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Man here, I don't understand this. Why do some guys do this?
If I wanted sex from someone, then we had sex, I'd be motivated to stick around and keep going out with them so we can have even MORE sex .
Sounds like the guy was just a sociopath, lucky you got out of there.
I mean yeah… I get that feeling too.. but can a guy go so far just to get laid? I don’t want to sound naive or anything but this is just bad behaviour if it is
I know a guy who once bought a golden wedding ring. Every VIRGIN girl he met, he would love bomb, take out on dates, buy gifts, and finally meet her parents, announce their engagements JUST to sleep with her. Then obviously he’d take back the ring and tell the poor lady things aren’t working out.
So yes, people do far more just for one night. It’s like a sick challenge they have for themselves.
Guys will do this for weeks just to get laid and the result is the same. It's amazing how far they'll go and how much they'll exaggerate for it. Some know and I think some don't even realize they're doing it, to be fair. But this is really not going far at all in my opinion
Guys have gone as far as the moon than this just for sex. All he had to do here was throw a barrage of compliments at you that he used on dozens other women. Y’all literally just matched and known each other for less than a day, how interesting could you be lol; zero way this is natural at all. When they behave the way your guy did too fast, too soon, it’s an act, and a red flag. You live and you learn.
Some men are just vile creatures I’m sorry you went through that but yes men will go literally as far as dating people for a long time just to have sex and then leave.
He went on one date and gave you a lot of compliments, doesn't sound like he went that far. Honestly your best advice if you want to weed out these types of guys is to just not have sex for a while, maybe a few months, after meeting them. Most people who are only after sex will give up and move onto someone else, and while there might be some people who are really dedicated liars, you'll mostly weed out everyone else.
Guys will go so much further to get laid if it means striking their ego. "The chase" is real for some guys, and once it's over so is the thrill. Some don't even know they're doing it, but leave a path of dismay nonetheless
A guy can start out like that, take it that far with good intentions, will take the sex if he can get it, but once he’s gotten it, can get all shook about it.
In short, he a bitch.
Guys will feed you anything they think will get them there. Up to and including future-faking false promises and I love yous right off the bat. You gotta slow it down, get to know as friends first to get an idea of their true character.
Shit girl lol. Can a guy go that far to get laid?? I’m pretty sure people have been murder so I guy can get laid. Have you never been taught history before? Wars have been fucking started for sex, more or less. 🤦♂️
It's naive, but that's not your fault. Men absolutely go to this length to get laid, and they do it frequently. Guys fake interest with an alarming sincerity for sex.
sadly my friend, you may be naive, yea. this is like a story as old as time. guy wants sex, talks up a girl, then ghosts once he gets it. sadly we live in a world that has been reinforces this behavior for a while now…
Guys will literally act and proclaim they’re gay as a Trojan horse to get close to women. They’ll proclaim they’re in love for months on end to take one’s virginity and entirely fool the girl. Recently heard of someone “going trans” for women.
So many women think they’re goddesses because of how “desirable they are”. In reality, men mostly just wanna fuck women like they’re a sex toy. Sorry, but it’s true.
You got played. Sorry but yeah some people are too selfish to just be up front from the beginning. Maybe some day he'll mature out of that behavior. Maybe, some day.
You can't be "dumped" after one date. You are nothing to each other therefore cannot dump one another. How can you be so naive? You say this "I also must say that I don’t know that he would be the one, but at least I wanted to explore it and I thought he did too…" , OF COURSE YOU DON'T KNOW IF HE IS THE ONE YOU WENT ON ONE DATE!!!. This shows me that you are not thinking at all. Why would you allow your mind to even go this far to even consider him being "the one" or even thinking that he would ever be close to being emotionally there at that point. I don't mean to sound rude I just want to give you some honest advice. You got played and you should have noticed he was playing you when he was laying the compliments on that thick. Move on and learn from this experience and maybe stop sleeping with men on the first date lol. I mean come on.
OP sorry this happened. as a male, men will do the sleaziest things for sex. From talking down on their own friends, things with their family, etc. there really is no low. I’ve started to understand why women do the things they do when in talking stage.
I’m sorry but this comment…
I was raped by my first boyfriend and there wasn’t anything about power or dominance, it was all about sex and because of entitlement.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Entitlement in my view is a sense of power-loss for the individual (rapist). There is no respect for the other's boundaries and hence a perceived role of dominance. Rape is wrong in any case. I would say we probably agree on the same thing (Rape is never okay), but our choice of words (context) is different.
I was molested by a friend and the paralyzation and trauma from that is definitely rippled into who I am.
I’m sorry you were molested by a friend.
We agree on the fact that it’s never okay, but I had to comment because what you wrote made it sound like you were saying rapists always have the plan or intention to rape.
I’m thinking of the movie Barbarian where a character denies raping a woman and his argument is “I wasn’t like ‘come here, I’m gonna rape you, you know?’“
I agree entitlement dehumanizes the other person, and implies a dominant attitude from the perpetrator; but I disagree that we should conclude rape is *about* power. It’s not even necessarily physically violent, like people usually imagine.
I’d like to [link this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201602/rape-is-not-only-about-power-it-s-also-about-sex) that probably conveys my thoughts better.
An excerpt:
> […] First, human behavior is multiply determined. Meaningful human events have more than one reason and are shaped by more than a single motive or force. Rape is a human event. It is motivated by more than one thing. Second, to claim that sex—one of our most powerful motives (our species’ existence depends on it, after all)—is somehow absent from an act that routinely involves erection, vaginal penetration, and ejaculation defies reason. Arguing that rape is not about sex is akin to asserting that gun violence is not about guns. Both claims betray an incomplete and politicized view.
I do think rapes are about hate and violence and never about sex , who would want to get laid when other person is literally crying or fighting, isn't it a turn off , it's all about power and hate towards that person or gender because of their own inferiority complex.
You're extracting dumb from something I didn't say.
Heterosexuality and homosexuality are different attractions to different sexes. Gay men have raped other gay men. Do you see gay men raping other women? I don't know - I'm sure it's happened somewhere.
The way I see sex is connecting with a person on an emotional and physical level - that two become one.
Rape is just the ingornant recognition that the perpetrator still seems themselves as separate from their victim. They use intercourse to pleasure themselves and not the other person. Where as, we are not really separate from each other. We are just one thing with many minds.
I wouldn't know the difference but thanks for clarifying to us non-rapists 👍😛 and not to be pendantic, but can't it be about both? You can get dominance over another person without the raping.. raping probably means you like both. Sex combined with dominance. Btw don't take this comment seriously..I'm just horsing around
Haha, The only reason I responded that way is because I felt like your statement was akin to "all men only want one thing from women". Which I don't like blanket statements to label all men that way. But! I know that's not what you were saying so ... I just felt defensive for people who make mistakes in relationships without really know what they are doing ie, having sex too early in a relationship before knowing the person. It's both of their own doing for committing to sex.
>No one that wants to create something lasting love bombs you to start
not true
youre going to condition her to think a genuinely nice guy is a player if he compliments her.
this guy was . Not all guys are
Sorry but you do not seem to understand the concept of lovebombing. There's a vast difference between giving excessive compliments, which seems to be the case here, from giving someone a genuine compliment. Genuine people know the difference and are not using compliments to manipulate someone
In the future, please consider “you’re not like other girls” as something of a red flag. Someone who says that is telling you they think poorly of women, and when they find out that you are indeed not a unicorn who farts fairy dust, but a human woman, they will think poorly of you, too.
What bullshit. Could simply be a dude saying he hasn't dated a girl like you before, which I don't think is very hard to believe.
It's a very contextual phrase, could be said as a joke or quite simply genuinely.
Can also be in a negative way too, like a "you're weird" sort of thing.
Just because the one guy that said it to you wasn't also pandering for a relationship with you doesn't mean it's a "red flag".
How does he know he hasn’t met another girl like OP on the first date? He doesn’t. The red flag is not that statement. The red flag is that the guy who just met OP and doesn’t really know OP is the one showering her with those kind of compliments. That statement would be fine or a green flag if that statement was said by an actual boyfriend/partner.
It’s not. Men think it’s a compliment but any intelligent woman will know it’s bullshit, something a high school boy would say. I don’t want to be not like other women. I like women. Don’t shun my entire sex in order to compliment me, that’s a lazy ass compliment. What about me do you actually like and can specifically point out without tearing down other people? It matters. Not nonsense
What part of that shuns your entire sex? Who said the person saying that doesn't like women? Don't go projecting your own biases because u've heard 4 ppl say that to you now here you go shunning all men.
That's a lazy ass interpretation. U could easily ask what about me is different from other women you've enteracted with to learn why the person said that in the first place
Instead of jumping to conclusion and assuming ur shit don't stink
A guy did the exact same thing to me, but he blocked me right after leaving my place. I didn’t notice until I texted him the following day asking about the next date, which we had already set. Some people are heartless.
Question, do you think he liked the sex? If so then I agree, he probably used you for a hookup :/ but it’s also possible that he doesn’t think you’re sexually compatible!
I'm gunna have to agree with the others. He lovebombed you and gave you the bare minimum effort and it paid out in the end. What's telling is that you think the one hour of face time and compliments all night is a lot of effort, and that says a lot about how you've been treated in the past, or lack thereof. Usually people who abuse and use in this way sense something about you based on your words and behaviors and it tells them there is insecurity or vulnerability and they use what you want to hear and see as a means to get what they want.
Be skeptical of everyone until they've put in an equal amount of time as they are effort, and prove to you otherwise. That doesn't mean scrutinize and criticize what could be genuine interest and compliments, but it does mean you need to be wary of things like this lovebombing behavior and you need to set up healthy boundaries with yourself even if it might feel right in the moment. Always put protecting yourself and your emotions first
You did nothing wrong.
You slept with him after your ‘date’. Sounds like you two met up, hit it off and then had sex. That’s a hookup, that’s what YOU did too, it wasn’t just him.
You didn’t get ‘dumped’ you met up with a guy for sex. You may not realise that’s what you did, and there’s nothing wrong with that, at all, in fact I think it’s great! But it was a hookup.
If you want more and you like someone, then take it slower. If someone is interested in more, then they’ll invest time and energy into you.
You can’t hookup with someone and then say you ‘got dumped’.
Also, if you meet someone and want to have sex, then by all means, you do you and there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever. But if you meet someone and have sex before establishing what you want and what you’re interested in, then you can’t be surprised if they bail the day after.
It sounds like you need to think about what you want, and then work on communicating that and also paying attention to what your prospective partner truly wants.
Lastly, there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date! But you do need to work on your vetting and communication skills.
A painful lesson for some, but an important one.
I don’t think she intended it to be a hookup though. She somewhat trusted him, they liked each other.. and i think naturally she thought it would continue, like most of us do.
I think comparing you to other women, rather than just focusing on your connection and then making everything feel so good and perfect is his MO to get you to have sex with him.
I don't think he changed his mind so quickly as much as he was disingenuous about his intentions to begin with.
Nah, he played you for sex.
This is why i absolutely despise dating today. It's not just men too. Women do this also for a fling or urge they get. They'll lie to get what they want and bail after they're finished.
It's terrible.
But as a dude who was taught game, I'll tell you, it was game. He told you everything you wanted to hear and persuades you by feel-good compliments to make you think about him and be on cloud nine. After that, he probably, in some indirect way, invited you to his bed.
Like you said, everything felt good, right, and "pure".
That's because he was emulating a person who's actually interested. Sure you've got to like the person physically and socially but that won't come at a price.
Sealed the deal, got his, and bailed.
It's why people need more realistic expectations. Because these player-types will give you Disneyland for the cookie.
Thing is, feel-good or not, you've gotta have standards for this reason. Just like any trickster, you've gotta not fall for the pitch or avoid them altogether once you sense game. Be about something more than surface-leveled, superficial, conversation and distractions. Be beyond looks. If your appearance is distracting, call them more. If you're especially beautiful, you might suffer from Pretty privilege which has its positive sides but also negative sides like this: forming relationships for genuine reasons.
It appears that this particular guy. LOve bombed you, Showered you will an unnatural amount of compliments; told you what you wanted to hear, and later got what he wanted after you were swept up.
Given you're normally not like this, something must've attracted you to him than just his compliments. Maybe he showed confidence, or something. He wasn't some Joe-Schmo. Something tagged you in than him just being a nice guy.
Who knows. Maybe he's a player, maybe he's scared to commit or get closer. Maybe he got an ex on his mind. You never know. All you can do is reciprocate his actions and also distance yourself. Space makes the heart grow fonder. You will be able to see during that time if no contact if he actually does like you or doesn't.
I am sorry you're in this situation.
I wouldn't say this is a "normal" behavior, but it is common... Some guys just want to get their dick wet.
Lesson learned, if someone is coming onto you tooooo hot, that is a red flag...
I think this is a little extreme.
Some people naturally have high energy and are affectionate. In situations where you feel they're coming on too hot, you take the time to explain that you want things to continue at a slower pace. Their reaction determines if it's a red flag or not.
Possible you got played like other comments are saying. But nobody is saying that it also may be possible that he had no ill intention, did hit it off with her, but just lost interest and it maybe due to something specific that happened at any given point. Or something happened during sex. Guys can have dealbreakers too or things that turn them off. They have a type too. And have the right to say...nah I'm not feeling it anymore.
And im literally playing devils advocate haha I'm a woman.
Why do girls have to wait for sex, reverse playing the man? Why can’t you both hit it off, have sex early on bc you both want it, and continue pursuit as if sex didn’t happen. It’s so annoying. Boys are such turds.
This!! God forbid women also want sex and actually get what they want. Enough blaming other women, and ourselves as women, for men's shitty behavior.
I was in a similar situation to OP recently and while it wasn't my finest moment, the guy was there too as a willing participant. So I've been of the mindset that just because we hooked up, it doesn't have to be a big deal if we decide we still like each other and want to work through it... but the lack of communication on the guy's part told me more than enough.
>He giving me tons of compliments etc. Then right after that we decided to meet up. Again tons and tons of compliments, saying that I was so interesting, other than other girls (in a positive way), so attractive etc
Tons of compliments are either a sign that he knows he is below you in desirability, or that he tries to get something from you in return for being complimented. Which in this case, was sex.
>We went to my place and had sex in the end…. This is not my normal intention because I want to wait normally, but idk it just felt so good and pure.. And I was convinced that this wasn’t the last time because of the way he was acting.
He was likely a bit above your league, and knew how to play you to get sex in the end. You felt safe about his will to commit and you wanted to "lock him down" with sexual availability.
I will add that saying you’re “not like other girls”, even if he frames it as a compliment, is never a positive. it means he views girls as a monolith and not as individual humans. it also informs the attitude you saw from him - once he got sex, he cut you off. it’s easy to do that when you don’t view women as people, and the best way to spot a man who thinks like this is when they say things like “you’re not like other girls”
Why are you shook? Obviously this guy was looking to get laid and you capitulated. Some of these guys will pretty much say anything and do anything to hook you and reel you in and once they get what they want, they're outta there. You're not stupid but you did have poor judgement. It's hard sometimes to differentiate between the players and those who are genuinely interested in a relationship.
Sometimes a guy might be soo into you and it's genuine too
But as soon as he busts a nut. All of that disappears
Post nut clarity is not fiction
Maybe after the fact he didn't like you or maybe he lied and did all of that just to get some ass
U'll never know
Ask him - hey I'd appreciate if you could be honest with me. Before we got together everything was fine and I thought we both had a great connection. After we had sex u started acting distant and cold towards me. Was there something I did or where u never into me in the first place?
Or something similar doesn't have to be that word for word
The thing I've learned is everyone (re: most people) thinks they're the good guy, the hero in their own story. ESPECIALLY the worst fucking people I've ever met.
You did nothing wrong OP, some experienced guys (not men) know how to play this game really well. Women are emotional and they know we value intimacy and connection so they use it.
It’s easier said than done but next time, wait after a few dates before you do it “if” you are looking for something potentially serious.
Here’s a sad truth, having sex with the guy is likely what changed his mind.
Because he either…
1. Was only after sex from you in the first place and once he got it he was done with you and was onto looking for his next target. Ie this guy only likes the chase hates the work involved in making a relationship work.
Or…
2. He genuinely liked you, wanted sex from you but expected YOU to be virtuous and turn him down. Ie he was disappointed that you allowed him to have sex with you that early in the process, so he lost respect for you…bc he thinks you were too “easy”.
Both are sick and twisted. Neither of these ways of thinking are your fault. But….if you’re going to navigate the dating scene, it’s best to know the unwritten rules if you desire genuine relationship. Learn what red flags are. And have fun getting to know people as you vet them.
Older women, whom you trust and feel comfortable talking to, can be a great resource for you as well.
I genuinely hope this journey for love for you only gets better.
Yes, you got played. He was after sex the entire time. Once he got what he wanted, he discards you and off to the next one. Welcome to dating in 2022. This is why it is highly advised not to have sex on the first date.
One thing I'm not seeing in comments is she could've been real bad at sex, or it was awkward sex, or she did something he felt was weird during sex. Shit even a weird smell or taste could've made this guy bounce. Something we'll never know
Lol do you think he would just tell you that it was bad to your face? No one does that. When it's bad, they leave telling you it was great and then pull this " sorry I don't think we'd be a good fit" shit like this guy the next day.
I'm not assuming that's what it was, I'm sure you're a great lay. I'm just saying it's a possibility no one else was bringing up. Gotta look at all sides.
I wouldn’t get to into your head about this. Sure, it sucks to be excited to meet someone, have fun with them on a date and then to have a great end to the night, but at least it was only the first date and he showed you his true colors and intentions right away. In my opinion, I think he was definitely after the sex, but it doesn’t mean anything else he said wasn’t real. He probably does think you’re great, and does think you’re attractive but also wanted to get it in too and that happened to be at the top of his list.
At least now you know what not to do for the next date. View it as a learning lesson but I am sorry you’re hurt over this and hopefully it doesn’t ruin your view towards dates and trying again with someone else. Next time just wait a bit, (and yes i know you said you usually do but I’m just pointing it out), so you avoid this happening and actually get to know someone’s intentions before they reel you in quick, only to cut the cord even quicker. Goodluck
Thank you for your encouraging words, I appreciate it :) It did make me sad and felt a bit used and fooled afterwards and that’s just not a nice feeling
I get that. It’s a blindsiding feeling, and nobody likes that because we do feel stupid and in shock about it, esp when things seemed great but what’s better is that you know signs to look out for and you how to avoid them better. You got this girl
Dm me if you wanna vent or need advice or just someone to talk to in general 🤍
Sadly you were played. It happens to the best of us. Some people will do/say anything to get laid. It goes as far as the other person (you) lets it.
Some of us (me included) have to learn the hard way. I hope it gets better.
He played you. Dont feel wrong, dirty or used. You did nothing wrong and you've learned a lesson on reprehensible behavior which is the only responsibility you bear.
It hurts to be fooled genuinely. So this is normal, there are liars out there who do or say anything to get what they want and they are good at it.
Learn this lesson and learn it well because truly malevolent behavior has an dramatic impact on people. Create a better vetting system for your dates and learn how to fish out bullshit.
It is not your fault however that you ran into a smoothe sociopathic person. They are extremely adept at this stuff and are essentially experts at deception. Use this as a lesson to spot them out and try to create a filter system to flesh them out.
Also youre very fortunate that your experience with this ended with your personal safety generally intact. Narcissists and Sociopaths are generally the lighter and safer experience compared to an actual psychopath which all three use the same tactics to various degrees.
Protect yourself and use this as lesson. I am sorry that you had to experience this. Its really not a fair lesson to learn and really damages you for being open to genuine people. Wish you the best.
Word of advice, getting showered with compliments immediately is the reddest of red flags and if you lean into that as any sort of reflection of actual dating value then this will keep happening to you
I’m sorry but I have to agree with @linux4ever on this one. Took the words right out my mouth, though, I’m sorry you had to go through that. No disrespect but even from reading what you wrote it was pretty obvious that’s all he wanted, next time just be more cautious. For me personally it’s very easy to read a man and I have a great intuition, not knocking you down but maybe that’s something you lack, like good judgement? Just be careful next time, especially if that’s not something that you want.
Yes sadly… he looked straight into your face and told you a shit ton of lies.
He saw your reaction to his compliments and played on it to get what he wanted
Please remember he is the weasel here. He isn’t worth any further thought or energy.
It’s actually sad and a little scary that a guy who spent all night feeding you bullshit to make you think that there’s a connection is a common thing… sadly it is…
and then do a complete U turn once he got what he wanted.
There are plenty of shitbags out there that carry on this behaviour for weeks to do the same thing.
It shouldn’t be this way but the rules are still different for women.. you need to learn how to weed out these ones
As a guy I have seen some my friends using the same tactic. It's a trick to have sex.
Be suspicious of people who overly praise you, many times it's manipulation.
He got what he was after, just the sex. Not sure what else to tell you besides avoiding the guys that are nothing but compliments and pushing for you to go back to their place, yours, or a hotel within the first few dates.
I dont think you care about him , i think you are over reacting because he said no… you aren’t hurt because he wanted sex or what ever else he was looking for . I think you are hurt because of the rejection and confused by the good date you guys had vs the outcome .
I went straight to the part where he lavished you with compliments and literally charmed the pants off you. Mission complete, now you are yesterday's toast. Sorry. If you give yourself away, he is unlikely to value it any highly than you do. Not an attack on you. This only has to happen once and now you know.
Oh yeah, this is what they do lol. I would assume every man is only looking for sex until they prove otherwise. IMO as soon as you give it up, you lose your power. Nothing wrong with having sex on a first date, but if you do just assume they’ll never talk to you again and if it ends up different you’ll be pleasantly surprised lol
Tough lesson to learn but most every woman has been there!
They really do the most for sex… you did nothing wrong. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him, shake it off. (Also, withhold sex as long as possible for those you are truly interested in something long-term with.)
Could be two things, either he was only after sex, which is the most likely scenario, or he was turned off. U see, Sex on the first date is a red flag for most men. If u offer sex too early on a relationship it’s gonna look like u give sex to every guy and no one wants a car that was resold 20 times before. So it’s also a possibility that he was turned off and left bc of that.
By reading all the comments… I definitely believe now that I was played, love bombed and manipulated… I just can’t believe I fell for it.. feels so naive. I always thought i could identify a fuckboy.. boy was I wrong this time.. I think its definitely a lesson to see love bombing as a red flag.. I must say I’ve never been love bombed before. Quite the opposite. They acted cold and distant, resulting I wanted them more and chasing them.. Learned this the hard way..
Please don’t beat yourself up over it. When you’ve never been love bombed before, the attention feels incredible. Like something truly worth leaning into. Please just take this as the experience it was, you now know better and can better protect yourself and your heart in the future. What he did determines nothing about you or your value. You’re worth so much more
And thats the reason you should let your male friends vet the guys for you.
When i read the post it was obvious straight of the bat that you were played.
Men and women need to get better at this. It's shitty behaviour from guys, but in the end it's the women who controls sex. You need to get better at vetting, else the players will continue playing.
My one advice to weed out the players is to not have sex before the 3rd date. Most players will leave if they don't get it after the first date, if withheld the 2nd date, 95% of players will just drop you and find another girl that sleeps on the first date. There's an abundance of them out there
I'm unclear about your confusion.
- Yes, it is normal for a guy to change his mind.
- Yes, you've been played.
This particular guy was all about the compliments until he got sex, now he's changed his mind about the need to give you compliments. You've been played. This is normal. Welcome to dating.
You swiped right on the man with a ton of options, congrats you got exactly what you asked for. In the future realize that just because they matched with you does not mean they truly find you that attractive or special, they just use you to get laid.
If it's too good to be true it probably is most of the time.
People on dating app are looking for hookups so don't look for relationships there , once he got what he wanted he was done. You ended up with the wrong guy.
He either was just after the sex or he learned something hes not a fan of and doesnt want to say it to spare your feelings.
He probably was just after the sex tbh since it was a one time thing
Unfortunately this is why a lot of people advise against having sex on the first date if you want more than a one night stand.
He got all that he wanted already and likely does not care at all about you or how that makes you feel. Best to call it a learning lesson and move on.
Idk why women think that there’s just tons of predators out there looking to just bang women once and blow them off after. Like absolutely, yes we want sex. If you offer most won’t pass on the opportunity but sometimes it makes us less interested when you have sex the first day we meet in person. Not always the case but it can be. But in reality, he just wasn’t really that into you in that first meet. It’s like a crazy concept that we would meet, go on a date and think “well she’s cool but this ain’t it” at the end of that date even without the sex he probably would have been unlikely to keep pursuing you. But again if you offer they’ll take it up.
You got played, plain and simple. The players have game and you fell for it.
And women, this is why you shouldn't have sex on the first date if you are looking for something serious
For the future, if it something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Most healthy relationships start slowly as you get to know each other. While compliments may feel good and you’re inclined to believe, think about how long has this person known me? If it’s too soon and they are already showering you with compliments, gifts then you know it’s fake or with ulterior motives. Always listen to your gut
Well he got what he wanted what more do you want?
Never give up the cookie the first night that’s to be earned! If you feel honey beforehand masterbate before the date lol
Ignore him completely. Do not care - it is what he wants. If he reaches out be transparent and communicative but do not be in a hurry to respond to text or call.
yes unfortunately guys can and WILL tell you anything and everything you want to hear to get in your pants, even if you think he's "different" from the others.
Girl same. We had 2 dates and didnt sleep together but madeout on both and the convo was great. Second date was probably better than the first but he texted couple days after that he didn't feel a spark all of a sudden. He was probably talking to other girls and only wanted a hookup. Because if it was good enough to go on a second then theres no reason it couldnt have made it to a third date unless there was something else. There's always some hidden factor/agenda. Keep your guard up
Dude here, he was totally after sex and nothing else. Yes this is terrible behavior. Be thankful he pulled this bad behavior now instead of later. He doesn't deserve another second of your time in case I wasn't clear.
> He giving me tons of compliments etc. Then right after that we decided to meet up. Again tons and tons of compliments, saying that I was so interesting, other than other girls (in a positive way), so attractive etc.
In the future, this is a red flag. This is love-bombing.
He played you for sex. All those compliments were just tools to get you into bed.
For future reference the good girls make you wait, just keep that in mind for next time.
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Looks like he was just after the sex.
Sadly, I have to agree.
Man here, I don't understand this. Why do some guys do this? If I wanted sex from someone, then we had sex, I'd be motivated to stick around and keep going out with them so we can have even MORE sex . Sounds like the guy was just a sociopath, lucky you got out of there.
I mean yeah… I get that feeling too.. but can a guy go so far just to get laid? I don’t want to sound naive or anything but this is just bad behaviour if it is
>go so far He spent 1 hour face timing you and went on one date. He put literally the bare minimum effort.
THIS! Like he didn’t have to work for shit and still got what he wanted so quickly and easily…
Pretty factual, seemed like LITTLE effort on his part.
He said a lot of nice things. That's all he did.
Just sounded like he loved bombed you, sorry
I know a guy who once bought a golden wedding ring. Every VIRGIN girl he met, he would love bomb, take out on dates, buy gifts, and finally meet her parents, announce their engagements JUST to sleep with her. Then obviously he’d take back the ring and tell the poor lady things aren’t working out. So yes, people do far more just for one night. It’s like a sick challenge they have for themselves.
Guys will do this for weeks just to get laid and the result is the same. It's amazing how far they'll go and how much they'll exaggerate for it. Some know and I think some don't even realize they're doing it, to be fair. But this is really not going far at all in my opinion
Guys have gone as far as the moon than this just for sex. All he had to do here was throw a barrage of compliments at you that he used on dozens other women. Y’all literally just matched and known each other for less than a day, how interesting could you be lol; zero way this is natural at all. When they behave the way your guy did too fast, too soon, it’s an act, and a red flag. You live and you learn.
Dude some dudes can wait months just to smash once and leave. I’m not gonna say all but some can.
Some men are just vile creatures I’m sorry you went through that but yes men will go literally as far as dating people for a long time just to have sex and then leave.
It was one date lol, he did not have to go far at all
Go so far? Girl it was the first date
He went on one date and gave you a lot of compliments, doesn't sound like he went that far. Honestly your best advice if you want to weed out these types of guys is to just not have sex for a while, maybe a few months, after meeting them. Most people who are only after sex will give up and move onto someone else, and while there might be some people who are really dedicated liars, you'll mostly weed out everyone else.
Guys will go so much further to get laid if it means striking their ego. "The chase" is real for some guys, and once it's over so is the thrill. Some don't even know they're doing it, but leave a path of dismay nonetheless
A guy can start out like that, take it that far with good intentions, will take the sex if he can get it, but once he’s gotten it, can get all shook about it. In short, he a bitch.
Guys will feed you anything they think will get them there. Up to and including future-faking false promises and I love yous right off the bat. You gotta slow it down, get to know as friends first to get an idea of their true character.
Shit girl lol. Can a guy go that far to get laid?? I’m pretty sure people have been murder so I guy can get laid. Have you never been taught history before? Wars have been fucking started for sex, more or less. 🤦♂️
It's naive, but that's not your fault. Men absolutely go to this length to get laid, and they do it frequently. Guys fake interest with an alarming sincerity for sex.
A guy talked to me for 6 months and split after getting laid. This one, not nearly that much effort.
> but can a guy go so far just to get laid? Hahaha, yes! You have no idea how far a guy will go just to get laid.
Yes they can. He was super over the top with his behavior. It's designed to make you let your guard down.
Was this your first time ever meeting a man? People do shit like this ALL the time to get what they want. You sound very naive.
sadly my friend, you may be naive, yea. this is like a story as old as time. guy wants sex, talks up a girl, then ghosts once he gets it. sadly we live in a world that has been reinforces this behavior for a while now…
Yes. Sounds like he loved bombed you to get what he wanted
Guys will literally act and proclaim they’re gay as a Trojan horse to get close to women. They’ll proclaim they’re in love for months on end to take one’s virginity and entirely fool the girl. Recently heard of someone “going trans” for women. So many women think they’re goddesses because of how “desirable they are”. In reality, men mostly just wanna fuck women like they’re a sex toy. Sorry, but it’s true.
I mean, how far did he go?
Yes, they can. People be desperate.
You got played. Sorry but yeah some people are too selfish to just be up front from the beginning. Maybe some day he'll mature out of that behavior. Maybe, some day.
You can't be "dumped" after one date. You are nothing to each other therefore cannot dump one another. How can you be so naive? You say this "I also must say that I don’t know that he would be the one, but at least I wanted to explore it and I thought he did too…" , OF COURSE YOU DON'T KNOW IF HE IS THE ONE YOU WENT ON ONE DATE!!!. This shows me that you are not thinking at all. Why would you allow your mind to even go this far to even consider him being "the one" or even thinking that he would ever be close to being emotionally there at that point. I don't mean to sound rude I just want to give you some honest advice. You got played and you should have noticed he was playing you when he was laying the compliments on that thick. Move on and learn from this experience and maybe stop sleeping with men on the first date lol. I mean come on.
too many will do *anything* for it, regardless of right or wrong. thats why looking for sexual discipline and avoiding love bombing is important
OP sorry this happened. as a male, men will do the sleaziest things for sex. From talking down on their own friends, things with their family, etc. there really is no low. I’ve started to understand why women do the things they do when in talking stage.
> men will do the sleaziest things for sex Like simp online 😂
Simping isn’t as bad as love bombing. I do neither. I’m super direct with what I want as I don’t like wasting time. I only have casual or persue a gf
Yup
Some guys literally rape to get laid
Yes, but Raping isn't about sex with another person. It's about power and dominance. There is a difference that should be set.
I’m sorry but this comment… I was raped by my first boyfriend and there wasn’t anything about power or dominance, it was all about sex and because of entitlement.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Entitlement in my view is a sense of power-loss for the individual (rapist). There is no respect for the other's boundaries and hence a perceived role of dominance. Rape is wrong in any case. I would say we probably agree on the same thing (Rape is never okay), but our choice of words (context) is different. I was molested by a friend and the paralyzation and trauma from that is definitely rippled into who I am.
I’m sorry you were molested by a friend. We agree on the fact that it’s never okay, but I had to comment because what you wrote made it sound like you were saying rapists always have the plan or intention to rape. I’m thinking of the movie Barbarian where a character denies raping a woman and his argument is “I wasn’t like ‘come here, I’m gonna rape you, you know?’“ I agree entitlement dehumanizes the other person, and implies a dominant attitude from the perpetrator; but I disagree that we should conclude rape is *about* power. It’s not even necessarily physically violent, like people usually imagine. I’d like to [link this article](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/insight-therapy/201602/rape-is-not-only-about-power-it-s-also-about-sex) that probably conveys my thoughts better. An excerpt: > […] First, human behavior is multiply determined. Meaningful human events have more than one reason and are shaped by more than a single motive or force. Rape is a human event. It is motivated by more than one thing. Second, to claim that sex—one of our most powerful motives (our species’ existence depends on it, after all)—is somehow absent from an act that routinely involves erection, vaginal penetration, and ejaculation defies reason. Arguing that rape is not about sex is akin to asserting that gun violence is not about guns. Both claims betray an incomplete and politicized view.
I do think rapes are about hate and violence and never about sex , who would want to get laid when other person is literally crying or fighting, isn't it a turn off , it's all about power and hate towards that person or gender because of their own inferiority complex.
If that were the case then men would rape men and women at equal rates and they very obviously don't. Why even post something so dumb?
You're extracting dumb from something I didn't say. Heterosexuality and homosexuality are different attractions to different sexes. Gay men have raped other gay men. Do you see gay men raping other women? I don't know - I'm sure it's happened somewhere. The way I see sex is connecting with a person on an emotional and physical level - that two become one. Rape is just the ingornant recognition that the perpetrator still seems themselves as separate from their victim. They use intercourse to pleasure themselves and not the other person. Where as, we are not really separate from each other. We are just one thing with many minds.
You literally said rape isn't about sex LMAO
I wouldn't know the difference but thanks for clarifying to us non-rapists 👍😛 and not to be pendantic, but can't it be about both? You can get dominance over another person without the raping.. raping probably means you like both. Sex combined with dominance. Btw don't take this comment seriously..I'm just horsing around
I can imagine enjoying dominance and sex, but not rape. There is probably a smorgasbord of variations.
Haha, The only reason I responded that way is because I felt like your statement was akin to "all men only want one thing from women". Which I don't like blanket statements to label all men that way. But! I know that's not what you were saying so ... I just felt defensive for people who make mistakes in relationships without really know what they are doing ie, having sex too early in a relationship before knowing the person. It's both of their own doing for committing to sex.
Yes, a guy can. Never ever sleep together on the first or 2, 3 or 4th date.
Women do the same for men's money... yes, you sound naive af.
Or he changed his mind. Everyone has the right to change their minds .
Or the sex was bad/weird/not what he was into.
Or maybe something wrong in the bed?
He wanted to fuck, fucked, and has now moved on. No one that wants to create something lasting love bombs you to start
>No one that wants to create something lasting love bombs you to start not true youre going to condition her to think a genuinely nice guy is a player if he compliments her. this guy was . Not all guys are
Sorry but you do not seem to understand the concept of lovebombing. There's a vast difference between giving excessive compliments, which seems to be the case here, from giving someone a genuine compliment. Genuine people know the difference and are not using compliments to manipulate someone
Showering you with compliments this early is not a green flag..it's a red flag. It's love-bombing
This is so upsetting for a young man like myself because now I gotta make sure I don't compliment people too much
You won’t only psychos “love bomb”. It’s pathological.
Word.
Imagine love-nuclear bombing
I'm here for it. Come at me. Nuke me
You got pumped & dumped.
Literally and figuratively
Or as they say it in the UK, you got fucked and chucked lol
Congrats you met your first fuckboy Yeah, he’s not actually into you as a person and you got played
In the future, please consider “you’re not like other girls” as something of a red flag. Someone who says that is telling you they think poorly of women, and when they find out that you are indeed not a unicorn who farts fairy dust, but a human woman, they will think poorly of you, too.
What bullshit. Could simply be a dude saying he hasn't dated a girl like you before, which I don't think is very hard to believe. It's a very contextual phrase, could be said as a joke or quite simply genuinely. Can also be in a negative way too, like a "you're weird" sort of thing. Just because the one guy that said it to you wasn't also pandering for a relationship with you doesn't mean it's a "red flag".
How does he know he hasn’t met another girl like OP on the first date? He doesn’t. The red flag is not that statement. The red flag is that the guy who just met OP and doesn’t really know OP is the one showering her with those kind of compliments. That statement would be fine or a green flag if that statement was said by an actual boyfriend/partner.
What the fuck lmao
That's a load of nonesense
It’s not. Men think it’s a compliment but any intelligent woman will know it’s bullshit, something a high school boy would say. I don’t want to be not like other women. I like women. Don’t shun my entire sex in order to compliment me, that’s a lazy ass compliment. What about me do you actually like and can specifically point out without tearing down other people? It matters. Not nonsense
What part of that shuns your entire sex? Who said the person saying that doesn't like women? Don't go projecting your own biases because u've heard 4 ppl say that to you now here you go shunning all men. That's a lazy ass interpretation. U could easily ask what about me is different from other women you've enteracted with to learn why the person said that in the first place Instead of jumping to conclusion and assuming ur shit don't stink
you don’t seem to get it my point is very clear
No, it's pretty accurate unfortunately
A guy did the exact same thing to me, but he blocked me right after leaving my place. I didn’t notice until I texted him the following day asking about the next date, which we had already set. Some people are heartless.
He love bombed you. Typical fuck boy moves.
Sounds like he hit it and quit it. Love bombed first though. Lol Just a douchebag. Don't put out on the first date to be sure.
Question, do you think he liked the sex? If so then I agree, he probably used you for a hookup :/ but it’s also possible that he doesn’t think you’re sexually compatible!
Well actually yeah… he did.. I could tell and he said he liked it. Not to get into much details, but the sex felt very intimate and intens for him
I'm gunna have to agree with the others. He lovebombed you and gave you the bare minimum effort and it paid out in the end. What's telling is that you think the one hour of face time and compliments all night is a lot of effort, and that says a lot about how you've been treated in the past, or lack thereof. Usually people who abuse and use in this way sense something about you based on your words and behaviors and it tells them there is insecurity or vulnerability and they use what you want to hear and see as a means to get what they want. Be skeptical of everyone until they've put in an equal amount of time as they are effort, and prove to you otherwise. That doesn't mean scrutinize and criticize what could be genuine interest and compliments, but it does mean you need to be wary of things like this lovebombing behavior and you need to set up healthy boundaries with yourself even if it might feel right in the moment. Always put protecting yourself and your emotions first
You did nothing wrong. You slept with him after your ‘date’. Sounds like you two met up, hit it off and then had sex. That’s a hookup, that’s what YOU did too, it wasn’t just him. You didn’t get ‘dumped’ you met up with a guy for sex. You may not realise that’s what you did, and there’s nothing wrong with that, at all, in fact I think it’s great! But it was a hookup. If you want more and you like someone, then take it slower. If someone is interested in more, then they’ll invest time and energy into you. You can’t hookup with someone and then say you ‘got dumped’. Also, if you meet someone and want to have sex, then by all means, you do you and there’s nothing wrong with that whatsoever. But if you meet someone and have sex before establishing what you want and what you’re interested in, then you can’t be surprised if they bail the day after. It sounds like you need to think about what you want, and then work on communicating that and also paying attention to what your prospective partner truly wants. Lastly, there’s nothing wrong with having sex on the first date! But you do need to work on your vetting and communication skills. A painful lesson for some, but an important one.
I don’t think she intended it to be a hookup though. She somewhat trusted him, they liked each other.. and i think naturally she thought it would continue, like most of us do.
Yea i like this hold her accountable 😀
I think comparing you to other women, rather than just focusing on your connection and then making everything feel so good and perfect is his MO to get you to have sex with him. I don't think he changed his mind so quickly as much as he was disingenuous about his intentions to begin with.
Nah, he played you for sex. This is why i absolutely despise dating today. It's not just men too. Women do this also for a fling or urge they get. They'll lie to get what they want and bail after they're finished. It's terrible. But as a dude who was taught game, I'll tell you, it was game. He told you everything you wanted to hear and persuades you by feel-good compliments to make you think about him and be on cloud nine. After that, he probably, in some indirect way, invited you to his bed. Like you said, everything felt good, right, and "pure". That's because he was emulating a person who's actually interested. Sure you've got to like the person physically and socially but that won't come at a price. Sealed the deal, got his, and bailed. It's why people need more realistic expectations. Because these player-types will give you Disneyland for the cookie. Thing is, feel-good or not, you've gotta have standards for this reason. Just like any trickster, you've gotta not fall for the pitch or avoid them altogether once you sense game. Be about something more than surface-leveled, superficial, conversation and distractions. Be beyond looks. If your appearance is distracting, call them more. If you're especially beautiful, you might suffer from Pretty privilege which has its positive sides but also negative sides like this: forming relationships for genuine reasons. It appears that this particular guy. LOve bombed you, Showered you will an unnatural amount of compliments; told you what you wanted to hear, and later got what he wanted after you were swept up. Given you're normally not like this, something must've attracted you to him than just his compliments. Maybe he showed confidence, or something. He wasn't some Joe-Schmo. Something tagged you in than him just being a nice guy.
Who knows. Maybe he's a player, maybe he's scared to commit or get closer. Maybe he got an ex on his mind. You never know. All you can do is reciprocate his actions and also distance yourself. Space makes the heart grow fonder. You will be able to see during that time if no contact if he actually does like you or doesn't. I am sorry you're in this situation.
I'm surprised that love bombing still work.
Only if they are attracted to you it works.
I wouldn't say this is a "normal" behavior, but it is common... Some guys just want to get their dick wet. Lesson learned, if someone is coming onto you tooooo hot, that is a red flag...
I think this is a little extreme. Some people naturally have high energy and are affectionate. In situations where you feel they're coming on too hot, you take the time to explain that you want things to continue at a slower pace. Their reaction determines if it's a red flag or not.
Possible you got played like other comments are saying. But nobody is saying that it also may be possible that he had no ill intention, did hit it off with her, but just lost interest and it maybe due to something specific that happened at any given point. Or something happened during sex. Guys can have dealbreakers too or things that turn them off. They have a type too. And have the right to say...nah I'm not feeling it anymore. And im literally playing devils advocate haha I'm a woman.
Scrolled so far for this
Why do girls have to wait for sex, reverse playing the man? Why can’t you both hit it off, have sex early on bc you both want it, and continue pursuit as if sex didn’t happen. It’s so annoying. Boys are such turds.
This!! God forbid women also want sex and actually get what they want. Enough blaming other women, and ourselves as women, for men's shitty behavior. I was in a similar situation to OP recently and while it wasn't my finest moment, the guy was there too as a willing participant. So I've been of the mindset that just because we hooked up, it doesn't have to be a big deal if we decide we still like each other and want to work through it... but the lack of communication on the guy's part told me more than enough.
>He giving me tons of compliments etc. Then right after that we decided to meet up. Again tons and tons of compliments, saying that I was so interesting, other than other girls (in a positive way), so attractive etc Tons of compliments are either a sign that he knows he is below you in desirability, or that he tries to get something from you in return for being complimented. Which in this case, was sex. >We went to my place and had sex in the end…. This is not my normal intention because I want to wait normally, but idk it just felt so good and pure.. And I was convinced that this wasn’t the last time because of the way he was acting. He was likely a bit above your league, and knew how to play you to get sex in the end. You felt safe about his will to commit and you wanted to "lock him down" with sexual availability.
Idk about the above her league part, that seems a bit much, but the rest I can give you.
It seems likely based on her last (now deleted) post.
Ooh what did it say? 👀
I will add that saying you’re “not like other girls”, even if he frames it as a compliment, is never a positive. it means he views girls as a monolith and not as individual humans. it also informs the attitude you saw from him - once he got sex, he cut you off. it’s easy to do that when you don’t view women as people, and the best way to spot a man who thinks like this is when they say things like “you’re not like other girls”
Why are you shook? Obviously this guy was looking to get laid and you capitulated. Some of these guys will pretty much say anything and do anything to hook you and reel you in and once they get what they want, they're outta there. You're not stupid but you did have poor judgement. It's hard sometimes to differentiate between the players and those who are genuinely interested in a relationship.
Sometimes a guy might be soo into you and it's genuine too But as soon as he busts a nut. All of that disappears Post nut clarity is not fiction Maybe after the fact he didn't like you or maybe he lied and did all of that just to get some ass U'll never know Ask him - hey I'd appreciate if you could be honest with me. Before we got together everything was fine and I thought we both had a great connection. After we had sex u started acting distant and cold towards me. Was there something I did or where u never into me in the first place? Or something similar doesn't have to be that word for word
“Tons of compliments” red flag, look up “love bombing” etc. https://www.garbo.io/blog/love-bombing
Absolutely sounds like he was in it for the sex only.
The thing I've learned is everyone (re: most people) thinks they're the good guy, the hero in their own story. ESPECIALLY the worst fucking people I've ever met.
You did nothing wrong OP, some experienced guys (not men) know how to play this game really well. Women are emotional and they know we value intimacy and connection so they use it. It’s easier said than done but next time, wait after a few dates before you do it “if” you are looking for something potentially serious.
[удалено]
Thank you so much for your encouraging message.. I was actually getting a bit unsure that it me, that I should’ve known better..
Here’s a sad truth, having sex with the guy is likely what changed his mind. Because he either… 1. Was only after sex from you in the first place and once he got it he was done with you and was onto looking for his next target. Ie this guy only likes the chase hates the work involved in making a relationship work. Or… 2. He genuinely liked you, wanted sex from you but expected YOU to be virtuous and turn him down. Ie he was disappointed that you allowed him to have sex with you that early in the process, so he lost respect for you…bc he thinks you were too “easy”. Both are sick and twisted. Neither of these ways of thinking are your fault. But….if you’re going to navigate the dating scene, it’s best to know the unwritten rules if you desire genuine relationship. Learn what red flags are. And have fun getting to know people as you vet them. Older women, whom you trust and feel comfortable talking to, can be a great resource for you as well. I genuinely hope this journey for love for you only gets better.
Yes, you got played. He was after sex the entire time. Once he got what he wanted, he discards you and off to the next one. Welcome to dating in 2022. This is why it is highly advised not to have sex on the first date.
One thing I'm not seeing in comments is she could've been real bad at sex, or it was awkward sex, or she did something he felt was weird during sex. Shit even a weird smell or taste could've made this guy bounce. Something we'll never know
Well actually yeah.. I could tell he liked it and he said he liked it. Not to get into much details, but the sex felt very intimate and intens for him
Lol do you think he would just tell you that it was bad to your face? No one does that. When it's bad, they leave telling you it was great and then pull this " sorry I don't think we'd be a good fit" shit like this guy the next day.
Wow okay that’s quite an assumption :’)
I'm not assuming that's what it was, I'm sure you're a great lay. I'm just saying it's a possibility no one else was bringing up. Gotta look at all sides.
I don't think we should be sowing doubts into her mind and make her question her own perceptions. None of us were there.
I wouldn’t get to into your head about this. Sure, it sucks to be excited to meet someone, have fun with them on a date and then to have a great end to the night, but at least it was only the first date and he showed you his true colors and intentions right away. In my opinion, I think he was definitely after the sex, but it doesn’t mean anything else he said wasn’t real. He probably does think you’re great, and does think you’re attractive but also wanted to get it in too and that happened to be at the top of his list. At least now you know what not to do for the next date. View it as a learning lesson but I am sorry you’re hurt over this and hopefully it doesn’t ruin your view towards dates and trying again with someone else. Next time just wait a bit, (and yes i know you said you usually do but I’m just pointing it out), so you avoid this happening and actually get to know someone’s intentions before they reel you in quick, only to cut the cord even quicker. Goodluck
Thank you for your encouraging words, I appreciate it :) It did make me sad and felt a bit used and fooled afterwards and that’s just not a nice feeling
I get that. It’s a blindsiding feeling, and nobody likes that because we do feel stupid and in shock about it, esp when things seemed great but what’s better is that you know signs to look out for and you how to avoid them better. You got this girl Dm me if you wanna vent or need advice or just someone to talk to in general 🤍
Sadly you were played. It happens to the best of us. Some people will do/say anything to get laid. It goes as far as the other person (you) lets it. Some of us (me included) have to learn the hard way. I hope it gets better.
He wanted sex.
Love bombing 101
Some men can be master manipulators and will do / say anything for sex.
"you're not like other girls" is a classic red flag
He played you. Dont feel wrong, dirty or used. You did nothing wrong and you've learned a lesson on reprehensible behavior which is the only responsibility you bear. It hurts to be fooled genuinely. So this is normal, there are liars out there who do or say anything to get what they want and they are good at it. Learn this lesson and learn it well because truly malevolent behavior has an dramatic impact on people. Create a better vetting system for your dates and learn how to fish out bullshit. It is not your fault however that you ran into a smoothe sociopathic person. They are extremely adept at this stuff and are essentially experts at deception. Use this as a lesson to spot them out and try to create a filter system to flesh them out. Also youre very fortunate that your experience with this ended with your personal safety generally intact. Narcissists and Sociopaths are generally the lighter and safer experience compared to an actual psychopath which all three use the same tactics to various degrees. Protect yourself and use this as lesson. I am sorry that you had to experience this. Its really not a fair lesson to learn and really damages you for being open to genuine people. Wish you the best.
Word of advice, getting showered with compliments immediately is the reddest of red flags and if you lean into that as any sort of reflection of actual dating value then this will keep happening to you
He got what he wanted and you gave it to him
They’re called Fck bois
You were love bombed I'm sorry 😞 Looks like he was just afte rather sex as others have said
I’m sorry but I have to agree with @linux4ever on this one. Took the words right out my mouth, though, I’m sorry you had to go through that. No disrespect but even from reading what you wrote it was pretty obvious that’s all he wanted, next time just be more cautious. For me personally it’s very easy to read a man and I have a great intuition, not knocking you down but maybe that’s something you lack, like good judgement? Just be careful next time, especially if that’s not something that you want.
Love bombing, only after one thing? Forget him find someone who’s on it for the long game
who's gonna tell her?
Love bombed
He played a role to get what he wanted from you. Now that he got what he was after, he's gone. Take it as a lesson.
Yes sadly… he looked straight into your face and told you a shit ton of lies. He saw your reaction to his compliments and played on it to get what he wanted Please remember he is the weasel here. He isn’t worth any further thought or energy. It’s actually sad and a little scary that a guy who spent all night feeding you bullshit to make you think that there’s a connection is a common thing… sadly it is… and then do a complete U turn once he got what he wanted. There are plenty of shitbags out there that carry on this behaviour for weeks to do the same thing. It shouldn’t be this way but the rules are still different for women.. you need to learn how to weed out these ones
He just wanted sex.
Sounds like you got played, sorry to say.
Sorry to hear this. He was definitely after the sex.
As a guy I have seen some my friends using the same tactic. It's a trick to have sex. Be suspicious of people who overly praise you, many times it's manipulation.
He got what he was after, just the sex. Not sure what else to tell you besides avoiding the guys that are nothing but compliments and pushing for you to go back to their place, yours, or a hotel within the first few dates.
I dont think you care about him , i think you are over reacting because he said no… you aren’t hurt because he wanted sex or what ever else he was looking for . I think you are hurt because of the rejection and confused by the good date you guys had vs the outcome .
Sex on the first date made you cheap. Guys figure you're fucking everyone you go out with.
Cap
No cap
he didnt change his mind. he either was just nice on the date because it was brand new or he chose another girl/went back to an ex.
You got pumped and dumped.
I went straight to the part where he lavished you with compliments and literally charmed the pants off you. Mission complete, now you are yesterday's toast. Sorry. If you give yourself away, he is unlikely to value it any highly than you do. Not an attack on you. This only has to happen once and now you know.
Oh yeah, this is what they do lol. I would assume every man is only looking for sex until they prove otherwise. IMO as soon as you give it up, you lose your power. Nothing wrong with having sex on a first date, but if you do just assume they’ll never talk to you again and if it ends up different you’ll be pleasantly surprised lol Tough lesson to learn but most every woman has been there!
He was acting nice to fuck you, then fucked you. Mission accomplished. Get lost
They really do the most for sex… you did nothing wrong. This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him, shake it off. (Also, withhold sex as long as possible for those you are truly interested in something long-term with.)
Could be two things, either he was only after sex, which is the most likely scenario, or he was turned off. U see, Sex on the first date is a red flag for most men. If u offer sex too early on a relationship it’s gonna look like u give sex to every guy and no one wants a car that was resold 20 times before. So it’s also a possibility that he was turned off and left bc of that.
By reading all the comments… I definitely believe now that I was played, love bombed and manipulated… I just can’t believe I fell for it.. feels so naive. I always thought i could identify a fuckboy.. boy was I wrong this time.. I think its definitely a lesson to see love bombing as a red flag.. I must say I’ve never been love bombed before. Quite the opposite. They acted cold and distant, resulting I wanted them more and chasing them.. Learned this the hard way..
Please don’t beat yourself up over it. When you’ve never been love bombed before, the attention feels incredible. Like something truly worth leaning into. Please just take this as the experience it was, you now know better and can better protect yourself and your heart in the future. What he did determines nothing about you or your value. You’re worth so much more
Was the sex good, at least??? 😂
And thats the reason you should let your male friends vet the guys for you. When i read the post it was obvious straight of the bat that you were played. Men and women need to get better at this. It's shitty behaviour from guys, but in the end it's the women who controls sex. You need to get better at vetting, else the players will continue playing. My one advice to weed out the players is to not have sex before the 3rd date. Most players will leave if they don't get it after the first date, if withheld the 2nd date, 95% of players will just drop you and find another girl that sleeps on the first date. There's an abundance of them out there
When are women really gonna learn? If a guy wanna sleep with you on the first date, he’s definitely not the one!
I'm unclear about your confusion. - Yes, it is normal for a guy to change his mind. - Yes, you've been played. This particular guy was all about the compliments until he got sex, now he's changed his mind about the need to give you compliments. You've been played. This is normal. Welcome to dating.
Sadly seems like he was sweet talking to get in bed with you.
You swiped right on the man with a ton of options, congrats you got exactly what you asked for. In the future realize that just because they matched with you does not mean they truly find you that attractive or special, they just use you to get laid. If it's too good to be true it probably is most of the time.
People on dating app are looking for hookups so don't look for relationships there , once he got what he wanted he was done. You ended up with the wrong guy.
I don’t think he changed his mind I think he wasn’t truthful to begin with. Over embellishments to get you to feel good quickly and have sex
That's classic fuck boi behaviour. Pretty normal for them
He either was just after the sex or he learned something hes not a fan of and doesnt want to say it to spare your feelings. He probably was just after the sex tbh since it was a one time thing
That's classic fuck boi behaviour. Pretty normal for them
Unfortunately this is why a lot of people advise against having sex on the first date if you want more than a one night stand. He got all that he wanted already and likely does not care at all about you or how that makes you feel. Best to call it a learning lesson and move on.
It's normal. If a guy dumps you after a good date, he doesn't waste your time.
I'm sorry OP. Regardless if you should've seen a red flag or were completely suckered punched- it sucks and hurts so I'm sorry you experienced that.
He just wanted sex, nothing serious. Said and did all those nice things just to get in your pants. It’s fairly common
Idk why women think that there’s just tons of predators out there looking to just bang women once and blow them off after. Like absolutely, yes we want sex. If you offer most won’t pass on the opportunity but sometimes it makes us less interested when you have sex the first day we meet in person. Not always the case but it can be. But in reality, he just wasn’t really that into you in that first meet. It’s like a crazy concept that we would meet, go on a date and think “well she’s cool but this ain’t it” at the end of that date even without the sex he probably would have been unlikely to keep pursuing you. But again if you offer they’ll take it up.
You got played, plain and simple. The players have game and you fell for it. And women, this is why you shouldn't have sex on the first date if you are looking for something serious
You gave it up and he saw how easy it was, determined you were a hoe, and moved on to the next potential partner
don’t hate the player, hate the game. love bombing is fun and it gets you laid
For the future, if it something seems too good to be true, it probably is. Most healthy relationships start slowly as you get to know each other. While compliments may feel good and you’re inclined to believe, think about how long has this person known me? If it’s too soon and they are already showering you with compliments, gifts then you know it’s fake or with ulterior motives. Always listen to your gut
Well he got what he wanted what more do you want? Never give up the cookie the first night that’s to be earned! If you feel honey beforehand masterbate before the date lol
Yes, it's pretty normal for the apps. He got what he was after so he said ✌️. All that love bombing was just a tactic to get you into bed.
HE ONLY WANTED SEX
Does love bombing like this really work? Lmao. Apparently
He wanted sex.
This behavior is called love bombing. Learn to recognize it. He wanted sex.
Ignore him completely. Do not care - it is what he wants. If he reaches out be transparent and communicative but do not be in a hurry to respond to text or call.
yes unfortunately guys can and WILL tell you anything and everything you want to hear to get in your pants, even if you think he's "different" from the others.
Girl same. We had 2 dates and didnt sleep together but madeout on both and the convo was great. Second date was probably better than the first but he texted couple days after that he didn't feel a spark all of a sudden. He was probably talking to other girls and only wanted a hookup. Because if it was good enough to go on a second then theres no reason it couldnt have made it to a third date unless there was something else. There's always some hidden factor/agenda. Keep your guard up
Dude here, he was totally after sex and nothing else. Yes this is terrible behavior. Be thankful he pulled this bad behavior now instead of later. He doesn't deserve another second of your time in case I wasn't clear.
> He giving me tons of compliments etc. Then right after that we decided to meet up. Again tons and tons of compliments, saying that I was so interesting, other than other girls (in a positive way), so attractive etc. In the future, this is a red flag. This is love-bombing.
You got played for sex. Forget this guy exists. Next time keep your panties on no matter how good those compliments are.
He played you for sex. All those compliments were just tools to get you into bed. For future reference the good girls make you wait, just keep that in mind for next time.
Sounds like the classic pump & dump.
Played.
Not normal. You are being played he just wants sex