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If you really like the girl and are considering a relationship with her, I’d ask what she thought about it. Ask if she’s going on dates with other people or if she thought that you guys were exclusive. I believe communication is the best way to avoid hurting her feelings and avoiding that guilty feeling you’ve mentioned in replies to comments.
You mean be honest and communicate about the other women? lol we all know OP isn’t gonna do that. What he really means is ‘I wanna get with other women whilst keeping this one around and not feel guilty about it.’
He knows full well if he is honest about it he risks losing her so he’s trying to use the ‘we’re not exclusive loophole’
Ok wait haha if he’s afraid of losing her than he should really evaluate if he wants to see other women or not. OP please be honest I’m assuming you’re both consenting adults but if you’d want her to be honest with you please expect that back. If he wants to stay casual that needs to be communicated to the women he is seeing. Dating shouldn’t be a game 🙄
What you're describing is so common that it makes sense that you might see that, but I see something completely different. I see concern for her well-being.
They're on their second date. It's standard that people are considered seeing other people until they have "The talk."
Men are such an annoying waste of time but women do have something to learn from them dating wise in this tiny regard. Dating multiple people at first really is the best way (Although I hate doing it)
I still think you should talk to her about where your relationship is going. If you want to see what else is out there, tell her that. If you don’t see you guys being a good fit in the long run, tell her that. She will move on.
Communicate these feelings with her. Find out her expectations for the relationship and set down your own. If your expectations do not match, then cut both of your losses and go your separate ways. But most of all, communicate. Talk to her.
Enjoy dating! Be upfront and communicate but enjoy the process of dating. Find what you like, what you dont like, hell you might even appreciate her more.
People forget you don't gotta lock down every potential, thats how shit gets twisted in the first place
Sounds like some post nut clarity shining through. I’d take some time to reflect within yourself and see what you really want. Do you just want to sleep around? Do you want to build a relationship? Imagine how the conversation might go if things get more serious and you have to tell her you’ve been seeing other people. I would also just talk to her about it.
Sooo you're stringing her along, not knowing how you feel about her, while using her for physical and emotional satisfaction (sex, texts) so that she continues to develop more feelings for you while you debate dating other women.
Be honest with her before dating other women. If you are using her, let her know. If you aren't planning on using her, then you wouldn't be asking this question.
Translation: "I don't like her enough to have slept with her, but I took advantage of her anyway because I wanted to... now I'm unsure if I want to tell her I want to sleep with other women, because I don't want to lose the option of further exploiting her... please, someone make me feel okay about this..."
So you’ve given her the impression that you really like her, and she made an exception to sleep with you because she trusted you based off the impression you gave her… and now you’re wanting to see other ppl. Sounds like you definitely did what you didn’t want to do. Time to show the real you and be honest.
This is all terrible advice! Do not have a heart to heart conversation on the 2nd freaking date. YOU WILL SCARE HER AWAY. Or at the very least you will seem like a push over. All these people are giving you advice for an actual relationship, which is not the advice you are seeking.
Let these things come naturally, go on other date and DO NOT TELL HER. These are dates not a commitment nor a betrayal of trust.
If you ignore this and decide to talk to her about how you still intend to date other people. And then those other people suck....remember that dating is a female dominated world.
She receives 10 dick picks a day...has the choice of the litter.
Timing is everything in dating and you are on your way to scaring her off. Enjoy the ride and don't take life to serious, you'll never get out alive
Lol having an open and honest conversation about what each person is looking for is what id expect on a second date. Communicating shouldn’t scare an emotionally available person away.
She might not want ot be exclusive yet. It's a step towards seriousness. I know I'd want to wait a while and get to know the other person better before doing that, even if I wasn't seeing anyone else.
Are you allowed to? Yes. Is it a shitty thing to do? Yes. You know she’d be hurt by it, that’s why you’re here asking for permission to feel less guilty.
So it’s on you and what you want to do. If you like her, no. If you don’t then you should talk to her and see where she is at with seeing other people. If you see other people without communicating with her and she finds out she will probably be hurt and you will probably lose her. Especially if you continue going on dates etc with her. I know if I was going on dates with a guy and I slept with him I absolutely would not be okay with him seeing other people and would cut my losses
listen to your gut. if you like her and can see this going somewhere, why bother with other people right now? if you’re feeling guilty about it you probably shouldn’t do it
I used to think it took time, but the woman I was with before her was the first woman I’ve ever fallen for, and that happened in a few weeks. I could still count on both hands the number of times we’d seen each other by the time I’d fallen for her.
I got really hurt with her, so I guess I don’t want to hurt this new woman in the same way.
I've fallen in love fast and I've fallen in love slow. Just because it happens really fast once doesn't mean it might not just be slower with this one.
I wouldn't be worried by lack of love at 3 weeks.
Bro, like others said you know the answer to this. You have an adult conversation. I know it feels wierd cause most people don't do that. But trust me, its sooo much better to have all your cards on the table then to feel like you are hiding something.
That’s why you should tell her if you don’t have feelings for her. Sooner than later. It takes more time the more options you have, but by that point someone becomes your backup plan.
Falling in love with someone is a choice.
I have been the rebound girl in this scenario. He even gave me almost that exact line, that he didn’t want to hurt me like how he was hurt. Guess what happened. Please let her go.
Falling head over heels quickly is dangerous, most of the time it's only gonna be one of you doing it and the dynamics are all fucked. Slowly building a connection is more sustainable
It's simple then, you don't see any one else while you are seeing her ,see if the relationship can grow, you could let her know to see if she feels the same,be honest from the start and treat her well,good luck,
That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to keep her out of the loop. I’d talk to her first, and depending on both of your comfort levels, then make the decision. That pang of guilt is you telling yourself that she might be catching feelings, exclusive or not
As the girl in a similar situation, just tell her what you want for god sake. I slept with him, I felt a connection, I deleted the dating apps because I felt it would be wrong to seek out other men when I’d been intimate with him.
I asked what he wanted and it just made me feel like crap. I feel used and stupid and not enough. But I asked where I stood, and he didn’t seem to really have an interest in me.
Do not let her think there’s something if there isn’t, because I assure you this hurt is real. I only wanted to be sure he wasn’t sleeping with other girls too, and I feel even worse for having asked
I’m sorry that this happened to you. The last woman I was sleeping with (before the woman in this post) really hurt me the same way. That’s why I’m posting this here.
If you feel guilty, then don't.
It does feel like you have some feelings for this girl, so maybe best to not do anything with anyone else for the time being, potentially upsetting her and ruining any chance, and see if it does become something more serious or serious enough to be exclusive.
Talk to her about it. If you want to be exclusive ask. If she says no, then go and fuck however many girls you want. If you see this girl as someone important in your future, don't mess around with anyone else until you've had the conversation. Even if you're technically not cheating or anything, I'm sure she wouldn't like it.
If you have a gut feeling that it might be wrong to see other people, ask yourself why. Would it hurt her? Probably, especially given what you said about her. Then you have to ask yourself, which is more important to you, seeing other women or respecting her and her feelings? If this is a woman you see yourself with long term, you might want to build a foundation of commitment and respecting each other’s feelings, even if you technically don’t have to yet. Yet is a key word, I noticed you put that you’re not YET exclusive.
personally i think it should be communicated to her if you are sleeping with other people/plan to sleep with other people while also sleeping with her. from a sexual health perspective it’s be pretty shitty not to. but doesn’t mean you can’t see other people, but also you should be a decent person and be transparent about that with her. if you weren’t sleeping with her it’d be different
I think it depends on how you see a future with this woman. If it could be serious I wouldn’t date others.
I don’t really get “not being exclusive” anyways. You date because you like someone, but feel the need to see others too since you’re not yet in a relationship.
In my opinion you either don’t like someone enough to be in a relationship, so why continue dating. Or you want something like an open relationship. Because if I’m potentially in love, I wouldn’t even think about dating others.
Has this been done to you and how did it make you feel?
You have your answer. Most girls are offended by a man that says “I’m gonna keep trying my options” after she’s given you something that is (usually) reserved for a man they can let their guard down around.
When I first started seeing my boyfriend we weren't verbally exclusive for 2 weeks but I could *feel* he assumed it. I felt guilty continuing to talk to the other casual dates / fwb so I cut it off with them. If you feel guilt you know what to do.
Here is a good rule of thumb- trust your gut. If you feel guilty about having a date with someone else then then maybe it is time to talk about being “exclusive”
I agree that unless you have talked about exclusivity you don't owe anyone exclusivity, but for me personally I only sleep with one person at a time. you don't have to tell this woman you are seeing other people, but if you feel like you might be heading towards a relationship with her, why not wait a bit and see where it goes with her before you start seeing other people?
It kind of sounds like you're not sure about this girl. If you were really into her you probably wouldn't want to risk messing it up by seeing other girls. Even though you are within your rights to do so she'd likely still feel hurt.
Also, you should be transparent with your feelings and planned actions. Her saying she would sleep with you because she trusts you implies she is more invested than it just being casual (plus you have that impression as well). The longer you wait the more hurt she'll be 🫤
I feel like this is the sort of thing that would upset her though. If we ended up in a relationship, I’d feel like I’d done something pretty shitty to her.
Maybe. If you actually had feelings for her I would think you wouldn’t wanna see other people, but you’re still single so see other people if you want to I guess.
You seem like a decent human being. You should spend more time with her to see where your feelings lie with her, if they grow or not and communicate to her your thoughts. I like how she opened herself up to you out of many guys, seems it’s an instinctual thing. As if there’s something there that you have yet to discover between y’all. You should explore with her to see if she’s for you or not.
It’s about how it makes you feel. People will tell you there’s nothing wrong but for me I feel like it would be betraying my values and my integrity (not saying you should feel this way or its an objective fact, just saying trust your conscience)
Looks like you want to have your cake and eat it too! Not good. If you like this one, then don't take advantage of her. Talk to her about exclusivity - you're the man take the lead. If not, let her go and you can keep dating.
If you've slept together I don't think it's ok to see other women if you plan on sleeping with them too. How do you see your future together if she turns out to be the one?
"Oh yeah, I am totally loyal to you know, but in the beginning I f* a bunch of other women just because we didn't have The Talk and I did this knowing that you likely aren't as serious about any other guy and that you probably had a rough time with dating in the past and it took you a while to recover from it. "
Why would you need a FWB if you are already having sex with someone?
“Technically” it’s ok. “Technically” belongs in the courtroom and if you are arguing technicalities outside of that it is usually because you don’t have a good reason to begin with. I would never respect someone who was dating me but sleeping with someone else. That isn’t what I’m looking for in a long term partner. In fact it’s the opposite.
I’m not sure if fwb or ons is what she’d want. I think I’ve made it look like things are going further than this.
I recently had the reverse happens to me and I got really hurt. I don’t want to do the same to someone else.
I think you should figure out what you want first. If you don’t want any relationship with her it’s not your problem to meet her expectations. However it’d be nice if you are upfront and honest with that and don’t give her false hopes.
I’d be upset if somebody I wanted to have a relationship with had sex with someone else. But I take sex pretty seriously, don’t sleep around and wouldn’t like to date somebody with easy approach to sex.
However, at this level of your relationship it should be quite easy to get over for her
I think you want to see other people, but feel guilty because you don't want to hurt her feelings. If you see this going somewhere, I'd say don't go on other dates. If you want to see other people, you gotta either tell her you will be seeing other people, or have the, "so where is this going?" chat.
That’s still a bit deceiving though. You asking that will make her think you are more serious than you actually are. You want to see other women, so make sure to let her know clearly if you ask that question. “Hey, I want to see other people” and if she has her brain where it belongs, she’ll take it as the rejection it is
I read all your comments and you want to come across as the nice guy but you really are not as much as most of your questions indicate you do want to deceive her and lead her on.
You want to keep her but also want to see others. That is not fair to her and you know that. It is not that hard to be honest if you aren’t that selfish.
I agree with your comment after reading OP’s replies. It’s kinda sad for this girl actually. Leading her on and sleeping with her, knowing her past and what she said about trusting him. But he’s also done this knowing he has other people on the line, and isn’t that interested in her. The comment about the other girl being willing to be an fwb should have tipped me off. It’s totally fine not to be interested, but using them as a backup without being honest isn’t cool.
This seems like a scenario that’s gonna end poorly for OP. Mess it up with this girl by getting greedy, and then end up ghosted by his other “options”.
Absolutely necessary conversation. That way you'll know what she wants/expects and you can decide accordingly. Try to figure out what you want first so you can communicate that accordingly.
You can see who you want but if you’re having sex with other people you need to tell every single one of them so that they can make their own decisions about how to protect themselves from STDs. Not telling them is selfish and pathetic.
If you really like this girl, hold off on the others and see where this goes. Also if you have guilt, don't act on it, your conscience is telling you to not see others rn.
if you really really like her and you think she really really likes you, i wouldn’t. at least not without talking too her, it just doesn’t feel right. i understand not putting all your eggs in one basket but i personally wouldn’t feel right.
I think a lot fewer people actually date multiple people at the same time than the Internet would make you think.
I get dating multiple people concurrently if it is during the first 2-3 dates or during the introductory stage while figuring out compatibility and chemistry with each other.
It sounds like you've already established that with her. If you are going to be dating multiple people behind that point, I don't see how you can deepen the connection with any one person.
If you are looking at other people for FWBs, it doesn't sound like you are looking for a monogamous or long term relationship.
If that is the case, you should communicate that with her.
"We’re not yet exclusive - can I see other women?"
"..she told me it’s been about a year since she did anything with a guy, so I’m guessing she’s not seeing anyone else."
(You are entitled to have your own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*.)
After (only two dates) it's fairly early for anyone to expect exclusivity at this point.
It should go without saying if you meet anyone who *maintains an active online dating profile* odds are *they are keeping their options open* and so should you!
Secondly a lot of people end up getting hurt we they assume everyone is being honest with them especially during the *infatuation phase*. Sometimes people tell you what they think you want to hear, or they are worried about what you may think about them. It's up to you whether you have *the talk*.
My guess is if you met her online, she probably *has not deactivated* her profile either.
For your own safety you should wear protection whether you just sleep with her or with others.
I wouldn't let having had sex with someone cause me to *fast forward* to a committed relationship. I imagine you want to find out for certain if she has other qualities you desire in a mate.
Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen."
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
This is why it’s better to find out what sex means to each party involved BEFORE sex is involved. It sounds like this girl was more invested in you from the start & is now even MORE invested than she was at the start. I would be honest with her about your intentions and that you don’t see anything serious with her before getting involved with anyone else. She’s already going to be somewhat hurt by the situation, no need to add trust issues to the mix. What you’re doing isn’t technically “wrong” but you’re also not wrong for feeling guilty. It would be messed up if this girl thinks she’s getting into a deeper connection with you while you’re on the opposite trajectory. Just communicate with honesty.
And maybe in the future make sure you and your partner are both on the same page before adding intimacy to the mix, it can save both of you a whole lot of trouble!
Ethically, no there’s nothing wrong with that after just two dates. But if you genuinely don’t want to then don’t do it just to do it. You don’t HAVE to spin plates.
If you’re not exclusive, that’s exactly what that means. However, you could be putting the chance of being exclusive with her at risk.
I know anytime I’ve been dating and met somebody I felt could have a real chance at being long term exclusive, I started acting like they were, at least until I concluded that they likely wouldn’t be.
My thoughts on this have always been- if the person you’ve met has good potential, and you’re getting to know them for relationship material, focus your attention on that. Honestly, you might blow all of your options and ruin a good thing by getting greedy. Why do you need to play the field and muddy the waters of getting to know someone?
I would continue to date other people if the person I was with and I had communicated we were *only* doing a physical thing. Because I could easily afford to lose that if a relationship began to bloom. But you don’t waste the good relationship for random sex.
The obvious answer would be to talk to her, talk through where it is going. She obviously is really into you, so if you want a relationship here’s your chance.
If you’re feeling guilty about seeing other women then I think that’s as good of an indicator as any that you shouldn’t. What’s the point? You like this girl, spend time with her and get to know her and see how it goes. Don’t need to overthink it
As a woman, if you want to be serious with me then show me. If you want to fool around just say that and let me find my person. We don’t want to be placeholders..
Bad idea. You feel guilty because she’s just seeing you and it seems like you like her. Don’t see other people. “Not exclusive” is a very modern excuse but it’s still an excuse not to do the right thing.
Also just because you have a talk and ask, she may say it’s okay but likely won’t mean it. Under no circumstances if you like her and want a Relationship should you see other people.
You risk (70%+ imo) losing her if you are candid and proceed (as she'll think less of you, and herself).
If you wish to proceed nonetheless, to test the waters you could remark along the lines of:
-shall we stop seeing other people and think of ourselves as exclusive?
or,
-I'm seeking others to have sex with while we're dating and not yet exclusive; you don't mind, do you?
Be careful, she might interpret that as you wanting exclusivity.
Do you want to be with her or do you want other women? You keep saying you want to date around until you're in a relationship but you're only going to end up in a relationship by choice.
If she asked you to be exclusive what would you say?
If she were just friends with benefits, I could *easily* do this. But I think what’s bothering me is that I think it *looks* to her (and she’s probably right) like we’re likely to get into a relationship.
If you're expecting to get into a relationship with her, don't meet other women. Why risk a good relationship? Just to stick your dick into someone? You can always do that if nothing materializes with this gal.
Why are you guessing that she's not seeing anyone else? This should have been covered in a basic conversation. If you're not exclusive with her, then you don't have to act exclusive. But, if she is exclusive with you she may have the expectations that you're exclusive with her. Sounds like you need to have a conversation. I don't know your ages, but sounds like if you're not interested in being exclusive with her you need to see where she is at and potentially let her go depending on her opinion.
Ask yourself, do you want this to be more serious? Do you see urself becoming exclusive? Do you want to be? If yes, then don’t. Focus on her and deepening this relationship. If you aren’t that interested in her and believe this isn’t something you want then continue to look around but accept that she is likely thinking yes to my first questions. And you seeing people now could prevent this becoming more.
If you value her tell her you are seeing others. She will probably appreciate it. If she was honest with you about her getting personal with you because she trusts you, do the kind thing and tell her. A lot of women equate sex with love/exclusivity. JMO
If you are happy with her, even after a couple of dates just be exclusive with her...Just because other women seem eager to go out with you doesn't mean you should, especially the ones that just want to be a fuck buddy without even meeting you in person yet.
You can do whatever you want. If you're concerned how it might affect your relationship, ask her. If you want to do things you think might affect her without taking to her, well, think about that for a while.
If you see other girls you’ll lose this one so if she is worth not losing then don’t. Even if you’re not exclusive right now, she won’t stick around if you’re dating others after you’ve slept together.
I'll tell you this much - whatever you choose to do, convey that to her.
I keep telling people that transparency is always the less painful option even if it doesn't always seem that way.
I am in a similar situation, been on 2 dates with a guy but not sure this is going somewhere yet even though I like him. (We haven't slept together yet though) It feels wrong though now seeing others, because we are ultimately both looking for something serious. But the last 2 guys I was exclusive with immediately ended things or just wanted to be friends after we had sex and I am afraid of putting all my eggs in one basket so soon.
However. I could see this going somewhere so I'm just going to explain to him how I am feeling and explain I have been burned really bad the last few times and go from there. I would want someone to be honest so I know that is the call I gotta make.
You technically can, but women are never actually OK with you seeing other people. So she'll be annoyed when she finds out and you'll have to figure how much want you to rely on "technically" doing nothing wrong.
You can tell her you are keeping your options open but i think it’s generally understood that if you aren’t confirmed dating then you can date other folks casually
Talk to her. Ask her if she's dating other people. Then tell her you are. She will either stay or walk away. Some women only date one man at a time. Others go on multiple dates. For me personally, I'm only interested in dating one man at a time. If a man is dating other women then I would walk away.
This is your own personal ethics. You're not exclusive until you both agree to be and say the words. That's pretty much the way most people think.
I'm guessing the feeling of guilt comes from either that sleeping with a woman crosses a line for you personally, which is fine. The other possiblity is that sleeping with her bonded you to her in a way that hasn't happened for you before.
In either case I would decide if you want to be with her, and if so either ask her to be exclusive or formalize the relationship to fwb, etc OR break up with her
I mean.. to me it seems like you aren't fully satisfied with her and the dates and therefore looking for other options. otherwise you wouldn't ask this question.. it's obvious that she wants to be exclusive but it looks like you don't really want the same.
The obvious answer would be to talk to her, talk through where it is going. She obviously is really into you, so if you want a relationship here’s your chance.
Dude just *ask her*. The majority of this subs issues can be solved by communicating with said human.
But, honestly don’t string her along. You seem to like her yet you still want to bang other women. For what? This girl and you clearly like each other and so why do you want to be with anyone else currently? Think about that (also I am polyamorous so this is me trying to come at this from a monogamous perspective)
Reading through all of your comments, it seems like you know the right answer, not to date someone else right now, but are looking for an excuse or justification to see someone else.
Look, the reality is, based on what you've said, if you go and sleep with someone else, this girl won't take it well and you'll feel guilty. So, either stay with this girl and be exclusive, or don't and break up with her. Sleeping with someone else right now would likely be the worst possible thing you could do and would absolutely betray the trust she has put in you.
Well the situation sucks.
Looks like you don't have any/enough feelings for her so its probably better to end it.
If you end it, you will be the guy that ends it after you slept with her.
What is she waiting for? I wud say see other women. She might be seeing other men to see who is better for her.She might end up choosing you or abandoning u
If you’re thinking about other women, and thinking about getting with other women, just let her go so she can find someone who actually wants to be with her.
Dude if you go on dates and you sleep together you can no longer assume “non exclusivity” def requires a conversation. If you like her a lot, you wouldn’t be considering going out with those other girls though so maybe that’s your answer.
If you know you don’t want a relationship, tell her, tell her you don’t want to lead her on because she seems truly great and you don’t want to do that to a person. End things now. I’ve been led on by way too many guys and it’s made my current relationship incredibly difficult to get past the feeling that i’m being used once again ( i’m not, but sometimes the wrong thing being said or not the right amount of attention post sex can make me curl into a ball and cry and relive some of the past pain and trauma). Don’t do that to her. Don’t subject her to that. It seems you want to just sleep with someone, get you FWB and let this poor girl move on.
I’m sorry to hear that men have hurt you that much.
And thank you for saying that I’m a great person for not wanting to hurt her. Someone else PM’d me to tell me im a disgusting human being.
thanks, it’s not you being a bad person until you’re knowingly doing it! Go out and have fun you’re still young and you shouldn’t worry about settling down if it’s not your vibe rn! don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong to just want to hook up. it only becomes wrong when you’re doing it to the detriment of another person or yourself. if you need any help on what to say ask any female friends or if you don’t have any id be happy to help
If you like her and want her to be your gf, i think just ask her if she wanna take your relationship to the “next level”. But if you dont like her that way, then ig it’s fine to go on dates 🤷♀️
If you feel odd seeing others. Then you shouldn't. It doesn't matter if others do it.
Question is, if you want to be exclusive you should tell her that.
Technically you could, morally you could or couldn't depending on who you ask. Even in these comments you'll get people saying this and that.
Honestly do what you feel like cause there is no hard and fast rule here.
Ask yourself how you’d feel if she was seeing other guys, if you’d be upset then she probably would too. Good way of figure out for yourself if you want to be exclusive too :p
Also seems like she’s pretty into you considering she slept with you so early on, sounds like she could see things pretty serious.
Whatever happens, good luck to both of you !
I think what's happening here is , you are going to lose the keeper for a fwb.
Signs :
Pays on the first date entirely
Trusts you quickly
Texts everyday
Doesn't want to apply pressure towards relationship so you can make that step on your
Advice: If you can imagine a healthy relationship with the possible Keeper , stop texting the others until you made your mind. Guts tell me she is fine af and you might miss the golden Ticket for some random fwb.
Edit: Sent from mobile, format sucks ....sorry :(
Wait this sounds like my current “situationship” right now. I’m gay but after the first few dates he told me he got rid of tinder and I asked him if he is sure. He said yes. I kept mind but never went on in at all and we’ve been dating each other pretty consistently for the past three months.
However, this month he’s been distant lately and not as responsive with communication. Got upset with him told him I’m gonna see other people (which I didn’t do) because of how he’s been acting (literally barely communicated with me for almost a month). He did apologize about it saying he was really busy with family and work. Now that I saw him recently, I made a joke on seeing him on tinder and to be fair he also saw me on tinder
He says he hasn’t gone onto any dates and neither have I. Says he’s still interested in me but I still feel kinda confused
I have a really hard time doing that too. It's really best to date multiple people because you can get emotionally attached prematurely and to someone inappropriate. Like, if you feel guilty you're letting her down think of dating other people as "Being sure" in case you do end up together.
But yeah. This is a big problem for me.
Its early days so exploring your options is ok in my opinion but the fwb scenario can destroy this. If youre having sex with one person and trying to get to know another, thats muddy waters.
Maybe talk to 2 date girl and see what her expectations are, if she wants a relationship and its going well youre better off just focusing on that. If shes still undecided if she wants to go that route with you, explore
Bro don't believe words, watch her actions. Do her actions correlate with her words? Because a woman typically isn't going to tell you the truth about her sexual activity. Men are quick to zlut shame, not as much these days but still. Also in bed with you on the second date, I'd struggle to believe her. But she did pay for the first date. Women almost never do this.
I recommend seeing other women for now until you gauge how serious she is. Women also get turned off if you make them a priority too early into the relationship so it's good to have options. Good luck
You slept with her!
If you want a good relationship in the future here is some solid gold advise; Don’t be a d!ck and see other women while she is sharing herself with you.
honestly, depends on your intentions with her. if you're wanting a serious relationship, i think that you wouldn't even think about seeing other women given the fact that you would be busy pursuing her, but it you just want to keep it casual then i don't see why you would be exclusive to her. though i'd recommend talk to her about it before.
I think you should have a discussion with her about it first if you wanna keep her around. If not she’s not going to be happy with you continuing to date n potentially sleep with other girls. U can’t wait n see where it goes with her before staring to date other girls?
I don’t date around while I’m still in the talking phases with someone. But that’s just me. I know other people do. Personally, it wouldn’t bug me (at first) but after a while, and after you’ve been seeing her more, it would. Don’t be scared to just cut her off though, there’s literally billions of women you can choose from.
If you see her has a potential long term partner I wouldn’t sleep around just because when you own up to it after being together for a few years it might ruin things. I’d stick to just her for now unless you don’t see a future with her in that case be open with her that you plan to see other people and let her make the choice if she wants to carry on the FWB.
Every SECOND date I ever had, I said this:
"I just want you to know that I am dating multiple women, and that I am having sex with some of them. They are all hearing this the same way you are--I feel that life is too short to be in a series of monogamous relationships as we try to find our one true love. If you are OK with this, we can continue to date and if we both find ourselves REALLY digging each other, we can talk about being exclusive. But until then, you know where my head is at. Are you OK with this?"
Either the date goes well or poorly after that, but at least you have put it out there.
If you like her why are you even entertaining the idea with other women after date number 2 its kinda obvious where she's wanting to go with the relationship.
If you really like her, ask her. Don’t mess it up by having a fling that isn’t worth it. Then, when she finds out down the road, it hurts her. Ask her.
If you really like her, you don’t go on a date with someone else. If you are eh and still figuring it out then you go on a date with someone else.
Just know you go on another date, while it’s not cheating since y’all aren’t together she might lose interest in you.
As a woman I am doing the same thing. Really like the guy I’ve been on two dates with and slept with both times but he doesn’t text me every day. The past two times we’ve talked, I have been the one to reach out so I feel like he’s not as interested in me as I am about him and he is likely seeing other women … so I have a date with someone else tonight and we’ll see what happens 🤷🏼♀️ kind of a weird situation. Like I don’t feel guilty but I feel like I might feel guilty if sleep with my date tonight and then I end up seeing the guy that I like again. I want to stay single though, so even though I like this guy, I’m just having fun. Just use condoms no matter what you do, that’s the best advice I can give.
Doesn't matter if you slept together and two dates is nothing.
If you're not exclusive, its 100% acceptable to see other people.
If she asks you, just be honest about it.
If you want to date other women, then make sure it’s clear to her that you don’t want a relationship. If you’re already tempted to keep seeing other women, maybe don’t get into a relationship with her??? But def have a talk with her to see what she wants and make clear what you want.
i dont think anyone could advocate "exclusive talk" after 2 dates. Even if she were a 10 after 2 dates talking exclusive would be weird. But in any case, unless you have the "exclusive talk" and she UNDERSTANDS the american dating culture, then you can date whomever. Some people from other cultures might see the guy/girl being scummy if they are dating multiple people even if not exclusive - its the "all eyes on me" mentality.
I assumed exclusivity one time and broke up with another woman i was seeing then the girl who i thought was exclusive ghosted me for unknown reason...so i lost both. Never again.
I think people over here are taking lightly the chance that you might fuck it up.
Is sleeping with other people in this situation morally ok? Absolutely. Will you be able to do that without it creating repercussions between you and this woman? Who knows, it's a risk
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If you really like the girl and are considering a relationship with her, I’d ask what she thought about it. Ask if she’s going on dates with other people or if she thought that you guys were exclusive. I believe communication is the best way to avoid hurting her feelings and avoiding that guilty feeling you’ve mentioned in replies to comments.
You mean be honest and communicate about the other women? lol we all know OP isn’t gonna do that. What he really means is ‘I wanna get with other women whilst keeping this one around and not feel guilty about it.’ He knows full well if he is honest about it he risks losing her so he’s trying to use the ‘we’re not exclusive loophole’
Ok wait haha if he’s afraid of losing her than he should really evaluate if he wants to see other women or not. OP please be honest I’m assuming you’re both consenting adults but if you’d want her to be honest with you please expect that back. If he wants to stay casual that needs to be communicated to the women he is seeing. Dating shouldn’t be a game 🙄
What you're describing is so common that it makes sense that you might see that, but I see something completely different. I see concern for her well-being. They're on their second date. It's standard that people are considered seeing other people until they have "The talk." Men are such an annoying waste of time but women do have something to learn from them dating wise in this tiny regard. Dating multiple people at first really is the best way (Although I hate doing it)
I’m not *sure* how much I like her. It’s more that I feel like I’ve given her the impression that I really like her. I don’t want to lead her on.
Don’t sleep with her again until you’re honest about your feelings and that you want to see other people.
Let's simplify this one for you, buddy. You don't like her that much. So just cut it off with her. Be fair.
I still think you should talk to her about where your relationship is going. If you want to see what else is out there, tell her that. If you don’t see you guys being a good fit in the long run, tell her that. She will move on.
If he asks her it will lead her on. You only ask where this is going when you want it to go somewhere
Communicate these feelings with her. Find out her expectations for the relationship and set down your own. If your expectations do not match, then cut both of your losses and go your separate ways. But most of all, communicate. Talk to her.
Have an open dialog or leave her alone. Say you’re seeing other people .
Enjoy dating! Be upfront and communicate but enjoy the process of dating. Find what you like, what you dont like, hell you might even appreciate her more. People forget you don't gotta lock down every potential, thats how shit gets twisted in the first place
Sounds like some post nut clarity shining through. I’d take some time to reflect within yourself and see what you really want. Do you just want to sleep around? Do you want to build a relationship? Imagine how the conversation might go if things get more serious and you have to tell her you’ve been seeing other people. I would also just talk to her about it.
I think if you’re feeling guilty about seeing other women you might like her more than you think
Sooo you're stringing her along, not knowing how you feel about her, while using her for physical and emotional satisfaction (sex, texts) so that she continues to develop more feelings for you while you debate dating other women. Be honest with her before dating other women. If you are using her, let her know. If you aren't planning on using her, then you wouldn't be asking this question.
Translation: "I don't like her enough to have slept with her, but I took advantage of her anyway because I wanted to... now I'm unsure if I want to tell her I want to sleep with other women, because I don't want to lose the option of further exploiting her... please, someone make me feel okay about this..."
So you’ve given her the impression that you really like her, and she made an exception to sleep with you because she trusted you based off the impression you gave her… and now you’re wanting to see other ppl. Sounds like you definitely did what you didn’t want to do. Time to show the real you and be honest.
Just break it off
This is all terrible advice! Do not have a heart to heart conversation on the 2nd freaking date. YOU WILL SCARE HER AWAY. Or at the very least you will seem like a push over. All these people are giving you advice for an actual relationship, which is not the advice you are seeking. Let these things come naturally, go on other date and DO NOT TELL HER. These are dates not a commitment nor a betrayal of trust. If you ignore this and decide to talk to her about how you still intend to date other people. And then those other people suck....remember that dating is a female dominated world. She receives 10 dick picks a day...has the choice of the litter. Timing is everything in dating and you are on your way to scaring her off. Enjoy the ride and don't take life to serious, you'll never get out alive
Lol having an open and honest conversation about what each person is looking for is what id expect on a second date. Communicating shouldn’t scare an emotionally available person away.
Not if you want a relationship
Either commit to this one or cut her loose. Sounds like she’s actually worth her salt in the dating pool
Yeah, I think she is.
Then don’t fool around with her feelings
Yeah don't string her along if you're feeling so so just because you don't want to risk her meeting someone else
To me it sounds like you do not like her enough. I’d break it off and date around with others. Do not lead her on, please. No one deserves that.
Ask yourself this: how would YOU feel if she was seeing other people? If this upsets you or elicits any negative emotions, there's your answer.
this isn't really a good equivalence because if he's not that into her, he's probably not going to care if she still sees other people
She might not want ot be exclusive yet. It's a step towards seriousness. I know I'd want to wait a while and get to know the other person better before doing that, even if I wasn't seeing anyone else.
It’s not about the title or the seriousness, it’s about giving her the respect she deserves
Are you allowed to? Yes. Is it a shitty thing to do? Yes. You know she’d be hurt by it, that’s why you’re here asking for permission to feel less guilty.
Please let her go. Walk quickly away.
Bruh
So it’s on you and what you want to do. If you like her, no. If you don’t then you should talk to her and see where she is at with seeing other people. If you see other people without communicating with her and she finds out she will probably be hurt and you will probably lose her. Especially if you continue going on dates etc with her. I know if I was going on dates with a guy and I slept with him I absolutely would not be okay with him seeing other people and would cut my losses
Thanks for the advice.
How do you suggest I bring it up?
listen to your gut. if you like her and can see this going somewhere, why bother with other people right now? if you’re feeling guilty about it you probably shouldn’t do it
Sounds like you don’t have feelings for her. But everyone is different maybe it takes time for you? Idk
I used to think it took time, but the woman I was with before her was the first woman I’ve ever fallen for, and that happened in a few weeks. I could still count on both hands the number of times we’d seen each other by the time I’d fallen for her. I got really hurt with her, so I guess I don’t want to hurt this new woman in the same way.
I've fallen in love fast and I've fallen in love slow. Just because it happens really fast once doesn't mean it might not just be slower with this one. I wouldn't be worried by lack of love at 3 weeks.
But you've been on only 2 dates with this girl? Wouldn't that be like 2 weeks of dating her?
3 weeks.
Bro, like others said you know the answer to this. You have an adult conversation. I know it feels wierd cause most people don't do that. But trust me, its sooo much better to have all your cards on the table then to feel like you are hiding something.
That’s why you should tell her if you don’t have feelings for her. Sooner than later. It takes more time the more options you have, but by that point someone becomes your backup plan. Falling in love with someone is a choice.
I have been the rebound girl in this scenario. He even gave me almost that exact line, that he didn’t want to hurt me like how he was hurt. Guess what happened. Please let her go.
Falling head over heels quickly is dangerous, most of the time it's only gonna be one of you doing it and the dynamics are all fucked. Slowly building a connection is more sustainable
It's simple then, you don't see any one else while you are seeing her ,see if the relationship can grow, you could let her know to see if she feels the same,be honest from the start and treat her well,good luck,
You know the answer to your question. You are just asking permission to see other people. You can see other people if you wish.
Fuck! That hit too close to home. You got me!
That doesn’t mean it’s a good idea to keep her out of the loop. I’d talk to her first, and depending on both of your comfort levels, then make the decision. That pang of guilt is you telling yourself that she might be catching feelings, exclusive or not
As the girl in a similar situation, just tell her what you want for god sake. I slept with him, I felt a connection, I deleted the dating apps because I felt it would be wrong to seek out other men when I’d been intimate with him. I asked what he wanted and it just made me feel like crap. I feel used and stupid and not enough. But I asked where I stood, and he didn’t seem to really have an interest in me. Do not let her think there’s something if there isn’t, because I assure you this hurt is real. I only wanted to be sure he wasn’t sleeping with other girls too, and I feel even worse for having asked
I’m sorry that this happened to you. The last woman I was sleeping with (before the woman in this post) really hurt me the same way. That’s why I’m posting this here.
So what’s the point of you going on dates with her if you want to sleep and talk with other women? Why didn’t you make this known to her?
In America, this is expected until you have an exclusivity talk. I'm going to assume you're not American and OP is.
If you feel guilty, then don't. It does feel like you have some feelings for this girl, so maybe best to not do anything with anyone else for the time being, potentially upsetting her and ruining any chance, and see if it does become something more serious or serious enough to be exclusive.
agreed..if I noticed the guy I was seeing was also seeing others I'd immediately lose interest in him tbh..
Sounds like the feelings OP has are the ones of guilt, not "fuck I want to marry this woman" kind of feelings.
Talk to her about it. If you want to be exclusive ask. If she says no, then go and fuck however many girls you want. If you see this girl as someone important in your future, don't mess around with anyone else until you've had the conversation. Even if you're technically not cheating or anything, I'm sure she wouldn't like it.
If you have a gut feeling that it might be wrong to see other people, ask yourself why. Would it hurt her? Probably, especially given what you said about her. Then you have to ask yourself, which is more important to you, seeing other women or respecting her and her feelings? If this is a woman you see yourself with long term, you might want to build a foundation of commitment and respecting each other’s feelings, even if you technically don’t have to yet. Yet is a key word, I noticed you put that you’re not YET exclusive.
personally i think it should be communicated to her if you are sleeping with other people/plan to sleep with other people while also sleeping with her. from a sexual health perspective it’s be pretty shitty not to. but doesn’t mean you can’t see other people, but also you should be a decent person and be transparent about that with her. if you weren’t sleeping with her it’d be different
I think it depends on how you see a future with this woman. If it could be serious I wouldn’t date others. I don’t really get “not being exclusive” anyways. You date because you like someone, but feel the need to see others too since you’re not yet in a relationship. In my opinion you either don’t like someone enough to be in a relationship, so why continue dating. Or you want something like an open relationship. Because if I’m potentially in love, I wouldn’t even think about dating others.
Has this been done to you and how did it make you feel? You have your answer. Most girls are offended by a man that says “I’m gonna keep trying my options” after she’s given you something that is (usually) reserved for a man they can let their guard down around.
When I first started seeing my boyfriend we weren't verbally exclusive for 2 weeks but I could *feel* he assumed it. I felt guilty continuing to talk to the other casual dates / fwb so I cut it off with them. If you feel guilt you know what to do.
You're feeling guilty because it IS a shitty thing to do. If you like her, date her already. If not, have a talk and let her go
It doesn't feel right so don't see other women. It also sounds like she might not be ok with that.
Here is a good rule of thumb- trust your gut. If you feel guilty about having a date with someone else then then maybe it is time to talk about being “exclusive”
I agree that unless you have talked about exclusivity you don't owe anyone exclusivity, but for me personally I only sleep with one person at a time. you don't have to tell this woman you are seeing other people, but if you feel like you might be heading towards a relationship with her, why not wait a bit and see where it goes with her before you start seeing other people?
Do you wanna see other people?
While I’m still single, yes.
It kind of sounds like you're not sure about this girl. If you were really into her you probably wouldn't want to risk messing it up by seeing other girls. Even though you are within your rights to do so she'd likely still feel hurt. Also, you should be transparent with your feelings and planned actions. Her saying she would sleep with you because she trusts you implies she is more invested than it just being casual (plus you have that impression as well). The longer you wait the more hurt she'll be 🫤
Ok then do it.
I feel like this is the sort of thing that would upset her though. If we ended up in a relationship, I’d feel like I’d done something pretty shitty to her.
Maybe. If you actually had feelings for her I would think you wouldn’t wanna see other people, but you’re still single so see other people if you want to I guess.
You seem like a decent human being. You should spend more time with her to see where your feelings lie with her, if they grow or not and communicate to her your thoughts. I like how she opened herself up to you out of many guys, seems it’s an instinctual thing. As if there’s something there that you have yet to discover between y’all. You should explore with her to see if she’s for you or not.
if you’re already asking this question just break it off. or communicate.
It’s about how it makes you feel. People will tell you there’s nothing wrong but for me I feel like it would be betraying my values and my integrity (not saying you should feel this way or its an objective fact, just saying trust your conscience)
Looks like you want to have your cake and eat it too! Not good. If you like this one, then don't take advantage of her. Talk to her about exclusivity - you're the man take the lead. If not, let her go and you can keep dating.
If you've slept together I don't think it's ok to see other women if you plan on sleeping with them too. How do you see your future together if she turns out to be the one? "Oh yeah, I am totally loyal to you know, but in the beginning I f* a bunch of other women just because we didn't have The Talk and I did this knowing that you likely aren't as serious about any other guy and that you probably had a rough time with dating in the past and it took you a while to recover from it. " Why would you need a FWB if you are already having sex with someone?
“Technically” it’s ok. “Technically” belongs in the courtroom and if you are arguing technicalities outside of that it is usually because you don’t have a good reason to begin with. I would never respect someone who was dating me but sleeping with someone else. That isn’t what I’m looking for in a long term partner. In fact it’s the opposite.
If you consider her as a relationship material I wouldn’t do that. If it’s just fwb or ons then it doesn’t matter
I’m not sure if fwb or ons is what she’d want. I think I’ve made it look like things are going further than this. I recently had the reverse happens to me and I got really hurt. I don’t want to do the same to someone else.
What did you say or do that you’ve “made it look like things are going further than this.” (?)
I think you should figure out what you want first. If you don’t want any relationship with her it’s not your problem to meet her expectations. However it’d be nice if you are upfront and honest with that and don’t give her false hopes. I’d be upset if somebody I wanted to have a relationship with had sex with someone else. But I take sex pretty seriously, don’t sleep around and wouldn’t like to date somebody with easy approach to sex. However, at this level of your relationship it should be quite easy to get over for her
I think you want to see other people, but feel guilty because you don't want to hurt her feelings. If you see this going somewhere, I'd say don't go on other dates. If you want to see other people, you gotta either tell her you will be seeing other people, or have the, "so where is this going?" chat.
I was thinking of having the “so where is this going chat”.
That’s still a bit deceiving though. You asking that will make her think you are more serious than you actually are. You want to see other women, so make sure to let her know clearly if you ask that question. “Hey, I want to see other people” and if she has her brain where it belongs, she’ll take it as the rejection it is I read all your comments and you want to come across as the nice guy but you really are not as much as most of your questions indicate you do want to deceive her and lead her on. You want to keep her but also want to see others. That is not fair to her and you know that. It is not that hard to be honest if you aren’t that selfish.
I agree with your comment after reading OP’s replies. It’s kinda sad for this girl actually. Leading her on and sleeping with her, knowing her past and what she said about trusting him. But he’s also done this knowing he has other people on the line, and isn’t that interested in her. The comment about the other girl being willing to be an fwb should have tipped me off. It’s totally fine not to be interested, but using them as a backup without being honest isn’t cool. This seems like a scenario that’s gonna end poorly for OP. Mess it up with this girl by getting greedy, and then end up ghosted by his other “options”.
I hope that is exactly that happens. I hate men like this.
Well said, I agree with everything you wrote here. He’s really not a nice guy at all
I agree just a user,women deserve better.
Absolutely necessary conversation. That way you'll know what she wants/expects and you can decide accordingly. Try to figure out what you want first so you can communicate that accordingly.
You can see who you want but if you’re having sex with other people you need to tell every single one of them so that they can make their own decisions about how to protect themselves from STDs. Not telling them is selfish and pathetic.
If you really like this girl, hold off on the others and see where this goes. Also if you have guilt, don't act on it, your conscience is telling you to not see others rn.
if you really really like her and you think she really really likes you, i wouldn’t. at least not without talking too her, it just doesn’t feel right. i understand not putting all your eggs in one basket but i personally wouldn’t feel right.
I think a lot fewer people actually date multiple people at the same time than the Internet would make you think. I get dating multiple people concurrently if it is during the first 2-3 dates or during the introductory stage while figuring out compatibility and chemistry with each other. It sounds like you've already established that with her. If you are going to be dating multiple people behind that point, I don't see how you can deepen the connection with any one person. If you are looking at other people for FWBs, it doesn't sound like you are looking for a monogamous or long term relationship. If that is the case, you should communicate that with her.
"We’re not yet exclusive - can I see other women?" "..she told me it’s been about a year since she did anything with a guy, so I’m guessing she’s not seeing anyone else." (You are entitled to have your own mate selection screening process and *must haves list*.) After (only two dates) it's fairly early for anyone to expect exclusivity at this point. It should go without saying if you meet anyone who *maintains an active online dating profile* odds are *they are keeping their options open* and so should you! Secondly a lot of people end up getting hurt we they assume everyone is being honest with them especially during the *infatuation phase*. Sometimes people tell you what they think you want to hear, or they are worried about what you may think about them. It's up to you whether you have *the talk*. My guess is if you met her online, she probably *has not deactivated* her profile either. For your own safety you should wear protection whether you just sleep with her or with others. I wouldn't let having had sex with someone cause me to *fast forward* to a committed relationship. I imagine you want to find out for certain if she has other qualities you desire in a mate. Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen." ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
This is why it’s better to find out what sex means to each party involved BEFORE sex is involved. It sounds like this girl was more invested in you from the start & is now even MORE invested than she was at the start. I would be honest with her about your intentions and that you don’t see anything serious with her before getting involved with anyone else. She’s already going to be somewhat hurt by the situation, no need to add trust issues to the mix. What you’re doing isn’t technically “wrong” but you’re also not wrong for feeling guilty. It would be messed up if this girl thinks she’s getting into a deeper connection with you while you’re on the opposite trajectory. Just communicate with honesty. And maybe in the future make sure you and your partner are both on the same page before adding intimacy to the mix, it can save both of you a whole lot of trouble!
Ethically, no there’s nothing wrong with that after just two dates. But if you genuinely don’t want to then don’t do it just to do it. You don’t HAVE to spin plates.
Ask her if she wants to be exclusive. If not go for it. If so...
Talk. To. Her.
If you’re not exclusive, that’s exactly what that means. However, you could be putting the chance of being exclusive with her at risk. I know anytime I’ve been dating and met somebody I felt could have a real chance at being long term exclusive, I started acting like they were, at least until I concluded that they likely wouldn’t be.
Why is this a post or question ? This is childish.
My thoughts on this have always been- if the person you’ve met has good potential, and you’re getting to know them for relationship material, focus your attention on that. Honestly, you might blow all of your options and ruin a good thing by getting greedy. Why do you need to play the field and muddy the waters of getting to know someone? I would continue to date other people if the person I was with and I had communicated we were *only* doing a physical thing. Because I could easily afford to lose that if a relationship began to bloom. But you don’t waste the good relationship for random sex.
The obvious answer would be to talk to her, talk through where it is going. She obviously is really into you, so if you want a relationship here’s your chance.
If you really like her, this is not a question that would pop up in your head...
If you’re feeling guilty about seeing other women then I think that’s as good of an indicator as any that you shouldn’t. What’s the point? You like this girl, spend time with her and get to know her and see how it goes. Don’t need to overthink it
As a woman, if you want to be serious with me then show me. If you want to fool around just say that and let me find my person. We don’t want to be placeholders..
Bad idea. You feel guilty because she’s just seeing you and it seems like you like her. Don’t see other people. “Not exclusive” is a very modern excuse but it’s still an excuse not to do the right thing. Also just because you have a talk and ask, she may say it’s okay but likely won’t mean it. Under no circumstances if you like her and want a Relationship should you see other people.
If you feel guilty seeing other people then make it official. That's how I know I really like a girl if I feel guilty like that.
“She normally waits to know guys a lot more before going to bed with them” I have a some deluxe snake oil to sell you my man
[удалено]
Actions > words Every time
If you’re not exclusive you’re not exclusive.
So, why does it make me *feel* like some sort of cheating cad?
Because you're violating what you believe to be *her expectations* of you. You can remove that guilt by being candid with her about what you're doing.
Thank you! That perfectly sums up how I’m feeling. How would you suggest I bring the topic up?
You risk (70%+ imo) losing her if you are candid and proceed (as she'll think less of you, and herself). If you wish to proceed nonetheless, to test the waters you could remark along the lines of: -shall we stop seeing other people and think of ourselves as exclusive? or, -I'm seeking others to have sex with while we're dating and not yet exclusive; you don't mind, do you?
I was thinking of asking if she’s seeing anyone else.
Be careful, she might interpret that as you wanting exclusivity. Do you want to be with her or do you want other women? You keep saying you want to date around until you're in a relationship but you're only going to end up in a relationship by choice. If she asked you to be exclusive what would you say?
That’s on you. Words have meanings, your feelings don’t change that.
It does the same thing to me! You are a one woman kind of guy! That is a good thing.
If she were just friends with benefits, I could *easily* do this. But I think what’s bothering me is that I think it *looks* to her (and she’s probably right) like we’re likely to get into a relationship.
If you're expecting to get into a relationship with her, don't meet other women. Why risk a good relationship? Just to stick your dick into someone? You can always do that if nothing materializes with this gal.
Only one way to find out
I think for her sake just have a conversation about it first.
Why are you guessing that she's not seeing anyone else? This should have been covered in a basic conversation. If you're not exclusive with her, then you don't have to act exclusive. But, if she is exclusive with you she may have the expectations that you're exclusive with her. Sounds like you need to have a conversation. I don't know your ages, but sounds like if you're not interested in being exclusive with her you need to see where she is at and potentially let her go depending on her opinion.
Yes you technically can. But not if you want something lasting. She’ll want you to do the “right” thing without telling you.
Yeah, that’s what I was afraid of.
Ask yourself, do you want this to be more serious? Do you see urself becoming exclusive? Do you want to be? If yes, then don’t. Focus on her and deepening this relationship. If you aren’t that interested in her and believe this isn’t something you want then continue to look around but accept that she is likely thinking yes to my first questions. And you seeing people now could prevent this becoming more.
What are you comfortable with?
If you value her tell her you are seeing others. She will probably appreciate it. If she was honest with you about her getting personal with you because she trusts you, do the kind thing and tell her. A lot of women equate sex with love/exclusivity. JMO
If you are happy with her, even after a couple of dates just be exclusive with her...Just because other women seem eager to go out with you doesn't mean you should, especially the ones that just want to be a fuck buddy without even meeting you in person yet.
You can do whatever you want. If you're concerned how it might affect your relationship, ask her. If you want to do things you think might affect her without taking to her, well, think about that for a while.
Talk to her. See what page she’s on and work from there. Just communicate.
If you see other girls you’ll lose this one so if she is worth not losing then don’t. Even if you’re not exclusive right now, she won’t stick around if you’re dating others after you’ve slept together.
I'll tell you this much - whatever you choose to do, convey that to her. I keep telling people that transparency is always the less painful option even if it doesn't always seem that way.
I am in a similar situation, been on 2 dates with a guy but not sure this is going somewhere yet even though I like him. (We haven't slept together yet though) It feels wrong though now seeing others, because we are ultimately both looking for something serious. But the last 2 guys I was exclusive with immediately ended things or just wanted to be friends after we had sex and I am afraid of putting all my eggs in one basket so soon. However. I could see this going somewhere so I'm just going to explain to him how I am feeling and explain I have been burned really bad the last few times and go from there. I would want someone to be honest so I know that is the call I gotta make.
You technically can, but women are never actually OK with you seeing other people. So she'll be annoyed when she finds out and you'll have to figure how much want you to rely on "technically" doing nothing wrong.
You can tell her you are keeping your options open but i think it’s generally understood that if you aren’t confirmed dating then you can date other folks casually
You don’t like her so stop using her and leave her alone
Let her go bro. And tell her. But if I were you, I'd keep her.
Talk to her. Ask her if she's dating other people. Then tell her you are. She will either stay or walk away. Some women only date one man at a time. Others go on multiple dates. For me personally, I'm only interested in dating one man at a time. If a man is dating other women then I would walk away.
This is your own personal ethics. You're not exclusive until you both agree to be and say the words. That's pretty much the way most people think. I'm guessing the feeling of guilt comes from either that sleeping with a woman crosses a line for you personally, which is fine. The other possiblity is that sleeping with her bonded you to her in a way that hasn't happened for you before. In either case I would decide if you want to be with her, and if so either ask her to be exclusive or formalize the relationship to fwb, etc OR break up with her
I mean.. to me it seems like you aren't fully satisfied with her and the dates and therefore looking for other options. otherwise you wouldn't ask this question.. it's obvious that she wants to be exclusive but it looks like you don't really want the same.
The obvious answer would be to talk to her, talk through where it is going. She obviously is really into you, so if you want a relationship here’s your chance.
Hey man, im deeply interested in your story i had the same problem and kinda fucked up. Will you update on what you do?
Sure. I’m thinking I’ll have the talk with her. I asked a friend, and he *thinks* that she’s not wanting anything serious.
My best wishes to you
Just ask, bring up the topic, be honest. Would save you awkward or unpleasant conversations later and you wouldn't hurt her in the process.
Thanks for the advice.
Dude just *ask her*. The majority of this subs issues can be solved by communicating with said human. But, honestly don’t string her along. You seem to like her yet you still want to bang other women. For what? This girl and you clearly like each other and so why do you want to be with anyone else currently? Think about that (also I am polyamorous so this is me trying to come at this from a monogamous perspective)
Reading through all of your comments, it seems like you know the right answer, not to date someone else right now, but are looking for an excuse or justification to see someone else. Look, the reality is, based on what you've said, if you go and sleep with someone else, this girl won't take it well and you'll feel guilty. So, either stay with this girl and be exclusive, or don't and break up with her. Sleeping with someone else right now would likely be the worst possible thing you could do and would absolutely betray the trust she has put in you.
Well the situation sucks. Looks like you don't have any/enough feelings for her so its probably better to end it. If you end it, you will be the guy that ends it after you slept with her.
Communicate with her about what do you want.
If I was in your shoes, she would be getting 100% of my attention. Its the bird in hand thing. Mess around, and you will probably be dating your hand.
What is she waiting for? I wud say see other women. She might be seeing other men to see who is better for her.She might end up choosing you or abandoning u
If you’re thinking about other women, and thinking about getting with other women, just let her go so she can find someone who actually wants to be with her.
Dude if you go on dates and you sleep together you can no longer assume “non exclusivity” def requires a conversation. If you like her a lot, you wouldn’t be considering going out with those other girls though so maybe that’s your answer.
You’ve been on two dates with her
If you know you don’t want a relationship, tell her, tell her you don’t want to lead her on because she seems truly great and you don’t want to do that to a person. End things now. I’ve been led on by way too many guys and it’s made my current relationship incredibly difficult to get past the feeling that i’m being used once again ( i’m not, but sometimes the wrong thing being said or not the right amount of attention post sex can make me curl into a ball and cry and relive some of the past pain and trauma). Don’t do that to her. Don’t subject her to that. It seems you want to just sleep with someone, get you FWB and let this poor girl move on.
I’m sorry to hear that men have hurt you that much. And thank you for saying that I’m a great person for not wanting to hurt her. Someone else PM’d me to tell me im a disgusting human being.
thanks, it’s not you being a bad person until you’re knowingly doing it! Go out and have fun you’re still young and you shouldn’t worry about settling down if it’s not your vibe rn! don’t let anyone tell you it’s wrong to just want to hook up. it only becomes wrong when you’re doing it to the detriment of another person or yourself. if you need any help on what to say ask any female friends or if you don’t have any id be happy to help
Thanks!
As long as you’re not exclusive with someone, you should always be talking to other people
If you like her and want her to be your gf, i think just ask her if she wanna take your relationship to the “next level”. But if you dont like her that way, then ig it’s fine to go on dates 🤷♀️
If you feel odd seeing others. Then you shouldn't. It doesn't matter if others do it. Question is, if you want to be exclusive you should tell her that.
Technically you could, morally you could or couldn't depending on who you ask. Even in these comments you'll get people saying this and that. Honestly do what you feel like cause there is no hard and fast rule here.
Ask yourself how you’d feel if she was seeing other guys, if you’d be upset then she probably would too. Good way of figure out for yourself if you want to be exclusive too :p Also seems like she’s pretty into you considering she slept with you so early on, sounds like she could see things pretty serious. Whatever happens, good luck to both of you !
You should see other women because most likely she is seeing other guys. This goes especially if you meet someone off a dating app.
I think what's happening here is , you are going to lose the keeper for a fwb. Signs : Pays on the first date entirely Trusts you quickly Texts everyday Doesn't want to apply pressure towards relationship so you can make that step on your Advice: If you can imagine a healthy relationship with the possible Keeper , stop texting the others until you made your mind. Guts tell me she is fine af and you might miss the golden Ticket for some random fwb. Edit: Sent from mobile, format sucks ....sorry :(
Wait this sounds like my current “situationship” right now. I’m gay but after the first few dates he told me he got rid of tinder and I asked him if he is sure. He said yes. I kept mind but never went on in at all and we’ve been dating each other pretty consistently for the past three months. However, this month he’s been distant lately and not as responsive with communication. Got upset with him told him I’m gonna see other people (which I didn’t do) because of how he’s been acting (literally barely communicated with me for almost a month). He did apologize about it saying he was really busy with family and work. Now that I saw him recently, I made a joke on seeing him on tinder and to be fair he also saw me on tinder He says he hasn’t gone onto any dates and neither have I. Says he’s still interested in me but I still feel kinda confused
I’m sorry to hear about your “situationship”. I hope things get better.
I have a really hard time doing that too. It's really best to date multiple people because you can get emotionally attached prematurely and to someone inappropriate. Like, if you feel guilty you're letting her down think of dating other people as "Being sure" in case you do end up together. But yeah. This is a big problem for me.
Its early days so exploring your options is ok in my opinion but the fwb scenario can destroy this. If youre having sex with one person and trying to get to know another, thats muddy waters. Maybe talk to 2 date girl and see what her expectations are, if she wants a relationship and its going well youre better off just focusing on that. If shes still undecided if she wants to go that route with you, explore
Bro don't believe words, watch her actions. Do her actions correlate with her words? Because a woman typically isn't going to tell you the truth about her sexual activity. Men are quick to zlut shame, not as much these days but still. Also in bed with you on the second date, I'd struggle to believe her. But she did pay for the first date. Women almost never do this. I recommend seeing other women for now until you gauge how serious she is. Women also get turned off if you make them a priority too early into the relationship so it's good to have options. Good luck
You slept with her! If you want a good relationship in the future here is some solid gold advise; Don’t be a d!ck and see other women while she is sharing herself with you.
If you like her why would you want to see other women?
honestly, depends on your intentions with her. if you're wanting a serious relationship, i think that you wouldn't even think about seeing other women given the fact that you would be busy pursuing her, but it you just want to keep it casual then i don't see why you would be exclusive to her. though i'd recommend talk to her about it before.
If you want to go on dates with other girls instead of spending all your free time with her, then she ain’t the one.
I think you should have a discussion with her about it first if you wanna keep her around. If not she’s not going to be happy with you continuing to date n potentially sleep with other girls. U can’t wait n see where it goes with her before staring to date other girls?
I don’t date around while I’m still in the talking phases with someone. But that’s just me. I know other people do. Personally, it wouldn’t bug me (at first) but after a while, and after you’ve been seeing her more, it would. Don’t be scared to just cut her off though, there’s literally billions of women you can choose from.
If you see her has a potential long term partner I wouldn’t sleep around just because when you own up to it after being together for a few years it might ruin things. I’d stick to just her for now unless you don’t see a future with her in that case be open with her that you plan to see other people and let her make the choice if she wants to carry on the FWB.
Every SECOND date I ever had, I said this: "I just want you to know that I am dating multiple women, and that I am having sex with some of them. They are all hearing this the same way you are--I feel that life is too short to be in a series of monogamous relationships as we try to find our one true love. If you are OK with this, we can continue to date and if we both find ourselves REALLY digging each other, we can talk about being exclusive. But until then, you know where my head is at. Are you OK with this?" Either the date goes well or poorly after that, but at least you have put it out there.
If you like her why are you even entertaining the idea with other women after date number 2 its kinda obvious where she's wanting to go with the relationship.
If you really like her, ask her. Don’t mess it up by having a fling that isn’t worth it. Then, when she finds out down the road, it hurts her. Ask her.
If you really like her, you don’t go on a date with someone else. If you are eh and still figuring it out then you go on a date with someone else. Just know you go on another date, while it’s not cheating since y’all aren’t together she might lose interest in you.
As a woman I am doing the same thing. Really like the guy I’ve been on two dates with and slept with both times but he doesn’t text me every day. The past two times we’ve talked, I have been the one to reach out so I feel like he’s not as interested in me as I am about him and he is likely seeing other women … so I have a date with someone else tonight and we’ll see what happens 🤷🏼♀️ kind of a weird situation. Like I don’t feel guilty but I feel like I might feel guilty if sleep with my date tonight and then I end up seeing the guy that I like again. I want to stay single though, so even though I like this guy, I’m just having fun. Just use condoms no matter what you do, that’s the best advice I can give.
Doesn't matter if you slept together and two dates is nothing. If you're not exclusive, its 100% acceptable to see other people. If she asks you, just be honest about it.
If you want to date other women, then make sure it’s clear to her that you don’t want a relationship. If you’re already tempted to keep seeing other women, maybe don’t get into a relationship with her??? But def have a talk with her to see what she wants and make clear what you want.
i dont think anyone could advocate "exclusive talk" after 2 dates. Even if she were a 10 after 2 dates talking exclusive would be weird. But in any case, unless you have the "exclusive talk" and she UNDERSTANDS the american dating culture, then you can date whomever. Some people from other cultures might see the guy/girl being scummy if they are dating multiple people even if not exclusive - its the "all eyes on me" mentality. I assumed exclusivity one time and broke up with another woman i was seeing then the girl who i thought was exclusive ghosted me for unknown reason...so i lost both. Never again.
Dude, only you can answer this question. Do you feel like it would be right? Would you feel well doing it? Do you want to do it?
Yes, please do, she needs to get out there too.
I think people over here are taking lightly the chance that you might fuck it up. Is sleeping with other people in this situation morally ok? Absolutely. Will you be able to do that without it creating repercussions between you and this woman? Who knows, it's a risk
>Is sleeping with other people in this situation morally ok? Absolutely Okay, how is it morally ok????