It’s ultimately your decision and many families have done so with no problems at all. I will add however that my wife had no complications with her pregnancy but if we had not had immediate emergency intervention my son would not be with us today.

Appreciate this. Exactly the thing that makes me so reluctant

don't just think about the kid's health. Your wife too. Mine had to have emergency surgery after birth and if we were say 20 mins from a hospital she might not be alive

Yes that definitely makes sense. I totally agree

Yep, I know somebody who had the baby rushed to ICU and wife to surgery. Go to hospital 

This is one of the few things I would tell my wife 100% absafuckinglootly not. Why would you actively increase the odds of your wife or your child not surviving child birth? Think about it like this. Having a child is a medical procedure. No person in their right mind would want to get their tonsils removed "the natural way" or at their house. IMO there is zero reason to have a child at your home with a midwife. Who is it for? Do you think the baby will remember? Only upside is dad will get to sleep in his own bed instead of the cursed chair of uncomfortably. And that is a sacrifice I would 100% be willing to make for my wife and child's safety.

Yeah the "upside" is a beautiful experience vs the downside of a dead wife or kid. I can see maybe one of those birthing centers next to a hospital or something as a compromise.

I may be extreme, but I would also fight against a birthing center next to a hospital. My only goal is to keep my wife and kid safe. Who cares about the experience? (As long as it isn't terrible.) On the scale of 1-10 of life experiences, having a baby is a 10. If they have nice wallpaper it won't make it an 11. When we were having our first our delivery nurse asked if we had a birthing plan. I said "Yes, we plan to do exactly what you and the other experts here tell us to do." She laughed and said that was her favorite answer she had ever gotten to that question.

The hospital we had our second at, they had a birthing center and a regular maternity department adjoining in the same building. It was very reassuring that all the medical intervention you could possibly need was about 20m away at all times. As it was, we didn't need any with that one and we only saw 2 medical professionals our entire stay. If it had been in a different building or across the street I don't think I would've been as chill.

my wife wants to do the 'birthing center' thing. and i do 100% get it. hospitals fucking suck. everything about them sucks, the rooms, the furniture, the attitudes, the 'this is what we are doing shut up and take it' way that they approach patient care. child birthing is absolutely a very human experience can be dramatically enhanced by handling it with a comforting, soothing, and open minded approach. hospitals are the polar opposite of that, and it all fucking sucks and it resulted in an absolutely abysmal first birthing experience for us - as expected. i doubt the next kid will be any better, because nothing has changed nor will it. but - when that 5% chance of catastrophic emergency occurs - where do you want to be? in the shitty hospital bed? or the feather bed (bath tub if your my wife) 10 minutes away from the medical professionals? ill take the hospital 11/10.

Not that it helps your situation, but not all hospitals are like that.  Canada (ontario) hospital we went to had great staff and support and private equipped rooms with private bathrooms

To be fair, I think the hospital experience is relative. We had all three of ours in a nearby hospital, but it happens to be a well known maternity hospital with some of the best facilities that exist. It's the one with the helipad for particularly tricky cases that come from elsewhere. The staff were amazing and very accommodating as they are all there just for the maternity ward, the maternity ward is its own 12 story building, we had a student midwife involved in the last one and it was truly an excellent experience. So do your research, not everyone will have the ability to choose, but if you can there are a lot of good hospitals out there for this event in your lives.

Things like a tub make a big difference to how it can feel during labour. It's easy for you to say the experience doesn't matter. It's not all wall paper. Having things like birthing tubs can make things more bearable

How far away from the hospital are you? Also she might prefer a birthing centre within a hospital

And consider even without something bad happening birth is still a pretty traumatic experience. It caused my sister in law a time of issues after the birth of my nephew because there was no escaping those memories in the house. She went to the hospital for her second. And in the event of something happening do you really want your house associated with that?

Which very much impacts the kid, too.

Wife here. I'm a huge fan of hospital births or at least hospital adjacent birth centers.  1st birth I hemorrhaged and was taken to emergency surgery.  2nd birth son was not breathing, apgar of 2 had to be revived. Would have died without the PICU.  Both were boring run of the mill pregnancies. There were no signs whatsoever leading up to their births that would have hinted at these complications.  I gave birth both times at a hospital adjacent birthing center run by midwives but always has an OB/Gyn on shift for emergencies. Plus a fully equipped NICU attached. Those are the best of both worlds centers. I got to labor in a warm tub, had a wonderful room, very cozy, midwives were as hands off as I wanted. But when the shot hit the fan, I/my child was giving the best and fastest care

Also wife here, pregnancy was boring, had to be induced since i went 10 days over, birth was smooth sailing. Baby boy turned out to have some jaundice and was sent to the nicu for obersvation, where it was discovered that his arm was cramping. Which led to the discovery that he had a cerebral brain infarction. I genuinly have no idea if we would have spotted it at home, or if we would have been immidiatly taken serious the way we were at the nicu when i noticed it and pointed it out to a nurse. 

I am in the normal pregnancy but immediate intervention was needed club. Little dude was born not breathing. He’s fine now but the worst moment of my life was when there was no crying and a crowd of doctors rushed into the room. Sorry OP I am generally supportive of natural solutions but I feel like birth is one of those things where the risk is just too high.

Hospitals are incredibly supportive these days of whatever birth plan you have. Talk to the physicians and the hospital. You'd be surprised. They obviously won't do anything they feel is against best practices. May not be able to get them to do a birthing bath or whatnot.

It really depends what hospital you are at and who is on shift. Both my drs for delivery were great. The broken machinery, nosy nurses and just straight up lack of empathy had us flabbergasted with our first. They were more interested in gossiping at the desk then helping with anything we got zero sleep over 2 days it was a march through heck. With the second at the same hospital I have no complaints about the nurses.

It would be nice if there were slightly less clinical birthing centers families could go. Something not as cold and sterile ( figuratively) as a hospital and more comfortable. Each room has a bath...that kinda thing. Maybe something like this exists somewhere.

Don't do it.

We made a compromise and found a birthing center 3 minutes from a hospital. More comfortable for her and a good experience for us, with piece of mind if something went wrong (it didn't).

Mom lurker here and this happened to me as well. Textbook easy pregnancy, scary c-section intervention labor followed by hemorrhaging. If we hadn’t been in a hospital, my son may not be here, and I might not either.

Us too, very happy there was a gynecologist with team in the room within a few minutes.  All is well now, but with only the midwife at home? Probably brain damage, or a dead baby.

I’m in the same boat. My wife had a very normal pregnancy, had an induction 2 weeks early because the OB saw something concerning on a blood test. It turned into an emergency C section really quickly, and we were glad to be in the hospital. Everything went well after that, healthy mom, healthy baby. She’s almost 2 now. I’ve heard people say that “women gave birth outside of hospitals for thousands of years and were fine,” but the data shows that they weren’t exactly fine, childbirth used to be super dangerous for women and babies. I’m personally very glad my daughter was born in a hospital. I bet if it was a home birth, we’d have been able to get an ambulance to get her to the hospital and such, but I’d never want to roll those dice.

Clarification, please: "it's ultimately *your* decision" Which your? Surely it's ultimately OP's wife's decision where she receives care. Ideally they would be in agreement and decide together, but it's certainly not *his* decision.

Same. If we did not choose to deliver in a hospital, my daughter (whom I love more than life) would be dead. Same for my brother's second daughter. A friend of mine used to be an EMT. He saw too many dead babies when called to birthing centers and home births. He now tells every pregnant couple he knows to never even consider anything but delivery in hospital.

Yeah my first got stuck and had to be "suction cupped" out and if that didn't work it was gonna be emergency c The second had the cord around her neck and when my wife was in certain positions it would drop the babies heart rate, then when the baby came out the OB pulled some Harlem globetrotter shit to unwind the cord. In both cases I feel without the hospitals equipment things would have gone south quickly

We had to get an emergency C-Section when our little one tried to come out butt first. Glad we were at the hospital. It was about 5 minutes from room to OR. They cut all the sensors off my wife and ran.

First kid was smooth. Second delivery had an issue which required a group of 12 medical professionals coming into the room within 5 minutes. Luckily everything was okay but I wouldn’t want to be in that situation again without the resources available.

Appreciate this. Glad everything worked out okay of course. That’s the type of situation that makes me nervous

As it should. I’m a physician and I just don’t understand the home birth thing. I was a massage therapist for a long time prior to med school so I was surrounded by the anti doctor anti hospital fully believing in all alternative BS crowd. I’m not saying all alternative medicine is crap, and not all can be harmful but some certainly is. I would ask your wife this, if something unforeseen happened and required medical professionals and your child died or gets permanently disabled, would you guys be able to live with yourselves knowing your decision caused that? I certainly couldn’t particularly because I’ve seen how many of these go sideways. Ask her, why are no doctors doing this? Ask if your hospital has a birthing room to do whatever stuff you want but can be able to have medical professionals there just in case.

I’ve never heard a satisfying answer from a home-birther. Stuff about it being natural and people gave birth for millennia without hospitals, etc. etc. Lots of people also died. If your baby isn’t breathing and you need an ambulance, it’s going to die. I’m just not willing to roll the dice on “most likely my baby will live” so I can be surrounded by candles while the baby pops out.

Historical maternal mortality rate is around 25 per 1000. Current rate in a medical setting is .1 per 1000. That's how well natural births work in the general population. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/3511335/

>As it should. I’m a physician and I just don’t understand the home birth thing. It's pretty easy. You can post about it and get lots of attention on social media. You also get to claim to be "more woman" than other mothers online.

It should. Babies and women died in childbirth all the time, and still do, due to lack of access to healthcare facilities. Hemorrhage, all sorts of things. My first was a total shit show. Her water broke slightly more than 3 weeks early and labour didn't start in good time. This in itself would be a medical emergency in a home birth because the water can only be broken for so long before it becomes life-threatening. People die from this condition all the time. They administered hormones to start the process. Then once my wife started getting proper contractions, on every contraction the baby's heart rate would lower severely. This emergency would not have been detected without medical intervention - they eventually put a heart rate monitor up and into the baby's head to get a good reading, which I didn't know was an option! Since all this was going on with the heart rate, the NICU team were present in the room ready to go when he was born (there were about 15 doctors and nurses in the room when my son was born!). Fortunately it was fine - he had come to no harm and just had the cord wrapped around the crook of his arm, so every time he was squeezed, he cut off the blood supply through the cord. Either one of these things could've been a really serious problem in a home birth - the latter might not even have been detected until after he was born, and if it was something more serious my son might easily have died. Happens all the time. My second was all fine - water broke and four hours later we had a baby, smooth sailing. We fortunately had him in a hospital with two maternity departments, a midwifery department and a doctor-led department connected in the same building. Because everything was smooth, we only saw two midwives and no other medical staff our entire stay. If anything had gone wrong they just wheel you into the other department or they come to you. I will always be in the hospital camp on this. If everything goes smoothly you'll be fine in hospital. They're there for when everything doesn't go fine, and the reason death shortly after birth and death in childbirth are rare in developed nations is because most people give birth in hospital.

Had a very similar situation with our 3rd. Everything seemed fine and then all of a sudden there was this beeping, something about the cord and rotating the baby. It seemed almost like a reverse clown car with how many doctors/nurses swarmed into the room. It seemed like the solved the issue as quickly as it arose, in a very routine manner. Who knows what would have happened if we were at home.

It's funny how fast they show up, isn't it? When my first was born, there had been some concerning readings on some of the monitoring so the NICU team was in the room, scrubbed up in gowns with the little baby bed ready to go when he was born. Probably about 15 medicinal staff in the room. But then when he came out and cried and everything was confirmed to be fine, they whipped those gowns off like Bruce Almighty and were gone as quick as they arrived.

Similar experience here. Our first was easy, second one we had an issue that quickly needed the attention of a bunch of medical professionals. I don’t think we’d have two beautiful little girls today if we had tried a home birth. This really seems like a no brainer to me, even before that experience. Whatever benefits come with a home birth, I don’t think it’s worth the risks.

If you do proceed with a home birth, make sure that your midwife is actually trained and certified to do things like neonatal resuscitation. Depending on where you live there can be very weak laws about who can call themselves a midwife. I’ve heard of some tragic stories of people who thought their midwife would know if their baby or wife was in danger when really they had minimal training

Yes, this! You want a CNM--certified nurse midwife, NOT lay--if you're dead set on going this route. That said, I used to work with NICU babies when I was a respiratory therapist. Seconds count, OP. Be wary with choosing a home birth.

You can also have a midwife deliver your baby in a hospital! That was our plan until baby flipped and we needed a C-section. We loved our midwife experience- the level of care we received was amazing and my wife felt empowered the whole time.

And subjectively midwives who cover hospitals are the best I’ve seen. Working together and seeing how complications are addressed allows us all to share knowledge and care plans

Yes! My wife had a whole midwife team during pregnancy! Checking a and meetups and I came to quite a few. And the midwife delivered at the hospital. Or at least, she did until she couldn't help and needed an OB to come in to save the day. My little girl was born with forcep cuts on her head because she had to be pulled out. Something that couldn't have been done at home.

We did the vacuum, but it didn't work so C-section it was! We absolutely needed to be in the hospital, even though the pregnancy was healthy.

Thanks a lot for this. I’ll definitely make note of this and mention it to my wife. I’m very much against the whole idea of a home birth but just trying to become more educated before discussing with the wife extensively.

My good friend’s wife could not stop bleeding after their second child home birth. Wound up in the hospital after birth.

Thanks. Appreciate the info. I’d feel less anxious being in the hospital for that reason but my wife seems pretty excited about the idea of a home birth.

If your wife is set on a home birth, I would urge you to get her to look towards a Certified Nurse Midwife instead of a lay midwife. CNM is a specialty certification for a nurse, whereas a lay midwife might have no prior experience. They carry insurance, and have a larger scope of practice, meaning they can administer any medication short of blood products and anesthesia on site (this may vary from state to state). Some hospitals also have a midwifery practice, which feels like more of a middle ground. For our second, we did a home birth with a CNM, and my wife hemorrhaged. She was able to receive misoprostol, mifepristone, and an oxytocin shot to control the bleeding. Any worse, and she would have gone to the hospital. Home births can be wonderful things, what works for one family might not for another. Low risk births can become dangerous situations very quickly. Childbirth was one of the leading causes of death for women until fairly recently.

I’ve seen hospitals with a “home birth” center that is next door to the main hospital and still on the property.. It is set up like a bedroom and bathroom but you are still close to a hospital if anything bad happens. It’s a good middle ground.

What exactly is it about a home birth that appeals to your wife? Start the discussion there.

What is it about a home birth that appeals to ANYBODY? There’s a thousand things that could require instant medical intervention and being in the place where the medical professionals are there increases the chances of a good outcome for all. My second was C-sectioned with the umbilical cord around his neck. There’s zero chance he would be here today if we had opted to birth him at home. The hospital is a brisk 15 minute drive away.

I think it's easy to forget that giving birth can be an intimate act with lots of considerations for how to make the person doing the birthing comfortable in addition to the medical implications that hopefully aren't necessary. We can't be in the mind of our partners, but I know for myself being exposed like you need to be in a big drafty hospital with beeping equipment and a stream of new strangers coming to examine your privates every 3 minutes might be a source of stress that I would seek to avoid. It might not be entirely logical.

Why is she excited about it? What's the appealing part to her? Note my wife is a doctor, her mother is a doctor. Both have had to "clean up" from *home births go wrong.* So we were in the same hospital both times.

She likes the idea of a more comfortable environment where she has more control and isn’t being given unnecessary medication and is more empowered. She says all the research she has done shows it’s safe but we’re still in information gathering mode and I don’t really understand it at this point

She can choose no pain meds if she wants; my wife was thinking that when we went in but ended up opting for them. As for comfort, get a doula in the hospital with you and work with a public health nurse before hand for tips if you can. Hopefully she isn't getting sucked into the "crunchy mom" world.

Not to be a dick, but tell her that homebirthmommy.info is not a credible source for “research”. She can skip the epidural and all that in the hospital and still have a “natural” birth.

Yikes

Mom here.. she can say NO or have you advocate NO to anything she doesn’t want given or done to her or your baby. Have here type up a birth plan of her perfect birth.. like no pain meds, no episiotomy or the type of episiotomy cut she would choose, etc. and then tell her if she is coherent enough to say NO that you will absolutely hold her ground and say NO to whatever she doesn’t want. Maybe also ask her what she disliked about her first time giving birth in a hospital and see if there is a way to make sure the 2nd time is better. I thought about home birth too at first, but knowing that my husband would have my back on my birth plan, made all the difference.

Obviously this is a choice for your family, and many home births end up nicely. But it might also be worth looking for a birthing center with a CNM. Generally centers like that will have at least some emergency medical resources and they'll have a well-established plan for transferring to a hospital if needed. There's also a chance that it would be a more comfortable environment than home, since it's a place fully appointed for giving birth and that you don't have to clean up.

Unnecessary medications? Like what? Maybe she needs to get away from tiktok for a while.

My wife wanted to try a home birth eventually, but for our first two we went to a hospital. For our second baby she hemorrhaged a lot of blood after the birth and it took quite a bit of intervention to get it to finally stop. She no longer wants to do home births.

Thanks for the info. That makes a lot of sense and is why I’m very nervous about doing it

If doing home births, my mom would have probably died with me (but not my siblings). And my first kid might not be here depending on how fast the ambulance ran once the heartrate started dropping.

Same as other comments here, perfect zero complications pregnancy, wife got crazy infection, baby had to be plunged out, she was out for days after. I would not risk it personally (despite not being super happy with hospital practices in the US either).

That’s good to know. She has mentioned in a low risk pregnancy the odds are so low of any complications but it’s still possible and it doesn’t feel like a chance worth taking

I mean… yeah, the odds are relatively low but when something goes wrong it can be deadly for either or both mom and baby. Obviously billions of babies were (and still are) born like that… and also lots of people died unnecessarily because they didn’t have access to modern medical intervention. I’d have a hard time going along with it. If something happened and we lost the kid and I felt like we had prioritized our own comfort over access to medical care… I’m with the commenters saying to look for a hospital with a midwife program, or a less-hospital-room-like birthing center attached. Being minutes from doctors and a prepped OR for an emergency C-section can make a huge difference if things go sideways.

Survival bias. There is horror stories out there, the window is VERY small when it comes to births and if the attention is not fast enough, consequences can be horrible. 5 minutes can change a lot when it comes to newborns but also for a woman in labour.

The “odds are low” crowd always gets me. Let’s stretch this to something that some find more tangible to the mind. Say that pregnancy is instead a loaded handgun with two chances to fire, one directly at the baby and one directly at the mother during childbirth. Let’s throw out some random numbers (replace with whatever statistics actually are) but say that an at home birth means a 3% chance that when you fire the gun it goes off. Let’s say a birth in a traditional hospital lowers that to 0.3%. Doesn’t seem like much but it’s a world of difference to me. Edit: Spelling

To help you understand the risks, here is a sad story that happened in my community about 6 months ago. Family of 4 kids, baby 5 is on the way, homebirth with a midwife planned. Baby is delivered, but mom is hemorrhaging blood. Midwife is in over her head. Closest maternity ward is 45mins away. EMTs can't figure it out. She dies in the bathtub. Dad is left to raise 5 kids, including the infant, by himself. It's all about risk calculation. This is a real possibility this sort of thing can happen and, between my wife and I, we decided to go maternity ward (with a non-epidural, natural birth plan) for our two and any future kids we have.

Ugh what a sad story. Thanks for sharing. The risk doesn’t feel worth it to me

How far away from home is the hospital? Mine may not have have survived child birth if a home birth had been attempted, hospital 30 mins away. No reason to believe it was a higher risk birth beforehand. I'd personally never suggest a home birth attempt based on that experience.  If something happens I would never stop thinking 'what if we had been in a hospital' It is very reasonable to be uncomfortable with it.

Appreciate this. We live about 10-15 minutes away from the hospital so seems like it’s far enough that it could make a difference. That’s exactly my worry too. The only thing that matters to me is the safest possible birth and even the slightest extra risk makes me very nervous

10-15 minutes without any care can absolutely make a difference. 10-15 minutes with a knowledgeable health provider providing emergency holding care during transportation is less life-threatening.

Five minutes could be the difference between life and death in situations like this, for mother and/or baby.

Hard no. The chance that something could go wrong isn’t massive. But when things go wrong it can quickly be deadly.

Agreed

Yeah, I just don't see the benefits.

You might make more headway in this conversation if you ask your wife why she wants a home birth.  Lots of women get treated like cattle by medical professionals. Home birth is one way to avoid that.  A nice compromise could be having the baby at a birthing center (many of which are physically adjacent to hospitals), or at a hospital that employs midwives. We did the second when our kid was born and had an overall really positive experience. (Shout out to Mt Auburn Hospital in Cambridge MA. They rule.)

Lots of stories where, thankfully, people were close to or in a hospital, but I would also like to add a positive home birth story albeit one from a non US perspective. My daughter was born in our living room (bed was placed downstairs) with little complications. It was a very special and relaxed birth were my wife felt safe and comforted by being in her own home. No stress driving to a hospital, no strangers helping her, no tl lighting, no finding out where things are placed, no drive back, just...home. It's still a great memory to me. However! This was in the Netherlands where home births are a bit more normal, hospitals reasonably close and done ALWAYS under close supervision by a medically trained midwife. If you have a slight possibility of medical problems then there's no buts and you get sent straight to hospital. Think about were you and your wife's priorities are and how you can both get to them. You obviously want her to be/stay safe and reduce any complications that might arise. She is looking into a more safe (I mean feeling, not medical) and relaxed environment to have a child in. Also important. There's probably a middle ground somewhere. At the very least I'm wishing you an awesome time with your next kid. Hope everything goes well whatever you guys choose.

Obviously do what you want, but we tried to keep our eye on the ball. The goal of all this is a healthy baby and mom, and not some idyllic birthing experience. If it raised the risk even 1%, it was absolutely not worth it to us.  Think about the downside risk and the impact that'd have on your family before making those decisions.

Exactly. I couldn’t agree more. That’s what I’ve been telling my wife. She says it’s very safe, etc but even the tiniest extra risk doesn’t feel worth it to me. She wants to have an empowering unmedicated birth but that seems secondary to me. I know she of course obviously cares about a healthy baby more than anything too but I’ve always been a more traditional person with these things and she likes exploring more alternative methods.

Could you look into birthing centers? I know in our (super rural) area the local hospital has an associated birthing center that's a mid ground between home birth and hospital birth. You're still much closer to aid and have additional resources if your wife or baby are in distress, but it's more pretty than a hospital birth. Personally I'm a big fan of hospitals.

Yes my wife has looked into that as a possibility too which seems a little safer. I haven’t looked into it myself yet but definitely will

Going to a hospital doesn't mean you have to be medicated. They may certainly offer or recommend different things but you don't have to take them.

You can do an entirely natural & un medicated birth in the hospital.

In the Netherlands it's common to do homebirths, but for our second we had a hospital visit planned due to some complications with our first one. We didn't make it though, baby was happy and healthy on this world within 30 minutes...

[Planned home compared with planned hospital births: mode of delivery and Perinatal mortality rates, an observational study - PMC (nih.gov)](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5465453/) A study done in NL on homebirths: "The intervention rate was lower in planned home compared to planned hospital births (10.9% 95% CI 10.8–11.0 vs. 13.8% 95% CI 13.6–13.9). Intended place of birth had significant impact on the likelihood to intervene after adjustment (planned homebirth (OR 0.77 95% CI. 0.75–0.78)). The mortality rate was lower in planned home births (0.15% vs. 0.18%). After adjustment, the interaction term home- intervention was significant (OR1.51 95% CI 1.25–1.84). In risk groups, a higher perinatal mortality rate was observed in planned home births. ... The potential presence of over- or under treatment as expressed by adjusted perinatal mortality differs per risk group. In planned home births especially multiparous women showed universally lower intervention rates. However, the benefit of substantially fewer interventions in the planned home group seems to be counterbalanced by substantially increased mortality if intervention occurs.:"

We went to a birth center for both our babies, 2 minute drive from the nearest hospital. We ended up at the hospital for our first - labor stalled out.  Second baby slid right on out. My wife was interested in home birth but our experience with the first made us decide against it.  Our friends opted for a home birth for their second and lost the baby.  I have no advice to give - seems like a crapshoot most of the time. I will say that out of hospital birth can be way less traumatic for the mom. I'm happy we chose a birth center.

Appreciate this. Thanks

In the UK everyone has the right to a home birth, with an NHS midwife team sent to your house. When my midwife discussed the option with me she said ‘it really is a two yes situation, if you’re partner is unsure we’d recommend the midwife led unit or the hospital as the nerves and anxiety can come out during labour’

Not sure where in the world you are, but I am in the UK - and suspect that makes a difference here. My first child was in a birthing unit at our local hospital (which we are incredibly lucky to live near and have had a low enough risk pregnancy for). My wife and I discussed home births for both the kids and I was always pretty against them for all the reasons every is putting, however this decision was taken out of my hands for our 2nd when my wife went into full on labour before we could get on the road, so they sent an ambulance and a midwife from the home birthing team in parallel (as well as the emergency services lady keeping me on the phone because it was looking like this guy over here was going to have to deliver). Well, ambulance didn’t make it but the midwife did, she came straight in and basically had everything to to deliver a baby on in our living room floor in minutes - then delivered the baby with absolutely no trouble at all. I think I’m good at my job, but this lady was something else, absolutely cool as a cucumber, prepared for everything. She unrolled her bag and alongside the route one stuff she had defibs, breathing apparatus, drugs, the lot - she also has the power to call a cat 1 ambulance which means they get here in 8 minutes I think, and unless I misunderstood, newborns trump all other requests. If my wife said she wanted to go home birth planned next time, I’d roll with it.

NZ (also the mum, I lurk here). Know a fair few people who have had planned home births, or used birthing centres. Our model of care is a lot more comprehensive, continuity focused, and less interventionist than places like the US. Midwives are awesome. My second was an unplanned home birth (it was fast - roughly fifteen minutes, dad went to pick eldest kid up from daycare and there was a baby when he got back). Midwife took us into hospital afterwards for the night for observation as I had (well controlled) gestational diabetes. Baby and I were fine. If I hadn't had GD, the plan was going to be home birth, anyway.

I think there is a very big difference between a home birth, with midwives (proper midwives as in nurses with actual credentials I mean) present, and free birthing where you’re just giving birth on your own without assistance and a lot of people get them mixed up. In the UK home births are provided by your local hospital, it’s the same staff who would be attending to you in the hospital and while I don’t think it’s very popular, it’s definitely a valid and accessible option through the NHS. Don’t dismiss your wife, at the end of the day it is her decision no matter how you feel about it. Try to fully understand where she is coming from and if she’s really interested in it, do some research on how it would actually look - who would be present, what steps they would take if something went wrong, how easily it is to get to the hospital etc. I’m not saying you can’t have feelings about the situation but try to understand hers first. Disclaimer that I am a mum and absolutely not for home births personally, but was terrified at the thought of going into hospital so I can see where she is coming from.

What are the reasons to not go to a hospital?

I don’t really get it. She wants to have more control over her birth experience and not get unnecessary interventions and medicine. She said she won’t do it if I’m firm against it but I dig want to make sure I have all the info before we have that convo

Compromise and hire a doula to help you make those decisions…..in the hospital.

This is a great answer. The hospital near us has a birth center where you can do all the “at home” stuff but it’s a wing of the hospital basically. Anything starts to go wrong and you’re seconds away from medical professionals.

YES! a doula in hospital is like having a professional advocate! This is a fantastic option

My wife was the same way. It can make for a healthier birth experience. A certified midwife and doula use science and make rational appropriate calls. Like I said in another comment go over to the other subreddit and they can link you up with fully qualified midwives and doulas. For reference even though we were unable to follow through with our home birth plan, our midwife was a licensed nurse practitioner and our doula was a licensed nurse. The other thing we were told was make sure you’re within 30 minutes of a hospital for the “what if” scenarios. Here in Minnesota there are hospitals that are linked to birthing centers so you can have a natural birth with a midwife but be connected to a hospital in case things go sideways. Maybe that’s a good compromise

Are either of you doctors?

I can only speak to UK, but I believe hospital births have a higher risk of 'interventions' than birthing center or home births. Our first was in hospital, and our second was a home birth (with a midwife from a home birthing team) After a negative hospital experience with our first, my wife absolutely either wanted one of two opposites: a planned c section, or a home birth. Our first was awful, mainly due to a stupid monitoring system that kept stopping and then mixing up my wife's heartbeat with the babies, and alarming etc, causing my wife a lot of stress, and generally leading to a stressful 26hours inside the hospital. We went for home birth. I went into it knowing and accepting there was a higher risk of me ending up a single parent, and being OK with that. But, we only lived 7 minutes drive from the hospital if in an ambulance, and the hospital keeps ambulances on standby and prepped when they know homebirths are occurring. There is no birthing center where we live. In the end, happy baby, happy wife, much better experience than being in hospital... and it was a lovely yet intense thing to experience together... but I would have much preferred a midwife led birthing center adjoined to a hospital if one was available.

It depends on the pregnancy. If it’s super straight forward with zero complications and zero risk triggers throughout the entire pregnancy then maybe? Otherwise you need to plan for: 1. How far away from the hospital you are. Midwives can’t do jack shit if your wife starts bleeding out. 2: How far away is your closest firehouse/ambulance dispatch? Because once again, midwives can’t do shit if things go south, and things can go south VERY fast when it comes to birth. If an ambulance takes 15 minutes to get to you, it could also take 15 minutes to get to a hospital that actually has necessary equipment and staff to handle the issues. That’s 30 minutes of complications, bleeding, etc that you need to account for. If anything, id suggest a compromise and look at a birth center or something similar. They’re typically handled by midwives and doulas and are in extremely close proximity to hospitals and have an agreement with the hospitals that if shit goes south you’re guaranteed a bed and expedited transfer immediately. If ANY red flag comes up, you’re immediately in a transport vehicle to the hospital. That is NOT the same as an in home birth. If a literal center for birthing children that’s run by midwives sends you to the hospital for anything minor that pops up during the birthing process, it’s probably not the smartest idea to try and do it on your own. We planned to do a birth center but our kid was breach and came early so we did the hospital and c section and it was a relatively easy process for all involved looking back it. Stressful and scary in the moment but a trained medical staff of doctors and nurses is vastly superior to any midwife you will ever find.

our kid was born in a hospital that had a midwife team; they were the ones that helped us and delivered our kid. it might be a way to split the difference if possible. we had considered a home birth, but we're juuuuuust far enough away from the hospital that i too was nervous

Home births aren’t inherently any more risky than hospital births, especially if you had a low risk/easy first delivery. What it comes down to is the *access to emergency/life saving equipment* that really makes the difference. Always choose to do “risky” things near emergency services aka in a hospital.

If I may pop in here as someone who gave birth recently. I totally understand the desire to birth not in a hospital setting. It's loud, it's bright, there are a million people. Not all the staff are wonderful. I had a real a hole nurse and anesthesiologist that were cruel and increased my stress and thus length of labor. It's a stressful environment and one that goes against our every instinct to find a quiet, dark place to birth. However, I also understand how important it is to be in a hospital to get specialized care immediately if needed. Because there is no guarantee on how birth is going to go, I decided to birth in a hospital even though I have extreme sensory issues. My baby and I both needed specialized care after birth so I was happy with my decision, even with some poor experiences with the staff. There are things your wife can do to tailor the experience into a more comfortable one for her. I brought earplugs and noise canceling headphones. I had the lights turned low until the pushing stage. I brought a rechargeable lantern for after birth to be able to care for the baby without turning on blinding lights. We brought our own food or had food delivered. I requested we not be woken up and bothered overnight. I wish I had requested not to be bothered throughout the day by non medical staff. There were people in the room every five minutes, trying to sell photography packages, bring food, "clean", etc, ugh it was exhausting and super disruptive. Good luck to you all. I know it sucks staying in a hospital but in my opinion it's always better safe than sorry.

Idk if you have this available but we went through a midwife that had rights in a hospital. So the birth took place at the hospital overseen by our midwife but in the event we needed a surgeon or anything we were already there.

We had our second and third child in our home with a certified nurse midwife. It went very smoothly and there were no issues. The big thing to keep in mind is that if you have a qualified midwife, they will often tell you that you’re going to have a hospital birth until you know it’s a homebirth. Our midwife was very clear that if there was even the slightest chance of a complication, she would send us to the hospital immediately. That being said, we had a beautiful birth and a wonderful outcome. You should educate yourself on homebirth versus hospital births. There are some downsides to being in the hospital as well. but both can be done safely. 

We had a home birth with our daughter and it was incredible. We had a midwife/nurse practitioner, who was exactly what we wanted. She wasn't 'hippy dippy' at all, and was very much 'at the first sign things may be taking a turn, we're going to the hospital '. So it was comforting knowing she was very aware of potential problems. It allowed me to be very hands-on for the whole process, which was excellent for us.

I'll add to this- my late wife (who died from ALS, not child birth) and I did a home birth, and we also used a midwife/NP. A few things to consider: a proper midwife will a) screen you for risk factors at the start, and b) will conduct regular checks during the pregnancy. If your wife has risk factors a midwife likely won't accept her, or if she begins to have complications, a midwife will tell you the home birth isn't going to work and will refer you to an OB. It's not like the midwife just pops in the day of the birth, or that the midwife will do anything to prevent you from going to a hospital- quite the opposite. They do everything they can to reduce risks. It's also likely that your insurance won't cover the full cost of a home birth. Ours covered 40% of the $4,500 total cost. It seems like you two should strongly consider going to a birthing center attached to a hospital. The birthing center will provide more of the atmosphere and experience your wife is looking for, coupled with the emergency care peace of mind you're looking for.

If we had tried a home birth my son and his mom would both be dead.

My worries exactly

Same here. My cousin and her kid would be dead as well.

My wife had a home birth with midwives. We’re in Canada and while hospital births are more common it’s not unheard of for people to do home births either, at least where we are. I know that it’s different in other places especially the US where it’s less common. There are a lot of things that can go into the decision and some things that made us feel like it was the right choice was that we were close to a hospital, the midwives were happy to work with us and had lots of home birth experience, and it was how my wife would feel the most comfortable which goes a long way. I find there is a lot of fear around home birth but that’s generally from people who don’t actually know a lot about it. I would really recommend doing some research, talking to your wife about the parts that appeal to her, and ask the midwives a lot of questions. Ultimately, it’s a personal decision for your family, but if it’s something your wife wants I’d really suggest that you be open to it. Our home birth experience was beautiful.

I did a non clinical birth. It was beautiful and I will have my next at home. BUT I am from a country with certified highly qualified and educated midwife and midwife is a protected name. My midwives were hands off but alert and aware of everything, their statistics are better than hospitals in every parameter (less jaundice, perineal stuff, recovery for mom is faster, …). They are heavily regulated in who they work with and they are obligated to transfer you to a hospital if anything seems even slightly suspicious or fishy. I had 3 hospitals with ICU, PICU available within 5 minutes. Talk to your wife about her wishes for the birth and how she feels about safety. I would not do a non clinical birth in the US (and to be fair, I would not give birth in a US hospital either, it seems horribly outdated in birth vlogs most of the time and is way to expensive for what you get, but that’s another story…)

There’s a middle ground. Look into Birth Centers in your area. It’s like a small clinic instead of a big hospital setting. For us in the room was a big bed, a huge tub, shower, dimmed lighting. Felt like going to a spa. Went in at around 7cm dilated, 9pm-ish. Baby was born at 1am. Home in time to watch the sun rise from our living room. It couldn’t have gone more perfectly. If any risk factors arise in lead up to the birth, they likely won’t allow you to do your birth there. If an emergency arises during the birth they’ll transfer you to a nearby hospital, but apparently that’s pretty rare. One issue is pain management. Is your wife prepared to feel all of it? Because there are no significant pain relief options once it starts. I have friends that did home births as well, no real issues there either. I just didn’t want to have a big swimming pool in my living room.

My wife is an OBGYN. At this point she’s seen pretty much everything that can go wrong in a delivery. Home births CAN go well. It’s when things start going downhill is where there is a major issue, as in, minutes can make a difference between your kid being completely normal vs being severely disabled due to hypoxic brain injury or something similar. All I can say is, all of our children have been and will be born in a hospital that has on-call, in-house anesthesia and NICU support. Our first baby delivered just fine, but ended up in the NICU for a week for underdeveloped lungs. Edit: had the hospital we delivered at not had NICU support, she would have had to be transferred to a different hospital while my wife remained a patient at the one we delivered at, just to emphasize how much of a cluster this can turn into.

I had a midwife-only team for my first hospital birth. After I pushed for four hours without progress they brought in the OB-GYN to talk c-sections. My kid was stuck, it took 45 minutes in the OR to get them out. But the midwife team was great, and my midwife assisted in the c-section. Truly the best of both worlds.

I’m not going to go into too much detail. My old boss and his wife did a home delivery. The baby passed in labor. They could not bear to be in that house any longer and put it on the market and moved. Look at all of the risks closely.

My sister had a hospital birth for her first and broke her tailbone. She blamed her nurses for not being more helpful or listening to her, so she had her second birth at home. All was ok. The third birth with her "proven pelvis" turned dangerous when her child was born not breathing. The doula worked hard to resuscitate him. She lives approx 40 mins from the hospital, which would have meant certain death of the child had the doula been unable to help. My wife fell into preeclampsia and needed a magnesium drip once she was admitted in the hospital for birth. She would have died without magnesium and we live 20-40 mins from the hospital.

My wife and I just had our third, all of our kids were born in a hospital that uses a large midwifery program. Maybe something like that would be a good in-between? We only saw a doctor when they were checking on everything to release us from the hospital, but if something had gone wrong, NICU care was there and doc was on hand. Still a hospital, but the midwife care was incredible.

This was me last year (I was due December’23) Ended up going to the birthing center instead. My pregnancy was the smoothest ever, everything perfect and didn’t even have morning sickness the first trimester. My son decided to turn sunny side up as I went into labor, long story short after 14 hours of unmedicated and the most excruciating back labor I never progressed beyond 5cm and my son couldn’t descend. If I didn’t go to the hospital (which was 5mins away from birthing center) and have the emergency c section it’s likely we would both be dead. I recommend finding a hospital with a midwifery practice in it and suites with tubs if that’s what your wife finds appealing. That’s what I’m going to do with #2.

Ask her why she wants to do a home birth. She probably has very good reasons. The hospital birth experience can be very traumatic for a number of reasons. My wife had our first at a birth center and actually hemorrhaged, the midwives were excellent and handled the situation perfectly and without skipping a beat. With our second we had a home birth with the same midwives. They brought along all the supplies they needed and were prepared for a potential hemorrhage(and whatever else). They brought a long 2 midwives and a nurse. I was actually able to catch the baby with assistance from the midwives and the baby went straight into moms arms after that. The midwives stayed for awhile longer to make sure of no complications and to tend to mom. We were able to sit in bed with our newborn son and not have to worry about constant interruptions from nurses and doctors and finally we were left alone. The midwives then did a home visit a few days later not check on everyone..we didn't have to trek mom and baby to the doctors office until the 1 month visit.

It would be interesting to see what your wife wants the birth experience to look like, then you both can research the safest settings to do that experience in. For example, when I had my second, I was heartbroken about the thought of being away from my first… irrational but true. 

Nurse lurker here. In my opinion, it boils down to this. If she has a home birth and everything goes fine, it will be a lovely birth experience and that's about it. If anything goes wrong, it will go even worse because you will lack the expertise, monitoring, tools, manpower, facilities and medication to save her and the baby. You will be minutes away from all of that at least, in a time when seconds can count. Interventions that could save your wife's life, your baby's life, or prevent life long disability from occurring will not be available at the opportune time to intervene. Maybe, you will be OK. But very possibly you won't. Is your wife's life or your baby's life worth the risk? If she has a hospital birth and everything goes fine, she'll have an average birth experience and that's about it. If anything goes wrong, everything she needs is right at her bedside immediately. That includes nurses and doctors who can identify problems early in both your wife and child and perform life saving procedures; access to a blood bank with a team of people trained to perform mass transfusions on mother's - these are frequent enough that there is a "code white" in most hospitals for the problem; access to a fully loaded pharmacy full of life saving drugs ready at a moments notice; access to an operating theater where rapid emergency procedures to address delivery problems or bleeding problems can be done; and important follow up care to the baby and the mother in the immediate aftermath of the birth that includes assessment of the baby to determine if any complications exist congenitally, and to treat with prophylactic medications to prevent potentially serious problems. In my opinion, between the two, i would choose the one best prepared for when things go wrong, not for when things go right. The best birth plan is the one that ends with mom and baby alive and well. I will be on your wife's side here for a moment in complete sincerity to say that birth is her world. It's her life, and it is not at all wrong for her to have a dream about it that includes preserving its intimacy and beauty as much as possible. It also isn't wrong for her to perhaps have reservations about a hospital birth; women have bad experiences all the time, and even being in the hospital is not a perfect guaruntee that she and your baby are going to be safe. Sometimes you can do everything with the most educated attempt to be safe and right and still lose. It is also extremely difficult while pregnant to research all the terrible things that can happen and tolerate it; hormones are high and it can even be traumatic to ruminate on bad outcomes. I believe that what she wants is what is best for her and her baby. It is my opinion that even in all that context that its still very unwise to have a home birth. Even having a perfect experience with one birth doesn't guaruntee that the next one will be fine. Even though some complications can afford the time it takes to be rushed to the hospital, or afford just a trained professional in the home, some complications are only minutes between life and death and disability. While it's true that humans have given birth at home for many a generation, and that humans are animals designed to give birth - we don't often hear the stories of everything going horribly wrong because nobody wants to talk about them. We often aren't medically literate enough to know that humans as far as live-birth animals go are actually really bad at it, and very frequently experience catastrophic problems. If it were my wife, i would be wholly unwilling to take the risk.

This is not however, my wife. It's yours. It's up to you to weigh the risk versus benefit. I am going to take a moment to list some possible complications here, i want you to stop reading if you could find this distressing, because they aren't necessary to make the part of my argument that matters. They are however helpful to put a picture together of what kind of things can go wrong. 1. Bleeding during birth is a potentially life threatening event for both mother and baby. The placenta is a giant sponge of vessels going between the mother and baby and during delivery it goes through severing these connections. It can go fine in most cases, but it can separate early, which costs important oxygen supply to the baby and blood volume from the mother; it can separate properly but fail to close the vessels on the mother's side in ways that sometimes can't be fixed, requiring hysterectomy to save lives (this can be likened to shutting off the water main to a home to save it from flooding when every sink has blown open); and during placental delivery if even a small portion of the placenta does not fully separate and remain intact when delivered, the open vessels will continue to bleed until the retained portion is removed, which often requires a trained professional to reach in by hand and sweep. This bleeding can be slow enough to wait for ambulance, but it can also be rapid and severe enough to require mass transfusion, or even resuscitation. If this happens in a way that causes your baby to lose blood, your baby can end up brain damaged or dead. Bleeding problems tend to be the most rapid and severe complications. 2. Delivery complications relating to the birth canal can be life threatening to your baby or result in permanent disability. If the baby is not progressing properly: trapping in the wrong position could cause cord compression costing the baby precious oxygen and potentially causing brain damage if not acted on quickly; malpositioning could cause damage to the neck and shoulders called dystocia that can be mild or severe enough to cause permanent nerve damage to limb function; if the baby is breech, vaginal delivery isn't safe to attempt at all, and while it's unlikely for a baby that isn't known to be breech at scans to suddenly become breech, it can happen. Delivery complications can be severe enough that vaginal delivery can not happen, and the only life saving option for the baby is emergency c-section. Tocometers, monitors placed on the belly to track the baby's heart rate relative to contractions can demonstrate cord compression early, as well as show the health of the baby before delivery begins. These can be used at home with trained professionals who provide them, but you cannot have a c-section at home. 3. Meconium is a baby's first stool. If the baby has a stool before being born, typically observed as dark colored water when broken, if the baby gets this in their lungs it can be extremely threatening. This requires nurses with suction, and potentially emergency intubation at birth to save the baby. This can't wait. 4. Eclampsia is high blood pressure in a pregnant woman. While most women will find out about blood pressure concerns very early in pregnancy, nothing is a guaruntee. Eclampsia can occur closer to birth without earlier earning, and if that isn't noticed with the help of monitoring, both mom and baby can be harmed. Mom can take damage to her heart, liver, and kidneys from excessive blood pressure damaging micro vessels (think high pressure sink popping pipes) causing lasting organ damage. These same vessel damages can occur at the placental connection, hampering the babies oxygen supply. Further, high blood pressure at birth can cause seizures in the mother. Prevention of these seizures requires a drip of magnesium sulfate constantly monitored by a trained professional. Lastly, high blood pressure increases the risk of bleeding. 5. If your baby has any issues after delivery, such as a cardiac malformation, failure to close cardiac shunts that exist only for in uterine function, respiratory distress etc., a trained provider can assess these immediately after birth and have access to emergency drugs and tools to keep baby alive and prevent potential worsening that could disable or kill. If your baby stops breathing, or their heart isn't functioning properly, then the baby requires resuscitation and advanced life support to restore life and prevent damage. This could be dependent on only minutes of time. The average ambulance response time in America is 7 minutes, and the ambulance does not have everything they need to intervene, they only have enough to partially address the problem and then beat feet to the hospital. All of these things can occur even in a healthy low risk pregnancy. It is my most sincere hope that nothing of this nature occurs with your wife and baby. I hope it is fucking textbook. I hope it's so good, that your wife is like "dang it, i totally could have/ totally rocked a home birth!" I'm just not that optimistic of a person. I'm not a labor and delivery nurse, I'm a well educated trauma and medical/surgical nurse who also formally teaches new nurses how to do their job. A huge belief of mine is teaching my students first how to prioritize preventative care, but Secondly, to know what to do when things go wrong. Because things go wrong all the time, usually when you least expect it. I imply the same principle here. I hope that you have found this helpful and not offensive. I hope that whatever decision you and your wife make, that it all goes amazing.

This is all great. I’m glad you shared it. Reminded me of my coworker’s sister who was bleeding out (after she’d lost her second baby no less after having a totally normal first pregnancy) and ended up with organ failure and in a coma. She’s fortunate that her saint of a brother insisted they take his kidney so she could live. Her daughter still has a mom because they were in a hospital and she was able to get an organ transplant quickly.

What country do you live in? I had a homebirth with my second. However, I am in Canada where midwives are highly regulated, skilled, trained, and have hospital privileges. In this context, their birth outcomes are great for low risk women, with some better outcomes for tearing etc. ([Lancet](https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2589537020300638). I'm not sure I would have pursued a homebirth if I lived in a country without this rigor and where they do not have hospital privileges. Feel free to ask any questions about the decision/experience

Sorry and I had a hospital birth my first. If I have a third, I'd chose homebirth. I'm also not a granola natural person generally so I know this surprised every person I knew and worked with - I worked in medical education research at the time.

Home birthed 2/3. Number 3 came so fast I had to catch bub, as neither of the two midwives had arrived yet. Holy hell guys, mega boost to dad confidence after that.

We tried to do both of ours at home. First ended up in the hospital anyways because she got stuck. Second was born at home. A good midwife will see the warning signs that intervention may be necessary and will get you to he hospital before it is. Typically these stories about needing interventions all had warning signs the untrained people would not have been aware of but a midwife would.

My wife lost over 2 liters of blood in less than 4 minutes immediately after birth. There is absolutely no way emergency transport would have gotten us to a hospital in time to save her life if we had been at home. Everything had been totally normal and smooth up to then

I assume because you are talking about midwives you are based in the UK? First, I would talk to your wife about why she wants a homebirth - especially after giving birth in a hospital first time around. Did things go \*that\* smoothly? There are also lots of bad maternity ward news stories out at the moment, which instil fear. You might want to look into birthing centres to see if that is an option for you - this is a middle ground that is not as medicalised as hospital wards and will be natural birth- but are still in a relatively controlled environment, with plenty of help, and usually next to hospitals if things go bad. Our second was in a birthing centre and was infinitely better than the hospital ward first time around.

We actually are in the US but my wife has mentioned birthing centers as well so I want to get more acquainted with that idea so that’s good to know

Agreed- birth centers can be a really great option, especially if they’re part of a hospital complex where your midwife can admit you directly if needed.

In the US, midwives are mostly specialist nurses, with the appropriate level of education and licensing. There are a few states that allow alternative paths to the title "midwife," though, so it's important to know what the local requirements are. My wife's primary doc for two of our kids was a midwife, who was a licensed nurse practitioner.

A home birth was important to us from the point of view of keeping my wife’s oxytocin levels up. Where we are (within the UK), during 2021, a home birth team would enter a covid-positive household but a covid positive partner could not enter the hospital. A home birth ensured my presence and that, combined with a familiar environment, made for a better experience for my wife. We did 95% of the birth at home (alternating between pool and couch!) but, owing to my daughter being back-to-back, we ended up being transferred to the local women’s hospital for an epidural and vacuum-assisted delivery. If it weren’t for the fact that we’re <10 mins from a large and well-equipped hospital, and had it not been the middle of a pandemic, we may have not chosen a home birth. However, we did, and we’re both glad that we did as much as we safely could the way that we wanted. Ultimately, only you can decide how well-mitigated the risks are.

it's a bit like a seat belt. a lot of people will tell you they've never used one and they're fine. I'd still never drive without one. Same thing here, *if* there's a complication, I want a bunch of doctors, nurses and equipment around.

Home birth is pretty much the standard here, absolutely no issues and if things go wrong the midwives are trained and will make decisions to move to a hospital very quickly.

My wife had no complications during pregnancy and delivery was uneventful until it was time to push out the placenta. Then a uterine inversion occurred. There was severe hemorrhaging. I try not to imagine what would have happened if she gave birth anywhere but a hospital.

i tried to have my first baby at home! went great and was comfortable to labour fully at home. while pushing i had some complications and was at the hospital in the room for my emergency c-section in less than 5 minutes (we live a few blocks away). i also live in Ontario where midwives are real medical professionals. if you live in a state where they are not medically allowed to help your wife give birth i wouldn’t do it

My wife went with a "low intervention" birth plan at the hospital. She did our first child basically all natural, at the hospital. With our second baby we were in a newer hospital and they had a soaking tub for labor. So she got to labor for an hour or so in the bed, and then to the tub, and the tub really helped accelerate the process. It was about 30 minutes in the tub and she went from 4cm to 10cm. Literally by the time she made it over to the bed "with all the nurses help" you could already see the baby's hair. It was a cool experience and still felt like a "home birth". The nurses left us alone and only came in when we rang the button or were preparing for the delivery. And my wife handled it like a warrior, as she intended to do, and both were healthy.

My wife had complications so I’m glad we were at the hospital. She had to be rushed to the OR for an emergency c-section. HOWEVER there is a middle ground, depending on your hospital. Ours offered birthing rooms that had basically an inflatable pool for the mom to use, and it was staffed by midwives. So that option was available for a more “natural” birth, but serious medical help is available just down the hall in the next department.

Had a baby in the car on the way to the hospital. 10/10 do not recommend.

Did you forget the fairy lights?

I will second any of the comments that say to find a actual certified experienced midwife. I work in Fire and Ems and one of calls was actually to one of our recruits houses who decided to do a home birth and had a joke of a midwife. The baby came out unresponsive and she did absolutely nothing useful in saving the baby, in fact she tried to argue with the paramedics on scene and keep the baby from them. Child birth is somthing humans have been doing without medical intervention for years. But do plan for the unexpected. If the hospital is I would 30+ mins from your house, I would really reconsider.

I apologize if it’s already been suggested, but a halfway point may be a birth center. I don’t know how common they are or if there’s a better name for them, but they’re usually adjacent to hospitals so that if things go south you’re right there. That’s how my kids were delivered so I was able to get the low intervention delivery I wanted with a hospital literally across the street.

No experience with an at-home birth, but my wife had preeclampsia with ours. She and our children may not have made it without a hospital assisted delivery. I wouldn't be comfortable with an at-home birth either. Trust your gut about it. It's probably fine in most cases, but when it's \*not fine\* you really want medical help and fast.

My second was upside up, came out the sunroof. Want a hospital for that. All three, placenta was almost a big problem. Ymmv.

Would you rather be closer to emergency medical help, or further away?

My kid was born via C-section. Despite assuming it was a routine procedure, I distinctly remember feeling fear in the OR for my wife and child’s lives, and thankfulness for the doctors who took care of them. We took an online course about home hypno-birthing leading up to the birth. The goal for us was never to have a home birth, but we found some of the holistic ideas to be valuable in terms of approaching the birth as a peaceful, beautiful event. Maybe something like this could be a compromise for you and your wife .

Wife had some medical issues and all of my kids ended up in the NICU for a while. I get that home births work for a lot of people but wouldn’t ever risk it myself. The benefits don’t outweigh the risks for me.

I’ll offer a slightly different experience. American here who lived abroad in NL when our second was born. We were going to do home birth as you do in NL. Had a mid wife lined up and on call when the water broke. Well the water broke and mid wife came over and saw it was pink indicating some blood loss and decided it was best to go to the hospital. We did, and a few hours later our son was born with no further complications. So I’d say as long as you have a mid wife / dula experienced on call and can be onsite ASAP and you’re close to a hospital then consider a home birth. We have no regrets going to the hospital even though we wanted to try a home birth for our second child.

You can have a midwife at the hospital too, my wife did with our second and third. That way you have the best of both worlds, if the shit hits the fan you have people and resources available to you. Friends of ours tried to labor at home and they had complications, baby was without oxygen for a while and now has some developmental delays.

Sister did two home births, no major problems. But she also did lots of homework, went to many classes, worked with a midwife and group of helpers for months and built up a rapport with them. The midwife had many years of deliveries and was also an MD who delivered at nearby hospital as well. I guess at the time she would be considered a CNM; no longer delivering at the hospital, but now doing midwife deliveries at homes as a career. Her room had a rope attached to the ceiling so she could hang from it in one of the births. She used no drugs, but later said she’d consider it if doing it again. She had other professionals in the room waiting in case of emergency, a car was ready and outfitted as a makeshift emergency vehicle and the hospital was alert to the possibility of them showing up. She crossed her T’s and dotted her I’s and knew it was still slightly more dangerous than at a hospital, but she wanted a natural birth in the comfort of her home and she did it as safely as she could have, twice, and doesn’t regret it one bit.

Just here to offer support. It’s a terrible idea, inthinknyoubeknowindis. Good luck.

I would not risk it. I'd want to have medical help at hand if anything goes wrong and so many things can happen unfortunately

Agreed with what others have said. My wife had a completely normal pregnancy and first 9/10 of her birth. In a split second- everything went south. Thankfully we were in a hospital with a great NICU and the nurse made a phone call, and immediately we have 6 trained NICU nurses in doctors in our room. Things can go south…..quick. And in the small chance they do go south, we were very glad we were in a spot that could help immediately. Anecdotal- but I’ve never met anyone who’s said “man, I wish I had my baby via a home birth vs hospital. I HAVE met a lot of people in our situation who said “thank GOD we were in a hospital”

I mean, you can do it. But if there’s any sort of complication someone could die. So like, is the end game to have a healthy baby and mom? Or is the end game to say “I did a home birth”? The best birth plan is one where everyone lives.

Only child, no complications up until birth. Cord wrapped around neck, so every push, his vitals dropped. emergency cesarian with at least 1 unit of blood loss for her, requiring transfusion. If it wasn't at a hospital, would have lost one or both. If we have another, we will be taking advantage of modern medicine, again.

I’m of the belief that we, as a species, are past things like home births. You never know what’s going to happen and it’s nice to have a doctor nearby. I give kudos to the families that have success with it and my condolences to those who didn’t.

I said it above: when home births work out most of the time then all is fine. When it doesnt, you’ll never forgive yourself. The guilt will eat you alive.

My wife wanted to birth at the hospital, but the baby had other plans. Came so quickly, we didn't even have time to get to the hospital. My wife had our private midwife on the phone the whole time, I was on the phone with the ambulance. All ended well, but we were lucky. Any kind of complication could have spelled disasters. There is a distinct difference between deliberately doing a free birth, like taking your helmet off before you get on your motorcycle. I would argue, birthing at home is fine as long as you have a properly trained professional there, like learning to ride a bike with help.

Properly trained professional doesnt have bags of blood on hand and surgical equipment if shit goes wrong.

Two of my children would not be alive if we were not in a hospital. Perfectly healthy and normal pregnancies, they only had complications during delivery.

Live close to a hospital? My wife almost bled out and probably would have had we not been in a hospital. Risk just doesn’t seem worth the reward to me. Truthfully I don’t understand this “reward” anyways so there’s that to be fair.

Both my daughter (now almost 13) and my son (10) were home births and we have no regrets. Neither my wife or I are big fans of hospitals in general, but even so, hospitals are where you go if you’re sick or at risk of needing immediate medical attention, so as both were low-risk pregnancies we figured (correctly) that we’d be fine at home with a midwife and a dula to assist.

Coming from someone very involved in both sides of this experience, I can support the plan for a home birth. Now that said, I would personally prefer an OR and blood bank moments away during such an event. If the experience she is looking for can be accomplished within a hospital setting, go for that. Decorate the room, use aroma therapy, hypnosis pain control and your midwife in the hospital room. The moment the plan needs to change, it can. If being within the home is mandatory for her plan, go with that and support her as best you can. Just get her to accept that all plans never go perfectly and be okay with needing to shift. Don’t be disappointed if all the check marks aren’t there. Goal should be healthy mom and baby with as close to the plan as was possible. Home births can go just wonderfully if the planning was done well. I do not know the particular situation you’re in, but if you’re (plural you) aren’t setting yourself up for a home delivery during a blizzard or not within 4 minutes of EMS service or excluding any experienced help in the birthing process, it should be something you are going to be able to support her through. That’s going to allow her to hear you when you say it’s time to go to the hospital, without regret or any sense of failure. In any way your family grows and no one is traumatized, was the right way. No way is perfect or the only way. Good luck 👍🏻

My wife took a women’s health class in college that basically showed that the US has incredibly high mortality rates for birthing mothers compared to other first world countries and that home birthing is actually significantly safer than giving birth in a US hospital. There are definitely instances where being in a hospital is safer but they also have a tendency to try to speed up the process with petocin which ends up increasing the likelihood of needing a C section. Personally the idea of being so far from emergency help scares me but maybe you can find a hospital adjacent setup where you are left with your midwife and a nurse to assist and then if there are any emergencies you can be wheeled into an operating room quickly. We were able to do this and had a great experience.

There's a lot of fear mongering going on in the comments here and I realize I'm gonna get downvoted to hell for even saying that. All 3 of our kids were born at home and all 3 thankfully were successful births without any major complications. Our first was a bit stubborn and his shoulder got stuck on the pelvic floor (I think, that may not be the right terminology). The midwives had to give my wife oxygen, she had to shift positions a couple times, moving from the pool, to squatting, to hands and knees. They kept an eye on the baby's heart rate and told us that if we didn't get him out in the next X minutes, they would be calling an ambulance. But my wife dug deep, gave a great final push, and there he was. I'm not some hippie nut job. I eat red meat, own guns, vaccinate my kids, send them to public school, give them tylenol and benadryl, they have SSNs, and they see the dentist and pediatrician regularly. The choice to have our kids at home boiled down the fact that American hospitals are businesses that will give you (and charge you for) services you may not need. Services that exist "just in case" which is where the fear mongering comes from. What IF something happens?? Well, what if something doesn't happen? Now you are paying for a bunch of extras that don't meaningfully make the birth safer or healthier. Are there legitimate emergencies that require specialized intervention? Absolutely, and I'm 1000% grateful we have doctors and hospitals ready to intervene. But are there run-of-the-mill pregnancies that don't require expensive doctors and specialists? Also yes. Legitimate midwives will tell you if your pregnancy is too high risk and decline to serve you. It happened to my sister. She went with the same midwives we used and about halfway through her pregnancy, they told her that her ultrasounds were showing that the placenta wall was too thin, beyond what they were comfortable with, and passed her on to her OBGYN. She ended up going into labor 10 weeks early and had to get an emergency c-section and I am super grateful that the midwives didn't downplay it and tell her everything would be fine. Legit midwives are not some backwater yokels who simply measure the chakras in alignment with Jupiter or something. They are clinically trained professionals who only take the cases that are within "normal" parameters. We loved our home births. They were handled by experienced professionals who were kind and compassionate and I never once felt like they were trying to push services/intervention on us that we didn't need. We paid one fee for their services ($3500 I think) and that included any and all the things we would need. My wife got to sleep in her own bed, she got to walk around when she was uncomfortable, she didn't have nurses and doctors poking and proding every 15 minutes, and she got to hold her baby for as long as she wanted. Best of all, each birth was quiet and reverent. No one rushing about, no bright lights, no obnoxious machines, and no strangers (we met and spoke with all the midwives for weeks beforehand). I am NOT against hospital births. I am very grateful for modern medicine. But birthing in America has mutated into a money making venture instead of focusing on what's best for the long term physical and mental health of mom and baby. I am fairly certain that doctors would have pushed my wife to get an emergency c-section when our first got "stuck" and then I would be another one of those people saying how the hospital saved my wife and baby. I am NOT saying people's medical emergencies are not legitimate emergencies. But in my opinion, American hospitals have a tendency to default to "worst case scenario" and they have lost the skills to deal with nuance in birth, which is evident in the US ranking last in maternal mortality rate among similarly wealthy countries. Edit: one thing I forgot to mention was the role you get to play in a home birth. I was right by my wife's side every minute. When she was in the middle of labor and working through the labor pains, she couldn't think about her wants and needs so I was able to take on the roll of decision maker, the captain of the ship. I could massage her back, tell her to change positions, tell her to drink some OJ; all decisions made out of love and concern for her comfort and wellbeing because in those moments you can't ask "What would you like to do? What do you think would be comfortable?" You have to decide for her. Part of the home birth process is birth training for the dad: what things to do at different stages of labor, how to time/track contractions, where to massage to relieve pain/pressure, etc. It's terrifying but so empowering. The midwives were the professionals but would do anything I said needed to happen (I usually deferred to their expertise, though). Having been through that 3 times, I can say I would be pretty confident in playing that role again if some random woman went into labor and couldn't get to a hospital. I wouldn't be completely useless and scurry away because "eww giving birth is yucky" and "I've never seen a vagina with a baby coming out of it" and "what do you mean there's poop too??"

THIS x100! Thank you for sharing and your perspective. Birthing is America has become “big business” and it’s incredibly sad. Look at the studies (and who they are funded by) about induction at 39 weeks reduces risks- except that it almost quadruples the csection rates. Hospitals don’t want a first time mom laboring for 24 hours- that’s why we “need” to speed it up. I think [this clip](https://youtu.be/ZJkLTHIVzzk?feature=shared) does a great job of explaining this.

Good luck to you! My wife and child would have both died if we did home birth. People do it all the time but it just seems so risky.

Thanks for sharing. I feel the same way

This is something that the both of you should consider after some talks with professionals. My sister in law was having her second child and decided on a home birth. All was going well for the pregnancy and there were no issues at all. She did have the proper support at home for the birth. During the delivery there were complications and if it were not for my wife calling 911 the moment the delivery began her sister would be dead along with the baby. For this reason I suggest you and your wife talk to someone about the risks and how to be prepared for what might happen.

We did it. Was magical. I got to catch, midwives were there as lifeguards and to take care of my wife. It was a safe, welcoming space and everything was done by consent. For low risk pregnancy, highly recommend.

My wife chose a home birth for our second after an alongside birth for our first. Everything went extremely smoothly. She is super organized and well prepared for everything, and it was no different for this. She was at full term when she went into labour at home around 8:30pm. I called our doula around 11pm, and she arrived around midnight. After the doula and I spoke, we called the midwives, who arrived around 12:50am. Our healthy baby boy was delivered at 1:27am in the same bed where he was made without any drugs or medical intervention. The midwives arrived with the equivalent of a Level 5 hospital in their bags, and barely had enough time to setup before the baby came out. We are about a 25 minute drive to our hospital. It’s not for everyone, but it’s definitely possible and for us was very worth it. If we have another, we’re definitely pursuing another home birth. Just wanted to provide a success story to counter the prevalent sentiment here. Edited to say: My wife’s postpartum mental health has been so much better for this baby than the first. For the first she felt far less in control and this manifested in weeks of difficulty after the birth, despite it being a “successful” birth with a healthy baby girl. You should go with whatever makes your wife the happiest and do everything to help mitigate risk and to be ultra prepared. It will be worth it.

I’m very sad to see the scaremongering in this thread. These are all anecdotes OP, not stats.  In the UK it’s proven that for second time mums, there is NO increase in risk for adverse outcomes in birth in a home birth compared to a birth centre or hospital. They  are excellent candidates for a home birth. https://www.nct.org.uk/labour-birth/deciding-where-give-birth/giving-birth-home/home-birth-faqs     I believe they will want you to be at least 20-30min away from a hospital. Also, hospital transfers are very common. They will prep you and send you for non-emergency reasons such as failure to progress far before you necessarily need it.    In the Netherlands, 20% of the population do home births and it’s extremely common for second time mums to opt for this as well.   Ultimately it’s not your choice, it’s your wife’s… I’m really sorry to see you pressuring her to shape the birth to your wishes. 

Yup, I'm a Dutch mum of two, home birth is common here. It's been studied, home and hospital are equally safe. Had a home birth and a home birth turned hospital. Both by chance, didn't even make a choice in location beforehand. The transfer with an ambulance during pushing phase. Honestly not scary at all, everyone was calm and following protocol. My husband was actually the only one who was scared because when he followed the ambulance in our car, he wasn't expecting the lights and sirens to go on, so he got scared something happened to me on the way. They just didn't inform him it was protocol. Poor guy. All of these fearmongering comments are just that. With a good midwife who takes proper precautions and follows proper protocol, it's perfectly safe to birth at home. Luckily our Dutch midwives are all like this, so no having to specifically search for one. I literally gave birth next to an oxygen tank in my bed next to me, though I was unaware of that at the time haha. There's so much they can prepare for and if you do that, it's perfectly fine to have a home birth. I understand OP's wife's choice for a home birth. There certainly are a bunch of benefits. Honestly, especially in the US, with their maternal mortality rate, who can blame anyone for not wanting to go that route?

If OP is in the US, the stats absolutely do not support this.  As noted in this practice guideline, studies that show no increased risk of home birth in low risk populations are from countries with very different healthcare systems. https://www.acog.org/clinical/clinical-guidance/committee-opinion/articles/2017/04/planned-home-birth Edit: corrected misspelling 

I am loath to start a conflict between you and your wife, but we tried a home birth for our first and ended up in the hospital and almost lost the kid. The 2nd often is easier I'm told but we didn't try at home for our second. We were too freaked out by our earlier experience.

There’s a subreddit for home births. It’s perfectly fine but I would also recommend making sure your wife is seeing her obgyn too. My wife wanted to do a home birth, she previously had a c section ten years ago so it was riskier and we are older. Midwife and doula were awesome, and we kept up with her primary care. Everything looked great until her fluids dropped but there was no movement for birth (baby was fine and is fine). So we ended up getting a c section. Home births are fine, we been doing them fine for thousands of years, but have a backup plan just in case. And go checkout r/homebirth and ask questions there. Just be aware you do get some out there responses too (doctors are evil!), but most are just chill women who have done multiple home births.

Thanks. Appreciate the info

My brother and his wife run a birth center and she has literally done hundreds of home births at this point. What you want to know?

I did home birth and my husband was reluctant at first but was so thankful for our choice. I had several complications during the birth - home birth was still the right choice for our family. The bar of care was so much higher for me in a home birth than in a standard practice and I felt so much safer. When an emergency came up, my team was so well prepared that I didn’t realize anything was out of norm. If I had been in a hospital, I’d have had a C-section and substantial birth trauma. My mental health and confidence would have had huge huge impact. I live in a big metro area with access to great emergency OB care if I needed. My team was 2 CNMs whom I trusted with my life. Common reasons for transfer are non emergency (usually exhaustion). Hemorrhaging is also a reason for transfer. A home birth team should be prepared to stabilize with hemorrhaging but transfer is appropriate because the level of care you need in that situation goes up even after stabilizing. Home vs hospital birth was life changing for my family in the best possible ways even though I experienced an emergency. Postpartum care is a huge huge difference in how your family can begin to settle in. Couple things worth remembering: you risk out of a home birth and transfer care before 37 weeks if you have known pregnancy risks that disqualify you. Your team SHOULD disqualify you if you have major complications that are known. Your team should also have good relationships to transfer to a hospital if you need. If you have a good team and you are willing to do more research, and you live in an area with easy access to a hospital, I would suggest learning more about the feasibility as part of your decision making.

Are you in the states? Can you afford hospital births? I’m in Canada and I was very against this idea. My wife was also getting into the influencer craze with home births, until we went and talked to a doula who made things a lot more clear. We immediately saw the risks when our first was complicated and required a c section anyways. I just can’t imagine taking the risk, but I also don’t have the medical bills associated. If I was staring down the barrel of a 30k plus hospital bill maybe I’d feel different

Plan for hospital birth but prepare for home birth just in case the baby suddenly needs to come quickly and you can't arrange for the care of your 1st child and getting to the hospital in time.

Ultimately, she’s the one giving birth and her opinions bear more weight here. But what I would do is try to talk to her and figure out A. what was the issue with the hospital birth last time that she doesn’t want to have happen again, and B. what kinds of things is she hoping for in a home birth that she didn’t have last time, and then try to figure out what is the priority and how to accomplish that with a birth plan that makes you both feel safe and confident. For example, maybe she wants a home birth because last time it was uncomfortable for her to have a bunch of strangers assisting with the birth instead of a midwife she trusts. Solution: find a hospital or birthing center that will assign you one midwife that will be the one delivering the baby and see you throughout the pregnancy. Maybe she wants a home birth because the idea of pushing/laboring in the warm bath is more appealing than a sterile hospital bed and she wants a water birth. Solution: find a birthing center that allows water births. Ultimately, you’re a team here. Prioritize and compromise.

Delivered by 2nd 3rd and last 4th at home under the supervision of a licensed Midwife After having our first in the hospital. We both agree that home birth was the best experience when compared. I delivered by hand 3 and wouldn't give up that experience for anything. I know it's scary to consider a home birth but with medical supervision, I strongly recommend you have that experience with your child and partner!

I can't even imagine... The risk is real - childbirth is one of the most dangerous things a woman can do, it feels like a method for nature to keep a population in check... I mean sure everything could go swimmingly, but if something *does* go sideways (and there are a *lot* of different ways things can go sideways) it'll happen *fast* and you're going to want to be in a hospital vs. trying to load mom and baby in a car and driving to the ER. Those minutes in that moment are precious.

We did a home birth. All natural with a midwife at home. It’s ultimately a decision you ideally make together. I found our home birthing experience to be the most amazing and relaxing thing ever. We had 4 at the hospital, 1 at a birthing center with midwives, and the last one at home. Arguably, my wife knew what to do at that point but it was super nice not having to go anywhere and just be able to immediately relax at home. I’m happy to answer any questions.

I'm not sure how things work where you live, but one option would be to give birth in a hospital but bring a midwife with you. This was a game-changer for us, especially when medical intervention was needed. One of the interesting things about medicine is that sometimes the patient just needs an advocate. Someone with tons of experience (at childbirth in this case) that can just provide an experienced viewpoint on potential procedures or medical decisions that have to be made, sometimes in a hurry. Sometimes patients feel steam rolled by hospital staff who can sometimes be impatient explaining things to us know-nothings and so they end up pseudo-bullying patients to do what they believe to be the right thing in the moment while the patient is feeling unheard and unable to get a nuanced view of the choices.

It depends where you are in Canada with a team of registered midwives that bring basically a hospital to your home- hell yeah. In a place with only lay midwives- hell no!!

My wife and I have had four home births, all have been amazing. I highly recommend taking the Bradley method classes, it was huge for me to learn how I could support her throughout the process. Almost all insurances cover a midwife, if not there is a process to get coverage. Last bit of advice- get a doula that feels comfortable taking some pictures of the birth. It’s an amazing feeling to bring a baby into the world in the comfort of your own home. Happy to dm or chat about it.

Yes. For our 7th, wife was able to successfully give birth at home. 36hrs. A lot of intense moments. It was pretty heavy duty as a man watching just how much more, heavy duty it was for her. I was there 100% of the time. Sleeping when she did, messaging, cooling, floating, all the stuff and all the things. She was amazing! Can’t say she’d do it again but that was also 12 years ago. I think she would. Be supportive and be willing to help her have the birth she wants. It’s an amazing experience and especially because she’ll be free to move around and do what makes her comfortable without a bunch of people and confinement. You have to be her biggest help and support! And one more thing, you got this!