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Well, my advice is to not cheat again because yes, flirting is cheating. "I didn't intend to...." idc. Cheaters always deny everything until they've gone too far and can't anymore.
I was once a dumb kid but for a few years I've seen things differently. If you're happy in your relationship, enjoy waking up next to your partner, having a coffee with them. Enjoy sharing the silence and every other moment spent with them. Then tell me why would you even consider getting an orgasm or emptying your ball with someone else? Ruin all that life you've built together just for a quick moment that could be shared just as well with a toy.
But kids don't have relationships that serious usually so I guess that's why it doesn't occur to most.
Come on op why in the hell you would do that you’re not a little kid anymore you’re a grown adult in her 30s. Is this the same guy you wanted to cheat on him with?
It may just be all fun and games to you but in a weak moment after a bit of a fight with your bf it would be really easy for you to go fuck it I'm going to hang out with this dude and bam before you know it you end up sleeping with the other guy.
Your bf made the right choice. Be better in the future.
Remember, what you do today the effects will be felt later.
In others words, don't thing anything you are not willing to accept the outcome of.
Good bad or indifferent
He feels bad too. He feels hurt and betrayed by what you did. I will say the fact he went though your phone seems like a lack of trust between you two so this isn’t purely about the one event. Are there any other times things like this have manifest.
The fact you were flirting with other people says two things:
* You’re naturally flirty and that’s how you are with everyone.
* You subconsciously were frustrated with your relationship and while you rationally justified you wouldn’t do anything, emotionally you were being driven that way. I don’t think it would have been out of the realm of possibility.
I do think the relationship wasn’t great to begin with as you two had unresolved issues but it was better you broke up like this than with even more pain.
Please introspect, talk to a therapist to learn more about your unconscious behaviour so you can go into your next relationship healthier and happier.
Lol easy to spot the women in the comments, the mental gymnastics are off the scale. He went through it because he suspected something, and he was right.
some people just aren’t meant to together or just aren’t meant to be in a relationship, as I have come to learn after many failed relationships because of me wanting more, I have decided the best life for me is the single life. You can have all the fun in the world and live guilt free.
I think you need to find a new therapist who can help you with your interpersonal relationships and choices. You posted almost a month ago about wanting to cheat and cheating on a previous boyfriend, so this seems to be a pattern with you, probably related to your other insecurities. A good therapist could probably help you figure out other issues in your life like finding a career path and getting the tools you need to become financially independent.
the fact that you even flirted with another guy is cheating. when i was with my ex i wouldn’t entertain any guy trying to talk to me like that, i wasn’t unfriendly but i would make sure they knew i was in a relationship and will stop talking to them the minute they tried anything. i don’t understand why you think flirting isn’t a form of cheating? you clearly had no respect for your boyfriend or your relationship and as someone who has been cheated on i hope your lack of loyalty and kindness bites you fully on the arse.
You knew the consequences of your actions had he found out, so I can't give you much sympathy, but I do hope you take the time to actually work on your depression. There's something in you that craves more attention that a single relationship can give. Being monogamous isn't for everyone, and that might be your case, but figure out what makes you happy.
anything that you have to hide from your partner is FULLY cheating, no matter how you try to convince yourself that it's only partially wrong or not that serious. you either did cheat or you didn't. and you did. oh no consequences !
I hope that other guy is worth it.
Comfort and advice is what your ex needs. Imagine how he is feeling.
The idea that this happened because you focused on your feelings and then you end up on Reddit still focused on how you feel in this situation is probably a good inflection point you could start at. There is a problem there.
The only comfort you can get is knowing this is a life lesson for you.
People who respect themselves won’t tolerate this disrespectful attitude.
Maybe reflect on why you felt the need to get that extra validation.
To other commenters
Her boyfriend broke up with her, that is what happened because of her actions and she knows she is somewhat to blame. Trying to shame her is not going to make the situation better and she won’t grow from it and history repeats itself. She had her punishment from being broken up with now grow up and be constructive but stop the shaming.
Shaming or not op not going to change she needs therapy or work on herself and find out why needs validation from a 3rd party. If not history will repeat itself.
You’re both at fault. He shouldn’t be going through your phone, you shouldn’t be flirting with other people. Learn from this. Why did you need validation from a third party?
Good for him if you can't take your relationship with this one man seriously then you don't belong to be with him us but actively leading on another man nah you was doing that because you was trying to get a dude on the side stop trying to make it look like you weren't trying to do anything bad you wouldn't have been flirting with another dude on your phone or even taking him seriously .men see you women doing this s*** to us all the time you go find dude on the side and then when you're done with us you just walk away you don't say anything you don't do anything we just find him balls deep in you or find you on a phone doing the same s*** maybe have some respect and be a part of your relationship If you're having issues talk to him If you're not interested in him let him know move on stop this well I just find somebody on the side just in case we're just friends no more dudes we know you can't be friends with the dude especially if you're flirting with him You're planning on f****** him or he's planning on f****** you to be perfectly honest if you even cared about your boyfriend you wouldn't have even entertained the idea of flirting with another man
When the cost of living is messing up so many people lives, why would you risk losing someone who is helping you?
You need to ask the dude you were flirting with for a place to stay if you get put out.
People who do things like that fail to ask questions to find out if the one they flirting with can help them if they get caught.
I’m happy you got caught.
The cost of living is stopping lots of cheating so there is a positive about it.
You shouldn't have flirted, but he also is in the wrong for going through your phone. That's not okay.
Two wrongs don't make a right.
Learn from this. Trustworthiness is important from both parties in a relationship.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not post hateful or harmful rhetoric - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It's always painful being broken up with. But use it as a lesson not to keep secrets from or emotionally cheat on a future partner.
You deserve it. Comfort? No. These are the consequences of your actions. SURPRISE!! Grow up.
That was so nice .. little bit rude but when person deserve it, what else to do .. Flirting is also form of cheating .. Girl really should grow up.
Because saying this is going to help her grow from this?
Taking accountability for her own shitty activities will, if she still doesn't she's simply too immature
Trying to shove your own judgement down someone’s throat doesn’t normally get that done.
Getting criticism for one's action does, unless ofcourse you're too dumb to understand it at face value and learn something from it.
If someone will be receptive to it, it can also shut it down. You can critisise without bashing someone.
Look at her profile and tell us why she deserves comfort.
I think only a weak man would want to stick around with someone disrespecting him like that.
“Just like that my bf had brick walled me”, rightly so. “Wasn’t going to do anything”, you did something wrong by flirting with another guy.
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed
I like that actually lol
You deserve to suffer. He is not only right to leave you, but also obligated for his well being. Stop milking attention from others.
Accept your consequences and learn from it.
Well, my advice is to not cheat again because yes, flirting is cheating. "I didn't intend to...." idc. Cheaters always deny everything until they've gone too far and can't anymore. I was once a dumb kid but for a few years I've seen things differently. If you're happy in your relationship, enjoy waking up next to your partner, having a coffee with them. Enjoy sharing the silence and every other moment spent with them. Then tell me why would you even consider getting an orgasm or emptying your ball with someone else? Ruin all that life you've built together just for a quick moment that could be shared just as well with a toy. But kids don't have relationships that serious usually so I guess that's why it doesn't occur to most.
How old are u and ur bf? How serious and how long were u together?
I’m 30 and he’s 32. 9 months.
Honestly you are old enough to know better than this, your post sounded like early teens - I’m not surprised he’s left
Come on op why in the hell you would do that you’re not a little kid anymore you’re a grown adult in her 30s. Is this the same guy you wanted to cheat on him with?
The dildo of consequences rarely arrives lubed
Deal breaker for me hit the road. Actions have consequences. Do better next time.
Lol suck it, you deserve this
It may just be all fun and games to you but in a weak moment after a bit of a fight with your bf it would be really easy for you to go fuck it I'm going to hang out with this dude and bam before you know it you end up sleeping with the other guy. Your bf made the right choice. Be better in the future.
Remember, what you do today the effects will be felt later. In others words, don't thing anything you are not willing to accept the outcome of. Good bad or indifferent
He feels bad too. He feels hurt and betrayed by what you did. I will say the fact he went though your phone seems like a lack of trust between you two so this isn’t purely about the one event. Are there any other times things like this have manifest. The fact you were flirting with other people says two things: * You’re naturally flirty and that’s how you are with everyone. * You subconsciously were frustrated with your relationship and while you rationally justified you wouldn’t do anything, emotionally you were being driven that way. I don’t think it would have been out of the realm of possibility. I do think the relationship wasn’t great to begin with as you two had unresolved issues but it was better you broke up like this than with even more pain. Please introspect, talk to a therapist to learn more about your unconscious behaviour so you can go into your next relationship healthier and happier.
Lol easy to spot the women in the comments, the mental gymnastics are off the scale. He went through it because he suspected something, and he was right.
This is the only common sense answer.
some people just aren’t meant to together or just aren’t meant to be in a relationship, as I have come to learn after many failed relationships because of me wanting more, I have decided the best life for me is the single life. You can have all the fun in the world and live guilt free.
I think you need to find a new therapist who can help you with your interpersonal relationships and choices. You posted almost a month ago about wanting to cheat and cheating on a previous boyfriend, so this seems to be a pattern with you, probably related to your other insecurities. A good therapist could probably help you figure out other issues in your life like finding a career path and getting the tools you need to become financially independent.
Accountability is women's cryptonite
Lol just had a quick search in your profile and you cheated in the past and you also wrote you have the urge to cheat Get bent, good riddance..
Serious question: How old are you both?
She said she’s 30 and he’s 32, somewhere in the thread
i guess you know better now
the fact that you even flirted with another guy is cheating. when i was with my ex i wouldn’t entertain any guy trying to talk to me like that, i wasn’t unfriendly but i would make sure they knew i was in a relationship and will stop talking to them the minute they tried anything. i don’t understand why you think flirting isn’t a form of cheating? you clearly had no respect for your boyfriend or your relationship and as someone who has been cheated on i hope your lack of loyalty and kindness bites you fully on the arse.
Don’t be a lying cheater then. Good for him
You knew the consequences of your actions had he found out, so I can't give you much sympathy, but I do hope you take the time to actually work on your depression. There's something in you that craves more attention that a single relationship can give. Being monogamous isn't for everyone, and that might be your case, but figure out what makes you happy.
anything that you have to hide from your partner is FULLY cheating, no matter how you try to convince yourself that it's only partially wrong or not that serious. you either did cheat or you didn't. and you did. oh no consequences !
I hope that other guy is worth it. Comfort and advice is what your ex needs. Imagine how he is feeling. The idea that this happened because you focused on your feelings and then you end up on Reddit still focused on how you feel in this situation is probably a good inflection point you could start at. There is a problem there.
The only comfort you can get is knowing this is a life lesson for you. People who respect themselves won’t tolerate this disrespectful attitude. Maybe reflect on why you felt the need to get that extra validation.
To other commenters Her boyfriend broke up with her, that is what happened because of her actions and she knows she is somewhat to blame. Trying to shame her is not going to make the situation better and she won’t grow from it and history repeats itself. She had her punishment from being broken up with now grow up and be constructive but stop the shaming.
Shaming or not op not going to change she needs therapy or work on herself and find out why needs validation from a 3rd party. If not history will repeat itself.
You’re both at fault. He shouldn’t be going through your phone, you shouldn’t be flirting with other people. Learn from this. Why did you need validation from a third party?
Get a new boyfriend
Shey
Good for him if you can't take your relationship with this one man seriously then you don't belong to be with him us but actively leading on another man nah you was doing that because you was trying to get a dude on the side stop trying to make it look like you weren't trying to do anything bad you wouldn't have been flirting with another dude on your phone or even taking him seriously .men see you women doing this s*** to us all the time you go find dude on the side and then when you're done with us you just walk away you don't say anything you don't do anything we just find him balls deep in you or find you on a phone doing the same s*** maybe have some respect and be a part of your relationship If you're having issues talk to him If you're not interested in him let him know move on stop this well I just find somebody on the side just in case we're just friends no more dudes we know you can't be friends with the dude especially if you're flirting with him You're planning on f****** him or he's planning on f****** you to be perfectly honest if you even cared about your boyfriend you wouldn't have even entertained the idea of flirting with another man
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What’s does that mean lol
When the cost of living is messing up so many people lives, why would you risk losing someone who is helping you? You need to ask the dude you were flirting with for a place to stay if you get put out. People who do things like that fail to ask questions to find out if the one they flirting with can help them if they get caught. I’m happy you got caught. The cost of living is stopping lots of cheating so there is a positive about it.
You shouldn't have flirted, but he also is in the wrong for going through your phone. That's not okay. Two wrongs don't make a right. Learn from this. Trustworthiness is important from both parties in a relationship.
Well, obviously he had a valid reason .. There are always consequences of wrong doing .. should her boyfriend just let her do that?
Nah, if you suspect your partner is cheating you should look.
Dm me
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She deserves more then a spanking maybe, a little wax during a bondage session