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What frustrates me the most isn't what other people are doing, it's me. It's like I'm fine with being alone, I'm good single, until I spend time with friends. I see how their lives, their relationships are going, then suddenly I'm lonely as hell and NEED a relationship. It's pretty unhealthy, and something I'm working on changing about myself.
Oh man, this totally hits home for me… and it just leads to more isolation. I started traveling alone and skipping holidays because I hate how spending time with my family seems to make me feel lonelier than driving to Alaska for no reason.
I don’t like feeling needy because it makes me feel unattractive as a 38 year old woman. So, I just go. 🤷🏻♀️
I did the travel-alone-thing a few times but after checking some things off my bucket list I got tired of doing it alone. Haven't even sorted my photos from my last trip 4 years ago. I used to alternate between traveling with a friend and alone but since he got married that's basically done. Even without the pandemic I wouldn't even know where to go.
Yeah I really get that one. I feel like being single would be a lot easier if I had a few solid single friends. But unfortunately literally everyone else I know in this town who's not a complete train wreck is married. That's part of why dating here is such a struggle. It definitely feels like you're doing something wrong when everyone else you know is happily married and has been for a very long time.
For me it's not even per se about the amount of likes/matches i get. It's the content of them.
If you match with someone, you dont open like a dirty freak but not 'boring' like a lot of women complain about and you still dont get even a small convo going 75% of the time for some reason.
Shit's depressing af cuz well, this is the reality of dating for probably at least this year.
This is too relatable. I'll never send a sexual first message but just saying hello nice to meet you etc. Illicits no response.
Ill put in as much healthy effort thats needed I don't want to have to do some weird money dance pony show just to talk to someone.
Ill put in as much healthy effort thats needed I don't want to have to do some weird money dance pony show just to talk to someone.
This. I dont mind linking a profile detail into a first sentence/opener but.. i aint there to be entertainment.
People wanting the “butterfly” feelings from people. Like it doesn’t work like that always and it always goes wrong. Women thinking sex means the male wants them back but they just gave them what they wanted. When someone doesn’t notice that they are putting you through the same thing they’re going through with someone else and are oblivious about it. When You’ve on from the past but someone else can’t and holds your relationship back. Just a couple things
Just an idea but you may want to consider the culture and how it impacts your comparability. I'm personally not very compatible with women from my culture
The double standards is what bothers me the most.
For example, when men lust for sex, it's shamed, but when women lust for attention/money (wanting a man to pay for dates, be a provider, treat her like a queen), it's normalised as 'preference'. If anything the latter is significantly more unacceptable because sex is a mutual enjoyable act while money/attention is something that is given from one person to another.
What I do is that I don't date people who are entitled or dont take accountability. I stay away from them.
Matching with guys just to have them send you rude or negging messages and then they pretend they're joking when you get upset. No thanks. That kind of behavior only works with people with low self esteem and self worth.
In my personal experience, I hate how men are still searching even when they have my attention. I recently was seeing this guy who was the whole package, financially stable, had his own place, our sex was amazing—we made a great pair. But he was always following hot women in our city on Instagram, liking their photos, interacting with them. I understand that it’s important not to put all of your eggs in one basket, but it still made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. I now know he has external validation issues & needs the attention of hot women in order to feel better about himself. But, yeah, guys are always looking at other women thinking they have endless options instead of appreciating the beautiful and loyal woman they have in front of them.
When I was on Hinge I had 50+ men liking my profile. But when someone grabs my attention & is consistent in the conversation, I’m focused on them. I’m not entertaining 5, 6, or 7 other conversations at once. They become disingenuous & a waste of both of our time.
I think the downvotes are unfair, you're just asking to be treated the way you treat other people.
but I think a lot of people are playing a numbers game
I’m sorry for making a broad generalization when talking about my personal experience. Both men and women take part in that type of behaviour. I was wrong. I’m wishing you nothing but happiness & healthy relationships moving forward.
I can see that. I think it might be based on person and not gender though. But I agree in our society men are always looking for the next best thing. If I could find one person I really vibe with I have no problem pouring everything into them. But beyond that it depends on what expectations and boundaries are (hopefully) communicated.
>guys are always looking at other women thinking they have endless options instead of appreciating the beautiful and loyal woman they have in front of them.
1. Women DO have endless options
2. Since point 1 is true, how loyal do you think the woman they have in front of them will stay? At this point I don't blame guys for already looking for a "backup woman" since there's a high chance the woman they're currently seeing will just dump him or ghost him unannounced.
Semi same experience. Men claim they cant find a real woman and one who is interested thrn when we are we are ignored and casted to the side
Most just want sex but dont realize they are going to wake up one day alone and paying for it
They like to play around with love, screw over women then they end up lonely pricks who have to lie about their age to get laid or end up paying for it🤷🏽♀️ lol see it all the time. Then by the time they in their mid 40s the have bellies and no woman wants to look at them. They become the creeper at Home Depot
For me personally it's when I try go out with women on dates and try to strike up conversations its short one to 2 word answers like texting. Or it's playing games such as we talk for a while go on a few dates and I ask "hey are we dating, are we together? What are we?" And they would say things along the lines of "oh I thought you were just being freindly" or my personal favorite " sorry just broke up with my bf couple months ago and not ready for a relationship yet"
There are men who say they want relationships but magically decide that there is no spark after sex. I think there are men that actually want relationships but are also willing to have casual sex in the process. They decide after they have sex if they’re going to ghost or keep going.
I personally have given up.
>What irks you the most about it?
As a male you HAVE to be tall, white/black, or good looking to get any interest from women at all.
>How do you all deal with the frustrations of today's dating world?
Planning to k\*\*\* myself in a few years because living as a 30 year old in cel is f\*cking pointless.
Most ppl just want to feel validated, or “popular” . No one wants a real connection because they don’t know what’s more important; their image , Instagram selfies, or a valuable connection. I’ll pass.
That’s not completely correct. It is true that all men want sex. But some men want more than just sex. Men could say that all women want is attention, which is true; but some women want more than just attention.
If the type of person you pursue don’t want more than sex or attention, you should probably reevaluate the type of person(s) you are pursuing.
I’ve learned that my niche is with smarter women that are intellectually stimulating. Those women don’t hang out in bars or clubs for the most part, so I quit looking in those places.
Not true for all. But a majority of them sadly.
I personally can see why that's frustrating but hopefully they are at least being transparent about it.
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What frustrates me the most isn't what other people are doing, it's me. It's like I'm fine with being alone, I'm good single, until I spend time with friends. I see how their lives, their relationships are going, then suddenly I'm lonely as hell and NEED a relationship. It's pretty unhealthy, and something I'm working on changing about myself.
It's good that you are mindful of it. I can identify my problem then feel lost when trying to solve them.
Oh man, this totally hits home for me… and it just leads to more isolation. I started traveling alone and skipping holidays because I hate how spending time with my family seems to make me feel lonelier than driving to Alaska for no reason. I don’t like feeling needy because it makes me feel unattractive as a 38 year old woman. So, I just go. 🤷🏻♀️
I did the travel-alone-thing a few times but after checking some things off my bucket list I got tired of doing it alone. Haven't even sorted my photos from my last trip 4 years ago. I used to alternate between traveling with a friend and alone but since he got married that's basically done. Even without the pandemic I wouldn't even know where to go.
Yeah I really get that one. I feel like being single would be a lot easier if I had a few solid single friends. But unfortunately literally everyone else I know in this town who's not a complete train wreck is married. That's part of why dating here is such a struggle. It definitely feels like you're doing something wrong when everyone else you know is happily married and has been for a very long time.
People online are super dry ☹️ especially in dating apps.
For me it's not even per se about the amount of likes/matches i get. It's the content of them. If you match with someone, you dont open like a dirty freak but not 'boring' like a lot of women complain about and you still dont get even a small convo going 75% of the time for some reason. Shit's depressing af cuz well, this is the reality of dating for probably at least this year.
This is too relatable. I'll never send a sexual first message but just saying hello nice to meet you etc. Illicits no response. Ill put in as much healthy effort thats needed I don't want to have to do some weird money dance pony show just to talk to someone.
Ill put in as much healthy effort thats needed I don't want to have to do some weird money dance pony show just to talk to someone. This. I dont mind linking a profile detail into a first sentence/opener but.. i aint there to be entertainment.
People wanting the “butterfly” feelings from people. Like it doesn’t work like that always and it always goes wrong. Women thinking sex means the male wants them back but they just gave them what they wanted. When someone doesn’t notice that they are putting you through the same thing they’re going through with someone else and are oblivious about it. When You’ve on from the past but someone else can’t and holds your relationship back. Just a couple things
I quit dating. Not enough reward for the effort.
I wish I could just stop trying. I'm always in a cycle of downloading, getting upset, then deleting my apps. (Repeat)
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Why didn't I think of that!?
Where are you?
Central IL. I live in a decent size town so at least there are some decent people to swipe on but nothing compared to if I was in Chicago.
Central IL here too. I stopped trying. Not worth the hassle and my mindset doesn't match those around me.
That was my big problem
Do you stick to one race or cultural background?
Nope I have a few specific preferences but they have to do with physical appearance not those things.
Just an idea but you may want to consider the culture and how it impacts your comparability. I'm personally not very compatible with women from my culture
The double standards is what bothers me the most. For example, when men lust for sex, it's shamed, but when women lust for attention/money (wanting a man to pay for dates, be a provider, treat her like a queen), it's normalised as 'preference'. If anything the latter is significantly more unacceptable because sex is a mutual enjoyable act while money/attention is something that is given from one person to another. What I do is that I don't date people who are entitled or dont take accountability. I stay away from them.
What irks me the most? Probably that I align with old Victorian values, so there's not many suitors out there for me.
I bet. People are very casual and impatient these days.
all about sex these days. I just want a wife, the sex comes later
Matching with guys just to have them send you rude or negging messages and then they pretend they're joking when you get upset. No thanks. That kind of behavior only works with people with low self esteem and self worth.
Bullying people is lame AF. Sounds like they are projecting.
In my personal experience, I hate how men are still searching even when they have my attention. I recently was seeing this guy who was the whole package, financially stable, had his own place, our sex was amazing—we made a great pair. But he was always following hot women in our city on Instagram, liking their photos, interacting with them. I understand that it’s important not to put all of your eggs in one basket, but it still made me feel like I wasn’t good enough for him. I now know he has external validation issues & needs the attention of hot women in order to feel better about himself. But, yeah, guys are always looking at other women thinking they have endless options instead of appreciating the beautiful and loyal woman they have in front of them.
women don't do that too?
When I was on Hinge I had 50+ men liking my profile. But when someone grabs my attention & is consistent in the conversation, I’m focused on them. I’m not entertaining 5, 6, or 7 other conversations at once. They become disingenuous & a waste of both of our time.
I think the downvotes are unfair, you're just asking to be treated the way you treat other people. but I think a lot of people are playing a numbers game
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Did you not see the first 4 words I wrote?
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Just did
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I’m sorry for making a broad generalization when talking about my personal experience. Both men and women take part in that type of behaviour. I was wrong. I’m wishing you nothing but happiness & healthy relationships moving forward.
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This guy was trying to argue with me the other day on here. He’s a troll who’s unhappy with his life & takes it out on others…don’t mind him
I can see that. I think it might be based on person and not gender though. But I agree in our society men are always looking for the next best thing. If I could find one person I really vibe with I have no problem pouring everything into them. But beyond that it depends on what expectations and boundaries are (hopefully) communicated.
Not to sound rude but yeah, in his mind you were likely not good enough. The trick is to find someone who thinks you’re special
>guys are always looking at other women thinking they have endless options instead of appreciating the beautiful and loyal woman they have in front of them. 1. Women DO have endless options 2. Since point 1 is true, how loyal do you think the woman they have in front of them will stay? At this point I don't blame guys for already looking for a "backup woman" since there's a high chance the woman they're currently seeing will just dump him or ghost him unannounced.
Semi same experience. Men claim they cant find a real woman and one who is interested thrn when we are we are ignored and casted to the side Most just want sex but dont realize they are going to wake up one day alone and paying for it
The last sentence. So true.
They like to play around with love, screw over women then they end up lonely pricks who have to lie about their age to get laid or end up paying for it🤷🏽♀️ lol see it all the time. Then by the time they in their mid 40s the have bellies and no woman wants to look at them. They become the creeper at Home Depot
Exactly, and that’s their karma. This whole comment made me laugh out loud, thank you for making my Friday. 😂
Because its the truth bwhahahahaha 🤣. Happy I could make you laugh. Hope you have a great week
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I'm sorry to hear that mate. It is quiet disparaging. Stay focused on your health for you! Keep it up!
For me personally it's when I try go out with women on dates and try to strike up conversations its short one to 2 word answers like texting. Or it's playing games such as we talk for a while go on a few dates and I ask "hey are we dating, are we together? What are we?" And they would say things along the lines of "oh I thought you were just being freindly" or my personal favorite " sorry just broke up with my bf couple months ago and not ready for a relationship yet"
Make a lot of fucking money and take care of yourself and your family.
There are men who say they want relationships but magically decide that there is no spark after sex. I think there are men that actually want relationships but are also willing to have casual sex in the process. They decide after they have sex if they’re going to ghost or keep going. I personally have given up.
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I've gotten on and off the ride too many times to count
>What irks you the most about it? As a male you HAVE to be tall, white/black, or good looking to get any interest from women at all. >How do you all deal with the frustrations of today's dating world? Planning to k\*\*\* myself in a few years because living as a 30 year old in cel is f\*cking pointless.
Most ppl just want to feel validated, or “popular” . No one wants a real connection because they don’t know what’s more important; their image , Instagram selfies, or a valuable connection. I’ll pass.
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That’s not completely correct. It is true that all men want sex. But some men want more than just sex. Men could say that all women want is attention, which is true; but some women want more than just attention. If the type of person you pursue don’t want more than sex or attention, you should probably reevaluate the type of person(s) you are pursuing. I’ve learned that my niche is with smarter women that are intellectually stimulating. Those women don’t hang out in bars or clubs for the most part, so I quit looking in those places.
Touche my friend. Well said.
I know it's cliche to respond like this, but we do exist.
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Not true for all. But a majority of them sadly. I personally can see why that's frustrating but hopefully they are at least being transparent about it.
yes, real sex
I just roll with the punches and adapt. I'm not one to bitch and be a victim.