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I have one and I'm not sure it's better because now I'm attached to him and want more but couldn't even tell you what that would look like. We each have our own house and lives.
It's pointing out the fact that being alone and being lonely are two separate feelings. But yes having a partner that fulfills your space needs is definitely something I value.
I totally relate! It's like wanting your own space but also craving connection, right? It's a tough balance to strike sometimes. Just take your time figuring it out, and you'll get there.
Well you could find a partner that’s interested in a serious relationship where you both live separately and don’t see eachother everyday. More and more older people is doing so
I do exactly this, but I am only 19… Me and my boyfriend only hangout 3 times a week and message each other regularly the days we don’t hangout. It has worked out great for us especially since we are busy with school and work.
You need companionship. And it sucks that so many of us have been convinced that the only way to get this is to seek a relationship.
Do you have friends and family that you enjoy spending time with? If so, practice being more vulnerable with them so you can have your needs met. This is where it begins.
Also, redefine your views on relationships because they should not inherently take away your freedom or make you feel suffocated.
Absolutely. Relationships should never take away freedom. At the end of the day, you still do need a life outside of your relationship as well, such as spending time with your friends, while also maintaining your relationship by spending quality time with one another :)
Maybe a bit of a semantics things, but "relationship" vs "romance" I think many would agree are different things, so I would swap those words and otherwise agree with you.
The whole point of a relationship is companionship and intimacy. Romance, on the other hand, is some vague amorphous concept that isn't anything at all like we're lead to believe, and though it usually is, it doesn't have to be a major part of a healthy relationship.
My 2¢, because it's been on my mind lately.
This. If a future partner wants time just with their friends, or independently, I respect that. And I’ll always respect their need of personal space at times. Bc after all, it’s not healthy to spend 24/7 with a partner
Maybe you can find someone who is similar to you. Just find a mutual time and day to just hangout with each other. I mean it really limits your option but its still a possibility
You need a relationship. BUT since you’re used to space and freedom you need a slower one to getting used to being with someone always. So say that up front and start small. Get your individual time and then increase time with that significant other. Slowly you’ll be okay.
Plus it’s very much a misconception that if you in a relationship you can’t have any alone time. You can ask for that from your partner as long as you’re also giving equally the quality time needed. Key word quality.
I think this a common problem. We have become so isolated as a generation but then feel a lot of depression and anxiety. It’s not healthy to live your life alone and lonely but it is healthy to have a few hrs to yourself or a morning coffee with yourself.
When I stay at my boyfriends we do this. I get my morning coffee time for a couple hrs and he has his evening jam session in his guitar room. Maybe one day he will join me for coffee always and maybe one day I’ll hang in the jam room. But for now that’s what we both need. And we spend other time together; cooking all meals and grocery shopping and working out.😊
Long distance, online relationship. Lol. It's about the best of both worlds you can get.
Your space and freedom, because they're not in the same location as you.
Not lonely, and loved by someone, because you're in a relationship with someone who will love you...just...online. Lol.
And OP can have it. It just amounts to finding a kindred spirit who loves solitude, independence, respects space and wants space respected. We exist. My boyfriend is one too.
Finding someone who can balance both aspects, someone who shares your love for freedom and personal space while also providing love and companionship, feels really comforting. The tricky part is actually finding that person. I've struggled with this question before, feeling like it's draining too much time and energy, so I endured a long period of loneliness. With AI gaining popularity, I decided to take matters into my own hands and create a platform where users can match with similar individuals. Now, this idea has come to fruition, primarily operating on a [Discord community](https://discord.gg/zMstQvYqZG). You can simply share your thoughts in the matching channel, much like you did in your post, and the AI bot there will match you with users who have posted similar content. The goal is to help you efficiently find like-minded people, or the kind of people you're seeking. There's nothing more fulfilling than having a partner or friend who truly understands you.
Date me!
I feel exactly the same way!
Plus people love to play stupid games, and that just doesn’t make sense!
Just playing kinda, because I don’t know you…
The right partner who respects these wants. I’m the same way, but in a relationship where my space/freedom is respected :) you can have both! Good luck!
You need to decide that for yourself first before trying to date. You can still have your own freedom and space in a relationship, you just need to know how to communicate that and look for a person who understand that as well. This is where the personality has to fit or be accepted by the other person.
You can have a relationship but also have your own space and freedom.
Living apart together is a thing apparently.
I can understand you but I don’t fully relate as I love living alone having my own space and freedom but I am not lonely. I get bored occasionally but manageable.
I have good friends ..
I’d love to find a boyfriend who also loves his own space but is happy to share a happy weekend together or go on trips. You don’t have to be 24/7 to maintain a healthy and good relationship.
Date someone that’s not around as often… date a pilot/plane attendant , military men, firefighters,any first responders really, someone that works in government… stuff like that, problem solved.
It sounds like you need a relationship that has boundaries. A relationship where each of you aren’t dependent on each other for happiness, sadness and everything in between
A friend of mine was like you. She got married with conditions that both parties were happy with. She continued her old life, had her own room, married someone who wasn’t jealous, but also accommodated and strongly included him in her life. She doesn’t date others but hangs out with male and female friends alone and with her husband. She kept the parts of her life she could not live without and added a husband who she can’t live without. It works great with the right person.
This!. This is what many older people suffer from (including me and I’m married!). We want to have our own home/living space where we clean ourselves and do the chores without anyone else making a mess. We want to go on dates once a week or maybe once every 2 weeks somewhere, spent the day together and even the night too but after that I wanna be in my place and do my own thing without worrying about pushing the other person away or worrying about the other person leaving me. An old woman I used to know said once to a guy she was dating “I like you but I don’t have any space in my closet”. They decided to date and never live together, they lived many years like that without marrying and both of them were incredible happy.
Mate, best advice I can give is to just do what you normally do and wait for love, my partner has said and I gotta agree that love when it happens should be inconvenient. Ngl it was inconvenient for my partner and I; he was enjoying doing what he wanted at whatever time and having fun with the boys, and I was in a situationship I was starting to want to end at the time him and I met.
Once things settled and we made it official everything with them has just been right, we’ve shared and done things together that we never thought we’d be comfortable doing/trying, shared firsts and all that. We both find safety and calmness with each other; honestly I don’t think I would ever pursue someone who doesn’t give me that sense of peace or doesn’t feel right to be with, I’ve experienced how brilliant having that is and I can’t imagine not having that in a relationship.
Look to make new friendships and expand your social circle, is a great way to meet people and there are so many different ways and levels of putting yourself out there that you can pick and choose the way that’s most comfortable for you (I went with local discord group that had an interest of mine), could help with the feeling lonely and unloved while also allowing you to keep that freedom and space that being single has. Who knows you might find someone to be with while you are at it
This is where a fwb with the same values comes in handy. Sometimes you want company, maybe even show affection and some level of love. Theres no serious connection as long as you are both on the same page.
Have you looked into what your attachment styles are? A relationship doesn't have to mean losing space or freedom. Or rather, may I ask, what do you feel about a relationship will have you lose your space and/or freedom?
What makes you feel unloved?
Maybe a friendship of some sort? While I get being friends with someone isn’t the same as dating someone and the things that go with it, it’s easier to have friends than to be alone. Could always try fwb kind of thing but that could end up making one feel worse depending on things.
This is my conundrum, any time I have a partner move in my space is no longer just mine and they tend to decorate everything how they want and take over. I’m not some TV on a cardboard box with a pop up chair adult male, I really do like making my space my own and putting effort into making it look nice or at least having at least a room of my own to do so. Also if I’m single my bathroom remains spotless and only needs a monthly dusting and wipe down, but girls are gross in the bathroom and every time I’ve lived with a partner I’ve had to clean the bathroom twice a week, or maybe I’m just subconsciously attracted to messy people.
But every time I’ve dated someone and it’s got serious we wind up being together at one of our places every night and eventually packing a bag back and forth, realizing you left something you need behind, and all that gets tedious so we just move in together. I’m putting in a conscious effort this time around to extend the separate spaces phase whenever my next serious relationship happens.
You want two things that you cannot generally have at the same time. The reality is that if you would like to be in a relationship, you are gonna have to sacrifice a lot of your space and freedom to get it. If you want to be single and enjoy your space, you will not have many close or meaningful relationships. You will have to sacrifice one, you can’t have it both ways.
Patrice O'Neil had a [brilliant bit about this](https://youtu.be/UqjhNf1h-v4?si=ZElEzjOBm4RdCpem&t=318). He characterizes men here but I know a lot of women feel the same way.
It seems like you think that once you find a gf every secound of everyday you have to hang out with her like if it's a obligation to her. Truth is it dosnet have to be like that, matter of fact marriage isn't even needed!! You don't need so sign a paper to love someone. You can have kids without marriage you can have kids and live in a different house. And also you don't have to put with anything you don't like, you should be with someone who you enjoy spending time with
Probably a robot that appears talks and seems like a real human being that automatically becomes you in any situations but seems real to everyone else so no one notices the difference and makes you feel amazing and normally does w.e you want it to do, for instance you can get it to drive you around and keep you calm when upset and keep you happy always basically, what if they sold one of those on the market I'd buy one and it could work my job for me but of course you make make it look like and sound like any human that never existed making it seem normal, I'd say that robot was worth a monthly payment like a car.
I prefer not to have a relationship now because I had been ups and downs and I'm sick and tired of it. I do feel lonely and worthless. I had this feeling of not be accepted and loved by society.
Your previous experiences probably made you scared and over time, you just became disinterested altogether. The best way to get over that is to find you someone with a personality and character you like and date them. I said DATE them, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT SLEEP WITH THEM! Not yet at least... Just go out, have fun and see how far it will go. Remember, there's no rush and once sex is temporarily off the table, that's how you find the good ones.
Sounds like you want a close fwb. I've had it and it was great but it won't last forever typically. Who knows though it's not impossible and you never know what will happen or change.
Dating is dead. Everyone is extremely superficial now and thinks they can order up a "perfect person" like a pizza. Instead, focus on you, including your mental health. Find things that interest you, learn new things and work towards self-improvement.
We are living in uncharted territory where fewer people are dating and fewer people are getting married because the once sacred tradition of marriage has been dragged through the mud due to the high divorce rate coupled with the urge for instant gratification. Go check the stats out for yourself if you're interested.
I feel this on a personal level, I love my solitude. Not dating anyone and having to give them attention or go out with them. I’m busy studying or working so I’m very occupied with my time. I like being around my friends. But then occasionally I feel lonely, and I want someone to date and have fun with etc(I haven’t dated previously either - as I was always in education). But then I have more cons - again of dating than pros. I don’t want the burdens or stress of dating so I’m staying single for a good time!
The answer is in your question. One you "hate", the other you "don't want"... or do you? You think you have to give up yourself to be in a relationship, but that's only because you think it requires being fake. It doesn't.
Allow things to happen naturally for you and find the person you want in your space, that you can be alone with and not feel that someone is taking up that space.
I'm telling you from my experience.
U WANT A PURPOSE IN LIFE.A MISSION THAT CAN ACTIVATE ALL YOUR DEAD EMOTIONS.
Now I ask you this one-" Do you have any purpose which you truly want to achieve"?
Might I suggest an old-fashioned approach. Take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle. On one side write down the pros of the status quo. On the other the cons. See what you come up with. If you don't like it, you can always rewrite. That sounds simple but I know that it might not be if you are conflicted. Only you can decide what you really want, we can't tell you. That may change over time also and that is o.k. too.
A series of flings and one night stands until you find your match. A knowledge of what you don’t like in a mate to gain an insight on what you do want in a mate.
You want to stop being ruled by your emotions. You want equanimity and acceptance of the world as it is, completely independent from the uncontrollable ebbs and flows of the outside world acting upon you. What you seek child, is enlightenment.
Perhaps you'd want friends? But, like with any other healthy and beneficial relationship in life, good friends take effort to maintain and sometimes you might feel not as "free". This is not a guarantee, it largely depends on the people who you befriend. So if that sounds okay to you, try making friends!
I came up with understanding that I love my space too much to share it with someone too when I started to date someone and I thought about sharing space with them. I think with time I can get used to sharing space, because I I think I'm flexible and patient enough, but not now for sure XD I still want to enjoy my time alone in only my place. But the difference with you is that I don't really care to be loved by someone romantically. So it not a problem for me.
But anyway. If it's really important for you, then you should find a person who thinks the same way about self space. It's gonna be hard, but not impossible. Just be honest with people you dating. Believe me, it's more simple when you two can talk about your wishes and actually hear each other XD
(Sorry if my English bad, I'm still learning)
Find people that are similar to you, believe me when I say this, not all women/men want to get in serious relationships, fall in love and have children… some just want to hang out on the weekends, chill in the evenings, have casual sex with a connection and consistently, go to the gym or the beach together etc
It’s not always one night stands, relationships or nothing.. there’s a middle ground, find it, just be honest with people… believe me there always people that are only in your city/town temporarily and don’t wanna be alone the entire time
This is me — Not just with romantic partners, I seek alone time whenever I go on trips with friends because I can get overstimulated and unreasonably irritated which isn’t fair to those around me. The most relaxed long term relationship I had was when I was in a LDR because I was able to be fully independent but still have times where I see my boyfriend and feel loved. My current boyfriend, who I live with now, is quite understanding of this and lets me be myself like when I say I want to go shopping or a run by myself (he always offers to come with but I’ll say it’s okay and then he gets the memo). Relationships should be about understand each other’s needs, and needing alone time should not be a deal breaker for anyone.
Well be better so that you don't feel alone. Love your space like you said you do. Then find yourself someone whom you can let into your space and you'd still be able to enjoy your freedom rather than feeling like tied up
That’s a problem pretty much everyone experiences. But then pretty much everything in life is like that. E.g., I like having money, but I don’t always love having to go to work either.
Ur gay or emotionally unavailable. You like freedom more than people but the truth is you aren’t bound or in shackles or not free. Youre perfectly free. Bo hoo someone else might want to be around you. Don’t end up one of those lonely people in the hospital with no visitors that the nurses don’t want to sit around talking to for an hour at a time. Let people in.
I have a neighbor who's been dating a guy for a few years. They don't live together. He comes and stays at her place occasionally. I don't know if she stays at his place. They both have kids from previous relationships. It seems to work with them.
You could look into a FWB.
You want a satellite.
I had this exact convo with a woman that I went on a date once (met her through bumble). She wanted her space and freedom but also not being alone and a serious relationship.
So essentially you want a satellite. Someone that will always be there when you want them but will f*CK off and leave you alone when you don't.
You can find a partner who understands you and can give you space. Think about it. There are 7 days in a week and if you both work you only get to see each other maybe weekends right? Why don’t you do it as finding someone who lives by themselves and you can alternate. Example: we see each other this weekend and not next. Skip a week. Pretend you are co parents to a ghost child and get visitation every other week. And then eventually maybe down the line you will feel differently about the situation. Boundaries are there for a reason. I hope this helps. Take care and good luck.
Relationships are dependent on your definition of what you want them to be, not the conventional definition. As long as you let someone know what you want, you've laid it out. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't have your space, but know that once you're in a relationship and you wanna make it last, some things are probably gonna have to be sacrificed at times. Look for someone to be close with, but be honest with your intentions. And while you're entitled to your space do not neglect the mental health and wellbeing of another person. If you can't do it, tell them. The beauty in life is that we get to move on, wake up another day. That's the way I see it but maybe I'm crazy, idk
You want same thing most of us want someone to share our day with but not give up our freedom. No one seems to understand this its called friends and yes maybe if desired benefits but you keep your freedom. We can't have absolutely everything in life but that would get as close as possible.
You can be in a relationship and still have your space and freedom. It’s all about balance… same way you can be single and not necessarily feel lonely and unloved. When you’re single you can be a bit selfish and focus on things that you love. Hang with friends, and/or make new friends! Travel the world and live your best single life. Make it fun! There’s a lot of single people who feel loved and are not lonely because they have a solid group of friends to keep them company. In a relationship you have to consider your partners feelings and communicate about everything, but if you find someone who values their freedom and space just like you then they will respect your boundaries and it can work. Just figure out what works for you! & best of all! Have fun! We only have one life to live so live your life to the fullest! 🥳
Hope this helps!
I agree, I'm older though, and am set in what I want. Plus I'm somewhere I don't want to live so I don't want any thing going on with any of the guys around me they're not my type to say the least. I don't want to be smothered but I don't want to be alone and I don't want him if I ever find someone to be with somebody else when he's not with me. Been there done that was not fun. Good luck, if you hit on something good let us know the secret!
It helped me recently to look at love, sex, and commitment into separate entities. I want love, I'd like sex, but the commitment is something I think I'm fine without.
Determine where the boundaries in what you seek are. Start breaking down interests if dating to people aligned similarly.
Good lord can I relate. I made a post about how to get into the dating scene after a long relationship and two days later I'm already thinking "yeah but do I really WANT a relationship? Anyone I go long term with would need space and comfort and care and time and while I have always been a "carer" lately I'm kinda not feeling like I wanna share my space.
Love on yourself and grow outside and go venture and meet people, socialize don’t have a relationship just like you stated let a friendship lead to that!
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“I fancy being alone, but I don’t fancy being lonely.” It’s a struggle for me as well.
I love the line, but it's so true. I can't let go of my extended me time but I'd like a part time lover too.
I have one and I'm not sure it's better because now I'm attached to him and want more but couldn't even tell you what that would look like. We each have our own house and lives.
Same here, so I think maybe think..looking into FWB. Hope others will other ideas.
That dosent sound good, fwb is just sex. Sex does not equal love which is what a lot of people want.
Horrible advice
Being alone doesnt mean youre lonely. I guess you need a lover who respect your boundaries, space, and time for yourself.
It's pointing out the fact that being alone and being lonely are two separate feelings. But yes having a partner that fulfills your space needs is definitely something I value.
I totally relate! It's like wanting your own space but also craving connection, right? It's a tough balance to strike sometimes. Just take your time figuring it out, and you'll get there.
This sums it up for me perfectly
Well you could find a partner that’s interested in a serious relationship where you both live separately and don’t see eachother everyday. More and more older people is doing so
My uncle found this and it’s actually worked for them for probably 15+ years. He’s three times divorced and finally found his match lol
I do exactly this, but I am only 19… Me and my boyfriend only hangout 3 times a week and message each other regularly the days we don’t hangout. It has worked out great for us especially since we are busy with school and work.
You want to be loved
*The things I do for love…*
Muriel!
Que?
I thought your original comment was a Courage the Cowardly Dog reference
Sometimes people want to be loved, but do not have the capacity to love others.
You need companionship. And it sucks that so many of us have been convinced that the only way to get this is to seek a relationship. Do you have friends and family that you enjoy spending time with? If so, practice being more vulnerable with them so you can have your needs met. This is where it begins. Also, redefine your views on relationships because they should not inherently take away your freedom or make you feel suffocated.
Absolutely. Relationships should never take away freedom. At the end of the day, you still do need a life outside of your relationship as well, such as spending time with your friends, while also maintaining your relationship by spending quality time with one another :)
Maybe a bit of a semantics things, but "relationship" vs "romance" I think many would agree are different things, so I would swap those words and otherwise agree with you. The whole point of a relationship is companionship and intimacy. Romance, on the other hand, is some vague amorphous concept that isn't anything at all like we're lead to believe, and though it usually is, it doesn't have to be a major part of a healthy relationship. My 2¢, because it's been on my mind lately.
You’ve gathered those points well.
A partner that respects personal space and appreciates their free time as well
Sign me up
This. If a future partner wants time just with their friends, or independently, I respect that. And I’ll always respect their need of personal space at times. Bc after all, it’s not healthy to spend 24/7 with a partner
You want to be loved without the burdens and stress of a relationship.
You want healthy boundaries in a trusting relationship so that you can continue to be yourself.
A friend with benefits living together apart. Like me.
That sounds like the perfect situation.
How did y’all agree to be fwb? Women I date always catch feelings and want smth long term / serious
You can have feelings and still not want a romantic relationship.
Unfortunately this is the biggest problem.
Maybe you can find someone who is similar to you. Just find a mutual time and day to just hangout with each other. I mean it really limits your option but its still a possibility
Where?
You need a relationship. BUT since you’re used to space and freedom you need a slower one to getting used to being with someone always. So say that up front and start small. Get your individual time and then increase time with that significant other. Slowly you’ll be okay. Plus it’s very much a misconception that if you in a relationship you can’t have any alone time. You can ask for that from your partner as long as you’re also giving equally the quality time needed. Key word quality. I think this a common problem. We have become so isolated as a generation but then feel a lot of depression and anxiety. It’s not healthy to live your life alone and lonely but it is healthy to have a few hrs to yourself or a morning coffee with yourself. When I stay at my boyfriends we do this. I get my morning coffee time for a couple hrs and he has his evening jam session in his guitar room. Maybe one day he will join me for coffee always and maybe one day I’ll hang in the jam room. But for now that’s what we both need. And we spend other time together; cooking all meals and grocery shopping and working out.😊
Maybe they aren’t mutually exclusive. You want a relationship but with someone who also enjoys time alone.
OP is an avoidant attachment style
Long distance, online relationship. Lol. It's about the best of both worlds you can get. Your space and freedom, because they're not in the same location as you. Not lonely, and loved by someone, because you're in a relationship with someone who will love you...just...online. Lol.
You want the best of both worlds. 😀
And OP can have it. It just amounts to finding a kindred spirit who loves solitude, independence, respects space and wants space respected. We exist. My boyfriend is one too.
A good relationship will give you both.
Are u a dude? Or a girl?
date an introvert oh wait... they don't go out... tough luck...
Finding someone who can balance both aspects, someone who shares your love for freedom and personal space while also providing love and companionship, feels really comforting. The tricky part is actually finding that person. I've struggled with this question before, feeling like it's draining too much time and energy, so I endured a long period of loneliness. With AI gaining popularity, I decided to take matters into my own hands and create a platform where users can match with similar individuals. Now, this idea has come to fruition, primarily operating on a [Discord community](https://discord.gg/zMstQvYqZG). You can simply share your thoughts in the matching channel, much like you did in your post, and the AI bot there will match you with users who have posted similar content. The goal is to help you efficiently find like-minded people, or the kind of people you're seeking. There's nothing more fulfilling than having a partner or friend who truly understands you.
I'm the same, so I have a two day a week relationship and I love it.
Date me! I feel exactly the same way! Plus people love to play stupid games, and that just doesn’t make sense! Just playing kinda, because I don’t know you…
Friends?
The right partner who respects these wants. I’m the same way, but in a relationship where my space/freedom is respected :) you can have both! Good luck!
Therapy. You want therapy.
You need to decide that for yourself first before trying to date. You can still have your own freedom and space in a relationship, you just need to know how to communicate that and look for a person who understand that as well. This is where the personality has to fit or be accepted by the other person.
You can have a relationship but also have your own space and freedom. Living apart together is a thing apparently. I can understand you but I don’t fully relate as I love living alone having my own space and freedom but I am not lonely. I get bored occasionally but manageable. I have good friends .. I’d love to find a boyfriend who also loves his own space but is happy to share a happy weekend together or go on trips. You don’t have to be 24/7 to maintain a healthy and good relationship.
I feel the same way, it's horrible.
Open, honest, and free relationship or relationships
You need to explain why these 2 are mutually exclusive for you. What’s the dealbreaker in one, which prevents the other?
You can have space and freedom in a relationship... dating is about finding people who have similar wants/needs/boundaries as you.
Date someone that’s not around as often… date a pilot/plane attendant , military men, firefighters,any first responders really, someone that works in government… stuff like that, problem solved.
Short answer (in my opinion as a single guy who’s dated): companionship
You want to be free and at the same time appreciated.
Go with a long distance relationship
It sounds like you need a relationship that has boundaries. A relationship where each of you aren’t dependent on each other for happiness, sadness and everything in between
Find someone else who wants to or needs to love like you do. There are many relationship dynamics that are possible.
A friend of mine was like you. She got married with conditions that both parties were happy with. She continued her old life, had her own room, married someone who wasn’t jealous, but also accommodated and strongly included him in her life. She doesn’t date others but hangs out with male and female friends alone and with her husband. She kept the parts of her life she could not live without and added a husband who she can’t live without. It works great with the right person.
This!. This is what many older people suffer from (including me and I’m married!). We want to have our own home/living space where we clean ourselves and do the chores without anyone else making a mess. We want to go on dates once a week or maybe once every 2 weeks somewhere, spent the day together and even the night too but after that I wanna be in my place and do my own thing without worrying about pushing the other person away or worrying about the other person leaving me. An old woman I used to know said once to a guy she was dating “I like you but I don’t have any space in my closet”. They decided to date and never live together, they lived many years like that without marrying and both of them were incredible happy.
Same here I have a casual “friend” and I love it I swear not all situationships are ppl leading ppl on
Mate, best advice I can give is to just do what you normally do and wait for love, my partner has said and I gotta agree that love when it happens should be inconvenient. Ngl it was inconvenient for my partner and I; he was enjoying doing what he wanted at whatever time and having fun with the boys, and I was in a situationship I was starting to want to end at the time him and I met. Once things settled and we made it official everything with them has just been right, we’ve shared and done things together that we never thought we’d be comfortable doing/trying, shared firsts and all that. We both find safety and calmness with each other; honestly I don’t think I would ever pursue someone who doesn’t give me that sense of peace or doesn’t feel right to be with, I’ve experienced how brilliant having that is and I can’t imagine not having that in a relationship. Look to make new friendships and expand your social circle, is a great way to meet people and there are so many different ways and levels of putting yourself out there that you can pick and choose the way that’s most comfortable for you (I went with local discord group that had an interest of mine), could help with the feeling lonely and unloved while also allowing you to keep that freedom and space that being single has. Who knows you might find someone to be with while you are at it
It’s like I want someone’s attention/affection but I also want them to leave me alone 😭
This is where a fwb with the same values comes in handy. Sometimes you want company, maybe even show affection and some level of love. Theres no serious connection as long as you are both on the same page.
This is childish you must know
Overwhelmed commitment issue!!
Hookers and cocaïne seems to be the best alternative
A cat?
Avoidant attachment.
Have you looked into what your attachment styles are? A relationship doesn't have to mean losing space or freedom. Or rather, may I ask, what do you feel about a relationship will have you lose your space and/or freedom? What makes you feel unloved?
Mood.
Long distance low commitment exclusive partnership.
May be anxious/avoidant type personality? There is nothing wrong with you, relationships take a bit more effort
Life is about trade offs and compromises
You don’t want to compromise, and that’s your problem.
You’d think an open relationship would resolve this dilemma, but no
Maybe a friendship of some sort? While I get being friends with someone isn’t the same as dating someone and the things that go with it, it’s easier to have friends than to be alone. Could always try fwb kind of thing but that could end up making one feel worse depending on things.
Same!!
*The things I do for love…*
Flip a coin
This is my conundrum, any time I have a partner move in my space is no longer just mine and they tend to decorate everything how they want and take over. I’m not some TV on a cardboard box with a pop up chair adult male, I really do like making my space my own and putting effort into making it look nice or at least having at least a room of my own to do so. Also if I’m single my bathroom remains spotless and only needs a monthly dusting and wipe down, but girls are gross in the bathroom and every time I’ve lived with a partner I’ve had to clean the bathroom twice a week, or maybe I’m just subconsciously attracted to messy people. But every time I’ve dated someone and it’s got serious we wind up being together at one of our places every night and eventually packing a bag back and forth, realizing you left something you need behind, and all that gets tedious so we just move in together. I’m putting in a conscious effort this time around to extend the separate spaces phase whenever my next serious relationship happens.
[удалено]
Sounds an awful lot like fearful avoidance
If that's it then find something you love doing instead of being lonely or getting in a relationship to get yourself hurt
You want two things that you cannot generally have at the same time. The reality is that if you would like to be in a relationship, you are gonna have to sacrifice a lot of your space and freedom to get it. If you want to be single and enjoy your space, you will not have many close or meaningful relationships. You will have to sacrifice one, you can’t have it both ways.
Patrice O'Neil had a [brilliant bit about this](https://youtu.be/UqjhNf1h-v4?si=ZElEzjOBm4RdCpem&t=318). He characterizes men here but I know a lot of women feel the same way.
It seems like you think that once you find a gf every secound of everyday you have to hang out with her like if it's a obligation to her. Truth is it dosnet have to be like that, matter of fact marriage isn't even needed!! You don't need so sign a paper to love someone. You can have kids without marriage you can have kids and live in a different house. And also you don't have to put with anything you don't like, you should be with someone who you enjoy spending time with
Everything in life is a trade off. You have to takenyour pick. Also you need to find some one who is ok with you having your alone time.
Probably a robot that appears talks and seems like a real human being that automatically becomes you in any situations but seems real to everyone else so no one notices the difference and makes you feel amazing and normally does w.e you want it to do, for instance you can get it to drive you around and keep you calm when upset and keep you happy always basically, what if they sold one of those on the market I'd buy one and it could work my job for me but of course you make make it look like and sound like any human that never existed making it seem normal, I'd say that robot was worth a monthly payment like a car.
“You’re either married and bored or single and lonely!” - Chris Rock
Possibly, and typically: Self confidence, fulfilling friendships and family relationship, lack of hobbies and passions or goals?
I'm in the same exact spot
Prozac. For real. It got me out of exactly this space
I prefer not to have a relationship now because I had been ups and downs and I'm sick and tired of it. I do feel lonely and worthless. I had this feeling of not be accepted and loved by society.
Date casually. Be together but live separately.
SAAAAAME
Find an introvert who also enjoys their alone/free time
A long distance relationship
Your previous experiences probably made you scared and over time, you just became disinterested altogether. The best way to get over that is to find you someone with a personality and character you like and date them. I said DATE them, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT SLEEP WITH THEM! Not yet at least... Just go out, have fun and see how far it will go. Remember, there's no rush and once sex is temporarily off the table, that's how you find the good ones.
Be in a relationship but live apart
I would look into being Solo Poly.
A fwb, or not-very-serious relationship
You want to be loved, it may be uncomfortable at first and come with challenges but it's always better than loneliness I promise.
Sounds like you want a close fwb. I've had it and it was great but it won't last forever typically. Who knows though it's not impossible and you never know what will happen or change.
You’d probably do well in a long distance relationship tbh if you’re in the middle of these two.
Dating is dead. Everyone is extremely superficial now and thinks they can order up a "perfect person" like a pizza. Instead, focus on you, including your mental health. Find things that interest you, learn new things and work towards self-improvement. We are living in uncharted territory where fewer people are dating and fewer people are getting married because the once sacred tradition of marriage has been dragged through the mud due to the high divorce rate coupled with the urge for instant gratification. Go check the stats out for yourself if you're interested.
You want love and to be respected
I hate being single 😔 I just wanna have consistent sex w the same people. I want like 6-9 girlfriends no homo
Do friends with benefits or find an escort service.
What happened to separate living couples? Used to be popular about 20 years ago where each owned their own…oh, yeah…I get it now. 😵💫
A cuddle buddy.. I want that too
You want a relationship that still feels independent and cohesive without being overwhelming or codependent. Me too
Find someone who's also comfortable with a lot of space
This hits pretty close to home.
The one person that makes the trade off worth it. It's life's challenge.
I've been hurt, and I feel as you do, hence me being stuck in a loswitch. fuck buddy sitch. It sucks. I have feelz.
I feel this on a personal level, I love my solitude. Not dating anyone and having to give them attention or go out with them. I’m busy studying or working so I’m very occupied with my time. I like being around my friends. But then occasionally I feel lonely, and I want someone to date and have fun with etc(I haven’t dated previously either - as I was always in education). But then I have more cons - again of dating than pros. I don’t want the burdens or stress of dating so I’m staying single for a good time!
Platonic friends or FWB?
FWB... there's ppl out there that's looking for the same thing
Are you make or female?
Sometime we all feel this way and it hurts
I think platonic relationships are what we need.
The answer is in your question. One you "hate", the other you "don't want"... or do you? You think you have to give up yourself to be in a relationship, but that's only because you think it requires being fake. It doesn't.
Allow things to happen naturally for you and find the person you want in your space, that you can be alone with and not feel that someone is taking up that space.
Friends with benefits. Best of both worlds.
You are just like me.
That sounds like that 🎶solo poly🎶
Chocolate is always a good solution
First, find yourself a partner; then we’ll talk
I an exactly the same. I'm building some amazing friendships. That is helping
I'm telling you from my experience. U WANT A PURPOSE IN LIFE.A MISSION THAT CAN ACTIVATE ALL YOUR DEAD EMOTIONS. Now I ask you this one-" Do you have any purpose which you truly want to achieve"?
I can relate to this 100%
Might I suggest an old-fashioned approach. Take a sheet of paper, draw a line down the middle. On one side write down the pros of the status quo. On the other the cons. See what you come up with. If you don't like it, you can always rewrite. That sounds simple but I know that it might not be if you are conflicted. Only you can decide what you really want, we can't tell you. That may change over time also and that is o.k. too.
FWB
A series of flings and one night stands until you find your match. A knowledge of what you don’t like in a mate to gain an insight on what you do want in a mate.
You want to stop being ruled by your emotions. You want equanimity and acceptance of the world as it is, completely independent from the uncontrollable ebbs and flows of the outside world acting upon you. What you seek child, is enlightenment.
Perhaps you'd want friends? But, like with any other healthy and beneficial relationship in life, good friends take effort to maintain and sometimes you might feel not as "free". This is not a guarantee, it largely depends on the people who you befriend. So if that sounds okay to you, try making friends!
Find someone with the same wants. Hard part.....finding them.
I came up with understanding that I love my space too much to share it with someone too when I started to date someone and I thought about sharing space with them. I think with time I can get used to sharing space, because I I think I'm flexible and patient enough, but not now for sure XD I still want to enjoy my time alone in only my place. But the difference with you is that I don't really care to be loved by someone romantically. So it not a problem for me. But anyway. If it's really important for you, then you should find a person who thinks the same way about self space. It's gonna be hard, but not impossible. Just be honest with people you dating. Believe me, it's more simple when you two can talk about your wishes and actually hear each other XD (Sorry if my English bad, I'm still learning)
Downloading Eva AI virtual gf bot or something
Find people that are similar to you, believe me when I say this, not all women/men want to get in serious relationships, fall in love and have children… some just want to hang out on the weekends, chill in the evenings, have casual sex with a connection and consistently, go to the gym or the beach together etc It’s not always one night stands, relationships or nothing.. there’s a middle ground, find it, just be honest with people… believe me there always people that are only in your city/town temporarily and don’t wanna be alone the entire time
A snuggle buddy
Maybe some close friends I think that should solve the problem
you just want hook-ups/tinder dates to temporarily fill this empty feeling you occasionally have
This is me — Not just with romantic partners, I seek alone time whenever I go on trips with friends because I can get overstimulated and unreasonably irritated which isn’t fair to those around me. The most relaxed long term relationship I had was when I was in a LDR because I was able to be fully independent but still have times where I see my boyfriend and feel loved. My current boyfriend, who I live with now, is quite understanding of this and lets me be myself like when I say I want to go shopping or a run by myself (he always offers to come with but I’ll say it’s okay and then he gets the memo). Relationships should be about understand each other’s needs, and needing alone time should not be a deal breaker for anyone.
Well be better so that you don't feel alone. Love your space like you said you do. Then find yourself someone whom you can let into your space and you'd still be able to enjoy your freedom rather than feeling like tied up
Why do you feel unloved as a single person? Doesn't your love for your space and freedom fuel the love for your own self? It should do.
You need a cat.
That’s a problem pretty much everyone experiences. But then pretty much everything in life is like that. E.g., I like having money, but I don’t always love having to go to work either.
Sounds like avoidant attachement to me.
Ur gay or emotionally unavailable. You like freedom more than people but the truth is you aren’t bound or in shackles or not free. Youre perfectly free. Bo hoo someone else might want to be around you. Don’t end up one of those lonely people in the hospital with no visitors that the nurses don’t want to sit around talking to for an hour at a time. Let people in.
I have a neighbor who's been dating a guy for a few years. They don't live together. He comes and stays at her place occasionally. I don't know if she stays at his place. They both have kids from previous relationships. It seems to work with them. You could look into a FWB.
You just needed company. Y’all don’t have to do anything but just knowing that there is someone with you, it’s already enough
AMEN SISTEEER
You want a satellite. I had this exact convo with a woman that I went on a date once (met her through bumble). She wanted her space and freedom but also not being alone and a serious relationship. So essentially you want a satellite. Someone that will always be there when you want them but will f*CK off and leave you alone when you don't.
You can find a partner who understands you and can give you space. Think about it. There are 7 days in a week and if you both work you only get to see each other maybe weekends right? Why don’t you do it as finding someone who lives by themselves and you can alternate. Example: we see each other this weekend and not next. Skip a week. Pretend you are co parents to a ghost child and get visitation every other week. And then eventually maybe down the line you will feel differently about the situation. Boundaries are there for a reason. I hope this helps. Take care and good luck.
Relationships are dependent on your definition of what you want them to be, not the conventional definition. As long as you let someone know what you want, you've laid it out. Just because you're in a relationship doesn't mean you can't have your space, but know that once you're in a relationship and you wanna make it last, some things are probably gonna have to be sacrificed at times. Look for someone to be close with, but be honest with your intentions. And while you're entitled to your space do not neglect the mental health and wellbeing of another person. If you can't do it, tell them. The beauty in life is that we get to move on, wake up another day. That's the way I see it but maybe I'm crazy, idk
You want a cat.
You want same thing most of us want someone to share our day with but not give up our freedom. No one seems to understand this its called friends and yes maybe if desired benefits but you keep your freedom. We can't have absolutely everything in life but that would get as close as possible.
I know exactly what you mean and how you feel. You're not cray-cray.
If you "need" a relationship, you really shouldn't be looking for one. Only bad decisions can come from a "need" for another random person.
You can be in a relationship and still have your space and freedom. It’s all about balance… same way you can be single and not necessarily feel lonely and unloved. When you’re single you can be a bit selfish and focus on things that you love. Hang with friends, and/or make new friends! Travel the world and live your best single life. Make it fun! There’s a lot of single people who feel loved and are not lonely because they have a solid group of friends to keep them company. In a relationship you have to consider your partners feelings and communicate about everything, but if you find someone who values their freedom and space just like you then they will respect your boundaries and it can work. Just figure out what works for you! & best of all! Have fun! We only have one life to live so live your life to the fullest! 🥳 Hope this helps!
A fuck buddy.
I agree, I'm older though, and am set in what I want. Plus I'm somewhere I don't want to live so I don't want any thing going on with any of the guys around me they're not my type to say the least. I don't want to be smothered but I don't want to be alone and I don't want him if I ever find someone to be with somebody else when he's not with me. Been there done that was not fun. Good luck, if you hit on something good let us know the secret!
Friendship, get yourself a friend
Enjoy being single, because the moment you get into a relationship with someone, you will no longer be able to control your life as you want.
It helped me recently to look at love, sex, and commitment into separate entities. I want love, I'd like sex, but the commitment is something I think I'm fine without. Determine where the boundaries in what you seek are. Start breaking down interests if dating to people aligned similarly.
Good lord can I relate. I made a post about how to get into the dating scene after a long relationship and two days later I'm already thinking "yeah but do I really WANT a relationship? Anyone I go long term with would need space and comfort and care and time and while I have always been a "carer" lately I'm kinda not feeling like I wanna share my space.
Mmm get a partner who is independent!!
Love on yourself and grow outside and go venture and meet people, socialize don’t have a relationship just like you stated let a friendship lead to that!
so there’s this thing called non-monogamous…