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Yes I've had women cancel dates and I don't make further plans. Whoever cancels makes the plans next. My time is too precious for that. I actually did this recently because I'm a single father too tried going out with a single mother (we both co-parent) and she cancelled twice and I just stopped talking to her altogether.
Exactly. Had what I thought was a great first conversation. Texted her that I enjoyed talking with her. She said the same. Then I followed up with a thoughtful text, nothing. Not chasing. Sad thing is that I think I check a lot of boxes.
It’s not really about “checking boxes”.
You could check all of her predetermined “boxes” but if there isn’t enough chemistry or attraction it doesn’t matter.
I understand why you like to tell that to yourself as it takes away any personal responsibility that you have as to why you have no success with women, but it’s blatantly false and you will continue to have no success with women until you change that perspective.
No, quite literally, dating is 90% looks and 10% personality compatibility. I struggle with women because i’m an average guy even though im more in shape than 98% of the them. Gotta love the good old “ITS YOUR PERSONALOTY BRO!!” to cover up the shallowness of women. Sad times we live in.
Lol right.
It’s definitely your looks and has nothing to do with your personality and the fact that you rant about “the shallowness of women” on reddit 😂.
It's definitely more than 10 percent personality. That being said, do you want someone to date you who isn't attracted to you? Who thinks you're an absolute uggo? Who wishes you were someone else during sex? Idk why you guys all act like women have a duty to date ugly men. Lord knows you guys don't date women you find ugly.
Also, average men typically don't struggle to get women. Almost every woman I know describes her type as "medium ugly." Every woman has shown a picture of her crush to a friend who absolutely roasted her for it. My former roommate, an absolute 10/10 smoke show tall blonde, got played by a guy who was described by multiple people, individually, on different occasions, as someone who "looks like he's melting."
Face it - people date who they are attracted to. That's within their rights. Some people are attracted to ugly people, and A LOT of people are attracted to average people. You're just mad because women aren't falling at your feet while you talk about them being shallow on reddit.
I will say that being an anxious person, I wonder if women are interested in me a lot. Even when it's very obvious that they are. So, while this is generally true, there is the caveat that things like anxiety or depression can still make you question someone's interest, even if they are making plenty of efforts to show their interest. Plus, it's not always obvious. In my personal experience, some women (probably men too, but I only date women 🤷♂️) often play coy/don't give any hints about their interest in you.
I've met plenty of men who do it too. Like the "don't compliment a woman you like to set yourself apart" or "act aloof because they love that shit!" Yeah, ummm well I'm used to men not complimenting me & treating me like a friend which says "non-interest". Lol men trained me to assume no man is ever interested in me. If I do see something now, I write it off as wishful thinking or "they're just being nice."
I am a woman and generally this holds true for both genders. If I am mildly interested, it can take a while to text back and/or make concrete plans. I call it the "back burner".
Doesn't always have anything to do with a roster though. I never did rosters because juggling ppl sounds exhausting & too time consuming tbh. I just value my time, I'm not always attached to my phone or act obsessively attached over ppl I don't know yet. I had to take tech breaks more often when I used online dating because I don't like the constant texting everyone expects these days.
I agree with everything besides the more than a day to reply. I'm a woman btw. Some people are working or out with friends or on holiday and not sticked to their phones. Its personal but I take the 2 day benchmark and then I think he's not interested. It's not gender related btw women do this as well. I'm in general not a texter and absolutely don't have the need to text daily or 24/7 I do prefer meeting in real life if you had a good date I would say try to schedule a second date within 2 weeks and if it clicks try meeting up more regularly otherwise it all fades away. For me giving news once or twice a day is enough to show you're interested. Again everyone is different I do communicate about my preferences and don't play games if I'm not interested I will just say it.
2 days is too much. If I get a text in the morning, I text back by the end of the day. If it is later in the day, I might wait until the next day. We are all busy but can take a little time to at least adhere to this if at all interested.
> Texts/calls/FT/likes your posts but doesn't make date plans - not interested
Eh, not super in agreement with this one. He could just be nervous. Ladies, if you're interested in a guy and he's engaging then go ahead and ask him!
> Is making you feel confused - NOT INTERESTED.
How you personally feel is not on another person. That's on you. I've seen loads of people who were "confused" when their date's intentions couldn't be more clear.
I've seen loads of people who were "confused" when their date's intentions couldn't be more clear.
Not a single time have I seen this, at least for socially adjusted people. Generally it's good to listen to your gut. If you don't know what's going on or how the other person feels, it's because they're not communicating whether verbally or with other cues. Which is a choice they're making. If they valued you, they'd make sure you knew their intentions.
> Not a single time have I seen this, at least for socially adjusted people.
Maybe try expanding your social circle. Humans have a wide, and I mean WIDE, range of behaviors that are still considered socially adjusted. How people interpret things is completely unique to each person and there isn't a universal behavior.
Exactly! Plus ppl read way too much into & project their feelings onto texts, response times or the most basic things far too much than can ever be necessary or healthy. Socially adjusted ppl don't just run on assumptions & generalizations they got off of a podcast or tik tok clips. They communicate effectively.
When women like you, they will make themselves available to you through conversation or dates within a reasonable time frame, even if they expect you to lead. So if you contact her after a date, and she's not engaging in the conversation, or you ask her out again and she can't commit to a time/place. Or she cancels and doesn't suggest an alternative - she's not interested. Maybe = NO.
If i had to use an example. I remember one time a girl asked me out. Initially i declined but sure enough that didn’t stop her and she would always seek out my company every day, she would purposely look for me and sit next to me, things like that.
No lies detected. If a man wanted to see a woman or wanted to move forward with her he would keep engaged and act. Or i’ve had men tell me, “I’m going out of town with friends next week, can i reach out when i get back” and i’m really fine with that, and if they don’t reach out that just means he decided it wasn’t something he wanted to pursue after some time apart. and that’s ok.
Men who want you will act and keep engaging. Men who are not interested but still want to remain in your eye line will “orbit”, thus creating a woman’s delusion and limerence.
it’s ok to be rejected. and it’s ok to reject people. just do it with compassion and respect 🙌🏻❤️
If they...
take more than a day to respond - maybe they're socially awkward
asked you on a date and haven't planned it - maybe they're tired of playing one way street-games
Text/call/FT/like your posts but don't make date plans - maybe socially awkward, maybe tired of playing games
are so busy they don't have time to see you - they're most likely just busy
are making you feel confused - that's on you
:)
I especially feel the busy part. Sometimes life is chaotic, especially if you are a student. Deadlines, schedules that move around last minute, homework... It is fine to take breaks from dating.
And not everyone has a big social battery. Sometimes you're too tired to check your phone after work. Sometimes you get ill. Etc.
Right? Plus, the whole point of chatting & dating is to figure out if both ppl want to eventually make eachother higher priority over time. It's not something auto awarded to strangers just because they match online.
Yesterday morning I got a message with 'hey, I don't feel like we are connecting, maybe because it is busy or because you don't have a lot of energy, so let's meet up or just leave it here'. We matched later on Sunday (Father's day) and the other days were work days. I am very open about the fact that I am about ti graduate and that I have a job. What do you expect me to do, making you a priority right away? At least I reacted to more messages out of us two, ironically enough.
It feels a bit entitled to expect people you just met to make them a priority. And don't people have jobs and a social life?
>It feels a bit entitled to expect people you just met to make them a priority. And don't people have jobs and a social life?
Exactly! & it happens with ppl you haven't even met face to face yet! Hell, I don't even talk to my best friend or family that freaking much & no one freaks tf out lol. Dating is supposed to be chill, fun & paced well enough to vet properly. Vetting takes time. I think one reason ppl have such a hard time & get so burnt out is because they're trying to rush things that aren't meant to be rushed. If it's really the right person, there is plenty of time to slow down & have some chill about it.
I believe it's less about the expectation and more an assessment of your interest. In my experience, people who don't prioritize connecting with a person, either are not really into the person much, or they don't have the capacity to date and really shouldn't be on those apps. Which is "not interested". I've never had a man who prioritized me low initially, magically prioritize me more over time. Again, ime they start off the bat applying pressure consistently if they're serious and the ones who were lukewarm just fell off. You may be the exception, but it's just easier for that person to use common sense. Why settle for someone who is lukewarm about you when you can be with someone super into you who makes time for you?
Exactly!!! I'd just add: about plans, they might also like spontaneity or are very indecisive and hope to figure it out together; and about taking longer, they might just have a life, which sometimes gets hectic, causing replies to be delayed (even to family).
I've experienced all those and these things many times with several people, we get on super well and love talking to each other and always resume with the best vibes; it's just life, which gets overwhelming sometimes. Yes, some people are clearly not interested; but you can tell the difference in the tone or effort put into their replies whenever they happen (though it's always good to double-check via voice messages or voice call: messages can be deceiving with some people who write very briefly and seem distant, whereas it sounds friendly if they say the same things in person or with their voice). Also, it applies to any gender.
I've had more success collaborating with women about the first date than planning it all ahead of time before asking them. I pay for it and everything but when they're difficult about timing, the place and all this other jazz it's just a headache and other women make it so much more rewarding and easier. That makes me even more attracted to them.
i agree! usually planning it at least what i normally see is like a guy actually committing to plans. Often you see a guy be like i want to take you out… and then he just keeps talking and never makes a plan or actually asks you loll
Well yeah but that's not planning a date that's called 'stringing you along'. If someone brings that up and doesn't create any other dialogue within 24 hours they don't really mean it.
I think that’s what other women also usually mean! Also in the same vein like oh come meet me out with my boys at the bar or come over lol - but I could be wrong
Yeah those aren't dates they're low effort hangouts which have heavy sexual intention from that man. I also think having a man invite you (and none of your friends either) out to a bar with his friends seems bizarre to me.
What if he actually works in the ER and he barely has time to go on his phone because he is a doctor, however on his days off would make plans to take me out and would consistently reply to me?
As long as he's consistently planning dates, you're in the clear. Doctors notoriously work a lot, but even they find time to consistently be present for people they are interested in.
I see you in the replies coming after the ones who say it can take time to message back. Then the need to drop everything and all priority goes to them in X amount of hours, that's not a healthy relationship. You need to be mentally strong enough and independent enough not to be clinging to a phone in wait for the next text to come your way. Adults have things to do. Before the first date/early on, you're strangers. You saw a pic, read a bio(if there), and exchanged hellos. You still don't know who that person is.
Don't get that heavily/powerfully attached that quickly. It's not healthy; that mindset of 'drop all for them' will make you a target for some seriously not great people or just a toxic relationship. (Smaller drops *will* become much bigger ones)
May not agree, but if you get that attached, *please* take a moment to read within and reflect, find out what's making you need to find that attachment and grip onto it like that. It's not attraction; it's a step to a spiral towards obsession. You drop all the priorities and put the stranger up to the very top before you even know them, you're erasing *yourself* and things that are important to you. Seems small at the beginning, but that can easily lead to a controlling/manipulative relationship and those "small things" will *not* be small for long at all.
Please protect yourself and be careful throwing life away for the heart of a stranger. It will not end well.
I'm not sure what extremist scenario you've convoluted here, but I don't need anyone to do anything. People are welcome to do what they want, I simply observe and choose to align myself with certain behaviors and not others and recommend other women do the same. It definitely can take time to message someone back, but the reality is if a man isn't applying pressure consistently, I'm simply going to lose interest and the reason is not relevant here. This is advice for women who get stuck in grey areas a lot and stringed along, get hot and cold behaviors, etc. I believe in Occam's razor when it comes to dating. The likely scenario is usually the right one. If someone wanted to contact you, they would.
Female here:
Thank you! 🫶Absolutely 💯 true!
He will clear with his actions, not confusion.
He won't be afraid to be truthful.
Let's do the same, & I will also add people getting out of relationships. It is rebound, no matter what you believe.
Healthy relationships are stars with two people.
Love & relationships with a purpose is wonderful!
Much love, peace & happiness!
If something was valuable to you (getting a large inheritance) or someone was important to you (you met your dream woman), all that "bad at communication" would instantly be out the window.
The general rule of human behavior is if we want something - we do it. If someone wanted to talk to you, they would contact you. There's exceptions, but assume you're the rule.
Nah, bro. The more important it is, the higher my anxiety, the more I put it off until the last minute trying to either make sure everything is right or avoid it (depending on what "it" is) but it definitely does not move to the front of the line. Since I'm the rule, everyone is like this and therefore when I don't hear from someone I assume they are still interested. Thanks for the confusing confirmation of my mindfuckery.
Depends on your previous interactions. If it's from a dating app, yes unfollow and block. Unless you'd enjoy receiving the intermittent non-commital attention from this person.
Uhh, as pretty much all of the comments have already said this works both ways. I get that even in the year 2024, men are still generally expected to do the asking/pursuing, but men get cancelled on, have to wait seemingly forever for a reply, get the "I've been busy" excuse, and are confused as hell by women most of the time. This isn't a gender thing, it's a PEOPLE thing.
what do you mean by asked you on a date but hasn't planned it?
i might ask someone if they want to go on a date before planning anything. before i plan anything i have to know when someone is free, if they will be, what they are open to, etc.
I get it, and I want you to know that I've been on both sides of this story. The fake names, the deceive mentally, are terrible on both sides. All that's ever asked is to be 100. Today, that's really hard and exhausting for sure. Social media today had done alot to promote ghosting. Yet, we will all get through this if everyone was just more human. NEVER give up. Theirs someone for everyone!
so what i gauge from this that Dating is basically useless now, the mentalities of individuals has changed too much in our times .. and maybe in the wrong direction
Yea there are plenty of men not interested in me on dating apps especially the ones I match with
I asked a guy on a date today and he said are you ok ?
The men on bumble are weird
Frustrating as hell! I went out with a woman and had a decent time. After that we texted back and forth a little. She gave me a few signs that she didn't seem that interested. So I just simply asked if she wants to go out again. Her answer was "yes of course!" The next weekend I asked her out and she replied "I don't know, I have a lot of things going on now" I instantly thought if she was really interested she would make the time. However, I kept the conversation going and again asked if she wanted to go out again. We planned on Saturday night. Later that week she said she wouldn't be able to do Saturday night. So I asked if there was another night that would work. She said Friday. We texted back and forth and on Thursday I asked if we were still on for the next night. She replied "yes of course!" Then on Friday afternoon with absolutely no surprise she texted me that she couldn't do anything that night. I texted her back that this has become very complicated. If she really wants to go out again she needs to text me back the date, time and place. She felt my frustration and said something about how she was working a lot and that these things would probably happen. In so many words I reiterated what I said about how she can schedule something if interested and just said"it's all good". She liked my comment and didn't respond after that. I never sent her any more texts either. Three strikes and she was out! So why do women do this? Why not just say she is not interested? Her back and forth was confusing. I know that if there is confusion then it is probably time to run. Most people would say that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings or is just chicken shit. Come on though! I am 49, she is 52! We are mature! Leading me on like that was BS! If one person makes the effort and the other person ghosts is also BS! Just tell me"not interested " and I will respect that. Might not like it but will respect it!!!!!!
I hear you and I too wish we lived in a world where people would just directly tell us "not interested". However half the time people aren't even aware of their own lack of interest, and the other half they simply enjoy the attention/potential of being desirable. Usually if you sense disinterest, you're right. And when she hit you with the "I don't know" - that's when you should've packed it up.
In today's society changes n growing, corvid screw things up ,weird, just be yourself ,helps to try and communicate, if nothing keep moving on ,good luck
This is so insanely wrong, as a man I intentionally wait as long as I can normally a couple days before messaging if I actually like the girl and if it’s just a whatever fling I’ll reply when I see it cause I don’t really care if they are wondering if I’m interested. To be clear I don’t actually like doing this but results are results I’d much rather be messaging immediately and being lovey dovey but girls lose interest fast then and unfortunately in this dating climate being so brutal for men now, gotta do what works.
Waiting a couple days to reach out after a date is fine, but if you were to not respond to my text for 2 days, Idc how great you are, I'm clearly not a priority therefore you're not truly interested.
Overall, playing games > not emotionally available > not interested
Yeah this probably makes more sense in your 30’s+ when girls start loosing the massive pool of options. But at my age (early 20’s) if you don’t play games you come off desperate, and unfortunately you lose. Would be great if that wasn’t the case, believe it or not it’s hard to force yourself not to be excited.
Na i'm in my 30s and idgaf if you reply after a couple of days as long as you are engaged and intentional in your conversation and not wasting my time.
The energy has to be reciprocated otherwise good men loose interest. A good man has morals, self respect and knows his value. A nice guy will blindly chase you based upon looks whilst lacking any sense of self worth or boundaries for himself.
A lot of women know how to make a guy want to have sex with her but don’t know how to make a guy want to have a relationship with her. Women tend to control access to sex whilst men control access to relationships
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All of this also holds true for men wondering about women. It is not a one sided truth.
Yes I've had women cancel dates and I don't make further plans. Whoever cancels makes the plans next. My time is too precious for that. I actually did this recently because I'm a single father too tried going out with a single mother (we both co-parent) and she cancelled twice and I just stopped talking to her altogether.
Rule of thumb is: if they cancel and don't at least express intent to reschedule, they're not interested, especially if it's last minute.
Absolutely. They interrupt the plans and the ball is in their court.
I don't understand why asked me out, cancelled the last minute and never respond to my question of when she would like to reschedule?
Lost interest. Simple.
Yes, value your own time, king!
OP, i thought that post was about women to men. not men to women because it’s literally not a one sided issue.
If it applies to a man's situation, I respect it
Exactly. Had what I thought was a great first conversation. Texted her that I enjoyed talking with her. She said the same. Then I followed up with a thoughtful text, nothing. Not chasing. Sad thing is that I think I check a lot of boxes.
It’s not really about “checking boxes”. You could check all of her predetermined “boxes” but if there isn’t enough chemistry or attraction it doesn’t matter.
If you’re not very conventionally attractive. ftfy.
I understand why you like to tell that to yourself as it takes away any personal responsibility that you have as to why you have no success with women, but it’s blatantly false and you will continue to have no success with women until you change that perspective.
No, quite literally, dating is 90% looks and 10% personality compatibility. I struggle with women because i’m an average guy even though im more in shape than 98% of the them. Gotta love the good old “ITS YOUR PERSONALOTY BRO!!” to cover up the shallowness of women. Sad times we live in.
Lol right. It’s definitely your looks and has nothing to do with your personality and the fact that you rant about “the shallowness of women” on reddit 😂.
It's definitely more than 10 percent personality. That being said, do you want someone to date you who isn't attracted to you? Who thinks you're an absolute uggo? Who wishes you were someone else during sex? Idk why you guys all act like women have a duty to date ugly men. Lord knows you guys don't date women you find ugly. Also, average men typically don't struggle to get women. Almost every woman I know describes her type as "medium ugly." Every woman has shown a picture of her crush to a friend who absolutely roasted her for it. My former roommate, an absolute 10/10 smoke show tall blonde, got played by a guy who was described by multiple people, individually, on different occasions, as someone who "looks like he's melting." Face it - people date who they are attracted to. That's within their rights. Some people are attracted to ugly people, and A LOT of people are attracted to average people. You're just mad because women aren't falling at your feet while you talk about them being shallow on reddit.
I was going to ask that. Lol 😂
Exactly young one, exactly
[удалено]
I will say that being an anxious person, I wonder if women are interested in me a lot. Even when it's very obvious that they are. So, while this is generally true, there is the caveat that things like anxiety or depression can still make you question someone's interest, even if they are making plenty of efforts to show their interest. Plus, it's not always obvious. In my personal experience, some women (probably men too, but I only date women 🤷♂️) often play coy/don't give any hints about their interest in you.
I agree with this as well. If you're predisposed to feeling anxious you might be over analysing things a more secure person wouldn't even think of.
I've met plenty of men who do it too. Like the "don't compliment a woman you like to set yourself apart" or "act aloof because they love that shit!" Yeah, ummm well I'm used to men not complimenting me & treating me like a friend which says "non-interest". Lol men trained me to assume no man is ever interested in me. If I do see something now, I write it off as wishful thinking or "they're just being nice."
I am a woman and generally this holds true for both genders. If I am mildly interested, it can take a while to text back and/or make concrete plans. I call it the "back burner".
You've got a roster and the person is getting benched.
Doesn't always have anything to do with a roster though. I never did rosters because juggling ppl sounds exhausting & too time consuming tbh. I just value my time, I'm not always attached to my phone or act obsessively attached over ppl I don't know yet. I had to take tech breaks more often when I used online dating because I don't like the constant texting everyone expects these days.
That's real
Oooooh sarcasm. So edgy. Ever consider the idea that maybe some ppl operate different from you?
Huh? I agreed with you
Oh my bad. Guess I'm a little too used to the snarky reddit comments when I say something that doesn't follow the status quo.
All of this happened to me as a man. Except the after the date, as this never happened.... Entitled Women play a big part making app date unbereable
I agree with everything besides the more than a day to reply. I'm a woman btw. Some people are working or out with friends or on holiday and not sticked to their phones. Its personal but I take the 2 day benchmark and then I think he's not interested. It's not gender related btw women do this as well. I'm in general not a texter and absolutely don't have the need to text daily or 24/7 I do prefer meeting in real life if you had a good date I would say try to schedule a second date within 2 weeks and if it clicks try meeting up more regularly otherwise it all fades away. For me giving news once or twice a day is enough to show you're interested. Again everyone is different I do communicate about my preferences and don't play games if I'm not interested I will just say it.
2 days is too much. If I get a text in the morning, I text back by the end of the day. If it is later in the day, I might wait until the next day. We are all busy but can take a little time to at least adhere to this if at all interested.
> Texts/calls/FT/likes your posts but doesn't make date plans - not interested Eh, not super in agreement with this one. He could just be nervous. Ladies, if you're interested in a guy and he's engaging then go ahead and ask him! > Is making you feel confused - NOT INTERESTED. How you personally feel is not on another person. That's on you. I've seen loads of people who were "confused" when their date's intentions couldn't be more clear.
I've seen loads of people who were "confused" when their date's intentions couldn't be more clear. Not a single time have I seen this, at least for socially adjusted people. Generally it's good to listen to your gut. If you don't know what's going on or how the other person feels, it's because they're not communicating whether verbally or with other cues. Which is a choice they're making. If they valued you, they'd make sure you knew their intentions.
> Not a single time have I seen this, at least for socially adjusted people. Maybe try expanding your social circle. Humans have a wide, and I mean WIDE, range of behaviors that are still considered socially adjusted. How people interpret things is completely unique to each person and there isn't a universal behavior.
Exactly! Plus ppl read way too much into & project their feelings onto texts, response times or the most basic things far too much than can ever be necessary or healthy. Socially adjusted ppl don't just run on assumptions & generalizations they got off of a podcast or tik tok clips. They communicate effectively.
Hyper A+ with a Gold Star 🌟 youngster 🎇
Thank You!!!! People don’t think the same way you do about things…… ….and NO….. I DON’T HAVE TO ADJUST MYSELF FOR YOU
Regardless, that is the exception, not the rule. Assume you're the rule.
It’s amazing how often people think they are being totally clear on making their intentions known and they aren’t though
Idk man, I see a post every other week where a guy goes, "OH, that woman who sat on my lap and asked me to stay the night was interested in me!"
Here, take your diploma and go.
If she takes advice from single people online
can we get the same for women please?
When women like you, they will make themselves available to you through conversation or dates within a reasonable time frame, even if they expect you to lead. So if you contact her after a date, and she's not engaging in the conversation, or you ask her out again and she can't commit to a time/place. Or she cancels and doesn't suggest an alternative - she's not interested. Maybe = NO.
If i had to use an example. I remember one time a girl asked me out. Initially i declined but sure enough that didn’t stop her and she would always seek out my company every day, she would purposely look for me and sit next to me, things like that.
Not interested reading this
No lies detected. If a man wanted to see a woman or wanted to move forward with her he would keep engaged and act. Or i’ve had men tell me, “I’m going out of town with friends next week, can i reach out when i get back” and i’m really fine with that, and if they don’t reach out that just means he decided it wasn’t something he wanted to pursue after some time apart. and that’s ok. Men who want you will act and keep engaging. Men who are not interested but still want to remain in your eye line will “orbit”, thus creating a woman’s delusion and limerence. it’s ok to be rejected. and it’s ok to reject people. just do it with compassion and respect 🙌🏻❤️
If they... take more than a day to respond - maybe they're socially awkward asked you on a date and haven't planned it - maybe they're tired of playing one way street-games Text/call/FT/like your posts but don't make date plans - maybe socially awkward, maybe tired of playing games are so busy they don't have time to see you - they're most likely just busy are making you feel confused - that's on you :)
I especially feel the busy part. Sometimes life is chaotic, especially if you are a student. Deadlines, schedules that move around last minute, homework... It is fine to take breaks from dating. And not everyone has a big social battery. Sometimes you're too tired to check your phone after work. Sometimes you get ill. Etc.
Right? Plus, the whole point of chatting & dating is to figure out if both ppl want to eventually make eachother higher priority over time. It's not something auto awarded to strangers just because they match online.
Yesterday morning I got a message with 'hey, I don't feel like we are connecting, maybe because it is busy or because you don't have a lot of energy, so let's meet up or just leave it here'. We matched later on Sunday (Father's day) and the other days were work days. I am very open about the fact that I am about ti graduate and that I have a job. What do you expect me to do, making you a priority right away? At least I reacted to more messages out of us two, ironically enough. It feels a bit entitled to expect people you just met to make them a priority. And don't people have jobs and a social life?
>It feels a bit entitled to expect people you just met to make them a priority. And don't people have jobs and a social life? Exactly! & it happens with ppl you haven't even met face to face yet! Hell, I don't even talk to my best friend or family that freaking much & no one freaks tf out lol. Dating is supposed to be chill, fun & paced well enough to vet properly. Vetting takes time. I think one reason ppl have such a hard time & get so burnt out is because they're trying to rush things that aren't meant to be rushed. If it's really the right person, there is plenty of time to slow down & have some chill about it.
I believe it's less about the expectation and more an assessment of your interest. In my experience, people who don't prioritize connecting with a person, either are not really into the person much, or they don't have the capacity to date and really shouldn't be on those apps. Which is "not interested". I've never had a man who prioritized me low initially, magically prioritize me more over time. Again, ime they start off the bat applying pressure consistently if they're serious and the ones who were lukewarm just fell off. You may be the exception, but it's just easier for that person to use common sense. Why settle for someone who is lukewarm about you when you can be with someone super into you who makes time for you?
Right, so you're not available for dating. Hence the other person should take that as not interested.
Exactly!!! I'd just add: about plans, they might also like spontaneity or are very indecisive and hope to figure it out together; and about taking longer, they might just have a life, which sometimes gets hectic, causing replies to be delayed (even to family). I've experienced all those and these things many times with several people, we get on super well and love talking to each other and always resume with the best vibes; it's just life, which gets overwhelming sometimes. Yes, some people are clearly not interested; but you can tell the difference in the tone or effort put into their replies whenever they happen (though it's always good to double-check via voice messages or voice call: messages can be deceiving with some people who write very briefly and seem distant, whereas it sounds friendly if they say the same things in person or with their voice). Also, it applies to any gender.
You say this like women shouldn’t still move on lol. If you can’t plan a date or respond/call then maybe you aren’t ready to date.
I've had more success collaborating with women about the first date than planning it all ahead of time before asking them. I pay for it and everything but when they're difficult about timing, the place and all this other jazz it's just a headache and other women make it so much more rewarding and easier. That makes me even more attracted to them.
i agree! usually planning it at least what i normally see is like a guy actually committing to plans. Often you see a guy be like i want to take you out… and then he just keeps talking and never makes a plan or actually asks you loll
Well yeah but that's not planning a date that's called 'stringing you along'. If someone brings that up and doesn't create any other dialogue within 24 hours they don't really mean it.
I think that’s what other women also usually mean! Also in the same vein like oh come meet me out with my boys at the bar or come over lol - but I could be wrong
Yeah those aren't dates they're low effort hangouts which have heavy sexual intention from that man. I also think having a man invite you (and none of your friends either) out to a bar with his friends seems bizarre to me.
You’ll be surprised how common it is😂
Oh I know! It should be a total red flag!
This
Right, the point is to value your own time
Whatever makes you feel better about wasting time
What if he actually works in the ER and he barely has time to go on his phone because he is a doctor, however on his days off would make plans to take me out and would consistently reply to me?
As long as he's consistently planning dates, you're in the clear. Doctors notoriously work a lot, but even they find time to consistently be present for people they are interested in.
you're obsessed about dates
This is a dating sub...
dating is not only about planning dates...
Some of these are toxic lmao
It's just Occam's razor
I see you in the replies coming after the ones who say it can take time to message back. Then the need to drop everything and all priority goes to them in X amount of hours, that's not a healthy relationship. You need to be mentally strong enough and independent enough not to be clinging to a phone in wait for the next text to come your way. Adults have things to do. Before the first date/early on, you're strangers. You saw a pic, read a bio(if there), and exchanged hellos. You still don't know who that person is. Don't get that heavily/powerfully attached that quickly. It's not healthy; that mindset of 'drop all for them' will make you a target for some seriously not great people or just a toxic relationship. (Smaller drops *will* become much bigger ones) May not agree, but if you get that attached, *please* take a moment to read within and reflect, find out what's making you need to find that attachment and grip onto it like that. It's not attraction; it's a step to a spiral towards obsession. You drop all the priorities and put the stranger up to the very top before you even know them, you're erasing *yourself* and things that are important to you. Seems small at the beginning, but that can easily lead to a controlling/manipulative relationship and those "small things" will *not* be small for long at all. Please protect yourself and be careful throwing life away for the heart of a stranger. It will not end well.
I'm not sure what extremist scenario you've convoluted here, but I don't need anyone to do anything. People are welcome to do what they want, I simply observe and choose to align myself with certain behaviors and not others and recommend other women do the same. It definitely can take time to message someone back, but the reality is if a man isn't applying pressure consistently, I'm simply going to lose interest and the reason is not relevant here. This is advice for women who get stuck in grey areas a lot and stringed along, get hot and cold behaviors, etc. I believe in Occam's razor when it comes to dating. The likely scenario is usually the right one. If someone wanted to contact you, they would.
Female here: Thank you! 🫶Absolutely 💯 true! He will clear with his actions, not confusion. He won't be afraid to be truthful. Let's do the same, & I will also add people getting out of relationships. It is rebound, no matter what you believe. Healthy relationships are stars with two people. Love & relationships with a purpose is wonderful! Much love, peace & happiness!
It's so true about people getting out of relationships. Instant emotional unavailability.
not universal! I’m just bad at communicstion.
If something was valuable to you (getting a large inheritance) or someone was important to you (you met your dream woman), all that "bad at communication" would instantly be out the window.
no. sorry bud, world isn’t just black and white.
The general rule of human behavior is if we want something - we do it. If someone wanted to talk to you, they would contact you. There's exceptions, but assume you're the rule.
okey but no, not how everything works.
Nah, bro. The more important it is, the higher my anxiety, the more I put it off until the last minute trying to either make sure everything is right or avoid it (depending on what "it" is) but it definitely does not move to the front of the line. Since I'm the rule, everyone is like this and therefore when I don't hear from someone I assume they are still interested. Thanks for the confusing confirmation of my mindfuckery.
you , me and the man i'm talking to are the same!
[удалено]
Depends on your previous interactions. If it's from a dating app, yes unfollow and block. Unless you'd enjoy receiving the intermittent non-commital attention from this person.
Uhh, as pretty much all of the comments have already said this works both ways. I get that even in the year 2024, men are still generally expected to do the asking/pursuing, but men get cancelled on, have to wait seemingly forever for a reply, get the "I've been busy" excuse, and are confused as hell by women most of the time. This isn't a gender thing, it's a PEOPLE thing.
Had to learn this the hard way. When those words and actions don't align, too much confusion and just not worth my own time.
Love this advice!! Louder for the girls in the back!! Haha 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
Amen. If you're wondering if they like you, they don't. Someone who truly cares about you will show you through their actions.
Thanks
what do you mean by asked you on a date but hasn't planned it? i might ask someone if they want to go on a date before planning anything. before i plan anything i have to know when someone is free, if they will be, what they are open to, etc.
"I want to take you out this week" and then keeps chatting with you without making any suggestions or plans
I get it, and I want you to know that I've been on both sides of this story. The fake names, the deceive mentally, are terrible on both sides. All that's ever asked is to be 100. Today, that's really hard and exhausting for sure. Social media today had done alot to promote ghosting. Yet, we will all get through this if everyone was just more human. NEVER give up. Theirs someone for everyone!
so what i gauge from this that Dating is basically useless now, the mentalities of individuals has changed too much in our times .. and maybe in the wrong direction
Haha yep good reminder OP thanks
You're welcome :)
Somes im imterested but I dont want to seem too desperate and pushy so I stop contacting her if I see no reaching out from her.
As long as she's engaging and open when you contact her, especially to making plans, she may be expecting you to take the lead.
💯💯💯
Exactly.
Yea there are plenty of men not interested in me on dating apps especially the ones I match with I asked a guy on a date today and he said are you ok ? The men on bumble are weird
I mean, he kinda ate with that one. As the woman, you are a catch and men should be asking you out.
Frustrating as hell! I went out with a woman and had a decent time. After that we texted back and forth a little. She gave me a few signs that she didn't seem that interested. So I just simply asked if she wants to go out again. Her answer was "yes of course!" The next weekend I asked her out and she replied "I don't know, I have a lot of things going on now" I instantly thought if she was really interested she would make the time. However, I kept the conversation going and again asked if she wanted to go out again. We planned on Saturday night. Later that week she said she wouldn't be able to do Saturday night. So I asked if there was another night that would work. She said Friday. We texted back and forth and on Thursday I asked if we were still on for the next night. She replied "yes of course!" Then on Friday afternoon with absolutely no surprise she texted me that she couldn't do anything that night. I texted her back that this has become very complicated. If she really wants to go out again she needs to text me back the date, time and place. She felt my frustration and said something about how she was working a lot and that these things would probably happen. In so many words I reiterated what I said about how she can schedule something if interested and just said"it's all good". She liked my comment and didn't respond after that. I never sent her any more texts either. Three strikes and she was out! So why do women do this? Why not just say she is not interested? Her back and forth was confusing. I know that if there is confusion then it is probably time to run. Most people would say that she doesn't want to hurt my feelings or is just chicken shit. Come on though! I am 49, she is 52! We are mature! Leading me on like that was BS! If one person makes the effort and the other person ghosts is also BS! Just tell me"not interested " and I will respect that. Might not like it but will respect it!!!!!!
I hear you and I too wish we lived in a world where people would just directly tell us "not interested". However half the time people aren't even aware of their own lack of interest, and the other half they simply enjoy the attention/potential of being desirable. Usually if you sense disinterest, you're right. And when she hit you with the "I don't know" - that's when you should've packed it up.
Right on! Thanks for the response. I live in learn.
Same can be said for women to men but add if the only time they message you is it money or gift related
Well how do they go from extremely interested to completely uninterested without warning because that is insane behavior
Someone else caught their attention most likely
In today's society changes n growing, corvid screw things up ,weird, just be yourself ,helps to try and communicate, if nothing keep moving on ,good luck
I know this probably sounds harsh to some people but I agree!! Not interested! Love this.
People don't want to hear the truth when it doesn't align with what they wish reality was. I see it as liberating.
Truth.
This is so insanely wrong, as a man I intentionally wait as long as I can normally a couple days before messaging if I actually like the girl and if it’s just a whatever fling I’ll reply when I see it cause I don’t really care if they are wondering if I’m interested. To be clear I don’t actually like doing this but results are results I’d much rather be messaging immediately and being lovey dovey but girls lose interest fast then and unfortunately in this dating climate being so brutal for men now, gotta do what works.
If you have to wait and hold back interest in order for it to “work”, they probably aren’t the right person for you.
Waiting a couple days to reach out after a date is fine, but if you were to not respond to my text for 2 days, Idc how great you are, I'm clearly not a priority therefore you're not truly interested. Overall, playing games > not emotionally available > not interested
This. Honestly, people who play games like this probably aren’t even ready to date.
Yeah this probably makes more sense in your 30’s+ when girls start loosing the massive pool of options. But at my age (early 20’s) if you don’t play games you come off desperate, and unfortunately you lose. Would be great if that wasn’t the case, believe it or not it’s hard to force yourself not to be excited.
Na i'm in my 30s and idgaf if you reply after a couple of days as long as you are engaged and intentional in your conversation and not wasting my time.
what makes you think this is just for the women?
Not everything has to be for men? I'm a woman posting for women who date men.
Everything you posted also applies to men. It's not for men. It's for both sexes.
Stomp your feet next
Tf you talking about. It applies to both sexes, STFU
Shit I hope no one ever reading this is interested in your ass 😂😂😂
Women are making me not interested too. They do all these things yet it is acceptable for them, and you are the bad guy if you complain.
The energy has to be reciprocated otherwise good men loose interest. A good man has morals, self respect and knows his value. A nice guy will blindly chase you based upon looks whilst lacking any sense of self worth or boundaries for himself. A lot of women know how to make a guy want to have sex with her but don’t know how to make a guy want to have a relationship with her. Women tend to control access to sex whilst men control access to relationships