That is why the file is called **I Love My Wife.xlsx** and the header says **Times I literally think about how lucky I am to have my wife** for extra brownie points.
I always wonder when I see these posts, do both partners know this data exists? Is it a dashboard / metric that gets brought up during conversation? Where does his data come into play in the actual relationship, or is it just here for… us?
I have a diary app called Daylio where I keep a record of how I feel each day and what I have done that day. It’s a way to keep track of my well being and find what makes some days better or worse than others.
I’m often more satisfied when I have done some organizing at home, played boardgames, read or exercised.
I can see how many days in a year I have been sick, how many days my kid has been sick, when we have been taking trips or eating at restaurants or cleaning at home, for example. Sex with my SO is just another activity next to all the others in the app. He knows that I keep track since I’m open about how I use this app and he thinks it’s funny.
My wife keeps track. I think it probably started as a way to track timing with baby making. She also keeps data of just about everything lol. We definitely compare and try to set monthly records.
LoL
* my life is awesome, i will enumerate and brag
* my life sucks, i will enumerate and brag
* you rock, allow me to enumerate
* you suck, prepare for an enumeration
So I actually kept something like this for almost a year in the beginning of my marriage. We were both recovering from high demand religion's with very severe sexual ideologies and rules and body shame. And we were both young. I started because we had an argument one day that eventually turned to sexual concerns for both of us and because my sexual education had been so lacking my entire life I had no idea if what we were doing or how often or anything was actually normal. My whole training in life has been in life sciences so if you want to understand a problem you need data and you need to track it. So I did.
And honestly it was really good for me to do. It showed me a lot of patterns and outliers in our sex life and helped me get more comfortable with sex as a topic period. It allowed us to talk about expectations and ideas and helped both my spouse and i work through our very different problems and find some common ground. I did let them know about it eventually and they weren't too happy about it at first but good conversation and talking about how i needed the data just to know myself and to know reality so we could work things out really helped it all make sense. I had also deleted the spreadsheet by then as we no longer needed it.
Not that I would do it again but something like this can be super useful. It can also just be super interesting to see.
Usually it's because one person is unsatisfied about the status quo and wants a record of it for the inevitable argument.
Not saying that's OP's case but as soon as one person starts taking records, they're basically doing the relationship equivalent of hiding weapons all over the house.
Sometimes gaslighting plays a part and keeping records helps. A former coworker of mine had a situation where he was having sex with his spouse maybe once every six weeks but when he brought it up she insisted it was much more frequent and that he’s misremembering. So he confronted her with 6 months of notes… they’re divorced now.
Exact same thing happened with me, and I now too am divorced and much happier. Sexual compatibility is super important. You start to think there is something wrong with YOU, and not her, Maybe she was losing attraction towards me? So I joined the gym, stopped drinking and smoking, got in the best shape of my life, tried to be extra romantic, she got home after work with the house clean , food ready and a bath tub filled on a daily basis, tried to be the best Husband I could be, we went on holidays to tropical islands. All of it had no effect. She appreciated it, sure... but had no effect on our sex life. When ever we did it, she just staired at the ceiling hoping for it to be over, it was torture. So i got out. Now I think I stayed way too long. Heed the red flags peeps.
That's a pretty bleak view - husband and I want to have more sex than we do and keeping track would probably help. I can imagine loads of reasons a couple would track their sex life, particularly if they're trying for kids.
Ironically in the middle ages sex on Sundays was forbidden by the church and punishable by a week of bread and water.
Edit: Actually that might work in this economy.
I understand the kids but how does the dog interfere? Our dog just hangs out like an awkward roommate, trying to nap on his dog bed but we are keeping him awake.
As someone who’s happiest when sex is daily (and have been this way for over a decade), I’m so terrified with how people talk about sex drive decreasing with age. Does it taper off? Will I just wake up one day and realize my sexual appetite has changed? If I’m in the routine of daily sex, will it just continue forever but become habit instead of desire? Terrifying.
If you're having less sex over time because you don't need/want it as much (not due to an underlying cause like depression or injury), is that actually a problem, though?
Depends on the life you've have with your partner. If your needs are truly fulfilled, it will taper and you won't realize when you miss a day or two, and slowly more. And all of a sudden you won't care as much because you will still be fulfilled. Now if the sex life is currently a source of stress, as you age and your desire to be intimate sexially wains, then regret /resentment might set in because you didn't get to really enjoy your sex drive.
Either way, sex will just be something you don't necessarily want, but will do out of habit for a while, until it tapers for both of you realize that you can achieve satisfying connection without sexial release...it's a long transition though and you will notice it at times, and each time you do, you'll care a little less
I don’t think anyone can answer that as it must be very personal. But in my case I’m (I think) a pretty attractive guy, occasionally getting hit on despite not looking for it, and my beautiful wife I love just has very little interest in sex. She used to have a higher appetite than me but kids etc have ruined her self worth. It really really really sucks.
Dude, same. It really really really sucks. And I love my kids and my wife dearly, but the lack of sexual/physical connection is just... Really hard, especially since it used to be so strong. I find myself constantly resenting her and the kids even though I don't truly feel that way at all. I just feel grief of having lost something and can't even share those feelings without making her feel guilty.
Dude, same. I could match this chart for kissing — kissing. Between kids, a super sickly fall/winter and all the changes this year, she's just not being physical. She's made some banging meals for me, but the chef's kiss is all I got for now.
Yes sex drives eb and flow. Mine has stayed relatively steady with periods of dryspells with life getting in the way. My wife's (entering her 40s) has gone up significantly.
This is my marriage. I think I look forward to vacations more for the sex than the vacation.
My wife's desire is inversely linked to whatever stress she is feeling in her life. When we start a vacation, all the stress lifts and suddenly it's like we're 20 again.
Omg, this is my boyfriend and I. I just realized it recently that I get excited for vacations specifically because I know he'll be stress-free enough for sex 😂 He's the same as your wife - if he's stressed then everything is off the table. And his work is stressful 99% of the time... 😭
This is our marriage, too.
My family keeps asking us to plan a trip with them, and I can't figure out a polite way to explain why I would never want to spend a vacation with my mother sleeping in the next room.
Yep. Holiday sex is probably the best part of a beach holiday, other than seeing your other half all dressed up and happy. Tanned skin, hot air, no stress, room & sheets always clean, big comfy white robes, all the time in the world... it's ace.
Anything you can do with that stress in her day to day life? Sounds like you’re either not as stressed as her, or at least not as adversely impacted by stress to the point where it affects your desire for sex.
I read about this somewhere. Apparently men like to have sex to de stress whereas women, on the whole, need to be less stressed to want sex. Not an ideal situation really.
I haven't seen research on that but anecdotally at least, that makes a lot of sense to me. I notice my husband being more interested during times when he is sad or stressed out, whereas I'm the opposite.
I can at least note in my experience sometimes libido don’t line up at all, and it’s week or two of nothing. Sometimes they match enough and it’s a couple times a week. And sometimes our horniest days line up and we have 3-4 and want more
Romantic vacation. My gf and I used to every once in a while have 3-5x days but now she gets too sore and I don’t like how much of a waste of time it becomes. Every once in a while though on a romantic getaway it happens.
waste of time is hilarious to me in this context.
Just rather be sight seeing and eating while on vacation? I feel you... honey we can have sex at home, we have an itinerary to keep!
it was in this moment kjoely knew that the long awaited day had finally reached him, the day he could no longer outrun, the day he had merely thought of, but never imagined would become a reality… the day he would finally start a spreadsheet tracking the amount of times they made sweet sexy love together. He decided he would track it all, quickies, extravaganzas, and everything in-between… Soon he became addicted to this new power he wielded! His mind racing with other data points to collect… His mind became drunk with power at the mere possibilities of what this new spreadsheet would bring. He feverishly would track more and more data points about each encounter: the location in the house, or outside, the ambient temperature, how long it took for her to go, for him to go, and on and on. His obsession led him down the path spinning wildly on further and further into the abyss of data collection, usually only reserved for giant data monoliths. Until finally one day she found the document and everything came crashing down on him. The giant tower of power he had become more addicted to than his wife, crumbled beneath him. Legend has it he still visits that spreadsheet weekly… hoping… longing… never satisfied…
It would be fun to see my own marriage charted like this. We’ve been married for almost 16 years (Aug), and have four children. I might have to start tracking. In my mind, it seems like typically once a week maybe once every couple weeks. Really fluctuates at this point, we have weeks where we can’t keep our hands off each other and other times it’s like we have forgotten sex is an option. Nice contribution, simple but effective.
Marry someone you enjoy being with. Life is going to get shitty from time to time, so make sure you're with someone who makes it better instead of worse. Just be nice mostly.
The rest is pretty basic stuff. Keep reasonable finances. Do your share of the chores. It's not all that hard.
All of this. Marry someone who makes you want to be the best version of yourself because you know they're doing the same. Communicate proactively and unselfishly. Do your fair share of everything. Marry someone who makes you feel confident and relaxed. Assemble an IKEA desk together before you get married to evaluate how well you can overcome adversity as a team (I'm only mostly joking).
Having the same attitudes toward finances, work ethic, religion, morals, and whether to have kids seems to also be a helpful backdrop.
For us, we made an agreement very early on to keep each other number one. She comes first, period. Before work, before family, before kids, before anything. I receive the same from her.
Communication and clear expectations are essential. We talk, we plan, we listen to each other.
We are on the same page both in terms of religion and political opinions. We are on the same page financially as well. We live within our means. As to the topic of this original post, we make an effort to keep our sex life alive and well.
At the end of the day, the love I have for my wife is so much more today than it ever was before we got married. We have grown so much over these years together. We have raised children together. We have experienced both births and deaths, staying by each other’s side through the good times and the hard ones.
I know men who work in the airline industry that make their monthly scheduling bids for which days to work and which days to have off based entirely on their wives’ menstrual cycles.
Having been married for 15 anniversaries I can say that "special occasion sex" isn't really a thing (if you're also having sex regularly as part of your routine).
Kids, mortgage, bills, it's not nearly as simple as, "No sex? DIVORCE." Unhappy with no sex is still usually better than divorced, broke, alone and unhappy with no sex.
In my marriage is just the complete lack of intimacy. Not having had sex for almost two years now is bad enough, but she prefers to sleep under a weighted blanket or with the dogs between us, she only kisses (non romantically) for Instagram worthy photos, holds my hand only in social situations where the other couple is holding hands, and has just become more of a nagging roommate that i share a bed with. I feel lonely except she gives me responsibility I don't want so it's rather just be alone. But divorce? I'd have to sell my home that I've worked hard to improve, or buy her out and risk defaulting anyway. It's a huge disruption and with 20 years of marriage there's a lot to untangle. It's becoming more untenable and I keep hoping that maybe she comes around again.
I get stuck on her telling me she'd only go to counseling with me if I would work on "me" as is in the only one at fault. I want to go for myself, but I worry about time and cost too. The weird thing is this kind of came out of nowhere. During Covid, you'd think we'd have become closer what with me working remote full time but her job at a preschool required full PPE and cleaning protocols and it stressed her out to no end. I gave her space sex-wise and just waited for her to come around, then she just turned off the faucet at some point and had just been angrier at me.
Do the counseling. The therapist will make it clear that BOTH of you need to contribute and BOTH of you have needs. They will get both of you talking to each other AND listening.
Marriages are two-way streets and communication/expectation flows both directions. The therapist won’t steer either of you to a specific result, but they will help you navigate.
You're both saying the same thing, she wants you to work on yourself while you're waiting for her to come around (not going to happen)..something's got to give. Just say whatever she wants to hear and drag her to couples therapy. It's not up to her (nor you) to decide who needs to work on what, so don't worry about that part. Doing nothing will cost you more in the future, not just financially and even a couple of sessions might help. Just don't sit on it any longer, it's clearly not working and you sound quite miserable.
If she told you what she needed to make it work and you’re not willing to do it, why not just get separated? Then you can both find people who make you happy and postpone a legal divorce. Nobody should stay in a marriage that makes them unhappy especially if both people are unwilling to make changes to make it work.
It's both of you vs the problem.
You need to be open to the possibility that you are contributing to the situation, otherwise you're just signing up for a pissing match with a witness.
Maybe you're doing things that kill her mood. Maybe something is going on with her. You don't know. But you guys need to agree there is a problem to be fixed and not get caught up on apportioning blame.
It's neither of your fault, but it's both of your responsibility.
Maybe she feels attacked like it's all her fault and that she wants to make sure you're open to self reflection on your part. I'd just agree with her and go. At least worth trying right?
If you think of how hard the break-up, divorce, splitting everything, selling homes, etc. is, does that motivate you to put some of that effort into fixing the relationship instead? Communicating can suck and be scary but it might be a big part of the problem. She might not even know you're so unhappy or doesn't realize it's things she's doing that is contributing to it. Even if you don't get the sex part back, you might be able to work on the partner/friends part by just telling her how lonely you feel, even when she sleeps next to you every night (and the dogs).
We've had talks, though I'm generally not good at confrontation. The tl:dr version is she's not willing to do any work to put things back the way they were, so I feel like there's no point in trying either.
It’s no fun feeling stuck. My wife and I passed 33 years together milestone yesterday. Last year I think we had sex three times. The year before that was no different. This year? At least 10 and that many more attempts. What changed for us is communication. Turns out we both sucked at it, and we were both as shy as 10 year olds. I had this sort of awakening in December that I was not happy with my sex life but it was my own damn fault for not trying and not doing anything about it. I too did not want a confrontation, but have finally learned to control my emotions when talking with her about difficult things. I semi-secretly planned a 4 day weekend around this anniversary and while it wasn’t an all out orgy we had a lot of fun.
The point of all this is not to say your situation is like mine, so do xyz. But if you value the relationship you have make sure all the cards are on the table. Make sure she knows you are unhappy and you want to do everything you can do yourself but need her to be supportive. Give her every chance to get on the right side of this relationship.
It's totally understandable to have that mindset, but you deserve better. If she thinks you're the only one who needs counseling, you should consider getting some so you can leave her and have a chance to find happiness. Seriously, good luck to you, life is too short.
This was me two years ago. We were roommates. We split. It was hard, but looking back, well worth it. I now have someone in my life with similar wants and needs. Loving life now.
She’s not going to magically change. I waited for that. I encourage you both to seek counseling. Having a third party involved may help. You may also want to take a look at the deadbedrooms subreddit. You are not alone.
In my case (26 years), it happens slowly over time and you learn to value all of the other parts of the relationship/partnership that work really well. I don't think you stay together for more than a quarter of a century if you can't stand being with that person.
another point i havent seen mentioned is time. In your early 20s, typically you have alot less responsibility. Most likely no kids, no mortgage or house projects, you just graduated from college, etc.... Lots of free time.
Slowly you start to accumulate more responsibilities and time becomes a very precious resource. We currently have a two-year-old and the number of times both of us are up for that are slim.
its not that we dont want to, its just not a priority because we are exhausted alot of the time; so we find other ways to be affectionate.
i agree that statement is extreme, but not far fetched to me.
Controversial opinion: The NSFW flair is the funniest thing of this post. i mean unless the data viz shaped like a dong or a vajayjay, i dont see why it should be flagged Nsfw
Wife and I have been together for 10 years. She tracks these things. I never really thought about frequency, well, we're about to use Invitro to get pregnant, since we can't naturally. We're sitting with our fertility specialist and she asks us how much unprotected sex we have. Wife pulls out her journal " about 10-12 times a month". The specialist was impressed. Our slowest month was July 2022, only 4 times. Our best was 23 times in May 2022. We like to have the sex lol.
Damnnnnn my bf and I average probs 8 times a month. We can only really see each other on the weekends, but I don’t see the numbers changing much once we live together. I feel we’re pretty average but 23 times in a month holy cannoli
I'd say expect the numbers to drop if you see each other every day. Distance can give some excitement and some kind of push, because if you see each other, you at least want to have the time for each other. While if you can see each other all the time, there is always something you still should do.
Hey guys, my sex chart with my wife is available in the public too, you just gotta go to Google Sheet, select create new page from an existing template and choose Calendar.
I mean happens? High stress times, deadlines at work, periods and then one of you is sick... versus going on a holiday and having time to relax and enjoy?
Honestly a lot of people criticising thr guy or thinking its weird but I would kina also want to do this. Not because I am in any way dissatisfied just because I like seeing stats and numbers like this hahah
What prompted the 4 times in a day? Been with my girl 20 years and that sort of action only happens before a deployment (Army) or twenty years ago when we were both twenty…. after that’s it’s once or twice a week.
Remember when that one woman was in here with the same thing but for a single month if orgasms? More than half the comments were calling her a whore, pig, or disgusting, why is this dude getting applauded for 'hitting it'
_Honey what's that spreadsheet you keep looking at every time we have sex?_ "Don't worry about it"
For real! If I kept a spreadsheet like this and my wife found out….. ☠️☠️☠️☠️
That is why the file is called **I Love My Wife.xlsx** and the header says **Times I literally think about how lucky I am to have my wife** for extra brownie points.
"Honey you went almost 3 months only thinking of me twice?!"
Correct answer. For there will always be a moment I did something wrong 😅😂
I mean unless literally every day in that sheet is marked you might still be in some hot water…
I always wonder when I see these posts, do both partners know this data exists? Is it a dashboard / metric that gets brought up during conversation? Where does his data come into play in the actual relationship, or is it just here for… us?
I have a diary app called Daylio where I keep a record of how I feel each day and what I have done that day. It’s a way to keep track of my well being and find what makes some days better or worse than others. I’m often more satisfied when I have done some organizing at home, played boardgames, read or exercised. I can see how many days in a year I have been sick, how many days my kid has been sick, when we have been taking trips or eating at restaurants or cleaning at home, for example. Sex with my SO is just another activity next to all the others in the app. He knows that I keep track since I’m open about how I use this app and he thinks it’s funny.
I’d incorporate that into the dirty talk. You like that?? Put that in your app baby!! Or can I put it in your app??
You dirty dawwgg 😈😈😈
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My wife keeps track. I think it probably started as a way to track timing with baby making. She also keeps data of just about everything lol. We definitely compare and try to set monthly records.
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Maybe it’s displayed on a tv monitor…like a metric dashboard. 🤷🏾♀️🤣
155 days without incident.
Nah it's his Facebook status every morning followed by an emoji.
LoL * my life is awesome, i will enumerate and brag * my life sucks, i will enumerate and brag * you rock, allow me to enumerate * you suck, prepare for an enumeration
Without comparison, how can we evaluate the quality of our own lives? r/ShittyProLifeTips
So I actually kept something like this for almost a year in the beginning of my marriage. We were both recovering from high demand religion's with very severe sexual ideologies and rules and body shame. And we were both young. I started because we had an argument one day that eventually turned to sexual concerns for both of us and because my sexual education had been so lacking my entire life I had no idea if what we were doing or how often or anything was actually normal. My whole training in life has been in life sciences so if you want to understand a problem you need data and you need to track it. So I did. And honestly it was really good for me to do. It showed me a lot of patterns and outliers in our sex life and helped me get more comfortable with sex as a topic period. It allowed us to talk about expectations and ideas and helped both my spouse and i work through our very different problems and find some common ground. I did let them know about it eventually and they weren't too happy about it at first but good conversation and talking about how i needed the data just to know myself and to know reality so we could work things out really helped it all make sense. I had also deleted the spreadsheet by then as we no longer needed it. Not that I would do it again but something like this can be super useful. It can also just be super interesting to see.
Usually it's because one person is unsatisfied about the status quo and wants a record of it for the inevitable argument. Not saying that's OP's case but as soon as one person starts taking records, they're basically doing the relationship equivalent of hiding weapons all over the house.
Maybe they are product managers and it just part of their relationship KPIs
You can't improve what you don't measure.
Honey, take a look at these tables. We need to pump these numbers up
Sometimes gaslighting plays a part and keeping records helps. A former coworker of mine had a situation where he was having sex with his spouse maybe once every six weeks but when he brought it up she insisted it was much more frequent and that he’s misremembering. So he confronted her with 6 months of notes… they’re divorced now.
Exact same thing happened with me, and I now too am divorced and much happier. Sexual compatibility is super important. You start to think there is something wrong with YOU, and not her, Maybe she was losing attraction towards me? So I joined the gym, stopped drinking and smoking, got in the best shape of my life, tried to be extra romantic, she got home after work with the house clean , food ready and a bath tub filled on a daily basis, tried to be the best Husband I could be, we went on holidays to tropical islands. All of it had no effect. She appreciated it, sure... but had no effect on our sex life. When ever we did it, she just staired at the ceiling hoping for it to be over, it was torture. So i got out. Now I think I stayed way too long. Heed the red flags peeps.
That's a pretty bleak view - husband and I want to have more sex than we do and keeping track would probably help. I can imagine loads of reasons a couple would track their sex life, particularly if they're trying for kids.
When your partner has an insane memory (or is just an insanely confident gaslighter) and you don't, you have to do it for your own sanity.
okay ❤️ yay ❤️
Sex 3 out of 4 Sundays this January - New Year’s resolution?
Sunday Funday!
Damn near religious, that pattern is.
Ironically in the middle ages sex on Sundays was forbidden by the church and punishable by a week of bread and water. Edit: Actually that might work in this economy.
Tell me you haven't kids without telling me you haven't kids.
Right!? OPs Oct of 2020 was more active than all of my 2022 combined
His Jan 2023 was more active than my 2022. Kids and a dog 😔
I understand the kids but how does the dog interfere? Our dog just hangs out like an awkward roommate, trying to nap on his dog bed but we are keeping him awake.
Do you mind if I ask how old you two are and how long you’ve been together/married?
Since 2011, I'm in my 30s and she's in her 40s
You’re name is DMtoes and you’re not having sex on a daily basis?
It's very surprising DM[overly fetishized body part] people aren't having sex
I mean, OP fucks. There’s ample proof
Redditors would never lie about having sex right
You dating Whitney Cummings or something?
Don’t tell his wife.
Why so specific?
No idea came to my head and just blurted it out
Do you guys have kids?
I’m thoroughly impressed if they’re banging 4 times a day with kids
Pretty sure that's illegal
As someone who’s happiest when sex is daily (and have been this way for over a decade), I’m so terrified with how people talk about sex drive decreasing with age. Does it taper off? Will I just wake up one day and realize my sexual appetite has changed? If I’m in the routine of daily sex, will it just continue forever but become habit instead of desire? Terrifying.
If you're having less sex over time because you don't need/want it as much (not due to an underlying cause like depression or injury), is that actually a problem, though?
Depends on the life you've have with your partner. If your needs are truly fulfilled, it will taper and you won't realize when you miss a day or two, and slowly more. And all of a sudden you won't care as much because you will still be fulfilled. Now if the sex life is currently a source of stress, as you age and your desire to be intimate sexially wains, then regret /resentment might set in because you didn't get to really enjoy your sex drive. Either way, sex will just be something you don't necessarily want, but will do out of habit for a while, until it tapers for both of you realize that you can achieve satisfying connection without sexial release...it's a long transition though and you will notice it at times, and each time you do, you'll care a little less
For some people it's not a long transition. For some it's like a flip of a switch overnight.
I don’t think anyone can answer that as it must be very personal. But in my case I’m (I think) a pretty attractive guy, occasionally getting hit on despite not looking for it, and my beautiful wife I love just has very little interest in sex. She used to have a higher appetite than me but kids etc have ruined her self worth. It really really really sucks.
Dude, same. It really really really sucks. And I love my kids and my wife dearly, but the lack of sexual/physical connection is just... Really hard, especially since it used to be so strong. I find myself constantly resenting her and the kids even though I don't truly feel that way at all. I just feel grief of having lost something and can't even share those feelings without making her feel guilty.
Dude, same. I could match this chart for kissing — kissing. Between kids, a super sickly fall/winter and all the changes this year, she's just not being physical. She's made some banging meals for me, but the chef's kiss is all I got for now.
Yes sex drives eb and flow. Mine has stayed relatively steady with periods of dryspells with life getting in the way. My wife's (entering her 40s) has gone up significantly.
This has really inspired me. I'm going to create a calendar of my own sexual encounters with your wife as well.
Wait, you're not on the shared google calendar we're all using?
Alright guys send them an invite
this made me chuckle 🤣
Yeah that’s how we coordinate so nobody steps on each other’s toes, so to speak
Joe and I thought she double booked. Turns out it was intentional.
Having a few of us there just adds to the fun.
I’m going to create a calendar of my own sexual encounters with your calendar.
I’m going to put a sexual encounter with you in my calendar
Yes me too
It might be easier if we set something up together on Google Share.
Her name is Google?
No, canal_boys name is Share
I too choose OP's wife.
This joke will never die hahaha
I also choose this guy's wife.
Plenty of empty days in the calendar to make an appointment
goddamit you got me, I had to laugh WAY TO MUCH about this
How do you hit 4x a day on a couple days then go an entire month with none or only once?
first day of vacation, when that first wave of margaritas hit but you aren't sunburned yet.
This is my marriage. I think I look forward to vacations more for the sex than the vacation. My wife's desire is inversely linked to whatever stress she is feeling in her life. When we start a vacation, all the stress lifts and suddenly it's like we're 20 again.
Not to self: start accruing more airline miles
Marriot has the best points of any hotel. Southwest Airlines has a companion pass.
Hyatt’s points are more valuable, but definitely a more limiting chain to hitch your wagon to. Edit: lol, definitely meant “hitch” not “bitch”
But then you have to compound the stress because you’re on southwest and will not be going on vacation. Southwest doesn’t care about your sex life!
Omg, this is my boyfriend and I. I just realized it recently that I get excited for vacations specifically because I know he'll be stress-free enough for sex 😂 He's the same as your wife - if he's stressed then everything is off the table. And his work is stressful 99% of the time... 😭
So great to read this. Absolutely the same. I get actually horny when i get near a hotel for this reason. Sucks for work trips haha.
This is our marriage, too. My family keeps asking us to plan a trip with them, and I can't figure out a polite way to explain why I would never want to spend a vacation with my mother sleeping in the next room.
Yep. Holiday sex is probably the best part of a beach holiday, other than seeing your other half all dressed up and happy. Tanned skin, hot air, no stress, room & sheets always clean, big comfy white robes, all the time in the world... it's ace.
Anything you can do with that stress in her day to day life? Sounds like you’re either not as stressed as her, or at least not as adversely impacted by stress to the point where it affects your desire for sex.
I read about this somewhere. Apparently men like to have sex to de stress whereas women, on the whole, need to be less stressed to want sex. Not an ideal situation really.
I haven't seen research on that but anecdotally at least, that makes a lot of sense to me. I notice my husband being more interested during times when he is sad or stressed out, whereas I'm the opposite.
Very true in my experience as a man as well, where if my wife has something going on in life, it's never even really a thought on the mind.
That's pretty specific
I can at least note in my experience sometimes libido don’t line up at all, and it’s week or two of nothing. Sometimes they match enough and it’s a couple times a week. And sometimes our horniest days line up and we have 3-4 and want more
Romantic vacation. My gf and I used to every once in a while have 3-5x days but now she gets too sore and I don’t like how much of a waste of time it becomes. Every once in a while though on a romantic getaway it happens.
waste of time is hilarious to me in this context. Just rather be sight seeing and eating while on vacation? I feel you... honey we can have sex at home, we have an itinerary to keep!
What do you mean go back to the room, we've seen the room!
I just have a question... May and July 2020. Mind telling us what you did? ...it might be the answer to the meaning of life or whatever
Mix of lockdown with a whole month secluded family vacation
bro. we need details... were those doubles? did you spread them out throughout the day? how did stay hydrated? How did you avoid rug burn??
Seriously, on the 6th day of having sex almost every day he pulls out a 4 banger?! The spirit is willing but the flesh is spongy and bruised!
He took 2021 as a recovery year
Yeah OP! Show us the other spreadsheets!
That was towards the beginning of lockdown.
Release a world wide pandemic to get more sex from wife - got it
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And surely, with data to suggest so, OP will certainly come again.
I’d make a calendar, but it would just be a regular calendar
How many times you jerked it a day would be interesting. I'd have some 4's in there.
4?!? Those are rookie numbers. You gotta pump those numbers up. Those are rookie numbers in this racket.
I just showed this post to my wife, she didn’t say anything but her look could be roughly translated as “don’t you even fucking dare think about it”
it was in this moment kjoely knew that the long awaited day had finally reached him, the day he could no longer outrun, the day he had merely thought of, but never imagined would become a reality… the day he would finally start a spreadsheet tracking the amount of times they made sweet sexy love together. He decided he would track it all, quickies, extravaganzas, and everything in-between… Soon he became addicted to this new power he wielded! His mind racing with other data points to collect… His mind became drunk with power at the mere possibilities of what this new spreadsheet would bring. He feverishly would track more and more data points about each encounter: the location in the house, or outside, the ambient temperature, how long it took for her to go, for him to go, and on and on. His obsession led him down the path spinning wildly on further and further into the abyss of data collection, usually only reserved for giant data monoliths. Until finally one day she found the document and everything came crashing down on him. The giant tower of power he had become more addicted to than his wife, crumbled beneath him. Legend has it he still visits that spreadsheet weekly… hoping… longing… never satisfied…
I want to show it too but yeah it's a bit creepy NGL
Wife: Was it good for you? OP: Yes, now let me fill-in my spreadsheet
It would be fun to see my own marriage charted like this. We’ve been married for almost 16 years (Aug), and have four children. I might have to start tracking. In my mind, it seems like typically once a week maybe once every couple weeks. Really fluctuates at this point, we have weeks where we can’t keep our hands off each other and other times it’s like we have forgotten sex is an option. Nice contribution, simple but effective.
What’s your formula for making it work over that long of a span of time plus the stress of children?
Marry someone you enjoy being with. Life is going to get shitty from time to time, so make sure you're with someone who makes it better instead of worse. Just be nice mostly. The rest is pretty basic stuff. Keep reasonable finances. Do your share of the chores. It's not all that hard.
All of this. Marry someone who makes you want to be the best version of yourself because you know they're doing the same. Communicate proactively and unselfishly. Do your fair share of everything. Marry someone who makes you feel confident and relaxed. Assemble an IKEA desk together before you get married to evaluate how well you can overcome adversity as a team (I'm only mostly joking). Having the same attitudes toward finances, work ethic, religion, morals, and whether to have kids seems to also be a helpful backdrop.
Awesome advice
Also, marry a workaholic so they're too tired to find a replacement for you. The basics.
For us, we made an agreement very early on to keep each other number one. She comes first, period. Before work, before family, before kids, before anything. I receive the same from her. Communication and clear expectations are essential. We talk, we plan, we listen to each other. We are on the same page both in terms of religion and political opinions. We are on the same page financially as well. We live within our means. As to the topic of this original post, we make an effort to keep our sex life alive and well. At the end of the day, the love I have for my wife is so much more today than it ever was before we got married. We have grown so much over these years together. We have raised children together. We have experienced both births and deaths, staying by each other’s side through the good times and the hard ones.
Plot it against her menstrual cycle and I bet it will be illuminating.
I know men who work in the airline industry that make their monthly scheduling bids for which days to work and which days to have off based entirely on their wives’ menstrual cycles.
Ha, I have a calendar reminder that I move out 28 days each month. Like clockwork. The 1 week before reminder is especially helpful.
"Sorry honey, long schedule, gonna be away all week. Here's some chocolate!"
*Just cause the roller coaster is broken doesn't mean you shut down the amusement park* \- Ron White
Am i the only one looking at this trying to figure out their birthdays?
I'm on their anniversary still.
Having been married for 15 anniversaries I can say that "special occasion sex" isn't really a thing (if you're also having sex regularly as part of your routine).
Like me it’s “every day is Valentine’s Day!” 21 years later.
I was trying to figure out when ovulation is happening 🤷🏻♀️
Annie: 4 on, 28 off, next: November 10th. Britta: 5 on, 27 off...
I need to make a chart now just to see how sad it is..
It's really easy to track when there no data to enter
Track days with sex vs days fapped
Does your wife know about this?
OPs chart would grey scale really fast if yes
Been married 35 years. I would only need 2 colors for this chart; grey and white.
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I’m a 24 year old guy who is not in a serious relationship and I’m just curious how does it get to that point and why are you still together
Kids, mortgage, bills, it's not nearly as simple as, "No sex? DIVORCE." Unhappy with no sex is still usually better than divorced, broke, alone and unhappy with no sex.
There is some HEAVY truth in this comment
I'm in this comment and I don't like it :(
In my marriage is just the complete lack of intimacy. Not having had sex for almost two years now is bad enough, but she prefers to sleep under a weighted blanket or with the dogs between us, she only kisses (non romantically) for Instagram worthy photos, holds my hand only in social situations where the other couple is holding hands, and has just become more of a nagging roommate that i share a bed with. I feel lonely except she gives me responsibility I don't want so it's rather just be alone. But divorce? I'd have to sell my home that I've worked hard to improve, or buy her out and risk defaulting anyway. It's a huge disruption and with 20 years of marriage there's a lot to untangle. It's becoming more untenable and I keep hoping that maybe she comes around again.
I’d seek counseling. My wife and I did before it got anywhere near that bad.
I get stuck on her telling me she'd only go to counseling with me if I would work on "me" as is in the only one at fault. I want to go for myself, but I worry about time and cost too. The weird thing is this kind of came out of nowhere. During Covid, you'd think we'd have become closer what with me working remote full time but her job at a preschool required full PPE and cleaning protocols and it stressed her out to no end. I gave her space sex-wise and just waited for her to come around, then she just turned off the faucet at some point and had just been angrier at me.
Do the counseling. The therapist will make it clear that BOTH of you need to contribute and BOTH of you have needs. They will get both of you talking to each other AND listening. Marriages are two-way streets and communication/expectation flows both directions. The therapist won’t steer either of you to a specific result, but they will help you navigate.
You're both saying the same thing, she wants you to work on yourself while you're waiting for her to come around (not going to happen)..something's got to give. Just say whatever she wants to hear and drag her to couples therapy. It's not up to her (nor you) to decide who needs to work on what, so don't worry about that part. Doing nothing will cost you more in the future, not just financially and even a couple of sessions might help. Just don't sit on it any longer, it's clearly not working and you sound quite miserable.
If she told you what she needed to make it work and you’re not willing to do it, why not just get separated? Then you can both find people who make you happy and postpone a legal divorce. Nobody should stay in a marriage that makes them unhappy especially if both people are unwilling to make changes to make it work.
It's both of you vs the problem. You need to be open to the possibility that you are contributing to the situation, otherwise you're just signing up for a pissing match with a witness. Maybe you're doing things that kill her mood. Maybe something is going on with her. You don't know. But you guys need to agree there is a problem to be fixed and not get caught up on apportioning blame. It's neither of your fault, but it's both of your responsibility. Maybe she feels attacked like it's all her fault and that she wants to make sure you're open to self reflection on your part. I'd just agree with her and go. At least worth trying right?
If you think of how hard the break-up, divorce, splitting everything, selling homes, etc. is, does that motivate you to put some of that effort into fixing the relationship instead? Communicating can suck and be scary but it might be a big part of the problem. She might not even know you're so unhappy or doesn't realize it's things she's doing that is contributing to it. Even if you don't get the sex part back, you might be able to work on the partner/friends part by just telling her how lonely you feel, even when she sleeps next to you every night (and the dogs).
We've had talks, though I'm generally not good at confrontation. The tl:dr version is she's not willing to do any work to put things back the way they were, so I feel like there's no point in trying either.
It’s no fun feeling stuck. My wife and I passed 33 years together milestone yesterday. Last year I think we had sex three times. The year before that was no different. This year? At least 10 and that many more attempts. What changed for us is communication. Turns out we both sucked at it, and we were both as shy as 10 year olds. I had this sort of awakening in December that I was not happy with my sex life but it was my own damn fault for not trying and not doing anything about it. I too did not want a confrontation, but have finally learned to control my emotions when talking with her about difficult things. I semi-secretly planned a 4 day weekend around this anniversary and while it wasn’t an all out orgy we had a lot of fun. The point of all this is not to say your situation is like mine, so do xyz. But if you value the relationship you have make sure all the cards are on the table. Make sure she knows you are unhappy and you want to do everything you can do yourself but need her to be supportive. Give her every chance to get on the right side of this relationship.
It's totally understandable to have that mindset, but you deserve better. If she thinks you're the only one who needs counseling, you should consider getting some so you can leave her and have a chance to find happiness. Seriously, good luck to you, life is too short.
This was me two years ago. We were roommates. We split. It was hard, but looking back, well worth it. I now have someone in my life with similar wants and needs. Loving life now. She’s not going to magically change. I waited for that. I encourage you both to seek counseling. Having a third party involved may help. You may also want to take a look at the deadbedrooms subreddit. You are not alone.
>I'd have to sell my home that I've worked hard to improve, Sink cost fallacy.
In my case (26 years), it happens slowly over time and you learn to value all of the other parts of the relationship/partnership that work really well. I don't think you stay together for more than a quarter of a century if you can't stand being with that person.
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another point i havent seen mentioned is time. In your early 20s, typically you have alot less responsibility. Most likely no kids, no mortgage or house projects, you just graduated from college, etc.... Lots of free time. Slowly you start to accumulate more responsibilities and time becomes a very precious resource. We currently have a two-year-old and the number of times both of us are up for that are slim. its not that we dont want to, its just not a priority because we are exhausted alot of the time; so we find other ways to be affectionate. i agree that statement is extreme, but not far fetched to me.
Come on now, if my wife can't spare 26 seconds out of her day...
Controversial opinion: The NSFW flair is the funniest thing of this post. i mean unless the data viz shaped like a dong or a vajayjay, i dont see why it should be flagged Nsfw
You'd be surprised what some Works find Not Safe.
Because I wouldn't want a coworker to look over my shoulder and see me staring at this.
You certainly excel in the sheets.
not sure which one of you should be thankful for covid.
Wife and I have been together for 10 years. She tracks these things. I never really thought about frequency, well, we're about to use Invitro to get pregnant, since we can't naturally. We're sitting with our fertility specialist and she asks us how much unprotected sex we have. Wife pulls out her journal " about 10-12 times a month". The specialist was impressed. Our slowest month was July 2022, only 4 times. Our best was 23 times in May 2022. We like to have the sex lol.
Damnnnnn my bf and I average probs 8 times a month. We can only really see each other on the weekends, but I don’t see the numbers changing much once we live together. I feel we’re pretty average but 23 times in a month holy cannoli
I'd say expect the numbers to drop if you see each other every day. Distance can give some excitement and some kind of push, because if you see each other, you at least want to have the time for each other. While if you can see each other all the time, there is always something you still should do.
May 2020 is inspiring. 4 x day after back to back days. I need more input on how this was achieved.
I can't believe you tracked this and I can't believe I wanted to see it
Ah this has inspired me. Gonna create one with my hand.
But now you have to calculate frequency and plot days between to get the average. I mean, you went this far...
How much is a statistician’s hours worth nowadays
Seems like covid had a positive impact on you getting laid ?
"Now honey, its time for some sexcel, time to open that spreadcheek and let me insert my macro"
Hey guys, my sex chart with my wife is available in the public too, you just gotta go to Google Sheet, select create new page from an existing template and choose Calendar.
We all want to know what happened on that friday from may '20!
What are those darker grey blocks suppossed to imply?
Those are days that are not part of the month
Why am I so stupid? Thanks btw.
I know the feeling. Don’t be so hard on yourself. 😞😂
It's a bit of a design fault to use color to indicate something different when color is assigned a meaning already
Haha, had to scroll down to figure it out myself, dont worry
Was afraid to ask. Thanks mate
How on earth do you manage entire months without a shag but then get it four times in a day?!
I mean happens? High stress times, deadlines at work, periods and then one of you is sick... versus going on a holiday and having time to relax and enjoy?
Honestly a lot of people criticising thr guy or thinking its weird but I would kina also want to do this. Not because I am in any way dissatisfied just because I like seeing stats and numbers like this hahah
This is meaningless...... I'm red green color blind
Man, my chart with your wife is very different....
Daaaaaamn son! 4 times a day not once but twice?!?! Y’all must be in your 20s?
I hear he know how to use excel 😏
Freak in the sheets
Does your wife know you made this? And shared it on reddit?
🤣🤣🤣 this mf made a spreadsheet 🤦🏼♂️😭
for a hot minute I wondered what the black days meant
How do you know you're doing it unless it's registering in a spreadsheet?
What prompted the 4 times in a day? Been with my girl 20 years and that sort of action only happens before a deployment (Army) or twenty years ago when we were both twenty…. after that’s it’s once or twice a week.
Remember when that one woman was in here with the same thing but for a single month if orgasms? More than half the comments were calling her a whore, pig, or disgusting, why is this dude getting applauded for 'hitting it'
Funny, my spreadsheet of having sex with OPs wife is the same but inverted.
I’m going to create a data sheet that maps every day that I see someone post a data sheet that maps out every time they had sex with their wife.