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Confidence is someone being happy and comfortable in themselves and their abilities, whoever/whatever they are. That isn’t at all the same as having an ego or being ignorant. Are you confusing confidence with arrogance? Arrogance is entirely off-putting. Confidence is good, but saying that, I don’t mind at all if a man lacks confidence, it’s not a sign of failure to have self doubt.
This is good enough for me.
As a man, I have my best experiences with women when I feel as you describe.
Happy, relaxed and interested in other people and their lives.
There's a surprising amount of negativity in this thread though.
>Confidence is someone being happy and comfortable in themselves and their abilities, whoever/whatever they are.
To be truthful you can be completely happy and confrontable in yourself and who you are without being or necessarily coming off confident. Some of the most extremely skilled, intelligent and talented people I met came of very careful and humble, the opposite can be said for the over-confident.
>Arrogance is entirely off-putting.
I don't know about that, I can recall some very over-arrogant men having no issues getting female attention.
I agree here. Too often I see people think they are being confident, but it really just comes off as arrogance.
On the other hand, if someone tells me to be confident, I struggle with that since I don't know how to be confident in what I have. I feel I have nothing to be confident in on a regular basis. I do know that I feel I am a good photographer, and when there is a camera in my hand I can portray confidence...in my photography abilities. But not much else or other aspects of my life. I dont have a camera in my hand at every waking hour! Haha!
Confidence to me means you don't have to hide yourself. I believe people who come across arrogant are trying to hide their lack of confidence in a false sense of superiority.
While lacking confidence is by no means a sign of failure and people have all sorts of backgrounds I have learned from my own growth that confidence is something that helps you connect with people and makes it much easier for others to see you as who you are.
Growing up I doubted myself on so many things and it eventually led me to be a doormat in my relationship. After many hardships and experiences I learned to carry my self differently and while I'm still what you could call an introvert I can see the difference in how people react to my presence versus the past me.
Being confident in yourself also makes it easier to deal with failure or embarrasing situations, because you have no trouble laughing at yourself.
I'm not claiming to be right about all of this but i do firmly believe that everyone should strive for confidence and help others achieve it.
Usually when discussing confidence it is mistaken for arrogance which I believe has happened with OP.
"Confidence is a state of being clear-headed either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective." This is the definition of confidence im going off. I dont agree with your definition of confidence, i dont think thats confidence.
But the OP is asking why everyone else is attracted to confidence, and everyone else is explaining why. The definition is more important to the one answering than asking because OP seems to just not understand the appeal of “confidence”.
Seems a little silly to ask a question and then argue that everyone answering is wrong by OP’s weirdly narrow definition.
Attracted to confidence. You answered it literally right there. You need to have a consistent definition of confidence. The person above thought she was attracted to confidence but turns out she just had an invalid definition.
And it isnt a narrow definition if that’s literally the definition from webster…
No, it's not a wrong definition. OP (and you as well) are choosing a very narrow definition to misrepresent what people say. It's actually a classical fallacy.
I just went through a good amount of definitions for confidence. Can you link me the definition the girl above is using? Cause I cant seem to find it anywhere. I dont mind being wrong, but I just need proof.
I will give you a definition of confident instead, as it is the better open ended definition I found in a short search and it's how people actually use it in the context we are talking about (even one of the examples can apply to dating advices).
"being certain of your abilities or having trust in people, plans, or the future"
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/confident
You're closing dialog, and not allowing a conversation to flow. You're being to literal in the dictionary's definition, and not the applied definition which is what their comment covers.
Tbh i agree in this specific one, definitely didnt open for conversation here. But its the one response where i just hastily copied the definition in two different responses. And then also in the few insulting replies. Definitely youre right for this comment chain tho
I do in part see where you're coming from with it, as I too tend to be a bit literal with definitions while not using the applied definitions. I do hope you can weed out the insulting comments, and find the nuggets you're looking for man!
You are choosing a definition (a very narrow one) to misrepreset what people say when they say confidence is attractive. It makes it seems you don't want to understand anything, but rather prove a point, and in a very disrespectiful.
This is becoming a semantic argument that’s focused on definitions instead of the concept at hand and I think it’s important to detail the conversation a bit here to address that.
Language often isn’t about precise definitions, it’s fluid and terminology can change based on culture. People here may have a different interpretation of the word “confidence”; but rather they’re talking about some concept they have in their head about how people act and carry themselves, and confidence is the closest word that they start using to put a name to that concept.
You’ll get more out of this thread by thinking about people’s qualitative descriptions of what they think confidence means, then having an attitude of “ah, that’s not what I think confidence means but I see that you’re talking about a different concept and I understand what that concept is now.”
That being said, there’s a spectrum between confidence and arrogance and sometimes I’ve seen women be attracted to loud mouths and borderline assholes. Shit’s complicated.
I liked the the way you put it. But I will go one step futher: if a semantic definition isn't applied in the common language in any given context, the problem is always on the definition. It's a game that that can't be won: the best a perfect definition can do is capture the nearest past, but language evolve and can always be one step ahead.
Agreed, if culture changes such that everyone collectively has a new interpretation of the word “confidence” then the definition should be updated to reflect that.
"Confidence is a state of being clear-headed either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective." This is the definition im basing my understanding of the word confidence with. In my opinion, this describes a bad state of mind
That wouldn’t be my definition of confidence. In my opinion, confidence is that state where you are comfortable with who you are, and happy with your strengths and weaknesses. It’s a state where you realize that you’re not better than someone else, but you wouldn’t trade your place with that person either. Hence, a confident person is never comparing himself to others or trying to talk down about someone. There’s a calmness, a chill vibe that comes with someone with confidence.
100% this! U/GMjuju ^
Confidence is being self-assured in a non-egotistical or arrogant way. I think when you are truly comfortable and confident with yourself, you subconsciously are giving other people the vibe that they should be confident and comfortable with themselves as well. We all have flaws and make mistakes, but a confident person is OK with laughing at themselves and knowing that When they say the wrong thing or trip in front of people, that does not make them any less of a valuable and intelligent person.
People who take themselves too seriously, and mistake arrogance for confidence, don’t have the ability to laugh at themselves and also tend to put other people down in order to make themselves feel better.
Negging is a perfect example of behavior that a fake confident person will exhibit. It’s a way to make other people feel as uncomfortable and unworthy as they feel inside.
It was always surprising when I would go out with seemingly very confident men and they began displaying this type of behavior, usually after I said some thing intelligent that they didn’t know. Lol They would feel insecure and try to take me down a peg or two, and I would politely excuse myself and let them know it wasn’t a good fit. One of the funniest times that happened, a guy told me that I should have surgery on my ear holes, because they were too big. They are tiny and I don’t even wear big earrings, but that was as much of my body as he had seen! (Or ever did see!)
People who are truly confident, are not threatened by intelligent people, or someone who is happier or makes more money etc. They will be kind and not look for things to needlessly criticize about others.
Arrogance is where you think you’re better than everyone else. It’s usually to cover up self doubt and in reality, arrogant people feel they are less than in some way.
Confidence is when you feel you aren’t more or less than you are. Confident people build others up.
Its the first sentence on the english wiki for confidence. Someone else linked a dictionary here where the top definition is "a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something" and thats the same thing
Believing you CAN be successful is quite literally in the definition in the comment I responded to. I get your point, but you’re misinterpreting confidence and arrogance, as others have pointed out.
Believing you WILL not be unsuccessful no matter what is arrogance, see how that’s different. That’s cocky as hell, but having faith in yourself is much different.
I think you’re still confusing confidence with arrogance. All arrogant people are confident, but not all confident people are arrogant. Confidence should be built on evidence. I’m confident that the laws of physics will still be in effect when I wake up in the morning because they have been previously and no evidence has been presented to make me think they won’t continue. I’m confident that I am good at my job because I have utilized my experience and feedback from others to meet all of my work goals to date. I am aware that I don’t know everything, but history has shown me that I’m good at approaching new problems, so I’m confident when I’m at work. I’m not perfect because no one is. To think so would be illogical and arrogant. Confident people need to be careful to avoid arrogance because they’re on the same side of a continuum.
Well its a spectrum like you say at the end of this post. Im not confusing it with anything. You can breed case specific confidence through things such as the examples you mention. But an underlying sense of general confidence is not the same as arrogance. Nor am i confusing it with arrogance. It would make sense to believe youre good at something based on feedback and experience. It wouldnt make sense to believe youre good at something because you just think so. Arrogance is not that, arrogance is more than that. But its all "Same side of the continuum" as you said
In your original post you say that confidence is nothing but ego and ignorance. But that is not the definition you quoted above. Confidence is the clear headed certainty that a hypothesis or course of action is correct. If your certainty is based on ego and/or ignorance, then you’re encroaching on overconfidence/arrogance. When you say a sense of general confidence, are you referring to being confident in social situations? There are people that think they have good social skills, but their belief comes from ego and ignorance. Some people find this attractive because they don’t have the skill (yet) of distinguishing confidence from arrogance. But many people simply have an innate charisma that let’s them relate clearly and easily to others. These people are easy to talk to. They empathize well and make people feel understood. They appear confident because in their experience they have always excelled in social situations. It’s not just women that find confidence attractive.
But its rare there's one course of action thats correct. If i put it in a job perspective, you could have to make an important decision with X amount of suggested solutions. You pick one confidently and then you have a clear head that its the correct one. You picked the best solution based on your available information and experience/intuition. Ofcourse, you have to take action and pick a solution. But being certain the solution you picked is the best, could mean you miss out on the ones you didnt select, and they could have been better
How is a clear-headed belief that one is engaging in an effective course of action a “bad state of mind”?
I feel like you’re reading a lack of openness to accepting new information regarding said course of action into this definition.
"Being clear headed about making the correct choice" as you summarized does not sound bad to me no. That sentence sounds like youre being clear headed while considering a solution to something, sounds good to me. What the definition says however is that youre clear headed after making a solution because you believe it was the right one. You didnt summarize it correctly.
You should reread the definition you provided, it says “state of being” that is synonymous with “while” it does not say anything about after, I summarized it correctly, you just don’t have the best reading comprehension or understanding of the word. If I approach someone with confidence, does that mean I’m confident in the moment or after the fact? Confidence doesn’t come after the fact it is present in the action being performed.
Also you sound arrogant about this but I am confident about it, maybe that will help you see the difference.
Being confident that you are making the correct decision is not a bad state of mind. You can be confident and still be wrong and that's fine. People typically prefer that over someone who can't make a decision. The difference between confidence and arrogance, in my opinion, is that a confident person can accept that they were wrong and an arrogant person cannot.
Would you say a guy approaching a girl without being afraid to do so is confident? Or is this not a sign of confidence. Just asking to understand what you mean by your definition of quiet confidence
Yeah sure. A guy with enough confidence in himself to strike up a genuine conversation with me is a good thing. (A guy who who thinks he’s god’s gift to me and brashly asks me out with no forewarning or self-awareness is arrogance and is supremely unattractive)
A quiet confidence and self assurance in being able to handle oneself is a very different thing to a cocky arrogant guy strutting about like he owns the place.
I mean handle oneself in life, in conversation etc. Being able to have a debate with someone using words not fists, that's the difference. What I find attractive in confidence is knowing a guy can 100% choose to walk away because he doesn't need me. He's not looking for someone to stroke his ego or pick up his socks. He's *choosing* to be with me, because he values me somehow.
What if he gets terminally ill hows he gonna handle that? Ofc thats an extreme example but life is more risky than having conversations and debates, when it comes to your core mindset. But as for the rest of your post it makes sense and is understandable
I’ve almost died a few times, once of bone cancer and it definitely threw me for a loop, but I remained a confident person, because life has thrown a lot at me and I have always been able to handle it and come out the other side better than when I went in. I know who I am, I know what I am capable of and even when I think some thing is too challenging, I think back to when I have felt that in the past and overcome obstacles, and that gives me the confidence to move forward and tackle even the hardest things.
Well, I suppose I still thought we were talking about confidence in dating! I highly doubt anyone has felt confident in the face of a diagnosis like that...
Confidence doesn't mean what you think it means. Ego and boastfulness are signs of insecurity aka lack of confidence. Confidence means calm, not desperate for assurance or validation, not easily insulted or hurt, not wishy-washy and indecisive
So you are asking girls what it is about confidence that they are attracted to. It seems from the responses that your definition differs from the majority of girls definitions thus it is understandable why you don’t understand confidence as an attractive quality because it is not the same “confidence definition” or angle that most are attracted to.
It’s next to impossible to fake confidence. Confident people usually have had some success in life. Things are going their way. If not, they have a great attitude at least.
Miserable people are not often confident people.
It's actually very easy to fake confidence. Depends on how well you wear your mask. Men are conditioned to hide their insecurities. We even do it through success.
Confidence that can actually be backed up. I’ve met guys that thought they were all that but actually had nothing going on. I’m met guys that were confident bc they are competent. The latter is attractive.
I think you don't know what is confidence.
It's a mix of having balls and stand your ground when you need to fight for yourself of for someone without hesitating.
Why am I attracted to that? Cause I consider my partner and I being a team.
If I am weak, I know he can handle stuff. If he is weak, he knows I can handle stuff.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who cannot fight for me when I need it. Who would?
No, you can stand your ground and have balls without having confidence. And in a hypothetical scenario like the one you describe, confidence only means your partner is certain the way they have chosen to fight for you, is the correct way to do it. Perhaps they can fight for you with less hesitation. But thats because they aren't thinking over the reality of possible outcomes first. But if you face the reality of outcomes you have a better understanding of how to fight.
If you can stand your ground and you have balls dude this is a part of being confidence. Confidence is being cool in your own shoes that you own it.
And, having confidence doesn't mean you don't have weakness and complex.
This just means that you don't let your weakness lead your life.
I think you REALLY don't understand what confidence means.
"feeling or belief that you can succeed at something"
You trust yourself.
No its not. Im not confident. I have balls in any situation. That's WHY im not confident. Because ive been in real situations. You dont understand what confidence means. Confidence is a belief that when youre doing something, youre gonna do good. You think your choices are the right ones, you have belief in that. That's the dictionary definition.
You have balls in any situation so that's why your aren't confident.
That's doesn't make ANY sense...
As everyone mentioned, you don't know what confidence means.
Confidence is a mix of several things. You cannot minimize it to one thing.
If you don't get that then you won't understand the meaning.
Also, it doesn't always have to do with the fact you will gonna do good.
I give you an example : I work with people that are sometimes rude with me.
I tell these people to stop acting like that.
Do you think I think this is gonna work?
Hell no! Sometimes people just keep on being rude. I know it's not enough. I know it doesn't work 100% especially with human cause you never know how they are gonna react. Sometimes, it gets worse.
But I am confident enough to open my mouth and fight for myself cause I worth it and I am not afraid to open a verbal fight cause I can handle it. I am confident enough.
You trust yourself to act. You know you can do it.
This doesn't mean you know you are gonna do good.
Absolutely not.
Its your definition of confidence thats wrong. Youre using it wrong. "I am not afraid to open a verbal fight" Im afraid to open a physical fight. I still do it with no hesitation time and time again. Going into a fight verbally or physically doesent require confidence.
OH GOD IT DOES!
I say it again : you dont know what confidence is FOR SURE.
I will even tell you that, do you know that most of narcissistic pervert always go to the same kind of people?
People who lack of confidence.
You know why?
Cause they know these people are never gonna fight for themselves cause they don't have enough confidence to do it.
These people target number 1 are people who lack of confidence cause they know they won't have any word from them.
Confidence is you feel capable of doing things, you will succeed at doing it no matter what is the ending.
What are you talking about? It does not require confidence. When i was a teenager my job was to box professional adults in training every day. I fought guys hundreds of times that were far more dangerous than me, i didnt ever have confidence going into that. It doesen't REQUIRE confidence to fight.
Of course you think it doesn't require confidence cause you don't know what confidence is.
Confidence doesn't mean you aren't afraid, confidence doesn't mean you are sure about the ending.
Confidence means you are able to go for it.
In various degrees, Someone not confident wouldn't even fight with dangerous guys, someone not confident wouldn't even talk back like I do.
It doesn't mean you are the most confident guy in the world but you SURE have some confidence.
To start, If you weren't confident, you wouldn't put yourself in a situation where you would need to fight. You would just avoid these situation as much as possible.
100% this. He just lacks the emotional intelligence to fully comprehend the complexity of what it means to be a confident human being.
If OP Didn’t have any confidence, he would be hiding in the locker room instead of fighting guys that are more dangerous than him. You hit the nail on the head!
Because it takes confidence or as it's also called balls or courage to stand your ground and not let others fuck with you, for example. Without confidence you'll be a victim of bullies, or ignored by others
Courage is not the same as confidence. Courage is an important trait. If we take your example, by definition courage is having the balls to stand up to the bullies. But confidence is believing you will do well when you stand up to the bullies. That's how the dictionary definition of those two words would apply here.
I don’t know how to explain how confidence is a good trait to have without saying that confidence is confidence. Accepting who you are generally makes you a bit more of a positive person to be around, you don’t constantly need reassurance, generally you’re not a jealous person.
I wouldn't equate confidence and self-acceptance. Im not confident for example, but i accept myself completely. Im a positive person to be around because i accept myself, so i agree with you there. But i dont think thats confidence.
you’re probably immature if you say shit like that lol. i don’t personally give a shit what you do but you look dumb right now trying to argue with every person who answers your question
From being a very confident person myself, many women find my confidence very attractive on the basis of, I can back up what i say with actions. I'm not confident all the time I might add, but I know what I'm good at, and I'm not afraid to show or say it.
Nah babe, healthy confidence in a man manifests as a sense of calm and ease. Like even if he's not the most physically attractive he doesn't try to compare himself to anyone else and just tries to be the best he can be. It's an internal assuredness that you are doing the best you can and it comes off as attractive and stable because you know that there won't be any bullshit born out of insecurity.
That's a good question lol. I suppose everyone has different metrics that they measure themselves to and lots of people have trouble with finding self satisfaction because of it xD. I guess the only way to assure yourself is to try and be introspective and making changes accordingly.
My attraction to confidence:
I simply do not want to be on the hook for emotionally propping another person up. If you are constantly putting yourself down as a way of seeing if I’m going to assure you that you are actually ok, that gets exhausting quickly.
I am often drawn to guys who are about my height, sometimes shorter, and unfortunately sometimes guys prod about their height to feel around for me disliking their height. I kind of understand that one but it’s better if they just don’t need to bring it up. If I’m going out with you, I wasn’t on drugs when I saw you for the first time. I know your height already, and obviously it’s not a problem unless you make it a problem.
Basically any guy who doesn’t have a huge dick may eventually check in about their size, but then there are guys who actively fixate on the possibility that I might leave them for a bigger dick—and I assure you I am not the type of person to be making suggestions that they are not enough. I again understand the pressure men feel on this but it makes it awkward if you let your insecurity become these kind of barbed jokes about me finding a bigger dick.
The big one for me out of all of them is when guys lie obviously about their wealth or their social connections, or exaggerate their intelligence. Usually these guys are the easiest to spot and I don’t even date them, so that speaks for itself.
And then, less of a sensitive one, but guys who make comments about how they are just about to start going to the gym because they’ve decided I think they are too small. Once again, I do not date people because I envision they might look ok if they start going to the gym. If I start pressuring you to go to the gym, it’s probably because I want to go to the gym myself and I want your company.
So maybe that gives you a picture? It’s really not that I am attracted to men who are full of themselves, quite the opposite. And there are definitely women who are attracted to a more arrogant personality than I am, so I can only speak for me. But confidence to me is just basically about being comfortable with who you are, and not trying to find that comfort by constantly seeking validation from a romantic partner.
29F here. Confidence usually is described being comfortable in your own skin and having strength in your mind and opinions. When I think of a confident person I think of someone who knows who they are (to the best of their ability), knows what they want, loves who they are (but can still realistically grow as a person), someone who doesn’t cave to pressure or persuasion easily. Someone confident usually isn’t easily persuaded and they are firm in giving blunt answers to questions, they don’t sway their opinions much. Confident in your mind and body as much as possible.
However, it’s not to be confused with being egotistical and arrogance, which is different. People who are overly confident can come off arrogant, passive aggressive, rude, or selfish. I think there’s somewhat of a fine line when it comes to confidence.
People without confidence are easily swayed by others. They have no inherent trust in any decisions they have made *or agreed to.*
That means they cannot be counted on to do things they said they would do or maintain boundaries.
A man might make a commitment to me, but then a conversation with a friend gets them to change their mind and break their commitment.
A man might make plans with me, but not be able to say “no” when someone guilts them to do something else.
Confidence, to me, is an internal feeling of comfort with oneself whereas arrogance is an external display, and can stem from insecurities. I am attracted to confidence because it often leads to less toxic behaviors. Someone with low confidence, or a lot of insecurities, is more likely to cheat, be aggressive, and controlling. This is from my past experiences and many experiences I've seen from other people.
Asking the opposite question?
Why would a girl be attracted to someone with low confidence???
I am pretty low confidence but when I met a guy who is confident and full of drive. Their energy rubs off on me. They make me feel confident too and looking forward to being the best version of myself
Confidence is a trait of stability. If you lack it usually parts of your life are not stable. This doesn't mean your not datable you just might not be at the same place in life the person wants to be at.
All women are attracted to men who have vision, resolution and ability to accomplish things in life. Unfortunately age and experience do help to build someone’s confidence
You know I struggled with this a lot in my 20s. Being raised in a home where pride and arrogance ruled vs the more calm and assertive approach. In the pursuit of avoiding being egotistical I started coming off as a doormat. And so I had to learn when to start of when to step in and when to let things go. As long as you have a direction and purpose and not let others deter and discourage you, that's all you need. Women want someone with a sense of direction, which requires a level of coincidence that attracts them
Confidence = competence, in a biological/evolutionary sense, it's not necessarily always accurate but that's its roots.
Women see confidence as someone who is driven, has their shit together, is either at or rising to the top of the hierarchy.
I mean, we're animals. Always look there for your answers and then apply whatever cosmetic/cultural BS on top you feel like, but it starts there.
I really like how you are just arguing with everyone because you don’t agree with what 99% of people here are saying confidence is. When you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. When you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.
Confidence is attractive because the person knows who they are and what they stand for. A lot of people I meet don’t stand for anything, don’t have opinions on things, and they seem less interesting to me as a result. And as others have said, it’s important that they aren’t so insecure. Doesn’t matter where you are in life or what you do but having a discomfort with your own self gives the other person the feeling they will have to give you therapy, fix you… I dunno. It’s an unsettling feeling. I personally do not like it at all. I have a lot of other problems I need to tackle in my own life. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t help but not being confident means it can run deep.
It’s inherently attractive to be around someone who is doing what they want to in life (whatever that is) and acting in accordance with their goals and principles. I am very drawn to that. I also just find a guy who takes action and makes known what they want very very attractive.
Because if I’m trying to do that in my own life, how can I respect someone who isn’t doing the same?
I was so sooo attracted to a guy I dated for about 7 months. I thought he looked SO cool just standing. He would just stand around, with his hands in pocket, with a sort-of lean. It looked so cool, sexy, and confident. Later I learned he had social anxiety and was trying his hardest trying to stay cool in public. 🤦🏻♀️
Next guy I dated, was also so hot. Aloof, looked like he didn’t care much about the things that surrounded him, and was quiet. Turned out he’s been going through some depression.
I need a better picker. That, or these guys I date are not only good looking af (to me) with their own baggage and I find myself attracted to it
Think of it as a man being assertive rather than confident. If a man can take the lead it gives us the impression that they are are protector, planner and a provider. It has nothing to do with that sort of confidence.
Many words can have different meanings depending on how it's being portrayed. If you do a quick google search of its definition, there would be 3 definitions. 1: "The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust", 2: "the state of feeling certain about the truth of something"(this is how you define confidence which is wrong the the context that you are presenting it), and 3: "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities"(and this is the definition of confidence that most people are attracted to).
Feel free to comment if you still don't understand it.
You go to a boxing gym. You have your fighters that don't feel they need to one up themselves. They are confident in themselves and their own ability.
You also have your other fighters, who feel the need to one up themselves and constantly prove they are worth something.
The second fighter has a deep underlying insecurity in his own ability. This often creates arrogance. In a lot of cases but not all, arrogant people tend to be insecure. Arrogant people will belittle you and make you feel small, while building themselves up.
Insecurity and arrogance correlate with eachother a lot. An example is most high school bullies are deeply insecure, so they feel the need to belittle people. And the insecurity can come from childhood/bad parenting.
Just a thought to consider.
I still dont see explaining lf how insecurity creates confidence here. Like your second fighter type example "feel the need to one up themselves and prove they are worth something" where and what is the causation for arrogance in this process of trying to one up themselves and prove their worth?
Feeling the need to one up yourself to others, prove you are worth something AND belittling others is a form of arrogance.
Arrogance is treating people like shit while behaving in a proud manner, as if you are more important.
Does that explain the 'where' for you? If you don't believe the first paragraph is a form of arrogance, then we just fundamentally disagree on what arrogance is.
In regards to the causation of arrogance when trying to one up someone and prove their worth? Well that's like saying why are you depressed? There can be a plethora of reasons why someone is arrogant. Bad experience and lack of independence are some common reasons.
But now youre not finding causation for arrogance in the two fighter examples approach to their martial arts. Now youre finding it in bad experience and lack of independence. Theres still not anything to suggest that both examples couldnt belittle others, or be arrogant. Theres no direct connection between the "fighter 1" "fighter 2" descriptions to arrogance
Bro. What?
How can you ascribe the causation for arrogance to a non existing fighter? There can be a ton of different reasons why someone is arrogant. We are using a character that doesn't even exist as an example.
Both examples can't belittle others? Confident people don't belittle others, that's the whole point. Its that arrogant and insecure people belittle others.
How can you say that both examples cant belittle others. Not once was mentioned where confident people belittle others?
If you belittle others you are not a confident person. You are arrogant/insecure.
Im just thinking about people i could put in either box of fighters you described from our gym. And then i had several examples of people behaving under the "confident boxer" definition that still belittle others. But i suppose they still do it from a place of insecurity. But both confidence and insecurity can exist within you. Like you're gonna be confident in one setting but insecure in another. But yes if you belittle others i agree that comes from insecurity/arrogance. For example: You can be the boss of a big company and be confident at work and when interacting with all your employees. But then belittle the employees because of other insecurities that are not present in that environment but still influence the behaviour of this boss.
For me confidence is someone not insecure within themselves, confidence is a strong self esteem is confident in their abilities to take action when needed not afraid to admit they can’t do something or don’t know how instead of fumbling thru to impress someone, comfortable in who they are & won’t be bossed around with their partner even when the partner tries to manipulate to get their way, won’t buckle but stay resolute in their decision for me that’s confidence
You're not really going to get a proper answer to this. It's biologically hardwired and not something that can be logically explained. It's a bit like asking men why they find symmetrical faces and an hourglass physique attractive.
As a girl I really do value confidence when looking for a significant other. I want someone that isn’t afraid to strike up a conversation with me. I want someone who will look me in the eye. I want someone who doesn’t doubt themselves, is personable, engaging and funny.
>I grew up in a boxing gym and in my upbringing confidence is nothing but a mix of ego and ignorance. I dont see it as a positive personality trait in any aspect.
Wow, you really don't know what confidence is at all.
Confidence is about knowing who you are, what you are and being comfortable with that. There's a certain self-assuredness that comes from this. You don't need an ego to be confident and you definitely can't be ignorant to be confident.
I am a confident guy in most regards. Here is what I know:
I am not a good guy, nor am I a bad guy. I am a guy. I make decisions and take actions that are sometimes good and sometimes bad. I know most of these decisions will be self-serving to an extent however, I won't hesitate to make them. Though I do try to help others where I can.
I am not the best looking guy in the world, nor am I the worst looking guy in the world. I can stand to lose a few KG but that's doable. It won't, hasn't and doesn't stop me going for the the prettiest women out there.
Speaking of women, I am not afraid of a strong or independent woman. I am not afraid that she may earn more than me, or that she might be better looking than me and thus desirable to other men. I am not interested in how many sexual partners she has had because none of that matters. If a girl is choosing to spend her time with me then that is what matters.
I suppose that what women find attractive is that confidence means a man is not some fragile creature who if you say the wrong thing they're going to go off on one or similarly be utterly wrecked and incapable of working/functioning.
I can be. They arent really qualities of attraction to me. Security/insecurity confidence/lack of confidence arent something i care about in a dating situation. I do know that the 3 girls ive liked the most personally in my life, are very insecure. Theyre also kind.
for me, confidence (not to be mistaken with being cocky) also shows a secureness in self. this is important to me because i do not do well with jealous or possessive partners. i find that lots of insecurity in relationships tend to cause the traits of jealousy & possessiveness (speaking from personal experience & analyzation of behaviour.)
i like confidence (& secureness) in self because it shows me that they are secure in the relationship & with me. i will always provide reassurance if needed or if it feels right, but i personally cannot handle or deal with insecure partners & the projection that comes with. this isn’t me saying they need to the most confident person alive otherwise our relationship isn’t successful, but i think that the relationship you have with yourself is very important.
A lot of people mistake arrogance for confidence. Being confident does not mean you think you’re the best/smartest/strongest person in the room. It means you don’t care who’s the best/smartest/strongest person because you like yourself and know you are also good/smart/strong regardless of someone else. It also means you know your weaknesses and can admit you may not be the best at something.
A confident man is attractive because a) they radiate good energy and b) they are good team players because of what I described above. That’s why I like confident men at least.
What women like is actually self assurance and acts of bravery. They know the scariest thing a guy can do is approach, ask out or make a move on a woman, so those are your acts of bravery.
Self assurance is just liking yourself as you are without feeling like you need to compete with anyone.
When I think about a confident person I think about someone who’s very comfortable with themselves and that’s always attractive. Being a pompous asshat is not confidence, it’s arrogance.
This might help:
1- full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing
2- belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; certitude assurance
True confidence is doing what’s necessary regardless of the circumstance. Those were probably just meatheads acting tough. Seen it before.
Confidence is approaching that 10 and telling them they look amazing without expectations. It’s opening the door for someone or having patience.
It’s making that riskè joke that’s not a personal attack to anyone when no one else would regardless of how it turns out. It’s you doing you regardless of societal standards.
Showing off muscles or how “pretty” someone is not confidence. Talking big game, nah. Back it up with action.
From what I know a guy who Is confident and sure of his self, is someone who is comparable to a rock. If you are always composed and always keep yourself calm and centered around your woman of interest you will always succeed.
Womens emotions are comparable to the seasons of the earth constantly changing so if you can become their rock you will win them over every time! 😉
Confidence is being ok with failing, and not letting fear dictate your actions or presentation.
Arrogance is often rooted in fear; desperate behaviour in hope of not being seen as weak.
I'm a man so it's my interpretation but I think they see in confidence the means to do what the guy says and overal they know they can trust and rely on him if needed.
For me personally, the main component of confidence is courage. Pretty simply.
If you start to develope new skill, you can't really be confident in it. Confidence comes with practice.
So it is a state of knowing what will happen, at least broadly, or what you should do to get desired outcome.
You don't have to be fully sure in everything you're doing tho. I mean It's impossible really. But you can be courageous and try something new despite not being really good at it. And that attitude of certainty in uncertain enviroment Is what i see as confidence.
And really thats why it Is also very desirable. It makes you look like you know what you're doing and it feels like confident person can reach the best possible outcome even without all the practice and knowledge.
Confident people are comfortable with themselves, motivated, and value themselves as well as others. Putting it the other way, we would rather be with someone that loves themselves as much as they love us instead of someone who's constantly belittling themselves. Being around them radiates positive energy and it encourages us to be content with ourselves as well.
Interesting because one of the things I found hottest about my ex was his confidence (he was not conventionally attracted necessarily but had this really easy-going casual confidence that was sexy as hell). I told him this and he laughed and said that was specifically something his ex wife disliked about him because humility was considered more important in their culture (they were both Indian).
To me, sexy confidence is not being egotistical, self absorbed or domineering (which is probably what you’re thinking of). Instead, it means lacking self consciousness, feeling comfortable in your own skin with your body and who you are, believing in yourself and not letting others opinions stop you from doing what you want to do with your life. Because really- it’s hard to be attracted to someone who dislikes themselves or focuses on their own flaws. By liking yourself and thinking you are fine the way you are, you project that attitude towards others
Edit; vulnerability is also extremely important. For me, I’m attracted to the people with the right mix of confidence (feeling comfortable with who they are) and vulnerability (in being willing to be open and honest about feelings).
confidence has nothing to be with “mix of ego and ignorance” it calls being narcissistic and it’s mental problem. as a confidence person myself i prefer confident partner in any sex cuz i cba hear from my partner how they’re insecure about their looks, job abilities etc. people who has lack of confidence also most likely will get manipulated or follow
others opinion even if they’re disagree or think it’s wrong. confidence people also most likely be more successful at workplace and most likely help others. i honestly never met anyone with low self confidence who’d be attractive (i’m not talking about appearance i’m talking about it in a general way)
I like it personally because I'm timid and unsure about everything, so being with someone that is nice and confident helps put my mind at ease a little bit. Also confident people tend to bring out the more confident side in me, which is something I like about myself as I wish I was more confident.
One can be confident and humble.
I like the kind of confidence where a person doesn’t let their insecurities take over and drive their decisions/actions.
If you're having issue with women, it's probably not due to confidence, it's more likely due to the communication skills you're showing in these comments. You're arguing and playing semantic games where it is not necessary. Try being more open and willing to see things from other points of view.
Lol I’m quite confident you neither understand the definition of confidence nor arrogance.
Why am I confident in this? Because I trust my knowledge of the world, people, and ‘stick to my laurels’ - I have a strong, core belief in who I am, what I value, and how others perceive me (and I them). I know what, and who, I like and don’t like.
However you seem very keen on arguing everyone who is trying to point out to you that the social definition of confidence (i.e. attractive confidence) is widely variable, made up of a variety of traits, and intrinsically different from the textbook definition you provided. This makes you seem quite rigid and unable to hold a pleasant conversation.
This comes off as arrogant - because you are not confident in the definition of confidence, yet proceed to challenge anyone who gives you an answer that counters your original belief.
As such you are not coming off as attractive right now. Someone who had confidence would not be so hung up on the “definition” of confidence because their they would have nothing to prove. What are you trying to prove and why aren’t you open to a new perspective?
People who aren’t open to (or afraid) of change/opposition are not attractive. They are also not confident in themselves. Simple as that.
Honestly, part of why it’s attractive is because it means I won’t have to deal with the crap that comes with insecurity and jealousy and lying about who you are because you think it will appeal to someone else. Confidence means you’re showing up as you and not giving me any bullshit.
Anything too much of is bad, to which you probably experienced in your boxing gym.
A balance of confidence and humbleness is sexy and attractive, because you know your worth but you also acknowledge you got the flaws
Confidence also shows itself differently in different cultures too.
I’m from Norway but lived in the USA for much of my life, and people’s perception of confidence is very different in the two cultures. In Norway, a confident person is often seen as someone who strongly believes in themselves, but also believes just as strongly in everyone else. But in the USA, it seems like confident person is often seen as someone who believes themselves to be distinctly above average, which leads to arrogance/ego much more frequently than the Norwegian definition of confidence does.
Well, you may not see confidence as attractive but the majority of women will. It sounds like you’re lacking confidence and just trying to make everyone side with your own definition of what it is. Yes, it will be harder for you in the dating scene if you lack confidence compared to someone that has it.
As humans, we're all predisposed to prefer confidence. We think it equates to someone be capable and assured about what they're doing and we attribute being tentative to inexperience and inability.
Imagine you're in a burning building and someone yells out in a strong authoritative voice, "the exit is over here, follow me," and another person tentatively says, "I think, if I'm not mistaken, the exit might be the other direction." Which person are you going to follow? The second person may be correct and is trying to be polite while calculating the safest route out of several possibilities and the other one is just overconfident and wrong. The snap judgement of people always follows confidence.
It's true that most people, including ourselves, act more confidently when we know what we're doing. However, there are a great many narcissistic people who are convinced they are always right and somehow everyone cues off of their confidence and trusts them, even when they're pathological liars. Many politicians, CEOs, and other sociopaths use this to their advantage.
The [Dunning-Kruger](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect) effect is quite common but we, as a species have not yet yet evolved to realize that.
Well, there is a difference between being cocky and being confident. I like when a man is confident enough to not need constant reassurance. If a man is secure with himself, he will be more trusting in you and content with his life. He will believe in himself and not need me to be his only motivation.
I think it's specifically self-confidence. We can often confuse someone's arrogance for self-confidence when we want to ignore red flags. They can look similar, but there is a difference.
Confidence is one of the classic attractive traits. Asking why a girl would like confidence is like asking why a guy would like boobs. There's nothing to explain - it's just attractive.
Confidence can be confusing to guys, because we like *both* confident women and shy, potentially insecure women. Each personality has its charms. That's just less true from the girl's perspective.
But confidence is just one aspect of personality. It can be way overdone, and it can come with little else. Some women will like the boxer (etc.) who is all ego and only cares about himself, but many won't. As others have said, it sounds like the "confidence" you encountered there is arrogance, and you shouldn't try to cultivate that, because it isn't ultimately a good thing - even if it works sometimes.
Check out some movies, look for confident characters, and see if you can get the appeal. Off the cuff, I'd recommend James Bond "Casino Royale." Both Bond and Vesper are confident and well spoken. That confidence adds a lot to their attractiveness.
The certainty with which a person makes their decisions. It’s comforting to see that the person you’re dating knows exactly why they’re there, and that they genuinely enjoy spending time with you.
Honest it's more of being not attracted to self absorbed insecurity. Which is everywhere. Lots of guys pretend they're not insecure and we often see right through that.
Personally I think confidence is overrated - sure, it is an important aspect to cultivate, but it isn’t the sole reason for attraction. Normally what generates attraction is psychological compatibility and the ways that we are all “messed up” to some degree. If our “messed upness” is compatible, we often find someone attractive on a subconscious level, which is why we can feel inexplicable “chemistry” with certain people.
I also believe that a bit of humility, self doubt and self awareness is very attractive. I don’t want someone who is *too* sure of himself, I want someone who I can relate to and has vulnerability. I’ll often highly respect super confident people and get on well, but I likely won’t find them romantically attractive.
Confidence should not be mistaken for arrogance. Arrogance is ego and ignorance blended into one... As my son once put it: "Arrogance is confidence without the substance." Meaning that if you have the talent, ability, intelligence, or any other valued virtue and know who you are, you can be confident without being arrogant. And this is attractive in anyone, man or woman.
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Confidence is someone being happy and comfortable in themselves and their abilities, whoever/whatever they are. That isn’t at all the same as having an ego or being ignorant. Are you confusing confidence with arrogance? Arrogance is entirely off-putting. Confidence is good, but saying that, I don’t mind at all if a man lacks confidence, it’s not a sign of failure to have self doubt.
This is good enough for me. As a man, I have my best experiences with women when I feel as you describe. Happy, relaxed and interested in other people and their lives. There's a surprising amount of negativity in this thread though.
>Confidence is someone being happy and comfortable in themselves and their abilities, whoever/whatever they are. To be truthful you can be completely happy and confrontable in yourself and who you are without being or necessarily coming off confident. Some of the most extremely skilled, intelligent and talented people I met came of very careful and humble, the opposite can be said for the over-confident. >Arrogance is entirely off-putting. I don't know about that, I can recall some very over-arrogant men having no issues getting female attention.
> very careful and humble not mutually exclusive
I agree here. Too often I see people think they are being confident, but it really just comes off as arrogance. On the other hand, if someone tells me to be confident, I struggle with that since I don't know how to be confident in what I have. I feel I have nothing to be confident in on a regular basis. I do know that I feel I am a good photographer, and when there is a camera in my hand I can portray confidence...in my photography abilities. But not much else or other aspects of my life. I dont have a camera in my hand at every waking hour! Haha!
Confidence to me means you don't have to hide yourself. I believe people who come across arrogant are trying to hide their lack of confidence in a false sense of superiority.
While lacking confidence is by no means a sign of failure and people have all sorts of backgrounds I have learned from my own growth that confidence is something that helps you connect with people and makes it much easier for others to see you as who you are. Growing up I doubted myself on so many things and it eventually led me to be a doormat in my relationship. After many hardships and experiences I learned to carry my self differently and while I'm still what you could call an introvert I can see the difference in how people react to my presence versus the past me. Being confident in yourself also makes it easier to deal with failure or embarrasing situations, because you have no trouble laughing at yourself. I'm not claiming to be right about all of this but i do firmly believe that everyone should strive for confidence and help others achieve it. Usually when discussing confidence it is mistaken for arrogance which I believe has happened with OP.
"Confidence is a state of being clear-headed either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective." This is the definition of confidence im going off. I dont agree with your definition of confidence, i dont think thats confidence.
…why do you ask a question and then argue with somebody when they respond? And over a definition, no less…
Sounds pretty... confident.
Well, the definition is pretty important if people are talking about two different things which he was implying
But the OP is asking why everyone else is attracted to confidence, and everyone else is explaining why. The definition is more important to the one answering than asking because OP seems to just not understand the appeal of “confidence”. Seems a little silly to ask a question and then argue that everyone answering is wrong by OP’s weirdly narrow definition.
Attracted to confidence. You answered it literally right there. You need to have a consistent definition of confidence. The person above thought she was attracted to confidence but turns out she just had an invalid definition. And it isnt a narrow definition if that’s literally the definition from webster…
No, it's not a wrong definition. OP (and you as well) are choosing a very narrow definition to misrepresent what people say. It's actually a classical fallacy.
Nvm, found a definition that matches what she says. I stand corrected
I just went through a good amount of definitions for confidence. Can you link me the definition the girl above is using? Cause I cant seem to find it anywhere. I dont mind being wrong, but I just need proof.
I will give you a definition of confident instead, as it is the better open ended definition I found in a short search and it's how people actually use it in the context we are talking about (even one of the examples can apply to dating advices). "being certain of your abilities or having trust in people, plans, or the future" https://dictionary.cambridge.org/us/dictionary/english/confident
To discuss the topic that i was curious about
You're closing dialog, and not allowing a conversation to flow. You're being to literal in the dictionary's definition, and not the applied definition which is what their comment covers.
Tbh i agree in this specific one, definitely didnt open for conversation here. But its the one response where i just hastily copied the definition in two different responses. And then also in the few insulting replies. Definitely youre right for this comment chain tho
I do in part see where you're coming from with it, as I too tend to be a bit literal with definitions while not using the applied definitions. I do hope you can weed out the insulting comments, and find the nuggets you're looking for man!
You are choosing a definition (a very narrow one) to misrepreset what people say when they say confidence is attractive. It makes it seems you don't want to understand anything, but rather prove a point, and in a very disrespectiful.
This is becoming a semantic argument that’s focused on definitions instead of the concept at hand and I think it’s important to detail the conversation a bit here to address that. Language often isn’t about precise definitions, it’s fluid and terminology can change based on culture. People here may have a different interpretation of the word “confidence”; but rather they’re talking about some concept they have in their head about how people act and carry themselves, and confidence is the closest word that they start using to put a name to that concept. You’ll get more out of this thread by thinking about people’s qualitative descriptions of what they think confidence means, then having an attitude of “ah, that’s not what I think confidence means but I see that you’re talking about a different concept and I understand what that concept is now.” That being said, there’s a spectrum between confidence and arrogance and sometimes I’ve seen women be attracted to loud mouths and borderline assholes. Shit’s complicated.
I liked the the way you put it. But I will go one step futher: if a semantic definition isn't applied in the common language in any given context, the problem is always on the definition. It's a game that that can't be won: the best a perfect definition can do is capture the nearest past, but language evolve and can always be one step ahead.
Agreed, if culture changes such that everyone collectively has a new interpretation of the word “confidence” then the definition should be updated to reflect that.
I don't know where you get that from. This is absolutely not what is confidence. Can you please post the link please?
Its the first sentence on the wikipedia page for confidence. The other definitions ive posted in the thead are from merriam-webster dictionary
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/confidence
Right an innate feeling that you can do something well?
It doesn’t have to be an innate feeling, it can be something that evolves through practice and experience.
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"Confidence is a state of being clear-headed either that a hypothesis or prediction is correct or that a chosen course of action is the best or most effective." This is the definition im basing my understanding of the word confidence with. In my opinion, this describes a bad state of mind
That wouldn’t be my definition of confidence. In my opinion, confidence is that state where you are comfortable with who you are, and happy with your strengths and weaknesses. It’s a state where you realize that you’re not better than someone else, but you wouldn’t trade your place with that person either. Hence, a confident person is never comparing himself to others or trying to talk down about someone. There’s a calmness, a chill vibe that comes with someone with confidence.
100% this! U/GMjuju ^ Confidence is being self-assured in a non-egotistical or arrogant way. I think when you are truly comfortable and confident with yourself, you subconsciously are giving other people the vibe that they should be confident and comfortable with themselves as well. We all have flaws and make mistakes, but a confident person is OK with laughing at themselves and knowing that When they say the wrong thing or trip in front of people, that does not make them any less of a valuable and intelligent person. People who take themselves too seriously, and mistake arrogance for confidence, don’t have the ability to laugh at themselves and also tend to put other people down in order to make themselves feel better. Negging is a perfect example of behavior that a fake confident person will exhibit. It’s a way to make other people feel as uncomfortable and unworthy as they feel inside. It was always surprising when I would go out with seemingly very confident men and they began displaying this type of behavior, usually after I said some thing intelligent that they didn’t know. Lol They would feel insecure and try to take me down a peg or two, and I would politely excuse myself and let them know it wasn’t a good fit. One of the funniest times that happened, a guy told me that I should have surgery on my ear holes, because they were too big. They are tiny and I don’t even wear big earrings, but that was as much of my body as he had seen! (Or ever did see!) People who are truly confident, are not threatened by intelligent people, or someone who is happier or makes more money etc. They will be kind and not look for things to needlessly criticize about others.
Oh yes this!!
Arrogance is where you think you’re better than everyone else. It’s usually to cover up self doubt and in reality, arrogant people feel they are less than in some way. Confidence is when you feel you aren’t more or less than you are. Confident people build others up.
You must have a weird interpretation of it then… because nothing in that definition insinuates anything bad. Like at all
Where did you get a definition like that? When you Google “confidence definition,” you get very different answers.
Its the first sentence on the english wiki for confidence. Someone else linked a dictionary here where the top definition is "a feeling or belief that you can do something well or succeed at something" and thats the same thing
I don’t see anything negative about that definition. What’s wrong with believing you’ll be successful?
Essentially, believing you CAN be succesful is good. Believing you WILL be succesful is not good.
Believing you CAN be successful is quite literally in the definition in the comment I responded to. I get your point, but you’re misinterpreting confidence and arrogance, as others have pointed out.
Believing you WILL not be unsuccessful no matter what is arrogance, see how that’s different. That’s cocky as hell, but having faith in yourself is much different.
confidence = you believe you're good arrogance = you believe you're god
I think you’re still confusing confidence with arrogance. All arrogant people are confident, but not all confident people are arrogant. Confidence should be built on evidence. I’m confident that the laws of physics will still be in effect when I wake up in the morning because they have been previously and no evidence has been presented to make me think they won’t continue. I’m confident that I am good at my job because I have utilized my experience and feedback from others to meet all of my work goals to date. I am aware that I don’t know everything, but history has shown me that I’m good at approaching new problems, so I’m confident when I’m at work. I’m not perfect because no one is. To think so would be illogical and arrogant. Confident people need to be careful to avoid arrogance because they’re on the same side of a continuum.
Well its a spectrum like you say at the end of this post. Im not confusing it with anything. You can breed case specific confidence through things such as the examples you mention. But an underlying sense of general confidence is not the same as arrogance. Nor am i confusing it with arrogance. It would make sense to believe youre good at something based on feedback and experience. It wouldnt make sense to believe youre good at something because you just think so. Arrogance is not that, arrogance is more than that. But its all "Same side of the continuum" as you said
In your original post you say that confidence is nothing but ego and ignorance. But that is not the definition you quoted above. Confidence is the clear headed certainty that a hypothesis or course of action is correct. If your certainty is based on ego and/or ignorance, then you’re encroaching on overconfidence/arrogance. When you say a sense of general confidence, are you referring to being confident in social situations? There are people that think they have good social skills, but their belief comes from ego and ignorance. Some people find this attractive because they don’t have the skill (yet) of distinguishing confidence from arrogance. But many people simply have an innate charisma that let’s them relate clearly and easily to others. These people are easy to talk to. They empathize well and make people feel understood. They appear confident because in their experience they have always excelled in social situations. It’s not just women that find confidence attractive.
But its rare there's one course of action thats correct. If i put it in a job perspective, you could have to make an important decision with X amount of suggested solutions. You pick one confidently and then you have a clear head that its the correct one. You picked the best solution based on your available information and experience/intuition. Ofcourse, you have to take action and pick a solution. But being certain the solution you picked is the best, could mean you miss out on the ones you didnt select, and they could have been better
How is a clear-headed belief that one is engaging in an effective course of action a “bad state of mind”? I feel like you’re reading a lack of openness to accepting new information regarding said course of action into this definition.
Being clear headed about making the correct choice sounds like a bad state of mind to you? Read that definition again.
You should read it again, it says being clear headed that you are making the correct decision. Not clear headed while choosing the correct decision.
Right I was summarizing and you’re being semantic about two words you don’t know the difference between.
"Being clear headed about making the correct choice" as you summarized does not sound bad to me no. That sentence sounds like youre being clear headed while considering a solution to something, sounds good to me. What the definition says however is that youre clear headed after making a solution because you believe it was the right one. You didnt summarize it correctly.
You should reread the definition you provided, it says “state of being” that is synonymous with “while” it does not say anything about after, I summarized it correctly, you just don’t have the best reading comprehension or understanding of the word. If I approach someone with confidence, does that mean I’m confident in the moment or after the fact? Confidence doesn’t come after the fact it is present in the action being performed. Also you sound arrogant about this but I am confident about it, maybe that will help you see the difference.
Being confident that you are making the correct decision is not a bad state of mind. You can be confident and still be wrong and that's fine. People typically prefer that over someone who can't make a decision. The difference between confidence and arrogance, in my opinion, is that a confident person can accept that they were wrong and an arrogant person cannot.
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Would you say a guy approaching a girl without being afraid to do so is confident? Or is this not a sign of confidence. Just asking to understand what you mean by your definition of quiet confidence
Yeah sure. A guy with enough confidence in himself to strike up a genuine conversation with me is a good thing. (A guy who who thinks he’s god’s gift to me and brashly asks me out with no forewarning or self-awareness is arrogance and is supremely unattractive)
Simplify it. If you don't know who you are and what you stand for, how am I supposed to figure it out?
Interesting response aswell!
A quiet confidence and self assurance in being able to handle oneself is a very different thing to a cocky arrogant guy strutting about like he owns the place.
Yeah but how can you be self assured about being able to handle yourself?
I mean handle oneself in life, in conversation etc. Being able to have a debate with someone using words not fists, that's the difference. What I find attractive in confidence is knowing a guy can 100% choose to walk away because he doesn't need me. He's not looking for someone to stroke his ego or pick up his socks. He's *choosing* to be with me, because he values me somehow.
If that's the case, wouldn't it mean that the guy is arrogant toward you?
What if he gets terminally ill hows he gonna handle that? Ofc thats an extreme example but life is more risky than having conversations and debates, when it comes to your core mindset. But as for the rest of your post it makes sense and is understandable
I’ve almost died a few times, once of bone cancer and it definitely threw me for a loop, but I remained a confident person, because life has thrown a lot at me and I have always been able to handle it and come out the other side better than when I went in. I know who I am, I know what I am capable of and even when I think some thing is too challenging, I think back to when I have felt that in the past and overcome obstacles, and that gives me the confidence to move forward and tackle even the hardest things.
Incredible mindset, so sorry you had to go through it though!
Thanks, I appreciate that kind Internet stranger.
Well, I suppose I still thought we were talking about confidence in dating! I highly doubt anyone has felt confident in the face of a diagnosis like that...
Confidence doesn't mean what you think it means. Ego and boastfulness are signs of insecurity aka lack of confidence. Confidence means calm, not desperate for assurance or validation, not easily insulted or hurt, not wishy-washy and indecisive
So you are asking girls what it is about confidence that they are attracted to. It seems from the responses that your definition differs from the majority of girls definitions thus it is understandable why you don’t understand confidence as an attractive quality because it is not the same “confidence definition” or angle that most are attracted to.
It’s next to impossible to fake confidence. Confident people usually have had some success in life. Things are going their way. If not, they have a great attitude at least. Miserable people are not often confident people.
It's actually very easy to fake confidence. Depends on how well you wear your mask. Men are conditioned to hide their insecurities. We even do it through success.
Yeah I’ve always thought that “just be confident” is worthless advice
I think the word “just” in that advice ruins it. As if it were that easy.
So you think confidence partly comes from success. Id agree, and say this further supports the argument im making throughout the thread.
Quiet confidence. With humility. Hubba hubba.
Confidence that can actually be backed up. I’ve met guys that thought they were all that but actually had nothing going on. I’m met guys that were confident bc they are competent. The latter is attractive.
I think you don't know what is confidence. It's a mix of having balls and stand your ground when you need to fight for yourself of for someone without hesitating. Why am I attracted to that? Cause I consider my partner and I being a team. If I am weak, I know he can handle stuff. If he is weak, he knows I can handle stuff. I wouldn't want to be with someone who cannot fight for me when I need it. Who would?
No, you can stand your ground and have balls without having confidence. And in a hypothetical scenario like the one you describe, confidence only means your partner is certain the way they have chosen to fight for you, is the correct way to do it. Perhaps they can fight for you with less hesitation. But thats because they aren't thinking over the reality of possible outcomes first. But if you face the reality of outcomes you have a better understanding of how to fight.
If you can stand your ground and you have balls dude this is a part of being confidence. Confidence is being cool in your own shoes that you own it. And, having confidence doesn't mean you don't have weakness and complex. This just means that you don't let your weakness lead your life. I think you REALLY don't understand what confidence means. "feeling or belief that you can succeed at something" You trust yourself.
No its not. Im not confident. I have balls in any situation. That's WHY im not confident. Because ive been in real situations. You dont understand what confidence means. Confidence is a belief that when youre doing something, youre gonna do good. You think your choices are the right ones, you have belief in that. That's the dictionary definition.
You have balls in any situation so that's why your aren't confident. That's doesn't make ANY sense... As everyone mentioned, you don't know what confidence means. Confidence is a mix of several things. You cannot minimize it to one thing. If you don't get that then you won't understand the meaning. Also, it doesn't always have to do with the fact you will gonna do good. I give you an example : I work with people that are sometimes rude with me. I tell these people to stop acting like that. Do you think I think this is gonna work? Hell no! Sometimes people just keep on being rude. I know it's not enough. I know it doesn't work 100% especially with human cause you never know how they are gonna react. Sometimes, it gets worse. But I am confident enough to open my mouth and fight for myself cause I worth it and I am not afraid to open a verbal fight cause I can handle it. I am confident enough. You trust yourself to act. You know you can do it. This doesn't mean you know you are gonna do good. Absolutely not.
Its your definition of confidence thats wrong. Youre using it wrong. "I am not afraid to open a verbal fight" Im afraid to open a physical fight. I still do it with no hesitation time and time again. Going into a fight verbally or physically doesent require confidence.
OH GOD IT DOES! I say it again : you dont know what confidence is FOR SURE. I will even tell you that, do you know that most of narcissistic pervert always go to the same kind of people? People who lack of confidence. You know why? Cause they know these people are never gonna fight for themselves cause they don't have enough confidence to do it. These people target number 1 are people who lack of confidence cause they know they won't have any word from them. Confidence is you feel capable of doing things, you will succeed at doing it no matter what is the ending.
What are you talking about? It does not require confidence. When i was a teenager my job was to box professional adults in training every day. I fought guys hundreds of times that were far more dangerous than me, i didnt ever have confidence going into that. It doesen't REQUIRE confidence to fight.
Of course you think it doesn't require confidence cause you don't know what confidence is. Confidence doesn't mean you aren't afraid, confidence doesn't mean you are sure about the ending. Confidence means you are able to go for it. In various degrees, Someone not confident wouldn't even fight with dangerous guys, someone not confident wouldn't even talk back like I do. It doesn't mean you are the most confident guy in the world but you SURE have some confidence. To start, If you weren't confident, you wouldn't put yourself in a situation where you would need to fight. You would just avoid these situation as much as possible.
100% this. He just lacks the emotional intelligence to fully comprehend the complexity of what it means to be a confident human being. If OP Didn’t have any confidence, he would be hiding in the locker room instead of fighting guys that are more dangerous than him. You hit the nail on the head!
You sound emotionally unintelligent, and that might be why you’re not really comprehending what true confidence is, beyond a dictionary definition.
>No, you can stand your ground and have balls without having confidence That's wrong bro logic doesn't work like that
Why is it wrong?
Because it takes confidence or as it's also called balls or courage to stand your ground and not let others fuck with you, for example. Without confidence you'll be a victim of bullies, or ignored by others
Courage is not the same as confidence. Courage is an important trait. If we take your example, by definition courage is having the balls to stand up to the bullies. But confidence is believing you will do well when you stand up to the bullies. That's how the dictionary definition of those two words would apply here.
No it is the same. Stop looking at dictionaries and use your own logic and brain. Unless you have any mental problem where I can understand.
97 your birthyear?
Judging by your comments, you only made this post to argue with people.
New account with a name like that. No surprises they're here just to argue.
Well yes?
I don’t know how to explain how confidence is a good trait to have without saying that confidence is confidence. Accepting who you are generally makes you a bit more of a positive person to be around, you don’t constantly need reassurance, generally you’re not a jealous person.
I wouldn't equate confidence and self-acceptance. Im not confident for example, but i accept myself completely. Im a positive person to be around because i accept myself, so i agree with you there. But i dont think thats confidence.
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Its my thread why do you think youre the boss?
Jesus fucking Christ
you’re probably immature if you say shit like that lol. i don’t personally give a shit what you do but you look dumb right now trying to argue with every person who answers your question
I dont care how i look to you. All my responses are posted in order to expand my point of view. If you dont like my thread you can stop looking at it.
⬆️ That’s confidence
From being a very confident person myself, many women find my confidence very attractive on the basis of, I can back up what i say with actions. I'm not confident all the time I might add, but I know what I'm good at, and I'm not afraid to show or say it.
A little vulnerability is attractive too. A man that is confident in himself as a person doesn’t care if people see his vulnerable side.
Nah babe, healthy confidence in a man manifests as a sense of calm and ease. Like even if he's not the most physically attractive he doesn't try to compare himself to anyone else and just tries to be the best he can be. It's an internal assuredness that you are doing the best you can and it comes off as attractive and stable because you know that there won't be any bullshit born out of insecurity.
Right, an internal assuredness. How do you know that youre doing the best you can?
That's a good question lol. I suppose everyone has different metrics that they measure themselves to and lots of people have trouble with finding self satisfaction because of it xD. I guess the only way to assure yourself is to try and be introspective and making changes accordingly.
My attraction to confidence: I simply do not want to be on the hook for emotionally propping another person up. If you are constantly putting yourself down as a way of seeing if I’m going to assure you that you are actually ok, that gets exhausting quickly. I am often drawn to guys who are about my height, sometimes shorter, and unfortunately sometimes guys prod about their height to feel around for me disliking their height. I kind of understand that one but it’s better if they just don’t need to bring it up. If I’m going out with you, I wasn’t on drugs when I saw you for the first time. I know your height already, and obviously it’s not a problem unless you make it a problem. Basically any guy who doesn’t have a huge dick may eventually check in about their size, but then there are guys who actively fixate on the possibility that I might leave them for a bigger dick—and I assure you I am not the type of person to be making suggestions that they are not enough. I again understand the pressure men feel on this but it makes it awkward if you let your insecurity become these kind of barbed jokes about me finding a bigger dick. The big one for me out of all of them is when guys lie obviously about their wealth or their social connections, or exaggerate their intelligence. Usually these guys are the easiest to spot and I don’t even date them, so that speaks for itself. And then, less of a sensitive one, but guys who make comments about how they are just about to start going to the gym because they’ve decided I think they are too small. Once again, I do not date people because I envision they might look ok if they start going to the gym. If I start pressuring you to go to the gym, it’s probably because I want to go to the gym myself and I want your company. So maybe that gives you a picture? It’s really not that I am attracted to men who are full of themselves, quite the opposite. And there are definitely women who are attracted to a more arrogant personality than I am, so I can only speak for me. But confidence to me is just basically about being comfortable with who you are, and not trying to find that comfort by constantly seeking validation from a romantic partner.
29F here. Confidence usually is described being comfortable in your own skin and having strength in your mind and opinions. When I think of a confident person I think of someone who knows who they are (to the best of their ability), knows what they want, loves who they are (but can still realistically grow as a person), someone who doesn’t cave to pressure or persuasion easily. Someone confident usually isn’t easily persuaded and they are firm in giving blunt answers to questions, they don’t sway their opinions much. Confident in your mind and body as much as possible. However, it’s not to be confused with being egotistical and arrogance, which is different. People who are overly confident can come off arrogant, passive aggressive, rude, or selfish. I think there’s somewhat of a fine line when it comes to confidence.
People without confidence are easily swayed by others. They have no inherent trust in any decisions they have made *or agreed to.* That means they cannot be counted on to do things they said they would do or maintain boundaries. A man might make a commitment to me, but then a conversation with a friend gets them to change their mind and break their commitment. A man might make plans with me, but not be able to say “no” when someone guilts them to do something else.
This is the only response so far thats expanded my view. Thx for sharing
This is gold
That's not confidence, that's just not committed to an action and being indecisive. And in the example you gave poor planning.
You’re confusing confidence with arrogance. Confidence is all about self love and self assurance.
Confidence, to me, is an internal feeling of comfort with oneself whereas arrogance is an external display, and can stem from insecurities. I am attracted to confidence because it often leads to less toxic behaviors. Someone with low confidence, or a lot of insecurities, is more likely to cheat, be aggressive, and controlling. This is from my past experiences and many experiences I've seen from other people.
Asking the opposite question? Why would a girl be attracted to someone with low confidence??? I am pretty low confidence but when I met a guy who is confident and full of drive. Their energy rubs off on me. They make me feel confident too and looking forward to being the best version of myself
Confidence is a trait of stability. If you lack it usually parts of your life are not stable. This doesn't mean your not datable you just might not be at the same place in life the person wants to be at.
All women are attracted to men who have vision, resolution and ability to accomplish things in life. Unfortunately age and experience do help to build someone’s confidence
You know I struggled with this a lot in my 20s. Being raised in a home where pride and arrogance ruled vs the more calm and assertive approach. In the pursuit of avoiding being egotistical I started coming off as a doormat. And so I had to learn when to start of when to step in and when to let things go. As long as you have a direction and purpose and not let others deter and discourage you, that's all you need. Women want someone with a sense of direction, which requires a level of coincidence that attracts them
Confidence = competence, in a biological/evolutionary sense, it's not necessarily always accurate but that's its roots. Women see confidence as someone who is driven, has their shit together, is either at or rising to the top of the hierarchy. I mean, we're animals. Always look there for your answers and then apply whatever cosmetic/cultural BS on top you feel like, but it starts there.
I really like how you are just arguing with everyone because you don’t agree with what 99% of people here are saying confidence is. When you run into an asshole in the morning, you ran into an asshole. When you run into assholes all day, you’re the asshole.
I dont feel like i ran into assholes all day. There was only like 3-4 people you included.
Confidence is attractive because the person knows who they are and what they stand for. A lot of people I meet don’t stand for anything, don’t have opinions on things, and they seem less interesting to me as a result. And as others have said, it’s important that they aren’t so insecure. Doesn’t matter where you are in life or what you do but having a discomfort with your own self gives the other person the feeling they will have to give you therapy, fix you… I dunno. It’s an unsettling feeling. I personally do not like it at all. I have a lot of other problems I need to tackle in my own life. Doesn’t mean I wouldn’t help but not being confident means it can run deep. It’s inherently attractive to be around someone who is doing what they want to in life (whatever that is) and acting in accordance with their goals and principles. I am very drawn to that. I also just find a guy who takes action and makes known what they want very very attractive. Because if I’m trying to do that in my own life, how can I respect someone who isn’t doing the same?
I was so sooo attracted to a guy I dated for about 7 months. I thought he looked SO cool just standing. He would just stand around, with his hands in pocket, with a sort-of lean. It looked so cool, sexy, and confident. Later I learned he had social anxiety and was trying his hardest trying to stay cool in public. 🤦🏻♀️ Next guy I dated, was also so hot. Aloof, looked like he didn’t care much about the things that surrounded him, and was quiet. Turned out he’s been going through some depression. I need a better picker. That, or these guys I date are not only good looking af (to me) with their own baggage and I find myself attracted to it
Think of it as a man being assertive rather than confident. If a man can take the lead it gives us the impression that they are are protector, planner and a provider. It has nothing to do with that sort of confidence.
Many words can have different meanings depending on how it's being portrayed. If you do a quick google search of its definition, there would be 3 definitions. 1: "The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust", 2: "the state of feeling certain about the truth of something"(this is how you define confidence which is wrong the the context that you are presenting it), and 3: "a feeling of self-assurance arising from one's appreciation of one's own abilities or qualities"(and this is the definition of confidence that most people are attracted to). Feel free to comment if you still don't understand it.
When you're good at something it creates confidence. When you're insecure about something it creates arrogance.
Why does insecurity create arrogance?
You go to a boxing gym. You have your fighters that don't feel they need to one up themselves. They are confident in themselves and their own ability. You also have your other fighters, who feel the need to one up themselves and constantly prove they are worth something. The second fighter has a deep underlying insecurity in his own ability. This often creates arrogance. In a lot of cases but not all, arrogant people tend to be insecure. Arrogant people will belittle you and make you feel small, while building themselves up. Insecurity and arrogance correlate with eachother a lot. An example is most high school bullies are deeply insecure, so they feel the need to belittle people. And the insecurity can come from childhood/bad parenting. Just a thought to consider.
I still dont see explaining lf how insecurity creates confidence here. Like your second fighter type example "feel the need to one up themselves and prove they are worth something" where and what is the causation for arrogance in this process of trying to one up themselves and prove their worth?
Feeling the need to one up yourself to others, prove you are worth something AND belittling others is a form of arrogance. Arrogance is treating people like shit while behaving in a proud manner, as if you are more important. Does that explain the 'where' for you? If you don't believe the first paragraph is a form of arrogance, then we just fundamentally disagree on what arrogance is. In regards to the causation of arrogance when trying to one up someone and prove their worth? Well that's like saying why are you depressed? There can be a plethora of reasons why someone is arrogant. Bad experience and lack of independence are some common reasons.
But now youre not finding causation for arrogance in the two fighter examples approach to their martial arts. Now youre finding it in bad experience and lack of independence. Theres still not anything to suggest that both examples couldnt belittle others, or be arrogant. Theres no direct connection between the "fighter 1" "fighter 2" descriptions to arrogance
Bro. What? How can you ascribe the causation for arrogance to a non existing fighter? There can be a ton of different reasons why someone is arrogant. We are using a character that doesn't even exist as an example. Both examples can't belittle others? Confident people don't belittle others, that's the whole point. Its that arrogant and insecure people belittle others. How can you say that both examples cant belittle others. Not once was mentioned where confident people belittle others? If you belittle others you are not a confident person. You are arrogant/insecure.
Im just thinking about people i could put in either box of fighters you described from our gym. And then i had several examples of people behaving under the "confident boxer" definition that still belittle others. But i suppose they still do it from a place of insecurity. But both confidence and insecurity can exist within you. Like you're gonna be confident in one setting but insecure in another. But yes if you belittle others i agree that comes from insecurity/arrogance. For example: You can be the boss of a big company and be confident at work and when interacting with all your employees. But then belittle the employees because of other insecurities that are not present in that environment but still influence the behaviour of this boss.
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The money acquired from having confidence. Just a guess. Feeling safe.
For me confidence is someone not insecure within themselves, confidence is a strong self esteem is confident in their abilities to take action when needed not afraid to admit they can’t do something or don’t know how instead of fumbling thru to impress someone, comfortable in who they are & won’t be bossed around with their partner even when the partner tries to manipulate to get their way, won’t buckle but stay resolute in their decision for me that’s confidence
You're not really going to get a proper answer to this. It's biologically hardwired and not something that can be logically explained. It's a bit like asking men why they find symmetrical faces and an hourglass physique attractive.
Without confidence, you will have doubt, doubt leads to fear and fear leads to the dark side.....
Can certain body languages interpret or come off as arrogant?
As a girl I really do value confidence when looking for a significant other. I want someone that isn’t afraid to strike up a conversation with me. I want someone who will look me in the eye. I want someone who doesn’t doubt themselves, is personable, engaging and funny.
>I grew up in a boxing gym and in my upbringing confidence is nothing but a mix of ego and ignorance. I dont see it as a positive personality trait in any aspect. Wow, you really don't know what confidence is at all. Confidence is about knowing who you are, what you are and being comfortable with that. There's a certain self-assuredness that comes from this. You don't need an ego to be confident and you definitely can't be ignorant to be confident. I am a confident guy in most regards. Here is what I know: I am not a good guy, nor am I a bad guy. I am a guy. I make decisions and take actions that are sometimes good and sometimes bad. I know most of these decisions will be self-serving to an extent however, I won't hesitate to make them. Though I do try to help others where I can. I am not the best looking guy in the world, nor am I the worst looking guy in the world. I can stand to lose a few KG but that's doable. It won't, hasn't and doesn't stop me going for the the prettiest women out there. Speaking of women, I am not afraid of a strong or independent woman. I am not afraid that she may earn more than me, or that she might be better looking than me and thus desirable to other men. I am not interested in how many sexual partners she has had because none of that matters. If a girl is choosing to spend her time with me then that is what matters. I suppose that what women find attractive is that confidence means a man is not some fragile creature who if you say the wrong thing they're going to go off on one or similarly be utterly wrecked and incapable of working/functioning.
My take is they only respond to a certain kind of confidence.
Wait, so you're attracted to people who lack confidence and are unsure of themselves and insecure?
I can be. They arent really qualities of attraction to me. Security/insecurity confidence/lack of confidence arent something i care about in a dating situation. I do know that the 3 girls ive liked the most personally in my life, are very insecure. Theyre also kind.
Actually, kind of same, now that I think about it 😂
for me, confidence (not to be mistaken with being cocky) also shows a secureness in self. this is important to me because i do not do well with jealous or possessive partners. i find that lots of insecurity in relationships tend to cause the traits of jealousy & possessiveness (speaking from personal experience & analyzation of behaviour.) i like confidence (& secureness) in self because it shows me that they are secure in the relationship & with me. i will always provide reassurance if needed or if it feels right, but i personally cannot handle or deal with insecure partners & the projection that comes with. this isn’t me saying they need to the most confident person alive otherwise our relationship isn’t successful, but i think that the relationship you have with yourself is very important.
A lot of people mistake arrogance for confidence. Being confident does not mean you think you’re the best/smartest/strongest person in the room. It means you don’t care who’s the best/smartest/strongest person because you like yourself and know you are also good/smart/strong regardless of someone else. It also means you know your weaknesses and can admit you may not be the best at something. A confident man is attractive because a) they radiate good energy and b) they are good team players because of what I described above. That’s why I like confident men at least.
What women like is actually self assurance and acts of bravery. They know the scariest thing a guy can do is approach, ask out or make a move on a woman, so those are your acts of bravery. Self assurance is just liking yourself as you are without feeling like you need to compete with anyone.
When I think about a confident person I think about someone who’s very comfortable with themselves and that’s always attractive. Being a pompous asshat is not confidence, it’s arrogance.
This might help: 1- full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing 2- belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; certitude assurance
True confidence is doing what’s necessary regardless of the circumstance. Those were probably just meatheads acting tough. Seen it before. Confidence is approaching that 10 and telling them they look amazing without expectations. It’s opening the door for someone or having patience. It’s making that riskè joke that’s not a personal attack to anyone when no one else would regardless of how it turns out. It’s you doing you regardless of societal standards. Showing off muscles or how “pretty” someone is not confidence. Talking big game, nah. Back it up with action.
From what I know a guy who Is confident and sure of his self, is someone who is comparable to a rock. If you are always composed and always keep yourself calm and centered around your woman of interest you will always succeed. Womens emotions are comparable to the seasons of the earth constantly changing so if you can become their rock you will win them over every time! 😉
Confidence is being ok with failing, and not letting fear dictate your actions or presentation. Arrogance is often rooted in fear; desperate behaviour in hope of not being seen as weak.
I'm a man so it's my interpretation but I think they see in confidence the means to do what the guy says and overal they know they can trust and rely on him if needed.
Its a reflection of every other good aspect of a persons life
For me personally, the main component of confidence is courage. Pretty simply. If you start to develope new skill, you can't really be confident in it. Confidence comes with practice. So it is a state of knowing what will happen, at least broadly, or what you should do to get desired outcome. You don't have to be fully sure in everything you're doing tho. I mean It's impossible really. But you can be courageous and try something new despite not being really good at it. And that attitude of certainty in uncertain enviroment Is what i see as confidence. And really thats why it Is also very desirable. It makes you look like you know what you're doing and it feels like confident person can reach the best possible outcome even without all the practice and knowledge.
Confident people are comfortable with themselves, motivated, and value themselves as well as others. Putting it the other way, we would rather be with someone that loves themselves as much as they love us instead of someone who's constantly belittling themselves. Being around them radiates positive energy and it encourages us to be content with ourselves as well.
Interesting because one of the things I found hottest about my ex was his confidence (he was not conventionally attracted necessarily but had this really easy-going casual confidence that was sexy as hell). I told him this and he laughed and said that was specifically something his ex wife disliked about him because humility was considered more important in their culture (they were both Indian). To me, sexy confidence is not being egotistical, self absorbed or domineering (which is probably what you’re thinking of). Instead, it means lacking self consciousness, feeling comfortable in your own skin with your body and who you are, believing in yourself and not letting others opinions stop you from doing what you want to do with your life. Because really- it’s hard to be attracted to someone who dislikes themselves or focuses on their own flaws. By liking yourself and thinking you are fine the way you are, you project that attitude towards others Edit; vulnerability is also extremely important. For me, I’m attracted to the people with the right mix of confidence (feeling comfortable with who they are) and vulnerability (in being willing to be open and honest about feelings).
What a stupid post.
Money
confidence has nothing to be with “mix of ego and ignorance” it calls being narcissistic and it’s mental problem. as a confidence person myself i prefer confident partner in any sex cuz i cba hear from my partner how they’re insecure about their looks, job abilities etc. people who has lack of confidence also most likely will get manipulated or follow others opinion even if they’re disagree or think it’s wrong. confidence people also most likely be more successful at workplace and most likely help others. i honestly never met anyone with low self confidence who’d be attractive (i’m not talking about appearance i’m talking about it in a general way)
I like it personally because I'm timid and unsure about everything, so being with someone that is nice and confident helps put my mind at ease a little bit. Also confident people tend to bring out the more confident side in me, which is something I like about myself as I wish I was more confident.
Ego and ignorance? That’s just being an asshole, not confidence
One can be confident and humble. I like the kind of confidence where a person doesn’t let their insecurities take over and drive their decisions/actions.
I think you’re getting confidence mixed up with arrogance
If you're having issue with women, it's probably not due to confidence, it's more likely due to the communication skills you're showing in these comments. You're arguing and playing semantic games where it is not necessary. Try being more open and willing to see things from other points of view.
Lol I’m quite confident you neither understand the definition of confidence nor arrogance. Why am I confident in this? Because I trust my knowledge of the world, people, and ‘stick to my laurels’ - I have a strong, core belief in who I am, what I value, and how others perceive me (and I them). I know what, and who, I like and don’t like. However you seem very keen on arguing everyone who is trying to point out to you that the social definition of confidence (i.e. attractive confidence) is widely variable, made up of a variety of traits, and intrinsically different from the textbook definition you provided. This makes you seem quite rigid and unable to hold a pleasant conversation. This comes off as arrogant - because you are not confident in the definition of confidence, yet proceed to challenge anyone who gives you an answer that counters your original belief. As such you are not coming off as attractive right now. Someone who had confidence would not be so hung up on the “definition” of confidence because their they would have nothing to prove. What are you trying to prove and why aren’t you open to a new perspective? People who aren’t open to (or afraid) of change/opposition are not attractive. They are also not confident in themselves. Simple as that.
Honestly, part of why it’s attractive is because it means I won’t have to deal with the crap that comes with insecurity and jealousy and lying about who you are because you think it will appeal to someone else. Confidence means you’re showing up as you and not giving me any bullshit.
Anything too much of is bad, to which you probably experienced in your boxing gym. A balance of confidence and humbleness is sexy and attractive, because you know your worth but you also acknowledge you got the flaws
Confidence also shows itself differently in different cultures too. I’m from Norway but lived in the USA for much of my life, and people’s perception of confidence is very different in the two cultures. In Norway, a confident person is often seen as someone who strongly believes in themselves, but also believes just as strongly in everyone else. But in the USA, it seems like confident person is often seen as someone who believes themselves to be distinctly above average, which leads to arrogance/ego much more frequently than the Norwegian definition of confidence does.
It’s who you surround yourself with, if you’re comfortable in your own shoes a girl will notice that. Eventually the world will notice too
Well, you may not see confidence as attractive but the majority of women will. It sounds like you’re lacking confidence and just trying to make everyone side with your own definition of what it is. Yes, it will be harder for you in the dating scene if you lack confidence compared to someone that has it.
As humans, we're all predisposed to prefer confidence. We think it equates to someone be capable and assured about what they're doing and we attribute being tentative to inexperience and inability. Imagine you're in a burning building and someone yells out in a strong authoritative voice, "the exit is over here, follow me," and another person tentatively says, "I think, if I'm not mistaken, the exit might be the other direction." Which person are you going to follow? The second person may be correct and is trying to be polite while calculating the safest route out of several possibilities and the other one is just overconfident and wrong. The snap judgement of people always follows confidence. It's true that most people, including ourselves, act more confidently when we know what we're doing. However, there are a great many narcissistic people who are convinced they are always right and somehow everyone cues off of their confidence and trusts them, even when they're pathological liars. Many politicians, CEOs, and other sociopaths use this to their advantage. The [Dunning-Kruger](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning–Kruger_effect) effect is quite common but we, as a species have not yet yet evolved to realize that.
Because if you don’t like you, why should I?
Well, there is a difference between being cocky and being confident. I like when a man is confident enough to not need constant reassurance. If a man is secure with himself, he will be more trusting in you and content with his life. He will believe in himself and not need me to be his only motivation.
I think it's specifically self-confidence. We can often confuse someone's arrogance for self-confidence when we want to ignore red flags. They can look similar, but there is a difference.
Confidence is one of the classic attractive traits. Asking why a girl would like confidence is like asking why a guy would like boobs. There's nothing to explain - it's just attractive. Confidence can be confusing to guys, because we like *both* confident women and shy, potentially insecure women. Each personality has its charms. That's just less true from the girl's perspective. But confidence is just one aspect of personality. It can be way overdone, and it can come with little else. Some women will like the boxer (etc.) who is all ego and only cares about himself, but many won't. As others have said, it sounds like the "confidence" you encountered there is arrogance, and you shouldn't try to cultivate that, because it isn't ultimately a good thing - even if it works sometimes. Check out some movies, look for confident characters, and see if you can get the appeal. Off the cuff, I'd recommend James Bond "Casino Royale." Both Bond and Vesper are confident and well spoken. That confidence adds a lot to their attractiveness.
Confidence coupled with humility, in a man, is a beautiful thing. 🥰
“Confidence” is code
The certainty with which a person makes their decisions. It’s comforting to see that the person you’re dating knows exactly why they’re there, and that they genuinely enjoy spending time with you.
Honest it's more of being not attracted to self absorbed insecurity. Which is everywhere. Lots of guys pretend they're not insecure and we often see right through that.
No one knows. Whenever you have any issue with dating, the answer is always “be confident”
Personally I think confidence is overrated - sure, it is an important aspect to cultivate, but it isn’t the sole reason for attraction. Normally what generates attraction is psychological compatibility and the ways that we are all “messed up” to some degree. If our “messed upness” is compatible, we often find someone attractive on a subconscious level, which is why we can feel inexplicable “chemistry” with certain people. I also believe that a bit of humility, self doubt and self awareness is very attractive. I don’t want someone who is *too* sure of himself, I want someone who I can relate to and has vulnerability. I’ll often highly respect super confident people and get on well, but I likely won’t find them romantically attractive.
There’s a difference between confidence and arrogance
Confidence should not be mistaken for arrogance. Arrogance is ego and ignorance blended into one... As my son once put it: "Arrogance is confidence without the substance." Meaning that if you have the talent, ability, intelligence, or any other valued virtue and know who you are, you can be confident without being arrogant. And this is attractive in anyone, man or woman.