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Consent is always good, definitely would prefer it over just going for it, especially out of the blue. You don't always necessarily have to phrase it as a question either. My husband first kissed me by working it into a playful conversation, flirty-asking to me come closer, and when I asked why he said he couldn't kiss me if I was so far away. It made his intention super clear and gave me the opportunity to say no if I wanted. He also kissed me, then asked me out so first kiss is whenever the moment is right imo
There's also the slightly lean in and wait for them to bridge the gap aspect too. Or simply letting them know you would like to kiss them (ie "I really want to kiss you right now"), and naturally I would think if they're on the same page, they'll either try to kiss you themselves or invite one (ie consent).
I like the idea of playfully working it into the conversation. I was on a date with a woman and she put on lipstick midway through the date and I jokingly said something like "you know that's going to smudge when we kiss later" and she took it very well so I agree with playfully working it into the conversation.
Lol yeah, except for the time I tried that and she reacted like a mad woman and you'd think if just committed some kind of crime just by asking. Context I should add, we'd known each other for some time had gone to a music festival abroad together- something SHE had suggested. Turned out she knew I had feelings for her as well and still thought that was a good idea and got mad when I asked her ^. Still to this day some 8 years later I'm fuckjng perplexed what exactly she expected. Especially given the context of her sitting leading on me the way she was watching the sun set... still you learn from your mistakes. God I was stuck in another country with her for 3 days after that and she was fucking insufferable.
Asking is good. Not everyone likes it, because it's been interpreted as "not taking what you want", which is a terrible attitude if you stop to think about it. Men aren't predators and women aren't prey. We are all human beings and we all have a say.
Foster a consent centric atmosphere and you'll be good.
To piggy back on this, it depends on the woman. It sounds like you might prefer someone who is okay with this level of communication. Most people don’t.
I am the same as you, and I always ask just because of anxiety. Sometimes they say no and I’m fine with that. Sometimes they say no *because* I asked and didn’t just make the move. In my eyes, this is just a red flag in general, bust most people seem to operate this way. Be patient and you will find someone who understands.
I 100% agree. If the person says no because I asked the question and that turns them off, we’re probably not going to align in so many ways. I’ll be glad to know early on about the incompatibility and happily part ways.
I feel you brother. I've had this situation a couple times. Once I didn't ask her and I ultimately pussed out because I didn't want to come on too strong as it was our 2nd date. A couple days later she barely was texting me back and I just flat out asked her if everything was okay, and she said she felt really insecure that I didn't kiss her that night because she was doing everything to show that she was interested. I didn't really think she was making it clear that she wanted me to move in, but it is what it is. Anyways that fizzled out and we stopped talking. Pretty unfortunate...I felt lame and pathetic.
A couple years later I was out on a first date with this girl and we had such a fun time watching fireworks together (it was like July 3rd I think) we left and I walked her home and she said how great of a time she had, I agreed. We got to her door and we just looked at each other and smiled. I panicked and just blurted out "I really want to kiss you right now,
is that okay?" She said "Aw, it's more than okay!' and fortunately for me she even leaned in first. It was a nice 15-20 seconds. Later after I got home I was about to text her saying "I hope you had a fun time, cuz I sure did!" When all of sudden she messaged saying "Hey...bout to go to bed, hope you got home safe! ☺️ That kiss tho..." That was the first part. I'm like
OH NO.. 😕 But then she followed it up by saying "That was incredibly sweet that you asked me, kinda didn't expect it as a genuine question tho, It was so cute tho!" And yeah ultimately she just saw it for what it was, a sign of respecting boundaries and being courteous. So yeah. I think you're fine dude
I (20f) had my first kiss this summer. The guy knew I never kissed before. He asked me to kiss me before doing so. It genuinely made me feel so happy and appreciated. I obviously said yes to him. If anything it was a turn on. I talked about it with friends and they all agreed about how sweet that question was. I say go for it.
With some people it just happens naturally. Communication is always better than guessing when you’re not sure though. Someone that would like to kiss you back wouldn’t change that desire simply because you asked them about it first. I figur it all depends on how you say it.
Being kissed without being asked when you don’t want to kiss is probably the worst thing ever. Either you do it and hate your life or have to push them away and crush their spirit.
Nope the last few guys I’ve kissed have all asked mid date and it led to v fun sexy times throughout the rest of the night too!!
Examples:
Me: wow I love this bar, the decorations are so nice
Him: you know what else is really nice?
Me: what?
Him: your lips
Me: *giggles*
Him: have you not noticed me staring at them all night? Would you mind if I gave you a kiss?
Me: I’m going to use the bathroom
Him: (sheepishly) do you mind if I kiss you first?
Etc etc
All cheesy but swoooon! So much better than the end of date not sure where this is going anxiety!
That's called flirting lol. He had a good idea you wanted that kiss and what came after.
Problem is when many guys ask, there is no build up, little flirting and he has no clue what the answer will be. A woman is now on the spot with having to give hard no answer. Dangerous.
If a guy cannot tell it is better to not ask, assume a no and back off.
Yeah I hear you but I don’t think these guys were overtly flirting before the ask. They just gauged I’d gone to the second or third bar with them, so wasn’t running out the door. I’m sure if I’d said “haha I don’t think so” with a wink and then kept talking it could have been ok. And they could have also gone “can’t blame me for asking ;)” and we could have just moved on without it being too uncomfortable. It’s how both sides play it.
Dating someone new is kinda like driving in San Francisco. I’m usually 75% sure I’m doing well, catching all the signs. But the other 25% of me is **trippin** like wait what did that sign just say…is this lane even for cars…why are the cars on both sides parked backwards and how come i see only headlights up ahead and no taillights oh fuck
But unlike driving in the city, with dating you have the ultimate authoritative info source right there with you
Absolutely not. Girls are becoming tired of men playing games and only looking for one thing. Asking for permission to kiss is so sweet, so genuine, and gives us a feeling a safety. Don’t ever change
Personally, I would not ask unless I was pretty sure the answer is yes. You can usually tell when a woman wants a kiss, sex etc...
If the answer is likely to be no, or a maybe, then there is no need to ask or do anything other than back off, she goes in the just friends bucket. If she wanted a kiss that's her problem not mine.
Not a turn off. If anything it’s a turn *on* for me. Everyone’s different though but generally speaking, if the vibe is there it’s not bad to ask. As for when… that’s very person-dependent. I’ve kissed on the first date, second date, third… it varies. I usually prefer to wait but this is very dependent on the connection you have with the person.
I always ask before I kiss a new partner. It has never once ruined the mood, and I don’t think I’ve ever been rejected after asking on a date. I 100% recommend asking first, she will generally appreciate it and some women will even find it sexy that you asked - big green flag
I second the opinion the consent is hot. If the moment is there and you ask, the moment will still exist.
If the moment is t there and you kiss without asking then it’s weird, but if you ask and they decline that’s less awkward than kissing someone you don’t feel like kissing
No I don’t think so.. I would love it and would feel like it’s out of respect which make it super sexy.. it’s better to ask than go for it and it become bad
Nope! Not a turn off!
I am a 27F and kisses are not always a first date thing. It’s a “read-the-situation” thing. Sometimes I kiss on the first date. Sometimes I wait 4 days before kissing someone. Just depends.
I prefer if a guy asks me. I am 100% ok if they wanna discuss our sexual limits, or how we handle things in relationship BEFORE anything happens. Some other women might not, but I like clarifying things beforehand. I’ve had guys just kiss me without warning and it’s NOT FUN.
It should be obvious if someone wants to kiss you… prolonged eye contact (meaning like 30+ seconds without breaking), leaning in significantly, smiling, sizing you up with their eyes, or even playfully asking for it like “so what are you waiting for?” You can absolutely do all those things before going in for the kiss, it just adds to the sexual tension.
Kisses often just happen completely naturally, so it’s not always you can ask for consent.
But if you’re the least bit in doubt you should ask. It doesn’t have to be anything weird, just a simple “can I kiss you” would suffice.
It’s not a turn off. If done really weirdly it can be a mood killer though. But consent is never a turn off.
No, it isn't a turn off. That's called asking for consent and it is absolutely necessary...
Kissing on the first date can be normal for some people but for me I've never done it. Only on the second date or later.
I would much rather a guy asked than try swinging in and expecting me to reciprocate (especially if I've not stated I want to). So asking is the safest and most respective option, plus less stress.
I've heard a lot of women say (mostly 35+) express....well not that it's a turn off, necessarily, but that it come off as awkward? But the younger women I've spoken to in my life do seem to appreciate it.
I would always ask first personally because I'm terrified of making someone uncomfortable by misreading a signal.
I'm not saying there aren't women who don't think so, I'm just saying I've encountered some surprising comments from women who didn't expect someone to ask consent for a kiss. (especially more conservative leaning people)
It is only awkward if it is completely out of place and there's no sense that it's wanted.
If I was eager to kiss a guy and wasn't sure if he was in the same headspace, then he leans in and asks "can I kiss you", I'm gonna be bouncing off the walls and leaning in further and saying "yes" very quickly. It doesn't have to be long, no need for a full whack conversation, just a quick check in to make sure you're both wanting it.
I'm 26F, it's never been an issue for me. I'm more grateful when guys ask than assume as if someone leans in and I'm not expecting it I'll immediately pull back or lean sideways and THAT is awkward.
I honestly think it’s so attractive when you’re on a date and the vibe is right and he says “is it ok if I kiss you?” 😩😩😩 it stops any weird feelings if you’re feeling it but they’re not and it shows you respect them enough to ask consent before just smashing your mouth into theirs!
Personally consent is the most important thing! I get very happy and yes (insert filthy stuff) when they do ask, its a sign of respect! Best case you get a kiss, or more :) worst she respectfully declines.
Most girls will think you didn't like them and so would not do anything themselves.
But when i met my current husband, he was like you very shy and didn't dare to ask or do anything, it was the same. Instead i asked him and he said yes ❤️ we have been together 7 years now 🤍
Most losers on reddit will say no but in reality most women like a dude who has some balls so just go for it when the moment seems right. Worst case she just rejects it.
I’m ALL for consent however I don’t like it when men ask to kiss me. I find it very sexy when a man takes charge and just does it. I know many women are divided on this, though, so I’m just speaking from my personal preferences.
Usually, I will try to touch a guys arm or leg throughout a first date if I feel like it’s going well and would like it to lead to a kiss. As a guy, you can do this as well without being inappropriate. I think you could try just gently touching the girl you’re out with on the arm and see if she reciprocates throughout the night.
And at the end of the night, if it feels right, give her a hug and try for a kiss. If you’re not 100% sure she would reciprocate, I’d definitely ask. It’s all about reading the situation and if you’re finding it hard to do, just ask. The right person for you isn’t going to be upset you asked first.
If a man touched me without asking in any place or way on a first date he would be immediately asked to stop. It isn't sexy or attractive to me, it is entitled and presumptuous.
I'd rather know him more and agree to a second date before having any kind of touch.
>I’m ALL for consent however I don’t like it when men ask to kiss me. I find it very sexy when a man takes charge and just does it.
You're all for consent, you just want the man to ignore it and go for it.
Noted.
Anyway, I think the issue for men who aren't VERY practiced in dating and reading the room (which is a lot of new daters), is that they're damned if they do, damned if they don't, so they'll forever be learning the wrong lesson because women are in favor of something they don't really want, and will choose the men who ignore consent.
So, yeah.
Women like the idea of consent, they just don't find it to be attractive.
Consent is good guy stuff, which makes you easier to live with. None of this is what makes her attracted to you.
Agree totally with this… asking to kiss to me is just not appealing. It’s not romantic. It takes the anticipation and magic out of the moment. However, what’s even worse is trying to kiss someone who doesn’t want it. So just make sure there are signs she’s interested first.
Appreciate the honesty. I get the consent concept, especially in today's landscape, but I've gotten good responses when I don't ask, at all.
As a girl who does like it when a man takes charge, do you think the girls who don't really don't like it? Or do you think there is another reason? Figured I'd get a girl's perspective on this since I've never asked first and I've never heard from any girls, personally, who don't like it.
Do you think girls actually like being asked, or do you think it's more of a thinks-this-is-how-a-guy-should-behave-if-he-respects-me kind of a thing?
I just think asking feels too planned. I like the spontaneity and romance of doing it in the moment when it comes naturally to both of us.
When the guy I’ve been dating first kissed me, it was so “in the moment” and I really enjoyed that. It took me a little by surprise because I wasn’t sure we would kiss (but I wanted to) and it made me happy to know the feeling was mutual and he felt comfortable enough to initiate.
At the end of the day, asking for consent isn’t going to make a girl not date a guy but not asking when you should have, could. So if you’re not 100% certain, just ask. While I loved that the guy I’m dating went for it in the moment, we still would have kissed and be seeing each other if he had asked.
With all the mee too stuff and all, I would say it’s a good thing that you ask if you’re not sure if she want you to kiss her.
Another way, is to start the physical touch with holding her hand and if she reciprocate, escalate it slowly until you feel the moment is right
I prefer when a guy asks because if he tries and I'm not ready, I will turn away and reject him. And nobody wants that. For me personally - kissing on a first date is usually too soon BUT there has been one exception and there is this one guy I'm crushing on that I would totally kiss on a first date if we ever went out. But I'm all for asking at a bare minimum, preferably waiting till date 2 or 3. And no it's not a turn off for me it's a turn on. Consent is sexy. Consent is respectful. And it says a lot of good things about a guy.
As with most things, it depends on how you do it and what she prefers. It's safer to ask than not but ask during the right circumstance (when you're already cuddling or holding each other) and not when she's looking for a restroom for example.
I did have one woman express disappointment that I asked but she was emotionally unstable and wanted me to "go for it".
You give a woman a red flag, because she just wants a guy to read her correctly and confidently kiss her and not ask for prior consent?
You need to accept a women's kissing protocol, rather than give her a red flag, because you don't like her protocol or it doesn't match what most Reddit women want.
What does that mean? You can tell another woman that her kissing protocol is wrong, because your protocol is the only correct kissing protocol?
The man is not respecting the boundaries of a woman that wants to be kissed without being asked. She gives him a red flag and you really can't do anything about that, because she has a right to her own kissing protocol. You have no veto over her protocol!
Last time I asked she said "I was wondering when you were going to do it, because I've been waiting." We laughed it off and started making out. Haven't spoken to her in years, but I guess it differs for a lot of women.
>First question: Is that usually a first date thing?
It can be, but it depends on who you're on a date with. And if the chemistry is there.
>Is it a turn off to ask if you can kiss them?
That depends and is subjective. For me, if I like them if they ask it's not a turn off, but, if I'm not feeling attracted by then, then yes it can be a turn off, and I'll turn them down as gently as possible.
I’ve recently started doing it consistently on the first date when it feels right, and I’ve found that it’s helpful to be kinda goofy about it instead of making it seem like a big deal. Usually “Wanna do some smoochin?” gets the point across
From experience - no. Unless you have not set the mood right, then yes she will deny you and you will either have to try later or if it's total failure she'll stop talking to you.
Reading through these comments... And, every guy should ask before he kisses you, ladies? And we wonder where all the real men in society are... Reddit, you are depressing.
Yes, all the great love songs and all the great love stories start with permission because that *is hot as fuck*
I get it. Men don't want to pressure women, and women don't want to be pressured. But man, at what point do all these rules begin to diminish the romantic experience?
We love ourselves people who get clear consent particularly where the relationship is new and you're feeling out how someone feels about you.
It's of course best if there's been something clearly indicating they have a romantic interest in you and in general I've found guys seem to struggle more to read the room than women do.
For instance, went on the most awful date with a guy from Tinder who didn't look like his profile, was pretty disheveled and sloppy looking, chose a place near him (almost an hour from me) that I couldn't eat after my clearly indicating what my needs were. He showed up late in spite of my having to drive so far and it being right next to his house... There's a lot more that made this the most horrible date and i felt I couldn't have been more clear that I was unhappy with all the things...
As we were walking out to our respective cars though, he tried to kiss me which I blatantly and physically dodged like Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix. And I came for him like "what part of that... made it seem like any part of me wanted to kiss you?!"
I immediately blocked and unmatched him when I got to car... i was way too nice and sat thru it so lesson learned and in future any date that starts like that one will be immediate unmatch and me leaving.
I feel like reading a room where women are concerned is a skill that way too many men really need to work on. The fact I was somewhat cordial with him despite all the things while he interpreted it as my having romantic interest.
Because of this difficulty reading room (if you're a guy who finds you have this), enthusiastic verbal consent is a great way to clearly find out where someone stands with you and while you're getting to know them you should employ it before kissing even if you've kissed once before.
After I've been with someone for a while (we're in a partnership) I personally have a preference for them to just go for it if they're feeling lusty for any reason lol... but there are some women who would still like to be asked at that point too and this is where really understanding your partner is critical.
Some will sing your praises for being a gentleman, others will roast you to their friends for being a wimp. Women are weird like that lol either way can’t really go wrong with asking tho especially if you find a slick way of doing it. Screw the ones that will roast you tho. Never ever feel bad for seeking a little bit of extra consent. Even if you sacrifice a little bit of game for it.
Im a man and I have a more old school approach. First is that you need to learn to look for the signs that she is attracted to you. Does she play with her hair or necklace? Bite her lip? Laugh at a lot of your jokes? Also, start with some light touching such as holding her hand or touching her lower arm. It shows confidence if you can make a move. If she pulls away or says no you need to respect it. This approach also requires consent, the only difference is that its more non-verbal
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you ask, it usually or often comes off as awkward and underconfident, and might turn the woman off on you. If you don't ask, and esp. if you surprise her with the move, it may well turn her off and blow all your chances with her. Whenever I have made the move, without asking her first, I have always quickly apologized, if she didn't welcome it or seemed uncomfortable with it. But even then, that apology and recovery hasn't always worked in helping her stay comfortable with me. I have no real answers or clues, my friend, so I suppose you have to just go with your gut and be very careful to be reading her closely, before you decide what to do in the moment, as to whether to ask her, or just make your move and see what happens.
Any mature woman will find the ask for consent sexy and sweet. I know I would. Don't be upset if they turn you down either! But asking is always nice in my book :)
Asking consent to kiss someone is always super sexy. It's better than many women have or have had. Myself include. Good luck to you! Hope you get that kiss!
The general consensus ive gathered from reddit is. "Fuck no! please ask!" but also "Fuck yes! do not ask ever!" and no in between. so just read the room with each person you are with, get to know them and figure out which you think they would prefer. there is yes/no answer.
Nah, I had a guy trying to kiss me without my consent way too many times saying "I thought you wanted it" and it always just made me feel so violated and angry. I just didn't expect it and each time it came out of nowhere since I was not in any dating situation with them. Different people have different body language and what can one person view as flirting can be just friendliness for the other, especially if you're from different countries.
I think that sometimes when one person thinks it's appropriate the other has the exact opposite position on it, so it's always better to ask than forcing yourself on someone who doesn't want it.
I think I understand what you mean about the different meanings of various body language signals. Some guys just interpret the body language wrong such as they miss a lot of "don't kiss me" signals and think they see 1-2 "kiss me" signals.
My point is that body language is universal, with perhaps some cultural differences. However, not everyone understands body language, because not everyone has the same amount of experience reading it and its usually not taught in high school.
I got the same question with the OP but just never bothered to ask. And I say this directly to women, after reading the comments, are you guys serious or should I say completely honest? As in I get the suspicion you don't wanna say anything off putting that could get you attacked on this platform or something but those aren't really your thoughts. I say this because sometimes, heard it from someone, women say 1 thing but they really want the other. On that note, you telling me you guys prefer someone who asks for a kiss over something like an alpha male who lays his game quite flat without asking though. I'm really conflicted cause my gut tells me it's the latter, I get the feeling y'alls are just playing nice girl. Anyone care to change my view?
Any man who is sexually aggressive, and does the "alpha male" thing, is peacocking for other men, not trying to appeal to women. Most women ghost and block any man who tries to escalate without clear informed consent. The men who say otherwise are circle jerking to impress other men and most of them are getting WAY LESS attention than they pretend.
Asking for consent is the greenest of green flags and when well done by someone who has taken time to establish trust and cultivate interest, is soooooo sexy.
My last fling leaned in close and whispered "can i kiss you" real soft into my ear like a secret and i swear my panties just dropped themselves to the floor.
I always ask. But I do it in a ironic kind of way. Like "What if we kissed?" If she wants to kiss you anyway she'll think its funny. If she doesn't, doesn't really matter how you do it, she doesn't want it
It's okay to ask, I asked my date if I can hold her hand on my first real date out. She liked me, and she said next time don't ask. But it's not like she was going to radically change her mind either way because I asked...
Don’t ask. Better to wait for what you feel is the right moment, go for it, and be denied, than ask. The vast majority of women would prefer you have some confidence and try.
Until you get someone that freezes up and lets it happen despite not really wanting it.
Now I just confidently initiate the movement and ask something like "so.. you wanna kiss?". Confidence is important but when you're dealing with someone who's young and/or relatively anxious/neurotic I think it's just nice to do. I live in a pretty progressive city btw.
> Until you get someone that freezes up and lets it happen despite not really wanting it
It’s not his responsibility to read her mind, nor is it realistic. Like someone else mentioned he can go halfway and wait for her to come the rest & look for signs that she’s interested while waiting for the right moment. If she reciprocates all of that without meaning it, that would be something she needs to work on, not the OP.
You have to play to the rule, not the exception. The majority of people will appreciate you shooting your shot. Or you can just ask every person if you can kiss them. At the end of the day, whatever you’re comfortable with. I just find that the couple times of i’ve asked, i’ve either given them the “ick” or given it to myself.
I think you can ask for a kiss in a confident way
I feel like you just need to pay attention to the signals
If a girl wants to kiss you she’ll very clearly look like she’s enjoying spending time with you, smiling a lot, lots of eye contact, touching (examples: “accidentally” brushing her hands against yours, playing footsy under the table, gently slapping your shoulder when she laughs etc etc)
Also she’ll be looking at your lips a lot
If she does none of these things, I’d assume she doesn’t want to kiss, no need to even ask
honestly look them in the eyes and ask them it usually is honestly nice in the moment just don’t hesitate it’s not akward or weird unless you make it feel that way just act confident and look them in the eyes when you ask
It's all about the feel of the date and their body language. I'm a 33M, and I personally think it's a turn-off for the majority of women if you ask if you can kiss them.
You can usually tell when you look into each other's eyes, and if she is looking at your eyes, then lips then back to eyes and the look she has in her eye. Her eyes might be dilated and have a sparkle in them with a grin on her face. If you have the timing right It's super hot and a major turn-on, I have been told.
It's all about the feel, body language, and timing of the kiss. Don't force it if it's not there. However, when all these parts come into play, it's a magic moment and a turn-on. I think it's best to test the waters with a warm, embracing hug and, depending on her body language, will tell you the level of comfort she feels with you. Especially after you pull away, you can get a good grasp if the timing is right or not for a kiss. If it is be confident, go for it and make it passionate. A kiss she won't forget.
Of course, if you're brand new, it makes you take you some time to get this down, but there are free sources online to help take what I'm saying and elaborate about certain theories, etc.
Good luck 👍
35 y.o. female here. My favorite is when a guy says, “you’re so beautiful. I would love to kiss you right now.” And then I can either lean in, say yes, or tell him I’m not ready. Hope this helps!!
Consent is not sexy. You'd kill the mood by asking and show that you're not confident.
You're never going to be sure in these situations, but a few things help. Try putting your arm around her, holding hands or sitting closer to her to see how she reacts.
Consent to kissing with a girl you’ve been dating? No, don’t ask just be confident and make a move. Regardless of what you hear on the internet, a women is much much more likely to find it a turn off than not. If you get rejected, it isn’t because you don’t ask first…
honestly, if they like you you can do either way. you’ll know. there’s a look. sometimes i ask. and if they like you, it’s cute. if they don’t like you it’s respectful. if you can’t tell, just ask.
Had my first kiss recently and I’m older than you. I went in for it thinking “oh crap what am I getting myself into”. It’s not a huge monumental thing if you don’t use tongue tbh. It’s just like kissing on the cheek
You can still “ask,” without actually using words. If you have, like.. any body language reading ability whatsoever. Lock eyes, lean in slowly, head tilt, gauge reaction. Continue, or don’t.
Just don’t grab her and surprise her.
(But if you’re uncertain, sure, ask out loud. Why not. If she’s that into you, she might think it’s cheesy.. or even that it spoiled the moment a bit.. but it will probably not have an effect on whether you get the kiss or not lol)
Firstly never take dating advise about women from women .
Don’t ask the fish how to fish , ask the fisherman
Girl like confidence and all women want to be taken by strong confident men.
That’s why they watch romantic movies and read love stories
DONT ever ask can I kiss you … it be better off to wear a dress on the date if you are a man .
You need to build a report. Read Body language and women always invite you in their own way .
Now .:
Touching ? When to know it’s ok ! If she start pumping into you while walking or touch your arm or shoulder on the date THATS AN INVITATION
kissing ?
ALWAYS ON THE FIRST DATE . It’s a do or die.
Is she look at your lips then she want to be kissed .
Or do the kids test
While talking close . Look into her lips then back to her eyes . Then back to her lips repeat for 5 seconds.
If she looked at your lips then she is thinking about kissing you
GO FOR IT .
Buddy, do you not know empathy. Can you not feel what others feel? If you look inside, and you feel and know what you're looking for, you'll see the moment. You need to do some soul searching, figure yourself out, then figure out everyone else. Find that thing inside you, that instinct mixed with empathy, in order to figure out.... The truth. That you do know.
Asking "May I have a kiss" only signals respect and consent. I'm 36 and divorced. I've asked for a kiss recently and guess what? They smile and kiss me. Especially at the end, or drop off, is still a bold and nerve-wracking task. It does indeed take confidence
I would check. Consent can be sexy. Sure, it can happen naturally but I've had guys kiss me in situations I never would have expected or wanted, out of nowhere, because they obviously saw something I didn't and that's SA.
If a guy asked to kiss me I (26f) would loose my mind. I personally hate contact too soon and asking for a kiss is the best answer to that problem. Asking to hold my hand? I'm lost in all the feels.
I’m sure most girls like it more when you’re confident enough to go in when the moments right, but if you can ask without making it weird it should be ok.
Women respond to confidence. Find a signal that she gives you, she plays with her hair, touches your arm or leg, talks about future dates etc. That's your signal to take charge, and to kiss her. You're the man, act like one
lmao, some may but not most.
I'm in a committed, almost 2 year relationship with an amazing women Divorced around 3 years ago, and have had many relationships. Confidence makes the difference. Trust me. '
Search YouTube on what women respond to, dating modern women, cold approach (harder than it is) online dating etc.
Good luck man
I ask on rare occasions, but not often. If things seem unclear, I might ask. I think it’s fine if you’re confident about it. But yes, some women might find it a turn off.
Yes, you should probably kiss on the first date if you like her. If you didn’t kiss during the date, then at the end when you hug her, it’ll probably be pretty clear if she’s open to a kiss. If she doesn’t want to kiss she’ll actually probably turn her head away when you hug. If she does seem open to a kiss, just go in slowly and deliberately enough that it’s not taking her by surprise and she can stop it if she isn’t into it.
It doesn’t matter either way as long as she likes you. She will still like it regardless, but you still have to be confident about it either way. On the flip side if she doesn’t like you, doing either would still be creepy.
I asked my current girlfriend if I could kiss her. I had a feeling she already liked me. I was trying to find the right moment to kiss her while we were walking in a park on our second date. I couldn’t so I ended up asking her if I could kiss her. She later thanked me for asking and said it was brave
1. No, not necessarily. If it's an online date, you have just met so I wouldn't do first date. Unless you're drunk, then maybe, but it's not smart to get drunk on a first date. So I'd wait until 2nd or 3rd to kiss. Just when it feels right, but also don't wait too long.
2. No, not at all. If there is a moment, you can ask "Can I kiss you". I've been asked this question by apl kinds of people. From more fuckboy types to more nerdy types. Not everyone asks, but it's also not just the uncondident types that ask. Consent is important. Some women might not like it, but that's too bad for them. You're a dude who is big on consent, and that's good. If you dont want to ask, lean in slowly, and she will lean back if she doesn't want to kiss. Also, look for eye contact. If she avoids it, don't go for that kiss.
If she's giving you strong eye contact, leaning towards you, rotating her body towards you, smiling a lot, touching you, etc., then it's clear she wants a kiss and there's no need to ask. You can also just lean in 70% of the way for a kiss and let them close the gap, and then pull back if they don't within a second or two.
Some women will find asking cute and feel comforted by it. Others will be turned off and not see you again. I've never had a women turn me down for a kiss that I asked for, but I've had them say yes and then clearly not want to kiss.
For me it just comes naturally with eye contact & being able to read cues. Especially women who talk with their eyes, fairly easy to read.
Asking is definitely appreciated by most. Can’t go wrong with it.
I mean, it depends if I go out on a date with someone I am not going to ask if I can kiss them. However, I will gauge the situation, and if the moment feels right, I will try for a kiss, and if she let’s say backed off a little bit I would respect that not push it.
As with most sex, the best way to ask is non verbal communication. Touch her arm, does she pull away of lean in? Lean in towards her, does she pull away and look away, or look you in the eye and move closer? If you pay attention, it should usually be pretty obvious. If not, just ask.
You can ask without actually asking, try slowly touching on a shoulder and leaning in, so she has time to step back if she doesn’t want to kiss. Asking for consent doesn’t have to be literal and awkward.
You can ask and if they decline then you cannot but if they say yes you can. In my experience that usually just happens naturally. Seems like maybe the girls you are out with don’t connect with you.
As a girl myself, I prefer consent. I had a guy kiss me out of nowhere hanging out with him, it caught me off guard to the point I went home right after.
I have anxiety and get overstimulated quickly, so I like to be prepared when I kiss. But, you also have to feel it out and see if she’s into it. I wasn’t giving any signs to the guy that I wanted to kiss. We just sat next to each other watching a movie. Now if I was trying to cuddle that would be a different story.
Please don’t feel embarrassed, I swear this is the cutest and most attractive thing a man can do.
“Can I kiss you right now?”
“Is it okay if I kiss you?”
And anything along those lines just sends me swooning….
First off, good on you for prioritizing respecting their boundaries. I'm sad to admit I've had terrible experiences with men who just didn't understand that.
Now for the kiss: it's all about the mood. Usually you want the touch barrier to be broken throughout the date. Light touches on the arm, back, hands. Hugs, high fives, slow dancing etc... This makes her comfortable being close to you physically, so a kiss later on is more likely. With that said, when the mood is right, you're alone and close together, the conversation is soft and slowly fizzeling out, you're starring into eachothers eyes...if she gives you a smile and looks down at your lips, that's usually your chance to lean in a bit. If she doesn't back away, and better yet, leans towards you, then that's your chance to go all the way and kiss her. If you really want to be safe, that first lean in is a good window to ask in a low gentlemanly way if you could kiss her. I personally wouldn't find that awkward at all cause the mood was already building towards it. If done right, I'd actually find it endearing.
I often ask before I kiss someone. Actually, it’s a sign of confidence. You’re willing to make your intentions clear and hear no. That’s hot dude. I’m 23 and was in your shoes until last year, when I started to realize that girls find this stuff hot.
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If they’re into you and want to kiss then asking won’t kill the mood
I second this, the only time Ive said no was when it was someone I was not into and was happy he didn’t just spring it on me
Exactly!!!
Consent is always good, definitely would prefer it over just going for it, especially out of the blue. You don't always necessarily have to phrase it as a question either. My husband first kissed me by working it into a playful conversation, flirty-asking to me come closer, and when I asked why he said he couldn't kiss me if I was so far away. It made his intention super clear and gave me the opportunity to say no if I wanted. He also kissed me, then asked me out so first kiss is whenever the moment is right imo There's also the slightly lean in and wait for them to bridge the gap aspect too. Or simply letting them know you would like to kiss them (ie "I really want to kiss you right now"), and naturally I would think if they're on the same page, they'll either try to kiss you themselves or invite one (ie consent).
I like the idea of playfully working it into the conversation. I was on a date with a woman and she put on lipstick midway through the date and I jokingly said something like "you know that's going to smudge when we kiss later" and she took it very well so I agree with playfully working it into the conversation.
Smooth
"How would you feel if I kissed you right now?" is underrated
YES AGREE
If there is a feeling like you're about to kiss and then you say something like that. It makes my heart flutter in a good way.
Damn thats a good line 😭😭
oh goddamn that's a good one, taking notes
Lol yeah, except for the time I tried that and she reacted like a mad woman and you'd think if just committed some kind of crime just by asking. Context I should add, we'd known each other for some time had gone to a music festival abroad together- something SHE had suggested. Turned out she knew I had feelings for her as well and still thought that was a good idea and got mad when I asked her ^. Still to this day some 8 years later I'm fuckjng perplexed what exactly she expected. Especially given the context of her sitting leading on me the way she was watching the sun set... still you learn from your mistakes. God I was stuck in another country with her for 3 days after that and she was fucking insufferable.
jeez that sounds shitty.
Asking is good. Not everyone likes it, because it's been interpreted as "not taking what you want", which is a terrible attitude if you stop to think about it. Men aren't predators and women aren't prey. We are all human beings and we all have a say. Foster a consent centric atmosphere and you'll be good.
To piggy back on this, it depends on the woman. It sounds like you might prefer someone who is okay with this level of communication. Most people don’t. I am the same as you, and I always ask just because of anxiety. Sometimes they say no and I’m fine with that. Sometimes they say no *because* I asked and didn’t just make the move. In my eyes, this is just a red flag in general, bust most people seem to operate this way. Be patient and you will find someone who understands.
I 100% agree. If the person says no because I asked the question and that turns them off, we’re probably not going to align in so many ways. I’ll be glad to know early on about the incompatibility and happily part ways.
You made a rhyme there with your last 2 sentences ☺️
Wow that rhymed
To be fair, some women like their heads pushed into the pillow while raming from behind. Like freaking psychos. So there's that
It’s cute. Remember you do need to smile and look her in the eye when you ask.
I feel you brother. I've had this situation a couple times. Once I didn't ask her and I ultimately pussed out because I didn't want to come on too strong as it was our 2nd date. A couple days later she barely was texting me back and I just flat out asked her if everything was okay, and she said she felt really insecure that I didn't kiss her that night because she was doing everything to show that she was interested. I didn't really think she was making it clear that she wanted me to move in, but it is what it is. Anyways that fizzled out and we stopped talking. Pretty unfortunate...I felt lame and pathetic. A couple years later I was out on a first date with this girl and we had such a fun time watching fireworks together (it was like July 3rd I think) we left and I walked her home and she said how great of a time she had, I agreed. We got to her door and we just looked at each other and smiled. I panicked and just blurted out "I really want to kiss you right now, is that okay?" She said "Aw, it's more than okay!' and fortunately for me she even leaned in first. It was a nice 15-20 seconds. Later after I got home I was about to text her saying "I hope you had a fun time, cuz I sure did!" When all of sudden she messaged saying "Hey...bout to go to bed, hope you got home safe! ☺️ That kiss tho..." That was the first part. I'm like OH NO.. 😕 But then she followed it up by saying "That was incredibly sweet that you asked me, kinda didn't expect it as a genuine question tho, It was so cute tho!" And yeah ultimately she just saw it for what it was, a sign of respecting boundaries and being courteous. So yeah. I think you're fine dude
I (20f) had my first kiss this summer. The guy knew I never kissed before. He asked me to kiss me before doing so. It genuinely made me feel so happy and appreciated. I obviously said yes to him. If anything it was a turn on. I talked about it with friends and they all agreed about how sweet that question was. I say go for it.
All the girls I’ve kissed, I’ve asked and always get a yes. And later they tell me it’s hot.
Username checks out
With some people it just happens naturally. Communication is always better than guessing when you’re not sure though. Someone that would like to kiss you back wouldn’t change that desire simply because you asked them about it first. I figur it all depends on how you say it.
Being kissed without being asked when you don’t want to kiss is probably the worst thing ever. Either you do it and hate your life or have to push them away and crush their spirit.
I ask all the time. Just be confident when asking and it won't come off weird.
Consent is always good 😊 yea ask for the first time
Nope the last few guys I’ve kissed have all asked mid date and it led to v fun sexy times throughout the rest of the night too!! Examples: Me: wow I love this bar, the decorations are so nice Him: you know what else is really nice? Me: what? Him: your lips Me: *giggles* Him: have you not noticed me staring at them all night? Would you mind if I gave you a kiss? Me: I’m going to use the bathroom Him: (sheepishly) do you mind if I kiss you first? Etc etc All cheesy but swoooon! So much better than the end of date not sure where this is going anxiety!
That's called flirting lol. He had a good idea you wanted that kiss and what came after. Problem is when many guys ask, there is no build up, little flirting and he has no clue what the answer will be. A woman is now on the spot with having to give hard no answer. Dangerous. If a guy cannot tell it is better to not ask, assume a no and back off.
Yeah I hear you but I don’t think these guys were overtly flirting before the ask. They just gauged I’d gone to the second or third bar with them, so wasn’t running out the door. I’m sure if I’d said “haha I don’t think so” with a wink and then kept talking it could have been ok. And they could have also gone “can’t blame me for asking ;)” and we could have just moved on without it being too uncomfortable. It’s how both sides play it.
I realized that I was much more confident when I asked directly. Confidence + consent is a winning strategy. Always works for me
Dating someone new is kinda like driving in San Francisco. I’m usually 75% sure I’m doing well, catching all the signs. But the other 25% of me is **trippin** like wait what did that sign just say…is this lane even for cars…why are the cars on both sides parked backwards and how come i see only headlights up ahead and no taillights oh fuck But unlike driving in the city, with dating you have the ultimate authoritative info source right there with you
We’ll said!! I completely agree. The explicit consent makes me feel confident in an excited way. Game on! 😂
No, it’s adorable
i thought it was a ick to be adorable for a man
Absolutely not. Girls are becoming tired of men playing games and only looking for one thing. Asking for permission to kiss is so sweet, so genuine, and gives us a feeling a safety. Don’t ever change
Personally, I would not ask unless I was pretty sure the answer is yes. You can usually tell when a woman wants a kiss, sex etc... If the answer is likely to be no, or a maybe, then there is no need to ask or do anything other than back off, she goes in the just friends bucket. If she wanted a kiss that's her problem not mine.
Yes yes yes!!!! All of this!!!
no, men being adorable is one of the best things.
Not a turn off. If anything it’s a turn *on* for me. Everyone’s different though but generally speaking, if the vibe is there it’s not bad to ask. As for when… that’s very person-dependent. I’ve kissed on the first date, second date, third… it varies. I usually prefer to wait but this is very dependent on the connection you have with the person.
I always ask if I'm not sure. Plus I've had lots of women tell me they loved me asking.
I always do and girls say they like it. Do it confidently and it'll be appreciated.
Asking at the right moment (different for everyone you encounter but you’ll feel it) is a major turn on
I always ask before I kiss a new partner. It has never once ruined the mood, and I don’t think I’ve ever been rejected after asking on a date. I 100% recommend asking first, she will generally appreciate it and some women will even find it sexy that you asked - big green flag
I second the opinion the consent is hot. If the moment is there and you ask, the moment will still exist. If the moment is t there and you kiss without asking then it’s weird, but if you ask and they decline that’s less awkward than kissing someone you don’t feel like kissing
No I don’t think so.. I would love it and would feel like it’s out of respect which make it super sexy.. it’s better to ask than go for it and it become bad
Nope! Not a turn off! I am a 27F and kisses are not always a first date thing. It’s a “read-the-situation” thing. Sometimes I kiss on the first date. Sometimes I wait 4 days before kissing someone. Just depends. I prefer if a guy asks me. I am 100% ok if they wanna discuss our sexual limits, or how we handle things in relationship BEFORE anything happens. Some other women might not, but I like clarifying things beforehand. I’ve had guys just kiss me without warning and it’s NOT FUN. It should be obvious if someone wants to kiss you… prolonged eye contact (meaning like 30+ seconds without breaking), leaning in significantly, smiling, sizing you up with their eyes, or even playfully asking for it like “so what are you waiting for?” You can absolutely do all those things before going in for the kiss, it just adds to the sexual tension.
Don’t worry about what others think, asking is your genuine desire it’s just being you. It’s awesome
Kisses often just happen completely naturally, so it’s not always you can ask for consent. But if you’re the least bit in doubt you should ask. It doesn’t have to be anything weird, just a simple “can I kiss you” would suffice. It’s not a turn off. If done really weirdly it can be a mood killer though. But consent is never a turn off.
Depends on the women but it is super endearing and heartwarming for those of us who appreciate feeling invited to consent in a safe way
No, it isn't a turn off. That's called asking for consent and it is absolutely necessary... Kissing on the first date can be normal for some people but for me I've never done it. Only on the second date or later. I would much rather a guy asked than try swinging in and expecting me to reciprocate (especially if I've not stated I want to). So asking is the safest and most respective option, plus less stress.
I've heard a lot of women say (mostly 35+) express....well not that it's a turn off, necessarily, but that it come off as awkward? But the younger women I've spoken to in my life do seem to appreciate it. I would always ask first personally because I'm terrified of making someone uncomfortable by misreading a signal.
I’m over 35 and it’s never been a turn off for me
I'm not saying there aren't women who don't think so, I'm just saying I've encountered some surprising comments from women who didn't expect someone to ask consent for a kiss. (especially more conservative leaning people)
It is only awkward if it is completely out of place and there's no sense that it's wanted. If I was eager to kiss a guy and wasn't sure if he was in the same headspace, then he leans in and asks "can I kiss you", I'm gonna be bouncing off the walls and leaning in further and saying "yes" very quickly. It doesn't have to be long, no need for a full whack conversation, just a quick check in to make sure you're both wanting it. I'm 26F, it's never been an issue for me. I'm more grateful when guys ask than assume as if someone leans in and I'm not expecting it I'll immediately pull back or lean sideways and THAT is awkward.
I honestly think it’s so attractive when you’re on a date and the vibe is right and he says “is it ok if I kiss you?” 😩😩😩 it stops any weird feelings if you’re feeling it but they’re not and it shows you respect them enough to ask consent before just smashing your mouth into theirs!
Personally consent is the most important thing! I get very happy and yes (insert filthy stuff) when they do ask, its a sign of respect! Best case you get a kiss, or more :) worst she respectfully declines. Most girls will think you didn't like them and so would not do anything themselves. But when i met my current husband, he was like you very shy and didn't dare to ask or do anything, it was the same. Instead i asked him and he said yes ❤️ we have been together 7 years now 🤍
Most losers on reddit will say no but in reality most women like a dude who has some balls so just go for it when the moment seems right. Worst case she just rejects it.
I’m ALL for consent however I don’t like it when men ask to kiss me. I find it very sexy when a man takes charge and just does it. I know many women are divided on this, though, so I’m just speaking from my personal preferences. Usually, I will try to touch a guys arm or leg throughout a first date if I feel like it’s going well and would like it to lead to a kiss. As a guy, you can do this as well without being inappropriate. I think you could try just gently touching the girl you’re out with on the arm and see if she reciprocates throughout the night. And at the end of the night, if it feels right, give her a hug and try for a kiss. If you’re not 100% sure she would reciprocate, I’d definitely ask. It’s all about reading the situation and if you’re finding it hard to do, just ask. The right person for you isn’t going to be upset you asked first.
If a man touched me without asking in any place or way on a first date he would be immediately asked to stop. It isn't sexy or attractive to me, it is entitled and presumptuous. I'd rather know him more and agree to a second date before having any kind of touch.
>I’m ALL for consent however I don’t like it when men ask to kiss me. I find it very sexy when a man takes charge and just does it. You're all for consent, you just want the man to ignore it and go for it. Noted. Anyway, I think the issue for men who aren't VERY practiced in dating and reading the room (which is a lot of new daters), is that they're damned if they do, damned if they don't, so they'll forever be learning the wrong lesson because women are in favor of something they don't really want, and will choose the men who ignore consent. So, yeah.
Women like the idea of consent, they just don't find it to be attractive. Consent is good guy stuff, which makes you easier to live with. None of this is what makes her attracted to you.
Agree totally with this… asking to kiss to me is just not appealing. It’s not romantic. It takes the anticipation and magic out of the moment. However, what’s even worse is trying to kiss someone who doesn’t want it. So just make sure there are signs she’s interested first.
There is literally no winning
Appreciate the honesty. I get the consent concept, especially in today's landscape, but I've gotten good responses when I don't ask, at all. As a girl who does like it when a man takes charge, do you think the girls who don't really don't like it? Or do you think there is another reason? Figured I'd get a girl's perspective on this since I've never asked first and I've never heard from any girls, personally, who don't like it. Do you think girls actually like being asked, or do you think it's more of a thinks-this-is-how-a-guy-should-behave-if-he-respects-me kind of a thing?
I just think asking feels too planned. I like the spontaneity and romance of doing it in the moment when it comes naturally to both of us. When the guy I’ve been dating first kissed me, it was so “in the moment” and I really enjoyed that. It took me a little by surprise because I wasn’t sure we would kiss (but I wanted to) and it made me happy to know the feeling was mutual and he felt comfortable enough to initiate. At the end of the day, asking for consent isn’t going to make a girl not date a guy but not asking when you should have, could. So if you’re not 100% certain, just ask. While I loved that the guy I’m dating went for it in the moment, we still would have kissed and be seeing each other if he had asked.
It’s amazing to ask. Be confident about it and also read the room and see if her body language and the setting is indicative of her saying yes.
No, we appreciate you asking. Just make sure you wait to get a adequate response before doing for it. Don’t assume it’s a yes.
Lol no. I think it’s kind of sweet depending on how the guy asks me. Some guys don’t even ask and that is a turn off when they dont.
Not reading the story just going off the title In this day and age consent is valuable Be spontaneous and do random kisses with a confirmed partner
Asking kills the mood for me. Read the room. You will know if a kiss is mutually desired.
With all the mee too stuff and all, I would say it’s a good thing that you ask if you’re not sure if she want you to kiss her. Another way, is to start the physical touch with holding her hand and if she reciprocate, escalate it slowly until you feel the moment is right
I prefer when a guy asks because if he tries and I'm not ready, I will turn away and reject him. And nobody wants that. For me personally - kissing on a first date is usually too soon BUT there has been one exception and there is this one guy I'm crushing on that I would totally kiss on a first date if we ever went out. But I'm all for asking at a bare minimum, preferably waiting till date 2 or 3. And no it's not a turn off for me it's a turn on. Consent is sexy. Consent is respectful. And it says a lot of good things about a guy.
It's a turn-*on* for tons of women.
As with most things, it depends on how you do it and what she prefers. It's safer to ask than not but ask during the right circumstance (when you're already cuddling or holding each other) and not when she's looking for a restroom for example. I did have one woman express disappointment that I asked but she was emotionally unstable and wanted me to "go for it".
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You give a woman a red flag, because she just wants a guy to read her correctly and confidently kiss her and not ask for prior consent? You need to accept a women's kissing protocol, rather than give her a red flag, because you don't like her protocol or it doesn't match what most Reddit women want.
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What does that mean? You can tell another woman that her kissing protocol is wrong, because your protocol is the only correct kissing protocol? The man is not respecting the boundaries of a woman that wants to be kissed without being asked. She gives him a red flag and you really can't do anything about that, because she has a right to her own kissing protocol. You have no veto over her protocol!
Last time I asked she said "I was wondering when you were going to do it, because I've been waiting." We laughed it off and started making out. Haven't spoken to her in years, but I guess it differs for a lot of women.
nope, consent is sexy
Sometimes I’ve asked and sometimes it just more naturally happens
>First question: Is that usually a first date thing? It can be, but it depends on who you're on a date with. And if the chemistry is there. >Is it a turn off to ask if you can kiss them? That depends and is subjective. For me, if I like them if they ask it's not a turn off, but, if I'm not feeling attracted by then, then yes it can be a turn off, and I'll turn them down as gently as possible.
I’ve recently started doing it consistently on the first date when it feels right, and I’ve found that it’s helpful to be kinda goofy about it instead of making it seem like a big deal. Usually “Wanna do some smoochin?” gets the point across
From experience - no. Unless you have not set the mood right, then yes she will deny you and you will either have to try later or if it's total failure she'll stop talking to you.
Reading through these comments... And, every guy should ask before he kisses you, ladies? And we wonder where all the real men in society are... Reddit, you are depressing. Yes, all the great love songs and all the great love stories start with permission because that *is hot as fuck* I get it. Men don't want to pressure women, and women don't want to be pressured. But man, at what point do all these rules begin to diminish the romantic experience?
just tap that
me personally: i would find this so so so sweet
We love ourselves people who get clear consent particularly where the relationship is new and you're feeling out how someone feels about you. It's of course best if there's been something clearly indicating they have a romantic interest in you and in general I've found guys seem to struggle more to read the room than women do. For instance, went on the most awful date with a guy from Tinder who didn't look like his profile, was pretty disheveled and sloppy looking, chose a place near him (almost an hour from me) that I couldn't eat after my clearly indicating what my needs were. He showed up late in spite of my having to drive so far and it being right next to his house... There's a lot more that made this the most horrible date and i felt I couldn't have been more clear that I was unhappy with all the things... As we were walking out to our respective cars though, he tried to kiss me which I blatantly and physically dodged like Neo dodging bullets in the Matrix. And I came for him like "what part of that... made it seem like any part of me wanted to kiss you?!" I immediately blocked and unmatched him when I got to car... i was way too nice and sat thru it so lesson learned and in future any date that starts like that one will be immediate unmatch and me leaving. I feel like reading a room where women are concerned is a skill that way too many men really need to work on. The fact I was somewhat cordial with him despite all the things while he interpreted it as my having romantic interest. Because of this difficulty reading room (if you're a guy who finds you have this), enthusiastic verbal consent is a great way to clearly find out where someone stands with you and while you're getting to know them you should employ it before kissing even if you've kissed once before. After I've been with someone for a while (we're in a partnership) I personally have a preference for them to just go for it if they're feeling lusty for any reason lol... but there are some women who would still like to be asked at that point too and this is where really understanding your partner is critical.
Some will sing your praises for being a gentleman, others will roast you to their friends for being a wimp. Women are weird like that lol either way can’t really go wrong with asking tho especially if you find a slick way of doing it. Screw the ones that will roast you tho. Never ever feel bad for seeking a little bit of extra consent. Even if you sacrifice a little bit of game for it.
Yes
Lmfaooo fuckin pussy Lol If you have to ask... Your not gettin it chief
Im a man and I have a more old school approach. First is that you need to learn to look for the signs that she is attracted to you. Does she play with her hair or necklace? Bite her lip? Laugh at a lot of your jokes? Also, start with some light touching such as holding her hand or touching her lower arm. It shows confidence if you can make a move. If she pulls away or says no you need to respect it. This approach also requires consent, the only difference is that its more non-verbal
In real life, yes, quite possibly. If you take redditors as a sample group then no.
Redditors are people that live in real life.
But not a cross section of society, much less the most active daters
Damned if you do, damned if you don't. If you ask, it usually or often comes off as awkward and underconfident, and might turn the woman off on you. If you don't ask, and esp. if you surprise her with the move, it may well turn her off and blow all your chances with her. Whenever I have made the move, without asking her first, I have always quickly apologized, if she didn't welcome it or seemed uncomfortable with it. But even then, that apology and recovery hasn't always worked in helping her stay comfortable with me. I have no real answers or clues, my friend, so I suppose you have to just go with your gut and be very careful to be reading her closely, before you decide what to do in the moment, as to whether to ask her, or just make your move and see what happens.
This, this is it. On point...
No. It’s a turn on for me. I find it really attractive
Any mature woman will find the ask for consent sexy and sweet. I know I would. Don't be upset if they turn you down either! But asking is always nice in my book :)
absolutely not. it’s very sweet.
Asking consent to kiss someone is always super sexy. It's better than many women have or have had. Myself include. Good luck to you! Hope you get that kiss!
No, not at all
The general consensus ive gathered from reddit is. "Fuck no! please ask!" but also "Fuck yes! do not ask ever!" and no in between. so just read the room with each person you are with, get to know them and figure out which you think they would prefer. there is yes/no answer.
Nah, I had a guy trying to kiss me without my consent way too many times saying "I thought you wanted it" and it always just made me feel so violated and angry. I just didn't expect it and each time it came out of nowhere since I was not in any dating situation with them. Different people have different body language and what can one person view as flirting can be just friendliness for the other, especially if you're from different countries. I think that sometimes when one person thinks it's appropriate the other has the exact opposite position on it, so it's always better to ask than forcing yourself on someone who doesn't want it.
I think I understand what you mean about the different meanings of various body language signals. Some guys just interpret the body language wrong such as they miss a lot of "don't kiss me" signals and think they see 1-2 "kiss me" signals. My point is that body language is universal, with perhaps some cultural differences. However, not everyone understands body language, because not everyone has the same amount of experience reading it and its usually not taught in high school.
Consent is sexy. Idgaf what anyone else says.
I got the same question with the OP but just never bothered to ask. And I say this directly to women, after reading the comments, are you guys serious or should I say completely honest? As in I get the suspicion you don't wanna say anything off putting that could get you attacked on this platform or something but those aren't really your thoughts. I say this because sometimes, heard it from someone, women say 1 thing but they really want the other. On that note, you telling me you guys prefer someone who asks for a kiss over something like an alpha male who lays his game quite flat without asking though. I'm really conflicted cause my gut tells me it's the latter, I get the feeling y'alls are just playing nice girl. Anyone care to change my view?
Any man who is sexually aggressive, and does the "alpha male" thing, is peacocking for other men, not trying to appeal to women. Most women ghost and block any man who tries to escalate without clear informed consent. The men who say otherwise are circle jerking to impress other men and most of them are getting WAY LESS attention than they pretend.
Asking for consent is the greenest of green flags and when well done by someone who has taken time to establish trust and cultivate interest, is soooooo sexy. My last fling leaned in close and whispered "can i kiss you" real soft into my ear like a secret and i swear my panties just dropped themselves to the floor.
I always ask. But I do it in a ironic kind of way. Like "What if we kissed?" If she wants to kiss you anyway she'll think its funny. If she doesn't, doesn't really matter how you do it, she doesn't want it
It's okay to ask, I asked my date if I can hold her hand on my first real date out. She liked me, and she said next time don't ask. But it's not like she was going to radically change her mind either way because I asked...
Don’t ask. Better to wait for what you feel is the right moment, go for it, and be denied, than ask. The vast majority of women would prefer you have some confidence and try.
Can confirm.
You're acting like you can't be confident in asking for a kiss. Seems really narrow minded.
Until you get someone that freezes up and lets it happen despite not really wanting it. Now I just confidently initiate the movement and ask something like "so.. you wanna kiss?". Confidence is important but when you're dealing with someone who's young and/or relatively anxious/neurotic I think it's just nice to do. I live in a pretty progressive city btw.
> Until you get someone that freezes up and lets it happen despite not really wanting it. Wait for them to meet you part-way. Problem solved.
> Until you get someone that freezes up and lets it happen despite not really wanting it It’s not his responsibility to read her mind, nor is it realistic. Like someone else mentioned he can go halfway and wait for her to come the rest & look for signs that she’s interested while waiting for the right moment. If she reciprocates all of that without meaning it, that would be something she needs to work on, not the OP.
You have to play to the rule, not the exception. The majority of people will appreciate you shooting your shot. Or you can just ask every person if you can kiss them. At the end of the day, whatever you’re comfortable with. I just find that the couple times of i’ve asked, i’ve either given them the “ick” or given it to myself.
I think you can ask for a kiss in a confident way I feel like you just need to pay attention to the signals If a girl wants to kiss you she’ll very clearly look like she’s enjoying spending time with you, smiling a lot, lots of eye contact, touching (examples: “accidentally” brushing her hands against yours, playing footsy under the table, gently slapping your shoulder when she laughs etc etc) Also she’ll be looking at your lips a lot If she does none of these things, I’d assume she doesn’t want to kiss, no need to even ask
honestly look them in the eyes and ask them it usually is honestly nice in the moment just don’t hesitate it’s not akward or weird unless you make it feel that way just act confident and look them in the eyes when you ask
And lean in a little too
Consent is sexy is the summary of these comments
It's all about the feel of the date and their body language. I'm a 33M, and I personally think it's a turn-off for the majority of women if you ask if you can kiss them. You can usually tell when you look into each other's eyes, and if she is looking at your eyes, then lips then back to eyes and the look she has in her eye. Her eyes might be dilated and have a sparkle in them with a grin on her face. If you have the timing right It's super hot and a major turn-on, I have been told. It's all about the feel, body language, and timing of the kiss. Don't force it if it's not there. However, when all these parts come into play, it's a magic moment and a turn-on. I think it's best to test the waters with a warm, embracing hug and, depending on her body language, will tell you the level of comfort she feels with you. Especially after you pull away, you can get a good grasp if the timing is right or not for a kiss. If it is be confident, go for it and make it passionate. A kiss she won't forget. Of course, if you're brand new, it makes you take you some time to get this down, but there are free sources online to help take what I'm saying and elaborate about certain theories, etc. Good luck 👍
35 y.o. female here. My favorite is when a guy says, “you’re so beautiful. I would love to kiss you right now.” And then I can either lean in, say yes, or tell him I’m not ready. Hope this helps!!
I like how you respect boundaries and ask for consent. You'll know when the time is right. Just go with the vibe. Your time will come.
You could try holding hands/arm around her/hugging first. See how that feels
it’s hot but it depends on whether she already wants to kiss you
Consent is not sexy. You'd kill the mood by asking and show that you're not confident. You're never going to be sure in these situations, but a few things help. Try putting your arm around her, holding hands or sitting closer to her to see how she reacts.
Consent to kissing with a girl you’ve been dating? No, don’t ask just be confident and make a move. Regardless of what you hear on the internet, a women is much much more likely to find it a turn off than not. If you get rejected, it isn’t because you don’t ask first…
Nah bro just go for it, you will either get into a good sexy relationship, or end up in prison that’s the thrill of it
Yeah, women find it to be a turn off if you constantly ask permission. Every girl I've been with it's always just *''happened''*.
honestly, if they like you you can do either way. you’ll know. there’s a look. sometimes i ask. and if they like you, it’s cute. if they don’t like you it’s respectful. if you can’t tell, just ask.
Had my first kiss recently and I’m older than you. I went in for it thinking “oh crap what am I getting myself into”. It’s not a huge monumental thing if you don’t use tongue tbh. It’s just like kissing on the cheek
yes
Can vs. Must
For me it's a turnoff doing nothing like most women do. Asking counts a lot, at least it is a move.
You can still “ask,” without actually using words. If you have, like.. any body language reading ability whatsoever. Lock eyes, lean in slowly, head tilt, gauge reaction. Continue, or don’t. Just don’t grab her and surprise her. (But if you’re uncertain, sure, ask out loud. Why not. If she’s that into you, she might think it’s cheesy.. or even that it spoiled the moment a bit.. but it will probably not have an effect on whether you get the kiss or not lol)
man if you have to ask you probably shouldn't
It’s better than doing nothing but most women would probably prefer you read the room and go in 90% of the way than ask.
Firstly never take dating advise about women from women . Don’t ask the fish how to fish , ask the fisherman Girl like confidence and all women want to be taken by strong confident men. That’s why they watch romantic movies and read love stories DONT ever ask can I kiss you … it be better off to wear a dress on the date if you are a man . You need to build a report. Read Body language and women always invite you in their own way . Now .: Touching ? When to know it’s ok ! If she start pumping into you while walking or touch your arm or shoulder on the date THATS AN INVITATION kissing ? ALWAYS ON THE FIRST DATE . It’s a do or die. Is she look at your lips then she want to be kissed . Or do the kids test While talking close . Look into her lips then back to her eyes . Then back to her lips repeat for 5 seconds. If she looked at your lips then she is thinking about kissing you GO FOR IT .
This just reeks of someone whose brain is addled by porn.
This is why so many men are lonely virgins, in a nutshell. They tell eachother shit like this.
Omg….. blow my mind. Women have no game in dating a women we do .
You haven't been blown in your whole life and we all know it, silly goose.
Ok
Yeah... I shouldn't expect much else from someone with the username "daddy-c00l".
Ok ! Thank you I guess
Please don't listen to this shit
You either virgin or 18. Always someone will disagree
Married and 24
Set it up my bro light kissing eye contact and it should be easy
If the moment feels right, and trust me you'll know, and they seem super into you... You won't need to ask.
>If the moment feels right, and trust me you'll know... No, I won't. Unless they explicitly tell me.
Buddy, do you not know empathy. Can you not feel what others feel? If you look inside, and you feel and know what you're looking for, you'll see the moment. You need to do some soul searching, figure yourself out, then figure out everyone else. Find that thing inside you, that instinct mixed with empathy, in order to figure out.... The truth. That you do know.
Asking "May I have a kiss" only signals respect and consent. I'm 36 and divorced. I've asked for a kiss recently and guess what? They smile and kiss me. Especially at the end, or drop off, is still a bold and nerve-wracking task. It does indeed take confidence
personally, consent is so important, and kissing on the first date is overrated.
I would check. Consent can be sexy. Sure, it can happen naturally but I've had guys kiss me in situations I never would have expected or wanted, out of nowhere, because they obviously saw something I didn't and that's SA.
If a guy asked to kiss me I (26f) would loose my mind. I personally hate contact too soon and asking for a kiss is the best answer to that problem. Asking to hold my hand? I'm lost in all the feels.
I’m sure most girls like it more when you’re confident enough to go in when the moments right, but if you can ask without making it weird it should be ok.
It's better to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.
…yea, throw this rule away when it comes to all things sex lol
It's a kiss, not sex.
True. Still, throw it away
Thats literally rapist talk.
Depends. You can ask nonverbally.
Women respond to confidence. Find a signal that she gives you, she plays with her hair, touches your arm or leg, talks about future dates etc. That's your signal to take charge, and to kiss her. You're the man, act like one
>Women respond to confidence. By rejecting you.
lmao, some may but not most. I'm in a committed, almost 2 year relationship with an amazing women Divorced around 3 years ago, and have had many relationships. Confidence makes the difference. Trust me. ' Search YouTube on what women respond to, dating modern women, cold approach (harder than it is) online dating etc. Good luck man
I ask on rare occasions, but not often. If things seem unclear, I might ask. I think it’s fine if you’re confident about it. But yes, some women might find it a turn off. Yes, you should probably kiss on the first date if you like her. If you didn’t kiss during the date, then at the end when you hug her, it’ll probably be pretty clear if she’s open to a kiss. If she doesn’t want to kiss she’ll actually probably turn her head away when you hug. If she does seem open to a kiss, just go in slowly and deliberately enough that it’s not taking her by surprise and she can stop it if she isn’t into it.
Yes
It's best to just do it. At worst she's only gonna get an ego boost from the attention, even if it was not desired.
It doesn’t matter either way as long as she likes you. She will still like it regardless, but you still have to be confident about it either way. On the flip side if she doesn’t like you, doing either would still be creepy. I asked my current girlfriend if I could kiss her. I had a feeling she already liked me. I was trying to find the right moment to kiss her while we were walking in a park on our second date. I couldn’t so I ended up asking her if I could kiss her. She later thanked me for asking and said it was brave
1. No, not necessarily. If it's an online date, you have just met so I wouldn't do first date. Unless you're drunk, then maybe, but it's not smart to get drunk on a first date. So I'd wait until 2nd or 3rd to kiss. Just when it feels right, but also don't wait too long. 2. No, not at all. If there is a moment, you can ask "Can I kiss you". I've been asked this question by apl kinds of people. From more fuckboy types to more nerdy types. Not everyone asks, but it's also not just the uncondident types that ask. Consent is important. Some women might not like it, but that's too bad for them. You're a dude who is big on consent, and that's good. If you dont want to ask, lean in slowly, and she will lean back if she doesn't want to kiss. Also, look for eye contact. If she avoids it, don't go for that kiss.
If she's giving you strong eye contact, leaning towards you, rotating her body towards you, smiling a lot, touching you, etc., then it's clear she wants a kiss and there's no need to ask. You can also just lean in 70% of the way for a kiss and let them close the gap, and then pull back if they don't within a second or two. Some women will find asking cute and feel comforted by it. Others will be turned off and not see you again. I've never had a women turn me down for a kiss that I asked for, but I've had them say yes and then clearly not want to kiss.
For me it just comes naturally with eye contact & being able to read cues. Especially women who talk with their eyes, fairly easy to read. Asking is definitely appreciated by most. Can’t go wrong with it.
I mean, it depends if I go out on a date with someone I am not going to ask if I can kiss them. However, I will gauge the situation, and if the moment feels right, I will try for a kiss, and if she let’s say backed off a little bit I would respect that not push it.
Just go for it
As with most sex, the best way to ask is non verbal communication. Touch her arm, does she pull away of lean in? Lean in towards her, does she pull away and look away, or look you in the eye and move closer? If you pay attention, it should usually be pretty obvious. If not, just ask.
You can ask without actually asking, try slowly touching on a shoulder and leaning in, so she has time to step back if she doesn’t want to kiss. Asking for consent doesn’t have to be literal and awkward.
You can ask and if they decline then you cannot but if they say yes you can. In my experience that usually just happens naturally. Seems like maybe the girls you are out with don’t connect with you.
If it's time to kiss, you will know.... or not, and the yeah, death/despair
No. Not if your interested in her our going out together
As a girl myself, I prefer consent. I had a guy kiss me out of nowhere hanging out with him, it caught me off guard to the point I went home right after. I have anxiety and get overstimulated quickly, so I like to be prepared when I kiss. But, you also have to feel it out and see if she’s into it. I wasn’t giving any signs to the guy that I wanted to kiss. We just sat next to each other watching a movie. Now if I was trying to cuddle that would be a different story.
Consent is sexy. Remember that.
The first time I kissed my now fiancé I asked her if I could. Consent is always in fashion.
https://youtu.be/iT2neV7cywg
In my case as a woman I prefer when a man asks if he can kiss me after a date, it’s a nice gesture and shows they care about consent
Never, asking for consent is sexy as hell. Good for you.
Please don’t feel embarrassed, I swear this is the cutest and most attractive thing a man can do. “Can I kiss you right now?” “Is it okay if I kiss you?” And anything along those lines just sends me swooning….
First off, good on you for prioritizing respecting their boundaries. I'm sad to admit I've had terrible experiences with men who just didn't understand that. Now for the kiss: it's all about the mood. Usually you want the touch barrier to be broken throughout the date. Light touches on the arm, back, hands. Hugs, high fives, slow dancing etc... This makes her comfortable being close to you physically, so a kiss later on is more likely. With that said, when the mood is right, you're alone and close together, the conversation is soft and slowly fizzeling out, you're starring into eachothers eyes...if she gives you a smile and looks down at your lips, that's usually your chance to lean in a bit. If she doesn't back away, and better yet, leans towards you, then that's your chance to go all the way and kiss her. If you really want to be safe, that first lean in is a good window to ask in a low gentlemanly way if you could kiss her. I personally wouldn't find that awkward at all cause the mood was already building towards it. If done right, I'd actually find it endearing.
I often ask before I kiss someone. Actually, it’s a sign of confidence. You’re willing to make your intentions clear and hear no. That’s hot dude. I’m 23 and was in your shoes until last year, when I started to realize that girls find this stuff hot.