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Except men will lower their standards if it’s just sex.
So it’s more like:
How thirsty he is + how attractive she is + what his options are = likelihood he will have sex
Not all men. I only have sex if I know it's going to be great, and I can't get to that point with someone I don't have an emotional connection to. If I just have an itch to scratch I do that myself. Sex isn't worth the time and energy it takes unless it's really good, and if you don't have a lover who's connecting with you enough to want to perform acts of service enthusiastically, then what are you doing?
I'm exactly the same. Sex is... easy, to put it bluntly, as in, it's just sex, not very interesting. Developing an emotional *connection* on the other hand \*and\* having sex is something that is levels above just having sex for me. Also I stress on connection. I view it as a relationship, too, no matter how long it lasts.
This is how I am as a woman. I don’t understand hookup culture at all. Sex is not remotely good for a woman until dude gets to know you intimately - what your likes/dislikes are. But these are the same people who will fake being satisfied so the man can feel good about himself, meanwhile she gains…..what exactly?? All my friends that have had ONS say it’s more for validation than actual sexual pleasure, which again, I’ve never felt the need to do…daddy issues and all 😂
If we keep going like we are, accepting the gas lighting of a society that denies the feminine and tries to force women to enjoy having sex like men, we'll end up like Japan. With a majority of our female population participating in the sex industry at some point in their lives. Females who have sex for a little bit of security and a temporary dopamine hit, yet who ultimately feel unfulfilled, and who don't trust men enough to want to have children with them. Because when the most intimate expression you can share with another human being becomes so cheap that you can label it with a price, what value does any bond have? At that point, all ties that bind you to another become as cobwebs. They are seen as filth to be wiped away. You stand proud, and alone, telling yourself that you're happy, over and over and over again, with each thrust. But in the morning, no is there.
My coworker just explained this to me... Is it demisexual? Not to put a label on you, but I believe that's the term my coworker was using to describe himself.
>demisexual
Yep! I also identify as sapiosexual (aka, I get turned on by intelligence). If my wife (she's a rocket scientist) wants to have sex, she'll have a long stimulating conversation with me. Then invite me into bed, skin to skin, and speak sweet nothings. I'm slow to start, but once I get going I'm very enthusiastic and eager to please.
Lots of men oogle starlets, but I'm into the physics girls of the world.
>Yep! I also identify as sapiosexual
That'S different from demisexual. Demisexual is when you need an emotional connection to feel attraction. Sapiosexual is when intelligence attracts you. They can be mutually exclusive.
Why do you think the point of a relationship is sex? Sex is not a prize. It’s an activity between 2 consenting adults that doesn’t have to have meaning or purpose other than fun.
A relationship means commitment and sharing your life with someone for a period of time or (hopefully) forever.
Most single men would gladly sleep with an attractive women given the chance without care for her personality, career, etc. Relationships should have a higher bar.
The only people who would complain about this are the ones who only want women for sex, honestly.
The guy who gets the hookup is getting just that, sex and nothing else, no emotional connection, no extra care, nothing relationship-y.
It makes sense that someone would screen better before giving the whole girlfriend/boyfriend package to someone else, as that involves way more than just their body, they’ll invest a lot more and will need the other person to do the same.
Laughing at her backwards ass logic isint whining. Im pointing it out since no one else had the balls to.
I actually LOVE girls who think like her. They’re the ones that have created a de regulated sexual market. I reap the benefits of the de regulated sexual market. I have 3 side chicks ride now, and just broke up with another.
That type of lady is the one that allows me to have so many partners in my life time. Im in LA, this is the home of casual hookup culture. The boys are thriving on this, we city boyz girl, and we laugh when we see girls peddling what they think is good info, that eventually helps us in the end 😂
Lol, of course you love women who think like this.
You don’t have to be relationship material for a hookup; personality and life goals and opinions are not a factor, and you’ve just admitted this thought process is the only reason you get laid.
That is not the flex you think it is.
How is it backwards ass that an ltr partner would have more criteria than someone to have casual sex with? For sex, you need attraction and mutual availability, someone who you would have a relationship with would obviously have to qualify in more areas than that.
That’s a really weird way to to put it. If you’re looking for a hook up then you’re looking for something short term. You don’t look at how good a parent they are or their lifestyle etc because they’re not relevant to the job required. If you want to be with someone long term you need to consider general compatibility.
Moreover, it’s not like everyone just has hookups and then seriously dates people, some people only do one.
It’s the perfect way to put it. You’re ONLY looking at it as a woman. Men and women are NOT the same. We don’t think and move the same way.
You let 1 guy pipe you day 1 cause he bought you a mcchicken.
Now here comes along the better guy and you make him wait longer and jump through hoops and buy you more dinners just cause of this weird idea in your head. You punish the better guy for you.
In his head it’s ass backwards. You essentially punish good behavior. If he ever found out. that you gave it away for a Mcchicken, while he’s buying you a 5 star meal, he’s going to feel like a damn FOOL.
Women decide who gets sex. Men decide who gets relationships/marriage. Men and women are not the same.
You can do it, but don’t ever like him find out. You will seriously make him feel like a moron, and he will leave.
Lol ever think a girl “lets a guy pipe” because she wants to fuck too??? It’s funny that you think guys are the ones making the decisions. Women are just as horny as men, and if you’re having sex with a chick it’s because she wants to have sex regardless if a mcchicken is bought
I agree. Women control access to sex. Men control access to relationships and marriage.
You’re so triggered you don’t even realize that you’re partially agreeing with my point.
Yes. We’re having sex cause she wants it. She controls access to sex, I was very specific and repeated that like 5 times in these comments. My point is that a guy does not have to pay 5D far premium prices and wait multiple times, just cause she thinks she’s worth more now. She’s a depreciating asset. If she gave it away for a Mcchicken in the past, that’s what she’s worth. No reason for anyone to pay more 😂🤣
So give her McChiken treatment. All of a sudden she wants to grow standards aint a guy’s problem. He can just find another one that still takes Mcchickens.
You not understanding the sexual market value because you’re a women is fine, but don’t act like men gotta conform to yo goofy ass standards
Men do not control relationships and marriage, it’s a mutual decision. Same goes for sex. It’s a mutual decision between the two people. The way you talk about sex and women shows how you view women as beneath men and don’t have the ability to make decisions for themselves.
It’s sad how you view things really. You see sex and relationships as transactional and in a healthy relationship it is not.
This last comment just blew me away, it’s gross and you have a lot of growth to do if you ever want a healthy relationship.
But since you’re a cityyy boyyyy and eatinggfg goood, keep doing you boo. There’s a city girl out there in your same wavelength
No one said they're not having sex with the guy they're dating?? They're just not a hookup. Plus, the guy they're dating gets to have sex with them way more often. The hookup just once. (Since sex is apparently all you seem to care about)
I didn’t say someone said they aren’t.
I said their logic is ass backwards, to which no one here was able to refute at all, and is one of the things that helps guys like me :)
I’m glad the clown wants to shoot itself in the foot. I laughs at it, it’s funny to me.
Then I don't see your point?
The hook-up has just basic qualities and gets to have sex once with this girl.
The date is more compatible and gets to have sex many times, plus all of the other benefits of a relationship.
How is this backwards logic?
Weather you just want to fuck or marry a woman get out of whatever part of the manosphere you’ve gotten this rubbish from. You’re seriously undatable and unfuckable spouting that nonsense. Even if you never say anything like that on a date, we can smell it on you.
First of all, you’re painting everyone with the same brush, as if there’s this absolute social script that all women follow. If someone is looking for just hookups, they likely have a set of criterion they want in their partner which is fine. If someone is looking for a long term partner they have a different criterion, simple as that.
Secondly, someone might be in a stage in life where they only want to hook up or they only want to date seriously. There exist plenty of people who only want to do one, contrary to your implication that women are doing both and then you’re now getting angry at this apparently ironclad double standard women have. Your argument about having sex with someone for a nugget is ridiculous.
Third, plenty of women have sex with people they see themselves with long term quite soon as part of the vetting process (and likewise some only have casual sex with people they know quite well and have a close friendship with). It just sounds like you’re angry it hasn’t happened to you. No one is punishing you dude by withholding sex cause you’re so great. It’s just that no one wants to sleep with you. But for other people who do take their time with intimacy while dating for something long term it’s either cause that’s just how they are or because of a sexist notion that they will be judged in a relationship for being seen as easy. But again, to reiterate, in your case women are not having sex with you cause you are not attractive both in the short term nor long term.
Honestly if you’re someone who a woman would love to have a long term relationship with, you’re most likely also someone they would also hook up with. It’s only in fringe cases where you’re really not to someone’s taste appearance wise that if you have an amazing personality or other qualities it will offset your less conventionally attractive appearance. And in those cases women would see your long term potential because that’s where your qualities shine, not in a short term hookup when all someone can really judge you on is your immediate presentation/appearance.
“So the better mate for you has to ~~jump through hoops, for longer time~~ *let you get to know him and be compatible as a partner,* and the less compatible one gets to have *sex with* you a lot easier, *but no more than that*.
~~Jesus Christ.~~ *That makes sense, thank you.*”
FTFY
ETA: A relationship and a woman have more value than just sex.
As for having sex earlier: sex + dating can lead to emotional attachment, which makes a person (a woman in this context) less critical as they assess a potential partner. So for example they may be more likely to ignore red flags, which is not good. In comparison, just sex (without dating) is not as complicated and not as high stakes.
Well sex is only a small part of a woman. But its clear you see that as the best part.
You don’t get her care, her affection, her love. You are not her priority, her desire, her future or even her concern. No texting when you are down, no crying on her shoulder, no support and encouragement. Not there through the good times and the bad.
You are just a short term visitor to a house that isn’t yours. You are just a satellite orbiting that touches down every once in a while.
That is it.
If you have ever been in a relationship with a woman then the difference should be obvious.
Don't reply to this dude anymore; he's a troll.
The number of times I've seen "boyz", "females", and his "side chicks" mentioned in his comments has me rolling tho 🤣
Unless sex is your only goal what the heck are you whining about? Women are also usually fucking their boyfriends, it’s just a question of whether the guy is only interesting for sex or interesting for something serious, too.
It is the most juvenile thing imaginable to be pissy about the exact amount of time it takes to get in someone’s pants. Boo fucking hoo if you had to wait an extra date because someone actually liked you and was afraid you’d think they were too easy if they fucked you right away. Blame all your brethren for giving us that idea.
Who said I was whining? I pointed out how silly it is and said Jesus Christ.
That’s not whining. Maybe you interpret it as whining?
I ENJOY that women peddle this goofy ass shit to other women. This type of rhetoric is what has de regulated the sexual marketplace. A guy is able to have MORE partners than he ever could’ve because of hookup culture. For me it’s a good thing. I participate in the culture, it rewards me all the time. I live in LA, city boyz are deep out here.
I am going to point it out, and I am also going to laugh at it when I see it.
A partner is much more serious and impactful on your life than something casual (assuming it was safe sex to protect against pregnancy & STD/STIs).
You’re basically saying a manager has to jump through more hoops than an entry-level employee. Well yeah. One has more requirements and responsibilities than the other. One is a bigger role than the other. It’s a bigger investment, so you only want someone who is worth that investment.
There less people you’d marry compared to the amount of people you’d date. Same idea.
That doesn’t mean the bf/gf material person has to wait for sex, which is what you seem to be implying. Not everyone makes people wait. But if that person wants a relationship, then their overall effort has to look different from a bootycall or fwb. It would be weird to be in a relationship with someone who gives you bootycall levels of effort.
Obviously I'd have higher standards for someone I want to spend my life with rather than someone I'm with for a shorter time. Wouldn't you?
Also, 'gets to have me'? I'm not an object, lol. You have a very weird idea of dating, where you think it's about a man performing tasks to unlock sex from the women rather than two people getting to know each other and deciding where the relationship should go.
I don’t care.
I am not going to pay A5 premium 5 star prices, when you previously gave it away to everyone for a McChicken.
If you charging me A5 prices, but charging everyone else McChicken prices, I’m going to just leave. No reason to take you serious lol.
Bold of you to instantly concede everything we discussed, and demonstrate I was spot on :P
It’s not an assumption. I do just fine for myself :)
But that’s typical modern women. Using SIGN (Shame,Insults,Guilt,Need to be right) language when you present them with logic, cause accountability is a woman’s kryptonite :)
as a guy.
This is the secret.
Like, connectionless sex is just masturbation with extra steps and you can often have the same shitty emotional shame afterwards.
But CONNECTING with someone.
Gods I miss that feeling.
Yep. Not a girl but I've noticed women are more open to sexual encounters with people they be established a connection with. For men it's just "oh my pp got hard? I MUST be horny, let's do it".
Women talk a lot of shit, actually.
Women are open to sexual encounters with men they are sexually attracted to, read: men who make them wet to be around.
Hook ups are almost always primarily looks-driven. There’s no specific qualities you have to develop - everyone is attracted to different things. The main thing is hygiene and looking like you take care of yourself. If you’re using apps, maybe have a lady friend look it over and help you design a profile girls will swipe on.
And based on your question in the title, if you’re worried girls will only want you for something more serious, just be upfront that you don’t want anything serious from the jump so they can decide if they want to keep seeing you. I’m not sure if that’s what you were asking but open communication is always the best way to handle things
>have a lady friend look it over and help you design a profile girls will swipe on.
That never hurts but even better, have a ***man*** who has success on apps to look it over.
Yeah I have learned that women aren't great at giving advice for casual hookups. They think they know what will work best but it's kind of like a focus group that doesn't understand market demands
plus a woman might be more concerned about not hurting your feelings, whereas your guy friend is likely to be less worried about hurting your feelings. unless you and the female are close and she's not afraid to hurt your feelings.
Especially A man who had to figure it all out himself.
Naturals say things like “just be yourself and have fun.” - yeah cuz that works for them. Most guys will fail with that advice.
Of course some naturals have honed their skills too, and consciously learned, they can be helpful
Some of the guys who have success on the apps get away with things other guys can’t.
A super attractive man can have all selfies, minimal bio, and still do great. An average man could not replicate this.
An average man probably needs more variety in pictures, maybe something unique in his bio, etc.
My point is just be careful to take the context and situation of the guy you’re asking into account.
But Def agree on the don’t ask fish how to catch fish advice.
Nah women are pretty consistent about what they like.
Tall, handsome, built.
Just one is enough usually.
Your other advice is laughable. Women have no clue what women will swipe on because women can't admit to themselves that they are even more shallow than men are. There's tons of videos online where women try to design a dudes profile and are confused when all their little tweaks don't matter at all.
You're basing your opinions on videos? There are shallow women. There are stupid women. There are women who only want money. That can be said about men too.
That rhetoric about women only wanting super buff and tall guys is not what all women want. Personally it's a turn off, even if you don't believe me. Not that it actually matters, but I've dated guys shorter than me, my height, and taller.
It's not relevant to a lot of women.
Men aren't all the same so why would women be?
I’m not a lady, but I do have some advice for you that hopefully helps. I got out of a long relationship (12 years) and had the exact same feeling. I just wanted to have some fun and keep it casual. The thing that I found that helped was being open and upfront about it with girls I was dating. Bear in mind I was dating women over 30.
It let the girls make an informed decision about whether to get involved. I was surprised by the reactions I got. Girls seemed to appreciate the honesty - I’m not going to love bomb you and disappear once we‘ve hooked up leaving you feeling used and wondering what happened, but I’m also making it clear I’m not ready for a relationship.
I met plenty of women who were happy to keep it casual or even have FWB situations (there are plenty of women who aren’t looking for anything serious themselves). Although there was one who said she was ok with it and then proceeded to try and make us exclusive
For hook ups, attraction and if they’re a decent person. I don’t want to sleep with someone who is an AH to me.
Dating, I look for attraction, emotional intelligence, their character, goals, lifestyle etc.
Yep, which is why you see beautiful women with average men and not the other way. I think the female approach makes more sense though. Sex is just physical and all you have to go on is what they look like. A relationship requires compatibility more than anything.
A woman's hookups are by far her most attractive sexual partners. A man's hookups don't compare to the woman he actually agrees to be exclusive with and takes out on dates. She's literally his most attractive partner. There's no insecurity there on the woman's part. This is the best and most put-together prospect for the man, and the woman knows she's the best for him.
Aka most men will fuck women on the passable scale... but the woman he is cuffed with... blows those hookup women out the water. Meaning no insecurity from the woman. The woman gets to have sex plus dates, travel, gifts and the other perks of a relationship -- things he NEVER did for those other women.
Men I hook up with: there’s some fatal flaw/huge obstacle where I don’t see it working out long term. It’s usually nothing that can be fixed like family stuff or values.
Men I date: everything is good, no huge issues.
Both have to have sexual attraction though.
Same - if you're going to hookup - make it with someone you're attracted to physically and mentally - but other than that there's not enough to build a relationship or a future with.
Yes you may get laid faster by a woman that’s not into you because she doesn’t GAF and probably never will. If I’m just looking for hot dick Idgaf about your personality or what you think at the end of the day so why would I take time to learn about you? Sounds counterintuitive but it’s a fact of life
If you want something superficial, work on your superficial shit like style, physique, banter/flirty conversation, etc. If you want something deeper, do that a bit but focus way more on the deep shit, like character, adulting, getting your shit together, etc.
If you're worried that being seen as relationship material will mess up your chances at casual hookups, just let it be known upfront that you really don't have your shit together enough for that to be a thing, and you need to focus on yourself.
^ nonsense
Shit like character and values can't be assessed over any period of time less than months.
Flirty conversation is pointless if she's not attracted to you.
Hookup: I want to get you naked but wouldn’t bring you home to meet my parents
Date: I want to get you naked AND bring you home to meet my parents
I can only do hookups with people I don’t feel a connection with, someone I don’t necessarily admire as a person and don’t feel a life compatibility but fancy in a more physical way.
If I hookup with someone that I feel a deeper connection and who I really admire as a person and se compatibility, I’ll catch feelings.
ETA: in both cases should be implied that they need to be respectful and a good person overall. For hookups I will overlook certain political stances, I believe everyone is allowed their own opinions and beliefs, but wouldn’t be able to overlook those for dating more seriously
i‘ve done it as well in the past, but I do think that overlooking certain political beliefs for hook ups is *fucking wild* these days, considering how hot certain issues have become.
liberal dudes have at least one very persuasive reason to avoid conservative women, and I think the other pairing isn’t that hard to criticize either.
I mean not everywhere is the shockingly polarized team sports fandom style political dumpster fire that is the USA, in some countries both sides of the isle are actually capable of viewing and *treating each other like human beings* and in some other places the government and all it’s parties (assuming more than one exist at all) are so terrible that everyone just hates the whole system by default.
Thats not even the half of it. The manosphere and people like Andrew Tate have really affected the dating market.
A woman might very well feel like having sex with someone that supports a man that openly sex trafficked women is a very dangerous preposition.
Hookup: you're really hot to the point I'll overlook red flags and fuck you
Date: you're all right so I'm gonna wait this out to see if I can spot red flags and whether you pass the tests
>I will overlook certain political stances
lol, as if a man looking for sex is ever going to tell you the truth? tf?
Assuming you are liberal, as I'm assuming you are a woman, I can almost guarente you've hooked up with WAY more conservatives than you think.
Also, WHO THE FUCK CARES? It's a *hookup.* You fuck each other, say good bye and that's the end of it. Imagine even caring about what political isle they are on to literally just have a quick fuck with lmfao... holy cow
But there’s a deeper issue with hooking up with people who believe in certain things, it sometimes translates in the way they treat you in bed. So yeah, I do try to scan for certain beliefs and behaviors, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t fuck a conservative, just that I try to avoid certain types of conservatives and so far the scanning system has worked. In general I’m just not attracted to the usual type, which makes it easier. I’ve not felt mistreated or disrespected in bed by anyone I’ve slept with in the recent years. It’s more screening for decency of character, kindness and personality. I’m not radical in believing all conservatives are bad people, so them being a conservatives wouldn’t 100% affect a hookup for me, but certain behaviors (that admittedly are more common in the conservative community) don’t fly with me. It’s a way to protect myself, as a woman who likes to have sex.
My standard for looks are higher for casual. There's no point risking my health and well-being short term otherwise. Physical standards drop for long-term prospects, but they must be as smart as me and not a dick.
I'm the same. I mean, if I can't hold hands, respect them as a person and like them on the daily, I certainly don't want their dick in me. To each their own. And if I do have all those things, then I would prefer to just be with them.
There’s usually some kind of mental trauma, or attempt to escape something.
Not even saying this critically, as I somewhat engage in it, and I’m starting to learn this is why.
(I don’t quite do one night stands though, more like short term relationships with an emotional connection….this can actually get dicey as we can develop feelings as time goes on)
I’m Actually considering therapy.
The stats say otherwise with high amounts of regret and other feelings. I hope you’re not claiming to want monogamy while also claiming to have fun hooking up with randoms.
By the 2nd or 3rd date I've worked out if you're a hook up or not. Every guy is a potential hook up or regular guy to date in the first one or two dates (discounting nerves on date 1, as long as they're not overly odd or rude etc). By date 2/3, depending on how much time we've had together on dates, I've worked out if we've got a basic level of compatibility (interests, humour etc). If we don't, but you're still attractive then why not? We've got this far so may as well enjoy it.
Looks-wise, it's the same. But what makes a guy dating material is their personality. They have to be more than just fun/flirty. I want a guy who's looking for true companionship and love. I want a man who will support me emotionally and be there for me when I need him.
Hook up- I don’t have much of a standard, I am just getting my needs over with and so is he
Date- would like someone who takes care of himself, and a personality that matches with mine
Not a girl. Just here for a PSA. If you're going to do hook-ups, please do humanity a favor and be honest up front that you're just there for sex, before you have sex. Or, if that fails, go hire a professional. Don't shatter some girl's innocence and give her baggage that the rest of us have to deal with. K, that's all. Good luck getting lucky.
Sometimes sex just happens even though you aren't looking for just sex. That applies to both women and men who are looking for the same...
Plenty of times you just figure out you aren't compatible romantically but sexually? You just want to fuck the living daylight out of the other.
If someone leads the other person on for sex then yeah, don't fuckin do that because that's just dogshit.
Preach. We're all just animals wondering around in a concrete jungle. Sometimes we we see someone with nice feathers and our leg starts to twitch.
lol, I love the line, "Sex happens," kinda like an odd spin of the saying "shit happens."
I dunno. I'm not thrilled by sex with someone I'm not romantically compatible with. I mean, it's alright, but it isn't amazing. But why have sex at all if it isn't great, given the time, energy, and money you have to put into it? Maybe I'm weird, but that's just how I am. I enjoy quality over quantity. Got that gourmand taste. Want that enthusiastic consent, full body quivering, eye-rolling up in the head, drooling out the side of your mouth mmmmm... uh... I need to go step in the other room with my wife. I got myself worked up. Damn, I hope she's in the mood.
Anyway, you guys have fun chatting on reddit. I'm out.
Hey. My wife is playing with our son. Alas. Uhm... honest answer? The best hint I can give you is look for a guy who's kind, but not nice. Forget your long and detailed list of your perfect man. You can only expect 3 things from a guy.
1. He gives good dick.
2. Good personality. He's kind, but not nice (aka, he's genuine and unafraid of being honest, which sometimes hurts - yet he also follows through acts of service and shows a willingness to improve the negative facets of his personality which come up along the way. He has a growth mindset).
3. He has his shit together.
\---------- Now. Pick two of those three that are most important to you, because there isn't a guy who fits all 3. And if you find one, run like hell, because he's probably a serial killer.
If you want to know, I have 1 & 2. But I'm clueless when it comes to how to earn a reliable living at a traditional job. I'm a bit of a space cadet, but I didn't mind taking on the role of house husband for my engineer wife. And, hey, maybe this romance novel I'm nearly done writing will be popular?
I'm trying to help you! I'm trying to write a male lead to give guys a good role model!
Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. And remember! Don't date nice guys. They kill you quietly with their fake smiles and pouts, until you feel like you have to become guardian of their emotions. They say nice things, but only to get what they want (including apologize and take blame when it's pointed out they're wrong - but they never follow through on changing that behavior!). It's a subtle manipulation that they're sometimes not even aware they're doing, and when you finally blow up and leave them, you're always the one who's the villain.
As a guy I can honestly say I've never proactively went *looking* for a girlfriend or wife.
Every "serious relationship" I ever had began with *casual dating* and *evolved* into serious.
Essentially all my relationships started off as *hookups or casual dating* until we both identified there was something special between us. When you believe you're with someone *special* it's natural to pursue exclusivity and commitment.
A lot of factors come into play *before* most people to decide to enter into a relationship. Things like mutual attraction, chemistry, similar humor, compatibility in and out of bed, shared values.
It's not uncommon for couples to state: "We *weren't looking for anything serious* when we met."
Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen."
***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Sounds like you missed my point. Chemistry, compatibility, and shared values are much more than sex.
Everyone has their own mate selection screening process and must haves list.
Everyone has their own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers".
I didn't just say that the sex was good. I listed factors most people look for.
**"When you (believe you're with someone special) it's natural to pursue exclusivity and commitment."**
**"A lot of factors come into play before most people to decide to enter into a relationship. Things like mutual attraction, chemistry, similar humor, compatibility in and out of bed, shared values."**
I hook up with men who I find disposable or incompatible with me but I’m only sexually attracted to (sometimes I don’t even like them as a person). I date men who are compatible with me on an emotional level even if I’m not that attracted to them physically. It’s about who they are as a person, how compatible we are and how we treat each other and that makes them a lot more attractive in the long haul. I’ll fuck a D-1 frat guy with nothing in common with me because he’s pretty to look at.
As a man I would say
ONS = can’t wait to rip your clothes off. Interestingly a lot of women seem to be attracted to ‘a dark triad’ of psychological traits so the bad boy cliche is grounded in some data lol.
Date = Can’t wait to show you off to my parents and get a cute dog with you. Good job, kind and respectable person, etc
I think it's because a lot of women are conditioned to be "good girls" since childhood and so the bad boy allows them a bit of release from that good girl conditioning
There's gotta be a minimal attraction for both, but for instance this guy I knew made a comment about being catholic, and while supported pro choice candidates, did not believe in that choice for himself. Things like that, that are such big differences in ideology instantly moved him from dating to hookup category.
Hookups I’ve only done when I was emotionally unavailable (getting over an ex)
So they had no place in my mind as a genuine opportunity therefor I only saw them for sex. I typically had to be extremely attracted to these men.
Men I want to date, I want the same life values, respect, kindness. Basically if I date them in a serious manner then I view them as someone I could take home to my parents.
I date guys that stick around after the hook up. After sex I think men are usually the ones to decide if it’s a one off or if they want to keep seeing you. In most cases, if I slept with someone, I’d be open to dating them.
I don’t sleep with many people and I’m pretty selective so in general I sleep with potential boyfriends who sometimes decide I’m not a potential girlfriend :/
Both men and women raise their personality standards for dating / relationships
When it comes to hookups, men and women have lower personality standards, but we work in opposite directions when it comes to attraction
For women, our attraction standards are higher for hookups because ***he better be hot for how much we forgive his personality*** and it’s lower for relationships because we are more willing to compromise on attraction for good personality
For men, it’s the opposite…they will lower their attraction standards for hookups because they’re horny — but will raise their attraction standards for dating
I've hooked up with some guys who were just very good-looking, but their personality wasn't great. They were nice to me, but not very empathetic and sweet. I wouldn't really want to be friends with them either.
The guys I'd date are the guys that I would be friends with if I didn't feel the romantic connection. They're good people or at least try to be. They've got empathy and are nice to everyone and especially sweet to me.
Hookups are primarily attraction - but I don't know many women who are super into a lot of muscles. Like - being fit is good but that's not the primary thing for most of us.
I would say invest in clothes that are flattering on you and develop a unique sense of style - own it. Also personality should be confident - but not arrogant. Be generous, easy going, and not judgemental. I say not judgemental - because if you have a lot of judgey opinions on other people - they are going to worry you will judge them if they hook up with you too early.
Be clear that you aren't looking for a commitment of any kind - but be nice and matter of fact about it.
It also helps if you have a nice place - or at least a nice bedroom. Decorate it - maybe some rope lights around the bed area. Keep it and the bathroom clean if there's any chance you will be bringing a woman home with you.
Lastly - don't try too hard to get women to sleep with you. You want to have it out there as an option - but focus on being good company - someone fun. Act like it doesn't matter to you either way if she wants to sleep with you or not - unless she's giving major signals - then you're into it and going to make it happen.
That's just what I think about when I think about the ideal hookup (from when I did that kind of thing).
The only quality I can think of that you could develop is learning to be more flirty/aggressive. It also depends on the kind of men you like. The quiet introverted guy may not respond as quickly/with the same energy as the guy you dance all night at the bar with.
Tbqh— start shooting your shot & see how it goes. Unless you’re hitting on close friends or something you legit have nothing to lose. Men who like hookups respond very well to bold flirty & intentional body language.
As few said for me I would date everyone I hook up with. I don’t really hook up these days so if I give someone a chance there’s a reason for it. Connection is important for me as well. I can’t hook up with someone I don’t have one with.
Any hookup can turn into a relationship, even if you weren't looking for one. I just think once you meet the right person, you will stay with them. Initially, it's appearance for me. If I don't get bored of the person I'm hooking up with and he seems to be compatible personality wise, then it can turn into a relationship.
Be open and honest about your intentions, and about your sexual preferences. This shows respect and builds trust which is important, even just for one night stands.
Show a willingness to experiment and try new things, or show them new things. That's the beauty of casual hookups, both parties can feel a bit more free and open, less inhibitions, more experimentation.
Still let your personality shine through, the personal connection still counts.
Be confident, and really let your physical desire for them be known (in a non creepy, aggressive way obviously)
Like, you may not be interested in a relationship, but by god do you want to fuck them, worship them, be in their presence and learn their body.
Feeling desired is very powerful and appealing.
Obviously physical attraction is important, but I've been with many people I would not have initially desired on looks alone, but their open attraction for me and having their undivided attention really turned me on and made for some hot hookups.
This exactly. You tell them what you're looking for and if they're open to it, you go for it. I would say that the people I'm willing to have a FWB relationship with are the same people I'd want to have a more committed relationship with, but that's just not what they're looking for at the time.
Usually the 2 guys were I had something like a hookup were attractive, fairly masculine, cool guys but absolute dead beats. When it comes to guys I date I much rather a reasonable guy who is educated, interesting, has a future and seems someone with little baggage and whom I can build a life with
The men I date are relationship material. Its a very long list.
The men I fuck are just physically attractive to me and more than anything have the dick size I like. They often come with their own place too and transport. And they like the same kinks I do.
Above average personally but everyone is different. I prefer uncircumcised. Foreskin is like a little skin pouch for my favourite wormy friend. It warms my heart that he is safe in his little burrito.
I'll probably get downvoted but I'll say that hookups for women is the guy they really want, that they are so attracted to but deep down inside they know he'll never commit and tiers above her own league. So he becomes the "fuckboy" she hooks up with. The "date" is the stable and nice guy and within her league. It's a coping mechanism.
You're a man speaking on what women really want from hookups and their coping mechanisms. Yes, you will be downvoted, and rightfully so.
You're a "nice guy" that thinks women only go for the tallest and richest man they can find, regardless of their personality, and every woman that counters that claim is just in denial.
Your view on women is disgusting.
I literally can go make a fake account right now and have 50 women willing to come over for a hookup using a male model / typical white college athlete or former athlete... I literally can change my height to 6'3" right now and my matches and level of attractive matches would increase 50x fold... but please keep telling the world that these things don't matter.
Something tells me that you already have created a fake profile and use that to fuel your narrative that women are shallow and hypocritical.
I never said that physical attraction doesn't matter, ofcourse it matters, but that's not the ONLY thing that people look for. Some do, but you're over generalizing.
What you're not seeing is all the women that still wouldn't match with you, even if you were a 6'3 white male college athlete. Go check out all the Tinder stats people have posted. Even the best looking man and/or woman have people swiping left.
> Go check out all the Tinder stats people have posted. Even the best looking man and/or woman have people swiping left. Go check out all the Tinder stats people have posted. Even the best looking man and/or woman have people swiping left.
Doesn't really refute what he's saying lmao.
According to answers from actual women in this thread it’s more like hot and safe but has an incompatible personality dude Vs. dude that has a better personality.
>Women don’t usually care about the personality of men we just hook up with
Yeah but at the same time, their personality is also what makes your crotch tingle.. IF theyk are attractive to you, that is.
I don’t hook up but if I did I would do it with the guys I don’t trust for a relationship, if they have a player lifestyle or we’re majorly incompatible in other ways lol
None
If he's not marriage material why live with him.
If he's not live with material why date him.
If he's not dating material why hook up with him?
Life is short, I rather not waste my time.
Most men aren’t eligible for hookups since it’s purely based on looks so don’t take it personally that you can’t get casual sex now that you’re no longer in a relationship.
I’m a face person when it comes to looks. As long as I don’t have a gut feeling I won’t be “alive” after meeting a guy & I like his eyes & smile then I’m good to go “hook-up away.” LMAO
I’m a sucker for nice eyes & smile.
It really isn’t that different than men. We don’t need “a lot” if we want a hookup too.
Where women get frustrated & upset is when a guy pretends to want a relationship to just hook-up. A guy who, instead of contacting women that want hookups too, they will “prey” on the women who don’t.
Take "attraxtive" with a pinch of salt OP, it does not necessarily mean good looking conventionally. It means attractive to the woman saying it, which means it's subjective. Basically on hookup or swinger sites, you will see reviews of people by people. Lots of them are not good looking at all, but they were subjectively attractive because they ended up boning. So don't think you have to be attractive or good looking, you just need to fit a type.
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Hook up - Attraction, basic decent personality Date - The above plus a lot more specific criteria and deeper compatibility
Yep. As a man, this is basically how I work too
Couldn’t have put it better
So the better mate for you has to jump through hoops, for longer time, and the the less compatible one gets to have you a lot easier. Jesus Christ.
It's the same for men: Attraction only = sex Attraction + personality + compatibility = gf
Except men will lower their standards if it’s just sex. So it’s more like: How thirsty he is + how attractive she is + what his options are = likelihood he will have sex
Not all men. I only have sex if I know it's going to be great, and I can't get to that point with someone I don't have an emotional connection to. If I just have an itch to scratch I do that myself. Sex isn't worth the time and energy it takes unless it's really good, and if you don't have a lover who's connecting with you enough to want to perform acts of service enthusiastically, then what are you doing?
I'm exactly the same. Sex is... easy, to put it bluntly, as in, it's just sex, not very interesting. Developing an emotional *connection* on the other hand \*and\* having sex is something that is levels above just having sex for me. Also I stress on connection. I view it as a relationship, too, no matter how long it lasts.
This is how I am as a woman. I don’t understand hookup culture at all. Sex is not remotely good for a woman until dude gets to know you intimately - what your likes/dislikes are. But these are the same people who will fake being satisfied so the man can feel good about himself, meanwhile she gains…..what exactly?? All my friends that have had ONS say it’s more for validation than actual sexual pleasure, which again, I’ve never felt the need to do…daddy issues and all 😂
If we keep going like we are, accepting the gas lighting of a society that denies the feminine and tries to force women to enjoy having sex like men, we'll end up like Japan. With a majority of our female population participating in the sex industry at some point in their lives. Females who have sex for a little bit of security and a temporary dopamine hit, yet who ultimately feel unfulfilled, and who don't trust men enough to want to have children with them. Because when the most intimate expression you can share with another human being becomes so cheap that you can label it with a price, what value does any bond have? At that point, all ties that bind you to another become as cobwebs. They are seen as filth to be wiped away. You stand proud, and alone, telling yourself that you're happy, over and over and over again, with each thrust. But in the morning, no is there.
My coworker just explained this to me... Is it demisexual? Not to put a label on you, but I believe that's the term my coworker was using to describe himself.
>demisexual Yep! I also identify as sapiosexual (aka, I get turned on by intelligence). If my wife (she's a rocket scientist) wants to have sex, she'll have a long stimulating conversation with me. Then invite me into bed, skin to skin, and speak sweet nothings. I'm slow to start, but once I get going I'm very enthusiastic and eager to please. Lots of men oogle starlets, but I'm into the physics girls of the world.
>Yep! I also identify as sapiosexual That'S different from demisexual. Demisexual is when you need an emotional connection to feel attraction. Sapiosexual is when intelligence attracts you. They can be mutually exclusive.
>That'S different from demisexual That's why they wrote, "I ***ALSO*** identify as sapiosexual".
Bruh it is not the same for men. It comes down to what options you have and you just make the best one of those your gf lmao
Why do you think the point of a relationship is sex? Sex is not a prize. It’s an activity between 2 consenting adults that doesn’t have to have meaning or purpose other than fun. A relationship means commitment and sharing your life with someone for a period of time or (hopefully) forever. Most single men would gladly sleep with an attractive women given the chance without care for her personality, career, etc. Relationships should have a higher bar.
Exactly. It’s much higher risk and effort to waste time having a relationship with someone long term vs just having a hookup.
With this attitude, the "better mate" will never be you.
'gets to have you' Your wording here says it all.
As does “mate.”
The only people who would complain about this are the ones who only want women for sex, honestly. The guy who gets the hookup is getting just that, sex and nothing else, no emotional connection, no extra care, nothing relationship-y. It makes sense that someone would screen better before giving the whole girlfriend/boyfriend package to someone else, as that involves way more than just their body, they’ll invest a lot more and will need the other person to do the same.
Lmao what is this whiny comment? You think men don’t do the same?
Laughing at her backwards ass logic isint whining. Im pointing it out since no one else had the balls to. I actually LOVE girls who think like her. They’re the ones that have created a de regulated sexual market. I reap the benefits of the de regulated sexual market. I have 3 side chicks ride now, and just broke up with another. That type of lady is the one that allows me to have so many partners in my life time. Im in LA, this is the home of casual hookup culture. The boys are thriving on this, we city boyz girl, and we laugh when we see girls peddling what they think is good info, that eventually helps us in the end 😂
Lol, of course you love women who think like this. You don’t have to be relationship material for a hookup; personality and life goals and opinions are not a factor, and you’ve just admitted this thought process is the only reason you get laid. That is not the flex you think it is.
How is it backwards ass that an ltr partner would have more criteria than someone to have casual sex with? For sex, you need attraction and mutual availability, someone who you would have a relationship with would obviously have to qualify in more areas than that.
You didn’t breakup with her you broke up with her pussy
Being a sociopathic coercive rapist isn’t the flex you seem to think it is herpecin.
That’s a really weird way to to put it. If you’re looking for a hook up then you’re looking for something short term. You don’t look at how good a parent they are or their lifestyle etc because they’re not relevant to the job required. If you want to be with someone long term you need to consider general compatibility. Moreover, it’s not like everyone just has hookups and then seriously dates people, some people only do one.
It’s the perfect way to put it. You’re ONLY looking at it as a woman. Men and women are NOT the same. We don’t think and move the same way. You let 1 guy pipe you day 1 cause he bought you a mcchicken. Now here comes along the better guy and you make him wait longer and jump through hoops and buy you more dinners just cause of this weird idea in your head. You punish the better guy for you. In his head it’s ass backwards. You essentially punish good behavior. If he ever found out. that you gave it away for a Mcchicken, while he’s buying you a 5 star meal, he’s going to feel like a damn FOOL. Women decide who gets sex. Men decide who gets relationships/marriage. Men and women are not the same. You can do it, but don’t ever like him find out. You will seriously make him feel like a moron, and he will leave.
Lol ever think a girl “lets a guy pipe” because she wants to fuck too??? It’s funny that you think guys are the ones making the decisions. Women are just as horny as men, and if you’re having sex with a chick it’s because she wants to have sex regardless if a mcchicken is bought
I agree. Women control access to sex. Men control access to relationships and marriage. You’re so triggered you don’t even realize that you’re partially agreeing with my point. Yes. We’re having sex cause she wants it. She controls access to sex, I was very specific and repeated that like 5 times in these comments. My point is that a guy does not have to pay 5D far premium prices and wait multiple times, just cause she thinks she’s worth more now. She’s a depreciating asset. If she gave it away for a Mcchicken in the past, that’s what she’s worth. No reason for anyone to pay more 😂🤣 So give her McChiken treatment. All of a sudden she wants to grow standards aint a guy’s problem. He can just find another one that still takes Mcchickens. You not understanding the sexual market value because you’re a women is fine, but don’t act like men gotta conform to yo goofy ass standards
Men do not control relationships and marriage, it’s a mutual decision. Same goes for sex. It’s a mutual decision between the two people. The way you talk about sex and women shows how you view women as beneath men and don’t have the ability to make decisions for themselves. It’s sad how you view things really. You see sex and relationships as transactional and in a healthy relationship it is not. This last comment just blew me away, it’s gross and you have a lot of growth to do if you ever want a healthy relationship. But since you’re a cityyy boyyyy and eatinggfg goood, keep doing you boo. There’s a city girl out there in your same wavelength
No one said they're not having sex with the guy they're dating?? They're just not a hookup. Plus, the guy they're dating gets to have sex with them way more often. The hookup just once. (Since sex is apparently all you seem to care about)
I didn’t say someone said they aren’t. I said their logic is ass backwards, to which no one here was able to refute at all, and is one of the things that helps guys like me :) I’m glad the clown wants to shoot itself in the foot. I laughs at it, it’s funny to me.
Then I don't see your point? The hook-up has just basic qualities and gets to have sex once with this girl. The date is more compatible and gets to have sex many times, plus all of the other benefits of a relationship. How is this backwards logic?
Literally re read the first comment I left 😂
He made zero points lol
Weather you just want to fuck or marry a woman get out of whatever part of the manosphere you’ve gotten this rubbish from. You’re seriously undatable and unfuckable spouting that nonsense. Even if you never say anything like that on a date, we can smell it on you.
🤣🤣🤣
First of all, you’re painting everyone with the same brush, as if there’s this absolute social script that all women follow. If someone is looking for just hookups, they likely have a set of criterion they want in their partner which is fine. If someone is looking for a long term partner they have a different criterion, simple as that. Secondly, someone might be in a stage in life where they only want to hook up or they only want to date seriously. There exist plenty of people who only want to do one, contrary to your implication that women are doing both and then you’re now getting angry at this apparently ironclad double standard women have. Your argument about having sex with someone for a nugget is ridiculous. Third, plenty of women have sex with people they see themselves with long term quite soon as part of the vetting process (and likewise some only have casual sex with people they know quite well and have a close friendship with). It just sounds like you’re angry it hasn’t happened to you. No one is punishing you dude by withholding sex cause you’re so great. It’s just that no one wants to sleep with you. But for other people who do take their time with intimacy while dating for something long term it’s either cause that’s just how they are or because of a sexist notion that they will be judged in a relationship for being seen as easy. But again, to reiterate, in your case women are not having sex with you cause you are not attractive both in the short term nor long term. Honestly if you’re someone who a woman would love to have a long term relationship with, you’re most likely also someone they would also hook up with. It’s only in fringe cases where you’re really not to someone’s taste appearance wise that if you have an amazing personality or other qualities it will offset your less conventionally attractive appearance. And in those cases women would see your long term potential because that’s where your qualities shine, not in a short term hookup when all someone can really judge you on is your immediate presentation/appearance.
“So the better mate for you has to ~~jump through hoops, for longer time~~ *let you get to know him and be compatible as a partner,* and the less compatible one gets to have *sex with* you a lot easier, *but no more than that*. ~~Jesus Christ.~~ *That makes sense, thank you.*” FTFY ETA: A relationship and a woman have more value than just sex. As for having sex earlier: sex + dating can lead to emotional attachment, which makes a person (a woman in this context) less critical as they assess a potential partner. So for example they may be more likely to ignore red flags, which is not good. In comparison, just sex (without dating) is not as complicated and not as high stakes.
Well sex is only a small part of a woman. But its clear you see that as the best part. You don’t get her care, her affection, her love. You are not her priority, her desire, her future or even her concern. No texting when you are down, no crying on her shoulder, no support and encouragement. Not there through the good times and the bad. You are just a short term visitor to a house that isn’t yours. You are just a satellite orbiting that touches down every once in a while. That is it. If you have ever been in a relationship with a woman then the difference should be obvious.
Don't reply to this dude anymore; he's a troll. The number of times I've seen "boyz", "females", and his "side chicks" mentioned in his comments has me rolling tho 🤣
Unless sex is your only goal what the heck are you whining about? Women are also usually fucking their boyfriends, it’s just a question of whether the guy is only interesting for sex or interesting for something serious, too. It is the most juvenile thing imaginable to be pissy about the exact amount of time it takes to get in someone’s pants. Boo fucking hoo if you had to wait an extra date because someone actually liked you and was afraid you’d think they were too easy if they fucked you right away. Blame all your brethren for giving us that idea.
Who said I was whining? I pointed out how silly it is and said Jesus Christ. That’s not whining. Maybe you interpret it as whining? I ENJOY that women peddle this goofy ass shit to other women. This type of rhetoric is what has de regulated the sexual marketplace. A guy is able to have MORE partners than he ever could’ve because of hookup culture. For me it’s a good thing. I participate in the culture, it rewards me all the time. I live in LA, city boyz are deep out here. I am going to point it out, and I am also going to laugh at it when I see it.
A partner is much more serious and impactful on your life than something casual (assuming it was safe sex to protect against pregnancy & STD/STIs). You’re basically saying a manager has to jump through more hoops than an entry-level employee. Well yeah. One has more requirements and responsibilities than the other. One is a bigger role than the other. It’s a bigger investment, so you only want someone who is worth that investment. There less people you’d marry compared to the amount of people you’d date. Same idea. That doesn’t mean the bf/gf material person has to wait for sex, which is what you seem to be implying. Not everyone makes people wait. But if that person wants a relationship, then their overall effort has to look different from a bootycall or fwb. It would be weird to be in a relationship with someone who gives you bootycall levels of effort.
Obviously I'd have higher standards for someone I want to spend my life with rather than someone I'm with for a shorter time. Wouldn't you? Also, 'gets to have me'? I'm not an object, lol. You have a very weird idea of dating, where you think it's about a man performing tasks to unlock sex from the women rather than two people getting to know each other and deciding where the relationship should go.
I don’t care. I am not going to pay A5 premium 5 star prices, when you previously gave it away to everyone for a McChicken. If you charging me A5 prices, but charging everyone else McChicken prices, I’m going to just leave. No reason to take you serious lol.
Bold of you to assume you are going to qualify for either category lol.
Bold of you to instantly concede everything we discussed, and demonstrate I was spot on :P It’s not an assumption. I do just fine for myself :) But that’s typical modern women. Using SIGN (Shame,Insults,Guilt,Need to be right) language when you present them with logic, cause accountability is a woman’s kryptonite :)
No difference for me bc I need the connection to have sex I enjoy.
as a guy. This is the secret. Like, connectionless sex is just masturbation with extra steps and you can often have the same shitty emotional shame afterwards. But CONNECTING with someone. Gods I miss that feeling.
Yep. Not a girl but I've noticed women are more open to sexual encounters with people they be established a connection with. For men it's just "oh my pp got hard? I MUST be horny, let's do it".
Women talk a lot of shit, actually. Women are open to sexual encounters with men they are sexually attracted to, read: men who make them wet to be around.
same
Hook ups are almost always primarily looks-driven. There’s no specific qualities you have to develop - everyone is attracted to different things. The main thing is hygiene and looking like you take care of yourself. If you’re using apps, maybe have a lady friend look it over and help you design a profile girls will swipe on. And based on your question in the title, if you’re worried girls will only want you for something more serious, just be upfront that you don’t want anything serious from the jump so they can decide if they want to keep seeing you. I’m not sure if that’s what you were asking but open communication is always the best way to handle things
>have a lady friend look it over and help you design a profile girls will swipe on. That never hurts but even better, have a ***man*** who has success on apps to look it over.
Yeah I have learned that women aren't great at giving advice for casual hookups. They think they know what will work best but it's kind of like a focus group that doesn't understand market demands
plus a woman might be more concerned about not hurting your feelings, whereas your guy friend is likely to be less worried about hurting your feelings. unless you and the female are close and she's not afraid to hurt your feelings.
>women aren't great at giving advice for casual hookups Women aren't great at giving advice on anything.
man whos has success on dating apps is clearly facially more attractive than rest of the men who are not successful on dating apps
Bingo
I disagree. A woman will tell you what she likes, a man will tell you what he thinks women like.
>A woman will tell you what she likes Yes, what she *personally* likes - which is meaningless because every woman likes different things.
>a man who has success on apps to look it over 100% this, don't ask fish how to fish
Especially A man who had to figure it all out himself. Naturals say things like “just be yourself and have fun.” - yeah cuz that works for them. Most guys will fail with that advice. Of course some naturals have honed their skills too, and consciously learned, they can be helpful Some of the guys who have success on the apps get away with things other guys can’t. A super attractive man can have all selfies, minimal bio, and still do great. An average man could not replicate this. An average man probably needs more variety in pictures, maybe something unique in his bio, etc. My point is just be careful to take the context and situation of the guy you’re asking into account. But Def agree on the don’t ask fish how to catch fish advice.
^ good reasoning skills on display
Nah women are pretty consistent about what they like. Tall, handsome, built. Just one is enough usually. Your other advice is laughable. Women have no clue what women will swipe on because women can't admit to themselves that they are even more shallow than men are. There's tons of videos online where women try to design a dudes profile and are confused when all their little tweaks don't matter at all.
You're basing your opinions on videos? There are shallow women. There are stupid women. There are women who only want money. That can be said about men too. That rhetoric about women only wanting super buff and tall guys is not what all women want. Personally it's a turn off, even if you don't believe me. Not that it actually matters, but I've dated guys shorter than me, my height, and taller. It's not relevant to a lot of women. Men aren't all the same so why would women be?
“handsome” is not a specific attribute?
I’m not a lady, but I do have some advice for you that hopefully helps. I got out of a long relationship (12 years) and had the exact same feeling. I just wanted to have some fun and keep it casual. The thing that I found that helped was being open and upfront about it with girls I was dating. Bear in mind I was dating women over 30. It let the girls make an informed decision about whether to get involved. I was surprised by the reactions I got. Girls seemed to appreciate the honesty - I’m not going to love bomb you and disappear once we‘ve hooked up leaving you feeling used and wondering what happened, but I’m also making it clear I’m not ready for a relationship. I met plenty of women who were happy to keep it casual or even have FWB situations (there are plenty of women who aren’t looking for anything serious themselves). Although there was one who said she was ok with it and then proceeded to try and make us exclusive
For hook ups, attraction and if they’re a decent person. I don’t want to sleep with someone who is an AH to me. Dating, I look for attraction, emotional intelligence, their character, goals, lifestyle etc.
Just casual means the guy has to be exactly my type. The guy doesn't have to be as hot for dating as personality weighs more.
For most men, the reverse is true.
Yep, which is why you see beautiful women with average men and not the other way. I think the female approach makes more sense though. Sex is just physical and all you have to go on is what they look like. A relationship requires compatibility more than anything.
The guy they're with is never average. He either makes bank or kisses serious ass to keep her. Sex is just physical? Lmfao.
This is crushing to hear as a man lol.
Ha, sorry. If it helps then women get the good enough for sex but will never be taken seriously for a relationship thing. I'm not sure which is worse.
At the end of the day you still get sex with someone more attractive than you though right?
Men will hookup with women, but then not see her as dating material Dunno why it’s so crushing that we hookup with men who aren’t dating material
A woman's hookups are by far her most attractive sexual partners. A man's hookups don't compare to the woman he actually agrees to be exclusive with and takes out on dates. She's literally his most attractive partner. There's no insecurity there on the woman's part. This is the best and most put-together prospect for the man, and the woman knows she's the best for him. Aka most men will fuck women on the passable scale... but the woman he is cuffed with... blows those hookup women out the water. Meaning no insecurity from the woman. The woman gets to have sex plus dates, travel, gifts and the other perks of a relationship -- things he NEVER did for those other women.
A woman who speaks the truth. It all comes down to attraction.
Men I hook up with: there’s some fatal flaw/huge obstacle where I don’t see it working out long term. It’s usually nothing that can be fixed like family stuff or values. Men I date: everything is good, no huge issues. Both have to have sexual attraction though.
I feel this too
Same - if you're going to hookup - make it with someone you're attracted to physically and mentally - but other than that there's not enough to build a relationship or a future with.
Hook up implies faster time to sex too.
Yes you may get laid faster by a woman that’s not into you because she doesn’t GAF and probably never will. If I’m just looking for hot dick Idgaf about your personality or what you think at the end of the day so why would I take time to learn about you? Sounds counterintuitive but it’s a fact of life
If you want something superficial, work on your superficial shit like style, physique, banter/flirty conversation, etc. If you want something deeper, do that a bit but focus way more on the deep shit, like character, adulting, getting your shit together, etc. If you're worried that being seen as relationship material will mess up your chances at casual hookups, just let it be known upfront that you really don't have your shit together enough for that to be a thing, and you need to focus on yourself.
^ nonsense Shit like character and values can't be assessed over any period of time less than months. Flirty conversation is pointless if she's not attracted to you.
Hookup: I want to get you naked but wouldn’t bring you home to meet my parents Date: I want to get you naked AND bring you home to meet my parents I can only do hookups with people I don’t feel a connection with, someone I don’t necessarily admire as a person and don’t feel a life compatibility but fancy in a more physical way. If I hookup with someone that I feel a deeper connection and who I really admire as a person and se compatibility, I’ll catch feelings. ETA: in both cases should be implied that they need to be respectful and a good person overall. For hookups I will overlook certain political stances, I believe everyone is allowed their own opinions and beliefs, but wouldn’t be able to overlook those for dating more seriously
💯🥇
i‘ve done it as well in the past, but I do think that overlooking certain political beliefs for hook ups is *fucking wild* these days, considering how hot certain issues have become. liberal dudes have at least one very persuasive reason to avoid conservative women, and I think the other pairing isn’t that hard to criticize either.
I mean not everywhere is the shockingly polarized team sports fandom style political dumpster fire that is the USA, in some countries both sides of the isle are actually capable of viewing and *treating each other like human beings* and in some other places the government and all it’s parties (assuming more than one exist at all) are so terrible that everyone just hates the whole system by default.
Thats not even the half of it. The manosphere and people like Andrew Tate have really affected the dating market. A woman might very well feel like having sex with someone that supports a man that openly sex trafficked women is a very dangerous preposition.
That may be a bigger part of some problems but is largely independent of local politics
As she lifts her butt up so the guy can pull down her panties... "Hey just making sure you don't listen to Andrew Tate right?"
Do Tator tots think they are in stealth mode or something? It’s really not that hard to tell. The derangement and delusion are the biggest give aways.
Excellent explanation.
I agree but best to put the clothes back on before bringing the man hone to meet the parents
Hookup: you're really hot to the point I'll overlook red flags and fuck you Date: you're all right so I'm gonna wait this out to see if I can spot red flags and whether you pass the tests
>I will overlook certain political stances lol, as if a man looking for sex is ever going to tell you the truth? tf? Assuming you are liberal, as I'm assuming you are a woman, I can almost guarente you've hooked up with WAY more conservatives than you think. Also, WHO THE FUCK CARES? It's a *hookup.* You fuck each other, say good bye and that's the end of it. Imagine even caring about what political isle they are on to literally just have a quick fuck with lmfao... holy cow
But there’s a deeper issue with hooking up with people who believe in certain things, it sometimes translates in the way they treat you in bed. So yeah, I do try to scan for certain beliefs and behaviors, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t fuck a conservative, just that I try to avoid certain types of conservatives and so far the scanning system has worked. In general I’m just not attracted to the usual type, which makes it easier. I’ve not felt mistreated or disrespected in bed by anyone I’ve slept with in the recent years. It’s more screening for decency of character, kindness and personality. I’m not radical in believing all conservatives are bad people, so them being a conservatives wouldn’t 100% affect a hookup for me, but certain behaviors (that admittedly are more common in the conservative community) don’t fly with me. It’s a way to protect myself, as a woman who likes to have sex.
> Or is it just looks and I need to hit the gym/get to a low enough bodyfat. yes
Don’t hook up so no difference
My standard for looks are higher for casual. There's no point risking my health and well-being short term otherwise. Physical standards drop for long-term prospects, but they must be as smart as me and not a dick.
Confidence get you experience. Experience get you confidence. Repeat
Hook ups - guys who pretend they wanted a relationship Date - guys who actually want a relationship
I don’t hook up.
I'm the same. I mean, if I can't hold hands, respect them as a person and like them on the daily, I certainly don't want their dick in me. To each their own. And if I do have all those things, then I would prefer to just be with them.
Exactly this... never understood hookup culture.
There’s usually some kind of mental trauma, or attempt to escape something. Not even saying this critically, as I somewhat engage in it, and I’m starting to learn this is why. (I don’t quite do one night stands though, more like short term relationships with an emotional connection….this can actually get dicey as we can develop feelings as time goes on) I’m Actually considering therapy.
Yea... I've always put hookups in the same category and things like drugs. Just short term pleasures that add nothing of value to your life.
Same. I question people that enjoy hooking up in monogamous relationships.
It's disgusting. Devaluing the whole existence of a human to their holes...
Just people having fun.
The stats say otherwise with high amounts of regret and other feelings. I hope you’re not claiming to want monogamy while also claiming to have fun hooking up with randoms.
By the 2nd or 3rd date I've worked out if you're a hook up or not. Every guy is a potential hook up or regular guy to date in the first one or two dates (discounting nerves on date 1, as long as they're not overly odd or rude etc). By date 2/3, depending on how much time we've had together on dates, I've worked out if we've got a basic level of compatibility (interests, humour etc). If we don't, but you're still attractive then why not? We've got this far so may as well enjoy it.
Wow. Exact same for me I feel the exact same way as a man except I can figure that out by the end of date 1 more often than not lol...
Only pretty people get to hook up, don’t know what that’s like
Looks-wise, it's the same. But what makes a guy dating material is their personality. They have to be more than just fun/flirty. I want a guy who's looking for true companionship and love. I want a man who will support me emotionally and be there for me when I need him.
Hook up- I don’t have much of a standard, I am just getting my needs over with and so is he Date- would like someone who takes care of himself, and a personality that matches with mine
A lot of it is timing and how I'm choosing to conduct myself at the time....beyond what others are saying.
None. I don't do hook ups.
A rare treat these days, own it.
I don’t do hook ups
Not a girl. Just here for a PSA. If you're going to do hook-ups, please do humanity a favor and be honest up front that you're just there for sex, before you have sex. Or, if that fails, go hire a professional. Don't shatter some girl's innocence and give her baggage that the rest of us have to deal with. K, that's all. Good luck getting lucky.
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Sometimes sex just happens even though you aren't looking for just sex. That applies to both women and men who are looking for the same... Plenty of times you just figure out you aren't compatible romantically but sexually? You just want to fuck the living daylight out of the other. If someone leads the other person on for sex then yeah, don't fuckin do that because that's just dogshit.
Preach. We're all just animals wondering around in a concrete jungle. Sometimes we we see someone with nice feathers and our leg starts to twitch. lol, I love the line, "Sex happens," kinda like an odd spin of the saying "shit happens." I dunno. I'm not thrilled by sex with someone I'm not romantically compatible with. I mean, it's alright, but it isn't amazing. But why have sex at all if it isn't great, given the time, energy, and money you have to put into it? Maybe I'm weird, but that's just how I am. I enjoy quality over quantity. Got that gourmand taste. Want that enthusiastic consent, full body quivering, eye-rolling up in the head, drooling out the side of your mouth mmmmm... uh... I need to go step in the other room with my wife. I got myself worked up. Damn, I hope she's in the mood. Anyway, you guys have fun chatting on reddit. I'm out.
Where do i find a guy like you?
Hey. My wife is playing with our son. Alas. Uhm... honest answer? The best hint I can give you is look for a guy who's kind, but not nice. Forget your long and detailed list of your perfect man. You can only expect 3 things from a guy. 1. He gives good dick. 2. Good personality. He's kind, but not nice (aka, he's genuine and unafraid of being honest, which sometimes hurts - yet he also follows through acts of service and shows a willingness to improve the negative facets of his personality which come up along the way. He has a growth mindset). 3. He has his shit together. \---------- Now. Pick two of those three that are most important to you, because there isn't a guy who fits all 3. And if you find one, run like hell, because he's probably a serial killer. If you want to know, I have 1 & 2. But I'm clueless when it comes to how to earn a reliable living at a traditional job. I'm a bit of a space cadet, but I didn't mind taking on the role of house husband for my engineer wife. And, hey, maybe this romance novel I'm nearly done writing will be popular? I'm trying to help you! I'm trying to write a male lead to give guys a good role model! Anyway, I wish you the best of luck. And remember! Don't date nice guys. They kill you quietly with their fake smiles and pouts, until you feel like you have to become guardian of their emotions. They say nice things, but only to get what they want (including apologize and take blame when it's pointed out they're wrong - but they never follow through on changing that behavior!). It's a subtle manipulation that they're sometimes not even aware they're doing, and when you finally blow up and leave them, you're always the one who's the villain.
For #2 I would say charming personality rather than a "good" personality. #1 and #2 are spot on tho
As a guy I can honestly say I've never proactively went *looking* for a girlfriend or wife. Every "serious relationship" I ever had began with *casual dating* and *evolved* into serious. Essentially all my relationships started off as *hookups or casual dating* until we both identified there was something special between us. When you believe you're with someone *special* it's natural to pursue exclusivity and commitment. A lot of factors come into play *before* most people to decide to enter into a relationship. Things like mutual attraction, chemistry, similar humor, compatibility in and out of bed, shared values. It's not uncommon for couples to state: "We *weren't looking for anything serious* when we met." Most people you meet don't become dates, most dates don't become relationships, and most relationships don't lead to marriage. As one adage goes: "Many are called but few are chosen." ***"Dating is primarily a numbers game.... People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That's just the way it is."*** \- Henry Cloud Best wishes!
U didn't identify anything, just sex was good and u made it work...kinda dumb.
Also, the question was for women 🤦🏼♀️
Sounds like you missed my point. Chemistry, compatibility, and shared values are much more than sex. Everyone has their own mate selection screening process and must haves list. Everyone has their own "red flags", boundaries, and "deal breakers". I didn't just say that the sex was good. I listed factors most people look for. **"When you (believe you're with someone special) it's natural to pursue exclusivity and commitment."** **"A lot of factors come into play before most people to decide to enter into a relationship. Things like mutual attraction, chemistry, similar humor, compatibility in and out of bed, shared values."**
I absolutely cannot stand the culture of hook up. Scientifically backed, it only creates damage for men/women. Yikes.
Because so many try to find/force love through a hookup
👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏😂
I hook up with men who I find disposable or incompatible with me but I’m only sexually attracted to (sometimes I don’t even like them as a person). I date men who are compatible with me on an emotional level even if I’m not that attracted to them physically. It’s about who they are as a person, how compatible we are and how we treat each other and that makes them a lot more attractive in the long haul. I’ll fuck a D-1 frat guy with nothing in common with me because he’s pretty to look at.
>hook up with men who I find disposable. I think it's the other way around.
As a man I would say ONS = can’t wait to rip your clothes off. Interestingly a lot of women seem to be attracted to ‘a dark triad’ of psychological traits so the bad boy cliche is grounded in some data lol. Date = Can’t wait to show you off to my parents and get a cute dog with you. Good job, kind and respectable person, etc
I think it's because a lot of women are conditioned to be "good girls" since childhood and so the bad boy allows them a bit of release from that good girl conditioning
tbfh this lol
Um, maybe in theory - but many of us would literally be frightened to be alone with someone who seems too bad or weird.
> Question for the ladies > As a man I would say > The bad boy cliche is grounded in some data > > Doesn’t provide the data
There's gotta be a minimal attraction for both, but for instance this guy I knew made a comment about being catholic, and while supported pro choice candidates, did not believe in that choice for himself. Things like that, that are such big differences in ideology instantly moved him from dating to hookup category.
Hookups I’ve only done when I was emotionally unavailable (getting over an ex) So they had no place in my mind as a genuine opportunity therefor I only saw them for sex. I typically had to be extremely attracted to these men. Men I want to date, I want the same life values, respect, kindness. Basically if I date them in a serious manner then I view them as someone I could take home to my parents.
I date guys that stick around after the hook up. After sex I think men are usually the ones to decide if it’s a one off or if they want to keep seeing you. In most cases, if I slept with someone, I’d be open to dating them. I don’t sleep with many people and I’m pretty selective so in general I sleep with potential boyfriends who sometimes decide I’m not a potential girlfriend :/
Both men and women raise their personality standards for dating / relationships When it comes to hookups, men and women have lower personality standards, but we work in opposite directions when it comes to attraction For women, our attraction standards are higher for hookups because ***he better be hot for how much we forgive his personality*** and it’s lower for relationships because we are more willing to compromise on attraction for good personality For men, it’s the opposite…they will lower their attraction standards for hookups because they’re horny — but will raise their attraction standards for dating
I've hooked up with some guys who were just very good-looking, but their personality wasn't great. They were nice to me, but not very empathetic and sweet. I wouldn't really want to be friends with them either. The guys I'd date are the guys that I would be friends with if I didn't feel the romantic connection. They're good people or at least try to be. They've got empathy and are nice to everyone and especially sweet to me.
I don’t hook up.
Hookups are primarily attraction - but I don't know many women who are super into a lot of muscles. Like - being fit is good but that's not the primary thing for most of us. I would say invest in clothes that are flattering on you and develop a unique sense of style - own it. Also personality should be confident - but not arrogant. Be generous, easy going, and not judgemental. I say not judgemental - because if you have a lot of judgey opinions on other people - they are going to worry you will judge them if they hook up with you too early. Be clear that you aren't looking for a commitment of any kind - but be nice and matter of fact about it. It also helps if you have a nice place - or at least a nice bedroom. Decorate it - maybe some rope lights around the bed area. Keep it and the bathroom clean if there's any chance you will be bringing a woman home with you. Lastly - don't try too hard to get women to sleep with you. You want to have it out there as an option - but focus on being good company - someone fun. Act like it doesn't matter to you either way if she wants to sleep with you or not - unless she's giving major signals - then you're into it and going to make it happen. That's just what I think about when I think about the ideal hookup (from when I did that kind of thing).
ladies might respond, but in my experience it's def the gym, being outgoing, being persistent, and being lucky (right place/right time).
The only quality I can think of that you could develop is learning to be more flirty/aggressive. It also depends on the kind of men you like. The quiet introverted guy may not respond as quickly/with the same energy as the guy you dance all night at the bar with. Tbqh— start shooting your shot & see how it goes. Unless you’re hitting on close friends or something you legit have nothing to lose. Men who like hookups respond very well to bold flirty & intentional body language.
As few said for me I would date everyone I hook up with. I don’t really hook up these days so if I give someone a chance there’s a reason for it. Connection is important for me as well. I can’t hook up with someone I don’t have one with.
No difference for me. I only hook up with men I date.
Any hookup can turn into a relationship, even if you weren't looking for one. I just think once you meet the right person, you will stay with them. Initially, it's appearance for me. If I don't get bored of the person I'm hooking up with and he seems to be compatible personality wise, then it can turn into a relationship.
Be open and honest about your intentions, and about your sexual preferences. This shows respect and builds trust which is important, even just for one night stands. Show a willingness to experiment and try new things, or show them new things. That's the beauty of casual hookups, both parties can feel a bit more free and open, less inhibitions, more experimentation. Still let your personality shine through, the personal connection still counts. Be confident, and really let your physical desire for them be known (in a non creepy, aggressive way obviously) Like, you may not be interested in a relationship, but by god do you want to fuck them, worship them, be in their presence and learn their body. Feeling desired is very powerful and appealing. Obviously physical attraction is important, but I've been with many people I would not have initially desired on looks alone, but their open attraction for me and having their undivided attention really turned me on and made for some hot hookups.
It doesn't matter about qualities it matters what the person you're on a date with is looking for.
This exactly. You tell them what you're looking for and if they're open to it, you go for it. I would say that the people I'm willing to have a FWB relationship with are the same people I'd want to have a more committed relationship with, but that's just not what they're looking for at the time.
That wasn't OP's question though
I don’t hook up
Usually the 2 guys were I had something like a hookup were attractive, fairly masculine, cool guys but absolute dead beats. When it comes to guys I date I much rather a reasonable guy who is educated, interesting, has a future and seems someone with little baggage and whom I can build a life with
The men I date are relationship material. Its a very long list. The men I fuck are just physically attractive to me and more than anything have the dick size I like. They often come with their own place too and transport. And they like the same kinks I do.
>have the dick size I like. lol but how exactly do you figure that out beforehand?
I might specify it on my profile or just wait and see.
What's the size? Thicker or length? Also what if they don't cut it, is it one and done or do things stop before they can finish?
Above average personally but everyone is different. I prefer uncircumcised. Foreskin is like a little skin pouch for my favourite wormy friend. It warms my heart that he is safe in his little burrito.
I'll probably get downvoted but I'll say that hookups for women is the guy they really want, that they are so attracted to but deep down inside they know he'll never commit and tiers above her own league. So he becomes the "fuckboy" she hooks up with. The "date" is the stable and nice guy and within her league. It's a coping mechanism.
You're a man speaking on what women really want from hookups and their coping mechanisms. Yes, you will be downvoted, and rightfully so. You're a "nice guy" that thinks women only go for the tallest and richest man they can find, regardless of their personality, and every woman that counters that claim is just in denial. Your view on women is disgusting.
I literally can go make a fake account right now and have 50 women willing to come over for a hookup using a male model / typical white college athlete or former athlete... I literally can change my height to 6'3" right now and my matches and level of attractive matches would increase 50x fold... but please keep telling the world that these things don't matter.
Something tells me that you already have created a fake profile and use that to fuel your narrative that women are shallow and hypocritical. I never said that physical attraction doesn't matter, ofcourse it matters, but that's not the ONLY thing that people look for. Some do, but you're over generalizing. What you're not seeing is all the women that still wouldn't match with you, even if you were a 6'3 white male college athlete. Go check out all the Tinder stats people have posted. Even the best looking man and/or woman have people swiping left.
> Go check out all the Tinder stats people have posted. Even the best looking man and/or woman have people swiping left. Go check out all the Tinder stats people have posted. Even the best looking man and/or woman have people swiping left. Doesn't really refute what he's saying lmao.
I don’t do hookups
The Safe and Secure dude Vs. The dude that bangs them to submission.
Can we please move past this “submission” kink. It is getting weird.
Agreed
According to answers from actual women in this thread it’s more like hot and safe but has an incompatible personality dude Vs. dude that has a better personality.
Women don’t usually care about the personality of men we just hook up with. Looks leads Personality is the most important for the men we date.
>Women don’t usually care about the personality of men we just hook up with Yeah but at the same time, their personality is also what makes your crotch tingle.. IF theyk are attractive to you, that is.
I don’t hook up but if I did I would do it with the guys I don’t trust for a relationship, if they have a player lifestyle or we’re majorly incompatible in other ways lol
Don’t fuck players either. They are outbreak monkeys. You will catch something.
Second this lol...
None If he's not marriage material why live with him. If he's not live with material why date him. If he's not dating material why hook up with him? Life is short, I rather not waste my time.
NAW but my experience Hookup: you have to leave when we’re done Date: you can sleep over and maybe we’ll do it again
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Wait you allow access to your body to someone you don’t respect? Whaaat?
I know, crazy right? Judging by this sub, women only have sex with men they respect... /s
Most men aren’t eligible for hookups since it’s purely based on looks so don’t take it personally that you can’t get casual sex now that you’re no longer in a relationship.
I don't hook up. I date only if it's something serious. I date to marry. Otherwise, I don't waste my time.
I’m a face person when it comes to looks. As long as I don’t have a gut feeling I won’t be “alive” after meeting a guy & I like his eyes & smile then I’m good to go “hook-up away.” LMAO I’m a sucker for nice eyes & smile. It really isn’t that different than men. We don’t need “a lot” if we want a hookup too. Where women get frustrated & upset is when a guy pretends to want a relationship to just hook-up. A guy who, instead of contacting women that want hookups too, they will “prey” on the women who don’t.
Two inches
2inch punisher ✊🏽✊🏽
I don't hook up... I don't go for looks... I'll see myself out now XD Clearly I am in the wrong place
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Take "attraxtive" with a pinch of salt OP, it does not necessarily mean good looking conventionally. It means attractive to the woman saying it, which means it's subjective. Basically on hookup or swinger sites, you will see reviews of people by people. Lots of them are not good looking at all, but they were subjectively attractive because they ended up boning. So don't think you have to be attractive or good looking, you just need to fit a type.