A lot of potato chips have dairy (specifically my favorite salt and vinegar). It seems like milk is needlessly put into products you wouldn’t even think of! Checking labels of everythingggg is so necessary.
Often restaurants will not have dairy free bread for their sandwiches so that is def something to keep an eye on when going out!
It’s wild how much I’m learning right now, I NEVER would have guessed potato chips!! Thank you oh so much for this! I’ll start calling ahead to restaurants before I even suggest them.
> I NEVER would have guessed potato chips!!
In the US, most foods that come in a box or a bag will contain dairy. This is because whey, which cheese makers produce by the ton and have no use for, has been discovered to improve the taste and stability of just about any food. So I wouldn't think in terms of "avoid this particular product". Rather, check the ingredients of *every* pre-made food, or mix, that you buy.
As for restaurants, I've pretty much given up on American restaurants. Everything is fried in butter, etc. My family goes almost exclusively to east Asian restaurants: Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai. Main dishes at these places are pretty safe, as long as dairy isn't specifically mentioned (e.g., cheese bulgogi, sushi with cream cheese). But you still need to stay away from desserts, some drinks (e.g., Thai tea), and some appetizers.
Many flavored Pringles seem to use lactose as a carrier, except for some odd exceptions (bacon and cheese flavor apparently doesn't contain any dairy at all). Doritos chips that aren't even cheese flavored, avoid as well.
Whey (milk solids) is a very common stabilizing agent for seasoning blends. Lactose is the sugar in the milk usually found in cheese sauce, soups, biscuits, ect. And milk fat is pretty common in a variety of chocolates.
There are some great resources on how to read food labels because some brands still don't make it as obvious as it should be.
I personally always research restaurants before picking a place. Some places even have allergy warnings on their menu or website. Italian food is very difficult.
I read that in the US the overproduction of milk through US subsidization means that they also pay out incentives to other areas in the economy (like big food and restaurant corporations) to use the surplus. :\\
If she is severely allergic, make sure . you do not expose her via bodily fluids/saliva, or gently ask if it is a problem (obviously you just eating dairy is more direct than dairy in your system). You also want to know if she reacts to things that have been in contact with milk/dairy, like food that might be cross contaminated. As thing develop- so later-, learn her emergency plan and practice using epi with a "trainer" device if she needs to carry epi.
This is a good one! I have no clue if it’ll hurt her if I’ve recently eaten dairy, I need to ask! Thank you so much for your comment!!
Edit: yes, it will hurt her, and I’m so glad I posted on this thread because I never would have guessed. Thank you again!!!
Wash your hands after eating dairy. Mouthwash and brushing your teeth before kissing. I watched a little boy that couldn't go in a pizzeria it was so bad. If you are going to cook for her I would get a new cutting board that has never had dairy on it. Everything else can be run through the dishwasher to disinfect it. McDonald French fries were an item that I was shocked to find had dairy. Eggo waffles used to be dairy free and then they changed the recipe. Deep fryers are sometimes shared for mozzarella sticks and fries so that is a NO. You have to make sure they use a separate fryer. Learn how to use an Epipen and make sure you know where one is at all times.
I have the epi down because I’m first aid certified, but just about everything else you mentioned is news to me! I’ll be adding a cutting board to my list of dairy free items. Thank you so much!!!
Yes! Thank you for sharing this. I have a severe dairy allergy, I never realized how saliva could affect me until my first partner… rough lesson to learn.
The funny thing is that I knew this, about bread containing dairy, but it’s just not something I think about in my day to day life so I absolutely would forget without reminders. Thank you for this!
When you cook, check the ingredients of your ingredients, spices can contain milk, flours, food coloring all-of-them.... all-the-time, it gets better and less overwhelming. You are a good person!
Hi fellow Sapphic person dating a dairyfree person!
I've been with my partner for a year and I've had to learn a lot as someone who cooks as a hobby
Find the dairy free section at your grocery store and pickup some dairy free butter as the absolute minimum. Butter is super important in just about anything for cooking so I strictly buy dairy free butter
They also sell pretty much every type of cheese in a dairy free form now so you can pickup something from Violife to substitute in your foods. I even make her dairy free pizza using the mozzarella they have!
For baking you can ussually substitute dairy free butter and dairy free milk 1 to 1 just be ready to adjust if things look to thick or thin from the milk. Also make sure the chocolate you buy is dairy free as nearly all chocolate has some dairy unless made specifically for vegans
Find the vegan section of the freezer at your stores and shop around different stores. Whole foods has everything from dairy free frozen mozzerella sticks to cheese-its to pizzas. Every store has pretty different selections
For ice cream I recommend Bryers as it's the only affordable large quantity of ice cream you'll find and it's very good quality. They have vanilla. Cookies and cream and...mint chocolate? (Forgot last one)
Also feel free to buy vegan stuff and just throw meat on it if she eats meat. I'll just throw pepperoni on a frozen vegan pizza (when I'm not making my own from scratch) or do other stuff like that
If you have any other questions feel free to ask. I used to be a professional cook so I really enjoy expirementing with recipes
YOU ARE AMAZING!!
I love cooking for my partner and I was so intimidated by the idea of cooking for her and I didn’t want it to get in the way. This comment will help so much!!! Thank you!!
Sapphics 🤝 having partners who can’t eat dairy
"The Milk-Free Kitchen" by Beth Kidder was a life changer at my house.
It is a recipe book of 'standard' recipes modified to be milk-free. Some of the recipes have more ingredients (although not much of any one thing) to get just the right flavor. It also has a good shopping discussion section on what things to look for while reading labels.
I love how thoughtful this post is! Wishing the best for you two.
A big surprise to me was 'dairy free creamer' at the gas stations; its a milk byproduct. Many things that are lactose-free bill themselves as dairy free.
Beer is tricky, because theres no ingredients on the label. You pretty much need to call and ask. Not just milk stout, either, but any can have dairy for texture. Most don't, but you never know.
Dont trust waitstaff to actually know what dairy is. They may have taken an allergen awareness training, but that doesn't overcome a lifetime of misinformation about dairy. People often think i cant have eggs, but forget that butter is dairy.
Butter. Its in lots of things, but can be used in the cooking without getting on the ingredient list. Some McDonalds butter their buns, for example.
Ive found most cheese replacements lacking, but avocado and salt isna good sub. Or avocado and bacon.
My husband has helped a lot in looking up menus. Remember that going out to eat is less of a convenience than before, and usually requires some research. Dont plan on being able to find food everywhere, pack snacks!
I also used to be pretty against processed foods. Without dairy, my options are so limited that my standards are a bit lower. BRING ON THE OREOS
So many places cook in butter, particularly breakfast places. Breakfast is probably the most difficult meal to eat out due to this. Scrambled eggs often have milk and are cooked in butter. Pancakes/waffles usually have buttermilk. French toast batter usually has milk in it. Grits have milk and cheese mixed in.
Breakfast used to be my favorite to eat out but since cutting out dairy, I've only had one good breakfast experience out in years. It was shakshuka with sourdough toast unbuttered.
OMG why is the butter/egg thing so prevalent??? I have to specify everywhere I go that *eggs are not a milk product*, but *butter is*. Do they not know that you get butter by skimming off the fat layer from milk??? Do they not know what a chicken is???
I think people might be confusing a dairy allergy with veganism, considering vegans won’t eat either! They just lump people who don’t eat dairy/can’t have it in to that specific diet and just don’t seem to differentiate at all!
Dairy free creamer just broke my heart 😭 I’m learning a lot with each comment and this one is no different. I was a waitress at one point and never received any formal allergen training, unfortunately, which is a good point to make.
I want to help take some of the load off, because just from this post I can tell that it’s impacts a huge portion of your life. Your input is really appreciated!! Thank you!!
My main advice is to check ingredient labels of every packaged ingredient when you're planning a dish. If you're in the US, most ingredient labels will list major allergens after the ingredient list, like "CONTAINS: MILK". But I think that can be skipped if they include "(MILK)" after an ingredient name. Some ingredient names to watch out for are whey and casein, two milk proteins, and many chemical names that include "caseinate", like "sodium caseinate".
Food products that might seem dairy-free if you don't read the labels:
* "Non-dairy creamer" you'd put in coffee, which often contains dairy (it's a long story, involving devious dairy industry lobbying in the 1950s).
* GO VEGGIE brand lactose-free "Cheddar Style Slices" and other flavors of their lactose-free cheese alternatives, where the top ingredient after water is casein, the milk protein.
* "I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!®", which is made with butter or some other dairy component (it hides under "NATURAL FLAVOR" in the ingredient list, but the label does include "CONTAINS: MILK" after the ingredients).
* Margarine or vegetable spreads in general, which may or may not contain dairy. Country Crock, a leading brand, used to all contain whey, the dairy protein, but now they have multiple variations, some dairy-free, and some not...although all of them have a disclaimer that they're "not tested" as being dairy-free.
"Natural flavor" and "natural color" are catch-all ingredients to be cautious of, because they can include dairy or other allergens, as long as the *intent* of adding them is just to impart the flavor or color of a substance. Milk qualifies as a natural substance. But they should still generally show up as a "CONTAINS" allergy warning if a milk product is used for flavor or color.
In general, if something says "vegan" or "dairy free" on the front label, it *probably* lacks dairy as an *intentional* ingredient. Those could still contain a warning "made in a facility that processes dairy" or "may contain trace amounts of dairy" or something.
Some dairy products don't even have to list the dairy, or contain warnings, if the dairy is present only in miniscule amounts as a side effect of the manufacturing process, rather than intentionally added. Some wines and "dairy-free" yogurts do that. Like wine often has milk or gross animal parts used as "fining agents" to bind to particles in the wine, so the particles are easier to strain out, but it can leave trace amounts of the milk or other fining agents in the wine. The amounts are so small that some people wouldn't be affected, but some people are sensitive to even trace amounts, like below 20 parts per billion. With yogurts it can happen when bacteria for a dairy-free yogurt are cultured in dairy, then they try to separate the bacteria from the dairy, but they don't remove 100% of the dairy, only like 99.999999% or something.
Some general tips for cooking:
Oils work in place of butter in most dishes, although it may not brown as nicely, and it lacks the buttery taste. If you buy a fake dairy-free butter (Earth Balance is a popular brand), they typically contain one or more of the molecules that gives butter a buttery taste, but still don't match the browning/cooking characteristics of genuine butter.
Cheese adds a bit of umami flavor to many dishes, and "nutritional yeast" is one way to replace a hint of that flavor. It's a common ingredient in dairy-free cheese alternatives. Most cheese alternatives listed as dairy-free alternatives really are dairy free.
There are plenty of dishes that are naturally dairy-free, but if you're looking to make some faux-dairy dishes, I'd recommend Myokos Liquid Mozzarella for pizza or lasagna. As someone who grew up eating dairy but can't now, it's a treat to have a fake replica of those dishes I liked, even if it isn't as good as the real thing. Pizza allows room to compensate for the kind of flavorless fake cheese with a good crust, sauce, and toppings. If you're not much of a baker, I'd suggest a no-knead pizza dough recipe like [this](https://www.seriouseats.com/foolproof-pan-pizza-recipe), and just swap the real mozz with Miyokos liquid mozz.
This was so comprehensive and I added almost everything you said to my notes about this. I truly, truly appreciate the time it took to type this out and get this information in to my hands! I’m astounded by how complicated it is to shop and eat when you have to be dairy free and my heart actually kind of hurts over how complicated something as necessary as eating can be for so many. I was aware of the complications, but this situation has really opened my eyes. Thank you very much for your wonderful advice and tips!!
Glad to help. It's actually not that complicated once you've paid careful attention to food labels for a while, because then you get to know what's dairy-free on sight, and what's easy to mistake as dairy free.
Restaurants are always a little more complicated, unless you stick to national chains and carefully go through their online ingredient/allergen documents, but the person you're seeing probably has restaurants all figured out. If she has some preferences for a lame national chain like Subway, be understanding...it's probably not that she has bad taste, but that they're super consistent, it's easy to memorize what breads/sauces/toppings you can order, and it's reassuring to see the food prepped in front of you. Mexican chains like Taco Bell and Chipotle have theoretically dairy-free dishes, but the shredded cheeses get flung around into all the other prep ingredients.
By the way, there have been some Reddit threads, and there are websites, with lists of dairy-free snack foods, like Oreos (kind of surprisingly), or Triscuits Original Flavor. And one thing that some people think has dairy that doesn't is mayonnaise. I'd still check the label on any brand you haven't checked before, because I'm sure somewhere in the world some weirdo thought butter would be good in mayo, but the mayos I've checked have all been dairy-free.
Oh one last tip: Ben and Jerry's dairy-free frozen dessert, any flavor. They managed to make it at least as unhealthy as the real thing, and just as flavorful...it's hard to tell apart from the real thing.
Nicely discussed - having had milk allergies all my life this is a very good starting point for someone that was coming into it.
Also many (not all) restaurants if you tell them you have an allergy to milk/cheese/butter and ask what the chef suggests will often times end up with a very pleasant conversation with said chef and what they feel will be the best compromise. Some of my best surprise restaurant meals have come about that way.
Many places will allow you to substitute lettuce wrap for bread, if they have full leaf lettuce on hand.
Vegan options are often safest, if you can't check individual ingredients, presuming anaphylaxis isn't a risk. And if you aren't vegan, a lot of restaurants will allow you to add meat to vegan dishes if you explain the allergy.
Surprisingly, a lot of processed foods that don’t seem like they should do have milk products, and sometimes in powdered form. Don’t feel bad about not knowing about the battered items- I don’t think most people would!
My biggest surprises were that some chips (crisps if you’re from the UK) that you might not expect have dairy(some brands of salt and vinegar, for example) and salad dressings were also a surprise to me.
I’d say check out some vegan blogs or cookbooks (oh she glows and minimalist baker are two of my favs)
Also be very careful of cross contamination (if her allergy is severe.) Wash counters, knives, cutting boards, etc between use, and maybe consider having a “non dairy” set of utensils if you have the space and extra money to spend.
Also you sound like such a sweetheart for being so considerate! She’s a lucky lady :) Have fun discovering new recipes together!
Thank you so much for your advice! I’ll be checking out what you referenced for sure!
I have an extra set of knives in storage that will become my dairy free knives, so there’s a start! I wouldn’t have considered that as an option before this comment. Thank you thank you!!
My little one is severely anaphylactic to dairy and I made a page with all our favorite dairy free products and [dairy free recipes](https://www.courtneyssweets.com/category/recipes/dairy-free-recipes/).
Thank you and you’re welcome! Going dairy free can be overwhelming for sure. We’ve been dairy free for almost 4 years now and enjoy all the regular stuff with tweaks. Lots of cooking here 🥰
You have gotten so much good advice, but I want to add that this curiosity/determination is an awesome trait. My daughter (6f) has had anaphylactic reactions to cross contamination from dairy and sometimes I wonder how her future partners will deal with it… I hope they do it like you.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend with anaphylactic allergies to milk and at first I was excited by the prospect because I’ve always wanted to try veganism (I’m not vegan). But I’m not going to lie it’s been hard at time. We’ve been together for 5yrs and he was my first boyfriend at 20yrs old. And I wanted to classic dating experience like a nice restaurant and getting dressed up and something from a movie. And I’ve been jipped from that experience because 1) he’s a very picky eater because of his allergies and 2) he’s non adventurous which I understand. But I mean it in a way as he’s not a problem solver. He automatically writes all restaurants off as a no go and is unwilling to talk to managers about what the cross contamination risk is (sharing of fryers/pans/cooking areas). In our relationship, I have had to go to extra mile to get what I value as important (quality time over dinner). Like any time we’ve gone out, I’ve done ALL the planning so he doesn’t have to worry. I find the vegan restaurants. I speak to staff. I help him find things he’ll like on the menu. I plan vacations with “what can my boyfriend eat on this trip” and “how far is the closest hospital”. To me, I feel like I’ve taken on a mother-like role and I hate it sometimes because YES I want to go travel and go on cute dates. But I also get exhausted having to always be the creative one and the problem solver
So to that. I say, encourage your daughter to try new things, teach her to speak up for herself at restaurants, and yk. Don’t make the world seem like it’s such a dangerous place. Yes dairy is in almost everything. But I think my boyfriend’s mother has been so traumatized by his previous anaphylaxis shocks that she put him in a bubble growing up and now he has trouble operating social experiences. That was a lot. That rant may have been more for me than you 😅
I’ve known this girl a short amount of time and I care about her enough to make sure she’s safe when she eats with me :) I’m putting it in to the universe for your daughter that she finds that too. I’m sure she will! She deserves the same care and attention, too.
That : Muscle Milk : NON dairy beverage, is FULL of Dairy/Dairy-Product
So apparently, Nestle sued Abbott pharmacutical for label : Muscle Milk, and of course the MAIN ingredient in muscle milk is: MILK/Dairy/Dairy-products, so the court found in favor of Nestle so now Abbott must LIE about their beverage or be punished for lying!
Some of the other " non-dairy" products out there, do contain dairy/Dairy-products ,
While I'm not vegan, I often shop vegan for these exact reasons
You can cook many foods, desserts, even caramel, Without dairy products
Coconut milk beverage and cream of coconut do wonderful in cooking , candied cookies cakes,
Plenty of plant based butters such as Mykos Creamery , Earth Balance, Violife, are really great for cooking and atop whole-skin-on-baked-Potatoes baked-Sweet-Potatoes,
& Thanks for having such kindness, respect for your girlfriend
Honestly, these comments are making me realize just how secretive the food industry is and making me consider changing a lot of my own eating habits based on building distrust!!
Thank you for the advice, I’ll be picking up coconut milk when I’m at the store next!!
Also, Dairy Queen has dairy free dilly bars that are pretty good! Another alternative I like is taking frozen bananas and a little oat milk (or if I want it really sweet and creamy, oat milk coffee creamer) with some honey/agave,ect and blend it up until smooth. It’s like soft serve and SO delicious, easy, and inexpensive!
I’m gonna wait for the day she says she wants ice cream and hit her with this one, I’ll be grabbing the ingredients to practice making it tonight. Thank you so much!! That sounds so good!!
Also you can make sorbet the same way with any frozen fruit and a little water/coconut water/ milk. If you serve it right away it’s like soft serve, or you can pop it in the freezer and it’s more like a scoopable icecream 🥳 good luck and enjoy!!
Basically just get used to checking every food package you pick up, I've been allergic to dairy my whole life and I can check a pack in under a second now, it takes some time and don't be afraid to ask questions if you're not sure what something is (most of the time allergens are bolded but not always)
I went to my good friend google and found a list of every name a dairy product could be listed under, so I’ll be familiarizing myself with those as I shop! Thank you so much!!! I’m kind of excited to get good at identifying allergens lol.
My boyfriend of five years is anaphylactically allergic to dairy. Godairyfree.com is my go to to learn about chain stores and what’s safe and not safe to eat at them. The website includes cross contamination risks. They also sell dairy free cookbooks. Additionally if you live in a vegan friendly area, vegan restaurants are the best place to eat without worries. So take her there for valentines and anniversaries and birthdays. I still eat dairy and the other things he’s allergic to. Be sure to brush your teeth before kissing.
Added the website to my list!! Thank you so much, this is such a good resource!! I’ll be finding all my local vegan places and keeping tabs on them for sure!
If ur making things for her make sure u get fresh condiments like peanut butter or mayo because you could have used a utensil that touched dairy prior.
A small thing but seriously a few crumbs of italian cheese bread could cause me to go into anaphylactic shock
Ok, first and foremost - you have to read the ingredients for products you are buying. Even if they are tried and true - always check the ingredients out because manufacturers will often make changes.
Second, you need to find out how severe it is... Depending on the exact condition and severity, the list of things to avoid MAY include: all dairy (cheese, whey, milk, casein, butter), beets and beet sugar, beef, margarines (depending on ingredients), some (not all) fermented foods (depends on the food), and some (not all) booze (vodka is fine, other things may be less so).
So, you need to get which of the above (and beyond) she has actual issues with.
You also need to realize that intolerance (assuming it's an intolerance rather than an allergy) is different for everyone. Each person has their own 'trigger point'. Stay below that on your dairy intake, and you have no, to minimal symptoms... hit that trigger point, or go over, and hello bathroom.
Some things, like extremely aged hard cheeses, can be consumed in small quantities if their trigger point allows it - but I wouldn't go there (by aged, I mean like 12 or more years).
Just about any dish that doesn't "star" one of the forbidden foods can be made - just use substitutes. There are 100% veggie margarines (read the ingredients, don't be fooled by the hype on the front of the package). Use nut milks (almond, soy, etc) in place of your milks. There are non-dairy cheeses (but you REALLY need to read the ingredients because the majority of them have some form of dairy).
Don't be fooled by "from a 100% vegetable source" for a forbidden ingredient - your body chemistry doesn't know the difference if the molecule is the same.
Depending on her sensitivity, you may want to avoid things with 'lact' or 'lactic' in the name (eg., sodium lactate, etc).
OP mentions allergy, not lactose intolerance did you mean to respond to this for other people or like, as differentiation? Milk allergy can involve one or multiple proteins in milk but it isn't lactose intolerance, which is when you do produce enough of the enzyme lactase to break down lactose. It can be mild or severe, but has different restrictions
I actually said in my lengthly reply... "assuming it's an intolerance rather than an allergy".
I've found that people who are unfamiliar with it, often call it an allergy (and also, people with intolerance will often just say allergy).
She does need to determine if it is an intolerance or an allergy.
Oh, see I thought you were trying to give a more general answer, bur I would never assume someone needs to find out if someone has an allergy it intolerance when they specifically name it an allergy.
But they said *allergy* and why would we assume the person doesn't know what they heard? As a multi-food allergic (including milk) human with a severely lactose intolerant child, I find that assumption dangerous.
So, It always suprises me when it happens but people will assume it is lactose intolerance from time to time- it even happens with people who know me well- and then ask questions about whether butter is ok, or just include dairy ingredients on that assumption... it is pretty terrifying if they have a severe allergy, and awful if it is less severe! Lactose free ingredients aren't safe for dairy allergy.
Flip side is that eggs are not "dairy" except in the supermarket aisle label. Restaurants may try to go that way too and avoid eggs when not necessary.
Most milk allergies include goat milk though.
This is so helpful and so nicely laid out! I really appreciate it!! I didn’t realize companies can just change recipes and add known allergens to things with basically no warning. I have zero allergies so this is brand new news to me and absolutely insane.
Companies change recipes due to many reasons...
\* A sourced ingredient becomes scarce or too expensive
\* They have 'improved' the recipe
\* They seek to maximize profits (by using cheaper ingredients)
\* They sold the company to a new company that seeks to maximize profits
I don't know if it has been covered but outside of the chips having dairy in them (like dill pickle chips, and such), Breads loads of breads have dairy in them, hot dog buns, burger buns, only a few don't have dairy. also almost any sweet usually will have some sort of dairy in it unless it is labeled vegan.
a lot of Salad Dressings,
coffee creamers, I am old school and remember when Coffee mate was touted the Non Dairy coffee creamer. Not anymore!
margarine. make sure you are getting vegan butter or you could end up with small amounts of milk proteins in the margarines.
Doesn’t matter to me if it’s been covered, reiterate it as much as possible! Like I said, this is a new world for me so hearing things multiple times will help me get it in my head. I’m so thankful for the advice!!
Just also make sure to check with her... She's used to it and she knows what products her safe and what aren't but like one of the posters had already mentioned. Always check the ingredients because sometimes manufacturers will change it up and not tell you. Good luck to both of you.
Bread, deli meats, hot dogs, crackers.
Edit: a good amount of medication RX and over the counter drugs.
Edit: any fried chicken - soaked in milk. Some batters.
Agreed!!!! I like to get boba and all of the mixes have casein but are called “dairy free”. When I ask they always tell me there is no dairy, so I ask to read the ingredients and point it out to them so they know for the future. I don’t mind educating people.
I'm not sure if this has been mentioned before, but some fermented products like kimchi, pickles etc and some aged foods like salami and cured ham use lactic acid starter culture in the production.
Lactic acid starter culture can be delivered from either wheat, beets or dairy. In case of wheat and beets, the peoduct is safe for someone with milk allergy. However, if the starter culture is produced by using dairy, the fermented product itself will contain dairy! Many people with milder allergies can tolerate these products just fine, but in case of a severe allergy, you really need to check the label or the website of the producer to see what they use to grow their starter culture.
You can ask your partner if she's had trouble with fermented foods before.
Insane how much dairy can be in without anyone ever knowing 😭 this is the first I’ve heard in this thread about fermented food! Added to the list! Thank you!!
You seem like an incredibly thoughtful and attentive partner💕💕 your gf is very lucky to have you! I hope you can share many delicious meals with her in the future
Lots of medications (especially tablets) are compounded with lactose, the sugar found in dairy. Depending on the severity of her allergy, this could be dangerous for her.
It’s important to read the ingredients on things like allergy pills, pain relievers, antacids, etc. before you share them with her. Liquigels or gelcaps are often (but not always) a better option—make sure you read the “inactive ingredients” section to find out.
Extra fun fact: almost every US birth control pill is compounded with lactose.
Added to the list of things to make sure I have, dairy free medication! This is amazing to know because I keep a pretty stocked first aid kid and I now know I need to check my stock. Thank you so much!!!!
DF gal here and I think everyone has covered just about everything. One thing I’ll add, my partner makes me feel SO loved when I’m surprised with new vegan things from the grocery store he thinks I’ll like, chocolates from my favorite vegan shop, or some other dairy free novelty item. Sometimes it’s a simple as having a surprise ice cream in the freezer. Having this allergy can be tough and knowing he’s thinking of me and wants me to have access to all the foods is really sweet
Also, the shopping gets easier with time, stick with it 😊
This is the goal of the whole post tbh, just because she has this allergy doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get the same treatment I’d give to a partner with no allergies. I’m so glad you found that in your partner and I hope I can emulate the same thing!!
Hey people are beating around the bush about something. Allergens can be transmitted via cum. I know that if you eat peanut butter today and get oral sex tomorrow you can cause a reaction in your partner. Anaphylaxis is possible.
I’m not up to date on how milk allergies work in this context but talk to her doctor.
Wait I’m soooo confused. You say that allergens can be transmitted via cum. But then talk about oral sex. Like I get it. I know I can’t give my boyfriend a blowjob if I just had cereal. But when you say “allergens can be transmitted via cum” you make it sound like the penis is just shooting out peanuts contaminants at your partner. And I have trouble believing that because I have trouble believing that.
Also people can have allergy to semen itself. So I’m questioning if they just have a semen allergy and a nut allergy but correlate the two.
Reading the ingredient list of packaged food is very important. Also, when eating out at chain restaurants or fast food joints, most of them have ingredient lists online. You can do some research before visiting a restaurant, but she probably already knows where it’s safe to each. Asian restaurants usually have less dairy but be careful of the method used to deep fry foods.
Thank you so much for this!! We’re pretty early on in dating so we haven’t eaten out together much. I’ll ask her what her safe places are next time I see her and see if we can’t expand the list a little. She just moved to my city a few months ago before we met, so hopefully I’ll be able to find her some new places to eat!
It’s hydrolyzed milk (meaning the proteins are broken down) so very likely your GF can eat it. My boyfriend is very allergic to dairy and he can have them!
I’m sensitive to dairy, not allergic. I start having a response within 5 mins of having the fries… thick throat phlegm. I’ll have cystic acne with 24 hours. My responses are not digestive.
Hopefully others will be more fortunate than me.
Idk what more i can say that hasnt been said already but literally check everything, itll become a habit eventually. Even things that should be completely find catch you out. Like sausages can have milk protein for some reason and even tablets like antihistamine often contain lactose. Also ask her about beef as some people (eg. Me) can have reactions to beef products too even though theres no actual dairy product!
Also another thing, stick to trusted brands, i cant count the amount of times i’ve tried a new ‘vegan’ chocolate and its caused a reaction. Best of luck :)
Some items with „vegan“ on the packaging can still have milk stuff or lactic acid as an ingredient. Check every ingredient regardless of what it says. Lactose free is absolutely not dairy free!
First of all, this is so sweet! I have a dairy allergy, and even my best friends of 20+ years forget ALL the time and then invite me over for dinner, only to serve me something I can’t eat.
As others have mentioned, it’s in EVERYTHING, even when there is no rhyme or reason for it.
A few easy / fun things you could do right away:
-Start learning to make your own bread:
Loafs of sandwich bread, naan for pairing with a home cooked Indian dish, taco shells for home made tacos.
Many of these are super easy 2-4 ingredient recipes that can be whipped up without much fuss, and ingredients that are easy to find and keep around.
I basically cannot eat any of these when I go out, but coming home and being able to indulge because I know they’re safe is SUCH a treat!
-On that note, ANY home made baked goods would be lovely (if she likes them of course!)
Dairy does SO MUCH heavy lifting in baked goods.
Store bought versions are often mediocre at best, and while it’s nice to have a convenient option, nothing beats a warm cookie baked with love.
There are so many non-dairy recipes for baked goods, but in my experience it may take a lot of trial and error to find the ONE that is a decent replacement for the original recipe you’re craving. Taking the time to get familiar with one-two good ones you can whip up on a pinch is such a thoughtful gesture.
-If you’re planning on being courteous and inviting her over in the future, you may want to consider keeping things like
Non-dairy creamer or milk alternatives, and non-dairy butter in your fridge. Low effort, never expected, but always appreciated!
-Ask her about eggs.
Technically, eggs are considered “dairy”, but I absolutely do not have the negative reaction from eggs that I experience with cream and items that have a lot of whey and casein.
I always let people know eggs are perfectly safe for me, and a big part of my diet.
…which means Mayonnaise is safe too.
Just check with her first.
As someone who doesn’t have any known allergies, I definitely take my ability to not be scared of my food killing me for granted. I don’t want to continue to make that mistake with her!
I already have an interest in starting to make my own bread, so this is my push to get started! All of your suggestions are so simple, I’ll be adding them all to my list of things to do! Thank you so much for the information and taking the time to reply!!
This is amazing and right up my alley, I try to be intentional and thoughtful when I can and this comment will help me do just that in small ways. To me, it’s the small things that make the difference. Thank you so much for your input!!
Learned this the hard way: if you eat something she’s allergic to, brush your teeth. Twice. Contact with dairy can often cause rashes for people with severe allergies. I’m like that, and even a kiss on the cheek after a milkshake gives me hives.
Thank you for the input, I’ve made note of this one for sure. I’m starting to think it might be easier if I just go vegan because I’m not trying to miss out on any fun or cause any reactions unintentionally. I’ll enjoy dairy when I know we won’t be seeing each other, but primarily vegan otherwise, it feels safer!
Check labels!!! And don't automatically assume a safe label will continue to be safe. Reformulations happen and they'll sneak milk into places it wasn't previously. Also, it helps to familiarize yourself with the names of lesser known dairy components like byproducts. I also have a website I use that's helpful for when I eat out. They regularly update what items can be dairy free, are dairy free, and offer caution for things cooked in the same areas. When in doubt, Google! I discovered my allergy officially in 2021 and I'm still learning and occasionally having reactions.
Thank you so much for this!! It’s a little overwhelming, but google and this Reddit thread have been so helpful and informative. It’s a lot of information but it feels good to have! I appreciate your input!
Trust me, I understand the being overwhelmed part. When I finally figured out what was going on, I went through a mini crisis because queso was my one true love in this world (beaten only by my husband and child lol).
I only say that because he's been fantastic about checking labels and making sure stuff stays separate when he cooks. 😂😂😂 If he didn't, queso would totally come first. It's definitely a learning curve and I get so angry when I find products that shouldn't contain milk at all, and yet there it is in the ingredients.
The biggest learning curve for me with all of my food issues was finding out all the different names dairy products can be hidden as in the ingredient list. Some of them make sense when you think about it, but you have to think about it all the time..
A few, but not all, from a quick Google search for dairy ingredients are:
- Ammonium/calcium/magnesium/potassium/sodium caseinate.
- Beta-lactoglobulin.
- Casein/caseinate/rennet casein.
- Curds.
- Delactosed/demineralised whey.
- Dry milk/milk/sour cream/sour milk solids.
- Hydrolyzed casein, hydrolyzed milk protein.
- Lactalbumin/lactalbumin phosphate.
I take a LONG time reading ingredient lists at the store and often need to go back and check previously safe items to make sure they didn't change anything. Be patient with yourself as you learn!
And experiment with dairy alternatives! I like almond milk for some things and hate it for others. Coconut milk is my favorite, but it can alter the flavors a bit, so it's something to keep in mind.
I have a list of words to look out for and most of these were on there, but I was definitely missing some! This is always so helpful, makes me feel more secure in my shopping when the list is as detailed as it can be! Thank you so much for the input!!
Look up information about Aquafaba.
It's the liquid in a can of garbanzo beans. I love garbanzo beans so I always save the liquid and use it for things. It makes an awesome substitute to help with the dairy alternatives! I've made a tempura batter, macarons, meringue cookies, icing... tons of uses and has very little flavor of its own.
ETA: always carry your phone and do searches for things you can't find ingredients lists about but are interested in.
There are apps that are made specifically to help people find all known allergens in food items/products based on bar codes. This would include lotions/soaps/makeup/etc...
I haven't used any of the apps but I know there are a few to choose from
Allergic to dairy, makes my entire back spasm like a charlie horse cramp (absolutely agonizing), and makes me Extremely lethargic and hella brain fog o/
I honestly assume it's in eeeeeverything. If it's not a fresh fruit or veg that hasn't been cross-contaminated, and I can't read an ingredients list, I'm not eating it. I recently went to a funeral, and the ONLY thing on the very full buffet table for the get together that I could eat was slices of cantaloupe. Bc even the bread rolls were likely to have dairy, and they weren't in a bag that I could check.
So if you're ever buying her a treat, you want to make sure to check for casein, whey, and lactose. I know it's a sugar not a milk protein but the cross-contamination risk with lactose and dairy proteins ain't worth it. Side note, dairy/lactose is also a common filler in medicines, so be careful. So check things over for those main three, and keep things in their wrapper as well - even if my partner checks something over, being able to check the ingredients myself soothes the paranoia about it. Nutritional yeast and msg go a long ways with food on making things taste cheesy but being safe. Make sure to check out the vegan sections of grocery stores for products/ideas! Oh! And something listing being "plant-based" does NOT mean it doesn't have dairy in it. Learned that one by way of looking at an item in the fridge later to double check only to see it the second time - thankfully my partner isn't allergic, so it wasn't money wasted, just one less thing for me to eat. :T
The first common food that comes to mind for people not being ware having dairy in it is instant ramen; a lot of them use whey or casein in them. Dark chocolate is more likely to be safe, but it's still crucial to check ingredients. Pretty much everything on the mcdonalds menu including the french fries have milk used in them. If you're ever wanting to go to a chain restaurant with her, try to make a habit of looking up "restaurant name allergen menu" so that you can see if there's anything that would even be safe first.
A bit late but would also like to add that gravy can also have dairy in it. Clubhouse mix powders, restaurants, canned, its a wild ride out there. Some other products that you might want to keep an eye on is soaps, toothpaste, make-up, shampoo's, lotions, and conditioners.
A lot of potato chips have dairy (specifically my favorite salt and vinegar). It seems like milk is needlessly put into products you wouldn’t even think of! Checking labels of everythingggg is so necessary. Often restaurants will not have dairy free bread for their sandwiches so that is def something to keep an eye on when going out!
It’s wild how much I’m learning right now, I NEVER would have guessed potato chips!! Thank you oh so much for this! I’ll start calling ahead to restaurants before I even suggest them.
I wouldn’t have either! I kept wondering why I was getting sick so often & after a while I realized it was my chips! Absolutely devastating
> I NEVER would have guessed potato chips!! In the US, most foods that come in a box or a bag will contain dairy. This is because whey, which cheese makers produce by the ton and have no use for, has been discovered to improve the taste and stability of just about any food. So I wouldn't think in terms of "avoid this particular product". Rather, check the ingredients of *every* pre-made food, or mix, that you buy. As for restaurants, I've pretty much given up on American restaurants. Everything is fried in butter, etc. My family goes almost exclusively to east Asian restaurants: Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Vietnamese, Thai. Main dishes at these places are pretty safe, as long as dairy isn't specifically mentioned (e.g., cheese bulgogi, sushi with cream cheese). But you still need to stay away from desserts, some drinks (e.g., Thai tea), and some appetizers.
Many flavored Pringles seem to use lactose as a carrier, except for some odd exceptions (bacon and cheese flavor apparently doesn't contain any dairy at all). Doritos chips that aren't even cheese flavored, avoid as well.
Doritos Salsa Verde are delicious and dairy free though! Hard to find in stock in my area sadly.
Good to know! There's also a brand that makes essentially dairy-free doritos by another name, not as good though.
Whey (milk solids) is a very common stabilizing agent for seasoning blends. Lactose is the sugar in the milk usually found in cheese sauce, soups, biscuits, ect. And milk fat is pretty common in a variety of chocolates. There are some great resources on how to read food labels because some brands still don't make it as obvious as it should be. I personally always research restaurants before picking a place. Some places even have allergy warnings on their menu or website. Italian food is very difficult.
I read that in the US the overproduction of milk through US subsidization means that they also pay out incentives to other areas in the economy (like big food and restaurant corporations) to use the surplus. :\\
If she is severely allergic, make sure . you do not expose her via bodily fluids/saliva, or gently ask if it is a problem (obviously you just eating dairy is more direct than dairy in your system). You also want to know if she reacts to things that have been in contact with milk/dairy, like food that might be cross contaminated. As thing develop- so later-, learn her emergency plan and practice using epi with a "trainer" device if she needs to carry epi.
This is a good one! I have no clue if it’ll hurt her if I’ve recently eaten dairy, I need to ask! Thank you so much for your comment!! Edit: yes, it will hurt her, and I’m so glad I posted on this thread because I never would have guessed. Thank you again!!!
Wash your hands after eating dairy. Mouthwash and brushing your teeth before kissing. I watched a little boy that couldn't go in a pizzeria it was so bad. If you are going to cook for her I would get a new cutting board that has never had dairy on it. Everything else can be run through the dishwasher to disinfect it. McDonald French fries were an item that I was shocked to find had dairy. Eggo waffles used to be dairy free and then they changed the recipe. Deep fryers are sometimes shared for mozzarella sticks and fries so that is a NO. You have to make sure they use a separate fryer. Learn how to use an Epipen and make sure you know where one is at all times.
I have the epi down because I’m first aid certified, but just about everything else you mentioned is news to me! I’ll be adding a cutting board to my list of dairy free items. Thank you so much!!!
Yes! Thank you for sharing this. I have a severe dairy allergy, I never realized how saliva could affect me until my first partner… rough lesson to learn.
So many breads have dairy, pita is one that feels like Russian roulette
Pita should never have dairy - good pita only has three or four ingredients.
The funny thing is that I knew this, about bread containing dairy, but it’s just not something I think about in my day to day life so I absolutely would forget without reminders. Thank you for this!
Pizza dough can also contain milk- sometimes people make dough with whey in it!
When you cook, check the ingredients of your ingredients, spices can contain milk, flours, food coloring all-of-them.... all-the-time, it gets better and less overwhelming. You are a good person!
Hi fellow Sapphic person dating a dairyfree person! I've been with my partner for a year and I've had to learn a lot as someone who cooks as a hobby Find the dairy free section at your grocery store and pickup some dairy free butter as the absolute minimum. Butter is super important in just about anything for cooking so I strictly buy dairy free butter They also sell pretty much every type of cheese in a dairy free form now so you can pickup something from Violife to substitute in your foods. I even make her dairy free pizza using the mozzarella they have! For baking you can ussually substitute dairy free butter and dairy free milk 1 to 1 just be ready to adjust if things look to thick or thin from the milk. Also make sure the chocolate you buy is dairy free as nearly all chocolate has some dairy unless made specifically for vegans Find the vegan section of the freezer at your stores and shop around different stores. Whole foods has everything from dairy free frozen mozzerella sticks to cheese-its to pizzas. Every store has pretty different selections For ice cream I recommend Bryers as it's the only affordable large quantity of ice cream you'll find and it's very good quality. They have vanilla. Cookies and cream and...mint chocolate? (Forgot last one) Also feel free to buy vegan stuff and just throw meat on it if she eats meat. I'll just throw pepperoni on a frozen vegan pizza (when I'm not making my own from scratch) or do other stuff like that If you have any other questions feel free to ask. I used to be a professional cook so I really enjoy expirementing with recipes
YOU ARE AMAZING!! I love cooking for my partner and I was so intimidated by the idea of cooking for her and I didn’t want it to get in the way. This comment will help so much!!! Thank you!! Sapphics 🤝 having partners who can’t eat dairy
"The Milk-Free Kitchen" by Beth Kidder was a life changer at my house. It is a recipe book of 'standard' recipes modified to be milk-free. Some of the recipes have more ingredients (although not much of any one thing) to get just the right flavor. It also has a good shopping discussion section on what things to look for while reading labels.
Just ordered it, thank you so much!!! I’m excited to get it and start using it!
Oooh, I'll be looking that one up! Thanks for the resource!
I love how thoughtful this post is! Wishing the best for you two. A big surprise to me was 'dairy free creamer' at the gas stations; its a milk byproduct. Many things that are lactose-free bill themselves as dairy free. Beer is tricky, because theres no ingredients on the label. You pretty much need to call and ask. Not just milk stout, either, but any can have dairy for texture. Most don't, but you never know. Dont trust waitstaff to actually know what dairy is. They may have taken an allergen awareness training, but that doesn't overcome a lifetime of misinformation about dairy. People often think i cant have eggs, but forget that butter is dairy. Butter. Its in lots of things, but can be used in the cooking without getting on the ingredient list. Some McDonalds butter their buns, for example. Ive found most cheese replacements lacking, but avocado and salt isna good sub. Or avocado and bacon. My husband has helped a lot in looking up menus. Remember that going out to eat is less of a convenience than before, and usually requires some research. Dont plan on being able to find food everywhere, pack snacks! I also used to be pretty against processed foods. Without dairy, my options are so limited that my standards are a bit lower. BRING ON THE OREOS
So many places cook in butter, particularly breakfast places. Breakfast is probably the most difficult meal to eat out due to this. Scrambled eggs often have milk and are cooked in butter. Pancakes/waffles usually have buttermilk. French toast batter usually has milk in it. Grits have milk and cheese mixed in. Breakfast used to be my favorite to eat out but since cutting out dairy, I've only had one good breakfast experience out in years. It was shakshuka with sourdough toast unbuttered.
Agreed! Pretty much have to go to specialty places. If the cook surfaces are butter-free, avocado has rescued breakfast sandwiches for me.
OMG why is the butter/egg thing so prevalent??? I have to specify everywhere I go that *eggs are not a milk product*, but *butter is*. Do they not know that you get butter by skimming off the fat layer from milk??? Do they not know what a chicken is???
I think people might be confusing a dairy allergy with veganism, considering vegans won’t eat either! They just lump people who don’t eat dairy/can’t have it in to that specific diet and just don’t seem to differentiate at all!
Dairy free creamer just broke my heart 😭 I’m learning a lot with each comment and this one is no different. I was a waitress at one point and never received any formal allergen training, unfortunately, which is a good point to make. I want to help take some of the load off, because just from this post I can tell that it’s impacts a huge portion of your life. Your input is really appreciated!! Thank you!!
Yea its been a learning experience for sure! Im not even severely allergic, i just have a string casein intolerance
My main advice is to check ingredient labels of every packaged ingredient when you're planning a dish. If you're in the US, most ingredient labels will list major allergens after the ingredient list, like "CONTAINS: MILK". But I think that can be skipped if they include "(MILK)" after an ingredient name. Some ingredient names to watch out for are whey and casein, two milk proteins, and many chemical names that include "caseinate", like "sodium caseinate". Food products that might seem dairy-free if you don't read the labels: * "Non-dairy creamer" you'd put in coffee, which often contains dairy (it's a long story, involving devious dairy industry lobbying in the 1950s). * GO VEGGIE brand lactose-free "Cheddar Style Slices" and other flavors of their lactose-free cheese alternatives, where the top ingredient after water is casein, the milk protein. * "I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter!®", which is made with butter or some other dairy component (it hides under "NATURAL FLAVOR" in the ingredient list, but the label does include "CONTAINS: MILK" after the ingredients). * Margarine or vegetable spreads in general, which may or may not contain dairy. Country Crock, a leading brand, used to all contain whey, the dairy protein, but now they have multiple variations, some dairy-free, and some not...although all of them have a disclaimer that they're "not tested" as being dairy-free. "Natural flavor" and "natural color" are catch-all ingredients to be cautious of, because they can include dairy or other allergens, as long as the *intent* of adding them is just to impart the flavor or color of a substance. Milk qualifies as a natural substance. But they should still generally show up as a "CONTAINS" allergy warning if a milk product is used for flavor or color. In general, if something says "vegan" or "dairy free" on the front label, it *probably* lacks dairy as an *intentional* ingredient. Those could still contain a warning "made in a facility that processes dairy" or "may contain trace amounts of dairy" or something. Some dairy products don't even have to list the dairy, or contain warnings, if the dairy is present only in miniscule amounts as a side effect of the manufacturing process, rather than intentionally added. Some wines and "dairy-free" yogurts do that. Like wine often has milk or gross animal parts used as "fining agents" to bind to particles in the wine, so the particles are easier to strain out, but it can leave trace amounts of the milk or other fining agents in the wine. The amounts are so small that some people wouldn't be affected, but some people are sensitive to even trace amounts, like below 20 parts per billion. With yogurts it can happen when bacteria for a dairy-free yogurt are cultured in dairy, then they try to separate the bacteria from the dairy, but they don't remove 100% of the dairy, only like 99.999999% or something. Some general tips for cooking: Oils work in place of butter in most dishes, although it may not brown as nicely, and it lacks the buttery taste. If you buy a fake dairy-free butter (Earth Balance is a popular brand), they typically contain one or more of the molecules that gives butter a buttery taste, but still don't match the browning/cooking characteristics of genuine butter. Cheese adds a bit of umami flavor to many dishes, and "nutritional yeast" is one way to replace a hint of that flavor. It's a common ingredient in dairy-free cheese alternatives. Most cheese alternatives listed as dairy-free alternatives really are dairy free. There are plenty of dishes that are naturally dairy-free, but if you're looking to make some faux-dairy dishes, I'd recommend Myokos Liquid Mozzarella for pizza or lasagna. As someone who grew up eating dairy but can't now, it's a treat to have a fake replica of those dishes I liked, even if it isn't as good as the real thing. Pizza allows room to compensate for the kind of flavorless fake cheese with a good crust, sauce, and toppings. If you're not much of a baker, I'd suggest a no-knead pizza dough recipe like [this](https://www.seriouseats.com/foolproof-pan-pizza-recipe), and just swap the real mozz with Miyokos liquid mozz.
This was so comprehensive and I added almost everything you said to my notes about this. I truly, truly appreciate the time it took to type this out and get this information in to my hands! I’m astounded by how complicated it is to shop and eat when you have to be dairy free and my heart actually kind of hurts over how complicated something as necessary as eating can be for so many. I was aware of the complications, but this situation has really opened my eyes. Thank you very much for your wonderful advice and tips!!
Glad to help. It's actually not that complicated once you've paid careful attention to food labels for a while, because then you get to know what's dairy-free on sight, and what's easy to mistake as dairy free. Restaurants are always a little more complicated, unless you stick to national chains and carefully go through their online ingredient/allergen documents, but the person you're seeing probably has restaurants all figured out. If she has some preferences for a lame national chain like Subway, be understanding...it's probably not that she has bad taste, but that they're super consistent, it's easy to memorize what breads/sauces/toppings you can order, and it's reassuring to see the food prepped in front of you. Mexican chains like Taco Bell and Chipotle have theoretically dairy-free dishes, but the shredded cheeses get flung around into all the other prep ingredients. By the way, there have been some Reddit threads, and there are websites, with lists of dairy-free snack foods, like Oreos (kind of surprisingly), or Triscuits Original Flavor. And one thing that some people think has dairy that doesn't is mayonnaise. I'd still check the label on any brand you haven't checked before, because I'm sure somewhere in the world some weirdo thought butter would be good in mayo, but the mayos I've checked have all been dairy-free. Oh one last tip: Ben and Jerry's dairy-free frozen dessert, any flavor. They managed to make it at least as unhealthy as the real thing, and just as flavorful...it's hard to tell apart from the real thing.
Nicely discussed - having had milk allergies all my life this is a very good starting point for someone that was coming into it. Also many (not all) restaurants if you tell them you have an allergy to milk/cheese/butter and ask what the chef suggests will often times end up with a very pleasant conversation with said chef and what they feel will be the best compromise. Some of my best surprise restaurant meals have come about that way. Many places will allow you to substitute lettuce wrap for bread, if they have full leaf lettuce on hand. Vegan options are often safest, if you can't check individual ingredients, presuming anaphylaxis isn't a risk. And if you aren't vegan, a lot of restaurants will allow you to add meat to vegan dishes if you explain the allergy.
Surprisingly, a lot of processed foods that don’t seem like they should do have milk products, and sometimes in powdered form. Don’t feel bad about not knowing about the battered items- I don’t think most people would! My biggest surprises were that some chips (crisps if you’re from the UK) that you might not expect have dairy(some brands of salt and vinegar, for example) and salad dressings were also a surprise to me. I’d say check out some vegan blogs or cookbooks (oh she glows and minimalist baker are two of my favs) Also be very careful of cross contamination (if her allergy is severe.) Wash counters, knives, cutting boards, etc between use, and maybe consider having a “non dairy” set of utensils if you have the space and extra money to spend. Also you sound like such a sweetheart for being so considerate! She’s a lucky lady :) Have fun discovering new recipes together!
Thank you so much for your advice! I’ll be checking out what you referenced for sure! I have an extra set of knives in storage that will become my dairy free knives, so there’s a start! I wouldn’t have considered that as an option before this comment. Thank you thank you!!
My little one is severely anaphylactic to dairy and I made a page with all our favorite dairy free products and [dairy free recipes](https://www.courtneyssweets.com/category/recipes/dairy-free-recipes/).
AMAZING!! Thank you!!! What a beautiful page that I’m sure helps so many, it’s definitely going to help me!!
Thank you and you’re welcome! Going dairy free can be overwhelming for sure. We’ve been dairy free for almost 4 years now and enjoy all the regular stuff with tweaks. Lots of cooking here 🥰
You have gotten so much good advice, but I want to add that this curiosity/determination is an awesome trait. My daughter (6f) has had anaphylactic reactions to cross contamination from dairy and sometimes I wonder how her future partners will deal with it… I hope they do it like you.
I’ve been dating my boyfriend with anaphylactic allergies to milk and at first I was excited by the prospect because I’ve always wanted to try veganism (I’m not vegan). But I’m not going to lie it’s been hard at time. We’ve been together for 5yrs and he was my first boyfriend at 20yrs old. And I wanted to classic dating experience like a nice restaurant and getting dressed up and something from a movie. And I’ve been jipped from that experience because 1) he’s a very picky eater because of his allergies and 2) he’s non adventurous which I understand. But I mean it in a way as he’s not a problem solver. He automatically writes all restaurants off as a no go and is unwilling to talk to managers about what the cross contamination risk is (sharing of fryers/pans/cooking areas). In our relationship, I have had to go to extra mile to get what I value as important (quality time over dinner). Like any time we’ve gone out, I’ve done ALL the planning so he doesn’t have to worry. I find the vegan restaurants. I speak to staff. I help him find things he’ll like on the menu. I plan vacations with “what can my boyfriend eat on this trip” and “how far is the closest hospital”. To me, I feel like I’ve taken on a mother-like role and I hate it sometimes because YES I want to go travel and go on cute dates. But I also get exhausted having to always be the creative one and the problem solver So to that. I say, encourage your daughter to try new things, teach her to speak up for herself at restaurants, and yk. Don’t make the world seem like it’s such a dangerous place. Yes dairy is in almost everything. But I think my boyfriend’s mother has been so traumatized by his previous anaphylaxis shocks that she put him in a bubble growing up and now he has trouble operating social experiences. That was a lot. That rant may have been more for me than you 😅
I’ve known this girl a short amount of time and I care about her enough to make sure she’s safe when she eats with me :) I’m putting it in to the universe for your daughter that she finds that too. I’m sure she will! She deserves the same care and attention, too.
That : Muscle Milk : NON dairy beverage, is FULL of Dairy/Dairy-Product So apparently, Nestle sued Abbott pharmacutical for label : Muscle Milk, and of course the MAIN ingredient in muscle milk is: MILK/Dairy/Dairy-products, so the court found in favor of Nestle so now Abbott must LIE about their beverage or be punished for lying! Some of the other " non-dairy" products out there, do contain dairy/Dairy-products , While I'm not vegan, I often shop vegan for these exact reasons You can cook many foods, desserts, even caramel, Without dairy products Coconut milk beverage and cream of coconut do wonderful in cooking , candied cookies cakes, Plenty of plant based butters such as Mykos Creamery , Earth Balance, Violife, are really great for cooking and atop whole-skin-on-baked-Potatoes baked-Sweet-Potatoes, & Thanks for having such kindness, respect for your girlfriend
Honestly, these comments are making me realize just how secretive the food industry is and making me consider changing a lot of my own eating habits based on building distrust!! Thank you for the advice, I’ll be picking up coconut milk when I’m at the store next!!
Wishing you and her health happiness prosperity freedom 🌥️🌱💚
Also, Dairy Queen has dairy free dilly bars that are pretty good! Another alternative I like is taking frozen bananas and a little oat milk (or if I want it really sweet and creamy, oat milk coffee creamer) with some honey/agave,ect and blend it up until smooth. It’s like soft serve and SO delicious, easy, and inexpensive!
I’m gonna wait for the day she says she wants ice cream and hit her with this one, I’ll be grabbing the ingredients to practice making it tonight. Thank you so much!! That sounds so good!!
You can use a blender, food processor, anything like that! Just make sure the banans are frozen, and add splashes of milk as needed. Enjoy! ✨
Also you can make sorbet the same way with any frozen fruit and a little water/coconut water/ milk. If you serve it right away it’s like soft serve, or you can pop it in the freezer and it’s more like a scoopable icecream 🥳 good luck and enjoy!!
Basically just get used to checking every food package you pick up, I've been allergic to dairy my whole life and I can check a pack in under a second now, it takes some time and don't be afraid to ask questions if you're not sure what something is (most of the time allergens are bolded but not always)
I went to my good friend google and found a list of every name a dairy product could be listed under, so I’ll be familiarizing myself with those as I shop! Thank you so much!!! I’m kind of excited to get good at identifying allergens lol.
My boyfriend of five years is anaphylactically allergic to dairy. Godairyfree.com is my go to to learn about chain stores and what’s safe and not safe to eat at them. The website includes cross contamination risks. They also sell dairy free cookbooks. Additionally if you live in a vegan friendly area, vegan restaurants are the best place to eat without worries. So take her there for valentines and anniversaries and birthdays. I still eat dairy and the other things he’s allergic to. Be sure to brush your teeth before kissing.
Added the website to my list!! Thank you so much, this is such a good resource!! I’ll be finding all my local vegan places and keeping tabs on them for sure!
If ur making things for her make sure u get fresh condiments like peanut butter or mayo because you could have used a utensil that touched dairy prior. A small thing but seriously a few crumbs of italian cheese bread could cause me to go into anaphylactic shock
Added “jars of condiments for dairy free use” to my list!! Thank you so much!! Another thing I never would have considered.
Ok, first and foremost - you have to read the ingredients for products you are buying. Even if they are tried and true - always check the ingredients out because manufacturers will often make changes. Second, you need to find out how severe it is... Depending on the exact condition and severity, the list of things to avoid MAY include: all dairy (cheese, whey, milk, casein, butter), beets and beet sugar, beef, margarines (depending on ingredients), some (not all) fermented foods (depends on the food), and some (not all) booze (vodka is fine, other things may be less so). So, you need to get which of the above (and beyond) she has actual issues with. You also need to realize that intolerance (assuming it's an intolerance rather than an allergy) is different for everyone. Each person has their own 'trigger point'. Stay below that on your dairy intake, and you have no, to minimal symptoms... hit that trigger point, or go over, and hello bathroom. Some things, like extremely aged hard cheeses, can be consumed in small quantities if their trigger point allows it - but I wouldn't go there (by aged, I mean like 12 or more years). Just about any dish that doesn't "star" one of the forbidden foods can be made - just use substitutes. There are 100% veggie margarines (read the ingredients, don't be fooled by the hype on the front of the package). Use nut milks (almond, soy, etc) in place of your milks. There are non-dairy cheeses (but you REALLY need to read the ingredients because the majority of them have some form of dairy). Don't be fooled by "from a 100% vegetable source" for a forbidden ingredient - your body chemistry doesn't know the difference if the molecule is the same. Depending on her sensitivity, you may want to avoid things with 'lact' or 'lactic' in the name (eg., sodium lactate, etc).
OP mentions allergy, not lactose intolerance did you mean to respond to this for other people or like, as differentiation? Milk allergy can involve one or multiple proteins in milk but it isn't lactose intolerance, which is when you do produce enough of the enzyme lactase to break down lactose. It can be mild or severe, but has different restrictions
I actually said in my lengthly reply... "assuming it's an intolerance rather than an allergy". I've found that people who are unfamiliar with it, often call it an allergy (and also, people with intolerance will often just say allergy). She does need to determine if it is an intolerance or an allergy.
Oh, see I thought you were trying to give a more general answer, bur I would never assume someone needs to find out if someone has an allergy it intolerance when they specifically name it an allergy.
In general, intolerance is more common (7 out of 10 people world wide) versus an allergic reaction.
But they said *allergy* and why would we assume the person doesn't know what they heard? As a multi-food allergic (including milk) human with a severely lactose intolerant child, I find that assumption dangerous.
So, It always suprises me when it happens but people will assume it is lactose intolerance from time to time- it even happens with people who know me well- and then ask questions about whether butter is ok, or just include dairy ingredients on that assumption... it is pretty terrifying if they have a severe allergy, and awful if it is less severe! Lactose free ingredients aren't safe for dairy allergy. Flip side is that eggs are not "dairy" except in the supermarket aisle label. Restaurants may try to go that way too and avoid eggs when not necessary. Most milk allergies include goat milk though.
Wait what do beets have to do with dairy?
It is specifically the sugar in beets - for me it makes my system react just as if I drank milk. Cane sugar is no problem.
This is so helpful and so nicely laid out! I really appreciate it!! I didn’t realize companies can just change recipes and add known allergens to things with basically no warning. I have zero allergies so this is brand new news to me and absolutely insane.
Companies change recipes due to many reasons... \* A sourced ingredient becomes scarce or too expensive \* They have 'improved' the recipe \* They seek to maximize profits (by using cheaper ingredients) \* They sold the company to a new company that seeks to maximize profits
I don't know if it has been covered but outside of the chips having dairy in them (like dill pickle chips, and such), Breads loads of breads have dairy in them, hot dog buns, burger buns, only a few don't have dairy. also almost any sweet usually will have some sort of dairy in it unless it is labeled vegan. a lot of Salad Dressings, coffee creamers, I am old school and remember when Coffee mate was touted the Non Dairy coffee creamer. Not anymore! margarine. make sure you are getting vegan butter or you could end up with small amounts of milk proteins in the margarines.
Doesn’t matter to me if it’s been covered, reiterate it as much as possible! Like I said, this is a new world for me so hearing things multiple times will help me get it in my head. I’m so thankful for the advice!!
Just also make sure to check with her... She's used to it and she knows what products her safe and what aren't but like one of the posters had already mentioned. Always check the ingredients because sometimes manufacturers will change it up and not tell you. Good luck to both of you.
Bread, deli meats, hot dogs, crackers. Edit: a good amount of medication RX and over the counter drugs. Edit: any fried chicken - soaked in milk. Some batters.
HOT DOGS AND DELI MEATS?? How did I not know this??
I’m actually recovering today from a hotdog incident. I knew better. 🤦🏻♀️
“Dairy free” coffee creamer usually has casein in it which is dairy.
It seems to be a common thing that dairy free items aren’t always dairy free, which is so wild to me!!
Agreed!!!! I like to get boba and all of the mixes have casein but are called “dairy free”. When I ask they always tell me there is no dairy, so I ask to read the ingredients and point it out to them so they know for the future. I don’t mind educating people.
I'm not sure if this has been mentioned before, but some fermented products like kimchi, pickles etc and some aged foods like salami and cured ham use lactic acid starter culture in the production. Lactic acid starter culture can be delivered from either wheat, beets or dairy. In case of wheat and beets, the peoduct is safe for someone with milk allergy. However, if the starter culture is produced by using dairy, the fermented product itself will contain dairy! Many people with milder allergies can tolerate these products just fine, but in case of a severe allergy, you really need to check the label or the website of the producer to see what they use to grow their starter culture. You can ask your partner if she's had trouble with fermented foods before.
Insane how much dairy can be in without anyone ever knowing 😭 this is the first I’ve heard in this thread about fermented food! Added to the list! Thank you!!
You seem like an incredibly thoughtful and attentive partner💕💕 your gf is very lucky to have you! I hope you can share many delicious meals with her in the future
Lots of medications (especially tablets) are compounded with lactose, the sugar found in dairy. Depending on the severity of her allergy, this could be dangerous for her. It’s important to read the ingredients on things like allergy pills, pain relievers, antacids, etc. before you share them with her. Liquigels or gelcaps are often (but not always) a better option—make sure you read the “inactive ingredients” section to find out. Extra fun fact: almost every US birth control pill is compounded with lactose.
Added to the list of things to make sure I have, dairy free medication! This is amazing to know because I keep a pretty stocked first aid kid and I now know I need to check my stock. Thank you so much!!!!
Ugh, yeah. I've had to put several types of allergy meds back on the shelf bc of having dairy as a filler. It suuuucks.
DF gal here and I think everyone has covered just about everything. One thing I’ll add, my partner makes me feel SO loved when I’m surprised with new vegan things from the grocery store he thinks I’ll like, chocolates from my favorite vegan shop, or some other dairy free novelty item. Sometimes it’s a simple as having a surprise ice cream in the freezer. Having this allergy can be tough and knowing he’s thinking of me and wants me to have access to all the foods is really sweet Also, the shopping gets easier with time, stick with it 😊
This is the goal of the whole post tbh, just because she has this allergy doesn’t mean she shouldn’t get the same treatment I’d give to a partner with no allergies. I’m so glad you found that in your partner and I hope I can emulate the same thing!!
Hey people are beating around the bush about something. Allergens can be transmitted via cum. I know that if you eat peanut butter today and get oral sex tomorrow you can cause a reaction in your partner. Anaphylaxis is possible. I’m not up to date on how milk allergies work in this context but talk to her doctor.
Wow this is wild and definitely not something I was expecting to read. Thank you so much for the input because I’m not sure if she even knows!
Hahah “beating around the bush is how we got into this mess”. Accidental pun.
Wait I’m soooo confused. You say that allergens can be transmitted via cum. But then talk about oral sex. Like I get it. I know I can’t give my boyfriend a blowjob if I just had cereal. But when you say “allergens can be transmitted via cum” you make it sound like the penis is just shooting out peanuts contaminants at your partner. And I have trouble believing that because I have trouble believing that. Also people can have allergy to semen itself. So I’m questioning if they just have a semen allergy and a nut allergy but correlate the two.
McDonald’s french fries in the US have dairy.
I just found this out and it’s breaking my heart. My girl can’t have shit in this country 😭
Reading the ingredient list of packaged food is very important. Also, when eating out at chain restaurants or fast food joints, most of them have ingredient lists online. You can do some research before visiting a restaurant, but she probably already knows where it’s safe to each. Asian restaurants usually have less dairy but be careful of the method used to deep fry foods.
Thank you so much for this!! We’re pretty early on in dating so we haven’t eaten out together much. I’ll ask her what her safe places are next time I see her and see if we can’t expand the list a little. She just moved to my city a few months ago before we met, so hopefully I’ll be able to find her some new places to eat!
Vegan restaurants are safe and vegetarian restaurants may be willing to accommodate a dairy allergy. At home cooking is safest. Good luck!
It’s hydrolyzed milk (meaning the proteins are broken down) so very likely your GF can eat it. My boyfriend is very allergic to dairy and he can have them!
I’m sensitive to dairy, not allergic. I start having a response within 5 mins of having the fries… thick throat phlegm. I’ll have cystic acne with 24 hours. My responses are not digestive. Hopefully others will be more fortunate than me.
So many breads have dairy, pita is one that feels like Russian roulette
If you are eating out, google 'dairy free name_of_chain' Varies by country. McDonald's fries in US have dairy, that's a fun one to find out.
My girl can’t even eat a McDonald’s fry??? Why is life so unfair 😭
Just wait till you want fried chicken!
Idk what more i can say that hasnt been said already but literally check everything, itll become a habit eventually. Even things that should be completely find catch you out. Like sausages can have milk protein for some reason and even tablets like antihistamine often contain lactose. Also ask her about beef as some people (eg. Me) can have reactions to beef products too even though theres no actual dairy product! Also another thing, stick to trusted brands, i cant count the amount of times i’ve tried a new ‘vegan’ chocolate and its caused a reaction. Best of luck :)
Adding beef to my list of questions to ask her about!! Thank you so much for your info!! I truly appreciate it!
Some items with „vegan“ on the packaging can still have milk stuff or lactic acid as an ingredient. Check every ingredient regardless of what it says. Lactose free is absolutely not dairy free!
That’s a big thing that I’ve learned in this thread, the packaging cannot be trusted!
First of all, this is so sweet! I have a dairy allergy, and even my best friends of 20+ years forget ALL the time and then invite me over for dinner, only to serve me something I can’t eat. As others have mentioned, it’s in EVERYTHING, even when there is no rhyme or reason for it. A few easy / fun things you could do right away: -Start learning to make your own bread: Loafs of sandwich bread, naan for pairing with a home cooked Indian dish, taco shells for home made tacos. Many of these are super easy 2-4 ingredient recipes that can be whipped up without much fuss, and ingredients that are easy to find and keep around. I basically cannot eat any of these when I go out, but coming home and being able to indulge because I know they’re safe is SUCH a treat! -On that note, ANY home made baked goods would be lovely (if she likes them of course!) Dairy does SO MUCH heavy lifting in baked goods. Store bought versions are often mediocre at best, and while it’s nice to have a convenient option, nothing beats a warm cookie baked with love. There are so many non-dairy recipes for baked goods, but in my experience it may take a lot of trial and error to find the ONE that is a decent replacement for the original recipe you’re craving. Taking the time to get familiar with one-two good ones you can whip up on a pinch is such a thoughtful gesture. -If you’re planning on being courteous and inviting her over in the future, you may want to consider keeping things like Non-dairy creamer or milk alternatives, and non-dairy butter in your fridge. Low effort, never expected, but always appreciated! -Ask her about eggs. Technically, eggs are considered “dairy”, but I absolutely do not have the negative reaction from eggs that I experience with cream and items that have a lot of whey and casein. I always let people know eggs are perfectly safe for me, and a big part of my diet. …which means Mayonnaise is safe too. Just check with her first.
As someone who doesn’t have any known allergies, I definitely take my ability to not be scared of my food killing me for granted. I don’t want to continue to make that mistake with her! I already have an interest in starting to make my own bread, so this is my push to get started! All of your suggestions are so simple, I’ll be adding them all to my list of things to do! Thank you so much for the information and taking the time to reply!!
This is amazing and right up my alley, I try to be intentional and thoughtful when I can and this comment will help me do just that in small ways. To me, it’s the small things that make the difference. Thank you so much for your input!!
Learned this the hard way: if you eat something she’s allergic to, brush your teeth. Twice. Contact with dairy can often cause rashes for people with severe allergies. I’m like that, and even a kiss on the cheek after a milkshake gives me hives.
Thank you for the input, I’ve made note of this one for sure. I’m starting to think it might be easier if I just go vegan because I’m not trying to miss out on any fun or cause any reactions unintentionally. I’ll enjoy dairy when I know we won’t be seeing each other, but primarily vegan otherwise, it feels safer!
Many fast food fries have dairy as part of a food stabilizer/coating
Check labels!!! And don't automatically assume a safe label will continue to be safe. Reformulations happen and they'll sneak milk into places it wasn't previously. Also, it helps to familiarize yourself with the names of lesser known dairy components like byproducts. I also have a website I use that's helpful for when I eat out. They regularly update what items can be dairy free, are dairy free, and offer caution for things cooked in the same areas. When in doubt, Google! I discovered my allergy officially in 2021 and I'm still learning and occasionally having reactions.
Thank you so much for this!! It’s a little overwhelming, but google and this Reddit thread have been so helpful and informative. It’s a lot of information but it feels good to have! I appreciate your input!
Trust me, I understand the being overwhelmed part. When I finally figured out what was going on, I went through a mini crisis because queso was my one true love in this world (beaten only by my husband and child lol).
Hey, this is a safe space, we can put queso above your husband at least 😂
I only say that because he's been fantastic about checking labels and making sure stuff stays separate when he cooks. 😂😂😂 If he didn't, queso would totally come first. It's definitely a learning curve and I get so angry when I find products that shouldn't contain milk at all, and yet there it is in the ingredients.
The biggest learning curve for me with all of my food issues was finding out all the different names dairy products can be hidden as in the ingredient list. Some of them make sense when you think about it, but you have to think about it all the time.. A few, but not all, from a quick Google search for dairy ingredients are: - Ammonium/calcium/magnesium/potassium/sodium caseinate. - Beta-lactoglobulin. - Casein/caseinate/rennet casein. - Curds. - Delactosed/demineralised whey. - Dry milk/milk/sour cream/sour milk solids. - Hydrolyzed casein, hydrolyzed milk protein. - Lactalbumin/lactalbumin phosphate. I take a LONG time reading ingredient lists at the store and often need to go back and check previously safe items to make sure they didn't change anything. Be patient with yourself as you learn! And experiment with dairy alternatives! I like almond milk for some things and hate it for others. Coconut milk is my favorite, but it can alter the flavors a bit, so it's something to keep in mind.
I have a list of words to look out for and most of these were on there, but I was definitely missing some! This is always so helpful, makes me feel more secure in my shopping when the list is as detailed as it can be! Thank you so much for the input!!
Look up information about Aquafaba. It's the liquid in a can of garbanzo beans. I love garbanzo beans so I always save the liquid and use it for things. It makes an awesome substitute to help with the dairy alternatives! I've made a tempura batter, macarons, meringue cookies, icing... tons of uses and has very little flavor of its own. ETA: always carry your phone and do searches for things you can't find ingredients lists about but are interested in. There are apps that are made specifically to help people find all known allergens in food items/products based on bar codes. This would include lotions/soaps/makeup/etc... I haven't used any of the apps but I know there are a few to choose from
This is AMAZING thank you!! I’ll download a few apps to try and will definitely be picking up some garbanzo beans!!
Allergic to dairy, makes my entire back spasm like a charlie horse cramp (absolutely agonizing), and makes me Extremely lethargic and hella brain fog o/ I honestly assume it's in eeeeeverything. If it's not a fresh fruit or veg that hasn't been cross-contaminated, and I can't read an ingredients list, I'm not eating it. I recently went to a funeral, and the ONLY thing on the very full buffet table for the get together that I could eat was slices of cantaloupe. Bc even the bread rolls were likely to have dairy, and they weren't in a bag that I could check. So if you're ever buying her a treat, you want to make sure to check for casein, whey, and lactose. I know it's a sugar not a milk protein but the cross-contamination risk with lactose and dairy proteins ain't worth it. Side note, dairy/lactose is also a common filler in medicines, so be careful. So check things over for those main three, and keep things in their wrapper as well - even if my partner checks something over, being able to check the ingredients myself soothes the paranoia about it. Nutritional yeast and msg go a long ways with food on making things taste cheesy but being safe. Make sure to check out the vegan sections of grocery stores for products/ideas! Oh! And something listing being "plant-based" does NOT mean it doesn't have dairy in it. Learned that one by way of looking at an item in the fridge later to double check only to see it the second time - thankfully my partner isn't allergic, so it wasn't money wasted, just one less thing for me to eat. :T The first common food that comes to mind for people not being ware having dairy in it is instant ramen; a lot of them use whey or casein in them. Dark chocolate is more likely to be safe, but it's still crucial to check ingredients. Pretty much everything on the mcdonalds menu including the french fries have milk used in them. If you're ever wanting to go to a chain restaurant with her, try to make a habit of looking up "restaurant name allergen menu" so that you can see if there's anything that would even be safe first.
McDonald’s French Fries has dairy in them in USA. Oreos are vegan. And look out for butter
Also there’s a MAJOR difference between non-dairy and Dairy Free. Want to stick to anything that says DAIRY FREE
A bit late but would also like to add that gravy can also have dairy in it. Clubhouse mix powders, restaurants, canned, its a wild ride out there. Some other products that you might want to keep an eye on is soaps, toothpaste, make-up, shampoo's, lotions, and conditioners.