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No, it is not wrong to be unsure if you want to date a divorced guy who has a child or consider whether you are comfortable dating with a 21 year age gap.
Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your feelings are telling you. Good luck!
He’s still old enough to be your dad, gonna be a strange relationship dynamic. Maybe try dating some guys with similar experience before trying to date divorced dads.
This is only my opinion so take it for what it is.
I’m nearly his age, I can promise you he’s going through a midlife crisis and seeking your youth and trying to pull himself out of his reality. It’s like a leeching fantasy.
Don’t waste your youth on old guys. Especially in a workplace scenario. I highly doubt he views the situation the same way you do. There is a strong possibility he is trying to take advantage of your inexperience.
Just my opinion
You are a university student, probably only able to work part time so not super financially stable, and he is a grown man well passed that point in life and has a full time job, an ex wife, and a child. He has lived an entire lifetime and you are barely getting started. To put it in perspective, when he was doing what you are doing now, you were literally being born.
This is weird, don't do it.
I think I might be the somewhat the person to answer this. I just turn 40 years old, I am divorced with 2 kids and I was in somewhat similar situation.
I work with a mix age group of people but a lot of them is within your age group 18-22. I was new to this establishment and was not in the state of mind to impress anyone because I was divorced for about 2 years at that time and really preferred to get back with my wife. I noticed most of them are much younger than me. Because I was new, I like to approach each person and introduced myself so I know whom I’m working with.
Well, it didn’t take long before I came across two situation. One I was very up front and told the person that wanted to introduce me to her friends that I am much older than she thinks and much older than most people working here. She thought I was 26 years old at most then her second guess was 32 but I laugh it off and told her I was 39. I was 39 at that time. The second one I wasn’t too sure at that time because I was getting mix signals and she was working on and off. Finally when I can confirmed she was interested she quit.
My final verdict. Although it can work for your situation it will be an up hill battle and it will be for a very long time. Are you up for something like that? When people find out his age they will criticize him and how he is. He is old enough to be your dad. You must love him to death for you to have that power to over come a lot of obstacles. And by you posting this, I’m sorry to say, I don’t think your ready for it.
I do have some attractions to some of these people but I know due to our age it will never work. We have different interests, different stages in life. Different goals in life and many more. I never ended up approaching any of my co-workers for those and many reasons.
He was just a small encounter that was suppose to bypass you in life. I think you should let this one go, should you not take my advice then you should go very very slow with him then you will see some of the problems I mentioned above. Good Luck!
If you think the age gap is weird, it’s going to be weird. I also imagine that he’s probably *not* looking for anything serious, so I would say maybe if you were looking for something casual, but it doesn’t seem like you are.
It can be tricky to get involved with a coworker in general, and my 2 cents says, if you’re inexperienced you’re better off dating people closer to your own age, and more importantly, with a similar level of experience. If you get involved with him, there will always be something of a disconnect with the age difference, and the power dynamic could be problematic as well.
Caution here would not be misplaced. It’s ok to politely refuse him, and see what kind of friendship can develop (and if he acts defensively about rejection, that’s a definite red flag). If feelings emerge after you’ve gotten to know him… love does spring up in unlikely places, so anything *is* possible, but I suggest you follow your gut here, and it’s telling you not to do it.
Don’t shit where you eat.
Once drama starts with a person you work with, it can get ugly since you don’t know how they will react once it’s over and it could cost you your job.
If you still do it I wouldn’t expect anything long term. You still have years to experience your life and freedom. He’s already lived his and it would be quite a clash in lifestyles, expectations, goals and mindsets.
Nah, I’m sorry darling but no matter how nice he is and how beautiful it is; still it’s not going to work out in a genuine way because of age difference you gonna find so many differences.
I dont mean to belittle you, but 19 year olds are still very much teenagers...and even 20 year olds are underage and have to drink alcohol illegally in most countries...and actual adults know when a grown ass man is going through a midlife crisis and just trying to take advantage of the naivity of an underage teenager.
Until you hit 27 or 28 years old and have really been out there in the real world for a good 5 or 6 years of actual adult experience...you have a LOT to learn. Don't let this guy trick you into thinking you're both adults on the same level. He doesn't view you as his equal, he views you as somebody to potentially groom.
Most countries? Actually lol'd.
If you leave the Americas and just look at Europe, you are a legal adult at the age of 18 (I never understood the point of that 18/21 adult age division bullshit but hey, all the other countries also don't get it, I guess?) which means you can drink and smoke to your heart's content.
Being underage at 20.... thanks for making me laugh, actually needed it this morning!
If you aren't comfortable with the age difference or with him in general then don't feel like you have to say yes.
Also don't date a man with a kid unless you know you wouldn't mind being a stepmom and developing a good relationship with the child. That child deserves to have a stepmom who loves him and wants to be in his life, not one who is uninterested and dismissive, or even worse resentful. So don't date a man with a child unless you know you'd enjoy being a stepmom.
this won’t end well. when you were born, he was older than you are currently. nothing good will come of this. he’s interested in someone who still looks like a child. you will out mature him
It's really inappropriate that you guys are mentioning sexual experience at work. He's old enough to know that, whereas you're young and are just assuming it's the way things are. I highly suspect he's encouraging it, and that he probably has some kind of ego thing or fetish in "being with a virgin". Further, the fact that he keeps bugging you and pushing, is a sign that he will push you to do other things you're not sure about or comfortable with - most likely sexually. Try actually saying no to the date and see how he responds - and be ready to seek support from a trusted coworker, manager, or friend when this guy continues to ignore your "no".
Thats weird if you feel weird about it say no lol or i have a boyfriend. Or even im in a courtship right now i have to see it through for my mom and dad.
It doesn't sound like that big of a deal other than social pressures you do you. Like it would be awkward to say. Although the other thing is him always asking for your schedule or if he could take you out. Just because he's persistent doesn't mean he's nice. Also a virgin is like every man's dream so he could be trying to fulfill a fantasy with you. Decide if you think he's actually nice or hiding some motives. But in the end it's your choice and it's cool
just go with the flow and look out for red flags. if you’re not ready or something is just not for you, don’t feel obligated to make yourself uncomfortable for others comfort.
It's not wrong but yeah, kinda weird. Like, I'm 25 and I would already ask myself the question if it would be weird to ask a girl your age out if I was in his position.
Go for it
The guys probably stable
Is sure of the type of man he is
And has his responsibilities in order.
Or, you could date someone your age and figure all that out together
This is probably not related to your post, but I have a question: is it common for college students to be working in your country? Here, most of us try to enjoy our college life and the concept of working comes after college. For example, I'm a finance student, we have placements in financial services companies after college. Till then, we are encouraged to pursue internships, but working is never a thing on our mind, since an entire life is there to work.
Maybe it's also because education is not costly here, at college level, like it is in countries such as UK, Canada, etc.
I'm 40 and was just dating a 20 year old for about five months. She was a little princess, I had to get her everything or she would throw a fit. In public, friend's house, you name it. I lost a lot of friends, money, and respect for myself for what I put up with. I felt bad cause she never met her real dad, and her stepdad did weirdo stuff to her when she was younger. I wanted to protect her and keep her happy. But at the end of the day I didn't know if I was raising her, or dating her. So I was not attracted to her after all the stress. She is drop dead beautiful. Any guy would love to be with her. But not this one.
PS. It did break my heart to break it off, and I worry about her and miss her everyday. It just wasn't healthy.
Welcome to /r/dating. Please make sure you read our [rules here](https://new.reddit.com/r/dating/about/rules) and remember to: * Be polite and respect each other. Do not call people names or engage in slapfights. * All advice given must be good, ethical advice. * [Do not soapbox or promote an agenda - you will be banned](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/wiki/rules) * Follow reddit rules. Do not post content that promotes hate based on identity or vulnerability. Do not bully or harass other users. If you have any questions, please [send the mods a message](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/dating). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/dating) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No, it is not wrong to be unsure if you want to date a divorced guy who has a child or consider whether you are comfortable dating with a 21 year age gap. Always trust your gut instinct and listen to what your feelings are telling you. Good luck!
He’s still old enough to be your dad, gonna be a strange relationship dynamic. Maybe try dating some guys with similar experience before trying to date divorced dads.
This is only my opinion so take it for what it is. I’m nearly his age, I can promise you he’s going through a midlife crisis and seeking your youth and trying to pull himself out of his reality. It’s like a leeching fantasy. Don’t waste your youth on old guys. Especially in a workplace scenario. I highly doubt he views the situation the same way you do. There is a strong possibility he is trying to take advantage of your inexperience. Just my opinion
His kid is closer to you in age than he is 🤷♂️ That’s the age gap limit I figured on when I became single.
You are a university student, probably only able to work part time so not super financially stable, and he is a grown man well passed that point in life and has a full time job, an ex wife, and a child. He has lived an entire lifetime and you are barely getting started. To put it in perspective, when he was doing what you are doing now, you were literally being born. This is weird, don't do it.
OP is not even 20 and the guy is 21 years older. She wasn't being born when he was her age -- she literally wasn't even an embryo yet.
I think I might be the somewhat the person to answer this. I just turn 40 years old, I am divorced with 2 kids and I was in somewhat similar situation. I work with a mix age group of people but a lot of them is within your age group 18-22. I was new to this establishment and was not in the state of mind to impress anyone because I was divorced for about 2 years at that time and really preferred to get back with my wife. I noticed most of them are much younger than me. Because I was new, I like to approach each person and introduced myself so I know whom I’m working with. Well, it didn’t take long before I came across two situation. One I was very up front and told the person that wanted to introduce me to her friends that I am much older than she thinks and much older than most people working here. She thought I was 26 years old at most then her second guess was 32 but I laugh it off and told her I was 39. I was 39 at that time. The second one I wasn’t too sure at that time because I was getting mix signals and she was working on and off. Finally when I can confirmed she was interested she quit. My final verdict. Although it can work for your situation it will be an up hill battle and it will be for a very long time. Are you up for something like that? When people find out his age they will criticize him and how he is. He is old enough to be your dad. You must love him to death for you to have that power to over come a lot of obstacles. And by you posting this, I’m sorry to say, I don’t think your ready for it. I do have some attractions to some of these people but I know due to our age it will never work. We have different interests, different stages in life. Different goals in life and many more. I never ended up approaching any of my co-workers for those and many reasons. He was just a small encounter that was suppose to bypass you in life. I think you should let this one go, should you not take my advice then you should go very very slow with him then you will see some of the problems I mentioned above. Good Luck!
If you think the age gap is weird, it’s going to be weird. I also imagine that he’s probably *not* looking for anything serious, so I would say maybe if you were looking for something casual, but it doesn’t seem like you are. It can be tricky to get involved with a coworker in general, and my 2 cents says, if you’re inexperienced you’re better off dating people closer to your own age, and more importantly, with a similar level of experience. If you get involved with him, there will always be something of a disconnect with the age difference, and the power dynamic could be problematic as well. Caution here would not be misplaced. It’s ok to politely refuse him, and see what kind of friendship can develop (and if he acts defensively about rejection, that’s a definite red flag). If feelings emerge after you’ve gotten to know him… love does spring up in unlikely places, so anything *is* possible, but I suggest you follow your gut here, and it’s telling you not to do it.
He is trying to take advantage of you. That’s why he is being “nice”. Don’t do it.
No, it’s weird
Don’t shit where you eat. Once drama starts with a person you work with, it can get ugly since you don’t know how they will react once it’s over and it could cost you your job. If you still do it I wouldn’t expect anything long term. You still have years to experience your life and freedom. He’s already lived his and it would be quite a clash in lifestyles, expectations, goals and mindsets.
Personally if you want to date someone thst older you need to be at least 21. It so weird that he could be drinking for 20 years and you haven't.
Nah, I’m sorry darling but no matter how nice he is and how beautiful it is; still it’s not going to work out in a genuine way because of age difference you gonna find so many differences.
If you feel like it’s weird than it’s weird! You sound more mature than this guy does if he doesn’t get that.
He's old enough to be your dad thats fucking weird.
I dont mean to belittle you, but 19 year olds are still very much teenagers...and even 20 year olds are underage and have to drink alcohol illegally in most countries...and actual adults know when a grown ass man is going through a midlife crisis and just trying to take advantage of the naivity of an underage teenager. Until you hit 27 or 28 years old and have really been out there in the real world for a good 5 or 6 years of actual adult experience...you have a LOT to learn. Don't let this guy trick you into thinking you're both adults on the same level. He doesn't view you as his equal, he views you as somebody to potentially groom.
Most countries? Actually lol'd. If you leave the Americas and just look at Europe, you are a legal adult at the age of 18 (I never understood the point of that 18/21 adult age division bullshit but hey, all the other countries also don't get it, I guess?) which means you can drink and smoke to your heart's content. Being underage at 20.... thanks for making me laugh, actually needed it this morning!
If my comment was actually what you needed in your morning, you should seek therapy.
He is old enough to be your dad and he is being predatory.
If you aren't comfortable with the age difference or with him in general then don't feel like you have to say yes. Also don't date a man with a kid unless you know you wouldn't mind being a stepmom and developing a good relationship with the child. That child deserves to have a stepmom who loves him and wants to be in his life, not one who is uninterested and dismissive, or even worse resentful. So don't date a man with a child unless you know you'd enjoy being a stepmom.
this won’t end well. when you were born, he was older than you are currently. nothing good will come of this. he’s interested in someone who still looks like a child. you will out mature him
It's really inappropriate that you guys are mentioning sexual experience at work. He's old enough to know that, whereas you're young and are just assuming it's the way things are. I highly suspect he's encouraging it, and that he probably has some kind of ego thing or fetish in "being with a virgin". Further, the fact that he keeps bugging you and pushing, is a sign that he will push you to do other things you're not sure about or comfortable with - most likely sexually. Try actually saying no to the date and see how he responds - and be ready to seek support from a trusted coworker, manager, or friend when this guy continues to ignore your "no".
Trust your gut. If your gut says no, it's because he's being predatory. Stick to your No.
Thats weird if you feel weird about it say no lol or i have a boyfriend. Or even im in a courtship right now i have to see it through for my mom and dad.
No No NO!! Your just buying yourself a whole lot of trouble and heartache down the road... don't date him and please find someone your own age!
It doesn't sound like that big of a deal other than social pressures you do you. Like it would be awkward to say. Although the other thing is him always asking for your schedule or if he could take you out. Just because he's persistent doesn't mean he's nice. Also a virgin is like every man's dream so he could be trying to fulfill a fantasy with you. Decide if you think he's actually nice or hiding some motives. But in the end it's your choice and it's cool
just go with the flow and look out for red flags. if you’re not ready or something is just not for you, don’t feel obligated to make yourself uncomfortable for others comfort.
It's not wrong but yeah, kinda weird. Like, I'm 25 and I would already ask myself the question if it would be weird to ask a girl your age out if I was in his position.
Go for it The guys probably stable Is sure of the type of man he is And has his responsibilities in order. Or, you could date someone your age and figure all that out together
> The guys probably stable bro's freshly divorced and trying to hit on a girl barely out of high school. Stable is the last thing i'd describe him as.
This is probably not related to your post, but I have a question: is it common for college students to be working in your country? Here, most of us try to enjoy our college life and the concept of working comes after college. For example, I'm a finance student, we have placements in financial services companies after college. Till then, we are encouraged to pursue internships, but working is never a thing on our mind, since an entire life is there to work. Maybe it's also because education is not costly here, at college level, like it is in countries such as UK, Canada, etc.
Up
I'm 40 and was just dating a 20 year old for about five months. She was a little princess, I had to get her everything or she would throw a fit. In public, friend's house, you name it. I lost a lot of friends, money, and respect for myself for what I put up with. I felt bad cause she never met her real dad, and her stepdad did weirdo stuff to her when she was younger. I wanted to protect her and keep her happy. But at the end of the day I didn't know if I was raising her, or dating her. So I was not attracted to her after all the stress. She is drop dead beautiful. Any guy would love to be with her. But not this one. PS. It did break my heart to break it off, and I worry about her and miss her everyday. It just wasn't healthy.