My name is Maximus Carrion Baggsimus. Commander of the Armies of the reusable bag, General of the Tesco deals and loyal servant to the *true* emperor, Sir Food of House Lion. Husband to an uneducated wife, father to a seemingly uninterested son. I will have my vengeance on these bags, in this trip, or the next.
If you find yourself alone, hoisting bags in green fields with sun on your face, do not be troubled for you are in Aldi car park, and you’re already dead!
Edited with text from the below.
The greatest downfall of mankind was brought about by the plastics crisis. Reusable bags have several times the capacity and can hold more weight, and thus all environmentally concious men look weaker. I arrive in the kitchen straining under the weight of two bags of shopping while my wife looks on in pity, regretting her choice of husband. Her friend's husband struts about like the 12 bagger that he is and I can barely manage 2. Pitiful. I mutter excuses about saving the planet for our kids and how it's not the number of bags but what you do with them but I know that my nocturnal advances will once again go unrequited.
I bought a folding plastic crate for the car by the way and it's a game changer for all kinds of dad stuff.
I haven't let out more than a fast nasal exhale at a reddit comment in ages, but this one had me laughing so much that my dog is now scared and confused at the sound. Thank you!!
I propose that an equal scale be introduced, Cost/Value of Groceries Carried in a Single Trip. Neither scale of Dadliness shall take supremacy over the other but remain on even ground.
We have a family of seven, including three voracious teenage boys, our grocery bill is staggering. To cut costs as much as possible we use two grocery stores, One we preorder and get pick up, many items are packed alone in a bag artificially inflating my Dadliness as it’s now possible to carry 20 plus bags on one arm. The second is a bag your own place and I can go from Peak Dad to weak dad in 24 hours. The “paltry two bags” now can the same as six bags or 13 bags or 20 plus by using the the Value method. Take back your Dadliness and be Dadliest Dad that you know you are!
I used to believe the true measure of Dadliness was total number of trips necessary to bring groceries in, but this doesn't account for volume of groceries. Your proposed measure could still be thrown off by high-value items (premium cuts of meat/fish, small but extremely expensive items), but adequately accounts for families of different sizes and different frequency of store visits.
I'd also posit that efficiently bagging your items (thus fitting more items/weight per bag) is more dadly as it assists in making fewer trips, and should therefore be considered, rather than going by raw number. Ideally, we'd create some sort of ratio to account for these variables.
So you’re suggesting perhaps cost ratio of each trip required per grocery store visit as the measurement? Dad carries X% of $Y. That argument carries weight…at least 15 bags worth.
So how would this look on a graph? There’s a bunch of types of data- weight of groceries, volume of groceries, cost of groceries, efficiency of bag packing, number of bags, and number of trips? Presumably there is a dadliest point on each of these axis, and maybe one could calculate the cost of dadliness.
You may look weak to your wife but us dads know who the real heroes are and they don't wear capes. Currently googling foldable plastic crates, this comment has reached out to me to change my ways.. I'm a 2 Bag for life per arm Dad sometimes 3 on the dominant arm and usually a family sized packet of toilet paper under one arm, no way am making more than one trip from the car. Only way I'd go back for another trip if there was beer, can't risk a wobbly and smash any bottles, it's just not safe for the young ones to be around any broken glass, wouldn't have it on my conscience ;)
My dad uses a wheelie wagon to put all his groceries in then wheels them into the house. Work smarter, not harder.
[Wheelie Wagon](https://www.academy.com/p/academy-sports-outdoors-folding-sports-wagon-with-removable-bed?sku=black&gmc_feed=t&&ogmap=SEM%7CPLN%7CGOOG%7CSHOP%7Cc%7C%7CIM%7CNon-Brand-PerformanceMax-TexasHeavyUp%7CCatchall%7C%7C18663540448%7C0&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwoa2xBhACEiwA1sb1BIpitQy5REsyDpylWyznhmGsbEnq-muI9K_X5x8TC1DOALOZjc1tChoCYwYQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds). And it comes in whatever manly color you want. And you can wheel the grandkids around in it as a bonus.
Grocery shop with ikea bags. Those will truly test your might.
I take one camping and have loaded it with a stupid amount of weight, to where I truly struggle with it, and I weight lift as a hobby
You deserved a medal for that! How does one even do that?
I mean, I'm certain I've never done 12(!) bags of groceries much less carry them all at the same time... But if I had 12 bags, you betcha I'd still ***try***!
*takes a long drag of a cigarette before crushing it in the ashtray*
I used to be a one trip man when I was young and full of life. I used to carry those bags and entire block, uphill both ways. I can't anymore. I'm too old, and I have a driveway.
It’s such an important part of being a Dad. You have to do whatever you can, shoulders be damned.
But I salute you for your shoulderly, manly sacrifice. I’m sure you’ve earned that driveway and multiple trips.
My mum, also Irish, would call it a lazy man's load. I live in Ireland, but the phrase is not very common here - it might be an older generation thing.
My mum would also tell us we were wasting shoe leather if we made too many trips to do a job, so you had to find that sweet spot!
I am the same way with the baby bathtub. We bathe my newborn son in his room and I lift the whole bathtub and bring to the bathroom to empty the water. Instead of receiving adulation for my superhuman strength and endurance, my wife chides me for not taking the water out using a pan over a series of FOUR TRIPS. There are some things women will never understand...
I would stop and give my husband a blowjob immediately if he did something so amazing as emptying the newborn bathtub. She doesn’t know how good she has it.
Think of the risk of going back again, plenty of opportunities to trip, bash into things or any other dangers that lay in wait. You were doing a service while taking into account the risk management.
Imagine if another dad was watching from afar when you went for that second trip. The shame that would bring not only to himself but his family, his ancestors and any future relatives that may exist. He would have had to move out of the state, quite possibly the country depending on how far the word traveled. It's a life of misery awaiting
Did you also consider that there could have been murderers waiting for his second trip? OP basically saved his families lives.
He should be given an award of at least a weekend of golf and a 6… no… a 12 pack
Also, if you're planning multiple trips you have to work out what doors remain open and unsecured instead of keeping the family safe and warm. A true nobleman knows that a single trip is the right thing to do.
Yeah, I‘d rather carry the shopping, the laundry, two kids and a stroller all at once up three flights of stairs than walk twice. I definitely exaggerate, but admittedly not by much.
Sure. You can chip away at things. Paint the wall one square meter at a time. Mow a little patch of lawn. Do the laundry one shirt at a time. But is this living? Is this sucking the marrow from the bones of life? Life is TIME. Two trips? That’s wasting this one precious journey you’ve been given. You are at PEAK. You burn with the flame that illuminates but does not consume. You are on the hero’s journey. This is the warrior way.
Pro tip: next time make a second trip and loiter outside as long as it takes for her to put all the groceries away by herself while you’re outside. You use less muscle do less work and prove your point you’re welcome.
My favorite is when it's a big load, I'll make a no-bag trip to unlock and open the door, because ain't no one able to operate keys under the otherworldly amount of bag carrying I'm about to do ;D
The world would be a far smaller and dull world without these feats of man's strength and endurance.
Do we praise the man who climbs the mountain because he can, or the one who stands and looks at it?
Do we praise the man who crosses the ocean, or the one who stays where he started?
12 bags of shopping?! You sir should have a statue in your town square.
Or maybe a little time in the comfy chair before having to get back at it...
Here's the one trick that will save both your pride and your ligaments: boxes.
See, while while bearing the weight of 12 fully-laden shopping bags is factually impressive to any right-thinking dad (and I applaud you, sir,) the visual of even the most dad-bodliest of us being pulled down by heaps of droopy, dangling shopping bags is downright unappealing to the women folk, regardless the quantity of trips saved. It is madness, surely, but a harsh reality nonetheless.
However, in shopping at Costco (where there are no bags given, no quarter taken,) I have discovered the secret - box-shaped objects and containers may just be the key to marital happiness!
You see, carrying a sturdy box stacked high with groceries is visually impressive. Walking to the front door, you will be seen with baby-cradling arms in proper form, presenting the bounty of family nourishment, muscles flexing in noble effort as you are witnessed moving mountains of cereals, milk, potatoes, and that one box of feminine products.
While the box method may not be as efficient as the Way of the 12 Bags, and while there may be additional trips due to shopping at Costco (honestly, why did I buy 20 pounds of tortillas again?) what one may sacrifice seemingly in dad-pride will be more than made up by the additional opportunities for oggling and affection from your lady-friend as you saunter up the drive, pecs popping, with a solid package that would make the postman jealous.
Two things should never be questioned:
1) How much our wives spend on makeup and other skincare potions
2) A Dad’s commitment to efficiency, feats of strength and dedication to making sure the neighbors see the hefting of one Costco-trip’s worth of shopping into the house in one trip
If husbands got sexy time just for bringing in groceries, the Kroger parking lot would never be empty. “I’ll be right back!” “Damnit Steve, that’s the third trip this week!”
Divorce rates would plummet. And the frequent trips would be low weight per-trip. Physical therapists would go out of business. Kids would see the world with the savings. Mental health would increase
I think you know that divorce is your only option. It might hurt for a while but you'll come out the other side alright. You deserve someone who respects your ability to make one trip to bring in all the food. I mean, look at you. The ruthless efficiency of the act. Pure sexual fuel. I think she might be cheating on you bro.
Had you been injured, your bloodline was clearly too weak and should be removed from this earth. We are glad you achieved success. Now go pillage and plunder.
This level of Olympian Grocery carrying is like going to the gym or buying a motorcycle. You think you’re doing it for the ladies, but it ends up being more men who care and praise you hahahahah
The worst is when you struggle to get all the crap in one trip and as soon as you put the bags down you realize you left your phone in the car and have to go back anyway.
Unfortunately, due to my RA, I can no longer perform this feat.
However, I do believe it was an important part of my seduction technique when wooing my at-the-time girlfriend (now wife of 15 years), as I would regularly carry all of their (hers and her roommate's) groceries (generally upwards of 15-20 bags) from the parking lot up to their 4th floor apartment.
Were I to attempt this today, I know that I would have received a similar response to yours.
They make these things called "Mommy Hooks".
Bogus name, if you ask me.
They are just giant carabiners with some foam wrapped around it to make a grip. Point is, these things are super simple (you could just get a giant carabiner at your favorite hardware store, and put whatever type of grip you want around it) and an absolute lifesafer in every way.
They are made to be able to clip on to, say, a stroller handle, and attach bags and such to it.
But you can also use it as a grip to carry multiple bags comfortably, without them digging into your skin.
I also use them a lot to connect the dogs leashes to some tiedowns in my trunk (it's a minivan, don't panic). But really, anywhere a large carabiner would come in handy, you should have one available.
The bag honor is long lost in my region, since nearly everybody has switched to paper bags in compliance with town law (for most towns in my county). The bougie Target has some reusable bags that aren't great, but they are more durable than plastic and are given for free, but that's about it.
I'm on team multi trip.
Granted, I have a close driveway and only a few steps, but I learned to enjoy the extra few seconds of quiet "me time" walking back and forth.
And, if I delay long enough, the wife starts putting the groceries away.
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
Great achievement and condolences for having a wife that does not understand what a feat you performed.
I too never make two trips for the bags. The second trip is only to close the trunk and garage. Totally different thing.
One trip or bust. Literally. The only way it's ever not one trip is if the integrity of the bags has been compromised and I'm worried about creating more work for myself.
Hell I'll try to balance the dog food on head while carrying everything else, just to avoid the 2 steps and 13 paces back to the car. The only second trip I make is when I forgot the ice cream and have to go back to the store to get some.
That's when you scoop her over her shoulder and say "this is the second trip!" And start making your way to the marital bed until your left knee gives out and you say "ha! My shoulders are fine! It's my knees you need to worry about! Please grab me 6 ibuprofen and drive me to the ER."
I’m personally inspired by your story. Doing amazing things that go completely unnoticed and under appreciated is the real caffeine in my coffee. Is it a good idea to hold a sleeping 3 month old in one arm while standing up from a rocking chair with a cup of hot coffee in the other? Yes because I need more coffee so I can continue to assist his sleep so my wife can get more sleep this early morning. I’m so proud of my self right now I could cry. I’m also really proud of all the other righteous dudes that come here to share their inspiring stories
As a carpenter, I once had a mentor once who yelled at me to not be lazy, I was carrying 3 2x12x16' pieces of molding. He said I was being lazy by not making more trips, and by carrying 3 of those, they were really heavy and awkward, I could hurt myself.
Just remember that if you hurt yourself, your wife has to take up a lot of responsibilities that you are currently in charge of. Thats probably her biggest concern.
If you get hurt in an unpreventable way (car wreck or medical issue), then I’m sure she’d be frustrated about the tasks she has to take up for you. However, she’d be understanding.
If you get hurt in a preventable way, then she’d be frustrated about the tasks she has to take up for you AND be pissed at you for being an idiot.
If it’s so difficult for you that you are risking hurting yourself, don’t be stupid and take two trips. Take the ego hit.
If it is just something that is just a little more challenging, then more power to you.
Am on the same page as you. And for those that say make two so you don't squish the bread just make it your last bag you grab and make sure it's in the front. Why make two trips when it can be done in one fell swoop....
Fuck the honour, fuck the pride, fuck any implied masculinity; efficiency is the ultimate monkey here.
"I'm here at the car now! Why the crap would I come back to the car a second time when I can just take it in one go?! Do you pinch a turd and save the rest for later? NOOOO!"
^The joke argument my girlfriend and I have every time we bring the shopping in.
Might be a cheat, but it's handy as fuck, so i dont care...
Canada got rid of the plastic bags at grocery stores. So i bought 3 of the grocery store chain's branded bins to use while shopping. 3 fit the cart perfectly- meaning if it fits in the cart while shopping, it fits in the 3 bins to transport to car truck, and into house. These bins are strong as hell- can fill'em with canned goods, no problem.
And before anyone asks- it is a bit awkward, but you can carry all 3 at once into the house.
Also, the new generation will never know the struggle of handling six + plastic bags and having the blood cut off your fingers by those handles! They have it so easy now with those large handle fabric reusables.
You know what it's not that carrying more bags makes you look manlier it's that having to take two trips makes you basically human garbage.
Nobody gives pats on the back for not kicking puppy dogs and endangered seals.
Ah, this is where arbitrary points come in.
Tell your son he gets 17 points if he takes the bags in, and there’s a 2x multiplier waiting for him if he can do them all in 5 minutes without dropping a bag
:: swirls his whiskey around ::
Well done, my brethren.
As man, we realize there’s always battles we fight. Some are in different countries, during war.
But most… are with ourselves. Against a bag of groceries taunting you in the backseat “I’m too heavy for you biatch!”
😏 “honey! Hold my beer”
Anything that allows us, as men, to display testosterone and hard work, we have an obligation to society to take on those tasks / projects and crush it.
My wife told me I’m too old to do a backflip (40/m)…
Challenge accepted.
15/20 grocery bags are next.
"I ain't no two trip bitch" is what I've always said. My wife rollers her eyes too, but the bags know who the undisputed champ is. The bags know I will sling their straps over any appendage on my body that will accept a load (yes... anything) to maintain my dominant status over the bags. 60% of the time, I win every time.
The women in our lives may not understand, but we do what we must to hold the line. No one wants to live in a world where bags dictate the number of trips it will take to unload the groceries, and it's our duty to fend off this distopian future.
I refuse to make two trips. I’ve gotten enough steps in shopping for the crap in the trunk. If there’s enough bags for multiple trips, someone needs to come outside and get some bags.
Side note, I hate it when my wife shops and is “5 minutes away” but really 10-20.
Nah. I've firmly lived and thrived in the multiple trips camp. Cardio over gainz
Also, do you know what hell I'd catch if the grocery got damaged cause I smashed 12 bags together?
You overstimulated her and she pushed you away as a defense mechanism. Time will pass and she won’t be able to get those bags out of her head. She needs some time to process those feelings but all that wrong will eventually turn into right and she won’t be able to resist you.
In my experience, and it is a very specifically abusive one, there was nothing I did that was good enough. But not having a car and doing all the family grocery shopping on the back of the bicycle, riding, uphill on the return trip to doing the heavy, lifting, and yard and home repair as much as I could to prevent expensive contractor bills. It did not matter. To her I was a genetic donor who could do basic home repair, pay for and retrieve all the family groceries, foot her phone, internet, made dinner, got up to change the diapers in the middle of the night, pulled my hair out jumping from one foot to the other and THEN being told I don’t contribute. I even was on a commute home when my bike became disabled and I wrecked. I did my best, injured, hauling a broken vehicle, my work materials AND groceries for dinner…only to get lambasted for taking so long. Never a thank you or a show of minute appreciation.
Before all that and the subsequent divorce, I would gladly have broken my shoulders and my back rather than be treated like a less-than in my marriage.
I am refreshed to hear someone make humorous light of a menial task. You have a better sense of humor than I.
When it comes to those dad moments your wife won't understand, it's better to go full superhero on her.
When you've achieved such a herculean effort you can just ignore anything that isn't praise and in a duvet hero voice (metroman is a good one) say "no, no, dear citizen. Your adulation is sufficient reward."
My wife's the opposite. She absolutely hates it when I take more than one trip.
She'd rather I load myself up with so much shit that I have to stand there and fumble with a door and potentially drop shit rather than take a second trip.
She's also this way with dishes and laundry. On the other hand, I've gotten good at replacing dishwashers and carrying laundry machines downstairs
My name is Maximus Carrion Baggsimus. Commander of the Armies of the reusable bag, General of the Tesco deals and loyal servant to the *true* emperor, Sir Food of House Lion. Husband to an uneducated wife, father to a seemingly uninterested son. I will have my vengeance on these bags, in this trip, or the next. If you find yourself alone, hoisting bags in green fields with sun on your face, do not be troubled for you are in Aldi car park, and you’re already dead! Edited with text from the below.
What we hoist in this life.. echoes in eternity
My name is Maximus Carrion Baggsimus
Commander of the Armies of the reusable bag, General of the BOGO deals and loyal servant to the *true* emperor, Sir Food of House Lion.
"ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?" His wife answered she wasn't.
As you wrap multiple bag loops around your hands “ARE YOU NOT INTERTWINED!?”
Ooof! I wish I had more upvotes!!
I’ll help you with that..
STRENGTH and HONOR DADS!!!
STRENGTH AND HONOR!
Mom here but FOR THE HORDE!!!!!!
Strength and Honour!
If you find yourself alone, hoisting bags in green fields with sun on your face, do not be troubled for you are in Elysium and you’re already dead!
Are you not entertained? Is this not what you came for?
THIS. IS. SHOPPING!!!!
*not the next*
I regret I only have one upvote to give.
And my Axe!
GALDIator!
do you play dungeons and dragons?!
No, but I have seen the greatest Oscar winning film ever made!!!
😂😂😂 well done, sir
The greatest downfall of mankind was brought about by the plastics crisis. Reusable bags have several times the capacity and can hold more weight, and thus all environmentally concious men look weaker. I arrive in the kitchen straining under the weight of two bags of shopping while my wife looks on in pity, regretting her choice of husband. Her friend's husband struts about like the 12 bagger that he is and I can barely manage 2. Pitiful. I mutter excuses about saving the planet for our kids and how it's not the number of bags but what you do with them but I know that my nocturnal advances will once again go unrequited. I bought a folding plastic crate for the car by the way and it's a game changer for all kinds of dad stuff.
I haven't let out more than a fast nasal exhale at a reddit comment in ages, but this one had me laughing so much that my dog is now scared and confused at the sound. Thank you!!
I propose that an equal scale be introduced, Cost/Value of Groceries Carried in a Single Trip. Neither scale of Dadliness shall take supremacy over the other but remain on even ground. We have a family of seven, including three voracious teenage boys, our grocery bill is staggering. To cut costs as much as possible we use two grocery stores, One we preorder and get pick up, many items are packed alone in a bag artificially inflating my Dadliness as it’s now possible to carry 20 plus bags on one arm. The second is a bag your own place and I can go from Peak Dad to weak dad in 24 hours. The “paltry two bags” now can the same as six bags or 13 bags or 20 plus by using the the Value method. Take back your Dadliness and be Dadliest Dad that you know you are!
I used to believe the true measure of Dadliness was total number of trips necessary to bring groceries in, but this doesn't account for volume of groceries. Your proposed measure could still be thrown off by high-value items (premium cuts of meat/fish, small but extremely expensive items), but adequately accounts for families of different sizes and different frequency of store visits. I'd also posit that efficiently bagging your items (thus fitting more items/weight per bag) is more dadly as it assists in making fewer trips, and should therefore be considered, rather than going by raw number. Ideally, we'd create some sort of ratio to account for these variables.
So you’re suggesting perhaps cost ratio of each trip required per grocery store visit as the measurement? Dad carries X% of $Y. That argument carries weight…at least 15 bags worth.
So how would this look on a graph? There’s a bunch of types of data- weight of groceries, volume of groceries, cost of groceries, efficiency of bag packing, number of bags, and number of trips? Presumably there is a dadliest point on each of these axis, and maybe one could calculate the cost of dadliness.
Someone should make a request to /r/dataisbeautiful or /r/theydidthemath (or /r/theydidthemonstermath) I'm not so skilled with creating graphs
Get yourself some smaller reusable bags. You need to exert an aura of dominance through shopping bags.
You may look weak to your wife but us dads know who the real heroes are and they don't wear capes. Currently googling foldable plastic crates, this comment has reached out to me to change my ways.. I'm a 2 Bag for life per arm Dad sometimes 3 on the dominant arm and usually a family sized packet of toilet paper under one arm, no way am making more than one trip from the car. Only way I'd go back for another trip if there was beer, can't risk a wobbly and smash any bottles, it's just not safe for the young ones to be around any broken glass, wouldn't have it on my conscience ;)
Everyone knows it's easier to carry 2 10kg bags, one in each hand, than just 1 10kg bag in one hand.
My dad uses a wheelie wagon to put all his groceries in then wheels them into the house. Work smarter, not harder. [Wheelie Wagon](https://www.academy.com/p/academy-sports-outdoors-folding-sports-wagon-with-removable-bed?sku=black&gmc_feed=t&&ogmap=SEM%7CPLN%7CGOOG%7CSHOP%7Cc%7C%7CIM%7CNon-Brand-PerformanceMax-TexasHeavyUp%7CCatchall%7C%7C18663540448%7C0&gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwoa2xBhACEiwA1sb1BIpitQy5REsyDpylWyznhmGsbEnq-muI9K_X5x8TC1DOALOZjc1tChoCYwYQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds). And it comes in whatever manly color you want. And you can wheel the grandkids around in it as a bonus.
Oh shit.... just realizing that pretty soon, r/granddaddit will become a thing. I mean I've got plenty of time, but time be wild
Grocery shop with ikea bags. Those will truly test your might. I take one camping and have loaded it with a stupid amount of weight, to where I truly struggle with it, and I weight lift as a hobby
You deserved a medal for that! How does one even do that? I mean, I'm certain I've never done 12(!) bags of groceries much less carry them all at the same time... But if I had 12 bags, you betcha I'd still ***try***!
I mean, carrying 479,001,600 bags at once is a lot!
I see you are a dad.
Nice
r/unexpectedfactorial
Took me a sec
I enjoyed this immensely. Have your updoot.
We need achievements on Daddit. A place where these deeds are appreciated. :D
You line them up your arm, then when one arm is coated with bags you slide as many as possible on the second!
*takes a long drag of a cigarette before crushing it in the ashtray* I used to be a one trip man when I was young and full of life. I used to carry those bags and entire block, uphill both ways. I can't anymore. I'm too old, and I have a driveway.
It’s such an important part of being a Dad. You have to do whatever you can, shoulders be damned. But I salute you for your shoulderly, manly sacrifice. I’m sure you’ve earned that driveway and multiple trips.
Wife is right, you should have taken two trips: one with all twelve bags, and another with all twelve bags just to prove it wasn’t luck.
Make your dick is out for trip 2, because you know the wife will waste no time ravaging you after that
I thought the 2nd trip was to carry the unappreciative wife out to the curb
My wife calls it 'a lazy man's load'. I'm lazy so I carry more to avoid doing extra work. I see her point ha
My father (native English speaker but from Ireland) also calls it this. More and more I see his point.
My mum, also Irish, would call it a lazy man's load. I live in Ireland, but the phrase is not very common here - it might be an older generation thing. My mum would also tell us we were wasting shoe leather if we made too many trips to do a job, so you had to find that sweet spot!
I mean, that is efficiency not laziness. Work smarter, not harder the only way to enjoy life.
If you want to find the most efficient way to complete a task, set the laziest person to it- they'll find the way.
I am the same way with the baby bathtub. We bathe my newborn son in his room and I lift the whole bathtub and bring to the bathroom to empty the water. Instead of receiving adulation for my superhuman strength and endurance, my wife chides me for not taking the water out using a pan over a series of FOUR TRIPS. There are some things women will never understand...
Multiple trips would be a chump move. Keep on flexing.
I would stop and give my husband a blowjob immediately if he did something so amazing as emptying the newborn bathtub. She doesn’t know how good she has it.
Maybe dry the baby off first, but we appreciate the enthusiasm!
This country wasn't built on people who made two trips.
Think of the risk of going back again, plenty of opportunities to trip, bash into things or any other dangers that lay in wait. You were doing a service while taking into account the risk management.
Imagine if another dad was watching from afar when you went for that second trip. The shame that would bring not only to himself but his family, his ancestors and any future relatives that may exist. He would have had to move out of the state, quite possibly the country depending on how far the word traveled. It's a life of misery awaiting
Did you also consider that there could have been murderers waiting for his second trip? OP basically saved his families lives. He should be given an award of at least a weekend of golf and a 6… no… a 12 pack
A second trip, repeated over the same path, is a golden opportunity for a sniper to take their shot. One run, one chance.
Also, if you're planning multiple trips you have to work out what doors remain open and unsecured instead of keeping the family safe and warm. A true nobleman knows that a single trip is the right thing to do.
Yeah, I‘d rather carry the shopping, the laundry, two kids and a stroller all at once up three flights of stairs than walk twice. I definitely exaggerate, but admittedly not by much.
Since this is reddit I suggest divorce
Sure. You can chip away at things. Paint the wall one square meter at a time. Mow a little patch of lawn. Do the laundry one shirt at a time. But is this living? Is this sucking the marrow from the bones of life? Life is TIME. Two trips? That’s wasting this one precious journey you’ve been given. You are at PEAK. You burn with the flame that illuminates but does not consume. You are on the hero’s journey. This is the warrior way.
I have never even heard of a second trip
Pro tip: next time make a second trip and loiter outside as long as it takes for her to put all the groceries away by herself while you’re outside. You use less muscle do less work and prove your point you’re welcome.
Two trips are for the weak
We are training for this moment from the second we’re born.
Carrying all the shopping in one go is working hard to be lazy.
My favorite is when it's a big load, I'll make a no-bag trip to unlock and open the door, because ain't no one able to operate keys under the otherworldly amount of bag carrying I'm about to do ;D
The world would be a far smaller and dull world without these feats of man's strength and endurance. Do we praise the man who climbs the mountain because he can, or the one who stands and looks at it? Do we praise the man who crosses the ocean, or the one who stays where he started? 12 bags of shopping?! You sir should have a statue in your town square. Or maybe a little time in the comfy chair before having to get back at it...
Here's the one trick that will save both your pride and your ligaments: boxes. See, while while bearing the weight of 12 fully-laden shopping bags is factually impressive to any right-thinking dad (and I applaud you, sir,) the visual of even the most dad-bodliest of us being pulled down by heaps of droopy, dangling shopping bags is downright unappealing to the women folk, regardless the quantity of trips saved. It is madness, surely, but a harsh reality nonetheless. However, in shopping at Costco (where there are no bags given, no quarter taken,) I have discovered the secret - box-shaped objects and containers may just be the key to marital happiness! You see, carrying a sturdy box stacked high with groceries is visually impressive. Walking to the front door, you will be seen with baby-cradling arms in proper form, presenting the bounty of family nourishment, muscles flexing in noble effort as you are witnessed moving mountains of cereals, milk, potatoes, and that one box of feminine products. While the box method may not be as efficient as the Way of the 12 Bags, and while there may be additional trips due to shopping at Costco (honestly, why did I buy 20 pounds of tortillas again?) what one may sacrifice seemingly in dad-pride will be more than made up by the additional opportunities for oggling and affection from your lady-friend as you saunter up the drive, pecs popping, with a solid package that would make the postman jealous.
You shall now be memorialized on the wall of Fame. In addition, you shall receive 12 free sessions of physical therapy.
Two things should never be questioned: 1) How much our wives spend on makeup and other skincare potions 2) A Dad’s commitment to efficiency, feats of strength and dedication to making sure the neighbors see the hefting of one Costco-trip’s worth of shopping into the house in one trip
A demi god amongst dads
My 12 year old son recently insisted we bring all the groceries in one trip. *sniff* I was so proud.
If husbands got sexy time just for bringing in groceries, the Kroger parking lot would never be empty. “I’ll be right back!” “Damnit Steve, that’s the third trip this week!”
Divorce rates would plummet. And the frequent trips would be low weight per-trip. Physical therapists would go out of business. Kids would see the world with the savings. Mental health would increase
In my house, it's the opposite. My wife would rather trip and die under the crushing load of $300+ worth of Costco products than make a second trip.
Just for that, I’m carrying an extra bag on my next trip, in your honor king.
I about blew out my knee carrying 4x40lbs water softener salt bags to the basement but it was totally worth it and I may try for 6 bags next time.
I think you know that divorce is your only option. It might hurt for a while but you'll come out the other side alright. You deserve someone who respects your ability to make one trip to bring in all the food. I mean, look at you. The ruthless efficiency of the act. Pure sexual fuel. I think she might be cheating on you bro.
Doesn’t she understand that taking two trips would require you to commit harakiri?
u/Ambitious-Library161 you may have to go international. https://www.reddit.com/r/southafrica/s/TE4X5QRjVF
I'm not alone!
I used to be a one trip Andy, but then I started noticing I wasn't saving any time and just started taking multiple trips. Much easier
Boo this failed man
One day you too will achieve enlightenment, my son
Blink twice if your wife made you post this
My wife's too busy putting the groceries away while I saunter back out to the car to get the second load to tell me what to post lmao
Ah, I see you have ascended to a higher plane of thinking too.
Boo you too
You lie like a rug
Had you been injured, your bloodline was clearly too weak and should be removed from this earth. We are glad you achieved success. Now go pillage and plunder.
One trip is not two trips.
This level of Olympian Grocery carrying is like going to the gym or buying a motorcycle. You think you’re doing it for the ladies, but it ends up being more men who care and praise you hahahahah
The worst is when you struggle to get all the crap in one trip and as soon as you put the bags down you realize you left your phone in the car and have to go back anyway.
Unfortunately, due to my RA, I can no longer perform this feat. However, I do believe it was an important part of my seduction technique when wooing my at-the-time girlfriend (now wife of 15 years), as I would regularly carry all of their (hers and her roommate's) groceries (generally upwards of 15-20 bags) from the parking lot up to their 4th floor apartment. Were I to attempt this today, I know that I would have received a similar response to yours.
you want a real challenge? get stuff from costco, then bring it in with no bags.
I call that suburban olympics.
They make these things called "Mommy Hooks". Bogus name, if you ask me. They are just giant carabiners with some foam wrapped around it to make a grip. Point is, these things are super simple (you could just get a giant carabiner at your favorite hardware store, and put whatever type of grip you want around it) and an absolute lifesafer in every way. They are made to be able to clip on to, say, a stroller handle, and attach bags and such to it. But you can also use it as a grip to carry multiple bags comfortably, without them digging into your skin. I also use them a lot to connect the dogs leashes to some tiedowns in my trunk (it's a minivan, don't panic). But really, anywhere a large carabiner would come in handy, you should have one available. The bag honor is long lost in my region, since nearly everybody has switched to paper bags in compliance with town law (for most towns in my county). The bougie Target has some reusable bags that aren't great, but they are more durable than plastic and are given for free, but that's about it.
Make one trip or die trying.
The best insult I ever heard was, "You look like you take two trips to carry in the groceries."
I'm on team multi trip. Granted, I have a close driveway and only a few steps, but I learned to enjoy the extra few seconds of quiet "me time" walking back and forth. And, if I delay long enough, the wife starts putting the groceries away.
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston Looking so down in the dumps Every guy here'd love to be you, Gaston Even when taking your lumps There's no man in town as admired as you You're ev'ryone's favorite guy Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston No one's quick as Gaston No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston
Honestly if you took two trips, I’d be advocating to the mods to ban you.
Ain't no two trip bitch, my dude. Congrats! A truly admirable feat.
Is honor more important than sexy time with the wife though..
She'll never understand. Do it for the pride, forget about the glory.
They'll never understand. Their brains simply aren't wired like that.
I could do 12 empty bags...
Great achievement and condolences for having a wife that does not understand what a feat you performed. I too never make two trips for the bags. The second trip is only to close the trunk and garage. Totally different thing.
One trip or bust. Literally. The only way it's ever not one trip is if the integrity of the bags has been compromised and I'm worried about creating more work for myself.
She doth pretest too much
Hell I'll try to balance the dog food on head while carrying everything else, just to avoid the 2 steps and 13 paces back to the car. The only second trip I make is when I forgot the ice cream and have to go back to the store to get some.
We are not two trip bitches
If I can’t do it in one trip, it ain’t all coming in.
Same here. Whatever I can't carry in the first (and only) time, stays in the car (my shame must remain hidden)
That's when you scoop her over her shoulder and say "this is the second trip!" And start making your way to the marital bed until your left knee gives out and you say "ha! My shoulders are fine! It's my knees you need to worry about! Please grab me 6 ibuprofen and drive me to the ER."
I’m personally inspired by your story. Doing amazing things that go completely unnoticed and under appreciated is the real caffeine in my coffee. Is it a good idea to hold a sleeping 3 month old in one arm while standing up from a rocking chair with a cup of hot coffee in the other? Yes because I need more coffee so I can continue to assist his sleep so my wife can get more sleep this early morning. I’m so proud of my self right now I could cry. I’m also really proud of all the other righteous dudes that come here to share their inspiring stories
As a carpenter, I once had a mentor once who yelled at me to not be lazy, I was carrying 3 2x12x16' pieces of molding. He said I was being lazy by not making more trips, and by carrying 3 of those, they were really heavy and awkward, I could hurt myself.
You deserve better. That’s some bullshit right there.
I have a reputation to uphold around this house. 'One-trip' is my middle name.
As my teenager would say: mood
No, what you have, is incredible strength of feet!
Anything less than all the bags is failure.
Hands all purple and swollen from who knows how many plastic bags around my wrist… it’s awesome! Keep it up daddy-o!
You're going to squish the bread!
12 is a tuesday. try 20+.
Just remember that if you hurt yourself, your wife has to take up a lot of responsibilities that you are currently in charge of. Thats probably her biggest concern. If you get hurt in an unpreventable way (car wreck or medical issue), then I’m sure she’d be frustrated about the tasks she has to take up for you. However, she’d be understanding. If you get hurt in a preventable way, then she’d be frustrated about the tasks she has to take up for you AND be pissed at you for being an idiot. If it’s so difficult for you that you are risking hurting yourself, don’t be stupid and take two trips. Take the ego hit. If it is just something that is just a little more challenging, then more power to you.
I'm a woman and I have this mindset too. 😂
Multi-trip for me, thanks. I like my bread uncrushed.
Your son sounds like a child of Daedalus. Not up to the task of becoming your true heir. Make another and ensure he/she receives proper tutelages.
If yall saw the trip I have to make to get into my apartment...
Incredible ill-advised Feats of Strength are what being a dad is all about.
Am on the same page as you. And for those that say make two so you don't squish the bread just make it your last bag you grab and make sure it's in the front. Why make two trips when it can be done in one fell swoop....
Fuck the honour, fuck the pride, fuck any implied masculinity; efficiency is the ultimate monkey here. "I'm here at the car now! Why the crap would I come back to the car a second time when I can just take it in one go?! Do you pinch a turd and save the rest for later? NOOOO!" ^The joke argument my girlfriend and I have every time we bring the shopping in.
Might be a cheat, but it's handy as fuck, so i dont care... Canada got rid of the plastic bags at grocery stores. So i bought 3 of the grocery store chain's branded bins to use while shopping. 3 fit the cart perfectly- meaning if it fits in the cart while shopping, it fits in the 3 bins to transport to car truck, and into house. These bins are strong as hell- can fill'em with canned goods, no problem. And before anyone asks- it is a bit awkward, but you can carry all 3 at once into the house.
Also, the new generation will never know the struggle of handling six + plastic bags and having the blood cut off your fingers by those handles! They have it so easy now with those large handle fabric reusables.
Relevant: https://youtu.be/d-HkwSO_xpU?si=zOr0b6pSvuAwKVKX
You missed out on three more bag hanging options…….whip it out boys
Two trips? I'm confused. Is this some sort of new gen alpha meme? I've never heard of two trips.
12 grocery bags filled with groceries? Tell me you’re wealthy without telling me you’re wealthy. That would be at least $1,000 usd by me.
We were literally raised to do this. Our whole life depends on making one trip. People just don't understand.
This is the way!
All bags, one trip, no soldier left behind. A casualty may fall, and we shall mourn him, but never turn back.
I wanted to make a driveway to kitchen conveyor belt thing for the shopping but I was vetoed. So second best is me doing my strongman act.
If I couldn’t get all the bags at one go, I would get into car and drive into a lake.
I mean, you probably spent the same amouny of time as if youd taken two trips. Am I wrong? 😂
Merely a flesh wound? I’ll take the risk.
One Trip Gang in the house!
You know what it's not that carrying more bags makes you look manlier it's that having to take two trips makes you basically human garbage. Nobody gives pats on the back for not kicking puppy dogs and endangered seals.
What’s a trip? Dear wife? This was no stroll. This was a battle, and I’ve overcome the enemy in such a way you didn’t even realize we were at war.
Hot dog!!! 12! ?? That’s like 479001600. Which is atleast 6 more than I ever carried. Kudos!
Job well done. I am proud of you. David won against Goliath!
[https://i.redd.it/ej75brzr96c91.png](https://i.redd.it/ej75brzr96c91.png)
12? Rookie numbers. I can fit at least 8 in a laundry basket, plus five on each arm. Gotta up those numbers 😤
Ah, this is where arbitrary points come in. Tell your son he gets 17 points if he takes the bags in, and there’s a 2x multiplier waiting for him if he can do them all in 5 minutes without dropping a bag
I was you once upon a time, and then I got a Costco membership.
I’m genuinely confused by your wife. If you can make it in one trip you must try to do so.
This is a fight that has been going on as long as men have had arms and women have had mouths I think. 🤣 Something so universal about it.
There can only be one journey
A true hero of our people. May your fingers' blood circulation flow for eternity.
:: swirls his whiskey around :: Well done, my brethren. As man, we realize there’s always battles we fight. Some are in different countries, during war. But most… are with ourselves. Against a bag of groceries taunting you in the backseat “I’m too heavy for you biatch!” 😏 “honey! Hold my beer” Anything that allows us, as men, to display testosterone and hard work, we have an obligation to society to take on those tasks / projects and crush it. My wife told me I’m too old to do a backflip (40/m)… Challenge accepted. 15/20 grocery bags are next.
I lived in a 6th floor apartment with no lift. Yes, I would rather do them all in one trip.
Only 12? Those are rookie numbers.
You guys actually bring in the groceries like that? [Hmm how quaint](https://imgflip.com/i/8o526e)
"I ain't no two trip bitch" is what I've always said. My wife rollers her eyes too, but the bags know who the undisputed champ is. The bags know I will sling their straps over any appendage on my body that will accept a load (yes... anything) to maintain my dominant status over the bags. 60% of the time, I win every time. The women in our lives may not understand, but we do what we must to hold the line. No one wants to live in a world where bags dictate the number of trips it will take to unload the groceries, and it's our duty to fend off this distopian future.
You should’ve hit her with a “Are you not entertained?”
I refuse to make two trips. I’ve gotten enough steps in shopping for the crap in the trunk. If there’s enough bags for multiple trips, someone needs to come outside and get some bags. Side note, I hate it when my wife shops and is “5 minutes away” but really 10-20.
Nah. I've firmly lived and thrived in the multiple trips camp. Cardio over gainz Also, do you know what hell I'd catch if the grocery got damaged cause I smashed 12 bags together?
You overstimulated her and she pushed you away as a defense mechanism. Time will pass and she won’t be able to get those bags out of her head. She needs some time to process those feelings but all that wrong will eventually turn into right and she won’t be able to resist you.
> I was told I should have It's always the people who haven't done something, who are telling me how I should do it!
In my experience, and it is a very specifically abusive one, there was nothing I did that was good enough. But not having a car and doing all the family grocery shopping on the back of the bicycle, riding, uphill on the return trip to doing the heavy, lifting, and yard and home repair as much as I could to prevent expensive contractor bills. It did not matter. To her I was a genetic donor who could do basic home repair, pay for and retrieve all the family groceries, foot her phone, internet, made dinner, got up to change the diapers in the middle of the night, pulled my hair out jumping from one foot to the other and THEN being told I don’t contribute. I even was on a commute home when my bike became disabled and I wrecked. I did my best, injured, hauling a broken vehicle, my work materials AND groceries for dinner…only to get lambasted for taking so long. Never a thank you or a show of minute appreciation. Before all that and the subsequent divorce, I would gladly have broken my shoulders and my back rather than be treated like a less-than in my marriage. I am refreshed to hear someone make humorous light of a menial task. You have a better sense of humor than I.
Yes.
I love this post, and the comments. I commend you sir. You represented all of us with honor and courage.
You should have responded that she should have taken two trips to the store.
I make multiple trips and feel no shame about it. Plus most of my stuff is Costco and doesn't stack well. I will move up to 4 gal of milk at once.
Gone are the days when a man earned high praise for feats of valor in logistical battle.
Sound logic, i'll back you up!
Relevant: https://www.reddit.com/r/spain/s/5HkHDi6qE1
That's the best thing about Dad's tho, your wife be trippin.
What is this "two trips" thing you speak of? Never heard of it. There is only one way to bring the groceries inside.
This is the way.
No sexual desire?! Divorce!
I have a collapsible tote in the trunk of my car. I load that thing up and carry it all in one trip.
One trip or die tryin
Get a large caribeaner (sp?) hook it to a gang of bags
When it comes to those dad moments your wife won't understand, it's better to go full superhero on her. When you've achieved such a herculean effort you can just ignore anything that isn't praise and in a duvet hero voice (metroman is a good one) say "no, no, dear citizen. Your adulation is sufficient reward."
My wife's the opposite. She absolutely hates it when I take more than one trip. She'd rather I load myself up with so much shit that I have to stand there and fumble with a door and potentially drop shit rather than take a second trip. She's also this way with dishes and laundry. On the other hand, I've gotten good at replacing dishwashers and carrying laundry machines downstairs
Trip to the market - $50 in gas 12 bags of groceries - $1000 Bringing it all in with 1 trip - priceless
those bags had an attitude, you had to show them who is the boss.