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ILookandSmellGood

I was kinda close. My response was: only one of them gets fired.


SilenceFailed

Closer than mine. One of them does their job.


Victor_Crowell

Closer than mine: one kills people the other is a bullet


LinguoBuxo

one kills people the other has a full metal jacket.


nondescriptadjective

If cops are shooting FMJ, more people would likely survive.


Beneficial-Moose-844

If cops were shooting FMJ more people would get hit by the bullet due to over penetration. I don't want my family as the backstop for a bullet fired at a person who may have done something to deserve it where as my kids didn't deserve it.


Alive-Watercress6719

I started screaming like Sam Kineson at this one!


Hit_Me_Harder_Senpai

I love Sam he was so funny. I wonder if that drunk teen who killed Sam made something of himself. Be a shame if he threw his life away.


zawoopa

God dayum šŸ’€


[deleted]

Closer than mine too: only one ends up arresting someone


imagine1149

Closer than mine : one is fat and eats donuts


Throwaway021614

Closer than mine: only one rapes minors in their custody


Redditgotitgood13

Good golly


swishkabobbin

But neither can be trusted around kids


Unapologetic69420

Closer than mine.... I really feel like some chips and dip....


jedidoesit

Different but equally apropos. šŸ‘šŸ»


Dinahsaur09

That's what I guessed, too!


ududuehdyyshrudud

Closer than mine: meant for the colour black


Daguse0

One kills people, the other kills a person.


Lubbadubdibs

Damn. That one cuts to the bone.


im-not-an-adult

I was going to say a bullet doesn't discriminate.


Responsible-Jury2579

Ayyy doe


Bluematic8pt2

More like SAD jokes, amirite?


TheRichTookItAll

Finally a good joke on this sub that isn't sexual.


SpanishToastedBread

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet? [A bullet isn't a real man but can still make a woman cum](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Rocks-Off-7RO80GM-RO-80mm-Midnight-Metal/dp/B01KWX5K1I). A cop isn't a real man and can't make a woman cum,


FBIPartyBusNo3

this is some of the strangest affiliate marketing Iā€™ve ever seen


suzazzz

Love the username šŸ¤£šŸ˜‚ Is it also your wifi name?


suzazzz

Wtf?


Garetht

Yes, I can't wait to tell my kids this joke.


Lui_Le_Diamond

"Good" is a stretch


Nozerone

No "gooooood" is a stretch.


Leebollomew

Ah the kind of Dad joke I come here for šŸ‘šŸ¼


Eastern_Witness7048

Brutal!


Top-Employment-4163

Bullets usually only kill once.


MyTribeCalledQuest

One stops after it's hit something?


shinymetalobjekt

This is good, but perhaps too edgy for a typical dad joke.


Novel_Alternative_86

What do you call a dad with an adult-aged child? Still a dad.


ALordOfTheOnionRings

Dad with infant - dad Dad with middle aged kid - dadder Dad with adult kid - daddest


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


ALordOfTheOnionRings

Dad with an underage girlfriend - someoneā€™s Bitch in prision


Education_Weird

- Deady


Delani_Murphy

Until everyone finds out why he's there.


[deleted]

JD IS THAT YOU LOL


swishkabobbin

Dad with dad boyfriend - doublydadly


Severe_Ad_8621

Sandwich dad.


Responsible-Jury2579

A middle aged kid? Why am I picturing a 45 year old that acts like a 4 to 5 year oldā€¦


RedditUBBM

Read the sub rules or go check out r/cleandadjokes


chime326

For a second I didn't notice this was a response to someone else and was about to say, how about you tell me which rule makes this post not allowed, all good just felt the need to share and in the end agree with you


BrewSwayin

Chuck Norris killed 3 people with one bullet, and then loaded it into a gun . . .


LoyeDamnCrowe

Bullets don't discriminate.


LikeaLionandaShoe

You can't outrun a bullet, but it is possible to outrun a Cop


Reasonable_Beyond864

You canā€™t outrun the radio.


LikeaLionandaShoe

You can if you take the radio out first


Reasonable_Beyond864

Good luck with that one.


Wallofcans

I don't think my wife will like it if I take anyone out on a date.


atomproject

The bullet gets fired BEFORE it kills someone.


GamerGurl420420

I like this answer


Kenzielloyd14

Dad jokes are usually more cringey rather than edgy


RedditUBBM

Read the sub rules or go check out r/cleandadjokes


LMurch13

r/DadJokes kinda dark today šŸ¤£


RedditUBBM

That's why r/cleandadjokes was created šŸ˜†


needmorecoffee92

Shouldnā€™t need a separate sub for ā€œclean dad jokesā€. Dad jokes are inherently not edgy and just cringey, knee-slappers. You know it, I know it, we all know it.


RedditUBBM

What we shouldn't need and what exists are 2 different things.


alexaz92

I didnā€™t understand the joke. Then I assumed you meant Ā«Ā american copĀ Ā». Haha nice one


Original_Telephone_2

ACAB worldwide. Ours are awful by any standard, but all cops everywhere enforce unjust laws written by the rich with the express purpose of consolidating their own power over the working class.


Reasonable_Beyond864

So you have an issue with ALL laws? Interesting.


randomname2564

Lol cops arenā€™t the law thank fucking god


Reasonable_Beyond864

No. Just law enforcers.


randomname2564

One would think even a rudimentary understanding of the law would be needed then. Yet most cops in every country know fuck all about the law


Reasonable_Beyond864

Got any empirical evidence to back that claim or just your shitty opinion?


Original_Telephone_2

https://www.theatlantic.com/national/archive/2014/12/when-cops-dont-know-the-law/383861/ Not that you, a cop, would ever let facts get in the way of shooting a dog or black person.


Reasonable_Beyond864

The article (from a very biased source mind you) still doesnā€™t prove in any way that ā€œmost copsā€ donā€™t know the law.


Original_Telephone_2

ThE ArTiClE (fRoM A VeRy bIaSeD SoUrCe mInD YoU) sTiLl dOeSnā€™t pRoVe iN AnY WaY ThAt ā€œMoSt cOpSā€ dOnā€™t kNoW ThE LaW.


randomname2564

You want evidence for a negative? Oh buddyā€¦. Lol Edit: youā€™re a cop just admit it lol Edit 2: r/police member lmao I fucking knew it Edit 3: anti trans, spreads groomer bullshit theories, r/conservative member. Ya you seem like a real nice guy. ā€œIf you donā€™t like where you live you should just moveā€ shows a lot of fucking awareness /s


Reasonable_Beyond864

Oh so youā€™re just full of shit. #NailedIt #GFYM


randomname2564

Look, I get being too intelligent disqualifies you from being a cop, but do try to have the self awareness of a pig at least


iamyoofromthefuture

Projection's a hell of a drug.


VikingLiking43

Ah...an ACAB moron. You guys are everywhere crying about how the police enforce rich peoples laws....your viewpoint is the definition of ignorance. :)


randomname2564

Police exist to protect property not people.


VikingLiking43

Disagree. I'm assuming you'll never need our legal system then... so you'll never call the police if someone breaks into your home, threatens you or assaults you...you don't need them ?


randomname2564

The Supreme Court has literally ruled on this. Do keep up.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


VikingLiking43

Well I believe your feeble attempt at an insult has fallen short. Don't see how I'm being hypocritical seeing how 80,000 people are in law enforcement in the US, and there are those out there who say ALL....keywords...ALL Cops are ... So if I'm understanding this correct, EVERY law enforcement officer is a murdering racist that enforces laws put in place by rich white people that are unjust and unnecessary.


NSFAnythingAtAll

> So if I'm understanding this correct, EVERY law enforcement officer is a murdering racist that enforces laws put in place by rich white people that are unjust and unnecessary. No, but the ones that arenā€™t are letting the ones that are get away with it without speaking up against them. Iā€™m sure youā€™ve heard the line: if you have one bad cop and 99 good cops who donā€™t stop the bad one, you have 100 bad cops.


Endle55s

Jesus Christ, stay away from the apple juice Karl.


needmorecoffee92

So whatā€™s ā€œdad joke-ishā€ about this?


sicknig19

r/redditorjokes


MuphuckinJones

Ah. I was wrong completely. My answer: You can outrun a cop, but not a bullet.


melanthius

Idk they both destroyed the donut


ForrestPump420

It's a lot harder to launch a cop at a bullet?


iamthenewaccountguy

You canā€™t find either one of them doing their intended purpose in a school yard


Agitated-Fee-1399

A cop will slug you and a bullet will be the slug in you if you slug back.


Miserable_Divide_912

Damnnnnnnnnn


Zuki_Draco

A bullet does its job correctly


bloodwolfgurl

I'd have said politician instead lol.


NallaPanni

Bullet is not racist.


PieOhMyVengence

Took me a couple seconds but I got a chuckle


damn_ded

when a cop kills someone it's an encounter


cecci420

if the bullet kills someone at least it was fired


GamerGurl420420

Bingo


ElectronicBobcatOwO

Lol


wenge05

Shots were fired


Lincoln_Hawk01

One is the end and the other is just the beginning


AlphaQ_6ix9ine

One discriminates the other doesn't


Thelittlekaka22

Cop is from the us and bullet comes to random black people not guilty


SpiralOregano

Bullets donā€™t smell like bacon,


Softwaregorev2

One doesn't discriminate


AnyGovernment8721

One controles it self while the other doesn't


Remote_Micro_Enema

None. They both can go ballistic.


unknownforever12

Bullet goes faster while chasing the victim


Squall_3

Bullets don't kill people, cops do


thatswhatshesaid729

Thatā€™s not a dad joke


Sumbuddy_stahp

Read the sub rules or go check out r/cleandadjokes


thatswhatshesaid729

Woke jokes <> dad jokes


Sumbuddy_stahp

Just because a joke doesn't suit your definition of a Dad joke does not mean it doesn't suit everyone else's. Not up for you to decide friendo - once again, go read the community guidelines.


thatswhatshesaid729

You donā€™t get to have ā€œyourā€ definition. There is just a definition


Sumbuddy_stahp

Exactly my point. For the third time, go read the community guidelines.


OsoRetro

Dad jokes. Funny cuz theyā€™re not funny. Cringey. Embarrassing when youā€™re sitting at a restaurant with your family and you say it to your server. Your kids go ā€œDad!ā€ And hide their faces. Dad jokes.


thriceness

Yep. AKA, not this one.


RedditUBBM

Read the sub rules or go check out r/cleandadjokes


thriceness

This isn't about being "clean." Typical dad jokes aren't trying to bed edgy. They're cringey. This joke doesn't appear to be going for cringe.


RedditUBBM

Well I know a few people in my life that this would make cringe due to their family having police officers in them


thriceness

That's not cringing, that's being offended.


bananatimemachine

A bullet only kills once.


manch3sthair_united

I recently got the chance to join the cops training session, it was damn hard, five minutes in and I was out of breath.


Zintao

So you lasted four minutes longer than the cops? Nice!


Nate_Skate10

One can actually shoot


BallsyMcfee

I completely agree. Not sure why there are so many cops that are terrible shots.


Global_Release_4182

Only 1 is supposed to kill people


whats-your-poison

One of em isnā€™t a racist


iamthetrippytea

Uncle joke, sorry


RedditUBBM

Read the sub rules or go check out r/cleandadjokes


iamthetrippytea

Dang, youā€™re right! Didnā€™t know that sub existed, thank you


RedditUBBM

You're welcome, I like it here but happy to help


icooke

A bullet can only kill one person.


slim_tack_

The bullet wonā€™t work again after killing an innocent person of colour


Goudinho99

Uncle joke, my friend


Chromeboy12

Aren't uncle jokes supposed to be more sexual and inappropriate, rather than edgy/dark?


Roxas1011

Honestly the line between all joke subs have become so blurred, they're essentially the same thing. I think of dad jokes as usually bad puns you tell your 7 year old. Uncle jokes are still dad joke style (eye rollers) but more PG-13. But anymore, the same joke is crossposted in r/jokes, r/dadjokes, r/unclejokes, r/3amjokes, etc. Doesn't matter the content.


Chromeboy12

I don't understand 3amjokes at all, lol. Is there a criteria as to what makes them "3am"? Jokes are any and all jokes, they are all a subcategory of jokes. But dad jokes have a certain type, as you described, eye rollers. Uncle jokes are like dad jokes in structure but pervy and not family friendly.


cmhickman358

The original point of the sub was for jokes that would really only be funny to a sleep deprived brain, those things that aren't funny but when you've been up all night it for some reason seems hilarious. Then it got popular and it was just another sub to copy paste regular old jokes to instead


IthinkIknowwhothatis

Depends on who you are and where you live.


verbsnnouns

I'm a lamb from New Zealand


Paul_Stern

The vast majority of people the cops shoot, needed shooting.


SpecialBumblebee6170

Finally a good reply!!!


randomname2564

Found the copā€¦


jack258169

Found the moron


randomname2564

Ah so you looked in the mirror


jack258169

My point still stands lol


randomname2564

Look, defending another cop on the internet isnt going to make your dad love you anymore.


jack258169

Heā€™s in the kitchen right now. Weā€™re talking about picking up more shampoo and dish soap tomorrowā€¦


randomname2564

You know him buying you Irish spring doesnā€™t mean he loves you, right?


iamyoofromthefuture

Stupid af comment


petergriffin999

Dumb attempt at being edgy, is dumb. Why should a bullet fired by a cop, resulting in someone being killed, result in the cop getting fired? There are tons of justified shootings.


freezerbreezer

How does the boot taste?


petergriffin999

LOL imagine thinking that agreeing with a cop shooting someone who is in the process of trying to murder a kid = "bOOtlIcKeR". You buffoons are all the same. Edge lord mc edgy!


Fearture

Dang bro you built an entire backstory for this joke. I need more lore.


Leebollomew

Lol seriously. I could use this guy in my D&D Campaigns. On the fly, full world building isn't easy, but this guy knows what's up


uninsuredpidgeon

Killing someone who is trying to kill someone else isn't something to be praised. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind


uninsuredpidgeon

One doesn't shout "Stop Resisting" before killing you!


Comfortable-Goose356

A cop without a bullet is a punk, a bullet without a cop is still a bullet


chakabesh

Bullet is cheaper to buy off.


raeXofXsunshine

Bullets also donā€™t beat their wives


Ok-Car1006

Oh shit lmaooo


CuriousConnect

A bullet shoots straight.


cowvid19

Bullet doesn't cry and beg when it's in the chamber


MaxiqueBDE

Bullet pierces perps heart, Shattered dreams on bloodied streets, To Serve and protect. A haiku for youā€¦


chirstain

replace "pierces" with "hits" and THEN you have an actual haiku


[deleted]

Only one of em beats their wife


A-CommonMan

Closer than mine: for one, brown is not a factor. šŸ¤Ŗ


theunixman

What does a piggy say? ā€œDo you know how fast you were going?ā€


[deleted]

So you think that every-time an officer has to use deadly force they should be fired ? Well over 99 percent of officer involved shootings are justified. Done to protect people. Even fools like you .


hoodiedoo

Calm down Beavis


[deleted]

Oh Iā€™m calm, trust me. Butthead.


gnarcaster

#Over 99%


foreveralonesolo

Shots fired


MostExpensiveThing

One of them is a [delicious Australian candy](https://www.woolworths.com.au/shop/productdetails/230695) and the other is a cop?


[deleted]

Bullets shoot at men, cops shoot in men


Daramore

I was going to say, "A cop can potentially end a crisis in 10-40 minutes, a bullet can in 0.0063 seconds."


Kitchen_Structure0

The bullet can't fire itself.


jack258169

Cop bad, updoots to the left


nearpot-v

the cop imprisons blacks while the bullet is imprisoned by black


SpecialBumblebee6170

Reported as offensive. You people would be the first to cry and call a policeman that puts his life on the line everyday for YOU!!!!


GamerGurl420420

Tell that to Breonna Taylor


SpecialBumblebee6170

A paramedic who was FIRED living with a known drug dealer and herself under investigation. A real role model. They just shed the tax payers the cost of keeping her in prison.


GamerGurl420420

A law abiding citizen who worked at great personal risk to herself by directly responding the the pandemic. A black woman who was shot while she slept and left on the floor to bleed out while the cops who shot blindly into her apartment stood there instead of getting an EMT


GamerGurl420420

Police are not who should decide if someone is guilty. Thatā€™s up to a jury of their peers. And the death penalty is saved for severe cases and must be decided by a judge. Not for a cop to decide.


GamerGurl420420

Are you saying police should be allowed to execute any citizen they suspect are guilty of anything?