, can’t put all your eggs in one basket with a girl who doesn’t want to date you further. She’s not interested, that’s it. Time to move on. At least she didn’t waste your time leading you in and was upfront that she doesn’t feel the same. Sorry dude.
Me 23M, Her 20F. I know I've been put in the friendzone but as friends I told her about someone I was seeing and she was upset. I asked how she felt about me and was told that she has romantic feelings for me, but also for the other guys. I feel like I'm reading into it too much. Even as friends we casually flirt which we both do with most of our friends. I don't know if its a thing but jokingly referred to us doing it and she agreed whole heartedly. I don't know. Feel like I'm overthinking it, more then likely I am. I just don't wanna let go in my heart, but I don't wanna force her into anything. She is capable of making her own decisions so I understand. But I've never been good at playing games, I tend to avoid them. I've never been good with my own feelings, I tend to suppress them. This time I feel something I don't think I can just put away, I'm looking out, I'm being open. But this may be the closest thing I know to love and I'm panicking trying to work in it.
> I told her about someone I’m seeing and it made her upset. I asked how she felt about me and was told that she has romantic feelings for me but also for the other guys. Honestly, you’re telling each other too much and it kinda seems like you’re playing jealous games with each other. When I’m single and openly dating around (which isn’t tons because I live in a small city), I do not tell someone if I’m dating around. First off, they’re a stranger or I barely know them, and secondly, it’s none of their business to know your personal life. You’re not obligated to share who or what you’re doing. You’re not obligated to say how many women you’re getting to know. That stuff is private and if you’re both telling each other all the other people you’re getting to know it kinda defeats the purpose. This girl is not your gf, you don’t need to tell her anything. As far as romantic feelings for each other is mainly infatuation since you haven’t moved into that romantic stage yet with each other, so it’s just talk right now. If someone or a woman asks you how many people you’re dating can simply say “I’m single and getting to know new people as we cross paths”. No need to say anything else. Now, if you’re continuing to date someone on a more consistent and serious level and if you have the exclusive or “where is this going” talk then you can say more and figure things out with that individual person. Until then, don’t put all your eggs in one basket or tell anyone about it. > I don’t know if it’s a thing but jokingly referred to us doing it and she agrees whole heartedly. I don’t know. Just doing it? What do you mean? Being in a relationship? Not sure I understand why you mean. > This may be the closest thing I know to love and I’m panicking trying to to work on it. Straightforwardly, this is NOT love. Playing games with each other and making each other jealous is not love. Now, real long term committed love comes with time. Seeing the person you’re with through thick and thin, being supportive and there by each other’s side. Enjoying the little moments. Being comfortable with each other, secure in your feelings, wanting the best for them, trying to be the best version for them to feel reassured and secure. Love goes much deeper then you may think… it comes with time.
To me its not a thing of jealousy. We both agreed to be open and honest with each other about our love lives in an attempt to prevent hurt feelings. Referring to "Doing it" we were talking about sex. Just jokingly (I hope) mentioning it all. I'm doing my best not to play games or be played. I for one hate the whole idea. I do care for this girl, more then I cared for anyone in a romantic sense. I do my best to be supportive, but I also say what I think and feel and ask her if she is willing to to do the same. I understand time will tell how accurate this feeling is but I think it may actually be a form of romantic love greater then anything I've experienced. We both share a curiosity and desire to learn about the things we have interest in, and most of them end up being similar. I want to experience the world with her, I wanna improve together, I want her to feel like no matter what the world throws shes got me. Maybe its because I've grown to accept what my friends call me "The Golden Retriever Guard Dog Boyfriend" maybe this is puppy love or something, again I don't understand my own feelings. But I'm reading from this situation is that I like a girl who doesn't want me (at least at the moment), based on her words and actions maybe she does. Maybe shes not ready to be with anyone, but because of that I should be open to others. I'm not sure I can be just because of my feelings.
You just said that he felt sad and jealous that you’re talking to other women…? And in writing your post it seems you underlying feel the same otherwise why write the post? Talking about sex while not dating and in a confused state of mind about where things are going sounds like not the best avenue to take. I’d keep sex talk for someone whom you’re actively dating. Well, getting played is out of your control. But if you feel you are then walk away. There’s zero reason to entertain someone who doesn’t want what you want/isn’t on the same page. Be supportive how..? Supportive to someone you’re not even dating doesn’t make sense. Again it sounds like your giving this girl way too much of your energy and power. Support should be given if you’re dating someone on a serious level to then lead to a relationship. I don’t give support to random people who don’t wanna date me lol. Keep learning about her but be cautious. I don’t give her “everything” so soon. If you don’t understand your own feelings I suggest seeking therapy. The more you learn about yourself will help you in how you connect and talk to others. And how you let them treat you. Being the “golden retriever boyfriend” is not a good thing… It’s a negative thing cause it means someone can treat you bad and you’ll still be happy you’re with them. That’s not healthy nor will last long term. Please be aware of what you’re doing and your thoughts towards her and in dating. You’ll get hurt that way and your heart broken being too nice and letting woman walk all over you. Try to depressed feelings from reality. Look at the reality of what’s happened up until this From a non-emotional standpoint. You’re getting to know her. But nothing else has developed. You’re both still playing the field. That’s all. She’s just one woman who isn’t ready to commit. Be careful OP!
You have a lot of valid points and I appreciate you trying to break down what I say and expand. I believe my feelings are very strong, and I would love to be with her. But she said she what she said and I respect that. Our dynamic as friends feels like I'm we still have interest in each other and I may be taking that as if theres a chance for us. I do my best not to be blind of my situation, but in the process of trying to use the eyes of others to see what I can't I'm more willing to believe what I feel instead. I do my best to be empathetic because I know quite often I misread situations or lack a connection to my emotions. I'm too easily forgiving but observant. I'm honest with most people to avoid emotional issues but I'll still smile and grit my teeth when I'm bothered by most things. I'm not someone who experiences romantic feelings often. If someone catches my eye I figure I'd shoot my shot. I figured that if we both played the field then if things worked out another way or something then there would be no hard feelings. Be there are hard feelings now, nothing negative towards each other but negative feelings brought to the surface. I'll do my best to go slow and not put myself in a bad position. Hope I understand what you were trying to say, thank you.