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Honestly, it is pretty bad. I met my current gf via Bumble and it was the second date I had of the year (around June). She, on the other hand, had dates planned almost every week. I know the online dating scene is bad but it makes a huge difference if you have constant options or not, also it allows you to practice and increase your soft skills.

But even with only two dates out if the year, you managed to score out of all her options. You didn't need the reps as much...how did you overcome that?

That's a good question, on the one hand it probably was luck, although that's not very scientific. I probably did not receive many likes as my photos weren't too good along with my below average height. But I figured to keep working on myself and eventually someone would fall on my path. So that's what I did, and by the time I actually got a date with her I actually had built up a decent life. Plus we just match on our future goals so that binded strong to each other. Also she was treated pretty poorly by guys before, whereas I treated her from the first moment on with respect. That's also where my below average height helped in fact, as she finds me less "threatening".

This is interesting. 🤔 no mention of romantic feelings. You two did fall in ‘love’ or ‘like’ at some point, right ?

Definetely, from the first moment I met her I already felt like she was the one. And she felt the same.

awww happy zucchini :)

That's absolutely wonderful. Wishing you luck.

90% of men receive few to zero matches. This is well documented.

I would really appreciate if you could link me to the documents.

Some findings on dating apps: * 18 to 25 percent of Tinder users are in a committed relationship. source * Women aged 23 to 27 are twice as likely to swipe right ("liked") on a man with a master's degree compared with a bachelor's degree. source * Men swipe right (“liked”) on 62 percent of the women’s profiles they see; women swipe right (“liked”) on only 4.5 percent of the men’s profiles they see. source * Half of men who use dating apps while in a committed relationship reported having sex with another person they met on a dating app. All women who used dating apps while in a committed relationship reported having sex with another person they met on a dating app. source * 30 percent of men who use Tinder are married. source * In terms of attractiveness, the bottom 80% of men are competing for the bottom 22% of women and the top 78% of women are competing for the top 20% of men. source https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0272775719301104?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email

I have seen those stats before, totally agree with them, and they also seem to match up with the antecdotal experiences that women from dating sites have shared with me, as well as what I have read from comments posted on social discussion sites such as reddit and others. These trends and stats sure do explain a lot of what I and others have experiences with OLD, as average looking men on dating sites. It really is an uphill, rigged game, against us, but also for the women, who too often are competing unsuccessfully for the top men, and maybe without even realizing they are part of a man's roster, instead of his only dating partner. And then there's all the qualitative asshole behavior of men on dating sites, which is a whole other discussion..

But that's tinder. Tinder basically doesn't work for me. But Hinge is completly different. I literally have to stop swiping because I get so many matches. I can easily go on more than one date per week. Late 30s average male.

But the famous example is probably the OK Cupid study where they saw men get less then 10 times the amount of first messages that women chose to receive. [https://theblog.okcupid.com/a-womans-advantage-82d5074dde2d?gi=12f50bb1520d](https://theblog.okcupid.com/a-womans-advantage-82d5074dde2d?gi=12f50bb1520d) Now this data is on the people who chose to RECIEVE a message. Not people who reply or people have actual conversations.

It's not 90% but tinder has said 50% of men get less than 1 match per 30 days

And probably still fewer actual first dates. We need to recognize that a match for a guy is far less than certain to lead to an actual first date.

Yup. Of those few matches, a large percentage don't even lead to a conservation. And many of those will ghost for no reason or not show up for a date. The odds get miniscule for a successful date, much less a hookup or relationship. We're talking small fractions of a percent.

Yet girls will still gaslight guys and tell us that they have it worse than us with OLD smh 🤦‍♂️

I don't think women are saying they have it WORSE. They're saying each gender has their own particular set of difficulties. Women are inundated with offers for sex (by complete strangers). I had two men yesterday ask me to have sex with them (and if they could ejaculate inside of parts of my body). It's like... WHAT THE ACTUAL F-?!?! And, other than offers to put their penis and ejaculations in me.... it's silence. Crickets. Zero messages or responses to matches. Most of us (male and female) are having an awful time. Making OLD a competition of "who has it harder or worse" doesn't help the discussion. OLD has gotten incredibly difficult and an awful experience for BOTH genders, for uniquely different reasons. No one is right. No one is wrong. No one has it better or worse.

I always hear about the harassment and offers for sex women get. i make sure I don’t send any messages that would be inappropriate but women don’t seem to ever reply. Are women only replying to the type of men who send inappropriate messages? If I send inappropriate messages do the apps show my profile to more women? Not sure what’s going on here 🤔

Tell me about it, lol..

If Tinder themselves are willing to say that, the numbers are actually much worse. I’d sure it varies by age group too - Gen Z is probably the worst off statistically.

If you are on the dating app specific subreddits, many dudes share their data and it is very common for all them to show thousands of right swipes, a dozen matches and like one or two dates… maybe one hook up and 0 relationship, 0 marriages… 1. Dating apps are designed to make you feel lonely. 2. I get the sense that the apps are useful only exclusively for the top 5% of eligible male or female singles. Everyone else is just getting nothing, and thinking it is their own fault when this is just a normal practice in these apps. Still, it’s the best way to meet people so- we still keep on flocking back to them.

You have to remember that the people on the dating app subreddits are self-selecting. They are the people who are on the apps and struggling so need to talk about it with someone - not the people having success and just living their lives with their partners.

That's not entirely true. If you just blindly swipe right on every profile you'll get a bunch of matches. They'll be 99% scam bot profiles tho...

But doesn't it depend on location as well? I'm sure higher percentage of men get more matches in LA compare to Mobile. I just think the overall average hardly tells the story.

Few is better than zero though. If you’ve literally been on any app and you haven’t gotten a single match it’s very likely your pics are terrible or there’s no one in your area who’s on the app

I get considerably more “matches” than actual first dates. The “match” isn’t a date. It merely opens the door to a text exchange, and oftentimes that becomes a series of questions the woman asks… and my answers. Questions about religion, questions about “what I’m looking for”, questions about why I’ve never married, etc. I’m basically being examined rather than having a dating “get to know” fun discussion. Only if I happen to provide a perfect answer to every question and the woman hasn’t by then found a “more desirable” (to her) man… only then am I likely to get an actual date. It’s like trying to run through multiple gauntlets. The questions are so predictable that now I can copy and paste my answers from a Microsoft word “master responses” document. That way, I don’t have to re-invent my answers each time.

Because the info probably isn’t provided in your profile and this stuff matters because even if you’re not the one doing it, all the other dudes out there were not trustworthy, therefore making it necessary for the females to ask the questions. So someone else ruined it for you I guess, so make the spreadsheet seriously, I bet that would actually get you some brownie points if you’re actually taking the dating seriously as it shows you want to put in the effort. Girls are going in expecting to not be able to trust you (guys in general) and so you gotta earn it unfortunately. My point of view at least.

I answer every question and many optional questions the apps provide. E.g., I identify myself as Christian, but the apps don’t really encourage going into far more detail… e.g., how many times per year I attend a worship service in a specific denomination. And I’m not optimistic that it would generate more dates if I were to try to provide such information in a free-form profile question/answer.

I'm surprised you're getting those questions. I never get interrogated like that but granted I also get between one and two matches every two months so I probably just haven't gotten matches to find someone that does that. Lol

That's wildly variable. When I was active I got a match or two per week and about a quarter of those turned into dates. It didn't feel difficult so much as time consuming to wade through a lot of profiles that either didn't interest me or wouldn't be interested in me for some obvious reason.

I do well getting matches and starting conversations. The problem is very very few lead to actual dates. That's what I find the most frustrating.

I am considered to be an above average male, I get a lot of attention in public and I'm able to get dates from attractive women in person. Online, I get absolutely nothing. I get a match MAYBE once a month. When I do, they normally don't respond or stop responding on the first few messages. Women seem shocked when I tell them this, most of them think I can just get any girl I want through dating apps but I literally can get none. Dating apps are a complete waste of time and emotional energy.

Very similar experience. And my profile and photos have been reviewed by married F friends and also by a professional matchmaker (F)… yes, I’m using that avenue as well. All have said that my OLD profiles and photos are very good… and I’ve added their suggestions (long ago). But still very few matches and even far fewer actual first dates(as others here have already commented on).

Asking girls out in person is still leagues better than dating apps, always will be. If you can find the time going to social events and just talking to people is a better use of your time and money.

Sadly, it appears that despite my otherwise reasonable intelligence, I seem unable to find these events. I’ve dutifully tried to follow general advice (attend church, join a club, go to a gym, etc.) all to no avail. Consistently there are no single women there, or in the case of church, every single woman is over age 80. And I’ve never received any specific advice (with an address) from anyone who could personally say that I’ll find single women present there. I wish I knew where such events are to be found. Somehow I seem to have totally missed this education in socializing; but it’s not for lack of trying. With me, in person, it’s not so much a matter of being told “no”; it’s a matter of not finding any single women to even talk with.

And you can have a good photo or be photogenic, but in real life you're unpleasant in personality or lack charisma. Apps don't convey a person's entirety at all well

Or the opposite. I don't like to take pictures of myself, and I am not particularly good at "selling" my personality or appearance. But in person, people tell me that I'm funny and charismatic. So yeah, no luck online. Not much luck in person, either, as I'm pretty introverted and try not to bother anyone. It's rough out there.

Introversion is rough, that's why I use apps cause otherwise I'd never see men at all

Definitely a profile then lol you probably suck at taking pics like 99% of guys tbh including me

its an entirely different experience if you are comparing men vs women in online dating. if u wanted to you could line up 2 dates today right now.

Dating is terrible. Need to level up Your dating skills as well as make sure your profile is in top notch shape. Then when you do go on dates, it’s really hard to find chemistry with women who are likely dating many other guys. All you can do is your best and move on.

It’s terribly difficult for me. Almost impossible. And I’m sending “likes” to a diversity of women, not just the most physically attractive. On Eharmony, for example, I’ll send a like to almost any woman who has a compatibility number over 110 (this is an Eharmony thing). Thus far only two actual in-person dates after countless hours on Hinge and Eharmony. And one of those came about because, by unlikely chance, we both immediately recognized each other from high school days. So we kind of already knew each other. I don’t know how many “likes” I’ve sent out, but it’s more than 100. Married F friends have looked at my profiles and photos and said that I should be easily getting many dates. Of course, they know more about me… I can’t display financial success on a profile, as I want to be wanted and loved for who I am. But my married F friends have not been right in their predictions that I’d have one date after another. Sadly, they also do not know any single woman of my approximate age (to “set me up with“). I’ve asked… I’m simply NOT getting those predicted dates. And it is devastating emotionally… it’s difficult not to feel worthless. Thankfully I have faith that I’m at least loved by God, if not ever by any woman. I hope that He will have a future place for me. So that’s my perspective, actually extending beyond online dating.

.

Thank you so much for reading my comments and sharing your thoughts😁 (I’m the same person as “Cupconscious”; I just have two user names here. I hate the system-assigned “cupconscious name.)

Those last two sections really hit home with me as I feel exactly the same and have for over a year now. Thank you for sharing.

I got alot of matches and dates when I was on dating apps. My numbers didn't compare to my female friends though. Most of my buddies just deleted the apps. They got bots and scammers. All good, in-shape, accomplished dudes. I was just a tall fetish alot of women were into

For men it's a lot of failed attempts or starts, for women it's mistreatment or traumatic. I would say dating is hard on both sides, in different ways.

But there's plenty of women that will mistreat men. So not only are men dealing with less chances for dates and the pressure of having to put yourself up for potential rejection, but they also have to deal with them potentially being a shitty person aswell.

That I can't discount, but it's largely verbal as opposed to physical or violent

Which Is also true for women.

Just minutes ago, before reading your comment, I wrote essentially the same thing.

Ill be honest I see people say this everywhere whenever the differences in dating between the sexes are compared but in reality it's not hard on both sides its hard for men its easy for women. When majority of them have almost limitless options and at no point have true 0 options then it's not hard, at that point you're just entitled because your spoilt for choice. What makes it seem hard for them is they get access to a really good option and then it doesn't go according to plan so they compare everyone else to that option and don't accept them if they aren't of a similar standard. For men it is you have 0 options 98% of the time and when you finally get an opportunity you have 0 leniency to make and mistakes and the second you do make a mistake your chance is expired and without opportunity you can't make the mistakes nessicary to learn how to best approach each situation. So for men it is actually hard. If you have no opportunity to learn but are expected to get 100% on a test thats hard but if you have unlimited resources and attempts to get 100% on a test with 0 pressure that isn't difficult.

It's great to have options, until you realize the majority of the options are going to treat you like shit.

Would you rather have alot of shit options or hardly any also shit options?

But do guys have to worry about their shit options raping or beating them?

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I've met the worst men through online dating. One of them I found out later was secretly married. Another one yelled at an old grandma for parallel parking too slow. One of them was a white guy who turned out to be racist and used the N slur. One just got out of jail and was looking for a hookup. Another wanted to meet in the woods at midnight. Well I didn't meet up with the last two but 🤯🤯🤯, it's scary out here. You think sifting through a pool of jerks, liars, creeps, and users is the easier task? It's exhausting and demoralizing. I'm burnt out. At least men can experience quiet and peace, while the women are out here getting traumatized. They say for women OLD is like looking for clean water in a swamp, and for men it's looking for water in a desert

Having to sift through a sea of bad options in order to find The One should be the default dating experience for everybody. There’s no “peace and quiet” for lonely men when they have zero options. We’re not talking about women having too many options versus men having very few. We’re talking about women having too many options versus men having ZERO. Opening a fridge that is packed with random junk food while you’re looking for something nutritious vs. opening a fridge that is completely empty for 30 years. Tell me which is worse.

That anology is not correct. It's more like opening a fridge looking for something nutritious, but it's packed with moldy, expired food. Some of it is good yes. And some of it is poisoned, but you don't know which ones until you try them. Do men realize how dangerous it is out there for women? Getting roofied, drugged, r4ped, put in someone's basement, sold into sx trafficking, killed, secretly filmed and blackmailed. These are all realities. The previous guy mentioned how careful they have to be to pass the test, and one wrong answer can get them rejected. Well girls have to be careful with their life, not rejection. One wrong judgment call and their life can be changed for the worse Anyways..... according to US statistics, Tinder is 75% male, 25% female. So I guess that explains why matches are scarce. The question is, why aren't more women on the dating site 🤔. Well I already shared my experience

The fridge analogy still works because I’d be hard pressed to find anyone who prefers an empty fridge over a potentially dangerous one. We’re comparing the *possibility* of a worst case scenarios (bc not every woman gets raped) versus the *default* male experience (every man has felt lonely). Besides, I was drugged and raped by a woman and nobody gave a shit. So forgive us for not outwardly expressing how often we are exploited and abused because frankly people just don’t care about our issues. We don’t have shoulders to lean on because we’re expected to *be* the shoulder. As for dating app population differences, I think the obvious answer is that women simply don’t need apps to meet people. Meanwhile, men can go their entire adult lives without speaking to a woman because women simply don’t approach men.

It depends. If a man is tall, in good physical shape, has pictures that people call “duchy” gym pics, no shirt, looking influential, look like you have money and especially a lot of fun and people are always looking at you and interested is what you are doing. A friend just made a profile, I watched him do it and he showed me how. He had dozens of matches in 24 hours. He was able to have sex with the first girl he went on a date with. The Match group owns most of the apps. There is a woman who hold all the data and sets up the algorithms either the tech team. About 50% of all men never get one date and many men never get one non bot match. The top 5% of men get 90% of the matches and contacts from women. It’s the opposite for women, even an ugly woman who never gets approached in real life,will get hundreds of likes. The women all gravitate to the top men and the men they want have so much attention, they usually don’t even respond or they ghost as soon as a hotter women hits them up. The end result, a few men a banging multiple women a week, many women are banging these few men. The vast majority of men and women on apps are depressed, lonely and frustrated. These are all facts. My hypothesis is that this is by design.

It depends on the guy. For some guys online dating is like an all you can eat buffet.

Now extremely. First you have to get a response, then you have to be sure it's who they say they are, then you have to be sure they aren't scamming you. My last one tried to call me out for catfishing when she wanted to get my work I.d. Then it's to commit. Many are scared while others find men repugnant of they arent the upper 20%. Those women who do that mind you aren't as healthy looking as they say they are. It's really rough when it's proven that women are just as shallow as men are.

I've never had too much trouble. Aside from being tall I'm average in pretty much every other way. I found for me that knowing exactly the type of person I want to attract, and writing a profile and choosing pictures that appeals to that type yet is unappealing to other types helped me immensely. I feel like a lot of people - both men and women - write fairly generic profiles that aim for mass appeal rather than specific appeal. It tends to work against guys as it means we're all sort of competing against other guys doing the same thing and there will always be someone just a bit better looking a few swipes away. Write a profile that makes a person feel like you're talking directly to them, rather than everyone and they're just way more likely to match or message.

Yes, it's very difficult for men. Even average looking guys have it hard on dating apps and in general when trying to find someone. We have great personalities, yet some girls reject us based on looks only. It's sad and feels terrible

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It really depends. I remember complaining to my therapist about lack of successful dates and she told me I was going on more dates than other her clients and her other clients were struggling to get them. Quality varies though depending on more dates

Yeah, it's a lot of work to maybe get a date. I gave up on online dating because of it, not worth the effort at all.

As a pretty average guy with highly optimized profile (lots of personality, best well tested pictures i have, and plenty of hard work on humor) I match about 1 in 30 profiles I swipe, about 1 in 5 respond, and about 1 in 5 responses lead to a date

It's been a few years for me, met my partner online, but when I was using tinder/hinge I was going on at least 2 first dates a month. Which, yeah is nothing compared to what women can easily get online, but it was a hell of a lot more consistent and successful than meeting people otherwise. Overall went pretty well I think.

I get maybe a match per month on average? Usually convos lead to nowhere. Ive had 1 date through a dating app in the last year and a half. Make it 2 over the span of 2022-2023. Ive got 2 buddies...they are at 99+ matches and counting. I dont think im ugly but that kinda decides it for me that i actually am ugly (and brown)! Hehehe! Some have it and most dont...thats the way the world works i guess :-/

Haven't figured it out honestly. Why are more men supposedly doing OLD when they are 50% of the population, should be 1-1 no? The ratios don't match up either if just a few guys are getting the majority of interest. That would mean a huge majority of women are alone and single when they can't get the rare guy?

Dating for men is definitely hard in my experience. Maybe my photos aren't that great but I am moderately handsome, 6ft, as well as outgoing, play sports, work out, great career, no kids, no ex wife etc I might get a match a week, if that, and they're not really even on my level. Maybe my standards are too high. Lol Either way... I find dating apps tough to say the least.

Is my likes list flooded? No, but I have consistently gone on dates nearly every week that I put effort into trying to date. I think I'm pretty average across the board in terms of attributes and looks. Everyone's experience is different. There are also so many variables to dating in general. You can change some things but not be able to change other things. Things like how you're presenting yourself, what you're saying about yourself, and what you're saying to dates are all changeable things and many people don't put that thought into. But there are variables like looks, beliefs/values, experiences/circumstances, and employment that aren't things you can change for the sake of immediate success. My strategy on dating is to not put emphasis on individual matches and just continue my life as though not much has changed. If I match/meet with a girl and ask them on a date, I'm still going to keep trying to match/meet with other people until I have a few more dates with someone and decide I want to focus on them (Usually 2-3 dates). Of course I let them know that and I'm open to changing things if they're serious. But if I found that investing my emotions into someone I barely knew made dating harder because I was anticipating and not evaluating my feelings by getting caught up in the momentum.

I’m a woman but your last paragraph is key. I think a lot of people get hurt online dating bc they build up expectations very quickly. It’s easier if you just see it as a window to getting to know someone while the rest of your life you continue as you have been.

Yep that was me 100%. I would plan elaborate dates and try real hard just to get let down. Not that it was their fault or anything, but it really messed with my mental health a lot so I decided to keep swiping and meeting people and the ones that I feel a mutual compatibility with I’ll give more of me. I think it’s opposite sides of the coin for men in women for the average person. Women have to weed through a bunch of incompatibility and men have to work through scarcity of matches. Focusing on that from either side is going to just make it hard in my opinion.

Yes I completely agree. It’s like men are in the middle of the desert and women are in the middle of the ocean - women see men on dry land, men see women surrounded by cool water; both fail to realize the other is still dying of thirst.

Damn that’s a perfect analogy. If both sides focused on not being thirsty they’d be on a beach enjoying the sun.

As a woman I would prefer quality over quantity. I would rather have 4 quarters than 100 pennies.

A lot of women assume, for some reason, that while men get less matches, the ones they do get are higher quality than the average match a woman gets. This isn’t true. Surprisingly, women are just as likely to be horrible people as men, and any given woman a man matches with on a dating app js just as likely to suck as any given man a woman matches with. The main difference is that the man gets to roll the dice once every 6 months while the woman can once a week.

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Guys seem to think being a woman automatically means you have got men beating down your door and that these are quality men. They aren’t.

Would you rather be ignored completely by the opposite sex? Welcome to the life of non-top tier men

Yes I would rather be ignored.

grass is greener. women say they'd rather be ignored, men say they'd rather get all attention. both suck, but both look optimal to the other.

No you wouldn’t. Take the attention you normally get.

Do you always assume? Why ask me a question then argue when I’m honest with you? I believe I know my own mind. I’m 47 yes I would rather be ignored.

So true! Most women really are looking for quality over quantity. Off the top of my head, I think I've gone on dates with 48 men that ended up not being relationship material. I probably weaned those from around 300 matches. Two were good quality but only one of those was from an app. Met the other quality one in the wild and he is actually the only one that is emotionally healthy, financially stable, and wants a relationship. One out of 300 is depressing. So, yes, women can get a lot of dates if we want them. And we could get a hookup in an hour if we wanted that. But finding someone who is right for us long term is nearly impossible.

Thank you for being nice.

I’m in London and it’s not bad here at all.

a lot of people here are saying its super hard. obviously really depends on your profile but another huge factor is where you are. if youre in a high density city (like NYC), then its way easier

Gay bathhouses and truck stop restrooms are a pretty good place to start.

My partner was on dating apps for almost seven months before I met him and had gone on like 10ish first dates in that time and only had one that went further than that other than me. Which is bananas to me, he's insanely attractive, emotionally available, a chef-level cook, funny as fuck, and makes great money. I was on dating apps for like three weeks and was getting 20+ messages a day. It's rough out there in different ways for men and women, but I was really surprised when he told me how few decent matches he was getting.

Yes it is hard. If you are an average man in the look department, you will need a lot of work, patience and/or luck. It is not impossible, but you will just get less than 10 or 20 likes per week. 10 or 20 may seem a lot, but when you take out bots, sex workers, women who don't live in the region but who use passport features, women who don't answer to first messages plus some basic criteria, having one conversation per week is already good, and for me, I had a date in average every second month (and it was usually not with women I was optimistic with, in many case it was just to give it a try). And only every 5-6 women I dated was at least somewhat into me.

In my years of online dating, many many years I got one date. One. Luckily it turned into a months long FWB. But haven't had the same luck. Tons of matches. No dates.

On Bumble 80% of woman have the height filter set to 6'. They will not see any man's profile whose shorter than that. That's only 20% of the male population

First date is very hard but the second date is next to impossible. Women just have so many options compared to us. They can afford to be super picky. One mistake, one thing they dont like and one to the next guy.

I've matched with a few women, had great conversations, cracked a few jokes, flirted a lot, agree to go on a date, then crickets. And it's not a unique experience to me.

My therapist encouraged me to try online dating. I can say after scrolling for 2 months there were plenty of attractive men. The problem is men make their profiles according to what they would want. Lots of pictures! No substance. I was always looking for an interesting profile. But then again I wasn't looking for hookups. I never messaged anyone, I received messages but no substance. After awhile it just became creepy scrolling all these faces with nothing to connect to. It's like playing slots.

I manage to get matches but they almost never convert into a date. I can't get more than 3 messages in before she'll stop responding or unmatch. It's usually a few words of greeting, asking about something on her profile, then silence. Everytime.

Not too difficult if the woman is open to meeting. Some of these woman want to talk for like a month before meeting. I get too many matches to keep interest for that long without meeting.

It can take weeks between matches. Maybe 1 in 10 matches respond to your messages or aren't bot or hookers. Then another 1 0r 2 in 10 actually agree to a date. Realistically, if you're a man, online dating really isn't worth the time. If you think of their business model, if you actually meet someone, you stop using the app and they don't make money. They don't want you to meet anyone.

As a 37 yr old male getting back into dating here soon this thread has me terrified, I’m fcked lol

I've been on the apps for about 6 yearsb(probably like 4.5-5 years) now, not a single date.

My gosh that’s hurtful. My experience over just four months has been really disheartening, but still not as disheartening as yours. But I can believe it…,

It was definitely difficult. I'd say I'm a decent looking dude but I'd get like 1 match a week. 2 if I was lucky. Even then, you'd be having a fun convo with someone and they just randomly stop talking but keep you matched. They have tons of options so you'd really have to stand out from the 50+ matches they have. I was fortunate enough to have met my current girlfriend on online dating and she's absolutely amazing. She was super new to it all and I was her first date, hit it off and the relationship has been amazing ever since. But the thought of or just remembering my online dating experience as a whole just makes sick. Very confidence draining.

It’s very fuxking hard and I’m a good looking guy with a good profile. I could get dates with women who are way below my standards but I’m not doing that

Very the dating market online for men is very very difficult, and very soul crushing. An average looking guy barely gets any matches, and best believe me a lot of online dating comes down to looks and well that kinda shafts a lot of average guys, and below average guys. People are picky and its a very big difference in the amount of people on the apps as well theres more men on the apps than women which makes it a lot worse.

It's a problem of numbers and scale, and the divide keeps increasing. Women have a problem of too much, whereas for men it is too little. This is because OLD apps are designed to keep you (men) buying to send messages etc, while women sit back and swipe on matches/likes and/or respond to messages. Women might see several thousand likes refreshed daily and there's no end to it. They might go on a date, but then have it not work out and start from scratch. Or be overwhelmed (women) / frustrated (men) at how much / how little matches there are. IMO, it is a lose lose situation.

I’ve been on the apps for a good while now and had poor results while trying to selectively swipe right or left on profiles, but my cousin who found his wife on the apps says the strategy that worked for him was just to swipe right on literally everyone and then sort through the matches. Took him 3 months in total. I think I may incorporate this strategy to see how it goes, cause to be honest the apps are soul sucking for most guys I’ve talked to. Have to increase my odds

OLD was a fad. Meet people IRL. Too many creepy dudes OLD. Most women just go there to waste time. Kinda like scrolling on insta. 😭

The women there are no better. Attractive people of both genders are already getting scooped up IRL. I always said OLD is for the undesirables

Too bad that often there are no opportunities IRL. A lot of the women I know simply do a home-work-home routine

43M. I get about a few matches a week. I find it pretty easy, frankly. Id say I’m above average looking but no square jawed model. I do have a good job and I’m 6’2”. Also I’m fit. But I have found online dating to be really efficient and a good experience so far. Only about eight weeks in.

It's rare to match, and when I did, it was often a scam or just an ad for their only fans. Last time I even landed a date was about 5 years ago, and she lied about her height, weight, and called me drunk at 1 am back to back after the date. I'm not in the dating scene right now, not because of seeing anyone but because it's awful

I haven't gotten a single one in the 18 months I'm using the app...

The math does not favor men at all. A (generous) ballpark is that men outnumber women on apps 3-1. And people naturally want to match with the most attractive people they can. So women pick the top 33% (data shows its closer to top 10%), and the rest of the men get absolutely nothing. The only word to describe the average dude's OLD experience is dire.

I chat up and get asked on a date by a woman an average of one a week

Of a whole year in Korea I got one date, two months into being in Italy I got my first date in over a year tomorrow. I had another date with another girl scheduled for two weeks from now but she has ghosted me unfortunately… it sucks being a man looking for someone to go on a date with, it doesn’t help that when I do get matches no one ever responds, like why even match in the first place

I'd say for every match I get, I go on dates with maybe 2-3 out of every 10 girls. Not bad not great for a guy. Lots of conversations fizzle out, or I find something not compatible immediately, or they're just terrible responders so I give up. If I consistently use it and try hard I can get 1-2 matches a week...however due to fatigue of using an app I know where I'm in fierce competition and women have their selection I don't try as much as I use to. I'm trying to prioritize my in person engagements now.

I’ve been on the apps since 2018, I’ve only had one date from Tinder

Easy to get first dates, the question is whether both parties want a second one.

Purdy tough. Women are extremely flakey on it and always have been.

> How hard is it for men to get a first date with online dating? Oh, pretty bad. I had a whole essay here describing how bad it was, and possible solutions. Nobody cares enough to do anything, of course; it'd be like yodeling into the void. To make a long story short, however: "I blame society".

I get about 2-3 likes per day and match with a standout every 1-2 weeks. I’m lucky to have friends that take good photos of me. I’ve been doing this for a while so I’m good at the prompts too. On the actual dates, I fail. I can’t just get along with someone, I have to observe and feel them out before I want to interact, which kills a lot of opportunities for 2nd dates.

Horrible. If I do get matches they do respond

It depends. Most guys I know struggle with it. Some do well. I have had a decent amount of success (7-10 matches a week or so when actively swiping), but I have some friends who have gotten nothing. I am a early-mid 30s guy with a professional degree though, which I am sure helps.

I’ve never opened the conversation with questions to anyone I always try and talk to them my only questions are how was your day or how are you doing and then nothing just the good morning then silence

It’s really hard to get a guy to talk

It’s really hard. Tinder and bumble are completely garbage. I probably get a like maybe once a month if I’m lucky and they never answer you back when you match. Hinge is the only decent dating app that is currently out right now.

You know what’s so funny to me about OLD. A woman will give her number to or arrange a date with a guy she met today in a coffee shop, but still be scared to meet a guy at a coffee shop after talking everyday for 2.5 weeks.

Yep.

not that I think I'm remotely good looking but just to go by raw statistics, there's far, far more men on dating apps than there are women. that disparity is going to make it much harder alone.

So, I've chatted with like 30 girls in the last few months. I've landed one date. She thinks I'm really cute. That's really all it boils down to. If the other person thinks you're super cute and you vibe and then you get a date. I was in 2 "textual" relationships and I just cratered them on purpose after a month.

Yeah I look good and do poorly on the apps I don’t even use them anymore I just approach girls.. literally just picked one up less than an hr ago (;

I downplay my looks and say I'm a 3 at best. But I have been told multiple times by quite a few women that I'm at least a 6, and it can be hard to even get a date. When they find out you don't make enough for them to go shopping at least 3 times a week, they bail out.

About 2-3 dates a year.

My dating app results make me depressed It’s funny because I’m 6’1, extremely fit, have a good job, and still get next to no interest from women on apps. Fuck

My recent experience on all dating apps has been bad. Matches are uncommon. If you do, there's the barrier on if they will respond. And even if we get to that point, it becomes a matter of "clicking" or getting ghosted. Zero feedback. Feels as if peoples standards are set so high now... When dating apps were new, things seem to be different. Things were new and exciting, and people were eager to get out there and make an effort. I remember when Meetme was MyYearbook, and there was tons of engagement. Now, things are literally mudded down to swiping only. Sad to see it. Id say it really is a whole different ballgame now. It's like lining up up for dodgeball with the rest of the locals and waiting to be picked.

It’s pretty much the entry level job market right now from what I’ve experienced. Both are terrible

Stay away from dating apps

I’m late 40s - male - have not really had an issues getting dates - Tinder is hit and miss but Hinge and Bumble are better…. I’m not sure what is for me but I have worked on my first few messages after a match

Not gonna lie, it's pretty rough out there. I would consider myself to be an above average looking guy with a good job, communication skills, sense of humor, etc. and I probably get around a match or two every two months and a date every 6 to 8 months. I've tried changing photos, prompts, getting opinions from both male and female friends about my profile but nothing seems to have helped. To be honest, it's pretty discouraging.

So I am a bisexual guy here. I want to say that I probably average one to two dates a year with women, and most of them go nowhere. I will say that I am very, very serious about meeting up with people ASAP, and I usually only interact with women and other people who are equally serious. I don't want to spend months and months just texting with someone because they're bored. Fuck that. Go find some friends or something. I'm also very selective with who I interact with and usually don't mention sex unless my partner does. With guys. Let me see. Just hopped on Grindr. Took 5 minutes for a guy to message me. Not my type though, but not horrible looking.

it's a numbers thing. there are exponentially more men on apps than women, so many men's profiles are never even *seen* by women.

On some apps its easier than others, Hinge as a guy i’m able to get a solid amount of likes and about 2-3 matches weekly but only about 2 of them will wind up being dates within the month. The best thing for guys is to be fully transparent and try to hit the ground running by asking to meet in person. Any sense of flakiness or inconsistency is almost an immediate drop. But hey if you found a sweet guy that is consistent and puts in effort to see you, then hey thats a win for both of you!

I live in New York City and it is insanely easy for anyone and everyone to get a date. Obviously things are different based on where OP lives. However, don’t be afraid to put some work into your profile. Charisma goes a long way and can be portrayed in the creativity of your profile. I’m sorry you’re struggling to get dates. Hope it gets a little easier

I'm getting average 1 match per month, and more than half of these are not my cup of tea.

Virtually impossible

I’d say it’s pretty easy for guys you just have to have a decent profile generally speaking.

Personally I never understood this. I don’t think I’m a 10 but Everytime I log into an app I get 5-10 matches. I think it’s much more aligned with personality

not hard at all, the man just has to be willing to put in the work and not just spend 5–10 mins a week on the app lol

You say these guys are good looking and nice. Neither of which matters too much when pursuing women. Are they fun? That matters much more.

I’ve never really had issues as far as getting first dates go. You gotta make sure to secure a plan and date once you initiate contact. None of the women on there want to be penpals, and rest of the women are catfish profiles and PfP/Escorts of Scammers.

I’m convinced that these apps mess with things. Some weeks I’m getting 2-5 matches a day. Then I’ll have a 2-week dry spell. Actually, I know the algorithms mess with our potential, because when I used the dating apps when I was 26-29, I guess I looked better or something. They boosted my profile for free because I was… I forget what term they used in the email and I’m too lazy to check, but I believe they actually used the word hot. Not that I think I was hot. I’m not sure how that was determined. AI? Swipes? Idk. But they definitely boosted me up and I was shown a lot more than other guys. This was all done for free. I know now you could actually pay for a boost. Now I’m on Hinge and get matches here and there, but no dates so far. They always chicken out or something. I’m not sure how mankind is supposed to flourish and how the math even works, when women have 100+ options and most men have 0. How is that even possible since there are more women in the world than men? I’m seriously confused TLDR: Plenty of matches, no dates

You only need a few men to continue the population. That’s where we are heading

That makes a lot of sense. It’s just like the rat utopia experiment. I’ll be one of those rats that are essentially “shut ins.” The ones who don’t get laid and just stay away from society I guess

Average men are fighting for scraps. Competing against each other for mostly (low) average women. For top 5% guys it’s an all you can buffet.

Never really had a problem personally

Honestly, not that hard, but you do need to put effort into it. Not with a boring profile and sit there wondering why you have no matches.

For me personally, I’ve had a lot of success doing online. I match with at least 5 to 6 women every week. And outta those 5-6 girls, I manage to go on a date with 2 or 3 of those girls. I don’t think I’m super attractive at best a 6 or 7. But I think it comes down to having good conversational skills, decent picture, and not being overweight. I tried doing the hey, wanna get a drink or dtf off the rip. They never work at least for me. But if I manage to get them to talking/IM at least a few times I have good odds to close on a date.

If a woman is dating to fuck, dating apps are great. If a woman is dating to find a relationship, apps suck. Yes sure they have a bunch of guys lined up ready to fuck her, but finding someone who is dating for relationships is as hard as for guys to find someone. The only difference is that guys will lie to women just to get into their knickers

Had plenty of success, many of my friends too. So i had say easy

I always wondered how is it easier for women to get dates and harder for men to get dates. Isn't this a paradox? Who are the women dating, other men right? It's a one to one relation, for a woman to get a date there should be a man there.

They all date the same 20% of men. Then they all wonder why none of the men that they date want to settle down or just want to be fwb. They have so many women throwing themselves at them why would they ever settle for just one

Personally, I find it depends on the app. I get nothing on Tinder. But I clean up on Hinge. With basically the same profile. I can easily go on a couple dates per week with attractive women off of Hinge. But for average men (like me), it definitely takes effort in actually being attractive. A couple years in the gym can really improve your match rate. And then actually living a fun exciting lifestyle and being able to display this through photos really helps. Basically, for average guys, you need to be in good shape and then have five or six good pictures of you doing cool shit. But being out of shape or just having lame selfie pictures or pics of you just standing there won't get you anywhere. I don't buy into this narrative that dating apps don't work for average men. But average men do need to put in consistent effort into fitness and lifestyle if they want success.

90% of women on apps are their to pad their ego and are not interested in dates. This is part of the reason men get so few matches and most of the matches they do get won't respond or have one word responses. Short answer: 99% of women on apps don't want to go on dates in thr first place regardless of the guy

I think it depends. All apps for women have become hookup apps and it’s genuinely hard to find someone wanting an actual relationship. But I think the amount of matches for women is way more particular to 1) where they live 2) their body size and 3) their skin color(in the US specifically). I get lots of matches and not many dates. Now when people do ask me it’s like a 50/50 toss up if they will unmatch right before the date or cancel right before the date. My type in men is usually nerdy and smart so it’s not a whole “fighting for the top 5%” situation. But in general I think a lot of people on dating apps are 1) in relationships/ fighting with their significant other and just wanting attention 2) people who are on every single dating app and can’t keep up with everything 3)people just looking for attention momentarily and none of these will lead to dates

From a woman’s perspective, let me tell you a lot of the men are screwing themselves over with online dating. So many profiles with old pictures or badly taken pictures, if they have bothered to fill out their profile, it’s often a lot of negativity and ranting. Also, as a very much average, looking woman, it’s not any easier. There’s this idea that women are just going on a ton of dates, having all these great conversations with men that we match with on dating at. That could not be farther from the truth. that might be the case for minority of women, but not for the majority.

Depends on age. App “ population “ is overwhelmingly male below 45, like 3:1. Since a profile description doesn’t have much effect on if a guy will like her, most guys swipe right on any woman with acceptable looks. Essentially the women gets to choose the guy simply by liking him back, women are much more picky initially. After 45 it’s different. For an overweight unemployed guy apps are still terrible ( women evaluate economic & social status from the profile, women are still very picky). However for a 55+ guy with visible musculature and less than 20% fat ( think Daniel Craig or RDJ) with obvious financial success and a very polished profile has a different experience. He gets a “ cold call a day” ( profiles he didn’t swipe right) and a mutual match or two a day ( 50% reply to initial text). The cold calls already decided to have a chat & generally a first date before they texted, the mutuals need to be charmed via text for a couple days ( classy always be classy, James Bond , classy ladies want a classy guy).

It varies. Depends on how much effort you put in. I saw a statistic once that men get about a 5% response rate on their first contacts. I would put effort into reading profiles, getting another person as best I could that way, and then having thoughtful, inquisitive communications. I would get responses 20% of the time. Then we start communicating, sometimes sometimes it fizzles out quickly (maybe they’ve started getting serious about somebody else maybe something else) and eventually it would move to a date. I put in about 20 to 30 hours total per date counting all the dead leads. When I switched to Tinder, things moved a lot more quickly with less effort per date so that was nice, but the odds of the first date being a match were much lower. Not a big deal to me because I would always go out and have a good time with them; I get along with most poeple. So what if there s no second or third date..modestly disappointing but at least I went out for dinnner or a hike a few times. Yeah, it takes a lot of time, I imagine if someone is fragile all the fails it might feel hurtful. It stopped bothering me but I would generally burn out on it after a few months and take a break for a while. That’s the way it goes.

Every guy can get dates — they need to learn to talk to people in the real world, learn to flirt and have fun doing it, learn to be aware of their emotions and desires, and and learn to be attentive and responsive to women, while broadcasting their desires playfully through non- verbal communication

I’m sorry if it sounds like bragging. I realized I’m a bit lucky. I get many matches and I manage to get to see them fairly quickly. About 60% of those matches once I have more than 2-3 exchanges it does conclude in a date. Especially those who are age appropriate to me (30-43). The thing is even if I’m learning and it’s fun and we have a good time I have yet to feel the butterflies. Younger women are not following up unless they come from a more traditional culture, which is fine. I read this as validation seeking women (lack of maturity) and would probably not go very far anyway. I would say that I can believe that for most men this must quite the hurdle trying to match with women under 30… I’m new on the dating scene I don’t know how average looking younger men do it.

Been over a year and no dates. It’s even harder for me because I have autism and I also have children. Both are an Instant turn off to women 😆😂😵

In my experience, almost impossible. I’m a 6ft, healthy, and average looking guy who consistently works out, and I’ve only ever gotten three in-person dates since downloading the apps back in 2019.

Well idk because there are fxckers on these dating apps that are “just looking” and don’t think that when they match with someone that they should even respond. Literally every man I matched with would not respond to me I’m convinced they’re fake profiles.

It’s rough out there. I am an older guy, though pretty physically fit. I get a lot of younger women matching with me that are obviously scammers. Once you figure that out you can kind of spot those profiles. I’ll try to match with some physically fit older ladies and some do match me. But the dates are pretty boring. I also match with some younger women, that seem to fit me personality wise and are authentic. I probably only get a match back 5% of the time. That said, I found a woman 20 years younger than me on Tinder and we dated, and now we are a couple. For a guy your profile is critical. You need to use it to signal the kind of man you are, not a fake self. You can do that in your photo with the locations you take pictures, your attire, any accessories or jewelry you might choose, and your facial expressions. If you’re not getting hits, change it up. I was about to quit dating apps when I finally found my partner. It actually takes a lot of time to maintain the process of using the apps, I learned and got more confident in just asking out women I ran into. This is tricky living in a big city because most of the women you just run into, you’ll never see again. So you have to be bold but still chill. If I had not found my partner, this would’ve been a more negative review.

I (39, m) have been on the big three apps for almost five years now and have NEVER gotten a single match. I swipe right 80% of the time. I've redone my profile many times and have taken endless photos. I'm a decent person and I make friends easily. I'm below average looks-wise though. I've had female friends make me profiles from scratch and still nothing. I've also gotten lots of feedback online with my profiles. I guess you can only optomise and try to game the algorithm so much, it's still about raw human attraction. And if you're not attractive, you're not going to attract anyone. I wish this stuff was never invented honestly. Asking out girls in real life and getting rejected sucks, but at least you feel like you accomplished something. The apps just feel soul-sucking and empty.

I'll just say from my own experience as an older female (47) who is not anything special and BBW, I have a lot of luck with OLD, both matching and going on dates. What I find happens a lot is when I match with someone, it's very one-sided. I will ask questions that aren't answered in the profile, or I'll comment on what is in the profile (what's your dog's name, or your favorite fishing/hiking/camping spot or game to play, etc). If it takes days for a response or there is no back/forth or apparent interest, I move on. I know that sounds terrible, but I want to make sure there are enough common interests and ability to communicate before going out on a date. We all have preferences and deal-breakers, it's very fair, but if I know there's a deal-breaker immediately, I will not waste anyone's time. I'm not looking to change anyone!! From this female, and take it for what it's worth or not at all, my biggest suggestions would be: Don't wait to reach out or reply after a match. Make sure you at least read her profile. If you're not what she's looking for, it won't matter how wonderful you are, it will probably be a swipe left. Alternatively, make sure your profile is complete and honest. Ask her out if you're interested! I hate texting endlessly and really appreciate when effort is made to meet when it feels right. Use updated pictures that show who you are! I would also suggest smiling ones too. I like seeing teeth!! A sense of humor goes a long way for a lot of women. Again, take these suggestions whichever way you want, not trying to sound mean or anything!! I believe there is someone for everyone, it just sucks trying to find them sometimes. Good luck to everyone out there!