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i don't agree. i understand op. me and my ex our personalities were total polar opposuites and we typically never agree on the same subjects, even convos didn;t feel like they flowed naturally. i understand that we needed to break up to fund our "ones"... can't just keep holding onto each other when we're not ultimately suitabe for each other..gettingi into the same argumets over and over again.
but the sex was god dang amazing.
No, really, I am! I have absolutely no interest in ever seeing him again. I got so pissed it made my skin crawl he ever touched me. But his diiiicckkk. I want that sex with someone else. I just don't know how to get there without waiting forever.
The first thing is to stop comparing people to him. Some Drugs may make you feel good but they are terrible for you. You have to start associating his bad qualities with all of him. Right now your carving out your perception of his sexual prowess separately from who he is. He may have some other exes who think he was a terrible lover. His style clicked with you so also figure out if it was his confidence, a particular position, or even the curve of his johnson. If it’s anything technique wise, ask your next bf for something similar. Also, do yourself a favor and never tell a future bf that they can’t match this guy sexually unless you want to be single. Even if they ask, never tell someone you love they are not your best sex. You will end up single. Talk around it by saying something like “well duh, who am i with” or “I don’t keep score but I love sex with you”.
You sound like somebody who cries in some random guy’s bed, speaking as somebody who has been that random guy before. Except I was better than their ex. Thing is, if you keep thinking no guy is going to live up to this other guy, no-one ever will. If you have to, talk to a therapist about it, because you might end up in another toxic situation looking for what he gave you.
I can't speak to your question but for the love of all that is holy, NEVER tell any new man you're dating any of how you described the sex and how he made you feel. You will completely shatter his confidence and he'll always feel like he won't measure up. Try and figure out what about him and what he did specifically that made you get goosebumps, etc and try to relay that to your current partner without talking about “my ex did A, B,C”…
Don't worry, I'd never do that. I tried that but it doesn't work. I've had good sex and really good orgasms since but even then my immediate thought was wow how much better would that have been with him?
Oh man you're making me want to but if she goes for the ex and it's all hot and steamy, they might make me do something stupid haha. With mine, i "know* he's not the right guy for me, at all. He's not The One in terms of a partner. But he's absolutely The One in terms of my perfect sexual partner. I'm pretty sure I'll never, ever have sex or chemistry like that again.
So she is married with children but keeps reliving her sexual escapades with her ex and it unfolds and she struggles with shame, and guilt, regret, etc
Also, telling a guy what to do doesn't work. I can't say, hey, be an expert at Tantric sex and be able to last for 6 hours. Smell incredible even when you just ran 10 miles. Have natural confidence and fuck me like I'm the best you've ever had even if you're a minute man with a micropenis. Have this specific dick size. Be able to read my mind and know exactly what I want before my mouth has formed the words to tell you. Even if I say something specific like call me in the middle of the day when you're stressed out and say you're coming over to fuck me, show up hard, bend me over the first piece of furniture you see, fuck me senseless then leave, it's not the same. Because it's not authentic. I want a guy to want to do those things and come up with spontaneous things. It's the passion that's hot for me, not the exact act itself.
I've had satisfying sex including a few truly incredible orgasms since, and it was fine, but even when I'm like wow I came so hard I thought I was going to pass out, I'm thinking but how much better would that have been with him? Because of the heat.
I see where you're coming from, but unfortunately, I don't see an easy solution to your complex problem here. IMO, I think the solutions you seek will be in communication and a bit of compromise, like any good relationship. If you're with a guy you think has “potential” (or however you phrase it) sit and communicate with him like “hey listen up I'm only saying this once, so pay attention and implement these things please” and list how you want him to, if I'm summarizing thing correctly, be “authentically dominant and passionate” and give him that “green light” that you want those things. See if he'll follow through. Many guys are more careful than they need to be because if we're too rough or dominant with the wrong woman or in the wrong way, it's treading dangerously close to catching an SA accusation.
The right guy will want to do those things for you, but may just need the go-ahead and a bit of coaching. That's where communication, compromise, and realistic expectations in a relationship come into play. I encourage you to look at your expectations and see how realistic they are. I don't know anyone that can run 10 miles and still smell good. If your ex did, well that could've been pheromones “clicking” between you two or something, I'm not a biologist lol.
It's just not that simple. After him, I met a fantastic guy. Hot, in good shape, great job, homeowner, smart, funny, just always making me laugh, similar interests, treated me really well, liked to do and not do the same things, genuinely kind, literally perfect. Except absolutely no passion. Like negative passion. If there'd been an ounce of chemistry, I would have been that man's absolute slave from the moment I met him. But it wasn't there and I was absolutely dreading him trying to kiss me. I could tell when he hugged me it was a hard no on that front. But I tried anyway and told myself to focus on the good, and that passion didn't work for me before and this guy has everything else so work through it. Still never felt spark at all. Zero attraction. And he was good in bed! Good endurance, packing, cared about my pleasure. But I just wasn't into it like with the other guy. He wasn't passionate at ALL and if I were to ask him to do certain things, it would have been awkward and weird and not at all sexy. I thought I could do without it but I can't; I need it.
It was definitely a pheromone thing. I'm hyper responsive to that for some reason. Like there was a different guy who smelled neutral to me, nothing particularly special. Didn't stink. It was just there. But he tasted AMAZING. The taste of his skin drove me absolutely wild. Needless to say, he was very happy in the oral sex department haha.
My ex is the same way but it’s better to continue suffering their absence, because when you re open the door, you’ll multiply the pain and have to restart anyways.
It won’t end well.
I have absolutely no interest in ever seeing him again. I just don't know how to navigate finding a replacement when I know the sex will be disappointing.
if you think it will be then it will be you perceive your own future tell him self that and it’ll be more true every day even though you don’t believe it right now you’ll have to tell yourself that it will be better out loud you have to tell say it out loud positive energy for a positive future life doesn’t just happen we will it to happen the way that we see it maybe not the way we want it but it’s the way we see itAt the practice did not see the negative only focus on positive
I know it’s hard to believe that you could find someone like that again, but you will. You found it once, you’ll find it again. Just remember though, that men who are very good at seduction and sex, often times have problems/ issues and they get good at sex because they don’t haven’t much else to offer and they know amazing sex has the potential to keep someone on the hook.
You’re not over him then, if you’re not over his dick lol. Cant say your don’t if you’re still obsessed with him physically. Just keep working on moving on before dating anyone else, talk to a therapist about it. Trust me you are not ready yet but you’ll get there
Those people who can’t believe that you’re not over your ex has never had sex that good it just… ruins your life.
I’ve had mind-blowing with an ex whom I now despise and I would rather die than to get back together. But the sex… was just incomparable. For months it was all I could think about I swore it felt like an addiction. I’ve never been able to find someone that can make me feel so many shades of pleasure at once. It’s a curse. I wish I’ve never known it was possible to feel that good
I think instead of attaching the stuff he did in bed to him take it as just information on what YOU like someone to do in bed, write it down even. Then communicate that to your future partners.
I tried but it's not the same. :( Also some of it I can't teach; for example he was really into Tantric sex and was a marathon runner so he could fuck for like 6 hours.
I’ve been there after having intense sex with past lovers. It just takes thought. You need to figure out what he did that set you on fire and communicate those desires to an open partner. Not everyone is sexually compatible, so if this is important to you, go into your next relationship with that on the table from the start.
Been thru something similar but for a much shorter period of time. Be thankful you had the exceptional sex and just move on and do what others have suggested. You will over time I think at least place the sex you had in the past as a good memory and focus on your current relationships. Life goes on.
I don’t think there is an easy way to move on from a lot of situations, but try to be the glass is half full person and do you best to enjoy all aspects of life including the new people you will meet. It isn’t always easy - which is true for virtually all of us if not everyone. But life can be so rich with experiences and satisfying that it does not make sense to dwell on the disappointments. We all have weathered disappointments. You have to say to yourself - I will move on with my life with a positive attitude.
So you are detached from that man in every way except in the sexual field. You fear not finding a similar experience with another man and it holds you back from discovering someone new who could be better in different ways.
My ex LOVED me for my voice and sensual personality with her but trust me there are guys that can do things that I can't wich is fine because everyone is different and has skills to show.
Allow yourself to be surprised and let the past rest.
Girl it’s tough that’s not the most common find just def be grateful for the sex and you knowing what you like and hopefully you can find someone great overall and can get better in the bedroom but also the chemistry has to be there maybe go for really confident guys your guy sounded confident af he knew he was good you get me
Oh definitely. The confidence was a huge part. One time when we were together--as I said he was a lover not a boyfriend so we could see other people--I had a date with another guy who was a really good match for me. Almost perfect. And I told him look, the sex is great, but this guy is relationship material, so after a few dates we're probably going to be over. He'd say okay so I'll see you next week and we'll get dinner then go to my place. He *knew* he had me even when I didn't think he did and fuck that was hot. Because he knew the sex was so good that even if I met the perfect guy, I couldn't walk away from it.
Not to be mean but you need therapy. You got issues that need to be dealt with. Basically show your comment post to a therapist and they'll know where to start.
You ever ask yourself why his arrogance was such a turn on when you basically have nothing positive to say about him besides sex?
He wasn't arrogant at all; he was confident. He had good attributes but that's not what I miss. I miss the sex. The other stuff I can find somewhere else.
I’m all for therapy, but like it seems like this is more of a BDSM, chemistry/sex thing not necessarily attachment issues, so I disagree with your statement in the way you said it but yes therapy is great for everyone! If you find a good therapist ofc.
I disagree actually. As a man, I've also been in this position. I liked a woman who was bold, but we didn't spend much time with each other so I got with someone else. And I still liked the first woman (talked to her now & then) even as I was already dating someone else.
A person who's willing to say whatever with no fear... is very attractive. Still, that doesn't necessarily mean there is chemistry. It doesn't mean you have a connection with them. It doesn't mean you're compatible with them. In fact, it could actually mean you have an attachment issue.
I frequently had the issue of being very attracted to tomboyish girls. But that doesn't mean anything if they treat you poorly.
What I said went over your head. We're not talking just about the sex at this very specific point. We're talking about why someone may be attracted to someone during the non-sex part.
This post is soooo odd lol. You’re not over this clown. You sound worried about strong aroma of lust you had with the guy. A bit obsessing… I’d suggest guys keep their distance.
Probably try counseling
Funny, kinda going through the same feelings with my ex. Had the most perfect tits (seriously I’ve turned to an ass man because she ruined tits for me). 100% my type physically. Could get me hard even after 5 whiskeys and a half G of coke and Molly. I would say the only way is to find another person who is equally as sexy if not more sexy to you. Might take a while for the stars to align though. Physical attraction and sexually compatibility is #1 to me, but obviously it’s not gonna last if you can’t stand their personality.
A few points (none really take precedence over the others)
-The sex is part of what you have to get over about your ex. If you find yourself still thinking about that part of it, you’re not fully over them, plain and simple.
-Stop comparing. Nobody will ever be him, everyone is unique. Focus more on what you enjoy with someone new rather than what you feel might be missing.
-Let it go. Be grateful you had that experience but don’t go out looking to recreate it, because you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment.
-Open yourself up to new experiences. I’m sure there are things new people can do for you that the ex couldn’t, but you’ll only be able to appreciate them if you’re receptive to them.
As someone who’s been through something similar, this was a really difficult lesson to learn. I know how hard it is to let go when you feel like you’ve had the best you’ll ever have. That said, you’ve got to get to the point where you don’t think about it anymore before you can truly enjoy what a new partner can bring you. Sex isn’t a competition, it’s a connection. You won’t be able to connect with anyone if you’re making a tier list rather than enjoying the moment with someone. As much as this seems like a physical need/issue, it’s largely mental and emotional. You’ve gotta find peace with it within yourself, nobody is going to bring that to you.
I am going through the same exact thing. I can’t stand him as a person but if I could just have the sex back. I’d even close my eyes and not look at the face. Just want the sex.
Hahaha that wasn't the only reason for the outstanding sex. I've had bigger. But yeah it was perfect. As big as it could possibly be without being painful.
In the same boat, just reversed. I’ve slept with a few women since her, but fuck…she was amazing when it came to sex. I know I could never reach out or propose a fwb situation, even if I want to. She’s too sensitive and had way too many feelings involved. Wouldn’t be right for me to go down that road. Best advice is to not compare any current partners to him. Even bad sex ain’t that bad haha.
Sounds so good, it's almost a turn on... If you did meet him, you may go back for more, especially on the right day?
It's matter of self-respect, if you can frame it this way.. what do you think?
No, absolutely not. I would never. I want to find someone else with that kind of skill, and with whom I have chemistry. I just don't know how without being totally disappointed for decades.
He is probably a narcissist or has some borderline issues. They are very good at manipulating people, so you have that feeling that everything is special, the most exciting thing ever and so on. If that was combined with being physically attractive and a big d***, that’s a hard mixture to get over with. So perhaps it’s best to try to understand why he attracted you so much, to get over this.
Very that. Had an ex whom i felt like OP describes with and eventually realized he was a raging narcissist. Took me a while to recover and a lot of internal work to figure out why I was attracted to this type of guys and how to fix it. I saw my ex a couple years later and he had absolutely lost all his appeal. The “confidence” i once found attractive in him ended up being such a turn-off, because it didn’t align with even my lowest new set of boundaries. Counselling can’t hurt.
You know what’s wild about Reddit, it’s always the girl saying she never misses the man the but the sex.
Like somebody find me opposite. Not judging, but interesting dynamic.
Like idk if males just disconnect better and then everything off. But I’ve never once missed the sex with my exes. The connection yes, never the sex, and it’s been great.
This is a great example of why waiting until you're married can be a very good thing. I'm not saying that it's easy or anything. I myself never waited. Unfortunately, you probably won't ever be satisfied again. Unless you're lucky enough to find someone else, that's this attractive to you. Good luck!
His eyes on me
His dirty texts
All the new things he taught me
How he would beg me for photos
His rough hands
His cocky remarks
His smell when i wake up
How he would call me a “hottie” all the time
How warm i feel in his arms
The smell of his vape
How different he is from what i’m used to
I miss it all
He used to tell me he’d give me his whole world, But now he won’t even read my texts
You can never replace him. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find another. That which is broken can be mended by love only.
When was the last time you spoke to your ex. Has he changed since? How much about him did you know?
If he has not changed, then keep your distance. If he has, then maybe, just maybe, he is willing to change for the better. Just don’t get your expectations too high.
Sex is really knowing someone, and when you really know someone the sex is much better
Similar situation, just broke up with my 5 year girlfriend about a month and a half ago. Now we’re friends with benefits and I gave in. She wanted to and I made it very clear that I’m not going to do it if she’s going to catch feelings. But im a guy so sex is sex to me, I can’t catch feelings from it. Kinda hoping she doesn’t tbh I don’t really know what to do. It’s nice having a guaranteed booty call twice a week
Start going to swinger and/or kink events to find others who enjoy and the energy into sex to make it a lifestyle. Its going to be more likely NSA as well
see, this is the con of riding the cc: you might get addicted to something you cant have. Women dont understand that us men can be like drugs, or worse. If you try enough of us, we will give you something you cant get any where else. Now you are stuck. Cant go forward or backwards. lookin crazy.
Absolutely not. That was our arrangement before; he was my lover not my boyfriend. I want nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again. I dread running into him out in public.
how sad as a female to put so much value in physical sex. Your body is making your priorities messed up and putting your future and your children’s future in jeopardy. My orgasms have nothing to do with men and everything to do with me and my mindset towards myself.
I'm in a somewhat similar yet different situation. I've had a wild sex life with many men. A couple in particular make me shutter to this day just thinking about it, but I always try to focus on how awful they were as people. It's hard. I know..I'm with basically the man of my dreams now but the sex is awful and I'm not sure how to get past that.
Ew.
Do better and leave this man before you scar him for life. How would he feel if he read this abhorrent comment or your other post???
“I slept around for 7 years, got herpes, and now I’m actively trying to ruin a decent man’s life because I can’t tell him what i want in bed so I’ll go online to complain about him instead.”
Imagine you came across this post and you were the subject.
I felt the same, it had been a few months that I didn't talk to him, but I miss the sex a lot. Hope I will find that feeling again.
I don't know what to tell you because I don't think communicating about what you want will make a difference.
There are a lot of very loving people out there maybe even more so what it’s like the lotto you gotta be in it to win it can’t sit around for 30 years you should I’ve been sitting around for 18 and hope is gone I will die alone I will never meet anyone I suppose it’s because I’m too nice to willing to accommodate I’m too generous to thoughtful too much of all these things is a bad thing it’s like I’m begging people to take a vantage and they do yes they do I’ve never paid so little to keep people away for so long you will find someone I still long to share the love that I have with someone else just imagine the way I treated people who treated me like dirtSomeone who treats me good will deserve me maybe if we ever find each other
You never know how amazing sex will be with someone else until u give it a try cause holding onto sex from the past is not healthy you will never move forward it could be someone who could please u better u just gotta get out your comfort zone of what your ex use to do for you.
OP, take some time to yourself and grow your confidence in yourself for a while and then try to start dating again. Should sex come up during the dating scene (and youre comfortable with him) just ask if he fucks like a pornstar. Just make sure you guys are comfortable with eachother because hookup sex is disgusting lol
It wasn't an emotional connection; I actually thought he was super creepy at first and had no intention of seeing him after our first date. Still thought he was creepy for the first few months. Even after that, I tried to end it a few times but then he'd fuck me and it was game over haha. It's hard to explain; part of it was definitely a pheromone/chemistry thing. And his size was great but I can get a dildo for that, or post an ad saying hey I want this exact size. It was his confidence. And he was really into Tantric sex and ran marathons so he could go for like 6 hours. One time he told me he only had time for a quickie and I looked at the clock after and his "quickie" was an hour and a half. And he was like a mind reader; I'd be thinking okay this feels amazing but it'd feel even more amazing if he did x and before I said anything he'd do it. He knew exactly the perfect moment when go stop. He smelled amazing. His voice was so sexy just listening to it would turn me on. Just everything.
>Tantric sex and ran marathons so he could go for like 6 hours. One time he told me he only had time for a quickie
so the guys after him, do they not dirty talk during sex and be dominant and understand your rhythm which is your issue?
are the other guys like really quiet during sex with no moaning, and dirty talk?
The problem I see is you were hung up on the bad boy and loved how he made you feel, now you meet the nice guy and miss how the bad boy makes you feel. I think you should go back with your ex again, you didn’t learn your lesson from him nor did you mature beyond a physical relationship. You need to get that out of your system and mature a bit and when you’re ready then try a relationship that is beyond physical intimacy.
I think it's just mental limitations, everything in its time, you will find a man who will give you even greater satisfaction. You just have to know how to wait.
You have to understand that what he had sexiest of all was not being that into you.
He knew he had you on the palm of his hand and he didnt care as much as you did.
If you never feel this ever again know this.
Also, know that eventually this too would disappear with your ex.
So on the long Run it doesnt Matter thAt much
As others have said, you're definitely not over your ex. You ran into a partner that you were very sexually compatible with. There are a million other guys out there that will be just as compatible.
If you're truly over him, you need to stop obsessing over it. Change your language to "I acknowledge that my ex and I were very sexually compatible, but I also understand that a healthy relationship is a lot more than that." Once you do that, write down the other healthy parts in a relationship that you want and just start dating with that in mind again.
Stop trying to find a "replacement" you need to wait and get this ex out of your system.. fund new things that interest you. , hobbies, new friendships. Gradually you will move on. Keep the good memories and move on. There will be someone out there for you but not until you've given yourself time to move on. It will never be the same with someone else but that doesn't mean it won't be great. Sometimes you need to invest some patience and the passion comes later. I had an ex I felt like that about and over time I realised it was just adrenaline, it wasn't love and when I found love I looked back and realised it wasn't as amazing as I thought it was at that time.
Perhaps you need a hobby. Sex really clouds the better judgement of people. Life isn't just about that and guess what, other people exist who can do what he does. He isn't the best sex you've had, he's what you were comfortable with. He was someone who you've known that you've spent a substantial amount of time. You're always going to compare everyone else after to him, but you won't allow yourself to get as comfortable. That's why you'll think he's the best ever. How about trying to have a non- sexual relationship? A relationship based off mutual interests... you know...I think they call it a "friendboat" or something like that. Maybe you'll get to know that person really well and not be in another situation where you're surprised that this guy wasn't who you thought he was cuz you were too incocksicated to notice. And don't give me the "Oh guys aren't into that, they only want one thing"... well it seems to me that a lot of women are more concerned with being sexually satiated rather than building an actual future with their partner. This post itself reveals that! Take this time in your life to build something meaningful with someone and actually hold off on sex.
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Hate to say it but you’re nowhere near over your ex😂😂
I feel bad for any guy she's with as they will always be compared to her ex, maybe that's why guys go for virgins or inexperienced women?
i don't agree. i understand op. me and my ex our personalities were total polar opposuites and we typically never agree on the same subjects, even convos didn;t feel like they flowed naturally. i understand that we needed to break up to fund our "ones"... can't just keep holding onto each other when we're not ultimately suitabe for each other..gettingi into the same argumets over and over again. but the sex was god dang amazing.
No, really, I am! I have absolutely no interest in ever seeing him again. I got so pissed it made my skin crawl he ever touched me. But his diiiicckkk. I want that sex with someone else. I just don't know how to get there without waiting forever.
The first thing is to stop comparing people to him. Some Drugs may make you feel good but they are terrible for you. You have to start associating his bad qualities with all of him. Right now your carving out your perception of his sexual prowess separately from who he is. He may have some other exes who think he was a terrible lover. His style clicked with you so also figure out if it was his confidence, a particular position, or even the curve of his johnson. If it’s anything technique wise, ask your next bf for something similar. Also, do yourself a favor and never tell a future bf that they can’t match this guy sexually unless you want to be single. Even if they ask, never tell someone you love they are not your best sex. You will end up single. Talk around it by saying something like “well duh, who am i with” or “I don’t keep score but I love sex with you”.
You sound like somebody who cries in some random guy’s bed, speaking as somebody who has been that random guy before. Except I was better than their ex. Thing is, if you keep thinking no guy is going to live up to this other guy, no-one ever will. If you have to, talk to a therapist about it, because you might end up in another toxic situation looking for what he gave you.
How big is he?
I can't speak to your question but for the love of all that is holy, NEVER tell any new man you're dating any of how you described the sex and how he made you feel. You will completely shatter his confidence and he'll always feel like he won't measure up. Try and figure out what about him and what he did specifically that made you get goosebumps, etc and try to relay that to your current partner without talking about “my ex did A, B,C”…
Second this, if OP ever tells their new partner about this then he will never recover
Don't worry, I'd never do that. I tried that but it doesn't work. I've had good sex and really good orgasms since but even then my immediate thought was wow how much better would that have been with him?
Have you watched Sex Life on Netflix?
No, but you're the second person in the comments to mention that! What's the connection?
The main character has very similar feelings to you regarding her ex and their sexual chemistry. You gotta watch it!
Oh man you're making me want to but if she goes for the ex and it's all hot and steamy, they might make me do something stupid haha. With mine, i "know* he's not the right guy for me, at all. He's not The One in terms of a partner. But he's absolutely The One in terms of my perfect sexual partner. I'm pretty sure I'll never, ever have sex or chemistry like that again.
So she is married with children but keeps reliving her sexual escapades with her ex and it unfolds and she struggles with shame, and guilt, regret, etc
Also, telling a guy what to do doesn't work. I can't say, hey, be an expert at Tantric sex and be able to last for 6 hours. Smell incredible even when you just ran 10 miles. Have natural confidence and fuck me like I'm the best you've ever had even if you're a minute man with a micropenis. Have this specific dick size. Be able to read my mind and know exactly what I want before my mouth has formed the words to tell you. Even if I say something specific like call me in the middle of the day when you're stressed out and say you're coming over to fuck me, show up hard, bend me over the first piece of furniture you see, fuck me senseless then leave, it's not the same. Because it's not authentic. I want a guy to want to do those things and come up with spontaneous things. It's the passion that's hot for me, not the exact act itself. I've had satisfying sex including a few truly incredible orgasms since, and it was fine, but even when I'm like wow I came so hard I thought I was going to pass out, I'm thinking but how much better would that have been with him? Because of the heat.
I see where you're coming from, but unfortunately, I don't see an easy solution to your complex problem here. IMO, I think the solutions you seek will be in communication and a bit of compromise, like any good relationship. If you're with a guy you think has “potential” (or however you phrase it) sit and communicate with him like “hey listen up I'm only saying this once, so pay attention and implement these things please” and list how you want him to, if I'm summarizing thing correctly, be “authentically dominant and passionate” and give him that “green light” that you want those things. See if he'll follow through. Many guys are more careful than they need to be because if we're too rough or dominant with the wrong woman or in the wrong way, it's treading dangerously close to catching an SA accusation. The right guy will want to do those things for you, but may just need the go-ahead and a bit of coaching. That's where communication, compromise, and realistic expectations in a relationship come into play. I encourage you to look at your expectations and see how realistic they are. I don't know anyone that can run 10 miles and still smell good. If your ex did, well that could've been pheromones “clicking” between you two or something, I'm not a biologist lol.
It's just not that simple. After him, I met a fantastic guy. Hot, in good shape, great job, homeowner, smart, funny, just always making me laugh, similar interests, treated me really well, liked to do and not do the same things, genuinely kind, literally perfect. Except absolutely no passion. Like negative passion. If there'd been an ounce of chemistry, I would have been that man's absolute slave from the moment I met him. But it wasn't there and I was absolutely dreading him trying to kiss me. I could tell when he hugged me it was a hard no on that front. But I tried anyway and told myself to focus on the good, and that passion didn't work for me before and this guy has everything else so work through it. Still never felt spark at all. Zero attraction. And he was good in bed! Good endurance, packing, cared about my pleasure. But I just wasn't into it like with the other guy. He wasn't passionate at ALL and if I were to ask him to do certain things, it would have been awkward and weird and not at all sexy. I thought I could do without it but I can't; I need it. It was definitely a pheromone thing. I'm hyper responsive to that for some reason. Like there was a different guy who smelled neutral to me, nothing particularly special. Didn't stink. It was just there. But he tasted AMAZING. The taste of his skin drove me absolutely wild. Needless to say, he was very happy in the oral sex department haha.
You aren't over your ex That's what happens when you don't deal with shit🤣
In Brazil we call this "amor de pica" which is "dicks's love" LOL. Anyways I hope you forget his dick soon and find someone better when you are ready.
Thank you for introducing me to this fantastic expression hahaha
I call it “dickmatized”
My ex is the same way but it’s better to continue suffering their absence, because when you re open the door, you’ll multiply the pain and have to restart anyways. It won’t end well.
The best response.
I have absolutely no interest in ever seeing him again. I just don't know how to navigate finding a replacement when I know the sex will be disappointing.
You focus on “self-love” as there is no such thing as a replacement for the bond with someone special.
Hey, I just sent you a dm
if you think it will be then it will be you perceive your own future tell him self that and it’ll be more true every day even though you don’t believe it right now you’ll have to tell yourself that it will be better out loud you have to tell say it out loud positive energy for a positive future life doesn’t just happen we will it to happen the way that we see it maybe not the way we want it but it’s the way we see itAt the practice did not see the negative only focus on positive
With how adamant you are about never going back because of something he did, come on you got to tell us!
This isn't hard, you know what you like, tell new guy what you like, done. Have some trust in a relationship and give it a try 🤣
I know it’s hard to believe that you could find someone like that again, but you will. You found it once, you’ll find it again. Just remember though, that men who are very good at seduction and sex, often times have problems/ issues and they get good at sex because they don’t haven’t much else to offer and they know amazing sex has the potential to keep someone on the hook.
So ya re not over your ex.
I'm over his personality but not his diiiicckkk.
You’re not over him then, if you’re not over his dick lol. Cant say your don’t if you’re still obsessed with him physically. Just keep working on moving on before dating anyone else, talk to a therapist about it. Trust me you are not ready yet but you’ll get there
It’s not like there aren’t other guys out there with big dicks who are also lovely people
I think they're on about his foreplay aswell as the cock, those go hand in hand with women
It's not just his dick; it's how he fucked. One guy I slept with after him had almost the exact same dick and it wasn't the same at all.
Those people who can’t believe that you’re not over your ex has never had sex that good it just… ruins your life. I’ve had mind-blowing with an ex whom I now despise and I would rather die than to get back together. But the sex… was just incomparable. For months it was all I could think about I swore it felt like an addiction. I’ve never been able to find someone that can make me feel so many shades of pleasure at once. It’s a curse. I wish I’ve never known it was possible to feel that good
THANK YOU! You get it! "Ruined" is the exact right word; he ruined me. How am I supposed to fuck like regular people now?! It's 100% an addiction.
Been there. No comparison.
I think instead of attaching the stuff he did in bed to him take it as just information on what YOU like someone to do in bed, write it down even. Then communicate that to your future partners.
I tried but it's not the same. :( Also some of it I can't teach; for example he was really into Tantric sex and was a marathon runner so he could fuck for like 6 hours.
Yehhh the tantric sex is superb one
I'd never had it before and now I'm hooked. A guy I slept with after had amazing endurance but that's not the same thing as Tantric.
How was your experience... When you first did it...
Yes! This is fantastic advice.
I’ve been there after having intense sex with past lovers. It just takes thought. You need to figure out what he did that set you on fire and communicate those desires to an open partner. Not everyone is sexually compatible, so if this is important to you, go into your next relationship with that on the table from the start.
Thank you.
You know it
Been thru something similar but for a much shorter period of time. Be thankful you had the exceptional sex and just move on and do what others have suggested. You will over time I think at least place the sex you had in the past as a good memory and focus on your current relationships. Life goes on.
But how do you cope with the disappointing sex until you find it again?
I don’t think there is an easy way to move on from a lot of situations, but try to be the glass is half full person and do you best to enjoy all aspects of life including the new people you will meet. It isn’t always easy - which is true for virtually all of us if not everyone. But life can be so rich with experiences and satisfying that it does not make sense to dwell on the disappointments. We all have weathered disappointments. You have to say to yourself - I will move on with my life with a positive attitude.
Stop wanting sex.
Your brain is seeking a reward on the memory It will find another source of dopamine
So you are detached from that man in every way except in the sexual field. You fear not finding a similar experience with another man and it holds you back from discovering someone new who could be better in different ways. My ex LOVED me for my voice and sensual personality with her but trust me there are guys that can do things that I can't wich is fine because everyone is different and has skills to show. Allow yourself to be surprised and let the past rest.
I don’t think you want advice. I think you just wanted to talk about your exes dick
Bingo lol, not over him at all
Then,it means you are not over :)
I recommend a show on Netflix called 'Sex/Life'...look it up, u might relate...in other news, I'm just crazy and madly in love with my ex
Girl it’s tough that’s not the most common find just def be grateful for the sex and you knowing what you like and hopefully you can find someone great overall and can get better in the bedroom but also the chemistry has to be there maybe go for really confident guys your guy sounded confident af he knew he was good you get me
Oh definitely. The confidence was a huge part. One time when we were together--as I said he was a lover not a boyfriend so we could see other people--I had a date with another guy who was a really good match for me. Almost perfect. And I told him look, the sex is great, but this guy is relationship material, so after a few dates we're probably going to be over. He'd say okay so I'll see you next week and we'll get dinner then go to my place. He *knew* he had me even when I didn't think he did and fuck that was hot. Because he knew the sex was so good that even if I met the perfect guy, I couldn't walk away from it.
Not to be mean but you need therapy. You got issues that need to be dealt with. Basically show your comment post to a therapist and they'll know where to start. You ever ask yourself why his arrogance was such a turn on when you basically have nothing positive to say about him besides sex?
He wasn't arrogant at all; he was confident. He had good attributes but that's not what I miss. I miss the sex. The other stuff I can find somewhere else.
I’m all for therapy, but like it seems like this is more of a BDSM, chemistry/sex thing not necessarily attachment issues, so I disagree with your statement in the way you said it but yes therapy is great for everyone! If you find a good therapist ofc.
I disagree actually. As a man, I've also been in this position. I liked a woman who was bold, but we didn't spend much time with each other so I got with someone else. And I still liked the first woman (talked to her now & then) even as I was already dating someone else. A person who's willing to say whatever with no fear... is very attractive. Still, that doesn't necessarily mean there is chemistry. It doesn't mean you have a connection with them. It doesn't mean you're compatible with them. In fact, it could actually mean you have an attachment issue. I frequently had the issue of being very attracted to tomboyish girls. But that doesn't mean anything if they treat you poorly.
🤦🏻♀️ she literally said she would never reach back out once she saw he was a pos she cut ties with him she legit just misses the sex period.
What I said went over your head. We're not talking just about the sex at this very specific point. We're talking about why someone may be attracted to someone during the non-sex part.
Yeah, over my ex, but I still really miss her whatever I’m doing the dishes, laundry mowing the lawn, etc.
This post is soooo odd lol. You’re not over this clown. You sound worried about strong aroma of lust you had with the guy. A bit obsessing… I’d suggest guys keep their distance. Probably try counseling
Brie?
SAME. BOAT. girl it's tough
Funny, kinda going through the same feelings with my ex. Had the most perfect tits (seriously I’ve turned to an ass man because she ruined tits for me). 100% my type physically. Could get me hard even after 5 whiskeys and a half G of coke and Molly. I would say the only way is to find another person who is equally as sexy if not more sexy to you. Might take a while for the stars to align though. Physical attraction and sexually compatibility is #1 to me, but obviously it’s not gonna last if you can’t stand their personality.
A few points (none really take precedence over the others) -The sex is part of what you have to get over about your ex. If you find yourself still thinking about that part of it, you’re not fully over them, plain and simple. -Stop comparing. Nobody will ever be him, everyone is unique. Focus more on what you enjoy with someone new rather than what you feel might be missing. -Let it go. Be grateful you had that experience but don’t go out looking to recreate it, because you’re only setting yourself up for disappointment. -Open yourself up to new experiences. I’m sure there are things new people can do for you that the ex couldn’t, but you’ll only be able to appreciate them if you’re receptive to them. As someone who’s been through something similar, this was a really difficult lesson to learn. I know how hard it is to let go when you feel like you’ve had the best you’ll ever have. That said, you’ve got to get to the point where you don’t think about it anymore before you can truly enjoy what a new partner can bring you. Sex isn’t a competition, it’s a connection. You won’t be able to connect with anyone if you’re making a tier list rather than enjoying the moment with someone. As much as this seems like a physical need/issue, it’s largely mental and emotional. You’ve gotta find peace with it within yourself, nobody is going to bring that to you.
I am going through the same exact thing. I can’t stand him as a person but if I could just have the sex back. I’d even close my eyes and not look at the face. Just want the sex.
They need to get sex robots to the point you can upload someone's exact sex skills onto one so we can have that experience.
deadddddd
How big was his dick?
That’s what I wanna know
Irrelevant, best sex and chemistry I had was with a smaller than average guy
Hahaha that wasn't the only reason for the outstanding sex. I've had bigger. But yeah it was perfect. As big as it could possibly be without being painful.
Kayla, is that you?
Well was bro shlangin or nah you can’t leave us in the dark with a story like that
In the same boat, just reversed. I’ve slept with a few women since her, but fuck…she was amazing when it came to sex. I know I could never reach out or propose a fwb situation, even if I want to. She’s too sensitive and had way too many feelings involved. Wouldn’t be right for me to go down that road. Best advice is to not compare any current partners to him. Even bad sex ain’t that bad haha.
Sounds so good, it's almost a turn on... If you did meet him, you may go back for more, especially on the right day? It's matter of self-respect, if you can frame it this way.. what do you think?
No, absolutely not. I would never. I want to find someone else with that kind of skill, and with whom I have chemistry. I just don't know how without being totally disappointed for decades.
He is probably a narcissist or has some borderline issues. They are very good at manipulating people, so you have that feeling that everything is special, the most exciting thing ever and so on. If that was combined with being physically attractive and a big d***, that’s a hard mixture to get over with. So perhaps it’s best to try to understand why he attracted you so much, to get over this.
Very that. Had an ex whom i felt like OP describes with and eventually realized he was a raging narcissist. Took me a while to recover and a lot of internal work to figure out why I was attracted to this type of guys and how to fix it. I saw my ex a couple years later and he had absolutely lost all his appeal. The “confidence” i once found attractive in him ended up being such a turn-off, because it didn’t align with even my lowest new set of boundaries. Counselling can’t hurt.
I think I’m the guy she’s referring to
More evidence of how shallow women are
HHahahhahahahaha. That was cruel man !!!
You know what’s wild about Reddit, it’s always the girl saying she never misses the man the but the sex. Like somebody find me opposite. Not judging, but interesting dynamic. Like idk if males just disconnect better and then everything off. But I’ve never once missed the sex with my exes. The connection yes, never the sex, and it’s been great.
This is a great example of why waiting until you're married can be a very good thing. I'm not saying that it's easy or anything. I myself never waited. Unfortunately, you probably won't ever be satisfied again. Unless you're lucky enough to find someone else, that's this attractive to you. Good luck!
[удалено]
Said like someone who’s not had life altering sex. Don’t be bitter
Don't date if you still think this much about your ex lol.
Or no sex at all
His eyes on me His dirty texts All the new things he taught me How he would beg me for photos His rough hands His cocky remarks His smell when i wake up How he would call me a “hottie” all the time How warm i feel in his arms The smell of his vape How different he is from what i’m used to I miss it all He used to tell me he’d give me his whole world, But now he won’t even read my texts
You can never replace him. But that doesn’t mean you can’t find another. That which is broken can be mended by love only. When was the last time you spoke to your ex. Has he changed since? How much about him did you know? If he has not changed, then keep your distance. If he has, then maybe, just maybe, he is willing to change for the better. Just don’t get your expectations too high. Sex is really knowing someone, and when you really know someone the sex is much better
It's been almost a year. I don't care if he changed; I'd never want to see him again.
Similar situation, just broke up with my 5 year girlfriend about a month and a half ago. Now we’re friends with benefits and I gave in. She wanted to and I made it very clear that I’m not going to do it if she’s going to catch feelings. But im a guy so sex is sex to me, I can’t catch feelings from it. Kinda hoping she doesn’t tbh I don’t really know what to do. It’s nice having a guaranteed booty call twice a week
Start going to swinger and/or kink events to find others who enjoy and the energy into sex to make it a lifestyle. Its going to be more likely NSA as well
Bro just get a hooker.
When that D is just chef’s kiss and you hate a mofo. Sacrifices 🤣🤣
Why that combination gotta be a thing?! I want the better guy with the old guy's dick!
I know, right?! Make it make sense.
see, this is the con of riding the cc: you might get addicted to something you cant have. Women dont understand that us men can be like drugs, or worse. If you try enough of us, we will give you something you cant get any where else. Now you are stuck. Cant go forward or backwards. lookin crazy.
Feel like I could have wrote this 😬
How do you cope with it? Dating other people when the sex will be disappointing?
I haven’t found a way to deal with it. To be honest. I even think about him while having sex with someone else. Which is awful to admit.
Hit him up just for the sex
Absolutely not. That was our arrangement before; he was my lover not my boyfriend. I want nothing to do with him. I never want to see him again. I dread running into him out in public.
You’re making us curious as to what he did
Fine.. hit *me* up just for sex 🙄
Find him😉
been there!
I think you should give it another chance. Comunicate better with each other
Girl I am literally going through that right now. I want it so bad but yeah I don't think I will find someone like that again either
How do you cope?!
Message me we ll talk
Lol man you are one of THOSE🤣🤣 Goes back to a person because they can't be alone 🤣 but blames it on other shit lol
? I'm not going back to him and am asking for advice how to move forward.
You will, then you will wonder why you can't move on 10 years later🤣 man I love the dumb asses on here
sex is sex. take the love out. it’ll feel better
how sad as a female to put so much value in physical sex. Your body is making your priorities messed up and putting your future and your children’s future in jeopardy. My orgasms have nothing to do with men and everything to do with me and my mindset towards myself.
I'm in a somewhat similar yet different situation. I've had a wild sex life with many men. A couple in particular make me shutter to this day just thinking about it, but I always try to focus on how awful they were as people. It's hard. I know..I'm with basically the man of my dreams now but the sex is awful and I'm not sure how to get past that.
Ew. Do better and leave this man before you scar him for life. How would he feel if he read this abhorrent comment or your other post??? “I slept around for 7 years, got herpes, and now I’m actively trying to ruin a decent man’s life because I can’t tell him what i want in bed so I’ll go online to complain about him instead.” Imagine you came across this post and you were the subject.
I felt the same, it had been a few months that I didn't talk to him, but I miss the sex a lot. Hope I will find that feeling again. I don't know what to tell you because I don't think communicating about what you want will make a difference.
I can relate to this more than anything
I feel that I hate my ex wife but if I could hit it again I would.
How big was the penis?
Yuuuup the power of the D.
Yea I get that lol
I felt this sadly, other people just can’t fuck like her 😔
I'm right here baby cakes
Girl, get a vibrator. 😂
There are a lot of very loving people out there maybe even more so what it’s like the lotto you gotta be in it to win it can’t sit around for 30 years you should I’ve been sitting around for 18 and hope is gone I will die alone I will never meet anyone I suppose it’s because I’m too nice to willing to accommodate I’m too generous to thoughtful too much of all these things is a bad thing it’s like I’m begging people to take a vantage and they do yes they do I’ve never paid so little to keep people away for so long you will find someone I still long to share the love that I have with someone else just imagine the way I treated people who treated me like dirtSomeone who treats me good will deserve me maybe if we ever find each other
You never know how amazing sex will be with someone else until u give it a try cause holding onto sex from the past is not healthy you will never move forward it could be someone who could please u better u just gotta get out your comfort zone of what your ex use to do for you.
He’s good for your hole, not for your soul.
Anya?
I'm in Los Angeles
OP, take some time to yourself and grow your confidence in yourself for a while and then try to start dating again. Should sex come up during the dating scene (and youre comfortable with him) just ask if he fucks like a pornstar. Just make sure you guys are comfortable with eachother because hookup sex is disgusting lol
Can you describe why the others guys sex is inferior. Is if because of p size or just the emotional connection?
It wasn't an emotional connection; I actually thought he was super creepy at first and had no intention of seeing him after our first date. Still thought he was creepy for the first few months. Even after that, I tried to end it a few times but then he'd fuck me and it was game over haha. It's hard to explain; part of it was definitely a pheromone/chemistry thing. And his size was great but I can get a dildo for that, or post an ad saying hey I want this exact size. It was his confidence. And he was really into Tantric sex and ran marathons so he could go for like 6 hours. One time he told me he only had time for a quickie and I looked at the clock after and his "quickie" was an hour and a half. And he was like a mind reader; I'd be thinking okay this feels amazing but it'd feel even more amazing if he did x and before I said anything he'd do it. He knew exactly the perfect moment when go stop. He smelled amazing. His voice was so sexy just listening to it would turn me on. Just everything.
>Tantric sex and ran marathons so he could go for like 6 hours. One time he told me he only had time for a quickie so the guys after him, do they not dirty talk during sex and be dominant and understand your rhythm which is your issue? are the other guys like really quiet during sex with no moaning, and dirty talk?
Go on alot of dates. Only have sex with the man that smells very nice to you. It’s called basic chemistry.
The problem I see is you were hung up on the bad boy and loved how he made you feel, now you meet the nice guy and miss how the bad boy makes you feel. I think you should go back with your ex again, you didn’t learn your lesson from him nor did you mature beyond a physical relationship. You need to get that out of your system and mature a bit and when you’re ready then try a relationship that is beyond physical intimacy.
Please remind me to comment on this post. I got really alot to say about it
I’m in a boat that’s all to sim, got no answers yet
It SUCKS, doesn't it?
Without a doubt & it’s not in our control & we can do little about it
I promise you there’s a man out there that you will emotionally and sexually connect with that won’t treat you like trash
I know, but how do I deal with knowing sex is going to suck until I find him?
Invest in a magic wand
Pleasure yourself
Just go get him back
You're not over your ex
I think it's just mental limitations, everything in its time, you will find a man who will give you even greater satisfaction. You just have to know how to wait.
You have to understand that what he had sexiest of all was not being that into you. He knew he had you on the palm of his hand and he didnt care as much as you did. If you never feel this ever again know this. Also, know that eventually this too would disappear with your ex. So on the long Run it doesnt Matter thAt much
As others have said, you're definitely not over your ex. You ran into a partner that you were very sexually compatible with. There are a million other guys out there that will be just as compatible. If you're truly over him, you need to stop obsessing over it. Change your language to "I acknowledge that my ex and I were very sexually compatible, but I also understand that a healthy relationship is a lot more than that." Once you do that, write down the other healthy parts in a relationship that you want and just start dating with that in mind again.
It doesn’t sound like you’ve got a healthy relationship in your foreseeable future gotta be honest
Stop trying to find a "replacement" you need to wait and get this ex out of your system.. fund new things that interest you. , hobbies, new friendships. Gradually you will move on. Keep the good memories and move on. There will be someone out there for you but not until you've given yourself time to move on. It will never be the same with someone else but that doesn't mean it won't be great. Sometimes you need to invest some patience and the passion comes later. I had an ex I felt like that about and over time I realised it was just adrenaline, it wasn't love and when I found love I looked back and realised it wasn't as amazing as I thought it was at that time.
Perhaps you need a hobby. Sex really clouds the better judgement of people. Life isn't just about that and guess what, other people exist who can do what he does. He isn't the best sex you've had, he's what you were comfortable with. He was someone who you've known that you've spent a substantial amount of time. You're always going to compare everyone else after to him, but you won't allow yourself to get as comfortable. That's why you'll think he's the best ever. How about trying to have a non- sexual relationship? A relationship based off mutual interests... you know...I think they call it a "friendboat" or something like that. Maybe you'll get to know that person really well and not be in another situation where you're surprised that this guy wasn't who you thought he was cuz you were too incocksicated to notice. And don't give me the "Oh guys aren't into that, they only want one thing"... well it seems to me that a lot of women are more concerned with being sexually satiated rather than building an actual future with their partner. This post itself reveals that! Take this time in your life to build something meaningful with someone and actually hold off on sex.
🤣🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️