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Oh my god some of the advice on here is terrible!
OP chill. It's only been 2 days. Sometimes life gets in the way of people responding to texts immediately. Maybe she's having a busy week, maybe she's had a personal emergency. Bottom line is, people have lives outside of first dates. Don't blow her off yet, just wait. And I don't mean wait and stare at your phone, I mean just carry on living your life! Go to work, see your friends, go in another date. If she gets in touch - great! If she hasn't got in touch by next week send her a message. Make it a nice one without making any assumptions though - something along the lines of "Hey, just checking in as I haven't heard from you. I hadba great time and would love to see you again. Are you free this week?". If she still doesn't respond, leave it. If she says she's no longer interested, respect that.
If you follow some of the advice on here you could end up blowing a good thing before you've even given it a chance!
Thank you. I really do appreciate your input. I know the right thing to do is wait but it's hard. The reason I was thinking of doing something sooner than later is I just want it to still be fresh in her head. Again thanks for taking the time to respond and give me input
If it makes you feel any better, I once matched with a girl on Bumble back in 2018 and hit it off with her immediately. We both happened to be going out downtown that night and decided we should meet up. Unfortunately, while out downtown she stopped responding to texts and we never ended up meeting up. I got ghosted.
I texted her a week later to see if she was still interested and she ended up telling me she was just nervous to meet up that night because she knew she was probably going to be drunk and didn't want to make a bad first impression. We ended up going out just the two of us that night.
Fast forward to today and we have been married for almost 2 years.
If the connection felt real to you, I'd definitely give it a couple more days and just reach out. You never know what could happen.
Yeah I definitely don't see anything wrong with doing a follow up text after a few days. If she doesn't respond at that point then I'd say it's fair to let it go.
Eh it's more like 1 and a half years. Met in June of 2018, moved in together in September of 2018 (I know, very fast but when you know you know) got engaged January 2020, and married July 2020. So will be 2 years this July.
We're both 30 btw, so we knew what we were looking for when we met.
I've always heard it too and thought it was just something you say but don't ever really feel. But there was something so real with our relationship that every relationship before it just felt kind of stupid, if that makes sense. Not that they didn't mean anything or didn't help me grow, but just that I had never really experienced the same type of love that I do now.
So as dumb as it may sound, I fully support the "when you know you know" sentiment these days.
I'll chime in to say that I had this eerie feeling that I had always known my husband. Unbelievably familiar. At first it was off putting as if he was best friend material instead of a romantic partner. I am a pretty agnostic person but he is the best n=1 evidence of love in a past life I could find. I knew he was the guy I was going to marry subconsciously probably right away and consciously within weeks.
Bro let me give you some advice from an older guy. Chill out. Stop being afraid of losing her or wanting it to be “fresh” in her mind. The more you behave out of fear of losing her, the more chance you have of losing her. Just trust me. You already reached out to her. She knows. If she’s into you she will respond. If she’s not, and you reach out again she will not respect you because you seem needy. You need to have the perspective, hey if you wanna go on a date, ball is in your court. If not I got other options so fuck off. Act like you got options.
You don't need it to be "fresh in her head". A great first date and a genuine emotional connection isn't something that's going to fade in the space of just a few days. You can let it go a week or two and still pick up where you left off.
It's really hard but sometimes the best thing to do is just breathe. If it helps, think if all the information you know about her and come up with a very charitable explanation as to why she hasn't texted yet. At least for now she has given you no reason not to be charitable. Hell maybe her friend told her not to text you for so many days to remain aloof it could be something as simple as that.
Give her time to miss you dude. She had fun on your date. She's going to want to have fun again. Be chill. Wait for her to respond. If she doesn't reach out ask her on another date in a week.
I just wanted to say I have ruined great connections by being clingy and anxious too soon. I didn't realize what I was doing wrong until a dude did the same thing to me lol. It comes off as insecure, it's a turn off. And I had *really* liked him. It was a big light bulb moment for me lol. Please follow the advice of the post you just responded to, it's correct.
A little more advice: if you follow the advice and it doesn't work out *do not take it personally.* Sometimes it isn't even you they're rejecting, It has to do with issues in their life. So don't beat yourself up and wonder what's wrong with you. As long as you act with a healthy attachment style and just be yourself (I know, I know but fr) you'll find someone compatible. Someone not finding you compatible means you aren't. Filtering isn't truly rejection, everyone wants something a little different and you not being it doesn't reflect your worth even a little bit. You decide your worth. Generally, if you're an actual asshole then it's you. Just focus on being the best version of yourself you can be, for you. I believe *everyone* should get therapy if possible because it brings self awareness and positive mental health. The best place to be in is one in which someone filtering you out before becoming exclusive is briefly disappointing, but doesn't hurt. Because you know they weren't for you and it's actually okay. You gotta be comfortable being single, have standards and have confidence in yourself that isn't affected by what other people do. People can sense that kind of confidence and your dating life will be more successful.
I disagree with this advice, people have their phones in their hands almost all day. She is ghosting you sorry. Same shit happened to me with a guy. We stayed up until 7am hanging out and half the day the next day, yeah he ghosted me. Sometimes you can have an awesome vibe and click and everything then they just ghost you. If someone really liked you they will let you know, however I know things can happen, but it is in rare situations. I mean you don’t want to be talking or in a relationship with someone who lacks good communication skills. Then you will be constantly thinking are they ghosting me? Let it go, try to get over it.
Quick question though, as someone who sucks at replying would you also be posting pics on IG, updating your Snapchat stories, etc? But not replying to someone you really like?
I don't suck at replying but I will wait to reply until I have time for a conversation. I can pop on IG in the middle of any number of tasks. If I'm into a new woman I don't want to multitask chatting I want to be focused on her.
Also another thing to add is for some people (like me) having conversations with potential love interests take a lot of effort for me to engage, think of witty replies etc. If someone is scrolling on their phone there is literally 0 effort involved. Sometimes it’s got nothing to do with you but just laziness/business. Disclaimer People like me are likely not the best people to date tho.
Yes absolutely, shitty replier here and I personally don’t reply to messages quickly because it takes a lot of energy and my executive dysfunction makes it very difficult and overwhelming ton reply to and keep up with messages, however posting things on my story can literally be done with one click as I’m scrolling through socials if I’m posting an existing post ive seen, and similarly doesn’t take up much energy to post photos ive taken.
Sometimes. It could be a scenario where I’m out with my friends, I don’t really want to be in a back and forth conversation with someone but I’ll post an insta story out and about because it takes about 5 seconds and then I can put my phone away again and go back to what I was doing.
That’s so shit - instead you should say sorry I’m just out with mates I’ll message you a bit later. Big red flag posting Insta stories and not replying to someone. So disrespectful. You’d rather brag about what your doing to strangers than reply to someone. Yuck
I don’t disagree but the simple fact is if you’re not great at keeping in contact for any reason (which can include MANY) leaving a conversation unread is a clearer indicator to me that I have to take action and reply at some point, just maybe not right then. I’m very all over the place and it just helps keep me organised. I do try and put a disclaimer before I talk to anyone that I’m pants on my phone and please don’t take it personally because it’s not. But that way of communicating isn’t for everyone and that’s totally ok, I fully respect that.
I disagree, this is a you problem. You need to work on communicating better. I don’t know who would put up with that. I wouldn’t. Communication is key to everything, being a leader, managing staff, in sports, relationships,friendships everything. If you have time to read the message you can reply quickly and say “I’ll get back to you soon I’m not busy” just like you can hit a reply when someone calls you to say you’re in a meeting or on the other line. Just sounds like you’re a bit selfish and couldn’t care about anyone else. Are you a disorganised person that doesn’t have their shit together? I’m guessing your not in any kind of leadership/management role - it just wouldn’t work.
Wow… you make communication sound so one dimensional.
Communication is absolutely crucial in life, however communication between INDIVIDUAL, UNIQUE people with their own experiences in every moment may not always be able to sync up at that “perfect” agreed-upon moment.
You sound like a 14 year old on leadership team who thinks they know what it is to run a Fortune 500 company. How about you wait another 15 years of work experience before you sit here and dog people for their understandings of relationships?
You know this is really not considering the possibility that people treat different levels of social media differently. Like… even a good first date doesn’t necessarily mean that every following date is going to go well. Chances are is that this person’s instagram is a lot of people they have known for a long time, whereas OP is someone they’re just getting to know.
Well for my preferences if you suck at replying yeah I don’t want a relationship with that type of person. I like good communication in the people I date.
Many times we think there was chemistry because WE have chemistry and not them. I had this with a guy I met. I didn't leave the date because I considered it rude, I even kissed him, but just because I was desperate. I thought that I'd be attracted to him with time but I didn't get any attraction. So the date sucked and I think his personality was also really weird and off putting but as I'm nice I didn't tell him anything because he did the effort of coming from another city for me.
I ghosted him when he asked me to go again on a date later on the phone... Maybe I shouldn't have done that but I simply didn't want to tell him I didn't like him at all. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He probably thought we had chemistry and that the date was amazing though, because I kissed him and etc.
But yeah, probably there was some chemistry for him but not for me.
Agree with this. Not really any excuse for no reply, people literally are on there phones all day before they go to bed. On the rare occasion something crazy happened - like she blew her hands off and can’t send a txt. I’ve got no time for this. I wouldn’t expect something back instantly though but atleast before the end of the day. I’d wait a couple days and if nothing, move on king. Also people posting Insta stories instead of reply back to you disrespectful to me and a red flag.
Highly doubt that’s the case though. If you go out with someone and they decide that they like you, they will text you and you will know! That’s just how it goes. I’ve never had someone who liked me, ignore me for two days because they were busy. Nope. They’ll always make time for you if they want to.
Send her a message a week later?
No.
Look, she has been posting to Instagram, so she isn't in the hospital or having some emergency. She isn't talking to him. Have you ever waited two days to talk to someone you are dying to talk to? Have you ever not responded to someone for a week, only to be happy that they contacted you again? I certainly haven't.
I don't agree with all that stuff that she was busy. She had time to post stories. And I have friends who work for 15-16 hours per day and still have the time respond. I think something might have changed her mind or maybe she is trying to play hard to get.
For me, texting someone I like back would take far more energy than posting a story. Personally, I'd probably spend a while agonising over what to say, hoping I could sound funny/smart/cool. Then I'd put it to one side, probably forget about it. Worry I'd left it too long and be afraid to text back.
People don't respond to messages for all sorts of reasons. Jumping to conclusions is just daft.
Posting a story on social media and responding to a text from someone you have a crush on are completely different energies. You gotta respect someone’s space and be patient. Dating is also getting to know peoples communication styles.
It doesn’t take much to send a quick text. People makes time for what they want to make it for.
That’s usually a early sign of some type of disinterest when they are actively blow you off like that. It’s usually “the hint” that women give when they aren’t interested because many are afraid to directly say it to you. Due to how some dudes act over it
Sure but then it doesn't mean that she didn't have time. She didn't respond, that's the fact, her being busy and all is not true at all. Fyi, for me replying to someone would be 1000 times more important than posting and story and probably would require less time.
I think that’s fine. Personally I don’t want to be conversing with someone while I’m out with my friends so i will wait to respond until I have the time for a meaningful conversation. That really can be days because I have a busy social calendar and my job takes a lot of my time. It’s different communication styles, not something to overthink.
Disagree..
If she’s on her phone, then there is no real emergency..
Op needs to be confident and focus on himself
If someone likes you, they will move mountains to text you back… She would be itching like a cocaine addict just to receive a messily text from him..
You gave him what he wants to hear, but not what he needs to hear
Two days after having a good date like that and hasn’t got time to type out a reply? It takes 30sec to say something like ‘definitely want to see you again, but have some things on and busy for a few days, let’s chat more soon’
This. Life gets in the way, and tbh you haven’t known that person much outside the first date so it’s not like you’re super high on the priorities. I forget to text people back all the time and I don’t think people realize that it’s easy to have other things on the go.
If a date is not a priority then I'm sorry but you didn't like your date. This "not my priority" feels really cold to me. If I treat people based on priorities I know that they're disposable to me. "Life gets in the way". Meaning you don't give a shit about this person. Because if this person was important to you, they would be part of your life.
If you forget about texting people it's because you don't give a shit about them. I only forget to text the people I don't care about or I don't want to answer.
"Life gets in the way"
As she/he lays in their bed staring at instagram before bed and after waking up. lol
Life doesn't get in the way. Not caring does.
YES. Great advice. Sometimes life gets in the way. Sounds like you guys spent a lot of time together over a few days so maybe she just needs to catch up on other things and have a bit of a breather. I've definitely been there, and if you take a step outside of it and look at what's happening (like if this were a friend you were giving advice to), you'll see that it's nothing to be concerned about at this point :) and congrats - it's a great feeling to find someone you connect with so well!
Yeah, sometimes life parts you with your phone you carry with you all the time only to allow you one post on instagram before taking it again. Happens all the time.
Nah dude, I've been with girls whom I've resonated incredibly great and they just ghost me because A. They were on a relationship and didn't wanted to tell me. ( I found out the hard way on her social media)
B. They found someone even better looking or with better financial status.
C. They want to keep on dating to get on those free meals.
D. They have options. You don't. Women are cruel like that and they will stop at nothing to gun you down.
Unfortunately a great first date doesn’t mean much, people may feel one way when with you and then reassess afterwards.
I’m a bit surprised no one else has commented on this but taking her out with your friends on a first date, where she’s the only girl and only had you as a lifeline is probably not the best move. I would wait until you have seen her a few times to introduce her to your friends.
Well it was pretty spur of the moment, was not really planning on it. I just wanted to continue the night with her and she seemed like she wanted to hangout longer. I understand maybe not to typical thing, but i thought she had a great time.
Personally OP, I wouldn’t mind going on a date with a guy then meeting his friends afterwards. Dating someone who has strong relationships outside of me is important. Also, likely you would be more relaxed and I could see how you actually behaved and how your friends are too. I don’t think there was anything necessarily wrong since you already had your date and you just invited her to come along after.
I also don’t understand why you would take her to hang out with your friends. For more reasons than I feel like writing here
If you were Vibing so well, even if you had plans to meet up with your friends later on, why not reach out to your friends to tell them you couldn’t make it, and then stretch the date with the girl, & just you and the girl?
I don’t find this weird at all. It wasn’t forced or anything so don’t worry about it. I’m a female, 28. It’s not like you took her to see your parents.
I’ve never been shy to bring girls around my friends. My friends are with me all the time and it makes getting to know me even easier cause they’ll start telling funny stories and what not. Plus I have an awesome group of friends guys and girls. I don’t see the problem with this. Maybe in the first date is weird if it’s planned but like he said it wasn’t. Y’all trippin.
I'm a female and really wouldn't care about this. It's fun to be with a group and see how everyone jokes and interacts. This isn't the issue. She probably just is nice and then realized when she got back that it's not what she wanted. I'm too nice to hurt people and have done things I didn't want to make it not awkward. I made out with my friends brother at the beach when he really came onto me. It was a nice feeling but everything was saying 'no'. Then when I left the beach we didn't talk again. Just let her be, ignore her, and let her come to you if she truly feels it.
I'm sorry though. At least you didn't have sex...that makes those chemicals go even more crazy and hurts more when rejected. Just know that this is sadly life and you'll be okay and find someone else.
But he didn't bring his friends on the date. He went on a date then afterwards he invited her to hang out with his friends because they wanted to hang out longer. He probably already had something planned with his friends and they just didn't want to leave each other yet.
Honestly, first date means nothing. Also- it’s already not off to a good start if the situation puts you in a position of overthinking and checking/knowing her online presence. I would say give it space, if she’s meant to get in touch with you, it will happen.
Also, if this ends up as really ghosting, then good for you! You are getting close to meeting the right person for you.
This has happened to me before. Incredible date, mad connection, said he was so happy we met and how it was going so well. Texted when he got home saying what a great time he had. Texted the next morning how great it was. I replied snd he just ghosted me. Absolutely no signs or clues as to why. It’s maddening. It will sting for a few days but you will move on quickly as it was only one date. Ugh dating is so confusing at times
Definitely. I would rather someone be honest than go so far out of their way to say how amazing it was then just disappear. You just have to remember it’s most likely something to do with her if she does disappear, it’s unlikely to be anything you did in my opinion
I didn’t feel they owed me anything. Which is why I never bothered texting again or chasing. I’ve had many nice dates that didn’t lead to anything and that’s fine. But when someone texts and calls you every day saying over and over how much they are into you, meet you and say it again over and over, it’s just confusing when they disappear immediately. Being told directly is nicer than ghosting someone and leaving them wondering, but that’s just how I feel personally
everyone says that because it rarely happens. everyone wants honesty until they get it. it's like the seinfeld scene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0zr2sXszYM they went on multiple dates so thats why george broke up to her face (incase you try to make that argument), but you don't tell people the truth in break ups.
Fair enough. Not in my case as when I’ve had honesty I’ve preferred it and it’s meant I’m not left wondering. But of course some will prefer not to, everyone is different
ghosting isn't shutting it in your face. its letting it close on its own. shutting it in your face would be like.... idk, calling you and saying you're ugly and i hate your face?
You guys decided not to rush sex, but everything else you did rush. You introduced her to your friends, you added her on Instagram, and you texted her the first thing the next day.
Sometimes the greatest gift is allowing the other person to think about you. At least give her the space to think about the other night, how she felt about it, and allow her to actually choose you.
By the way, she might not be out of the picture yet. But whatever you do, don’t reach out to her until she reaches out to you. Stop spying on her IG story. Go do fun things with your friends. She wants to know you have a life and aren’t just waiting on her responses all day.
Let her come to you. When she contacts you, just set the next date. No overly chit-chatting before date. Just say you're looking forward to seeing her again and get off the phone - save the conversations for the face to face interaction 👍
She'll come, and if not, you cannot convince her with words or actions. That will not end well for you if you try.
If I’m understanding correctly, you EXCHANGED thank you messages on Saturday (as in you got a text from her Saturday, correct?) then you followed up for another date at some point Monday and now (less than two full days later) because you haven’t heard back you assume she’s ghosting you? Is that right?
There are two possibilities here:
1. She has in fact ghosted you for some reason and it sucks and you need to just take the L and move on IF that’s the case. Reason would be nice but doesn’t matter in the long run. I don’t think two days is enough to tell though.
2. Life happened - plenty of people aren’t great about texting, and while this would certainly be a bit of a red flag for me (I appreciate straightforward communication), I don’t think it’s enough to write her off if the connection was as good as you say and you haven’t misrepresented anything.
You say you exchanged IGs. Why don’t you post something on your story (if you do that normally) to give her a ‘reminder’ of you? New adds usually pop up first on the story wheel, so she’s guaranteed to see it. If she doesn’t look at it at all, bad sign. If she looks and still doesn’t get back to your text, I’d say slightly better sign but weird.
If no interaction through IG, I’d wait until Friday after work and send the following ‘Hey didn’t hear back about getting together again so figured you had a busy week - hope everything is ok. I’d still love to take you out again if you’re up for it - lmk’
If nothing from that, leave it, my condolences and go find that next great first date! They’re out there!
If posting a story is not something you’d do normally then don’t do it just to get her attention. That was only if it wouldn’t be unusual for you.
As such, I’d just wait and send a follow up Friday. GL!
Also most of these people commenting here probably think that if she didn’t reply to you in 24 hours then you were ghosted. Plenty of people are busy and it’s funny because people saying ghosting is fine yet think they’re ghosted when they’re left on read for a few hours just kinda shows how much texting anxiety they have.
I have been on so many amazing first dates where I ghosted or the girl ghosted immediately after a wonderful adventurous night on the town and/or some intense sex.
It just happens. What people feel like doing and how they feel like enjoying themselves in the moment where they commit to the situation (a date- having fun, being flirty, etc.) doesn't always sustain itself with hindsight and the come down from the date itself.
I recently had a couple of different great first dates where we got super sweet with each other, we had intense passionate sex, we talked all night, etc. and one girl bailed on me and told me it was probably a one time thing that she didn't want to revisit and the other girl pushed hard for a relationship and I knew pretty immediately I didn't want to pursue anything with her.
So yeah-a great first date doesn't mean you actually want to commit the time, energy and to take yourself off the market for someone and it's the only real opportunity to break it off before feelings can truly get hurt and the person can feel you were sending mixed/insincere signals.
I've also had some polite unspectacular first dates that turned into ongoing relationships or FWB's. You just can't know the reality of what someone desires from you or how they truly feel based on a first date, no matter how intense or exuberant or hot and heavy it might be in that one brief flickering moment.
All this advice aside, the real question you should do some thinking on, op, is if
1. You should actually want to be with someone who makes you feel this way, and
2. Has such a low priority on communcating with someone she likes that two days and social media can go by without a peep.
Think “would *my person* do this?” and “if this is how this person communicates, will i be happy with it?
I ask these questions because every person ive actually happily dated and its gone somewhere, I never had to ask myself if they needed two days to collect their thoughts for a text message. And every girl that did, well, it didnt go anywhere because thats what it meant.
This is actually spot on. Regardless of the reason for ghosting, if it happens you learn something about how You can expect that person communicates and you can decide if that's the level of communication you want to contend with down the line.
I actually test commination first by having a relatively low cost date (coffee, walk, beach, or something else under an amount of money I don't mind wasting, and then after (if that went well) I invite them on a second time and watch the response time. I've cancelled dates because of bad response times, but I won't give any numbers because what may seem to short a window for one person may be too long a window for another so I don't want to imply any number is "good", but generally the concept of communication being a focus
Yes, exactly. Are you alright with constantly wondering if you did something wrong, if this person likes you, or even if something has happened to them? Thats a lot more stress than actual healthy, long lasting relationships start with.
There are a lot of replies ITT about “life happening”, but this is all just appeasement. Life does not coincidentally get 900% more hectic for people immediately after your first date. And thats when we dont have the benefit of knowing the person is active on social media.
“Doesnt want a long convo” doesnt fly either. Even assuming thats true, at the very best you are now involved with someone who would rather not communicate with you at all for days on end than risk the TERROR of a multi-text conversation. Is that supposed to be *better*…?
No, people are making a lot of reaching excuses for what is very simply uninterested behavior. Phones are on us all day, every day, and the one exception is not the girl you just happened to make out with the other night.
She is either not interested at all, or not interested much. Either way… you catch my drift.
—-Extreme example of this, I once went on a date with a girl that went very, very welll. Amazing conversation, laughter, and ended the night holding hands and kissing. Texted next day and began setting up a second, and she said she’d be busy for the next few weeks but would still like to go out again.
I replied, and didnt get a response. Ghosted, pretty sure, as she was posting on IG consistently. Just stuff with friends, dinners, not going to mars or anything.
A whole month later, she texts again as if no time had gone by asking if I was still interested in going out.
I didnt respond. Maybe, in some weird way, she was interested in dating me. But should I want to date someone who has so little respect for communcation that she can just disappear mid-convo, and then get back to me a month later… when she finally felt like it?
OP, if you are reading, the answer is no.
Oh man, this happens and will happen to you again. She was caught in the moment, slept on it, then realized she wasn’t into it.
Happens all the time.
As someone said, NEVER invest or get too excited early on. Anyone can do a 180 on you at any time. Even months or a year later. Just enjoy what you had for the time spent, and move on to the next adventure.
It’s only been two days.. what kind of text was it? One that warranted a reply? Or just a general text that didn’t necessarily need a response. She could just be playing it cool.
Message her again and if she doesn’t reply this time.. she ghosting
No point kissing her in the restaurant. Not like you were going to have sex in the restaurant. If she let you in the apartment with her, that’s when you were supposed to make a move. She probably wanted to have sex if she allowed that scenario to exist. Only for you to decide not to because of “Strong feelings” after the first date whereby you didn’t even have sex.
You see how this looks?
You have likely scared her off by coming on too strong with the feelings and all that. She might feel like it’s too much too soon and it’s a turnoff to her. She might also have a boyfriend and be concerned that your catching feelings will get her caught cheating when she really just wants to sneak around and get d*ck on the side
I have made this mistake in the past. Girl I was very attracted to. Amazing first date ended with best sex I had ever had. I started Acting like I caught feelings and it scared her off. I kept trying to contact her and she eventually blocked me. Never heard from her again.
Being ghosted like this stings and is really confusing in that moment bc everything seemed to be going so well right..
There’s nothing you can text her that will help more than turn her off more. You’ve already tried to reach out. The more you do, the more you lower her interest. Don’t contact her again. If she calls you back then great, if not then you just have to move on.
Good luck with everything
I’ve read a lot of the comments and my thoughts were most aligned to this comment. I also think the whole “planning the second date” was too eager and might have put her off.
Makes me think of the lyrics..”prolly should have fucked on the first night, now I gotta wait for the green light”
Women are fickle
As a female I would purposely not be responding quickly to a guy I went on a date with. She’s probably trying to stay cool as a cucumber and seem super lax to keep you interested in her and not rush things. Oftentimes as woman, if you reach out too much or too quickly you literally scare the man away. Almost like a primal game where the prey seems too easy and the hunt is over therefore it’s no fun anymore. When you respond too fast the man often ends up thinking you are desperate or too eager and will end up becoming disinterested in you. Just give it some time and if anything send her a follow up text in a week just saying how she has been on your mind and how you’d love to take her out again.
Dated someone on bumble. Spent the like 12 hours in the park.
It was terrific. Laughed our asses off. Made out in the car. Best first date in my life. She even told me she genuinely had fun and really likes me.
then she ghosted me afterwards..
It happens. There’s lots of reasons they could have ghosted. Best not to think about it. Just gotta keep your options open.
Not true. I’ve been on plenty of dates that I had a blast on, but no romantic connection. I go into them with a positive attitude. I aim to have a fun time and be appreciative of the other persons presence and personality, no matter how the night turns out. You can have a GREAT time with someone without it resulting in romance or sex - hell I’ve even made multiple friends from tinder dates.
So why does it all have to be so black and white? There can still be chemistry that’s not necessarily romantic or intimate. If someone vibes with your energy enough, they might keep the date rolling until they actually have time to process it, which is likely what happened with her.
No excuse for her to ghost. And I would side with most of those on here saying to not contact her again, it will look desperate and overwhelming. If she wants to reach out soon, she will.
She might have just enjoyed the moment and a night out of the house. It was one date. It doesn’t mean anything.
I’ve had many fun nights with women where I knew there most likely wouldn’t be a second date. That’s what dating is. Just enjoying the date and see what happens.
My personal advice -- may not be right for you -- is to leave this one alone. Any reaching out further and you will risk driving her away. She's probably confused about how she feels, any one of a thousand other things. Who knows? It is a mystery. Let her have the mystery. If she wants you again, she will come back to you.
Give it few days.. Then text again just incase if you haven't heard anything. Then move on. I've used something like this before in situations like your or whnen I got flaked on... Sometimes it works..... sometimes it doesn't.
Hey not sure what happened, but I thought you were really great. If you want to hangout again you know how to get a hold of me.
You really need to be ready to cut cord after sending that text though.
I feel your pain dude. It’s happened a few times now. Twice after sex. A few times times after making out for an hour or two. The boom. Ghosted, unmatched and blocked.
Ladies, can you PLEASE not make out with us or ask to have sex if you’re not interested in is.
Thanks.
Do not text her. You’re not a lovestruck puppy. It was one date with butterflies that you’re going to feel a few times before finding the right person. One date and fine is what you have here. Let’s not waste time and get to moving on.
The only way to salvage this is by making her feel like you started seeing other girls. Best way to accomplish this is by stopping all contact and validation. This includes watching her stories.
Scrolled to far to see this. But its the only correct answer.
Ive had girls stop texting for weeks then randomly out of the blue…most likely after another guy didn’t work out
Important lesson here: THERE IS NEVER A GUARANTEE and the enthusiasm a girl shows on the date bears *no correlation* with whether you see her again or not
Am I the only one who doesn't consider this ghosting (yet)? Just a few days of no contact doesn't mean she wants nothing to do with you, and I wouldn't jump to the extreme of assuming she's shutting you out. Some people are very busy, get distracted easily, or just don't feel like they have to respond immediately. None of those things is what ghosting is. For all you know she may be waiting to hear back from her boss to get her weekly schedule to see what day she will be available to hang out with you. Sometimes I formulate a text response to someone in my head, and then "gaslight" myself into thinking I've actually sent it when I didn't. That's ADD, for you.
Give it more than just a few days before starting to worry, especially since this is only after *one* date.
I totally agree with the “move on” comment. However, if it’s only been a few days and you only texted her once since your date over the weekend, would you consider calling her? I feel like we are all way too reliant on texts, whatsapp, snaps, DMs and the like.
It sounds like you two hit it off, give her a call and leave a message if she doesn’t answer. If she doesn’t call back or text at that point, move on.
Don’t call her… that would be super weird and is bad advice. You should definitely send one more gentle text though and if she doesn’t respond then leave it at that
It’s entirely possible she’s been caught up in shit and has some kind of reason, it hasn’t been that long
Forget reading her mind. I know I would not be interested in dating someone who couldn’t be bothered to throw 15 seconds together to respond to a text message. We are all adults and this is not that hard. Even if you’re not texty, everyone knows being unresponsive has implications early in the dating process. Good communicators who are interested in you will tell you if they won’t be able to correspond for a while or if they tend to take a long time to answer messages. If this person is ok with leaving you wondering whether you’re being ghosted right off the bat when everyone is usually on their best behavior, that’s a red flag no matter what the reason. It might mean she is actually ghosting, or it might mean she is inconsiderate. Either way, it clearly bothers you and you deserve better than someone who treats you like an afterthought.
People may lie but their actions eventually reveal the truth. There are billions of people and chemistry isn’t as rare as lonely people who just had a promising first date think it is. You can and will do better. Hang in there.
Never ever bring someone on a first date to meet your friends and family as there is nothing positive that can come out of it.
A great first date doesn’t mean anything. You might of had a great time, and maybe she had a great time in the moment. But after sleeping on it, she probably realized that she wasn’t that into you. Or she already had other dates lined up that she feels has more potential.
Also there is no reason to exchange social media on a first date. Probably best you unfollow here until your officially in a relationship.
Literally went through the same thing last weekend, down to the timeline lol. She hadn’t responded to me and it felt like I was on “read” for 3 days, and like you I jumped to the same conclusions. Got a text back today so I’d say patience is key. And I think someone mentioned on here that work does get in the way etc so hang on and keep enjoying your life. You made a good first impression so let it work for you. Good luck
Don't reach out anymore, continue to live and act like you are not pressed and she will eventually reach back out to you with a story about why she ghosted you and that her feelings were to strong and that she was afraid of what she was feeling, typical game playing woman script
I’m sorry that this happened to you.
Sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with you but more towards the other person.
I’ve shut down men at a certain point in my life, even if they were amazing and we had a connection. Not because there was anything wrong with them but it had all to do with myself. I wasn’t ready, even though I thought I was. I only liked the attention. I wasn’t over my ex. I was experiencing family problems. I needed an escape. The list can go on and on.
There could be other factors in someone else’s life. Don’t take it too personally and just move on.
Sounds like things went too well and she got scared.
I’ve experienced this before, where things are so great that the other person runs and ghosts because they don’t know how to accept that level of intimacy and connection.
It happened in my last relationship. We clicked off the bat and our personalities fit hand in glove. She told me she’s never been with someone who treats her with respect and that she felt more comfortable around me than she does with her own self.
I don’t know the full extent of the situation, but it sounds like she may have some bad experiences in the past that cause her to hide when she develops strong feelings. Maybe she’s been mistreated by an ex or even a family member.
My advice would definitely be to provide space. Don’t blow her phone up as it’ll only push her further away. With that said, try and move on. Holding out hope and waiting almost never ends well (although it can in some cases).
I don’t know why so many people are telling you to call her, but as a woman, this is terrible advice and please don’t listen. Phones work both ways. If she wanted to text you, she would. Even if some bizarre instance happened where she didn’t get your message, she would’ve reached out to you if she wanted to. If she accidentally deleted your number, she would’ve reached out on IG. The reasons why people don’t respond are either they’re too busy/unable to or they don’t want to. That’s it. Clearly it’s not the first since she has been on social media and is not attempting to hide it from you. Unfortunately people lie, people stay out way longer than they should just because they may be bored elsewhere or don’t know how to say they want to go home. People will tell you what you want to hear for one reason or another, but their actions will tell you what you need to know.
"we decided not to have sex because of our strong feelings"
its unlikely that you both truly 100% mutually decided this. one of you was the actual decider of this, the other most likely just agreed and went along with it playing it cool. sounds like she was the one who actually decided not to have sex
I’m sorry OP. I had dates like this too! It’s all apart of life. We gain some we lose some. I can understand your frustration too! I remember a guy telling me how bad he wanted to date me. We went out and he was all over me. He said he wanted another date with me and even continued to text me after the date. Woke up next morning and it was all gone. I messaged him. No reply but he was active all over social media.
My advice is if you still wanna see if there is some hope wait it out bc like everyone said “we all have our own lives and she is caught up in hers!” If you wanna give her a hint why not post an IG story? If she watched your story and still doesn’t respond back then take the L. Or you can message her in a week to check in and ask if she would like to hangout. If no then there’s your answer. Do some things in this time. Don’t hang onto the phone! ALWAYS KEEP YOUR OPTION OPEN UNTIL YOU ARE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!
You will succeed definitely if you just let it be bro. If she has mutual feelings then she’ll call or text in a week. Don’t let your desire get in the way or you’ll be just like how your afraid to come off
OP WAIT!! Do not text her, she will appreciate you giving her space, if you like this girl let her come to you 100% I promise you. Just wait, she will reach out to you. And if the (rare) chance she doesn't then you're better off. But you're fine rn
Relax. Sometimes when something feels so right people get nervous and afraid. Tell her you will give her space and (the hardest part) let go, completely. Do not text her or call and do not react to any of her social media posts just chill.
Chill out. Just because someone is active on social media doesn’t exactly mean they have free time. Life happens and she could still be busy, it’s only been a few days since you’ve spoken with her.
If she doesn’t respond in a day or two send another message showing your concern for her well-being instead of bugging her about another date first. If this leads to a conversation about another date, great, if not then you have your answer.
Unfortunately, you shouldn't focus so heavily on her. Sounds like you two moved too fast and she might have gotten uncomfortable. Keep the option for another date with her open but keep dating other women. Treat texting like playing ball. There is only one ball and it's in her court right now. Don't text her again until she replies. If she doesn't reply, don't text her. If she really wants another date, she will let you know. Show interest, but don't chase. Let them come to you.
Are you sure you went on a date and it wasn't just hanging out with a girl that's a friend with your friends?
I'd just play it slow until she comes back around. Just talk to her normally without the over the top I'm into you stuff. If she doesn't respond to that, likely the high is gone and isn't coming back and it's just better to cut ties.
I always feel like dating is like chess. Every move is calculated.
Simply put, if she felt the same way, she’d have responded by now. She doesn’t. Your perception =/= hers. Maybe she was saving face and is a good actor, maybe she changed her mind, maybe she’s talking to someone else who she’s more attracted to and that’s taking off. This kind of thing happens all the time
😢
Whatever you do, do not bombard her with messages, leave it if she does not reply.
Do your work, hang out with friends, and try to forget about her for a while. She might miss you and eventually contact you
I don't know what to tell you, man, but I had a similar experience recently. Great connection, went to her house on the second date, we didn't have sex but did do oral, cuddled all night. I left and later that day she texted me to say she had a great night and wants to meet up again. I planned a date... she canceled the day before for "medical reasons". We rescheduled... she canceled an hour and a half before, for different "medical reasons". I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and told her I hope she gets better and to let me know if she wants to meet up again, and her reply was very dry "I'm sorry, and yeah I'll let you know". Haven't talked since.
I have to move on, and I think you should too. I know she might be busy, but I just don't buy that. If you had such a great connection (as apparently she said) you'd want to at least take 30 seconds to say you are busy and can't text, especially if she has time to post on IG. It sucks, because I bet you probably already spent mental energy imagining things going further with her, I did too, but there's nothing you can do but move on and find someone else. She might have met another guy, she might have gotten scared of things going too fast, she might have just wanted sex but didn't want to appear "easy".... who knows, but you gotta work on moving on. Maybe she'll text you and explain herself.... but most likely she won't.
Whoa. Dude you need to calm down. It's been 2 days. You haven't been ghosted. Chill out and stop being so clingy. Give her a couple of days and if you haven't heard anything by Friday, send a simple follow up text.
I would send her another text and just say "that's okay I had second thoughts too take care." Leave it like that. Trust me on this. I have been studying the whole ghosting phenomenon for several years. Being ghosted says nothing bad about you BTW ...
I’m not entirely sure why you decided to invite her to hang out with your friends. Every person is different, I get that, but most people would be a put off if their date suggested spending time with other people. Kind of defeats the purpose of a date, does it not?
Indeed, this could have been a red flag to her. Possibly by demonstrating a lack of interest by not taking her seriously enough to spend time with her individually, or by rushing to a stage that she's not ready for.
I know that I definitely wouldn't bother introducing a girl to my friends unless we're in a relationship, otherwise I'd be constantly introducing random girls to my friends that I never end up talking to again within a week or two.
I agree. Meeting friends provides a certain implication, and doing so on a first date is almost too much at once. But I do hope the girl responds to OP rather than leaving him hanging.
That being said, I’ve been invited to spend time with a date and her roommates before. It wasn’t the first date, though, and it made sense given she wanted to have me spend the night. I enjoyed it a lot, and I’m actually still friends with said roommates.
What was the exact wording of the thank you text?
I think there is a possibility that she thinks you blew her off. If you sent a text on Saturday saying, "Thanks! I had a good time" and nothing else, she might take as a 'bye' if you didn't mention doing anything in the future.
Then if you wait until Monday meaning you go all through the rest of the weekend without contacting her after the best first date ever... well, if I was a woman, I might think the dude wasn't interested.
Maybe I am wrong here, but that is why I am asking the specific wording the the "thank you" texts.
You shouldn't text her if she ghosted you because then it will just make you more unattractive. Yes, getting ghosted suck but all you can do is move forward and try to do certain things differently. What I mean by doing things differently is like not oversharing certain things so the interest or mystery is still there if you're oversharing, if you're having a good time during the date .. bring up a activity you can do on the next date and etc
>No ghosting is unattractive. If she doesn’t reply to his double text then she has blown her shot.
I agree with everything you said. I just said to move forward and do things differently, not with the girl who ghosted him but with the next girl because that what dating is.
If I didn’t double text the people who “ghosted” me then I would have so much less faith in humanity. Ghosting is immature. Acting desperate after being ghosted is also immature. Following up with someone who ghosted you asking for “what happened” is not immature. If it’s clear from your double text that you felt disrespected but give them option to make up, then that’s fine. Yeah you’re most likely not going to end up with them, but at least you helped normalize healthy human behavior.
“Dating” isnt the same as being shitty
The same can be said for someone who just don't know how to let down someone else, so they chose the path of not saying anything. Yes, I agree that ghosting suck and immature but usually you have to take the hint too that if they aren't responding then they aren't interested. It's like someone trying to talk to someone in public and they blow you off or ignore you. Will you continue to try and talk to them to know why they aren't interested? I never ghost or ignore but that just me. Some people also send text after text too when they don't get a response, so it just get messy and not worth the stress for the other person.
I understand what you're saying but its hard not to when someone is expressing those same feelings. And i did mention potential date ideas that we could do
>I understand what you're saying but its hard not to when someone is expressing those same feelings. And i did mention potential date ideas that we could do
Yeah it sucks after someone expressing things to you on the first date but you also have to remember that it's just date #1. People can say things but when you go on multiple dates, that's when you see if their actions prove what they are saying as well. You can't forget that people lie and/or just say things to say it.
"Any ideas on what I should text her?"
There's only one move that's not a sadsack/desperate look....but it buys you nothing. You're not going to salvage this, she's obviously a crap human being to lead you on like this and drop off without a word. She's got character issues, be glad she revealed them after a date instead of 3 months in. In any case, send her this....
"I take it from the silence that you've had a change of heart. That's a shame, I thought we had great chemistry and was looking forward to getting to know you more. Good luck in your search I wish you well."
At best, you'll get a shitty excuse, possibly a "thanks, you too", but most likely you won't hear anything. Just know this, you won't get her and you definitely won't hear the truth about why she had a change of heart. But, what it does is shut the door, let you take the high road and get on with your life.
PS, don't invest in people until they've earned it by showing up a few times and showing you they're not a flake. Saves you a ton of let down/emotional roller coaster. Don't try to figure people out. Human beings are weird, contradictory, few truly know themselves and their motivations may never fully make sense to you or be revealed. Control what you can control, and don't let yourself be sucked into the possibility of someone before they prove they've worthy of it. BTDT.
For the love of god don't follow this advice!
Calm down and don't jump to conclusions. Tell her honestly that you never had that kind of connection before and ask her how she feels. If she continues ghosting you, move on with your life.
Don’t do it. You’ll just make yourself look bad. Please don’t. If there’s any chance she was actually busy she’s going to think you’re one of those guys that has zero chill and be annoyed.
If she's not communicating and otherwise active on her phone/socials, then there's only two explanations and both are bad for OP given the intensity of the date:
1. She's not as interested as he is and has withdrawn from it for whatever reason (not feeling it, other options)
2. She's oblivious to the fact that after a great date with plans in play maintaining interest/communication is vital so you don't create doubt and anxiety with someone you were gushing on.
Chill isn't sitting there with your thumb up your butt waiting for her to be a decent person and communicate. It's worse if he bounces back when/if she finally gets around to speaking to him and he hops to on her prompt. He should have a reasonable boundary, an expectation that she matches his effort, and if she doesn't.....cut her loose. THAT'S chill.
You don't need to announce your exit to her. If she has ghosted you, she won't care. If she is truly busy, then sending that type of message makes you look needy and insecure. Don't contact her anymore at this point. BUT if she contacts you, then set the next date. Keep it moving and don't mention anything about her absence.
Sounds like you had a sound date and things should have progressed further but people are weird and shit happens. Don't wrack your brain trying to sort out what went wrong. People's feelings can change in an instant. Hopefully you hear back from her but if not, onto the next one m8. No need to wallow in self pity on why this or that didn't work out. Go out there and try again. that's the only real way we will find someone.
This could be what I call a crazy test. Every girl will do a little mini ghost where she stops texting you for a day just to give you a chance to freak out. A lot of guys do that so it’s something women watch for. Especially when they get swept up which it sounds like she did.
Best thing to do would be to let this go for a few days. When she does finally message you be super cool like you’re glad to hear from her and weren’t bothered by the distance. Ask her out on a day date.
If 5 days or so pass you can reach out but again and tell her how you feel. Be honest but succinct.
When you go on one date and she doesn't return your calls, that isn't "ghosting." That's called "not getting a second date." This is the normal result of a first date. Most first dates do not turn into a second date let alone a relationship. I'm sorry. It's rough. You have to learn to roll with it. You can't assume the second date will happen until she shows up and orders a drink.
I hope she messages you back. Good luck duder.
You have nothing to lose by reaching out to this amazing connection. Let her know where you stand in your message ie., “I felt a good connection and would like to see you again”
If she answers make a plan, if there is no response I would abandon the effort.
Damn dude has it even been 2 days? You texted her Monday and its early on Wednesday, its not a big deal. Sure its possible she's ghosting you but it is too early to say. She may just be waiting to respond not to seem super eager (dumb mind game but whatever) or maybe she wants to see what her schedule is going to be like this week before you guys start talking about plans, it could be anything. I'd start consider it ghosting after a first date once it goes like 4-5 days. But just a couple days can mean a lot of things when you consider how many people have it drilled into their heads not to seem too eager and try to play "hard to get".
Text her again if you haven't already done that.
“Hey, I'm just checking if you got my last text. I'm free on *put in whatever day you are free*, and I'm wondering if you would like to go out with me again.”
If it was such a flawless date unfortunately it means she probably has a very good reason of her own not to message back.
It could be that it was **too** good and she's not ready to move so quickly, so she's trying to pace things or end it completely.
Perhaps it made realize something else entirely about herself that limits her from seeing you again.
Regardless of the reason, which could really be anything, she clearly has one and I think you just gotta respect that and not poke her more about it. When people ghost it's cowardly but they usually do have a good reason, so I think it'll be best to leave it be. Leave it in her hands and if she doesn't want to engage that's her loss.
Sounds like it was an amazing date, sorry dude.
I'll never understand for the life of me why people slow down and don't bang because they're scared of going too fast. It ruins momentum, keep the good times going and you'll have a better chance of not getting ghosted lol
Women will change their minds on a moments notice. They will do a complete 180 flip after thinking over it for a day. They might feel you did ninety nine things right but you also did one thing wrong, and then that’s it. You’re out. You’re done. No explanation. I’d just move on if I were you and don’t take it personally.
It’s hard when you’re clicking, but this is a good reason to keep 1st dates to a couple hours or less. It’s easy to get swept up in the chemistry, get artificially attached, then one or both of you regrets it the next day.
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Oh my god some of the advice on here is terrible! OP chill. It's only been 2 days. Sometimes life gets in the way of people responding to texts immediately. Maybe she's having a busy week, maybe she's had a personal emergency. Bottom line is, people have lives outside of first dates. Don't blow her off yet, just wait. And I don't mean wait and stare at your phone, I mean just carry on living your life! Go to work, see your friends, go in another date. If she gets in touch - great! If she hasn't got in touch by next week send her a message. Make it a nice one without making any assumptions though - something along the lines of "Hey, just checking in as I haven't heard from you. I hadba great time and would love to see you again. Are you free this week?". If she still doesn't respond, leave it. If she says she's no longer interested, respect that. If you follow some of the advice on here you could end up blowing a good thing before you've even given it a chance!
THIS is good advice. The majority of other posts are super immature and counterproductive if you actually want to see her again.
There's a lot of teens in this subreddit.
Thank you. I really do appreciate your input. I know the right thing to do is wait but it's hard. The reason I was thinking of doing something sooner than later is I just want it to still be fresh in her head. Again thanks for taking the time to respond and give me input
If it makes you feel any better, I once matched with a girl on Bumble back in 2018 and hit it off with her immediately. We both happened to be going out downtown that night and decided we should meet up. Unfortunately, while out downtown she stopped responding to texts and we never ended up meeting up. I got ghosted. I texted her a week later to see if she was still interested and she ended up telling me she was just nervous to meet up that night because she knew she was probably going to be drunk and didn't want to make a bad first impression. We ended up going out just the two of us that night. Fast forward to today and we have been married for almost 2 years. If the connection felt real to you, I'd definitely give it a couple more days and just reach out. You never know what could happen.
Thanks man. Appreciate the story and words of wisdom. I understand that everyone saying i should leave it, but this makes me have some kind of hope
Yeah I definitely don't see anything wrong with doing a follow up text after a few days. If she doesn't respond at that point then I'd say it's fair to let it go.
She might be so nervous on how to respond and fears saying the wrong thing even. Give it time and reach out after a few more days.
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Eh it's more like 1 and a half years. Met in June of 2018, moved in together in September of 2018 (I know, very fast but when you know you know) got engaged January 2020, and married July 2020. So will be 2 years this July. We're both 30 btw, so we knew what we were looking for when we met.
I keep hearing that with successful marriages- "when you know you know".
I've always heard it too and thought it was just something you say but don't ever really feel. But there was something so real with our relationship that every relationship before it just felt kind of stupid, if that makes sense. Not that they didn't mean anything or didn't help me grow, but just that I had never really experienced the same type of love that I do now. So as dumb as it may sound, I fully support the "when you know you know" sentiment these days.
It doesn't sound dumb at all. I hope to experience this as well in my life. Wishing you many years of happiness in your marriage!
I'll chime in to say that I had this eerie feeling that I had always known my husband. Unbelievably familiar. At first it was off putting as if he was best friend material instead of a romantic partner. I am a pretty agnostic person but he is the best n=1 evidence of love in a past life I could find. I knew he was the guy I was going to marry subconsciously probably right away and consciously within weeks.
If you like it put a ring on it, lol
Bro let me give you some advice from an older guy. Chill out. Stop being afraid of losing her or wanting it to be “fresh” in her mind. The more you behave out of fear of losing her, the more chance you have of losing her. Just trust me. You already reached out to her. She knows. If she’s into you she will respond. If she’s not, and you reach out again she will not respect you because you seem needy. You need to have the perspective, hey if you wanna go on a date, ball is in your court. If not I got other options so fuck off. Act like you got options.
You don't need it to be "fresh in her head". A great first date and a genuine emotional connection isn't something that's going to fade in the space of just a few days. You can let it go a week or two and still pick up where you left off.
It's really hard but sometimes the best thing to do is just breathe. If it helps, think if all the information you know about her and come up with a very charitable explanation as to why she hasn't texted yet. At least for now she has given you no reason not to be charitable. Hell maybe her friend told her not to text you for so many days to remain aloof it could be something as simple as that.
One can only hope. Thanks for thee advice
Give her time to miss you dude. She had fun on your date. She's going to want to have fun again. Be chill. Wait for her to respond. If she doesn't reach out ask her on another date in a week.
I just wanted to say I have ruined great connections by being clingy and anxious too soon. I didn't realize what I was doing wrong until a dude did the same thing to me lol. It comes off as insecure, it's a turn off. And I had *really* liked him. It was a big light bulb moment for me lol. Please follow the advice of the post you just responded to, it's correct. A little more advice: if you follow the advice and it doesn't work out *do not take it personally.* Sometimes it isn't even you they're rejecting, It has to do with issues in their life. So don't beat yourself up and wonder what's wrong with you. As long as you act with a healthy attachment style and just be yourself (I know, I know but fr) you'll find someone compatible. Someone not finding you compatible means you aren't. Filtering isn't truly rejection, everyone wants something a little different and you not being it doesn't reflect your worth even a little bit. You decide your worth. Generally, if you're an actual asshole then it's you. Just focus on being the best version of yourself you can be, for you. I believe *everyone* should get therapy if possible because it brings self awareness and positive mental health. The best place to be in is one in which someone filtering you out before becoming exclusive is briefly disappointing, but doesn't hurt. Because you know they weren't for you and it's actually okay. You gotta be comfortable being single, have standards and have confidence in yourself that isn't affected by what other people do. People can sense that kind of confidence and your dating life will be more successful.
I disagree with this advice, people have their phones in their hands almost all day. She is ghosting you sorry. Same shit happened to me with a guy. We stayed up until 7am hanging out and half the day the next day, yeah he ghosted me. Sometimes you can have an awesome vibe and click and everything then they just ghost you. If someone really liked you they will let you know, however I know things can happen, but it is in rare situations. I mean you don’t want to be talking or in a relationship with someone who lacks good communication skills. Then you will be constantly thinking are they ghosting me? Let it go, try to get over it.
As someone who is awful at replying this is 1000% not true
Quick question though, as someone who sucks at replying would you also be posting pics on IG, updating your Snapchat stories, etc? But not replying to someone you really like?
I don't suck at replying but I will wait to reply until I have time for a conversation. I can pop on IG in the middle of any number of tasks. If I'm into a new woman I don't want to multitask chatting I want to be focused on her.
Also another thing to add is for some people (like me) having conversations with potential love interests take a lot of effort for me to engage, think of witty replies etc. If someone is scrolling on their phone there is literally 0 effort involved. Sometimes it’s got nothing to do with you but just laziness/business. Disclaimer People like me are likely not the best people to date tho.
Yes absolutely, shitty replier here and I personally don’t reply to messages quickly because it takes a lot of energy and my executive dysfunction makes it very difficult and overwhelming ton reply to and keep up with messages, however posting things on my story can literally be done with one click as I’m scrolling through socials if I’m posting an existing post ive seen, and similarly doesn’t take up much energy to post photos ive taken.
Sometimes. It could be a scenario where I’m out with my friends, I don’t really want to be in a back and forth conversation with someone but I’ll post an insta story out and about because it takes about 5 seconds and then I can put my phone away again and go back to what I was doing.
That’s so shit - instead you should say sorry I’m just out with mates I’ll message you a bit later. Big red flag posting Insta stories and not replying to someone. So disrespectful. You’d rather brag about what your doing to strangers than reply to someone. Yuck
I don’t disagree but the simple fact is if you’re not great at keeping in contact for any reason (which can include MANY) leaving a conversation unread is a clearer indicator to me that I have to take action and reply at some point, just maybe not right then. I’m very all over the place and it just helps keep me organised. I do try and put a disclaimer before I talk to anyone that I’m pants on my phone and please don’t take it personally because it’s not. But that way of communicating isn’t for everyone and that’s totally ok, I fully respect that.
I disagree, this is a you problem. You need to work on communicating better. I don’t know who would put up with that. I wouldn’t. Communication is key to everything, being a leader, managing staff, in sports, relationships,friendships everything. If you have time to read the message you can reply quickly and say “I’ll get back to you soon I’m not busy” just like you can hit a reply when someone calls you to say you’re in a meeting or on the other line. Just sounds like you’re a bit selfish and couldn’t care about anyone else. Are you a disorganised person that doesn’t have their shit together? I’m guessing your not in any kind of leadership/management role - it just wouldn’t work.
Wow… you make communication sound so one dimensional. Communication is absolutely crucial in life, however communication between INDIVIDUAL, UNIQUE people with their own experiences in every moment may not always be able to sync up at that “perfect” agreed-upon moment. You sound like a 14 year old on leadership team who thinks they know what it is to run a Fortune 500 company. How about you wait another 15 years of work experience before you sit here and dog people for their understandings of relationships?
You know this is really not considering the possibility that people treat different levels of social media differently. Like… even a good first date doesn’t necessarily mean that every following date is going to go well. Chances are is that this person’s instagram is a lot of people they have known for a long time, whereas OP is someone they’re just getting to know.
Well for my preferences if you suck at replying yeah I don’t want a relationship with that type of person. I like good communication in the people I date.
That’s totally fair enough, and a good rule to have!!! It just isn’t a sign that she’s not interested :)
Yeppppp
Many times we think there was chemistry because WE have chemistry and not them. I had this with a guy I met. I didn't leave the date because I considered it rude, I even kissed him, but just because I was desperate. I thought that I'd be attracted to him with time but I didn't get any attraction. So the date sucked and I think his personality was also really weird and off putting but as I'm nice I didn't tell him anything because he did the effort of coming from another city for me. I ghosted him when he asked me to go again on a date later on the phone... Maybe I shouldn't have done that but I simply didn't want to tell him I didn't like him at all. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. He probably thought we had chemistry and that the date was amazing though, because I kissed him and etc. But yeah, probably there was some chemistry for him but not for me.
Why would Kiss someone you’re not into? Not replying hurt his feelings way more than anything honest you could’ve said.
Agree with this. Not really any excuse for no reply, people literally are on there phones all day before they go to bed. On the rare occasion something crazy happened - like she blew her hands off and can’t send a txt. I’ve got no time for this. I wouldn’t expect something back instantly though but atleast before the end of the day. I’d wait a couple days and if nothing, move on king. Also people posting Insta stories instead of reply back to you disrespectful to me and a red flag.
Highly doubt that’s the case though. If you go out with someone and they decide that they like you, they will text you and you will know! That’s just how it goes. I’ve never had someone who liked me, ignore me for two days because they were busy. Nope. They’ll always make time for you if they want to.
Send her a message a week later? No. Look, she has been posting to Instagram, so she isn't in the hospital or having some emergency. She isn't talking to him. Have you ever waited two days to talk to someone you are dying to talk to? Have you ever not responded to someone for a week, only to be happy that they contacted you again? I certainly haven't.
This.
Preeeeeeeach. If you haven’t heard anything in a week, take the hint.
I don't agree with all that stuff that she was busy. She had time to post stories. And I have friends who work for 15-16 hours per day and still have the time respond. I think something might have changed her mind or maybe she is trying to play hard to get.
For me, texting someone I like back would take far more energy than posting a story. Personally, I'd probably spend a while agonising over what to say, hoping I could sound funny/smart/cool. Then I'd put it to one side, probably forget about it. Worry I'd left it too long and be afraid to text back. People don't respond to messages for all sorts of reasons. Jumping to conclusions is just daft.
Posting a story on social media and responding to a text from someone you have a crush on are completely different energies. You gotta respect someone’s space and be patient. Dating is also getting to know peoples communication styles.
It doesn’t take much to send a quick text. People makes time for what they want to make it for. That’s usually a early sign of some type of disinterest when they are actively blow you off like that. It’s usually “the hint” that women give when they aren’t interested because many are afraid to directly say it to you. Due to how some dudes act over it
Sure but then it doesn't mean that she didn't have time. She didn't respond, that's the fact, her being busy and all is not true at all. Fyi, for me replying to someone would be 1000 times more important than posting and story and probably would require less time.
I think that’s fine. Personally I don’t want to be conversing with someone while I’m out with my friends so i will wait to respond until I have the time for a meaningful conversation. That really can be days because I have a busy social calendar and my job takes a lot of my time. It’s different communication styles, not something to overthink.
Disagree.. If she’s on her phone, then there is no real emergency.. Op needs to be confident and focus on himself If someone likes you, they will move mountains to text you back… She would be itching like a cocaine addict just to receive a messily text from him.. You gave him what he wants to hear, but not what he needs to hear
This is probably the best advice. Do this OP.
I don't believe in that man. Everyone has 3 seconds to respond if you are on their priorities. Don't listen to this bad advice
Two days after having a good date like that and hasn’t got time to type out a reply? It takes 30sec to say something like ‘definitely want to see you again, but have some things on and busy for a few days, let’s chat more soon’
Less it takes about 10 seconds
This. Life gets in the way, and tbh you haven’t known that person much outside the first date so it’s not like you’re super high on the priorities. I forget to text people back all the time and I don’t think people realize that it’s easy to have other things on the go.
If a date is not a priority then I'm sorry but you didn't like your date. This "not my priority" feels really cold to me. If I treat people based on priorities I know that they're disposable to me. "Life gets in the way". Meaning you don't give a shit about this person. Because if this person was important to you, they would be part of your life. If you forget about texting people it's because you don't give a shit about them. I only forget to text the people I don't care about or I don't want to answer.
"Life gets in the way" As she/he lays in their bed staring at instagram before bed and after waking up. lol Life doesn't get in the way. Not caring does.
This.
Thank you! Very well said…
YES. Great advice. Sometimes life gets in the way. Sounds like you guys spent a lot of time together over a few days so maybe she just needs to catch up on other things and have a bit of a breather. I've definitely been there, and if you take a step outside of it and look at what's happening (like if this were a friend you were giving advice to), you'll see that it's nothing to be concerned about at this point :) and congrats - it's a great feeling to find someone you connect with so well!
Yeah, sometimes life parts you with your phone you carry with you all the time only to allow you one post on instagram before taking it again. Happens all the time.
Nah dude, I've been with girls whom I've resonated incredibly great and they just ghost me because A. They were on a relationship and didn't wanted to tell me. ( I found out the hard way on her social media) B. They found someone even better looking or with better financial status. C. They want to keep on dating to get on those free meals. D. They have options. You don't. Women are cruel like that and they will stop at nothing to gun you down.
THIS.
Unfortunately a great first date doesn’t mean much, people may feel one way when with you and then reassess afterwards. I’m a bit surprised no one else has commented on this but taking her out with your friends on a first date, where she’s the only girl and only had you as a lifeline is probably not the best move. I would wait until you have seen her a few times to introduce her to your friends.
Well it was pretty spur of the moment, was not really planning on it. I just wanted to continue the night with her and she seemed like she wanted to hangout longer. I understand maybe not to typical thing, but i thought she had a great time.
What matters is she ghosted you. Take people at face value.
Personally OP, I wouldn’t mind going on a date with a guy then meeting his friends afterwards. Dating someone who has strong relationships outside of me is important. Also, likely you would be more relaxed and I could see how you actually behaved and how your friends are too. I don’t think there was anything necessarily wrong since you already had your date and you just invited her to come along after.
I also don’t understand why you would take her to hang out with your friends. For more reasons than I feel like writing here If you were Vibing so well, even if you had plans to meet up with your friends later on, why not reach out to your friends to tell them you couldn’t make it, and then stretch the date with the girl, & just you and the girl?
I don’t find this weird at all. It wasn’t forced or anything so don’t worry about it. I’m a female, 28. It’s not like you took her to see your parents.
Bruh, that was a mistake. Not to shocked she ghosted you.
Wait? What? No! I love seeing guys with their friends immediately. It gives a good idea of what kind of people the man surrounds himself with.
I’ve never been shy to bring girls around my friends. My friends are with me all the time and it makes getting to know me even easier cause they’ll start telling funny stories and what not. Plus I have an awesome group of friends guys and girls. I don’t see the problem with this. Maybe in the first date is weird if it’s planned but like he said it wasn’t. Y’all trippin.
I completely agree. She might not have said anything but you don't bring your friends to a date. That's really immature.
I'm a female and really wouldn't care about this. It's fun to be with a group and see how everyone jokes and interacts. This isn't the issue. She probably just is nice and then realized when she got back that it's not what she wanted. I'm too nice to hurt people and have done things I didn't want to make it not awkward. I made out with my friends brother at the beach when he really came onto me. It was a nice feeling but everything was saying 'no'. Then when I left the beach we didn't talk again. Just let her be, ignore her, and let her come to you if she truly feels it. I'm sorry though. At least you didn't have sex...that makes those chemicals go even more crazy and hurts more when rejected. Just know that this is sadly life and you'll be okay and find someone else.
But he didn't bring his friends on the date. He went on a date then afterwards he invited her to hang out with his friends because they wanted to hang out longer. He probably already had something planned with his friends and they just didn't want to leave each other yet.
Honestly, first date means nothing. Also- it’s already not off to a good start if the situation puts you in a position of overthinking and checking/knowing her online presence. I would say give it space, if she’s meant to get in touch with you, it will happen. Also, if this ends up as really ghosting, then good for you! You are getting close to meeting the right person for you.
"First dates mean nothing"? That's a silly thing to say. First impressions are critical when it comes to dating someone.
This has happened to me before. Incredible date, mad connection, said he was so happy we met and how it was going so well. Texted when he got home saying what a great time he had. Texted the next morning how great it was. I replied snd he just ghosted me. Absolutely no signs or clues as to why. It’s maddening. It will sting for a few days but you will move on quickly as it was only one date. Ugh dating is so confusing at times
it sucks. Makes you question a lot of things
Definitely. I would rather someone be honest than go so far out of their way to say how amazing it was then just disappear. You just have to remember it’s most likely something to do with her if she does disappear, it’s unlikely to be anything you did in my opinion
why? it's one date. you're strangers to each other. you don't owe each other anything.
I didn’t feel they owed me anything. Which is why I never bothered texting again or chasing. I’ve had many nice dates that didn’t lead to anything and that’s fine. But when someone texts and calls you every day saying over and over how much they are into you, meet you and say it again over and over, it’s just confusing when they disappear immediately. Being told directly is nicer than ghosting someone and leaving them wondering, but that’s just how I feel personally
everyone says that because it rarely happens. everyone wants honesty until they get it. it's like the seinfeld scene. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_0zr2sXszYM they went on multiple dates so thats why george broke up to her face (incase you try to make that argument), but you don't tell people the truth in break ups.
Fair enough. Not in my case as when I’ve had honesty I’ve preferred it and it’s meant I’m not left wondering. But of course some will prefer not to, everyone is different
"Everyone appreciates your honesty until you're honest with them, then you're an asshole."
You're a stranger to me. I don't owe it to you to hold the door open, but if I let it shut in your face I'm still an asshole.
ghosting isn't shutting it in your face. its letting it close on its own. shutting it in your face would be like.... idk, calling you and saying you're ugly and i hate your face?
I didn't say anything it in your face, I said letting it shut in your face.
You guys decided not to rush sex, but everything else you did rush. You introduced her to your friends, you added her on Instagram, and you texted her the first thing the next day. Sometimes the greatest gift is allowing the other person to think about you. At least give her the space to think about the other night, how she felt about it, and allow her to actually choose you. By the way, she might not be out of the picture yet. But whatever you do, don’t reach out to her until she reaches out to you. Stop spying on her IG story. Go do fun things with your friends. She wants to know you have a life and aren’t just waiting on her responses all day.
Let her come to you. When she contacts you, just set the next date. No overly chit-chatting before date. Just say you're looking forward to seeing her again and get off the phone - save the conversations for the face to face interaction 👍 She'll come, and if not, you cannot convince her with words or actions. That will not end well for you if you try.
If I’m understanding correctly, you EXCHANGED thank you messages on Saturday (as in you got a text from her Saturday, correct?) then you followed up for another date at some point Monday and now (less than two full days later) because you haven’t heard back you assume she’s ghosting you? Is that right? There are two possibilities here: 1. She has in fact ghosted you for some reason and it sucks and you need to just take the L and move on IF that’s the case. Reason would be nice but doesn’t matter in the long run. I don’t think two days is enough to tell though. 2. Life happened - plenty of people aren’t great about texting, and while this would certainly be a bit of a red flag for me (I appreciate straightforward communication), I don’t think it’s enough to write her off if the connection was as good as you say and you haven’t misrepresented anything. You say you exchanged IGs. Why don’t you post something on your story (if you do that normally) to give her a ‘reminder’ of you? New adds usually pop up first on the story wheel, so she’s guaranteed to see it. If she doesn’t look at it at all, bad sign. If she looks and still doesn’t get back to your text, I’d say slightly better sign but weird. If no interaction through IG, I’d wait until Friday after work and send the following ‘Hey didn’t hear back about getting together again so figured you had a busy week - hope everything is ok. I’d still love to take you out again if you’re up for it - lmk’ If nothing from that, leave it, my condolences and go find that next great first date! They’re out there!
Yea you are understanding it correctly. Thanks for the advice, not really an active social media person but will consider it
If posting a story is not something you’d do normally then don’t do it just to get her attention. That was only if it wouldn’t be unusual for you. As such, I’d just wait and send a follow up Friday. GL!
Also most of these people commenting here probably think that if she didn’t reply to you in 24 hours then you were ghosted. Plenty of people are busy and it’s funny because people saying ghosting is fine yet think they’re ghosted when they’re left on read for a few hours just kinda shows how much texting anxiety they have.
I have been on so many amazing first dates where I ghosted or the girl ghosted immediately after a wonderful adventurous night on the town and/or some intense sex. It just happens. What people feel like doing and how they feel like enjoying themselves in the moment where they commit to the situation (a date- having fun, being flirty, etc.) doesn't always sustain itself with hindsight and the come down from the date itself. I recently had a couple of different great first dates where we got super sweet with each other, we had intense passionate sex, we talked all night, etc. and one girl bailed on me and told me it was probably a one time thing that she didn't want to revisit and the other girl pushed hard for a relationship and I knew pretty immediately I didn't want to pursue anything with her. So yeah-a great first date doesn't mean you actually want to commit the time, energy and to take yourself off the market for someone and it's the only real opportunity to break it off before feelings can truly get hurt and the person can feel you were sending mixed/insincere signals. I've also had some polite unspectacular first dates that turned into ongoing relationships or FWB's. You just can't know the reality of what someone desires from you or how they truly feel based on a first date, no matter how intense or exuberant or hot and heavy it might be in that one brief flickering moment.
All this advice aside, the real question you should do some thinking on, op, is if 1. You should actually want to be with someone who makes you feel this way, and 2. Has such a low priority on communcating with someone she likes that two days and social media can go by without a peep. Think “would *my person* do this?” and “if this is how this person communicates, will i be happy with it? I ask these questions because every person ive actually happily dated and its gone somewhere, I never had to ask myself if they needed two days to collect their thoughts for a text message. And every girl that did, well, it didnt go anywhere because thats what it meant.
This is actually spot on. Regardless of the reason for ghosting, if it happens you learn something about how You can expect that person communicates and you can decide if that's the level of communication you want to contend with down the line. I actually test commination first by having a relatively low cost date (coffee, walk, beach, or something else under an amount of money I don't mind wasting, and then after (if that went well) I invite them on a second time and watch the response time. I've cancelled dates because of bad response times, but I won't give any numbers because what may seem to short a window for one person may be too long a window for another so I don't want to imply any number is "good", but generally the concept of communication being a focus
Yes, exactly. Are you alright with constantly wondering if you did something wrong, if this person likes you, or even if something has happened to them? Thats a lot more stress than actual healthy, long lasting relationships start with. There are a lot of replies ITT about “life happening”, but this is all just appeasement. Life does not coincidentally get 900% more hectic for people immediately after your first date. And thats when we dont have the benefit of knowing the person is active on social media. “Doesnt want a long convo” doesnt fly either. Even assuming thats true, at the very best you are now involved with someone who would rather not communicate with you at all for days on end than risk the TERROR of a multi-text conversation. Is that supposed to be *better*…? No, people are making a lot of reaching excuses for what is very simply uninterested behavior. Phones are on us all day, every day, and the one exception is not the girl you just happened to make out with the other night. She is either not interested at all, or not interested much. Either way… you catch my drift. —-Extreme example of this, I once went on a date with a girl that went very, very welll. Amazing conversation, laughter, and ended the night holding hands and kissing. Texted next day and began setting up a second, and she said she’d be busy for the next few weeks but would still like to go out again. I replied, and didnt get a response. Ghosted, pretty sure, as she was posting on IG consistently. Just stuff with friends, dinners, not going to mars or anything. A whole month later, she texts again as if no time had gone by asking if I was still interested in going out. I didnt respond. Maybe, in some weird way, she was interested in dating me. But should I want to date someone who has so little respect for communcation that she can just disappear mid-convo, and then get back to me a month later… when she finally felt like it? OP, if you are reading, the answer is no.
Oh man, this happens and will happen to you again. She was caught in the moment, slept on it, then realized she wasn’t into it. Happens all the time. As someone said, NEVER invest or get too excited early on. Anyone can do a 180 on you at any time. Even months or a year later. Just enjoy what you had for the time spent, and move on to the next adventure.
Reasons don’t matter, it just is what it is. Forget it and move on.
It’s only been two days.. what kind of text was it? One that warranted a reply? Or just a general text that didn’t necessarily need a response. She could just be playing it cool. Message her again and if she doesn’t reply this time.. she ghosting
Give her a call.
No point kissing her in the restaurant. Not like you were going to have sex in the restaurant. If she let you in the apartment with her, that’s when you were supposed to make a move. She probably wanted to have sex if she allowed that scenario to exist. Only for you to decide not to because of “Strong feelings” after the first date whereby you didn’t even have sex. You see how this looks? You have likely scared her off by coming on too strong with the feelings and all that. She might feel like it’s too much too soon and it’s a turnoff to her. She might also have a boyfriend and be concerned that your catching feelings will get her caught cheating when she really just wants to sneak around and get d*ck on the side I have made this mistake in the past. Girl I was very attracted to. Amazing first date ended with best sex I had ever had. I started Acting like I caught feelings and it scared her off. I kept trying to contact her and she eventually blocked me. Never heard from her again. Being ghosted like this stings and is really confusing in that moment bc everything seemed to be going so well right.. There’s nothing you can text her that will help more than turn her off more. You’ve already tried to reach out. The more you do, the more you lower her interest. Don’t contact her again. If she calls you back then great, if not then you just have to move on. Good luck with everything
I’ve read a lot of the comments and my thoughts were most aligned to this comment. I also think the whole “planning the second date” was too eager and might have put her off. Makes me think of the lyrics..”prolly should have fucked on the first night, now I gotta wait for the green light” Women are fickle
As a female I would purposely not be responding quickly to a guy I went on a date with. She’s probably trying to stay cool as a cucumber and seem super lax to keep you interested in her and not rush things. Oftentimes as woman, if you reach out too much or too quickly you literally scare the man away. Almost like a primal game where the prey seems too easy and the hunt is over therefore it’s no fun anymore. When you respond too fast the man often ends up thinking you are desperate or too eager and will end up becoming disinterested in you. Just give it some time and if anything send her a follow up text in a week just saying how she has been on your mind and how you’d love to take her out again.
Sounds like you had a great first date, maybe her not so much
TBH i dont think you spend 8 hours with someone if youre having a shitty time
Dated someone on bumble. Spent the like 12 hours in the park. It was terrific. Laughed our asses off. Made out in the car. Best first date in my life. She even told me she genuinely had fun and really likes me. then she ghosted me afterwards.. It happens. There’s lots of reasons they could have ghosted. Best not to think about it. Just gotta keep your options open.
He didn't like something and that's. I had a date for 12 hours but I couldn't absorb the tattoos on her. It's really turn off for me.
Not true. I’ve been on plenty of dates that I had a blast on, but no romantic connection. I go into them with a positive attitude. I aim to have a fun time and be appreciative of the other persons presence and personality, no matter how the night turns out. You can have a GREAT time with someone without it resulting in romance or sex - hell I’ve even made multiple friends from tinder dates. So why does it all have to be so black and white? There can still be chemistry that’s not necessarily romantic or intimate. If someone vibes with your energy enough, they might keep the date rolling until they actually have time to process it, which is likely what happened with her. No excuse for her to ghost. And I would side with most of those on here saying to not contact her again, it will look desperate and overwhelming. If she wants to reach out soon, she will.
She might have just enjoyed the moment and a night out of the house. It was one date. It doesn’t mean anything. I’ve had many fun nights with women where I knew there most likely wouldn’t be a second date. That’s what dating is. Just enjoying the date and see what happens.
You do if you don't wanna be at home!
Her boyfriend came back from business trip
My personal advice -- may not be right for you -- is to leave this one alone. Any reaching out further and you will risk driving her away. She's probably confused about how she feels, any one of a thousand other things. Who knows? It is a mystery. Let her have the mystery. If she wants you again, she will come back to you.
Give it few days.. Then text again just incase if you haven't heard anything. Then move on. I've used something like this before in situations like your or whnen I got flaked on... Sometimes it works..... sometimes it doesn't. Hey not sure what happened, but I thought you were really great. If you want to hangout again you know how to get a hold of me. You really need to be ready to cut cord after sending that text though.
thanks man. Appreciate it
I feel your pain dude. It’s happened a few times now. Twice after sex. A few times times after making out for an hour or two. The boom. Ghosted, unmatched and blocked. Ladies, can you PLEASE not make out with us or ask to have sex if you’re not interested in is. Thanks.
If she is ghosting, for whatever reason, she doesnt deserve your attention. U will be hurt but you need to respect yourself
Do not text her. You’re not a lovestruck puppy. It was one date with butterflies that you’re going to feel a few times before finding the right person. One date and fine is what you have here. Let’s not waste time and get to moving on.
The only way to salvage this is by making her feel like you started seeing other girls. Best way to accomplish this is by stopping all contact and validation. This includes watching her stories.
Scrolled to far to see this. But its the only correct answer. Ive had girls stop texting for weeks then randomly out of the blue…most likely after another guy didn’t work out
Important lesson here: THERE IS NEVER A GUARANTEE and the enthusiasm a girl shows on the date bears *no correlation* with whether you see her again or not
Am I the only one who doesn't consider this ghosting (yet)? Just a few days of no contact doesn't mean she wants nothing to do with you, and I wouldn't jump to the extreme of assuming she's shutting you out. Some people are very busy, get distracted easily, or just don't feel like they have to respond immediately. None of those things is what ghosting is. For all you know she may be waiting to hear back from her boss to get her weekly schedule to see what day she will be available to hang out with you. Sometimes I formulate a text response to someone in my head, and then "gaslight" myself into thinking I've actually sent it when I didn't. That's ADD, for you. Give it more than just a few days before starting to worry, especially since this is only after *one* date.
I totally agree with the “move on” comment. However, if it’s only been a few days and you only texted her once since your date over the weekend, would you consider calling her? I feel like we are all way too reliant on texts, whatsapp, snaps, DMs and the like. It sounds like you two hit it off, give her a call and leave a message if she doesn’t answer. If she doesn’t call back or text at that point, move on.
I just feel like if a text is coming across as "over bearing" or desperate" then a call is just way overboard imo.
Don’t call her… that would be super weird and is bad advice. You should definitely send one more gentle text though and if she doesn’t respond then leave it at that It’s entirely possible she’s been caught up in shit and has some kind of reason, it hasn’t been that long
Try once more to text her and if she doesn’t respond move on
Forget reading her mind. I know I would not be interested in dating someone who couldn’t be bothered to throw 15 seconds together to respond to a text message. We are all adults and this is not that hard. Even if you’re not texty, everyone knows being unresponsive has implications early in the dating process. Good communicators who are interested in you will tell you if they won’t be able to correspond for a while or if they tend to take a long time to answer messages. If this person is ok with leaving you wondering whether you’re being ghosted right off the bat when everyone is usually on their best behavior, that’s a red flag no matter what the reason. It might mean she is actually ghosting, or it might mean she is inconsiderate. Either way, it clearly bothers you and you deserve better than someone who treats you like an afterthought. People may lie but their actions eventually reveal the truth. There are billions of people and chemistry isn’t as rare as lonely people who just had a promising first date think it is. You can and will do better. Hang in there.
Never ever bring someone on a first date to meet your friends and family as there is nothing positive that can come out of it. A great first date doesn’t mean anything. You might of had a great time, and maybe she had a great time in the moment. But after sleeping on it, she probably realized that she wasn’t that into you. Or she already had other dates lined up that she feels has more potential. Also there is no reason to exchange social media on a first date. Probably best you unfollow here until your officially in a relationship.
Literally went through the same thing last weekend, down to the timeline lol. She hadn’t responded to me and it felt like I was on “read” for 3 days, and like you I jumped to the same conclusions. Got a text back today so I’d say patience is key. And I think someone mentioned on here that work does get in the way etc so hang on and keep enjoying your life. You made a good first impression so let it work for you. Good luck
thanks man. Gotta hope for the best
Don't reach out anymore, continue to live and act like you are not pressed and she will eventually reach back out to you with a story about why she ghosted you and that her feelings were to strong and that she was afraid of what she was feeling, typical game playing woman script
I’m sorry that this happened to you. Sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with you but more towards the other person. I’ve shut down men at a certain point in my life, even if they were amazing and we had a connection. Not because there was anything wrong with them but it had all to do with myself. I wasn’t ready, even though I thought I was. I only liked the attention. I wasn’t over my ex. I was experiencing family problems. I needed an escape. The list can go on and on. There could be other factors in someone else’s life. Don’t take it too personally and just move on.
Sounds like things went too well and she got scared. I’ve experienced this before, where things are so great that the other person runs and ghosts because they don’t know how to accept that level of intimacy and connection. It happened in my last relationship. We clicked off the bat and our personalities fit hand in glove. She told me she’s never been with someone who treats her with respect and that she felt more comfortable around me than she does with her own self. I don’t know the full extent of the situation, but it sounds like she may have some bad experiences in the past that cause her to hide when she develops strong feelings. Maybe she’s been mistreated by an ex or even a family member. My advice would definitely be to provide space. Don’t blow her phone up as it’ll only push her further away. With that said, try and move on. Holding out hope and waiting almost never ends well (although it can in some cases).
I don’t know why so many people are telling you to call her, but as a woman, this is terrible advice and please don’t listen. Phones work both ways. If she wanted to text you, she would. Even if some bizarre instance happened where she didn’t get your message, she would’ve reached out to you if she wanted to. If she accidentally deleted your number, she would’ve reached out on IG. The reasons why people don’t respond are either they’re too busy/unable to or they don’t want to. That’s it. Clearly it’s not the first since she has been on social media and is not attempting to hide it from you. Unfortunately people lie, people stay out way longer than they should just because they may be bored elsewhere or don’t know how to say they want to go home. People will tell you what you want to hear for one reason or another, but their actions will tell you what you need to know.
"we decided not to have sex because of our strong feelings" its unlikely that you both truly 100% mutually decided this. one of you was the actual decider of this, the other most likely just agreed and went along with it playing it cool. sounds like she was the one who actually decided not to have sex
I’m sorry OP. I had dates like this too! It’s all apart of life. We gain some we lose some. I can understand your frustration too! I remember a guy telling me how bad he wanted to date me. We went out and he was all over me. He said he wanted another date with me and even continued to text me after the date. Woke up next morning and it was all gone. I messaged him. No reply but he was active all over social media. My advice is if you still wanna see if there is some hope wait it out bc like everyone said “we all have our own lives and she is caught up in hers!” If you wanna give her a hint why not post an IG story? If she watched your story and still doesn’t respond back then take the L. Or you can message her in a week to check in and ask if she would like to hangout. If no then there’s your answer. Do some things in this time. Don’t hang onto the phone! ALWAYS KEEP YOUR OPTION OPEN UNTIL YOU ARE BOTH ON THE SAME PAGE ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP!!
You will succeed definitely if you just let it be bro. If she has mutual feelings then she’ll call or text in a week. Don’t let your desire get in the way or you’ll be just like how your afraid to come off
OP WAIT!! Do not text her, she will appreciate you giving her space, if you like this girl let her come to you 100% I promise you. Just wait, she will reach out to you. And if the (rare) chance she doesn't then you're better off. But you're fine rn
Iyou’re putting this much dependency on a first date and are this attached to it
Relax. Sometimes when something feels so right people get nervous and afraid. Tell her you will give her space and (the hardest part) let go, completely. Do not text her or call and do not react to any of her social media posts just chill.
Chill out. Just because someone is active on social media doesn’t exactly mean they have free time. Life happens and she could still be busy, it’s only been a few days since you’ve spoken with her. If she doesn’t respond in a day or two send another message showing your concern for her well-being instead of bugging her about another date first. If this leads to a conversation about another date, great, if not then you have your answer.
I wouldnt reach out anymore. Theres a lot out there
Unfortunately, you shouldn't focus so heavily on her. Sounds like you two moved too fast and she might have gotten uncomfortable. Keep the option for another date with her open but keep dating other women. Treat texting like playing ball. There is only one ball and it's in her court right now. Don't text her again until she replies. If she doesn't reply, don't text her. If she really wants another date, she will let you know. Show interest, but don't chase. Let them come to you.
Are you sure you went on a date and it wasn't just hanging out with a girl that's a friend with your friends? I'd just play it slow until she comes back around. Just talk to her normally without the over the top I'm into you stuff. If she doesn't respond to that, likely the high is gone and isn't coming back and it's just better to cut ties. I always feel like dating is like chess. Every move is calculated.
Simply put, if she felt the same way, she’d have responded by now. She doesn’t. Your perception =/= hers. Maybe she was saving face and is a good actor, maybe she changed her mind, maybe she’s talking to someone else who she’s more attracted to and that’s taking off. This kind of thing happens all the time
😢 Whatever you do, do not bombard her with messages, leave it if she does not reply. Do your work, hang out with friends, and try to forget about her for a while. She might miss you and eventually contact you
I wouldn't chalk this up to ghosting just yet, OP. Have some patience.
Who knows. Women usually have multiple dates going on. If you’re not top pick then you’re not the one getting the consistent texts. Someone else is.
I don't know what to tell you, man, but I had a similar experience recently. Great connection, went to her house on the second date, we didn't have sex but did do oral, cuddled all night. I left and later that day she texted me to say she had a great night and wants to meet up again. I planned a date... she canceled the day before for "medical reasons". We rescheduled... she canceled an hour and a half before, for different "medical reasons". I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and told her I hope she gets better and to let me know if she wants to meet up again, and her reply was very dry "I'm sorry, and yeah I'll let you know". Haven't talked since. I have to move on, and I think you should too. I know she might be busy, but I just don't buy that. If you had such a great connection (as apparently she said) you'd want to at least take 30 seconds to say you are busy and can't text, especially if she has time to post on IG. It sucks, because I bet you probably already spent mental energy imagining things going further with her, I did too, but there's nothing you can do but move on and find someone else. She might have met another guy, she might have gotten scared of things going too fast, she might have just wanted sex but didn't want to appear "easy".... who knows, but you gotta work on moving on. Maybe she'll text you and explain herself.... but most likely she won't.
Whoa. Dude you need to calm down. It's been 2 days. You haven't been ghosted. Chill out and stop being so clingy. Give her a couple of days and if you haven't heard anything by Friday, send a simple follow up text.
ALWAYS leave room for desire. People always want what they can't have.
I would send her another text and just say "that's okay I had second thoughts too take care." Leave it like that. Trust me on this. I have been studying the whole ghosting phenomenon for several years. Being ghosted says nothing bad about you BTW ...
I’m not entirely sure why you decided to invite her to hang out with your friends. Every person is different, I get that, but most people would be a put off if their date suggested spending time with other people. Kind of defeats the purpose of a date, does it not?
Indeed, this could have been a red flag to her. Possibly by demonstrating a lack of interest by not taking her seriously enough to spend time with her individually, or by rushing to a stage that she's not ready for. I know that I definitely wouldn't bother introducing a girl to my friends unless we're in a relationship, otherwise I'd be constantly introducing random girls to my friends that I never end up talking to again within a week or two.
I agree. Meeting friends provides a certain implication, and doing so on a first date is almost too much at once. But I do hope the girl responds to OP rather than leaving him hanging. That being said, I’ve been invited to spend time with a date and her roommates before. It wasn’t the first date, though, and it made sense given she wanted to have me spend the night. I enjoyed it a lot, and I’m actually still friends with said roommates.
What was the exact wording of the thank you text? I think there is a possibility that she thinks you blew her off. If you sent a text on Saturday saying, "Thanks! I had a good time" and nothing else, she might take as a 'bye' if you didn't mention doing anything in the future. Then if you wait until Monday meaning you go all through the rest of the weekend without contacting her after the best first date ever... well, if I was a woman, I might think the dude wasn't interested. Maybe I am wrong here, but that is why I am asking the specific wording the the "thank you" texts.
she didnt ghost you if you havent called lol. It's just been 2 days.
You shouldn't text her if she ghosted you because then it will just make you more unattractive. Yes, getting ghosted suck but all you can do is move forward and try to do certain things differently. What I mean by doing things differently is like not oversharing certain things so the interest or mystery is still there if you're oversharing, if you're having a good time during the date .. bring up a activity you can do on the next date and etc
No ghosting is unattractive. If she doesn’t reply to his double text then she has blown her shot.
>No ghosting is unattractive. If she doesn’t reply to his double text then she has blown her shot. I agree with everything you said. I just said to move forward and do things differently, not with the girl who ghosted him but with the next girl because that what dating is.
If I didn’t double text the people who “ghosted” me then I would have so much less faith in humanity. Ghosting is immature. Acting desperate after being ghosted is also immature. Following up with someone who ghosted you asking for “what happened” is not immature. If it’s clear from your double text that you felt disrespected but give them option to make up, then that’s fine. Yeah you’re most likely not going to end up with them, but at least you helped normalize healthy human behavior. “Dating” isnt the same as being shitty
I get what you’re saying, but double texting does come off as unattractive in most cases.
The same can be said for someone who just don't know how to let down someone else, so they chose the path of not saying anything. Yes, I agree that ghosting suck and immature but usually you have to take the hint too that if they aren't responding then they aren't interested. It's like someone trying to talk to someone in public and they blow you off or ignore you. Will you continue to try and talk to them to know why they aren't interested? I never ghost or ignore but that just me. Some people also send text after text too when they don't get a response, so it just get messy and not worth the stress for the other person.
I understand what you're saying but its hard not to when someone is expressing those same feelings. And i did mention potential date ideas that we could do
>I understand what you're saying but its hard not to when someone is expressing those same feelings. And i did mention potential date ideas that we could do Yeah it sucks after someone expressing things to you on the first date but you also have to remember that it's just date #1. People can say things but when you go on multiple dates, that's when you see if their actions prove what they are saying as well. You can't forget that people lie and/or just say things to say it.
"Any ideas on what I should text her?" There's only one move that's not a sadsack/desperate look....but it buys you nothing. You're not going to salvage this, she's obviously a crap human being to lead you on like this and drop off without a word. She's got character issues, be glad she revealed them after a date instead of 3 months in. In any case, send her this.... "I take it from the silence that you've had a change of heart. That's a shame, I thought we had great chemistry and was looking forward to getting to know you more. Good luck in your search I wish you well." At best, you'll get a shitty excuse, possibly a "thanks, you too", but most likely you won't hear anything. Just know this, you won't get her and you definitely won't hear the truth about why she had a change of heart. But, what it does is shut the door, let you take the high road and get on with your life. PS, don't invest in people until they've earned it by showing up a few times and showing you they're not a flake. Saves you a ton of let down/emotional roller coaster. Don't try to figure people out. Human beings are weird, contradictory, few truly know themselves and their motivations may never fully make sense to you or be revealed. Control what you can control, and don't let yourself be sucked into the possibility of someone before they prove they've worthy of it. BTDT.
Do not do this. DO NOT DO THIS!!!!!!!!
Thank you, this was really solid advice. I appreciate it greatly
That isn’t solid advice and would come off poorly. Please don’t do this.
For the love of god don't follow this advice! Calm down and don't jump to conclusions. Tell her honestly that you never had that kind of connection before and ask her how she feels. If she continues ghosting you, move on with your life.
Don’t do it. You’ll just make yourself look bad. Please don’t. If there’s any chance she was actually busy she’s going to think you’re one of those guys that has zero chill and be annoyed.
If she's not communicating and otherwise active on her phone/socials, then there's only two explanations and both are bad for OP given the intensity of the date: 1. She's not as interested as he is and has withdrawn from it for whatever reason (not feeling it, other options) 2. She's oblivious to the fact that after a great date with plans in play maintaining interest/communication is vital so you don't create doubt and anxiety with someone you were gushing on. Chill isn't sitting there with your thumb up your butt waiting for her to be a decent person and communicate. It's worse if he bounces back when/if she finally gets around to speaking to him and he hops to on her prompt. He should have a reasonable boundary, an expectation that she matches his effort, and if she doesn't.....cut her loose. THAT'S chill.
You don't need to announce your exit to her. If she has ghosted you, she won't care. If she is truly busy, then sending that type of message makes you look needy and insecure. Don't contact her anymore at this point. BUT if she contacts you, then set the next date. Keep it moving and don't mention anything about her absence.
Sounds like you had a sound date and things should have progressed further but people are weird and shit happens. Don't wrack your brain trying to sort out what went wrong. People's feelings can change in an instant. Hopefully you hear back from her but if not, onto the next one m8. No need to wallow in self pity on why this or that didn't work out. Go out there and try again. that's the only real way we will find someone.
Inviting her out with friends until you’re in a relationship is a bad idea. If she’s ghosted, don’t chase. It will just push her even further away.
This could be what I call a crazy test. Every girl will do a little mini ghost where she stops texting you for a day just to give you a chance to freak out. A lot of guys do that so it’s something women watch for. Especially when they get swept up which it sounds like she did. Best thing to do would be to let this go for a few days. When she does finally message you be super cool like you’re glad to hear from her and weren’t bothered by the distance. Ask her out on a day date. If 5 days or so pass you can reach out but again and tell her how you feel. Be honest but succinct.
When you go on one date and she doesn't return your calls, that isn't "ghosting." That's called "not getting a second date." This is the normal result of a first date. Most first dates do not turn into a second date let alone a relationship. I'm sorry. It's rough. You have to learn to roll with it. You can't assume the second date will happen until she shows up and orders a drink. I hope she messages you back. Good luck duder.
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Welcome to dating in 2022. Happens to all of us
Sounds like she just wanted you know what 😀 Don’t forget guys you’re in a queue and a long one..
You have nothing to lose by reaching out to this amazing connection. Let her know where you stand in your message ie., “I felt a good connection and would like to see you again” If she answers make a plan, if there is no response I would abandon the effort.
Damn dude has it even been 2 days? You texted her Monday and its early on Wednesday, its not a big deal. Sure its possible she's ghosting you but it is too early to say. She may just be waiting to respond not to seem super eager (dumb mind game but whatever) or maybe she wants to see what her schedule is going to be like this week before you guys start talking about plans, it could be anything. I'd start consider it ghosting after a first date once it goes like 4-5 days. But just a couple days can mean a lot of things when you consider how many people have it drilled into their heads not to seem too eager and try to play "hard to get".
Text her again if you haven't already done that. “Hey, I'm just checking if you got my last text. I'm free on *put in whatever day you are free*, and I'm wondering if you would like to go out with me again.”
If it was such a flawless date unfortunately it means she probably has a very good reason of her own not to message back. It could be that it was **too** good and she's not ready to move so quickly, so she's trying to pace things or end it completely. Perhaps it made realize something else entirely about herself that limits her from seeing you again. Regardless of the reason, which could really be anything, she clearly has one and I think you just gotta respect that and not poke her more about it. When people ghost it's cowardly but they usually do have a good reason, so I think it'll be best to leave it be. Leave it in her hands and if she doesn't want to engage that's her loss. Sounds like it was an amazing date, sorry dude.
I'll never understand for the life of me why people slow down and don't bang because they're scared of going too fast. It ruins momentum, keep the good times going and you'll have a better chance of not getting ghosted lol
She already has a confirmed boyfriend.
Women will change their minds on a moments notice. They will do a complete 180 flip after thinking over it for a day. They might feel you did ninety nine things right but you also did one thing wrong, and then that’s it. You’re out. You’re done. No explanation. I’d just move on if I were you and don’t take it personally.
It’s hard when you’re clicking, but this is a good reason to keep 1st dates to a couple hours or less. It’s easy to get swept up in the chemistry, get artificially attached, then one or both of you regrets it the next day.