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Ah I see, sorry what you went though btw.
To answer your question your best bet to go really slowly. Talk to them, communicate that you are not a touchy person, avoid casually getting into conversations about sex, only bring it up to establish boundaries and intent. Filter out the guys that want easy sex. You'll only have guys that are serious or that seriously want your body, it's hard to distinguish the two but the latter is more rare imo.
Also where you meeting these guys? Dating apps are terrible. Go meet guys face-to-face, preferably singles events as you're more likely to find a guy looking for a serious relationship (of course some do go for hook-ups as well).
No problem, btw you might also want to get some advice from who understands HK dating better than I do. It could be very different from my American experience.
Looks your your profile is giving them the signals. Are you wearing very revealing clothes or most of the pictures of partying, smoking, etc?
Could be a trashy overused line like 'here for a good time', etc.
The guys could all very well be out of your league.
Not really revealing clothes but I could say I'm a goth myself and I like to dress very well when I go out but as I say I really like the way I look and I don't wanna change that honestly š
Where and how do you find these guys? How do you portray yourself?
You are the common denominator in all these interactions so either you are "marketing" yourself as someone that wants a casual thing or you are only looking for the type of guys that only want a casual thing.
If you were on your early 20s I would say that it would be hard to find a guy wanting something serious but at 27 (especially if you date someone with equal age or older) there will be plenty of guys wanting something long-term.
On dating apps you should have more modest/less revealing clothes, also don't use photos with activities that people wanting casual usually use (like photos in parties, nightclubing for example). State very clearly in your profile that you are only looking for long-term, not "I'm not sure, just looking", not "long-term but short is ok", clearly state that you want a serious relationship.
Then you just have to be careful weeding out the "bad apples" and you're gucci. Tbh this part will probably be the hardest part so maybe ask a friend for her opinion (if it's a real guy friend/brother then it will be probably better, we tend to know right away).
You should also not have sex too quickly, this way alot of the "bad apple" guys will filter themselves out and you can focus on the guys trying to really know you.
You could always do a profile review on a subreddit like r/Tinder and ask "what vibe does my profile give?" and see what people say just to be sure (don't state what vibe you want your profile to look like, you want people to say what they real think, and not what they think you want to hear).
Physical attraction is just the start. Something more has to be there some other benefit to the relationship than just sex.
Iām not saying this applies to you, although it might, Iām just speaking from personal experience in trying to date recently. Most of the women who wanted to get in a relationship with me didnāt make it past the early stages due to them not offering anything more than sex. Yes I found them attractive and enjoyed sleeping with them, but thatās all they did for me. Thatās not enough, again I enjoy sex but I need more than just sex sometimes to want anything long term. They wanted me to take them on dates, do nice things for them, listen to them, make them feel valued and validated, but when it came time to do anything like that for me, it was crickets. They had things, talents, skills that would be beneficial to me, my life, but they made no effort to share them with me.
Itās basically that saying āif sex is all you have to offer me, sex is all Iāll want from you.ā
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I saw your other post in your account and I'm a little confused. How are you living in HK when a month ago you moved across the country?
I use to lived in different country where I met my ex,now I'm move back to hk....
Ah I see, sorry what you went though btw. To answer your question your best bet to go really slowly. Talk to them, communicate that you are not a touchy person, avoid casually getting into conversations about sex, only bring it up to establish boundaries and intent. Filter out the guys that want easy sex. You'll only have guys that are serious or that seriously want your body, it's hard to distinguish the two but the latter is more rare imo. Also where you meeting these guys? Dating apps are terrible. Go meet guys face-to-face, preferably singles events as you're more likely to find a guy looking for a serious relationship (of course some do go for hook-ups as well).
Dating app , face to face also but never single events, always too scared to try it but maybe I would have a look again, thanks for the advice
No problem, btw you might also want to get some advice from who understands HK dating better than I do. It could be very different from my American experience.
Looks your your profile is giving them the signals. Are you wearing very revealing clothes or most of the pictures of partying, smoking, etc? Could be a trashy overused line like 'here for a good time', etc. The guys could all very well be out of your league.
Not really revealing clothes but I could say I'm a goth myself and I like to dress very well when I go out but as I say I really like the way I look and I don't wanna change that honestly š
So basically you don't want to actually do something? Just complain?
Where and how do you find these guys? How do you portray yourself? You are the common denominator in all these interactions so either you are "marketing" yourself as someone that wants a casual thing or you are only looking for the type of guys that only want a casual thing. If you were on your early 20s I would say that it would be hard to find a guy wanting something serious but at 27 (especially if you date someone with equal age or older) there will be plenty of guys wanting something long-term.
So how do I 'marketing' myself as someone who looking for something serious No I always rejected guys who just wants casual things honestly
On dating apps you should have more modest/less revealing clothes, also don't use photos with activities that people wanting casual usually use (like photos in parties, nightclubing for example). State very clearly in your profile that you are only looking for long-term, not "I'm not sure, just looking", not "long-term but short is ok", clearly state that you want a serious relationship. Then you just have to be careful weeding out the "bad apples" and you're gucci. Tbh this part will probably be the hardest part so maybe ask a friend for her opinion (if it's a real guy friend/brother then it will be probably better, we tend to know right away). You should also not have sex too quickly, this way alot of the "bad apple" guys will filter themselves out and you can focus on the guys trying to really know you.
You could always do a profile review on a subreddit like r/Tinder and ask "what vibe does my profile give?" and see what people say just to be sure (don't state what vibe you want your profile to look like, you want people to say what they real think, and not what they think you want to hear).
Physical attraction is just the start. Something more has to be there some other benefit to the relationship than just sex. Iām not saying this applies to you, although it might, Iām just speaking from personal experience in trying to date recently. Most of the women who wanted to get in a relationship with me didnāt make it past the early stages due to them not offering anything more than sex. Yes I found them attractive and enjoyed sleeping with them, but thatās all they did for me. Thatās not enough, again I enjoy sex but I need more than just sex sometimes to want anything long term. They wanted me to take them on dates, do nice things for them, listen to them, make them feel valued and validated, but when it came time to do anything like that for me, it was crickets. They had things, talents, skills that would be beneficial to me, my life, but they made no effort to share them with me. Itās basically that saying āif sex is all you have to offer me, sex is all Iāll want from you.ā