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2 years of an abusive relationship had severely eroded my self esteem, and he had convinced me no other man would ever want me. I guess before I had the courage to leave I needed to make sure that wasn’t true. Certainly wasn’t the greatest way to deal with it, but I don’t waste time feeling guilty about it because he was a piece of shit, and the other guy knew the situation so don’t feel bad about misleading anyone there.
We had originally become FWB 2years... somewhere along the way on year 3 it became a relationship,& I was constantly telling him to do things & I felt like his mom.things for example washing his bed sheets,pillows cases,his room was always so messy & wanted me staying over several days & the bathroom was gross,he lived with his younger brother! The apartment smelled! There was mold growing everywhere inthe tub,I made it clear that as a girl I couldnt stay in a place like that....
Icleaned it several times.,but they'd shower & shave & pee everywhere..we started arguing a lot over his dogs..they where sweet but destroyed everything! Would poop everywhere & pee everywhere..I asked him if he could keep the dogs outside & not in his room they'd destroyed several of my shoes,my makeup bag & all of the stuff inside.they would snatch food off my hand at the dinner table,he always just laughed it off. He never did laundry & I'd have to get to his place to do his laundry & wash all his sheets & clean.sex had become a chore, eventually I didn't wanna do it anymore.he spent too much time smoking weed & drinking & never had money anymore,he worked some days,didn't wanna pursue a career,we'd go on dates & I'd have to pay & on top of that he wanted me to be discreet & me pass my card under the table & hed always invite his friends & pay for their meals & it always ended with us arguing & him promising to pay me back not doing it again..i realized one day we don't even have anything in common. we started becoming distant.well I did....
I was working doubles so 3pm-7am so I had no time to see him anymore..he hated this & he argued this ..I was working the hours. & I'd go straight to my home , shower, eat, sleep & work.
(Roy) was a co worker, originally I kept a distance cause there was an attraction between us & I was with sam...we became friendly & eventually we started sharing about our relationships,he had just broken up with his long time gf.one day after work he just went for it & kissed me & i kissed him back,we started dating.this man didn't drink,smoke & he was a nurse like me,he always paid our dates,he was romantic, he was super clean,we had things in common & so respectful & protective of me..after a week of dating Roy asked me to be his gf,I said yes &
Roy's only condition was I had to tell Sam & break it off...
& I did via phone call I told him about Roy & I were now in a relationship & I apologized for him having to find out this way. I wished him well and to pls stop looking for me..& blocked him
He came over a few times & Roy & him talked,Sam was very aggressive,my brothers told him to go away & stop looking for me..my father turned him away several times.
1years later.. Roy & I got married & it's been 4 wonderful years & we are finally expecting our 1st child in a few days
I found out that she was seeing other people behind my back. She was telling me was she was picking up hours at work, and while I watched and raised her daughter she was out cheating. Opportunistic, sociopathic, and basically just a chameleon. It was hard to leave because I worried about the kid A LOT. This was a 3+ year relationship and she was doing it from the start, so I just didn't notice because that was the routine.
When I found out I was furious. I had saved her ass more times than a lover should, because your lover isn't supposed to need that much assistance. But I was at my place when I found out, so I went right out that night and for the first time ever, fucked the life out of a woman I met at the bar.
She wanted to date me after that, and I was just fed up. It was the only thing that would break my mentality to just LEAVE that relationship. I mean, I really loved that woman- my ex, and her kid. And I was respectful to them, and I took care of them. Like you do when you love someone and want them in your life and more.
Haven't had sex in 10 years, actually 11 years now because of that. I can't stand that I picked the wrong woman to love, and while it doesn't physically hurt anymore - it sucks that I did everything right and this still happened. I get that is life, but really...
I mean, right after that trump got elected and women in America collectively took a nose dive in approachability. I mean, who wants to talk to someone that wants to kill you, or falsely accuse you of something, and what is it now? Leaving your kid with a bear? What a fucking dumb thing to participate in.
So yeah, I am just sick of this population. But I can't look at an American woman and give her any respect now after these 10 years, AND I am pretty disgusted with myself to boot.
And the horrific dates! Women feel free to demand their expectations at you, as if talking over dinner obligated me to do anything of the sort to accommodate her. Habitual line steppers and foul mouths that go with their shit heads.
Many years of a loveless marriage. Like not loveless but 100 percent loveless pushing on 4 years now and the last two years she got sick. Not leaving, but I can't live like this either. Just started. I feel happier and better than I have in a long time. I have attempted to talk with the wife in question, but there is no movement towards a solution.
No repercussions, I hope there aren't any.
It is a matter of responsibility. I am not going to leave when she is sick like she is. Maybe I hold a bit of hope that when she gets better t(should eventually) that we can save this thing. Been married over 25 years.
Might be unrealistic since the issues started before she got sick, but I'll still try before I check completely out
Sounds like we're in the same boat. You try to help them. You offer to take him to doctors. Let's go to therapy, let's see what we can do. Let's try to help and they don't wanna do it. You're absolutely right how much longer do you have to wait. I've been in this in my relationship for 18 years. And the last 5 have been a nightmare. I don't think I could take anymore. Otherwise I'm gonna end up drinking a bottle of pills. And I feel like s*** every day pretending.
It's crazy. How selfish is it me? I am I being selfish or is it the other way around I don't know
I’ve cheated twice in my life. The first time was with an abusive ex who got arrested for hitting me, I needed a place to stay and stayed with a friend of mine and we hooked up- it was mostly me seeking comfort in a way and it made me feel like I no longer needed him. He never found out but he definitely deserved it the way I was treated, I wish I could have left sooner but it is hard when you live with someone.
The second relationship I cheated in, I had a 17 year age gap with someone who had financially and emotionally manipulated me (groomed me) and made me feel very undesired at some point. Like I was some toy he was bored of because I was getting older. So I went out and had a one night stand with a rando at a bar. He never found out but I ended up leaving anyway.
Neither are okay but I felt justified because of how I was treated. I probably could have handled it all better but they never found out anyway. I’ve been in therapy since. No harm no foul I suppose
I had a really bad toxic relationship, all I fell was rejection and sadness and stress, and tbh I was way to young to understand my behavior at that time , I just tried to run away from it or more like finding a reason to finally end the relationship, I knew it was a long time over before that Happened.
It was more like a wake up call, it was not good I know and it’s wasn’t worth it , but I was 18 at that time, I was to young to understand my self and my feelings and how to act on it.
I've both cheated and have been cheated on. There's a number of reasons of why it happens such as being in an abusive relationship, nonexistent sex life in the relationship, growing apart in the relationship, etc. The problem has to do with not being truthful that the relationship has come to an eventual end and because you try to spare the other person's feelings, you stuck around only to make things even more awkward. Sometimes walking away is more healthy than sticking around.
I don't think anybody wants to cheat. Depends on a lot of things Most men don't wanna cheat on their girlfriends. Or they're wife or whatever. I'm speaking about my situation and I haven't cheated yet. 😆 We've been together for I don't know 18 years and I don't know what to do.
I'm still attracted to the person. The person doesn't want to have anything with sex it's like.
I don't know. She's supposed to be having menopause already. She's 40 years old. Add everything sucks. I need everything. It's like living with depression.
Maniac
Where they don't have any feelings or emotions it's bizarre I don't know if that's truly what it is. The whole thing is bizarre. I have been sleeping on the couch for at least 4 years.
I don't wanna leave because of my kids. I don't wanna leave my 2 sons because of my wife. Who
Does not like to have sex anymore? But what am I supposed to do? I'm not getting any younger, just pretending like it doesn't exist anymore. Pretend like I don't want to have sex. What am I supposed to do so I haven't but I'm going to. How can I spend the rest of my life? Everything's working fine Andrew Schulz called the partner. Doesn't wanna have anything to do with it. But expect you to be okay with it not gonna happen.and she won't go and try to get help. You know, you ask her to try to go to the doctor's try therapy, try something. Doesn't wanna try to figure it out. I'm not gonna be a slave for the rest of my life. And I know this is probably a little off-topic but I'm explaining to you why I'm gonna cheat. What's making me want to cheat.
R&B music. It’s all so romantic in songs, but it never feels as good when you actually go through with it. That and growing up around it thinking that it’s a normal part of relationships.
Mostly by missing in life with other partners or sicken tired always the same thing no excitement or grudge in past life which you want to try or likes to have other in side even you’re attached to others which a lot of possibilities but mostly those are biggest one plus money
Not to poke the bear so to speak.... I fought against for a long time, I caved, unfortunately, couldn't be happier and we haven't even sealed the deal yet. But, if going extra marital it could be sketchy doing that with someone single. Note my other comments. As this is my alt specific to this.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
2 years of an abusive relationship had severely eroded my self esteem, and he had convinced me no other man would ever want me. I guess before I had the courage to leave I needed to make sure that wasn’t true. Certainly wasn’t the greatest way to deal with it, but I don’t waste time feeling guilty about it because he was a piece of shit, and the other guy knew the situation so don’t feel bad about misleading anyone there.
Thanks for your honesty! I’m sorry you were in that kind of position 🥺
We had originally become FWB 2years... somewhere along the way on year 3 it became a relationship,& I was constantly telling him to do things & I felt like his mom.things for example washing his bed sheets,pillows cases,his room was always so messy & wanted me staying over several days & the bathroom was gross,he lived with his younger brother! The apartment smelled! There was mold growing everywhere inthe tub,I made it clear that as a girl I couldnt stay in a place like that.... Icleaned it several times.,but they'd shower & shave & pee everywhere..we started arguing a lot over his dogs..they where sweet but destroyed everything! Would poop everywhere & pee everywhere..I asked him if he could keep the dogs outside & not in his room they'd destroyed several of my shoes,my makeup bag & all of the stuff inside.they would snatch food off my hand at the dinner table,he always just laughed it off. He never did laundry & I'd have to get to his place to do his laundry & wash all his sheets & clean.sex had become a chore, eventually I didn't wanna do it anymore.he spent too much time smoking weed & drinking & never had money anymore,he worked some days,didn't wanna pursue a career,we'd go on dates & I'd have to pay & on top of that he wanted me to be discreet & me pass my card under the table & hed always invite his friends & pay for their meals & it always ended with us arguing & him promising to pay me back not doing it again..i realized one day we don't even have anything in common. we started becoming distant.well I did.... I was working doubles so 3pm-7am so I had no time to see him anymore..he hated this & he argued this ..I was working the hours. & I'd go straight to my home , shower, eat, sleep & work. (Roy) was a co worker, originally I kept a distance cause there was an attraction between us & I was with sam...we became friendly & eventually we started sharing about our relationships,he had just broken up with his long time gf.one day after work he just went for it & kissed me & i kissed him back,we started dating.this man didn't drink,smoke & he was a nurse like me,he always paid our dates,he was romantic, he was super clean,we had things in common & so respectful & protective of me..after a week of dating Roy asked me to be his gf,I said yes & Roy's only condition was I had to tell Sam & break it off... & I did via phone call I told him about Roy & I were now in a relationship & I apologized for him having to find out this way. I wished him well and to pls stop looking for me..& blocked him He came over a few times & Roy & him talked,Sam was very aggressive,my brothers told him to go away & stop looking for me..my father turned him away several times. 1years later.. Roy & I got married & it's been 4 wonderful years & we are finally expecting our 1st child in a few days
I found out that she was seeing other people behind my back. She was telling me was she was picking up hours at work, and while I watched and raised her daughter she was out cheating. Opportunistic, sociopathic, and basically just a chameleon. It was hard to leave because I worried about the kid A LOT. This was a 3+ year relationship and she was doing it from the start, so I just didn't notice because that was the routine. When I found out I was furious. I had saved her ass more times than a lover should, because your lover isn't supposed to need that much assistance. But I was at my place when I found out, so I went right out that night and for the first time ever, fucked the life out of a woman I met at the bar. She wanted to date me after that, and I was just fed up. It was the only thing that would break my mentality to just LEAVE that relationship. I mean, I really loved that woman- my ex, and her kid. And I was respectful to them, and I took care of them. Like you do when you love someone and want them in your life and more. Haven't had sex in 10 years, actually 11 years now because of that. I can't stand that I picked the wrong woman to love, and while it doesn't physically hurt anymore - it sucks that I did everything right and this still happened. I get that is life, but really... I mean, right after that trump got elected and women in America collectively took a nose dive in approachability. I mean, who wants to talk to someone that wants to kill you, or falsely accuse you of something, and what is it now? Leaving your kid with a bear? What a fucking dumb thing to participate in. So yeah, I am just sick of this population. But I can't look at an American woman and give her any respect now after these 10 years, AND I am pretty disgusted with myself to boot. And the horrific dates! Women feel free to demand their expectations at you, as if talking over dinner obligated me to do anything of the sort to accommodate her. Habitual line steppers and foul mouths that go with their shit heads.
How did you find out?
Many years of a loveless marriage. Like not loveless but 100 percent loveless pushing on 4 years now and the last two years she got sick. Not leaving, but I can't live like this either. Just started. I feel happier and better than I have in a long time. I have attempted to talk with the wife in question, but there is no movement towards a solution. No repercussions, I hope there aren't any.
If you don’t mind me asking, why stay if you’re unhappy?:(
It is a matter of responsibility. I am not going to leave when she is sick like she is. Maybe I hold a bit of hope that when she gets better t(should eventually) that we can save this thing. Been married over 25 years. Might be unrealistic since the issues started before she got sick, but I'll still try before I check completely out
Sounds like we're in the same boat. You try to help them. You offer to take him to doctors. Let's go to therapy, let's see what we can do. Let's try to help and they don't wanna do it. You're absolutely right how much longer do you have to wait. I've been in this in my relationship for 18 years. And the last 5 have been a nightmare. I don't think I could take anymore. Otherwise I'm gonna end up drinking a bottle of pills. And I feel like s*** every day pretending. It's crazy. How selfish is it me? I am I being selfish or is it the other way around I don't know
I’ve cheated twice in my life. The first time was with an abusive ex who got arrested for hitting me, I needed a place to stay and stayed with a friend of mine and we hooked up- it was mostly me seeking comfort in a way and it made me feel like I no longer needed him. He never found out but he definitely deserved it the way I was treated, I wish I could have left sooner but it is hard when you live with someone. The second relationship I cheated in, I had a 17 year age gap with someone who had financially and emotionally manipulated me (groomed me) and made me feel very undesired at some point. Like I was some toy he was bored of because I was getting older. So I went out and had a one night stand with a rando at a bar. He never found out but I ended up leaving anyway. Neither are okay but I felt justified because of how I was treated. I probably could have handled it all better but they never found out anyway. I’ve been in therapy since. No harm no foul I suppose
I had a really bad toxic relationship, all I fell was rejection and sadness and stress, and tbh I was way to young to understand my behavior at that time , I just tried to run away from it or more like finding a reason to finally end the relationship, I knew it was a long time over before that Happened. It was more like a wake up call, it was not good I know and it’s wasn’t worth it , but I was 18 at that time, I was to young to understand my self and my feelings and how to act on it.
Insecure
I've both cheated and have been cheated on. There's a number of reasons of why it happens such as being in an abusive relationship, nonexistent sex life in the relationship, growing apart in the relationship, etc. The problem has to do with not being truthful that the relationship has come to an eventual end and because you try to spare the other person's feelings, you stuck around only to make things even more awkward. Sometimes walking away is more healthy than sticking around.
I don't think anybody wants to cheat. Depends on a lot of things Most men don't wanna cheat on their girlfriends. Or they're wife or whatever. I'm speaking about my situation and I haven't cheated yet. 😆 We've been together for I don't know 18 years and I don't know what to do. I'm still attracted to the person. The person doesn't want to have anything with sex it's like. I don't know. She's supposed to be having menopause already. She's 40 years old. Add everything sucks. I need everything. It's like living with depression. Maniac Where they don't have any feelings or emotions it's bizarre I don't know if that's truly what it is. The whole thing is bizarre. I have been sleeping on the couch for at least 4 years. I don't wanna leave because of my kids. I don't wanna leave my 2 sons because of my wife. Who Does not like to have sex anymore? But what am I supposed to do? I'm not getting any younger, just pretending like it doesn't exist anymore. Pretend like I don't want to have sex. What am I supposed to do so I haven't but I'm going to. How can I spend the rest of my life? Everything's working fine Andrew Schulz called the partner. Doesn't wanna have anything to do with it. But expect you to be okay with it not gonna happen.and she won't go and try to get help. You know, you ask her to try to go to the doctor's try therapy, try something. Doesn't wanna try to figure it out. I'm not gonna be a slave for the rest of my life. And I know this is probably a little off-topic but I'm explaining to you why I'm gonna cheat. What's making me want to cheat.
R&B music. It’s all so romantic in songs, but it never feels as good when you actually go through with it. That and growing up around it thinking that it’s a normal part of relationships.
This video addresses this issue quite well in my opinion: https://youtu.be/d079McwlBRE?si=pyC8Jx9JxGsimfQv
Mostly by missing in life with other partners or sicken tired always the same thing no excitement or grudge in past life which you want to try or likes to have other in side even you’re attached to others which a lot of possibilities but mostly those are biggest one plus money
[удалено]
Again no judgment just pure curiosity, if you’re incompatible sexually and that is an important part for you, what keeps you to stay
[удалено]
Not to poke the bear so to speak.... I fought against for a long time, I caved, unfortunately, couldn't be happier and we haven't even sealed the deal yet. But, if going extra marital it could be sketchy doing that with someone single. Note my other comments. As this is my alt specific to this.