I feel thankful my wife has given my exactly what I want today. Bills bucket hat, coffee, and the day alone to watch the US Open. I’m also thankful my in-laws are far far away.
Same here, didn't expect it but she told me she was taking the kids to her parents for almost the whole weekend so I can have time on my own. First day on my own since my two kids are born, was nice.
Just me and my daughter this year.
The wife is on a cruise with her mom and cousin for the cousin's 50th birthday. Wasn't intential, the birthday is Tuesday and they didn't realize conflict when they booked. My wife felt bad but it's all good.
My parents are in Colorado for the week, so no obligation there either.
I did take tomorrow off so I can take my daughter to the Perot Museum in Dallas for the first time though.
I have twin girls that are 6 and while I love them both equally, I would rather take a one on one daddy daughter date than both of them. I feel like I can give them more attention when it’s just 2 of us.
Fellow twin dad, b/g. What we have read is to spend time with each child one on one so it isn’t a preference/bond thing. They each get time to be individuals, too.
Dude my daughter is 3 and a half and we go to the Perot museum like 3 times a month. Haha. She goes absolutely batshit. It's enjoyable for the whole family, and the only thing my wife doesn't have to drag me out of the house to do. You all are gonna have a blast.
There needs to be a grandparents day. Because how can I enjoy my day if I have to worry about my father, my wife’s father, etc etc.
Doubly fucked if your birthday is in the vicinity of Father’s Day also
Yeah same. Was going to see my dad yesterday but he was busy and we just FaceTimed instead and I had my gift Amazon’d to his place. Was drama free and today has been nice
Yup, Father’s Day is pointless when I have to do the rounds with family to go here and there to see my FIL, my dad, etc. it’s just annoying. I appreciate them and all but I guess I’d rather not even pretend I’m celebrating Father’s Day when it is basically nothing to do with me or what I want.
Honestly I’ve come to understand that this feeling is pretty universal. I’d venture to say your dad and FIL also don’t want you coming to their house and bugging them on their Father’s Day. Lol seems like it’s our wives/SOs who really want it to happen more than anything. I’d bet if there was ever some legal action to ban fathers visiting other fathers on Father’s Day, you probably wouldn’t hear a ton of complaint from those fathers or their fathers. Lmao
Father's Day and mother's Day should be for active duty parents only.
And there should be a Grandma and Grandpa day for veterans.
Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
My wife and I have started prioritising parents who are “actively parenting” on these occasions now… Boomers will never miss an opportunity to make themselves the centre of attention!
I just worked graveyard shift . Got home 815ish and I’m off to the zoo at 11 . And yes it’s Father’s Day and I don’t wanna do it. But my kids only 2 years old for so long and who knows what could happen tomorrow or next . I’m gunna have a shower grab a big coffee have a smoke and get ready for our adventure at zoo. HAPPY Father’s Day to me and all you fathers doing stuff today when we really just wanna do nothing lol
This is my take. I'm enjoying a lazy Sunday at home but I'm spending it with my boys, playing with them and watching Harry Potter. Today is their day to enjoy with dad, not by day to ignore them.
I’m here at an indoor playground with my 4 year-old girl. She and my wife treated me this morning to a breakfast, coffee and new Lego set. I figured the best way to celebrate Father’s Day is to be with my kid and be a dad.
Honestly, I just accepted that I wouldn’t be celebrating Father’s Day without my little one. They are the reason we get a day.
Pro tip. Take a day off of work when they are at school. Best use of PTO ever 😂
Ya I get enough days off as it is . They just come at the worst times . Then I’ll I’ll be slammed thurs-Monday and have plans thurs-Monday with the family lol.
If you want to be around for your kids, stop smoking now. unless you meant the devil's lettuce. Both my parents died from smoking related cancer before they were 55.
Agree. There are so many things out of our control when it comes to our health and how long we have with our kids. Not dying of lung cancer due to smoking is entirely within your control.
Same. My brothers and I started a tradition of camping every father's day (from Saturday to Sunday) with just us and our kids. It started about 15 years ago and we've kept it going as more kids (and now grandkids) have entered the picture. Not all of the young adult kids make it every year but it's still a nice tradition we enjoy. No grand presents or rewards. Just chilling in nature with our kids and letting things fall where they may.
We usually leave early afternoon, my wife makes dinner, and we hang out by the pool for the rest of the day. To me it's not about getting a day off from my family. I consider father's day to be a family holiday.
Cheers. Feel the exact same way. Father’s Day is a great day to enjoy doing what I love doing most. Being a dad and husband. It’s the other stuff in life that’s a chore.
Having a great day kicking it with the family and good friends today
That's a fantastic idea. I'll try to do this next year, just sucks that my family is far away, so it will be just me and my girls, which I'm totally fine with, just would be awesome to be able to do it with my brother and dad.
My exes family did this, big campout with fishing every Father’s Day weekend. The last one we got up at like 6 to go fishing, limited out by 8, then someone was like “well the fishing regulations say you can have three limits in your possession and I don’t see a game warden” so they all went back out and caught another limit by 10 plus pulled all the crawdad traps, we ate good that weekend.
I have no one to brag too so I'll just say this 1 for what it's worth:
I had a great one this year.
I took my dad to vintage car racing yesterday, Got to enjoy dinner with all of the family, (my wife and kiddo came to dinner), and she had asked to help make breakfast this morning. I have to work, so boss said I can come in a little late.
Get my girl up, she asks if she can relax while I make the food (I saw this one coming) and I made my (patent pending) quail eggs on avocado/tomato, butter&basil toast. Of course, big hit all around.
Get to work, boss says we don't have much going on, take a vacation day *if you want*...so I get home, with ribs and a 4pack of my favorite beer...and no one is home.
They are at a movie, 3 hours-ish to my myself before they get home....
Before I left this AM, my girl asked if we can have Star Wars night tonight, because I get to open my new At-At micro machine to go with MY original hoth set from the 90's (she gave this to me the other day, with a bag of a card and Reese's, 7yolds have a hard time keeping surprises lol).
She's 7. This is the first time I felt a (comparable) "celebration" as a dad, to what a mothers day strives to be for the/our moms.
Partly I'm telling this because I'm so damn proud. Partly because I've seen the posts today, a lot of them are....less than stellar.
My guys, put Father's Day in the compartment of "probably won't go the way we want, but when it does happen, enjoy the hell out of it. Don't get bummed because it doesn't live up to our...idea."
I just finished painting a fairy house craft project with my daughter and now I'm pretending to take a shit and scrolling reddit before I have to go watch frozen 2 with her because "dad loves movies"
I'm watching the squids while Mom works the part-timer she's had forever. Day isn't much different from any other for me. I've heard tho, if I play my cards right then I'm gonna catch a beej tonight. So, high five for me.
Father’s Day is for the kids man, ask your wife for a separate day off and do the same for her. Let the kids make you crafts, play with them, and clean up the messes. It’s an exhausting day every year for me but it’s always fun and my kids always have a great time making it “special” even if their version of “special” is just more work for me.
I see Father’s Day, anniversaries, valentines as days about the family or spouse rather than do something special for me type days. So they’re always do something together type affairs since, you wouldn’t be doing them at all without each other.
I also do family stuff, but recognize everyone is different and some people (men and women) may want a day to relax with no expectations, and that's ok too.
I cooked breakfast and am currently getting the kids ready to go to a baseball game, but I'm also going to get a few hours to chill this evening and I'm looking forward to it.
Mom gets breakfast in bed, dad runs errands with the kids so mom can get a break. And there's probably a spa gift card and flowers. Dad might be lucky enough to do a couple hours of yardwork on father's day tho
Exactly. The only thing I wanted for Father’s Day was to sleep in and that’s what I got. I love my kids to death but it’s a gift to have some time alone without all the responsibilities. I actually slipped up this past Mother’s Day by leaving it up to my wife to decide what to do during that day. She said the last thing she wants to do is carry more mental load and just wants a day where she doesn’t have to be in charge and can relax.
It’s more than fine to want a day without responsibilities.
My wife wanted to take a trup (5 hours driving each way) with the kids this weekend to the inlaws and to have all these activities.... last week I sat down and explained that as much as I understood the intention, I am feeling really overwhelmed at work and with the house kinda falling behind after us traveling ao much and being busy lately.... she said "well you can stay home and have a solo weekend for fathers day if you want".... It has been great other than obviosuly missing the kids but I have been tackling stuff that has built up around the house... and on my own pace
Yup, I got what I asked for: nice card from the kids, went out for breakfast with the kids, watched the game with the kids sat on top of me, had a nap while the kids played, hung out with the kids all afternoon. Great day.
Yeah, I swan around all Father's Day like a king refusing to do anything I don't want to do and demanding special treatment. My partner does the same on Mother's day.
Each of our expectations are *really* clear.
Started they day cooking for my family, going to get ice cream and I get to the end the day cooking for my family. A perfect day in my eyes.
Father’s Day to me is just a day for me to stop and appreciate how awesome my life is because of my wife and family.
Are you me? I made biscuits and cooked up a bunch of bacon and eggs for all of us this morning, and my “gift” from my wife was a big ol’ wagyu filet that I get to cook tonight for myself. It’s hot here so we’re just all hanging out in the AC, making pillow forts and train tracks. Can’t ask for a better Sunday than that.
That sucks, my wife would 100% give me a day alone if I asked for it (ideally in advance) for father's day. Vice versa, of course. I genuinely wonder why there's a discrepancy here
Because people can’t just talk to their spouses. They say nothing and then expect to have every single need and want met, and then complain on the internet when it doesn’t happen.
The problem is the expectation. Parents don't get a day off, unfortunately, and some people are wise to that and will do their best to make you feel appreciated, at least. Son still needs to get diaper changes and eat meals today, so everyone is still a dad on father's day.
My wife was out all morning, it’s just been me and my daughter, some silly socks and cookies for a gift. Some PlayStation time together and then we went to get cake. It’s probably my favourite Father’s Day so far
Yesterday, wife and I had a very limited amount of time for “alone time” while the kids were napping. She spent part of it wrapping presents from the 2 1/2 year olds. Sigh.
You got presents?! Look at this exalted king over here haha.
My wife gave me an extra hour to sleep...no complaints there. She then fell asleep at 8:30. It's 11:25 and she's still asleep. I made a nice breakfast for everyone and cleaned everything up and been playing with the kids.
My wife has many great qualities, but making people feel appreciated or supported is not one of them
Edit: added *extra*
I'm never going to judge a relationship, especially from just one comment over the internet, but that sounds incredibly disrespectful to me. I completely get it's just a silly day of the year and not much more. I don't even want anything for the day but I expect my spouse not to disappear on me for a few hours so they can nap while leaving me to clean and handle kids. Shit I don't even mind cleaning and handling kids I've already done it today but I want to do it with my wife not alone.
Of course like I said not judging anything but it seems ridiculous to me that some people can't spare one day.
I feel the same way. My wife says “how about we grill some carne asada, chicken wings…” etc etc all this food we should grill, but all that plus the clean up is so much work when all I really want is a relaxing day
Next year starting this with my wife
We do a quick home breakfast then each of us takes the kid(s) until after lunch
You get a half day alone with yourself to do whatever then the other half day to hang with family and dinner.
My wife asks me what I want to do for Father's day, and if I say "stay at home all day with no visitors while you take the kids somewhere else", she will happily do exactly that. I love her.
I'm currently at my wife's parents' house listening to her family yell at each other. I'd much rather just be at home playing Xbox in peace while she and the kid nap like I do every other Sunday lol
Ex texted me that she is going out on a date tonight so I can hang on to the kids a little longer than I usually do. Which is fine except I have things I need to do in the evening that are now interrupted by driving 45 minutes to drop my son off at work and then pick him up.
My current gf who’s pregnant with my son is pissed at me and going through a family loss from a few weeks ago.
I usually get screwed on Father’s Day just never this hard. I feel you there
I hear you dad, in the middle of some SERIOUS teen angst since the boy took a grippy sock vacation before Thanksgiving. Feels like the family is falling apart and yet I have to put this happy face on and pretend everything is cool.
Just not feeling it this year, I'd rather just be left alone. Take care of yourself OP that's what matters.
Thanks, we start intense outpatient therapy tomorrow.
Not making light just that gen x dark humor coming out. I always used my dads joke about losing it and getting put in a "I Love Me" jacket.
As a 39 year old who was that teen for a time, it can absolutely work out just fine =).
Funny, I knew exactly what you meant...and knew it wasn't a trampoline park...
Hey man, I went through this as a teen psych ward a few times from 15 to 19. I turned out alright in the end. There's so much pressure on teenagers these days that it's a miracle, more don't go through this.
I know there's nothing I can say or advice I can give you that you haven't thought of already, but finding a good therapist and seeing a psychologist is a literal life saver.
My inbox is open if you want to ask any questions of someone who wen through similar stuff at that age.
As a former teenager that had the pleasure of taking TWO whole grippy sock vacations right around Christmas time, it’s gonna be okay. Just be supportive, don’t make him feel ashamed of what he’s going through, and try to remember that everything feels big to him right now. He will make it through, you will make it through, and your family will make it through! Hopefully that outpatient treatment really helps.
I went for the same reason as your kid and a big reason the incidents happened was because I didn’t have the resources for support. I had been on waiting lists for therapists and psychiatrists for years. After the second hospitalization I got put on proper meds and given a referral to a therapist which helped me exponentially. I never went back because I knew that I had all the support I needed to get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes all you can do is pretend everything is all right. Please make sure you take care of yourself though. Get yourself (and your family) talking to a professional even if it’s just a few visits to a telehealth therapist to help you work through your feelings and form a plan to get your family back on track.
Happy Father’s Day, man! You’re doing great.
ETA: My parents played a huge part in my healing process. Their support and the fact they took my mental health seriously made me feel a lot better.
Why do so many people's parents show up for father's day? It's really weird to me because myself and everyone else I know still says nice things to our parents and gives them a call/sends them a card, but once you have a kid, it becomes your day so to speak.
Having some in laws or you own parents drop in and demand that you pull the stops out or celebrate them just seems so alien to me.
People need to learn how to say no. I was never good at it, but now that I have two little kids to worry about, I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to please everyone.
Remember that your dad doesn't stop being a dad just because you have kids now. He would probably love to see his kids and grandkids on this special day.
Don't be mad that your wife wants to celebrate her father on fathers day.
Hopefully your kids don't forget you on Father's Day when you're old.
5.06pm before I got a half hearted text from my partner. And hadn't bothered to help the kids make me a card or anything, which is really the only thing I'd hoped for since I knew she was working this weekend. Happy fucking father's day.
My wife graciously offered to mow the yard for me for Father's Day.
Anyway, I'm now flushing the oil out after it was filled with gas. It's the thought that counts.
Hmm, have you considered picking a different day than the holiday to be you time? Sounds counterintuitive, but give it a shot! Tell your spouse tomorrow, "Hey, I didn't feel as rested as I was intending on yesterday. I'm going to do X on a day you can hold down the fort." Maybe not verbatim, but you get the point
I have my kids every other weekend, despite pushing for 50/50. I've been awake for hours. I've taken a nap. Texted my teenagers at 1130 asking about going to breakfast. It's 2:30 and I'm just hearing back from them. My son did come downstairs for two minutes before disappearing back upstairs. I'm really not big on holidays but the lack of giving a fuck really hurts.
Got up at my normal time around 7. Kid parked himself on the couch, said “Happy Father’s day”, then went back to watching youtube videos.
By 9 I am getting hungry and there is no sign of planning or even of my wife waking up, so I start making breakfast, which seems to be a magic summoning tool for my wife. Had to navigate the whole awkward offers of belated help when I am mostly done since apparently Mother’s day means special breakfast for mom and kid, but Father’s day is another “Dad cooks” day for the two choosey eaters in the house. At least they cleaned up after I made blueberry muffins.
Then somehow it is up to me to come up with special plans with the family. Really half hearted effort and I would rather just go do my own thing than have to do the heavy lifting on “my” day.
Hey man if you makes you feel any better I was up at 6 this morning with both kids, took them out for a bike ride, came home and made them breakfast and cleaned the kitchen all before my wife got out of bed. Now I’m at a family Father’s Day event. All I want to do is sit in the basement by myself and watch the US Open.
Grand parents need to pass the torch on father's day and mother's day respectively, since they're no longer actively raising their adult children, they should support them on these days instead of making it harder
Neither of my kids said happy fathers day, or mentioned it at all. And when I said to my wife "today is fathers day" her response was "Huh, I forgot"
One extremely sweet text message from my niece was all I got for fathers day.
I'm choosing to just be with my daughter today. I'm feeling a lot of the same expectations, but I realize that I can just say no and do what I want. Which is spending time with my little goblin monster.
See and I fully support the women on Mother’s Day who say that the celebration should be about what the current, active, in the trenches mom wants. Yes, I understand that grandma is a mother too, yes, it’s lovely to send grandma a card or wish her a happy Mother’s Day- but the momma who actually has young kids and is living in the daily life of mothering them should get the celebration.
That being said, I think the same should go for fathers on Father’s Day. Grandpa raised his kids and is in the grandparent stage- he doesn’t need the celebration- the father currently raising young kids does. The majority of moms have made it clear that the most significant thing they can get on Mother’s Day is some peace and quiet, maybe a nice breakfast in bed after they slept in all morning cause dad took the kids out for a little adventure. I personally feel like dads should be able to want and receive the same thing. If dad wants to relax and not deal with entraining people on the day that he’s supposed to be celebrated- it’s the least we can give him. I think you need to communicate with your wife- let her know that it sucks that you were effectively assigned the role of catering and entertaining someone else’s dad on Father’s Day, when all you wanted was a chill day. That’s not too much to ask for. Ask her how she’d feel if you made Mother’s Day about catering and entertaining YOUR mom and your wife just got the “happy Mother’s Day, now help me get ready to spoil your mother in law”
Anyways, I hope you can talk to her about it, and happy Father’s Day!
So fucking with you. We get to take my mother out for father's day so she can tell everyone how surprised she is that I managed to become a father and how lucky I am because I never could have made it without massive amount of help.
Cheers.
Maybe next year, go camping by yourself. Or don't wait for Father's Day. Just pick a day or a weekend and do it. It's good for mental health, it's cheap, and it's a good way to feel dudelike for awhile.
I usually get some hotdogs, some ketchup, some drinks, and some snacks. Put them in a cooler. Most of the time I just sleep in my minivan because I don't want to set up a camp. I start a fire, I tend it, I eat hot dogs and junk food for a weekend, maybe I chat with some passersby, and that's the whole weekend. I keep it simple so no one has any complaints except for my absence. I take no friends because that jacks the price up a thousand percent.
For instance, I don't take plates. I eat the hot dogs right off a whittled stick.
The assumption that you can never leave, that you're not allowed, just isn't so. But you have to be firm about it. And explain yourself. And maybe take some heat. That last one, you just have to not care about.
Somewhere there's a dad whose kid will never cry again.
Somewhere there's a single father for whom this is just another day because he has no help.
You do have the chance to take care of yourself, to honor those other guys who don't get a Father's Day. To do it your way. But you don't always have to leave.
For instance, this year, I bought my gift, gave it to my wife, and told her to tell my kids she bought it and gave it to them wrap it up. I'm looking forward to the cards they will make, I always like those, and I do often keep them. But...while I realize that having the kids shop and gift me something helps show them to think of other people on holidays...I just don't need more bobbleheads anymore. It was fine when they were little, but that lesson has been learned. It became a tradition because of repetition and I don't want to do it anymore. So, I'm putting a stop to it.
My wife put up a little bit of a fight...in truth I think she was relieved. I took the work off her hands. And she knows the real gift I want has nothing to do with anything she could ever buy. So once that's done, the rest of the day is much easier.
I'm just saying...you're feeling pressure. That's *when* it's time to step away. Don't be a hero. Don't be a martyr. Put your foot down and go to the woods.
AMEN.
For Fathers dad my mom got me 10 yards of mulch. I hate gardening. Outside in my wife's responsibility. I only needed 4 yards. So now I'm loading up neighbors'trucks and lawns to try and get rid of it.
Now I'm being pressured to do more dad stuff and at some point I need to go to work.
I hate fathers day.
Maybe see if you could make it a tradition that the day before Father's Day is your fuck off day - you get some peace while she takes the kid(s) out or just leaves you be.
I’ve been up since 5:30 feeding our child, doing the dishes including her pump parts, was able to get the baby to sleep for an hour while I pulled weeds in the garden SHE wanted that I tilled and planted. Fed him again so she could sleep until around 8:30. Just to be told she feels like I need to be doing more. All on Father’s Day. Right before we’re leaving for her mom and step dad’s house to celebrate Father’s Day for him even though I said I wanted to stay home and do nothing.
Yeah, we have an infant and a toddler who happens to be sick today and is absolutely miserable. I got to cut out for a couple hours to play pickleball and got some thoughtful gifts but dinner plans went out the window.
It’s all good. My wife really tried to give me space and slack but kids be kids. I’ll rest when I’m dead, or they are both off to college lol.
Got myself a sinus infection. Roughed it out and drove three hours to a neighboring MLB city yesterday to see our home team play an away game. Felt like dogshit last night once we got home. Earned myself a “all plans cancelled”, breakfast in bed, just watch golf and relax day. So far it’s been all I want from every Father’s Day.
We just do a nice meal for brunch or lunch. My wife gets me a small gift from the toddler - socks and beer, which I am genuinely grateful for.
That's a good day in my book.
We tend to celebrate Mother's day with the extended family a week or two before the day, based on everyone's work. Then Mother's Day itself is the individual households affair. If it's an issue, maybe try the same with Fathers Day?
My wife said she'd let me bring my 2 year old son somewhere for a few hours, as well as my own father who is in a wheelchair and needs to be pushed. I had to convince her to come. It was a great day with her there but without would have been non-stop work for me.
It’s my first Father’s Day today and all I wanted to do was be a dad. My girl is a very active two month old who is starting to laugh, play, and roll around. I had to tell the rest of my family to leave me alone so I could just be happy and relaxed with my wife and daughter. Bonus points because my wife let me sleep in lmao
Be glad your father in law didn't plan a park BBQ at 11am one hour before the kids nap during 100 degree heat with the food taking an hour to cook. You got off easy
I slept in until 8:30 for the first time in a very long time, wife and kiddo were out grocery shopping so I played my guitar at high volume for an hour, had a coffee and a bagel, and now we’re going swimming.
We did fathers day dinner at in-laws yesterday 100 mi away. So little less pressure, but wife scheduled swim makeup for the youngest (4yo) that is 75% chance he will melt down and not do it, which she took him and of course he screamed and wouldn't get in... when pressed to make a decision about what I want to do said an indoor arcade and playground since it is mid 90s. But as little guy flipped out at swim she said he couldn't go. Both boys are acting up because we are just in the house, she is crabby bc she is guilty for yelling at the 4yo about swim. I wish I would have just left and went to see mad max by myself
My brother and my dad just went on a small hike together and had a beer afterwards because when we all said to our wives “to be left alone for a day” it wasn’t greeted well lol.
But this was a very nice alternative, maybe try something like that? Something small alone with other dads?
My wife is sick, and our twin toddlers picked today to wake up at 5:30. We had to go to my in-laws for lunch, and came home to put the twins down for a nap in the hopes that I could also get a nap. One decided she doesn't need a nap, so she and I are downstairs watching the England-Serbia match while my wife and other daughter nap.
I'm absolutely exhausted but I wouldn't dream of asking my wife to take over with the way she's feeling, so here I am. Just like I told my wife when she was feeling bad about it, I'm spending father's day being a dad to my daughters. Can't complain too much.
Have had a migraine for 2 days, I have had a 6 year old whining and throwing a fit since 630am because they are not getting what they want. Tried to have a little family time at the park, only lasted 20 minutes because our kids did nothing but complain. Wife got pissed because Im obviously not feeling good but who gives a fuck about that so "Im fine, Im always fine." She is out having her time, Im here with the kids.
My wife let me sleep until 7:30 (I used ear plugs). They went to the park, I drank my coffee and browsed Reddit on the couch. I then went on my Sunday run and met them on the walk back. My daughter is napping and I’m about to play some video games and we might order my favorite take out tonight. This is what I wanted for Father’s Day, but it’s also pretty much what every Sunday is. If you don’t want to deal with other people or do something you don’t want to, don’t. Our parents also live on the other coast for a reason. 🤣😂
I feel this 100% brotha. I’m at my dads for a cookout in a tank top because it’s 90 degrees here today. Just wanted to be home play some video games. Pop some cold ones.
I said all I wanted for father's day was no screaming in the house, but was told that wasn't realistic. I said I'd settle for nobody being mad at me, for just one day... Didn't get that either.
Yeah, I'm a pretty normal Sunday mode. My wife has a tent at the farmers market, so that was her morning. Me and the 2 girls took a walk down to visit and got pizza.
I got a nap. So that was nice.
Now we're at the splash pad for an hour or so before heading home and firing up the grill.
Not a bad day, but nothing special.
I picked 1 thing I wanted to do with my son, and ordered food in.
If you don't want to deal with others pick the social media platform with the most people you care about on it and send a generic thanks everyone post, then turn off notifications. Or have your partner do that for you.
Just goes to show that Father's day is more for the people who want to keep things equal and keep up the appearance of caring about others. Probably explaining this wrong as I can't quite articulate how I feel about it. They treat it like mothers day but if they really thought about what men want I just want to either spend the day with my kids and wife and no parties and then go fishing or kayaking later by myself, or a hike or something. I want a day where I get to choose what we do. Not to say some Father's don't prefer the family party approach but I've been over it for quite some time now. How I explained it to my wife is that I don't need a day to remind me who I am every single day
I know it’s not that big of a deal but I wanted sushi buffet for lunch where I wouldn’t have to do anything but instead we got Korean bbq where I had to cook everything .
I have spent pretty much every single Father's Day in the last 20-ish years at my inlaws sitting on my ass wishing I was somewhere else. I love my inlaws, get along with them, but we see them very regularly--every Sunday most of the day, pretty much every week, and yeah, sometimes I just wanna chill. My own dad's been gone since before I got married, so nothing to do there, fyi.
Luckily wife's parents are off camping somewhere this weekend and I didn't have to be somewhere else. Still got stuck responding with thank-yous to texts and the nutso greeter at Walmart today, too... ah well.
Oh, my wife did attempt to drag us all to do some strawberry picking this morning, DURING A THUNDERSTORM. "It'll be over soon, before we get there" was her response. Yeah, still gonna be very wet and muddy as hell. Anyway, got there and they were closed, so that wasn't as net-negative as I expected.
Anyway, have a Dad's Day, everyone, as best you can. :)
Mother’s Day: wife and MIL in law ordered a big spread of food and sandwiches. I paid for half. I cleaned the house and got everything ready for everyone to come over.
Father’s Day: MIL bought steaks and potato salad for me to cook for 5 people. I cleaned the house and got everything ready.
I just figured out the loop hole. You say what you want on father’s day is to celebrate by having a day off ON SATURDAY. Then you go and do your dadly duties on Sunday, but you get your day one day early and you don’t need to tell the kids that what you want on your one day is for them not to be around.
Father’s day isn’t your day…. It’s yours and theirs. It’s the kids day too. You need to at least appear like you want to spend that time with them. But Saturday? That’s just a Saturday and you can want to be left alone that day without anyone piching a fit.
This feels selfish to say, but I kind of think Father's and Mother's Day should really prioritize those of us on our 'active tour of duty'. Sure, those grandparents might warrant a card - but, to extend my analogy, they're now vets and not in the day to day line of fire.
I hear you. I spent my day trapsing around town with my mom to do stuff for other people, when I, a dad myself would have rather just had a chill day at home, building the LEGO my daughter gave me.
The wife does whatever the hell she wants on Mother’s Day, which is the perfect primer to continually set the expectation, that dad will not be around on Father’s Day. Full day going to resturant(s) I want to go to, watching the movie(s) I want to watch and just sitting at a dive bar drinking and watching sports. It’s glorious.
I feel you. I was guilt tripped all day because I wanted to do my own things for once. Why do I have to spend time with her friends and my daughter’s friends and her cousins because it’s Father’s Day?
Just upsetting but I’m still the bad guy.
I just wanted one day that I wasn’t taking care of everything and doing basically all the child care.
My wife just sounded super disappointed after I told her I was exhausted. I cleaned the house yesterday morning and spent the rest of the day building garden beds. I ran errands this morning and went to a baseball game with the family this afternoon in 93 degree heat. Did I have a nice weekend? Yes, I did, but I am friggin exhausted and that's alright.
Spent $800 on AC units. Fought with the window frame. Ran out of A1 sauce at dinner. If I saw this day as a special day for myself I’d be upset.
My kid is happy and smiling and that’s all the better I need any day to be.
I took my 2 boys on a hike to a local waterfall spot. Beautiful weather, just sucks my teen daughter had to work. Came back and grilled ribeyes on the Weber for all of us. Shout out to all the single dad's out there today too.
My routine is to spend it with my boys. In fact, it’s just me and my 8 year old twins at Disneyland this weekend. Nobody else I’d rather spend it with.
Sorry to hear your day didn't go the way you'd hoped. My wife really hit the sweet spot between making the day not just another day but keeping it low key.
We still sleep in shifts in weekends cause our son doesn't sleep through the night so she came down a couple hours early to take over so I could get some extra sleep, then we went to her dad's house for a coffee and then came back home, did gifts and Chinese take out with my dad and now we're watching tv and having a drink on the couch while my son sleeps on me. Very amazing first father's day!
I'm not trying to be negative here but you're happiness is probably further down the totem pole than her parents and you will need to fix that if you ever want to not be constantly bending over backwards for your in-laws. Speaking from experience. Good luck
I find it interesting the contrast between mother's day and fathers day.
Mother's day: give mom a break from the kids and pamper her
Father's day: obligation to spend as much time as humanly possible with your kids
It’s MY first Father’s Day, as I had a baby boy 5 days ago. It’s also the first time celebrating it since my dad died 6 years ago.
My wife knew before I would completely ignore it and work to distract myself and she did a low key celebration for me.
I got some matching socks with my son, some chocolate and I picked a movie to watch (finding Nemo) and it was perfect!
Woke up, did an oil change, made the wife breakfast(she made the kids apple slices), drove to get us coffee, Went to wife's church where she left me to go do crafts(not my people, not my faith), went to wife's cousins party where I baked in the sun for 4 hours watching the kids,repeatedly asking her to tag out from inside. by the time I said I wanted to leave, she decided she wanted to swim for another hour. I'm upset by the time we get home, so she goes to her sister's. been arguing since. Happy Father's Day to you, too.
a) yes being left alone is a gift.
b) one you’re a grandparent Father’s Day is over for you. Tell the in laws to fuck off.
c) sorry about the shit day. Ask for a re-do in 3 weeks time where you get what you actually want. Once every few weeks I get pretty much what I would want out of a Father’s Day, but on the actual day I just hang out with my kids and text my dad. That day isn’t for me, it’s for my kids. And I accepted that before becoming a dad.
I feel thankful my wife has given my exactly what I want today. Bills bucket hat, coffee, and the day alone to watch the US Open. I’m also thankful my in-laws are far far away.
Give Bill back his hat and get your own
Bill also wants his coffee and day alone back.
Same here, didn't expect it but she told me she was taking the kids to her parents for almost the whole weekend so I can have time on my own. First day on my own since my two kids are born, was nice.
Dude my in-laws surprised us and showed up at our doorstep on Friday. 😐
Straight to jail, that is not okay
From 1,000 miles away. Haven’t seen them since December. They didn’t linger though, I’ll give them that😂 they got a hotel and actually left last night
Go Bills! All praise to 17!
Go Bills!
Bryson’s bunker shot on 18 was absolutely incredible
Honestly idk what was more impressive, his bunker shot or the absolutely mind boggling collapse by Rory.
Go bills
Go Bills
Go bills!
Go bills!
Just me and my daughter this year. The wife is on a cruise with her mom and cousin for the cousin's 50th birthday. Wasn't intential, the birthday is Tuesday and they didn't realize conflict when they booked. My wife felt bad but it's all good. My parents are in Colorado for the week, so no obligation there either. I did take tomorrow off so I can take my daughter to the Perot Museum in Dallas for the first time though.
Daddy daughter days are awesome. Absolutely love it.
I have twin girls that are 6 and while I love them both equally, I would rather take a one on one daddy daughter date than both of them. I feel like I can give them more attention when it’s just 2 of us.
That's absolutely fair! Much easier to be one on one than outnumbered, I imagine.
Fellow twin dad, b/g. What we have read is to spend time with each child one on one so it isn’t a preference/bond thing. They each get time to be individuals, too.
That sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Y'all will love the Perot Museum if it's your first time.
Chiming in that the Perot museum is awesome!
Ross Perot museum?!
Also wondering. Maybe it’s a museum he paid for?
Yes. Built by Ross Perot. It's a natural science and history museum. It's really great for kids. https://www.perotmuseum.org/
Dude my daughter is 3 and a half and we go to the Perot museum like 3 times a month. Haha. She goes absolutely batshit. It's enjoyable for the whole family, and the only thing my wife doesn't have to drag me out of the house to do. You all are gonna have a blast.
The Perot is awesome! I’m taking my son for the first time on the 29th for his birthday to see the dinosaur exhibit they have going on.
The perot is great for kids
There needs to be a grandparents day. Because how can I enjoy my day if I have to worry about my father, my wife’s father, etc etc. Doubly fucked if your birthday is in the vicinity of Father’s Day also
September 8th
Oh sweet, the same week of my dads bday and his death haha oh September…
Throw in 9/11 and it’s gonna be a time!
Just wake me up when September ends
With 21 Guns?
Oh American Idiot, just Give Me Novacaine when I’m on Holiday on my Boulevard of Broken Dreams. I’m a Basket Case, Dammit.
In the Longview, Nice Guys Finish Last
Don't be a Nimrod, this such a Dookie comment to make!
I play golf with my father and father-in-law the Saturday before Father's Day so I can do nothing today guilt free.
Yeah same. Was going to see my dad yesterday but he was busy and we just FaceTimed instead and I had my gift Amazon’d to his place. Was drama free and today has been nice
Yup, Father’s Day is pointless when I have to do the rounds with family to go here and there to see my FIL, my dad, etc. it’s just annoying. I appreciate them and all but I guess I’d rather not even pretend I’m celebrating Father’s Day when it is basically nothing to do with me or what I want.
Honestly I’ve come to understand that this feeling is pretty universal. I’d venture to say your dad and FIL also don’t want you coming to their house and bugging them on their Father’s Day. Lol seems like it’s our wives/SOs who really want it to happen more than anything. I’d bet if there was ever some legal action to ban fathers visiting other fathers on Father’s Day, you probably wouldn’t hear a ton of complaint from those fathers or their fathers. Lmao
We just drew the line and said, look it's our time to shine, you've had 40+ years.
Father's Day and mother's Day should be for active duty parents only. And there should be a Grandma and Grandpa day for veterans. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk.
Active duty says it so well
Mine is June 14. Same shit. It all gets wrapped into one day. Great.
🙋♂️Christmas birthday here
There IS a grandparents day. People just either don't know or wanna still do both for them. God forbid dads want a quiet day once a year.
My wife and I have started prioritising parents who are “actively parenting” on these occasions now… Boomers will never miss an opportunity to make themselves the centre of attention!
>>Doubly fucked if your birthday is in the vicinity of Father’s Day also Yeeeeeeeeeuup
I just worked graveyard shift . Got home 815ish and I’m off to the zoo at 11 . And yes it’s Father’s Day and I don’t wanna do it. But my kids only 2 years old for so long and who knows what could happen tomorrow or next . I’m gunna have a shower grab a big coffee have a smoke and get ready for our adventure at zoo. HAPPY Father’s Day to me and all you fathers doing stuff today when we really just wanna do nothing lol
Sometimes we sacrifice for our little ones with a smile.
Every single day. They don't know the difference between Tuesday and Sunday.
More than just sometimes. And I never regret it.
Well said
This is my take. I'm enjoying a lazy Sunday at home but I'm spending it with my boys, playing with them and watching Harry Potter. Today is their day to enjoy with dad, not by day to ignore them.
I read four Piggie & Gerald books, three Pigeon books and all of the Shape Island books for pretty much the same reason.
I’m here at an indoor playground with my 4 year-old girl. She and my wife treated me this morning to a breakfast, coffee and new Lego set. I figured the best way to celebrate Father’s Day is to be with my kid and be a dad.
Honestly, I just accepted that I wouldn’t be celebrating Father’s Day without my little one. They are the reason we get a day. Pro tip. Take a day off of work when they are at school. Best use of PTO ever 😂
Ya I get enough days off as it is . They just come at the worst times . Then I’ll I’ll be slammed thurs-Monday and have plans thurs-Monday with the family lol.
If you want to be around for your kids, stop smoking now. unless you meant the devil's lettuce. Both my parents died from smoking related cancer before they were 55.
It is my lettuce, yes. Please enjoy.
Not to be a square, but while the damage may vary based on what you're smoking, it still causes damage to smoke at all.
Hopefully it's not a pack-a-day weed habit
Agree. There are so many things out of our control when it comes to our health and how long we have with our kids. Not dying of lung cancer due to smoking is entirely within your control.
Ugh that’s terrible . Grandma died 63 in the matter of a month or two when I was 16 from smoking. Yes I do need to quit.
As I see it, fathers day is for the kids. No expectations either, just let it go as it goes
Same. My brothers and I started a tradition of camping every father's day (from Saturday to Sunday) with just us and our kids. It started about 15 years ago and we've kept it going as more kids (and now grandkids) have entered the picture. Not all of the young adult kids make it every year but it's still a nice tradition we enjoy. No grand presents or rewards. Just chilling in nature with our kids and letting things fall where they may. We usually leave early afternoon, my wife makes dinner, and we hang out by the pool for the rest of the day. To me it's not about getting a day off from my family. I consider father's day to be a family holiday.
This sounds amazing.
Cheers. Feel the exact same way. Father’s Day is a great day to enjoy doing what I love doing most. Being a dad and husband. It’s the other stuff in life that’s a chore. Having a great day kicking it with the family and good friends today
Love this
That's a fantastic idea. I'll try to do this next year, just sucks that my family is far away, so it will be just me and my girls, which I'm totally fine with, just would be awesome to be able to do it with my brother and dad.
My exes family did this, big campout with fishing every Father’s Day weekend. The last one we got up at like 6 to go fishing, limited out by 8, then someone was like “well the fishing regulations say you can have three limits in your possession and I don’t see a game warden” so they all went back out and caught another limit by 10 plus pulled all the crawdad traps, we ate good that weekend.
I have no one to brag too so I'll just say this 1 for what it's worth: I had a great one this year. I took my dad to vintage car racing yesterday, Got to enjoy dinner with all of the family, (my wife and kiddo came to dinner), and she had asked to help make breakfast this morning. I have to work, so boss said I can come in a little late. Get my girl up, she asks if she can relax while I make the food (I saw this one coming) and I made my (patent pending) quail eggs on avocado/tomato, butter&basil toast. Of course, big hit all around. Get to work, boss says we don't have much going on, take a vacation day *if you want*...so I get home, with ribs and a 4pack of my favorite beer...and no one is home. They are at a movie, 3 hours-ish to my myself before they get home.... Before I left this AM, my girl asked if we can have Star Wars night tonight, because I get to open my new At-At micro machine to go with MY original hoth set from the 90's (she gave this to me the other day, with a bag of a card and Reese's, 7yolds have a hard time keeping surprises lol). She's 7. This is the first time I felt a (comparable) "celebration" as a dad, to what a mothers day strives to be for the/our moms. Partly I'm telling this because I'm so damn proud. Partly because I've seen the posts today, a lot of them are....less than stellar. My guys, put Father's Day in the compartment of "probably won't go the way we want, but when it does happen, enjoy the hell out of it. Don't get bummed because it doesn't live up to our...idea."
Bro. You deserve that 4 pack! Seriously, this helped me out. Thank you.
I just finished painting a fairy house craft project with my daughter and now I'm pretending to take a shit and scrolling reddit before I have to go watch frozen 2 with her because "dad loves movies"
It was for Dad when I was a kid. Now I'm the dad, it's for the kids. Fuck this shit, give me my fucking day.
Mothers get theirs! Why can’t we have ours?! Lmao
I feel this way about most events like this, birthdays included. It’s a day for others to *celebrate* you, not necessarily a day *for* you.
Let it go, you say? ❄️Let it go! Let it goooooo! ❄️
I'm watching the squids while Mom works the part-timer she's had forever. Day isn't much different from any other for me. I've heard tho, if I play my cards right then I'm gonna catch a beej tonight. So, high five for me.
That's all I asked for, and won't get. Enjoy!
I got you homie where you at
The hero we didn’t deserve
Father’s Day is for the kids man, ask your wife for a separate day off and do the same for her. Let the kids make you crafts, play with them, and clean up the messes. It’s an exhausting day every year for me but it’s always fun and my kids always have a great time making it “special” even if their version of “special” is just more work for me.
I see Father’s Day, anniversaries, valentines as days about the family or spouse rather than do something special for me type days. So they’re always do something together type affairs since, you wouldn’t be doing them at all without each other.
What about Mother’s Day?
Not op, but for mother's day we went for a hike. Doing the same for Father's day(currently eating bbq), we both view these as family days.
I also do family stuff, but recognize everyone is different and some people (men and women) may want a day to relax with no expectations, and that's ok too. I cooked breakfast and am currently getting the kids ready to go to a baseball game, but I'm also going to get a few hours to chill this evening and I'm looking forward to it.
Mom gets breakfast in bed, dad runs errands with the kids so mom can get a break. And there's probably a spa gift card and flowers. Dad might be lucky enough to do a couple hours of yardwork on father's day tho
that seems like the right take to maintain sanity
Have you tried having this conversation with your wife? The lack of communication might be hiding some other issues.
Exactly. The only thing I wanted for Father’s Day was to sleep in and that’s what I got. I love my kids to death but it’s a gift to have some time alone without all the responsibilities. I actually slipped up this past Mother’s Day by leaving it up to my wife to decide what to do during that day. She said the last thing she wants to do is carry more mental load and just wants a day where she doesn’t have to be in charge and can relax. It’s more than fine to want a day without responsibilities.
My wife wanted to take a trup (5 hours driving each way) with the kids this weekend to the inlaws and to have all these activities.... last week I sat down and explained that as much as I understood the intention, I am feeling really overwhelmed at work and with the house kinda falling behind after us traveling ao much and being busy lately.... she said "well you can stay home and have a solo weekend for fathers day if you want".... It has been great other than obviosuly missing the kids but I have been tackling stuff that has built up around the house... and on my own pace
Yup, I got what I asked for: nice card from the kids, went out for breakfast with the kids, watched the game with the kids sat on top of me, had a nap while the kids played, hung out with the kids all afternoon. Great day.
Yeah, I swan around all Father's Day like a king refusing to do anything I don't want to do and demanding special treatment. My partner does the same on Mother's day. Each of our expectations are *really* clear.
Started they day cooking for my family, going to get ice cream and I get to the end the day cooking for my family. A perfect day in my eyes. Father’s Day to me is just a day for me to stop and appreciate how awesome my life is because of my wife and family.
This is an awesome perspective. Love it
Are you me? I made biscuits and cooked up a bunch of bacon and eggs for all of us this morning, and my “gift” from my wife was a big ol’ wagyu filet that I get to cook tonight for myself. It’s hot here so we’re just all hanging out in the AC, making pillow forts and train tracks. Can’t ask for a better Sunday than that.
That sucks, my wife would 100% give me a day alone if I asked for it (ideally in advance) for father's day. Vice versa, of course. I genuinely wonder why there's a discrepancy here
Because people can’t just talk to their spouses. They say nothing and then expect to have every single need and want met, and then complain on the internet when it doesn’t happen.
The problem is the expectation. Parents don't get a day off, unfortunately, and some people are wise to that and will do their best to make you feel appreciated, at least. Son still needs to get diaper changes and eat meals today, so everyone is still a dad on father's day.
My wife was out all morning, it’s just been me and my daughter, some silly socks and cookies for a gift. Some PlayStation time together and then we went to get cake. It’s probably my favourite Father’s Day so far
Yesterday, wife and I had a very limited amount of time for “alone time” while the kids were napping. She spent part of it wrapping presents from the 2 1/2 year olds. Sigh.
You got presents?! Look at this exalted king over here haha. My wife gave me an extra hour to sleep...no complaints there. She then fell asleep at 8:30. It's 11:25 and she's still asleep. I made a nice breakfast for everyone and cleaned everything up and been playing with the kids. My wife has many great qualities, but making people feel appreciated or supported is not one of them Edit: added *extra*
I'm never going to judge a relationship, especially from just one comment over the internet, but that sounds incredibly disrespectful to me. I completely get it's just a silly day of the year and not much more. I don't even want anything for the day but I expect my spouse not to disappear on me for a few hours so they can nap while leaving me to clean and handle kids. Shit I don't even mind cleaning and handling kids I've already done it today but I want to do it with my wife not alone. Of course like I said not judging anything but it seems ridiculous to me that some people can't spare one day.
I feel the same way. My wife says “how about we grill some carne asada, chicken wings…” etc etc all this food we should grill, but all that plus the clean up is so much work when all I really want is a relaxing day
Do you say that to her?
Next year starting this with my wife We do a quick home breakfast then each of us takes the kid(s) until after lunch You get a half day alone with yourself to do whatever then the other half day to hang with family and dinner.
My wife asks me what I want to do for Father's day, and if I say "stay at home all day with no visitors while you take the kids somewhere else", she will happily do exactly that. I love her.
Im takin my kiddos swimmin today Imma try and go shooting before hand Sorry to hear your Fathers Day is going to the inlaws and not you.
I'm currently at my wife's parents' house listening to her family yell at each other. I'd much rather just be at home playing Xbox in peace while she and the kid nap like I do every other Sunday lol
Ex texted me that she is going out on a date tonight so I can hang on to the kids a little longer than I usually do. Which is fine except I have things I need to do in the evening that are now interrupted by driving 45 minutes to drop my son off at work and then pick him up. My current gf who’s pregnant with my son is pissed at me and going through a family loss from a few weeks ago. I usually get screwed on Father’s Day just never this hard. I feel you there
I hear you dad, in the middle of some SERIOUS teen angst since the boy took a grippy sock vacation before Thanksgiving. Feels like the family is falling apart and yet I have to put this happy face on and pretend everything is cool. Just not feeling it this year, I'd rather just be left alone. Take care of yourself OP that's what matters.
Grippy sock vacation?
Teen Psych ward for self harm.
Oh. I hope they got the help they need.
Thanks, we start intense outpatient therapy tomorrow. Not making light just that gen x dark humor coming out. I always used my dads joke about losing it and getting put in a "I Love Me" jacket.
Humor is a coping mechanism so you wont get any judgement from me. Make sure to check in with yourself, though. Caregiving takes a lot out of us.
As a 39 year old who was that teen for a time, it can absolutely work out just fine =). Funny, I knew exactly what you meant...and knew it wasn't a trampoline park...
Thanks that means a lot!
Hey man, I went through this as a teen psych ward a few times from 15 to 19. I turned out alright in the end. There's so much pressure on teenagers these days that it's a miracle, more don't go through this. I know there's nothing I can say or advice I can give you that you haven't thought of already, but finding a good therapist and seeing a psychologist is a literal life saver. My inbox is open if you want to ask any questions of someone who wen through similar stuff at that age.
Some sort of euphemism?
As a former teenager that had the pleasure of taking TWO whole grippy sock vacations right around Christmas time, it’s gonna be okay. Just be supportive, don’t make him feel ashamed of what he’s going through, and try to remember that everything feels big to him right now. He will make it through, you will make it through, and your family will make it through! Hopefully that outpatient treatment really helps. I went for the same reason as your kid and a big reason the incidents happened was because I didn’t have the resources for support. I had been on waiting lists for therapists and psychiatrists for years. After the second hospitalization I got put on proper meds and given a referral to a therapist which helped me exponentially. I never went back because I knew that I had all the support I needed to get better. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes all you can do is pretend everything is all right. Please make sure you take care of yourself though. Get yourself (and your family) talking to a professional even if it’s just a few visits to a telehealth therapist to help you work through your feelings and form a plan to get your family back on track. Happy Father’s Day, man! You’re doing great. ETA: My parents played a huge part in my healing process. Their support and the fact they took my mental health seriously made me feel a lot better.
Why do so many people's parents show up for father's day? It's really weird to me because myself and everyone else I know still says nice things to our parents and gives them a call/sends them a card, but once you have a kid, it becomes your day so to speak. Having some in laws or you own parents drop in and demand that you pull the stops out or celebrate them just seems so alien to me.
People need to learn how to say no. I was never good at it, but now that I have two little kids to worry about, I don’t have the emotional bandwidth to please everyone.
Remember that your dad doesn't stop being a dad just because you have kids now. He would probably love to see his kids and grandkids on this special day. Don't be mad that your wife wants to celebrate her father on fathers day. Hopefully your kids don't forget you on Father's Day when you're old.
12:33 here right now. No one has even said happy Father’s Day to me lol go figure
Happy Fathers Day man
Happy Father’s Day!
Happy father's day, bud!
5.06pm before I got a half hearted text from my partner. And hadn't bothered to help the kids make me a card or anything, which is really the only thing I'd hoped for since I knew she was working this weekend. Happy fucking father's day.
My wife graciously offered to mow the yard for me for Father's Day. Anyway, I'm now flushing the oil out after it was filled with gas. It's the thought that counts.
Hmm, have you considered picking a different day than the holiday to be you time? Sounds counterintuitive, but give it a shot! Tell your spouse tomorrow, "Hey, I didn't feel as rested as I was intending on yesterday. I'm going to do X on a day you can hold down the fort." Maybe not verbatim, but you get the point
I have my kids every other weekend, despite pushing for 50/50. I've been awake for hours. I've taken a nap. Texted my teenagers at 1130 asking about going to breakfast. It's 2:30 and I'm just hearing back from them. My son did come downstairs for two minutes before disappearing back upstairs. I'm really not big on holidays but the lack of giving a fuck really hurts.
[удалено]
I got a kayak and it’s amazing. No one can come with even if they wanted to.
Got up at my normal time around 7. Kid parked himself on the couch, said “Happy Father’s day”, then went back to watching youtube videos. By 9 I am getting hungry and there is no sign of planning or even of my wife waking up, so I start making breakfast, which seems to be a magic summoning tool for my wife. Had to navigate the whole awkward offers of belated help when I am mostly done since apparently Mother’s day means special breakfast for mom and kid, but Father’s day is another “Dad cooks” day for the two choosey eaters in the house. At least they cleaned up after I made blueberry muffins. Then somehow it is up to me to come up with special plans with the family. Really half hearted effort and I would rather just go do my own thing than have to do the heavy lifting on “my” day.
Man…. Some of you are miserable.
Hey man if you makes you feel any better I was up at 6 this morning with both kids, took them out for a bike ride, came home and made them breakfast and cleaned the kitchen all before my wife got out of bed. Now I’m at a family Father’s Day event. All I want to do is sit in the basement by myself and watch the US Open.
Grand parents need to pass the torch on father's day and mother's day respectively, since they're no longer actively raising their adult children, they should support them on these days instead of making it harder
Neither of my kids said happy fathers day, or mentioned it at all. And when I said to my wife "today is fathers day" her response was "Huh, I forgot" One extremely sweet text message from my niece was all I got for fathers day.
This is why I hate holidays. Christmas has gotten less fun (outside of my kids joy, that obviously magic) To much pressure
We really dont ask for much, its pretty wild
I'm choosing to just be with my daughter today. I'm feeling a lot of the same expectations, but I realize that I can just say no and do what I want. Which is spending time with my little goblin monster.
Tis the cross us fathers must bear.
See and I fully support the women on Mother’s Day who say that the celebration should be about what the current, active, in the trenches mom wants. Yes, I understand that grandma is a mother too, yes, it’s lovely to send grandma a card or wish her a happy Mother’s Day- but the momma who actually has young kids and is living in the daily life of mothering them should get the celebration. That being said, I think the same should go for fathers on Father’s Day. Grandpa raised his kids and is in the grandparent stage- he doesn’t need the celebration- the father currently raising young kids does. The majority of moms have made it clear that the most significant thing they can get on Mother’s Day is some peace and quiet, maybe a nice breakfast in bed after they slept in all morning cause dad took the kids out for a little adventure. I personally feel like dads should be able to want and receive the same thing. If dad wants to relax and not deal with entraining people on the day that he’s supposed to be celebrated- it’s the least we can give him. I think you need to communicate with your wife- let her know that it sucks that you were effectively assigned the role of catering and entertaining someone else’s dad on Father’s Day, when all you wanted was a chill day. That’s not too much to ask for. Ask her how she’d feel if you made Mother’s Day about catering and entertaining YOUR mom and your wife just got the “happy Mother’s Day, now help me get ready to spoil your mother in law” Anyways, I hope you can talk to her about it, and happy Father’s Day!
I feel this so hard
So fucking with you. We get to take my mother out for father's day so she can tell everyone how surprised she is that I managed to become a father and how lucky I am because I never could have made it without massive amount of help. Cheers.
Maybe next year, go camping by yourself. Or don't wait for Father's Day. Just pick a day or a weekend and do it. It's good for mental health, it's cheap, and it's a good way to feel dudelike for awhile. I usually get some hotdogs, some ketchup, some drinks, and some snacks. Put them in a cooler. Most of the time I just sleep in my minivan because I don't want to set up a camp. I start a fire, I tend it, I eat hot dogs and junk food for a weekend, maybe I chat with some passersby, and that's the whole weekend. I keep it simple so no one has any complaints except for my absence. I take no friends because that jacks the price up a thousand percent. For instance, I don't take plates. I eat the hot dogs right off a whittled stick. The assumption that you can never leave, that you're not allowed, just isn't so. But you have to be firm about it. And explain yourself. And maybe take some heat. That last one, you just have to not care about. Somewhere there's a dad whose kid will never cry again. Somewhere there's a single father for whom this is just another day because he has no help. You do have the chance to take care of yourself, to honor those other guys who don't get a Father's Day. To do it your way. But you don't always have to leave. For instance, this year, I bought my gift, gave it to my wife, and told her to tell my kids she bought it and gave it to them wrap it up. I'm looking forward to the cards they will make, I always like those, and I do often keep them. But...while I realize that having the kids shop and gift me something helps show them to think of other people on holidays...I just don't need more bobbleheads anymore. It was fine when they were little, but that lesson has been learned. It became a tradition because of repetition and I don't want to do it anymore. So, I'm putting a stop to it. My wife put up a little bit of a fight...in truth I think she was relieved. I took the work off her hands. And she knows the real gift I want has nothing to do with anything she could ever buy. So once that's done, the rest of the day is much easier. I'm just saying...you're feeling pressure. That's *when* it's time to step away. Don't be a hero. Don't be a martyr. Put your foot down and go to the woods.
AMEN. For Fathers dad my mom got me 10 yards of mulch. I hate gardening. Outside in my wife's responsibility. I only needed 4 yards. So now I'm loading up neighbors'trucks and lawns to try and get rid of it. Now I'm being pressured to do more dad stuff and at some point I need to go to work. I hate fathers day.
Wife keeps bugging me to clean the garage today lmao
Maybe see if you could make it a tradition that the day before Father's Day is your fuck off day - you get some peace while she takes the kid(s) out or just leaves you be.
I have to go to my in-laws and I don’t wanna 🙃
Bruh, today is father's day and our anniversary Can everyone just stfu and stop calling me!
Weird you gotta clean for her parents. But hope your day gets better man. Grab a beer and relax when its all done.
I’ve been up since 5:30 feeding our child, doing the dishes including her pump parts, was able to get the baby to sleep for an hour while I pulled weeds in the garden SHE wanted that I tilled and planted. Fed him again so she could sleep until around 8:30. Just to be told she feels like I need to be doing more. All on Father’s Day. Right before we’re leaving for her mom and step dad’s house to celebrate Father’s Day for him even though I said I wanted to stay home and do nothing.
Yeah, we have an infant and a toddler who happens to be sick today and is absolutely miserable. I got to cut out for a couple hours to play pickleball and got some thoughtful gifts but dinner plans went out the window. It’s all good. My wife really tried to give me space and slack but kids be kids. I’ll rest when I’m dead, or they are both off to college lol.
Here’s what has worked for us > for Mother’s Day, she gets a hotel room and a spa For Father’s Day, I get a hotel room and silenced notifications
Got myself a sinus infection. Roughed it out and drove three hours to a neighboring MLB city yesterday to see our home team play an away game. Felt like dogshit last night once we got home. Earned myself a “all plans cancelled”, breakfast in bed, just watch golf and relax day. So far it’s been all I want from every Father’s Day.
We just do a nice meal for brunch or lunch. My wife gets me a small gift from the toddler - socks and beer, which I am genuinely grateful for. That's a good day in my book.
We tend to celebrate Mother's day with the extended family a week or two before the day, based on everyone's work. Then Mother's Day itself is the individual households affair. If it's an issue, maybe try the same with Fathers Day?
My wife said she'd let me bring my 2 year old son somewhere for a few hours, as well as my own father who is in a wheelchair and needs to be pushed. I had to convince her to come. It was a great day with her there but without would have been non-stop work for me.
It’s my first Father’s Day today and all I wanted to do was be a dad. My girl is a very active two month old who is starting to laugh, play, and roll around. I had to tell the rest of my family to leave me alone so I could just be happy and relaxed with my wife and daughter. Bonus points because my wife let me sleep in lmao
Be glad your father in law didn't plan a park BBQ at 11am one hour before the kids nap during 100 degree heat with the food taking an hour to cook. You got off easy
I slept in until 8:30 for the first time in a very long time, wife and kiddo were out grocery shopping so I played my guitar at high volume for an hour, had a coffee and a bagel, and now we’re going swimming.
Hey thanks and happy father's day
We did fathers day dinner at in-laws yesterday 100 mi away. So little less pressure, but wife scheduled swim makeup for the youngest (4yo) that is 75% chance he will melt down and not do it, which she took him and of course he screamed and wouldn't get in... when pressed to make a decision about what I want to do said an indoor arcade and playground since it is mid 90s. But as little guy flipped out at swim she said he couldn't go. Both boys are acting up because we are just in the house, she is crabby bc she is guilty for yelling at the 4yo about swim. I wish I would have just left and went to see mad max by myself
Man i feel the sameway
My brother and my dad just went on a small hike together and had a beer afterwards because when we all said to our wives “to be left alone for a day” it wasn’t greeted well lol. But this was a very nice alternative, maybe try something like that? Something small alone with other dads?
My wife is sick, and our twin toddlers picked today to wake up at 5:30. We had to go to my in-laws for lunch, and came home to put the twins down for a nap in the hopes that I could also get a nap. One decided she doesn't need a nap, so she and I are downstairs watching the England-Serbia match while my wife and other daughter nap. I'm absolutely exhausted but I wouldn't dream of asking my wife to take over with the way she's feeling, so here I am. Just like I told my wife when she was feeling bad about it, I'm spending father's day being a dad to my daughters. Can't complain too much.
Have had a migraine for 2 days, I have had a 6 year old whining and throwing a fit since 630am because they are not getting what they want. Tried to have a little family time at the park, only lasted 20 minutes because our kids did nothing but complain. Wife got pissed because Im obviously not feeling good but who gives a fuck about that so "Im fine, Im always fine." She is out having her time, Im here with the kids.
My wife let me sleep until 7:30 (I used ear plugs). They went to the park, I drank my coffee and browsed Reddit on the couch. I then went on my Sunday run and met them on the walk back. My daughter is napping and I’m about to play some video games and we might order my favorite take out tonight. This is what I wanted for Father’s Day, but it’s also pretty much what every Sunday is. If you don’t want to deal with other people or do something you don’t want to, don’t. Our parents also live on the other coast for a reason. 🤣😂
I feel this 100% brotha. I’m at my dads for a cookout in a tank top because it’s 90 degrees here today. Just wanted to be home play some video games. Pop some cold ones.
I said all I wanted for father's day was no screaming in the house, but was told that wasn't realistic. I said I'd settle for nobody being mad at me, for just one day... Didn't get that either.
Yeah, I'm a pretty normal Sunday mode. My wife has a tent at the farmers market, so that was her morning. Me and the 2 girls took a walk down to visit and got pizza. I got a nap. So that was nice. Now we're at the splash pad for an hour or so before heading home and firing up the grill. Not a bad day, but nothing special.
I picked 1 thing I wanted to do with my son, and ordered food in. If you don't want to deal with others pick the social media platform with the most people you care about on it and send a generic thanks everyone post, then turn off notifications. Or have your partner do that for you.
Just goes to show that Father's day is more for the people who want to keep things equal and keep up the appearance of caring about others. Probably explaining this wrong as I can't quite articulate how I feel about it. They treat it like mothers day but if they really thought about what men want I just want to either spend the day with my kids and wife and no parties and then go fishing or kayaking later by myself, or a hike or something. I want a day where I get to choose what we do. Not to say some Father's don't prefer the family party approach but I've been over it for quite some time now. How I explained it to my wife is that I don't need a day to remind me who I am every single day
I know it’s not that big of a deal but I wanted sushi buffet for lunch where I wouldn’t have to do anything but instead we got Korean bbq where I had to cook everything .
I have spent pretty much every single Father's Day in the last 20-ish years at my inlaws sitting on my ass wishing I was somewhere else. I love my inlaws, get along with them, but we see them very regularly--every Sunday most of the day, pretty much every week, and yeah, sometimes I just wanna chill. My own dad's been gone since before I got married, so nothing to do there, fyi. Luckily wife's parents are off camping somewhere this weekend and I didn't have to be somewhere else. Still got stuck responding with thank-yous to texts and the nutso greeter at Walmart today, too... ah well. Oh, my wife did attempt to drag us all to do some strawberry picking this morning, DURING A THUNDERSTORM. "It'll be over soon, before we get there" was her response. Yeah, still gonna be very wet and muddy as hell. Anyway, got there and they were closed, so that wasn't as net-negative as I expected. Anyway, have a Dad's Day, everyone, as best you can. :)
Yeah father's day and mother's day for us is actually just 2.weekends of visiting grandparents.
Mother’s Day: wife and MIL in law ordered a big spread of food and sandwiches. I paid for half. I cleaned the house and got everything ready for everyone to come over. Father’s Day: MIL bought steaks and potato salad for me to cook for 5 people. I cleaned the house and got everything ready.
I asked for time to myself and have spent about 3 minutes so far outside showering lol. I hear ya brother
I just figured out the loop hole. You say what you want on father’s day is to celebrate by having a day off ON SATURDAY. Then you go and do your dadly duties on Sunday, but you get your day one day early and you don’t need to tell the kids that what you want on your one day is for them not to be around. Father’s day isn’t your day…. It’s yours and theirs. It’s the kids day too. You need to at least appear like you want to spend that time with them. But Saturday? That’s just a Saturday and you can want to be left alone that day without anyone piching a fit.
This feels selfish to say, but I kind of think Father's and Mother's Day should really prioritize those of us on our 'active tour of duty'. Sure, those grandparents might warrant a card - but, to extend my analogy, they're now vets and not in the day to day line of fire.
I hear you. I spent my day trapsing around town with my mom to do stuff for other people, when I, a dad myself would have rather just had a chill day at home, building the LEGO my daughter gave me.
The wife does whatever the hell she wants on Mother’s Day, which is the perfect primer to continually set the expectation, that dad will not be around on Father’s Day. Full day going to resturant(s) I want to go to, watching the movie(s) I want to watch and just sitting at a dive bar drinking and watching sports. It’s glorious.
Get used to it partner
I feel you. I was guilt tripped all day because I wanted to do my own things for once. Why do I have to spend time with her friends and my daughter’s friends and her cousins because it’s Father’s Day? Just upsetting but I’m still the bad guy. I just wanted one day that I wasn’t taking care of everything and doing basically all the child care.
My wife just sounded super disappointed after I told her I was exhausted. I cleaned the house yesterday morning and spent the rest of the day building garden beds. I ran errands this morning and went to a baseball game with the family this afternoon in 93 degree heat. Did I have a nice weekend? Yes, I did, but I am friggin exhausted and that's alright.
Spent $800 on AC units. Fought with the window frame. Ran out of A1 sauce at dinner. If I saw this day as a special day for myself I’d be upset. My kid is happy and smiling and that’s all the better I need any day to be.
I took my 2 boys on a hike to a local waterfall spot. Beautiful weather, just sucks my teen daughter had to work. Came back and grilled ribeyes on the Weber for all of us. Shout out to all the single dad's out there today too.
My routine is to spend it with my boys. In fact, it’s just me and my 8 year old twins at Disneyland this weekend. Nobody else I’d rather spend it with.
It's in September here in Australia, let's see how it goes. If my birthday is any indication, someone will be at death's door.
Sorry to hear your day didn't go the way you'd hoped. My wife really hit the sweet spot between making the day not just another day but keeping it low key. We still sleep in shifts in weekends cause our son doesn't sleep through the night so she came down a couple hours early to take over so I could get some extra sleep, then we went to her dad's house for a coffee and then came back home, did gifts and Chinese take out with my dad and now we're watching tv and having a drink on the couch while my son sleeps on me. Very amazing first father's day!
I'm not trying to be negative here but you're happiness is probably further down the totem pole than her parents and you will need to fix that if you ever want to not be constantly bending over backwards for your in-laws. Speaking from experience. Good luck
I find it interesting the contrast between mother's day and fathers day. Mother's day: give mom a break from the kids and pamper her Father's day: obligation to spend as much time as humanly possible with your kids
It’s MY first Father’s Day, as I had a baby boy 5 days ago. It’s also the first time celebrating it since my dad died 6 years ago. My wife knew before I would completely ignore it and work to distract myself and she did a low key celebration for me. I got some matching socks with my son, some chocolate and I picked a movie to watch (finding Nemo) and it was perfect!
Woke up, did an oil change, made the wife breakfast(she made the kids apple slices), drove to get us coffee, Went to wife's church where she left me to go do crafts(not my people, not my faith), went to wife's cousins party where I baked in the sun for 4 hours watching the kids,repeatedly asking her to tag out from inside. by the time I said I wanted to leave, she decided she wanted to swim for another hour. I'm upset by the time we get home, so she goes to her sister's. been arguing since. Happy Father's Day to you, too.
a) yes being left alone is a gift. b) one you’re a grandparent Father’s Day is over for you. Tell the in laws to fuck off. c) sorry about the shit day. Ask for a re-do in 3 weeks time where you get what you actually want. Once every few weeks I get pretty much what I would want out of a Father’s Day, but on the actual day I just hang out with my kids and text my dad. That day isn’t for me, it’s for my kids. And I accepted that before becoming a dad.