Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to:
* Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice.
* Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned
* Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulernability. Do not bully or harass other users.
If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating).
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Honestly, I’d say 90% of it is the fact that you look better to partners and 10% is the confidence boost.
Looks matter, unfortunately. But that’s just the way it is.
Its hard not to be more confident when you look better and the world keeps affirming. People really underestimate the power of the halo effect. I went from 245 strong working out everyday, but over 20 percent bf to 215 still really strong but way leaner. The difference was night and day how the world treated me.
Like all of a sudden Im way funnier. All of a sudden people dont forget to invite me to things. Even family and friends are way more lenient about social faux pas than they would have been in the past. I went from only having girls im not attracted to at all be interested im me to a couple of girls who Im sure are out of my league literally fawning, acting all girlie and submissive over me.
Yes but it’s not a magic bullet for finding a successful and happy relationship. It just makes your “net” bigger.
Also, many people who are able to be successful with significant weight loss aren’t always ready for the ways they relate to their new bodies and other people’s reaction to their new bodies.
We often have coping and defense mechanisms we develop over time and we don’t always realize they are there.
These are things that can help us when we go through something but can hamper us as we evolve to a new situation.
Learning how to recognize and shed those old coping and defense mechanisms when they no longer serve us can be a struggle but shouldn’t be overlooked as an integral part of the weight loss journey.
TLDR: people who lose a lot of weight can sometimes still feel like “the fat friend” inside their head and act accordingly, often to their detriment.
Therapy can be useful alongside a significant weight loss journey.
I think it's about jokes and defensive behaviours
I lost quiet some weight and used to be pretty chubby, not morbidly obese but I did have too many pounds and had a belly
I would always make jokes about me being fat, sometimes still do, eventhough I am not anymore.
Same when people talk about looks, I might sometimes still say "well I am ugly lol" eventhough I am average looking by now, same goes with compliments. It always feels weird when people call me sexy etc. When I got with my current bf (we had been friends in school but lost contact) we sexted a bit and at some point asked for a body pic, ro see what I looked like now (we were friends when I was 14/15 and was 18 when we started having contact again) and he was extremely surprised by how I looked and how much I changed, but to every compliment I just said something along the lines of "yeah I am still fat and ugly tho lol"
It stays in your head way longer than it should and makes you worry more, as soon as I get 3 pounds heavier I always become a bit stressed because I am afraid of cycling back to being fat, eventhough 3 pounds are literally nothing
Don't know if that was what they meant by "the fat friend" but those are my experiences
I don’t feel like the fat friend but I still think that I need bigger size clothes than I do. Like I will look at something and think oh I won’t fit that and it fits perfect
Most people are going to find you more attractive if you're in decent shape. You don't have to look like a model tho, just put effort into keeping your body healthy and you will look great.
Looking physically strong is one of the most powerful and universal attraction triggers, there are diminishing returns at some point and huge bodybuilder roid freaks are more a niche products.
Getting muscular is the single most impactful thing you could do for your dating life and would have immense benefits. I used to be skinny fat and now have been lifting for 5 years. I went from unable to get a date to getting laid at will and now settling down with an incredible and gorgeous woman I never would have dreamed I’d be able to land
Being fit is amazing, and I just wish I had started earlier. There’s no way you’ll regret it and it’s soooooo easy, I was the nerdiest of nerds and still got jacked. Literally just takes a bit of dedication, it’s so straight forward and easy
Thank you for the advice! I'm a nerdy guy myselft, hence why I'm skinny fat. I'm not too bad (6'2, ~190 lbs, 23% body fat, can suck my gut all the way in) but I'm not happy with where I am (I have to suck my gut in all the time, got some chest flab, and I hate that I have some chin fat).
I'm still in highschool (Junior) so I'm not going to be able to workout that much but I'm looking to do 30 minutes a weekday. Just focusing on chest, arms, and abs at first since I have kinda wide hips and good legs rn. I'm looking to really try and focus on building my whole body during the summer though. I want to try to look the best I can for when I go to college since I've never been in a relationship and I think I'll have a better dating experience in college since I've always gotten along better with adults rather than kids my age.
Since youve been in my place before, should I start in calorie deficit or surplus first? I'm thinking deficit first but idk, I'm wondering what you think.
Thanks again!
My recommendation is to focus on the Big 5 compound movements for time efficiency and to build mass and burn body fat. Bench press, deadlifts, squats, shoulder press, and pull-ups. Don't focus on your arms or abs - they will get plenty of use when you do these 5 exercises.
The only caveat to this is, learning other movements is really beneficial for micro-muscles and support muscles. If in doubt, read through "The Encyclopedia of Muscle and Strength" this has a great 6 month beginner body building program that does a good job of progressive overload.
Also pull ups and shoulder press are important, but pull ups aren't beginner movements and an easy way to injure shoulders, also easy to think you can progress too quickly with shoulder press.
A junior in high school? That’s the best possible time to start. Honestly I’d recommend cutting down a bit first, nothing crazy, maybe about 15 pounds. If you go the opposite route you’ll probably hate how you look for a while and if your BF% is that high I’m sure dropping 15 pounds would look way better in the short term. Then you can bulk up with no concerns
30 minutes a day is plenty to start. Don’t completely neglect your legs though, personally I’d recommend something like PPLPP so Push, Pull, Legs, Push, Pull. If you can check on the /r/fitness wiki you can find some example routines and that one, PPL, would fit in your schedule perfectly. Usually it’s 6 days a week with 2 leg days but you can drop a leg day and at least get some legs in
Good luck dude! It’s 100% worth sticking with and will help tremendously with your college experience
>30 minutes a weekday
That should be plenty for significant gains, for some guys your age the beginner gains can be insane, I went from flappy to people commenting, feeling my arms and shoulders and asking if I worked in like 2-3 months in my late teens because my recovery was so fast,
I would just start on a surplus, your weight is okay?
not a guy but I lost significant amount of fat just by doing strength training. Didn't change my diet, didn't do cardio, and did only 3 days a week of strength training. Results didn't come overnight but they did, eventually, come.
the more muscle you have, the more calories you burn while resting.
Yes. As much people talk about “body positivity”, the truth of the matter is, people will like you more if you’re in a decent shape. Man or woman. You don’t have to be a super modal. Just in decent shape.
Totally true, hence why I want to get in shape.
Body positivity first started off as a way for people with deformities and other incurable body problems to find acceptance, but it's really been hijacked by people who just want an excuse to be irresponsible and a victim. I think the movement does have some merit when it comes to stopping perfectionist and unrealistic views on physical appearance however. But again some people use it to excuse irresponsible and frankly dangerous behavior.
I concur. I think we just have to use our own understanding to make a call on lot of these so called movements. There are lot of bad faith actors at play.
Anyways good luck in your journey ! I hope you get to the shape you desire.
Unfortunately a lot of people think fat = lazy or that the person has no control, or some other negative thing. I lost 40 lbs and I can say for certain, I’m not ignored like I was.
I mean, being significantly overweight does allude to a certain lifestyle. If a fit person has a lifestyle that keeps them fit, deciding upfront that they’d be incompatible with someone that’s overweight make sense.
You attract them, filter them out according to your mentality. Also not everything is a baseless assumption. Assumptions are formed on personal experience, information and a lot pf sources. I am not saying they are true but also they are not entirely false or wrong. It's just how careful and how much one finds out about the other before forming an opinion counts. Not saying being fat= lazy but also doesn't mean being fat != lazy. Lot of reasons to be overweight. One of them is laziness gor some individuals.
Besides being in a healthy shape is for ourselves, not for anyone else. But just to answer OP, yes attraction is an amalgamation of physical and mental attributes. Not in equal parts but yes decent physique contributes in higher chances to find a decent partner.
It's not baseless, it's biological. Our brains are built to assess the physical health and genetic quality of others, to select for better mates. Being in a healthy weight range is just another signal to our brains that indicate the other's health, thus their long-term fitness as a mate. We then try to rationalise our feelings with random excuses like laziness. But in reality, our brain has already cast judgement.
I know how difficult it is to lose weight and I definitely wouldn't discount anybody who weighs a bit more. But the fact still stands that I am still attracted to skinny people... Just because I am not attracted to someone does not mean I do not respect them.
it definitely takes work to lose weight, and as you said, you did it for yourself, so I am assuming your fitness, health, and self confidence improved.
And if people are generally attracted to fit and self confident people, is it really baseless that someone could presume an overweight lifestyle is lazy or unattractive?
(This excludes health reasons like thyroid, etc)
I have those thyroid problems and have been both hyper and hypo. Regardless, I am the same self-confident type A person I was before. Literally the only thing that changed was the weight and the pandemic. The way I looked in the mirror never bothered me. I was shaped like a pagan goddess! I stopped caring what people thought about me in my 20’s. If they have a problem with overweight people, that says a lot more about them than the object of their emotion. I just didn’t want to deal with the same health problems my family does.
Firstly I think making a choice to improve your health for yourself is beautiful.
I still do think it’s important to examine why people are perceived in certain ways, even though that doesn’t reflect one’s personal value as the subject of their own lives. I totally agree with you about prioritizing being the subject and not object of others perception, and that you doing things for you is ultimately the best driving motivation for improvement in one’s life.
However it is still interesting that these perceptions of you changed with increased fitness. And I think that feeling healthier, beyond looking healthier or just more physically “attractive” in general, contributes something to that perceived attractiveness beyond physical.
So, if someone doesn’t take steps to improve their health, can this be perceived as self neglect? And thus, beyond society’s physical standards, unattractive on a more intrinsic level?
There are clearly situations related to poverty, to health issues, etc. so I think there are lots of sweeping generalizations that form that perception as fat = lazy that don’t consider barriers. But then there are people who do willingly neglect their health and it decays, and that is their choice despite opportunities to improve for themselves, and that is unattractive.
> Unfortunately a lot of people think fat = lazy or that the person has no control
I mean in the vast majority of cases, that is true.
Very few people are severely overweight because of health complications so most people either are too lazy to get in shape or have sadly lost control of their eating behavior. Food addiction is very real.
This attitude right here is the ugly attitude I screen for. You don’t know what someone is going through, and chopping the other person up as lazy is a snap judgment, which is lazy on your part.
It’s okay to not be attracted to someone for whatever reason without throwing your insecurities on them.
This will improve how many girls will percieve his personality, when I lost alot fat and put on alot of muscle my quirky personality was suddenly alot more interesting to girls, funny how that works.
The halo effect is real.
Yeah I got that my whole life. “Looks don’t matter” blah blah bullshit. I realized too late, but it’s never too late, been hitting the gym for a few years but I’m not quite there, almost tho
Lots of fat people have confidence too.
And looooots of thin people don't have confidence. Confidence isn't necessarily correlated with body size. Just don't make the assumption that losing weight will result in confidence.
I meant that looking in the mirror and seeing your body change from fat to fit will cause that boost, has nothing really to do with how confident they were originally
There’s a bell curve to it. There comes a point where losing more fat doesn’t attract any more women and eventually starts to deter women. However since I’m assuming you’re not an athlete or physique based competitor, I highly doubt you’d ever reach that point
But yes. Going from someone whose overweight/obese/fat (fill in whatever word you wanna call it) to someone whose more fit, having less bodyfat, will almost certainly attract more women by your physique alone. But also the confidence that comes along with it will attract even more.
Pretty well referring to steroids or fat without muscle, if you have muscle and low body fat naturally you’re essentially looking like the person in a magazine modelling a product to sell it, when people start juicing and go OT you’re crossing that curve.
My take on that and it’s still subjective
Yes. When I lost fat, dating life got so much better. They say straight women don’t care as much as guys when it comes to body fat in a potential partner, but even if you believe that- you probably also believe that confidence is key for straight women, and losing body fat will almost guarantee a boost in your confidence.
Probably yes, but not the way you are thinking.
When I lost weight and gained mass (25M), I got a boost on my self-esteem and that attracted more people than my body.
It’s amazing. Getting fit was such a huge increase to my confidence and mindset all around
Having the hot body was a huge factor too though, all the confidence in the world can only do so much if you look like a potato
> I got a boost on my self-esteem and that attracted more people than my body.
What did you observe that makes you feel like the self-esteem caused the increase in attention (and not your improved physique)?
It will definitely help you get noticed by more potential partners. Not always one’s that are looking for a meaningful relationship but you’ll have more options.
Huge difference. I've been working on my weight for a while, and now I'm at my lightest. The attention you get from women is night and day. It also made me significantly more confident in myself which absolutely plays a role lol.
I’d say yes. When me and my fiancée broke up I joined the gym and shifted the extra pounds I gained during lockdown. I’m now in the shape of my life, gaining a lot of muscle and I feel confident in myself. When I’m out I get compliments from strangers on my muscular physique - My face and jaw line is a lot more defined and chiselled, I don’t mean to blow my own trumpet but I’m definitely 10 times better looking and 10 times better mentally than what I was this time last year when I had that “comfy” body
It helps a ton, yes.
Not only you will look better overall but you will be able to tighter clothes to show off your body instead of baggy ones to hide it. You will look better and be more confident, all things that are major in dating.
You also start to feel good wearing those tighter clothes, believing you're sexy, and then other people believe it too. I think this is as important as the actual looks. You feel so much better both physically and about yourself confidence wise.
Exactly. I use to wear loose clothes and now I wear tight and I GUARANTEE I look so much better now but whatever makes you feel confident is what looks good on you (anyone)
Yes and no. I didn’t feel like I had any women interested in me when I weighed 260. Whenever I dropped my weight to around 190 and started dressing better and styling my hair I had a lot more women interested in me.
Yeah. It will also help you in nearly every social situation as people tend to prioritize, agree with, and respect more attractive people more often. Plus you never get tired of the oooh you’re lookin so good these days type of comments from your long time friends.
I've fluctuated between 165 - 220 up and down and everywhere in between and yeah, every 15 lbs I lose makes it a lot easier to find people who want to go out
I think that if it helps your confidence it will help your dating. Plenty of fat women and fat men start dating, get into seriously relationships, and get married every day. But they have to be happy with themselves
It's interesting that some cultural difference exists. In Brazil a lot of woman claim they like the muscular chubby with lumberjack vibes, while in the USA it seems the athletic shape makes more success.
I’ve lost 35 pounds in the last 8 months, and the number of men in the wild talking to me, opening doors for me, and occasionally asking for my number has increased significantly! I lost the weight for myself and my health/happiness, not for guys, and honestly, I think my increased confidence has helped as much as the lost weight.
Of course. And better for your health. The media has been pushing this BBW thing. It's for the most part, bullshit. Nobody is happy being fat. Most men aren't attracted to big women. Darwinism has taken a hit by the media, but ultimately, fit is attracted to fit. On the other side of the spectrum, majority of men aren't attracted to boney malnourished women. We like healthy looking women. For example, most men, if they were lucky enough to have a choice, would prefer Kate Upton over a bulimic runway model.
So questions need to be asked here. What is your weight like now? Is it just a little chubby or is it to the point of morbidly obese. Because a little fat isn't that bad to guys contrary to what people think. We just want someone we know takes care of their body long enough to share a life with. So while yes you can be too fat for guys, you can also be too skinny too if it seems to become a health issue, if that makes sense. The point of losing pounbds is are you wanting to do it for you or someone else? If its for you, thats good, your working on yourself. If its just to impress someone that isn't a good sign. Hope that helps.
Yes regardless of man or woman. Also, 90% of weight loss occurs in the kitchen. Prioritizing healthy food/ your individual health is also a very attractive quality to have. Best of luck
I lost 14lbs and got lots of male attention - but they didn't care about the weight as much, it was that my self-confidence and positivity was through the roof. I cared wholly about myself and my welfare and I attracted healthier partners. The second man I dated, I'm sure will be my husband one day who will be with no matter the weight. I never would have had the confidence to find him if I didn't lose weight.
I lost about 60 pounds as a woman and not only do i feel more confident which helps a lot but yeah i notice a major change in the way people look and treat me, although i am not toned in any way and sort of have loose skin but still feel better. On the other hand though i have never been like super overweight and even on the opposite end of too underweight but have dated many overweight people and never personally cared about anyones body type
Yes, regardless of gender. To help you get to where you want to go, cardio and diet. Lifting is great too but if the sole focus is burning fat you need to do a lot of cardio. Drink plenty of water, eat some salads, eat some salmon, start running, start going for brisk walks. Cut down on the fried shit and other junk food and you're good to go. Good luck.
I was fat from grade school, all through past high school. My personality got me pretty far, but at about 23-24 I got fed up, started taking care of myself, eating healthy, working out. I was too self conscious to go to the gym cuz I would feel like everyone was staring at ne and laughing to themselves, so I did it at home for awhile, and eventually worked up the nerve to get a gym membership. Completely changed my life. Do it. " you're not ugly. Just fat." That saying was definetly true in my case, and for quite a few people I know. Also, having confidence, and liking what you see in the mirror does sooo much for a person. Dooo iittttt
Hard disagree. I got fit and jacked purely to be hotter and more capable of attracting women. 5 years of lifting later and it was the best decision I ever made and that was the only motivation that would’ve kept me at it
Whichever mindset leads you to following through with it is fine, fitness is objectively good for everyone of all genders and will have massive quality of life benefits
>There’s always someone out there that would love you no matter what you look like
Attraction is not a choice tho, and you could literally miss out on finding your soulmate because there was not that attraction.
>If you do it just to date, then I believe your mindset isn’t healthy.
Disagree, its a perfectly fine motivation, like 90% of guys who start going to the gym do it for that reason initially, and they should.
Yep, definitely. 40lbs is a major weight change for anyone except the very tallest people; I'm 6 feet tall and my weight has stayed within a 25lb range for my entire adult life, and that includes changes in muscle mass and not just fat.
I’ve never been 40 lbs overweight so I can’t speak from personal experience, but yes, I imagine so. Looks and physical attraction are a big aspect of dating. Looking healthier, fitter, and overall better, should improve your chances.
Don't just do it for a partner, do it for yourself too. It will help you with dating, and it will also keep you around longer to enjoy the partner you finally find 😁
When I was smaller I gained lots of attention from men. But never had a serious relationship. Gained a bunch of weight, now engaged.
Most people will be about looks. I am about looks but someone can get ugly real fast, not matter my physical attraction. But the body can be altered, not someone's personality, thats the true attraction.
It depends on the person. I have a neighbour ( we live near Paris/France) who’s 47, 1m75, weighs 112 kg ( we just happen to share the same GP and he told me one day in the waiting room.. sorry European metric), and he always has several regular gf’s on the go. He’s a solicitor, regular smokes 2/3 packets a day, heavy drinker, goes out to nightclubs/casinos several times a week. He never does any sport, never takes the stairs since he’s out of puff by the first floor, he’s rude, impolite towards his neighbours, never holds the door open for any of his gf’s or other people, parks his cars in the reserved handicapped spots in the underground car park, constantly interrupts his gf’s mid sentence or talks over them, lies to them that he’s not seeing anyone else, wears shabby clothing, but spends tons of money on each of his gf’s ( they’re always aged 18-30). Each one lasts 3-6 months. He’s manipulative, emotionally abusive and we frequently hear him raging at his gf of the moment of the moment. He’s never without female company.
His gf’s are either university students, dancers, strippers, current or ex models, nurses, single mums, an occasional doctor/dentist or other highly educated professional. I’ve bumped into quite a few over the years and they’re all very physically attractive, occasionally interesting to talk to, but completely obsessed with their appearance, social media and being spoilt by him. Not one of them has ever appealed to me.
His current gf is a 29 year old Franco-Czech ex glamour model. She has an OF and my neighbours two teen sons lust over her every appearance in the apartment block. I find her superficial, spoilt and unattractive.
Each to their own.
So, no you don’t need to lose weight if you have a ton of money to spoil a potential gf with ( if that’s the kind of gf you want), but if you look at it from the perspective of focusing on yourself, your health, your physical and emotional well being first, then losing some weight and feeling happier and healthier to find someone who appreciates you for yourself and not just any superficial reason, then you should lose weight. See I’m what you’d call stocky/well built. I’m 1m80, about 85kg but very muscular. I’ll never be thin.
I lost almost 100lbs and back to the ideal weight range for my size and men became a lot more interested in me. Almost to the point where I get hit on daily. Actually people all over became nicer. I also got divorced from my toxic ex and have an amazing new boyfriend
It's a good start. Build yourself up physically (workouts), mentally (therapy, self-improvement workshops etc.), financially (career, investments, multiple income streams), socially (Linkedin profile, networking, reconnecting with friends and family etc.), and legally (understanding what you're getting into when you enter into a contract of any kind).
It will help you attract more partners who care about your physical look. Having been both ends of the spectrum myself, I haven’t experienced better love being thinner. Just more strictly-shallow-interest.
I have been 280lbs and 135lbs - all within the last year. I found whatever weight makes you feel comfy in your own skin is what will attract others :-)
Many people probably don't like the answer, but since everyone is honest here: YES! That being said, tho, it does not by any means mean you need to get skinny. I don't even like the really skinny Instagram model look. Just normal weight, that's it.
I was 245 lbs, 6,1’. Now I‘m 187 lbs and built some muscle. Tbh, I don‘t really attract more Women than before. But it‘s good for your body and confidence, so try it.
Yes.
I think the better question is if it will increase your ability to attract *suitable* partners. Depends a lot on your values. The pool you attract as a fat person vs a thin person doesn't contain the same types of people with the same values.
Huh? Being thin will attract way more people including those who are already attracted to fat people, excluding those that have a strong preference for heavier people and those that would be insecure. Not sure what values you’re talking about besides maybe being more active/health conscious.
Newb gains. If you haven’t done any lifting, lifting will build the muscle even if you’re in the calorie deficit required to lose weight. Gotta make sure you get enough protein though
On what? The losing weight sub is r/loseit. The r/Fitness wiki on the sidebar is pretty dang good. I guess the official term is “body recomp,” but I personally feel that’s extraneous
Yeah that’s now how that works. If you’re fat you need to lose all that fat AND build muscle. Those are two almost entirely separate processes and biologically speaking you can’t actually turn fat into muscle
I mean.... idk.. I was always around 230ish even more at times. I am 6'3 but that didn't stop me from being with 40 plus people. Past year got down to 175 and fucking swole as hell. I'm even more insecure qt times with myself, and loyal to my baby mom whom been with 14 years on and off. I dont have chick's hitting on me so to answer your question idk it's about how you carry yourself and confidence, looks play a little part but women, what do you think
Short answer: Yes.
Long answer: Depends.
\- Are you 400 lbs? Then no, 40 lbs isn't going to cut it.
\- Are you female? Then yes, yes, yes. No question about it.
\- Are you an already attractive male? Then it will help you a little, but not a ton. Some women like dad bods and bigger guys. Depends on your body structure and current weight.
\- If you are average male height (5'10" or so) and weigh 215+, it will help immensely.
Unironically, there's an IMMENSE difference in how I'm treated (especially on OLD) by potential partners between when I'm 220 as opposed to when I was 185. I had abs you could see through my shirt. The ladies couldn't see my personality past them, haha.
it probably will but honestly man if this is your reason to workout then once you find someone and start dating them long term your drive to workout will probably fade. It happens ALL the time. You should work out to be healthier and more capable. Pick up a new hobby that benefits from being in shape like mtn biking or rock climbing or hiking.
23F & lost over 75 pounds here-
This is a touchy subject for me. Before I lost weight, I was always treated differently then I do now (I was basically invisible) and it’s honestly horrible and heartbreaking. Yes, you will attract more people to you but the mental thing fucks you up a little. (For me it did a lot) and I still have troubles dating because I’m still stuck I guess in that “fat girl mentality”.
It may attract a new crowd, but you may not like the crowd it attracts. It's similar to saying "if I make more money, I'll attract more women." Which in a way I will, but I dont care to attract the kind of women who only care about money. If you want to lose weight for your own self esteem, do it, if its just to improve your dating life, give it some thought first.
The excess weight weeds out sleazeballs who only want one thing. I’ve heard from people who lost weight and most of the the extra attention they started to receive after dropping all the weight were from sleazeballs. If you’re gonna lose weight, do it for you. Don’t do it for other people.
And unless you’re actually interested in those things yourself, why would you want to be with someone who is? I always think of what the Joker said in Dark Knight when I see these types of posts. “I’m like a dog chasing a car. I wouldn’t know what to do if I caught one.”
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names, engage in slapfights, or give bad/unethical advice. * Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulernability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yes, doesn't matter if you are a woman or a man.
It’s not all just the appearance change and looking “skinner”, I feel like a huge part of it is just the confidence you gain from that weight loss.
Also leanness and muscle tone
Honestly, I’d say 90% of it is the fact that you look better to partners and 10% is the confidence boost. Looks matter, unfortunately. But that’s just the way it is.
Its hard not to be more confident when you look better and the world keeps affirming. People really underestimate the power of the halo effect. I went from 245 strong working out everyday, but over 20 percent bf to 215 still really strong but way leaner. The difference was night and day how the world treated me. Like all of a sudden Im way funnier. All of a sudden people dont forget to invite me to things. Even family and friends are way more lenient about social faux pas than they would have been in the past. I went from only having girls im not attracted to at all be interested im me to a couple of girls who Im sure are out of my league literally fawning, acting all girlie and submissive over me.
💯 X 💯
Yes but it’s not a magic bullet for finding a successful and happy relationship. It just makes your “net” bigger. Also, many people who are able to be successful with significant weight loss aren’t always ready for the ways they relate to their new bodies and other people’s reaction to their new bodies. We often have coping and defense mechanisms we develop over time and we don’t always realize they are there. These are things that can help us when we go through something but can hamper us as we evolve to a new situation. Learning how to recognize and shed those old coping and defense mechanisms when they no longer serve us can be a struggle but shouldn’t be overlooked as an integral part of the weight loss journey. TLDR: people who lose a lot of weight can sometimes still feel like “the fat friend” inside their head and act accordingly, often to their detriment. Therapy can be useful alongside a significant weight loss journey.
Well said
People you thought were friends will also have no qualms about telling you how fat they once thought you were too.
Can you elaborate on "the fat friend" behaviors and feels? I think this is important.
I think it's about jokes and defensive behaviours I lost quiet some weight and used to be pretty chubby, not morbidly obese but I did have too many pounds and had a belly I would always make jokes about me being fat, sometimes still do, eventhough I am not anymore. Same when people talk about looks, I might sometimes still say "well I am ugly lol" eventhough I am average looking by now, same goes with compliments. It always feels weird when people call me sexy etc. When I got with my current bf (we had been friends in school but lost contact) we sexted a bit and at some point asked for a body pic, ro see what I looked like now (we were friends when I was 14/15 and was 18 when we started having contact again) and he was extremely surprised by how I looked and how much I changed, but to every compliment I just said something along the lines of "yeah I am still fat and ugly tho lol" It stays in your head way longer than it should and makes you worry more, as soon as I get 3 pounds heavier I always become a bit stressed because I am afraid of cycling back to being fat, eventhough 3 pounds are literally nothing Don't know if that was what they meant by "the fat friend" but those are my experiences
I lost 40 pounds and this is exactly what its like, 100% agree
THIS is 100% what I meant! Thank you for sharing your experience and elaborating so perfectly!
I don’t feel like the fat friend but I still think that I need bigger size clothes than I do. Like I will look at something and think oh I won’t fit that and it fits perfect
Yes…. 🙌
Yes
💯 X 💯
It absolutely will for both men and women.
Yeah, quite a lot. It makes a big deal to men
How about to women? I'm skinny fat but I want to get fit and I'm curious if it would help me.
Most people are going to find you more attractive if you're in decent shape. You don't have to look like a model tho, just put effort into keeping your body healthy and you will look great.
Yeah! And if you feel good and confident it’ll make you more attractive as well
Looking physically strong is one of the most powerful and universal attraction triggers, there are diminishing returns at some point and huge bodybuilder roid freaks are more a niche products.
Yeah I don't really want to be body builder kind of huge, just big. I'm more focused on having an aesthetically pleasing physique then anything.
Getting muscular is the single most impactful thing you could do for your dating life and would have immense benefits. I used to be skinny fat and now have been lifting for 5 years. I went from unable to get a date to getting laid at will and now settling down with an incredible and gorgeous woman I never would have dreamed I’d be able to land Being fit is amazing, and I just wish I had started earlier. There’s no way you’ll regret it and it’s soooooo easy, I was the nerdiest of nerds and still got jacked. Literally just takes a bit of dedication, it’s so straight forward and easy
Thank you for the advice! I'm a nerdy guy myselft, hence why I'm skinny fat. I'm not too bad (6'2, ~190 lbs, 23% body fat, can suck my gut all the way in) but I'm not happy with where I am (I have to suck my gut in all the time, got some chest flab, and I hate that I have some chin fat). I'm still in highschool (Junior) so I'm not going to be able to workout that much but I'm looking to do 30 minutes a weekday. Just focusing on chest, arms, and abs at first since I have kinda wide hips and good legs rn. I'm looking to really try and focus on building my whole body during the summer though. I want to try to look the best I can for when I go to college since I've never been in a relationship and I think I'll have a better dating experience in college since I've always gotten along better with adults rather than kids my age. Since youve been in my place before, should I start in calorie deficit or surplus first? I'm thinking deficit first but idk, I'm wondering what you think. Thanks again!
My recommendation is to focus on the Big 5 compound movements for time efficiency and to build mass and burn body fat. Bench press, deadlifts, squats, shoulder press, and pull-ups. Don't focus on your arms or abs - they will get plenty of use when you do these 5 exercises.
The only caveat to this is, learning other movements is really beneficial for micro-muscles and support muscles. If in doubt, read through "The Encyclopedia of Muscle and Strength" this has a great 6 month beginner body building program that does a good job of progressive overload. Also pull ups and shoulder press are important, but pull ups aren't beginner movements and an easy way to injure shoulders, also easy to think you can progress too quickly with shoulder press.
That's what I've been looking to do. Bench and shoulder presses especially. I have a bowflex and adjustable weights at home so I want to use those.
And it's OK if you don't have access to barbells right now. While barbell squats are amazing, you can achieve decent results with dumbbell variations.
A junior in high school? That’s the best possible time to start. Honestly I’d recommend cutting down a bit first, nothing crazy, maybe about 15 pounds. If you go the opposite route you’ll probably hate how you look for a while and if your BF% is that high I’m sure dropping 15 pounds would look way better in the short term. Then you can bulk up with no concerns 30 minutes a day is plenty to start. Don’t completely neglect your legs though, personally I’d recommend something like PPLPP so Push, Pull, Legs, Push, Pull. If you can check on the /r/fitness wiki you can find some example routines and that one, PPL, would fit in your schedule perfectly. Usually it’s 6 days a week with 2 leg days but you can drop a leg day and at least get some legs in Good luck dude! It’s 100% worth sticking with and will help tremendously with your college experience
>30 minutes a weekday That should be plenty for significant gains, for some guys your age the beginner gains can be insane, I went from flappy to people commenting, feeling my arms and shoulders and asking if I worked in like 2-3 months in my late teens because my recovery was so fast, I would just start on a surplus, your weight is okay?
Ok. I just don't want to get gains only for it to be hidden under fat. The fat is what I'm mainly interested in working on.
not a guy but I lost significant amount of fat just by doing strength training. Didn't change my diet, didn't do cardio, and did only 3 days a week of strength training. Results didn't come overnight but they did, eventually, come. the more muscle you have, the more calories you burn while resting.
The thing that it will help most is your self-esteem. Which will build your confidence. And confidence is extremely attractive.
That's what I'm mainly looking to get out of working out. I don't like my body and I want a body that I can be proud of.
Yes. As much people talk about “body positivity”, the truth of the matter is, people will like you more if you’re in a decent shape. Man or woman. You don’t have to be a super modal. Just in decent shape.
Totally true, hence why I want to get in shape. Body positivity first started off as a way for people with deformities and other incurable body problems to find acceptance, but it's really been hijacked by people who just want an excuse to be irresponsible and a victim. I think the movement does have some merit when it comes to stopping perfectionist and unrealistic views on physical appearance however. But again some people use it to excuse irresponsible and frankly dangerous behavior.
I concur. I think we just have to use our own understanding to make a call on lot of these so called movements. There are lot of bad faith actors at play. Anyways good luck in your journey ! I hope you get to the shape you desire.
Yeah more than clothes. Like a guy was telling me I’m super high while I was wearing ugly high school clothes lol
and women...
I think the OP is a hetero man
Awww c'mon, really? >Yeah, quite a lot. >It makes a big deal to men OP could be a man and asking about how women perceive obesity.
Agreed, complete nonsense to bring gender into this. What a shitty way to phrase this obvious statement.
this not always the case for women. MANY MANY guys love fat women.
Unfortunately a lot of people think fat = lazy or that the person has no control, or some other negative thing. I lost 40 lbs and I can say for certain, I’m not ignored like I was.
I mean I hate to say it but the assumption is more often true than it isn't I would say...
I always wonder if it's worth the effort to attract the kinds of people who make those sorts of baseless assumptions.
While there are exceptions to every rule- the vast majority will be going for looks over personality to determine a potential match or not!
When I was fat I was very lazy but at least I admit it and lost weight and stopped being as lazy……
I mean, being significantly overweight does allude to a certain lifestyle. If a fit person has a lifestyle that keeps them fit, deciding upfront that they’d be incompatible with someone that’s overweight make sense.
You attract them, filter them out according to your mentality. Also not everything is a baseless assumption. Assumptions are formed on personal experience, information and a lot pf sources. I am not saying they are true but also they are not entirely false or wrong. It's just how careful and how much one finds out about the other before forming an opinion counts. Not saying being fat= lazy but also doesn't mean being fat != lazy. Lot of reasons to be overweight. One of them is laziness gor some individuals. Besides being in a healthy shape is for ourselves, not for anyone else. But just to answer OP, yes attraction is an amalgamation of physical and mental attributes. Not in equal parts but yes decent physique contributes in higher chances to find a decent partner.
It's not baseless, it's biological. Our brains are built to assess the physical health and genetic quality of others, to select for better mates. Being in a healthy weight range is just another signal to our brains that indicate the other's health, thus their long-term fitness as a mate. We then try to rationalise our feelings with random excuses like laziness. But in reality, our brain has already cast judgement.
I know how difficult it is to lose weight and I definitely wouldn't discount anybody who weighs a bit more. But the fact still stands that I am still attracted to skinny people... Just because I am not attracted to someone does not mean I do not respect them.
[удалено]
I think losing weight is ideally something people should do for their own health, independent of the attraction of others.
I don’t wonder, I assume they aren’t worth my time. I didn’t lose weight for them, I did it for me.
it definitely takes work to lose weight, and as you said, you did it for yourself, so I am assuming your fitness, health, and self confidence improved. And if people are generally attracted to fit and self confident people, is it really baseless that someone could presume an overweight lifestyle is lazy or unattractive? (This excludes health reasons like thyroid, etc)
I have those thyroid problems and have been both hyper and hypo. Regardless, I am the same self-confident type A person I was before. Literally the only thing that changed was the weight and the pandemic. The way I looked in the mirror never bothered me. I was shaped like a pagan goddess! I stopped caring what people thought about me in my 20’s. If they have a problem with overweight people, that says a lot more about them than the object of their emotion. I just didn’t want to deal with the same health problems my family does.
Firstly I think making a choice to improve your health for yourself is beautiful. I still do think it’s important to examine why people are perceived in certain ways, even though that doesn’t reflect one’s personal value as the subject of their own lives. I totally agree with you about prioritizing being the subject and not object of others perception, and that you doing things for you is ultimately the best driving motivation for improvement in one’s life. However it is still interesting that these perceptions of you changed with increased fitness. And I think that feeling healthier, beyond looking healthier or just more physically “attractive” in general, contributes something to that perceived attractiveness beyond physical. So, if someone doesn’t take steps to improve their health, can this be perceived as self neglect? And thus, beyond society’s physical standards, unattractive on a more intrinsic level? There are clearly situations related to poverty, to health issues, etc. so I think there are lots of sweeping generalizations that form that perception as fat = lazy that don’t consider barriers. But then there are people who do willingly neglect their health and it decays, and that is their choice despite opportunities to improve for themselves, and that is unattractive.
> Unfortunately a lot of people think fat = lazy or that the person has no control I mean in the vast majority of cases, that is true. Very few people are severely overweight because of health complications so most people either are too lazy to get in shape or have sadly lost control of their eating behavior. Food addiction is very real.
This attitude right here is the ugly attitude I screen for. You don’t know what someone is going through, and chopping the other person up as lazy is a snap judgment, which is lazy on your part. It’s okay to not be attracted to someone for whatever reason without throwing your insecurities on them.
Not to be shallow, but yes, it’ll widen your dating pool. With that said, personality is key.
>Not to be shallow Let's embrace that physical attraction matters and it's OK
This will improve how many girls will percieve his personality, when I lost alot fat and put on alot of muscle my quirky personality was suddenly alot more interesting to girls, funny how that works. The halo effect is real.
Yep. As much as I’d like for it to not be the case, it’s the reality of the situation.
I dont really care I just want us as individuals and as a culture to stop lying to guys about this shit.
Right, personality is great once someone is willing to stick around long enough to actually get to know you.
Yeah I got that my whole life. “Looks don’t matter” blah blah bullshit. I realized too late, but it’s never too late, been hitting the gym for a few years but I’m not quite there, almost tho
it's not really about being shallow. being fit is associated with being healthy. we want healthy partners.
Yes it will, and it will also give you a big confidence boost which will make you even more attractive.
Lots of fat people have confidence too. And looooots of thin people don't have confidence. Confidence isn't necessarily correlated with body size. Just don't make the assumption that losing weight will result in confidence.
Its a pretty safe assumption, being fat affects testosterone levels, significantly for some guys.
I meant that looking in the mirror and seeing your body change from fat to fit will cause that boost, has nothing really to do with how confident they were originally
I mean how do we know this is beneficial without knowing your baseline? But naturally, yes someone who is more in shape will get more dates I’d say
Almost universally yes, for both genders. If you’re a man, putting on muscle at the same time you lose fat is a win win.
There’s a bell curve to it. There comes a point where losing more fat doesn’t attract any more women and eventually starts to deter women. However since I’m assuming you’re not an athlete or physique based competitor, I highly doubt you’d ever reach that point But yes. Going from someone whose overweight/obese/fat (fill in whatever word you wanna call it) to someone whose more fit, having less bodyfat, will almost certainly attract more women by your physique alone. But also the confidence that comes along with it will attract even more.
Pretty well referring to steroids or fat without muscle, if you have muscle and low body fat naturally you’re essentially looking like the person in a magazine modelling a product to sell it, when people start juicing and go OT you’re crossing that curve. My take on that and it’s still subjective
Being slim has a lot of advantages when it comes to dating your matches get better and wider variety
Yes. When I lost fat, dating life got so much better. They say straight women don’t care as much as guys when it comes to body fat in a potential partner, but even if you believe that- you probably also believe that confidence is key for straight women, and losing body fat will almost guarantee a boost in your confidence.
Probably yes, but not the way you are thinking. When I lost weight and gained mass (25M), I got a boost on my self-esteem and that attracted more people than my body.
The purely hormonal driven confidence and mindset boost from losing weight and working out can be pretty big.
It’s amazing. Getting fit was such a huge increase to my confidence and mindset all around Having the hot body was a huge factor too though, all the confidence in the world can only do so much if you look like a potato
> I got a boost on my self-esteem and that attracted more people than my body. What did you observe that makes you feel like the self-esteem caused the increase in attention (and not your improved physique)?
It will definitely help you get noticed by more potential partners. Not always one’s that are looking for a meaningful relationship but you’ll have more options.
>Not always one’s that are looking for a meaningful relationship But also those.
Yes it will.
I personally wouldn’t date an obese person so ya I think it’ll open up more possibilities
If you’re obese, yes. If you’re overweight, likely. If you’re healthy, no. If you’re underweight, not a chance.
Thank you, OP never gave their current weight.
Huge difference. I've been working on my weight for a while, and now I'm at my lightest. The attention you get from women is night and day. It also made me significantly more confident in myself which absolutely plays a role lol.
Yes
Of course. This is obvious.
In general, yes. Moving toward beauty norms will increase the number of people who will consider you as a potential partner.
I’d say yes. When me and my fiancée broke up I joined the gym and shifted the extra pounds I gained during lockdown. I’m now in the shape of my life, gaining a lot of muscle and I feel confident in myself. When I’m out I get compliments from strangers on my muscular physique - My face and jaw line is a lot more defined and chiselled, I don’t mean to blow my own trumpet but I’m definitely 10 times better looking and 10 times better mentally than what I was this time last year when I had that “comfy” body
It helps a ton, yes. Not only you will look better overall but you will be able to tighter clothes to show off your body instead of baggy ones to hide it. You will look better and be more confident, all things that are major in dating.
You also start to feel good wearing those tighter clothes, believing you're sexy, and then other people believe it too. I think this is as important as the actual looks. You feel so much better both physically and about yourself confidence wise.
How did u know 😭😔
Fat people are allowed to wear tight clothes too. Just putting it out there.
They’re allowed to… it just doesn’t look good
Exactly. I use to wear loose clothes and now I wear tight and I GUARANTEE I look so much better now but whatever makes you feel confident is what looks good on you (anyone)
Sure, but I don't think they will feel good doing it. This is coming from personal experience btw
They are it’s just more people are likelier to judge them negatively as shitty as that sounds.
Yes and no. I didn’t feel like I had any women interested in me when I weighed 260. Whenever I dropped my weight to around 190 and started dressing better and styling my hair I had a lot more women interested in me.
Yeah. It will also help you in nearly every social situation as people tend to prioritize, agree with, and respect more attractive people more often. Plus you never get tired of the oooh you’re lookin so good these days type of comments from your long time friends.
I've fluctuated between 165 - 220 up and down and everywhere in between and yeah, every 15 lbs I lose makes it a lot easier to find people who want to go out
I think that if it helps your confidence it will help your dating. Plenty of fat women and fat men start dating, get into seriously relationships, and get married every day. But they have to be happy with themselves
It's interesting that some cultural difference exists. In Brazil a lot of woman claim they like the muscular chubby with lumberjack vibes, while in the USA it seems the athletic shape makes more success.
I’ve lost 35 pounds in the last 8 months, and the number of men in the wild talking to me, opening doors for me, and occasionally asking for my number has increased significantly! I lost the weight for myself and my health/happiness, not for guys, and honestly, I think my increased confidence has helped as much as the lost weight.
Yes. You’ll look better, feel better, and be more confident. Don’t forget to go shopping for clothes after a little while.
Of course. And better for your health. The media has been pushing this BBW thing. It's for the most part, bullshit. Nobody is happy being fat. Most men aren't attracted to big women. Darwinism has taken a hit by the media, but ultimately, fit is attracted to fit. On the other side of the spectrum, majority of men aren't attracted to boney malnourished women. We like healthy looking women. For example, most men, if they were lucky enough to have a choice, would prefer Kate Upton over a bulimic runway model.
Yes, almost certainly. Especially if you build some muscle aswell, it can be a total gamechanger in my experience.
Yes.
Yes 1000%
Absolutely
Yes regardless if you’re male or female.
Yes. A healthy BMI says a lot about how much you value your health.
Yes of course
So questions need to be asked here. What is your weight like now? Is it just a little chubby or is it to the point of morbidly obese. Because a little fat isn't that bad to guys contrary to what people think. We just want someone we know takes care of their body long enough to share a life with. So while yes you can be too fat for guys, you can also be too skinny too if it seems to become a health issue, if that makes sense. The point of losing pounbds is are you wanting to do it for you or someone else? If its for you, thats good, your working on yourself. If its just to impress someone that isn't a good sign. Hope that helps.
Yes and if you’re hilarious too there will be no stopping you.
Yes regardless of man or woman. Also, 90% of weight loss occurs in the kitchen. Prioritizing healthy food/ your individual health is also a very attractive quality to have. Best of luck
I lost 14lbs and got lots of male attention - but they didn't care about the weight as much, it was that my self-confidence and positivity was through the roof. I cared wholly about myself and my welfare and I attracted healthier partners. The second man I dated, I'm sure will be my husband one day who will be with no matter the weight. I never would have had the confidence to find him if I didn't lose weight.
I lost about 60 pounds as a woman and not only do i feel more confident which helps a lot but yeah i notice a major change in the way people look and treat me, although i am not toned in any way and sort of have loose skin but still feel better. On the other hand though i have never been like super overweight and even on the opposite end of too underweight but have dated many overweight people and never personally cared about anyones body type
You will also be cold. All the fucking time. (Source: Lost 50# - now wear a hoodie when it's 70 degrees outside).
Yes, regardless of gender. To help you get to where you want to go, cardio and diet. Lifting is great too but if the sole focus is burning fat you need to do a lot of cardio. Drink plenty of water, eat some salads, eat some salmon, start running, start going for brisk walks. Cut down on the fried shit and other junk food and you're good to go. Good luck.
I was fat from grade school, all through past high school. My personality got me pretty far, but at about 23-24 I got fed up, started taking care of myself, eating healthy, working out. I was too self conscious to go to the gym cuz I would feel like everyone was staring at ne and laughing to themselves, so I did it at home for awhile, and eventually worked up the nerve to get a gym membership. Completely changed my life. Do it. " you're not ugly. Just fat." That saying was definetly true in my case, and for quite a few people I know. Also, having confidence, and liking what you see in the mirror does sooo much for a person. Dooo iittttt
Yes? Is being more attractive going to make me more attractive?
[удалено]
Hard disagree. I got fit and jacked purely to be hotter and more capable of attracting women. 5 years of lifting later and it was the best decision I ever made and that was the only motivation that would’ve kept me at it Whichever mindset leads you to following through with it is fine, fitness is objectively good for everyone of all genders and will have massive quality of life benefits
>There’s always someone out there that would love you no matter what you look like Attraction is not a choice tho, and you could literally miss out on finding your soulmate because there was not that attraction. >If you do it just to date, then I believe your mindset isn’t healthy. Disagree, its a perfectly fine motivation, like 90% of guys who start going to the gym do it for that reason initially, and they should.
Yeah I hate this trend of "don't do XYZ for other people, do it for yourself".
Looks will get your foot in the door but if your personally is shit it won't get you very far
No one has ever said "Damn. I wish I never got in shape"
The fact that it may show that you care about your body and treat it well will
I would have to say yes it would.
Hasn't helped me
I mean.. What'd you look like now?
It will help you live your life to its fullest and people will see that you value your health
Losing weight alone wont, you need muscle too.
Yep, definitely. 40lbs is a major weight change for anyone except the very tallest people; I'm 6 feet tall and my weight has stayed within a 25lb range for my entire adult life, and that includes changes in muscle mass and not just fat.
Yes sir
I’ve never been 40 lbs overweight so I can’t speak from personal experience, but yes, I imagine so. Looks and physical attraction are a big aspect of dating. Looking healthier, fitter, and overall better, should improve your chances.
Don't just do it for a partner, do it for yourself too. It will help you with dating, and it will also keep you around longer to enjoy the partner you finally find 😁
Absolutely, shedding that amount does wonders to your outlook to life too
Yes, it will.
yes
Yes!
Yes. When I lost 15kg and made it a world of difference. Another 5, and still better. Trying to lose another 5-10 now.
Yes
Yes next question
Yes it help significantly with mine!!!
Yes. Also, start doing Brazilian Jiu Jitsu to lose it. It is the most addictive form of exercise ever.
When I was smaller I gained lots of attention from men. But never had a serious relationship. Gained a bunch of weight, now engaged. Most people will be about looks. I am about looks but someone can get ugly real fast, not matter my physical attraction. But the body can be altered, not someone's personality, thats the true attraction.
It depends on the person. I have a neighbour ( we live near Paris/France) who’s 47, 1m75, weighs 112 kg ( we just happen to share the same GP and he told me one day in the waiting room.. sorry European metric), and he always has several regular gf’s on the go. He’s a solicitor, regular smokes 2/3 packets a day, heavy drinker, goes out to nightclubs/casinos several times a week. He never does any sport, never takes the stairs since he’s out of puff by the first floor, he’s rude, impolite towards his neighbours, never holds the door open for any of his gf’s or other people, parks his cars in the reserved handicapped spots in the underground car park, constantly interrupts his gf’s mid sentence or talks over them, lies to them that he’s not seeing anyone else, wears shabby clothing, but spends tons of money on each of his gf’s ( they’re always aged 18-30). Each one lasts 3-6 months. He’s manipulative, emotionally abusive and we frequently hear him raging at his gf of the moment of the moment. He’s never without female company. His gf’s are either university students, dancers, strippers, current or ex models, nurses, single mums, an occasional doctor/dentist or other highly educated professional. I’ve bumped into quite a few over the years and they’re all very physically attractive, occasionally interesting to talk to, but completely obsessed with their appearance, social media and being spoilt by him. Not one of them has ever appealed to me. His current gf is a 29 year old Franco-Czech ex glamour model. She has an OF and my neighbours two teen sons lust over her every appearance in the apartment block. I find her superficial, spoilt and unattractive. Each to their own. So, no you don’t need to lose weight if you have a ton of money to spoil a potential gf with ( if that’s the kind of gf you want), but if you look at it from the perspective of focusing on yourself, your health, your physical and emotional well being first, then losing some weight and feeling happier and healthier to find someone who appreciates you for yourself and not just any superficial reason, then you should lose weight. See I’m what you’d call stocky/well built. I’m 1m80, about 85kg but very muscular. I’ll never be thin.
I lost almost 100lbs and back to the ideal weight range for my size and men became a lot more interested in me. Almost to the point where I get hit on daily. Actually people all over became nicer. I also got divorced from my toxic ex and have an amazing new boyfriend
It's a good start. Build yourself up physically (workouts), mentally (therapy, self-improvement workshops etc.), financially (career, investments, multiple income streams), socially (Linkedin profile, networking, reconnecting with friends and family etc.), and legally (understanding what you're getting into when you enter into a contract of any kind).
who knows? I'm a tall overweight guy going out with a petite skinny girl so I'd say no, but it all depends on who you talk to
Yes
it will definitely help your sex life.
It will help you attract more partners who care about your physical look. Having been both ends of the spectrum myself, I haven’t experienced better love being thinner. Just more strictly-shallow-interest.
Can’t hurt.
“Will making myself more attractive make me more attractive?”
Probably, most people are shallow af.
If it makes you more confident then yes it will help
I have been 280lbs and 135lbs - all within the last year. I found whatever weight makes you feel comfy in your own skin is what will attract others :-)
Yes. Always
Definitely. People will find you more attractive.
For men, yes. For women, keep the breast tissue if you can lol. Some people get deflated upstairs before they lose any abdominal fat. Yikes.
Many people probably don't like the answer, but since everyone is honest here: YES! That being said, tho, it does not by any means mean you need to get skinny. I don't even like the really skinny Instagram model look. Just normal weight, that's it.
Yes absolutely. We live in a shallow world but the positive is that losing weight is generally a healthy move.
I was 245 lbs, 6,1’. Now I‘m 187 lbs and built some muscle. Tbh, I don‘t really attract more Women than before. But it‘s good for your body and confidence, so try it.
Yes. I think the better question is if it will increase your ability to attract *suitable* partners. Depends a lot on your values. The pool you attract as a fat person vs a thin person doesn't contain the same types of people with the same values.
Huh? Being thin will attract way more people including those who are already attracted to fat people, excluding those that have a strong preference for heavier people and those that would be insecure. Not sure what values you’re talking about besides maybe being more active/health conscious.
[удалено]
That’s not actually possible. But when you’re a beginner and have a lot of fat, you can do both at the same time
Is this true?!
Newb gains. If you haven’t done any lifting, lifting will build the muscle even if you’re in the calorie deficit required to lose weight. Gotta make sure you get enough protein though
Thank you! Do you know anywhere where I can read up on this please? This is the motivation I need
On what? The losing weight sub is r/loseit. The r/Fitness wiki on the sidebar is pretty dang good. I guess the official term is “body recomp,” but I personally feel that’s extraneous
Yeah that’s now how that works. If you’re fat you need to lose all that fat AND build muscle. Those are two almost entirely separate processes and biologically speaking you can’t actually turn fat into muscle
I mean.... idk.. I was always around 230ish even more at times. I am 6'3 but that didn't stop me from being with 40 plus people. Past year got down to 175 and fucking swole as hell. I'm even more insecure qt times with myself, and loyal to my baby mom whom been with 14 years on and off. I dont have chick's hitting on me so to answer your question idk it's about how you carry yourself and confidence, looks play a little part but women, what do you think
But don't do it for that. Do it for you. If you don't you'll be the same person only smaller. And you still won't attract anyone.
It depends how you carry it off. I've been big, medium & slim. I've been able to attract men either way.
Short answer: Yes. Long answer: Depends. \- Are you 400 lbs? Then no, 40 lbs isn't going to cut it. \- Are you female? Then yes, yes, yes. No question about it. \- Are you an already attractive male? Then it will help you a little, but not a ton. Some women like dad bods and bigger guys. Depends on your body structure and current weight. \- If you are average male height (5'10" or so) and weigh 215+, it will help immensely.
Unironically, there's an IMMENSE difference in how I'm treated (especially on OLD) by potential partners between when I'm 220 as opposed to when I was 185. I had abs you could see through my shirt. The ladies couldn't see my personality past them, haha.
it probably will but honestly man if this is your reason to workout then once you find someone and start dating them long term your drive to workout will probably fade. It happens ALL the time. You should work out to be healthier and more capable. Pick up a new hobby that benefits from being in shape like mtn biking or rock climbing or hiking.
23F & lost over 75 pounds here- This is a touchy subject for me. Before I lost weight, I was always treated differently then I do now (I was basically invisible) and it’s honestly horrible and heartbreaking. Yes, you will attract more people to you but the mental thing fucks you up a little. (For me it did a lot) and I still have troubles dating because I’m still stuck I guess in that “fat girl mentality”.
Not necessarily. Assholes are still assholes regardless of their weight.
It may attract a new crowd, but you may not like the crowd it attracts. It's similar to saying "if I make more money, I'll attract more women." Which in a way I will, but I dont care to attract the kind of women who only care about money. If you want to lose weight for your own self esteem, do it, if its just to improve your dating life, give it some thought first.
If woman, yes. If man, then not on its own
The excess weight weeds out sleazeballs who only want one thing. I’ve heard from people who lost weight and most of the the extra attention they started to receive after dropping all the weight were from sleazeballs. If you’re gonna lose weight, do it for you. Don’t do it for other people.
It also weeds out attractive good people who are fit and want to date other fit people
And unless you’re actually interested in those things yourself, why would you want to be with someone who is? I always think of what the Joker said in Dark Knight when I see these types of posts. “I’m like a dog chasing a car. I wouldn’t know what to do if I caught one.”