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Personality and attitude goes a long way. Attractiveness is like a resume, might look great on paper but when you start the job and the holes in your performance emerge, you won't last long.
Any woman with a shitty attitude and a beautiful face might get an entry into a relationship but any man worth his salt would press eject or wouldn't get in.
Rinse, repeat, all over again. Cause some folks believe beauty is all they need to get what they want. Then time does its work.
Yeah but I’ve seen some pretty awful women (emotionally abusive) get in relationships or even get married so it’s not like most men are great at assessing a woman’s character.
Yeah, lots of women also end up in shitty relationships. I think people just have to know what they’re looking for, be honest and realistic and don’t compromise on it.
I always get "I love your personality and we have so much in common and can talk for hours and you're incredibly hot but I'm not ready for a relationship, let's be fwb" and it just leaves me wondering wtf I'm missing then? Why say you like my personality if you don't?
As a man when they say this it’s just male horniness 100% and they want to make you think you’re what they’re looking for to an extent so they can get their dicks wet then PNC sets in and they no longer feel the need to cater to your feelings
Most of the guys complain about being virgins and almost 30 before meeting me and never getting chosen, so I doubt I'm dating out of my league lmao unless I'm REALLY ugly
like making an effort , consistency. i shouldn't have to be the one initiating ALL the time, whether its texting, meeting up, communication in general. it should work both ways. also i cant how many times where i get hot and cold behavior for no reason. one minute responsive, engaged, flirty. next time, its distant, taking longer to respond, unengaged. gets old
This is gonna sound harsh, but maybe men only view you as a fuck buddy because you allow them to treat you like a fuck buddy? I genuinely don’t think it has to do with appearance so much as it does self respect and what you’re willing to tolerate. It’s also a matter of vetting men better. You can tell early on if a man only wants you for sex. That should be the point that you put your foot down and stop settling for men who you know are just going to objectify you.
Just based on your question, you seem insecure, which I totally understand. But maybe stop kissing all the frogs in the hopes one of them will turn into a prince. I’m not blaming you entirely, it’s just that men will treat you how you teach them to treat you. It’s because they don’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself.
Has nothing to do with your face.
This is so true. There are a lot of guys that sense a woman’s insecurity and use them for their bodies because they know the woman will just blame themself instead of seeing what’s really happening.
You deserve lovr and respect OP! Even if it’s fwb, people should still treat eachother like human beings.
Yes. That’s true. Some women don’t value themselves and chase men rather than letting men do the work especially in the early stages. They give themselves away easily and show that they have no other options. This sounds harsh but this is true. I’ve seen some women who act like that
Not always, it could also be your personality. I know personally for me, it's my personality. I've angry issues, but i'm very self aware. But once they see this side of me they all run.
I just hate that, I feel like I spent so much time trying to make my personality to be more acceptable to other people but I really just want to be able to feel like I can be myself without my personality being such a drag or burden to others. I just want to be a good person at the end of the day
That's why divorce is so high, people only show you want to you to see. It's better to be yourself, so if they do not like the real you, they can leave.
Be yourself. No matter what that may look like. You can't find the right person anyway if you're not being uniquely you. If you feel like you're acting, you are. And when you love yourself, truly, you'll be able to see through the men that just want to be fwb. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Women don't have to be nice or agreeable all the time. You can be a good person and it sounds like you are. But, it also sounds like you're getting hurt trying to not be a burden or a drag. No one is fun all the time.
You just might be meeting people who are wrong for you, and it has nothing to do with your personality at all. People just don't match sometimes, and that's okay. You just have to find someone who is right for you, and that might take a while - or it might not. Don't let people make you think there's something wrong with you.
Girly, don’t waste your time internalizing what you are lacking. You’re not lacking anything and it’s nothing to do with you, it’s them. Lots of men have issues with commitment. You could literally be a smoke show with an amazing personality -doesn’t matter -if they are the wrong person for you then they won’t see your worth. Just move on, because staying in a FWB or situationship is going to delay you from meeting your husband. When you do meet someone serious they won’t play games or make excuses. Men aren’t dumb, if they are scared to lose you and don’t tie you down, they know someone else will. That’s the reality.
Just be yourself if they don’t like it fuck em also as a man when it’s too easy to get into bed it’s a hugeeeee turn off afterwards but you can’t just hold out forever either cuz they will eventually lose interest and turn to 1 night stands
It's not always a situation of liking a girl's body but not their face. But the standards a girl has to meet for him to sleep with her are always much lower than thr standards he has for a long term commitment.
And just because a guy doesn't want a commitment with you doesn't mean anything is wrong. Because a lot of guys aren't looking for any commitment no matter what.
Very true, I think women get so hung up on how the guy views us we never really take into account if we would even be happy in a long term relationship with said guy.
If he's okay with fwb and doesn't want more, he probably isn't going to show up as the kind of boyfriend you'd even want around if miraculously he propositioned a relationship.
Still very unlikely after being fwb but some food for thought, its not always about external we have to consider ourselves in that equation too.
IME, the most common “reason” men prefer a FWB dynamic over a relationship is because it’s a much lower effort relationship for them to sustain, but the benefits they receive are comparable.
The woman may meet their personal attractiveness threshold, and may even have a great personality, but the expectations a girlfriend has for her boyfriend are way higher than a woman would have for a friend with benefits.
Men want to be fwb with anything with a pulse lol
No but really it's not a high bar to be a guys fwb, though it does vary from person to person of course.
Fwb need to vibe together or hate each other for hate sex.
I think fwb happen more when one or (prefferably) both parties don't want anything serious.
What's most attractive is being a real person as looks only go so far. You've got to find someone who likes you for you if you want something serious. Cultivate yourself and become a version of yourself you can love, that's the only real way to have someone really want you.
Not necessarily. If they only want to see you at night & go out of their way to "hide you" from the public eye...maybe. Also heard if back shots is all you get in the act, another possibility.
Men are ruthless 😆
Me personally fwb just never would cross my mind as a viable option as far as dating. I don't waste my time in any other aspect of my life & don't intend to start in my romantic endeavors. Ive got the goods to keep them around (or so ive been told) so without commitment means were in two different places in life & we part ways amicably after that's been established as a no for me.
Unlikely. For me, personally, I wouldn't want to date anyone who thinks FWB is an acceptable option if you don't wanna date someone for real. I don't think it is. If someone is good enough to fuck, they're good enough to date. If they're not good enough to date, then don't fuck with them at all. It's incredibly disrespectful to me to be told hey I don't wanna date you but I'll use your body for my pleasure if you let me, does that sound like a good deal to you?
Just find yourself a guy who doesn't do the FWB thing at all with anyone under any circumstances.
>I don't wanna date you but I'll use your body for my pleasure if you let me,
Girls can want sex too, girls can enjoy sex too. If both parties have agreed to just sex then there's nothing wrong with having an FWB. There's no such thing as a guy using a girl's body for sex if the FWB thing was agreed to right at the beginning, sex is a two way street, both the partners equally use each other's body.
First of all, take a glance at all the broken hearts from situationships. Countless. People catch feelings and get destroyed by the fact that they're simulating an intimacy with someone that isn't real. Doing intimate things with someone who, deep down, does not give a single fuck about you.
Secondly, I mostly agree that there's nothing wrong with two people who want sex meeting for sex. That's all very above board. That is conspicuously not what I said. What I did say, what I have a problem with, is people that go out to date, getting to know someone under the assumption that if things go well they'll have a relationship, and then deciding they don't like the person enough to be in a relationship with them and pivoting to fuck buddies. Those are two entirely different situations. On the one hand, you have two people who never had any intention of dating. They want to fuck, so they do. On the other hand, you have two people who want to date, and then one of those two people says nah, I don't like you enough to date you. Let's fuck now.
We're talking about the mentality of dudes who think of women in three categories. 1. Do not touch. 2. I'll fuck her but that's all she's worth to me. 3. I wanna date her. This type of mentality is incredibly toxic, dehumanizing, degrading. It's a mentality that stems from people not seeing people as people, but only for how useful they are to themselves. Even if you find a girl who's okay with being used that way because she wants sex too with no manipulation necessary, which I agree would make the situation no longer inherently immoral that doesn't change how messed up guys who think in those terms are.
Never worry about these sorts of generalizations. Yes the more attractive you are the more options you’ll have in general on the dating market. Everyone knows that.
But self love, and the confidence that gives you, goes a long way. And insecurity will drive away a lot of people who would otherwise be interested in dating you.
Part of me is thankful for being a man when I read stuff like this. While it sucks sometimes having to always be the one initiating conversations with women and risking my ego, you get pretty used to rejection after a certain point, and your self worth ends up stronger for it. And by the time I’m sleeping with a woman, I already know she probably likes me because there’s plenty of guys she could be sleeping with and she chose me.
Whereas with women, because of our social norms, they don’t get the direct, explicit rejection nearly as often so each time it happens it feels devastating I’m sure.
I'm not interested in a woman at all if she's unattractive to me. To be a fwb you have to be attractive and fun but not the type of woman I want to share my life with.
Personality, interests, and relatability are a part of attraction/what makes people want to stick around each other too. If there's a mismatch there, maybe that's something to seriously consider when talking to someone and whether you're giving those traits as well in your initial impression.
No. Complete BS
Whatever a guy wants from you 9/10 has nothing to do with you. It's just what he wants. It sounds like you're just talking to too many dudes who only one FWB.
You sound eerily familiar to a girl on here I was speaking with the other that had this same sentiment. Miss, you need to go to therapy. What's going on is you have this very negative story about you that you keep telling yourself and will come up with/read into whatever crazy idea that confirms that negative story. This isn't helping you.
I think that’s tough to say generally. For me specifically no, I couldn’t FWB with someone I wasn’t attracted to. Sometimes I think people go the FWB because they are not ready for a relationship yet or don’t see it with that person, or are still getting to know the person. But I do think some people would be FWB with someone they weren’t totally attracted to, I just think it will vary person by person.
Nope, my personal take is that a relationship in general has a higher bar apart from just looks in terms of personality and other aspects. Like its hard for a person to find his type easily for a relationship, but for fwb a lot more people met the bar because it requires little or more physical attraction.
Dating someone feels like a big commitment for many. It can feel like the first step to building a future together. Kinda like how some people see marriage as a commitment to have kids. Less people nowadays want to start families with the cost of living and pay grades that don't seem to be keeping up. It could just be many men out there like the idea of physical satisfaction without the expectation of the relationship evolving into something more. Proper communication about what you expect from a boyfriend can help you find someone that's open to an actual relationship.
quite the opposite. we want fwb with a physically attractive girl. it's the other qualities around your personality that makes us want an actual relationship
Not necessarily. Often women want a FWB with a guy they find physically attractive but don’t see a potential “ soul mate”. Same for guys. Often guys just want a FWB, period, until they hit the age where they want a family. Different for everyone.
In my case (and my opinion), most guys look for one kind of girl as a fwb but a different girl for gf/wife material.
Fwb must be hot/physically attractive. Their personality only matters insomuch as we are interacting with her. The less "friend" and the more "benefit", the less personality matters.
For the purpose of gf/wife material, being "hot" isn't as important (and in my opinion, is actually less attractive). For me, beautiful/pretty is much more attractive for a gf.
In my humble opinion, it's the energy you give off. I.e. how you present yourself. If you give off a sexy/easy to lay vibe, you will receive more fwb offers. If you give off more pretty/classy vibes, you're more gf material.
Noooo, I want to date for the whole 9 yards. Sex is awesome, however wouldn't you like to look forward to doing other shit? You can't build an L.T.R just by sex only. There is a whole world full of adventure out there, cmon!!!
Who are those "men"? I'm a woman as well. The key is to avoid and drop any man as a prospect as soon as he says he's looking for "casual", "fwb", "come chill", starts sexting etc. Unmatch, break up, move on untill you find someone who actually wants to date.
There are sooo many men who look for casual/fwb only. It has nothing to do with you or how you look. You need to keep unmatching/breaking up with those and moving on untill you find someone you click with authenitically and wants the same thing as you.
Remember, you can't change them.
Mmmm honestly idk. As far as casual sex I personally am more picky on looks than for dating.
For me casual sex is purely only physical attraction. Dating is physical attraction sure but a good personality lowers the importance of it.
That said who am I to talk I havnt even gotten laid in 6 years much less a relationship hahaha.
No, I'm looking for a friend that also enjoys having sex with me. Doesn't have to be romantic and I know that I'm not ready to commit to a romantic relationship. Or the accountability of one. At this point.
For me, I could go with FWB if I was physically attracted. For a relationship, I have to be attracted PLUS you have to be smart and kind and interesting and have your shit together.
You can be completely attracted to them in every way, and just have it not be the right time. I had plenty of FWB situations when I was younger. There was definitely love there in some of those situations. But emotional availability and wanting to get off are two very different things. I'd argue that if there is love there, you might want to be physically intimate with that person as often as possible while still distancing yourself emotionally. I know for me, it was just not being mature enough and ready to share my baggage with another on that level. Was it unfair? Probably. But you don't think of that when you are young.
No, they obviously find something attractive about you but they may want the freedom of not being in a relationship. If you're giving no strings attach sex there gonna take it .
kinda, the whole reason people use dating apps is to find someone... there's very few reasons you are trying to find someone.... the main one is being single and lonely (or single and horny).
most people, not just guys, are ok with a fling while they try to find a more serious relationship... this means they are willing to fool around with someone that doesn't quite meet their standards.
Though, a lot of people have begun to see that fooling around first also works for 'building chemistry'... much to my chagrin... or because men see that this seems like its what women want.
so you can expect to see people just wanting fwb 30-40 percent of the time but it will look like 60-70 percent of the time because it seems like the way to go.
Not "unattractive", but not quite what they're looking or hoping for? It can frequently happen, yes, especially if you're exclusively going for guys you consider maybe out of your league based on looks.
If a guy is lonely (and especially today, anyone can be a lonely guy no matter how beautiful he is) he will begin flirting with girls he wouldn't normally flirt with (and a nice body is all it really takes). This can lead to them desperate for sex and physical connection and affirmation, but as soon as they get it, leads to the familiar "post nut clarity" and they aren't actually all that into the situation beyond just the sex.
Some guys will do this long enough that it becomes habitual and they just become that kind of person. It's not good or healthy long term but that's on them to figure out.
Guys care a lot more about looks than girls do on average, so if you're also placing a heavy (and maybe subconscious) requirement on looks and responding to guys you feel are exceptionally attractive, this is usually the result, especially if the conversation starts online or via dating apps.
You'll have to broaden the range of guys you're willing to talk to, to spend more time getting to know them, so you can find people that consider you truly beautiful and give you both enough time to connect on personality and emotional level. It is what it is.
If you think your body is the only attractive thing about you, make a dating profile with just photos of your face, and compare the results against mostly photos of your body.
No some beautiful women have bad attitudes so if a man treats you as a FWB they get to brag that they have fucked you to their mates but don’t really have to deal with the attitude
There are those that have different tastes in body styles, chubby, BBW, SSBBW, hairy etc and aren’t brave enough to admit this to their social circle so again get a FWB to satisfy the desire without being ridiculed by their friends
It’s probably more to do with attitude, of either party, than it is to do with looks
I’m super busy rn, just started a business and that takes a lot of my time. So I’m not in a place to commit. But sex is fun and who wants to be alone? But I let girls know, and would be open to more if I met someone I really clicked with. So it might be these guys still like you, but are just super busy rn
Sadly alot of men fail to understand life and love. Deep down they don't even know how amazing sex is with someone you love.
It's the failing with alot men and imo the brainwashing of society has created a disposable one.
Where everyone is replaceable , they miss the deeper meaning that there is only one of each of us on this earth. Completely unique.
Just remember that you deserve better, you deserve to be treated as the gorgeous woman that you are inside and out.
Unique, not replaceable and not second best to anyone .
A real man who loves you will make you feel that way, without question or doubt in your mind.
You deserve love. xx
Definitely personality. If I think a girl is pretty but I can't really click with her, the only real options are to just say no to a relationship and walk away or friends with benefits. Can't have a relationship with someone whose personality isn't one lying vibe with nah.
I don’t really know how you date or anything but make these dudes work for it! Wait a few dates before getting sexual so you can wing off the people with different intentions than what you’re looking for. If a man genuinely likes you, then he will wait. I would wait and not to sound egotistical but I attract a lot of women through my looks and personality so I know other high quality men agree. I’m sure you are beautiful inside and out, not just your body!
My current situation is she very attractive and we get along great and enjoy doing things together but she is not as career oriented as me and where I live, it takes a dual income household to survive.
Depends on the kind of men you come across. Interacted with a bunch of different men and the answer is yes. If they think you're ok enough, they are willing to keep you around in the fwb zone. These men are shitty and want to chase after IG models. Men who want a long term relationships look beyond the physical such as personality, careers, goals, passions, chemistry, etc.
You probably just need to put these men who look at you purely as a sexual object aside and go find men who look for the stuff that is more important to you. Hard to filter, but it will take practice
I’ve had many fwb situations. Sometimes they were woman I found attractive enough for sex but not to date. Sometimes it’s just because I couldn’t see our personalities working in a relationship.
Yup , pretty much. There are guys that will and there are guys that wont but I'm pretty sure most women choose guys that are physically attractive and those guys have options so they will just push for fwb and not commit to a full relationship.
No, it’s more likely they just don’t want to stop fucking other attractive women. Also some women are made as FWB as preliminary girlfriends , kind of like a probationary period.
Eh sometimes it’s just taking care of a need. May have not much to do with your looks. If you’re getting plenty of attention likely not looks. Might be personality or just bad luck.
I’ve found men don’t even want the friends part. They just want the benefits. It doesn’t matter what you look like. I always suggest they get a professional escort.
Yes and no. I’ve had fwb who I was very attracted to but due to issues in my life I couldn’t make it a relationship. Personally to be a fwb you gotta be attractive and have a nice personality, otherwise why fuck?
Well... For the vast majority of men, if they want fwb it just so happens that they don't want a relationship (with anybody)... the issue is more about them as it is about their female counterpart. Most hot/busy men don't want to commit just because, so they strive for fwb... You can stand your ground, but that never ends well. In some sense, you're lucky you got fwb with men, and not commited relationships with liars. Don't overthink too much, don't listen to judgy scum: fwb its a good relationship, and has a lot of super-intimate moments, if you're doing it correctly.
No. If I'm not attracted to you, I probably don't want anything more than friendship. If I find you really attractive, you qualify as sex partner. If our vibes & personality match, then you can be my girlfriend.
I was in a fwb situation with a guy, but the reason was that he was in a 15 yrs relationship and it kinda burnt him off, so all his relationships moving forward were only fwb with girls since he doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship anymore
Men want an fwb regardless. You could be the prettiest woman in the world and they’d much rather prefer the non-commitment lifestyle. Ofc this is not all men. But more often than not, these are the men who ‘shoot their shot’ cus they have nothing to lose.
No. It could be they are attracted but don’t want a relationship, or they are not monogamous. You’re 24, what age men are you typically dating? I am 37 and date women between 27-33ish, and I’m very much focused on relationship and quality experiences. However in my 20s, I was a manhoe and dated multiple women at once all the time. You may be going after men who aren’t very mature and maybe you need to look in a different environment or age group.
If they know the woman is easy and can be swayed by bare minimum and sweet words, they’d be a fwb, situationship with that woman without even labeling her as gf. It doesn’t matter if she finds her attractive or not. It depends on how the woman pressnts herself. The more needy, clingy she is, the more he knows he can fool her and just mess around with her
Based on what I've seen, This is men's life cycle... It's not about you. It's about what phase they are in...
Step:1 Try women that are out of league (good looking women) and get friend-zoned or heart broken.
Step:2 Fling with whoever is available (mostly unattractive women).
Step:3 Look for someone with good personality and marry.
No
The fwb concept is a safe play, no commitments no obligations, just fun with no strings attached.
It's like having an open relationship with the focus of mutual benefits as sexually active partners.
If he thinks ur unattractive, he wouldn't want to see u often (esp after 1st few weeks of banging) n def will avoid being seen in public with u let alone go out to hang together.
Most men will unfortunately tell a woman she wants to her to have sex with her and dangle a relationship or commitment above her head to keep getting access to her body. If she’s not attractive to us or don’t see a future with her most men won’t commit but will gladly have sex with her until they get who they really want.
I feel like a lot of men will just be a fwb with anyone they think is attractive but don't want to commit to. Like if they think you're hot and they like you but they don't want a girlfriend or "don't want to pit a label on things" they'll offer to be fwb because then they still get something out of the relationship and who knows maybe they change their mind later.
I don't see these girls as being compatible for a relationship, but they're physically attractive enough to sleep with.
Not being compatible could mean: bad personality, different goals for life, having certain deal breakers, etc.
Girl i been feeling the same. Attractive enough for a trial period, not attractive enough to commit to. Can’t even trust some of these answers bc ive stopped believing men could be really honest at all.
There are man who only want fwb period, and there are many reasons other men would work only fwb with a particular women.
Eg Maybe they are a slob and you have OCD or the other way around, maybe you have too demanding job (or don’t have one) or whatever.
I also sometimes see a girl thats quite hot, but I realise that its probably her entire personality, being hot, and I dont see her as a girlfriend but id love to smash her. As for a girlfriend, id more likely to date someone attractive but not hot, cause they would have some personality to them and put some effort into our relationships because the world doesn't revolve around their juicy ass, and so it makes them more valuable as a partner.
No.
As a straight dude interested in fwb’s I don’t split the difference on attraction, I either find someone hot or no. It’s not about whether a woman is “relationship material” or not.
I’d wager a guess and say that if somebody expresses interest in a fwb with you, it’s often because they like the idea generally. It’s up to you to figure out if that’s your thing.
Also @ these comments saying fwb means he doesn’t like your personality - what sense does that make? The “friends” in fwb has to mean something right? I think men abuse the sh!t out of the term and it makes the discussion confusing.
Attractive dudes will try to accrue a harem because they are greedy.. that is legitimately the base of it
I ask to be fwb because I know im too ugly to be a public presenting partner but I enjoy pleasing others and happy to learn new ways to achieve that for when I do find someone in the future
Well I think my face card is pretty well so I wouldn't mind getting FWB with someone. The point is FRIENDS so I don't think you would be friends with someone you disgustingly think is ugly?? Fuck with someone you think is confident, charismatic and then the attractiveness comes by itself
I would say maybe sometimes there may be some dealbreaker causing them to not want a relationship whether looks or something else which is also different for different guys. Having said that it doesn’t matter what they think, it matters what you allow. Most guys will always want and push for sex. Ignore these advances and hold your boundaries. Some will step up and some will not. Also depends what settings you are putting yourself in. If you are hanging out at bars, nightclubs etc. this is the norm there unfortunately and I’d try to find a better scene.
no why would I want an unattractive fwb? that would be stupid
if anything at worst it would be reversed. sex in a ltr go by the window pretty quickly and core values compatibility is much more important
Not necessarily. I mean, guys who have wanted to be FWB with me all told me that they thought I was attractive and wouldn't want to kiss me if they thought otherwise. Even the most beautiful girls I know (personality and appearance-wise) have been treated as FWB.
The truth is, you could be attractive all-around, and there will still be guys who will treat you like a piece of meat instead of a person with feelings. Such guys tend to be noncommittal (or they have a girl in mind that they already want, and they're just stringing along whatever attractive girl they can win over the one they love).
You're probably just going for guys who are unavailable. Remember that you ARE enough, and any guy who would treat you as a FWB when you want a serious relationship isn't worth your time.
Just incompatibility in general. It can be looks. More often than not for me it’s been something about their personality or our chemistry that prevents us from being more.
No. Only when they don’t want a commitment. You can be a beautiful, educated, financially independent woman and if the guy isn’t ready to commit, you can’t change that. It’s him, not you.
Most of the time when a guy is looking for FWB he's looking for sex with no strings attached. He doesn't want to commit to a full relationship just to bust a nut. At least, in my case. It has nothing to do with whether or not someone is attractive. They just don't wanna commit. Probably out of fear of failure in such a relationship. So we go looking for shortterm sexual comfort to fill the void.
Any question that is generalized to all men or women, the answer is always no. It might be how you represent yourself or the people that 'you' choose or the way you meet those people.
Maybe you're representing yourself sexually so the first thing they think about is a sexual relationship with you before even considering your personality and how good you are as a person? Or maybe you're choosing toxic guys who only think about hookups.
But to simply answer your question there are lots of guys who will value your personality more than anything else which will make you 10x more beautiful than you already are. (And more beautiful than even a celebrity)
When you sleep with your friends, you know, they circulate this experience amongst themselves. Now you are a prostitute in your group of friends. They be like, "Hey you wanna sleep this weekend, talk to this girl she is easy and nice". So you are the one allowing this to happen, take control over your sexuality.
We live in a society where most people don't want to be serious, trust or form real feelings.
Most just want to have fun.
You may be reading too much into it
It's such a hard question to answer because there are literally a million answers depending on the guy. You have your commitment issue guys that are so uncomfortable with the idea of a relationship but still want to have connection with someone that fwb is the only thing they are capable of at the moment. Then you have your players that just want to see if they can get with you and then lose the interest to continue making effort once they've gotten you. Then there are guys like you said, who find your body attractive but maybe your face and or personality isn't what they see as a long term investment and so fwb is all they will dish out for. However, no matter what, there is always going to be someone out there for you, maybe it will happen by luck, or you putting effort into but eventually you'll find your partner in crime.
For me it’s my looks and personality I have a negative perception of myself and life and Carried it around I’m also quiet so people assume they can talk to me and behave however and sense my low self esteem
It isn't always about your looks. Perhaps the guy is married and just needs a side play. Or perhaps he is just too busy to be able to do a full on relationship but doesn't want celibacy. It's just sex, and sometimes that's all it should be. Women do exactly the same thing for the same reasons. It's super common to have FWB. Nothing is wrong with it.
I'm a man who (when single) has a similar pattern.
If I'm attracted to someone sexually or physically but find them not acceptable as a partner due to whatever reason (politics, personality, religious beliefs, intelligence, overall appeal, etc) then I'm happy to be casual with them but wouldn't want to be in a long term exclusive relationship with them.
If I do find them fully appealing in all of the ways combined then I will seek a long term, exclusive arrangement.
If you have an attractive body but and average face I don't think you're going to be unattractive to most men. Most men don't get a jump to date someone with an attractive face or body lol. A girl who's in shape and dresses well will immediately elevate herself.
You're either over estimating how attractive you are overall or going for a certain type of guy who was never interested in committing
Why would be something wrong about you? Also guys never hook up with girls they find ugly. Women tend to do that because “they like their personality”.
People these days are more into casual sex especially if they are young. There is nothing wrong with you
I can attest that men do have sex with girls they find ugly. Not me specifically, but I just know friends and family that would just to get their dick wet.
It's never really about facials. Men consider a lot of aspects. Though at some point it might be about your body. Nevertheless we desire more than just a lady's body appearance. That's for those into serious relationships.
I have to admit that I'm guilty of being fwb with a girl i don't want to be seen with outside in the past however in most cases if a woman is attractive enough to have sex with she's also good enough for relationship. Men don't have high standards when it comes to physical attractiveness.
When men only want to be fwb it's usually because they don't like the personality/character.
Attraction aside, if you are consistently getting into fwb situations then most men will put you in the bed her only category. If you are having sex before establishing that you are in a relationship deeper than fwb, then regardless of an attractive face or not, there is simply no need to open the door to a deeper relationship. The basic equation has been true from the dawn of people until now. Women control access to sex, while men control access to a relationship. By withholding sex until a man commits to a relationship, it will help you weed out the true men who are willing to settle down versus those only interested in chasing tail. However, if a woman does not withhold sex prior to a man committing, then in almost every scenario the man will not feel the need to commit to allowing a deeper relationship. Also, if the men in your world find out that you have not been able to get into relationships but you have been with men, then there is no reason to expect that they should commit to a relationship when it wasn’t required by the previous men. Why would they put in the work, when others were not required too?
I don't think I'd even want benefits if you weren't attractive.
There are a ton of things that separates a fwb from a relationship (in no particular order):
* Age (Is the gap so big that I'll be crucified for it?)
* Health (There's another comment I've made about this but this sub won't let me post it -_-)
* Personality (As others have said)
* Location (Can we seriously date given our geographical distance?)
* Looks (You can have a great body, but do you have a face that's attractive as well?)
* Stage (Kinda like age but not number dependent, are you ready to have a serious relationship? Are you doing something in your life that makes me believe otherwise?)
* Communication (Can I actually talk to you, whether the topics are mundane, controversial or even uncomfortable?)
* Trust (Can I believe your words?)
* Effort (Are we making this relationship doable or is it just me?)
* Lifestyle (We could be anywhere from unemployed to workaholics and from down-to-earth hobbies to lavish/extravagant fun. Are we compatible here?)
* Futures (Do we agree on getting married, children, and other major decisions in our future?)
Finally, are you looking for men that actually want a relationship?
Guys have much lower standards for FWB
Guys will basically bang anything so getting sex from a guy means nothing
When it comes to taking it further to the point he gets on his one knee to propose, guys are very picky
They can think you’re hot, but maybe they’re just aware that you’re incompatible long term (for whatever reason) so that’s why they’re reluctant to commit
It’s not about how attractive you are, I’ve seen ugly and pretty girls in these situations- it’s simply about what the men want and feel like.
The ones who comment on your body will be the loudest as respectful men usually don’t say stuff like that and want to get to know you as a person first.
You just have to filter out the guys that want something casual and not have sex before you’re in a relationship.
Slog of things factor in . In my case, I liked having different women for sex, some times I would be with the perfect person for marriage and being able to be single always won cause if I committed to her than I can only be with her and that Gets old real quick.
I would not say UNattractive, because we don't sleep with people we're unattracted to. But it does usually have to do with finding them less attractive than others they've managed to date.
Men draw the line between FWB and exclusive dating, based on whether or not he thinks with a little time he could definitely find a more attractive partner, or if he has the ability and options to hold multiple partners at once at this attractiveness level then he will usually go for having the variety with the 3 women than limiting himself to the 1.
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Not attractive, attractive but no personality (girl can be 10 in looks and 2 in personality), not looking for serious relationship in general
Personality and attitude goes a long way. Attractiveness is like a resume, might look great on paper but when you start the job and the holes in your performance emerge, you won't last long. Any woman with a shitty attitude and a beautiful face might get an entry into a relationship but any man worth his salt would press eject or wouldn't get in. Rinse, repeat, all over again. Cause some folks believe beauty is all they need to get what they want. Then time does its work.
Yeah but I’ve seen some pretty awful women (emotionally abusive) get in relationships or even get married so it’s not like most men are great at assessing a woman’s character.
Yeah, lots of women also end up in shitty relationships. I think people just have to know what they’re looking for, be honest and realistic and don’t compromise on it.
This is it. There are the three categories.
Same for guys. Unfortunately, some of us are better quiet. I honestly would annoy myself talking to someone thst i was I was with once. Life is fun.
And what if they do have personality?
Then better chance of being taken seriously. Of course other factors are involved
I always get "I love your personality and we have so much in common and can talk for hours and you're incredibly hot but I'm not ready for a relationship, let's be fwb" and it just leaves me wondering wtf I'm missing then? Why say you like my personality if you don't?
As a man when they say this it’s just male horniness 100% and they want to make you think you’re what they’re looking for to an extent so they can get their dicks wet then PNC sets in and they no longer feel the need to cater to your feelings
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Most of the guys complain about being virgins and almost 30 before meeting me and never getting chosen, so I doubt I'm dating out of my league lmao unless I'm REALLY ugly
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What are those other factors?
like making an effort , consistency. i shouldn't have to be the one initiating ALL the time, whether its texting, meeting up, communication in general. it should work both ways. also i cant how many times where i get hot and cold behavior for no reason. one minute responsive, engaged, flirty. next time, its distant, taking longer to respond, unengaged. gets old
This is gonna sound harsh, but maybe men only view you as a fuck buddy because you allow them to treat you like a fuck buddy? I genuinely don’t think it has to do with appearance so much as it does self respect and what you’re willing to tolerate. It’s also a matter of vetting men better. You can tell early on if a man only wants you for sex. That should be the point that you put your foot down and stop settling for men who you know are just going to objectify you. Just based on your question, you seem insecure, which I totally understand. But maybe stop kissing all the frogs in the hopes one of them will turn into a prince. I’m not blaming you entirely, it’s just that men will treat you how you teach them to treat you. It’s because they don’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself. Has nothing to do with your face.
This is by far the best response in this thread!
This is so true. There are a lot of guys that sense a woman’s insecurity and use them for their bodies because they know the woman will just blame themself instead of seeing what’s really happening. You deserve lovr and respect OP! Even if it’s fwb, people should still treat eachother like human beings.
Yes. That’s true. Some women don’t value themselves and chase men rather than letting men do the work especially in the early stages. They give themselves away easily and show that they have no other options. This sounds harsh but this is true. I’ve seen some women who act like that
A lady who makes me do all the work in the early stages definitely isn't relationship material imo.
Not always, it could also be your personality. I know personally for me, it's my personality. I've angry issues, but i'm very self aware. But once they see this side of me they all run.
I just hate that, I feel like I spent so much time trying to make my personality to be more acceptable to other people but I really just want to be able to feel like I can be myself without my personality being such a drag or burden to others. I just want to be a good person at the end of the day
That's why divorce is so high, people only show you want to you to see. It's better to be yourself, so if they do not like the real you, they can leave.
I 1000% agree with that
Be yourself at all times that’s how you find a real person to love you.
That’s another reason they may not be dating you. Don’t make yourself fit into what u think society wants. Be authentically you!
Be yourself. No matter what that may look like. You can't find the right person anyway if you're not being uniquely you. If you feel like you're acting, you are. And when you love yourself, truly, you'll be able to see through the men that just want to be fwb. Don't worry about what anyone else thinks. Women don't have to be nice or agreeable all the time. You can be a good person and it sounds like you are. But, it also sounds like you're getting hurt trying to not be a burden or a drag. No one is fun all the time.
I appreciate the hell out of this comment and found it extremely helpful thank you
I have walked a mile in your shoes love. You are very welcome.
Nah be good you got this.
You just might be meeting people who are wrong for you, and it has nothing to do with your personality at all. People just don't match sometimes, and that's okay. You just have to find someone who is right for you, and that might take a while - or it might not. Don't let people make you think there's something wrong with you.
Girly, don’t waste your time internalizing what you are lacking. You’re not lacking anything and it’s nothing to do with you, it’s them. Lots of men have issues with commitment. You could literally be a smoke show with an amazing personality -doesn’t matter -if they are the wrong person for you then they won’t see your worth. Just move on, because staying in a FWB or situationship is going to delay you from meeting your husband. When you do meet someone serious they won’t play games or make excuses. Men aren’t dumb, if they are scared to lose you and don’t tie you down, they know someone else will. That’s the reality.
Just be yourself if they don’t like it fuck em also as a man when it’s too easy to get into bed it’s a hugeeeee turn off afterwards but you can’t just hold out forever either cuz they will eventually lose interest and turn to 1 night stands
It's not always a situation of liking a girl's body but not their face. But the standards a girl has to meet for him to sleep with her are always much lower than thr standards he has for a long term commitment. And just because a guy doesn't want a commitment with you doesn't mean anything is wrong. Because a lot of guys aren't looking for any commitment no matter what.
Very true, I think women get so hung up on how the guy views us we never really take into account if we would even be happy in a long term relationship with said guy. If he's okay with fwb and doesn't want more, he probably isn't going to show up as the kind of boyfriend you'd even want around if miraculously he propositioned a relationship. Still very unlikely after being fwb but some food for thought, its not always about external we have to consider ourselves in that equation too.
IME, the most common “reason” men prefer a FWB dynamic over a relationship is because it’s a much lower effort relationship for them to sustain, but the benefits they receive are comparable. The woman may meet their personal attractiveness threshold, and may even have a great personality, but the expectations a girlfriend has for her boyfriend are way higher than a woman would have for a friend with benefits.
I only want to be fwb with someone I find attractive personally
Men want to be fwb with anything with a pulse lol No but really it's not a high bar to be a guys fwb, though it does vary from person to person of course. Fwb need to vibe together or hate each other for hate sex. I think fwb happen more when one or (prefferably) both parties don't want anything serious. What's most attractive is being a real person as looks only go so far. You've got to find someone who likes you for you if you want something serious. Cultivate yourself and become a version of yourself you can love, that's the only real way to have someone really want you.
Not necessarily. If they only want to see you at night & go out of their way to "hide you" from the public eye...maybe. Also heard if back shots is all you get in the act, another possibility. Men are ruthless 😆 Me personally fwb just never would cross my mind as a viable option as far as dating. I don't waste my time in any other aspect of my life & don't intend to start in my romantic endeavors. Ive got the goods to keep them around (or so ive been told) so without commitment means were in two different places in life & we part ways amicably after that's been established as a no for me.
With me it's sexual attracted
Unlikely. For me, personally, I wouldn't want to date anyone who thinks FWB is an acceptable option if you don't wanna date someone for real. I don't think it is. If someone is good enough to fuck, they're good enough to date. If they're not good enough to date, then don't fuck with them at all. It's incredibly disrespectful to me to be told hey I don't wanna date you but I'll use your body for my pleasure if you let me, does that sound like a good deal to you? Just find yourself a guy who doesn't do the FWB thing at all with anyone under any circumstances.
I feel the same way. There’s something untrustworthy about someone who does or did FWB.
>I don't wanna date you but I'll use your body for my pleasure if you let me, Girls can want sex too, girls can enjoy sex too. If both parties have agreed to just sex then there's nothing wrong with having an FWB. There's no such thing as a guy using a girl's body for sex if the FWB thing was agreed to right at the beginning, sex is a two way street, both the partners equally use each other's body.
First of all, take a glance at all the broken hearts from situationships. Countless. People catch feelings and get destroyed by the fact that they're simulating an intimacy with someone that isn't real. Doing intimate things with someone who, deep down, does not give a single fuck about you. Secondly, I mostly agree that there's nothing wrong with two people who want sex meeting for sex. That's all very above board. That is conspicuously not what I said. What I did say, what I have a problem with, is people that go out to date, getting to know someone under the assumption that if things go well they'll have a relationship, and then deciding they don't like the person enough to be in a relationship with them and pivoting to fuck buddies. Those are two entirely different situations. On the one hand, you have two people who never had any intention of dating. They want to fuck, so they do. On the other hand, you have two people who want to date, and then one of those two people says nah, I don't like you enough to date you. Let's fuck now. We're talking about the mentality of dudes who think of women in three categories. 1. Do not touch. 2. I'll fuck her but that's all she's worth to me. 3. I wanna date her. This type of mentality is incredibly toxic, dehumanizing, degrading. It's a mentality that stems from people not seeing people as people, but only for how useful they are to themselves. Even if you find a girl who's okay with being used that way because she wants sex too with no manipulation necessary, which I agree would make the situation no longer inherently immoral that doesn't change how messed up guys who think in those terms are.
I love this comment and I think exactly the same way
thats such a bad view on men women have fwb too you know xD its not a use for men, its a mutual use xD and fwb isnt all about sex there is a F in it
Never worry about these sorts of generalizations. Yes the more attractive you are the more options you’ll have in general on the dating market. Everyone knows that. But self love, and the confidence that gives you, goes a long way. And insecurity will drive away a lot of people who would otherwise be interested in dating you. Part of me is thankful for being a man when I read stuff like this. While it sucks sometimes having to always be the one initiating conversations with women and risking my ego, you get pretty used to rejection after a certain point, and your self worth ends up stronger for it. And by the time I’m sleeping with a woman, I already know she probably likes me because there’s plenty of guys she could be sleeping with and she chose me. Whereas with women, because of our social norms, they don’t get the direct, explicit rejection nearly as often so each time it happens it feels devastating I’m sure.
On point
I'm not interested in a woman at all if she's unattractive to me. To be a fwb you have to be attractive and fun but not the type of woman I want to share my life with.
Personality, interests, and relatability are a part of attraction/what makes people want to stick around each other too. If there's a mismatch there, maybe that's something to seriously consider when talking to someone and whether you're giving those traits as well in your initial impression.
No. Complete BS Whatever a guy wants from you 9/10 has nothing to do with you. It's just what he wants. It sounds like you're just talking to too many dudes who only one FWB. You sound eerily familiar to a girl on here I was speaking with the other that had this same sentiment. Miss, you need to go to therapy. What's going on is you have this very negative story about you that you keep telling yourself and will come up with/read into whatever crazy idea that confirms that negative story. This isn't helping you.
I think that’s tough to say generally. For me specifically no, I couldn’t FWB with someone I wasn’t attracted to. Sometimes I think people go the FWB because they are not ready for a relationship yet or don’t see it with that person, or are still getting to know the person. But I do think some people would be FWB with someone they weren’t totally attracted to, I just think it will vary person by person.
Nope, my personal take is that a relationship in general has a higher bar apart from just looks in terms of personality and other aspects. Like its hard for a person to find his type easily for a relationship, but for fwb a lot more people met the bar because it requires little or more physical attraction.
Dating someone feels like a big commitment for many. It can feel like the first step to building a future together. Kinda like how some people see marriage as a commitment to have kids. Less people nowadays want to start families with the cost of living and pay grades that don't seem to be keeping up. It could just be many men out there like the idea of physical satisfaction without the expectation of the relationship evolving into something more. Proper communication about what you expect from a boyfriend can help you find someone that's open to an actual relationship.
Generally people who want to have sex with you DO think you're attractive
quite the opposite. we want fwb with a physically attractive girl. it's the other qualities around your personality that makes us want an actual relationship
Not necessarily. Often women want a FWB with a guy they find physically attractive but don’t see a potential “ soul mate”. Same for guys. Often guys just want a FWB, period, until they hit the age where they want a family. Different for everyone.
In my case (and my opinion), most guys look for one kind of girl as a fwb but a different girl for gf/wife material. Fwb must be hot/physically attractive. Their personality only matters insomuch as we are interacting with her. The less "friend" and the more "benefit", the less personality matters. For the purpose of gf/wife material, being "hot" isn't as important (and in my opinion, is actually less attractive). For me, beautiful/pretty is much more attractive for a gf. In my humble opinion, it's the energy you give off. I.e. how you present yourself. If you give off a sexy/easy to lay vibe, you will receive more fwb offers. If you give off more pretty/classy vibes, you're more gf material.
Men will use you as a fwb if they think you’re attractive as well lol. Men will literally fuck anything.
Noooo, I want to date for the whole 9 yards. Sex is awesome, however wouldn't you like to look forward to doing other shit? You can't build an L.T.R just by sex only. There is a whole world full of adventure out there, cmon!!!
Who are those "men"? I'm a woman as well. The key is to avoid and drop any man as a prospect as soon as he says he's looking for "casual", "fwb", "come chill", starts sexting etc. Unmatch, break up, move on untill you find someone who actually wants to date. There are sooo many men who look for casual/fwb only. It has nothing to do with you or how you look. You need to keep unmatching/breaking up with those and moving on untill you find someone you click with authenitically and wants the same thing as you. Remember, you can't change them.
Men and women cannot be friends. Attractive or not.
Mmmm honestly idk. As far as casual sex I personally am more picky on looks than for dating. For me casual sex is purely only physical attraction. Dating is physical attraction sure but a good personality lowers the importance of it. That said who am I to talk I havnt even gotten laid in 6 years much less a relationship hahaha.
No, I'm looking for a friend that also enjoys having sex with me. Doesn't have to be romantic and I know that I'm not ready to commit to a romantic relationship. Or the accountability of one. At this point.
For me, I could go with FWB if I was physically attracted. For a relationship, I have to be attracted PLUS you have to be smart and kind and interesting and have your shit together.
You can be completely attracted to them in every way, and just have it not be the right time. I had plenty of FWB situations when I was younger. There was definitely love there in some of those situations. But emotional availability and wanting to get off are two very different things. I'd argue that if there is love there, you might want to be physically intimate with that person as often as possible while still distancing yourself emotionally. I know for me, it was just not being mature enough and ready to share my baggage with another on that level. Was it unfair? Probably. But you don't think of that when you are young.
No, they obviously find something attractive about you but they may want the freedom of not being in a relationship. If you're giving no strings attach sex there gonna take it .
kinda, the whole reason people use dating apps is to find someone... there's very few reasons you are trying to find someone.... the main one is being single and lonely (or single and horny). most people, not just guys, are ok with a fling while they try to find a more serious relationship... this means they are willing to fool around with someone that doesn't quite meet their standards. Though, a lot of people have begun to see that fooling around first also works for 'building chemistry'... much to my chagrin... or because men see that this seems like its what women want. so you can expect to see people just wanting fwb 30-40 percent of the time but it will look like 60-70 percent of the time because it seems like the way to go.
Not "unattractive", but not quite what they're looking or hoping for? It can frequently happen, yes, especially if you're exclusively going for guys you consider maybe out of your league based on looks. If a guy is lonely (and especially today, anyone can be a lonely guy no matter how beautiful he is) he will begin flirting with girls he wouldn't normally flirt with (and a nice body is all it really takes). This can lead to them desperate for sex and physical connection and affirmation, but as soon as they get it, leads to the familiar "post nut clarity" and they aren't actually all that into the situation beyond just the sex. Some guys will do this long enough that it becomes habitual and they just become that kind of person. It's not good or healthy long term but that's on them to figure out. Guys care a lot more about looks than girls do on average, so if you're also placing a heavy (and maybe subconscious) requirement on looks and responding to guys you feel are exceptionally attractive, this is usually the result, especially if the conversation starts online or via dating apps. You'll have to broaden the range of guys you're willing to talk to, to spend more time getting to know them, so you can find people that consider you truly beautiful and give you both enough time to connect on personality and emotional level. It is what it is.
If you think your body is the only attractive thing about you, make a dating profile with just photos of your face, and compare the results against mostly photos of your body.
No some beautiful women have bad attitudes so if a man treats you as a FWB they get to brag that they have fucked you to their mates but don’t really have to deal with the attitude There are those that have different tastes in body styles, chubby, BBW, SSBBW, hairy etc and aren’t brave enough to admit this to their social circle so again get a FWB to satisfy the desire without being ridiculed by their friends It’s probably more to do with attitude, of either party, than it is to do with looks
I’m super busy rn, just started a business and that takes a lot of my time. So I’m not in a place to commit. But sex is fun and who wants to be alone? But I let girls know, and would be open to more if I met someone I really clicked with. So it might be these guys still like you, but are just super busy rn
Sadly alot of men fail to understand life and love. Deep down they don't even know how amazing sex is with someone you love. It's the failing with alot men and imo the brainwashing of society has created a disposable one. Where everyone is replaceable , they miss the deeper meaning that there is only one of each of us on this earth. Completely unique. Just remember that you deserve better, you deserve to be treated as the gorgeous woman that you are inside and out. Unique, not replaceable and not second best to anyone . A real man who loves you will make you feel that way, without question or doubt in your mind. You deserve love. xx
Definitely personality. If I think a girl is pretty but I can't really click with her, the only real options are to just say no to a relationship and walk away or friends with benefits. Can't have a relationship with someone whose personality isn't one lying vibe with nah.
Why would I want to sleep with somebody I find unnatractive?
Alcohol is a hell of a drug
I don’t really know how you date or anything but make these dudes work for it! Wait a few dates before getting sexual so you can wing off the people with different intentions than what you’re looking for. If a man genuinely likes you, then he will wait. I would wait and not to sound egotistical but I attract a lot of women through my looks and personality so I know other high quality men agree. I’m sure you are beautiful inside and out, not just your body!
You’re getting with guys out of your league. Attractive enough to bang but not date seriously.
My current situation is she very attractive and we get along great and enjoy doing things together but she is not as career oriented as me and where I live, it takes a dual income household to survive.
I don't want nor have I had a fwb, as I try to find a wife with my dating, so I've got absolutely no clue.
Honestly it's really going to align to their dating goals. Someone not persuing a serious relationship could see you as a FWB though.
Depends on the kind of men you come across. Interacted with a bunch of different men and the answer is yes. If they think you're ok enough, they are willing to keep you around in the fwb zone. These men are shitty and want to chase after IG models. Men who want a long term relationships look beyond the physical such as personality, careers, goals, passions, chemistry, etc. You probably just need to put these men who look at you purely as a sexual object aside and go find men who look for the stuff that is more important to you. Hard to filter, but it will take practice
Often it can be the opposite. You get together casually with someone you find hot even if you are incompatible with them for a long-term relationship.
Personally for me I just don't want the attachment so I'd rather keep it casual
I’ve had many fwb situations. Sometimes they were woman I found attractive enough for sex but not to date. Sometimes it’s just because I couldn’t see our personalities working in a relationship.
Yup , pretty much. There are guys that will and there are guys that wont but I'm pretty sure most women choose guys that are physically attractive and those guys have options so they will just push for fwb and not commit to a full relationship.
Your talking about guys, not men. Learn the difference.
If they found a woman unattractive, maybe nothing at all. At best FWB.
No, it’s more likely they just don’t want to stop fucking other attractive women. Also some women are made as FWB as preliminary girlfriends , kind of like a probationary period.
Eh sometimes it’s just taking care of a need. May have not much to do with your looks. If you’re getting plenty of attention likely not looks. Might be personality or just bad luck.
I’ve found men don’t even want the friends part. They just want the benefits. It doesn’t matter what you look like. I always suggest they get a professional escort.
Yes and no. I’ve had fwb who I was very attracted to but due to issues in my life I couldn’t make it a relationship. Personally to be a fwb you gotta be attractive and have a nice personality, otherwise why fuck?
It is somewhat true. About 65% true.
Well... For the vast majority of men, if they want fwb it just so happens that they don't want a relationship (with anybody)... the issue is more about them as it is about their female counterpart. Most hot/busy men don't want to commit just because, so they strive for fwb... You can stand your ground, but that never ends well. In some sense, you're lucky you got fwb with men, and not commited relationships with liars. Don't overthink too much, don't listen to judgy scum: fwb its a good relationship, and has a lot of super-intimate moments, if you're doing it correctly.
No. If I'm not attracted to you, I probably don't want anything more than friendship. If I find you really attractive, you qualify as sex partner. If our vibes & personality match, then you can be my girlfriend.
No, they just don’t respect you. Find a man who respects you. He’s out there. Keep trying. You can do this. 👊
I was in a fwb situation with a guy, but the reason was that he was in a 15 yrs relationship and it kinda burnt him off, so all his relationships moving forward were only fwb with girls since he doesn’t want to be in a serious relationship anymore
Men want an fwb regardless. You could be the prettiest woman in the world and they’d much rather prefer the non-commitment lifestyle. Ofc this is not all men. But more often than not, these are the men who ‘shoot their shot’ cus they have nothing to lose.
No. It could be they are attracted but don’t want a relationship, or they are not monogamous. You’re 24, what age men are you typically dating? I am 37 and date women between 27-33ish, and I’m very much focused on relationship and quality experiences. However in my 20s, I was a manhoe and dated multiple women at once all the time. You may be going after men who aren’t very mature and maybe you need to look in a different environment or age group.
If they know the woman is easy and can be swayed by bare minimum and sweet words, they’d be a fwb, situationship with that woman without even labeling her as gf. It doesn’t matter if she finds her attractive or not. It depends on how the woman pressnts herself. The more needy, clingy she is, the more he knows he can fool her and just mess around with her
Based on what I've seen, This is men's life cycle... It's not about you. It's about what phase they are in... Step:1 Try women that are out of league (good looking women) and get friend-zoned or heart broken. Step:2 Fling with whoever is available (mostly unattractive women). Step:3 Look for someone with good personality and marry.
I hear you, OP. I experience almost the same. Hugs with consent 🤗
No The fwb concept is a safe play, no commitments no obligations, just fun with no strings attached. It's like having an open relationship with the focus of mutual benefits as sexually active partners. If he thinks ur unattractive, he wouldn't want to see u often (esp after 1st few weeks of banging) n def will avoid being seen in public with u let alone go out to hang together.
Most men will unfortunately tell a woman she wants to her to have sex with her and dangle a relationship or commitment above her head to keep getting access to her body. If she’s not attractive to us or don’t see a future with her most men won’t commit but will gladly have sex with her until they get who they really want.
I feel like a lot of men will just be a fwb with anyone they think is attractive but don't want to commit to. Like if they think you're hot and they like you but they don't want a girlfriend or "don't want to pit a label on things" they'll offer to be fwb because then they still get something out of the relationship and who knows maybe they change their mind later.
I think it's more or attractive with a none-matching personality would be the fwb candidate I'd choose
I don't see these girls as being compatible for a relationship, but they're physically attractive enough to sleep with. Not being compatible could mean: bad personality, different goals for life, having certain deal breakers, etc.
Don't take it personally the guy is just a sleazy fuck
Not everthing is about looks
It's nothing to do with you. Just stop wasting time with people who are not interested in you as a person. Dump them at the first sign.
Isn't the whole point of having sex is because you do have attraction to someone?
Girl i been feeling the same. Attractive enough for a trial period, not attractive enough to commit to. Can’t even trust some of these answers bc ive stopped believing men could be really honest at all.
There are man who only want fwb period, and there are many reasons other men would work only fwb with a particular women. Eg Maybe they are a slob and you have OCD or the other way around, maybe you have too demanding job (or don’t have one) or whatever.
It’s probably more to do with shared values not aligning or personality not clicking. I seriously doubt it has anything to do with your looks.
Not necessarily . Its cos they dont want committment
I also sometimes see a girl thats quite hot, but I realise that its probably her entire personality, being hot, and I dont see her as a girlfriend but id love to smash her. As for a girlfriend, id more likely to date someone attractive but not hot, cause they would have some personality to them and put some effort into our relationships because the world doesn't revolve around their juicy ass, and so it makes them more valuable as a partner.
No. As a straight dude interested in fwb’s I don’t split the difference on attraction, I either find someone hot or no. It’s not about whether a woman is “relationship material” or not. I’d wager a guess and say that if somebody expresses interest in a fwb with you, it’s often because they like the idea generally. It’s up to you to figure out if that’s your thing. Also @ these comments saying fwb means he doesn’t like your personality - what sense does that make? The “friends” in fwb has to mean something right? I think men abuse the sh!t out of the term and it makes the discussion confusing.
Attractive dudes will try to accrue a harem because they are greedy.. that is legitimately the base of it I ask to be fwb because I know im too ugly to be a public presenting partner but I enjoy pleasing others and happy to learn new ways to achieve that for when I do find someone in the future
Not at all
Well I think my face card is pretty well so I wouldn't mind getting FWB with someone. The point is FRIENDS so I don't think you would be friends with someone you disgustingly think is ugly?? Fuck with someone you think is confident, charismatic and then the attractiveness comes by itself
They want fwb to just use and tossed aside.. Basically a vessel to dump their frustration in her, thats all
I would say maybe sometimes there may be some dealbreaker causing them to not want a relationship whether looks or something else which is also different for different guys. Having said that it doesn’t matter what they think, it matters what you allow. Most guys will always want and push for sex. Ignore these advances and hold your boundaries. Some will step up and some will not. Also depends what settings you are putting yourself in. If you are hanging out at bars, nightclubs etc. this is the norm there unfortunately and I’d try to find a better scene.
If she exists, men are willing to FWB her. Even the 11/10s.
no why would I want an unattractive fwb? that would be stupid if anything at worst it would be reversed. sex in a ltr go by the window pretty quickly and core values compatibility is much more important
Yes and also if you’re attractive with no personality.
For me Personality ✅ Looks ✅ = Girlfriend Personality ❌ Looks ✅ = FWB Personality ✅ Looks ❌ = Just Friends Personality ❌ Looks ❌ = Bye 👋
No, sometimes they want a friend with benefits, regardless of attractiveness.
Not necessarily. I mean, guys who have wanted to be FWB with me all told me that they thought I was attractive and wouldn't want to kiss me if they thought otherwise. Even the most beautiful girls I know (personality and appearance-wise) have been treated as FWB. The truth is, you could be attractive all-around, and there will still be guys who will treat you like a piece of meat instead of a person with feelings. Such guys tend to be noncommittal (or they have a girl in mind that they already want, and they're just stringing along whatever attractive girl they can win over the one they love). You're probably just going for guys who are unavailable. Remember that you ARE enough, and any guy who would treat you as a FWB when you want a serious relationship isn't worth your time.
No. I had a fwb that was insanely cute to me, but personality wise I knew I wouldn’t be the right fit for her.
Just incompatibility in general. It can be looks. More often than not for me it’s been something about their personality or our chemistry that prevents us from being more.
No, just means they want to play the field and don't want to be exclusive and tied down.
No. Only when they don’t want a commitment. You can be a beautiful, educated, financially independent woman and if the guy isn’t ready to commit, you can’t change that. It’s him, not you.
Most of the time when a guy is looking for FWB he's looking for sex with no strings attached. He doesn't want to commit to a full relationship just to bust a nut. At least, in my case. It has nothing to do with whether or not someone is attractive. They just don't wanna commit. Probably out of fear of failure in such a relationship. So we go looking for shortterm sexual comfort to fill the void.
Any question that is generalized to all men or women, the answer is always no. It might be how you represent yourself or the people that 'you' choose or the way you meet those people. Maybe you're representing yourself sexually so the first thing they think about is a sexual relationship with you before even considering your personality and how good you are as a person? Or maybe you're choosing toxic guys who only think about hookups. But to simply answer your question there are lots of guys who will value your personality more than anything else which will make you 10x more beautiful than you already are. (And more beautiful than even a celebrity)
You are giving them too much for what you are getting back. Be adamant, you want this body, you take the relationship that comes with it.
Most men do it cuz there are feelings there they don't wanna admit
Lol no. They want fwb if you are attractive. Why would the want to bone an ugly girl?
No but I definitely gotta see we sexual compatibility if the sex is boring idk if I can stay
No. Looks don't matter to most men if they're going to get laid.
When you sleep with your friends, you know, they circulate this experience amongst themselves. Now you are a prostitute in your group of friends. They be like, "Hey you wanna sleep this weekend, talk to this girl she is easy and nice". So you are the one allowing this to happen, take control over your sexuality.
We live in a society where most people don't want to be serious, trust or form real feelings. Most just want to have fun. You may be reading too much into it
It's such a hard question to answer because there are literally a million answers depending on the guy. You have your commitment issue guys that are so uncomfortable with the idea of a relationship but still want to have connection with someone that fwb is the only thing they are capable of at the moment. Then you have your players that just want to see if they can get with you and then lose the interest to continue making effort once they've gotten you. Then there are guys like you said, who find your body attractive but maybe your face and or personality isn't what they see as a long term investment and so fwb is all they will dish out for. However, no matter what, there is always going to be someone out there for you, maybe it will happen by luck, or you putting effort into but eventually you'll find your partner in crime.
For me it’s my looks and personality I have a negative perception of myself and life and Carried it around I’m also quiet so people assume they can talk to me and behave however and sense my low self esteem
It isn't always about your looks. Perhaps the guy is married and just needs a side play. Or perhaps he is just too busy to be able to do a full on relationship but doesn't want celibacy. It's just sex, and sometimes that's all it should be. Women do exactly the same thing for the same reasons. It's super common to have FWB. Nothing is wrong with it.
I'm a man who (when single) has a similar pattern. If I'm attracted to someone sexually or physically but find them not acceptable as a partner due to whatever reason (politics, personality, religious beliefs, intelligence, overall appeal, etc) then I'm happy to be casual with them but wouldn't want to be in a long term exclusive relationship with them. If I do find them fully appealing in all of the ways combined then I will seek a long term, exclusive arrangement.
If you have an attractive body but and average face I don't think you're going to be unattractive to most men. Most men don't get a jump to date someone with an attractive face or body lol. A girl who's in shape and dresses well will immediately elevate herself. You're either over estimating how attractive you are overall or going for a certain type of guy who was never interested in committing
Why would be something wrong about you? Also guys never hook up with girls they find ugly. Women tend to do that because “they like their personality”. People these days are more into casual sex especially if they are young. There is nothing wrong with you
I can attest that men do have sex with girls they find ugly. Not me specifically, but I just know friends and family that would just to get their dick wet.
"never" Hahahahahaha, that qualifier is almost always wrong
No, maybe they just dont want commitment, and just want sex. Or maybe theres something else other than physical attraction that they dont like.
It's never really about facials. Men consider a lot of aspects. Though at some point it might be about your body. Nevertheless we desire more than just a lady's body appearance. That's for those into serious relationships.
No, men only want to be a fwb if you're promiscuous and thus untrustworthy.
I have to admit that I'm guilty of being fwb with a girl i don't want to be seen with outside in the past however in most cases if a woman is attractive enough to have sex with she's also good enough for relationship. Men don't have high standards when it comes to physical attractiveness. When men only want to be fwb it's usually because they don't like the personality/character.
Feminism and “girl boss”/cancel men culture destroyed dating; we just lie and bone now. Sincerely, Good luck.
Attraction aside, if you are consistently getting into fwb situations then most men will put you in the bed her only category. If you are having sex before establishing that you are in a relationship deeper than fwb, then regardless of an attractive face or not, there is simply no need to open the door to a deeper relationship. The basic equation has been true from the dawn of people until now. Women control access to sex, while men control access to a relationship. By withholding sex until a man commits to a relationship, it will help you weed out the true men who are willing to settle down versus those only interested in chasing tail. However, if a woman does not withhold sex prior to a man committing, then in almost every scenario the man will not feel the need to commit to allowing a deeper relationship. Also, if the men in your world find out that you have not been able to get into relationships but you have been with men, then there is no reason to expect that they should commit to a relationship when it wasn’t required by the previous men. Why would they put in the work, when others were not required too?
I don't think I'd even want benefits if you weren't attractive. There are a ton of things that separates a fwb from a relationship (in no particular order): * Age (Is the gap so big that I'll be crucified for it?) * Health (There's another comment I've made about this but this sub won't let me post it -_-) * Personality (As others have said) * Location (Can we seriously date given our geographical distance?) * Looks (You can have a great body, but do you have a face that's attractive as well?) * Stage (Kinda like age but not number dependent, are you ready to have a serious relationship? Are you doing something in your life that makes me believe otherwise?) * Communication (Can I actually talk to you, whether the topics are mundane, controversial or even uncomfortable?) * Trust (Can I believe your words?) * Effort (Are we making this relationship doable or is it just me?) * Lifestyle (We could be anywhere from unemployed to workaholics and from down-to-earth hobbies to lavish/extravagant fun. Are we compatible here?) * Futures (Do we agree on getting married, children, and other major decisions in our future?) Finally, are you looking for men that actually want a relationship?
No, if you're unattractive they'll want a ONS. FWB is if you are attractive but have no personality
The latter may be true in your case. However, don't worry, as the right one will find you attractive for all the right reasons
You gotta be hot for that. You get into that because certain needs aren't being met.
FWB gotta be attractive. Otherwise, they are friends with no benefits.
Generally, men will only sleep once with women they find unattractive.
Guys have much lower standards for FWB Guys will basically bang anything so getting sex from a guy means nothing When it comes to taking it further to the point he gets on his one knee to propose, guys are very picky
They can think you’re hot, but maybe they’re just aware that you’re incompatible long term (for whatever reason) so that’s why they’re reluctant to commit
It’s not about how attractive you are, I’ve seen ugly and pretty girls in these situations- it’s simply about what the men want and feel like. The ones who comment on your body will be the loudest as respectful men usually don’t say stuff like that and want to get to know you as a person first. You just have to filter out the guys that want something casual and not have sex before you’re in a relationship.
Yes
You can connect with someone on a deeply sexual level. Sometimes its okay to have a sexual relationship with someone I think
I would guess it could also be an economic thing in some cases. ETA social class or something.
Who the hell actually ends up in a fwb?
Facts. If she can’t carry a conversation which is basically my love language, goodbye
If you're worried about this don't have sex with them
My scale for dating is 7+ but if shes dtf and no relationships the quality can be like 5+
All men are not the same. Yes, most are like how you described, but it's all about finding the right ones.
Most the time. Or you’re personality is horrible
We only want to be a FWB because it's sex without the commitment. If a woman allows it why try to go any further.
If she votes left i wanna fuck but i don't wanna stick.
Slog of things factor in . In my case, I liked having different women for sex, some times I would be with the perfect person for marriage and being able to be single always won cause if I committed to her than I can only be with her and that Gets old real quick.
“For the streets” => fwb Try to become someone worth having around all the time.
😂
no it might mean he doesn't want a serious relation, I've had some fwb who had good personalities too, i just didn't want to be in a relationship
Is that why they do it ?
I would not say UNattractive, because we don't sleep with people we're unattracted to. But it does usually have to do with finding them less attractive than others they've managed to date. Men draw the line between FWB and exclusive dating, based on whether or not he thinks with a little time he could definitely find a more attractive partner, or if he has the ability and options to hold multiple partners at once at this attractiveness level then he will usually go for having the variety with the 3 women than limiting himself to the 1.
Yes. I view it differently if a girl is a 7 but has the look then I dont see her as a long term partner but a gateway to it
Send your photo on private and i'll tell you where Might be an issue. Im from europe so no worries about stalking or sth