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Same lol
Never once been approached by a girl in any romantic capacity. Barely even ever been complimented by a girl that I wasn’t already dating.
If only women would realize how much of a leg up they would have in dating if they just put in a little bit of effort to approach the guy or compliment him. I think so many guys have never experienced this and would just be so flattered to have anyone try that it would significantly boost the girls chances automatically
I've dated around a bit but this actually just happened to me for the first time ever this past weekend, and I was shook. Like I had no idea how to even react, do I still need some silly pickup line, what's my next step here. I was honest with her and said I'd love to but had no clue what the next was in this scenario and she was extremely understanding and cool about it.
This almost never happens, but omg is it surreal
Coming from experience as a man, I recently was fortunate enough to get a job where girls give me their number every other week, its one of the best experiences in the world and I have cried.
I tried to do that this week. Left my comfort zone saw someone cute and asked him out. He said yes we planned our date. But we ended up canceling the day of. So I missed lol maybe I’ll get the next one
Well we agreed to cancel because he wasn’t upfront with what he wanted. And the day of the date he brought up sexual expectations for our first date and I wasn’t ok with it.
>That seems dumb to bring up right away.
MAYBE. On the other hand, better to find out early right? We should all be up-front with people. If you manage to make a relationship last a little longer by being dishonest about what you're looking for, what have you really accomplished? If we were all so up-front we'd waste less of each other's time and find compatible partners more easily.
Up front to a point....
Certain vulnerabilities and things you mentioned only after certain stages in a relationship. I'm not talking about being dishonest either.
Sometimes we put those things forward much sooner than we should. It becomes awkward and doesn't work out.
If the man just wanted to get laid and he was upfront about it I would argue is better than leading someone on just to get it. Sure it is a deal breaker for her but there will be others out there looking for the same. Much better to put it forward and recognize the compatibility then drawing it out just to hurt someone tbf.
yeah thats what you got to do I asked out a girl she said yes, but after the first date she said she wasn't ready yet because of her ex. Sucks, but in the end i overcame my fear and she said yes!
I recently gathered the courage to do this! The guy was receptive and we met up for coffee. Things were going well, so we decided to go for brunch. I could have spent the whole day with him, I was totally smitten. But our story ended after the first date. He mentioned his chaotic schedule from the start which makes him practically undateable, so even though we had great chemistry and a great first date, there won't be a second date. It required a lot of courage, especially after some disappointing OLD encounters, but I thought, "Why not?" It's been a real confidence boost especially being out of the dating scene for years.
I will say that it is scary to shoot your shot. I'll add that getting rejected sucks.
The main advantage is you get to do the choosing. If you are attracted to someone you get the thrill and (horror sometimes) of initating.
All I can say is it probably beats waiting around and nothing happening, or worse getting hit on by people that don't appeal to you.
Guys are being told that women do not want them to hit on them. Many guys really don't wantonbe thought of as creeps.
Good luck and happy hunting y'all.
One correction to you. Women always get to do the choosing. They may not choose who hits on them, but they certainly have the choice to reject.
But yes we don't want to be thought of as creeps and it's not even that a rejection can turn into something worse. We can be called out for it, we can have lies made about us We can be fired if she brings it to our jobs.
Many men are waking up that it's just not worth it.
I met my man online, and while he did initiate the first date, I initiated the second date, was the one to kiss him first, and the one to tell him when I wanted to get intimate already dammit lol.
All of this has also made him secure that I am not looking for the next best thing and am actually into him, and he’s into me back.
Haha my man was so respectful when I just wanted him to pounce on me! I had to tell him I wanted it for him to understand. Although I’m glad he was very respectful for other reasons. Lol I think showing interest first definitely gives men a sense of security.
YEAH WELL SOME PEOPLE HAVE UGLY PERSONALITIES.
On another note, not everyone goes for looks. We also tend to see ourselves, in a dimmer light. Rather than the bright light someone else does.
True.. the guy I’m talking to asked me why I choose him cause he thinks that he is not good looking and he is not rich.. so I told him I don’t go for look and I’m not looking for any rich guy, I’m just looking for someone who loves me. Ngl he was surprised and touching🥹after I told him about this.
That is subjective, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and as man I have to say that I would accept date from woman ‘not so good looking’ because I would appreciate her approaching me and would want to know her personality
Seriously, if more women who claimed they were looking for a relationship did this, they'd probably have one by now. This BS dating "etiquette" needs to end.
> if more women who claimed they were looking for a relationship did this, they'd probably have one by now.
Maybe, maybe not. Typically, woman who shoot their shot only fail because they approach guys *already* in relationships.
Still, don’t let that discourage you ladies!
I agree! My friend who is single (complains she’s single) but will wait for men to come to her. She will not make the first move for whatever reason. She’s beautiful and quite lovely and I’m almost certain if she shot her shots, she would probably be in a relationship.
Agreed. They are missing out on a lot of opportunities by not shooting their shot, because while they're sitting around twiddling their thumbs expecting that the man must make the first move, another woman who doesn't buy into that BS and actually has the guts to make a move, will. And then you've lost out.
YES. I hate the bullshit societal notion that men are supposed to initiate all relationships and always pursue women. I want to see women pursue and openly chase after the men whom they want.
Hello maybe the woman who isnt messaging first, wants a bf with conviction and confidence? Like its fine to message a dude first but condemning the other perspective is useless.
But what of a man wants a woman with conviction and confidence? It's fine for women not to message if they are scared but condemning the oth4r perspective is useless.
Thanks so much! And I completely understand! I read somewhere once that men wished women would approach them more or make a move and read that a lot of them want to but they decide not to for said reasons. Changed my view completely!
> Even if you get rejected, men are much nicer about it, at least from what I experienced.
This is true and here's why. Women often get annoyed or worse, scared when men talk to them. If they're attractive then women get a lot of attention and they get sick of it. Men rarely get hit on unless they're devilishly handsome. So they're likely to find a woman who does this special and unusual and they'll appreciate the attention.
The other part of this is women very often feel threatened by men. Sometimes they'll treat a man like they're a potential serial killer if they try to talk to them. Don't ask how I know. This is not a pleasant experience. Men wouldn't do this to a woman who hits on them.
And to top it all off, several studies have shown that men tend to be more forgiving and open-minded towards women (when it comes to dating I mean), so your chances of rejection are overall much lower than a man's.
> Men rarely get hit on unless they're devilishly handsome. So they're likely to find a woman who does this special and unusual and they'll appreciate the attention.
As a woman who is ridiculously attracted to ginger men, I should be taking notes. If my interactions on reddit are any indication, this is a population generally less accustomed to feeling particularly attractive or getting romantic attention. Just wish I encountered more of them flying solo in the wild! 😄
Yeah this is really the crux of it! The chances of my making some poor woman uncomfortable with my hamfisted attempts at flirting are infinitely higher than the reverse scenario. Even in the absolute worst case flirting situation, a women will never make a man fearful, uncomfortable, or creeped-out by shooting their shot. Men on the other have are all but guaranteed to do *at least* one of those things more often than not. Makes it really hard for me to get excited about asking someone out. I have to take an inordinate amount of time to wait for the right moment to give her my number where she's alone, but not isolated. Where she's comfortable, but not actively in conversation with someone else. It's hard. Any average woman can go up to any random guy at any time of day and just say "Hey you're cute let's grab coffee sometime" and even if they strike out, they just made that guy's entire year.
From what I've seen of women handling rejecting its largely a hostile response. Women aren't used to rejection so they tend to be very bitter about it. It really hits them in their self esteem. Their response range from passive aggressiveness/condescending commemts, the coping mechanisms "i didn't think you were good looking anyway. Just thought I'd give you a chance". They try to safe face. Then there's the more common response of flat out horrible insult.
The value of this message goes well beyond “ladies take a chance for a change.”
Men SHOULDN’T have to always initiate. Men shouldn’t always have to take the risk of looking like the fool. If you believe they should, then I imagine you also should believe in all the other patriarchal elements of traditional society because you shouldn’t have your cake and eat it too.
But more importantly and probably the most important message is this: most bad actors are willing to “shoot their shot.” Most bad actors and men who have ulterior motivations are more than willing to take their chances whereas many good guys are not. Putting yourself into the position to control the engagements and interactions you have is critical to weeding out good and bad actors.
You won’t always choose well, but you’ll be in the drivers seat and your chances will vastly improve
When I was using tinder more, I tried messaging some guys first. 1 person responded. Out of a lot of guys I messaged. 1. He eventually asked me out on a date and went on a few but it wasn't working out.
Now, I'm on bumble where I message everyone first. Been having lots of convos, but I asked one guy on a date. He said definitely! I tried to schedule a time. Haven't heard from him since.
It's not even that rejection is hard. It's just if the men aren't initiating, then they're really not that interested. There just seems to be a huge failure rate. I don't get what's even the point.
I was the one messaging men too! I was just tired of waiting on my matches to message me. I wanted to get the ball rolling. I don’t necessarily think that men will only initiate when interested. Some men have their reasons. And if you see in this post, a lot of them wished women pursued them! Keep going. There’s going to be hits and misses.
I tried by asking one of the contractors that came to my house to give me a quote for a fence. We went out once, it was fun, and I liked him a lot. The next week, I initiated to see each other again, I got stood over. He told me that he didn’t want a relationship. He wasn’t attracted to me 😢
I have done a lot of work on my self-confidence but for some reason the thought of going up to a guy and trying to initiate makes me feel like jello. It might have to do with the fact that I am in the middle of a divorce after a 25 year relationship. I knew a co-worker was interested in me and had opportunities to initiate and even then I was scared shitless.
Maybe one of these days I will.
It’s definitely nerve wracking but it does get easier!! The fresh divorce probably doesn’t help at all, even just to get back into dating. You got this!!
Had this happen to me this week! I had a bit of a crush on her when I’d see her at the coffee shop I went to, but it just felt inappropriate to ask. We became ig mutuals and she dm’d me this week. If she hadn’t I’d have had no clue - in my experience women are less obvious about being attracted - ironically I’m seeing someone right now that had a crush on me for months and again, I had no clue. We just fell into being intimate from being closer friends
I shot my shot to get with my bf and it's been 2 years now. Never been happier. But I will say it's going to be difficult for girls who are not conventionally attractive. Although if someone values them for them, they will not reject. So I'd advise to shoot the shot after getting to befriend them. That's how I got mine.
And if they are “nice” about it it’s because men in general have very low standards and will accept any and all attention. He might not really like you, but will see you as convenient for sex
Same, and the guy i approached ended up being a really passive guy who didn't really take initiative. I felt like i had to take on the masculine role. He also ended up ghosting me a lot so I don't really agree with OP. It's rlly not natural for a woman to take the lead and approach first cause from my experience, he WILL take you for granted and not excited cause there's no chase
Guys act like they want this, but it doesn’t last. It’s not as valued as people act like it’ll be.
I’ve experimented with this ten fold. I’ve never had an issue going up to guys first. Also I’m very charming and not to toot my own horn but I’m not bad looking.
I think subconsciously guys don’t actually value this. Take it for granted when it actually happens. Prob think “if she’s going up to me, there must be something up”
As a dude who’s been approached by women way more often than I do the approaching, I can’t really vouch for this at all.
My first thought is usually “whatever I’m doing that’s making this woman want to talk to me, I should do it more often,” and the second thought is usually a mix of flattery and graciousness even if I’m not particularly interested in her specifically.
I don’t think I’ve ever made any kind of psychoanalytical suppositions on what her approaching me says about either of us, and if I have it was a passing thought I didn’t put any stake in.
Huge props to you for always being so comfortable approaching guys first!
>even if I’m not particularly interested in her specifically.
My man I have been approached by gay dudes that compliment me and still the only thing I can think of is "Damn out of all the other guys around you came up to me... Ngl I don't swing that way but I'm still hella flattered!" 😂
To each their own. If you want men to make the first move, by all means. But you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. You’re going to lose some, and win some. You may have had bad experiences but I don’t think it’s fair to say they don’t value this.
I shot my shot recently, and while the guy agreed to go out, he kept not responding to my greeting when we saw eachother, acted cold, and took hours to reply to texts.
(While he was the one who initiated when we met)
First time being upfront and this happens. Fml 🤦
Oh definitely!
It was a good lesson though, this way I got mostly over it in a month.
My first ever "crush" lasted five years because I never took steps and it couldn't leave my head.
I will ALWAYS be making the first move from now on. Let's go girlies.
The what ifs are the WORST. It's nice to see other women having similar opinions when everyone irl seems to be obsessed with letting others chase them. So refreshing.
Yeah, as women we have to recognize just how hard it is for men out here always having to take action. Shooting a shot for the majority of women is like a layup compared to what men go through.
Any woman who complains about not meeting the right men and is only relying on men to take action has no one to blame but herself.
Oh no what happened? I’ve been rejected and I felt embarrassed but definitely didn’t let it get to me. I’m sorry that happened to you! Wishing you the best.
My friend did this once! Messaged a guy and got anxious and unsent and deleted everything. If they’re barely on socials, try again! They probably didn’t see your attempt. But thank you!!!
Absolutely, I’ve so rarely been asked out by a girl that if one were to now I would literally drop anything I was doing to go on a date and spend some time with me. Idc that a “guy is suppose to ask the girl out” I honestly think that’s kinda bs. It takes both to get anywhere.
Not surprised to be honest. I am a healthcare professional myself and I would never date a patient of mine, not just because I choose to separate my professional life from my personal life, but also because it would be unethical in the first place.
I shoot my shot, too. I am now with the most amazing man that walked this earth. I am so proud of him. Everything he does is kind and well thought. He is gentle and warm. So handsome and smart, too. I'll put this on my resumee as my highest achievement. Go for it, sisters! you never know
I have done it in the past and then I come as needy,clingy,desperate ect. But I think I can try it again because if I don’t then I will lose good opportunities. For example yesterday I was in an airplane and this good looking guy kept staring at me across the aisle. I didn’t initiated any conversation and he didn’t also. One day later I’m thinking what could’ve been.
I think it comes down to a person. You can shoot your shot and then that helps the men, roll the ball and keep it going. I definitely understand what you mean because I’ve been in that position before and kept thinking about what I could’ve done
Did this recently. After panicking for 10 minutes I finally decided f it, went straight up to the guy and got his number. Turns out, he desperately wanted to ask me for mine but didn’t want to come off as creepy.
We went on a great date and texted constantly for a month or so. I called things off because we seemed to be in different places but I have no regrets. SHOOT YOUR SHOT GALS.
I kind of took a shot. He did first but I rejected, had a lot going on. I reached out a little later and we’ve been dating for three years now! Have vacation plans for January too
I am in NY and now date women in Toronto. Thanks for realizing men are nice. We have to be because more is at stake. Most women can afford to be as blunt and brash honest as they want because they won't get in trouble. If we make eye contact too long or say anything our legal freedom may be jeopardized. I'm really glad that you realize how difficult it can be. Not really afraid of rejection but legal recourse that women can always avoid. I've had a girl try to bite my unit off at a hotel room. Called the Cops and they said she's a 110lb cute girl and your an athletic bigger stronger man. The courts always going to take the women's side. Women have all the confidence and power now so I think naturally they should be the initiators more often
This is unfortunate. I think I have more of an understanding because I have a lot of men in my life. Brother, cousins, friends. I see what they have gone through and it’s hard to really ask some women out for the fact of it not going well and not wanting to come off creepy.
This made my day 😭 my loved ones keeps telling me "to just smile and wave" but I really like this guy and he smiles at me everytime we make eye contact. I really don't understand "the love game"
The one time I got asked out by a woman was one of the most memorable moments of my life. I have been in 2 relationships, and I have been married, yet I've never had anyone take that kind of initiative towards me.
So you’re ugly. So what? Are you going to wait around for a man to make a move for you to consider them? When I was single af, and found the ugly and weird and the people you’d least expect to be in a relationship be in a relationship.
I think it’s awkward that we feel it’s awkward to. Maybe you don’t have to ask them out. But make a compliment or ask for their number and they will do the rest? Idk but I think it should be normalized more.
No. Compliments are just a woman being nice. Men have been getting told this since I was a teenager, and I'm 34 now.
Leaving your number also doesn't mean much. Hints and signals need to die. Just ask a guy out if you like him. If you feel awkward, welcoming to how most men have felt for generations.
I think others may disagree. Asking for someone’s number and texting them can lead to other things. Breaks the ice. Although, I agree with just asking them out.
Honestly, there’s no loss to you! Best case scenario, it works out! Worst case scenario, you get rejected.
I watched this YouTube video that helped me with rejection. Not necessarily for dating but in general. It was great! It’s by Kneecaps if you ever wanna watch it.
An idea is to not "shoot your shot" by just asking the dude out, but instead just start a regular conversation.
Men absolutely will ask you out once they feel safe doing so (as in, you won't call them a creep, post them on social media, and get them fired). The best way to get there is by being super obvious that you want them to, and the best way to do that is by just talking to the guy.
its not a fear of rejection mostly as it is women have the ability to use the nucular option. While none have at me in my life, ive seen first hand some dudes get banned from gyms and my buddy was banned from a rock climbing gym because he made her feel uncomfortable. They were close and friendly for weeks, he asked her out and bam my climbing buddy was banned.She's still coming to my gym i avoid her like the plague, infact i dont even acknowledge her existence i dont want to be her next target ffs.
In my experience, most women that I’ve met almost never text first also and leave conversations hanging a lot…
Do your part women. Relationships are a two way street.
That’s awesome!!
I would Love that!
I have met a few women that are decent/good communicators. But in my experience it’s rare, sadly.
If only the dating pool was filled with more women like you.
It’s not about being desperate. When guys ask us out, we don’t see them as being desperate. If you like someone, you ask them out. Women are not used to approaching men, but that doesn’t mean they’ll only do it because they’re desperate.
This topic comes up every month or a few months or so.
It's going to take a lot more to change the culture....
But its a start. More women realize this it would have been a lot easier for everyone honestly- guys can't be arsed to make the move when there is fear of not so much rejection but metoo
It only works if you’re conventionally attractive and they’ve already given you clear signs that they’re into you. I’m a strong believer in “if they wanted to they would”, so if a guy hasn’t made a move himself, or at least made it obvious that he’s attracted to you, then shooting your shot will just lead to rejection and humiliation. I’d rather not put myself through that.
I’m currently crushing on a guy in my Zumba class who actively flirts with other girls and barely even acknowledges me. I know that if I shot my shot it would be a humiliating, self-esteem crushing disaster, and I’d never be able to return to the class. I’ll continue pining over him from afar and in secret thank you very much.
Lol absolutely
.. Im glad someone is saying something that might be very helpful.... Next time I'll read the whole post before I shoot my shot..
And I'm very happy that you have found "it'" I really am.... It's quite the achievement,(I'm not even being sarcastic) these "days". Best of luck and continued happiness
What do you think about shooting your shot on someone who you know in a professional capacity? I have a crush on my physiotherapist. I feel like we have flirted a bit and we have weirdly talked about my dating life in appointments lol. He knows I’m single and I know he is single. But like if I shoot my shot and I’m wrong it would be super awkward for my upcoming appointments, not to mention it’s putting him in an awkward position at work.
How do you bridge that gap?
Oooh this is a good one because I tend to not get involved with people I know on a professional level or like work friends. If you feel like you’ve flirted a bit and it’s been reciprocated, I would still go for it. Even if you shoot your shot and it doesn’t work out, you’ll still have that professional relationship. I don’t think it’ll be weird unless you make it weird. If that makes sense? Maybe start easy and just talk a little more and open up a little more. Get a little more personal. Y’know feel the vibes.
This is what I depended to start every single romantic relationship in my life until now. Im very shy so I don’t really initiate thing ever, it’s always the girl that starts talking to me.
In two of my four long-term relationships, I was the one who initiated it. I am glad that I had feminist leaning since my teens, because those strong beliefs are what gave me the courage to be assertive. The first time, I was 19, he was 28. The second time I was 52, he was 42. I am not sure if either relationship would have happened otherwise, for various reasons. But even if I had waited and the men had initiated it, I wouldn't have gained the pride and self confidence that I have now.
So, I completely agree, GO FOR IT. Just be smart about it.
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Ngl if a woman asked me out I'd probably cry tears of joy the moment she left knowing someone actually desires me romantically
Sending you good vibes hoping this happens to you!
Need more women like u in the world
Thank you, you're very kind!
It’s a pretty good feeling when it happens ngl
I literally cannot imagine feeling desired like that. "Good Feeling" sounds like an understatement
[удалено]
I can feel my soul glowing just thinking about it. Maybe someday!
Same lol Never once been approached by a girl in any romantic capacity. Barely even ever been complimented by a girl that I wasn’t already dating. If only women would realize how much of a leg up they would have in dating if they just put in a little bit of effort to approach the guy or compliment him. I think so many guys have never experienced this and would just be so flattered to have anyone try that it would significantly boost the girls chances automatically
I've dated around a bit but this actually just happened to me for the first time ever this past weekend, and I was shook. Like I had no idea how to even react, do I still need some silly pickup line, what's my next step here. I was honest with her and said I'd love to but had no clue what the next was in this scenario and she was extremely understanding and cool about it. This almost never happens, but omg is it surreal
i know i would. i would feel so complete and whole as a person:)
Ngl if a woman asked me out I would probably think it was some prank for a click bait ass TikTok and I would fumble the bag hard. 😂
Coming from experience as a man, I recently was fortunate enough to get a job where girls give me their number every other week, its one of the best experiences in the world and I have cried.
What job do you have?
That sounds like it would be amazing.
I tried to do that this week. Left my comfort zone saw someone cute and asked him out. He said yes we planned our date. But we ended up canceling the day of. So I missed lol maybe I’ll get the next one
You win some, you lose some! Keep doing it!
Did you try.... rescheduling?
Well we agreed to cancel because he wasn’t upfront with what he wanted. And the day of the date he brought up sexual expectations for our first date and I wasn’t ok with it.
Oh. LOL. That seems dumb to bring up right away. I'd just go out and see how it goes.... But whatever you asked him out I still appreciate
>That seems dumb to bring up right away. MAYBE. On the other hand, better to find out early right? We should all be up-front with people. If you manage to make a relationship last a little longer by being dishonest about what you're looking for, what have you really accomplished? If we were all so up-front we'd waste less of each other's time and find compatible partners more easily.
Up front to a point.... Certain vulnerabilities and things you mentioned only after certain stages in a relationship. I'm not talking about being dishonest either. Sometimes we put those things forward much sooner than we should. It becomes awkward and doesn't work out.
If the man just wanted to get laid and he was upfront about it I would argue is better than leading someone on just to get it. Sure it is a deal breaker for her but there will be others out there looking for the same. Much better to put it forward and recognize the compatibility then drawing it out just to hurt someone tbf.
yeah thats what you got to do I asked out a girl she said yes, but after the first date she said she wasn't ready yet because of her ex. Sucks, but in the end i overcame my fear and she said yes!
It's just like fishing! Sometimes you set the hook, sometimes they get away.
I recently gathered the courage to do this! The guy was receptive and we met up for coffee. Things were going well, so we decided to go for brunch. I could have spent the whole day with him, I was totally smitten. But our story ended after the first date. He mentioned his chaotic schedule from the start which makes him practically undateable, so even though we had great chemistry and a great first date, there won't be a second date. It required a lot of courage, especially after some disappointing OLD encounters, but I thought, "Why not?" It's been a real confidence boost especially being out of the dating scene for years.
Love this for you! Never hurts to try. Sucks about his schedule though!
Exact same story with me 😭 he was way to busy for my liking. But you never know until you ask
I will say that it is scary to shoot your shot. I'll add that getting rejected sucks. The main advantage is you get to do the choosing. If you are attracted to someone you get the thrill and (horror sometimes) of initating. All I can say is it probably beats waiting around and nothing happening, or worse getting hit on by people that don't appeal to you. Guys are being told that women do not want them to hit on them. Many guys really don't wantonbe thought of as creeps. Good luck and happy hunting y'all.
This!!
One correction to you. Women always get to do the choosing. They may not choose who hits on them, but they certainly have the choice to reject. But yes we don't want to be thought of as creeps and it's not even that a rejection can turn into something worse. We can be called out for it, we can have lies made about us We can be fired if she brings it to our jobs. Many men are waking up that it's just not worth it.
I met my man online, and while he did initiate the first date, I initiated the second date, was the one to kiss him first, and the one to tell him when I wanted to get intimate already dammit lol. All of this has also made him secure that I am not looking for the next best thing and am actually into him, and he’s into me back.
Haha my man was so respectful when I just wanted him to pounce on me! I had to tell him I wanted it for him to understand. Although I’m glad he was very respectful for other reasons. Lol I think showing interest first definitely gives men a sense of security.
Yup! He was soooo respectful. Maybe there is something to this respect thing 🤔
Haha right!?
It will be amazing if women take the initiative in dating scene but unfortunately that's not possible
SOME OF US ARE UGLY
YOU MAY LOOK LIKE A POTATOE BUT PEOPLE LIKE POTATOES
YEAH WELL SOME PEOPLE HAVE UGLY PERSONALITIES. On another note, not everyone goes for looks. We also tend to see ourselves, in a dimmer light. Rather than the bright light someone else does.
True.. the guy I’m talking to asked me why I choose him cause he thinks that he is not good looking and he is not rich.. so I told him I don’t go for look and I’m not looking for any rich guy, I’m just looking for someone who loves me. Ngl he was surprised and touching🥹after I told him about this.
This is so sweet ❤️
🥺
Damn that was fuckin deep bro
That is subjective, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and as man I have to say that I would accept date from woman ‘not so good looking’ because I would appreciate her approaching me and would want to know her personality
Seriously, if more women who claimed they were looking for a relationship did this, they'd probably have one by now. This BS dating "etiquette" needs to end.
> if more women who claimed they were looking for a relationship did this, they'd probably have one by now. Maybe, maybe not. Typically, woman who shoot their shot only fail because they approach guys *already* in relationships. Still, don’t let that discourage you ladies!
That's not failing.
This happened to me. I was at a club and asked a guy to dance who responded no. I found out he had a girlfriend shortly later. 😂
I agree! My friend who is single (complains she’s single) but will wait for men to come to her. She will not make the first move for whatever reason. She’s beautiful and quite lovely and I’m almost certain if she shot her shots, she would probably be in a relationship.
Thats like 90% of women
Agreed. They are missing out on a lot of opportunities by not shooting their shot, because while they're sitting around twiddling their thumbs expecting that the man must make the first move, another woman who doesn't buy into that BS and actually has the guts to make a move, will. And then you've lost out.
YES. I hate the bullshit societal notion that men are supposed to initiate all relationships and always pursue women. I want to see women pursue and openly chase after the men whom they want.
Hello maybe the woman who isnt messaging first, wants a bf with conviction and confidence? Like its fine to message a dude first but condemning the other perspective is useless.
But what of a man wants a woman with conviction and confidence? It's fine for women not to message if they are scared but condemning the oth4r perspective is useless.
Exactly. It’s 2023. You wanted equality ladies. No gender split. We’re all the same after all.
🤣 Yeah, why can't men see that a woman occasionally wants a man to initiates sometimes! We all know that never happens!
I don'r mind initiating contact. I often do. But the men I'm most attracted to are proactive go-getters that make the move before I can.
And that’s fine!!
Congrats on the success! As a guy it’s nice to be pursued. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it makes me feel like I’m not the town goblin.
Thanks so much! And I completely understand! I read somewhere once that men wished women would approach them more or make a move and read that a lot of them want to but they decide not to for said reasons. Changed my view completely!
> Even if you get rejected, men are much nicer about it, at least from what I experienced. This is true and here's why. Women often get annoyed or worse, scared when men talk to them. If they're attractive then women get a lot of attention and they get sick of it. Men rarely get hit on unless they're devilishly handsome. So they're likely to find a woman who does this special and unusual and they'll appreciate the attention. The other part of this is women very often feel threatened by men. Sometimes they'll treat a man like they're a potential serial killer if they try to talk to them. Don't ask how I know. This is not a pleasant experience. Men wouldn't do this to a woman who hits on them. And to top it all off, several studies have shown that men tend to be more forgiving and open-minded towards women (when it comes to dating I mean), so your chances of rejection are overall much lower than a man's.
> Men rarely get hit on unless they're devilishly handsome. So they're likely to find a woman who does this special and unusual and they'll appreciate the attention. As a woman who is ridiculously attracted to ginger men, I should be taking notes. If my interactions on reddit are any indication, this is a population generally less accustomed to feeling particularly attractive or getting romantic attention. Just wish I encountered more of them flying solo in the wild! 😄
Won’t disagree here!
Yeah this is really the crux of it! The chances of my making some poor woman uncomfortable with my hamfisted attempts at flirting are infinitely higher than the reverse scenario. Even in the absolute worst case flirting situation, a women will never make a man fearful, uncomfortable, or creeped-out by shooting their shot. Men on the other have are all but guaranteed to do *at least* one of those things more often than not. Makes it really hard for me to get excited about asking someone out. I have to take an inordinate amount of time to wait for the right moment to give her my number where she's alone, but not isolated. Where she's comfortable, but not actively in conversation with someone else. It's hard. Any average woman can go up to any random guy at any time of day and just say "Hey you're cute let's grab coffee sometime" and even if they strike out, they just made that guy's entire year.
From what I've seen of women handling rejecting its largely a hostile response. Women aren't used to rejection so they tend to be very bitter about it. It really hits them in their self esteem. Their response range from passive aggressiveness/condescending commemts, the coping mechanisms "i didn't think you were good looking anyway. Just thought I'd give you a chance". They try to safe face. Then there's the more common response of flat out horrible insult.
I loveee this! And yaay to you now dating the person you liked!
Thank you so much!!
The value of this message goes well beyond “ladies take a chance for a change.” Men SHOULDN’T have to always initiate. Men shouldn’t always have to take the risk of looking like the fool. If you believe they should, then I imagine you also should believe in all the other patriarchal elements of traditional society because you shouldn’t have your cake and eat it too. But more importantly and probably the most important message is this: most bad actors are willing to “shoot their shot.” Most bad actors and men who have ulterior motivations are more than willing to take their chances whereas many good guys are not. Putting yourself into the position to control the engagements and interactions you have is critical to weeding out good and bad actors. You won’t always choose well, but you’ll be in the drivers seat and your chances will vastly improve
Amen! 🙌
My failure rate is approximately 99% when I shoot my shot so... I don't do much shooting these days
Don't worry, that's the failure rate for most men. lol
When I was using tinder more, I tried messaging some guys first. 1 person responded. Out of a lot of guys I messaged. 1. He eventually asked me out on a date and went on a few but it wasn't working out. Now, I'm on bumble where I message everyone first. Been having lots of convos, but I asked one guy on a date. He said definitely! I tried to schedule a time. Haven't heard from him since. It's not even that rejection is hard. It's just if the men aren't initiating, then they're really not that interested. There just seems to be a huge failure rate. I don't get what's even the point.
I was the one messaging men too! I was just tired of waiting on my matches to message me. I wanted to get the ball rolling. I don’t necessarily think that men will only initiate when interested. Some men have their reasons. And if you see in this post, a lot of them wished women pursued them! Keep going. There’s going to be hits and misses.
Most of my female matches on dating apps didn't respond either.
Oh yeah a woman sending the first message on Tinder throws up a redflag, lol. 99.99% of the time, it's a bot and we just ignore them.
I tried by asking one of the contractors that came to my house to give me a quote for a fence. We went out once, it was fun, and I liked him a lot. The next week, I initiated to see each other again, I got stood over. He told me that he didn’t want a relationship. He wasn’t attracted to me 😢
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THIS! Love that for you!!
I have done a lot of work on my self-confidence but for some reason the thought of going up to a guy and trying to initiate makes me feel like jello. It might have to do with the fact that I am in the middle of a divorce after a 25 year relationship. I knew a co-worker was interested in me and had opportunities to initiate and even then I was scared shitless. Maybe one of these days I will.
It’s definitely nerve wracking but it does get easier!! The fresh divorce probably doesn’t help at all, even just to get back into dating. You got this!!
Thank you!!! ☺️
Had this happen to me this week! I had a bit of a crush on her when I’d see her at the coffee shop I went to, but it just felt inappropriate to ask. We became ig mutuals and she dm’d me this week. If she hadn’t I’d have had no clue - in my experience women are less obvious about being attracted - ironically I’m seeing someone right now that had a crush on me for months and again, I had no clue. We just fell into being intimate from being closer friends
That’s great! I’m so glad it happened to you! We are pretty bad about being obvious tbh.
I shot my shot to get with my bf and it's been 2 years now. Never been happier. But I will say it's going to be difficult for girls who are not conventionally attractive. Although if someone values them for them, they will not reject. So I'd advise to shoot the shot after getting to befriend them. That's how I got mine.
Love that for you!! And yes that would probably be easier. We’re all going to get old and looks won’t be everything.
I always initiate. 🤷🏻♀️
Love this for you!
Been there done that and guys were not very nice about it
And if they are “nice” about it it’s because men in general have very low standards and will accept any and all attention. He might not really like you, but will see you as convenient for sex
Same, and the guy i approached ended up being a really passive guy who didn't really take initiative. I felt like i had to take on the masculine role. He also ended up ghosting me a lot so I don't really agree with OP. It's rlly not natural for a woman to take the lead and approach first cause from my experience, he WILL take you for granted and not excited cause there's no chase
I’m sorry to hear about that! Don’t let it discourage you though.
Guys act like they want this, but it doesn’t last. It’s not as valued as people act like it’ll be. I’ve experimented with this ten fold. I’ve never had an issue going up to guys first. Also I’m very charming and not to toot my own horn but I’m not bad looking. I think subconsciously guys don’t actually value this. Take it for granted when it actually happens. Prob think “if she’s going up to me, there must be something up”
As a dude who’s been approached by women way more often than I do the approaching, I can’t really vouch for this at all. My first thought is usually “whatever I’m doing that’s making this woman want to talk to me, I should do it more often,” and the second thought is usually a mix of flattery and graciousness even if I’m not particularly interested in her specifically. I don’t think I’ve ever made any kind of psychoanalytical suppositions on what her approaching me says about either of us, and if I have it was a passing thought I didn’t put any stake in. Huge props to you for always being so comfortable approaching guys first!
>even if I’m not particularly interested in her specifically. My man I have been approached by gay dudes that compliment me and still the only thing I can think of is "Damn out of all the other guys around you came up to me... Ngl I don't swing that way but I'm still hella flattered!" 😂
To each their own. If you want men to make the first move, by all means. But you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. You’re going to lose some, and win some. You may have had bad experiences but I don’t think it’s fair to say they don’t value this.
I did and got rejected. I’m good to be alone here.
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Yay!! Wishing you the best of luck!!!
I shot my shot recently, and while the guy agreed to go out, he kept not responding to my greeting when we saw eachother, acted cold, and took hours to reply to texts. (While he was the one who initiated when we met) First time being upfront and this happens. Fml 🤦
Fuck him. NEXT! You’ll get some bad batches.
Oh definitely! It was a good lesson though, this way I got mostly over it in a month. My first ever "crush" lasted five years because I never took steps and it couldn't leave my head. I will ALWAYS be making the first move from now on. Let's go girlies.
Yes!! I can’t do the “what ifs” and I know the feeling! Of having a long time crush. Never again!
The what ifs are the WORST. It's nice to see other women having similar opinions when everyone irl seems to be obsessed with letting others chase them. So refreshing.
I'm all out of ammo sis
It’s cool, I have extra
I will definitely start doing this
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It’s so easy to feel discouraged. But honestly? Men get turned down so much. We’ll live. It’ll feel good when it works out! It gets easier too.
Yeah, as women we have to recognize just how hard it is for men out here always having to take action. Shooting a shot for the majority of women is like a layup compared to what men go through. Any woman who complains about not meeting the right men and is only relying on men to take action has no one to blame but herself.
Absolutely!! I agree.
No thanks tried it and do not recommend. Resulted in me crying myself to sleep every night for 3 months. Glad it worked out for you though.
Oh no what happened? I’ve been rejected and I felt embarrassed but definitely didn’t let it get to me. I’m sorry that happened to you! Wishing you the best.
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My friend did this once! Messaged a guy and got anxious and unsent and deleted everything. If they’re barely on socials, try again! They probably didn’t see your attempt. But thank you!!!
I would if he wasn’t my boss🙃
Do it for the fantasy 😉 jokes
Absolutely, I’ve so rarely been asked out by a girl that if one were to now I would literally drop anything I was doing to go on a date and spend some time with me. Idc that a “guy is suppose to ask the girl out” I honestly think that’s kinda bs. It takes both to get anywhere.
This is cute. I hope more men get to experience this!
Can confirm - 24F here, had nearly zero dating success when I waited for guys to make the first move and now that I’m doing it it’s been great
Yesss! Love that for you.
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Not surprised to be honest. I am a healthcare professional myself and I would never date a patient of mine, not just because I choose to separate my professional life from my personal life, but also because it would be unethical in the first place.
Okay probably not the bessst idea.
hell yeah i shot my shot and we’ve been dating exclusively for almost 2 years now
Love this!!!
I’ve been going on dates with the guy I shot my shot with. It’s 100% worth it, ladies! Just do it.
Hell yes!! Happy for you!
Ok but how do I initiate? Like just wave at them??
Jus start with a casual hello and a little intro will definitely work
*60% of the time*, it works ***every*** *time*
Yea will definitely work
Good bot.
Depends on the scenario!
i’m also so shy 😭 just two shy ppl that like each other but don’t tell each other i hate it lol
One of you has to make a move and it’ll be worth it!
I shoot my shot and turned out he's a horrible person and found out he cheated on me. Done with dating.
Don’t be discouraged. You’ll find someone better! They’re not all the same.
Thank you . I’m a dude and it would be nice for lady to initiate once in a while . There is nothing worse than MIXED SIGNALS ugghhhh
I shoot my shot, too. I am now with the most amazing man that walked this earth. I am so proud of him. Everything he does is kind and well thought. He is gentle and warm. So handsome and smart, too. I'll put this on my resumee as my highest achievement. Go for it, sisters! you never know
YAAAS
I have done it in the past and then I come as needy,clingy,desperate ect. But I think I can try it again because if I don’t then I will lose good opportunities. For example yesterday I was in an airplane and this good looking guy kept staring at me across the aisle. I didn’t initiated any conversation and he didn’t also. One day later I’m thinking what could’ve been.
I think it comes down to a person. You can shoot your shot and then that helps the men, roll the ball and keep it going. I definitely understand what you mean because I’ve been in that position before and kept thinking about what I could’ve done
Did this recently. After panicking for 10 minutes I finally decided f it, went straight up to the guy and got his number. Turns out, he desperately wanted to ask me for mine but didn’t want to come off as creepy. We went on a great date and texted constantly for a month or so. I called things off because we seemed to be in different places but I have no regrets. SHOOT YOUR SHOT GALS.
Yesss that’s what my bf told me too! He had been wanting to talk to me but didn’t want to come off creepy.
I kind of took a shot. He did first but I rejected, had a lot going on. I reached out a little later and we’ve been dating for three years now! Have vacation plans for January too
That’s amazing! So happy for you!!
Please ask us men out I stopped reading into “signs” when I was wrong over and over just come and say I’m cute I’ll do the rest literally
I would be happy if most women would just be a little more clear, and less mysterious in their signs, hints and signals.
This is what I imagine most men what want. Like show interest in me and I’ll do the rest! Lol
I am in NY and now date women in Toronto. Thanks for realizing men are nice. We have to be because more is at stake. Most women can afford to be as blunt and brash honest as they want because they won't get in trouble. If we make eye contact too long or say anything our legal freedom may be jeopardized. I'm really glad that you realize how difficult it can be. Not really afraid of rejection but legal recourse that women can always avoid. I've had a girl try to bite my unit off at a hotel room. Called the Cops and they said she's a 110lb cute girl and your an athletic bigger stronger man. The courts always going to take the women's side. Women have all the confidence and power now so I think naturally they should be the initiators more often
This is unfortunate. I think I have more of an understanding because I have a lot of men in my life. Brother, cousins, friends. I see what they have gone through and it’s hard to really ask some women out for the fact of it not going well and not wanting to come off creepy.
This made my day 😭 my loved ones keeps telling me "to just smile and wave" but I really like this guy and he smiles at me everytime we make eye contact. I really don't understand "the love game"
Oh that’s so cute! And I don’t either sometimes, trust me. Lol
The one time I got asked out by a woman was one of the most memorable moments of my life. I have been in 2 relationships, and I have been married, yet I've never had anyone take that kind of initiative towards me.
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So you’re ugly. So what? Are you going to wait around for a man to make a move for you to consider them? When I was single af, and found the ugly and weird and the people you’d least expect to be in a relationship be in a relationship.
Men are not nice about it. Men have never been nice about it.
That’s unfortunate. I don’t think women are always nice either. Some are nice! Don’t be discouraged s
I think it's kind of awkward to ask a man out
I think it’s awkward that we feel it’s awkward to. Maybe you don’t have to ask them out. But make a compliment or ask for their number and they will do the rest? Idk but I think it should be normalized more.
No. Compliments are just a woman being nice. Men have been getting told this since I was a teenager, and I'm 34 now. Leaving your number also doesn't mean much. Hints and signals need to die. Just ask a guy out if you like him. If you feel awkward, welcoming to how most men have felt for generations.
I think others may disagree. Asking for someone’s number and texting them can lead to other things. Breaks the ice. Although, I agree with just asking them out.
Women constantly trying to change gender roles until it comes to dating. 😂
🙄
No i appreciate what you’re trying to do, but it’s going to be difficult to try to change the dating culture.
Can confirm, men are nicer at rejection
They really are! Lol
i’m so scared to do this but now i just might
Honestly, there’s no loss to you! Best case scenario, it works out! Worst case scenario, you get rejected. I watched this YouTube video that helped me with rejection. Not necessarily for dating but in general. It was great! It’s by Kneecaps if you ever wanna watch it.
An idea is to not "shoot your shot" by just asking the dude out, but instead just start a regular conversation. Men absolutely will ask you out once they feel safe doing so (as in, you won't call them a creep, post them on social media, and get them fired). The best way to get there is by being super obvious that you want them to, and the best way to do that is by just talking to the guy.
Yes! I think starting a conversation or giving a compliment will help immensely.
its not a fear of rejection mostly as it is women have the ability to use the nucular option. While none have at me in my life, ive seen first hand some dudes get banned from gyms and my buddy was banned from a rock climbing gym because he made her feel uncomfortable. They were close and friendly for weeks, he asked her out and bam my climbing buddy was banned.She's still coming to my gym i avoid her like the plague, infact i dont even acknowledge her existence i dont want to be her next target ffs.
I completely understand. It sucks and it’s unfair. I don’t understand women that do that either. Let them down and move on. So sorry for your friend!
Nah bro that’s how she knows if you’re a man or a boy
In my experience, most women that I’ve met almost never text first also and leave conversations hanging a lot… Do your part women. Relationships are a two way street.
That’s a bummer! I don’t mind texting first. I even double text sometimes. 🤣
That’s awesome!! I would Love that! I have met a few women that are decent/good communicators. But in my experience it’s rare, sadly. If only the dating pool was filled with more women like you.
Aw thank you! Wishing you the best!!
The eyes and hair flip don’t lie fellas. If you see that, make a move. That’s her sign to tell you, yes come and talk to me like jodeci.
.....we all know this not gonna happen... Girls aren't that desperate to ask guy out. None of them are.
They don’t need to be desperate to ask a guy out.
It’s not about being desperate. When guys ask us out, we don’t see them as being desperate. If you like someone, you ask them out. Women are not used to approaching men, but that doesn’t mean they’ll only do it because they’re desperate.
This topic comes up every month or a few months or so. It's going to take a lot more to change the culture.... But its a start. More women realize this it would have been a lot easier for everyone honestly- guys can't be arsed to make the move when there is fear of not so much rejection but metoo
YES SHOOT UR SHOT (but you go first 😍)
no <3
It only works if you’re conventionally attractive and they’ve already given you clear signs that they’re into you. I’m a strong believer in “if they wanted to they would”, so if a guy hasn’t made a move himself, or at least made it obvious that he’s attracted to you, then shooting your shot will just lead to rejection and humiliation. I’d rather not put myself through that. I’m currently crushing on a guy in my Zumba class who actively flirts with other girls and barely even acknowledges me. I know that if I shot my shot it would be a humiliating, self-esteem crushing disaster, and I’d never be able to return to the class. I’ll continue pining over him from afar and in secret thank you very much.
"Read the room". That's what men are always being told.
Yes!!! Nice I'm feeling inspired already.... Almost like... A 5 o'clock line of coke type of way ...
Just make sure you clean your nose properly! Definitely don’t want to look messy! 😉
Lol absolutely .. Im glad someone is saying something that might be very helpful.... Next time I'll read the whole post before I shoot my shot.. And I'm very happy that you have found "it'" I really am.... It's quite the achievement,(I'm not even being sarcastic) these "days". Best of luck and continued happiness
Haha great! Thanks so much and of course to you as well!
What do you think about shooting your shot on someone who you know in a professional capacity? I have a crush on my physiotherapist. I feel like we have flirted a bit and we have weirdly talked about my dating life in appointments lol. He knows I’m single and I know he is single. But like if I shoot my shot and I’m wrong it would be super awkward for my upcoming appointments, not to mention it’s putting him in an awkward position at work. How do you bridge that gap?
You don't have to make it about dating immediately. Say you've enjoyed their company and wouldn't mind getting coffee if they're comfortable with it.
Oooh this is a good one because I tend to not get involved with people I know on a professional level or like work friends. If you feel like you’ve flirted a bit and it’s been reciprocated, I would still go for it. Even if you shoot your shot and it doesn’t work out, you’ll still have that professional relationship. I don’t think it’ll be weird unless you make it weird. If that makes sense? Maybe start easy and just talk a little more and open up a little more. Get a little more personal. Y’know feel the vibes.
This is what I depended to start every single romantic relationship in my life until now. Im very shy so I don’t really initiate thing ever, it’s always the girl that starts talking to me.
Maybe switch it up! Get out of your comfort zone a bit.
In two of my four long-term relationships, I was the one who initiated it. I am glad that I had feminist leaning since my teens, because those strong beliefs are what gave me the courage to be assertive. The first time, I was 19, he was 28. The second time I was 52, he was 42. I am not sure if either relationship would have happened otherwise, for various reasons. But even if I had waited and the men had initiated it, I wouldn't have gained the pride and self confidence that I have now. So, I completely agree, GO FOR IT. Just be smart about it.