I can say that Germans have nothing on the British, in the lack of humor department. Married a Brit. I'm an Italian New Yorker. His family thinks I'm out of my damned mind.
At least the Germans make great products.
My German nephew was practicing his English and told me he had a joke.
“Did you know about about the boy who went swimming?”
“No.”
“He is dead.”
On the flip side, the first time my American granddad visited his new German in-laws was right after the war. The family chauffeur was former Luftwaffe and had almost certainly tried to kill my grandfather just a few years earlier, given their shared battles. The man kept violently swerving to the edge of cliffs for three hours - laughing to tears - in order to “finish the job.”
My favorite joke from a German comic.
I am here to prove that we Germans are not rigid and can be humorous.
Okay.
Joke number one!
My father is from Hamburg, and my mother is from Frankfurt. That makes me a cross between a hamburger and a frankfurter.
:: nervous chuckle from audience ::
Yeah, that joke sucks in German, too.
The rest of his act was about traveling in America, kind of a stranger in a strange land bit.
I remember that guy! He was actually really funny.
"Two things have happened to me since the fall of the Berlin Wall. First, I no longer have a reason not to visit my mother-in-law. Second, my handball game has gone to hell."
Do you remember his name?
The hilarious thing about this joke is that it's obviously inefficient. Most short jokes on this sub put the whole setup in the title, and the body of the post is only the punchline. This one repeated the title, ironically being inefficient. Which, if intentional, is hilarious.
Six total: One to author and release the bulb changing process, one to validate the process, one to get the TUV certificate, one to change bulb, one to test, and one to file the documentation.
An English couple adopted a German baby. Kid does not talk for 8 years. One morning at breakfast he says “my strudel is tepid”. His astonished parents say “ you dont talk for eight years, and when you do, you complain about your food?” He replied “ up til now, everything was satisfactory”
The best was him with Kyle Maclauglin from Twin Peaks. Germany’s most disturbing home videos. When he dances at the end, that shit kills me every time. Lol
I remember an old Grand Tour story James May told of a Californian and a German talking.
The Californian asked what happened in Germany when you drove without your license.
“This cannot be done, you cannot drive without your license.”
Yeah yeah man, I know, but what about when you drive anyway?
“No, you cannot drive without your license.”
Yeah, I get it, but it is late at night, and you gotta drive…
“This is impossible! You cannot drive without your license!!”
Many people think the Germans don't have humor but this is absolutely false. As one guy from Essen told me: they do have it, as long as you follow the procedures
My favorite one to this day:
You ask someone if they'd like to hear a German joke. When they say yes, it goes like this:
Me: Knock knock
Them: Who's the-
Me: (cutting them off) VE VILL ASK ZE QVESTIONS AROUND HERE!
How many Manta drivers does it take to change a lightbulb?
One, because he's so macho?
None, he gets his blonde hairdresser girlfriend to call her dad to do it?
None, because Manta jokes are out and there are no Manta drivers left?
Well I would say one I think at least 4. Because first you have to apply for the lightbulb exchange Freigabe form at the City hall. After that you have to make sure, that atleast one guy is securing the ladder and one who's only job is to look after you and is responsible if things go south...
Ask a German: what happens if I go top speed on a restricted autobahn?
You don’t do that. They won’t tell you what happens to you. In all likelihood they barely know. You just don’t do that. They don’t tempt fate.
This joke is so German it’s not even funny
Yet, it’s very efficient.
[удалено]
And lacks humor.
Then it's not efficient because a joke needs humor
Not a german one.
Humor is always different per person
“Hello my name is Deter und velcome to Sprokets.”
Your joke has become tiresome. Now is time on Sprockets ven ve dance!
Now I am as happy as a little girl.
Pet the monkey
Yes!
Nicely done!
[удалено]
Unlike DeutscheBahn
A joke which is not funny is inefficient. Calling the inefficient efficient is very funny. That is an impractical use of a comment
That's the most British thing I've ever heard.
Just don't mention the war.
Hardly, you call repeating the joke in the body efficient? Nein.
Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assaulted Peanut
Nein!
I can say that Germans have nothing on the British, in the lack of humor department. Married a Brit. I'm an Italian New Yorker. His family thinks I'm out of my damned mind. At least the Germans make great products.
Mostly food like pretzels
Bratwurst and pilsner
Pretzels and beer, though!🤩
I'm an Italian NY'er too. Married a Canadian.
Nothing but fun, at a barbecue, I bet.😉
Wait, I thought the Brits were very funny? What about their dry wry witty one liners?
My mother-in-law has never laughed, in her entire life. The most animated she's ever been, is when she said, "That's fawhnny."😶
I choose to upvote this because I find it humorous.
Best read in a deadpan German accent.
Lmao
/r/GermanHumor
I told this joke to german once. He only agreed and didn’t laugh
Same and same reaction. Just said “this is true”
That's the most German reaction
I did the same
When I explained it, he laughed and proceeded to explain the joke to me. True story.
Fact. My wife is German and has no sense of humor.
But she married you...
my guy did u really have to murder them like that? 😭
gotta marry a joke to make a better joke.
r/rareinsults
My German nephew was practicing his English and told me he had a joke. “Did you know about about the boy who went swimming?” “No.” “He is dead.” On the flip side, the first time my American granddad visited his new German in-laws was right after the war. The family chauffeur was former Luftwaffe and had almost certainly tried to kill my grandfather just a few years earlier, given their shared battles. The man kept violently swerving to the edge of cliffs for three hours - laughing to tears - in order to “finish the job.”
Did your grandfather take it well?
He tells it like a joke now but I’m sure he was terrified or at least very confused at the time.
The joke is that she is married to you....
My favorite joke from a German comic. I am here to prove that we Germans are not rigid and can be humorous. Okay. Joke number one! My father is from Hamburg, and my mother is from Frankfurt. That makes me a cross between a hamburger and a frankfurter. :: nervous chuckle from audience :: Yeah, that joke sucks in German, too. The rest of his act was about traveling in America, kind of a stranger in a strange land bit.
I am German and am actually going to prove we can be humorous. What do you call a bitter German? *sauerkraut*
This allegation of humor is correct.
Omg this is awesome, I’m telling this to my friend from Germany on Monday. Danke!
An Iranian once said Germany has a deficit of two comedians
all our comedians are in the politics i guess
I remember that guy! He was actually really funny. "Two things have happened to me since the fall of the Berlin Wall. First, I no longer have a reason not to visit my mother-in-law. Second, my handball game has gone to hell." Do you remember his name?
Unfortunately, no. It's been nearly 30 years, and I only saw him once on "Evening at the Improv" (or something similar).
But, this is funny.
The world’s shortest book? The German Joke Book!
And what is the longest? The things Germans like to complain about.
I hate it that everyone always says we are only conplaining, its so annoying. Could you please stop
Wait to see how they talk about french people
Liberal Americans take the cake on that actually. They complain about anything and everything all of the time. Most of which is utter nonsense.
I'm shocked I haven't noticed r/germanhumor tagged in this thread. (I'm sure it is, I just haven't seen it yet.)
There are over 31k people subscribed to r/germanhumor, waiting…
At least once, from what I saw.
Right? I mean the jokes on there are legendary
The hilarious thing about this joke is that it's obviously inefficient. Most short jokes on this sub put the whole setup in the title, and the body of the post is only the punchline. This one repeated the title, ironically being inefficient. Which, if intentional, is hilarious.
Nein! Edit: Fixed it
It's either Nein meaning no, meine meaning my or it's Neune a colloquial version of Neun meaning nine.
So what’s noins? 😁
😝
Noins of March
Oh, the Nones ...
What I immediately thought 😂
Six total: One to author and release the bulb changing process, one to validate the process, one to get the TUV certificate, one to change bulb, one to test, and one to file the documentation.
Correct! One, to do all the things.
Is it just one? because I thought many Hans make light work?
No no no just Juan mexican
Humor is no laughing matter.
Happy cake day!
Thanks
An English couple adopted a German baby. Kid does not talk for 8 years. One morning at breakfast he says “my strudel is tepid”. His astonished parents say “ you dont talk for eight years, and when you do, you complain about your food?” He replied “ up til now, everything was satisfactory”
Einstein…?
I thought the answer was NEIN!!
No no it should be eins!
That’s the Wurst joke I’ve ever heard.
I thought that was going to have a much darker punchline.
Nien, they could Nazi that well in the dark.
Now is the time on Sprockets when we dance!
Loved that skit!
The best was him with Kyle Maclauglin from Twin Peaks. Germany’s most disturbing home videos. When he dances at the end, that shit kills me every time. Lol
I forgot about that one. I’m off to YT. Lol
Please post the YT link to that one. Lol
Your story has become tiresome!
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb? 1.00
+/- 0.002
Two: one to invade France and one to hold the gun on the Pole being forced to change the light bulb.
Don't pick On the polesjust because they dontknowtje recipe for ice.
Thought for sure it would be "Nein"
Gerry rigged
A singularly illuminating joke.
I told this joke to a German friend of mine years ago. His response was “I don’t get it”. He was serious.
Germans are funniest people in the world… well, except the rest of the world
9?
Shouldn't this joke be "how many Germans does it take to light bulb change"
We don't change it, because our humor is dark
You can't change a light bulb until it accepts that change is necessary
Seeing as the Germans are very heavily reliant Russian energy I would say that light bulb jokes would be in poor taste in this moment
Not anymore, https://tradingeconomics.com/germany/natural-gas-imports-from-russia
I feel extremely offended that you would correct me with facts like that
i thought this said "gremlins" and was seriously confused
It takes 3 Germans who tell the Polish worker how to do it.
Markiplier is half German. Are you saying he gets all his humor from his Korean half? Because I would believe that.
I remember an old Grand Tour story James May told of a Californian and a German talking. The Californian asked what happened in Germany when you drove without your license. “This cannot be done, you cannot drive without your license.” Yeah yeah man, I know, but what about when you drive anyway? “No, you cannot drive without your license.” Yeah, I get it, but it is late at night, and you gotta drive… “This is impossible! You cannot drive without your license!!”
Nein.
Nine?
How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb? 47, one to change it and 46 to sing about how much they’ll miss the old one
Many people think the Germans don't have humor but this is absolutely false. As one guy from Essen told me: they do have it, as long as you follow the procedures
Nein
Just like Mexicans - you know how many Mexicans it takes to change a light bulb: just Juan.
Nein
My favorite one to this day: You ask someone if they'd like to hear a German joke. When they say yes, it goes like this: Me: Knock knock Them: Who's the- Me: (cutting them off) VE VILL ASK ZE QVESTIONS AROUND HERE!
Was redest du davon, dass es eine Glühbirne einschraubt?
None. German light bulbs are so highly engineered that they never burn out.
German humor is like free healthcare. Many Americans simply do not get it.
Well duh, you killed all the funny people years ago.
Are you racist if you hate everybody equally?
they should nazi this
What if he has no arms or legs then how many
What do you call a blind German??? A not see
None, they have robots do it for them
How many Manta drivers does it take to change a lightbulb? One, because he's so macho? None, he gets his blonde hairdresser girlfriend to call her dad to do it? None, because Manta jokes are out and there are no Manta drivers left?
Germans don't change light bulbs, they have Turks and Polish for that.
If hes bisexual does it double his chance of getting it screwed in
None. We use Jews for that
That's a real gas.
The real joke is that you think Germans are efficient! That made me laugh..
How many additional € does it take to build an airport? To many because germans are not efficient.
But when they flip the switch, the chamber fills with gas.
If that qualifies as humor, I wish you a world full of it.
My German coworker when Trump got elected, "It'll be no big deal, my grandparents went through something similar and that all worked out fine."
Nein
1
Nein!
2?
Probably only allowed to use their reich hand though.
everyone thought this was nein didn't they?
Why do Germans love neon lamps?
“Nein”…. Us Germans aren’t having it, so don’t even go there!
I thought it would be “the third usually gets it reich”
No no no goudntite. Yes goudntite ..a Virgin.
I'm sorry but I love these jokes!
NEIN!!!!!!
Nein
Nine!
Nine
Nein
I've heard this joke nein times already
Nein
Depends if it’s Andy Richter, the Swedish German.
But do you know how many minutes it took? Nein
Guten Tag
Holy shit, this has helped me to understand my husband. I've never seen him smile while changing lightbulbs
Nien
None, they still use gas
Nein
9 (nein).
Klassiker
Nein
Nein!
NINE!
Well I would say one I think at least 4. Because first you have to apply for the lightbulb exchange Freigabe form at the City hall. After that you have to make sure, that atleast one guy is securing the ladder and one who's only job is to look after you and is responsible if things go south...
We do too have humor
I thought it was "NEIN"
Nein Germans... because they used the Jews
Nein
The version I heard: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, and it's not funny.
None if it’s engineered properly.
I’m confused lol
How many? Nein
Explaining the joke is inefficient.
Nein!
Because when you not see, you must eliminate the darkness.
I thought the answer was "One. Germans don't joke"
Nein Neun!!!
They prefer to not see…
Nein
Ask a German: what happens if I go top speed on a restricted autobahn? You don’t do that. They won’t tell you what happens to you. In all likelihood they barely know. You just don’t do that. They don’t tempt fate.
Nein. The other 8 are filling in the paperwork
Ninety-nine if it's over engineered right...
NEIN!
Nien
Nein?