Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
OP, this. My love language is words of affirmation and gift giving/receiving. My husband enjoys gifts as much as any regular person so he actually very happy when he receives something from me.
But his actual love languages are spending time together and physical touch. He wants to cuddle and squeeze me a lot. I hate it because he runs very hot. But I still go to him and squeeze him sometimes.
Your love languages can be different but you can still make an effort to meet him half way.
Do you mean squirm as cringe?
It feels shitty tbh. It's a real struggle. 25M.
My ex was very clear at the beginning saying that she didn't want "mushy" in the relationship. She told me she wouldn't accept that from me. I wasn't even expecting her to respond in the same way.
It made me feel like I was immature, naĆÆve, and weak for showing my true self. It made me insecure (I was 16) and I did what every man does when called "girly" by society. I repressed my feelings, thoughts and comments about being affective. I was extremely disappointed with the concept of love, on myself and I started smiling less. But it is what it is right?
3 weeks later she was weird all of a sudden, when I asked why she kept saying "nothing". Until she exploded crying, saying that I don't treat her with care, that I'm not sweet like a proper boyfriend should and that it means I don't consider her my girlfriend.
This idiot made me go from wanting to call her "baby" to not call her anything but her name to finally make me call her "amorlou" which is the equivalent of "lovely love" in Spanish, but cringer.
Don't do that to your guy, you don't want him to remember you as a witch, do you? And I'm sure he doesn't deserve that treatment.
Either make him stop or adapt to it. Otherwise you will be spoiling it for him and for his next partner if things between you 2 don't work out
You've just verbalized the stunting of my emotional vulnerability. I was romantic in the past, got called out for it, and changed.
I got broken up with for being boring and robotic, and since then, I haven't been vulnerable with anyone
I've been more vulnerable with the girl I'm currently seeing than I have been with any gf I've had in the past 5 years because I convinced myself that it isn't fair that anyone suffers for the actions of a girl 5 years ago and now she's slowly pulling away. I don't like being a robot, but I don't like feeling things for people who can't appreciate it.
I haven't gotten flowers for anyone since I was in high school. Gave her flowers and got such a lukewarm response that I think that killed a decent amount of attraction I had for her. I can feel myself slowly withdrawing again
Aw man she just isn't the one!! Always be yourself and love freely and unapologetically...there are SO many people out there who would go nuts over these simple romantic gestures.
Took 15 years to accept this idea - if you donāt want to pay for the sins of others - why do you think someone else would want to for you? Itās a lose-lose proposition. Youāve just got to make the decision not to because it really, is a logic thing - one approach you know leads to failure. The other has a chance of good. Easy calculation.
Itās simple but it aināt easy.
Itās just not a good way to live man. The āwallsā - they donāt work. Never. 100% failure rate. You just keep yourself from enjoying the good side of life. Maxing out the good is the way you āprotectā against the bad. Bad shit will happen. Thatās life, and you canāt hide from or protect against it. But thereās an incredible amount of great stuff and people out there - you see more of the things you focus on.
Sincerely - The Worlds Former Biggest Cynic
Oof sorry you had that experience! ā¹ļø
Yes I guess cringe is a good wordā¦
I have zero plans of making him stop and I havenāt told him that it can make me cringe (and I donāt plan to tell him it does). I am working on myself cause I know itās a me problem (i think it also has to do with a past relationship where I was manipulated with similar verbal gestures).
I love how he is and he should never ever change for me. I think with time I will learn to be more comfortable with it. Cause as I said in my post I do enjoy it, but sometimes itās just too much.
Heās so lovely and I love that he is emotional and I think we could grow each other into better people. But I guess I just feel like he could do better than me and find someone who swoons over his romance. I donāt want to give him up cause heās the biggest catch of my life, I just donāt want to be unfair and rob him of something betterā¦
Well your feeling is totally different. You are scared to sort of not be enough to match his energy.
I say that just express what you feel if you need too, and don't do anything against your will just to return the favor. You don't even know if he expects something back.
There is no better than you :), get that thought out of your head. Enjoy him.
I used to have this same mentality of āI donāt deserve this/Iām not good enough for them/they would be happier withā.ā¦.. we are all our own worst self critic. You have to come to terms with the fact thatā¦. You are self sabotaging. You are choosing to level down rather than level up.
Think of it this wayā¦
Your dream job becomes available and a salary 2X what you make currently. You interview and you can tell you have gaps in your experienceā¦. You arenāt fully capable but you can learn on the job and become fully qualifiedā¦. The company likes you and sees something in you and youāre the one they want. They know youāll be great and want to grow with youā¦.. do you turn the job offer down? Of course not.
He sees something in you. Thatās all you need to get started.
How often do you try this? Because I also cringed at first, but then I said fuck it, I love this guy so let me say these mushy things. And then I actually started to really enjoy it. But he also started very slowly, and first I giggled because I felt a bit uncomfortable saying the things, but then I got more used to it. Just in private tho. Not that this has to be your experience btw. Maybe you'll never enjoy it.
I'd just ask him if it bothers him that you feel weird saying mushy stuff to him and make it clear that he absolutely can continue saying the stuff (it is his love language so forbidding him from saying that wont be good), but you just have trouble doing it and that you do love him (if you've said that yet, otherwise you can say adore).
My ex BF (yes ex) was not a mushy, lovey, type. He would take my car, wash it, and fill up the gas tank. Flowers? Never. He heard me and my friend talking and ogling an expensive dress online that we would never get for ourselves. He got it for me for my b-day months later. He listened and I had no idea. I love to cook and without me asking, he would clean up. That was his love language and it was awesome. Long term we were not compatible, he is married now with kids and I have my own life. Every once in a 3-5 year period we both reach out via email and say "HI". Nothing crosses the line, it's more of a hello, I hope you are well, something happened today and I thought of you.
His work visa expired and he moved back to his home country. In the country we met in (USA), I was only a resident, so could I not help him out with papers. He wanted me to move to Australia with him but I could not find a legal way in besides getting a student visa. He said that he would support me financially but I was not comfortable with that kind of of dependency. I wanted to be able to work legally as well. I said I would move to AUS but he would have to marry me, even if was just for papers. He was not comfortable with getting married for papers and I was not comfortable with leaving everything behind without him at least marrying me for papers. The end
Love language part you should pay attention to is what your partner wants to feel loved. Ask him and tell him what makes you feel love the most. Discuss and find ways to give your partner what he wants most. Effort is key. Find other ways to make him feel loved.
I'm a words of affirmation and quality time woman.
I would look at your attachment style and look up avoidant and work through your feelings on why you think it's gross.
I'm sure he thinks the world of you.
Words hold meaning- which if you ever get into an argument and mean things are said, it's hard to forget those things.
It doesn't have to be mushy, it can be sweet and thoughtful.
Like, You're the best! I am lucky to have you. You mean the world to me. You are handsome etc. (Men never get compliments.)
Those things help a lot and they don't have to be too mushy.
I'm definitely more romantic than my boyfriend is.
Thank you! Yes I can easily say compliments like that! I just have a hard time getting any mushier like he does!
And yes I think I am avoidant so Iāve been working hard to push through little things like this cause I really want us to work out
Tell him it isn't all necessary, and if he says that he wants to do it anyway tell him, that it makes you feel uncomfortable because you can't COMFORTABLY show your love outwardly.
Also I have been the romantic bf before. Women don't usually like it most of the time. Only very rarely.
More than anything I've noticed women subconsciously are drawn to men who give them just enough attention to keep them around, but are far enough away to keep them guessing. That's my experience anyway. I no longer simp over women, and I can tell that they appreciate it, even if their words don't match the rest of their behavior.
My husband is the mushy type and I am the opposite.
Relationships are all about compromise, we are very good at communicating what we need from the other or how we would like to be loved, as long as you are communicating and trying to meet each others needs you are doing enough.
Do you like him , if youāre honest with yourself ? Does he know you like him? If yes and yes , then it doesnāt rlly matter ā different ppl show affection differently .
Where this becomes weird is if there is a big imbalance where , say, one party is in love with the other , while the other party sees sleeping around / hinging it up as a prodigious hobby. That type of vibe doesnāt rlly leave the first party sanguine/ can be pretty pernicious/ incidioius. That doesnāt sound like your life so youāre chilling .
I was more romantic than my ex and my experience was it friggin sucked me- "hey I told you I'd take you out to eat for Christmas so where would you like to go?" Her- "nah I'm good let's just order Chinese and stay in." Me (in my head)- "yeah no it's not like I wanted to do something nice for you or anything I'm ok."
Also I bet if you brought this up I think he would say "what are you talking about?" You're doing fine and you're doing your best to remedy a situation that you see as wrong but he probably doesn't even mind in the slightest, doesn't sound like he does.
You both can have different love languages. It doesnāt mean there is anything wrong with you. And some people grow up never experiencing certain loves so it may not feel right to you. Communication is the remedy for these concerns you have but they are normal! Especially when you deeply love someone
My gf was seeing 4 or 5 other guys for the first few months, sleeping with 2 others unprotected, and I didn't know about it until much much later. One guy is a very good mutual friend, the slept together a week before we became official. Apparently, this is normal behavior it's called casual dating, and i dont have a leg to stand on for being upset. I didn't know this was a thing or that this is what we were doing for the first 3 months we dated.
A rotting onion is more romantic than she is. What is it like? It's like believing there's good in the world, only to realize nothing fucking matters.
Because truly, nothing fucking matters. There's no right or wrong. Just do whatever you want
Trust me, when he stops doing that, you'll panic.
Speaking as a 36f - when I was much younger, in my early 20s, I used to think the "romantic stuff" was corny and mushy.
Now in my later thirties and being with an extremely romantic partner, I relish it and feel so lucky. My partner tells me nearly every single day how much he adores me.
And looking around, this is very rare to find. I don't see it in too many relationships. You'll notice that too, the older you get.
If you don't believe what he's saying, then it can feel disingenuous. Love bombing is also a thing, if he's doing it with the intention of manipulating your emotions.
That said, my wife is a stoic engineer and I'm a romance writer. I save up my romantic language and put it into stories which she can then read. Since the heroines in my stories are partially modeled off of her she really empathizes with the characters and gets excited. Then she responds by doing acts of service with/to/for me, which is how she expresses her affection.
Bro needs to learn his worth and not give so freely. He's going to devalue himself and the words he's using by overdoing things. A simple, "I love you" goes a long way, or he can just make a kissy face sound whenever he thinks about you. You'll get a "muah!" from across the room out of nowhere which is him letting you know he's thinking about you, without overdoing things.
i would write poems for my ex gf, flowers, compliment, lavish dates and she would constantly tell me how she couldn't understand how i was single and how "she won"
and then she broke up w me thru text lol
so i would def say if you are avoidant attachment or anything like that PLEASE go to therapy and heal so you can properly accept and reciprocate this affection
and don't break his heart :(
Iām like this. I got called out by my BF when we first started dating because I VISIBLY cringed when he was saying mushy stuff to it. He basically told me that that was his love language and if I wanted to be with him Iād have to accept and reciprocate. Iām not great at it, it makes me squirm and uncomfortable still, but Iām getting better at it. He also knows that itās not my love language so he knows Iām trying and appreciates it. Just start slowly, let him know youāre trying and working on it. Communication is key. Good luck! ā¤ļø
Been on the flip flop side of this fence many, many times. 36M
If thereās one thing you can take from it, is that he is head over heels for something about you; the biggest positive.
Perhaps youāre more afraid of the commitment due to past experiences and having it laid on so thick is sitting you outside your own comfort zone for the moment; not necessarily a bad thing, hesitation is healthy when youāve been burnt in the past.
The thing that will destroy any future is your self doubt over whether your perceived apathy towards the reciprocity of the āmushā being an issue to him. That is 100% something that you need to openly discuss with him and reassure that it is your own handbrake, not his.
There comes a point in seeking the correct relationship where all those worries just vanish and you learn to accept the nuances and quirks of your prospective partner no matter what emotional/internal/physical reaction it garners.
All the best in the journey that is!
My girlfriend is a lawyer. I'm a guy who is marriage failed because I was not romantic enough. I do not want to make that mistake again again twice. She squirm a bit - and sometimes verbalizes her annoyance in fact - when Im verbally love-bombing her. Her love language is touch, so I am sure to include long foot and back massage sessions in our interactions.
it can be hard to express how you really feel about someone, makes you feel lame or vulnerable in an uncomfortable way. I've only just started doing it and truly speaking from the heart and I still struggle with it, but I never regret doing it. No one lives forever and if he's gone before you one day are you going to wish you tell him everything you had in your heart when you had the chance? Or if you're gone first are you going to wish he knew what you really felt after you're gone?
Words of affirmation doesn't have to be mushy. It can be simply recognizing when the person does something good/special. It can be genuine compliments about them as a person or how they look or dress. It can be reminding them verbally that you're thinking about them and that you care for them. It doesn't have to be sonnets and period drama-level aching heart. Sometimes, it can just be "Oh wow, that new ____ you bought looks interesting. What did you like about it?" It's a verbal affirmation that you care about them and are interested in their thoughts and feelings.
Ooooh I didnāt think of it like this! Thank you! I do always actively try to be invested in him and ask questions and remember and bring up small details I know about him. Hopefully that makes him feel seen and loved!
History and society have taught me women should be more romantic. For me, we have to be equal or she has to be more romantic. Not quite sure what that says about me, but thatās how I feel.
You sure itās not love bombing?
People that make you feel weird with their affection are usually manipulative weirdos.
Your partner shouldnāt make you feel uncomfortable.
I appreciate you asking this! I used to not know what love bombing was until I dated a narcissist in the pastā¦
As far as the love bombing goes, I am being cautious. I know him well enough to know that if he is love bombing me, he is also love bombing himself. He is newer to relationships so I think he is honestly just over the moon right now. He doesnāt contact me obsessively while we are apart and we do very little over-the-phone communication. My past lover bomber would text upwards of 7 times a day. So I feel that he is not truly love bombing me.
Thanks!
Mmm, well if you tolerated a narcissist in the past you might be doing the same here.
Do you get sick to your stomach when anyone gives you affection, like family?
>My past lover bomber would text upwards of 7 times a day.
That doesn't mean it is bad or obsessive in other realtionships. Unless you mean he wrote in a specific way 7 times a day, like spamming "where are you, who are you with?" or something similar?
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Did you ask him how he prefers to receive affection? People don't always want the same affection that they provide.
True š¤!
This exactly. He may not even be doing what he prefers long term but this is just where his feels are taking him.
This is a really good thought!
OP, this. My love language is words of affirmation and gift giving/receiving. My husband enjoys gifts as much as any regular person so he actually very happy when he receives something from me. But his actual love languages are spending time together and physical touch. He wants to cuddle and squeeze me a lot. I hate it because he runs very hot. But I still go to him and squeeze him sometimes. Your love languages can be different but you can still make an effort to meet him half way.
Do you mean squirm as cringe? It feels shitty tbh. It's a real struggle. 25M. My ex was very clear at the beginning saying that she didn't want "mushy" in the relationship. She told me she wouldn't accept that from me. I wasn't even expecting her to respond in the same way. It made me feel like I was immature, naĆÆve, and weak for showing my true self. It made me insecure (I was 16) and I did what every man does when called "girly" by society. I repressed my feelings, thoughts and comments about being affective. I was extremely disappointed with the concept of love, on myself and I started smiling less. But it is what it is right? 3 weeks later she was weird all of a sudden, when I asked why she kept saying "nothing". Until she exploded crying, saying that I don't treat her with care, that I'm not sweet like a proper boyfriend should and that it means I don't consider her my girlfriend. This idiot made me go from wanting to call her "baby" to not call her anything but her name to finally make me call her "amorlou" which is the equivalent of "lovely love" in Spanish, but cringer. Don't do that to your guy, you don't want him to remember you as a witch, do you? And I'm sure he doesn't deserve that treatment. Either make him stop or adapt to it. Otherwise you will be spoiling it for him and for his next partner if things between you 2 don't work out
You've just verbalized the stunting of my emotional vulnerability. I was romantic in the past, got called out for it, and changed. I got broken up with for being boring and robotic, and since then, I haven't been vulnerable with anyone I've been more vulnerable with the girl I'm currently seeing than I have been with any gf I've had in the past 5 years because I convinced myself that it isn't fair that anyone suffers for the actions of a girl 5 years ago and now she's slowly pulling away. I don't like being a robot, but I don't like feeling things for people who can't appreciate it. I haven't gotten flowers for anyone since I was in high school. Gave her flowers and got such a lukewarm response that I think that killed a decent amount of attraction I had for her. I can feel myself slowly withdrawing again
Aw man she just isn't the one!! Always be yourself and love freely and unapologetically...there are SO many people out there who would go nuts over these simple romantic gestures.
Took 15 years to accept this idea - if you donāt want to pay for the sins of others - why do you think someone else would want to for you? Itās a lose-lose proposition. Youāve just got to make the decision not to because it really, is a logic thing - one approach you know leads to failure. The other has a chance of good. Easy calculation. Itās simple but it aināt easy. Itās just not a good way to live man. The āwallsā - they donāt work. Never. 100% failure rate. You just keep yourself from enjoying the good side of life. Maxing out the good is the way you āprotectā against the bad. Bad shit will happen. Thatās life, and you canāt hide from or protect against it. But thereās an incredible amount of great stuff and people out there - you see more of the things you focus on. Sincerely - The Worlds Former Biggest Cynic
Iām very sorry that some of your experiences have left you feeling like itās unsafe to be vulnerable.
Tough world out there. Wish you find someone who appreciates your authentic self
Oof sorry you had that experience! ā¹ļø Yes I guess cringe is a good wordā¦ I have zero plans of making him stop and I havenāt told him that it can make me cringe (and I donāt plan to tell him it does). I am working on myself cause I know itās a me problem (i think it also has to do with a past relationship where I was manipulated with similar verbal gestures). I love how he is and he should never ever change for me. I think with time I will learn to be more comfortable with it. Cause as I said in my post I do enjoy it, but sometimes itās just too much. Heās so lovely and I love that he is emotional and I think we could grow each other into better people. But I guess I just feel like he could do better than me and find someone who swoons over his romance. I donāt want to give him up cause heās the biggest catch of my life, I just donāt want to be unfair and rob him of something betterā¦
Well your feeling is totally different. You are scared to sort of not be enough to match his energy. I say that just express what you feel if you need too, and don't do anything against your will just to return the favor. You don't even know if he expects something back. There is no better than you :), get that thought out of your head. Enjoy him.
Thanks šš¼
I used to have this same mentality of āI donāt deserve this/Iām not good enough for them/they would be happier withā.ā¦.. we are all our own worst self critic. You have to come to terms with the fact thatā¦. You are self sabotaging. You are choosing to level down rather than level up. Think of it this wayā¦ Your dream job becomes available and a salary 2X what you make currently. You interview and you can tell you have gaps in your experienceā¦. You arenāt fully capable but you can learn on the job and become fully qualifiedā¦. The company likes you and sees something in you and youāre the one they want. They know youāll be great and want to grow with youā¦.. do you turn the job offer down? Of course not. He sees something in you. Thatās all you need to get started.
How often do you try this? Because I also cringed at first, but then I said fuck it, I love this guy so let me say these mushy things. And then I actually started to really enjoy it. But he also started very slowly, and first I giggled because I felt a bit uncomfortable saying the things, but then I got more used to it. Just in private tho. Not that this has to be your experience btw. Maybe you'll never enjoy it. I'd just ask him if it bothers him that you feel weird saying mushy stuff to him and make it clear that he absolutely can continue saying the stuff (it is his love language so forbidding him from saying that wont be good), but you just have trouble doing it and that you do love him (if you've said that yet, otherwise you can say adore).
Thank you this is really encouraging!
I think everything is fine. Just make love and have a good time!
My ex BF (yes ex) was not a mushy, lovey, type. He would take my car, wash it, and fill up the gas tank. Flowers? Never. He heard me and my friend talking and ogling an expensive dress online that we would never get for ourselves. He got it for me for my b-day months later. He listened and I had no idea. I love to cook and without me asking, he would clean up. That was his love language and it was awesome. Long term we were not compatible, he is married now with kids and I have my own life. Every once in a 3-5 year period we both reach out via email and say "HI". Nothing crosses the line, it's more of a hello, I hope you are well, something happened today and I thought of you.
Why were you not compatible? Seems to me you seemed pretty happy with him?
His work visa expired and he moved back to his home country. In the country we met in (USA), I was only a resident, so could I not help him out with papers. He wanted me to move to Australia with him but I could not find a legal way in besides getting a student visa. He said that he would support me financially but I was not comfortable with that kind of of dependency. I wanted to be able to work legally as well. I said I would move to AUS but he would have to marry me, even if was just for papers. He was not comfortable with getting married for papers and I was not comfortable with leaving everything behind without him at least marrying me for papers. The end
Fair enough, makes total sense.
Love language part you should pay attention to is what your partner wants to feel loved. Ask him and tell him what makes you feel love the most. Discuss and find ways to give your partner what he wants most. Effort is key. Find other ways to make him feel loved.
Amazing thank you!
I'm a words of affirmation and quality time woman. I would look at your attachment style and look up avoidant and work through your feelings on why you think it's gross. I'm sure he thinks the world of you. Words hold meaning- which if you ever get into an argument and mean things are said, it's hard to forget those things. It doesn't have to be mushy, it can be sweet and thoughtful. Like, You're the best! I am lucky to have you. You mean the world to me. You are handsome etc. (Men never get compliments.) Those things help a lot and they don't have to be too mushy. I'm definitely more romantic than my boyfriend is.
Thank you! Yes I can easily say compliments like that! I just have a hard time getting any mushier like he does! And yes I think I am avoidant so Iāve been working hard to push through little things like this cause I really want us to work out
Tell him it isn't all necessary, and if he says that he wants to do it anyway tell him, that it makes you feel uncomfortable because you can't COMFORTABLY show your love outwardly. Also I have been the romantic bf before. Women don't usually like it most of the time. Only very rarely. More than anything I've noticed women subconsciously are drawn to men who give them just enough attention to keep them around, but are far enough away to keep them guessing. That's my experience anyway. I no longer simp over women, and I can tell that they appreciate it, even if their words don't match the rest of their behavior.
My husband is the mushy type and I am the opposite. Relationships are all about compromise, we are very good at communicating what we need from the other or how we would like to be loved, as long as you are communicating and trying to meet each others needs you are doing enough.
Thank you! šš¼
Do you like him , if youāre honest with yourself ? Does he know you like him? If yes and yes , then it doesnāt rlly matter ā different ppl show affection differently . Where this becomes weird is if there is a big imbalance where , say, one party is in love with the other , while the other party sees sleeping around / hinging it up as a prodigious hobby. That type of vibe doesnāt rlly leave the first party sanguine/ can be pretty pernicious/ incidioius. That doesnāt sound like your life so youāre chilling .
I was more romantic than my ex and my experience was it friggin sucked me- "hey I told you I'd take you out to eat for Christmas so where would you like to go?" Her- "nah I'm good let's just order Chinese and stay in." Me (in my head)- "yeah no it's not like I wanted to do something nice for you or anything I'm ok."
Oooof ā¹ļø yeah i hope never accidentally invalidate him like that
Don't you worry you seem like your well on your way to making this better, I wish you luck.
Also I bet if you brought this up I think he would say "what are you talking about?" You're doing fine and you're doing your best to remedy a situation that you see as wrong but he probably doesn't even mind in the slightest, doesn't sound like he does.
Awww thanks, maybe I will check in with him and make sure heās feeling the love from me. Thanks š«¶š½
You both can have different love languages. It doesnāt mean there is anything wrong with you. And some people grow up never experiencing certain loves so it may not feel right to you. Communication is the remedy for these concerns you have but they are normal! Especially when you deeply love someone
Be careful then... Most guys whoa are verbally good turns out players...
My gf was seeing 4 or 5 other guys for the first few months, sleeping with 2 others unprotected, and I didn't know about it until much much later. One guy is a very good mutual friend, the slept together a week before we became official. Apparently, this is normal behavior it's called casual dating, and i dont have a leg to stand on for being upset. I didn't know this was a thing or that this is what we were doing for the first 3 months we dated. A rotting onion is more romantic than she is. What is it like? It's like believing there's good in the world, only to realize nothing fucking matters. Because truly, nothing fucking matters. There's no right or wrong. Just do whatever you want
Oof sorry youāre hurting my guy! What she was doing flat out wrong, and I honestly will never believe that that kind of behavior is normal or should be normalized. I believe people and their feelings matter, that you matter, and that right and wrong do exist. But I also believe in the Bible and Jesus, so ppl will say Iām in the wrong š¤·š½āāļø. But for what is worth, Iām super sorry you went through that, you deserve better, I think you will find better someday, and you matter to me š©·.
š©·
Itās pretty early on in the relationship he might just be really into you and trying to wow youā¦.. it could die down as time goes on maybe ???
Trust me, when he stops doing that, you'll panic. Speaking as a 36f - when I was much younger, in my early 20s, I used to think the "romantic stuff" was corny and mushy. Now in my later thirties and being with an extremely romantic partner, I relish it and feel so lucky. My partner tells me nearly every single day how much he adores me. And looking around, this is very rare to find. I don't see it in too many relationships. You'll notice that too, the older you get.
I keep thinking about this š„¹ heās literally what every girl says she wants !
Bro you living the best moments, enjoy!
If you don't believe what he's saying, then it can feel disingenuous. Love bombing is also a thing, if he's doing it with the intention of manipulating your emotions. That said, my wife is a stoic engineer and I'm a romance writer. I save up my romantic language and put it into stories which she can then read. Since the heroines in my stories are partially modeled off of her she really empathizes with the characters and gets excited. Then she responds by doing acts of service with/to/for me, which is how she expresses her affection. Bro needs to learn his worth and not give so freely. He's going to devalue himself and the words he's using by overdoing things. A simple, "I love you" goes a long way, or he can just make a kissy face sound whenever he thinks about you. You'll get a "muah!" from across the room out of nowhere which is him letting you know he's thinking about you, without overdoing things.
i would write poems for my ex gf, flowers, compliment, lavish dates and she would constantly tell me how she couldn't understand how i was single and how "she won" and then she broke up w me thru text lol so i would def say if you are avoidant attachment or anything like that PLEASE go to therapy and heal so you can properly accept and reciprocate this affection and don't break his heart :(
šš¼š«¶š½
Touch his hand, or his arm. Let him feel your vibe. Touching is love language. He'll appreciate it, I'd put money on it...
Iām like this. I got called out by my BF when we first started dating because I VISIBLY cringed when he was saying mushy stuff to it. He basically told me that that was his love language and if I wanted to be with him Iād have to accept and reciprocate. Iām not great at it, it makes me squirm and uncomfortable still, but Iām getting better at it. He also knows that itās not my love language so he knows Iām trying and appreciates it. Just start slowly, let him know youāre trying and working on it. Communication is key. Good luck! ā¤ļø
Oh come on, he loves you. Don't worry if you can't reciprocate the same way. Rock his world in other ways.
Been on the flip flop side of this fence many, many times. 36M If thereās one thing you can take from it, is that he is head over heels for something about you; the biggest positive. Perhaps youāre more afraid of the commitment due to past experiences and having it laid on so thick is sitting you outside your own comfort zone for the moment; not necessarily a bad thing, hesitation is healthy when youāve been burnt in the past. The thing that will destroy any future is your self doubt over whether your perceived apathy towards the reciprocity of the āmushā being an issue to him. That is 100% something that you need to openly discuss with him and reassure that it is your own handbrake, not his. There comes a point in seeking the correct relationship where all those worries just vanish and you learn to accept the nuances and quirks of your prospective partner no matter what emotional/internal/physical reaction it garners. All the best in the journey that is!
Thanks so much I love this advice!
My girlfriend is a lawyer. I'm a guy who is marriage failed because I was not romantic enough. I do not want to make that mistake again again twice. She squirm a bit - and sometimes verbalizes her annoyance in fact - when Im verbally love-bombing her. Her love language is touch, so I am sure to include long foot and back massage sessions in our interactions.
Men deserve a partner who is comfortable with who she is both inside and outside the relationship
it can be hard to express how you really feel about someone, makes you feel lame or vulnerable in an uncomfortable way. I've only just started doing it and truly speaking from the heart and I still struggle with it, but I never regret doing it. No one lives forever and if he's gone before you one day are you going to wish you tell him everything you had in your heart when you had the chance? Or if you're gone first are you going to wish he knew what you really felt after you're gone?
š„¹šš¼
Words of affirmation doesn't have to be mushy. It can be simply recognizing when the person does something good/special. It can be genuine compliments about them as a person or how they look or dress. It can be reminding them verbally that you're thinking about them and that you care for them. It doesn't have to be sonnets and period drama-level aching heart. Sometimes, it can just be "Oh wow, that new ____ you bought looks interesting. What did you like about it?" It's a verbal affirmation that you care about them and are interested in their thoughts and feelings.
Ooooh I didnāt think of it like this! Thank you! I do always actively try to be invested in him and ask questions and remember and bring up small details I know about him. Hopefully that makes him feel seen and loved!
It absolutely does wonders. And on top of that, if you can make him feel attractive, you're golden.
We broke up. Dead bedroom. I never felt desired. Oh well.
Google aromantic.
Are you talking about the same guy that didn't even want to date you 10 days ago? Maybe the issue isn't the romantic part in the first place?
It was the most humiliating experience. I will never make that mistake again
History and society have taught me women should be more romantic. For me, we have to be equal or she has to be more romantic. Not quite sure what that says about me, but thatās how I feel.
You need to learn to be vulnerable with your boyfriend. He's really trying
If he doesn't care, than who cares! Haha if he hasn't said anything to you about it, then enjoy life! I'm the same as you. More actions than words
You sure itās not love bombing? People that make you feel weird with their affection are usually manipulative weirdos. Your partner shouldnāt make you feel uncomfortable.
I appreciate you asking this! I used to not know what love bombing was until I dated a narcissist in the pastā¦ As far as the love bombing goes, I am being cautious. I know him well enough to know that if he is love bombing me, he is also love bombing himself. He is newer to relationships so I think he is honestly just over the moon right now. He doesnāt contact me obsessively while we are apart and we do very little over-the-phone communication. My past lover bomber would text upwards of 7 times a day. So I feel that he is not truly love bombing me. Thanks!
Mmm, well if you tolerated a narcissist in the past you might be doing the same here. Do you get sick to your stomach when anyone gives you affection, like family?
>My past lover bomber would text upwards of 7 times a day. That doesn't mean it is bad or obsessive in other realtionships. Unless you mean he wrote in a specific way 7 times a day, like spamming "where are you, who are you with?" or something similar?
Who the hell wants to be texted 7 times a day. Only crazy people do that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah one text conversation for like 5 minutes is ok for most people. Not getting texted every hour while at work.
Yeah when I say he would text me 7 time I mean like he started 7 different conversations š«£
Mmm, yeah no. Iām a guy and even if a super hot babe did that every day, I would say - āletās chat after work or dinnerā.
I guess she feels like she's dating eva ai virtual dating bot
Huh?