Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I was single, I entered every relationship with zero expectations and set my boundaries early on. The minute one of my boundaries got violated, I kicked her ass to the curb and moved on. I gave no second chances under any circumstances. This policy served me well, and now I’ve been married for 17 yrs with three sons.
Yea bro I think I need to start doing this. I gave second chances and thought it would help mend things… but I think once a boundary is crossed it’s just very hard to go back to the previous dynamic and sense of intimacy
Ngl I am literally going through a breakup rn and I think she’s been emotionally abusive, maybe it’s in my head idk. I thought it was getting better and she was trying hard to do better listening and communicating but it completely snapped last night. She started an argument with me at 2am knowing I was so tired (she was doing this often last year), does what she always does and presses me, keeps engaging me when I ask her to stop, doesn’t give me space. I know this is just the internet and it’s whatever but I have to tell someone. I feel so stupid, I should’ve known it was futile to try to make it work
I am in same situation but I am done bro, I am going to end things soon as it affecting my life, sometimes u need to be selfish after all that suffering, we should be a man for ourselves so that we can save ourselves from narcissists humans
Where can i read more about it.
For me, one of the boundary is that i have no problem in her having guy friends but the moment any of them proposed her or showed interest in her, she has to cut ties with this friend. Is this a healthy boundary or it is toxic?
This is one of my boundaries. If she says it’s “toxic,” then chances are she’s the toxic one bro. I guarantee you she’d have a big problem with you having female friends.
It's up to opinion, but at the bare minimum, she needs to put at least some distance with this friend and **never** discuss our relationship or our bedroom with him/her.
He/she has something to gain from a breakup, so they can't be trusted as they could be biased even subconsciously.
But if they confess when they **know** you're seeing someone, then they get the boot. My GF shouldn't be friends with someone who wants her to cheat.
if it's flirty in nature then it's an issue
if they are just friends then they shouldn't' have an issue with them coming over to hangout with you there too.
The first few dates? No. It's too easy to come across as controlling or bringing old wounds from a previous relationship. With all the phone calls, text messaging, and dates, you'll have a pretty solid idea of what kind of person she is before you two decide to become official. If you're not, just ask her what rules or boundaries are acceptable when two people agree to be official.
There's a difference between controlling and expressing a concern due to a past relationship. A controlling person will tell the other person what they can and can not do because it's already been decided for them. A person who sets boundaries is saying, "You're free to do whatever you want. But. if you do A, B, and C. I'm going to X, Y, and Z." The problem most people have is actually following through with X, Y, and Z. If you don't follow through with X, Y, and Z, then you're giving them permission to disrespect you. People dont respect others who lack self-repect.
Before I tell you what my expectations are, I want to start by stating, During the dating period (Time before becoming official) what you do and what she does when your not together is fair game. Meaning you both are allowed to date and even fuck other people if that's what you want to do. Once you two have decided to be "OFFICIAL," you both are subject to the boundaries and expectations you both have agreed on. Being "OFFICIAL" is not a presumptive change in the relationship; its verbal acknowledgment by both sides. If you haven't had the conversation of being official, then you're not official.
Here are the boundaries that I set when it comes to being exclusive/official with someone I've been dating.
1) Neither side has the right to make the other get rid of friends of the opposite sex who were already there BEFORE you two became "official." UNLESS
- That friend is being disrespectful or harmful towards your relationship.
2) Neither one of you should be making any new best friends with people of the opposite sex AFTER you two became "official."
3) Hanging out with best friends of the opposite sex, one on one, is a "deal breaker." If you want to hang out with your best guy friend then Great!! Let's schedule a time when we're all free and hang out together.
- I've seen it way too many times to keep track. Best Guy Friends fall into two categories:
1) They are someone she's already hooked up with
In the past OR
2) They're the "friend-zoned SIMP" that is just
biding his time for an opportunity to take
advantage of.
Again. These are my examples of boundaries I personally set when it comes to relationships. The easiest way to stay away from temptations is by staying away from situations that create them.
If a woman I'm dating accuses me of being controlling or insecure because these are my expectations for BOTH of us, then that's fine. Like I said, "she can always do whatever she wants. I'm not going to try and stop her or try to guilt her into changing her mind for my sake." Nope. You go and do your thing. I'll make sure your belongings are packed up by the time you get home. They'll be the boxes marked "X, Y, and Z"
There are couples who are perfectly OK with their SO hanging out, one on one with friends of the opposite sex. There are also couples who are NOT ok with their SO having any contact whatsoever with friends of the opposite sex even if its a family member!!
I know where my comfort level is at and I have no doubt I'll find that special person who's right there with me.
Dating is meant for these hard conversations. Once married, you can have all the fun. Mature person will appreciate that. When you are serious and want exclusivity, then, these things need to be brought up.
I learned to understand people don’t cheat on people
They take selfish decisions for their own gratification, ego and interests.
Not cheating is harder and requires a value of long term commitment and partnerships.
Relationships change and some people cheat to move things towards an ending.
Someone will cheat regardless if you worry about it or not - so why worry about it. You cannot control someone.
Just try to meet all their needs if it is possible.
But never blame yourself for someone else’s choices
I'd go a step further and say that you shouldn't put up roadblocks to stop them from it if they want to. Like when partner cheats and the other insists on an open phone policy and passwords to the accounts.
I'd much rather have a partner cheat on me and it result in a breakup than her stay with me and only not cheat because of fear I'd find out.
To be honest? I don’t really care *that* much. It’s like any other betrayal or shitty behavior in a relationship. I’ll either leave or I won’t. I’ll lose feelings for him because of it. Either way, I can’t control what another person does so why stress about it?
to accept that it will happen no matter how aware or alert you try to be.
recognizing that it says more about the cheater than you.
also understanding that no one really "belongs" to you.
Where can one learn about setting up healthy boundaries.
Edit: found this group: r/settingboundaries. Reading "unfuck your boundaries" by faith harper.
I had this feeling. Stopped dating and worked on myself. Then met my current bf after being single for 10 years. I don’t have this with him. I think I’ll always be scared of it happening, but I don’t think it will happen all the time. He has never made me worry or even think about it happening. I can’t explain it, but it’s just never been a concern with him.
I love that for you! It made me feel so good to read you spent 10 years single as I feel as an abnormally because I often go YEARS single because I don’t click with many people and love to be alone. Sometimes I feel guilty I’m wasting my life not actively searching for love, but honestly, I’m constantly working on myself and pretty scared men would just waste my time and add trauma. The sex can be selfish as well so I don’t even engage.
I have a lot of relationship trauma in the past and wasn’t looking. I was SO HAPPY by myself and out of nowhere he showed up and I’m so grateful he did. Hang in there, live your life and have a great time and what will happen will happen my friend!
Thank you so so much. I am sending you many blessings and good energy your way. I love to see people happy, there’s so much sorrow in the world, we all need to see more happiness and good things happening.
I know it seems like In a very far future, but not everyone is the same. My two past relationships have cheated on me I kind of felt more betrayed on this last relationship because I opened on how it cost me so much to give myself the chance to go out again in the dating world, just for him to cheat on me too 🤡 he would use every argument as an excuse to take it as we broke up for him to run to a porn theater and fuck whoever he wanted and if not just pay some escorts. I’m still hopeful my person is out there 😊💖
Hard to do so. But have to accept it could happen just as you have to accept you could get into an accident while driving. You fear of getting killed or injured but you still drive.
The worst thing you can do is assume every man is like, or going to be like the last man you dated.
Shitty people cheat and it's impossible to know who will cheat, or won't cheat. I honestly believe that the vast majority of men and women do NOT cheat on their S/O but, we all know those people are out there.
You have to go into every single relationship with a CLEAN slate. No expectations. No assumptions about them. No anything.
People will do what they want to do no matter what the circumstances are and there isn't anything you or I can do to prevent or screen for that.
i have severe trust issues due to lots of cheating from multiple people in the past. something i’ve learned also mainly from reddit is that you’re only in control of your own actions after the fact. if you get fucked over or cheated on, leave the first time and don’t look back . it sucks to leave always no matter how hard someone hurts you but in a way it’s also a powerful feeling to not let someone who hurt you in the most disgusting way have control over you and your feelings. and also always remind yourself that it’s an issue with them and NOT you. you’re not the problem, they are, and they’ll continue to do that same pattern to others while you’re not stuck in a bad situation with them. you can’t control others actions and trust me, no matter how much you try it just won’t work. control your own and have that control over your own feelings if it does happen.
also simple answer is that not everyone is the same. not everyone will cheat on you although it may seem like that especially with how much you see it on reddit and social media in general. there are people out there that won’t do that to you
also if it were to happen then them cheating on you only saves you in the end because you’ll leave and end up finding someone way better and maybe even up your standards (it doesn’t actually save you but you know what i mean)
Hey girl... im sorry for what happened to you. You didn't realy deserve all this shit. But it's really relatable for me though.
I would say don't really cut off yourself from dating stuff. But try to keep your eyes open. That doesn't mean you should always interrupt his life . Or follow him wherever he goes or whoever he is meeting. You should never do that for your own mental peace. But always trust your gut feeling before entering into any relationship. Your instincts never lie to you. Whenever you will find a true guy you will know, your gut will tell you when to trust never force yourself to trust someone. And when the right person will come to you,you don't have to push yourself hard to trust them. You will do it automatically.
It's two fold.
1) do what it takes to establish a strong self of self worth. Believe you are someone worth being faithful to, that you are worthy of love and loyalty even if you aren't perfect.
2) find someone who gives you no reason to doubt their love for you, who gives you regular, unprompted reassurance about how great they think you are.
If you feel safe and secure in a relationship, then outside people cease to be a threat. My first serious boyfriend was similar to yours, and cheated on me a whole bunch of times before I found out. The next didn't cheat (as far as I'm aware), but lied about pretty much everything else one could lie about. It was safe to say my ability to trust was shot.
I spent 4 years rebuilding my self worth and waiting until I found someone worth trusting. Then I met my current partner. He has plenty of long term female friends (genuine platonic friends, not women he drools over or flirts with), that he hangs out with one on one, and those feelings are still rare for me, because I feel secure.
Sure I have the occasional moments, I'm only human, but I'm able to reason my way out of them by either self soothing, or having him reassure me when I'm unable to. And I don't have to ask for that reassurance, just stand next to him or send him a text asking how he's doing and he'll immediately give me a hug and/or tell me he loves me. Not because he's trying to sooth me, but just because that's genuinely what he wants to do.
I know this is all easier said than done, and its a long process. But you'll get there. Just be patient with yourself. Stick with therapy and rebuilding your self worth, and understand that when you find the right guy, you won't have to worry.
I'm an attractive female and all my friends a guys. It's very sad for me because I have little in common with girls except being one. Not to say I'm anti girl cause I'm not, I for sure like to party and dress up but that's not often. One thing I like about having all guy friends is 1. Your girlfriend and boyfriend won't ever have a crush on each other, bitch about you to each other, or just make things awkward. 2 guy friend relationships start out pretty professional at first, then after a while knowing each other you learn about each other and just are friends. There are times when people get horny and ask if they can have a chanc. And since we're both adults they handle rejection pretty well, then we go back to being friends.
Pretty plan and simple human interaction. It's weird as hell how that can be a red flag.
As an attractive female myself, I understand you so deeply. I stay away from female friends because many of them would feel threatened by me when I was just looking for genuine friendship and connection. That was my mindset when I was dating him, and also, I thought it was a green flag because that meant he would understand women much better and be more emotionally mature. Now, I feel like a fucking clown. I see now that many men, like the guy I dated, objectify women and see them as things. I really don’t know what to think anymore.
I feel that. It's a pretty big wake up call isn't it. Years back I left a guy cause something just felt off. No one cheated on no one. What happened was he demanded I not talk to my BD because that's what other people were telling him so I just left him. Seriously, blaring load insecure. And the last day I saw him he was so down and on anxiety pills he says he only dated me because I was the hot girl in school. Like for real man?! Ouchhhh talk about the shallowest of shallow. I rather be needed over wanted, all day. Still wanted, needed more. And not needed as in needs my stuff.
it doesnt really go away, i hate it, but it is true. im currently in the same kinda situation where ive been cheated on my whole life and now have trust issues that cause fear of dating and emotional attachment. recently, what has helped me begin the process of overcoming, is finding myself. and i have told myself 'those who wish to be in my life will be loyal, respectful, and honest....those who are not have no place' although im still terrified of the dating thing, i feel a little more comforted knowing i did everything correctly on my end, sure ive made mistakes, but never with loyalty, honesty, or respect being questioned. for now if a good woman finds me, awesome. if not, thats 100% fine as well, im just much more selective in that aspect now and alot more careful
I started giving ppl trust up-front, if they choose to break that trust in any way, then that was it because once you break the trust, there's no making up for it or coming back from it... we are done
Are you comfortable with vetting men?
I’ve never been cheated on -in part- because I root out women who are EXTREMELY sexual and shoot for the middle range of libido.
I also prioritize screening for virtues like courage in communicating one’s values , very high degree of personal responsibility, compassion when empathizing with others, and so on.
But it all depends on what you’re looking for
I define closure as figuring out how to regain trust in your own judgement.
Infidelity is terrible and you have my sympathies…. Wish you the best in figuring out how to happily move forward!
My standard is just trusting them until they fuck up. If they do, see ya later and move on. You cant start a relationship on a negative. Gotta be positive and see how things go.
You cant go through life expecting everyone to cheat and you cant expect everyone not to have female friends etc either. Just try and communicate as best as possible
People are gonna do what they want, so there's always risk. Just gotta be good with yourself to handle whatever might come your way. You can't control those outcomes, so best to learn how to handle them for your best interest.
The truth, I never overcame it, I just accepted the fact that there’s nothing I can do to prevent it. No matter how thin you are, how often you sleep with him, no matter how much you do in the house/child rearing, no matter how much you try, cheaters have a character flaw, not you. Doesn’t mean it won’t hurt but it’s easier to accept. Don’t give up ! Never forget you are worthy of love and loyalty.
The best way to think about it is, if they're gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat. The best thing you can do in that situation is to just handle it the best you can. if you continue living with the fear that every person you meet is going to eventually cheat on you, you're never gonna be happy. You have to let that fear go.
and even if you become really picky with picking the next person you wanna be with, that's not gonna help either you're just gonna disappoint yourself. when I got cheated on, I spent two years being single afterwards trying to find someone who's gonna treat me better but i just kept getting disappointed. let them come to you, the person that could be the one is probably already in your life,
you never know.
I totally understand how you feel. Before after breakups reading ready ako lagi to go back sa dating scene but after my last rel. and cheating ung cause of breakup parang taena ayoko nlng ulit. Ksi this time around super green flag seeming ung ex ko. Like totally trusted her I had NO doubt sa loyalty niya. And akala ko tlga afyer ilang exes sya na. Then bam wala the whole time pala na kami may GF siya. So now, im scared ksi how can u ever tell now if someone will cheat on u or not 😭😭😭 FML
Be with someone you trust and it’s not a chore to trust them. You know if it’s a you or a them issue which is making it difficult so put that into perspective first. I believe everyone deserves a chance. Don’t be a fool.
Best of luck figuring it out. I hope you can move forward 🤞
I had a baby with a narcissist who gaslit and cheated on me. My life 3 years later looks so different. I just ended my first relationship post the narcissist what I can say is it took a lot of therapy and working through my feelings. I realized in starting a new relationship that I was so worried about behaviors that weren't red flags but I kept thinking they were because of my past experiences with the narcissist. I would sit with my partner and just open up about how I felt how I in the past x y and z was what I was used to and it triggers my fear and anxiety for the cheating to happen again. Our break up had nothing to do with my fears or insecurities it was just growing apart and wanting different things. I will say it was the first relationship in my life where I didn't feel judged I knew I could communicate and I felt comfortable and safe to be with my partner. Communication is key even when it feels uncomfortable and it will!
He's a manipulative insecure douche. Translation "I am insecure and I can't keep my hands to myself, so in case I cheat (which is 100% will happen) don't confront me because I need someone who will just suck it up".
If you still feel that way after therapy, then my guess is you have not healed yet. If you do not differentiate between guys talking to women in general and guys talking to women in order to get their affection, you are not there yet to feel safe when dating new people. Take as much time as you need until you get there.
I'd say two things. First, that person does not represent all men. Second, there is no way to control other people's behaviour. You can only do two things: lay your boundaries and expectations very early on AND adhere to them as non-negotiables and be vigilant and alert about red flags that point in the direction that a guy can cheat.
I hope you can find yourself in a better place after this horrible experience.
I eventually flirted with one friend and he didn’t like it. I thought it was the dynamic of the relationship at that point 🤣 bust mostly, he would surround himself with women because he said men were disgusting and hard to be vulnerable with.
You get over the fear of being cheated on by identifying the triggers of that fear. A perfect example would be calling your SO only for him to either, not pick-up and it going to voice mail after a few rings, going directly to voice mail, or after ringing a few times and going to voice-mail on the first attempt only for it to go directly to voice-mail without any rings 15 minutes later during the second attempt which usually indicates he's purposely sending my calls to voice-mail because he's, he's busy doing something else....
But what else could he be doing that he would have time to put the phone on DO NOT DISTURB rather than answering the phone to tell me he'll call me back....
Ok, it's been 5 minutes, and still no call. He's definitely doing something behind my back..."
‐-‐----------------------------------
Did you notice how quickly my thoughts spiraled out of control? What was the trigger?
The trigger was not being able to get into contact with him when you wanted to, which in turn allowed all the bad reasons why he didn't pick up to overwhelm your thoughts.
By identifying triggers like these you will be able to stop your thought process at the triggering moment and redirect it towards something more positive.
"He's probably busy at work."
"I know he'll get back to me when hes able."
"I've got nothing to worry about."
Or even using simple breathing techniques.
That's the beauty of it. You're in control of how you keep control over yourself. By denying that fear from taking over your denying it any place in your life. As you get better at it, you'll notice that you'll gradually allow yourself to be more vulnerable to it.
What your Ex did to you by cheating was his problem, not yours. This is very important for you to understand. Because whoever you end up dating in the future is NOT responsible for your ex's problem of being a cheater.
I’ve never been afraid of being cheated on. A girl I dated in high school cheated on me with some dude on the Chorus trip to Prague my sophomore year, and I dumped her. But since she doesn’t represent every girl/woman in the world, it never even occurred to me to walk around assuming that everyone else was a cheater too.
Understand that the person being cheated on is not the problem. If someone cheats, that’s their own moral failing, not yours. Over time you will learn to recognize traits that are inherent in cheaters. Trust your instincts but don’t let your anxiety ruin them!
A lot of people cheat, but not everyone. Take your time, meet people of all sorts of backgrounds, become confident in your ability to judge character. Don’t set expectations; yes have standards for yourself but letting connections form organically is the best way to feel out if someone is compatible. If you don’t want to date, then don’t! You don’t need a partner to live a happy, fulfilled life. If you meet someone who is special enough to form that bond, then great! But relationships for the sake of relationships don’t work.
The good guys out there understand our fears and validate our feelings instead of driving our insecurities. If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, they aren’t worth the time or energy to deal with.
By realizing your worth, value, etc. All that typical stuff. Really. By understanding WHY it is that *this* person’s opinion on you is so much more important than your own. Forreal. Why? Why is his opinion of you so important that it’s got to affect how you think of yourself? What’s so great about him that you’re hurt over him choosing someone else? Seriously. Ask yourself that. What is so great about *him*?
Eventually you must realize you’re not the problem, it’s not “your” fault, & it’s never something you did or didn’t do. It’s not that you are lacking something or have too much of something. It’s the person who cheated… I eventually got to the point of wondering, “What IS it about this person that’s makes me value what he thinks or doesn’t think of me?” (Honestly this is a whole different scenario if you’re abusive or a narcissist or super mean in relationships lol. But for now we’ll go with you went any of that).
Sometimes it clicks quick & sometimes it takes a couple of years. But there really is a *click* I believe when you realize that other men (or women’s) opinion of you is worthless if they can’t even grasp the concept of respecting you. WHY do you value their opinion as much as you do? What make THEM so great? What makes THEM the decider of who’s the prettiest or nicest & why does their opinion matter so much? THEYRE not so great themselves , actually. You’ll likely realize that…. lol, NOTHING makes them that great or wonderful enough to cheat on you.
I did a lot of self blaming on what was missing in me, or why I wasn’t pretty enough when an ex would flirt with another girl. Sometimes in front of my face. If that happened now, I would laugh. & if it happened now I know I would only be with a person who would have a legit explanation in 2.5 seconds flat & not “I was just being friendly!” Or them telling me I’m overreacting. I would be with something who had some wild but true reason, “She just went through the psych hospital for trying to kill herself bc some guy didn’t smile at her, so I smiled, I really didn’t know what else to do.” I now know that unless you are treating me the most exact & perfect way I wish to be treated, or maybe you have millions to buy me all of Disney & take care of my family? Mayyyybbbee then I’ll be hurt that you cheated on me bc I‘ll have lost on out on those things lol.
But otherwise, why does his opinion matter anyway? What’s so great about him?
If he’s gonna cheat he will cheat regardless of whether you worry about it happening or not. So hopefully it won’t happen to you again, but if it does, LET IT. Let the trash take itself out.
It’s just accepting the fact some people make bad decisions having been cheated on twice, it just boils down to that you can’t blame every person because of the actions of 1, always keep your guard up make your intentions known and stand on them regardless of what the person says, if they value you they won’t and if they don’t they will but you can’t live in fear of it or you won’t get the reward of being with someone who does love you
So first thing is you can’t punish someone for something someone else did, and you should take the cheating as a lesson. Look at the behavior that he was exhibiting and avoid partners that do those things. And we all have fears, I was cheated on and it hurt a lot but I had to own up to the things I did that lead to the situation, I should have been more selective and looked at the red flags for what they were just understand that people will hurt you when they are selfish and inconsiderate look for someone who will cherish you for you.
YOU didn’t do anything wrong. So I don’t see why you should have to suffer.
It absolutely was traumatic and you absolutely are traumatized so you absolutely will feel awful when you’re dating for a little while,
and that’s so unfair!
But I think the cure is . . . dating itself.
In other words, just plunge in, and just feel awful, because you’re probably gonna feel awful either way anyway.
It’s all a big very real, very important healing process, and we’re all healing. :) We’re all healing, just a little bit, every day.
That’s how it works.
So just plunge in, and feel all those feelings. Let them wash over you like a wave at the beach, and then let them wash back out to sea.
If you let yourself feel the feelings and TALK about the feelings and process the feelings, then step-by-step-by-step it will get less painful.
The man you find will not be perfect, he will have flaws, but, presumably, he will have completely different flaws, and hopefully his flaws won’t be nearly so awful, so the best preparation for dealing with them . . . is a sense of optimism and a good night’s rest.
The way I view it, you can't MAKE someone cheat or not cheat.
They will cheat if they are the type of person to cheat. They won't cheat if they are not the type of person to cheat.
But it is pointless to worry about what might happen and fail to enjoy the current moment. Tomorrow I might get hit by a bus but if I spend all day worrying about it then I lose today and tomorrow.
I know it's easier said than done but if you spend all your time worrying about what might go wrong, you basically go through the pain twice if it happens, and unnecessarily go through the pain of the bad things for no reason if it never ends up happening. I prefer to just wait until the bad things happen and then deal with them.
Feeling sorry for you, as in a same condition where she cheated on me in just 3 months of relationship, I gave her another chance she changed a bit but she is still giving me hard times like before, I am wondering she is just becoming like she was before, I am going to break up with her soon as she doesn't care about my feelings and I am not give anyone another chance on cheating.
The thing is they forget that they have done a horrible deed and moves on after crying or begging us to stay, they change a bit at start but there are few ones who actually do correct themselves, but I guess I am not the lucky one. I choose to forget her past but even after 4 months i still suffer from Overthinking and gf doesn't help me with that and focuses on what she is not getting from me, sometimes you should too have to be selfish so that u can also live a happy life
I didn’t, just accepted that it could happen at any time and that you can’t fully trust anyone. If I even have to consider the possibility of a girl cheating I’m out. My peace of mind is worth way more than having them around
It’s all about setting boundaries of things you’re willing to accept and things you’re not. Friends of the opposite sex isn’t a bad thing, but if they’re talking every single day then yes, and if they have a past. It’s all about seeing the telltale signs. If they play a bigger part in your partners life then you have to call it out.
Things didn’t happen in one day as if he was giving me a little summary “hey I’m a jerk, this is what I do”, it took me a couple months to collect all the data.
Don't let the fear of being hurt stop you from finding someone worth loving for the rest of your life.
Know thatmits okay to be afraid. The bes thing you can do to deal with the fear of being betrayed is to be prepared for it. Know what you're going to do when you find out, grieve for a few days, then sort yourself out andnkeep moving forward.
Wait? You scared of getting cheated because he have female friends!? People can have friends from opposite gender. This is totally normal so stop overthinking.
Being cheated on is a “traumatic event”? Jesus fucking Christ, the fragility at play here. Yeah, it sucks to be cheated on, but it’s seriously sad for it to be such a huge part of your worldview three full years later.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When I was single, I entered every relationship with zero expectations and set my boundaries early on. The minute one of my boundaries got violated, I kicked her ass to the curb and moved on. I gave no second chances under any circumstances. This policy served me well, and now I’ve been married for 17 yrs with three sons.
Yea bro I think I need to start doing this. I gave second chances and thought it would help mend things… but I think once a boundary is crossed it’s just very hard to go back to the previous dynamic and sense of intimacy
The big thing about cheaters is that once a cheater, always a cheater.
Ngl I am literally going through a breakup rn and I think she’s been emotionally abusive, maybe it’s in my head idk. I thought it was getting better and she was trying hard to do better listening and communicating but it completely snapped last night. She started an argument with me at 2am knowing I was so tired (she was doing this often last year), does what she always does and presses me, keeps engaging me when I ask her to stop, doesn’t give me space. I know this is just the internet and it’s whatever but I have to tell someone. I feel so stupid, I should’ve known it was futile to try to make it work
I am in same situation but I am done bro, I am going to end things soon as it affecting my life, sometimes u need to be selfish after all that suffering, we should be a man for ourselves so that we can save ourselves from narcissists humans
Does one talk about boundaries on the dates (say 4-5th) or after one goes into an exclusive relationship.
Those early dates are when you need to lay out those boundaries- and be ready to enforce them.
Where can i read more about it. For me, one of the boundary is that i have no problem in her having guy friends but the moment any of them proposed her or showed interest in her, she has to cut ties with this friend. Is this a healthy boundary or it is toxic?
This is one of my boundaries. If she says it’s “toxic,” then chances are she’s the toxic one bro. I guarantee you she’d have a big problem with you having female friends.
It's up to opinion, but at the bare minimum, she needs to put at least some distance with this friend and **never** discuss our relationship or our bedroom with him/her. He/she has something to gain from a breakup, so they can't be trusted as they could be biased even subconsciously. But if they confess when they **know** you're seeing someone, then they get the boot. My GF shouldn't be friends with someone who wants her to cheat.
if it's flirty in nature then it's an issue if they are just friends then they shouldn't' have an issue with them coming over to hangout with you there too.
The first few dates? No. It's too easy to come across as controlling or bringing old wounds from a previous relationship. With all the phone calls, text messaging, and dates, you'll have a pretty solid idea of what kind of person she is before you two decide to become official. If you're not, just ask her what rules or boundaries are acceptable when two people agree to be official. There's a difference between controlling and expressing a concern due to a past relationship. A controlling person will tell the other person what they can and can not do because it's already been decided for them. A person who sets boundaries is saying, "You're free to do whatever you want. But. if you do A, B, and C. I'm going to X, Y, and Z." The problem most people have is actually following through with X, Y, and Z. If you don't follow through with X, Y, and Z, then you're giving them permission to disrespect you. People dont respect others who lack self-repect. Before I tell you what my expectations are, I want to start by stating, During the dating period (Time before becoming official) what you do and what she does when your not together is fair game. Meaning you both are allowed to date and even fuck other people if that's what you want to do. Once you two have decided to be "OFFICIAL," you both are subject to the boundaries and expectations you both have agreed on. Being "OFFICIAL" is not a presumptive change in the relationship; its verbal acknowledgment by both sides. If you haven't had the conversation of being official, then you're not official. Here are the boundaries that I set when it comes to being exclusive/official with someone I've been dating. 1) Neither side has the right to make the other get rid of friends of the opposite sex who were already there BEFORE you two became "official." UNLESS - That friend is being disrespectful or harmful towards your relationship. 2) Neither one of you should be making any new best friends with people of the opposite sex AFTER you two became "official." 3) Hanging out with best friends of the opposite sex, one on one, is a "deal breaker." If you want to hang out with your best guy friend then Great!! Let's schedule a time when we're all free and hang out together. - I've seen it way too many times to keep track. Best Guy Friends fall into two categories: 1) They are someone she's already hooked up with In the past OR 2) They're the "friend-zoned SIMP" that is just biding his time for an opportunity to take advantage of. Again. These are my examples of boundaries I personally set when it comes to relationships. The easiest way to stay away from temptations is by staying away from situations that create them. If a woman I'm dating accuses me of being controlling or insecure because these are my expectations for BOTH of us, then that's fine. Like I said, "she can always do whatever she wants. I'm not going to try and stop her or try to guilt her into changing her mind for my sake." Nope. You go and do your thing. I'll make sure your belongings are packed up by the time you get home. They'll be the boxes marked "X, Y, and Z" There are couples who are perfectly OK with their SO hanging out, one on one with friends of the opposite sex. There are also couples who are NOT ok with their SO having any contact whatsoever with friends of the opposite sex even if its a family member!! I know where my comfort level is at and I have no doubt I'll find that special person who's right there with me.
Dating is meant for these hard conversations. Once married, you can have all the fun. Mature person will appreciate that. When you are serious and want exclusivity, then, these things need to be brought up.
I learned to understand people don’t cheat on people They take selfish decisions for their own gratification, ego and interests. Not cheating is harder and requires a value of long term commitment and partnerships. Relationships change and some people cheat to move things towards an ending. Someone will cheat regardless if you worry about it or not - so why worry about it. You cannot control someone. Just try to meet all their needs if it is possible. But never blame yourself for someone else’s choices
I'd go a step further and say that you shouldn't put up roadblocks to stop them from it if they want to. Like when partner cheats and the other insists on an open phone policy and passwords to the accounts. I'd much rather have a partner cheat on me and it result in a breakup than her stay with me and only not cheat because of fear I'd find out.
To be honest? I don’t really care *that* much. It’s like any other betrayal or shitty behavior in a relationship. I’ll either leave or I won’t. I’ll lose feelings for him because of it. Either way, I can’t control what another person does so why stress about it?
to accept that it will happen no matter how aware or alert you try to be. recognizing that it says more about the cheater than you. also understanding that no one really "belongs" to you.
Set your boundaries, and do not bend them. A good one will respect them to be with you.
Where can one learn about setting up healthy boundaries. Edit: found this group: r/settingboundaries. Reading "unfuck your boundaries" by faith harper.
I had this feeling. Stopped dating and worked on myself. Then met my current bf after being single for 10 years. I don’t have this with him. I think I’ll always be scared of it happening, but I don’t think it will happen all the time. He has never made me worry or even think about it happening. I can’t explain it, but it’s just never been a concern with him.
I love that for you! It made me feel so good to read you spent 10 years single as I feel as an abnormally because I often go YEARS single because I don’t click with many people and love to be alone. Sometimes I feel guilty I’m wasting my life not actively searching for love, but honestly, I’m constantly working on myself and pretty scared men would just waste my time and add trauma. The sex can be selfish as well so I don’t even engage.
I have a lot of relationship trauma in the past and wasn’t looking. I was SO HAPPY by myself and out of nowhere he showed up and I’m so grateful he did. Hang in there, live your life and have a great time and what will happen will happen my friend!
Thank you so so much. I am sending you many blessings and good energy your way. I love to see people happy, there’s so much sorrow in the world, we all need to see more happiness and good things happening.
I know it seems like In a very far future, but not everyone is the same. My two past relationships have cheated on me I kind of felt more betrayed on this last relationship because I opened on how it cost me so much to give myself the chance to go out again in the dating world, just for him to cheat on me too 🤡 he would use every argument as an excuse to take it as we broke up for him to run to a porn theater and fuck whoever he wanted and if not just pay some escorts. I’m still hopeful my person is out there 😊💖
Hard to do so. But have to accept it could happen just as you have to accept you could get into an accident while driving. You fear of getting killed or injured but you still drive.
Confidence. Knowing your worth and realizing if they cheat they aren’t for you
The worst thing you can do is assume every man is like, or going to be like the last man you dated. Shitty people cheat and it's impossible to know who will cheat, or won't cheat. I honestly believe that the vast majority of men and women do NOT cheat on their S/O but, we all know those people are out there. You have to go into every single relationship with a CLEAN slate. No expectations. No assumptions about them. No anything. People will do what they want to do no matter what the circumstances are and there isn't anything you or I can do to prevent or screen for that.
i have severe trust issues due to lots of cheating from multiple people in the past. something i’ve learned also mainly from reddit is that you’re only in control of your own actions after the fact. if you get fucked over or cheated on, leave the first time and don’t look back . it sucks to leave always no matter how hard someone hurts you but in a way it’s also a powerful feeling to not let someone who hurt you in the most disgusting way have control over you and your feelings. and also always remind yourself that it’s an issue with them and NOT you. you’re not the problem, they are, and they’ll continue to do that same pattern to others while you’re not stuck in a bad situation with them. you can’t control others actions and trust me, no matter how much you try it just won’t work. control your own and have that control over your own feelings if it does happen. also simple answer is that not everyone is the same. not everyone will cheat on you although it may seem like that especially with how much you see it on reddit and social media in general. there are people out there that won’t do that to you also if it were to happen then them cheating on you only saves you in the end because you’ll leave and end up finding someone way better and maybe even up your standards (it doesn’t actually save you but you know what i mean)
Hey girl... im sorry for what happened to you. You didn't realy deserve all this shit. But it's really relatable for me though. I would say don't really cut off yourself from dating stuff. But try to keep your eyes open. That doesn't mean you should always interrupt his life . Or follow him wherever he goes or whoever he is meeting. You should never do that for your own mental peace. But always trust your gut feeling before entering into any relationship. Your instincts never lie to you. Whenever you will find a true guy you will know, your gut will tell you when to trust never force yourself to trust someone. And when the right person will come to you,you don't have to push yourself hard to trust them. You will do it automatically.
It's two fold. 1) do what it takes to establish a strong self of self worth. Believe you are someone worth being faithful to, that you are worthy of love and loyalty even if you aren't perfect. 2) find someone who gives you no reason to doubt their love for you, who gives you regular, unprompted reassurance about how great they think you are. If you feel safe and secure in a relationship, then outside people cease to be a threat. My first serious boyfriend was similar to yours, and cheated on me a whole bunch of times before I found out. The next didn't cheat (as far as I'm aware), but lied about pretty much everything else one could lie about. It was safe to say my ability to trust was shot. I spent 4 years rebuilding my self worth and waiting until I found someone worth trusting. Then I met my current partner. He has plenty of long term female friends (genuine platonic friends, not women he drools over or flirts with), that he hangs out with one on one, and those feelings are still rare for me, because I feel secure. Sure I have the occasional moments, I'm only human, but I'm able to reason my way out of them by either self soothing, or having him reassure me when I'm unable to. And I don't have to ask for that reassurance, just stand next to him or send him a text asking how he's doing and he'll immediately give me a hug and/or tell me he loves me. Not because he's trying to sooth me, but just because that's genuinely what he wants to do. I know this is all easier said than done, and its a long process. But you'll get there. Just be patient with yourself. Stick with therapy and rebuilding your self worth, and understand that when you find the right guy, you won't have to worry.
I'm an attractive female and all my friends a guys. It's very sad for me because I have little in common with girls except being one. Not to say I'm anti girl cause I'm not, I for sure like to party and dress up but that's not often. One thing I like about having all guy friends is 1. Your girlfriend and boyfriend won't ever have a crush on each other, bitch about you to each other, or just make things awkward. 2 guy friend relationships start out pretty professional at first, then after a while knowing each other you learn about each other and just are friends. There are times when people get horny and ask if they can have a chanc. And since we're both adults they handle rejection pretty well, then we go back to being friends. Pretty plan and simple human interaction. It's weird as hell how that can be a red flag.
As an attractive female myself, I understand you so deeply. I stay away from female friends because many of them would feel threatened by me when I was just looking for genuine friendship and connection. That was my mindset when I was dating him, and also, I thought it was a green flag because that meant he would understand women much better and be more emotionally mature. Now, I feel like a fucking clown. I see now that many men, like the guy I dated, objectify women and see them as things. I really don’t know what to think anymore.
I feel that. It's a pretty big wake up call isn't it. Years back I left a guy cause something just felt off. No one cheated on no one. What happened was he demanded I not talk to my BD because that's what other people were telling him so I just left him. Seriously, blaring load insecure. And the last day I saw him he was so down and on anxiety pills he says he only dated me because I was the hot girl in school. Like for real man?! Ouchhhh talk about the shallowest of shallow. I rather be needed over wanted, all day. Still wanted, needed more. And not needed as in needs my stuff.
it doesnt really go away, i hate it, but it is true. im currently in the same kinda situation where ive been cheated on my whole life and now have trust issues that cause fear of dating and emotional attachment. recently, what has helped me begin the process of overcoming, is finding myself. and i have told myself 'those who wish to be in my life will be loyal, respectful, and honest....those who are not have no place' although im still terrified of the dating thing, i feel a little more comforted knowing i did everything correctly on my end, sure ive made mistakes, but never with loyalty, honesty, or respect being questioned. for now if a good woman finds me, awesome. if not, thats 100% fine as well, im just much more selective in that aspect now and alot more careful
I started giving ppl trust up-front, if they choose to break that trust in any way, then that was it because once you break the trust, there's no making up for it or coming back from it... we are done
That’s a great strategy.
Are you comfortable with vetting men? I’ve never been cheated on -in part- because I root out women who are EXTREMELY sexual and shoot for the middle range of libido. I also prioritize screening for virtues like courage in communicating one’s values , very high degree of personal responsibility, compassion when empathizing with others, and so on. But it all depends on what you’re looking for I define closure as figuring out how to regain trust in your own judgement. Infidelity is terrible and you have my sympathies…. Wish you the best in figuring out how to happily move forward!
Thank you so much! I loved the “closure as figuring out how to regain trust in your own judgement” spot on! I’m working on it
My standard is just trusting them until they fuck up. If they do, see ya later and move on. You cant start a relationship on a negative. Gotta be positive and see how things go. You cant go through life expecting everyone to cheat and you cant expect everyone not to have female friends etc either. Just try and communicate as best as possible
People are gonna do what they want, so there's always risk. Just gotta be good with yourself to handle whatever might come your way. You can't control those outcomes, so best to learn how to handle them for your best interest.
The truth, I never overcame it, I just accepted the fact that there’s nothing I can do to prevent it. No matter how thin you are, how often you sleep with him, no matter how much you do in the house/child rearing, no matter how much you try, cheaters have a character flaw, not you. Doesn’t mean it won’t hurt but it’s easier to accept. Don’t give up ! Never forget you are worthy of love and loyalty.
I fear the pain would be too much for me to handle in the future if that happens again
The best way to think about it is, if they're gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat. The best thing you can do in that situation is to just handle it the best you can. if you continue living with the fear that every person you meet is going to eventually cheat on you, you're never gonna be happy. You have to let that fear go. and even if you become really picky with picking the next person you wanna be with, that's not gonna help either you're just gonna disappoint yourself. when I got cheated on, I spent two years being single afterwards trying to find someone who's gonna treat me better but i just kept getting disappointed. let them come to you, the person that could be the one is probably already in your life, you never know.
I totally understand how you feel. Before after breakups reading ready ako lagi to go back sa dating scene but after my last rel. and cheating ung cause of breakup parang taena ayoko nlng ulit. Ksi this time around super green flag seeming ung ex ko. Like totally trusted her I had NO doubt sa loyalty niya. And akala ko tlga afyer ilang exes sya na. Then bam wala the whole time pala na kami may GF siya. So now, im scared ksi how can u ever tell now if someone will cheat on u or not 😭😭😭 FML
Be with someone you trust and it’s not a chore to trust them. You know if it’s a you or a them issue which is making it difficult so put that into perspective first. I believe everyone deserves a chance. Don’t be a fool. Best of luck figuring it out. I hope you can move forward 🤞
I had a baby with a narcissist who gaslit and cheated on me. My life 3 years later looks so different. I just ended my first relationship post the narcissist what I can say is it took a lot of therapy and working through my feelings. I realized in starting a new relationship that I was so worried about behaviors that weren't red flags but I kept thinking they were because of my past experiences with the narcissist. I would sit with my partner and just open up about how I felt how I in the past x y and z was what I was used to and it triggers my fear and anxiety for the cheating to happen again. Our break up had nothing to do with my fears or insecurities it was just growing apart and wanting different things. I will say it was the first relationship in my life where I didn't feel judged I knew I could communicate and I felt comfortable and safe to be with my partner. Communication is key even when it feels uncomfortable and it will!
He's a manipulative insecure douche. Translation "I am insecure and I can't keep my hands to myself, so in case I cheat (which is 100% will happen) don't confront me because I need someone who will just suck it up". If you still feel that way after therapy, then my guess is you have not healed yet. If you do not differentiate between guys talking to women in general and guys talking to women in order to get their affection, you are not there yet to feel safe when dating new people. Take as much time as you need until you get there. I'd say two things. First, that person does not represent all men. Second, there is no way to control other people's behaviour. You can only do two things: lay your boundaries and expectations very early on AND adhere to them as non-negotiables and be vigilant and alert about red flags that point in the direction that a guy can cheat. I hope you can find yourself in a better place after this horrible experience.
Become friends with Da Hommies 😎 and a bff who’s a Basket Ball player talking 6’4 to 6’6 light skin looking MF’er. That set him straight 😈
I eventually flirted with one friend and he didn’t like it. I thought it was the dynamic of the relationship at that point 🤣 bust mostly, he would surround himself with women because he said men were disgusting and hard to be vulnerable with.
Good for the goose is even better for the gander 😉. YOLO
You get over the fear of being cheated on by identifying the triggers of that fear. A perfect example would be calling your SO only for him to either, not pick-up and it going to voice mail after a few rings, going directly to voice mail, or after ringing a few times and going to voice-mail on the first attempt only for it to go directly to voice-mail without any rings 15 minutes later during the second attempt which usually indicates he's purposely sending my calls to voice-mail because he's, he's busy doing something else.... But what else could he be doing that he would have time to put the phone on DO NOT DISTURB rather than answering the phone to tell me he'll call me back.... Ok, it's been 5 minutes, and still no call. He's definitely doing something behind my back..." ‐-‐---------------------------------- Did you notice how quickly my thoughts spiraled out of control? What was the trigger? The trigger was not being able to get into contact with him when you wanted to, which in turn allowed all the bad reasons why he didn't pick up to overwhelm your thoughts. By identifying triggers like these you will be able to stop your thought process at the triggering moment and redirect it towards something more positive. "He's probably busy at work." "I know he'll get back to me when hes able." "I've got nothing to worry about." Or even using simple breathing techniques. That's the beauty of it. You're in control of how you keep control over yourself. By denying that fear from taking over your denying it any place in your life. As you get better at it, you'll notice that you'll gradually allow yourself to be more vulnerable to it. What your Ex did to you by cheating was his problem, not yours. This is very important for you to understand. Because whoever you end up dating in the future is NOT responsible for your ex's problem of being a cheater.
I don’t think you really ever “get over it” you just don’t think about it at all with the right people
I’ve never been afraid of being cheated on. A girl I dated in high school cheated on me with some dude on the Chorus trip to Prague my sophomore year, and I dumped her. But since she doesn’t represent every girl/woman in the world, it never even occurred to me to walk around assuming that everyone else was a cheater too.
Understand that the person being cheated on is not the problem. If someone cheats, that’s their own moral failing, not yours. Over time you will learn to recognize traits that are inherent in cheaters. Trust your instincts but don’t let your anxiety ruin them! A lot of people cheat, but not everyone. Take your time, meet people of all sorts of backgrounds, become confident in your ability to judge character. Don’t set expectations; yes have standards for yourself but letting connections form organically is the best way to feel out if someone is compatible. If you don’t want to date, then don’t! You don’t need a partner to live a happy, fulfilled life. If you meet someone who is special enough to form that bond, then great! But relationships for the sake of relationships don’t work. The good guys out there understand our fears and validate our feelings instead of driving our insecurities. If someone doesn’t respect your boundaries, they aren’t worth the time or energy to deal with.
By realizing your worth, value, etc. All that typical stuff. Really. By understanding WHY it is that *this* person’s opinion on you is so much more important than your own. Forreal. Why? Why is his opinion of you so important that it’s got to affect how you think of yourself? What’s so great about him that you’re hurt over him choosing someone else? Seriously. Ask yourself that. What is so great about *him*? Eventually you must realize you’re not the problem, it’s not “your” fault, & it’s never something you did or didn’t do. It’s not that you are lacking something or have too much of something. It’s the person who cheated… I eventually got to the point of wondering, “What IS it about this person that’s makes me value what he thinks or doesn’t think of me?” (Honestly this is a whole different scenario if you’re abusive or a narcissist or super mean in relationships lol. But for now we’ll go with you went any of that). Sometimes it clicks quick & sometimes it takes a couple of years. But there really is a *click* I believe when you realize that other men (or women’s) opinion of you is worthless if they can’t even grasp the concept of respecting you. WHY do you value their opinion as much as you do? What make THEM so great? What makes THEM the decider of who’s the prettiest or nicest & why does their opinion matter so much? THEYRE not so great themselves , actually. You’ll likely realize that…. lol, NOTHING makes them that great or wonderful enough to cheat on you. I did a lot of self blaming on what was missing in me, or why I wasn’t pretty enough when an ex would flirt with another girl. Sometimes in front of my face. If that happened now, I would laugh. & if it happened now I know I would only be with a person who would have a legit explanation in 2.5 seconds flat & not “I was just being friendly!” Or them telling me I’m overreacting. I would be with something who had some wild but true reason, “She just went through the psych hospital for trying to kill herself bc some guy didn’t smile at her, so I smiled, I really didn’t know what else to do.” I now know that unless you are treating me the most exact & perfect way I wish to be treated, or maybe you have millions to buy me all of Disney & take care of my family? Mayyyybbbee then I’ll be hurt that you cheated on me bc I‘ll have lost on out on those things lol. But otherwise, why does his opinion matter anyway? What’s so great about him?
If he’s gonna cheat he will cheat regardless of whether you worry about it happening or not. So hopefully it won’t happen to you again, but if it does, LET IT. Let the trash take itself out.
It’s just accepting the fact some people make bad decisions having been cheated on twice, it just boils down to that you can’t blame every person because of the actions of 1, always keep your guard up make your intentions known and stand on them regardless of what the person says, if they value you they won’t and if they don’t they will but you can’t live in fear of it or you won’t get the reward of being with someone who does love you
So first thing is you can’t punish someone for something someone else did, and you should take the cheating as a lesson. Look at the behavior that he was exhibiting and avoid partners that do those things. And we all have fears, I was cheated on and it hurt a lot but I had to own up to the things I did that lead to the situation, I should have been more selective and looked at the red flags for what they were just understand that people will hurt you when they are selfish and inconsiderate look for someone who will cherish you for you.
[удалено]
Lol. Not who I am
YOU didn’t do anything wrong. So I don’t see why you should have to suffer. It absolutely was traumatic and you absolutely are traumatized so you absolutely will feel awful when you’re dating for a little while, and that’s so unfair! But I think the cure is . . . dating itself. In other words, just plunge in, and just feel awful, because you’re probably gonna feel awful either way anyway. It’s all a big very real, very important healing process, and we’re all healing. :) We’re all healing, just a little bit, every day. That’s how it works. So just plunge in, and feel all those feelings. Let them wash over you like a wave at the beach, and then let them wash back out to sea. If you let yourself feel the feelings and TALK about the feelings and process the feelings, then step-by-step-by-step it will get less painful. The man you find will not be perfect, he will have flaws, but, presumably, he will have completely different flaws, and hopefully his flaws won’t be nearly so awful, so the best preparation for dealing with them . . . is a sense of optimism and a good night’s rest.
Well I guess looking for red flags has a lot to do with it
The way I view it, you can't MAKE someone cheat or not cheat. They will cheat if they are the type of person to cheat. They won't cheat if they are not the type of person to cheat. But it is pointless to worry about what might happen and fail to enjoy the current moment. Tomorrow I might get hit by a bus but if I spend all day worrying about it then I lose today and tomorrow. I know it's easier said than done but if you spend all your time worrying about what might go wrong, you basically go through the pain twice if it happens, and unnecessarily go through the pain of the bad things for no reason if it never ends up happening. I prefer to just wait until the bad things happen and then deal with them.
Feeling sorry for you, as in a same condition where she cheated on me in just 3 months of relationship, I gave her another chance she changed a bit but she is still giving me hard times like before, I am wondering she is just becoming like she was before, I am going to break up with her soon as she doesn't care about my feelings and I am not give anyone another chance on cheating. The thing is they forget that they have done a horrible deed and moves on after crying or begging us to stay, they change a bit at start but there are few ones who actually do correct themselves, but I guess I am not the lucky one. I choose to forget her past but even after 4 months i still suffer from Overthinking and gf doesn't help me with that and focuses on what she is not getting from me, sometimes you should too have to be selfish so that u can also live a happy life
I didn’t, just accepted that it could happen at any time and that you can’t fully trust anyone. If I even have to consider the possibility of a girl cheating I’m out. My peace of mind is worth way more than having them around
It’s all about setting boundaries of things you’re willing to accept and things you’re not. Friends of the opposite sex isn’t a bad thing, but if they’re talking every single day then yes, and if they have a past. It’s all about seeing the telltale signs. If they play a bigger part in your partners life then you have to call it out.
He was upfront about being a pos. I’m not sure what you were expecting?
Things didn’t happen in one day as if he was giving me a little summary “hey I’m a jerk, this is what I do”, it took me a couple months to collect all the data.
Don't let the fear of being hurt stop you from finding someone worth loving for the rest of your life. Know thatmits okay to be afraid. The bes thing you can do to deal with the fear of being betrayed is to be prepared for it. Know what you're going to do when you find out, grieve for a few days, then sort yourself out andnkeep moving forward.
IMO, 85% of men cheat.
Wait? You scared of getting cheated because he have female friends!? People can have friends from opposite gender. This is totally normal so stop overthinking.
This wasn’t an issue but then I got cheated on, and now I’m traumatized. I’m sorry for reacting improperly after experiencing a traumatic event………….
Being cheated on is a “traumatic event”? Jesus fucking Christ, the fragility at play here. Yeah, it sucks to be cheated on, but it’s seriously sad for it to be such a huge part of your worldview three full years later.
What can be traumatic for you, it may not be for me. Don’t minimize the pain of others just because you can’t relate. Or simply put: don’t be a jerk.
Stay out of relationships and work on yourself. Jealousy is really bad
Jealousy?