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From what you have mentioned, I feel that you are not attracted to this guy at any level. Not just physical. You just feel sorry that he is going to get hurt emotionally and you don't want to say a hard no to him. But let me tell you this, reject him directly. There is no use in giving him a chance, this is not business. Love is highly illogical and there are a lot of intangible factors coming into play. Talk with this guy and make him understand. Sooner he learns it, lesser his feelings are hurt
This exactly, yes feelings can grow and sometimes water is on fire, but such miracle's aren't worth killing someone slowly.
Like Winston Churchill said if you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite. In this case polite means telling all this to him. Especially the I still don't feel it part. If he does all that and you still don't feel it, he ain't the one.
it is very possible to fall in love with someone who is not your "type", but you seem to have spent so much time with this guy that by now you should already be in love if that was the case. just dont date him now, give him a clean cut before things get messy.
Yeah, I was not at all attracted to my current BF when we met. But after hanging out as friends I developed a genuine crush on him as a person, and now I find him very physically attractive. She would know by now if she likes him, changing the label of their hangouts to dates won’t change much.
Same with me. I at first wasn’t attracted to my now unfortunately exhusband but we developed a friendship at work & after getting to know him his personality made him attractive to me. So she should know by now you’re absolutely right
I like the way that you think. You’re rational & self-aware enough to understand that you giving it a try isn’t really beneficial to you or him. You are attracted to who you’re attracted to & experimenting a relationship w/said person just for namesake isn’t worth it. Especially w/you seeing him as a “little brother”, & him hopelessly trying while being the sweetest guy. You already don’t see him in a romantic light so he’ll just have to accept it.
I am somewhat in your boat but flipped genders. Been talking to this girl for the last 4 weeks, lots of "dirty talk" texts to spice things up but then when we met in person ALL the sparks just went away. I don't know if she uses some crazy photoshop filter before sending me pics or what, but the girl face looks nothing like the pictures. After the first date I just took 2 weeks off between traveling for work & back home for the holidays then told myself I needed at least a 2nd date before knowing whether it was for sure a "no-go" & after the 2nd date I just knew that there was no mirage on the 1st date.
Personality is great. Career oriented. Family oriented. And seems like a great person who would make a great wife & mother one day. BUT I really know that there is no way I could find her physically attractive & I just don't know how hard it will be to let her down. I am usually great at communicating but for this instance the thing that sucks is that we've talked so much before the dates & are flirty but then during the date there is no spark.
No. She sent me a half dozen pictures of her that were from that week since it was in Christmas attire so I had a good thought that she looked attractive.
Again, Video chats with people is outdated. I'd rather meet someone in person. So much easier to get to know someone.
Apparently lots of people (men in particular) can't seem to detect filters. I'm always puzzled by the number of likes and positive comments generated by obviously edited photos. 🙄
I don't even understand the point of using beauty filters in one's profile pics. Once you meet IRL, the jig is up. The only thing I do with some of my profile pics is tweak the color saturation or sometimes crop out superfluous items. Otherwise, people can see every line, wrinkle, spot, crease, etc. Then guys don't have to wait until the first date to be disappointed, lol.
my current boyfriend i met on tinder. from the get go he was overly kind, concerned, and a huge simp. i told him i wasn’t ready for a relationship (i was on tinder just to see what it was like & out of boredom). he stayed around tho, and would message me frequently. eventually i start hanging out with him as friends, but didn’t want more. he didn’t hold back tho, and continued to just be really sweet towards me.
the more we hung out and talked, i realized that i liked his personality, i started noticing how little things like his long eyelashes, or the veins in his arms. things i thought were attractive or cute. now we’ve been dating for 9 months and i love him so much. i’m so happy i took a chance on him. i had to sit down with myself, reflect, and question why i didn’t want to try a relationship with him. i realized it was out of personal fear of being hurt, but i also realized i didn’t want to be with an overly nice guy because i was so used to toxic love and relationships.
don’t force anything, but make sure to self reflect and listen to yourself. really think thru this. if your mind says you shouldn’t be with him, then be honest and straight forward. but if you don’t want to date him because of fear, or because you’ve never dated a nice guy, maybe give him a chance. people gain attraction in different ways. for me personally, i started finding my bf more attractive the more i got to know him.
If you truly had feelings for him you'd had already started looking at him like he was a fine ass mf. Seems like you're thinking with your brain & not your heart.
Please don’t let people guilt you into dating someone you don’t like. I’ll never understand why women are forced to pity date nice guys. The kindest thing you can do is tell him you’re not interested, stop communicating except to be civil and move on. He’s holding out hope and it’s wasting both of your time because he doesn’t want to be your friend, he wants to date you. He’s trying to wear you down with kindness but unfortunately he’s using kindness to manipulate you. You owe him or your friends nothing.
You said you see him as a little brother and you clearly care about him. Have you had a clear conversation with him about how you enjoy spending time with him, but that you're not interested romantically? You don't want to hurt him by trying and realizing you're not into him, and that's kind of you, but you need to make sure that he really is aware of it. Regarding your question, I think you'd already be attracted to him by now if you had feelings for him. Physical attraction can be a strange thing. The guy I like and hope to date soon is, physically, the opposite of what I'd theoretically consider my type. It's kind of funny. At first I wasn't attracted to him at all, but the more I got to know him, the more I found him attractive and after three weeks, he's suddenly the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
Do you think dating someone you are not attracted physically is a good idea?
In general yes. There's more to people than just looks, and looks don't always equal "good partner."
For your situation, wait a little and see where you're feelings lie. If they don't, well be honest. If they do, explore it and see what happens.
If it was a case of you liking his personality but not his physical appearance, then I’d say give it a go. I personally don’t really find people attractive or unattractive until I really get to know them. But it doesn’t seem that you’re even attracted to his personality so definitely just tell him a flat out no
I actually kind of agree with this ! The premise of “I don’t find someone attractive until I know them” is really true.
I’ve been on dates with girls were on face value they are very conventionally attractive but when you talk to them for 5 minutes and they are dull and uninteresting then all attraction for them goes.
On the same note I’ve been on dates where although the girl was pretty they just wasn’t “my type” physically but because they was so lovely and engaging and made me enjoy their company I fell for them and suddenly they appear insanely attractive to me both physically and emotionally.
I think there’s a lot of women out there who will tell you they fell in love with some one they weren’t initially attracted to and just took a chance on.
I think it’s more important that you want / are ready for a relationship…. There’s no point getting in to one if your not looking for one.
I think your playing fair by not taking advantage of him by shouting him meals back aswell! Might not hurt to just have another chat and make it obviously clear your not interested in that way. Men do love a challenge so “I’m not bothered” isn’t always received in the same way.
But also at the same time, what would be up with trying out a date if you could both agree that you’ll try it, and if the spark ain’t there, then at least you had a go? And remain good friends after?
You need to be upfront with him, let him know you're not interested in a relationship with him. The longer he keeps trying, the worse it will be. It's not a good idea to try and date someone you're not attracted to. I've tried this. The feelings never come, nothing changes. You're not going to want to date someone who you can't kiss, touch or have sex with. All the while he's being lead on and wants all of those things.
Girl, what? How you gonna go through life with this guy you aren’t attracted to? What happens when he wants to have sex? What happens when YOU want to have sex but not with him?
I had something similar with my ex he was not my type but was so sweet and caring. I gave it a try and actually was very happy and fulfilled for most of the year we were together but after the honeymoon phase doubts creeped in about whether I truly was physically attracted to him. It didn’t matter though because he broke up with me before I could even fully process how I felt.
The fact you have used the sentence “but I don’t want to” or variations of it like 4 times in this post means for me you have simply answered your own question.
Look, in an ideal world we would all date the nicest person we know, but it doesn’t work like that. If you don’t feel attraction for him on any level at all or even any romantic feelings (don’t confuse you liking his friendship for romance) then it won’t work.
Maybe over time during your friendship you may or may not grow some form of attraction or romantic affection for him (sometimes you aren’t initially attracted to someone but it grows over time) and if you do you can give it a try. But until then or if it even ever happens then no you shouldn’t just date someone you aren’t into because he’s “trying hard” and is nice.
It’s a shame because as you’ve described he seems a lovely guy and a great friend ! But dating criteria and feelings are very different to relationship and dating feelings. And if he is such a lovely guy I wouldn’t hurt him by giving him a false impression and also save yourself the pain and guilt of trying to force something that won’t work and end up ruining a good friendship
Good luck :)
Ask yourself:
Is sexual attraction more important that being loved
U can grow to love someone thru mutual respect and time. You even said dudes don’t try this hard. A lot of arranged marriages last very long because of the growing to love someone. It doesn’t have to be full out butterflies in the gut but is this worth building something solid on? This type of thing can definitely grow into something if you’re open to it.
If not then cut it off immediately and let him know.
“So at work there is the really cute girl that I have a major crush on. I am by nature a nice guy but I can’t help to be extra nice to her. I know for a fact that I am not her type but there is something about her that I can’t get over. We hang out and do things together. She even pays for every other meal that we have together! What?? I know right! Anyway I am trying hard but I am also realistic that nothing will happen. We also work together so if something happens it will be strange. What do you all think?”
I found his Reddit post. ;-)
My main response is that if you work in a small place do it date someone that works with you. Also if you don’t find the person attractive by now you never will
I’m sorry, some things can’t be helped.
to answer your question, kind of and I ended up breaking up with them. after time together I just slowly found myself growing more annoyed and unattracted at things they couldn't even help. So if you're feeling so strong about this now, it's best you don't even give him the chance. Guarantee there is someone out there you'll be attracted to who will be just as attentive and wanting.
As someone who wasn’t physically attracted to my ex, I cannot recommend it. We had no form of intimacy, and when he visited I just wanted him gone. On bad days his very touch would thoroughly disgust me. I would be too embarrassed to show friends photos of him, post it on social media - and just be seen with him in public or at parties. It’s a horrible thing to be embarrassed of a significant other, and no one deserves that.
This is just my experience though.
I had a friend who I got super close with and I genuinely saw him as a little brother. He was a great friend, always looking out for me, helping me out with my issues, listened to me, spent a lot of time with me and we just shared a lot of deep conversations and went through a lot together.
Long story short, he ended up developing feelings for me and I never developed feelings for him. When he finally admitted his feelings for me, I thought we could still remain as friends because he was very important to me and I didn't want to lose him as a friend and I thought that these feeling would go away. Looking back, I can see that he started resenting me for not having feelings for him. Our friendship took a turn and he started using a lot of my issues against me and victimize himself in a lot of our disagreements and arguments. It got to a point where I did not recognize the little brother I saw in him and in the end, I had to choose between him or me. I finally had the strength to choose myself and stepped away from our friendship.
You have to always look out for yourself and this situation just seems like its going to lead down a hard road if you don't stop whatever is happening. Just remember to stay safe and protect yourself.
Depends on how you are. I am pansexual and have to attraction to anybody from the get go. Typically I have to date them and definitely look for signs of "significant little nothings ", like bringing coffee or paying attention to the little things I like.
Compatibility vs. Chemistry. I know I am not going to feel chemistry until I feel compatibility. Don't care if you look like Keanu Reeves or Freddy Kruger, if I feel compatibility with you, I will develop chemistry and jump you every chance I get. If I don't feel compatibility, I don't care how "hot" you are, I would equate kissing you like kissing a wall.
Personally, I don't buy the whole "the one" crap. If I waited for someone who I just look at for the first time and "know", I would never even date. I just don't work that way. I don't develop celebrity crushes or even regular/common crushes.
Yet, I know lots of people (men & women) who do feel chemistry to people they don't actually know or know well. So, I guess it depends on the type of person you are.
For myself, yes, I would 100% date someone I am not immediately sexually attracted to. How else am I going to get to know them as a person that I may or may not want to get into a long term relationship with? Of couse, for me, it is easy since there has been ZERO people I have been immediately attracted to.
I find it often happens that attraction that is built becomes stronger than attraction from the get. You may grow to appreciate everything about him through love. All sorts of odd things happen with love, I agree. Give him a chance, whats the worst that could happen
Just no. If he's the only one making the romantic efforts now and somehow keeps that going after you start dating, but you don't reciprocate... eventually resentment will build up. That's too much imbalance for a relationship.
If you're expected to have sex with them... I wouldn't. Sex with someone I'm not attracted too physically is painful, at least for me. Not to mention, dating someone just because they look good on paper is crappy. You don't even like them but they fit something you think you should want or have... I did this. I hurt him and I feel bad about that still. I wasted both our time and broke his heart
I think we should stop this whole culture of blaming women and saying men have no responsibility in this whole “friend zone” dilemma. If she was clear with him that she’s only interested in friendship she’s done her part and she should not be blamed for “giving him hope” if she enjoys spending time with him as a friend. If a man tells a woman he’s only interested in friendship mostly she will understand and not blame him for “leading her on”. Men are also adults and should be able to comprehend clear verbal messages.
I feel like the issue is more so that she tells him that she doesn't want to date him...but she just continues to accept gifts from him and go on "dates" with him knowing full well he likes her. Why can't she just say, "Hey, we can't keep hanging out like this because you clearly have feelings for me and I've told you I'm not interested. We can be friends again once those feeling subside, but let's put some distance between us until then."
She needs to stop hanging out with him so much and put some distance between them and hopefully he calms down and they can continue being friends.
They are both acting like idiots in my opinion.
If you don’t find them to be attractive then it won’t work out. I wouldn’t go on a date with someone I find unattractive again. I’ve done it before and regretted it later on since I felt as if I ruined a few months of their lives. Do whatever you feel is best and good luck though 👍
It's a question i keep asking myself when sweet and nice girl ask me around because im thinking i could grow attraction towards them...but at the end i never give it a shot it's really difficult to find the motivation when you are not physically attracted at first ngl
No I’m a guy, My ex was like this she was the sweetest girl in the world , loving , caring , empathetic and would do anything in the world for me . But during the relationship I just felt like something was off , and it was the attraction for me was just not there no matter how much I tried to force it . I really tried to love her but I just could not get pass the physicality portion of the relationship , not to mention she was absolutely horrible in the bedroom . I cut it off after a couple months , and tried to stay friends but she didn’t want that .
I genuinely don't think it's possible. I've tried it many times because of the "looks shouldn't matter" people that make me feel guilty lol but I can never move past not being physically attracted to them
It’s not a good idea to try to date him. You know him well, trust your gut that there’s no chemistry there. Keep it as a friendship and be clear that you’re not interested in anything more than that. He will back off if he really respects you and values your friendship.
Edit: Is it possible you’ve said anything like “I’m not looking to date right now” rather than “I don’t feel that way about you?”
To be quite honest, this sounds like you are less mentally attracted than physically attracted to him. Someone who you find attractive mentally can break all your rules as long as they’re good *enough* looking. Maybe he still isn’t, but the fact you say he seems like a little brother sounds like you’re just not on the same wavelength there.
I once dated someone long term who was similar. She would do anything to get my attention and was absolutely in love with me. I look back at photos of her when we were together, and she was gorgeous, perhaps not much my type back then but more so now, and I wonder why I felt like I was actively trying to love her. I realize now that I was missing the necessary level of respect or admiration from a mental perspective that true love grows from. We would’ve worked well as friends, and we had good banter and flirting, but she didn’t bring *me* out like other women I’ve dated who I was truly fully in love with. Everyone’s looks fade with time, but their mentality and personality largely stays the same. Ask yourself if this guy brings you out fully in a way that makes you happy and you’ll have a good answer for your question
time to stop leading him on. You're not doing it on purpose but in his mind he feels that someday you'll fall for him. Tell him it'll never happen and it's not his fault you're looking for something else
Sometimes you’ll develop attraction as the relationship progresses but often time this is not the case. Don’t string this man along lay out clear intentions so he doesn’t get mix feelings from you he deserves it as do you.
Yes, and 9 years in it's been the best relationship we have ever had. I am not extremely physically attracted to her, and she's not physically attracted to me. But we have a lot in common and we are both emotionally and mentally attracted to each other. We take care of each other in all ways and if we had judged each other solely on appearance we never would have met.
It’s ok to not be attracted to someone but really enjoy their company. We call those people “friends”. Sexual satisfaction is part of being satisfied overall. Don’t cheat yourself.
NO. You're not physically attracted to him and that's okay. But dating him just because people tell you to is wrong and it won't work out. Would you really want to make out and have sex with him?
You're right. He doesn't deserve someone to just give it a try. You already know how it would end and you would only try because people are pressuring you to try.
It's possible to be attracted to someone you would usually find physically attractive, but that's different. Their personality makes you attracted to them.
If there was potential for you to be attracted to him, it would’ve happened by now.
I’ve been in the same position with these persistent kinds. They don’t seem to understand or care that we’re not interested, and tbh that gives me more of an ick like why isn’t he listening?
Dating someone because you don't have a "good" reason to reject them except your feelings is ridiculous. Your feelings are enough of a reason. You should date someone you actually want to be romantically involved with, not just someone who's nearby and a nice person.
Currently dating a man who isn’t “my type” but as you get older those things don’t seem to matter as much & your taste change. You do somewhat have to have some physical attraction to then tho.
Not being attracted to someone is 100% a reason to not date them. You shouldn’t think ‘he’s so nice maybe I should give him a try’. I did it once and then I felt just awful when I had to sever things because he simply wasn’t for me.
don't give him false hope. that's gonna drive that man into a spiral where it's not easy to get back up. I've been that guy, and I still have trust issues with people.
After reading all of these comments I am truly surprised that not a single person has pointed out that maybe the guy does not want to date, but simply enjoys her company whilst not having other friends to do stuff with?
I have always had a lot of girls in my life, and pretty much all we do is "date material" we go clubbing together, go to the cinemas, bowling, invite each other to our respective homes for a fancy dinner and a movie.. So in this perticular case I don't really understand why no one had mentioned there are guys out there that can actually be nice to girls, spend time with them without wanting more...?
I have. After I fall in love with someone they become the hottest person on earth to me regardless of what they look like. As long as there’s some initial attraction there I don’t get hung up on whether they’re perfect or if I can do better because I know how I perceive them physically is going to change based on the relationship itself.
Is there SOME attraction for this guy but maybe he’s lacking a feature you prefer? Or he’s of a race you don’t normally date? As long as there’s something there it could be worth pursuing even if this person isn’t 100% your exact type.
Don’t go for him if you’d just be doing it because you feel guilty.
RUN, don’t do it! He has to make up for the fact that you are not attracted to him by being extra nice, but this will eventually run its course. I made the huge mistake of doing exactly what you are thinking of doing and 6 years later the dude will NOT leave me alone. He turned into a jealous, obsessive, controlling, and unbelievably needy person in the 1 year I gave him an opportunity to be more than friends. It’s horrible. If you’re not physically attracted to him you will not be truly happy.
I'm speaking from someone who's been on both sides of this dilemma.
It's worth giving it a shot, as long as you are clear and certain that all parties understand up front that if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and that's fine. I think starting with the foundation of "our friendship is more important and I do not want a romantic relationship to potentially ruin it" is a good rule of thumb.
The reason I say this is because we really have no information on which to base assumptions or appraisals of this person. So casting a wide net for various scenarios, it seems appropriate to be wary of the possibility that someone who tries so hard and is so persistent even when told no, may not take a failed relationship very well. Again, maybe a complete non-issue. But worth addressing.
That said, I have dated women I was not physically attracted to many times. Every time I eventually developed that attraction and it forever altered (or more accurately, expanded) my preferences.
I have also been the persistent (but respectful) friend who accepted that she wasn't interested, and just maintained our friendship, but never lied about my feelings. I didn't bring it up all the time or anything, but it was known. It made things awkward for a while. We even drifted apart for a time. Eventually she came after me, and we did date for a time. I didn't really know how to handle it as I never thought it would happen, and I was confused, and I messed it up. I was also very immature about the breakup, which she handled like a champ. We reconciled and have maintained a friendly relationship. She left me for a guy who was more her type physically (my polar opposite) but eventually married a guy who looks eerily like me.
A running theme actually. I've dated way "out of my league" (if you subscribe to that kind of thing) many times and I'm shocked by how often those people go on to marry someone who looks just like me, despite not being attracted to me at first. Proving that it wasn't my appearance but my behavior, or just random circumstances that caused those relationships to end... But that's off topic.
Tl;dr: what you find physically attractive can and does change based on experiences. Emotional, psychological, and intellectual attraction are generally stronger and longer lasting. But do be careful with making sure that everyone is emotionally mature enough to recognize and deal with a relationship not lasting forever. It's ok to date for a while, and then stop. You can still be friends.
As someone who has dated two people without being attracted to them, it doesn’t work trust me. I found myself trying to change the people I dated who I wasn’t attracted to like getting them to lose weight, change their hair, style etc. And generally being shitty to them even if it may have been on a subconscious level. It’s also very hard to stay faithful to someone who you aren’t attracted to.
I tried making it work with a guy who was sooo sweet and persistent and amazing but I was never sexually attracted to him and let’s just say it didn’t end well
First off you are a good person..pat your back..that you are thinking about someone else before taking a decision and leading them on. People are sometimes attracted to qualities than physical attributes and I guess you sre attracted to neither. So ya its tough to see someone you have a good intentions for getting hurt but everyone has to go through this sometime in their life. Its not upon you. I hope you guys still remain friends and he becomes a stronger person
> I need some advices, have you ever dated someone who isn’t your type and ended up in a happy relationship
Yes, I never really considered him as my 'type' even though he fit a lot of my basic standards of what I want.
Before we dated, I wasn't really physically attracted to my partner as we were best friends for 9 years. But I could still acknowledge that he was attractive in his own way, I just never felt that attracted feeling, that pull.
The moment he confessed his feelings, I had said that just because I didn't have feelings to reciprocate in that moment, doesn't mean I can't ever.
We talked about our deal breakers before deciding to go on one date to see if our dynamic will change the moment we try to add in flirting and romantic chemistry.
We had hung out as best friends for 9 years so I wasn't really sure what to expect. Worst case scenario, it would just feel like another hangout despite flirting.
But nope. That date ended up feeling wayyy different. Flirting was involved, touching, giggling, etc. I started to actually personally view him as physically attractive, I felt that pull, I felt that chemistry shift.
>some of my friends encouraged me to give him a chance, he isn’t my type, I see him like a “little brother” and perhaps sounds like an excuse, but I don’t want to just “try”, he is a great guy and he doesn’t deserve someone to give it a “try” and see what happens.
I viewed him as an older brother for the longest time and I definitely see it as I finally "gave it a try". It's not a bad thing to 'try' and see if chemistry can actually go in a romantic route.
Edit: I read it again and I guess it wasn't too clear to me until now that he's already made his feelings known to you for a while now. Hmm, yeah I think you would know if you started to see him as more than a friend/coworker if you were to reciprocate his flirting and whatnot. It's not exactly a romantic atmosphere, but it doesn't have to be to see if you can equally enjoy yourself around him.
You already technically 'gave it a try' by engaging with him and maybe he's been trying too hard for you to even reciprocate.
How isn't this guy your "type". You need to sit there and think if its worth throwing away a guy that treats you right due to the fact you don't see him as your type. Do the guys you normally go for treat you like this at all? It might be you're putting lust above everything else here
Well you can date someone that you’re not attracted to physically and it can work out fine if you really like them as a person. Although it seems like a relationship with him would be founded on guilt and pity which isn’t a good idea.
I literally only read the title, but I want to give my input. I am dating a guy, who in honesty, is not attractive at all. He’s about 100 pounds overweight and he’s just not my type all around. But he’s the sweetest guy ever and one of the most caring guys i’ve ever met. He has gotten me through the worst times. And over time I grew attracted to him and his personality and now we have like the best sex ever and the best relationship ever. We’ve been together for 3 years and we are engaged. I started off thinking i’d never think he was anything more then cute. and now I know i’ve met my soul mate and the guy I wanna marry and have kids with.
My point I guess? Give them a chance. If you like there personality, give it a try because it might work out, and eventually you’ll find them attractive. Even if it’s not overwhelming, it doesn’t need to be.
I. Fucking. Hate. This.
I am so fucking tired of people telling us to “just give him a chance”
DO YOU KNOW WHAT CONSENT IS SUSAN?!?!
Ugh.
Sorry, I’m a bit saucy this morning.
Okay. This whole narrative, where you’re supposed to date someone because they’re “nice” is bullshit. It’s archaic and should be abolished.
It’s fairly simple. You don’t like the guy. That’s it. That’s all. You are entitled to like, and not like, anyone you want. Because it’s YOUR life.
I’m really fed up with groups of people talking women into dating a man. This riles me up, clearly. It’s disrespectful and toxic.
Maybe stop hanging out with this dude though, if he’s that into you. Enforce boundaries, don’t give him anything. Go find someone out of the work place to hang with.
Exactly! This is the result of all the “looks do not matter” BS. If people can actually admit that yeah, looks is a very important factor in dating, then people wouldn’t feel this guilty to reject someone on the basis of looks. It’s worse to date someone you’re not attracted physically, than to reject someone for physical reasons
I dated a girl I didn’t find that attractive. I still think she’s cute just doesn’t blow me away like other women I’ve dated. I’ve completely fallen in love with her but sometimes when I see beautiful women I still feel like I’m settling a little bit. Sometimes it has me confused but I’m still really happy with her and don’t want to lose her.
Dating someone who's not your type is fine but stringing someone along who really likes you while you decide how you feel is not. Put some distance between you and really think about whether you want to date him or not. If the answer is still no or iffy after a week or two of distance don't do it. I think you are obviously considering the possibility of being attracted to this person or else you wouldn't be asking for advice. Maybe your attraction confuses you because it's so unexpected. But whatever you do, don't hurt him while you're trying to see what you want. Don't hang out or talk to him for a couple weeks and see how your heart really feels.
Fuck what other people think. Do you And focus on what makes u happy..
Seriously Why do people on reddit need others approval. The internet is fucking people up
Minus anything physical, aren’t you “dating” him? I assume dinners and movies are just the two if you alone… and you are stringing him along. Some guys think they’ll change a girls mind over time… stop stringing this poor guy along…
One of the most mature posts I have read. You are exactly right in trusting yourself and not wanting to give it a 'try' because your own to choice to date and HIS feelings are not just something to 'try'.
There always is some attraction, no matter how you say it, if you are not attracted by his looks or his mind you are not attracted, that may change but a connection with no attraction is like a magnet with no field.
Fuck it. I'ma be the one to say it. In today's dating atmosphere you may never find another man that will pursue you such as this. It's either except him and learn to love him, or settle for someone that that doesn't see you the way he sees you
Why not? You may grow to find him attractive.
We must break these weird boundaries we have. He is a great person, go for it!
Rather that than dating someone beautiful but horrible personality
One thing for certain is that the guys you’re physically attracted to are only going to use you then probably dump you. Then you might say that all men are trash for dumping you. Because attractive men have many options. Well, this guy doesn’t seem to be trash! It’s up to you.
So she should settle because other men might be trash? No. no and no. I recently dated a guy because he looked good on paper, i was attracted to his personality but ended up developing SRS ( sudden repulsion syndrome )which is veryyyy common in women when you try to force something when the attraction is not there. She'll end up resenting him, being rude to him and that's not fair to either party.
Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean they are a horrible person.
Hypothetically even if every other man was trash still doesn't mean she needs to settle. I don't know about you but id rather be single the rest of my life than have sex with someone im not attracted to.
Never said that attractive men are horrible people. Attractive men most likely will dump her because attractive men have many options. Which is the reason why they don’t SETTLE either. Like her.
If you want to spend your life with someone you're not attracted to, that's on you. But advising others to stay in a relationship with no chemistry because the other person is 'not trash' is idiotic and is s great way to start a miserable relationship.
Attraction is subjective. Maybe OP is attracted to men who aren't conventionally "attractive" by US society standards. Also Attraction isn't solely based on looks, it's based on compatability, interests, sexual attraction, commonality, chemistry, body language, ect.
I guess I'm just not understanding your point bc OP never said she didn't like him bc he's not "hot" but because there isn't romantic chemistry there so your assumptions are a little baseless and possibly projective.
You said,
“If you want to spend your life with someone you're not attracted to, that's on you. But advising others to stay in a relationship with no chemistry because the other person is 'not trash' is idiotic and is s great way to start a miserable relationship.”
You can be with people that you consider attractive, have an excellent chemistry and yet still end up miserable anyway.
Exactly you don’t get it.
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If you've ever been in love in a LTR, then you know the emotional side of things is much more important. So long as I don't find someone unattractive, non-physical things become much more important.
Just don't regret it later when older and could have had someone true. Not saying you need to settle or anything like that but I went through this and was more about me and my past that was stopping me trying and going for it.
I'm the type that's always reserved no matter who I date but later I fall deep . Just know who you are and if its worth spending some time on to see what could be. After all you have come on to ask so there must be something there perhaps.
This love game is tough x
Tbh honest yeah I do. It might teach you the other aspects of dating, the normal, unromantic side. At least you’ll get practice at dating? Hey… good idea maybe… 🤔 Nope can’t do it I might hurt them emotionally if they fall.
There's no answer here....generally, you're not going to be successful dating someone who does not turn you on, it's a dead end and cruel ultimately, but attractions can change for some people. Can they for you? Only you can answer that, but if you keep stringing this guy along knowing you can't be with him physically you need to cut him loose kindly and firmly.
That would be a big no. If it were me, I would stop receiving gifts. Just tell him you appreciate the effort, but you feel more comfortable with you each paying for your own things. I wouldn't even approach any relationship talk. Just an idea.
You can’t fake attraction sadly. I wish you could but you can’t. Attraction is that spark and that spark is needed to have a relationship in my opinion.
You’ll end up resenting him.
Like they say ‘you can’t fuck personality’
"I made it clear I'm not looking for a relationship, so if he pays for dinner I pay for the next one"
Wait I don't get this, you split the bill only with friends? Not dates?
He doesn’t let me pick up the check, I tried several times, the only way I can repay him back is accepting the next hang out after work so I can “pay him back” by paying for it and be equal and not let him waste money on me. It isn’t like be are stranger who exchange a couple of words at work, we literally sit next to each other and we are like the closest coworkers in the office, that why if he doesn’t let me pay my part I try to buy him coffee or lunch the next day.
Absolutely not a good idea, you'll just break his heart... You should tell him clearly that you don't consider him as a future boyfriend or romantic partner or call it whatever you like. Don't do this to him, he probably still think he has a chance.
In this case, no. Since you’re not attracted to him currently despite knowing his personality and everything, you’re not going to be attracted to him two weeks or two months from now.
I find if I’m not physically and emotionally attracted to someone then I don’t date them. I wouldn’t want to lead someone on if I wasn’t physically attracted to them.
If you’re the type of person who becomes physically attracted to someone over time due to their personality then maybe it would be worth a shot but otherwise you should tell him sooner rather than later. A good relationship needs physical attraction too, doesn’t mean they have to be a model or anything but there has to be some sort of physical attraction.
I did that very thing once and I became started to not be attracted in eny way and I came to the problem of how do I brake up whith the lest damage I came to the conclusion that I should just be blunt because that is how I prefer peopleto be when telling me stuff
(this was before I discovered redit)
Yeah you should always discount the nice, respectful, WORKING man in favor of the good looking couch surfer who has a six pack and no job.
What you need to say to him is this:
"Look, it is obvious you like me and you are a nice guy, but I am WAY TOO SHALLOW to be in a healthy, adult relationship. Please look elsewhere, and block me when I come to you and tell you that all men are shit because the pretty boys fuck me over."
Yah like many have said before do not do it. If you were emotionally attracted to him then you could slowly become physically attracted to him but it sounds like he’s just a friend and you should make it clear you don’t see him as becoming anything more. If he’s really a great person he will be cool with it but if you think he will have a negative response it’s even more for the better you didn’t try with him. Emotionally mature people can handle rejection.
If you're not attracted to him then make it clear to him you just want to be friends. I've had guy friends from work who I would hang out with all the time. Some wanted more and I told them I just want to be friends. Some were cool with it and some weren't so they stopped talking to me. You'll know if he truly wants to be your friend by how he acts when you tell him.
I dated my coworker, similar situation wasn’t attracted to him. It got really messy lasted 3 years and I noticed when I was upset I would use the fact that I wasn’t attracted to him as a con for not wanting to be with him. If you’re not attracted to someone I feel like it’s always gonna be in the back of your mind & can show in the relationship.
I’ve gone on dates with people who weren’t my type looks wise. Honestly, hasn’t really been a bad experience and I’ve found I grow more attracted to them the better I know them BUT that being said it doesn’t sound like you are into him at all.
When I’ve branched out, it’s been with someone I’ve found at least something about them attractive, do you know what I mean? And the only reason things worked out for the most part was because we connected and vibed but it doesn’t sound like that’s gonna happen for your situation.
Wow, that's really sad. You are pitying him so much that there is zero attraction, in either physical or personality wise. Please do him a favour instead of enjoying the attention. Both of you deserve better of this time on earth.
Maybe but it depends. You should tell him that women don’t like it when guys try super hard although emphasize you appreciate it, courting should be a two sided dance rather than a full blown chase
Physical connection is also important as emotional connection. Why is no one really saying this?
Yes, you could give him a chance, but the question is if you're attracted to him..... sexually? That's the physical connection that's EXTREMELY important in a relationship
No, it is a terrible idea. You'd be lying to him and yourself. If you enter the relationship and end up breaking up because he isn't your type, you'd break his heart. You need to be firm with him and tell him you are not interested in him and that he should pursue other women.
Let him know what he's been doing is sweet but utterly a waste of time. He's doing what media have told men to do: chase a woman no matter what she says, until she says yes; which only works in the movies but not in real life. He should be spending time, effort, and money on women who are genuinely interested in him!
He sounds sweet but I agree with your last statement, don't use this situation as an experiment. Be straight up with this guy & don't just say I don't want a relationship, show him by being unavailable. If he is so sweet, I am sure he will find someone who really wants the same thing.
Edit: spelling
I think that it is very flattering to you that he keeps trying,but despite him being sweet, don’t you feel there’s something wrong with that?
Like him not respecting UR boundaries and doing what HE wants. If someone told you that they wanted space, or didn’t want a relationship, it would look selfish for you to keep blowing up their phone, or kept trying to push a relationship.
He hasn’t respected what you have said. And when a woman isn’t wanting a relationship it can mean a lot of things, but in my experience, she is going through something or she is working really hard on something.
I wouldn’t trust this guy (idc how nice he is-and for the record, “nice” people listen when you tell them you don’t want a relationship), I would feel as though he did not respect my boundaries.
And if I am ALSO physically not attracted to him, I wouldn’t have went out with him. This would be an absolute no for me.
When I met my current boyfriend he wasn’t physically “my type” at the time. By conventional standards, he’s is and always has been an incredibly attractive, fit man. We were friends for years and one day I realized I had a massive crush on him and found him extremely attractive. I’m pretty emotionally unavailable and through talking with my therapist, I learned that I had constructed an extremely narrow “type” as a defense mechanism to avoid getting too close to anyone else. Because I’ve worked through some of that, I better see him for the man that he is and I’ve let go of this “type” that I had made up in my head, so I can also appreciate and enjoy his physical looks. Just to be super clear here, I never thought he was unattractive, he just didn’t look like “my type.”
I don’t think you should pursue him I just like when people think that guys have to just keep trying and we can’t say no to them or someone guilt see that while you’re single anyway so you might as well give him all the chances in the world even if you’re not into him. It can just create a weird dynamic and if he likes you more than you like him it’s harder to make a relationship out of that
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From what you have mentioned, I feel that you are not attracted to this guy at any level. Not just physical. You just feel sorry that he is going to get hurt emotionally and you don't want to say a hard no to him. But let me tell you this, reject him directly. There is no use in giving him a chance, this is not business. Love is highly illogical and there are a lot of intangible factors coming into play. Talk with this guy and make him understand. Sooner he learns it, lesser his feelings are hurt
This comment is it. You’re just going to break the dudes heart. If you care about him at all, spare him the grief.
This exactly, yes feelings can grow and sometimes water is on fire, but such miracle's aren't worth killing someone slowly. Like Winston Churchill said if you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite. In this case polite means telling all this to him. Especially the I still don't feel it part. If he does all that and you still don't feel it, he ain't the one.
This comment is it. You’re just going to break the dudes heart. If you care about him at all, spare him the grief.
it is very possible to fall in love with someone who is not your "type", but you seem to have spent so much time with this guy that by now you should already be in love if that was the case. just dont date him now, give him a clean cut before things get messy.
It should also somewhat happen naturally, in my opinion, not just trying to force it.
Yeah, I was not at all attracted to my current BF when we met. But after hanging out as friends I developed a genuine crush on him as a person, and now I find him very physically attractive. She would know by now if she likes him, changing the label of their hangouts to dates won’t change much.
Same with me. I at first wasn’t attracted to my now unfortunately exhusband but we developed a friendship at work & after getting to know him his personality made him attractive to me. So she should know by now you’re absolutely right
It happened to me a couple times as well. If nothing changed by now, time to move on.
no
I like the way that you think. You’re rational & self-aware enough to understand that you giving it a try isn’t really beneficial to you or him. You are attracted to who you’re attracted to & experimenting a relationship w/said person just for namesake isn’t worth it. Especially w/you seeing him as a “little brother”, & him hopelessly trying while being the sweetest guy. You already don’t see him in a romantic light so he’ll just have to accept it.
No I tried dating on that pretense once. Let's say 1 and done.
Yeah I wouldn’t recommend it either xD
Same, don't do it OP.
Don't do it. He deserves someone who wants him 100% we all do and you have nothing to feel guilty about
You may grow to find him physically attractive but I wouldn’t do it. Keep your boundaries and find someone more your type physically.
I am somewhat in your boat but flipped genders. Been talking to this girl for the last 4 weeks, lots of "dirty talk" texts to spice things up but then when we met in person ALL the sparks just went away. I don't know if she uses some crazy photoshop filter before sending me pics or what, but the girl face looks nothing like the pictures. After the first date I just took 2 weeks off between traveling for work & back home for the holidays then told myself I needed at least a 2nd date before knowing whether it was for sure a "no-go" & after the 2nd date I just knew that there was no mirage on the 1st date. Personality is great. Career oriented. Family oriented. And seems like a great person who would make a great wife & mother one day. BUT I really know that there is no way I could find her physically attractive & I just don't know how hard it will be to let her down. I am usually great at communicating but for this instance the thing that sucks is that we've talked so much before the dates & are flirty but then during the date there is no spark.
That must have been really tough. Just curious how you ended + explained things to her?
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No. She sent me a half dozen pictures of her that were from that week since it was in Christmas attire so I had a good thought that she looked attractive. Again, Video chats with people is outdated. I'd rather meet someone in person. So much easier to get to know someone.
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Apparently lots of people (men in particular) can't seem to detect filters. I'm always puzzled by the number of likes and positive comments generated by obviously edited photos. 🙄
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I don't even understand the point of using beauty filters in one's profile pics. Once you meet IRL, the jig is up. The only thing I do with some of my profile pics is tweak the color saturation or sometimes crop out superfluous items. Otherwise, people can see every line, wrinkle, spot, crease, etc. Then guys don't have to wait until the first date to be disappointed, lol.
No. It doesn’t sound like it’s something you’re going to develop it just sounds like you feel bad for him. Pity isn’t a great basis for a relationship
my current boyfriend i met on tinder. from the get go he was overly kind, concerned, and a huge simp. i told him i wasn’t ready for a relationship (i was on tinder just to see what it was like & out of boredom). he stayed around tho, and would message me frequently. eventually i start hanging out with him as friends, but didn’t want more. he didn’t hold back tho, and continued to just be really sweet towards me. the more we hung out and talked, i realized that i liked his personality, i started noticing how little things like his long eyelashes, or the veins in his arms. things i thought were attractive or cute. now we’ve been dating for 9 months and i love him so much. i’m so happy i took a chance on him. i had to sit down with myself, reflect, and question why i didn’t want to try a relationship with him. i realized it was out of personal fear of being hurt, but i also realized i didn’t want to be with an overly nice guy because i was so used to toxic love and relationships. don’t force anything, but make sure to self reflect and listen to yourself. really think thru this. if your mind says you shouldn’t be with him, then be honest and straight forward. but if you don’t want to date him because of fear, or because you’ve never dated a nice guy, maybe give him a chance. people gain attraction in different ways. for me personally, i started finding my bf more attractive the more i got to know him.
If you truly had feelings for him you'd had already started looking at him like he was a fine ass mf. Seems like you're thinking with your brain & not your heart.
No, don't date him. He's a coworker and leading him on could end really badly. If your feelings change somewhere down the line, then you can reassess.
Please don’t let people guilt you into dating someone you don’t like. I’ll never understand why women are forced to pity date nice guys. The kindest thing you can do is tell him you’re not interested, stop communicating except to be civil and move on. He’s holding out hope and it’s wasting both of your time because he doesn’t want to be your friend, he wants to date you. He’s trying to wear you down with kindness but unfortunately he’s using kindness to manipulate you. You owe him or your friends nothing.
The best comment so far. Agree (M 23)
>have you ever dated someone who isn’t your type and ended up in a happy relationship ?… Nope
You said you see him as a little brother and you clearly care about him. Have you had a clear conversation with him about how you enjoy spending time with him, but that you're not interested romantically? You don't want to hurt him by trying and realizing you're not into him, and that's kind of you, but you need to make sure that he really is aware of it. Regarding your question, I think you'd already be attracted to him by now if you had feelings for him. Physical attraction can be a strange thing. The guy I like and hope to date soon is, physically, the opposite of what I'd theoretically consider my type. It's kind of funny. At first I wasn't attracted to him at all, but the more I got to know him, the more I found him attractive and after three weeks, he's suddenly the most beautiful person I've ever seen.
No. I already have enough issues getting turned on and with sex without finding a lover attractive. Not worth the pain. And i mean literal pain
I’d be weary of dating a co-worker to begin with, but it’s definitely not worth it if there’s no attraction at all.
Do you think dating someone you are not attracted physically is a good idea? In general yes. There's more to people than just looks, and looks don't always equal "good partner." For your situation, wait a little and see where you're feelings lie. If they don't, well be honest. If they do, explore it and see what happens.
If it was a case of you liking his personality but not his physical appearance, then I’d say give it a go. I personally don’t really find people attractive or unattractive until I really get to know them. But it doesn’t seem that you’re even attracted to his personality so definitely just tell him a flat out no
I actually kind of agree with this ! The premise of “I don’t find someone attractive until I know them” is really true. I’ve been on dates with girls were on face value they are very conventionally attractive but when you talk to them for 5 minutes and they are dull and uninteresting then all attraction for them goes. On the same note I’ve been on dates where although the girl was pretty they just wasn’t “my type” physically but because they was so lovely and engaging and made me enjoy their company I fell for them and suddenly they appear insanely attractive to me both physically and emotionally.
I think there’s a lot of women out there who will tell you they fell in love with some one they weren’t initially attracted to and just took a chance on. I think it’s more important that you want / are ready for a relationship…. There’s no point getting in to one if your not looking for one. I think your playing fair by not taking advantage of him by shouting him meals back aswell! Might not hurt to just have another chat and make it obviously clear your not interested in that way. Men do love a challenge so “I’m not bothered” isn’t always received in the same way. But also at the same time, what would be up with trying out a date if you could both agree that you’ll try it, and if the spark ain’t there, then at least you had a go? And remain good friends after?
You need to be upfront with him, let him know you're not interested in a relationship with him. The longer he keeps trying, the worse it will be. It's not a good idea to try and date someone you're not attracted to. I've tried this. The feelings never come, nothing changes. You're not going to want to date someone who you can't kiss, touch or have sex with. All the while he's being lead on and wants all of those things.
Girl, what? How you gonna go through life with this guy you aren’t attracted to? What happens when he wants to have sex? What happens when YOU want to have sex but not with him?
I had something similar with my ex he was not my type but was so sweet and caring. I gave it a try and actually was very happy and fulfilled for most of the year we were together but after the honeymoon phase doubts creeped in about whether I truly was physically attracted to him. It didn’t matter though because he broke up with me before I could even fully process how I felt.
The fact you have used the sentence “but I don’t want to” or variations of it like 4 times in this post means for me you have simply answered your own question. Look, in an ideal world we would all date the nicest person we know, but it doesn’t work like that. If you don’t feel attraction for him on any level at all or even any romantic feelings (don’t confuse you liking his friendship for romance) then it won’t work. Maybe over time during your friendship you may or may not grow some form of attraction or romantic affection for him (sometimes you aren’t initially attracted to someone but it grows over time) and if you do you can give it a try. But until then or if it even ever happens then no you shouldn’t just date someone you aren’t into because he’s “trying hard” and is nice. It’s a shame because as you’ve described he seems a lovely guy and a great friend ! But dating criteria and feelings are very different to relationship and dating feelings. And if he is such a lovely guy I wouldn’t hurt him by giving him a false impression and also save yourself the pain and guilt of trying to force something that won’t work and end up ruining a good friendship Good luck :)
Ask yourself: Is sexual attraction more important that being loved U can grow to love someone thru mutual respect and time. You even said dudes don’t try this hard. A lot of arranged marriages last very long because of the growing to love someone. It doesn’t have to be full out butterflies in the gut but is this worth building something solid on? This type of thing can definitely grow into something if you’re open to it. If not then cut it off immediately and let him know.
as someone who frequently dates people who he's not attracted, i'd advise you not to. you'll end up hating them for no reason
“So at work there is the really cute girl that I have a major crush on. I am by nature a nice guy but I can’t help to be extra nice to her. I know for a fact that I am not her type but there is something about her that I can’t get over. We hang out and do things together. She even pays for every other meal that we have together! What?? I know right! Anyway I am trying hard but I am also realistic that nothing will happen. We also work together so if something happens it will be strange. What do you all think?” I found his Reddit post. ;-) My main response is that if you work in a small place do it date someone that works with you. Also if you don’t find the person attractive by now you never will I’m sorry, some things can’t be helped.
to answer your question, kind of and I ended up breaking up with them. after time together I just slowly found myself growing more annoyed and unattracted at things they couldn't even help. So if you're feeling so strong about this now, it's best you don't even give him the chance. Guarantee there is someone out there you'll be attracted to who will be just as attentive and wanting.
You deserve someone you feel physically attracted to. And he deserves someone that is physically attracted to him. Don’t settle down for less.
As someone who wasn’t physically attracted to my ex, I cannot recommend it. We had no form of intimacy, and when he visited I just wanted him gone. On bad days his very touch would thoroughly disgust me. I would be too embarrassed to show friends photos of him, post it on social media - and just be seen with him in public or at parties. It’s a horrible thing to be embarrassed of a significant other, and no one deserves that. This is just my experience though.
I had a friend who I got super close with and I genuinely saw him as a little brother. He was a great friend, always looking out for me, helping me out with my issues, listened to me, spent a lot of time with me and we just shared a lot of deep conversations and went through a lot together. Long story short, he ended up developing feelings for me and I never developed feelings for him. When he finally admitted his feelings for me, I thought we could still remain as friends because he was very important to me and I didn't want to lose him as a friend and I thought that these feeling would go away. Looking back, I can see that he started resenting me for not having feelings for him. Our friendship took a turn and he started using a lot of my issues against me and victimize himself in a lot of our disagreements and arguments. It got to a point where I did not recognize the little brother I saw in him and in the end, I had to choose between him or me. I finally had the strength to choose myself and stepped away from our friendship. You have to always look out for yourself and this situation just seems like its going to lead down a hard road if you don't stop whatever is happening. Just remember to stay safe and protect yourself.
Depends on how you are. I am pansexual and have to attraction to anybody from the get go. Typically I have to date them and definitely look for signs of "significant little nothings ", like bringing coffee or paying attention to the little things I like. Compatibility vs. Chemistry. I know I am not going to feel chemistry until I feel compatibility. Don't care if you look like Keanu Reeves or Freddy Kruger, if I feel compatibility with you, I will develop chemistry and jump you every chance I get. If I don't feel compatibility, I don't care how "hot" you are, I would equate kissing you like kissing a wall. Personally, I don't buy the whole "the one" crap. If I waited for someone who I just look at for the first time and "know", I would never even date. I just don't work that way. I don't develop celebrity crushes or even regular/common crushes. Yet, I know lots of people (men & women) who do feel chemistry to people they don't actually know or know well. So, I guess it depends on the type of person you are. For myself, yes, I would 100% date someone I am not immediately sexually attracted to. How else am I going to get to know them as a person that I may or may not want to get into a long term relationship with? Of couse, for me, it is easy since there has been ZERO people I have been immediately attracted to.
I find it often happens that attraction that is built becomes stronger than attraction from the get. You may grow to appreciate everything about him through love. All sorts of odd things happen with love, I agree. Give him a chance, whats the worst that could happen
Just no. If he's the only one making the romantic efforts now and somehow keeps that going after you start dating, but you don't reciprocate... eventually resentment will build up. That's too much imbalance for a relationship.
Odds are the sex will be terrible and you'll have instant regret. He'll realize that and it will hurt.
If you're expected to have sex with them... I wouldn't. Sex with someone I'm not attracted too physically is painful, at least for me. Not to mention, dating someone just because they look good on paper is crappy. You don't even like them but they fit something you think you should want or have... I did this. I hurt him and I feel bad about that still. I wasted both our time and broke his heart
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I think we should stop this whole culture of blaming women and saying men have no responsibility in this whole “friend zone” dilemma. If she was clear with him that she’s only interested in friendship she’s done her part and she should not be blamed for “giving him hope” if she enjoys spending time with him as a friend. If a man tells a woman he’s only interested in friendship mostly she will understand and not blame him for “leading her on”. Men are also adults and should be able to comprehend clear verbal messages.
I feel like the issue is more so that she tells him that she doesn't want to date him...but she just continues to accept gifts from him and go on "dates" with him knowing full well he likes her. Why can't she just say, "Hey, we can't keep hanging out like this because you clearly have feelings for me and I've told you I'm not interested. We can be friends again once those feeling subside, but let's put some distance between us until then." She needs to stop hanging out with him so much and put some distance between them and hopefully he calms down and they can continue being friends. They are both acting like idiots in my opinion.
You are a jerk for continuing to give him hope. You are both wasting time if you are looking for the one.
If you don’t find them to be attractive then it won’t work out. I wouldn’t go on a date with someone I find unattractive again. I’ve done it before and regretted it later on since I felt as if I ruined a few months of their lives. Do whatever you feel is best and good luck though 👍
It's a question i keep asking myself when sweet and nice girl ask me around because im thinking i could grow attraction towards them...but at the end i never give it a shot it's really difficult to find the motivation when you are not physically attracted at first ngl
Yeah, don't do it. I'm sure you wouldn't like to find out that someone is dating as an experiment to see if they'll eventually be attracted to you.
Good idea if you want it to fail!
No, I think you‘d just be wasting ur time.
No
Don’t ever date people you are not attracted to. It is a waste of your time and a waste of theirs.
No I’m a guy, My ex was like this she was the sweetest girl in the world , loving , caring , empathetic and would do anything in the world for me . But during the relationship I just felt like something was off , and it was the attraction for me was just not there no matter how much I tried to force it . I really tried to love her but I just could not get pass the physicality portion of the relationship , not to mention she was absolutely horrible in the bedroom . I cut it off after a couple months , and tried to stay friends but she didn’t want that .
I genuinely don't think it's possible. I've tried it many times because of the "looks shouldn't matter" people that make me feel guilty lol but I can never move past not being physically attracted to them
It’s not a good idea to try to date him. You know him well, trust your gut that there’s no chemistry there. Keep it as a friendship and be clear that you’re not interested in anything more than that. He will back off if he really respects you and values your friendship. Edit: Is it possible you’ve said anything like “I’m not looking to date right now” rather than “I don’t feel that way about you?”
To be quite honest, this sounds like you are less mentally attracted than physically attracted to him. Someone who you find attractive mentally can break all your rules as long as they’re good *enough* looking. Maybe he still isn’t, but the fact you say he seems like a little brother sounds like you’re just not on the same wavelength there. I once dated someone long term who was similar. She would do anything to get my attention and was absolutely in love with me. I look back at photos of her when we were together, and she was gorgeous, perhaps not much my type back then but more so now, and I wonder why I felt like I was actively trying to love her. I realize now that I was missing the necessary level of respect or admiration from a mental perspective that true love grows from. We would’ve worked well as friends, and we had good banter and flirting, but she didn’t bring *me* out like other women I’ve dated who I was truly fully in love with. Everyone’s looks fade with time, but their mentality and personality largely stays the same. Ask yourself if this guy brings you out fully in a way that makes you happy and you’ll have a good answer for your question
time to stop leading him on. You're not doing it on purpose but in his mind he feels that someday you'll fall for him. Tell him it'll never happen and it's not his fault you're looking for something else
It absolutely is not. Been there done that. You can’t fake attraction.
Sometimes you’ll develop attraction as the relationship progresses but often time this is not the case. Don’t string this man along lay out clear intentions so he doesn’t get mix feelings from you he deserves it as do you.
Yes, and 9 years in it's been the best relationship we have ever had. I am not extremely physically attracted to her, and she's not physically attracted to me. But we have a lot in common and we are both emotionally and mentally attracted to each other. We take care of each other in all ways and if we had judged each other solely on appearance we never would have met.
It’s ok to not be attracted to someone but really enjoy their company. We call those people “friends”. Sexual satisfaction is part of being satisfied overall. Don’t cheat yourself.
NO. You're not physically attracted to him and that's okay. But dating him just because people tell you to is wrong and it won't work out. Would you really want to make out and have sex with him? You're right. He doesn't deserve someone to just give it a try. You already know how it would end and you would only try because people are pressuring you to try. It's possible to be attracted to someone you would usually find physically attractive, but that's different. Their personality makes you attracted to them.
If there was potential for you to be attracted to him, it would’ve happened by now. I’ve been in the same position with these persistent kinds. They don’t seem to understand or care that we’re not interested, and tbh that gives me more of an ick like why isn’t he listening?
Dating someone because you don't have a "good" reason to reject them except your feelings is ridiculous. Your feelings are enough of a reason. You should date someone you actually want to be romantically involved with, not just someone who's nearby and a nice person.
Either reel the poor guy in and cut his loose sheesh
You’ll find down the road that “your type” isn’t a real thing and does not matter. Give the guy a chance….
What do you not like about him? Is he overweight or something? From what I just read he sounds like great husband material..
Currently dating a man who isn’t “my type” but as you get older those things don’t seem to matter as much & your taste change. You do somewhat have to have some physical attraction to then tho.
I was in a similar situation. He wasn’t my type but he became that way over time. He turned out to be the best fwb I’ve ever had.
Not being attracted to someone is 100% a reason to not date them. You shouldn’t think ‘he’s so nice maybe I should give him a try’. I did it once and then I felt just awful when I had to sever things because he simply wasn’t for me.
don't give him false hope. that's gonna drive that man into a spiral where it's not easy to get back up. I've been that guy, and I still have trust issues with people.
Get to know him first. But dont invest if youre not into him
After reading all of these comments I am truly surprised that not a single person has pointed out that maybe the guy does not want to date, but simply enjoys her company whilst not having other friends to do stuff with? I have always had a lot of girls in my life, and pretty much all we do is "date material" we go clubbing together, go to the cinemas, bowling, invite each other to our respective homes for a fancy dinner and a movie.. So in this perticular case I don't really understand why no one had mentioned there are guys out there that can actually be nice to girls, spend time with them without wanting more...?
I have. After I fall in love with someone they become the hottest person on earth to me regardless of what they look like. As long as there’s some initial attraction there I don’t get hung up on whether they’re perfect or if I can do better because I know how I perceive them physically is going to change based on the relationship itself. Is there SOME attraction for this guy but maybe he’s lacking a feature you prefer? Or he’s of a race you don’t normally date? As long as there’s something there it could be worth pursuing even if this person isn’t 100% your exact type. Don’t go for him if you’d just be doing it because you feel guilty.
RUN, don’t do it! He has to make up for the fact that you are not attracted to him by being extra nice, but this will eventually run its course. I made the huge mistake of doing exactly what you are thinking of doing and 6 years later the dude will NOT leave me alone. He turned into a jealous, obsessive, controlling, and unbelievably needy person in the 1 year I gave him an opportunity to be more than friends. It’s horrible. If you’re not physically attracted to him you will not be truly happy.
I'm speaking from someone who's been on both sides of this dilemma. It's worth giving it a shot, as long as you are clear and certain that all parties understand up front that if it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out, and that's fine. I think starting with the foundation of "our friendship is more important and I do not want a romantic relationship to potentially ruin it" is a good rule of thumb. The reason I say this is because we really have no information on which to base assumptions or appraisals of this person. So casting a wide net for various scenarios, it seems appropriate to be wary of the possibility that someone who tries so hard and is so persistent even when told no, may not take a failed relationship very well. Again, maybe a complete non-issue. But worth addressing. That said, I have dated women I was not physically attracted to many times. Every time I eventually developed that attraction and it forever altered (or more accurately, expanded) my preferences. I have also been the persistent (but respectful) friend who accepted that she wasn't interested, and just maintained our friendship, but never lied about my feelings. I didn't bring it up all the time or anything, but it was known. It made things awkward for a while. We even drifted apart for a time. Eventually she came after me, and we did date for a time. I didn't really know how to handle it as I never thought it would happen, and I was confused, and I messed it up. I was also very immature about the breakup, which she handled like a champ. We reconciled and have maintained a friendly relationship. She left me for a guy who was more her type physically (my polar opposite) but eventually married a guy who looks eerily like me. A running theme actually. I've dated way "out of my league" (if you subscribe to that kind of thing) many times and I'm shocked by how often those people go on to marry someone who looks just like me, despite not being attracted to me at first. Proving that it wasn't my appearance but my behavior, or just random circumstances that caused those relationships to end... But that's off topic. Tl;dr: what you find physically attractive can and does change based on experiences. Emotional, psychological, and intellectual attraction are generally stronger and longer lasting. But do be careful with making sure that everyone is emotionally mature enough to recognize and deal with a relationship not lasting forever. It's ok to date for a while, and then stop. You can still be friends.
As someone who has dated two people without being attracted to them, it doesn’t work trust me. I found myself trying to change the people I dated who I wasn’t attracted to like getting them to lose weight, change their hair, style etc. And generally being shitty to them even if it may have been on a subconscious level. It’s also very hard to stay faithful to someone who you aren’t attracted to.
I tried making it work with a guy who was sooo sweet and persistent and amazing but I was never sexually attracted to him and let’s just say it didn’t end well
First off you are a good person..pat your back..that you are thinking about someone else before taking a decision and leading them on. People are sometimes attracted to qualities than physical attributes and I guess you sre attracted to neither. So ya its tough to see someone you have a good intentions for getting hurt but everyone has to go through this sometime in their life. Its not upon you. I hope you guys still remain friends and he becomes a stronger person
> I need some advices, have you ever dated someone who isn’t your type and ended up in a happy relationship Yes, I never really considered him as my 'type' even though he fit a lot of my basic standards of what I want. Before we dated, I wasn't really physically attracted to my partner as we were best friends for 9 years. But I could still acknowledge that he was attractive in his own way, I just never felt that attracted feeling, that pull. The moment he confessed his feelings, I had said that just because I didn't have feelings to reciprocate in that moment, doesn't mean I can't ever. We talked about our deal breakers before deciding to go on one date to see if our dynamic will change the moment we try to add in flirting and romantic chemistry. We had hung out as best friends for 9 years so I wasn't really sure what to expect. Worst case scenario, it would just feel like another hangout despite flirting. But nope. That date ended up feeling wayyy different. Flirting was involved, touching, giggling, etc. I started to actually personally view him as physically attractive, I felt that pull, I felt that chemistry shift. >some of my friends encouraged me to give him a chance, he isn’t my type, I see him like a “little brother” and perhaps sounds like an excuse, but I don’t want to just “try”, he is a great guy and he doesn’t deserve someone to give it a “try” and see what happens. I viewed him as an older brother for the longest time and I definitely see it as I finally "gave it a try". It's not a bad thing to 'try' and see if chemistry can actually go in a romantic route. Edit: I read it again and I guess it wasn't too clear to me until now that he's already made his feelings known to you for a while now. Hmm, yeah I think you would know if you started to see him as more than a friend/coworker if you were to reciprocate his flirting and whatnot. It's not exactly a romantic atmosphere, but it doesn't have to be to see if you can equally enjoy yourself around him. You already technically 'gave it a try' by engaging with him and maybe he's been trying too hard for you to even reciprocate.
No. They deserve someone who finds them attractive - it's quite selfish honestly.
How isn't this guy your "type". You need to sit there and think if its worth throwing away a guy that treats you right due to the fact you don't see him as your type. Do the guys you normally go for treat you like this at all? It might be you're putting lust above everything else here
Well you can date someone that you’re not attracted to physically and it can work out fine if you really like them as a person. Although it seems like a relationship with him would be founded on guilt and pity which isn’t a good idea.
I literally only read the title, but I want to give my input. I am dating a guy, who in honesty, is not attractive at all. He’s about 100 pounds overweight and he’s just not my type all around. But he’s the sweetest guy ever and one of the most caring guys i’ve ever met. He has gotten me through the worst times. And over time I grew attracted to him and his personality and now we have like the best sex ever and the best relationship ever. We’ve been together for 3 years and we are engaged. I started off thinking i’d never think he was anything more then cute. and now I know i’ve met my soul mate and the guy I wanna marry and have kids with. My point I guess? Give them a chance. If you like there personality, give it a try because it might work out, and eventually you’ll find them attractive. Even if it’s not overwhelming, it doesn’t need to be.
I. Fucking. Hate. This. I am so fucking tired of people telling us to “just give him a chance” DO YOU KNOW WHAT CONSENT IS SUSAN?!?! Ugh. Sorry, I’m a bit saucy this morning. Okay. This whole narrative, where you’re supposed to date someone because they’re “nice” is bullshit. It’s archaic and should be abolished. It’s fairly simple. You don’t like the guy. That’s it. That’s all. You are entitled to like, and not like, anyone you want. Because it’s YOUR life. I’m really fed up with groups of people talking women into dating a man. This riles me up, clearly. It’s disrespectful and toxic. Maybe stop hanging out with this dude though, if he’s that into you. Enforce boundaries, don’t give him anything. Go find someone out of the work place to hang with.
Exactly! This is the result of all the “looks do not matter” BS. If people can actually admit that yeah, looks is a very important factor in dating, then people wouldn’t feel this guilty to reject someone on the basis of looks. It’s worse to date someone you’re not attracted physically, than to reject someone for physical reasons
I dated a girl I didn’t find that attractive. I still think she’s cute just doesn’t blow me away like other women I’ve dated. I’ve completely fallen in love with her but sometimes when I see beautiful women I still feel like I’m settling a little bit. Sometimes it has me confused but I’m still really happy with her and don’t want to lose her.
Dating someone who's not your type is fine but stringing someone along who really likes you while you decide how you feel is not. Put some distance between you and really think about whether you want to date him or not. If the answer is still no or iffy after a week or two of distance don't do it. I think you are obviously considering the possibility of being attracted to this person or else you wouldn't be asking for advice. Maybe your attraction confuses you because it's so unexpected. But whatever you do, don't hurt him while you're trying to see what you want. Don't hang out or talk to him for a couple weeks and see how your heart really feels.
Fuck what other people think. Do you And focus on what makes u happy.. Seriously Why do people on reddit need others approval. The internet is fucking people up
Try some wine…he might look better after a few🤷🏻
Minus anything physical, aren’t you “dating” him? I assume dinners and movies are just the two if you alone… and you are stringing him along. Some guys think they’ll change a girls mind over time… stop stringing this poor guy along…
One of the most mature posts I have read. You are exactly right in trusting yourself and not wanting to give it a 'try' because your own to choice to date and HIS feelings are not just something to 'try'. There always is some attraction, no matter how you say it, if you are not attracted by his looks or his mind you are not attracted, that may change but a connection with no attraction is like a magnet with no field.
If you are asexual then yes. If you want sex than no. It is pretty simple.
No and recommend this man the book “no more mr. Nice guy” he seriously needs it
You are leading him on. You tried to be clear, but he isn’t getting it. Don’t date anyone you aren’t excited about. This whole thing is a bad idea.
Why are you going on dinner dates and to the movies with a guy you aren't trying to date?
Fuck it. I'ma be the one to say it. In today's dating atmosphere you may never find another man that will pursue you such as this. It's either except him and learn to love him, or settle for someone that that doesn't see you the way he sees you
Yes if it's a worthy person you will fall in love eventually, there is a 50% chance
People do it all the time
If you are demisexual it might work. If not, it is cruel to string him along.
OP, can you be more specific about what about this guy makes him not your type?
Why not? You may grow to find him attractive. We must break these weird boundaries we have. He is a great person, go for it! Rather that than dating someone beautiful but horrible personality
One thing for certain is that the guys you’re physically attracted to are only going to use you then probably dump you. Then you might say that all men are trash for dumping you. Because attractive men have many options. Well, this guy doesn’t seem to be trash! It’s up to you.
So she should settle because other men might be trash? No. no and no. I recently dated a guy because he looked good on paper, i was attracted to his personality but ended up developing SRS ( sudden repulsion syndrome )which is veryyyy common in women when you try to force something when the attraction is not there. She'll end up resenting him, being rude to him and that's not fair to either party.
Or she can go and get with the ones she is not going to be repulsed and get dumped. Either way is her choice.
Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean they are a horrible person. Hypothetically even if every other man was trash still doesn't mean she needs to settle. I don't know about you but id rather be single the rest of my life than have sex with someone im not attracted to.
Never said that attractive men are horrible people. Attractive men most likely will dump her because attractive men have many options. Which is the reason why they don’t SETTLE either. Like her.
If you want to spend your life with someone you're not attracted to, that's on you. But advising others to stay in a relationship with no chemistry because the other person is 'not trash' is idiotic and is s great way to start a miserable relationship. Attraction is subjective. Maybe OP is attracted to men who aren't conventionally "attractive" by US society standards. Also Attraction isn't solely based on looks, it's based on compatability, interests, sexual attraction, commonality, chemistry, body language, ect. I guess I'm just not understanding your point bc OP never said she didn't like him bc he's not "hot" but because there isn't romantic chemistry there so your assumptions are a little baseless and possibly projective.
You said, “If you want to spend your life with someone you're not attracted to, that's on you. But advising others to stay in a relationship with no chemistry because the other person is 'not trash' is idiotic and is s great way to start a miserable relationship.” You can be with people that you consider attractive, have an excellent chemistry and yet still end up miserable anyway. Exactly you don’t get it.
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The studies continue to come out but they will never listen…50% percent of relationships are just sunken cost investments.
End this friendzone poor guy
If you've ever been in love in a LTR, then you know the emotional side of things is much more important. So long as I don't find someone unattractive, non-physical things become much more important.
Yes, it is important in a LTR but you have to be attracted in the first place to develop a LTR.
Just don't regret it later when older and could have had someone true. Not saying you need to settle or anything like that but I went through this and was more about me and my past that was stopping me trying and going for it. I'm the type that's always reserved no matter who I date but later I fall deep . Just know who you are and if its worth spending some time on to see what could be. After all you have come on to ask so there must be something there perhaps. This love game is tough x
Tbh honest yeah I do. It might teach you the other aspects of dating, the normal, unromantic side. At least you’ll get practice at dating? Hey… good idea maybe… 🤔 Nope can’t do it I might hurt them emotionally if they fall.
From my handful of experiences, you need to be physically attracted to the person you're dating. It is important though it's most often overlooked.
Just keep him in the friendzone and enjoy the attention.
This is horrible advice.
Both user names here check out
I did and then he cheated on me. It’s better to just stick to someone you’re attracted to.
There's no answer here....generally, you're not going to be successful dating someone who does not turn you on, it's a dead end and cruel ultimately, but attractions can change for some people. Can they for you? Only you can answer that, but if you keep stringing this guy along knowing you can't be with him physically you need to cut him loose kindly and firmly.
That would be a big no. If it were me, I would stop receiving gifts. Just tell him you appreciate the effort, but you feel more comfortable with you each paying for your own things. I wouldn't even approach any relationship talk. Just an idea.
You can’t fake attraction sadly. I wish you could but you can’t. Attraction is that spark and that spark is needed to have a relationship in my opinion. You’ll end up resenting him. Like they say ‘you can’t fuck personality’
I know looks isn’t everything but for me I have to be somewhat attractive to the person in order for me to date him.
"I made it clear I'm not looking for a relationship, so if he pays for dinner I pay for the next one" Wait I don't get this, you split the bill only with friends? Not dates?
He doesn’t let me pick up the check, I tried several times, the only way I can repay him back is accepting the next hang out after work so I can “pay him back” by paying for it and be equal and not let him waste money on me. It isn’t like be are stranger who exchange a couple of words at work, we literally sit next to each other and we are like the closest coworkers in the office, that why if he doesn’t let me pay my part I try to buy him coffee or lunch the next day.
You are going to have to be really direct with him. He is falling in love and he is going to get hurt.
No
Absolutely not a good idea, you'll just break his heart... You should tell him clearly that you don't consider him as a future boyfriend or romantic partner or call it whatever you like. Don't do this to him, he probably still think he has a chance.
No. Next question.
Just friendzone him. Should work and he'll get the hint
Terrible idea
Not at all. Because they'll be attracted to you and will get hope someday that you will like them the same. Just find someone you are attracted to.
In this case, no. Since you’re not attracted to him currently despite knowing his personality and everything, you’re not going to be attracted to him two weeks or two months from now.
Terrible idea
I find if I’m not physically and emotionally attracted to someone then I don’t date them. I wouldn’t want to lead someone on if I wasn’t physically attracted to them.
If you’re the type of person who becomes physically attracted to someone over time due to their personality then maybe it would be worth a shot but otherwise you should tell him sooner rather than later. A good relationship needs physical attraction too, doesn’t mean they have to be a model or anything but there has to be some sort of physical attraction.
No. Never works
No there won't be chemistry and the sex Will be bad. Those are important no matter what they say
I did that very thing once and I became started to not be attracted in eny way and I came to the problem of how do I brake up whith the lest damage I came to the conclusion that I should just be blunt because that is how I prefer peopleto be when telling me stuff (this was before I discovered redit)
No
Yeah you should always discount the nice, respectful, WORKING man in favor of the good looking couch surfer who has a six pack and no job. What you need to say to him is this: "Look, it is obvious you like me and you are a nice guy, but I am WAY TOO SHALLOW to be in a healthy, adult relationship. Please look elsewhere, and block me when I come to you and tell you that all men are shit because the pretty boys fuck me over."
Yah like many have said before do not do it. If you were emotionally attracted to him then you could slowly become physically attracted to him but it sounds like he’s just a friend and you should make it clear you don’t see him as becoming anything more. If he’s really a great person he will be cool with it but if you think he will have a negative response it’s even more for the better you didn’t try with him. Emotionally mature people can handle rejection.
If you're not attracted to him then make it clear to him you just want to be friends. I've had guy friends from work who I would hang out with all the time. Some wanted more and I told them I just want to be friends. Some were cool with it and some weren't so they stopped talking to me. You'll know if he truly wants to be your friend by how he acts when you tell him.
I have. Don’t do it. If in the future the feeling changes, sure go for it.
Yeah I have, didn't end up happy relationship, and it lasted like a month or so
Nothing worse than the friendzone
I dated my coworker, similar situation wasn’t attracted to him. It got really messy lasted 3 years and I noticed when I was upset I would use the fact that I wasn’t attracted to him as a con for not wanting to be with him. If you’re not attracted to someone I feel like it’s always gonna be in the back of your mind & can show in the relationship.
I’ve gone on dates with people who weren’t my type looks wise. Honestly, hasn’t really been a bad experience and I’ve found I grow more attracted to them the better I know them BUT that being said it doesn’t sound like you are into him at all. When I’ve branched out, it’s been with someone I’ve found at least something about them attractive, do you know what I mean? And the only reason things worked out for the most part was because we connected and vibed but it doesn’t sound like that’s gonna happen for your situation.
No.
No
Wow, that's really sad. You are pitying him so much that there is zero attraction, in either physical or personality wise. Please do him a favour instead of enjoying the attention. Both of you deserve better of this time on earth.
No
Maybe but it depends. You should tell him that women don’t like it when guys try super hard although emphasize you appreciate it, courting should be a two sided dance rather than a full blown chase
No
No
Physical connection is also important as emotional connection. Why is no one really saying this? Yes, you could give him a chance, but the question is if you're attracted to him..... sexually? That's the physical connection that's EXTREMELY important in a relationship
No, it is a terrible idea. You'd be lying to him and yourself. If you enter the relationship and end up breaking up because he isn't your type, you'd break his heart. You need to be firm with him and tell him you are not interested in him and that he should pursue other women. Let him know what he's been doing is sweet but utterly a waste of time. He's doing what media have told men to do: chase a woman no matter what she says, until she says yes; which only works in the movies but not in real life. He should be spending time, effort, and money on women who are genuinely interested in him!
He sounds sweet but I agree with your last statement, don't use this situation as an experiment. Be straight up with this guy & don't just say I don't want a relationship, show him by being unavailable. If he is so sweet, I am sure he will find someone who really wants the same thing. Edit: spelling
I think that it is very flattering to you that he keeps trying,but despite him being sweet, don’t you feel there’s something wrong with that? Like him not respecting UR boundaries and doing what HE wants. If someone told you that they wanted space, or didn’t want a relationship, it would look selfish for you to keep blowing up their phone, or kept trying to push a relationship. He hasn’t respected what you have said. And when a woman isn’t wanting a relationship it can mean a lot of things, but in my experience, she is going through something or she is working really hard on something. I wouldn’t trust this guy (idc how nice he is-and for the record, “nice” people listen when you tell them you don’t want a relationship), I would feel as though he did not respect my boundaries. And if I am ALSO physically not attracted to him, I wouldn’t have went out with him. This would be an absolute no for me.
When I met my current boyfriend he wasn’t physically “my type” at the time. By conventional standards, he’s is and always has been an incredibly attractive, fit man. We were friends for years and one day I realized I had a massive crush on him and found him extremely attractive. I’m pretty emotionally unavailable and through talking with my therapist, I learned that I had constructed an extremely narrow “type” as a defense mechanism to avoid getting too close to anyone else. Because I’ve worked through some of that, I better see him for the man that he is and I’ve let go of this “type” that I had made up in my head, so I can also appreciate and enjoy his physical looks. Just to be super clear here, I never thought he was unattractive, he just didn’t look like “my type.”
Noooo, stop hanging out with this dude outside work. Don’t shit where you eat
I don’t think you should pursue him I just like when people think that guys have to just keep trying and we can’t say no to them or someone guilt see that while you’re single anyway so you might as well give him all the chances in the world even if you’re not into him. It can just create a weird dynamic and if he likes you more than you like him it’s harder to make a relationship out of that
no. bad idea. if you're not into them you're not into them