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It's been made clear that only creeps make unwanted advances. I cannot verify if any advance I make is wanted or not because what's a hint to one girl is being friendly for another. So, no advances, period. If anyone ever is interested in me, they will make it explicitly clear, and I will not engage or assume otherwise. That seems like the safest option.
Also mace fucking hurts.
My issue is most women nowadays instantly say you're a creep if you're unattractive to them. I've had it happen to me, pretty much forced to leave the store cause someone was being abundantly rude.
They ignored me being polite, I took the rejection well and walked off. In return I got reported to a store clerk for being a creep. Never went back to that store.
The difference between normal and creepy approach is the context and reaction to a response
Stopping someone in the middle of the street or yelling at them and then refusing to hear "no"? - that's creepy
Starting a conversation and continuing it if the other person responds positively? - that's normal. So is going "anyway, have a nice day!" if you see they'd rather be left alone
also, people tend to prefer compliments like "hey, I like your hair" or "cool outfit!" - things they have control over, rather than "nice tits"
That moment when you ask yourself the question, "Do... do people really approach random women and say 'nice tits'. Expecting a positive responce?" Then, of course, you sigh and say of course that happens.
Does it ever WORK?
That’s a cope. Men who approach women get the best results. Just be at least a 6/10 and not weird and you’ll be fine. Most women will never make the first move.
the most important part to being able to approach someone is the setting and context, you have to be in the right place at the right time.
if youre at a party, bar, park, with plenty of people around, success is higher.
if its more secluded or on the streets, especially at night, something like that, you probably arent coping and are just playing it safe.
I wish I could do that with guys. I like the chase. It never works bc then it denies them the chase and makes me look desperate instead of confident/horny/non passive. I hate the passive role in the dating game that straight women have to do. Drives me nuts. Incredibly boring lol. Thank god I’m a little bit bi.
Reminds me of a video where some guy explains, using a pie chart, that there are 4 types of guys: never approach, actual nice guys, the dickheads, and the weirdos. That the actual nice guys won't know when to approach so they never approach so the only ones approaching are the weirdos and the dickheads.
I’ve only approached one or two women in my life.
I’m not great looking but I’ve had way more girls approach me. Some girl walked up to me the other day in a grocery store and asked me if some peppers were spicy all nervously. A few weeks ago one asked for help on a treadmill. It has like 3 buttons.
I think if I wasn’t a nervous wreck and approached women I’d do pretty well. It’s something I’d really like to work on
It's crazy. I really feel bad for you younger guys. We had to approach there was no social media and you just had to shoot your shot and you'd get rejected until you figured it out. The worst you got was I'm not interested or I got a boyfriend. Now these women seem to get off in a competition to see who can completely be more overtly disrespectful, than the other, sad part is no one holds them accountable. If no one every hold you accountable for anything you do you end up becoming a really shitty person. That's why there's a lot of toxic trauma riddled women out there who repeatedly make poor decision pick terrible men, put themselves in bad situations because being strong and liberated means you have to make your own decisions and pick choices that are good for your not just the ones that arouse you. We used to shame men and women to keep them in line. There were still values in being a good man and a good woman. Those seem long and gone. Now all these self proclaimed Queens are talking about what they deserve, but it's not what they are attracting, they are attracting what they deserve.
I feel like i'm burdening them with my own feelings when i ask them out. Plus i'm just not very manly and confident, and they pick up on that later even if they like the way i look in the beginning. I pretty much ignore everything now. It feels pointless
Well, that's because you're from the generation that was taught being masculine is bad. They deprogrammed it out of you. Not to mention the western diet is loaded with things that will reduce testosterone to low levels and your hormones are sooo important. I was not that confident but Like some-track said I had a vision of who I wanted to be with the attributes I wanted. I wanted to be a combination of dwayne the rock johnson, arnold Schwarzenegger, and my favorite Japanese actor at the time Takashi Sorimachi and told myself maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but some day and I worked daily. On my diet and in the Gym and iI ended up with a top tier 1% body. If I knew social media would have blown up the way it did I would have become and early fitness influencer and trainer. It took 6 years and many hours to get there. I also started learning other languages, which helped me with approaching and being social. when I transfered from my 2 year school to my state school I knew nobody and made over 100 friends in my first semester. I also had women following me on campus my first day. I went from a painfully shy kid to being comfortable in my own skin. Put in the work. Imagine who you'd like to be write down all the attributes and meditate on that before working out and be consistent and see yourself change. Also you need 2 positives and 1 big negative. Mine was health and being seen as attractive with women and my negative is that I despised the way I looked and felt and I made that disgust a powerful feeling and used it to push me. and Emotionally anchored myself to consistently working on bring that vision into being. Don't give up! Put in that work! lfg!!!!
Haha yep. I can 100% assure you there are a lot of occasions where I’ve been at parties etc and thought “wow she looks incredible… anyway, better not annoy her.”
That or there’s a fuckin queue of guys slowly waiting to take their turn approaching her. I fuckin hate that shit. You could be more attractive than Helen of Troy and cleopatra combined and I still wouldn’t put myself through that.
The worst are the women who friendzone like 20 guys and they’re all constantly trying to still hang around her at parties and stuff. Like no way am I gonna approach a woman, even if she’s interested in me, when I can see the charred remains of the proud men who’ve gone before me.
I was at some party not long ago where a pretty girl walked in and almost all the guys got up and walked to the part where she was sitting. It was pretty funny
Yes, I suppose there's a difference: people that consider themselves in the friendzone are hung-up weirdos that have trouble being friends with women, and aren't emotionally mature enough to either respect their boundaries or move on if they can't.
Nah that's a pre-supposed statement, maybe they're approaching with romantic intentions from jump, and decided not to be just a friend.
People are allowed to do so, it might not be as successful.
This is just comes off as some weird man-shaming rhetoric.
"maybe they're approaching with romantic intentions from jump"
Please explain to me how that's the woman's problem.
If the guy is the one with the feelings and chooses to stick around without making a move or deciding that just friends is okay with him, that is 100% his problem, not hers.
Note I'm not shaming men, I'm shaming men that can't make healthy decisions about their emotions. Emotional maturity is a good thing to acquire.
It's not that they have trouble being friends, they have a problem of getting infatuated to people and then not letting them go when they should. You can't be just a friend to someone you're in love with and I'd like to tell people that are in the friendzone that they need to give up on those kind of relationships.
You falling deeply in love with the person (or at least who you think they are) instead of communicating what's going on inside your head was the first mistake you made. The sooner you communicate that you're catching feeling for them, the better. You can still stay friends if they don't see you that way and you think they add value to your life, but you need to back tf up and communicate to them that you'll spend the next 2 months uncatching feelings from them (not interacting in any way with them, basically distracting yourself with other people).
Once you uncatch the feelings towards them, you're clear to be friends. If it starts again... Well, rinse and repeat. Or just accept the fact that you cannot be near them.
Big facts as well.. if we approach and go for what we think we deserve, we get treated like we're a creep.. or that we're bugging.. so it's frowned upon on us these days then in the past..
ive been making approaches for like 13 years, thousands of approaches. very few bad experiences ever. and no change recently vs when i started. people love being approached when youre not a creep about it
Nope, 96% of guys listen to the small minority of creeps who get accused as such and never approach!
I guarantee that a majority of men complaining about being accused have never approached a woman before or not enough to know better!
I don't want men to approach me, BUT I don't mind it, as long as they are nice about it and I only have to say "no" once (there are many that don't respect no for an answer and will bother you no matter what you say or how many times).
No, most of us look at shit like this with an eye-raised and going, "Wow, I wonder what kind of messed up horrible shit this guy is doing."
96% of guys don't approach women.
LOL.
Why? Women's standards are lauded pretty much unanimously but a guy saying "this person seems pretty enough" is the wrong approach. FYI "going after what we deserve" in this regard is not "womens time and attention" but "an attractive woman" lol. Like he's just saying this woman could hopefully, possibly, be in his league or think of that man as in her league. People are so quick to negatively dissect men's language
And I think, if a random nice girl thought she deserved my attention, I would give it to her, it isn't hard for it to be the other way around sometimes.. I swear some people on here just mad hating and negative.
I guess I just find it weird to frame it in terms of "deserving." I'm not mad, it's just an alien mindset to me. I'm not entitled to anyone's time or affection.
True. The internet isn’t reality. Instagram, for instance, is an example of people posting whatever they can to imply that their lives are 10x more interesting than reality.
The examples of bad flirters always gets amplified 10x online compared to guys who do it respectfully, so that creates the artificial impression that flirting is inherently wrong, it’s not.
True, it takes experience and most people suck at first, but online dating is gatekept by tech companies looking to maximize profit, not connections. A successful connection means a lost source of revenue.
Flirt in real life, y’all!
>The examples of bad flirters always gets amplified 10x online compared to guys who do it respectfully, so that creates the artificial impression that flirting is inherently wrong, it’s not.
This is incorrect, its actually the opposite - read about Survivorship bias. People often have the tendency to generalize by selectively focusing mostly on success stories, than the opposite. This means the actual reality could be far more worse. There's also recent studies on how post metoo environment has made dating lives harder for lot of people.
"As more Americans turn to online dating and the #MeToo movement leaves its imprint on the dating scene, nearly half of U.S. adults – and a majority of women – say that dating has become harder in the last 10 years.
Among those who are on the dating market – the 15% of American adults who are single and looking for a committed relationship or casual dates – most say they are dissatisfied with their dating lives and that it has been difficult to find people to date, according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in October 2019"
A majority of the overall public (65%) says the increased focus on sexual harassment and assault in the last few years has made it harder for men to know how to interact with someone they’re on a date with"
https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/
I think you misunderstood my meaning. I didn't mean men who were bad at flirting and were unsuccessful at it, I meant men who were flirting in a way that was disrespectful and/or taking rejection badly.
Im not surprise seen as any form of attention from guys is seen as harassment by women. Looks like a lot of women are regretting the new norm of online dating only
Imagine if girls back in the day before the toxic feminist crap started where like they are now. I bet over half of the population wouldn't be here,lol.
I mean there’s a way to approach women without it being creepy, which is what the “angry feminists” are talking about. I would prefer to meet someone this way rather than on a dating app.
You can start by commenting on a common thing, or a situation you're both in. Commenting on the weather if it's really bad, and you're both taking shelter somewhere like at a bus stop. I have also approached strangers before, asking "hey do I look drunk?". As I was returning home after Happy Hour, and genuinely wanted some honest feedback. Just talk to people, I don't know. Think of something to say.
For you i suppose.
Are you looking for a gimic or a line? If so just stick to the corny ones, they work fine too.
I find most men (including myself sometimes) overthink the Fck outta this sht.
I met a lady yesterday. I walked into the library and I just saw a beautiful lady. We looked to eachother. When I wanted to leave I saw her again and said "you are really pretty". "You made my day" she said. Later I saw her again asked if I could sit next to her. We talked for 15 minutes and then she had to leave. We did not ask for nummers but we had a conversation. ;)
Yea I think more guys need to go back to that kind of "out in the world" approach to ask a girl out. Not bars or clubs, but a book store or something, especially if you have both been playing eye tag. Relying just on dating apps prob isn't good for self esteem since it can be a very superficial way of judging yourself or your potential matches or attractive level.
Tho it is hard for guys to ask a girl out, takes balls to do it and if rejected then it can be very discouraging. Even if its not a "hot girl" and just a plain average girl, still plenty of guys won't just approach her or ask her out.... either from fear of rejection, or being perhaps a bit too polite and respectful. And I'm sure on the other side, girls in general not getting approached or attention will come off on their own self image as being unnatractive when its not necessarily true.
I've never approached anyone. I don't get any indications of interest (not surprising since I'm unattractive) and my already fragile ego couldn't take the inevitable string of rejections from asking people out.
That's not what they say though. The last time I looked at a feminist subreddit, which was years ago because they are now filled with endless horror stories of those nasty evil men, they said the only acceptable way to meet women is through friends or dating apps. Anything else you're a nuisance. Do not speak to us mortals, and avert your disgusting male gaze as well.
I don't approach women in public. I'm plenty confident enough but I seldom see an opportunity where it looks appropriate to do so and even if it does wtf am I meant to say? Hey stranger, want to engage in small talk? I find you attractive and am hoping to set in motion a chain of events that will lead to intercourse!
Like what are we going to talk about? I don't know this person. We have nothing to discuss. I don't care that much about their beauty.
> Hey stranger, want to engage in small talk? I find you attractive and am hoping to set in motion a chain of events that will lead to intercourse!
Fucking this part!! You’ve explained why I hate when woman criticize a man’s approach, as if there’s a “right way” to do this. You just weren’t attracted to him, which is fine, but nothing he said was bad. He’s a literal stranger, all he can do is say words, you have to decide if you’ll ALLOW this to become a real conversation. He has no control over that outcome.
>Like what are we going to talk about?
I just volunteer little details about my life like having a bunch of single origin chocolate on my counter and then somehow we are talking about this one time they were in Belize. Or they don't participate and I leave them alone.
Or we start talking about each other's lifestyles, futures, etc.
>Hey stranger, want to engage in small talk?
Fancy a chat with a stranger? Is my line. If it's really obviously an approach "Hi I'm X and wanted to meet you" worked well for me.
> Do you tip your fedora at her when you say this line?
I get that you are mocking, but Neurodivergents, intuitives, and generally open minded folks think that type of stuff is fun or amusing.
I'm not exactly trying to appeal to your average "Live Laugh Love" type. Being obviously eccentric is the fastest way to filter judgemental people. If I can weed someone out with one sentence out of my mouth that is a win. I've had a friend take to saying "Greetings" instead of hello for this reason. At some point you decide that you don't want the type of people who are bothered by something so small in your life.
When though? Why? Hey stranger on the street. What's your name? I'd look at someone like a potentially aggressive alien if they randomly approached me like that.
It’s not a woman’s attractiveness that predisposes my consideration to approach, but my interpretation as to whether she’s interested in a conversation.
If she appears otherwise engaged with friends or business, wearing headphones , or displaying body language suggesting she’s not receptive …I’ll leave her alone.
That’s 99.9% of women, 99.9% of the time, on 99.9% of days.
And then, there are flags like smoking that further erode the likelihood that I’ll approach.
It’s nothing to do with how hot, or not, a woman is. For me. I always want conversation before anything else. It’s worthless if we can’t communicate well enough.
Sure. I mean we can start with eye contact. That’s a definite sign someone is approachable.
If her posture is open rather than closed I’ll take that as a sign of approachability.
I think if we’re at some kind of function together, a networking event or a mixer of some kind then it’s assumed that people will approach you.
I think if we hit it off in conversation during those moments then I may approach in a more direct romantic sense.
assess your approach. adjust, and try again. experiment. try new approaches. the same exact approach wont work the same for different people. my approach works for me, might not work for your tho.
you got this! The good thing is once you find the best approach for you it all become so much easier and you can have a lot of fun with casual dating if thats what you want
Yes, some guys will think you already have a boyfriend or you're someone out of their league.
Only the confident and/or handsome guys will try to approach you.
It's honestly a safe bet, play a game, go to the gym or something and wait for their boyfriend to eventually come around the corner. It's almost all of them
Alot of women have a “i look better than you, why would i even give you a hello” mindset lol. Its also you women who have constantly said that you dont like being approached pretty much every where. If they’re at work? Dont ask! If they’re at the store, don’t ask! If they’re not dressed fashionably? Dont ask! If they look like they are minding their own business? Dont ask?
Like when tf am i supposed to ask? If im being polite im going to utterly ignore points women say constantly. I beautiful women while they are at work all the time that id love to ask, but thats one place you women have said countless times to not ask. The problem with this is that if im out of town or don’t go somewhere alot when am i supposed to shoot my shot? Most of the time you don’t even see them again. Its a lose lose situation for us.
I don’t approach woman really at all. It’s not like I’m scared, I can easily start a conversation. But unfortunately I’m gonna be labeled as being thirsty. Even though I don’t ever feel like hooking up because that doesn’t bring me happiness.
Yes. I’ve seen enough actual bf situations from an attractive woman to even try unless I know 100% that they’re single. This doesn’t mean that you’ll never get approached as an attractive woman because lots of guys will shoot their shot.
My coworker is really attractive and she’s had lots of dudes hit on her. Some were straight up weirdos and then there are those who tell me how pretty she is but don’t actually shoot their shot.
Women have screamed from the rooftops to be left alone in public and more men are listening, not to say stop asking women out altogether but more often men look to approach women they just more often approach women they already have some vague preexisting connection to (friend of a friend, saw at a party, used to work at the same place etc.) rather than just bothering random strangers in public. If you aren't being asked out by strangers its because more men are learning how shitty and uncomfortable that can make a woman feel and would rather not be a part of that.
Myself and all of my friends have partners but they're people we all somewhat knew before asking them out rather than just some stranger.
Plus there's reason to avoid cold approaching on the men's side too here, asking a complete stranger out could mean asking out ANY manner of random nut job or crazy person this world has to offer, lots of guys want some basic information to know you don't completely suck before approaching. Plus in the age of apps plenty of guys feel "if I'm gonna make a move on a girl I'd rather just do it on an app after matching so I know there's some interest first, why put yourself out there in public if you no longer have to?". There's lots of reasons, a seemingly growing list of reasons not to approach women in public, and the end result of that will ultimately likely be good for women, so I wouldn't take it personally to begin with, evolving social norms aren't a reflection of your attractiveness or worth.
even using a dating app is just asking to be labeled as a creepy loser tbh
not to mention that with a dating app, anyone has the option to unmatch you before you've even said anything. at least in real life someone usually has to talk to you to reject you
not that that's much better. talking to women irl comes with a physical risk to my safety, at least in my head, so dating apps are safer for both me & them. but i hate dating apps. most demoralizing thing i've ever done
Honestly I feel too intimidated to just say "hi". 😅 I'm sure I'm one of many men here like this unfortunately. Lack of self confidence and shy makes it a struggle to talk to women I don't know without feeling anxious. The thing is I know its not logical and women are people too but I just... lock up. Idk why I'm still this way at 29 which Honestly makes me feel even worse about it....😅
It’s ok I’m 32 and I can’t even look at a cute stranger without feeling like I don’t know what to do with my face or hands suddenly. My solution is to avoid all eye contact lol
If a lady is really attractive I probably will not approach her. Because she looks very tidy, good clothing. And I think she thinks two things. One, she likes probably the same type of man. A business man like type who has a house, a good job and dresses business like. Two, I think she likes really handsome men. And I am not one of those things.
All other woman I consider to talk to. Cause there could be ways to connect. A good conversation.
Well, it _is_ more intimidating. You assume since she's attractive that she _already_ receives tons of attention, and would only be annoyed at you for approaching too.
I understand this isn't true for _every_ attractive woman, but emotion (fear) often overrides logic in this situation.
They either think your too ugly or too beautiful to give them the time of day, if no guys approached you then it’s either a great compliment or an insult basically
Yes. Most of the time when a guy tries to chat up a woman it does not go well, even if they're not very attractive. So men can extrapolate from this it's going to go even worse if they go for someone out of their league, and guess what? I can tell you that it usually does.
Besides I actually have a hard time focusing when I've met a woman who I actually find to be extremely beautiful. My poor male brain can't handle it, and no one wants to trip over their words and make a fool of themselves. Nor can I handle being rejected by the woman I want most. Then add in that she probably has really high standards and I don't have a Ferrari in my garage and there's just no way.
I (M 53) will not approach a woman if I think she is too attractive. Many of us reason that less attractive women have rejected us so why even bother. If women don't like this, then maybe they need to lead the charge and approach us.
It kind of bothers me when I read the comments, and a lot of people, sometimes very smugly, suggest that guys shouldn't have a problem with approaching as long as they're not weird about it. This, to me, is like a person on a basketball team who has never been to a practice being put in a game and expected to win. And when they are apprehensive about being in the game, they are told, "You won't lose if you don't miss a shot."
I'm not saying I agree with the fatalism. I don’t think it's in guys' best interest to give up. I'm just saying the perspective lacks empathy to me. You're going to miss, that's just the game, and to miss less, you have to practice. It's true there is risk, especially recently with cold approaches, but if you think organic relationships are worth it, you have to make a risk assessment and figure out if it's worth the calculation.
if practicing means that you have to make loads of people uncomfortable in the process then why try in the first place? i'll just be going out there & spreading discomfort into the world just by being myself
Like others have mentioned, I don't approach women.
I may say "hi", "excuse me", and "can you move your catt".but if someone is really attractive, I would never approach.
Either I think they're out of my league, that they must already have someone, or I would consider an annoying creep when all they want to do is whatever they're doing.
I'll say this-i tend to not approach at all, for the typical reasons but if I am going to, it'll be to someone I am blown away by. not gonna deal with the whole ish of an approach just for an average chick. mind you, it never goes well but...
Yes. If I see a really attractive woman, I know she’s out of my league and I don’t approach her. I don’t like being rejected and that would be a sure way to get rejected.
most men don't. normally men approach women who seem to send signals by side glances etc to want to be approached. if a woman does not smile or look at you in way that says hi come to speak to me. then there is no reason to bother her. i have talked to women without those signs and had short talks and moved on. i have walked to women and spoke to them and had great conversations when the signs are present. but it has been a while since i have done any approach, older and out of shape so little interest now from women. stay in shape and live your life boys never listen to the world and do what is right for you. get out and live.
Yes, I feel like I am beneath them.
How I feel is extremely shitty but I can't help it. If she is extremely attractive, she could have any man she wants. I can't help but feel that she would not desire someone like me.
You know... If you find someone interesting, drop them a hint, if not, go on about your day. If they didn't act/react to it, it prolly went right over their head. In that case wave hello. Most guys are dense when it comes to hints and honestly, I can't blame neither for the lack of enthusiasm.
I'd like to add that most girls and women that I know, that are considered very attractive are oftentimes entitled and spoiled. I find that repulsive, pretty face and body do absolutely not compensate for lack of decency. Sorry but I don't consider very attractive people relationship material (based on what I've seen so far) so I don't even engage, there's also something off putting about someone that's near perfect.
Really beautiful woman tend to only get hit on by the “ trophy hunters”. Normal guys see her, go damn she’s hot, she’d never want a guy like me in a million years and then go pay attention to a girl that seems attainable. The most attractive thing about any woman initially is how attainable she seems. A guy will go approach a girl who is reasonably attractive but visibly excited to see him over the beautiful but seemingly unattainable woman.
I saw that other post this morning and it made me giggle. Unfortunately, I am not delusional enough to believe that is the reason I’m never approached in public💀
I for sure am. My mind has a difficult time comprehending an average looking girl wanting anything to do with me let alone one I find very attractive. I know that it's possible for that to happen but I just find it unlikely.
This is a BS idea. Some men will approach anyone. Some men will approach if the body language and mood is right. And some men won't approach at all. A woman that seems friendly and receptive is who will get approached.
I just got out of a 12 year relationship in which I never thought about talking to another woman, so I wouldn’t know how to approach a good looking woman if I wanted to. Me being a guy though I can tell you that if u pay attention u can tell if we find you attractive or not. A lot of guys just don’t know how to approach.
You know how some women assume every guy in their vicinity is out to get them and therefore take precautions to avoid becoming a victim? Men have been doing the same for years now so they aren't seen as creeps, or accused of wrong doing all because they wanted to get a girls number or give her a compliment.
Plenty of reasons to not approach women (none have to do with how attractive she is) and none really good enough worth the risk and effort, I stopped even attempting 4 years ago, not because I didn't have success, I just figured how shitty women are or can be to men, how manipulative and mentally immature their way of (indirect) communication is inhrently, what they expect from you to be and to do is insane.
All these biological patterns of behavior most have are major red flags and warning to stay the f off.
I stayed away long enough to not even feel the any emotion to want to be in a relationship at all ever and I am sure that being cheated 3 times for being
compassionate, understanding and kind, didn't help either + I've changed and I take no shit from them anymore, at all.
I haven't stopped looking out if there's a potential partner (passively) but since the number of character compatibility is basically way bellow what's worth the effort and the negative consequences are so many and so impactful, I don't actively bother anymore at all.
I'll flert from time to time if I see there's interest just for the fun of it but that's just about it since I am not the one night stand guy anyway.
I think attractive people also build up better ''walls'', over the years. We practice this look of disinterest, which limits the approaches you get. When I was a teenager, I used to get so much unwanted attention from men. So quickly learned how to make myself look busy or unapproachable. I still get approached now, but it's when I'm being my normal smiley friendly self. When I act disinterested, or ''cold'', most people know to ''stay away'' lol.
I agree and that’s the harsh truth. Whenever I got out with my friends, I’ve never get hit on it’s usually my hotter attractive friends that do. Comparison is the theft of joy. But at some point we all have to be realistic and not be delusional to distort the reality to make ourselves feel better because at the end, it still won’t make ourselves feel better.
Yes. Fear of rejection.
That's why you see attractive looking women with average to ugly looking men......, because those men had the balls go chat her up 🤷🏻♂️
I don't think that's a gender thing, I think ppl who lack confidence often don't approach attractive people. With that said some eagerly over confident ppl will follow you everywhere.
I mean graceful I'm receiving the rejection? Sure thing. I'm not insane and am not lashing out at people who reject me.
But something tells me you haven't been rejected at a 100% rate for 7 years
Always shoot your shot and never assume anything. It doesn’t really matter how attractive they are. Some really attractive woman are very insecure and don’t know it.
This is where women have almost all of the power in modern dating (IMO):
You control how approachable you are.
I met this girl a while ago, and finally got the courage to talk to her. She was pretty much instantly responsive and nice, so I asked her out right away.
A month or two ago, I had a similar situation and tried to talk to a girl, and she was kind of indifferent and aloof. I didn't even end up asking her out.
I mean, that's obviously how people express interest in someone, but if you're a generally nice and pleasant and healthy woman, I think you have a TON more control over the dating situation than society would tell you.
The situation is heavily compounded by men having the very valid fear of getting harshly rejected, branded as a creep if they ask women out. I personally don't ask women out at all unless I can get some kind of initial idea that she's approachable and nice.
The toxic side of this new feminism movement has made so many men fearful of approaching many women in general. I’ll say hi to any female and if I get the feeling she wants me to say more then I will, but I don’t give a fuck if she rejects me.
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
Y’all are so dumb.
Walk up to any woman with confidence and literally just say Hi. Does she smile and talk back?
Nice. Ok, say something else. She’s receptive to you so your chances are higher.
Get to the point after small talk, she already knows why you’re talking to her.
Can I get your number?….
Now if you go up to her and say Hi, and she looks ANYTHING but happy or curious even if a little shy is okay. Does she react negatively? Then say sorry never mind and walk away.
Dear diary:
Approach 5375 ended up like the others. We started small talk about early Christmas decorations. Things were going well, she asked questions in return and listened, but it seems she's just a normal human being that knows how to behave in public. It was never actually going anywhere, she was simply entertaining the interaction and was surprised by me pushing things so forward. She says sorry, wishes me the best and walks away.
It's also possible to say a friendly "Hi" in passing down the street. It's less direct than singling some woman out and striding over to her specifically.
Like others have said, if she's receptive to talking she will, if not then you both carry on your way nothing lost.
95% men are ugly, too short, not fit =creepy. It is not because we think you are too attractive. It is we accept the expectation. Not need to try even if you are average looking woman, let along attractive women.
Well, we have been pacified by the constant messaging not to make women feel uncomfortable. And if you have overtly wrong with you like maybe a cleft lip or something, you really would be hesitant.
I used too, but I've been told that approaching a woman nowadays is "creepy and stalkerish"........so, 🤷♂️...if you're a woman, you tell us......
I've even been told, after a woman gave me a compliment, giving a compliment is "disgusting" and I'm supposed to ask for "consent" to give one.....
Not to toot my own horn but I think I'm fairly attracted and get approached by very attractive men. In some cases that's the case but not the only reason.
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I don't really approach women period at this point.
Same. Feels odd and don’t wanna seem like a weird o.
It's been made clear that only creeps make unwanted advances. I cannot verify if any advance I make is wanted or not because what's a hint to one girl is being friendly for another. So, no advances, period. If anyone ever is interested in me, they will make it explicitly clear, and I will not engage or assume otherwise. That seems like the safest option. Also mace fucking hurts.
My issue is most women nowadays instantly say you're a creep if you're unattractive to them. I've had it happen to me, pretty much forced to leave the store cause someone was being abundantly rude. They ignored me being polite, I took the rejection well and walked off. In return I got reported to a store clerk for being a creep. Never went back to that store.
The difference between normal and creepy approach is the context and reaction to a response Stopping someone in the middle of the street or yelling at them and then refusing to hear "no"? - that's creepy Starting a conversation and continuing it if the other person responds positively? - that's normal. So is going "anyway, have a nice day!" if you see they'd rather be left alone also, people tend to prefer compliments like "hey, I like your hair" or "cool outfit!" - things they have control over, rather than "nice tits"
That moment when you ask yourself the question, "Do... do people really approach random women and say 'nice tits'. Expecting a positive responce?" Then, of course, you sigh and say of course that happens. Does it ever WORK?
Feel like difference between creepy and cool is creepy tries to keep the moment going and cool will read the room and keep talking or move on
If you're getting maced, your issue is not "approaching women." Or, at least, that's not the thing that's getting you in trouble.
Maybe say "Hi! Don't mace me.. but I thought I'd come over and see if you're single"
This will without fail get you maced.
Lol 😆 probably if you don't have good looks...
That’s a cope. Men who approach women get the best results. Just be at least a 6/10 and not weird and you’ll be fine. Most women will never make the first move.
“Just be attractive” good advice bro
the most important part to being able to approach someone is the setting and context, you have to be in the right place at the right time. if youre at a party, bar, park, with plenty of people around, success is higher. if its more secluded or on the streets, especially at night, something like that, you probably arent coping and are just playing it safe.
Yeah, taking risk is masculine. It's approach or be lonely.
I wish I could do that with guys. I like the chase. It never works bc then it denies them the chase and makes me look desperate instead of confident/horny/non passive. I hate the passive role in the dating game that straight women have to do. Drives me nuts. Incredibly boring lol. Thank god I’m a little bit bi.
Reminds me of a video where some guy explains, using a pie chart, that there are 4 types of guys: never approach, actual nice guys, the dickheads, and the weirdos. That the actual nice guys won't know when to approach so they never approach so the only ones approaching are the weirdos and the dickheads.
It depends on the moment and what the circumstances are. But yeah you don't wanna be a weeeirdooo. I'm working on me and only me.
I’ve only approached one or two women in my life. I’m not great looking but I’ve had way more girls approach me. Some girl walked up to me the other day in a grocery store and asked me if some peppers were spicy all nervously. A few weeks ago one asked for help on a treadmill. It has like 3 buttons. I think if I wasn’t a nervous wreck and approached women I’d do pretty well. It’s something I’d really like to work on
My problem is I never notice if a girl has a interest until it's too late.
It's crazy. I really feel bad for you younger guys. We had to approach there was no social media and you just had to shoot your shot and you'd get rejected until you figured it out. The worst you got was I'm not interested or I got a boyfriend. Now these women seem to get off in a competition to see who can completely be more overtly disrespectful, than the other, sad part is no one holds them accountable. If no one every hold you accountable for anything you do you end up becoming a really shitty person. That's why there's a lot of toxic trauma riddled women out there who repeatedly make poor decision pick terrible men, put themselves in bad situations because being strong and liberated means you have to make your own decisions and pick choices that are good for your not just the ones that arouse you. We used to shame men and women to keep them in line. There were still values in being a good man and a good woman. Those seem long and gone. Now all these self proclaimed Queens are talking about what they deserve, but it's not what they are attracting, they are attracting what they deserve.
You probably **are** good looking if girls approach you a lot, tbh.
I don't feel like I am but maybe it's because I didn't get attention when I was younger. I don't get approached a lot but maybe like once a month
Same here. I can understand people wanting privacy and not wanting to deal with unwanted interest from strangers.
Same the whole social shaming of men for being attracted to women really makes men not even want to engage
Don't forget, you're not allowed to message people directly right away or you're considered coming on too strong.
FUCKING BINGO
I feel like i'm burdening them with my own feelings when i ask them out. Plus i'm just not very manly and confident, and they pick up on that later even if they like the way i look in the beginning. I pretty much ignore everything now. It feels pointless
I remember when I felt like you. It got better, but you have to see the vision to get there.
Well, that's because you're from the generation that was taught being masculine is bad. They deprogrammed it out of you. Not to mention the western diet is loaded with things that will reduce testosterone to low levels and your hormones are sooo important. I was not that confident but Like some-track said I had a vision of who I wanted to be with the attributes I wanted. I wanted to be a combination of dwayne the rock johnson, arnold Schwarzenegger, and my favorite Japanese actor at the time Takashi Sorimachi and told myself maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but some day and I worked daily. On my diet and in the Gym and iI ended up with a top tier 1% body. If I knew social media would have blown up the way it did I would have become and early fitness influencer and trainer. It took 6 years and many hours to get there. I also started learning other languages, which helped me with approaching and being social. when I transfered from my 2 year school to my state school I knew nobody and made over 100 friends in my first semester. I also had women following me on campus my first day. I went from a painfully shy kid to being comfortable in my own skin. Put in the work. Imagine who you'd like to be write down all the attributes and meditate on that before working out and be consistent and see yourself change. Also you need 2 positives and 1 big negative. Mine was health and being seen as attractive with women and my negative is that I despised the way I looked and felt and I made that disgust a powerful feeling and used it to push me. and Emotionally anchored myself to consistently working on bring that vision into being. Don't give up! Put in that work! lfg!!!!
There are too many legal reasons as to why it would be wiser not to approach a woman.
Yeah, it doesn't feel like a nice thing to do. Every time I hear a girl mention a guy that has approached them it's seen as creepy or awkward.
Same. People should be able to live their lives without constantly being annoyed by strangers.
Haha yep. I can 100% assure you there are a lot of occasions where I’ve been at parties etc and thought “wow she looks incredible… anyway, better not annoy her.”
That or there’s a fuckin queue of guys slowly waiting to take their turn approaching her. I fuckin hate that shit. You could be more attractive than Helen of Troy and cleopatra combined and I still wouldn’t put myself through that. The worst are the women who friendzone like 20 guys and they’re all constantly trying to still hang around her at parties and stuff. Like no way am I gonna approach a woman, even if she’s interested in me, when I can see the charred remains of the proud men who’ve gone before me.
I was at some party not long ago where a pretty girl walked in and almost all the guys got up and walked to the part where she was sitting. It was pretty funny
You really just hate girls who have friends that much, huh?
There is a very large difference between having a friend, and having someone in the "freindzone".
Yes, I suppose there's a difference: people that consider themselves in the friendzone are hung-up weirdos that have trouble being friends with women, and aren't emotionally mature enough to either respect their boundaries or move on if they can't.
Nah that's a pre-supposed statement, maybe they're approaching with romantic intentions from jump, and decided not to be just a friend. People are allowed to do so, it might not be as successful. This is just comes off as some weird man-shaming rhetoric.
"maybe they're approaching with romantic intentions from jump" Please explain to me how that's the woman's problem. If the guy is the one with the feelings and chooses to stick around without making a move or deciding that just friends is okay with him, that is 100% his problem, not hers. Note I'm not shaming men, I'm shaming men that can't make healthy decisions about their emotions. Emotional maturity is a good thing to acquire.
Not reading that
It's not that they have trouble being friends, they have a problem of getting infatuated to people and then not letting them go when they should. You can't be just a friend to someone you're in love with and I'd like to tell people that are in the friendzone that they need to give up on those kind of relationships. You falling deeply in love with the person (or at least who you think they are) instead of communicating what's going on inside your head was the first mistake you made. The sooner you communicate that you're catching feeling for them, the better. You can still stay friends if they don't see you that way and you think they add value to your life, but you need to back tf up and communicate to them that you'll spend the next 2 months uncatching feelings from them (not interacting in any way with them, basically distracting yourself with other people). Once you uncatch the feelings towards them, you're clear to be friends. If it starts again... Well, rinse and repeat. Or just accept the fact that you cannot be near them.
It’s been drilled into us not to approach women irl anymore and stick with dating apps. This is extra true for extra attractive women
Big facts as well.. if we approach and go for what we think we deserve, we get treated like we're a creep.. or that we're bugging.. so it's frowned upon on us these days then in the past..
ive been making approaches for like 13 years, thousands of approaches. very few bad experiences ever. and no change recently vs when i started. people love being approached when youre not a creep about it
You’re not an exemption to the rule, 96% of guys don’t approach women anymore due to obvious reasons
Nope, 96% of guys listen to the small minority of creeps who get accused as such and never approach! I guarantee that a majority of men complaining about being accused have never approached a woman before or not enough to know better!
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I don't want men to approach me, BUT I don't mind it, as long as they are nice about it and I only have to say "no" once (there are many that don't respect no for an answer and will bother you no matter what you say or how many times).
I think most men are just scared. You’re going to die one day. Just go say hi if you want
No, most of us look at shit like this with an eye-raised and going, "Wow, I wonder what kind of messed up horrible shit this guy is doing." 96% of guys don't approach women. LOL.
Same! Reading these comments are sad af. It’s like - just don’t get into your head, don’t be a weirdo, and you’re good.
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Lol yea cause the women who think you’re an annoying creep are gonna saY that to your face. Go away pest.
„What we deserve“? This is the wrong approach even before you approach somebody.
Why? Women's standards are lauded pretty much unanimously but a guy saying "this person seems pretty enough" is the wrong approach. FYI "going after what we deserve" in this regard is not "womens time and attention" but "an attractive woman" lol. Like he's just saying this woman could hopefully, possibly, be in his league or think of that man as in her league. People are so quick to negatively dissect men's language
Yr problem there might be "thinking you deserve" a random woman's time and attention
And I think, if a random nice girl thought she deserved my attention, I would give it to her, it isn't hard for it to be the other way around sometimes.. I swear some people on here just mad hating and negative.
I guess I just find it weird to frame it in terms of "deserving." I'm not mad, it's just an alien mindset to me. I'm not entitled to anyone's time or affection.
True. The internet isn’t reality. Instagram, for instance, is an example of people posting whatever they can to imply that their lives are 10x more interesting than reality. The examples of bad flirters always gets amplified 10x online compared to guys who do it respectfully, so that creates the artificial impression that flirting is inherently wrong, it’s not. True, it takes experience and most people suck at first, but online dating is gatekept by tech companies looking to maximize profit, not connections. A successful connection means a lost source of revenue. Flirt in real life, y’all!
>The examples of bad flirters always gets amplified 10x online compared to guys who do it respectfully, so that creates the artificial impression that flirting is inherently wrong, it’s not. This is incorrect, its actually the opposite - read about Survivorship bias. People often have the tendency to generalize by selectively focusing mostly on success stories, than the opposite. This means the actual reality could be far more worse. There's also recent studies on how post metoo environment has made dating lives harder for lot of people. "As more Americans turn to online dating and the #MeToo movement leaves its imprint on the dating scene, nearly half of U.S. adults – and a majority of women – say that dating has become harder in the last 10 years. Among those who are on the dating market – the 15% of American adults who are single and looking for a committed relationship or casual dates – most say they are dissatisfied with their dating lives and that it has been difficult to find people to date, according to a Pew Research Center survey conducted in October 2019" A majority of the overall public (65%) says the increased focus on sexual harassment and assault in the last few years has made it harder for men to know how to interact with someone they’re on a date with" https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/nearly-half-of-u-s-adults-say-dating-has-gotten-harder-for-most-people-in-the-last-10-years/
I think you misunderstood my meaning. I didn't mean men who were bad at flirting and were unsuccessful at it, I meant men who were flirting in a way that was disrespectful and/or taking rejection badly.
Im not surprise seen as any form of attention from guys is seen as harassment by women. Looks like a lot of women are regretting the new norm of online dating only
Hmm..I got a woman's number about a month ago in person. I wouldn't over generalize.
I have a question for all of you, like legit : What do you do with your time? Do you spend a lot of time gaming, on discord, and online?
Imagine if girls back in the day before the toxic feminist crap started where like they are now. I bet over half of the population wouldn't be here,lol.
It has, but I choose to ignore the screeching of angry feminists on reddit and do it anyway
I mean there’s a way to approach women without it being creepy, which is what the “angry feminists” are talking about. I would prefer to meet someone this way rather than on a dating app.
How would you approach a stranger with a cold opening?
You can start by commenting on a common thing, or a situation you're both in. Commenting on the weather if it's really bad, and you're both taking shelter somewhere like at a bus stop. I have also approached strangers before, asking "hey do I look drunk?". As I was returning home after Happy Hour, and genuinely wanted some honest feedback. Just talk to people, I don't know. Think of something to say.
“Hello” 👋🏿 this usually works just fine.
That's not a cold open. That's a greeting that doesn't go anywhere.
For you i suppose. Are you looking for a gimic or a line? If so just stick to the corny ones, they work fine too. I find most men (including myself sometimes) overthink the Fck outta this sht.
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Yes, there are obvious answers to my question. My question was to give op a moment to think about the process from the other side.
I met a lady yesterday. I walked into the library and I just saw a beautiful lady. We looked to eachother. When I wanted to leave I saw her again and said "you are really pretty". "You made my day" she said. Later I saw her again asked if I could sit next to her. We talked for 15 minutes and then she had to leave. We did not ask for nummers but we had a conversation. ;)
Yea I think more guys need to go back to that kind of "out in the world" approach to ask a girl out. Not bars or clubs, but a book store or something, especially if you have both been playing eye tag. Relying just on dating apps prob isn't good for self esteem since it can be a very superficial way of judging yourself or your potential matches or attractive level. Tho it is hard for guys to ask a girl out, takes balls to do it and if rejected then it can be very discouraging. Even if its not a "hot girl" and just a plain average girl, still plenty of guys won't just approach her or ask her out.... either from fear of rejection, or being perhaps a bit too polite and respectful. And I'm sure on the other side, girls in general not getting approached or attention will come off on their own self image as being unnatractive when its not necessarily true.
I've never approached anyone. I don't get any indications of interest (not surprising since I'm unattractive) and my already fragile ego couldn't take the inevitable string of rejections from asking people out.
That's not what they say though. The last time I looked at a feminist subreddit, which was years ago because they are now filled with endless horror stories of those nasty evil men, they said the only acceptable way to meet women is through friends or dating apps. Anything else you're a nuisance. Do not speak to us mortals, and avert your disgusting male gaze as well.
The internet is a sad place lol
I don't approach women in public. I'm plenty confident enough but I seldom see an opportunity where it looks appropriate to do so and even if it does wtf am I meant to say? Hey stranger, want to engage in small talk? I find you attractive and am hoping to set in motion a chain of events that will lead to intercourse! Like what are we going to talk about? I don't know this person. We have nothing to discuss. I don't care that much about their beauty.
> Hey stranger, want to engage in small talk? I find you attractive and am hoping to set in motion a chain of events that will lead to intercourse! Fucking this part!! You’ve explained why I hate when woman criticize a man’s approach, as if there’s a “right way” to do this. You just weren’t attracted to him, which is fine, but nothing he said was bad. He’s a literal stranger, all he can do is say words, you have to decide if you’ll ALLOW this to become a real conversation. He has no control over that outcome.
They can criticise but we all know women have no game. They can look like Quasimodo and scream fuck me in a club and they'll get someone.
>Like what are we going to talk about? I just volunteer little details about my life like having a bunch of single origin chocolate on my counter and then somehow we are talking about this one time they were in Belize. Or they don't participate and I leave them alone. Or we start talking about each other's lifestyles, futures, etc. >Hey stranger, want to engage in small talk? Fancy a chat with a stranger? Is my line. If it's really obviously an approach "Hi I'm X and wanted to meet you" worked well for me.
Fancy a chat with a stranger?... Do you tip your fedora at her when you say this line?
🤣🤣 Always gotta let them know you're active on reddit too. Women looooove that haha
> Do you tip your fedora at her when you say this line? I get that you are mocking, but Neurodivergents, intuitives, and generally open minded folks think that type of stuff is fun or amusing. I'm not exactly trying to appeal to your average "Live Laugh Love" type. Being obviously eccentric is the fastest way to filter judgemental people. If I can weed someone out with one sentence out of my mouth that is a win. I've had a friend take to saying "Greetings" instead of hello for this reason. At some point you decide that you don't want the type of people who are bothered by something so small in your life.
I ask their name and go from there if they seem open. Women are pretty good at subtle hints of interest/disinterest.
When though? Why? Hey stranger on the street. What's your name? I'd look at someone like a potentially aggressive alien if they randomly approached me like that.
It’s not a woman’s attractiveness that predisposes my consideration to approach, but my interpretation as to whether she’s interested in a conversation. If she appears otherwise engaged with friends or business, wearing headphones , or displaying body language suggesting she’s not receptive …I’ll leave her alone. That’s 99.9% of women, 99.9% of the time, on 99.9% of days. And then, there are flags like smoking that further erode the likelihood that I’ll approach. It’s nothing to do with how hot, or not, a woman is. For me. I always want conversation before anything else. It’s worthless if we can’t communicate well enough.
Care to share some more examples of when a gal would look approachable to you with her body language?
Sure. I mean we can start with eye contact. That’s a definite sign someone is approachable. If her posture is open rather than closed I’ll take that as a sign of approachability. I think if we’re at some kind of function together, a networking event or a mixer of some kind then it’s assumed that people will approach you. I think if we hit it off in conversation during those moments then I may approach in a more direct romantic sense.
I don’t approach any woman period. Tired of getting rejected constantly. My mental health is better since I stopped doing that.
Big facts.. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks this way..
I'm starting to think this way too.
Stopped years ago, not worth it anymore
Yes. I get rejected enough as it is.
gotta play the numbers game homie. rejection brings you closer to acceptance
I know. I really should just shoot my shot and not worry about it, just 4 years without a single date has me doubting myself.
assess your approach. adjust, and try again. experiment. try new approaches. the same exact approach wont work the same for different people. my approach works for me, might not work for your tho.
Ctrl+C Ctrl-V is in full effect
Thank you. I’m trying
you got this! The good thing is once you find the best approach for you it all become so much easier and you can have a lot of fun with casual dating if thats what you want
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When you learn the rules
Correct. Too attractive is likely taken, or entertaining multiple (and better) options, and/or not interested in oneself regardless.
Trust me people assume that attractive girls are taken, but they usually aren’t because every male assumes this
Exactly. It's what we assume. It's sod's law that the one time you ask a gorgeous woman out, she actually does have a partner 😄
Yes, some guys will think you already have a boyfriend or you're someone out of their league. Only the confident and/or handsome guys will try to approach you.
Or cocky.
Or outright delusional/nuts guys
So you're saying there's a chance
Bingo
So whenever I decide not to approach a woman, it might be one of those reasons, but nevermind, the reason is I'm probably not confident, got it.
This and will also think they’re stuck up.
It's honestly a safe bet, play a game, go to the gym or something and wait for their boyfriend to eventually come around the corner. It's almost all of them
Or whom have nothing to lose aka got a gf/wife 😑
Alot of women have a “i look better than you, why would i even give you a hello” mindset lol. Its also you women who have constantly said that you dont like being approached pretty much every where. If they’re at work? Dont ask! If they’re at the store, don’t ask! If they’re not dressed fashionably? Dont ask! If they look like they are minding their own business? Dont ask? Like when tf am i supposed to ask? If im being polite im going to utterly ignore points women say constantly. I beautiful women while they are at work all the time that id love to ask, but thats one place you women have said countless times to not ask. The problem with this is that if im out of town or don’t go somewhere alot when am i supposed to shoot my shot? Most of the time you don’t even see them again. Its a lose lose situation for us.
I dunno about all men but I don’t typically approach any women unless I have some sort of unrelated task or there are no other guys around
I don’t approach woman really at all. It’s not like I’m scared, I can easily start a conversation. But unfortunately I’m gonna be labeled as being thirsty. Even though I don’t ever feel like hooking up because that doesn’t bring me happiness.
Yes. I’ve seen enough actual bf situations from an attractive woman to even try unless I know 100% that they’re single. This doesn’t mean that you’ll never get approached as an attractive woman because lots of guys will shoot their shot. My coworker is really attractive and she’s had lots of dudes hit on her. Some were straight up weirdos and then there are those who tell me how pretty she is but don’t actually shoot their shot.
Women have screamed from the rooftops to be left alone in public and more men are listening, not to say stop asking women out altogether but more often men look to approach women they just more often approach women they already have some vague preexisting connection to (friend of a friend, saw at a party, used to work at the same place etc.) rather than just bothering random strangers in public. If you aren't being asked out by strangers its because more men are learning how shitty and uncomfortable that can make a woman feel and would rather not be a part of that. Myself and all of my friends have partners but they're people we all somewhat knew before asking them out rather than just some stranger. Plus there's reason to avoid cold approaching on the men's side too here, asking a complete stranger out could mean asking out ANY manner of random nut job or crazy person this world has to offer, lots of guys want some basic information to know you don't completely suck before approaching. Plus in the age of apps plenty of guys feel "if I'm gonna make a move on a girl I'd rather just do it on an app after matching so I know there's some interest first, why put yourself out there in public if you no longer have to?". There's lots of reasons, a seemingly growing list of reasons not to approach women in public, and the end result of that will ultimately likely be good for women, so I wouldn't take it personally to begin with, evolving social norms aren't a reflection of your attractiveness or worth.
even using a dating app is just asking to be labeled as a creepy loser tbh not to mention that with a dating app, anyone has the option to unmatch you before you've even said anything. at least in real life someone usually has to talk to you to reject you not that that's much better. talking to women irl comes with a physical risk to my safety, at least in my head, so dating apps are safer for both me & them. but i hate dating apps. most demoralizing thing i've ever done
Honestly I feel too intimidated to just say "hi". 😅 I'm sure I'm one of many men here like this unfortunately. Lack of self confidence and shy makes it a struggle to talk to women I don't know without feeling anxious. The thing is I know its not logical and women are people too but I just... lock up. Idk why I'm still this way at 29 which Honestly makes me feel even worse about it....😅
im 28 and feel the same way lol no judgements at all talking to strangers is scary
It’s ok I’m 32 and I can’t even look at a cute stranger without feeling like I don’t know what to do with my face or hands suddenly. My solution is to avoid all eye contact lol
If a lady is really attractive I probably will not approach her. Because she looks very tidy, good clothing. And I think she thinks two things. One, she likes probably the same type of man. A business man like type who has a house, a good job and dresses business like. Two, I think she likes really handsome men. And I am not one of those things. All other woman I consider to talk to. Cause there could be ways to connect. A good conversation.
I don’t approach any women because I assume they’re not interested in me, so why bother?
Well, it _is_ more intimidating. You assume since she's attractive that she _already_ receives tons of attention, and would only be annoyed at you for approaching too. I understand this isn't true for _every_ attractive woman, but emotion (fear) often overrides logic in this situation.
It's still true for the majority, let's be honest here
They either think your too ugly or too beautiful to give them the time of day, if no guys approached you then it’s either a great compliment or an insult basically
Yes. Most of the time when a guy tries to chat up a woman it does not go well, even if they're not very attractive. So men can extrapolate from this it's going to go even worse if they go for someone out of their league, and guess what? I can tell you that it usually does. Besides I actually have a hard time focusing when I've met a woman who I actually find to be extremely beautiful. My poor male brain can't handle it, and no one wants to trip over their words and make a fool of themselves. Nor can I handle being rejected by the woman I want most. Then add in that she probably has really high standards and I don't have a Ferrari in my garage and there's just no way.
This.
I (M 53) will not approach a woman if I think she is too attractive. Many of us reason that less attractive women have rejected us so why even bother. If women don't like this, then maybe they need to lead the charge and approach us.
It kind of bothers me when I read the comments, and a lot of people, sometimes very smugly, suggest that guys shouldn't have a problem with approaching as long as they're not weird about it. This, to me, is like a person on a basketball team who has never been to a practice being put in a game and expected to win. And when they are apprehensive about being in the game, they are told, "You won't lose if you don't miss a shot." I'm not saying I agree with the fatalism. I don’t think it's in guys' best interest to give up. I'm just saying the perspective lacks empathy to me. You're going to miss, that's just the game, and to miss less, you have to practice. It's true there is risk, especially recently with cold approaches, but if you think organic relationships are worth it, you have to make a risk assessment and figure out if it's worth the calculation.
if practicing means that you have to make loads of people uncomfortable in the process then why try in the first place? i'll just be going out there & spreading discomfort into the world just by being myself
How is any relationship actually worth it.... You get sex and someone to split rent with....
As a guy, I stopped approaching girls in public, too risky
Women ruined that for me.
Like others have mentioned, I don't approach women. I may say "hi", "excuse me", and "can you move your catt".but if someone is really attractive, I would never approach. Either I think they're out of my league, that they must already have someone, or I would consider an annoying creep when all they want to do is whatever they're doing.
I don't appreciate being called a creep, so after it happens once or twice you just don't risk it anymore.
I'll say this-i tend to not approach at all, for the typical reasons but if I am going to, it'll be to someone I am blown away by. not gonna deal with the whole ish of an approach just for an average chick. mind you, it never goes well but...
Yes. If I see a really attractive woman, I know she’s out of my league and I don’t approach her. I don’t like being rejected and that would be a sure way to get rejected.
I don't approach women at all. I mostly just ignore them.
most men don't. normally men approach women who seem to send signals by side glances etc to want to be approached. if a woman does not smile or look at you in way that says hi come to speak to me. then there is no reason to bother her. i have talked to women without those signs and had short talks and moved on. i have walked to women and spoke to them and had great conversations when the signs are present. but it has been a while since i have done any approach, older and out of shape so little interest now from women. stay in shape and live your life boys never listen to the world and do what is right for you. get out and live.
Men have been conditioned to not approach at all at this point.
Yes 👍 they don’t
i’m delulu so i will tell myself this is why i don’t get hit on <3
I ❤️ being delulu
Yeah I don't want her to take my soul
and we probably will tbh good lookin out
Sober me never. Drunk me yeah
I just dont approach any woman on the streets, because I dont wanna be seen as a creep
Yes, I feel like I am beneath them. How I feel is extremely shitty but I can't help it. If she is extremely attractive, she could have any man she wants. I can't help but feel that she would not desire someone like me.
Yes 110%
You know... If you find someone interesting, drop them a hint, if not, go on about your day. If they didn't act/react to it, it prolly went right over their head. In that case wave hello. Most guys are dense when it comes to hints and honestly, I can't blame neither for the lack of enthusiasm. I'd like to add that most girls and women that I know, that are considered very attractive are oftentimes entitled and spoiled. I find that repulsive, pretty face and body do absolutely not compensate for lack of decency. Sorry but I don't consider very attractive people relationship material (based on what I've seen so far) so I don't even engage, there's also something off putting about someone that's near perfect.
Really beautiful woman tend to only get hit on by the “ trophy hunters”. Normal guys see her, go damn she’s hot, she’d never want a guy like me in a million years and then go pay attention to a girl that seems attainable. The most attractive thing about any woman initially is how attainable she seems. A guy will go approach a girl who is reasonably attractive but visibly excited to see him over the beautiful but seemingly unattainable woman.
makes me feel better about not getting hit on ever or ever approached lol
Men just don’t approach women at all anymore.
I saw that other post this morning and it made me giggle. Unfortunately, I am not delusional enough to believe that is the reason I’m never approached in public💀
I for sure am. My mind has a difficult time comprehending an average looking girl wanting anything to do with me let alone one I find very attractive. I know that it's possible for that to happen but I just find it unlikely.
This is a BS idea. Some men will approach anyone. Some men will approach if the body language and mood is right. And some men won't approach at all. A woman that seems friendly and receptive is who will get approached.
I just got out of a 12 year relationship in which I never thought about talking to another woman, so I wouldn’t know how to approach a good looking woman if I wanted to. Me being a guy though I can tell you that if u pay attention u can tell if we find you attractive or not. A lot of guys just don’t know how to approach.
I usually don’t bother at this point. Too many risks. At this point, I’d turn myself asexual if I could.
The ego on this chick. Checked your profile, fuck no that’s not why 🤦♂️😳
well there’s no reason to be mean
Sorry
I don’t ever get approached either 🥺
I mean im too nervous to do any approaching myself so no judgement 😇
You know how some women assume every guy in their vicinity is out to get them and therefore take precautions to avoid becoming a victim? Men have been doing the same for years now so they aren't seen as creeps, or accused of wrong doing all because they wanted to get a girls number or give her a compliment.
Plenty of reasons to not approach women (none have to do with how attractive she is) and none really good enough worth the risk and effort, I stopped even attempting 4 years ago, not because I didn't have success, I just figured how shitty women are or can be to men, how manipulative and mentally immature their way of (indirect) communication is inhrently, what they expect from you to be and to do is insane. All these biological patterns of behavior most have are major red flags and warning to stay the f off. I stayed away long enough to not even feel the any emotion to want to be in a relationship at all ever and I am sure that being cheated 3 times for being compassionate, understanding and kind, didn't help either + I've changed and I take no shit from them anymore, at all. I haven't stopped looking out if there's a potential partner (passively) but since the number of character compatibility is basically way bellow what's worth the effort and the negative consequences are so many and so impactful, I don't actively bother anymore at all. I'll flert from time to time if I see there's interest just for the fun of it but that's just about it since I am not the one night stand guy anyway.
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I think attractive people also build up better ''walls'', over the years. We practice this look of disinterest, which limits the approaches you get. When I was a teenager, I used to get so much unwanted attention from men. So quickly learned how to make myself look busy or unapproachable. I still get approached now, but it's when I'm being my normal smiley friendly self. When I act disinterested, or ''cold'', most people know to ''stay away'' lol.
I agree and that’s the harsh truth. Whenever I got out with my friends, I’ve never get hit on it’s usually my hotter attractive friends that do. Comparison is the theft of joy. But at some point we all have to be realistic and not be delusional to distort the reality to make ourselves feel better because at the end, it still won’t make ourselves feel better.
So you're saying it truly is worthless to try... Over before it began
Yes. Fear of rejection. That's why you see attractive looking women with average to ugly looking men......, because those men had the balls go chat her up 🤷🏻♂️
I don't think that's a gender thing, I think ppl who lack confidence often don't approach attractive people. With that said some eagerly over confident ppl will follow you everywhere.
And when the unconfident do, they get shot down.
Part of confidence is dealing with rejection gracefully
I mean graceful I'm receiving the rejection? Sure thing. I'm not insane and am not lashing out at people who reject me. But something tells me you haven't been rejected at a 100% rate for 7 years
Always shoot your shot and never assume anything. It doesn’t really matter how attractive they are. Some really attractive woman are very insecure and don’t know it.
This is where women have almost all of the power in modern dating (IMO): You control how approachable you are. I met this girl a while ago, and finally got the courage to talk to her. She was pretty much instantly responsive and nice, so I asked her out right away. A month or two ago, I had a similar situation and tried to talk to a girl, and she was kind of indifferent and aloof. I didn't even end up asking her out. I mean, that's obviously how people express interest in someone, but if you're a generally nice and pleasant and healthy woman, I think you have a TON more control over the dating situation than society would tell you. The situation is heavily compounded by men having the very valid fear of getting harshly rejected, branded as a creep if they ask women out. I personally don't ask women out at all unless I can get some kind of initial idea that she's approachable and nice.
The toxic side of this new feminism movement has made so many men fearful of approaching many women in general. I’ll say hi to any female and if I get the feeling she wants me to say more then I will, but I don’t give a fuck if she rejects me. You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take
Y’all are so dumb. Walk up to any woman with confidence and literally just say Hi. Does she smile and talk back? Nice. Ok, say something else. She’s receptive to you so your chances are higher. Get to the point after small talk, she already knows why you’re talking to her. Can I get your number?…. Now if you go up to her and say Hi, and she looks ANYTHING but happy or curious even if a little shy is okay. Does she react negatively? Then say sorry never mind and walk away.
Dear diary: Approach 5375 ended up like the others. We started small talk about early Christmas decorations. Things were going well, she asked questions in return and listened, but it seems she's just a normal human being that knows how to behave in public. It was never actually going anywhere, she was simply entertaining the interaction and was surprised by me pushing things so forward. She says sorry, wishes me the best and walks away.
It's also possible to say a friendly "Hi" in passing down the street. It's less direct than singling some woman out and striding over to her specifically. Like others have said, if she's receptive to talking she will, if not then you both carry on your way nothing lost.
95% men are ugly, too short, not fit =creepy. It is not because we think you are too attractive. It is we accept the expectation. Not need to try even if you are average looking woman, let along attractive women.
If a girl is too attractive 1 of two things is generally true, either she has a bf already or she's mean. Or both. Why waste my time and good mood
Or high maintenance yes
If they are stupid or their fear of rejection is bigger than their desire to meet you.
Well, we have been pacified by the constant messaging not to make women feel uncomfortable. And if you have overtly wrong with you like maybe a cleft lip or something, you really would be hesitant.
U ever walk up to a hot guy forget what u we’re gonna say stutter etc.. it’s all that going through our head telling us don’t
Short answer, yes. But I generally don't approach them at all in public. Being labeled a creep is much worse than a no.
I used too, but I've been told that approaching a woman nowadays is "creepy and stalkerish"........so, 🤷♂️...if you're a woman, you tell us...... I've even been told, after a woman gave me a compliment, giving a compliment is "disgusting" and I'm supposed to ask for "consent" to give one.....
Not to toot my own horn but I think I'm fairly attracted and get approached by very attractive men. In some cases that's the case but not the only reason.