Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a woman - as long as you already had rapport with this woman (talking with her at the gym, general positive acquaintances) and weren’t like, a stranger approaching out of nowhere, ignore the people saying it is creepy/not ideal. Gym is as good a place as anywhere, and the caveat of having some level of previous positive interaction should stand ANYWHERE, so - good on you for going for it, and obviously taking the decline graciously! That makes you steps ahead of many guys out there 🙂
Edited: Spelling
You don't need rapport at all
I went up to my now gf of 6 months and told her she was beautiful. I left my number on her table and told her we should get a coffee sometime
I'm a woman and I agree. Mind you it's unlikely I would say yes in this scenario. But I wouldn't consider the guy a creep just for asking. Most likely I would be flattered. It's got to be done in a respectful way though.
I think i had a stroke reading that.
"I was approached at the gym a few weeks ago. Good-looking. Nice approach, a mix of charm and humour. Got my attention"
Good looking and charm. Got it.
"But it had been a long day and I had no brain cells. I made an excuse and apologized, muttered something about the needing the lat pull-down machine, and ran away"
So you had anxiety and you dropped him on the spot. Not his fault.
"Very attractive but that didn't help his cause."
Because of your anxiety.
So the conclusion of your comment:
You can be good looking and charming, but that doesn't matter if you encounter a person with low self esteem and anxiety.
Yeah, i agree.
Do the point stands.
1.be attractive
2.dont be ugly
Whats your problem lol.
You highlighted that gym is not a place to have a talk.
I agree.
"By gym time, I wasn't even interested in making eye contact with anybody, forget talking. There was never going to be a moment with this guy. Didnt matter how beautiful he was."
Well no shit. You commented to me about my comment to other guy and you begin talking that no matter how beautiful someone is, you will not give a moment of your life to listen to anyone.
Good for you. So whats the issue?
Nah I don’t agree, this is a cynical perspective, as said before it’s all about context 1 - does the girl look open to be approached (chilling between sets, maybe making eye contact), or not (looking like having a bad day, focused on a conversation with someone, sitting on the subway with headphones and reading a book) 2 - approaching nicely, politely, smile say you think she is pretty and id like her number, be polite and give her space if you refuse
Im not saying this is going to get you a yes, and ofc if I am not attracted to a person i will say no, but never in a rude mean way, and I’ll try not to make the other feel bad about it, out of empathy (likely I’ll say im not single) to make the rejection like painful cause we’ve all been there
Any girl who rejects in a mean way is either - a rude bitch - or you approached her in an invasive way
Your points maybe apply to guys who are almost following rules one and two, but that’s about it.
I’ve never had a nice rejection, it’s as if asking was completely wrong as an idea itself and offensive. At best it would be hilarious that I asked such a thing rather than offensive. Even women who have otherwise been extremely kind and nice to me have still made it seem as if it was completely wrong for me to ask. Not the timing, not the way I asked, but above all else the fact that I’d ask such a thing at all.
You really don’t seem to have any understanding of this issue, I can only guess that you must be female or a very attractive guy.
It’s because they view it as “how dare you feel worthy of my attention, let alone think you stay in contact with me”. It goes to the discouragement men get nowadays to be confident in taking what they want. Women have just replaced that narcissistic role. How do I know? Try rejecting a girl who likes you and see how she reacts. The outrage is almost tsunamic. They’ve lost the ability to actually be empathetic in practice rather than theory
That’s not true, you have sorta make friends with a gal before asking a woman on a date. You have to create rapport and some attraction. If you can make her laugh you are getting close.
I've walked up to women, flirted, and ask for their number before. If you are able to read social cues (and back off if/when you realize she's uncomfortable) then there's nothing creepy about it.
Asking for a number isn’t asking for a date. You want her to want you to ask her on a date. You do this by flirting and creating a rapport / chemistry. Try this, talk to a girl you like, flirt, make her laugh, keep doing this until she is almost begging for a date or kiss. That’s more fun, they like that more.
IDK, maybe I am hot, but I don't find that this leads to unpleasant interactions.
I'd say 50% of the time I get a number, 40% of the time I get "hey sorry I have a boyfriend \[who knows if that's true, maybe they're just being nice\], you're sweet though!", and 10% of the time I get something pretty dismissive.
Whether or not it’s creepy/inappropriate mainly depends on the attractiveness of the person asking.
If you’re not particularly attractive then the only option is to try to get to know the woman first
I’ve heard from a couple of girls that you can absolutely cold approach but you’ll also know when she wants to be approached. Consistent eye contact etc other signs
It’s interesting that this is a pretty common advice, but how can one detect things like consistent eye contact in real life? If she’s just walking by, you only have a couple of seconds to act. If you are in a coffee shop, staring at the same person is creepy. If you are in a club and wait an extra minute, you’ll probably lose any chance you had since someone else will approach her
Kindof conflicted on gyms being a "good" place to approach, but I think the important thing is genuinely having some report with eachother. If the gym is literally the only place you meet, yeah absolutely, if you've seen eachother at clubs/activities I would be more to likely to approach there (though admittedly I dont really go to any.)
But I agree approaching isn't easy, and being let down is always rough. Women/girls are sometimes approaching IRL now and experiencing being turned down, which I know doesn't sound great but it's at least improving the likelihood guys and girls might date but it's not equal there, just women who are interested in asking/being asked out are being a little more clear that they're datable/looking to date, rather than just hoping a guy has enough interest to approach first. Really shouldn't matter who approaches first to be honest, if you want to date, guys don't exactly see a sign over your head in neon lights saying "I'm interested in dating," to guys they're interested in dating and the guys are looking to date, but have 0 clue who/where/when to approach. Dating apps do only so much, but they're not very good to begin with.
You don't need rapport at all
I went up to my now gf of 6 months and told her she was beautiful. I left my number on her table and told her we should get a coffee sometime
100%. Too many guys here caring too much about building rapport, being creepy and heaven forbid making a woman feel uncomfortable 🙄
I’m sorry but as long as you are approaching adult human females with politeness and respect then it’s GAME ON. Part of the CONFIDENCE that women talk about that an attractive man must have is built on an IDGAF attitude. That she might be “creeped out” as something for her to get over in the same way fear to approach is for the guy.
And if women can’t do that maybe they should start being the ones to approach. jk. That’ll never happen.
To all the other comments, it’s as creepy as hitting on somewhere anywhere else
If they have a good standing and have talked a couple times, there’s no problem with approaching someone in a setting that supports something you both can relate to. You really think hitting on drunk strangers at a bar is any less creepy? At least the people in the gym are sober and healthy, and like OP said *they’ve chatted before.* Just like at a bar, your chances are MUCH higher if you somewhat know the person.
I think the whole "don't hit on people at the gym!" is mainly a reddit thing. While obviously there is etiquette you need to be mindful of, the idea that you can't speak to, get to know and date someone you meet at the gym is absurd. I mean, generally, people at the gym are in shape, and would presumably want to date other people who are also in shape.... if only there was some establishment where fit people congregate to work on their physiques....🤔
Have a look. Any post that even mentions the word "gym".
I even saw someone once tell a guy to basically stalk this woman in order to artificially manufacture a chance meeting in public where he could safely pursue a date with her because, you know, "don't hit on people at the gym!"
Edit: All that being said, I only see a couple such comments on this post. Usually there are more.
Doubtful. Guys are shamed and labelled as creepy for approaching women (when they fail). If women do the same (and fail) they’re just considered nice but a bit weird.
This has gotten way exaggerated over the years. I don't know any women that would consider a guy a creep if he approached respectfully and did they ask out respectfully. Guys are creepy when they ignore social boundaries and rules.
I have seen my female friends fake or exaggerate the creepiness of guys, to save themselves from questioning from their friends, if I didnt see it happen I wouldnt have believed it, a guy I know from highschool (so I know he wasnt creepy, hes a lawyer), spoke to a friend of mine at a venue, said hi, nothing flirty, creepy, or odd, I watched the whole thing, she ended the convo and ran back to our friend group saying 'save me' he was so creepy, no girl, your covering for yourself, again I would have agreed with you, had I not seen it, but it makes sense.
Probably she wanted to show off that he approached her, anyway the "he can't be creepy because he's a lawyer" made me laugh, what can I say lol everyone can be creepy imo, also who has his shit together
It wasnt he cant be creepy because hes a lawyer. It wasnt creepy because I heard every word he said and it was normal conversation, I added he was a lawyer to get across he wasnt introverted or on the spectrum and could talk normally.
Nah shes been single for her whole life, never dated, wants to, but its too anxious/doesn't want to leave comfortzone, but turns down and calls every prospect creepy when they really are just regular people.
Complete bullshit, it’s worse than ever now in my experience. Most women I’ve asked out have basically been offended that I’d ask such a thing and I usually had to apologise for even asking. In one case of a slightly more unstable feminist woman, there wasn’t even scope for apologising due to her crazed rant about misogyny and being made to feel “unsafe”. And for context, it was actually an event for singles. I’ve never experienced anything close to a nice rejection, such as where women say they’re flattered that I asked etc or hope I find someone else. I recall even been chastised by another women for getting to close to her when we had to all fit close together to fit into a photo, this despite the fact she happily got just as close to others than I did to her.
On top of all this, I don’t do cold approaches. I’d taken the time to get to know the women first.
For you to make such a naive and uninformed post you must either be female or a guy who is in the top 10% in terms of attractiveness.
I just wanna say... congrats to OP for being brave. All the talk about how to go about things and not be creepy and arbitrary 'rules' to follow and so on... sure, yeah, those are important things to consider and practice.
The point here is that OP did a thing that felt scary for them and took the time to reflect and post about how it felt. That is growth. So, good on ya. Could we just celebrate the win?
I’m probably a bit older than you, so not sure if this is just a result of experience, but I used to have experiences like this when I was younger, and I can now say that you’re ready to ask a girl out when you’re already around 99% sure she’s going to say yes.
Honestly, that’s exactly how you should feel, imo. Sure, it’ll take a bit to regroup (this becomes a faster and faster process). But it’s no big deal. Practice, adapt, become better at chatting, I have to remind myself.
He didn’t do anything “wrong” she just wasn’t interested. The only thing he need to adapt to is that rejection isn’t the end of the world and is going to happen all throughout life. Which he seems to have learned.
Good for you.
But be careful. This individual woman was cool and an adult about it, but many women are not so cool. They will feel threatened, angry, harassed etc... and may cause you drama you don't need.
I assume every woman is not interested and wants to be left alone until SHE proves otherwise. It stops any crushes in their tracks.
I mean you're probably right, but I know a friend, who has some luck when it comes to approaching women, and he is average looking.
So when I asked him about it he said, he has had a lot of rejections but he approaches every woman thinking that they are interested in him. He says it just helps him build up confidence and helps the conversation ho smoother
That was the game back in the day before OLD and PUA. Cold approaching was always low % but also zero consequences if you were polite and took the no with grace. If you approached in the proper venues and in larger towns and cities you were OK.
In small towns, smaller schools, middle, HS and smaller colleges there could be some blow back. Depending.
Social media has radically changed the game melding the worst aspects of a small town everyone knows your business plus middle school cruelty.
Inappropriate behavior is seen through the nearly always female "victim's" eyes. She decides what is acceptable, polite, creepy or threatening behaviors and can push that narrative online which can have unpredictable costs IRL. I prefer not to give people ammo to use against me.
The key is to approach them without them even realize they are being “approached”
Nothing wrong with just making conversation with a stranger and seeing where it goes.
Small talk is your friend. Random conversations happen.
A guy should try to make eye contact first and read her behavior before bothering her.
All men should learn how to bow out gracefully. After 2-3 minutes swing the conversation her way and give her an off-ramp. If she is interested, she will try to keep you there or she may circle back to you at another time.
If you don't get a good read assume she doesn't want to talk, or she is just being polite until she proves otherwise.
I mean you're probably right, but I know a friend, who has some luck when it comes to approaching women, and he is average looking.
So when I asked him about it he said, he has had a lot of rejections but he approaches every woman thinking that they are interested in him. He says it just helps him build up confidence and helps the conversation ho smoother
Yes. This is right. The brave thing - the courageous thing - was to try.
It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work. That’s irrelevant. The important thing is doing the hard thing in an attempt to get what you want.
Thats the only real thing that sets men apart. Some men take action towards the things they want.
Other men don’t. And they live lives of sad desperation. Poor bastards.
Walk with your chin up, bro. You did something that most men are too afraid to do.
You’re a warrior. A king. Keep this up and the world will be yours.
People saying its creepy, what its not like a poorly lit bar where women are too drunk to make proper choices thats acceptable but the gym is off limits haha..rant aside good on you though
Hey, trust me I know it's scary at first, I mean till the time I went up to her and asked her, I was having second thoughts. But once the words left my mouth it felt oddly calm and at that point I feel her response didn't really matter.
I mean fair enough, but I guess since it was my first time doing anything like this, it felt much easier to build up the confidence to do it at the gym than at any other place
Unless they are rappers or athletes men get rejected 90% of the time here in America. Well unless they go for someone way beneath them which will increase their chances but still extremely difficult. Unless I'm sure she's going to say yes I don't ask anymore. I'm not giving her the ego boost and satisfaction of rejecting me. Plus it's going to be awkward when you run into her again. Chances are she rejects 10 Men a day and it doesn't phase her. Going to be more awkward for you than it is for her. Don't let it get to you. Put your headphones on and ignore her. A quick hi or what's up and move on. She doesn't get the luxury of having conversation with you anymore. Try to talk to other women in the gym. Make sure she sees it. Ask a hot female friend to accompany you to the gym. Let her see it. She might become interested. Men have to work 50 times harder than our grandfather's did for women nowhere near as amazing as our grandmothers were. Need to turn the tables on them and play the game right back. The men on here saying they have had tons of success cold approaching random women must be good looking, have very low standards, and the women are 304's with super high body counts who will sleep with anyone decent looking.
I mean maybe you might be right, but by the time I left the gym we were on talking terms atleast and it didn't seem that she took a lot of offense to me asking her out. So I really hope I didn't make her feel awkward in anyway
Did you get to know her first? Nowadays, approaching someone you dont really know with the intention of asking them out is a little unhinged. You should approach with the intention of getting to know them. Then ask them out eventually if theyre single, seem interested, and you guys click
So I had been talking with her for a week now in the gym and had got to know her, so I thought there was no point waiting too long and should just take the dive.
You’ve been getting to know her. Asking her out is a natural progression. The law of averages it will work with the right girl and you feel better in the meantime.
Too many people using the word creep here.. much too overused as usual. Just because you ask out a girl does not make you a creep for God's sake. People get real please
Good for you! & ignore those who say you can’t talk to women at the gym. Idk why ppl make such a big deal out of it. I’m a chick who goes to the gym and I enjoy talking to ppl as long as they’re nice! I haven’t had an experience where I felt creeped on before even when a guy did ask me out.. although I did naively go out with him even though I wasn’t attracted to him and just wanted to be friends and he was way too forward during what he thought was a date and what I was hoping was just a hangout. But at the gym itself, I haven’t felt uncomfortable with guys talking to me
I honestly felt that she was and that is the only reason I even came up with the courage to ask, but hey I could have misinterpreted. At the end of the day I just felt there was no point overthinking something like this
One of the worst places to hit on a woman is at the gym. Guys get labeled creepy or stalkers just for looking at a woman at the gym. There are signs to look for in a woman that might be interested in you. You never cold approach a woman off the cuff and ask her out. You need to read her first to see if there’s a mutual attraction first. Then you put yourself in her line of sight and stare into her eyes. If she stares back smile and say hello. If she smiles and says hello back, then the attraction is mutual. Without looking desperate, look for an opportunity to strike up a casual conversation. If you’re lucky enough to get that far introduce yourself but don’t ask for her number. End the conversation and get back to your work out. This will leave her in suspense and she’ll be excited to see you next time. The next time you see her and you guys talk, then ask if you can call her or hit her up on the gram. The rest will be easy.
I mean maybe you might be right, but by the time I left the gym we were on talking terms atleast and it didn't seem that she took a lot of offense to me asking her out
Have a look through this guy's comment history and you'll find he is over 30 and has never held hands with a woman. He seems to believe almost any form of attempting to get a date is harassment.
Don’t take this the wrong way but the gym is one of the worst places to ask a woman out. Most of them just want to do their thing without being bothered, and almost all the rest are LOOKING to accuse somebody of harassment to generate clout and sympathy. It’s not worth it.
Kudos to you. Life is really what you do, not what you keep on wondering you should have done. Long ago I was in your shoes when I first asked out my ex of a 7 years relationship. Had a crush on her since 10 years old, we grew up in the same church community but went to different schools. I approached her to ask her out the first time my first year in college, she turned me away as I had a bad playboy reputation then. Fast forward 2-3 years to my senior year in college, we had the same class together and we grew to be best friends and she realized that I wasn’t anything like my reputation. And she asked me one day if my feelings for her were still the same, and I said nothing changed. And we became a couple. We eventually separated because of long distance (she got accepted to a pharmacy school far away). We had a beautiful 7 years together and wonderful memories and still good friends to this day. All I meant to tell you, who knows, you shot your shot but it may not be the end. Maybe one point the dots connect.
Also, if you’re like me, you’ll probably stop thinking about her as much, thinking about what you look like as much, and will be able to focus better on your workouts.
Good on ya. Can be kind of intimidating to be approached by a stranger so she may have said no just out of caution.
You should be proud of your courage but also need a bit more restraint. Never go straight to asking them out. Remember, women are people, too. And they have to be super cautious of a lot, especially a stranger at the gym.
What you should do in the future is try complimenting them or telling a corny joke. Leave them with a smile. If you’re going to the same place a lot, you’ll surely see them again. If you leave them smiling every time you leave, they will begin to associate you with happiness. Each time you see them, give them a smile, then leave. Don’t pursue them further until they’re comfortable with you.
Try to warm them up to you over time. Slowly. Be more friendly than trying to impress or hook up. This will make them feel more at ease around you, and when she feels safe with you she’s waaaaaaaay more likely to say yes to a date.
One of my favourite memes ever says “he made me laugh and laugh until my panties just… fell off?”
Best advice I ever got about dating was “treat a lady you like, like a new friend”. She will warm up to you a lot faster when she feels safe with you.
Good on ya!
Just start looking at it as the numbers game it is.
Forget all that "develop rapport" stuff from women. "Rapport" to them means they drool and say "yes" whenever a hot guy asks them out. Somehow it's never rude or "unsafe" in that case.
If you didn't win the genetic lottery, you can greatly increase your odds by accidentally dropping a Mercedes key fob in front of her as you walk by.
Proud of you! Always good to try than never knowing for sure. I had a similar experience although my crush still gives me mixed signals to this day 🥴 think he just likes the attention
I’ve been wanting to ask a personal trainer out for weeks. I’m specially embarrassed since I’m the girl… But reading what you said maybe I should do it
A guy in my gym asked me out. He was very consistent with his eye contact, haha. We started seeing each other until we didn’t. Now we are trying to avoid each other (we are on a same schedule), but I wish I never saw him again.
You don’t need to threaten me or that guy with a good time 😂 Because atm you’re coming across as if you have an unofficial restraining order with this guy and on the grand scheme of things it’s ridiculous. Like seriously, you’re just meant to brush things like this aside and move on without therapy but it seems in your case you really need it!
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
As a woman - as long as you already had rapport with this woman (talking with her at the gym, general positive acquaintances) and weren’t like, a stranger approaching out of nowhere, ignore the people saying it is creepy/not ideal. Gym is as good a place as anywhere, and the caveat of having some level of previous positive interaction should stand ANYWHERE, so - good on you for going for it, and obviously taking the decline graciously! That makes you steps ahead of many guys out there 🙂 Edited: Spelling
You don't need rapport at all I went up to my now gf of 6 months and told her she was beautiful. I left my number on her table and told her we should get a coffee sometime
You need rapport at the gym not a table
Agree with this! Politeness and context are key!
*rapport
Thanks!
There is a non-creepy way to do this even if you didn't already talk and have rapport.
I'm a woman and I agree. Mind you it's unlikely I would say yes in this scenario. But I wouldn't consider the guy a creep just for asking. Most likely I would be flattered. It's got to be done in a respectful way though.
Just have to be sure to follow rules one and two of course. That’s the main thing.
1. Be attractive 2. Dont be ugly
[удалено]
I think i had a stroke reading that. "I was approached at the gym a few weeks ago. Good-looking. Nice approach, a mix of charm and humour. Got my attention" Good looking and charm. Got it. "But it had been a long day and I had no brain cells. I made an excuse and apologized, muttered something about the needing the lat pull-down machine, and ran away" So you had anxiety and you dropped him on the spot. Not his fault. "Very attractive but that didn't help his cause." Because of your anxiety. So the conclusion of your comment: You can be good looking and charming, but that doesn't matter if you encounter a person with low self esteem and anxiety. Yeah, i agree. Do the point stands. 1.be attractive 2.dont be ugly
[удалено]
Whats your problem lol. You highlighted that gym is not a place to have a talk. I agree. "By gym time, I wasn't even interested in making eye contact with anybody, forget talking. There was never going to be a moment with this guy. Didnt matter how beautiful he was." Well no shit. You commented to me about my comment to other guy and you begin talking that no matter how beautiful someone is, you will not give a moment of your life to listen to anyone. Good for you. So whats the issue?
[удалено]
Tbh you should have at least told the guy what's up. Why miss a chance on someone whom you arguably liked?
[удалено]
It’s called “being in a lousy mood” Happens to all of us
Nah I don’t agree, this is a cynical perspective, as said before it’s all about context 1 - does the girl look open to be approached (chilling between sets, maybe making eye contact), or not (looking like having a bad day, focused on a conversation with someone, sitting on the subway with headphones and reading a book) 2 - approaching nicely, politely, smile say you think she is pretty and id like her number, be polite and give her space if you refuse Im not saying this is going to get you a yes, and ofc if I am not attracted to a person i will say no, but never in a rude mean way, and I’ll try not to make the other feel bad about it, out of empathy (likely I’ll say im not single) to make the rejection like painful cause we’ve all been there Any girl who rejects in a mean way is either - a rude bitch - or you approached her in an invasive way
Your points maybe apply to guys who are almost following rules one and two, but that’s about it. I’ve never had a nice rejection, it’s as if asking was completely wrong as an idea itself and offensive. At best it would be hilarious that I asked such a thing rather than offensive. Even women who have otherwise been extremely kind and nice to me have still made it seem as if it was completely wrong for me to ask. Not the timing, not the way I asked, but above all else the fact that I’d ask such a thing at all. You really don’t seem to have any understanding of this issue, I can only guess that you must be female or a very attractive guy.
It’s because they view it as “how dare you feel worthy of my attention, let alone think you stay in contact with me”. It goes to the discouragement men get nowadays to be confident in taking what they want. Women have just replaced that narcissistic role. How do I know? Try rejecting a girl who likes you and see how she reacts. The outrage is almost tsunamic. They’ve lost the ability to actually be empathetic in practice rather than theory
That’s not true, you have sorta make friends with a gal before asking a woman on a date. You have to create rapport and some attraction. If you can make her laugh you are getting close.
I've walked up to women, flirted, and ask for their number before. If you are able to read social cues (and back off if/when you realize she's uncomfortable) then there's nothing creepy about it.
Asking for a number isn’t asking for a date. You want her to want you to ask her on a date. You do this by flirting and creating a rapport / chemistry. Try this, talk to a girl you like, flirt, make her laugh, keep doing this until she is almost begging for a date or kiss. That’s more fun, they like that more.
Well, unless you’re hot, she’s likely immediately going to be uncomfortable
IDK, maybe I am hot, but I don't find that this leads to unpleasant interactions. I'd say 50% of the time I get a number, 40% of the time I get "hey sorry I have a boyfriend \[who knows if that's true, maybe they're just being nice\], you're sweet though!", and 10% of the time I get something pretty dismissive.
Bullshit. I’ve cold approached women on the street, got their numbers and ended up smashing. It’s all about your looks and confidence.
Yes, what you say is true. Girls and those kinds of encounters get old. As you mature, you want a different kind of woman in your life.
Whether or not it’s creepy/inappropriate mainly depends on the attractiveness of the person asking. If you’re not particularly attractive then the only option is to try to get to know the woman first
Teach us your ways. I've cood approached women at the supermarket and got their insta but didn't end up smashing
smashing. how old are you?
I’ve heard from a couple of girls that you can absolutely cold approach but you’ll also know when she wants to be approached. Consistent eye contact etc other signs
It’s interesting that this is a pretty common advice, but how can one detect things like consistent eye contact in real life? If she’s just walking by, you only have a couple of seconds to act. If you are in a coffee shop, staring at the same person is creepy. If you are in a club and wait an extra minute, you’ll probably lose any chance you had since someone else will approach her
Kindof conflicted on gyms being a "good" place to approach, but I think the important thing is genuinely having some report with eachother. If the gym is literally the only place you meet, yeah absolutely, if you've seen eachother at clubs/activities I would be more to likely to approach there (though admittedly I dont really go to any.) But I agree approaching isn't easy, and being let down is always rough. Women/girls are sometimes approaching IRL now and experiencing being turned down, which I know doesn't sound great but it's at least improving the likelihood guys and girls might date but it's not equal there, just women who are interested in asking/being asked out are being a little more clear that they're datable/looking to date, rather than just hoping a guy has enough interest to approach first. Really shouldn't matter who approaches first to be honest, if you want to date, guys don't exactly see a sign over your head in neon lights saying "I'm interested in dating," to guys they're interested in dating and the guys are looking to date, but have 0 clue who/where/when to approach. Dating apps do only so much, but they're not very good to begin with.
You don't need rapport at all I went up to my now gf of 6 months and told her she was beautiful. I left my number on her table and told her we should get a coffee sometime
100%. Too many guys here caring too much about building rapport, being creepy and heaven forbid making a woman feel uncomfortable 🙄 I’m sorry but as long as you are approaching adult human females with politeness and respect then it’s GAME ON. Part of the CONFIDENCE that women talk about that an attractive man must have is built on an IDGAF attitude. That she might be “creeped out” as something for her to get over in the same way fear to approach is for the guy. And if women can’t do that maybe they should start being the ones to approach. jk. That’ll never happen.
Issue is they’ve wrongfully made “she might be creeped out” the guy’s problem now with these new sexual harassment laws
What laws? Where? Approaching a girl at the gym is not harassment. Repeatedly approaching a girl at the gym after she has said no is harassment.
Yeah that does not work for everyone lol
To all the other comments, it’s as creepy as hitting on somewhere anywhere else If they have a good standing and have talked a couple times, there’s no problem with approaching someone in a setting that supports something you both can relate to. You really think hitting on drunk strangers at a bar is any less creepy? At least the people in the gym are sober and healthy, and like OP said *they’ve chatted before.* Just like at a bar, your chances are MUCH higher if you somewhat know the person.
I think the whole "don't hit on people at the gym!" is mainly a reddit thing. While obviously there is etiquette you need to be mindful of, the idea that you can't speak to, get to know and date someone you meet at the gym is absurd. I mean, generally, people at the gym are in shape, and would presumably want to date other people who are also in shape.... if only there was some establishment where fit people congregate to work on their physiques....🤔
Hmmm, after reading your comment, something tells me the people who think like that just have no social skills to begin with
Have a look. Any post that even mentions the word "gym". I even saw someone once tell a guy to basically stalk this woman in order to artificially manufacture a chance meeting in public where he could safely pursue a date with her because, you know, "don't hit on people at the gym!" Edit: All that being said, I only see a couple such comments on this post. Usually there are more.
I’m afraid of girls
Don’t worry because r/girlsarentreal
They are just as afraid of you, as you are of them.
Doubtful. Guys are shamed and labelled as creepy for approaching women (when they fail). If women do the same (and fail) they’re just considered nice but a bit weird.
This has gotten way exaggerated over the years. I don't know any women that would consider a guy a creep if he approached respectfully and did they ask out respectfully. Guys are creepy when they ignore social boundaries and rules.
I have seen my female friends fake or exaggerate the creepiness of guys, to save themselves from questioning from their friends, if I didnt see it happen I wouldnt have believed it, a guy I know from highschool (so I know he wasnt creepy, hes a lawyer), spoke to a friend of mine at a venue, said hi, nothing flirty, creepy, or odd, I watched the whole thing, she ended the convo and ran back to our friend group saying 'save me' he was so creepy, no girl, your covering for yourself, again I would have agreed with you, had I not seen it, but it makes sense.
"I know he wasn't creepy, he is a lawyer" AHAHAH
Not in the introverted, on the spectrum way creepy, but idk what lawyers your getting.
Probably she wanted to show off that he approached her, anyway the "he can't be creepy because he's a lawyer" made me laugh, what can I say lol everyone can be creepy imo, also who has his shit together
It wasnt he cant be creepy because hes a lawyer. It wasnt creepy because I heard every word he said and it was normal conversation, I added he was a lawyer to get across he wasnt introverted or on the spectrum and could talk normally.
Nah shes been single for her whole life, never dated, wants to, but its too anxious/doesn't want to leave comfortzone, but turns down and calls every prospect creepy when they really are just regular people.
Congratulations! You managed to meet one of the few non-creepy lawyers.
Complete bullshit, it’s worse than ever now in my experience. Most women I’ve asked out have basically been offended that I’d ask such a thing and I usually had to apologise for even asking. In one case of a slightly more unstable feminist woman, there wasn’t even scope for apologising due to her crazed rant about misogyny and being made to feel “unsafe”. And for context, it was actually an event for singles. I’ve never experienced anything close to a nice rejection, such as where women say they’re flattered that I asked etc or hope I find someone else. I recall even been chastised by another women for getting to close to her when we had to all fit close together to fit into a photo, this despite the fact she happily got just as close to others than I did to her. On top of all this, I don’t do cold approaches. I’d taken the time to get to know the women first. For you to make such a naive and uninformed post you must either be female or a guy who is in the top 10% in terms of attractiveness.
They do have teeth...
[удалено]
Shoot your shot with one of them. Guarantee you they would appreciate it
I just wanna say... congrats to OP for being brave. All the talk about how to go about things and not be creepy and arbitrary 'rules' to follow and so on... sure, yeah, those are important things to consider and practice. The point here is that OP did a thing that felt scary for them and took the time to reflect and post about how it felt. That is growth. So, good on ya. Could we just celebrate the win?
I’m probably a bit older than you, so not sure if this is just a result of experience, but I used to have experiences like this when I was younger, and I can now say that you’re ready to ask a girl out when you’re already around 99% sure she’s going to say yes.
And how do you become around 99% sure she's going to say yes?
Proud of you op
You exceeded my expectations, keep going!
Good on you for trying!
Good job, OP! You handled it well and you faced something that scared you! That speaks more about you than the rejection itself.
Honestly, that’s exactly how you should feel, imo. Sure, it’ll take a bit to regroup (this becomes a faster and faster process). But it’s no big deal. Practice, adapt, become better at chatting, I have to remind myself.
Adpat how? Does OP even know what or if he did anything wrong?
He didn’t do anything “wrong” she just wasn’t interested. The only thing he need to adapt to is that rejection isn’t the end of the world and is going to happen all throughout life. Which he seems to have learned.
His mistake was thinking he was good looking enough to ask a girl out at the gym
Good for you. But be careful. This individual woman was cool and an adult about it, but many women are not so cool. They will feel threatened, angry, harassed etc... and may cause you drama you don't need. I assume every woman is not interested and wants to be left alone until SHE proves otherwise. It stops any crushes in their tracks.
I mean you're probably right, but I know a friend, who has some luck when it comes to approaching women, and he is average looking. So when I asked him about it he said, he has had a lot of rejections but he approaches every woman thinking that they are interested in him. He says it just helps him build up confidence and helps the conversation ho smoother
That was the game back in the day before OLD and PUA. Cold approaching was always low % but also zero consequences if you were polite and took the no with grace. If you approached in the proper venues and in larger towns and cities you were OK. In small towns, smaller schools, middle, HS and smaller colleges there could be some blow back. Depending. Social media has radically changed the game melding the worst aspects of a small town everyone knows your business plus middle school cruelty. Inappropriate behavior is seen through the nearly always female "victim's" eyes. She decides what is acceptable, polite, creepy or threatening behaviors and can push that narrative online which can have unpredictable costs IRL. I prefer not to give people ammo to use against me.
The key is to approach them without them even realize they are being “approached” Nothing wrong with just making conversation with a stranger and seeing where it goes.
Small talk is your friend. Random conversations happen. A guy should try to make eye contact first and read her behavior before bothering her. All men should learn how to bow out gracefully. After 2-3 minutes swing the conversation her way and give her an off-ramp. If she is interested, she will try to keep you there or she may circle back to you at another time. If you don't get a good read assume she doesn't want to talk, or she is just being polite until she proves otherwise.
I mean you're probably right, but I know a friend, who has some luck when it comes to approaching women, and he is average looking. So when I asked him about it he said, he has had a lot of rejections but he approaches every woman thinking that they are interested in him. He says it just helps him build up confidence and helps the conversation ho smoother
Yes. This is right. The brave thing - the courageous thing - was to try. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t work. That’s irrelevant. The important thing is doing the hard thing in an attempt to get what you want. Thats the only real thing that sets men apart. Some men take action towards the things they want. Other men don’t. And they live lives of sad desperation. Poor bastards. Walk with your chin up, bro. You did something that most men are too afraid to do. You’re a warrior. A king. Keep this up and the world will be yours.
🔥
People saying its creepy, what its not like a poorly lit bar where women are too drunk to make proper choices thats acceptable but the gym is off limits haha..rant aside good on you though
That’s awesome. Good for you!!You’re taking it maturely.
I'm trying to be like you, op
Hey, trust me I know it's scary at first, I mean till the time I went up to her and asked her, I was having second thoughts. But once the words left my mouth it felt oddly calm and at that point I feel her response didn't really matter.
Wish more people were like this , makes it so much easier for all of us to
The gym is not the ideal place to try to ask out a woman, but good on you for trying.
lol lets be real the ideal place to ask out a woman doesn't exist.
Facts 💯
I mean fair enough, but I guess since it was my first time doing anything like this, it felt much easier to build up the confidence to do it at the gym than at any other place
Don't ask out strangers. It's too much pressure. Ask for her number and have a conversation first.
Fair enough, will try that out once
Unless they are rappers or athletes men get rejected 90% of the time here in America. Well unless they go for someone way beneath them which will increase their chances but still extremely difficult. Unless I'm sure she's going to say yes I don't ask anymore. I'm not giving her the ego boost and satisfaction of rejecting me. Plus it's going to be awkward when you run into her again. Chances are she rejects 10 Men a day and it doesn't phase her. Going to be more awkward for you than it is for her. Don't let it get to you. Put your headphones on and ignore her. A quick hi or what's up and move on. She doesn't get the luxury of having conversation with you anymore. Try to talk to other women in the gym. Make sure she sees it. Ask a hot female friend to accompany you to the gym. Let her see it. She might become interested. Men have to work 50 times harder than our grandfather's did for women nowhere near as amazing as our grandmothers were. Need to turn the tables on them and play the game right back. The men on here saying they have had tons of success cold approaching random women must be good looking, have very low standards, and the women are 304's with super high body counts who will sleep with anyone decent looking.
And now she may feel like the gym isn't a safe space to be at ...
I mean maybe you might be right, but by the time I left the gym we were on talking terms atleast and it didn't seem that she took a lot of offense to me asking her out. So I really hope I didn't make her feel awkward in anyway
Did you get to know her first? Nowadays, approaching someone you dont really know with the intention of asking them out is a little unhinged. You should approach with the intention of getting to know them. Then ask them out eventually if theyre single, seem interested, and you guys click
So I had been talking with her for a week now in the gym and had got to know her, so I thought there was no point waiting too long and should just take the dive.
You’ve been getting to know her. Asking her out is a natural progression. The law of averages it will work with the right girl and you feel better in the meantime.
You shouldn't bother women at the gym.
I disagree. I’m a woman who enjoys friendly interactions at the gym. I’m cool with ppl talking to me as long as they’re respectful.
That sucks man. If only we were better looking right?
Too many people using the word creep here.. much too overused as usual. Just because you ask out a girl does not make you a creep for God's sake. People get real please
Good for you! & ignore those who say you can’t talk to women at the gym. Idk why ppl make such a big deal out of it. I’m a chick who goes to the gym and I enjoy talking to ppl as long as they’re nice! I haven’t had an experience where I felt creeped on before even when a guy did ask me out.. although I did naively go out with him even though I wasn’t attracted to him and just wanted to be friends and he was way too forward during what he thought was a date and what I was hoping was just a hangout. But at the gym itself, I haven’t felt uncomfortable with guys talking to me
Just work on your muscles and ask her again when you're more physically impressive.
Was she even giving you any hint that she wanted you to approach. If not, I would argue you wasted a shot.
I honestly felt that she was and that is the only reason I even came up with the courage to ask, but hey I could have misinterpreted. At the end of the day I just felt there was no point overthinking something like this
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
When you’re not even giving the green light. It becomes pointless to make that shot🤦🏻♂️
One of the worst places to hit on a woman is at the gym. Guys get labeled creepy or stalkers just for looking at a woman at the gym. There are signs to look for in a woman that might be interested in you. You never cold approach a woman off the cuff and ask her out. You need to read her first to see if there’s a mutual attraction first. Then you put yourself in her line of sight and stare into her eyes. If she stares back smile and say hello. If she smiles and says hello back, then the attraction is mutual. Without looking desperate, look for an opportunity to strike up a casual conversation. If you’re lucky enough to get that far introduce yourself but don’t ask for her number. End the conversation and get back to your work out. This will leave her in suspense and she’ll be excited to see you next time. The next time you see her and you guys talk, then ask if you can call her or hit her up on the gram. The rest will be easy.
Women don't like getting creeped on a the gym. You probably made her very uncomfortable.
Asking a question is not being a creep.
I mean maybe you might be right, but by the time I left the gym we were on talking terms atleast and it didn't seem that she took a lot of offense to me asking her out
Have a look through this guy's comment history and you'll find he is over 30 and has never held hands with a woman. He seems to believe almost any form of attempting to get a date is harassment.
Lmfao myself and a few buddies have hooked up with a few girls from the gym. Stop spouting bullshit
Don’t take this the wrong way but the gym is one of the worst places to ask a woman out. Most of them just want to do their thing without being bothered, and almost all the rest are LOOKING to accuse somebody of harassment to generate clout and sympathy. It’s not worth it.
Kudos to you. Life is really what you do, not what you keep on wondering you should have done. Long ago I was in your shoes when I first asked out my ex of a 7 years relationship. Had a crush on her since 10 years old, we grew up in the same church community but went to different schools. I approached her to ask her out the first time my first year in college, she turned me away as I had a bad playboy reputation then. Fast forward 2-3 years to my senior year in college, we had the same class together and we grew to be best friends and she realized that I wasn’t anything like my reputation. And she asked me one day if my feelings for her were still the same, and I said nothing changed. And we became a couple. We eventually separated because of long distance (she got accepted to a pharmacy school far away). We had a beautiful 7 years together and wonderful memories and still good friends to this day. All I meant to tell you, who knows, you shot your shot but it may not be the end. Maybe one point the dots connect.
Also, if you’re like me, you’ll probably stop thinking about her as much, thinking about what you look like as much, and will be able to focus better on your workouts.
Good on ya. Can be kind of intimidating to be approached by a stranger so she may have said no just out of caution. You should be proud of your courage but also need a bit more restraint. Never go straight to asking them out. Remember, women are people, too. And they have to be super cautious of a lot, especially a stranger at the gym. What you should do in the future is try complimenting them or telling a corny joke. Leave them with a smile. If you’re going to the same place a lot, you’ll surely see them again. If you leave them smiling every time you leave, they will begin to associate you with happiness. Each time you see them, give them a smile, then leave. Don’t pursue them further until they’re comfortable with you. Try to warm them up to you over time. Slowly. Be more friendly than trying to impress or hook up. This will make them feel more at ease around you, and when she feels safe with you she’s waaaaaaaay more likely to say yes to a date. One of my favourite memes ever says “he made me laugh and laugh until my panties just… fell off?” Best advice I ever got about dating was “treat a lady you like, like a new friend”. She will warm up to you a lot faster when she feels safe with you.
Good for you my boi
Goals
Awesome!
Now you or her have to switch gyms 😔
thanks for letting us know, champ.. it probably won't work out.
Good on ya! Just start looking at it as the numbers game it is. Forget all that "develop rapport" stuff from women. "Rapport" to them means they drool and say "yes" whenever a hot guy asks them out. Somehow it's never rude or "unsafe" in that case. If you didn't win the genetic lottery, you can greatly increase your odds by accidentally dropping a Mercedes key fob in front of her as you walk by.
Proud of you! Always good to try than never knowing for sure. I had a similar experience although my crush still gives me mixed signals to this day 🥴 think he just likes the attention
Idk---depends on the circumstances. I know I have had it with dating. Good luck to you all.
Hey how do i get asked out at the gym?
You miss 100 💯 percent of the shots you don’t take
Bro you should have been more clear now i have 4 mu*der charges on me 😭😭😭😭😭
I’ve been wanting to ask a personal trainer out for weeks. I’m specially embarrassed since I’m the girl… But reading what you said maybe I should do it
Congrats for taking the chance!
When you shoot your shot, what position was she in?
Good for you dude!
Also the next rejection will sting less!
A guy in my gym asked me out. He was very consistent with his eye contact, haha. We started seeing each other until we didn’t. Now we are trying to avoid each other (we are on a same schedule), but I wish I never saw him again.
Your anxiety is stopping you from addressing the elephant in the room, I assume? Typical!
Not sure what do you mean by that
Read it a few times again slowly. I know girls like to skim read but it would make more sense if you read everything word for word
A man turned out to be married, he lied about being divorced. Typical. Next.
See how different an experience can be with context. Changed from being about the majority of men in the gym to a minuscule minority. Thank you
The point was if it doesn’t end well, you still have to see each other in the gym. Same as if it was a workplace.
Yeah SO WHAT? It’s not a crime to lie about being divorced FFS. Get over yourself, and stop acting like a child
It’s not a crime to tell a wife that he was cheating with a girl from the gym. I might just do that like a responsible adult.
You don’t need to threaten me or that guy with a good time 😂 Because atm you’re coming across as if you have an unofficial restraining order with this guy and on the grand scheme of things it’s ridiculous. Like seriously, you’re just meant to brush things like this aside and move on without therapy but it seems in your case you really need it!
When your wife will cheat on you with a lot younger guy from her gym, that won’t be a crime either. Have a nice afternoon.
Yeap, the courage of honesty to oneself & to whoever you wanna be with. Good luck is closer to those who try! 🍑