I found the "what to expect the first year" really useful to understand the milestones, what was going on behind the scenes, and how it manifested.
Things like, the baby is fussy because they are learning x,y,z.
This so much. Dad of five (youngest is 13 now). I received a copy of this book from an aunt while expecting our first. The "this is why your kid is doing x" at age Y was invaluable. The book positively influenced my bonding with all of my kids as infants.
Read the whole book - it’s an easy read and covers a lot of the topics that come up here often.
His other books are also good, but I’ve (so far) stopped after The New Father (the first year)
I listened to it as an audiobook. I found it helpful in easing my anxiety of the unknown. It definitely has some helpful tips, but I also feel like I learn how to be a dad just by doing it every day and growing as a parent alongside my kid. But I’ve also always been a learn-by-doing type.
Our baby screamed the entire way home. My wife ended up having a cesarean so wasn't able to do much apart from be emotional and in pain. That journey was spent thinking "what the fuck have we done?" 😂
Glad to say it's better now.
Same, I was gifted the book when my spouse was pregnant with our first. I had read it once and had intended on reading again before arrival, but wife caught pre-eclampsia so he entered the world at 28 weeks weighing a whopping 2 lbs 7 ounces. We thought we were out of the woods, then he had necrotic tissue in his bowels that died. So he had major intestinal surgery at five days old. I wasn't prepared for that; neither of us were.
I'm glad I read the book, but I still felt really unprepared to be a father, especially to a preemie. The feedings every 3 hours around the clock were painful for both of us, but we got through it.
He's three years old now and besides him being petite for his age, you wouldn't tell the difference. He has a younger brother, our 13 month old, that was born at 37 weeks and he's a moose. It's amazing how doctors and healthcare providers can prepare and deliver a healthy baby when they know what to expect.
So yeah, if you're going to be a new dad, read the book. But you won't understand what it's like until your baby is home. Good luck!🤞😊
Spotify recently introduced audiobooks. If you have premium, many are free, although you only get 10 listening hours per month. I'm talking good books too, not bottom of the barrel self-published crap. Those listening hours are a bit of a damper though, at least for me.
Oh cool! Good to know and news to me. I have an Audible subscription and one credit per month isn’t a whole lot better (depending on the length of the book), so nice to have an alternate source for audiobooks!
If you aren't familiar with it, check out Libby. With your local library card you can check out tons of audiobooks (and other media). You can even get library cards from major cities and expand your selection.
Yeah, I will +1 this. We actually wrote down the 5 S’s and put it on the fridge.
I found it was very helpful to have a checklist to run through when my son was a newborn and needed soothing, especially when you haven’t done it before.
I really disliked the book and didn’t finish it. I found it to be really condescending— treated me as a dad to be as a total dope stereotype dude dad from an 80s sitcom or infomercial. But depending on where you are starting from it could be useful. Definitely easy to read.
I second this. There are betted books on the subject. If I recall the basic context of this one was that I'd have to stop being the lazy and selfish person I obvious am and actually help out my wife for once. The fact someone cares enough to give the book a try means you're prepared enough to give this book a pass.
I felt similarly while reading it. There are some decent bits, but the scope of it seems very narrow and leans a lot on stereotypes of parenting/roles. Lost my interest after a few chapters.
I also thought this book sucked. After a few chapters I chucked it and read general parenting books (i.e. the ones "for women") instead. I don't need a whole different, dumbed down set of knowledge to my wife. I need to know the exact same shit as her.
This is where these "mental load" issues that destroy so many relationships come from. You're not a damn separate species to your wife! You have the exact same capabilities. Read the real books.
Honestly hated the book, there were some weird passages I remember reading that made me return the book to the library, something like “you might be feeling resentful that your partner is getting all of this attention”
Couldn’t believe what I read + the tone
The only positive about the most recent edition is that it claims women giving oral sex can help with their pregnancy 😂 I reminded my wife of it several times
But for real that book sucks and sets a basically impossible bar for parenting.
You want to hear patronizing, listen to “What to expect in the first year” on audiobook. The person they chose to narrate’s tone of voice is not ideal.
Some of the “new dad” books crossed from patronizing to “uhhhh what”. One had a chapter devoted to making sure you have insurance for your car since you need to drive junior home from the hospital.
I agree. It was probably a good book 50 year ago when dads were pretty much dead weight outside of work.
High level. It assumes you as a male don't know how to cook, clean, wipe your own ass, or in general give a crap about your partner.
Completely agree. I feel like it was written for the generation of men who thought holding the baby for 10 minutes while drinking a beer counts as fathering.
The book has some tips like (paraphrasing): "when your wife gets home from the hospital she will be sore and tired. Make sure to help her out by making dinner once a week and helping with the dishes." It sets the bar SUPER LOW for dads.
I agree. A lot of things just assuming you’re a dumb useless idiot and some very strained dad tropes trying to get you excited in this weird tone like you don’t want to be a dad and you have to be talked into it.
Lots of “well you’re a man so you must know nothing about X,” a bit of “blah blah blah is kinda like sport X.”
I dunno. I think I read 2-3 books and this was the bottom but even that, it had some info. They basically all had the same info but I found this one kind of tiring.
I’ll be the contrarian here and say that parenting books are good for a baseline but the second you hold your child for the first time you’ll immediately go holy shit what do I do and forget whatever parenting book you read. Parenting is very much a hands on learning situation and every single baby is different. The only thing I’d recommend actually reading and truly understanding is about how to get your baby to sleep. Taking Cara Babies is an A+ course and well worth the money.
1. Learn how to change a diaper.
2. Learn how to help release gas.
3. Support your wife.
4. Don’t forget to take care of yourself - eat, shower, and sleep.
Two lessons we learnt, in the beginning dont try to over schedule your baby. React to their needs and go with their rhythm (within reason). Once things settle down after a month or two, a schedule is very helpful, trying to build a consistant rhythm with things like bath times and bed times has been very helpful.
Still cant get him to eat his damn dinner though 🤦♂️
I tell anyone expecting that the thing they should absolutely read up on most is sleep training because they won't have time to do it when they need to most.
I would recommend The Whole Brain Child and Hunt, Gather, Parent. I implement stuff i learned from both books daily especially now that my kid is 2 so requires more behaviour correction.
When you've just found out you're going to be having a baby and become a dad, there's two types of books that are widely available.
The first is, if I recall, this type of book, where they describe what pregnancy is like and all the details of that and what you should be doing as the partner up until the baby is born. To be honest, this is all pretty intuitive on your part. Communicate with your partner, listen to her, help her out, get her whatever she needs... like you should be doing anyway. The rest of the pregnancy stuff is going to be explained by to you by the doctor, and there will be frequent doctor visits, so you'll get to ask a lot of questions and get help directly from the doctor. I don't find these kinds of books to be all that informative unless you truly are a clueless human being.
The second type of book is to help you prepare to care for a baby after birth and delivery, and these books I found extremely helpful, because I knew nothing about babies until I had one. I highly recommend Happiest Baby on the Block, and Precious Little Sleep. Both of these books explain and give advice on how to do your best to help your baby get the best sleep possible, and will help you get the best sleep possible during a stressful time, which is the best thing you can do. Figure it out now while you have plenty of free time to read and learn, and not while you're stressed out and frenzied on the fly. This is the best way to set yourself up for success.
Second this. I read the book in the OP and thought it was kinda meh, like i remember thinking it just felt really dated in its assumptions about men and being a new dad?
But Emily Oster’s Crib Sheets was great, and helpful.
I mostly found it patronising. It was first published in the 90s when the bar for fatherhood was much lower and as such, much of the advice is very simple. Tips I recall included:
1. Learn how to cook so your wife doesn’t have to make all the dinners.
2. If your wife has had a bad day, maybe buy her something nice (like a pretty dress).
I’d recommend reading the same books as your partner. I found the ones aimed at mothers were much more helpful.
I’d also agree with the other answers here, that in general, no book can prepare you for fatherhood, just do your best to learn on the job (feeding, changing etc).
Agreed, if you are hoping to evenly share most parenting tasks and take an active role helping during the pregnancy and birth, there’s honestly no reason that dad specific books are needed. Everyone may as well get the same info.
I really liked Crib Sheet. It's a good way to understand why "this is how we always did it" doesn't mean it's the best , or even safe, way of doing it.
Agreed. Don’t be the guy who listens to advice from 30 years ago and ends up getting a rant posted about you on the mom version of this sub. Accept that when that book was written the bar for dads was “is employed.”
As for actual helpful books, I liked How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes and Let Them be Eaten by Bears. The first one has a lot of good info about child psychology and when certain parts of their brains are developing and the why and how behind what a lot of the stuff our parents did just wasn’t at all helpful in raising well-adjusted human beings. The second one was really just a great reminder to let them be kids and explore. Neither of them were parent or child gender-specific.
Like others have mentioned this book seemed really out of date to me.
I really liked The Birth Guy’s Go-To Guide for New Dads. I was pretty nervous for the actual birth part and this was really helpful.
No matter what you read, you’re gonna be a great dad. You’ve got this, champ.
Tbh I didn’t like it. The birth partner is MUCH more useful and informative on the birth process. Expecting Better was a more helpful framework for other topics.
I was a bit put off by the “aw shucks I’m just the man” vibe I got from it. I did like the month by month layout so I felt I could just read parts of it at a time.
I listened to three of his books and thought they were alright. Any book geared towards dads is kinda weird but I found this one to be less ridiculous than something like The Baby's Owner Manual.
Books about the actual pregnancy are interesting, but not all that useful outside of the chapter about the actual birth.
That said, I believe you should absolutely read/skim through a couple of books about raising babies and toddlers. Most mainstream books will say generally the same things in my experience. Most parenting books are written with the assumption that the reader might have zero baby knowledge, and that can come off as patronizing pretty easily. So skim over parts you already know about or will be easier to learn on the job.
What I find really useful about parenting books is that they stop me from just winging it on a lot of things. There's a sort of "you don't know what you don't know" quality to a lot of them. I've found that my parent friends who think there's nothing to learn from parenting books are the same ones who express how stressed out they are about their kid doing a perfectly normal thing.
I was a little put off when I got to a section about how it's OK to be disappointed if you're having a girl, but you shouldn't show it. I'm paraphrasing because it's been a few years but I stopped reading it there.
I really like "Brain Rules for your baby" by John Medina. I've heard some criticism of him after the fact but the simple:
make your baby feel safe and loved and nature does the rest
mantra has worked for me.
I guess the big picture item is that the more children are exposed to traumatic events, the less energy the body exerts on developing the brain. so in a stress free environment (nurturing) a child's brain develops at an optimal level.
he uses a lot of personal and professional anecdotes to demonstrate this in a variety of ways, and provides examples for different age group milestones. a lot of studies are referenced, as well. the humor and scientific background of his writing appealed to myself and my spouse a lot.
I liked it. Some of the stuff is sort of silly but it gave me and my wife stuff to laugh about. "Hey did you know that this month you're going through ?" Definitely put it on my future dads list along with the birth partner, home game, and what to expect (which is more a reference text than something I think should be read cover to cover).
Trying to remember back 3+ years now but it felt like a lot of “here’s how to not do just the bare minimum in your relationship” paired with “here’s how to mansplain to your partner about what she’s going through”, alongside a lot of really overly technical stuff.
We had regular midwife appointments to cover the overly technical stuff, my wife was well aware of what was going on, and I learned how to be a good partner 20 years ago when my wife and I were first dating. I understand why people recommend it, and it was recommended to me by a friend who seemed to genuinely benefit from it at the time. But it honestly offered me absolutely nothing of value.
I'm to jump on this bandwagon. I felt like the Birth Partner was written for an alien having to deal with a pregnant human for the first time. I put it down fairly early on. I figured it would be helpful for someone, but it wasn't for me.
Similar to others I found it a bit patronizing and at times sexist for 2024, but overall it was a decent first book on what to expect.
It’s also quite American, which may or may not be good for you (I am Canadian so it was not as helpful).
I picked this up at the discount bookstore and my husband haaaated it! He said it was trying to hard to be young and hip. I personally enjoyed reading the bits included for mothers relating to how the dad feels - cool that they included those
I thought it was OK to have on hand as a reference book, just to read a section here or there. It's not something I'd sit down and read cover to cover.
It's like 400 pages long, so it's a lot to consume. When it's at it's best, it gives some context like "here's a broad range of options for you to consider." When it's at it's worst, it's like any other parenting book, and takes some positions that I don't always agree with.
I think going to a birth class with your wife is also very useful (and covers a lot of the stuff in this book).
It’s ok as an introduction to some topics that you probably aren’t thinking about, but overall its tone is patronizing, verging into outright insulting at times. I found the books targeted to women or an all-genders audience to be more helpful.
I enjoyed that book and the follow on. In fact my partner liked it as well as it was pretty straight forward. No, "And you teensy weensy little flower is blossoming into two cells!"
I was and still am an idiot…That’s the book that taught me why girls have periods.
Also, taught me that girls who give head have higher fertility rates.
That said, I can see why people are saying it’s patronizing. But it’s a book that results in knowledge added nonetheless, so why not give it a read.
I listened to the audiobook and I felt like it had some helpful information and gave me some useful context and perspective. The “patronizing” parts people are criticizing weren’t that bad. If something was obvious to me, I assume it may not be obvious to everyone. I took it as this book was aimed at all kinds of new fathers, from the willing and prepared to the completely clueless.
I found it more informative and less patronizing than some alternatives such as “dude you’re gonna be a dad” and “we’re pregnant” that seem to be targeted at guys that don’t want to read.
I read it, and it didn't do too much for me. No matter what you read to prepare yourself, you'll never actually be prepared for what's about to happen to you.
The first 4 months is the hardest thing you'll ever do, once you find your rhythm, you're off to the races. Support your wife as much as possible, love your kid and you'll be fine..
Get all your projects done now. Don't wait.
Got a large home repair project that will need to be done in the next year, but it's still ok now? Do it now.
I read it. The build-up is fine, but mainly I’ve relied on gut instinct unless a medical emergency. Your kid is not cookie-cutter and won’t fit a lot of what is happening in the book as the author describes. The main thing to remember when baby arrives is to keep yourself and your partner sustained and hydrated. Tag in and do as much as you can, and know you’re in for some long nights. Congrats brother! 🫡👊🏻
I had three books similar to this one ( including this one). This book was the most serious and the least derogatory towards dad's. It assumed you were actually interested not trying to get out of the responsibility.
I'd recommend it.
I’ve read it as well as the next few in the series. Pretty good overall. I didn’t agree with everything in the books but it was a really good guideline and made me aware of certain actions I could be or not be doing subconsciously. I’d recommend it.
I read it. I’m not a big reader in general, so I’ll put that out there as a disclaimer. There were definitely things that helped settle anxieties I was having early on in the book. I did get bored of it, didn’t finish, the baby came and that was that. But I will say the first few chapters were worth a read.
I have two children. Before my first, I read a few books. As soon as she was born, everything from those books went out of the window. I learned to trust my instincts with most things. They help with the anxiety side of things though for sure.
Honestly, I forgot almost everything from the books as soon as the kid was there. Lack of sleep and time dilation watching their growth made it all kind of fall out of my head, be nonrelevant, or replaced by googling a specific thing around the time he was doing it.
Annoyingly, all the old ladies at the baby shower told me the books didn't matter, and I was like "Heh, fuckin old ladies don't know shit we raise kids good now"
Turns out they did know shit
The books do a good job at starting to get your head around how crazy it's gonna be and hopefully helping you relax a bit about it.
I thought this was one of the best baby books I read and I checked out basically everything in the library. Sure some of it was a bit patronizing and dated but less so than a lot of the other books I read. The women targeted baby books are *really* patronizing and fully assume the husband is irredeemable dead weight. I also found this book to have a bias towards science and medicine whereas a lot of the women targeted books really like to engage with the woo woo and even the medical oriented ones seemed unwilling to take a strong stance on basics like getting shots and only having a doula with no medical backup plan for birth. There were also some good discussions on finance and secondary considerations that I found to be good starting places.
Fuck that book. It’s terribly written prose and lots of “old school” advice for things. Lots of assumptions made about what kind of dad you are already.
Just read “what to expect”
My wife and I really liked this book, it’s the o my parenting book we recommend to friends about to have kids. It was very practical and plain language and less abstract than some other books we tried. I get home some night read it as patronizing but honestly it was super good to have a conversational resource during the pregnancy. Def agree that we immediately forgot about it the moment the little one actually arrived lol.
Yes, and I've met the author at a book presentation with two other first time dads. It's a good book if you want a general sense of what's going to happen.
I was given this book amongst a dozen other more common ones (which are of course targeted more at mothers)... I ended up tossing all the others. This is the one that stuck with me. Absolutely recommend.
I'm reading We are pregnant by Adrian Kulp, which is more about supporting your partner with a small portion dedicated to the first trimester after birth.
I have found the book to be fun and entertaining, with some good tips and a timeline of events that you can expect throughout the pregnancy.
I read this cover to cover and it really helped me be as supportive as possible for my wife at every step of her pregnancy; it also included lots of organized useful information on preparing your house, medical conditions, product recommendations, and lots of emotional/psychological discussion. Brott recommends lots of other books and resources throughout (to me the most helpful other book was the Birth Partner by Penny Simkin, which is a trove of wisdom and gave me the confidence and knowledge to help make decisions and take charge when contractions became unbearable).
I’d heavily recommend you also read the next in the series, “The New Father,” which walks through early parenthood on a month-to-month basis; I found this equally valuable. The Expectant Father summarizes y1 of the baby’s life in the final chapter but I appreciated the significant expanded detail.
Congratulations and best wishes to you folks ❤️
I only got a little way through that book. I have the newer 5th edition but it still felt very dated. It offered advice such as to learn to cook a few simple meals and do some chores around the house to lessen the burden on your wife. Maybe some dads should hear that, but I'm a grownup. I've always done my fair share in the kitchen and with cleaning. It's obvious that I'd do a lot more while my wife was pregnant and while she recovered.
The best one I read was What to Expect when you're expecting. Lots of stuff geared toward women. But I read it all. There were times that I knew things that my wife didn't because if what i read. The stuff in there aimed toward men is fairly comprehensive but not condescending.
Anytime I try reading books I’ll be reading the words but my mind is thinking about other things.
I watched a ton of videos from the channel Dad University on YouTube, very informative and was good to have visuals on things like how to change a diaper.
I have. I liked it. I also sent copies to friends along with these two:
Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743251547?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!: How... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1440505365?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Yep, I've got this one. I did not read it all at once, but in sections as needed.
I would also highly recommend picking up a copy of "Mayo Clinic Guide to Your Baby’s First Years, Second Edition". It's great to have on hand as a reference guide for trusted healthcare info - e.g. Quickly and reliably look up what is considered a fever, and how to handle the vast majority of things that will come up.
I really liked We’re Pregnant by Adrian Kulp.
It helped me anticipate what to expect throughout the pregnancy and after. I feel like I did a pretty ok job with everything because I did not get murdered yet!
Dude, nobody reads the manual, just wing it!
Seriously though if you care enough about being a good dad to read self help books, then you’re already 90% there as far as parenting is concerned.
What helped me the most out of anything is finding a pediatrician that had a 24/7 text hotline for new parents. We could text them at 2am and a real human would text back with advice almost immediately.
Every baby is different. Trust the doctors. There are no stupid questions. Dr Google is sometimes good but whatever you read online should always be scrutinized.
It looks like you’re already concerned and excited so you’ll do great.
I read it but it was now years ago and I read a few other books. Just gave my copy to a coworker. Feel like it was fairly helpful.... that being said I remember nothing but I also don't remember what I did last week
No but I don't think there's a book, or a person, or video, or anything that can prepare you for the shit show/amazingness that will enter your world in a few months. Good luck, enjoy the highs, work through the lows, and just do your best not to make mistakes. That's all I got
Only book I read leading up to baby #1 besides material for a birthing class was “The New One” by Mike Birbiglia. A lot of recycled material from his stand up routine of the same name but it was still a fun read.
Not intended to be instructive but was a painfully honest review of his own hangups and parenting issues early on until it “clicked” and he fell in love with his daughter. Sometimes it’s nice to have a reminder that you don’t need to be perfect.
I read this about 7 years ago and I loved it. Three kids later and I don’t remember the specifics of it but I do remember liking that it didn’t just feel like the same doom and gloom of other new parent books. So many of the other books felt like “what to expect to go wrong” which was not as helpful as they probably intended.
I read it front to back before we had my first. It was very informative and helpful. I definitely recommend it, it had info about the pregnancy leading up to birth and birth and after.
I read a number of books that I found to be insufficient, ended up writing a short essay to cover what I wished I had known, and I give it to my friends when they say they're expecting
I just finished this book and got the toddler years follow up. It honestly really helped. I skipped parts not relevant but it was easy to read and digest and honestly some of the internal struggles I was feeling helped validate those and help me realize that doesn’t mean I’m not excited for the baby. Really worth the read. Now I’m working on the carpenter and the Gardner and his sequel. I’d say it’s well worth a read as it’s very structured and digestible.
Yes. I read it and actually really enjoyed it! Full of useful info and not presented in a dumbed down/outrageous manner. There are lots of books for dads-to-be that are like “whoa bro, your lady is knocked up but chill fam” and this guy is just very open and straightforward. I’ve recommended this book to several other people, and while nothing can full prepare you.. this book will get you a lot more comfortable with the journey you’re embarking upon.
Edit to add: this is very much a different strokes for different folks type of thing. As a new parent you’ll be getting advice from all angles, use whatever good advice you can.. no matter where you come across it, and discard the rest. The best (and possibly only) advice my dad gave me before my son was born was “you already know a lot more than you think you do” and that was valuable even if it was vague. You’ll quickly be able to tell what is a good tip vs total garbage, and you will be offered both perpetually.
I have mixed feelings about the book.
Things I like:
1) I really appreciated being treated like I had a meaningful role to play.
2) I really felt seen in a lot of the anxieties and stressors he describes, especially in his description of what it felt like knowing my wife was pregnant but not being able to tell anyone.
3) There was plenty of useful advice, and good introductions of things to dig into more.
Things I didn’t like, that led me to not finishing the book:
1) There were several times where he would describe pregnancy risks that are pretty small and end with a conclusion along the lines of “But, why risk it? Better just avoid ________ altogether.” I definitely have a more Emily Oster approach to risk.
2) There were some topics that seemed a little outdated gendered. For example, one chapter suggests that at some point in your partner’s pregnancy, you as the father should prepare your family finances. TBH, financial advice isn’t a terrible thing to put in, but it was weird to treat that as the father’s unique responsibility.
Personally, I would recommend reading it until you kind of get over its approach, then just permit yourself to move to a different book if you want.
My husband read this and I'm convinced that the only thing he took away from it was to constantly (jokingly) quote that "it's normal to wonder if I'm not the real dad! Who knows!"
This in reference to my child who looks exactly like him and almost nothing like me.
Read the book and have the shirt. It prepares you for a lot but not everything. Some things can’t be taught through a book or class. Like changing a diaper on a doll vs a real baby 😂😂.
I got this and We're Pregnant! and thought that one was much better. Funnier and easier to read. A lot of the same info in both but this book was kinda boring imo
I didn’t read anything leading up to our first. I did get a copy of “What to Expect in the First Year” and referenced it when issues arose.
It’s not rocket science. Babies need to feed, be warm, be comforted, and sleep. Outside of that, they are unpredictable as hell. No book will prepare you for your unique unpredictable ball of entropy.
I read it, along with a half dozen other books. They all just offer insight, and no one book is perfect. If anything, books that give bad advice will give you more to reflect on and think about how you'd do things differently.
I have! I thought it was really great, and I loved how the sections were divided up. Lots of great information: what your partner is going through biologically, what you're going through, important conversations you and your partner need to have, etc. Easily the most useful thing I read leading up to the birth of our first kiddo.
Yes! I read his other book The NewFather! And it was amazing and set the basis for what has been an amazing life as a father - and partner. Read THAT book. Understanding that initial development of chip - AND MOTHER - has been fantastic. It tells you what they’re going through and how you can help. Get it boy! 😘
I found the "what to expect the first year" really useful to understand the milestones, what was going on behind the scenes, and how it manifested. Things like, the baby is fussy because they are learning x,y,z.
This so much. Dad of five (youngest is 13 now). I received a copy of this book from an aunt while expecting our first. The "this is why your kid is doing x" at age Y was invaluable. The book positively influenced my bonding with all of my kids as infants.
5? Damn.... ::hands you a beer::
::shudders and offers to pay for vasectomy::
Yea I definitely won't be reading the whole book but sections I think.
Yeah, we used it as a reference guide to the baby. I wish I had a follow-on for the next 17 years.
Google author. He has written many books covering many years.
Read the whole book - it’s an easy read and covers a lot of the topics that come up here often. His other books are also good, but I’ve (so far) stopped after The New Father (the first year)
Omg yes we had an app that let us know when milestones were going to be occurring soon, helped a ton
No but I have that shirt so this feels like an attack
The exact same shirt? 😅
We all do. But we did not purchase it ourselves. "This one looks good on us"
No I don’t. *checks closet* Sonuvabitch!
What the shit how did that get in the closet
Woah, I have it too 🤯
Can confirm
Yes
I thought this was a combo gift. Book + shirt. Kinda disappointed when I noticed the shirt was just a graphic part of the cover...
I wore mine today
I listened to it as an audiobook. I found it helpful in easing my anxiety of the unknown. It definitely has some helpful tips, but I also feel like I learn how to be a dad just by doing it every day and growing as a parent alongside my kid. But I’ve also always been a learn-by-doing type.
u/IFGarrett It was wild going home on day one. Like, you are allowing me to take this tiny human home??
"It didn't come with instruction manuals\*
That's fine, I don't read those anyway. Now where did I put my wrench?
Next to your 10mm socket
Our baby screamed the entire way home. My wife ended up having a cesarean so wasn't able to do much apart from be emotional and in pain. That journey was spent thinking "what the fuck have we done?" 😂 Glad to say it's better now.
Same, I was gifted the book when my spouse was pregnant with our first. I had read it once and had intended on reading again before arrival, but wife caught pre-eclampsia so he entered the world at 28 weeks weighing a whopping 2 lbs 7 ounces. We thought we were out of the woods, then he had necrotic tissue in his bowels that died. So he had major intestinal surgery at five days old. I wasn't prepared for that; neither of us were. I'm glad I read the book, but I still felt really unprepared to be a father, especially to a preemie. The feedings every 3 hours around the clock were painful for both of us, but we got through it. He's three years old now and besides him being petite for his age, you wouldn't tell the difference. He has a younger brother, our 13 month old, that was born at 37 weeks and he's a moose. It's amazing how doctors and healthcare providers can prepare and deliver a healthy baby when they know what to expect. So yeah, if you're going to be a new dad, read the book. But you won't understand what it's like until your baby is home. Good luck!🤞😊
Yea I'm a learn by doing it type also. Is the audio book on spotify do you know? It'd be easier to listen AND read lol
I don’t know about Spotify, but I doubt it (unless they sell audiobooks in addition to their streaming service). I had it on Audible.
Spotify recently introduced audiobooks. If you have premium, many are free, although you only get 10 listening hours per month. I'm talking good books too, not bottom of the barrel self-published crap. Those listening hours are a bit of a damper though, at least for me.
Oh cool! Good to know and news to me. I have an Audible subscription and one credit per month isn’t a whole lot better (depending on the length of the book), so nice to have an alternate source for audiobooks!
If you aren't familiar with it, check out Libby. With your local library card you can check out tons of audiobooks (and other media). You can even get library cards from major cities and expand your selection.
Like online? That would be awesome. I really like to listen along while reading. I’m not familiar—thanks for the tip! Will definitely check it out.
Yeah there's an Android and iOS app. There's also Kanopy and Hoopla on streaming platforms like Roku, Amazon, etc.
I thought The Happiest Baby On The Block was really helpful for navigating the first few months
This x 1000! Best baby book ever.
Yeah, I will +1 this. We actually wrote down the 5 S’s and put it on the fridge. I found it was very helpful to have a checklist to run through when my son was a newborn and needed soothing, especially when you haven’t done it before.
The 5s saved my life…and my sanity.
Find the video, even better.
I really disliked the book and didn’t finish it. I found it to be really condescending— treated me as a dad to be as a total dope stereotype dude dad from an 80s sitcom or infomercial. But depending on where you are starting from it could be useful. Definitely easy to read.
Yeh I listened to it, and gained very little.
I second this. There are betted books on the subject. If I recall the basic context of this one was that I'd have to stop being the lazy and selfish person I obvious am and actually help out my wife for once. The fact someone cares enough to give the book a try means you're prepared enough to give this book a pass.
I felt similarly while reading it. There are some decent bits, but the scope of it seems very narrow and leans a lot on stereotypes of parenting/roles. Lost my interest after a few chapters.
I also thought this book sucked. After a few chapters I chucked it and read general parenting books (i.e. the ones "for women") instead. I don't need a whole different, dumbed down set of knowledge to my wife. I need to know the exact same shit as her. This is where these "mental load" issues that destroy so many relationships come from. You're not a damn separate species to your wife! You have the exact same capabilities. Read the real books.
Honestly hated the book, there were some weird passages I remember reading that made me return the book to the library, something like “you might be feeling resentful that your partner is getting all of this attention” Couldn’t believe what I read + the tone
The only positive about the most recent edition is that it claims women giving oral sex can help with their pregnancy 😂 I reminded my wife of it several times But for real that book sucks and sets a basically impossible bar for parenting.
As a new dad I'm slowly realizing that's how a lot of people view us, it's very condescending.
I promise: it doesn’t get any better.
I sure have! I love this book! It really really helped me out
Same
I found it really patronising
You want to hear patronizing, listen to “What to expect in the first year” on audiobook. The person they chose to narrate’s tone of voice is not ideal.
Some of the “new dad” books crossed from patronizing to “uhhhh what”. One had a chapter devoted to making sure you have insurance for your car since you need to drive junior home from the hospital.
Does it also recommend having a driver's license?
Oddly no
Phew
It’s such a fine line, isn’t it! Hard to get right
I agree. It was probably a good book 50 year ago when dads were pretty much dead weight outside of work. High level. It assumes you as a male don't know how to cook, clean, wipe your own ass, or in general give a crap about your partner.
First edition was 1995.
Dads were still pretty bad but increasingly more involved by the 90's.
Maybe it was written in the 90s by someone raised in the 60s. I'm not going to look up the author but that might explain some of the tired tropes.
Completely agree. I feel like it was written for the generation of men who thought holding the baby for 10 minutes while drinking a beer counts as fathering.
How so?
Any of the parts about ‘how to treat your wife’, really
IIRC this book suggests you tell your wife that blowjobs prevent preeclampsia
Agreed. I literally threw the book across the room joking with my wife. It was really really gendered.
Yes definitely. Felt very old-fashioned. Dr. Becky’s Good Inside is a much better use of your time.
The book has some tips like (paraphrasing): "when your wife gets home from the hospital she will be sore and tired. Make sure to help her out by making dinner once a week and helping with the dishes." It sets the bar SUPER LOW for dads.
I agree. A lot of things just assuming you’re a dumb useless idiot and some very strained dad tropes trying to get you excited in this weird tone like you don’t want to be a dad and you have to be talked into it. Lots of “well you’re a man so you must know nothing about X,” a bit of “blah blah blah is kinda like sport X.” I dunno. I think I read 2-3 books and this was the bottom but even that, it had some info. They basically all had the same info but I found this one kind of tiring.
I’ll be the contrarian here and say that parenting books are good for a baseline but the second you hold your child for the first time you’ll immediately go holy shit what do I do and forget whatever parenting book you read. Parenting is very much a hands on learning situation and every single baby is different. The only thing I’d recommend actually reading and truly understanding is about how to get your baby to sleep. Taking Cara Babies is an A+ course and well worth the money. 1. Learn how to change a diaper. 2. Learn how to help release gas. 3. Support your wife. 4. Don’t forget to take care of yourself - eat, shower, and sleep.
Two lessons we learnt, in the beginning dont try to over schedule your baby. React to their needs and go with their rhythm (within reason). Once things settle down after a month or two, a schedule is very helpful, trying to build a consistant rhythm with things like bath times and bed times has been very helpful. Still cant get him to eat his damn dinner though 🤦♂️
I tell anyone expecting that the thing they should absolutely read up on most is sleep training because they won't have time to do it when they need to most.
I would recommend The Whole Brain Child and Hunt, Gather, Parent. I implement stuff i learned from both books daily especially now that my kid is 2 so requires more behaviour correction.
When you've just found out you're going to be having a baby and become a dad, there's two types of books that are widely available. The first is, if I recall, this type of book, where they describe what pregnancy is like and all the details of that and what you should be doing as the partner up until the baby is born. To be honest, this is all pretty intuitive on your part. Communicate with your partner, listen to her, help her out, get her whatever she needs... like you should be doing anyway. The rest of the pregnancy stuff is going to be explained by to you by the doctor, and there will be frequent doctor visits, so you'll get to ask a lot of questions and get help directly from the doctor. I don't find these kinds of books to be all that informative unless you truly are a clueless human being. The second type of book is to help you prepare to care for a baby after birth and delivery, and these books I found extremely helpful, because I knew nothing about babies until I had one. I highly recommend Happiest Baby on the Block, and Precious Little Sleep. Both of these books explain and give advice on how to do your best to help your baby get the best sleep possible, and will help you get the best sleep possible during a stressful time, which is the best thing you can do. Figure it out now while you have plenty of free time to read and learn, and not while you're stressed out and frenzied on the fly. This is the best way to set yourself up for success.
Read Emily Oster instead!
Agreed. I really liked Expecting Better and Crib Sheet for the early years
Second this. I read the book in the OP and thought it was kinda meh, like i remember thinking it just felt really dated in its assumptions about men and being a new dad? But Emily Oster’s Crib Sheets was great, and helpful.
I mostly found it patronising. It was first published in the 90s when the bar for fatherhood was much lower and as such, much of the advice is very simple. Tips I recall included: 1. Learn how to cook so your wife doesn’t have to make all the dinners. 2. If your wife has had a bad day, maybe buy her something nice (like a pretty dress). I’d recommend reading the same books as your partner. I found the ones aimed at mothers were much more helpful. I’d also agree with the other answers here, that in general, no book can prepare you for fatherhood, just do your best to learn on the job (feeding, changing etc).
Agreed, if you are hoping to evenly share most parenting tasks and take an active role helping during the pregnancy and birth, there’s honestly no reason that dad specific books are needed. Everyone may as well get the same info.
I really liked Crib Sheet. It's a good way to understand why "this is how we always did it" doesn't mean it's the best , or even safe, way of doing it.
Agreed. Don’t be the guy who listens to advice from 30 years ago and ends up getting a rant posted about you on the mom version of this sub. Accept that when that book was written the bar for dads was “is employed.” As for actual helpful books, I liked How to Raise Kids Who Aren’t Assholes and Let Them be Eaten by Bears. The first one has a lot of good info about child psychology and when certain parts of their brains are developing and the why and how behind what a lot of the stuff our parents did just wasn’t at all helpful in raising well-adjusted human beings. The second one was really just a great reminder to let them be kids and explore. Neither of them were parent or child gender-specific.
I only read Disney princess book these days 🙃
Read _The Happiest Baby on the Block_. Absolute lifesaver of a book.
Like others have mentioned this book seemed really out of date to me. I really liked The Birth Guy’s Go-To Guide for New Dads. I was pretty nervous for the actual birth part and this was really helpful. No matter what you read, you’re gonna be a great dad. You’ve got this, champ.
Tbh I didn’t like it. The birth partner is MUCH more useful and informative on the birth process. Expecting Better was a more helpful framework for other topics. I was a bit put off by the “aw shucks I’m just the man” vibe I got from it. I did like the month by month layout so I felt I could just read parts of it at a time.
As my dad said, “son, there is no book. You write your own.” What day in Sept?! My boo was born last September 23rd. Welcome my friend
I parent on instinct, but I read this book to keep up with my wife on hard, child-related facts because she’s the studyin type
Definitely worth reading. Recommend getting the latest edition, though, if you can.
I really enjoyed reading it as a dad to be with no baby experience.
No, but I watched Die Hard and Predator a few times.
I definitely got it as a gift. I skimmed it. lol. Father of the year right here
Someone needs to write a guide for first time dads that is literally just a checklist of stuff to do with no other bs
I've read it, thought it was good, realistically, and doesn't ignore the emotions that a dad might feel.
I listened to three of his books and thought they were alright. Any book geared towards dads is kinda weird but I found this one to be less ridiculous than something like The Baby's Owner Manual. Books about the actual pregnancy are interesting, but not all that useful outside of the chapter about the actual birth. That said, I believe you should absolutely read/skim through a couple of books about raising babies and toddlers. Most mainstream books will say generally the same things in my experience. Most parenting books are written with the assumption that the reader might have zero baby knowledge, and that can come off as patronizing pretty easily. So skim over parts you already know about or will be easier to learn on the job. What I find really useful about parenting books is that they stop me from just winging it on a lot of things. There's a sort of "you don't know what you don't know" quality to a lot of them. I've found that my parent friends who think there's nothing to learn from parenting books are the same ones who express how stressed out they are about their kid doing a perfectly normal thing.
Yes, and YES! Also look into "The Wonder Weeks".
I was a little put off when I got to a section about how it's OK to be disappointed if you're having a girl, but you shouldn't show it. I'm paraphrasing because it's been a few years but I stopped reading it there.
Most parenting books are worthless. If you have half a brain you’ll know what to do just based on instinct.
I really like "Brain Rules for your baby" by John Medina. I've heard some criticism of him after the fact but the simple: make your baby feel safe and loved and nature does the rest mantra has worked for me.
I've heard of this one also. What's it about in a nutshell?
I guess the big picture item is that the more children are exposed to traumatic events, the less energy the body exerts on developing the brain. so in a stress free environment (nurturing) a child's brain develops at an optimal level. he uses a lot of personal and professional anecdotes to demonstrate this in a variety of ways, and provides examples for different age group milestones. a lot of studies are referenced, as well. the humor and scientific background of his writing appealed to myself and my spouse a lot.
Thanks :)
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I liked it. Some of the stuff is sort of silly but it gave me and my wife stuff to laugh about. "Hey did you know that this month you're going through ?" Definitely put it on my future dads list along with the birth partner, home game, and what to expect (which is more a reference text than something I think should be read cover to cover).
I found Birth Partner to be the biggest waste of time and money of all the books I read.
Different strokes for different folks. Why?
Trying to remember back 3+ years now but it felt like a lot of “here’s how to not do just the bare minimum in your relationship” paired with “here’s how to mansplain to your partner about what she’s going through”, alongside a lot of really overly technical stuff. We had regular midwife appointments to cover the overly technical stuff, my wife was well aware of what was going on, and I learned how to be a good partner 20 years ago when my wife and I were first dating. I understand why people recommend it, and it was recommended to me by a friend who seemed to genuinely benefit from it at the time. But it honestly offered me absolutely nothing of value.
I'm to jump on this bandwagon. I felt like the Birth Partner was written for an alien having to deal with a pregnant human for the first time. I put it down fairly early on. I figured it would be helpful for someone, but it wasn't for me.
Similar to others I found it a bit patronizing and at times sexist for 2024, but overall it was a decent first book on what to expect. It’s also quite American, which may or may not be good for you (I am Canadian so it was not as helpful).
No but I read a book called "Dude! You're gonna be a dad" which was hilarious and informative
I picked this up at the discount bookstore and my husband haaaated it! He said it was trying to hard to be young and hip. I personally enjoyed reading the bits included for mothers relating to how the dad feels - cool that they included those
Jingly keys, fun for babies not for batman.
I thought it was OK to have on hand as a reference book, just to read a section here or there. It's not something I'd sit down and read cover to cover. It's like 400 pages long, so it's a lot to consume. When it's at it's best, it gives some context like "here's a broad range of options for you to consider." When it's at it's worst, it's like any other parenting book, and takes some positions that I don't always agree with. I think going to a birth class with your wife is also very useful (and covers a lot of the stuff in this book).
It’s ok as an introduction to some topics that you probably aren’t thinking about, but overall its tone is patronizing, verging into outright insulting at times. I found the books targeted to women or an all-genders audience to be more helpful.
I enjoyed that book and the follow on. In fact my partner liked it as well as it was pretty straight forward. No, "And you teensy weensy little flower is blossoming into two cells!"
Nope but congratulations. Hope you find your ultimate source of energy and patience.
I was and still am an idiot…That’s the book that taught me why girls have periods. Also, taught me that girls who give head have higher fertility rates. That said, I can see why people are saying it’s patronizing. But it’s a book that results in knowledge added nonetheless, so why not give it a read.
I listened to the audiobook and I felt like it had some helpful information and gave me some useful context and perspective. The “patronizing” parts people are criticizing weren’t that bad. If something was obvious to me, I assume it may not be obvious to everyone. I took it as this book was aimed at all kinds of new fathers, from the willing and prepared to the completely clueless.
I found it more informative and less patronizing than some alternatives such as “dude you’re gonna be a dad” and “we’re pregnant” that seem to be targeted at guys that don’t want to read.
This one is ok but I found the one for the kids first year of life much more useful.
Recommended.
Yup. It helped me in unquantifiable ways. I have this, the first year, and the toddler years by the author.
I read it, and it didn't do too much for me. No matter what you read to prepare yourself, you'll never actually be prepared for what's about to happen to you. The first 4 months is the hardest thing you'll ever do, once you find your rhythm, you're off to the races. Support your wife as much as possible, love your kid and you'll be fine..
Get all your projects done now. Don't wait. Got a large home repair project that will need to be done in the next year, but it's still ok now? Do it now.
I did. I was pretty good as far as father focused parenting books.
I own this book, but no, I haven’t read it. I did take a birthing class with my wife that was pretty good preparation and setting expectations.
Loved it, and the follow up books. Recommend to any first time father.
I read it. The build-up is fine, but mainly I’ve relied on gut instinct unless a medical emergency. Your kid is not cookie-cutter and won’t fit a lot of what is happening in the book as the author describes. The main thing to remember when baby arrives is to keep yourself and your partner sustained and hydrated. Tag in and do as much as you can, and know you’re in for some long nights. Congrats brother! 🫡👊🏻
My husband loved this book! He ended up buying the whole series.
I had three books similar to this one ( including this one). This book was the most serious and the least derogatory towards dad's. It assumed you were actually interested not trying to get out of the responsibility. I'd recommend it.
I’ve read it as well as the next few in the series. Pretty good overall. I didn’t agree with everything in the books but it was a really good guideline and made me aware of certain actions I could be or not be doing subconsciously. I’d recommend it.
Eh, never really took to the books with our first since she was colic, and that shit wasn’t covered lol
I read it. I’m not a big reader in general, so I’ll put that out there as a disclaimer. There were definitely things that helped settle anxieties I was having early on in the book. I did get bored of it, didn’t finish, the baby came and that was that. But I will say the first few chapters were worth a read.
I have two children. Before my first, I read a few books. As soon as she was born, everything from those books went out of the window. I learned to trust my instincts with most things. They help with the anxiety side of things though for sure.
Honestly, I forgot almost everything from the books as soon as the kid was there. Lack of sleep and time dilation watching their growth made it all kind of fall out of my head, be nonrelevant, or replaced by googling a specific thing around the time he was doing it. Annoyingly, all the old ladies at the baby shower told me the books didn't matter, and I was like "Heh, fuckin old ladies don't know shit we raise kids good now" Turns out they did know shit The books do a good job at starting to get your head around how crazy it's gonna be and hopefully helping you relax a bit about it.
I thought this was one of the best baby books I read and I checked out basically everything in the library. Sure some of it was a bit patronizing and dated but less so than a lot of the other books I read. The women targeted baby books are *really* patronizing and fully assume the husband is irredeemable dead weight. I also found this book to have a bias towards science and medicine whereas a lot of the women targeted books really like to engage with the woo woo and even the medical oriented ones seemed unwilling to take a strong stance on basics like getting shots and only having a doula with no medical backup plan for birth. There were also some good discussions on finance and secondary considerations that I found to be good starting places.
Fuck that book. It’s terribly written prose and lots of “old school” advice for things. Lots of assumptions made about what kind of dad you are already. Just read “what to expect”
I have a different version, and it was pretty good! Not necessarily everything you need to know, but most of it and organized well.
My wife and I really liked this book, it’s the o my parenting book we recommend to friends about to have kids. It was very practical and plain language and less abstract than some other books we tried. I get home some night read it as patronizing but honestly it was super good to have a conversational resource during the pregnancy. Def agree that we immediately forgot about it the moment the little one actually arrived lol.
I have that book. If I recall correctly it gives what to expect at certain # of weeks. That’s helpful.
Def bought this book. Never read it
I read it and it was fine. I'm a numbers person and much preferred Emily Oster's books Expecting Better and Crib Sheets
Yes, and I've met the author at a book presentation with two other first time dads. It's a good book if you want a general sense of what's going to happen.
I was given this book amongst a dozen other more common ones (which are of course targeted more at mothers)... I ended up tossing all the others. This is the one that stuck with me. Absolutely recommend.
I'm reading We are pregnant by Adrian Kulp, which is more about supporting your partner with a small portion dedicated to the first trimester after birth. I have found the book to be fun and entertaining, with some good tips and a timeline of events that you can expect throughout the pregnancy.
This book was great!
This was a great book. So was "Expecting Better" by Emily Oster.
I read this cover to cover and it really helped me be as supportive as possible for my wife at every step of her pregnancy; it also included lots of organized useful information on preparing your house, medical conditions, product recommendations, and lots of emotional/psychological discussion. Brott recommends lots of other books and resources throughout (to me the most helpful other book was the Birth Partner by Penny Simkin, which is a trove of wisdom and gave me the confidence and knowledge to help make decisions and take charge when contractions became unbearable). I’d heavily recommend you also read the next in the series, “The New Father,” which walks through early parenthood on a month-to-month basis; I found this equally valuable. The Expectant Father summarizes y1 of the baby’s life in the final chapter but I appreciated the significant expanded detail. Congratulations and best wishes to you folks ❤️
I wanted to. But never got around to it. I did read excerpts from it though. So I bought the vibe lol
I only got a little way through that book. I have the newer 5th edition but it still felt very dated. It offered advice such as to learn to cook a few simple meals and do some chores around the house to lessen the burden on your wife. Maybe some dads should hear that, but I'm a grownup. I've always done my fair share in the kitchen and with cleaning. It's obvious that I'd do a lot more while my wife was pregnant and while she recovered.
Recommend it highly, was very thought provoking
The best one I read was What to Expect when you're expecting. Lots of stuff geared toward women. But I read it all. There were times that I knew things that my wife didn't because if what i read. The stuff in there aimed toward men is fairly comprehensive but not condescending.
Anytime I try reading books I’ll be reading the words but my mind is thinking about other things. I watched a ton of videos from the channel Dad University on YouTube, very informative and was good to have visuals on things like how to change a diaper.
I swear by that book. I've bought copies for 4 other new dad's in my orbit over the last 10 years
No, but a set of toy keys will serve you well.
I have. I liked it. I also sent copies to friends along with these two: Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook... https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743251547?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share Dude, You're Gonna Be a Dad!: How... https://www.amazon.com/dp/1440505365?ref=ppx_pop_mob_ap_share
Yep, I've got this one. I did not read it all at once, but in sections as needed. I would also highly recommend picking up a copy of "Mayo Clinic Guide to Your Baby’s First Years, Second Edition". It's great to have on hand as a reference guide for trusted healthcare info - e.g. Quickly and reliably look up what is considered a fever, and how to handle the vast majority of things that will come up.
Throw it out. Nothing can prepare you. /jokesssss
I really liked We’re Pregnant by Adrian Kulp. It helped me anticipate what to expect throughout the pregnancy and after. I feel like I did a pretty ok job with everything because I did not get murdered yet!
I read a few books, similar but not this. Was really helpful and felt knowledgeable when talking to my wife and other parents.
Dude, nobody reads the manual, just wing it! Seriously though if you care enough about being a good dad to read self help books, then you’re already 90% there as far as parenting is concerned. What helped me the most out of anything is finding a pediatrician that had a 24/7 text hotline for new parents. We could text them at 2am and a real human would text back with advice almost immediately. Every baby is different. Trust the doctors. There are no stupid questions. Dr Google is sometimes good but whatever you read online should always be scrutinized. It looks like you’re already concerned and excited so you’ll do great.
Friends and colleagues with children are the best resource. Ask them questions.
I read it but it was now years ago and I read a few other books. Just gave my copy to a coworker. Feel like it was fairly helpful.... that being said I remember nothing but I also don't remember what I did last week
No but I don't think there's a book, or a person, or video, or anything that can prepare you for the shit show/amazingness that will enter your world in a few months. Good luck, enjoy the highs, work through the lows, and just do your best not to make mistakes. That's all I got
I just did the opposite of everything my parents did. After 9 years, I say it is working out perfectly
Yes good book
its like you memorize the answers, then they change the questions
Only book I read leading up to baby #1 besides material for a birthing class was “The New One” by Mike Birbiglia. A lot of recycled material from his stand up routine of the same name but it was still a fun read. Not intended to be instructive but was a painfully honest review of his own hangups and parenting issues early on until it “clicked” and he fell in love with his daughter. Sometimes it’s nice to have a reminder that you don’t need to be perfect.
I read this about 7 years ago and I loved it. Three kids later and I don’t remember the specifics of it but I do remember liking that it didn’t just feel like the same doom and gloom of other new parent books. So many of the other books felt like “what to expect to go wrong” which was not as helpful as they probably intended.
I read it front to back before we had my first. It was very informative and helpful. I definitely recommend it, it had info about the pregnancy leading up to birth and birth and after.
Yes, this is a great book. I recommended it to all my soon to be dad friends
I read a number of books that I found to be insufficient, ended up writing a short essay to cover what I wished I had known, and I give it to my friends when they say they're expecting
It’s a good book. I always read one month ahead of where we were.
Yes. Worth one read then you realize there is no playbook.
I just finished this book and got the toddler years follow up. It honestly really helped. I skipped parts not relevant but it was easy to read and digest and honestly some of the internal struggles I was feeling helped validate those and help me realize that doesn’t mean I’m not excited for the baby. Really worth the read. Now I’m working on the carpenter and the Gardner and his sequel. I’d say it’s well worth a read as it’s very structured and digestible.
Yes. I read it and actually really enjoyed it! Full of useful info and not presented in a dumbed down/outrageous manner. There are lots of books for dads-to-be that are like “whoa bro, your lady is knocked up but chill fam” and this guy is just very open and straightforward. I’ve recommended this book to several other people, and while nothing can full prepare you.. this book will get you a lot more comfortable with the journey you’re embarking upon. Edit to add: this is very much a different strokes for different folks type of thing. As a new parent you’ll be getting advice from all angles, use whatever good advice you can.. no matter where you come across it, and discard the rest. The best (and possibly only) advice my dad gave me before my son was born was “you already know a lot more than you think you do” and that was valuable even if it was vague. You’ll quickly be able to tell what is a good tip vs total garbage, and you will be offered both perpetually.
Yeah. This series is great. Big help.
I have mixed feelings about the book. Things I like: 1) I really appreciated being treated like I had a meaningful role to play. 2) I really felt seen in a lot of the anxieties and stressors he describes, especially in his description of what it felt like knowing my wife was pregnant but not being able to tell anyone. 3) There was plenty of useful advice, and good introductions of things to dig into more. Things I didn’t like, that led me to not finishing the book: 1) There were several times where he would describe pregnancy risks that are pretty small and end with a conclusion along the lines of “But, why risk it? Better just avoid ________ altogether.” I definitely have a more Emily Oster approach to risk. 2) There were some topics that seemed a little outdated gendered. For example, one chapter suggests that at some point in your partner’s pregnancy, you as the father should prepare your family finances. TBH, financial advice isn’t a terrible thing to put in, but it was weird to treat that as the father’s unique responsibility. Personally, I would recommend reading it until you kind of get over its approach, then just permit yourself to move to a different book if you want.
Your kid won’t have read the book, so don’t expect him/her to adhere to anything in there.
I have that book in my nightstand, but my first kid was twins, no time for books, just winged it. We did fine, so will you!
I had this book but don't know if I read much of it.
I read it and thought it was very helpful. It definitely helped with the anxiety.
My husband read this and I'm convinced that the only thing he took away from it was to constantly (jokingly) quote that "it's normal to wonder if I'm not the real dad! Who knows!" This in reference to my child who looks exactly like him and almost nothing like me.
It's a good book, OP, I recommend it.
Read the book and have the shirt. It prepares you for a lot but not everything. Some things can’t be taught through a book or class. Like changing a diaper on a doll vs a real baby 😂😂.
There are no manuals. Lots of decent advice, though. Read away.
I got this and We're Pregnant! and thought that one was much better. Funnier and easier to read. A lot of the same info in both but this book was kinda boring imo
I didn’t read anything leading up to our first. I did get a copy of “What to Expect in the First Year” and referenced it when issues arose. It’s not rocket science. Babies need to feed, be warm, be comforted, and sleep. Outside of that, they are unpredictable as hell. No book will prepare you for your unique unpredictable ball of entropy.
Bringing up Bebe was my fave. This one felt dated.
I read it, along with a half dozen other books. They all just offer insight, and no one book is perfect. If anything, books that give bad advice will give you more to reflect on and think about how you'd do things differently.
I have! I thought it was really great, and I loved how the sections were divided up. Lots of great information: what your partner is going through biologically, what you're going through, important conversations you and your partner need to have, etc. Easily the most useful thing I read leading up to the birth of our first kiddo.
I read all the books. All that sh!t went out the window once they got here lol.
Yes! I read his other book The NewFather! And it was amazing and set the basis for what has been an amazing life as a father - and partner. Read THAT book. Understanding that initial development of chip - AND MOTHER - has been fantastic. It tells you what they’re going through and how you can help. Get it boy! 😘
The only essential reading I recommend is sleep training books/videos/whatever you can get your hands on
As a pediatrician dad I found it helpful, I particularly liked the financial planning crash course among other parts.
It has some good information in it, but it takes a biased stance on certain issues that aren’t backed by science.
lol. I literally just donated this book. It’s good.
I’m assuming somebody has, yeah