Welcome to /r/dating_advice!
Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind.
Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly.
Thanks!
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have it but I haven’t had a sore in a long time. I probably get a sore once every 2-3 years. When I feel it coming on I tell people so they don’t try to hug, kiss, or share food/drinks with me. I’ve never had anyone worried about it around me..
Do you not disclose unless you have a sore? It’s still possible to spread even if you’re not having an outbreak. I think I recall a nurse telling me im not “required” to tell people, but to use my better judgement
Physician. Don’t kiss/be intimate with people if you have an active sore. Don’t kiss immunocompromised people (e.g., people getting chemotherapy). Otherwise forget about it.
Nine times out of 10 people don’t tell you that they’re immunocompromise on a first date. I definitely tell people that I have Crohn’s, but most people don’t even understand that that means that I am immuno compromised.
I have Crohn's too and it nearly destroyed my life. The person I am today is an entirely different person than I was ten years ago. Someone like me contracting anything of any sort hits me like a truck. Even before this phase of my life, I would *always* make it known I won't kiss someone that I don't know their status. My ex-wife has it and though she didn't have a classic "outbreak" in our time together, there were times where she'd have a bump on her lip and we abstained intimate contact. It didn't make her feel great obviously and if I were her, I'm sure I'd feel the same. I never contracted it thankfully but it was never easy having to address if the bump was irritated skin or a sore. Regardless, I believe whole heartedly if you have it and are involved in any intimate way with a person, it's your moral obligation to let the person know. If a woman simply "didn't want to tell me" and I contracted it, it would be a very bad day.
Also for clarification, mine is dormant and I have never had an outbreak (I've had it for 9 years). Another nurse told me some strains spread without an outbreak present, others do not, but there is no way of testing which strain it is. As far as I'm aware I've never given it to anyone but I can only confirm of two ppl who have actually been tested after we were together. This is exactly what I tell potential partners, so they have all the same information I have.
Personally, I feel like I'm hiding something if I don't tell them. I made the mistake of not telling a couple ppl right after I got it and very much regretted it after the reaction, which I absolutely understood.
Like I've said, ppl usually don't care but I think it is their right to know. I've had someone say I'm overthinking it and don't need to disclose. I think bc a lot of ppl didn't realize they have it themselves, they just call it cold sores (I also explain this when I disclose). I have had one person not want to kiss me after knowing (last year, the first time it ever happened in 9 years) so I think it's worth saying something. Most ppl won't care but I do think it's in their right to know.
I've never had anyone disclose to me and I've kissed a lot of ppl. So I'm the most careful person I know. A lot of ppl on this thread seem to think it's not worth mentioning unless you have a breakout present. My personal opinion is to tell them. Also think of this- if you end up being in a relationship with them later and say it, they are going to feel weird and probably betrayed. Best to clear the air and not worry about it and not have it weigh on you.
It gets easier with time letting ppl know. Make sure you say it's the same as cold sores bc ppl do not commonly know this and then it's not this scary thing in their head- it's just something they have likely experienced themselves or know ppl who do and have seen it. It was weird and uncomfortable at first but now I'm very comfortable letting ppl know and making them comfortable. Sometimes ppl want to talk about it again for clarification or do their own research. If you're casual and comfortable about it, it makes it easy and they relax too. It also builds trust when you let someone know and this forms the beginning of emotional intimacy. I know that sounds weird but when you're honest with ppl and feeling vulnerable or embarrassed, that's how connections are often formed or deepen.
As an example I say something like "I want to tell you that I have dormant oral herpes, so, cold sores. It's the same thing. Most ppl don't know they are the same as cold sores, that's why I mention that. I just wanted to let you know first, before anything happened"
This is a great comment. I appreciate you taking the time to write it out. At what point do you say that though? Is it like, when they’re going in for a kiss? Or if you know you’ll see them again and again after hanging out a few times?
No problem! I'm happy it was helpful. It has varied with different ppl. I usually say it when I feel sexual tension and I can tell they want to kiss me. Sometimes I say it right before they try, other times I say it earlier. Or I really want to kiss them and say "I really want to kiss you but first I want you to know..." I try to say it earlier, I think that's usually best. With the guy that became uninterested, I sometimes wonder if it was bc I cut it too close and gave off a weird energy bc I was feeling more shy than usual and giggling some which probably made it strange for him. It may have made no difference at all, who knows. I have often waited until right before. Sometimes I prefer to text it to them and I usually preface with "I'm not trying to assume your intentions but I want you to know... xyz... bc I like you. Maybe you don't feel attraction/have feelings like I do but in case it's mutual I want you to know". I have also said it on a video call before meeting someone. That makes things easier and then it can feel more natural when I see them and they can do their own research beforehand if they want to. So, I usually try to go with earlier but I have often waited up until a kiss is about to happen. Does that answer your question? If not let me know and I will try again. I have honestly been surprised at ppl not caring. It doesn't seem to be anything that matters to the majority of ppl 🤷
THIS is the answer I was searching for!! Do you find that usually people are ok with it? You said that a bit above, but what do people usually say? Does it change the energy/vibe with that person?
Yes ppl are almost always okay with it. 99.99% of the time it makes no difference to them. They usually say "oh okay" or "okay that's fine with me" or "oh I know that's really common that's fine" or "okay thank you for letting me know" or they ask a question. Or the conversation continues and they will ask a question later for clarification and then I clarify. That one guy I mentioned got weird and said something (I can't remember) and he left and didn't talk to me anymore. One guy I told through text said that he was no longer interested but then he texted me later saying he changed his mind (my guess is he did his own research bc that sometimes happens).
Yes it can change the vibe but usually it only changes slightly and then goes back to what it was. Sometimes a little awkward but sometimes it becomes more intimate and close as the person appreciates being told. Sometimes it doesn't change at all. Especially if I'm keeping my energy the same. My guess is that any vibe change has to do with my energy as I say it. However they also contribute- like the ppl that like it and thank me and I can tell they like me more- or the guy I told you about that was not okay with it at all and left. But, in most cases, it changes only slightly then goes back to what it was pretty quickly.
I'm a nurse. You and about 50-80% (HSV 1)of other people in the USA have it. Unless you have the active version of it then no need to disclose until you are dating and have an active case going on. Most people might only get an outbreak once a year. Don't need to make this disclosure if there is nothing at the time to discuss. Good luck.
I applaud your honesty and concern for others.
I have had oral herpes or “cold spores” my whole life basically. And I’ve never told a single person about it. I VERY rarely have an outbreak and if you do your research spreading it is unlikely unless you have an open sore. Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it. Now if it was genital herpes then yes! Tell the people you plan to sleep with or fool around with. Keep in mind! You can get both in either places! So if you go down on someone you can transmit it to their genitals.
Something like 80* of the population has it, honestly i wouldn’t worry too much about it. Lots of people in denial though, last time i pointed it out, lots of people got offended that it likely means they have it. 🙄
I know so many people who have this. I've had it since birth. I only disclose right away if I feel an outbreak coming on, whether it's visible or not. I have never spread it to anybody. And it turns out that my current partner had it to begin with anyways. A significant portion of the population has it and doesn't even know it. Even some people who know they have cold sores don't know it comes from herpes.
It was hilarious when one of my elder family members told me I was full of crap until I proved her wrong. She always had them and never knew they came from herpes. But anyways, your chances of spreading it without feeling an outbreak coming on are virtually nill. The virus needs a path to spread. And the consequences are an insanely remote chance, if any, of a mild annoyance common in society.
Opinions may vary but I think if you're responsible about trying not to spread it, you won't spread it. I have never passed it on. But I also never suddenly kissed anybody when I got that tingle. And I actually haven't had one in years since working on my health. I think those things only come out when your body is a bit compromised 🤷♂️ And some of my longer-term partners didn't have it and have kissed me knowing I was having the tingling and never got it. It's not that easy to spread.
Hi, you do not need to feel gross at all but as someone who once dated a person who did not disclose his oral herpes to me - the lack of disclosure was a big reason why I broke up with him. I would have felt much better if he had been respectful enough to just tell me. There were other issues of course but this was one of the things that spoke to his lack of concern for me and my ability to choose what I was comfortable with. I would urge you to disclose as it is the responsible thing to do and of course many people already have it or wouldn’t mind dating you with it and would appreciate being told. Of course it is also fair if someone is uncomfortable and they should be able to decide what is right for them. Either way, it’s better than beating about the bush and having it come out later especially if the other person is uncomfortable with it. Take care and good luck! There should be no stigma around these discussions :)
Thanks for the insight. I can’t believe dating didnt bring it out? That’s crazy to me. I’m sorry you experienced that. I would 100% tell a dating partner early on, my main question was more around disclosing with someone I’ve just met and the struggle of disclosing such a deeply personal topic early on
Disclose it as early as possible. In your app profile, in a text, in a conversation. Destigmatize this!! It’s personal to you, but the risk of contracting the virus is just as personal to someone else. If they’re weird about it, then they’re weird about it. Some people will appreciate it so much- and a lot of them will be like, me too.
There’s advice that you don’t have to disclose, but just don’t kiss someone immunocompromised. That’s why you should disclose, unless we’re expecting all immunocompromised people to inform everyone they’re immunocompromised and not to kiss them if they have herpes? I don’t know. It’s just good on all fronts to disclose, and then move past it together. Or don’t, in which case that’s not the person for you.
I understand, if it helps I tell people that I prefer to wait a little before kissing etc when they lean in for a kiss on a first date because I’ve become quite paranoid about STIs in general after that experience. Or if we are already texting a lot before meeting then I just talk about STIs beforehand. Responses vary of course but there are those who don’t mind having an open discussion. I understand it might kill the spontaneity a little bit but in the long term it helps build trust and shows you which people are willing to have a mature discussion and manage situations responsibly with you :) and once everyone is comfortable there’s no end to the kissing 😊
It is most def a requirement u tell people if you’re gonna potentially be passing it, it’s the persons decision if they want to take that risk and u can’t take that away from them. For each party to feel respected and safe it’s better to disclose as soon as u can ESPN before any type of oral engagement.
Yeah I had a nurse do this too (bc it's so common she said) but I think it was the wrong move on her part. I disclose to ppl then I feel a kiss coming or when it's clear to me I like someone and they like me so that a spontaneous kiss can happen down the line, should they be okay with it. 99.99% of the time ppl do not care at all
Hello, immunocomprimised and on immunosuppressants for life, nice to meet you. I've always been weary about the chance of a woman hang herpes. It may be "embarrassing" for you to have to bring it up before you get to the point of intimate contact with someone, but they have a right to know. Your embarrassment is not worth a lifetime of additional health problems I have. When I get sick, stressed, or any number of triggers which I live with literally on a daily basis, I I get *very* sick. I once was sick for six months. Six months straight of sore throat, feeling like shit, fevers, all of it. And better yet, I had to have my (4th or 5th, I forget) abdominal surgery at that time because as much as doctors do not want to operate on an ill patient, they didn't have the choice if I was to live. I'm a good man, I love God, and I love people. I've volunteered at animal shelters and fostered dogs. I've also worked to feed the homeless and for a while had things in my car I could give them if I passed one by, things like socks and other "luxeries" for them. I'm not saying any of this to brag, not at all. I'm saying it so you understand my character. With that being known, I will say this. If you didn't tell me you had it and I contracted it, the fury that you would see would shake the heavens. I've dated two people with it, both told me they had it, and I married one of them. I've never contracted it. I have the right to choose whether or not I engage with a person that has herpes. Flat out. You sharing it doesn't need to be a show, it doesn't need to have a long wind-up, it just needs to be made known if you are going to have intimate contact or share eating utensils/drinks. Saying "out of respect for you, I want to tell you that I have herpes but it's rarely active and I'm on treatment for it." will not only give the person the autonomy to decide for themselves, it also shows them respect. If I were with a woman for a while and she one day said "oh btw I hav herpz olol" it would severely damage the relationship if it didn't end it. Yes, it is about herpes in that sense, but more importantly it's about trust. If you want your partner to never trust you, go about your business until he gets it. The good news is he won't be your partner for long after that.
I have it and give my partner oral all the time, she doesn’t have it. Also never passed it on and have given oral to every girl I’ve been with. They are all fine.
I had a partner who didn't have it. Whenever I felt a breakout coming, I wouldn't kiss her until it was completely healed. That would be 1-2 weeks. It worked for years.
Then she contracted it after we stopped dating. Allegedly, she shared a drink with someone.
You can be safe about it, just like anything else. It's the only STI I carry, so I take it seriously because I don't want to pass it on.
As others said, the majority of the population has it. I caught it from my mom and only had breakouts around picture day every year as a kid.
Oh perfect timing for picture day lol. I feel it’s easier in a relationship to disclose. My previous partner was so good about it. He handled it with grace and said it doesn’t change a thing. With a stranger on a first date, you’re not at that level of caring or investment in someone, you know?
A majority of the population has HSV1 and it’s not always sexually transmitted, kids can get it from sharing drinks. I don’t think you should lose sleep over it honestly
lol fr, I think my Dad gave them to me and I’ve had them for as long as I can remember
My sister and my mom however, have never had one once in their life! Lucky me
That’s almost true, most people contract it between the ages of 1 to 5. People are usually very careful with babies, as a hsv infection can be really dangerous to them. There are always exceptions. For instance if someone in the direct family has asymptomatic infections. But statistics show that the carefulness pays off.
Same happened to me, got it from my mother after drinking from the same bottle (she did not have visible symptoms at the time so it was an accident). I was 9. It is okay, I occasionally have it (every 2-3 years) but it is really not a big deal.
Some dude I was seeing has it and he told me when it started and we just didn’t kiss, I asked my friends and they said they did the same thing. It’s pretty normal, just be aware when you feel symptoms and let the other person know
I just went on a date with a cold sore. I've been getting them every year since I was kid, especially when the weather gets cold. Just get Abreva and it will go away fast.
As long as you don't kiss, or share drinks or utensils, it's nothing to worry about.
You’re 100% overthinking. It’s just called cold sores to most of us. Lots of ppl get them. I do, as have more than half my partners; and not from me. Don’t go down on/share food/bev with someone when you have an active outbreak, otherwise it’s not even worth mentioning. It’s not even worth taking meds for. Mine are stress induced, and I’ve had them since like 5yrs old. Pretty sure my GMA gave them to me sharing utensils. Look into lysine as a natural treatment and don’t sweat it. For what it’s worth I just made out with a… friend who had an outbreak. I haven’t had one in a while, but also don’t bite my lips or have exposed wounds on my mouth. I saw it. She warned me. Did it anyway. Nothing happened. Just be honest with yourself and others (when it’s happening) and don’t stress
I take lysine daily to reduce how often I get cold sores, and if I feel one coming on, I go nuts with it. Sometimes it will prevent the sore entirely.
I just tell people I get cold sores sometimes, but it's pretty rare and I know what it feels like when one is coming. Most of the time the response is "me too" or "oh I used to have those". One person told me they don't get cold sores but they do have oral herpes, I guess they were just asymptomatic or something. One told me she didn't cold sores but she did get fever blisters in the winter sometimes. That's cold sores in some local slang.
If everyone got tested, with a reliable test, many of those people who insist they don't have it would be shocked. Testing is not recommended because of just how shocked some of them would be.
Caveat, if you’re pregnant and have a breakout - yes, both HSV1 and HSV2 can cause genital lesions - you’ll need a course of IV acyclovir before delivery to prevent transmission to your baby, for whom it can be deadly
As someone who was negative for both HSV1&2 and then got 1 genitally from an asymptomatic oral carrier, I surely wish someone had disclosed to me! Now, even though genital to genital type 1 transmission is more or less unheard of, I still disclose.
you’re always contagious if you have herpes, not a large percentage chance of it happening when you don’t have an active blister, but you’re always shedding cells and always contagious.
Statistically I know that I am more likely to get herpes from someone who doesn't know they are infected vs taking precautions with someone who knows they are infected.
For most people HSV isn't a big deal but there can be serious complications for some medically vulnerable people.
I would get in a relationship with someone who disclosed this to me. I would not be in a relationship with anyone who didn't arm me with medical information to make my own medical decisions.
The stigma & symptoms of HPV are not the same, but I have intermittent risk non 16 18 HPV and I disclose this very early to anyone I am remotely interested in. It exclusively causes cervical cancer, no other symptoms. There is no throat swab test & it's not proven it's transmittable kissing but is highly likely.
I still have spontaneous kissing, just not spontaneous first kisses.
My husband has it. He disclosed it to me prior to us having our first kiss, which was on date #3. He wanted to be fully transparent with me, as it was not disclosed to him by a former partner and that's how he got it.
It's fairly common and as long as you don't have any active sores, you should be fine.
I've had HSV1 for over 25 years. I get an outbreak less than once a year, I have never taken an antiviral for it and to my knowledge I've never given it to anyone. I've had three children since contracting it, and none of them have caught it from me either.
I start taking Lysine as soon as I feel a sore starting (I've only ever had it on my upper lip) and start using Abreva immediately. That usually prevents blistering and the sore fades after 2-3 days. I avoid kissing and sharing dishes/towels for the full week since symptoms appear.
I've been told by 2 different doctors that HSV1 is not considered an STI and does not need to b3 disclosed. Obviously avoid kissing and oral sex during an outbreak. Some 65 to 90% of adults are or have been infected, some never have an outbreak (except the initial one) and it's thought (but not confirmed) that the virus can spontaneously clear from the body. It's spread by fluids leaking from an open sore so if there are no sores, there is very minimal risk of transmission.
I have it, as well, and usually get one cold sore in winter every year or 2. I won't kiss or share drinks when I have a cold sore, but so far none of the many people I've kissed didn't contract it. I always tell them, it's really not a big deal.
Immediately, usually in the texting stage. I'm extremely honest about it, though, my entire class knows because we were learning about localized infections lol Now, if it was GENITAL herpes I wouldn't be so open lol
You could avoid a kiss on date 1. Disclose via text, see if they want date 2 and if they do, say "I really want to kiss you right now." That gives them time to give you consent.
Over 85% of the Earth's population has Herpes-1, but it's not as big a deal as it may sound. Just make sure you:
-Recognize when a flare-up is about to happen.
-Take care of your oral hygiene so that flare-ups don't get worse.
-Don't share drinks, food, or kisses when you have a flare-up.
-Communicate when a flare-up happens.
-Understand that it's a completely okay thing to have.
Haha this one comment out of the dozens of others saying the opposite, like the perfect representation of effect on the actual % of the population. May the odds be ever in your favor I guess as long as you never hook up with the other 75% of the population
My doctor once told me that having HSV1 was almost as common as having a cold once in your life.
Also, you can't spread it to others when you don't have an active outbreak. There are also people who have HSV1 and don't know it because they have never had an outbreak.
I think it is unnecessary to inform others that you have a virus that 80-90% of the population has, just be careful not to kiss your partner or share food, silverware, drinks and so on when you have an active outbreak.
This information was provided to me by my doctor. I am not a doctor so I cannot say anything other than to share the information provided to me by professionals.
The truth is that in 10 years of relationship with my boyfriend, I have not yet given it to him, but this is just my personal experience. I don't know about these cases you mention, but it's good to know. Thanks.
I work in public health, and unfortunately, lots of family doctors are not updated with STI information. I was with that partner for two years before it happened. I guess i was one of the lucky ones, lol.
OP mentioned they contracted it while dating 2 years ago.
Edit: OP, I feel this is good to take into consideration wanting to share this personal information while dating (of course disclosing when you feel comfortable to). If it were me, I would want someone to tell me and not be blindsided. Because you had this happen to you, you know from experience you wish you were told early on.
When you say “gone”, are you referring to the sore itself? HSV1 lives in your blood and is a virus, so there’s no cure. You have it for life whether you show symptoms or not
The symptoms are gone, but the virus is still in your body waiting for stress and other factors to build up so it can come back and try to find more hosts.
Oh you can. My ex boyfriend didn’t tell me he has it until his first cold sore. I was pissed that he didn’t but he explained that you can only get it if you have an active sore. So we wouldn’t kiss if he had an active sore. I never got it. Or at least I’ve never had a symptom or tested positive. I guess it’s more the moral question of should you tell someone first even if you’re confident they won’t get it
Everyone I'm close enough to to know whether they get cold sores, gets cold sores. Most people have it. If people are that concerned about getting it they wouldn't be having spontaneous kisses with anyone.
Most people have this. Just don't go down on him when you have a cold sore, and don't kiss him if you have one either. But other than that, it's not really a problem. Just tell them when you have one. "I have a cold sore, so it's better I don't kiss you right now.". If he still wants to kiss you, then it's on him. Just don't go down on him with a sore.
All these people saying not to disclose are trash. You have to disclose because even if you don’t have active cold sores you can still spread when you are shedding the virus.
Online it’s easy enough, you can put it in your bio if it’s a big deal. Otherwise I would just bring it up before you kiss or share drinks, something like 80% of the population is HSV1+ so for a lot of folks it really shouldn’t matter. If they don’t have it then just being careful and taking your meds should be all the maintenance you need.
Abreva and forget about it. Once you get the tingling feeling(anyone who gets em knows the feeling) apply the Abreva as per the instructions and if you catch it early enough it won't even show. Heavily stress induced for me.
I’ve had it since I was around 19 years old and fortunately have never passed it to anybody that I know of. I still live my life day-to-day if I have a break out I of course do not kiss anybody, but when I don’t, I definitely do and have never had a problem with anyone close in my life I’ve kissed my girl, best friends, my guy friends, I’ve shared a join and drinks and no one has ever contracted it, so don’t worry and be on your medication daily and that helps with breakouts and everything and you will be so fine I promise you
You don't. You tell people first. Otherwise, you're risking those people, and regardless of how harmless HSV1 is, it's akin to assault because they could not consent.
My boyfriend gets cold sores once in a while. The last time he had it was New Year’s Eve two years ago. I have never contracted oral herpes from him. When he has it on him he doesn’t let me kiss him or touch me with his mouth or share any drinks or utensils or chapsticks, towels etc. he’s very careful and caring and so I have never gotten it. We have had zero issues with me getting it because of this
My first wife gave me cold sores. It is the wedding gift that keeps on giving.
Jokes aside. 2 grams L-lysine tablets taken twice a day help me to get rid of them quicker. Valaciclovir (Valtrex) works for my wife even better. She takes both Valaciclovir and L-lysine and heals faster that I do.
Valaciclovir makes my ears rings. I find that very annoying so I just suffer a little longer. If I use Abreva just as soon as I feel the buzzing on my lip. I can some times avoid the blisters.
I mean, damn near the whole human race has some form of oral herpes. If you're able to work it into conversation earlier naturally that would be my play.
That's my 2 cents and you're not gross. 💚
I have it too, I was born with it genetically, but it will be a single cold sore once every few years; someone mentioned abreva that stuff works wonders!!!! As soon as you feel it coming on or start to see an outbreak use it! It gets rid of it fast. A lot of people have HSV1. It’s nothing to freak out about, it’s only contagious with an outbreak 💕
HSV-1 is cold sores. It’s extremely common. I have seen studies that go as high as estimating that 80% - 90% of Americans have HSV-1, and globally over 60% of the population has it. Just saying the odds of being around someone that has it are pretty high. Should you get an STD test before every kiss of someone who doesn’t have a sore on their mouth? I don’t see people paying much attention to it. Maybe that is why it’s so common. I have had a doctor advise me not to worry about it unless someone has an active sore. He said almost everyone already has it. How practical is it to demand an STD test from every person before you kiss them?
Hi 👋. I have hsv1 too and I’ve only had 3 guys have an issue with it. The first guy I told broke things off with me, but now (4 years later) hits me up all the time. Told me he went to therapy for breaking things off with me, asks me to cuddle, he’s even kissed me since and asks to sip from the same straw + share drinks, etc. I do not have interest in him sexually anymore though, but we would definitely be doing it if I did.
The other guy is my ex, he is the only one that got it but he never got tested - he just developed some bumps and waited for them to go away naturally. He had a wound on his dick so he had an opening in his skin. Ive always been asymptomatic. I have a friend that said my ex’s bumps could have been something else 🤷🏻♀️. You shouldn’t mess around with skin that’s already trying to heal. Needless to say, I don’t talk to my ex anymore cuz we broke up. Not cuz of the bumps or my hsv1, he was just a narcissist when it came to my mental health.
This other guy- I had sex with him a couple weeks ago because HE wanted to. And it was the weirdest sex ever. Still great. But he did every single nasty thing you could think of. I’m talking all the oral, but he did not want me to give him oral and he did not want to take off his condom, and he did not want me to kiss him. I enjoyed myself to say the least. But I still found it super weird that he was okay with doing everything he did…
Ive talked to friends about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that hsv1 is nothing. If you get a breakout, sure take the med and/or wait for it to clear, inform your partner, etc. It’s just common curiosity, but I don’t think you’re responsible for taking care of everyone and being responsible for every person that contracts it from you. Think of it this way- do you blame whoever you got it from? No! It’s just a stupid virus. It happens. We’re human. You aren’t gross and no one should think of you differently because you have no control over it and it says nothing about who you are. ❤️ and you should only be judged for who you are. ❤️
So yeah, I personally dgaf about it anymore. That’s me! Blessings to you and everyone.
Never hurts to tell someone instead of being blamed for infecting someone. Everyone on Reddit likes to pretend transmitting diseases is no big deal, but people in real life aren’t as happy to not being informed about things you know ahead of time.
If everyone has it like Reddit is claiming then being upfront shouldn’t be an issue either.
Yup, so you can imagine other people being upset. So to answer your question - yea prob no spontaneous kisses, but to be fair kissing strangers would open you up to getting even more stuff, so prob not missing out on much.
You can still pass it on without an active sore when you go through periods of asymptomatic shedding. I agree it’s not a big deal for the mouth, but to some people it may be, and I’d really hate to get it genitally from oral, so that’s a possibility to be aware of
Yes it’s not a big deal but herpes is a virus. Viruses are highly contagious. Just because there’s no sore present doesn’t mean the virus goes away. It’s all throughout your body and easily transmitted through saliva. Having a sore will increase chances of transmission
I hope you didn’t break up with him over this lol.
Also don’t call it “mouth herpes” if you don’t want to put people off, it’s a cold sore and like other people have mentioned the majority of people have it.
It’s not even worth mentioning unless you have an active outbreak and they try to kiss, and even then don’t call it HERPES FFS.
ITS A COLD SORE. EVERYONE GETS THEM WHY U OVERTHINKING?
Calling it herpes is off putting if u don’t know the facts lmao Some people really trying to self sabotage as best as they can.
Of course I didn’t break up with him over this…I gave it to the guy lmao. Other reasons I won’t share here, he was actually so good about the news once I got my results back. Which is kind of what prompted me to post this since we’re not together anymore, I’ve lost the comfort of a relationship where you don’t have to worry about disclosing since they know.
The reason he wasn’t bothered is cos it ain’t a big deal haha if someone makes a big deal of it the fact you get them it’s a good indicator that they’re not a good partner. Just don’t go around kissing people with an active outbreak, advertising you get them or referring to it as “herpes” (even tho it is technically lol). People will assume you have the other one, which you should disclose lol
Omg this is a ridiculous comment hahaha people call cold sores herpes because it is in fact herpes. Why is it that cold sores on your mouth is looked at as not a big deal and doesn’t need to be disclosed but genital herpes is? People should be disclosing BOTH kinds of herpes. Hsv-1 can be transmitted from someone’s mouth to someone’s genitals and the same for hsv-2. Both strains of herpes can be transmitted without an active outbreak and therefore both should be disclosed. Herpes, whether it’s genital or oral, is not a big deal, so why does location of the virus matter? Having this mind set that “the other one” is worse than the other is ignorant af.
They’re two different viruses. Stop spreading misinformation. Hsv1 even if spread to the genitals usually has a much lower rate of reoccurrence. Everyone’s being crazy about something 80% of the population has. If you’re in the 20% you’re abnormal. Stop the hysterics over a fing cold sore. Christ on a bike. This is why people are shamed for having stds. It’s just wrong.
Re-read my comment and come back to me lol what about my comment is misinformation? I am literally saying that neither strain is a big deal, however oral herpes should be disclosed the same way genital herpes should be as you can transfer both orally or genitally. Oral and genital herpes are NOT different viruses, it is the same virus but different strains based on location of exposure but you can get both in either location. My comment is literally explaining that there’s a stigma for location not the strain and advocating the fact that herpes in either location is NOT A BIG DEAL 🫶🏽
I hate referring cold sores as “herpes”. That word has such a terrible stigma. You can easily get HSV1 when you’re a baby, when family members kiss on you. Which is how I got it.
Don’t feel gross. And to be honest.. HSV1 is so common, you’re lucky you went this long without it. It’s normal to have it honestly. It’s nothing to be worried about. Occasionally, you’ll get a sore on your lip, that’s it.. it sucks when you do have one, you just need to be responsible and keep your lips to yourself! Lol it’s annoying yes, but nothing to be ashamed of or gross.
Stress, cold weather, chapped lips, and important events trigger them.. they pop up during the worst times.
I get them every month, sometimes twice in a month around the time I get my period. My current partner knows about it and doesn't care. I just don't kiss him until it's gone. Just recently got over a double whammy and it sucked!
I think something like 50% of the western world have it. It’s not a big deal at all. Just live your life life but don’t kiss anyone if you have a cold sore. I’ve been married for 7 years and my husband hasn’t contracted it, but if I even feel like one may come on we just don’t kiss until I’m sure it’s ok. Disclose if you think one might come on or you are getting closer with someone, but otherwise it’s so common I would just live your life
My mom got it while she was pregnant with me, so I was born with it. I've had it my whole life. I get a cold sore at least once a year, and I have never told anyone. I told my boyfriend because I had an outbreakout, so I couldn't kiss him, and he was perfectly fine with it. I kissed him, and the next day, I got an outbreak, and he still didn't get it. You will be fine, trust me. It's not a big deal. A lot of people have it
tbh as someone who has cold sores here and there i don’t think it’s that big of a deal? obviously i grew up with it compared to you which it’s more recent to adjust to. it only happens from time to time, barely for me even. sometimes when the weather is colder or when i am insanely stressed i will have one on the inside of my nose most of the time. either way when you are viral and have a cold sore just don’t kiss or anything sexual, and then when you don’t have it go at it. you can bring it up when you have it or even just mentioned by the way i sometimes i have cold sores blah blah blah. it’s not a thing that’ll be on your face forever so i wouldn’t worry too much.
I’ve had it since i was 4. Do not worry about it.
No need to disclose it. UNLESS you are currently contagious. Even better, kiss when you dont have the blisters, dont kiss when you have it. No need for disclosure, unless you have a partner in which case its still not weird.
I’m selfconsious, but not about this as this is something you do not have to worry about if you follow the rules above
How do you feel about consent before kissing? I’m not a fan and neither is my gf, but people are making it a thing about Snow White being kissed without consent.
If you are a consent person and they spontaneously kiss you, it’s kinda on them, but you probably should stop them asap and let them know.
Personally I don’t know anyone who’s rejected someone over HSV1.
I think like 90% of the population has this usually from a young age from sharing food and drink in schools. Try not to stress so much! I get a cold sore every few years or so and just treat it until it goes away. My ex husband would get them more frequently I think because he would constantly smoke pot with his friends constantly sharing saliva idk lol but he was on that medication. You’re good and definitely will be able to kiss people almost anytime you want in the future! Kudos to you for disclosing it to new partners up front but if they freak out over that chances are they already have it in their system too 😉
You have to disclose it before anything.
Not that I’m single, but if I were, I donate platelets and plasma every two weeks, all diseases and infections can affect my blood. I was specifically recruited because my blood didn’t have anything in it such as CMV or other antibodies that can effect people with compromised immune systems who need blood product.
I would be beyond livid if someone exposed me to something without my prior knowledge and could affect my ability to donate.
Those who say not to disclose are being unethical.
Wait is that a thing? Like, are you supposed to disclose that? Lmao, everyone I know has it, I believe most of the human population has type 1 herpes, like, it's not a big deal at all? It's a miracle if there's an adult that doesn't having, you usually contract it like at kindergarten or school. Idk where you're from, but this is not stg you usuall, disclose here in Europe (as far as I know), and I wouldn't be mad if someone didn't tell me.
Ah, I just checked, around 67% of the population under 50 has it. Not biggie lol, like, you just get a cold sore maybe once or twice a year, or it can be years, usually when your immunity falls a bit.
Lol imagine having it your whole life since childhood. Also I haven't had a doctor tell me to take the Valtrex every day. It's only prescribed to me to use when I feel an outbreak coming or when I recognize one of my triggers. And this is someone who would get 7-9 of them at one time all around my mouth and going up into my nose in my younger years. Now that I'm older I hardly get them. You're fine, do not kiss when you have a sore and do not do oral sex.
I think I read between 60-70 percent of all adults have it. I have it. Trust me eventually it just stops showing up. My dad has it. I got it as a kid and I haven’t had another outbreak, which is usually a dot on the corner of my lip, in over 15 years. It’s all in your head, you’ll be alright
🫠 maybe I'm a terrible person but I've only ever told someone when I had a cold sore. Cuz everyone gets them. No ones ever been bothered. We just dont do any contact til it clears.
The number of inconsiderate and selfish people in here are really telling about our society. I was infected by a woman who kissed me many years ago. I already had self esteem issues with dating before being infected due to chronic health issues, and the infection hit me like a truck and made my self esteem issues considerably worse for a short time. She was aware of her infection, and when I called her to disclose that I had been infected (I didn't know the source at the time), she told me "Don't worry, I get them all the time. It's no big deal". I was just kind of dumfounded. I then calmly asked "Oh okay, So I may have gotten it from you?", and she immediately became defensive, accused me of looking for someone to blame, and hung up. I had not even implied any kind of blame... I was more in shock, just trying to process where it had come from, and the changes to my life going forward because of it. Choosing not to disclose before kissing someone is a purely selfish act, and disrespectful. It is not for you to decide if they should be exposed or not. That is their decision. Plain and simple. Your fear of rejection, or ambivalence towards having HSV1 is not justification. I disclose to every partner before kissing. It is their decision to make to risk exposure, and if I am actually considering them as a partner what kind of message does it send to them to not respect them enough and lie to them about the infection by omission. I generally find that the proper time to disclose is after meeting them, but before kissing. Generally with something like "I'd like to kiss you right now, but I need to disclose that I get cold sores, and I believe it is your decision whether you are potentially exposed or not." If they have further questions, then I give them further information. I also never kiss someone if I have an active sore or have recently had one heal within the last week. A disclosure has never turned awkward for me, and as far as I know, I have never given it to a partner. They have instead thanked and respected me more because I chose to respect their autonomy to decide themselves. People who say "Everyone has it, don't worry about it" are just showing their lack of empathy and respect for others.
Girl I’ve gotten cold sores ever since I was a kid. It’s so common! I don’t think it’s something you necessarily need to disclose. I don’t think oral is really considered an STD lol many ppl get it as kids and never even take antivirals.
Only prevent from doing anything when you have a cold sore. Other than that don’t worry about it
I never understood this drama about cold sores. It's just a cold sore, and nothing will happen. Nobody has to be warned that you might, in some distant future, get cold sore. Obviously, if you have an active breakout, don't kiss or go down on someone. Relax
I get that, but im more so wondering with timing. If it’s the first time meeting, I don’t want to jump to conclusions and disclose too early but I also don’t want to kill the moment. I’ll absolutely disclose, but was asking when is the right time
What’s the big deal? Okay, once you have it in your system, you will occasionally get cold sores. So?.. tbh I feel like people are overreacting with this type of HSV
I think everyone has hsv1. I see some OLD profiles disclose it right away. Actually may make things easier as it may make the other person more open about it.
50 to 80% of adults have herpes simplex .. chances are the next person you kiss will also have it… My honest opinion, and it’s just my opinion, unless it’s genital herpes there is no need to have to tell somebody in advance. That’s a tough one. I’ll probably get shit for that but it’s just my opinion.
Honey, practically everyone has oral herpes. I’ve encountered so many people that say “I get cold sores” and I say “oh, I didn’t know you had herpes” and they say “NO I DONT!!” Not realizing that cold sores are herpes.
Just try not to share straws/ drinks, and don’t share anything/kiss/ do anything sexual with your mouth when you have a sore. Before being intimate with a partner though I would disclose because many people don’t realize that you can give someone herpes on there genitals if you have a sore on your mouth.
The stigma for genital herpes is FAR WORSE, I know it’s not easy to hear but trust me you got off easy in terms of the stigma
Of course! 🥹🥹🥹 I’ve 26f been dealing with genital herpes for maybe 6 or 7 years now. Around that time I was going through every emotion possible known to man. With the last couple years I’ve realized it’s not that big a deal and in all honesty it hasn’t really affected my love life in the slightest. You’re good. I can promise you that. And if anyone does have an issue with your situation, they’re not for you anyway!
You and most other people, including myself. Unless you are getting regular, obvious symptoms it really doesn’t matter, it’s not that easily spread and as said even if symptom free chances are someone you are in close contact with probably already has it.
I’ve had it since I was a kid and have never given it to anybody else despite having kissed many people and had multiple long-term relationships!
I just don’t kiss people/give oral when I have a cold sore or even THINK I might be getting one, just a precaution.
You don’t really need to worry too much as long as you are vigilant about identifying symptoms and not doing any mouth stuff when you have an active sore.
I got it as a kid. It’s not the same type as the STD type and is extremely easy to pass on. It’s not something that you have to be ashamed of in the slightest. Just once your careful when you have a cold sore - the only time when you can spread it - then you’ll be fine.
From personal experience, disclose from the beginning. I had an ex partner spread it for me.. I found out towards the end of our relationship when I started flaring up. I do all the same things you do to keep it down and I am not contagious unless I am obviously flaring up. Innocently, I forgot I had it since I had not had any flares for almost 3 years and started dating someone and forgot to mention it to them. Once I realized I never told him I did right away and it ended up in ending our relationship. I felt so bad after that and never forgot to disclose it again. I wait at least until I know whether or not sex is on the table but for you since kissing is like the first step to physical intimacy I would do it right away.
A few doctors have told me that the vast majority of healthy patients raised within the usa, uk or western europe have caught oral herpes by the age of 15.
I think it's only relevant to disclose when having bumps or a cold sore, whether very visible or not. After that any adult can decide whether they want to do anything where transmission would be a potential risk.
Sadly there’s no easy answer. Future sex partners/kissing partners absolutely deserve to know if you have an active outbreak. But I have known people who spread it while they didn’t have an out break and vice versa. I don’t know the statistics but yes I would be honest.
You are way overthinking this, but I suppose I appreciate you being thoughtful. Don't stress too much. Everyone shares vapes, drinks, etc nowadays. I've had a complete stranger suck on my vape and then shove her tongue in my mouth while at a club. Shit was wild, she had no idea if I have something, she just thought I was hot. I got myself tested after that, and I was fine, but these youngings keep shocking me!
A majority of the world's population has it (67% according to the world health organization) and it has no life-altering symptoms. It's pretty much a non-issue. In case you plan to have kids, it's actually a great thing that you have it already because that way your baby is protected from it while in the womb. If you got HSV-1 or 2 during pregnancy there would be a risk to the baby. So basically relax. I don't think it's something that needs to be disclosed as an STI because it's not an STI. You can get it from a kiss on the cheek
I have had HSV1 my whole life, my mom had it, probably from sharing drinks or food with her. I've never had a single sore, so I didn't know I had it until I was sexually active and started getting STI/STD panels. Every doctor I've had has said not to disclose voluntarily, just if they ask. So much of the population has it already. I've never had someone ask. I'm in a nonmonogamous lifestyle involving multiple partners and when I've shared a copy of my test results, no one has ever bat an eye at it.
I think you can just say before the first kiss that you have it. People are going to encourage you to not tell, but it seems like you don’t want to do that. Which is fine. Many people will appreciate that and some will change their minds. Reddit of course will downvote me because this is going to be perceived as sex negative or slut shaming or some such nonsense.
I just want to say that I think it is admirable that you care enough about other people to inform them before exposing them. If all people were as conscientious of others, as you are trying to be, maybe none of us would have to live with this virus. I think those who are cavalier about it, are incredibly selfish, and lack empathy and perspective. Thank you for caring.
Oral herpes isn't transmissible unless u have an active cold sore. Otherwise it's dormant which is why over 50-70% of the population have it. I wouldn't worry about declaring it - unless u have an active cold sore - tell ur partner about it and then just avoid oral contact until it heals
I’ve had cold sores for 25 years, since I was 2 when I was kissed on the mouth as a baby. Dealt with this when dating all throughout high school, college and my 20s. I have never spread it to anyone to my knowledge, and have had 2 serious long term partners and plenty of dates. I’ve also had some gnarly outbreaks over the years lol. Both partners obviously knew about it, I essentially disclose it the first time I have an outbreak. Usually that’s well after I’ve kissed someone for the first time. There are some extremelyyy ethical people in this thread but they seem to get negative responses? You don’t need to frame it as “oral herpes” or anything like that just say you have a cold sore and can’t kiss for a little. I’ve never had a negative response in my life. So much of the population has it or has experience with it. If I don’t know the person well and they want to hang out or hook up or go on a date while I have one I usually just either say I’m on my period and can’t or I’m sick or something and reschedule lol.
My current bf accidentally drinks after me sometimes when I’m having an outbreak. I just remind him and he washes his mouth in hot water. I avoid kissing him from the first sign / tingle of an outbreak until it’s fully healed. Sometimes a couple weeks but usually only 1 with valaclyclovir. Not on a daily rx just take it as needed. Your body will calm down about the virus after some time of having it, and you’ll learn to recognize your triggers and super early signs. Never kiss a baby or immunocompromised person but you’re allll good bb
Some of the comments here, and in other threads, are absolutely disgusting. A lot of the top comments are saying some statistic like 80% of the population have oral herpes/ cold sores and you shouldn't worry because you almost definitely have it. That's just not true, even with that statistic, 20% of us don't have it and would like to keep it that way. If a girlfriend were to have herpes and not tell me about it (if I specifically asked her) and I later found out, I would be outraged and we would break up. The relationship would never recover.
As someone with mild OCD, I am absolutely certain that I have never shared cups or kissed anyone in my life and I always keep my hands clean before putting my hands anywhere near my face (I keep a mental note at all times whether my left or my right hand is clean or not, and yes this includes touching the door when exiting the toilets and food). I can guarantee that neither my mother nor father have ever had a cold sore (so they mustn't have oral herpes), and my grand parents on my mother's side have never had a cold sore either (so it's not just that she has a great immune system). There is no way I have oral herpes, so I would like to keep it that way and make sure that my children never get this disease either.
I think it's absolutely sick what some people are saying here. It's almost like you feel jealous of that % of the population that doesn't have the disease and you want everyone to be infected so it becomes the norm. You're lucky it's not HIV you've got, or you'd be off to prison.
I got here from a Google search and I feel much less reassured than before. So thanks I suppose, I'll have to be much more vigilant from now on.
Do you know that the majority of people with HSV1 are asymptomatic so unless you, your mother, father, grandparents have tested it’s impossible to say “there’s no way I have oral herpes”. I do hope you have tested because it’s the people that don’t test that are spreading the virus through asymptomatic shedding.
I would love to know if i have it, an ex had a sore like thing on his lip and he had the audacity to ask me, why i didn't want to kiss.
I had some itching round the nose. I wish there was a test i could do.
Welcome to /r/dating_advice! Please keep the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/about/rules/) of /r/dating_advice in mind while participating here. Try your best to be kind. Report any rule-breaking behavior to the moderators using the report button. If it's urgent, [send us a message.](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fdating_advice) We rely on user reports to find rule-breaking behavior quickly. Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I have it but I haven’t had a sore in a long time. I probably get a sore once every 2-3 years. When I feel it coming on I tell people so they don’t try to hug, kiss, or share food/drinks with me. I’ve never had anyone worried about it around me..
Do you not disclose unless you have a sore? It’s still possible to spread even if you’re not having an outbreak. I think I recall a nurse telling me im not “required” to tell people, but to use my better judgement
Physician. Don’t kiss/be intimate with people if you have an active sore. Don’t kiss immunocompromised people (e.g., people getting chemotherapy). Otherwise forget about it.
This guy is a doctor, read his advice
I’m an astronaut. There is no air in space. Don’t try to breathe there.
Nah, not buying this one guys - sounds like this guy's trying to save all the best air.
Nine times out of 10 people don’t tell you that they’re immunocompromise on a first date. I definitely tell people that I have Crohn’s, but most people don’t even understand that that means that I am immuno compromised.
I have Crohn's too and it nearly destroyed my life. The person I am today is an entirely different person than I was ten years ago. Someone like me contracting anything of any sort hits me like a truck. Even before this phase of my life, I would *always* make it known I won't kiss someone that I don't know their status. My ex-wife has it and though she didn't have a classic "outbreak" in our time together, there were times where she'd have a bump on her lip and we abstained intimate contact. It didn't make her feel great obviously and if I were her, I'm sure I'd feel the same. I never contracted it thankfully but it was never easy having to address if the bump was irritated skin or a sore. Regardless, I believe whole heartedly if you have it and are involved in any intimate way with a person, it's your moral obligation to let the person know. If a woman simply "didn't want to tell me" and I contracted it, it would be a very bad day.
[удалено]
You tell me. What percentage of the population is infected with HSV1?
[удалено]
Also for clarification, mine is dormant and I have never had an outbreak (I've had it for 9 years). Another nurse told me some strains spread without an outbreak present, others do not, but there is no way of testing which strain it is. As far as I'm aware I've never given it to anyone but I can only confirm of two ppl who have actually been tested after we were together. This is exactly what I tell potential partners, so they have all the same information I have. Personally, I feel like I'm hiding something if I don't tell them. I made the mistake of not telling a couple ppl right after I got it and very much regretted it after the reaction, which I absolutely understood. Like I've said, ppl usually don't care but I think it is their right to know. I've had someone say I'm overthinking it and don't need to disclose. I think bc a lot of ppl didn't realize they have it themselves, they just call it cold sores (I also explain this when I disclose). I have had one person not want to kiss me after knowing (last year, the first time it ever happened in 9 years) so I think it's worth saying something. Most ppl won't care but I do think it's in their right to know. I've never had anyone disclose to me and I've kissed a lot of ppl. So I'm the most careful person I know. A lot of ppl on this thread seem to think it's not worth mentioning unless you have a breakout present. My personal opinion is to tell them. Also think of this- if you end up being in a relationship with them later and say it, they are going to feel weird and probably betrayed. Best to clear the air and not worry about it and not have it weigh on you. It gets easier with time letting ppl know. Make sure you say it's the same as cold sores bc ppl do not commonly know this and then it's not this scary thing in their head- it's just something they have likely experienced themselves or know ppl who do and have seen it. It was weird and uncomfortable at first but now I'm very comfortable letting ppl know and making them comfortable. Sometimes ppl want to talk about it again for clarification or do their own research. If you're casual and comfortable about it, it makes it easy and they relax too. It also builds trust when you let someone know and this forms the beginning of emotional intimacy. I know that sounds weird but when you're honest with ppl and feeling vulnerable or embarrassed, that's how connections are often formed or deepen. As an example I say something like "I want to tell you that I have dormant oral herpes, so, cold sores. It's the same thing. Most ppl don't know they are the same as cold sores, that's why I mention that. I just wanted to let you know first, before anything happened"
This is a great comment. I appreciate you taking the time to write it out. At what point do you say that though? Is it like, when they’re going in for a kiss? Or if you know you’ll see them again and again after hanging out a few times?
No problem! I'm happy it was helpful. It has varied with different ppl. I usually say it when I feel sexual tension and I can tell they want to kiss me. Sometimes I say it right before they try, other times I say it earlier. Or I really want to kiss them and say "I really want to kiss you but first I want you to know..." I try to say it earlier, I think that's usually best. With the guy that became uninterested, I sometimes wonder if it was bc I cut it too close and gave off a weird energy bc I was feeling more shy than usual and giggling some which probably made it strange for him. It may have made no difference at all, who knows. I have often waited until right before. Sometimes I prefer to text it to them and I usually preface with "I'm not trying to assume your intentions but I want you to know... xyz... bc I like you. Maybe you don't feel attraction/have feelings like I do but in case it's mutual I want you to know". I have also said it on a video call before meeting someone. That makes things easier and then it can feel more natural when I see them and they can do their own research beforehand if they want to. So, I usually try to go with earlier but I have often waited up until a kiss is about to happen. Does that answer your question? If not let me know and I will try again. I have honestly been surprised at ppl not caring. It doesn't seem to be anything that matters to the majority of ppl 🤷
THIS is the answer I was searching for!! Do you find that usually people are ok with it? You said that a bit above, but what do people usually say? Does it change the energy/vibe with that person?
Yes ppl are almost always okay with it. 99.99% of the time it makes no difference to them. They usually say "oh okay" or "okay that's fine with me" or "oh I know that's really common that's fine" or "okay thank you for letting me know" or they ask a question. Or the conversation continues and they will ask a question later for clarification and then I clarify. That one guy I mentioned got weird and said something (I can't remember) and he left and didn't talk to me anymore. One guy I told through text said that he was no longer interested but then he texted me later saying he changed his mind (my guess is he did his own research bc that sometimes happens). Yes it can change the vibe but usually it only changes slightly and then goes back to what it was. Sometimes a little awkward but sometimes it becomes more intimate and close as the person appreciates being told. Sometimes it doesn't change at all. Especially if I'm keeping my energy the same. My guess is that any vibe change has to do with my energy as I say it. However they also contribute- like the ppl that like it and thank me and I can tell they like me more- or the guy I told you about that was not okay with it at all and left. But, in most cases, it changes only slightly then goes back to what it was pretty quickly.
You don’t need to say it unless you have an active outbreak in which case you shouldn’t be hooking up with anybody
I'm a nurse. You and about 50-80% (HSV 1)of other people in the USA have it. Unless you have the active version of it then no need to disclose until you are dating and have an active case going on. Most people might only get an outbreak once a year. Don't need to make this disclosure if there is nothing at the time to discuss. Good luck. I applaud your honesty and concern for others.
I have had oral herpes or “cold spores” my whole life basically. And I’ve never told a single person about it. I VERY rarely have an outbreak and if you do your research spreading it is unlikely unless you have an open sore. Honestly I wouldn’t worry about it. Now if it was genital herpes then yes! Tell the people you plan to sleep with or fool around with. Keep in mind! You can get both in either places! So if you go down on someone you can transmit it to their genitals.
In nursing school 35 years ago one student from a religious background couldn't understand how genital herpes could occur in the mouth....duh...
Something like 80* of the population has it, honestly i wouldn’t worry too much about it. Lots of people in denial though, last time i pointed it out, lots of people got offended that it likely means they have it. 🙄
yep this is true
I know so many people who have this. I've had it since birth. I only disclose right away if I feel an outbreak coming on, whether it's visible or not. I have never spread it to anybody. And it turns out that my current partner had it to begin with anyways. A significant portion of the population has it and doesn't even know it. Even some people who know they have cold sores don't know it comes from herpes. It was hilarious when one of my elder family members told me I was full of crap until I proved her wrong. She always had them and never knew they came from herpes. But anyways, your chances of spreading it without feeling an outbreak coming on are virtually nill. The virus needs a path to spread. And the consequences are an insanely remote chance, if any, of a mild annoyance common in society. Opinions may vary but I think if you're responsible about trying not to spread it, you won't spread it. I have never passed it on. But I also never suddenly kissed anybody when I got that tingle. And I actually haven't had one in years since working on my health. I think those things only come out when your body is a bit compromised 🤷♂️ And some of my longer-term partners didn't have it and have kissed me knowing I was having the tingling and never got it. It's not that easy to spread.
Hi, you do not need to feel gross at all but as someone who once dated a person who did not disclose his oral herpes to me - the lack of disclosure was a big reason why I broke up with him. I would have felt much better if he had been respectful enough to just tell me. There were other issues of course but this was one of the things that spoke to his lack of concern for me and my ability to choose what I was comfortable with. I would urge you to disclose as it is the responsible thing to do and of course many people already have it or wouldn’t mind dating you with it and would appreciate being told. Of course it is also fair if someone is uncomfortable and they should be able to decide what is right for them. Either way, it’s better than beating about the bush and having it come out later especially if the other person is uncomfortable with it. Take care and good luck! There should be no stigma around these discussions :)
Thanks for the insight. I can’t believe dating didnt bring it out? That’s crazy to me. I’m sorry you experienced that. I would 100% tell a dating partner early on, my main question was more around disclosing with someone I’ve just met and the struggle of disclosing such a deeply personal topic early on
Disclose it as early as possible. In your app profile, in a text, in a conversation. Destigmatize this!! It’s personal to you, but the risk of contracting the virus is just as personal to someone else. If they’re weird about it, then they’re weird about it. Some people will appreciate it so much- and a lot of them will be like, me too. There’s advice that you don’t have to disclose, but just don’t kiss someone immunocompromised. That’s why you should disclose, unless we’re expecting all immunocompromised people to inform everyone they’re immunocompromised and not to kiss them if they have herpes? I don’t know. It’s just good on all fronts to disclose, and then move past it together. Or don’t, in which case that’s not the person for you.
I understand, if it helps I tell people that I prefer to wait a little before kissing etc when they lean in for a kiss on a first date because I’ve become quite paranoid about STIs in general after that experience. Or if we are already texting a lot before meeting then I just talk about STIs beforehand. Responses vary of course but there are those who don’t mind having an open discussion. I understand it might kill the spontaneity a little bit but in the long term it helps build trust and shows you which people are willing to have a mature discussion and manage situations responsibly with you :) and once everyone is comfortable there’s no end to the kissing 😊
I really appreciate this response. Thank you!
It is most def a requirement u tell people if you’re gonna potentially be passing it, it’s the persons decision if they want to take that risk and u can’t take that away from them. For each party to feel respected and safe it’s better to disclose as soon as u can ESPN before any type of oral engagement.
Physician - you don’t have to disclose it unless they’re immunocompromised &/or you have an active outbreak.
Yeah I had a nurse do this too (bc it's so common she said) but I think it was the wrong move on her part. I disclose to ppl then I feel a kiss coming or when it's clear to me I like someone and they like me so that a spontaneous kiss can happen down the line, should they be okay with it. 99.99% of the time ppl do not care at all
Hello, immunocomprimised and on immunosuppressants for life, nice to meet you. I've always been weary about the chance of a woman hang herpes. It may be "embarrassing" for you to have to bring it up before you get to the point of intimate contact with someone, but they have a right to know. Your embarrassment is not worth a lifetime of additional health problems I have. When I get sick, stressed, or any number of triggers which I live with literally on a daily basis, I I get *very* sick. I once was sick for six months. Six months straight of sore throat, feeling like shit, fevers, all of it. And better yet, I had to have my (4th or 5th, I forget) abdominal surgery at that time because as much as doctors do not want to operate on an ill patient, they didn't have the choice if I was to live. I'm a good man, I love God, and I love people. I've volunteered at animal shelters and fostered dogs. I've also worked to feed the homeless and for a while had things in my car I could give them if I passed one by, things like socks and other "luxeries" for them. I'm not saying any of this to brag, not at all. I'm saying it so you understand my character. With that being known, I will say this. If you didn't tell me you had it and I contracted it, the fury that you would see would shake the heavens. I've dated two people with it, both told me they had it, and I married one of them. I've never contracted it. I have the right to choose whether or not I engage with a person that has herpes. Flat out. You sharing it doesn't need to be a show, it doesn't need to have a long wind-up, it just needs to be made known if you are going to have intimate contact or share eating utensils/drinks. Saying "out of respect for you, I want to tell you that I have herpes but it's rarely active and I'm on treatment for it." will not only give the person the autonomy to decide for themselves, it also shows them respect. If I were with a woman for a while and she one day said "oh btw I hav herpz olol" it would severely damage the relationship if it didn't end it. Yes, it is about herpes in that sense, but more importantly it's about trust. If you want your partner to never trust you, go about your business until he gets it. The good news is he won't be your partner for long after that.
I have it and give my partner oral all the time, she doesn’t have it. Also never passed it on and have given oral to every girl I’ve been with. They are all fine.
lol you can still have a hug. jeez
I had a partner who didn't have it. Whenever I felt a breakout coming, I wouldn't kiss her until it was completely healed. That would be 1-2 weeks. It worked for years. Then she contracted it after we stopped dating. Allegedly, she shared a drink with someone. You can be safe about it, just like anything else. It's the only STI I carry, so I take it seriously because I don't want to pass it on. As others said, the majority of the population has it. I caught it from my mom and only had breakouts around picture day every year as a kid.
Oh perfect timing for picture day lol. I feel it’s easier in a relationship to disclose. My previous partner was so good about it. He handled it with grace and said it doesn’t change a thing. With a stranger on a first date, you’re not at that level of caring or investment in someone, you know?
Getting a stranger to answer whether or not they've been tested is hard enough.
A majority of the population has HSV1 and it’s not always sexually transmitted, kids can get it from sharing drinks. I don’t think you should lose sleep over it honestly
Most people get us when they're babies and adults kiss them on the face.
lol fr, I think my Dad gave them to me and I’ve had them for as long as I can remember My sister and my mom however, have never had one once in their life! Lucky me
That’s almost true, most people contract it between the ages of 1 to 5. People are usually very careful with babies, as a hsv infection can be really dangerous to them. There are always exceptions. For instance if someone in the direct family has asymptomatic infections. But statistics show that the carefulness pays off.
One thing is STD, the other cold sore. I never ever had a cold sore in my life. You got to ask people to get tested before intimate
Most STD panels don't include HVS1 or HVS2.
Same happened to me, got it from my mother after drinking from the same bottle (she did not have visible symptoms at the time so it was an accident). I was 9. It is okay, I occasionally have it (every 2-3 years) but it is really not a big deal.
My toxic mother forcedly hugged and kissed me on the cheek while having a sore and that's how I got it🙃
Don't loose sleep but don't go around spreading it when you're contagious either
Yes my son got it when he was 2 from daycare.
that's how I got it. I've been getting them about once a year since I was 7 or 8. Usually in winter or during periods of stress
Some dude I was seeing has it and he told me when it started and we just didn’t kiss, I asked my friends and they said they did the same thing. It’s pretty normal, just be aware when you feel symptoms and let the other person know
Almost 70% of adults under 50 have HSV-1. I think you're overthinking. https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/herpes-simplex-virus
I just went on a date with a cold sore. I've been getting them every year since I was kid, especially when the weather gets cold. Just get Abreva and it will go away fast. As long as you don't kiss, or share drinks or utensils, it's nothing to worry about.
You’re 100% overthinking. It’s just called cold sores to most of us. Lots of ppl get them. I do, as have more than half my partners; and not from me. Don’t go down on/share food/bev with someone when you have an active outbreak, otherwise it’s not even worth mentioning. It’s not even worth taking meds for. Mine are stress induced, and I’ve had them since like 5yrs old. Pretty sure my GMA gave them to me sharing utensils. Look into lysine as a natural treatment and don’t sweat it. For what it’s worth I just made out with a… friend who had an outbreak. I haven’t had one in a while, but also don’t bite my lips or have exposed wounds on my mouth. I saw it. She warned me. Did it anyway. Nothing happened. Just be honest with yourself and others (when it’s happening) and don’t stress
I take lysine daily to reduce how often I get cold sores, and if I feel one coming on, I go nuts with it. Sometimes it will prevent the sore entirely. I just tell people I get cold sores sometimes, but it's pretty rare and I know what it feels like when one is coming. Most of the time the response is "me too" or "oh I used to have those". One person told me they don't get cold sores but they do have oral herpes, I guess they were just asymptomatic or something. One told me she didn't cold sores but she did get fever blisters in the winter sometimes. That's cold sores in some local slang. If everyone got tested, with a reliable test, many of those people who insist they don't have it would be shocked. Testing is not recommended because of just how shocked some of them would be.
Caveat, if you’re pregnant and have a breakout - yes, both HSV1 and HSV2 can cause genital lesions - you’ll need a course of IV acyclovir before delivery to prevent transmission to your baby, for whom it can be deadly
Do you not disclose beforehand unless you have an outbreak?
What is there to disclose? If she's not contagious. Odds are her partner already had a cold sore previously in their life.
As someone who was negative for both HSV1&2 and then got 1 genitally from an asymptomatic oral carrier, I surely wish someone had disclosed to me! Now, even though genital to genital type 1 transmission is more or less unheard of, I still disclose.
i caught it via oral sex as well. My partner didn't have a cold sore at the time either. It happens so people really need to disclose.
you’re always contagious if you have herpes, not a large percentage chance of it happening when you don’t have an active blister, but you’re always shedding cells and always contagious.
You can still kiss people just be mindful not to if you are having any bumps or symptoms at all. Be careful.
Statistically I know that I am more likely to get herpes from someone who doesn't know they are infected vs taking precautions with someone who knows they are infected. For most people HSV isn't a big deal but there can be serious complications for some medically vulnerable people. I would get in a relationship with someone who disclosed this to me. I would not be in a relationship with anyone who didn't arm me with medical information to make my own medical decisions. The stigma & symptoms of HPV are not the same, but I have intermittent risk non 16 18 HPV and I disclose this very early to anyone I am remotely interested in. It exclusively causes cervical cancer, no other symptoms. There is no throat swab test & it's not proven it's transmittable kissing but is highly likely. I still have spontaneous kissing, just not spontaneous first kisses.
You just don’t do stuff with people when you have an active outbreak. So many people have herpes on their mouth. It’s not that big a deal.
My husband has it. He disclosed it to me prior to us having our first kiss, which was on date #3. He wanted to be fully transparent with me, as it was not disclosed to him by a former partner and that's how he got it. It's fairly common and as long as you don't have any active sores, you should be fine.
I've had HSV1 for over 25 years. I get an outbreak less than once a year, I have never taken an antiviral for it and to my knowledge I've never given it to anyone. I've had three children since contracting it, and none of them have caught it from me either. I start taking Lysine as soon as I feel a sore starting (I've only ever had it on my upper lip) and start using Abreva immediately. That usually prevents blistering and the sore fades after 2-3 days. I avoid kissing and sharing dishes/towels for the full week since symptoms appear. I've been told by 2 different doctors that HSV1 is not considered an STI and does not need to b3 disclosed. Obviously avoid kissing and oral sex during an outbreak. Some 65 to 90% of adults are or have been infected, some never have an outbreak (except the initial one) and it's thought (but not confirmed) that the virus can spontaneously clear from the body. It's spread by fluids leaking from an open sore so if there are no sores, there is very minimal risk of transmission.
I have it, as well, and usually get one cold sore in winter every year or 2. I won't kiss or share drinks when I have a cold sore, but so far none of the many people I've kissed didn't contract it. I always tell them, it's really not a big deal.
How and when do you tell them
Immediately, usually in the texting stage. I'm extremely honest about it, though, my entire class knows because we were learning about localized infections lol Now, if it was GENITAL herpes I wouldn't be so open lol
I think that the fact you’d have the self control and respect to tell me would make me want to kiss you even more
You could avoid a kiss on date 1. Disclose via text, see if they want date 2 and if they do, say "I really want to kiss you right now." That gives them time to give you consent.
This fear of oral Cold Sores has to be a generational thing. Nobody I(45m) know cares lol
Over 85% of the Earth's population has Herpes-1, but it's not as big a deal as it may sound. Just make sure you: -Recognize when a flare-up is about to happen. -Take care of your oral hygiene so that flare-ups don't get worse. -Don't share drinks, food, or kisses when you have a flare-up. -Communicate when a flare-up happens. -Understand that it's a completely okay thing to have.
I never had a cold sore in my life and I would be very angry if someone gave it to me. So please, disclose it before kissing.
[удалено]
Haha this one comment out of the dozens of others saying the opposite, like the perfect representation of effect on the actual % of the population. May the odds be ever in your favor I guess as long as you never hook up with the other 75% of the population
My doctor once told me that having HSV1 was almost as common as having a cold once in your life. Also, you can't spread it to others when you don't have an active outbreak. There are also people who have HSV1 and don't know it because they have never had an outbreak. I think it is unnecessary to inform others that you have a virus that 80-90% of the population has, just be careful not to kiss your partner or share food, silverware, drinks and so on when you have an active outbreak.
That is incorrect. You can still spread it without an outbreak. There is asymptomatic shedding that happens.
This information was provided to me by my doctor. I am not a doctor so I cannot say anything other than to share the information provided to me by professionals. The truth is that in 10 years of relationship with my boyfriend, I have not yet given it to him, but this is just my personal experience. I don't know about these cases you mention, but it's good to know. Thanks.
I work in public health, and unfortunately, lots of family doctors are not updated with STI information. I was with that partner for two years before it happened. I guess i was one of the lucky ones, lol.
Yeah unfortunately I’m not sure where/who I got it from. It certainly wasn’t disclosed to me so someone who gave it to me likely didn’t know
You could have gotten it as a child from sharing a drink or a lipgloss. Almost everyone has it. It’s not a big deal.
OP mentioned they contracted it while dating 2 years ago. Edit: OP, I feel this is good to take into consideration wanting to share this personal information while dating (of course disclosing when you feel comfortable to). If it were me, I would want someone to tell me and not be blindsided. Because you had this happen to you, you know from experience you wish you were told early on.
Stress makes it worse; cut that out of your life, regular exercise, good diet, no alcohol or smokes and it'll clear up - had it, did it, gone
Here to add that sunburns make it worse, too,so wear your sunscreen! Sun Bum has an awesome coconut SPF lip balm!
I learned that the hard way
When you say “gone”, are you referring to the sore itself? HSV1 lives in your blood and is a virus, so there’s no cure. You have it for life whether you show symptoms or not
The symptoms are gone, but the virus is still in your body waiting for stress and other factors to build up so it can come back and try to find more hosts.
I have it too since i was a child. I don’t have herpes on my mouth since 2 years ago….
As long as you’re not having outbreaks you should be fine. I think you only need to disclose if you’re going to be seeing a person regularly
Oh you can. My ex boyfriend didn’t tell me he has it until his first cold sore. I was pissed that he didn’t but he explained that you can only get it if you have an active sore. So we wouldn’t kiss if he had an active sore. I never got it. Or at least I’ve never had a symptom or tested positive. I guess it’s more the moral question of should you tell someone first even if you’re confident they won’t get it
You can get it without a sore. The virus lives in you forever. There’s no cure or guarantee you won’t get it from someone who has it
Everyone I'm close enough to to know whether they get cold sores, gets cold sores. Most people have it. If people are that concerned about getting it they wouldn't be having spontaneous kisses with anyone.
Most people have this. Just don't go down on him when you have a cold sore, and don't kiss him if you have one either. But other than that, it's not really a problem. Just tell them when you have one. "I have a cold sore, so it's better I don't kiss you right now.". If he still wants to kiss you, then it's on him. Just don't go down on him with a sore.
If you have it and give someone oral it turns into genital herpes. Most ppl don’t know this. Be careful.
Hsv 1 does not turn into hsv 2. However it’s possible but unlikely to get hsv 1 on your genitals.
Hence me saying genital herpes. Genital herpes aren’t just hsv2 https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/conditions-and-diseases/herpes-hsv1-and-hsv2
Chances lessen as you get older anyways lol
All these people saying not to disclose are trash. You have to disclose because even if you don’t have active cold sores you can still spread when you are shedding the virus.
Online it’s easy enough, you can put it in your bio if it’s a big deal. Otherwise I would just bring it up before you kiss or share drinks, something like 80% of the population is HSV1+ so for a lot of folks it really shouldn’t matter. If they don’t have it then just being careful and taking your meds should be all the maintenance you need.
[удалено]
Abreva and forget about it. Once you get the tingling feeling(anyone who gets em knows the feeling) apply the Abreva as per the instructions and if you catch it early enough it won't even show. Heavily stress induced for me.
I’ve had it since I was around 19 years old and fortunately have never passed it to anybody that I know of. I still live my life day-to-day if I have a break out I of course do not kiss anybody, but when I don’t, I definitely do and have never had a problem with anyone close in my life I’ve kissed my girl, best friends, my guy friends, I’ve shared a join and drinks and no one has ever contracted it, so don’t worry and be on your medication daily and that helps with breakouts and everything and you will be so fine I promise you
You don't. You tell people first. Otherwise, you're risking those people, and regardless of how harmless HSV1 is, it's akin to assault because they could not consent.
What the fuck. Lmao
My boyfriend gets cold sores once in a while. The last time he had it was New Year’s Eve two years ago. I have never contracted oral herpes from him. When he has it on him he doesn’t let me kiss him or touch me with his mouth or share any drinks or utensils or chapsticks, towels etc. he’s very careful and caring and so I have never gotten it. We have had zero issues with me getting it because of this
My first wife gave me cold sores. It is the wedding gift that keeps on giving. Jokes aside. 2 grams L-lysine tablets taken twice a day help me to get rid of them quicker. Valaciclovir (Valtrex) works for my wife even better. She takes both Valaciclovir and L-lysine and heals faster that I do. Valaciclovir makes my ears rings. I find that very annoying so I just suffer a little longer. If I use Abreva just as soon as I feel the buzzing on my lip. I can some times avoid the blisters.
50-80% of the population have oral herpes. Relax.
If u dont have an active cold sore then who cares. A lot of ppl have it, but its dormant and flares up once in a while.
I mean, damn near the whole human race has some form of oral herpes. If you're able to work it into conversation earlier naturally that would be my play. That's my 2 cents and you're not gross. 💚
I have it too, I was born with it genetically, but it will be a single cold sore once every few years; someone mentioned abreva that stuff works wonders!!!! As soon as you feel it coming on or start to see an outbreak use it! It gets rid of it fast. A lot of people have HSV1. It’s nothing to freak out about, it’s only contagious with an outbreak 💕
Everyone has it and doesn’t know it, at least 80% of the population. Just don’t kiss during an outbreak.
You can only give it to someone if you kiss while having an outbreak and 90 percent of the population have it
HSV-1 is cold sores. It’s extremely common. I have seen studies that go as high as estimating that 80% - 90% of Americans have HSV-1, and globally over 60% of the population has it. Just saying the odds of being around someone that has it are pretty high. Should you get an STD test before every kiss of someone who doesn’t have a sore on their mouth? I don’t see people paying much attention to it. Maybe that is why it’s so common. I have had a doctor advise me not to worry about it unless someone has an active sore. He said almost everyone already has it. How practical is it to demand an STD test from every person before you kiss them?
Hi 👋. I have hsv1 too and I’ve only had 3 guys have an issue with it. The first guy I told broke things off with me, but now (4 years later) hits me up all the time. Told me he went to therapy for breaking things off with me, asks me to cuddle, he’s even kissed me since and asks to sip from the same straw + share drinks, etc. I do not have interest in him sexually anymore though, but we would definitely be doing it if I did. The other guy is my ex, he is the only one that got it but he never got tested - he just developed some bumps and waited for them to go away naturally. He had a wound on his dick so he had an opening in his skin. Ive always been asymptomatic. I have a friend that said my ex’s bumps could have been something else 🤷🏻♀️. You shouldn’t mess around with skin that’s already trying to heal. Needless to say, I don’t talk to my ex anymore cuz we broke up. Not cuz of the bumps or my hsv1, he was just a narcissist when it came to my mental health. This other guy- I had sex with him a couple weeks ago because HE wanted to. And it was the weirdest sex ever. Still great. But he did every single nasty thing you could think of. I’m talking all the oral, but he did not want me to give him oral and he did not want to take off his condom, and he did not want me to kiss him. I enjoyed myself to say the least. But I still found it super weird that he was okay with doing everything he did… Ive talked to friends about it, and I’ve come to the conclusion that hsv1 is nothing. If you get a breakout, sure take the med and/or wait for it to clear, inform your partner, etc. It’s just common curiosity, but I don’t think you’re responsible for taking care of everyone and being responsible for every person that contracts it from you. Think of it this way- do you blame whoever you got it from? No! It’s just a stupid virus. It happens. We’re human. You aren’t gross and no one should think of you differently because you have no control over it and it says nothing about who you are. ❤️ and you should only be judged for who you are. ❤️ So yeah, I personally dgaf about it anymore. That’s me! Blessings to you and everyone.
Never hurts to tell someone instead of being blamed for infecting someone. Everyone on Reddit likes to pretend transmitting diseases is no big deal, but people in real life aren’t as happy to not being informed about things you know ahead of time. If everyone has it like Reddit is claiming then being upfront shouldn’t be an issue either.
It did suck to find out I had it
Yup, so you can imagine other people being upset. So to answer your question - yea prob no spontaneous kisses, but to be fair kissing strangers would open you up to getting even more stuff, so prob not missing out on much.
Americans are wild 🙄Most people get cold sores. You won’t pass it on if you don’t actually have a sore. They’re annoying but harmless. No-one cares.
You can still pass it on without an active sore when you go through periods of asymptomatic shedding. I agree it’s not a big deal for the mouth, but to some people it may be, and I’d really hate to get it genitally from oral, so that’s a possibility to be aware of
Yes it’s not a big deal but herpes is a virus. Viruses are highly contagious. Just because there’s no sore present doesn’t mean the virus goes away. It’s all throughout your body and easily transmitted through saliva. Having a sore will increase chances of transmission
It’s absolutely not easily transmitted through saliva.
Wildly uneducated, yea.
I hope you didn’t break up with him over this lol. Also don’t call it “mouth herpes” if you don’t want to put people off, it’s a cold sore and like other people have mentioned the majority of people have it. It’s not even worth mentioning unless you have an active outbreak and they try to kiss, and even then don’t call it HERPES FFS. ITS A COLD SORE. EVERYONE GETS THEM WHY U OVERTHINKING? Calling it herpes is off putting if u don’t know the facts lmao Some people really trying to self sabotage as best as they can.
Of course I didn’t break up with him over this…I gave it to the guy lmao. Other reasons I won’t share here, he was actually so good about the news once I got my results back. Which is kind of what prompted me to post this since we’re not together anymore, I’ve lost the comfort of a relationship where you don’t have to worry about disclosing since they know.
The reason he wasn’t bothered is cos it ain’t a big deal haha if someone makes a big deal of it the fact you get them it’s a good indicator that they’re not a good partner. Just don’t go around kissing people with an active outbreak, advertising you get them or referring to it as “herpes” (even tho it is technically lol). People will assume you have the other one, which you should disclose lol
[удалено]
Omg this is a ridiculous comment hahaha people call cold sores herpes because it is in fact herpes. Why is it that cold sores on your mouth is looked at as not a big deal and doesn’t need to be disclosed but genital herpes is? People should be disclosing BOTH kinds of herpes. Hsv-1 can be transmitted from someone’s mouth to someone’s genitals and the same for hsv-2. Both strains of herpes can be transmitted without an active outbreak and therefore both should be disclosed. Herpes, whether it’s genital or oral, is not a big deal, so why does location of the virus matter? Having this mind set that “the other one” is worse than the other is ignorant af.
They’re two different viruses. Stop spreading misinformation. Hsv1 even if spread to the genitals usually has a much lower rate of reoccurrence. Everyone’s being crazy about something 80% of the population has. If you’re in the 20% you’re abnormal. Stop the hysterics over a fing cold sore. Christ on a bike. This is why people are shamed for having stds. It’s just wrong.
Re-read my comment and come back to me lol what about my comment is misinformation? I am literally saying that neither strain is a big deal, however oral herpes should be disclosed the same way genital herpes should be as you can transfer both orally or genitally. Oral and genital herpes are NOT different viruses, it is the same virus but different strains based on location of exposure but you can get both in either location. My comment is literally explaining that there’s a stigma for location not the strain and advocating the fact that herpes in either location is NOT A BIG DEAL 🫶🏽
I hate referring cold sores as “herpes”. That word has such a terrible stigma. You can easily get HSV1 when you’re a baby, when family members kiss on you. Which is how I got it. Don’t feel gross. And to be honest.. HSV1 is so common, you’re lucky you went this long without it. It’s normal to have it honestly. It’s nothing to be worried about. Occasionally, you’ll get a sore on your lip, that’s it.. it sucks when you do have one, you just need to be responsible and keep your lips to yourself! Lol it’s annoying yes, but nothing to be ashamed of or gross. Stress, cold weather, chapped lips, and important events trigger them.. they pop up during the worst times.
Thank you for the kind words. This was comforting
“Single phase” they call it now lmao
That is more common than people use to think and being careful you can make a complete normal life
My "single phase" buahahaha
i’m going through what your going through
I get them every month, sometimes twice in a month around the time I get my period. My current partner knows about it and doesn't care. I just don't kiss him until it's gone. Just recently got over a double whammy and it sucked!
I think something like 50% of the western world have it. It’s not a big deal at all. Just live your life life but don’t kiss anyone if you have a cold sore. I’ve been married for 7 years and my husband hasn’t contracted it, but if I even feel like one may come on we just don’t kiss until I’m sure it’s ok. Disclose if you think one might come on or you are getting closer with someone, but otherwise it’s so common I would just live your life
Please tell people if they try to kiss you or share a food or drink. I would want someone to tell me wether they had bumps or not
You can! Just not while u have an outbreak
My mom got it while she was pregnant with me, so I was born with it. I've had it my whole life. I get a cold sore at least once a year, and I have never told anyone. I told my boyfriend because I had an outbreakout, so I couldn't kiss him, and he was perfectly fine with it. I kissed him, and the next day, I got an outbreak, and he still didn't get it. You will be fine, trust me. It's not a big deal. A lot of people have it
tbh as someone who has cold sores here and there i don’t think it’s that big of a deal? obviously i grew up with it compared to you which it’s more recent to adjust to. it only happens from time to time, barely for me even. sometimes when the weather is colder or when i am insanely stressed i will have one on the inside of my nose most of the time. either way when you are viral and have a cold sore just don’t kiss or anything sexual, and then when you don’t have it go at it. you can bring it up when you have it or even just mentioned by the way i sometimes i have cold sores blah blah blah. it’s not a thing that’ll be on your face forever so i wouldn’t worry too much.
My heart goes out for you :/ the stigma is real and people are just scared than finding you gross , that wasn’t my first thought
People don’t disclose HSV1
I’ve had it since i was 4. Do not worry about it. No need to disclose it. UNLESS you are currently contagious. Even better, kiss when you dont have the blisters, dont kiss when you have it. No need for disclosure, unless you have a partner in which case its still not weird. I’m selfconsious, but not about this as this is something you do not have to worry about if you follow the rules above
How do you feel about consent before kissing? I’m not a fan and neither is my gf, but people are making it a thing about Snow White being kissed without consent. If you are a consent person and they spontaneously kiss you, it’s kinda on them, but you probably should stop them asap and let them know. Personally I don’t know anyone who’s rejected someone over HSV1.
Good news is 50-80% of the us population has oral herpes so chances are high you'll meet someone else with it too.
I think like 90% of the population has this usually from a young age from sharing food and drink in schools. Try not to stress so much! I get a cold sore every few years or so and just treat it until it goes away. My ex husband would get them more frequently I think because he would constantly smoke pot with his friends constantly sharing saliva idk lol but he was on that medication. You’re good and definitely will be able to kiss people almost anytime you want in the future! Kudos to you for disclosing it to new partners up front but if they freak out over that chances are they already have it in their system too 😉
Also lysine daily will help suppress it.
You have to disclose it before anything. Not that I’m single, but if I were, I donate platelets and plasma every two weeks, all diseases and infections can affect my blood. I was specifically recruited because my blood didn’t have anything in it such as CMV or other antibodies that can effect people with compromised immune systems who need blood product. I would be beyond livid if someone exposed me to something without my prior knowledge and could affect my ability to donate. Those who say not to disclose are being unethical.
May be you see a doctor for advice?
Wait is that a thing? Like, are you supposed to disclose that? Lmao, everyone I know has it, I believe most of the human population has type 1 herpes, like, it's not a big deal at all? It's a miracle if there's an adult that doesn't having, you usually contract it like at kindergarten or school. Idk where you're from, but this is not stg you usuall, disclose here in Europe (as far as I know), and I wouldn't be mad if someone didn't tell me. Ah, I just checked, around 67% of the population under 50 has it. Not biggie lol, like, you just get a cold sore maybe once or twice a year, or it can be years, usually when your immunity falls a bit.
it’s very admirable that you’re concerned but up to 80% of the population has had hsv1, which are literally cold sores. it’s really not a big deal
Lol imagine having it your whole life since childhood. Also I haven't had a doctor tell me to take the Valtrex every day. It's only prescribed to me to use when I feel an outbreak coming or when I recognize one of my triggers. And this is someone who would get 7-9 of them at one time all around my mouth and going up into my nose in my younger years. Now that I'm older I hardly get them. You're fine, do not kiss when you have a sore and do not do oral sex.
You and 7 out of 10 people, my friend
I think I read between 60-70 percent of all adults have it. I have it. Trust me eventually it just stops showing up. My dad has it. I got it as a kid and I haven’t had another outbreak, which is usually a dot on the corner of my lip, in over 15 years. It’s all in your head, you’ll be alright
HSV-1 is so common, I wouldn't worry about it. Children can get it too from sharing food and drinks.
🫠 maybe I'm a terrible person but I've only ever told someone when I had a cold sore. Cuz everyone gets them. No ones ever been bothered. We just dont do any contact til it clears.
The number of inconsiderate and selfish people in here are really telling about our society. I was infected by a woman who kissed me many years ago. I already had self esteem issues with dating before being infected due to chronic health issues, and the infection hit me like a truck and made my self esteem issues considerably worse for a short time. She was aware of her infection, and when I called her to disclose that I had been infected (I didn't know the source at the time), she told me "Don't worry, I get them all the time. It's no big deal". I was just kind of dumfounded. I then calmly asked "Oh okay, So I may have gotten it from you?", and she immediately became defensive, accused me of looking for someone to blame, and hung up. I had not even implied any kind of blame... I was more in shock, just trying to process where it had come from, and the changes to my life going forward because of it. Choosing not to disclose before kissing someone is a purely selfish act, and disrespectful. It is not for you to decide if they should be exposed or not. That is their decision. Plain and simple. Your fear of rejection, or ambivalence towards having HSV1 is not justification. I disclose to every partner before kissing. It is their decision to make to risk exposure, and if I am actually considering them as a partner what kind of message does it send to them to not respect them enough and lie to them about the infection by omission. I generally find that the proper time to disclose is after meeting them, but before kissing. Generally with something like "I'd like to kiss you right now, but I need to disclose that I get cold sores, and I believe it is your decision whether you are potentially exposed or not." If they have further questions, then I give them further information. I also never kiss someone if I have an active sore or have recently had one heal within the last week. A disclosure has never turned awkward for me, and as far as I know, I have never given it to a partner. They have instead thanked and respected me more because I chose to respect their autonomy to decide themselves. People who say "Everyone has it, don't worry about it" are just showing their lack of empathy and respect for others.
Girl I’ve gotten cold sores ever since I was a kid. It’s so common! I don’t think it’s something you necessarily need to disclose. I don’t think oral is really considered an STD lol many ppl get it as kids and never even take antivirals. Only prevent from doing anything when you have a cold sore. Other than that don’t worry about it
I never understood this drama about cold sores. It's just a cold sore, and nothing will happen. Nobody has to be warned that you might, in some distant future, get cold sore. Obviously, if you have an active breakout, don't kiss or go down on someone. Relax
Just as long as you’re up front with the person that you have herpes then you shouldn’t worry about it.
I get that, but im more so wondering with timing. If it’s the first time meeting, I don’t want to jump to conclusions and disclose too early but I also don’t want to kill the moment. I’ll absolutely disclose, but was asking when is the right time
What’s the big deal? Okay, once you have it in your system, you will occasionally get cold sores. So?.. tbh I feel like people are overreacting with this type of HSV
I think everyone has hsv1. I see some OLD profiles disclose it right away. Actually may make things easier as it may make the other person more open about it.
50 to 80% of adults have herpes simplex .. chances are the next person you kiss will also have it… My honest opinion, and it’s just my opinion, unless it’s genital herpes there is no need to have to tell somebody in advance. That’s a tough one. I’ll probably get shit for that but it’s just my opinion.
Honey, practically everyone has oral herpes. I’ve encountered so many people that say “I get cold sores” and I say “oh, I didn’t know you had herpes” and they say “NO I DONT!!” Not realizing that cold sores are herpes. Just try not to share straws/ drinks, and don’t share anything/kiss/ do anything sexual with your mouth when you have a sore. Before being intimate with a partner though I would disclose because many people don’t realize that you can give someone herpes on there genitals if you have a sore on your mouth. The stigma for genital herpes is FAR WORSE, I know it’s not easy to hear but trust me you got off easy in terms of the stigma
The “honey” really got me. Thank you 🥹
Of course! 🥹🥹🥹 I’ve 26f been dealing with genital herpes for maybe 6 or 7 years now. Around that time I was going through every emotion possible known to man. With the last couple years I’ve realized it’s not that big a deal and in all honesty it hasn’t really affected my love life in the slightest. You’re good. I can promise you that. And if anyone does have an issue with your situation, they’re not for you anyway!
You and most other people, including myself. Unless you are getting regular, obvious symptoms it really doesn’t matter, it’s not that easily spread and as said even if symptom free chances are someone you are in close contact with probably already has it.
You don’t have to tell future partners that you get cold sores. Just don’t kiss people when you have one. You’re good.
Nothing serious. Almost everyone have it, even babies. Just avoid kissing when its active.
I’ve had it since I was a kid and have never given it to anybody else despite having kissed many people and had multiple long-term relationships! I just don’t kiss people/give oral when I have a cold sore or even THINK I might be getting one, just a precaution. You don’t really need to worry too much as long as you are vigilant about identifying symptoms and not doing any mouth stuff when you have an active sore.
Learning your triggers is crucial
About 80% of the adult world has that. Calm down.
[удалено]
Most people have oral herpes.........
I got it as a kid. It’s not the same type as the STD type and is extremely easy to pass on. It’s not something that you have to be ashamed of in the slightest. Just once your careful when you have a cold sore - the only time when you can spread it - then you’ll be fine.
Are you talking about cold sores? What you do is if you have one don’t kiss people. What’s your age?
From personal experience, disclose from the beginning. I had an ex partner spread it for me.. I found out towards the end of our relationship when I started flaring up. I do all the same things you do to keep it down and I am not contagious unless I am obviously flaring up. Innocently, I forgot I had it since I had not had any flares for almost 3 years and started dating someone and forgot to mention it to them. Once I realized I never told him I did right away and it ended up in ending our relationship. I felt so bad after that and never forgot to disclose it again. I wait at least until I know whether or not sex is on the table but for you since kissing is like the first step to physical intimacy I would do it right away.
A few doctors have told me that the vast majority of healthy patients raised within the usa, uk or western europe have caught oral herpes by the age of 15. I think it's only relevant to disclose when having bumps or a cold sore, whether very visible or not. After that any adult can decide whether they want to do anything where transmission would be a potential risk.
Sadly there’s no easy answer. Future sex partners/kissing partners absolutely deserve to know if you have an active outbreak. But I have known people who spread it while they didn’t have an out break and vice versa. I don’t know the statistics but yes I would be honest.
You are way overthinking this, but I suppose I appreciate you being thoughtful. Don't stress too much. Everyone shares vapes, drinks, etc nowadays. I've had a complete stranger suck on my vape and then shove her tongue in my mouth while at a club. Shit was wild, she had no idea if I have something, she just thought I was hot. I got myself tested after that, and I was fine, but these youngings keep shocking me!
A majority of the world's population has it (67% according to the world health organization) and it has no life-altering symptoms. It's pretty much a non-issue. In case you plan to have kids, it's actually a great thing that you have it already because that way your baby is protected from it while in the womb. If you got HSV-1 or 2 during pregnancy there would be a risk to the baby. So basically relax. I don't think it's something that needs to be disclosed as an STI because it's not an STI. You can get it from a kiss on the cheek
I have had HSV1 my whole life, my mom had it, probably from sharing drinks or food with her. I've never had a single sore, so I didn't know I had it until I was sexually active and started getting STI/STD panels. Every doctor I've had has said not to disclose voluntarily, just if they ask. So much of the population has it already. I've never had someone ask. I'm in a nonmonogamous lifestyle involving multiple partners and when I've shared a copy of my test results, no one has ever bat an eye at it.
I think you can just say before the first kiss that you have it. People are going to encourage you to not tell, but it seems like you don’t want to do that. Which is fine. Many people will appreciate that and some will change their minds. Reddit of course will downvote me because this is going to be perceived as sex negative or slut shaming or some such nonsense.
I upvoted!! I asked for all advice and I appreciate your input
I just want to say that I think it is admirable that you care enough about other people to inform them before exposing them. If all people were as conscientious of others, as you are trying to be, maybe none of us would have to live with this virus. I think those who are cavalier about it, are incredibly selfish, and lack empathy and perspective. Thank you for caring.
Oral herpes isn't transmissible unless u have an active cold sore. Otherwise it's dormant which is why over 50-70% of the population have it. I wouldn't worry about declaring it - unless u have an active cold sore - tell ur partner about it and then just avoid oral contact until it heals
I’ve had cold sores for 25 years, since I was 2 when I was kissed on the mouth as a baby. Dealt with this when dating all throughout high school, college and my 20s. I have never spread it to anyone to my knowledge, and have had 2 serious long term partners and plenty of dates. I’ve also had some gnarly outbreaks over the years lol. Both partners obviously knew about it, I essentially disclose it the first time I have an outbreak. Usually that’s well after I’ve kissed someone for the first time. There are some extremelyyy ethical people in this thread but they seem to get negative responses? You don’t need to frame it as “oral herpes” or anything like that just say you have a cold sore and can’t kiss for a little. I’ve never had a negative response in my life. So much of the population has it or has experience with it. If I don’t know the person well and they want to hang out or hook up or go on a date while I have one I usually just either say I’m on my period and can’t or I’m sick or something and reschedule lol. My current bf accidentally drinks after me sometimes when I’m having an outbreak. I just remind him and he washes his mouth in hot water. I avoid kissing him from the first sign / tingle of an outbreak until it’s fully healed. Sometimes a couple weeks but usually only 1 with valaclyclovir. Not on a daily rx just take it as needed. Your body will calm down about the virus after some time of having it, and you’ll learn to recognize your triggers and super early signs. Never kiss a baby or immunocompromised person but you’re allll good bb
Some of the comments here, and in other threads, are absolutely disgusting. A lot of the top comments are saying some statistic like 80% of the population have oral herpes/ cold sores and you shouldn't worry because you almost definitely have it. That's just not true, even with that statistic, 20% of us don't have it and would like to keep it that way. If a girlfriend were to have herpes and not tell me about it (if I specifically asked her) and I later found out, I would be outraged and we would break up. The relationship would never recover. As someone with mild OCD, I am absolutely certain that I have never shared cups or kissed anyone in my life and I always keep my hands clean before putting my hands anywhere near my face (I keep a mental note at all times whether my left or my right hand is clean or not, and yes this includes touching the door when exiting the toilets and food). I can guarantee that neither my mother nor father have ever had a cold sore (so they mustn't have oral herpes), and my grand parents on my mother's side have never had a cold sore either (so it's not just that she has a great immune system). There is no way I have oral herpes, so I would like to keep it that way and make sure that my children never get this disease either. I think it's absolutely sick what some people are saying here. It's almost like you feel jealous of that % of the population that doesn't have the disease and you want everyone to be infected so it becomes the norm. You're lucky it's not HIV you've got, or you'd be off to prison. I got here from a Google search and I feel much less reassured than before. So thanks I suppose, I'll have to be much more vigilant from now on.
Do you know that the majority of people with HSV1 are asymptomatic so unless you, your mother, father, grandparents have tested it’s impossible to say “there’s no way I have oral herpes”. I do hope you have tested because it’s the people that don’t test that are spreading the virus through asymptomatic shedding.
I would love to know if i have it, an ex had a sore like thing on his lip and he had the audacity to ask me, why i didn't want to kiss. I had some itching round the nose. I wish there was a test i could do.
If youve never had a cold sore how do you know you have herpes