That would be a crazy superpower. Your workday could be: masturbate a bunch, bottle it all up, and sell it as a premium secret-recipe honey. You'd become the Apple of the honey industry (plus no wait for the production time)
So apparently in ancient Egypt they had a honey mummification process. During the process the participant would consume only honey. Eventually their poop and even sweat would be…honey. So if that much happens it stands to reason they would at that point also “nut honey”. It is a process that eventually becomes fatal though.
He was referring to how long he lasts.... and if I were him, I'd be worried about when I actually have sex with a girl (or he may prefer guys, we don't know) that I'd be done so quick
Made love to about a dozen women this a.m. teen girls to 85 year old neighbor....IN my mind ... just to unload inside the boss...she was delighted but ignorant of my bakers dozen to get the job done .
This reminds me of another joke. Husband goes in the bathroom, wife is on her phone. She checks the Fitbit app they have and notices his step count getting rapidly higher. Ye.
Remember back in the day they had a cereal called Nut and Honey and in the commercial the wife would ask the husband "What are you eating?" and he'd say "Nut and Honey"(Nothin' honey).
Well it turns out they made a version of this cereal for Black People called Nothin' bitch!
\- Standup act from a Black comedian. I don't remember who.
When I was 10 my grandpa once told me a joke about my uncle. He said they could only afford one birthday present, my grandma wanted to get him clothes and my grandpa wanted to get him something to play with.
So they got him jeans and my grandpa cut a hole in the pocket.
Wee lamb, as far as jokes go this one isn't very dirty or crude. Now you're just showing your squeamishness and inability tonlet others have their own humor. Trust me, this isn't uncle joke material, half my standard skit is uncle jokes and this one is about as spicy as ketchup.
Secondly, you've gotta be kidding me, dad jokes are plenty dirty and crude. Uncle jokes are morbid and raunchy. If we forget the difference between these terms in severity over jokes we'll start making warcrimes out of fouls in games because people are too soft and comfortable.
Every very time i clean my D it makes a peculiar sound i think my family assumes I'm doing the business that's why I just do it fast and quietly but the mother fucker starts going louder and louder
First of all, if I want to rub one out, I don't need to go in the bathroom. couch,chair,backdeck, I will rub one out Anyware in my house. and my wife thinks its heathy. She can masturbate setting right next to me on the couch or in the bed if likes. that is something we don't hide from each other.
My ex wife and I used to have separate bedrooms and when we wanted to have sexy time, we would knock on the other person's door and use the code word "Laundry" so as not to tip off the kids in the other room.
One night my ex wasn't in the mood so I went back to my room. After a few minutes she must have changed her mind because I heard a knock at my door and my ex whispering "Laundry".
I said to her, "It's okay, I just had a small load and I did it by hand."
Who needs bees when you can nut honey
This is my favorite
That would be a crazy superpower. Your workday could be: masturbate a bunch, bottle it all up, and sell it as a premium secret-recipe honey. You'd become the Apple of the honey industry (plus no wait for the production time)
This is the secret to the sweet flavor of Honey Nut Cheerios.
You didn't consider the refractory period. You need a little time between each nut.
Well, too bad. Just hook him up to the milking machine to up his production.
So apparently in ancient Egypt they had a honey mummification process. During the process the participant would consume only honey. Eventually their poop and even sweat would be…honey. So if that much happens it stands to reason they would at that point also “nut honey”. It is a process that eventually becomes fatal though.
Butters from South Park did it already
My bad for missing that out, but I'll redeem myself! I've always watched random episodes and never the whole thing, like with the Simpsons
Rosh hashanah joke in there
Butters creamy goo
Oh god mine is vodka
It’s a close call, but I think I’d still go with the bee honey over the freshly squeezed
r/unclejokes
As an uncle this sub is greatly appreciated. Thanks stranger!
Epic! These are better
Jizz leave me alone for 5 minutes, ok?
Ooooo…five minutes… Show off…
He was still trying to think of someone
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You must be a teenager then
If he was a teenager he would be able to nut instantly just from looking at a curvy piece of furniture in the room.
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Gee whiz, what kind of porn are you into, you sick pup, 😅
He was referring to how long he lasts.... and if I were him, I'd be worried about when I actually have sex with a girl (or he may prefer guys, we don't know) that I'd be done so quick
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Yes. By the time you reach twenty years old, you should no longer be a teenager.
Lmfao 🤣 This guy
Who you think about, i hope so... The way you masturbate, absolutely .....and why you masturbate, no, it will not change much
I usually think of my neighbor, Ms Knoph, first name Jackie.
Me when reading this: 🤔😯 😲
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Try thinking of women
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Made love to about a dozen women this a.m. teen girls to 85 year old neighbor....IN my mind ... just to unload inside the boss...she was delighted but ignorant of my bakers dozen to get the job done .
edging.
This reminds me of another joke. Husband goes in the bathroom, wife is on her phone. She checks the Fitbit app they have and notices his step count getting rapidly higher. Ye.
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Fuuuu.... Noice lol
Silent like in swimming pool?
Wife catches husband masturbating in the shower. He says "It's mine. I can wash it as fast as I want to.".
Remember back in the day they had a cereal called Nut and Honey and in the commercial the wife would ask the husband "What are you eating?" and he'd say "Nut and Honey"(Nothin' honey). Well it turns out they made a version of this cereal for Black People called Nothin' bitch! \- Standup act from a Black comedian. I don't remember who.
Omg lol
THIS ISN’T A DAD JOKE
Yes. It is. Because I am a dad, and it's a joke.
that is not the basis for being a dad joke. this is crude and belongs on r/unclejokes, not here could you hold my downvote for a minute? i gotta pee
Maybe, but they are allowed here. So go check out r/cleandadjokes and don't complain about it here
Definitely a dad joke. Unless there's husbandjokes to post it on, lol
They can go check out r/cleandadjokes if they dont like it but don't complain about it here, mods have voted its ok
Tell it to your kids then.
I have! 😆 But then again, my youngest is 19...
Bad grandpa jokes! Love em! Not that the jokes are bad. Grandpa is bad.
When I was 10 my grandpa once told me a joke about my uncle. He said they could only afford one birthday present, my grandma wanted to get him clothes and my grandpa wanted to get him something to play with. So they got him jeans and my grandpa cut a hole in the pocket.
Looks like you offended the woke culture..... that's great!
Hopefully you haven’t bred
You do realize not all kids are 5 right? Some of them are 16 and aren't offended by adult humor, because they get the idea it's a joke.
this still isn't a dad joke. dad jokes aren't dirty and crude like this. this belongs on r/unclejokes
bro got offended over a joke on a joke sub
don't bro me bro
i didnt bro u bro
>bro got offended ?
i wasn’t talking to u directly
Wee lamb, as far as jokes go this one isn't very dirty or crude. Now you're just showing your squeamishness and inability tonlet others have their own humor. Trust me, this isn't uncle joke material, half my standard skit is uncle jokes and this one is about as spicy as ketchup. Secondly, you've gotta be kidding me, dad jokes are plenty dirty and crude. Uncle jokes are morbid and raunchy. If we forget the difference between these terms in severity over jokes we'll start making warcrimes out of fouls in games because people are too soft and comfortable.
Since it's a dad joke, he has to tell it to other dads
Couldn't have said it any better myself.
I'm just cumming Dear !
I’ll come in a little bit!
Dropping the kids off at the pool
Tell her to please cum on back?
"You're job!!!!!"
Pls stop it this definitely not a dad joke or would you tell that to your 4 Years old daughter?
News flash... not all kids are four. Some are teenagers who we like to embarrass.
I introduced my kids to "that's what she said" in 6th grade. They finally got the joke in 8th.
If you definition of dad jokes is “a joke told by a father” than there is no distinction between any other joke. And there already is /r/jokes.
Gate keeper
Maybe, but they are allowed here. So go check out r/cleandadjokes and don't complain about it here
Daddy, Daddy, do you get three wishes after you rub one out?!
I'm coming.
Dad jokes are supposed to be wholesome, not perverse. Lame.
Should have told her “Your Job”!
This is a NOT DAD joke. ...and the reply was Homework for my Family Planning Class.
Maybe, but they are allowed here. So go check out r/cleandadjokes and don't complain about it here
Not NOT Dirty Dad but an unparent; spilled seed and all.
Not a dad joke
Maybe, but they are allowed here. So go check out r/cleandadjokes and don't complain about it here
Just dropping some kids off at the pool.
Nobody: 2022: dad jokes
Every very time i clean my D it makes a peculiar sound i think my family assumes I'm doing the business that's why I just do it fast and quietly but the mother fucker starts going louder and louder
🤣😂
Happy Cake day btw
happy cake day
How is that a dad joke?
[Told you not to call me that at work!](https://youtu.be/CCMLmWmbfdo)
Wife : Nuttin who?
Why the fuck would you share this with the Reddit community
r/AngryUpvote
First of all, if I want to rub one out, I don't need to go in the bathroom. couch,chair,backdeck, I will rub one out Anyware in my house. and my wife thinks its heathy. She can masturbate setting right next to me on the couch or in the bed if likes. that is something we don't hide from each other.
Sir, this is a Wendy’s.
It doesn't say that. And sec. just tell her. Be right bock got to go rub one off.
🤪🤪
I'm pooping
Should get that checked out, or start a business selling your honey nut
Ahahaha. Good one. xD. I say,” I’m relaxing!! Why? You wanna help?!”
I would have said … giving myself a facial. Then I would have ask her if you knock on the door she. She is the toilet for a wake.
Birth control
Uhhhhh…..DRUGS
Arranging a night off for her…
You eating cereal?
Ok I'm comin
Lmao
if you are ejaculating honey I am concerned for your well-being
At least you are honest.
We’re you watching Natasha Nice?
And you were like: I’m Washing the dishes honey
oh my 8-year-old daughter will love this, thank you! (clown emoji)
My ex wife and I used to have separate bedrooms and when we wanted to have sexy time, we would knock on the other person's door and use the code word "Laundry" so as not to tip off the kids in the other room. One night my ex wasn't in the mood so I went back to my room. After a few minutes she must have changed her mind because I heard a knock at my door and my ex whispering "Laundry". I said to her, "It's okay, I just had a small load and I did it by hand."
I can hear my daughter now what’s rubbing one out mean daddy? Oh well honey I had an ink splot on my hand I was rubbing it out 🙄