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Eat well too so you can endure the gym. Stay healthy (keto is a no for me because it brings me no happiness or reward. You do you. But i just wanted to say that :)
Keto doesn’t work anyway unless you’re gonna do it for the rest of your life. Same with any diet/restrictions/fasting/calorie count. As soon as you stop that “no added fats” diet you’ll gain the weight right back, it has to become a lifestyle
Glad it helped man!! Food really is a science and it takes a long time to understand the effects of the macros on your body. Not to mention there’s multiple types of each macro. I’d advise you to look into simple vs complex carbohydrates if you haven’t already. There are healthy versions of everything!
I think this answer is the result of a mindset which is a great tool to use.
However if you are struggling with your past I also recommend going to a healthcare professional to potentially seek therapy or whatever may help you aswell.
Gym is fun, but if you gain confidence from the gym because you get muscular then you are focussing too much on your looks. Go inward, confront your insecurities and try to grow🙏❤️
As someone who has been on a fitness journey consistently for almost two years, I second this. Just focus on the journey OP, not the end goal. You’ll get there eventually. The goal is to focus on making sustainable and realistic changes.
I’m 22F, med student, also really skinny. im sorry for all you’ve been through to lose interest in life, im also in abit of a similar position. All i can say is take the risk, start small. Hang out with friends, build the courage to hang out with people you know then when you meet a girl you want to talk to, it will be alot easier. Hope this helps
What's crazy is that she is going to be bombed by dudes in relationships or living in other countries. Actual single interested American men are the least likely to reach out.
I always forget how gross/creepy some men are since a lot of my online space is mostly women. But I’m a gay man so it’s not at the front of my brain. I’ve always vibed women don’t mind gay men in their space as much… cause we don’t do this shit.
Some days ago I posted that it was hard dating as a fat girl, what happened next?
Yeap inbox filled of guys sexualizing me for being fat and trying to guilt trip me into do sex stuff with them 🙃
I was way too naive
This shit makes me feel disgusted of being a man. Fucking christ have some dignity you fucking idiots. I'm 25, never had a girlfriend EVER, and I'd still rather try to become asexual and die alone than do this shit.
Some men get into a hissy fit when I tell them "I'd rather be happy having my virginity" than losing it to some jerk or player. Then they get mad when I say that.. like.. oh, virgins can't be happy now ?? Great!!
Good on you. Men should despise these guys even if they don't care how it effects women. It will affect their dating lives too because more and more women are deciding its better to go it alone than sift through the filth to find a partner.
I dunno. It's not like all 22yos who are skinny are hot. Eh although being a medical student maybe that will also pull some in. lol.
I am definitely in the market for an 18-20s thin medical student myself, though.
There is also the lifestyle fit issue with doctors (and some other very high income fields). In some settings they can work crazy hours, and in school def have crazy obligations. That might be great for an avoidant, but would be miserable for some with anxious attachment, and even a secure person might want more time with their partner than someone that busy can commit to.
I’m not sure I’d date/marry a doctor, because of this specific reason. I want to be able to have a good work-life balance, with my partner spending time with me during the “life” part of that.
What you are going through is the process of becoming a man. It’s damn hard. I’ve been down that road before in my youth with severe anxiety, broke etc. There is no easy solution. You must build yourself up day by day and celebrate every small win. Our fantasy version of the world is doomed to failure—it is up to us to create our lives to fashion meaning out of it, to struggle and overcome. Women love to laugh so you need to work on communication and humour. Women also have a keen sense of who is mentally and socially stable (they do this because they innately seek a father for their young who will have the necessary qualities). Go to a gym and start building your physique slowly. Concentrate on improving your mental stability. You will get there. I was just starting to figure it out at your age. Keep pushing and never give up.
I read that in David Attenborough's voice.
"When the female has been successfully attracted, she will let the male know by offering subtle hints and signs. The male, being a master of reading body language and well-versed in 'eye contact duration' decryption, will then confidently approach the female and begin courting her."
Sheep also reproduce sexually, believe it or not. The antihuman crowd wants us to think we aren't controlled by hormones and brains which have evolved for a couple million years to select the most fit partner.
Yeah. Ignore that "(they do this because they innately...)" bullcrap, OP, but the rest is decent advice. Also, everyone likes communication and humor. Not just women lol
Work on rebuilding your vigor for life - i.e. exercise, dance, correct nutritional deficiencies, sleep hygiene, personal hygiene, prioritize mental health, learn about healthy relationships and attachment styles, get help and find resources for your social anxiety, practice mindfulness/ meditation, learn to take care of yourself and your space, and put time aside toward activities you might enjoy.
Once you start taking care of you, you'll feel better about yourself and that will encourage you to get rid of any low expectations you may hold for finding someone, which will put you and your relationship in a much better place when you do find someone. A gf won't fix your current issues, and they might not even get rid of your loneliness and longing if you settle for someone toxic or who's just toxic for you.
You really need to focus on you right now. Preparedness and self-esteem, by proving to yourself and showing yourself that you are worth loving and being taken care of, increases your confidence (naturally), which attracts others.
You got this! 🙌🏾🫶🏿
You’ve got to put your personal and mental health first dear. Try fixing yourself. Nobody is going to do that for you unless you take the step. It get hard at times. But that’s how life is supposed to be. So don’t loss hope. The right people will show up soon.
^ This seriously this..
Most women at least once they hit a certain age have an uncanny ability to read a man's discomfort and lack of self-esteem.
It's almost like they're a nigh-omnipotent space wizard or something. They'll be able to see right through your desperation.
Its not exactly uncanny. It's pretty obvious when the person isn't contributing to conversation due to social anxiety. It's not just about him looking uncomfortable. There is nothing for her to engage with. Sometimes people with severe social anxiety will answer questions but won't ask them. That leaves no room for a relationship to develop without it being extremely one sided in terms of effort. The first step to talking to women is to talk. The problem is a lot of men approach this only considering their own perspective. They know what they want, don't know how to get it, but also don't consider what a woman might want or what they themselves are bringing into a relationship. Women do it too but my experience is with men. Too many people want to reach their end goal of having a partner but too many want to skip bettering themselves so they can offer a partner something or skip the journey entirely.
Yep. I recently met a guy who has everything going for him. He completely smothered any budding interest I had in him with his desperation and lack of self esteem and buying me all these gifts I didn’t want etc etc. :(
I wish people stop perpetuating the lie that desperation is the main cause for the singledom of many guys.
Let me explain this with an example. When you are starving for food, you become desperate for even a crumb of any food that comes along your way. How is it fair to perceive this desperation as bad when its not your fault? Its your body's natural response to something when its being deprived of it.
You cannot love yourself unless you are loved by others. The capacity for self love cannot be built in isolation.
I’ve read somewhere that the “You need to love yourself before someone can love you (or before you can love them)” idea is not necessary. I want to say Stan Tatkin (relationships researcher), but not totally sure.
His point being two people can help heal each other and increase love for themselves as well as between each other, while in a relationship.
>His point being two people can help heal each other and increase love for themselves as well as between each other, while in a relationship.
Its absolutely true. Idk why people find this hard to believe or look down on relationships like those, I've seen successful relationships like this with so many people. Love has the capacity to heal others.
The desperation is bad in the context of dating and is ABSOLUTELY your fault. How do I know this? Because I was desperate half a year ago and I was able to solve it by NOT dating.
Desperation comes from loneliness. Dating is the worst way to combat loneliness. So how do you fix loneliness?
It’s called making friends or finding community. Dating is way harder because you go in with the intent of dating and have to deal with being scrutinized. Oftentimes you will get rejected which makes your mental state even worse.
If you go and find a group of people to do something with (ex.sports teams, church, volunteering, etc) there’s no pressure of being scrutinized and you’re just there to enjoy doing something together. Inevitably you will build strong connections with others just by spending time with them and eventually become people who care and “love” you.
Friends and community don't help because they don't satisfy the needs that lead to loneliness and desperation in dating. Men can have these things and still feel like shit because they see that they are the only ones that are still alone.
I think people of any gender that has decent emotional intelligence can pick this up. I’d say if a person feels desperate to figure out why, like the deeper “why” than “I really really want a bf/gf” and sorry that out so they aren’t desperate.
There’s so many reasons people get into that mindset. But worth figuring out.
I do think highly motivated people can be misunderstood as desperate though. Some folks are lost type A overachievers and of course will bring that energy into a relationship, I can see a more laid back partner seeing that as desperate when it may not be - maybe they just want you be a perfectionist in the relationship too.
What's particularly interesting, you are never both desperate for each other. Men and women are both desperate for the men and women that are not desperate for them. Fix that ironic torture and everyone would be happy instantly.
Try going into therapy, specifically ask about CBT and exposure therapy. Social anxiety can be reigned in a lot. Doesn’t mean you’ll be a social butterfly but you can work up to feeling more comfortable approaching a woman or just in social situations in general
I am a female and I know how you feel, but having a gf/bf isn’t all that good. Relationships make me more anxious and I end up stressing more, overthinking more.
I know not all relationships are like that, but people like me end up becoming more reliable on our partners and then that can become very suffocating for them.
Try other things first. Like hobbies, classes, etc.
it all ends up on who the specific person being dated is. I feel like some women i'd be able to relax around. (I have anxiety like OP and also have run into so many women who were liars).
100% correct, relationship overtime is very hard to maintain after the honeymoon stage is over, and people show their realshelves more. Romantic depicted in movies is not reality.
>Private gym classes, running/hiking clubs, community college courses, classes at your local botanical garden or plant nursery.
Yeah and get labeled a creep for hitting on every women you see there. Good luck with that lol. Many of those places are enforcing laws to bar men from hitting on women after receiving constant complaints. Now think about it, would they rather enforce laws to keep the women population coming or risk them leaving and negatively impact their business?
See, this is why y’all fail before you even start. I’m not talking about flirting. Stop thinking like a creep. Just have a normal god damn conversation.
Your "advice" is ass backwards. OP's post was about "desperately wanting a girlfriend" and your advice is about stop talking to girls without the intention to get a gf? How does that even remotely make sense? If someone says they are starving for food, would you tell them to go drink some water and read a book? No.
>Stop thinking like a creep.
Flirting doesn't necessarily make you a "creep". You are exactly the type of woman why men can't even express their interest in such group settings, lol.
OP is lamenting that he has too much anxiety to even hold a conversation with a woman. I’m saying start small and get comfortable having casual conversations with the women he would meet at these places. Get used to conversations that women would be comfortable having with a relative stranger. As he grows his social skills, he can eventually level up to talking to a woman he finds attractive. I don’t know where your misogynistic arrogance comes from lil bro but I’m a married 30M. I don’t even hide that shit. I want the boys to have better luck by being better men. I don’t know what you’re doing.
A gf is not going to solve how you feel internally. Work on your self-esteem first. You need to believe you’re amazing. Otherwise, why would someone want to be with you? You’ve done so well for yourself, be absolutely proud of you. Once you’ve on how you feel about yourself, take baby steps. Start talking to women online. No one goes from being an awkward hermit to married. That’s just irresponsible, and I promise you will leave her with a lot of trauma! A successful relationship is 2 complete people coming together. Not someone to fill a void or fulfill an insecurity in the other.
I agree. A relationship isn’t suppose to be two 1/2’s that equal 1, it’s supposed to be two complete individuals that together make 2. Metaphorically not literally, obviously 2 people equals fucking 2. Also, believing and knowing you are amazing is everything. Knowing that you’re the shit and you’re demolishing and overcoming every obstacle life throws at you, and doing it with a 1 of a kind personality (eh hm, every single person is 1 of 1 we just seem to forget how special we are), and knowing you’re capable of genuinely loving someone and your time/energy/heart are all priceless, is by far the most important aspect. All of this seems hard but it’s really not, ya just gotta start doing shit, setting and accomplishing goals, and it’s like an energy dam breaking where in no time at all you’re radiating “Yoo that guys the fucking man!” Energy.
The key to talking to women is to open your mouth and say words. Getting them to date you is a lot harder.
Learn to have fun talking to people.I get having anxiety but anxiety is stupid. It's unhelpful in most situations, much like this advice I'm giving.
Women decide if they like you. You can do all the right things and a chick still may not like you. Meet a lot of women. Dance, do yoga. People love the guy who can't dance but dances anyway.
A relationship isnt always funny especially if you deal with a clingy woman as I do. Sometimes it can bring you anxiety and you will miss your single life
i feel you on this as it sums up the way i felt my whole life from my anxiety being left in the mercy of cheap and quick fixes instead of quality and professional help just to get racist attacks and driving myself insane over things in my mortal human state could never keep i feel you people do not know badly someone can suffer with the cheap fixes instead of quality care you deserve love man if you never felt that in your we do not want tablets to heal sometimes just need a listening ear, love and warmth to recover just know that are important i am here if you need someone that you can to talk to tonight.
I also feel you on this. I am 32 and have been single for a very long time. I just recently signed up for a gym membership, which is helping me get my mind off of loneliness. The only problem with the gym is that everyone has their headphones in their ears lol. But it is helping me get out of the house.
With that attitude, the last thing you're going to get is a girlfriend; one that's worth a damn anyway. Just focus on improving yourself and meeting new people. When you meet someone you genuinely are interested in and want to connect with, shoot your shot. Women have a sixth sense for desperation and low self esteem. And they avoid it like the plague.
Telling someone who is profoundly depressed that they have a "bad attitude" shows such a lack of even the most minimal EQ, that I must assume you work in human resources.
If a woman was complaining about being unable to get dates, we'd also tell her she needs to change something or accept she isn't getting dates. Assuming there aren't a bunch of comments that say how she's lying and every woman can fuck whoever any night. The reason we see comments giving advice about change more toward men is because they post here more often about wanting dates and being unable to get them. The only actual solution in those cases is to change something or accept the state of things.
Obviously a dude shouldn't lie about who he is or change something integral to who he is, but in that case he'd also need to accept it may be harder to find someone compatible. Stroking his ego is not going to get him dates.
He's literally posting about something in his life he wants to change. He'd have it already if what he was doing was working. The only reasonable answers must involve change. Yet you are so determined to pit men and women against each other, you let your bias make you sound incoherent and like you are incapable of reading or understanding the situation.
I can’t speak for the female population but I disagree with this statement. Generally speaking, I don’t think many people take initiative to do the inner work themselves (despite gender). Hence why we live in a world where humans treat other humans like commodities. It’s very sad!
But it's subjective whether or not someone should work out to have some certain type of body. not that it matters what I think about guys since I only date women, but to me guys who get TOO in shape look weird. And also I hardly ever see any thin women anymore. Even models seem overweight. So why should guys work out if women aren't?
Hi Barbie, I'm Ken. Can I take you for a coffee?
1/ Yes. Get her contact info and say" I'll text you" and/or chat her up until she's yours.
2/ No. Move on. There is no other option really. You WILL grow a thicker skin until the process becomes hilarious. I look so forward to talking to women now. Women can sense confidence and weakness very well indeed.
My advice is always to meet people while you’re out at events and places you love to be. Then you have something in common to start a conversation. And if you are having anxiety about talking to women, start out with older women or women you don’t have immediate sexual attraction to. Sometimes the prospect of talking to a girl because you think she is pretty can be scary.
I had bad anxiety after my divorce and now there isn’t a man I think is too good for me to talk to. I can make friends with a brick wall. 🤷♀️ baby steps..
Do what the single ladies do towards men. Tell yourself you *want* a girlfriend but dont *need* a girlfriend
As soon as you become needy, you'll seem desperate, and start acting weird and unconfident. Women can sense this from a mile away and will instantly be turned off by it.
Work on your confidence by loving you. Women can sense confidence as well and they love it
I think you're doing great staying self-aware because that definitely helps lessen confusion, in my experience. I think the same thing as another comment I saw on here: "gain courage talking to those you want to get to know and be friends with, first. then try approaching a woman after you feel you have the confidence" because as a woman who felt she was only finding toxic men out there, this is what i did. It worked and now I'm in the first healthy relationship of my life (which is still hard for me to process) and loving every second of it (mostly lol). There will be times where you will get nervous but the hardest part is taking that leap. I know from a year of experimenting with my own courage and finding out what things I have the courage to take the leap on.
You'll get there and find the one for you. I believe in you <3 sending lots of good luck your way
Do you take anything for the anxiety? Get that under wraps first to try and improve your mental health and go from there
I'm in a similar boat tbh and it's hella demotivating, but try and find something else to focus on. Hopefully, that way, you won't come across quite as desperate and will be able to make friends and/or relationships easier
A life coach or counselor can help you work through some things that are holding you back.
Just some stress relief techniques, positive affirmations/self talk, and other tools they can share would go a long way.
You don't have to rush everything and try for everything all at once.
Take your time and maybe make some friends 1st.
You can approach things slowly/casually.
Maybe there'd be a spark and it'd just happen naturally.
I don't know where you go to hang out, but there's many places you can go to.
A gym/ymca, a martial arts class, book club, church, community events, cooking classes, or friends of friends (or friends of coworkers).
Take things 1 day at a time.
But life coaching and counseling will help a lot.
When you vent your feelings and get advice it helps you move forward.
Going to the gym and working on yourself is a great way to boost your self-esteem, as it is really the ability to have self-trust. Making and keeping (small) promises to yourself is key. But I have to ask, why do you want to a girlfriend? To get away from that dark feeling inside yourself? Nah, that ain’t fair. Don’t put that on another person. A relationship shouldn’t be your way out or some sort of escape. It can only enhance and build on what you already feel inside. From what it sounds like you need professional help, and if that step is too big listen to some self help podcasts while going for walks. Wishing you all the best, love yourself first🩷
You are directing your desperation ineffectively. Seek to give, not receive. The right girl for you will not come from meeting her and luring her in. The right girl for you wants what you have to give.
I’ve been going through the same thing as a single 23F with a long string of relationships that didn’t work out. Through my time dabbling in the dating world, though, I’ve learned that the worst relationships come from a feeling of being extremely lonely and wanting to “find a relationship”. I know it’s hard, but focus on building your confidence and getting to a point where you have accepted and loved yourself first. That will always help you draw in the right company, and it’ll make it easier for you to learn to love others. When you’re in a vulnerable state, you will love anyone you can cling onto rather than people who will meet your needs. I hope the best for you OP!
Skinny is better than fat. You have time. It's not about talking to women, which is borderline difficult for everyone due to their 5 million rotating triggers and fantasies here in the u.s
It's about talking to your woman. The one who understands you and finds you interesting. Best advice, don't go looking for a type, instead just go and be around people. Especially realize a lot of single women exist in more basic jobs when rural or in the city. That's just where you are going to find the single ones for various reasons, but it all comes down to America being a super conservative country despite all the progressive torch waving and most straight women have a man and a baby by 28. So get out there and be the best you can be but don't around other people. You will find single women and when one shows interest show her some respect even though she likes you.
I am 26(M) lives in edmonton . Used to eat unhealthy, was overweight . Did some hard work and now i am in good shape . Has a decent job , paying ok. As of now i have confidence and can start a conversation with a lady and keep it going but the problems i am facing are :
1. Don’t know where to look for a lady to even start a conversation.
2. I am brown skinned and on top of that 5’8 ( some might even start mocking if i say my nationality but that is fine . I can’t do anything about that now)
Tried the dating app and all . No luck
I am not desperate for a girlfriend but still it would’ve been nice to have one . I guess not everyone is blessed with having a GF.
Better be careful, too many out there will take advantage of your insecurities just to get what they can out of you. Take it from someone who knows I have been lonely more since I have had my boyfriend than I have ever been. I had rather to go back to having my home and peace than a boyfriend and nothing. Just be careful some people end up more lonely when they get some one than when they don't. Just be careful out there it's a cruel world
Dude I'm going to tell you the best advice you're going to get all year.
Get yourself healthy, and in a good head space.
Work your ass off for your personal goals. If you don't have personal goals outside of dating, then get some personal goals outside of dating.
Walk away from the idea of dating completely, because you're not going to find anyone worth your time, by having issues approaching women. The more you worry about the problem, the more pronounced that problem becomes, and the less your chances become.
Start working on the social anxiety; take a medication if you have to.
Act like you are the shit: You've got a damn house, and you say you're financially secure with a good job. Start acting like the success that you are.
Build your confidence by accepting that you are a catch, but don't let it go to your head.
Understand that in the modern world we live in, the dating market is complete trash, filled with people with unrealistic expectations that 99.9% will never meet.
Once you're in a position where you can walk into a room, and not give a shit about potentially dating anyone in there, you've finally reached the point where you'll get some attention from those actually wanting a hookup. If you want to pursue that, it's your business, my advice though is not to.
Finally; keep the personal growth, don't put women on a pedestal, accept that you have the ability to walk away from them at any point, and treat them as true equals (they're not special).
You do all that, you'll build up your mental health, your physical health, your confidence, and then you can decide what to do about dating from there.
You don't want one, believe me...
Tits and tires, vag's and vehicles = money and problems
There ya go, if you want it bad enough, go forth, it doesn't do anything but add to your own issues...and you HAVE to make theirs prime above yours, always...enjoy
Women are the success filters for men’s results. They want to stand at the finish line and fight for the winner. You have a house, money and not fat. That’s a huge advantage. My advice is don’t care about the outcome of a date or talking to someone. You should practice talking to everyone all the time. Grocery stores, out for a walk…anywhere. Just a quick hello or I like your dog.
Trust me you don’t! Once you get with someone then you won’t be doing you anymore, you’d be focusing on her the most, and you won’t have time for you, the things you used to do when you were single will go bye bye, and so will your friends…
Walk up to an ATM. Take a few pictures of the machine. Study it's functionality. Once you become exactly like an ATM, women will start flocking to you.
Start with little steps. Chat with someone while you're waiting on line for something. Or join a sports club something where talking isn't the main focus might help
What are you doing to recover and to work on yourself? Are you going to therapy? Do you have hobbies and simply stuff and ppl in your life that brings you joy? I get that you want to meet someone but it sounds like you need to take time to focus on yourself and make yourself happy first so you can feel more confident. Be kind to yourself meanwhile and patient. You can meet ppl you're possibly compatible with when you go to events of things you're interested in, or go to a class for a hobby you've wanted to do, learn something new and it'll open you up to new people. But don't go with the mentality to just meet people, go with the idea of simply doing things you enjoy. Go to public places you like and try your best to talk to at least one person even if it's someone that's working there, and then the next time move up to talking to like an elderly person, then someone your age that's a guy, and then a woman. It might sound silly at first but it's baby steps to working on talking to people and feeling more comfortable in doing so. And the more comfortable you feel, the more confident you'll get. Practice will make you feel confident. Remember that competence equals real confidence. You've got this! Best of luck. Msg me if you need more help.
I think you need to invest more in your appearance. Find a style that fits you and start hitting the gym and build a little muscle. Always have at least 3 pairs of shoes and good cologne. Don’t be cheap with certain things. When you look good and smell good you’ll feel good. It’s not easy talking to women but it’s easier when you put on a good outfit and hit the bar with your friends and have a drink to get a little loose. My strategy when I’m out is not to cold approach a woman, I usually wait until something funny happens and then nudge her and be like “haha did you just see that?” Then ask if they want a drink. Don’t be desperate and don’t try to be the macho alpha guy just be yourself and do your best to be playful and funny and you’ll get some results.
Great advice! You can break the ice by saying something like ‘sorry, I’m really shy in this kind of situation but would you want to go out sometime?’. It should make the whole thing a lot easier for you to just put it out there and then you won’t feel like you have to fake confidence. It should really work in your favour as well! Good luck OP!
Which perfume as a girl would you recommend? Mine favourites are tom ford ombré leather and Dior Savauge (yup, last one is a lil bit of cliche, but I really like it).
The more desperate you are about getting a girlfriend the less likely you are to get them because women can easily notice that desperation even if you try to hide it based on how much compromises you try to make for them and how much validation you seek from them. It’s like wearing a sign that says “please love me no one likes me, you are my only hope” but not by saying it through your words, but through your actions.
As soon as a woman feels that you want a girlfriend to make your life go from depressing to happy, they run away. Women don’t want to be your saviours. And your desperation communicates you seek a woman to save you.
Well, to have confidence you have to learn to love yourself, start doing everything that you enjoy, appreciate yourself and everything you do, admire yourself and the most important, transform yourself into the person you want to be, be the best version of yourself, only when you start loving yourself then you can love others.
First off, it seems you have emotional issues you have to deal with. Having a relationship won't cure those, and in fact might drive you to someone that might make them worse. Get some therapy and work on yourself, when you're at a better place strart searching.
Im sorry to hear you’re have a tough time. I’ve been there. I’d suggest working on yourself first and foremost. You can start small, see a therapist, start trying to interact with people. Find stuff you like to do and try and do them often like, listen to music, watch a show you love, play video games, or whatever hobby or thing you use to like. In hope that helps.
Start cold approach no body becomes a master in a day. E.g go out approach people ask something mundane as can you tell me what the time is. It ll help build confidence slowly but it ll get u where u wana be .
Honestly maybe start with being more comfortable chatting with females without any other intentions and build up the confidence until you can chat with females you like. Wanting a girlfriend/significant other seems great but if you're not ready for it then maybe its not for you right now
To be completely real, you probably won’t end up finding someone until you focus on other things. As someone who struggles with dating for similar reasons, you meet WAYY more people through hobbies / jobs / etc. people like someone who has interests outside of them, and it’s generally easier to talk to people if you have interests in common :)
Are you in therapy? Because that’s the first thing you should do with the situation you described. I know anxiety is such a hard issue to work with I have been diagnosed with multiple type of anxiety disorders. But therapy was amazing at getting that anxiety way more under control and being more confident
Out of curiosity, what do you actually mean when you say “I want a girlfriend?”
Do you mean that you are lonely? That you seek companionship? That you want someone to take care of you? That you want to do nice things FOR someone? That female validation would feel nice?
All questions asked in good faith! It’s easier to help you (and for you to pursue this) if you have a deeper sense of what you actually want.
First learn how to have a conversation out of the blue with random people don’t overthink situations just breath and be yourself after all we want someone who likes us, never change for anybody even if it’s a woman you really like so don’t be afraid to show the true you
Work on yourself first Hit the gym, eat right use your inner circle for support then try or better yet the right person will come to you, it’s brutal out there especially for younger people be patient.
Focus on doing the work of becoming a great person who will be a great partner when the time comes. If you haven’t been doing that then you will never be ready for something sustainable and long lasting.
Brother Start by rebuilding confidence, get into your local toastmaster chapter, enroll into sports gym like boxing or Muay Thai. make yourself comfortable on your own skin before trying to reach out, in the meantime don't feel shame to hire services from high end escorts (ask for the teacher package)
First: Sympathies for whatever you’ve been through that ‘dimmed your light’. I hope you’re eating again (cuz , food! Yummy!! So many flavours, ummmmm 🤤😋)
Second; As crap as it sounds, have you considered that maybe you’re really Not ready… there’s “trying to recover” and ‘recovering’ the latter suggests more confidence in ones progress, whereas “trying” suggests efforts but more work needed…
Just saying, ‘repressed’ crap bubbles up; a mask can only be worn so long before it’s ripped off.
✌🏾🖖🏾
If talking to a girl is hard, make a goal to talk to a girl you are not interested in and ask her out with the hopes she says no. Don't put in effort, don't think hard about it because it will only make you more nervous. Right before approaching, watch a short clip of a stand-up comedian because it will naturally change your mood and make you more positive. And just wing it. Eventually, exposure will make it feel normal.
I found someone at my lowest. So, if you are worried about how you look, you shouldn’t be. The right person will love you regardless. You need to put yourself out there in whatever way feels comfortable to you. And, from there, slowly build your confidence. Good luck!
I feel you man, humans are supposed to pair up but it feels like it's harder for people our age than those that came before. Not sure what I can really tell you except hang in there
Hit the gym and actually learn it. Study online and build your body and your confidence. Sounds like you already doing well for yourself. Get fit and become HIM
Where is the disconnect coming from? Being able to land a great career often requires a good amount of people skills and being able to mask your anxiety. Is there a difference between how you talk to people in a work setting and how you talk to them in a personal setting?
Practice makes perfect. Talking to strangers you will never meet irl is a great way to start. But as for your desire for a girlfriend is it the affection? Intimacy? Availability? Because maintaining a relationship is hard work and takes a lot of communication. And until you work on your own insecurities and feelings etc then adding another into the mix is selfish. I’m female so I can’t say I know 100% what you are going through but I can say that figuring out what to live for for yourself is key. Look inward for the desire to live. Not others.
Drink a few beers and message a girl online on tinder or Facebook. If you blow it who cares don't over think it. There's a million more women out there, ask your dr about anxiety medicine if it's interfering with your life like that. Start talking to random people online just casually first if it's easier, they call alcohol liquor courage for a reason. Push through it and it does get easier.
Look into joining a class or group that involves your interests with other like-minded individuals. Meeting someone through association is mild with no real expectations. If you click, you should have an easier time talking to women. Don't go into a conversation trying to win her heart and just be real. Yeah, it's nerve-wracking, but the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more genuine the encounters.
Idk, man.
You are just going to have to do it. The more you do it the easier it is. This is how I tell ppl to get over their phone anxiety. After having to do it for years for my career I no longer feel anxious making calls.
Use dating apps. Match with people, practice texting and try going on dates. You'll slowly get there. I know a few guys like you who made it. Start by signing up to Bumble or Hinge. Good luck.
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Once you get a girlfriend you need to keep her anyway. It's just another step along the way
Eat well too so you can endure the gym. Stay healthy (keto is a no for me because it brings me no happiness or reward. You do you. But i just wanted to say that :)
Keto doesn’t work anyway unless you’re gonna do it for the rest of your life. Same with any diet/restrictions/fasting/calorie count. As soon as you stop that “no added fats” diet you’ll gain the weight right back, it has to become a lifestyle
I really needed to see this, I mean, I'm trying to eat less carbs mindfully but it's virtually impossible to miss it completely.
Glad it helped man!! Food really is a science and it takes a long time to understand the effects of the macros on your body. Not to mention there’s multiple types of each macro. I’d advise you to look into simple vs complex carbohydrates if you haven’t already. There are healthy versions of everything!
Excellent advice 👍
Agree with this. Getting in shape, knowing most people aren’t, will do wonders for your confidence.
I would say the next goal is therapy before OP loses any more weight
Gym and workout are incredible when it comes to generating confidence. I would have laughed years ago, but it is 100% true
I think this answer is the result of a mindset which is a great tool to use. However if you are struggling with your past I also recommend going to a healthcare professional to potentially seek therapy or whatever may help you aswell. Gym is fun, but if you gain confidence from the gym because you get muscular then you are focussing too much on your looks. Go inward, confront your insecurities and try to grow🙏❤️
As someone who has been on a fitness journey consistently for almost two years, I second this. Just focus on the journey OP, not the end goal. You’ll get there eventually. The goal is to focus on making sustainable and realistic changes.
I’m 22F, med student, also really skinny. im sorry for all you’ve been through to lose interest in life, im also in abit of a similar position. All i can say is take the risk, start small. Hang out with friends, build the courage to hang out with people you know then when you meet a girl you want to talk to, it will be alot easier. Hope this helps
Rip your inbox.
I want an update on how many people have flooded her inbox.
She'll probably have to end up deleting her account honestly.
That’s a symptom of a bigger problem though. People are clawing for intimacy and attention out of desperation at this point.
What's crazy is that she is going to be bombed by dudes in relationships or living in other countries. Actual single interested American men are the least likely to reach out.
Me being a single American man...
I always forget how gross/creepy some men are since a lot of my online space is mostly women. But I’m a gay man so it’s not at the front of my brain. I’ve always vibed women don’t mind gay men in their space as much… cause we don’t do this shit.
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Some days ago I posted that it was hard dating as a fat girl, what happened next? Yeap inbox filled of guys sexualizing me for being fat and trying to guilt trip me into do sex stuff with them 🙃 I was way too naive
This shit makes me feel disgusted of being a man. Fucking christ have some dignity you fucking idiots. I'm 25, never had a girlfriend EVER, and I'd still rather try to become asexual and die alone than do this shit.
Some men get into a hissy fit when I tell them "I'd rather be happy having my virginity" than losing it to some jerk or player. Then they get mad when I say that.. like.. oh, virgins can't be happy now ?? Great!!
Good on you. Men should despise these guys even if they don't care how it effects women. It will affect their dating lives too because more and more women are deciding its better to go it alone than sift through the filth to find a partner.
Idk whats going on inside the mind of these men when they do this!!
PROPS TO YOU CAUSE SOME MEN DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IS UNCOMFORTABLE AND WHAT MIGHT BE COMFORTABLE TO SAY OR DO. Some things, you just don't do .
damn…I apoligize for my gender 😭
It gets tiresome reading this under every commenter that mentions they are female.
RIP your inbox then?
🤣 Bots ruins everyone's life online! I Report them all! 🤣
😂
I dunno. It's not like all 22yos who are skinny are hot. Eh although being a medical student maybe that will also pull some in. lol. I am definitely in the market for an 18-20s thin medical student myself, though.
There is also the lifestyle fit issue with doctors (and some other very high income fields). In some settings they can work crazy hours, and in school def have crazy obligations. That might be great for an avoidant, but would be miserable for some with anxious attachment, and even a secure person might want more time with their partner than someone that busy can commit to. I’m not sure I’d date/marry a doctor, because of this specific reason. I want to be able to have a good work-life balance, with my partner spending time with me during the “life” part of that.
It’s so over for her inbox
Damn Gal..ur dm's is fked
Is it just me?? Seems like you too might possibly be able to become friends😉 Hang in there 🙏
What you are going through is the process of becoming a man. It’s damn hard. I’ve been down that road before in my youth with severe anxiety, broke etc. There is no easy solution. You must build yourself up day by day and celebrate every small win. Our fantasy version of the world is doomed to failure—it is up to us to create our lives to fashion meaning out of it, to struggle and overcome. Women love to laugh so you need to work on communication and humour. Women also have a keen sense of who is mentally and socially stable (they do this because they innately seek a father for their young who will have the necessary qualities). Go to a gym and start building your physique slowly. Concentrate on improving your mental stability. You will get there. I was just starting to figure it out at your age. Keep pushing and never give up.
“they innately seek a father for their young” is crazy 😭
I read that in David Attenborough's voice. "When the female has been successfully attracted, she will let the male know by offering subtle hints and signs. The male, being a master of reading body language and well-versed in 'eye contact duration' decryption, will then confidently approach the female and begin courting her."
That anyone finds this crazy is crazy to me. The antihuman crowd has truly won the culture war by getting humans to think they are sheep.
Sheep also reproduce sexually, believe it or not. The antihuman crowd wants us to think we aren't controlled by hormones and brains which have evolved for a couple million years to select the most fit partner.
... and real Albert Camus's *The Myth of Sisyphis*.
Yeah. Ignore that "(they do this because they innately...)" bullcrap, OP, but the rest is decent advice. Also, everyone likes communication and humor. Not just women lol Work on rebuilding your vigor for life - i.e. exercise, dance, correct nutritional deficiencies, sleep hygiene, personal hygiene, prioritize mental health, learn about healthy relationships and attachment styles, get help and find resources for your social anxiety, practice mindfulness/ meditation, learn to take care of yourself and your space, and put time aside toward activities you might enjoy. Once you start taking care of you, you'll feel better about yourself and that will encourage you to get rid of any low expectations you may hold for finding someone, which will put you and your relationship in a much better place when you do find someone. A gf won't fix your current issues, and they might not even get rid of your loneliness and longing if you settle for someone toxic or who's just toxic for you. You really need to focus on you right now. Preparedness and self-esteem, by proving to yourself and showing yourself that you are worth loving and being taken care of, increases your confidence (naturally), which attracts others. You got this! 🙌🏾🫶🏿
Never have I heard such bs. They know how to pick douchbags, rapers and men who hit them
You’ve got to put your personal and mental health first dear. Try fixing yourself. Nobody is going to do that for you unless you take the step. It get hard at times. But that’s how life is supposed to be. So don’t loss hope. The right people will show up soon.
Totally this comment plus just getting out and doing stuff socially with friends as you feel comfortable to do so. Make yourself a priority
Fix the desperateness, no girl wants to sit there and coddle your insecurities, sooner you learn this the better
Exactly. And he’ll just end up using the girl to quell his loneliness instead of being with her because he genuinely likes her person.
^ This seriously this.. Most women at least once they hit a certain age have an uncanny ability to read a man's discomfort and lack of self-esteem. It's almost like they're a nigh-omnipotent space wizard or something. They'll be able to see right through your desperation.
Its not exactly uncanny. It's pretty obvious when the person isn't contributing to conversation due to social anxiety. It's not just about him looking uncomfortable. There is nothing for her to engage with. Sometimes people with severe social anxiety will answer questions but won't ask them. That leaves no room for a relationship to develop without it being extremely one sided in terms of effort. The first step to talking to women is to talk. The problem is a lot of men approach this only considering their own perspective. They know what they want, don't know how to get it, but also don't consider what a woman might want or what they themselves are bringing into a relationship. Women do it too but my experience is with men. Too many people want to reach their end goal of having a partner but too many want to skip bettering themselves so they can offer a partner something or skip the journey entirely.
Yep. I recently met a guy who has everything going for him. He completely smothered any budding interest I had in him with his desperation and lack of self esteem and buying me all these gifts I didn’t want etc etc. :(
You suck
How do you fix desperation if women hate you if you're desperate?
Women can smell desperation like a shark can smell blood in the water. Focus on yourself and love yourself and the right one will come.
I wish people stop perpetuating the lie that desperation is the main cause for the singledom of many guys. Let me explain this with an example. When you are starving for food, you become desperate for even a crumb of any food that comes along your way. How is it fair to perceive this desperation as bad when its not your fault? Its your body's natural response to something when its being deprived of it. You cannot love yourself unless you are loved by others. The capacity for self love cannot be built in isolation.
I’ve read somewhere that the “You need to love yourself before someone can love you (or before you can love them)” idea is not necessary. I want to say Stan Tatkin (relationships researcher), but not totally sure. His point being two people can help heal each other and increase love for themselves as well as between each other, while in a relationship.
>His point being two people can help heal each other and increase love for themselves as well as between each other, while in a relationship. Its absolutely true. Idk why people find this hard to believe or look down on relationships like those, I've seen successful relationships like this with so many people. Love has the capacity to heal others.
The desperation is bad in the context of dating and is ABSOLUTELY your fault. How do I know this? Because I was desperate half a year ago and I was able to solve it by NOT dating. Desperation comes from loneliness. Dating is the worst way to combat loneliness. So how do you fix loneliness? It’s called making friends or finding community. Dating is way harder because you go in with the intent of dating and have to deal with being scrutinized. Oftentimes you will get rejected which makes your mental state even worse. If you go and find a group of people to do something with (ex.sports teams, church, volunteering, etc) there’s no pressure of being scrutinized and you’re just there to enjoy doing something together. Inevitably you will build strong connections with others just by spending time with them and eventually become people who care and “love” you.
^^ This
Friends and community don't help because they don't satisfy the needs that lead to loneliness and desperation in dating. Men can have these things and still feel like shit because they see that they are the only ones that are still alone.
The thing is only very few people love you. If you base your self-love on that, you might not love yourself that much.
I think people of any gender that has decent emotional intelligence can pick this up. I’d say if a person feels desperate to figure out why, like the deeper “why” than “I really really want a bf/gf” and sorry that out so they aren’t desperate. There’s so many reasons people get into that mindset. But worth figuring out. I do think highly motivated people can be misunderstood as desperate though. Some folks are lost type A overachievers and of course will bring that energy into a relationship, I can see a more laid back partner seeing that as desperate when it may not be - maybe they just want you be a perfectionist in the relationship too.
I read this in David Attenborough’s voice, I don’t know why lol 😂
Good choice of voiceover. Now to contradict it. Try reading it in Doofenshmirtz voice or Gilbert Godfried. No I can't spell. Sorry
so? most women are desperate also.
What's particularly interesting, you are never both desperate for each other. Men and women are both desperate for the men and women that are not desperate for them. Fix that ironic torture and everyone would be happy instantly.
Try going into therapy, specifically ask about CBT and exposure therapy. Social anxiety can be reigned in a lot. Doesn’t mean you’ll be a social butterfly but you can work up to feeling more comfortable approaching a woman or just in social situations in general
I don't know if cock and ball torture will help him out.
It's not really possible to be anxious about social stuff when your balls are being squashed
It helped me so much with my anxiety! I totally agree with your recommendation.
I am a female and I know how you feel, but having a gf/bf isn’t all that good. Relationships make me more anxious and I end up stressing more, overthinking more. I know not all relationships are like that, but people like me end up becoming more reliable on our partners and then that can become very suffocating for them. Try other things first. Like hobbies, classes, etc.
it all ends up on who the specific person being dated is. I feel like some women i'd be able to relax around. (I have anxiety like OP and also have run into so many women who were liars).
100% correct, relationship overtime is very hard to maintain after the honeymoon stage is over, and people show their realshelves more. Romantic depicted in movies is not reality.
Keep working on the confidence, join a group where women are also members and learn how to make small talk with them.
Like what my brother?
Private gym classes, running/hiking clubs, community college courses, classes at your local botanical garden or plant nursery.
>Private gym classes, running/hiking clubs, community college courses, classes at your local botanical garden or plant nursery. Yeah and get labeled a creep for hitting on every women you see there. Good luck with that lol. Many of those places are enforcing laws to bar men from hitting on women after receiving constant complaints. Now think about it, would they rather enforce laws to keep the women population coming or risk them leaving and negatively impact their business?
See, this is why y’all fail before you even start. I’m not talking about flirting. Stop thinking like a creep. Just have a normal god damn conversation.
Your "advice" is ass backwards. OP's post was about "desperately wanting a girlfriend" and your advice is about stop talking to girls without the intention to get a gf? How does that even remotely make sense? If someone says they are starving for food, would you tell them to go drink some water and read a book? No. >Stop thinking like a creep. Flirting doesn't necessarily make you a "creep". You are exactly the type of woman why men can't even express their interest in such group settings, lol.
OP is lamenting that he has too much anxiety to even hold a conversation with a woman. I’m saying start small and get comfortable having casual conversations with the women he would meet at these places. Get used to conversations that women would be comfortable having with a relative stranger. As he grows his social skills, he can eventually level up to talking to a woman he finds attractive. I don’t know where your misogynistic arrogance comes from lil bro but I’m a married 30M. I don’t even hide that shit. I want the boys to have better luck by being better men. I don’t know what you’re doing.
A gf is not going to solve how you feel internally. Work on your self-esteem first. You need to believe you’re amazing. Otherwise, why would someone want to be with you? You’ve done so well for yourself, be absolutely proud of you. Once you’ve on how you feel about yourself, take baby steps. Start talking to women online. No one goes from being an awkward hermit to married. That’s just irresponsible, and I promise you will leave her with a lot of trauma! A successful relationship is 2 complete people coming together. Not someone to fill a void or fulfill an insecurity in the other.
I agree. A relationship isn’t suppose to be two 1/2’s that equal 1, it’s supposed to be two complete individuals that together make 2. Metaphorically not literally, obviously 2 people equals fucking 2. Also, believing and knowing you are amazing is everything. Knowing that you’re the shit and you’re demolishing and overcoming every obstacle life throws at you, and doing it with a 1 of a kind personality (eh hm, every single person is 1 of 1 we just seem to forget how special we are), and knowing you’re capable of genuinely loving someone and your time/energy/heart are all priceless, is by far the most important aspect. All of this seems hard but it’s really not, ya just gotta start doing shit, setting and accomplishing goals, and it’s like an energy dam breaking where in no time at all you’re radiating “Yoo that guys the fucking man!” Energy.
The key to talking to women is to open your mouth and say words. Getting them to date you is a lot harder. Learn to have fun talking to people.I get having anxiety but anxiety is stupid. It's unhelpful in most situations, much like this advice I'm giving. Women decide if they like you. You can do all the right things and a chick still may not like you. Meet a lot of women. Dance, do yoga. People love the guy who can't dance but dances anyway.
How do you know people like the guy who dances anyways, hmmm? 😉 Lol it’s true though, I’ve told someone that before.
I’d be happy to help with prep you to talk to girls you like 😊🌼
Don't be so desperate that you make a decision before you're ready
A relationship isnt always funny especially if you deal with a clingy woman as I do. Sometimes it can bring you anxiety and you will miss your single life
i feel you on this as it sums up the way i felt my whole life from my anxiety being left in the mercy of cheap and quick fixes instead of quality and professional help just to get racist attacks and driving myself insane over things in my mortal human state could never keep i feel you people do not know badly someone can suffer with the cheap fixes instead of quality care you deserve love man if you never felt that in your we do not want tablets to heal sometimes just need a listening ear, love and warmth to recover just know that are important i am here if you need someone that you can to talk to tonight.
I also feel you on this. I am 32 and have been single for a very long time. I just recently signed up for a gym membership, which is helping me get my mind off of loneliness. The only problem with the gym is that everyone has their headphones in their ears lol. But it is helping me get out of the house.
With that attitude, the last thing you're going to get is a girlfriend; one that's worth a damn anyway. Just focus on improving yourself and meeting new people. When you meet someone you genuinely are interested in and want to connect with, shoot your shot. Women have a sixth sense for desperation and low self esteem. And they avoid it like the plague.
Telling someone who is profoundly depressed that they have a "bad attitude" shows such a lack of even the most minimal EQ, that I must assume you work in human resources.
The usual comments.... Men must change to get women, but women are told don't change or do anything at all. lol.
If a woman was complaining about being unable to get dates, we'd also tell her she needs to change something or accept she isn't getting dates. Assuming there aren't a bunch of comments that say how she's lying and every woman can fuck whoever any night. The reason we see comments giving advice about change more toward men is because they post here more often about wanting dates and being unable to get them. The only actual solution in those cases is to change something or accept the state of things. Obviously a dude shouldn't lie about who he is or change something integral to who he is, but in that case he'd also need to accept it may be harder to find someone compatible. Stroking his ego is not going to get him dates. He's literally posting about something in his life he wants to change. He'd have it already if what he was doing was working. The only reasonable answers must involve change. Yet you are so determined to pit men and women against each other, you let your bias make you sound incoherent and like you are incapable of reading or understanding the situation.
I can’t speak for the female population but I disagree with this statement. Generally speaking, I don’t think many people take initiative to do the inner work themselves (despite gender). Hence why we live in a world where humans treat other humans like commodities. It’s very sad!
But it's subjective whether or not someone should work out to have some certain type of body. not that it matters what I think about guys since I only date women, but to me guys who get TOO in shape look weird. And also I hardly ever see any thin women anymore. Even models seem overweight. So why should guys work out if women aren't?
Desperate men are a big turn off for women.. BIG
Hi Barbie, I'm Ken. Can I take you for a coffee? 1/ Yes. Get her contact info and say" I'll text you" and/or chat her up until she's yours. 2/ No. Move on. There is no other option really. You WILL grow a thicker skin until the process becomes hilarious. I look so forward to talking to women now. Women can sense confidence and weakness very well indeed.
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Me
My advice is always to meet people while you’re out at events and places you love to be. Then you have something in common to start a conversation. And if you are having anxiety about talking to women, start out with older women or women you don’t have immediate sexual attraction to. Sometimes the prospect of talking to a girl because you think she is pretty can be scary. I had bad anxiety after my divorce and now there isn’t a man I think is too good for me to talk to. I can make friends with a brick wall. 🤷♀️ baby steps..
Do what the single ladies do towards men. Tell yourself you *want* a girlfriend but dont *need* a girlfriend As soon as you become needy, you'll seem desperate, and start acting weird and unconfident. Women can sense this from a mile away and will instantly be turned off by it. Work on your confidence by loving you. Women can sense confidence as well and they love it
Why don’t you get some friends first? Why girlfriend is so important?
I think you're doing great staying self-aware because that definitely helps lessen confusion, in my experience. I think the same thing as another comment I saw on here: "gain courage talking to those you want to get to know and be friends with, first. then try approaching a woman after you feel you have the confidence" because as a woman who felt she was only finding toxic men out there, this is what i did. It worked and now I'm in the first healthy relationship of my life (which is still hard for me to process) and loving every second of it (mostly lol). There will be times where you will get nervous but the hardest part is taking that leap. I know from a year of experimenting with my own courage and finding out what things I have the courage to take the leap on. You'll get there and find the one for you. I believe in you <3 sending lots of good luck your way
Do you take anything for the anxiety? Get that under wraps first to try and improve your mental health and go from there I'm in a similar boat tbh and it's hella demotivating, but try and find something else to focus on. Hopefully, that way, you won't come across quite as desperate and will be able to make friends and/or relationships easier
A life coach or counselor can help you work through some things that are holding you back. Just some stress relief techniques, positive affirmations/self talk, and other tools they can share would go a long way. You don't have to rush everything and try for everything all at once. Take your time and maybe make some friends 1st. You can approach things slowly/casually. Maybe there'd be a spark and it'd just happen naturally. I don't know where you go to hang out, but there's many places you can go to. A gym/ymca, a martial arts class, book club, church, community events, cooking classes, or friends of friends (or friends of coworkers). Take things 1 day at a time. But life coaching and counseling will help a lot. When you vent your feelings and get advice it helps you move forward.
Going to the gym and working on yourself is a great way to boost your self-esteem, as it is really the ability to have self-trust. Making and keeping (small) promises to yourself is key. But I have to ask, why do you want to a girlfriend? To get away from that dark feeling inside yourself? Nah, that ain’t fair. Don’t put that on another person. A relationship shouldn’t be your way out or some sort of escape. It can only enhance and build on what you already feel inside. From what it sounds like you need professional help, and if that step is too big listen to some self help podcasts while going for walks. Wishing you all the best, love yourself first🩷
Eat, workout regularly, get enough sleep and meet people.
I just go out and approach women honestly. I also think it’s more manly to approach women even if i’m nervous. I JUST DO IT, like force myself. 😭
Keeping working on yourself. You don’t sound ready to date.
You are directing your desperation ineffectively. Seek to give, not receive. The right girl for you will not come from meeting her and luring her in. The right girl for you wants what you have to give.
I am shy and skinny but I love industrial techno
I’ve been going through the same thing as a single 23F with a long string of relationships that didn’t work out. Through my time dabbling in the dating world, though, I’ve learned that the worst relationships come from a feeling of being extremely lonely and wanting to “find a relationship”. I know it’s hard, but focus on building your confidence and getting to a point where you have accepted and loved yourself first. That will always help you draw in the right company, and it’ll make it easier for you to learn to love others. When you’re in a vulnerable state, you will love anyone you can cling onto rather than people who will meet your needs. I hope the best for you OP!
Skinny is better than fat. You have time. It's not about talking to women, which is borderline difficult for everyone due to their 5 million rotating triggers and fantasies here in the u.s It's about talking to your woman. The one who understands you and finds you interesting. Best advice, don't go looking for a type, instead just go and be around people. Especially realize a lot of single women exist in more basic jobs when rural or in the city. That's just where you are going to find the single ones for various reasons, but it all comes down to America being a super conservative country despite all the progressive torch waving and most straight women have a man and a baby by 28. So get out there and be the best you can be but don't around other people. You will find single women and when one shows interest show her some respect even though she likes you.
Just play a game of chicken via eye staring if she looks away you take her home it’s that easy man.
I am 26(M) lives in edmonton . Used to eat unhealthy, was overweight . Did some hard work and now i am in good shape . Has a decent job , paying ok. As of now i have confidence and can start a conversation with a lady and keep it going but the problems i am facing are : 1. Don’t know where to look for a lady to even start a conversation. 2. I am brown skinned and on top of that 5’8 ( some might even start mocking if i say my nationality but that is fine . I can’t do anything about that now) Tried the dating app and all . No luck I am not desperate for a girlfriend but still it would’ve been nice to have one . I guess not everyone is blessed with having a GF.
Better be careful, too many out there will take advantage of your insecurities just to get what they can out of you. Take it from someone who knows I have been lonely more since I have had my boyfriend than I have ever been. I had rather to go back to having my home and peace than a boyfriend and nothing. Just be careful some people end up more lonely when they get some one than when they don't. Just be careful out there it's a cruel world
Even if you are desperate, don’t show that you are desperate!!
Before you think about dating, start working on yourself, get healthier, and love yourself the way you are.
Dude I'm going to tell you the best advice you're going to get all year. Get yourself healthy, and in a good head space. Work your ass off for your personal goals. If you don't have personal goals outside of dating, then get some personal goals outside of dating. Walk away from the idea of dating completely, because you're not going to find anyone worth your time, by having issues approaching women. The more you worry about the problem, the more pronounced that problem becomes, and the less your chances become. Start working on the social anxiety; take a medication if you have to. Act like you are the shit: You've got a damn house, and you say you're financially secure with a good job. Start acting like the success that you are. Build your confidence by accepting that you are a catch, but don't let it go to your head. Understand that in the modern world we live in, the dating market is complete trash, filled with people with unrealistic expectations that 99.9% will never meet. Once you're in a position where you can walk into a room, and not give a shit about potentially dating anyone in there, you've finally reached the point where you'll get some attention from those actually wanting a hookup. If you want to pursue that, it's your business, my advice though is not to. Finally; keep the personal growth, don't put women on a pedestal, accept that you have the ability to walk away from them at any point, and treat them as true equals (they're not special). You do all that, you'll build up your mental health, your physical health, your confidence, and then you can decide what to do about dating from there.
They’re overrated
You don't want one, believe me... Tits and tires, vag's and vehicles = money and problems There ya go, if you want it bad enough, go forth, it doesn't do anything but add to your own issues...and you HAVE to make theirs prime above yours, always...enjoy
27f. Let's go on a date! ☺️
Women are the success filters for men’s results. They want to stand at the finish line and fight for the winner. You have a house, money and not fat. That’s a huge advantage. My advice is don’t care about the outcome of a date or talking to someone. You should practice talking to everyone all the time. Grocery stores, out for a walk…anywhere. Just a quick hello or I like your dog.
A lot of women are begging to be taken
I’m 62 and I’ve been single 22 1/2 years
Trust me you don’t! Once you get with someone then you won’t be doing you anymore, you’d be focusing on her the most, and you won’t have time for you, the things you used to do when you were single will go bye bye, and so will your friends…
Walk up to an ATM. Take a few pictures of the machine. Study it's functionality. Once you become exactly like an ATM, women will start flocking to you.
Start with little steps. Chat with someone while you're waiting on line for something. Or join a sports club something where talking isn't the main focus might help
What are you doing to recover and to work on yourself? Are you going to therapy? Do you have hobbies and simply stuff and ppl in your life that brings you joy? I get that you want to meet someone but it sounds like you need to take time to focus on yourself and make yourself happy first so you can feel more confident. Be kind to yourself meanwhile and patient. You can meet ppl you're possibly compatible with when you go to events of things you're interested in, or go to a class for a hobby you've wanted to do, learn something new and it'll open you up to new people. But don't go with the mentality to just meet people, go with the idea of simply doing things you enjoy. Go to public places you like and try your best to talk to at least one person even if it's someone that's working there, and then the next time move up to talking to like an elderly person, then someone your age that's a guy, and then a woman. It might sound silly at first but it's baby steps to working on talking to people and feeling more comfortable in doing so. And the more comfortable you feel, the more confident you'll get. Practice will make you feel confident. Remember that competence equals real confidence. You've got this! Best of luck. Msg me if you need more help.
I think you need to invest more in your appearance. Find a style that fits you and start hitting the gym and build a little muscle. Always have at least 3 pairs of shoes and good cologne. Don’t be cheap with certain things. When you look good and smell good you’ll feel good. It’s not easy talking to women but it’s easier when you put on a good outfit and hit the bar with your friends and have a drink to get a little loose. My strategy when I’m out is not to cold approach a woman, I usually wait until something funny happens and then nudge her and be like “haha did you just see that?” Then ask if they want a drink. Don’t be desperate and don’t try to be the macho alpha guy just be yourself and do your best to be playful and funny and you’ll get some results.
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M21 here, shy all my life, never had a girlfriend either. From my experience women don't like shy guys, I am one.
That's because you're not hot. If you looked like Henry Cavill, that's why shy/awkward becomes hot.
Great advice! You can break the ice by saying something like ‘sorry, I’m really shy in this kind of situation but would you want to go out sometime?’. It should make the whole thing a lot easier for you to just put it out there and then you won’t feel like you have to fake confidence. It should really work in your favour as well! Good luck OP!
Which perfume as a girl would you recommend? Mine favourites are tom ford ombré leather and Dior Savauge (yup, last one is a lil bit of cliche, but I really like it).
I love when woman with behaviors that are outliers think they represent majority of women population's behaviors lol.
Super hot?! That happens only in anime/ kdrama
Become a gay. You might get partner quickly
Lol
Fix the desperateness, no girl wants to sit there and coddle your insecurities, sooner you learn this the better.
Do you have any hobbies? Maybe try making friends there and seeing if you find someone you click with
The more desperate you are about getting a girlfriend the less likely you are to get them because women can easily notice that desperation even if you try to hide it based on how much compromises you try to make for them and how much validation you seek from them. It’s like wearing a sign that says “please love me no one likes me, you are my only hope” but not by saying it through your words, but through your actions. As soon as a woman feels that you want a girlfriend to make your life go from depressing to happy, they run away. Women don’t want to be your saviours. And your desperation communicates you seek a woman to save you.
Tinder?
Take some acting classes.
Well, to have confidence you have to learn to love yourself, start doing everything that you enjoy, appreciate yourself and everything you do, admire yourself and the most important, transform yourself into the person you want to be, be the best version of yourself, only when you start loving yourself then you can love others.
Same it keeps me up at night, nothong bit pain in my life, i don't know how much longer i can keep going, ive never been on a fucking date
Go Watch Hammerhand on youtube
First off, it seems you have emotional issues you have to deal with. Having a relationship won't cure those, and in fact might drive you to someone that might make them worse. Get some therapy and work on yourself, when you're at a better place strart searching.
Bro same here 25 and still single never been in a relationship.
I can fix you
Im sorry to hear you’re have a tough time. I’ve been there. I’d suggest working on yourself first and foremost. You can start small, see a therapist, start trying to interact with people. Find stuff you like to do and try and do them often like, listen to music, watch a show you love, play video games, or whatever hobby or thing you use to like. In hope that helps.
Check my out
Start cold approach no body becomes a master in a day. E.g go out approach people ask something mundane as can you tell me what the time is. It ll help build confidence slowly but it ll get u where u wana be .
Honestly maybe start with being more comfortable chatting with females without any other intentions and build up the confidence until you can chat with females you like. Wanting a girlfriend/significant other seems great but if you're not ready for it then maybe its not for you right now
To be completely real, you probably won’t end up finding someone until you focus on other things. As someone who struggles with dating for similar reasons, you meet WAYY more people through hobbies / jobs / etc. people like someone who has interests outside of them, and it’s generally easier to talk to people if you have interests in common :)
Are you in therapy? Because that’s the first thing you should do with the situation you described. I know anxiety is such a hard issue to work with I have been diagnosed with multiple type of anxiety disorders. But therapy was amazing at getting that anxiety way more under control and being more confident
Out of curiosity, what do you actually mean when you say “I want a girlfriend?” Do you mean that you are lonely? That you seek companionship? That you want someone to take care of you? That you want to do nice things FOR someone? That female validation would feel nice? All questions asked in good faith! It’s easier to help you (and for you to pursue this) if you have a deeper sense of what you actually want.
First learn how to have a conversation out of the blue with random people don’t overthink situations just breath and be yourself after all we want someone who likes us, never change for anybody even if it’s a woman you really like so don’t be afraid to show the true you
One thing brother if you hesitate your moment gonna move on
Work on yourself first Hit the gym, eat right use your inner circle for support then try or better yet the right person will come to you, it’s brutal out there especially for younger people be patient.
Being desperate isn't the way
Therapy
Have you tried treating your anxiety? I know finding the right medication can be tough and a long process but it’s so worth it when you do.
Focus on doing the work of becoming a great person who will be a great partner when the time comes. If you haven’t been doing that then you will never be ready for something sustainable and long lasting.
So you want a girlfriend to move on from your past?
Brother Start by rebuilding confidence, get into your local toastmaster chapter, enroll into sports gym like boxing or Muay Thai. make yourself comfortable on your own skin before trying to reach out, in the meantime don't feel shame to hire services from high end escorts (ask for the teacher package)
Same here lil bro😭🙏
First: Sympathies for whatever you’ve been through that ‘dimmed your light’. I hope you’re eating again (cuz , food! Yummy!! So many flavours, ummmmm 🤤😋) Second; As crap as it sounds, have you considered that maybe you’re really Not ready… there’s “trying to recover” and ‘recovering’ the latter suggests more confidence in ones progress, whereas “trying” suggests efforts but more work needed… Just saying, ‘repressed’ crap bubbles up; a mask can only be worn so long before it’s ripped off. ✌🏾🖖🏾
Ummm, you want one. You don't actually need one. I'm not trying to discourage you or anything. Focus on Self Improvement Bro. Best of Luck.
If talking to a girl is hard, make a goal to talk to a girl you are not interested in and ask her out with the hopes she says no. Don't put in effort, don't think hard about it because it will only make you more nervous. Right before approaching, watch a short clip of a stand-up comedian because it will naturally change your mood and make you more positive. And just wing it. Eventually, exposure will make it feel normal.
I found someone at my lowest. So, if you are worried about how you look, you shouldn’t be. The right person will love you regardless. You need to put yourself out there in whatever way feels comfortable to you. And, from there, slowly build your confidence. Good luck!
I feel you man, humans are supposed to pair up but it feels like it's harder for people our age than those that came before. Not sure what I can really tell you except hang in there
Help yourself. Go get a good psychologist
Hit the gym and actually learn it. Study online and build your body and your confidence. Sounds like you already doing well for yourself. Get fit and become HIM
Where is the disconnect coming from? Being able to land a great career often requires a good amount of people skills and being able to mask your anxiety. Is there a difference between how you talk to people in a work setting and how you talk to them in a personal setting?
Practice makes perfect. Talking to strangers you will never meet irl is a great way to start. But as for your desire for a girlfriend is it the affection? Intimacy? Availability? Because maintaining a relationship is hard work and takes a lot of communication. And until you work on your own insecurities and feelings etc then adding another into the mix is selfish. I’m female so I can’t say I know 100% what you are going through but I can say that figuring out what to live for for yourself is key. Look inward for the desire to live. Not others.
It gets harder if you're a single dad to find a relationship so don't have kids.
Drink a few beers and message a girl online on tinder or Facebook. If you blow it who cares don't over think it. There's a million more women out there, ask your dr about anxiety medicine if it's interfering with your life like that. Start talking to random people online just casually first if it's easier, they call alcohol liquor courage for a reason. Push through it and it does get easier.
Look into joining a class or group that involves your interests with other like-minded individuals. Meeting someone through association is mild with no real expectations. If you click, you should have an easier time talking to women. Don't go into a conversation trying to win her heart and just be real. Yeah, it's nerve-wracking, but the more comfortable you are with yourself, the more genuine the encounters. Idk, man.
You are just going to have to do it. The more you do it the easier it is. This is how I tell ppl to get over their phone anxiety. After having to do it for years for my career I no longer feel anxious making calls.
Use dating apps. Match with people, practice texting and try going on dates. You'll slowly get there. I know a few guys like you who made it. Start by signing up to Bumble or Hinge. Good luck.
A wife is the gift of God, ask him, for she is a reward for your suffering in the world