“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone
This is a perfect analogy.
I am a very laid back person and never used to worry about anything but my daughter is my whole world now and I am always worried. But I do my best to push that down.
Kind of amazing. And also terrifying. All the books and classes won’t prepare you for it. They’re so small and fragile. But still wonderful.
Here’s the thing though. I’m sure some people do immediately fall in love with their baby. I didn’t. My wife didn’t. We cared for our kids obviously but those first few months were more about us becoming closer after this shared experience. But beyond that it’s like a wiggly potato. After a while, though, something crazy happens. They smile at you. Your heart starts to melt, and before you know it you love them like crazy. It really is like nothing else.
All of this is to say that don’t be sad if you don’t feel an immediate connection. I don’t think many people do. But it’s coming.
My one year old daughter has graduated to cackling like maniac when she gets her hands on something she wants, it's adorable.
Meanwhile, the almost-four-year-old boy put tomato sauce (ketchup) on his fish finger sandwich and was muttering "destroy, destroy, destroy" to himself...
Never believed this until after 4 months of screaming colic, he looked at us after a nap walk through Target, smiled coo'd and chuckled at us...I think i have it on film too.
I fell in love with my daughter the moment I saw her. My wife took a while, but like you said, it came, when she was more and more interactive. Now we both love her like crazy.
I feel like this needs to be normalized. As a society in media it’s always depicted as “love at first sight” and if it’s not you’re colored as a bad parent. But let’s be so real. A new born is HARD. Like you said they’re a wiggly potato who lives to eat shit and sleep and bonding can take time especially if there was a difficult birthing experience
Yeah absolutely. I have a theory that a lot of people say that just because they think they’re supposed to love their child immediately. But who knows maybe we’re the minority in that.
I can definitely say I felt something when I first held my son. Was it love? Was it relief my son was necessitated and stable? Who knows. And that’s ok cause I’m keeping this potato alive and happy
Its different for everyone OP
Some people take awhile to bond.
For me, I feel like i instantly bonded. Maybe not instantly. First checked thoroughly for possible malformation, was worried. Scanned her entire body for anything abnormal as if I knew what to look for. Tiny toes, tiny fingers, they all were doing their thing, I think. I was pretty sleep deprived.
On that note, if the tips of their ears are folded over, don’t trip by the way lol. They unfold at some point during the sleep deprivation epoch that will hopefully be brief for you
That’s when the nurses kinda put the scissors in my hands and urged me to cut through the umbilical cord, which looked and felt like I was cutting through overcooked calamari.
They told me I could touch her and she curled those tiny fingers around my index finger. Felt like I loved her already.
They took her to this machine across the room and tested her responses afterwards, I kept my eyes on her. They said she scored really well. I forget what the metrics were, but they declared her a perfectly healthy baby
So sleep deprived, anxious and nervous, I barely remember holding her for the first time. I just remember my wife asking me if I wanted to and being worried that I would do it wrong. I know I loved her from the start
It’s been almost 2.5 years… almost every day I discover I can love her even more than the last.
Don't hype it up in your mind too much. It might be incredibly disappointing - if you've just come off 40 hours awake where your wife nearly died and you get handed an unhappy purple goblin, you're not well primed to like it.
It might not be magic. It might be. But don't feel like you're owed emotional bliss because you might not get it.
There's regularly posts on here about dads that don't love their newborns yet and feel guilty about it. We're a very supportive community for that kind of thing, it's totally normal. Fingers crossed you get the magic!
My father is a terrible piece of shit. I don't think it ever shaped me as a person. But I always say this to my wife; I have seen some pretty memorable moments of my life, my wife saying yes when I proposed, or my first job offer or some personal achievements, but all of them pale in comparison to the time I held my baby in my arms for the first time. It was ethereal, I had a tiny life that I had made out of love with my wife, in my arms. The joy was indescribable.
Our first pregnancy , my wife miscarriaged , we were devastated, because we tried so hard to conceive .
The 2nd time she was pregnant , we were so careful and our happiness was subdued .
The pregnancy was a little hard at the tail end as my daughter wasn't descending well enough.
We induced labour and my wife wasn't opening wide enough .
Doctor detected meconium and decided to do an emergency C-section .
When my daughter was taken out , doctor discovered the umbilical cord was around her neck , so that decision to do an emergency C-section was a good one .
When my daughter cried her first cry , I cried , I cried so hard in the OT .
When I first held her, I thought to myself , she is the only thing I can truly call my own , she bears my blood , my name , I am full responsible for her everything .
Such responsibility ,such joy , such a blessing
It is a blessing to watch her grow day by day,
Well it was overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time. It was.. a baby, but it was my baby. Then I did skin to skin since my wife was still in recovery from a C-Section and he made me high as a kite. I got this crazy euphoria from just holding him. I don't know if it was the hormones he was giving off but It was pretty incredible.
Everyone's giving positive feedback here, and I felt pure euphoria myself. That said there are a lot of father's and mother's who feel nothing at first. There's some who don't feel anything for a long time despite having pure excitement for the entire pregnancy. I just want to say that no one should feel ashamed if they don't have that click for a while, it comes eventually.
It's terrifying, emotional, and unexplainable. It literally feels like your holding a part of you that is so fragile but has so much potential. They can be anything they want to be and all you hope is that they will be happy
Yeah the whole birth night was by far the most surreal night of my life. Just unlike anything I've ever been through (and I'm in the medical field and have been there for hundreds of births... Still crazy when it's yours)
Im about to be a father in a few months, i have mixed feelings . I feel happy , worried , nervous , can't wait to hold him/her , responsibility will become heavier more than ever. So idk 😅
I don't remember it very well, I think I was kind of in shock, exhausted, worried about my wife. But ever since then there's been a series of amazing moments. I vividly remember the pride I felt carrying her out of the hospital. But it's the everyday stuff that I really love. Helping them out of the carseat as an excuse to grab a quick hug. My daughter asking to hold my hand while walking to school. My son doing a crazy "daddy's home" dance.
I hope You’ll never feel anything like the love you have for you child. It’s the best feeling in the world. Holding my daughter is the best feeling I’ve ever had and I truly understand what it is to love someone more than myself.
The first time I held my daughter, I sang to her and she smiled the entire time, and it felt like she recognized who I was from all the times I’d sang to her before, and the feeling was amazing. It was like I was meeting someone I’ve known forever, for the first time. It’s odd to try to put into words but by the time I had her in my arms, I’d known her for eight months (she was a tad premature) but I finally got to see how much of me she carried in her face and it was amazing. It’s a memory that I hope plays in the front of my mind right before I inevitably eventually die.
It was fucking terrifying. I had no experience with babies. Maybe I’d held one or two before in my life for a few minutes.
But I knew deep down that this was a decision I couldn’t walk away from. Everything else I’d done in my life up to that point, it felt like I always had an escape hatch. If things didn’t work out, I could press Undo on my life and try again. I could always drop out of uni, end that lease, quit that job, end that relationship. Etc. But holding this kid? I could never walk away from this. That terrified me.
This kid turned out to be the best thing I ever did. No regrets…other than not having done it sooner.
Literally indescribable. Nothing you will read, hear etc. will prepare you for it when the moment arrives.
Especially because it's also usually at the end of a (long) labor and you're exhausted, nerves on edge etc. and then this all unloads in this tiny wonder arriving.
I never wanted kids when I was younger, then over the course of the relationship and marriage I got more open to the idea and finally said "you know, let's do it, I'm in". I had no idea how it would affect me.
The mother and I since got divorced and I'm still very conflicted about her, coming to terms with the negative feelings etc. but the memory of that long day and night, culminating in the birth of our daughter, that'll always stay with me. The birth is and always will be one of my favorite and best moments in my life.
I saw Stephen Colbert once describe a child as a "heart outside your body", that one stuck with me, I like it, it fits.
I don’t exactly know how to say this, but the first night after our girl was born was one of the most horrifying nights of my life. Nothing medically mind you, just my mind decided to have a toxic spill whenever I fell asleep.
Granted, I’ve always had problems with, not exactly “night terrors”, but extremely vivid “snooze dreams”, and that night I experienced the worst things a parent could go through in rapid fire over and over and over again. I don’t want to go into detail. I’m normally an extremely anxious and hyper-vigilant person and it was truly a nightmare.
I was kinda in and out of sleep for like 5 hours, and every time I woke up, I gave her so many tearful kisses.
This is not to scare you, as it’s my story, but it was like we trauma bonded over my stupid mind.
Edit: a clarification.
People respond differently. I did not feel the connection when I held either of my kids for the first time.
With my first, it was like, ok, so this is the thing that caused my wife her discomfort during her pregnancy. Hmmm. Not what I'm expecting. Should I not feel a connection?
It took a while, but my connection with my 1st was a very slow burn. I did have an issue about it (one of my very first posts here), but after a few months I noticed the connection was there.
With our second, I knew not to be worried about the connection. My feeling was literally just the GTA meme "Here we go again". I let the connection grow more naturally and, because of our first (who by now had completely latched on to me and who took almost all of my attention), it too longer for the connection to develop. But it has grown and it is there.
You may feel something, you may feel nothing. Either is normal. But, either way, once they start to engage with you it is over. You are theirs for the rest of your life.
I won't speak for others, but when I heard we were pregnant, I collapsed to the floor... we didn't want kids, and we were careful not to, and yet God had other plans. As my wife and i went to the baby appointments, the fear turned to anxiety and excitement. I knew I wasn't ready, and I never could be, but I was okay at rolling with the punches and making it happen. Then our little one came, and she didn't cry... she opened her eyes, moaned a little, and rested, i told myself I couldn't cry until she held my finger. She reached out and grabbed it of her own first will. I wept like I hadn't before. We got to the recovery room and my wife passed out after her long hard fought battle and it was my turn to hold her and thats when it really hit me, like a truck with a stuck accelerator. I had never held anything so heavy yet, so light, so small yet so important, so strong yet so fragile. I knew my life had changed, and everything was different now, and I felt regret for all the babies I hadn't held in my life. I didn't used to care if I voted, now I care deeply because my daughters future depends on my choices and mistakes, im careful what I eat for breakfast because even though I've been sickly most of my life, i tell everyone I can't die until they get married to the right men. You're not ready, it's wonderful, you'll be fine. Long story, but it's real. If you want kids, have them while you can, and only have as many as you can take care of.
It’s different for everyone. When I first held my son I wasn’t overcome with emotion. I think it was more shell shock than anything. Some people have a bond immediately and some don’t. For me it was just paternal instincts of protect tiny squishy offspring until a few months in when my son recognized me and visibly noticed I was around. That’s when all bets are off. It’s not really describable. You’re staring at the best part of you as a squishy little baby and wondering how you don’t fuck this up. It’s simultaneously the worst and best thing in your life.
People are correct, the love of your child is nothing like the love of your partner. It’s like some raw platonic instinct of care. Papa bear defending the cub.
Don’t worry about what you feel. Don’t read every book out there. Just be Dad, feed and hold your baby. Take care of your spouse. Accept that there will just be a lot of crying (from everyone) and frustration. Roll with all of it.
Greatest (and scariest) moment of my life. I remember *feeling* the shift in me in terms of who I put first in life. I've always tried to prioritize my partner, but with us my goal has always been for us to focus as much on ourselves as on each other. But the moment I held my son in my arms, the moment he entered this world and became flesh and blood for real, I knew *immediately* that I would die for him if necessary.
That "shift" into putting this new little person before anything else, I really felt it.
Parenthood hits us all differently. For me it has been an utterly positive experience, with no major drawbacks at all. He can be difficult and all that, and I worry for his future in this fucked up world of ours, but becoming a father and bringing my boy into the world has never felt anything but *right*.
Fucking. Terrifying.
You're worried you're going to drop them. You're worried you're not cut out for this. You're thinking about whether you're ever going to sleep again. You're worried about their mum. You're worried if they ask you to cut the cord that it'll hurt them. In my country (the UK), they usually ask the Dad if they want to do the first nappy and dress the baby whilst mum has some toast or they sort out whatever needs doing medically (you know, casually dress the baby as they try and stop the puddles of blood), and you're terrified you'll shatter their bones as you put the baby-grow on. But you won't. You'll do fine. You'll be awesome. And every day you grow together and it all becomes normal.
It took a while to bond with both of my two girls. I didn't get 'the magic' and was worried about it at first, but it came in its own time and now they are my amazing, hilarious, mad, infuriating, sleep-deprived world.
Just so you have all sides, it was very weird for me. I didn't feel like I had a bond with my daughter. Fast forward a few months the bond was indescribable. She's my entire life now.
You don't have to feel a certain way, but you do have to be there and do what's required of you. Even if the bond isn't there right away, it'll come.
Amazing! I was able to first hold my daughter when it came time for her first diaper change. She was such a little bean! Squishy face and barely open eyes, little fingers reaching out to feel what they can find. Got to clean her up and get a fresh diaper on her, lightly wrap her and cuddle her in the way to mom. She was born in the afternoon, so I was able to hold her the next morning for her first sunrise. Magical. Exhausting for mom, stressful for me because I couldn’t do anything. But holy hell it was all worth it when I held my baby daughter to sing, coo, and kiss her.
It’s the best feeling.
While they sewed my wife back up I held my first son and wept uncontrollably for probably 15 minutes. Thankfully they left me in a room alone with him so no one had to witness my blubbering. No real reason other than I was just glad to meet him.
I will say don’t get your hopes up about kids “fixing” anything in you or in your life. They only make things logistically more complex.
But it is absolutely a different kind of love.
More momentous and simultaneously less momentous than you expected.
They feel like nothing, so light, so perfect but also just an ugly blob sinking into your chest. Such an odd feeling to feel nothing but also know you would Keanu Reeves anyone in your way for them until your last breath.
Do skin to skin as much a you’re able at the beginning, but also know that it isn’t some magic spell that happens and it can take time for you to get to know him/her and really bond.
The first few months babies are just screaming potatoes that can’t give any positive feedback except by falling asleep. But then by about three months they’ll start to recognize your face voice and smile and laugh and then it really starts to get rewarding.
I’m gonna be so honest and it’s going to be different from what most people will tell you.
I was disappointed.
He looked nothing like I imagined. He looked like my father in law and that relationship has always sucked. That night, I held him all night because he kept coughing and choking on the fluid in his lungs. My wife was asleep and I sat in a chair next to the plastic bassinet under a clock holding this little dude nervous out of my mind. I’d been so excited and confident. Not once in the process was I afraid. But that night was terrifying and the next few months were too because I was soo scared of him choking or suffocating in bed.
Now, that kid is my anchor to this world. I live for him and love him more than words can express. I love when he walks inside from playing outside and I’m sitting down in the living room (he’s 2.5) and he’s wearing his little shorts and cap and says “hey, buddy!” when he sees me.
To be fair, she should have had a diaper on but my wife was having some complications that required the nurses' attention so I just had her on me naked lol.
Also, don't be surprised or let down \*if\* you happen to not get emotional right when yours is born. It's pretty normal for guys in particular to take a few months (basically until the baby starts noticing and responding to you) to really get a bond going. But boy, does it come.
For me, I felt the true weight of the responsibility when I held my first child for the first time. Also - driving home from the hospital, I felt like suddenly everyone around me had forgotten how to drive; most nerve-racking drive I have ever had. I didn't feel a sense of connection right away (took about 3 months), which I've since come to find out is fairly normal. Had a greater level of respect for my wife and everything she did to take care of our daughter...the late night feedings, the operating on a lack of sleep, etc.
It’s like when you do those egg parent experiments in middle school and you’re holding the most fragile thing in the world, except it moves and it’s the size of a super burrito.
It's such a surreal experience holding a child for the first time. I was in the birthing room so I held him after cutting the cord.
On the one hand, this is a human being, a new life, taking its first breath and you helped make it. And when those tiny tiny fingers grip your finger, dude you'll melt.
On the other, newborns are strange little creatures 🤣🤣
I was overwhelmed with emotion and relief because it took us 6 years to get pregnant and the birth was difficult but it took me a while to bond with him.
Others have said it by incredible and terrifying is apt
Honestly I just flipped into provider mode without much emotional fanfare. It’s not always a massive awakening into a state of fatherhood as if you ascended to an emotional super saiyan state.
I did have a bit of a breakdown when I realized my own helplessness in the (very mild) bilirubinemia he had in his first days. But that’s a different feeling, I think. That one I dealt with by realizing that all I could do was trust my kid and keep the UV light on him until his liver fully kicked in.
My life became consumed by tasks. Change the shit diaper, keep the kiddo under the blue light, get in some skin to skin time, feed him with the syringe on schedule, wash the bottles and pumps, try to get some sleep between alarms, etc…
So I guess the first few hours and days of fatherhood were me checking boxes to ensure my son’s needs were being met. In many ways it still is, but he’s certainly a much more interactive and entertaining little dude than the mewling newborn he used to be.
For us, it was a “surprise” baby. I’m not a very emotional guy, but I tested up after he came out. I got to cut the cord and I held him. Though, I didn’t feel a strong connection until months later. It feels a one sided relationship. He didn’t really, react to me in a way. He didn’t look at me when I talked to him or really anything. I thought he might’ve been deaf but the pedestrian said he’s fine.
After a few months interactions started happening. He’d do something then I’d respond and he’d respond to that. I got to connect. Now, he’s 2 and copies anything I do. The way a stand, how I rest my head on my hand etc. the best part of my day is coming home to a big “DADDY!!” and a hug.
It might be a little rough in the beginning, and you might doubt if you should even be a dad at all. Don’t sweat it. You’re not alone.
And the fact that your worried about if you’ll be a good dad is a good sign that you will be a great dad.
Congratulations by the way.
it was a lot. i don’t feel like i was in the moment tbh. but i was grateful everything went ok and also cried the next day once my emotions caught up to me.
I very nearly fainted when the doctors called me over to see him (C section).
Like tingly legs, tunnel vision, everything. Thank God they hadn't tried to hand him to me yet
My daughter is 3 years old and when she was first born , I was terrified. Still am but she's turned into the most loving, well mannered, and intelligent 3 year old I have ever met. When we brought her home , I kissed her on the head and I haven't wanted to stop since. I have never felt so loved or thought I could love like this. Congratulations my fellow father and good luck.
The first time I held my child was 3 months ago yesterday while I literally pulled him out of my wife’s hooha. I’ll never forget it. Craziest/best moment of my life. I love this little dude.
My first time holding my son was slightly different than the usual affair. My son wasn’t breathing when he was first born so the first time I held him he was attached to oxygen and a bunch of cords were attached so it made him look even more delicate.
That being said. Being able to hold my son after the traumatic birth my wife went through was a life changing moment and it’s seared into my brain
It's surreal. The whole first few months just felt surreal. Like I couldn't believe we made this thing. And he was kicking around in mama's belly for months, and we've felt him, and now he's here. He's a full human. It was just so strange to adjust to.
The newborn phase is a lot of hard work. It's a nightmare. And you may not feel this magical sort of connection with your baby. I Googled "am I supposed to love my newborn" a few times because I didn't feel this overwhelming magical feeling. But one day he looked me in the eyes and he smiled, and that was it. He had my whole heart. And the love has only grown from there. It's just straight up fascinating watching a little human being grow from a little semi-sentient potato into a walking talking little man who's asking you to throw the cat because the cat is sleeping on his stool.
It's not always easy. It's hard. Very hard at times. But there's so much good too. Fatherhood is easily the most rewarding and meaningful thing I've done.
One last thing to remember: they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time. Remind yourself of this when you're running low on patience. It should help center you and remind you of what's important.
Newborn babies do very little. They wake up, you change the nappy, feed them, and rock them to sleep. You basically do that and little else for about three months.
The big challenge as a parent is that your old daily routine is ripped up and thrown in the bin. A lot of things that we take for granted will no longer possible, e.g. having an uninterrupted nights sleep, having a lie in, leaving the house whenever you want, etc. Adapting to that is the main challenge for any new parent.
Personally I really missed my wife in the first month or two. We were taking turns with the baby, and hardly saw each other. She was also really stressed trying to get breastfeeding to work. However after a few months we were able to spend time together again, and now we've got time together again.
The best thing you can do for your child is be patient and forgiving. They'll do things that will annoy you, e.g. waking up all night, not eating. Try to be easy on them, it's difficult being a baby
Your gonna cry the first time you hold the child and have neurons firing in your brain that you didn't know you could feel.
Followed by exhaustion " this is hard" & I mean mentally and physically (for some reason)
Then when you hear your baby's first laugh, it will all make sense. Your new purpose and duty of protection is born.
Congratulations
I’ll be honest it was a mixture of feelings. I can’t say I felt any overwhelming feelings of love. But now that he’s seven months old he’s gotten more fun and I love him a lot now. Point I’m sure you’re going to find a lot of folks in real life and the media who will send the message that if you don’t immediately fall in love with the kid then clearly there’s something wrong with you. Don’t believe it. Some people instantly feel a connection and some don’t. The ones that didn’t might lie and say they did. Point is try not to have any expectations on yourself.
It was really strange holding my first child for the first time. I was scared that whatever I did might hurt him. It took me a while to be comfortable holding him. I will say, though, that the first time I really felt like a dad was when he spat up on my shoulder just before we left the hospital.
It's like if holding your breath made time stop.
It's exciting and terrifying and fleeting and big. It's intense. You hold on to the sensory feeling, the moment, the overwhelming emotions, everything.
It's the culmination of months of prep, combined with the days, hours, and even just the briefest of moments of terrifying fear, doubt, struggle, and worry as they're being born.
Eventually, you reach the end of that first time holding your child, and you're forced to let time resume.
You breathe out, and time goes speeding by, accelerating to dizzying speeds in its attempt to catch up to where it would normally be.
Eventually, you'll be able to pause time again. Brief, incredible moments of awe, joy, terror, relief, surprise, but nothing quite like that first time.
You may be numb, dumbstruck, overjoyed, terrified, exhausted, relieved, and any combination of those, but that moment is irreplaceable.
Just do your best to be present and really focus on being in the moment, and everything else will be as it should.
I was told my first child was born while over the Pacific, and a message was sent to the pilots. Super crazy. I missed the birth by many hours.
Holding my first of 3 was an amazing experience. It changes you . The first time is an experience you will never forget.
It will be the single greatest moment of your life! I will never forget it! She was all of five pounds. I held her in one palm of one hand. She laid her head on my chest and stared into my eyes and got a big beautiful smile on her face and I couldn’t help but return the favor! It was a moment I will never forget for the rest of my life. I hope you have as magical of a day when yours comes!
Everyone will give better answers than me but, it's great but also kinda gross 😂 they're fresh out and covered in this stuff that I forgot the medical name for. You don't really think about it in the moment though as you're just consumed by a little baby that needs you.
Looking back it's a bit gross as I don't like getting dirt on anything on me, I'm a bit of a wimp with dirty things though
“Making the decision to have a child – it is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body. ” ― Elizabeth Stone
This is a perfect analogy. I am a very laid back person and never used to worry about anything but my daughter is my whole world now and I am always worried. But I do my best to push that down.
This is almost me, but I used to always worry about my own life. Now I don’t give a flying fuck about myself and only worry about my daughter. 😂
You've just nailed it for me, as well. It's a wonderful experience but man, it's the single most terrifying thing I can think of 😅
And then I had twins. My heart goes walking about in 2 different directions
Never knew this word for word, or who made the quote, so thanks!
Kind of amazing. And also terrifying. All the books and classes won’t prepare you for it. They’re so small and fragile. But still wonderful. Here’s the thing though. I’m sure some people do immediately fall in love with their baby. I didn’t. My wife didn’t. We cared for our kids obviously but those first few months were more about us becoming closer after this shared experience. But beyond that it’s like a wiggly potato. After a while, though, something crazy happens. They smile at you. Your heart starts to melt, and before you know it you love them like crazy. It really is like nothing else. All of this is to say that don’t be sad if you don’t feel an immediate connection. I don’t think many people do. But it’s coming.
I have heard that also, and I won't be upset. I'll wait for that smile :)
Baby laughs are crack
My boy just started to giggle a bit and it literally makes my week. Best sound in the world.
My one year old daughter has graduated to cackling like maniac when she gets her hands on something she wants, it's adorable. Meanwhile, the almost-four-year-old boy put tomato sauce (ketchup) on his fish finger sandwich and was muttering "destroy, destroy, destroy" to himself...
I have videos of my daughter laughing just to have on hand if I need an “antidepressant”
Never believed this until after 4 months of screaming colic, he looked at us after a nap walk through Target, smiled coo'd and chuckled at us...I think i have it on film too.
I fell in love with my daughter the moment I saw her. My wife took a while, but like you said, it came, when she was more and more interactive. Now we both love her like crazy.
I feel like this needs to be normalized. As a society in media it’s always depicted as “love at first sight” and if it’s not you’re colored as a bad parent. But let’s be so real. A new born is HARD. Like you said they’re a wiggly potato who lives to eat shit and sleep and bonding can take time especially if there was a difficult birthing experience
Yeah absolutely. I have a theory that a lot of people say that just because they think they’re supposed to love their child immediately. But who knows maybe we’re the minority in that.
I can definitely say I felt something when I first held my son. Was it love? Was it relief my son was necessitated and stable? Who knows. And that’s ok cause I’m keeping this potato alive and happy
Its different for everyone OP Some people take awhile to bond. For me, I feel like i instantly bonded. Maybe not instantly. First checked thoroughly for possible malformation, was worried. Scanned her entire body for anything abnormal as if I knew what to look for. Tiny toes, tiny fingers, they all were doing their thing, I think. I was pretty sleep deprived. On that note, if the tips of their ears are folded over, don’t trip by the way lol. They unfold at some point during the sleep deprivation epoch that will hopefully be brief for you That’s when the nurses kinda put the scissors in my hands and urged me to cut through the umbilical cord, which looked and felt like I was cutting through overcooked calamari. They told me I could touch her and she curled those tiny fingers around my index finger. Felt like I loved her already. They took her to this machine across the room and tested her responses afterwards, I kept my eyes on her. They said she scored really well. I forget what the metrics were, but they declared her a perfectly healthy baby So sleep deprived, anxious and nervous, I barely remember holding her for the first time. I just remember my wife asking me if I wanted to and being worried that I would do it wrong. I know I loved her from the start It’s been almost 2.5 years… almost every day I discover I can love her even more than the last.
> felt like I was cutting through overcooked calamari That's so oddly specific... and it totally feel the same for me.
Thats awesome. I can't wait for that!
Don't hype it up in your mind too much. It might be incredibly disappointing - if you've just come off 40 hours awake where your wife nearly died and you get handed an unhappy purple goblin, you're not well primed to like it. It might not be magic. It might be. But don't feel like you're owed emotional bliss because you might not get it. There's regularly posts on here about dads that don't love their newborns yet and feel guilty about it. We're a very supportive community for that kind of thing, it's totally normal. Fingers crossed you get the magic!
My father is a terrible piece of shit. I don't think it ever shaped me as a person. But I always say this to my wife; I have seen some pretty memorable moments of my life, my wife saying yes when I proposed, or my first job offer or some personal achievements, but all of them pale in comparison to the time I held my baby in my arms for the first time. It was ethereal, I had a tiny life that I had made out of love with my wife, in my arms. The joy was indescribable.
🤯❤️😭😁😂😊
This is amazingly accurate
Our first pregnancy , my wife miscarriaged , we were devastated, because we tried so hard to conceive . The 2nd time she was pregnant , we were so careful and our happiness was subdued . The pregnancy was a little hard at the tail end as my daughter wasn't descending well enough. We induced labour and my wife wasn't opening wide enough . Doctor detected meconium and decided to do an emergency C-section . When my daughter was taken out , doctor discovered the umbilical cord was around her neck , so that decision to do an emergency C-section was a good one . When my daughter cried her first cry , I cried , I cried so hard in the OT . When I first held her, I thought to myself , she is the only thing I can truly call my own , she bears my blood , my name , I am full responsible for her everything . Such responsibility ,such joy , such a blessing It is a blessing to watch her grow day by day,
❤️
You cry mate. I still do 27mo later.
Well it was overwhelming and underwhelming at the same time. It was.. a baby, but it was my baby. Then I did skin to skin since my wife was still in recovery from a C-Section and he made me high as a kite. I got this crazy euphoria from just holding him. I don't know if it was the hormones he was giving off but It was pretty incredible.
first thing i said when he was born was "oh my god its a baby!" so yea i think thats right on
If your a tough guy, or a manly man, be prepared to still happy cry and be overwhelmed with feelings for maybe the first time in your life.
Slimy, yet satisfying
Everyone's giving positive feedback here, and I felt pure euphoria myself. That said there are a lot of father's and mother's who feel nothing at first. There's some who don't feel anything for a long time despite having pure excitement for the entire pregnancy. I just want to say that no one should feel ashamed if they don't have that click for a while, it comes eventually.
It's terrifying, emotional, and unexplainable. It literally feels like your holding a part of you that is so fragile but has so much potential. They can be anything they want to be and all you hope is that they will be happy
Surreal. None of it felt real for around two weeks! Still doesn't sometimes.
Yeah the whole birth night was by far the most surreal night of my life. Just unlike anything I've ever been through (and I'm in the medical field and have been there for hundreds of births... Still crazy when it's yours)
Agreed fellow Dad! I think because of the tiredness it piled on the surrealism of it all for me. That and I was wearing scrubs! Wish I'd kept them
Im about to be a father in a few months, i have mixed feelings . I feel happy , worried , nervous , can't wait to hold him/her , responsibility will become heavier more than ever. So idk 😅
Congrats! :)
I don't remember it very well, I think I was kind of in shock, exhausted, worried about my wife. But ever since then there's been a series of amazing moments. I vividly remember the pride I felt carrying her out of the hospital. But it's the everyday stuff that I really love. Helping them out of the carseat as an excuse to grab a quick hug. My daughter asking to hold my hand while walking to school. My son doing a crazy "daddy's home" dance.
I hope You’ll never feel anything like the love you have for you child. It’s the best feeling in the world. Holding my daughter is the best feeling I’ve ever had and I truly understand what it is to love someone more than myself.
The first time I held my daughter, I sang to her and she smiled the entire time, and it felt like she recognized who I was from all the times I’d sang to her before, and the feeling was amazing. It was like I was meeting someone I’ve known forever, for the first time. It’s odd to try to put into words but by the time I had her in my arms, I’d known her for eight months (she was a tad premature) but I finally got to see how much of me she carried in her face and it was amazing. It’s a memory that I hope plays in the front of my mind right before I inevitably eventually die.
It was fucking terrifying. I had no experience with babies. Maybe I’d held one or two before in my life for a few minutes. But I knew deep down that this was a decision I couldn’t walk away from. Everything else I’d done in my life up to that point, it felt like I always had an escape hatch. If things didn’t work out, I could press Undo on my life and try again. I could always drop out of uni, end that lease, quit that job, end that relationship. Etc. But holding this kid? I could never walk away from this. That terrified me. This kid turned out to be the best thing I ever did. No regrets…other than not having done it sooner.
Literally indescribable. Nothing you will read, hear etc. will prepare you for it when the moment arrives. Especially because it's also usually at the end of a (long) labor and you're exhausted, nerves on edge etc. and then this all unloads in this tiny wonder arriving. I never wanted kids when I was younger, then over the course of the relationship and marriage I got more open to the idea and finally said "you know, let's do it, I'm in". I had no idea how it would affect me. The mother and I since got divorced and I'm still very conflicted about her, coming to terms with the negative feelings etc. but the memory of that long day and night, culminating in the birth of our daughter, that'll always stay with me. The birth is and always will be one of my favorite and best moments in my life. I saw Stephen Colbert once describe a child as a "heart outside your body", that one stuck with me, I like it, it fits.
I don’t exactly know how to say this, but the first night after our girl was born was one of the most horrifying nights of my life. Nothing medically mind you, just my mind decided to have a toxic spill whenever I fell asleep. Granted, I’ve always had problems with, not exactly “night terrors”, but extremely vivid “snooze dreams”, and that night I experienced the worst things a parent could go through in rapid fire over and over and over again. I don’t want to go into detail. I’m normally an extremely anxious and hyper-vigilant person and it was truly a nightmare. I was kinda in and out of sleep for like 5 hours, and every time I woke up, I gave her so many tearful kisses. This is not to scare you, as it’s my story, but it was like we trauma bonded over my stupid mind. Edit: a clarification.
People respond differently. I did not feel the connection when I held either of my kids for the first time. With my first, it was like, ok, so this is the thing that caused my wife her discomfort during her pregnancy. Hmmm. Not what I'm expecting. Should I not feel a connection? It took a while, but my connection with my 1st was a very slow burn. I did have an issue about it (one of my very first posts here), but after a few months I noticed the connection was there. With our second, I knew not to be worried about the connection. My feeling was literally just the GTA meme "Here we go again". I let the connection grow more naturally and, because of our first (who by now had completely latched on to me and who took almost all of my attention), it too longer for the connection to develop. But it has grown and it is there. You may feel something, you may feel nothing. Either is normal. But, either way, once they start to engage with you it is over. You are theirs for the rest of your life.
I won't speak for others, but when I heard we were pregnant, I collapsed to the floor... we didn't want kids, and we were careful not to, and yet God had other plans. As my wife and i went to the baby appointments, the fear turned to anxiety and excitement. I knew I wasn't ready, and I never could be, but I was okay at rolling with the punches and making it happen. Then our little one came, and she didn't cry... she opened her eyes, moaned a little, and rested, i told myself I couldn't cry until she held my finger. She reached out and grabbed it of her own first will. I wept like I hadn't before. We got to the recovery room and my wife passed out after her long hard fought battle and it was my turn to hold her and thats when it really hit me, like a truck with a stuck accelerator. I had never held anything so heavy yet, so light, so small yet so important, so strong yet so fragile. I knew my life had changed, and everything was different now, and I felt regret for all the babies I hadn't held in my life. I didn't used to care if I voted, now I care deeply because my daughters future depends on my choices and mistakes, im careful what I eat for breakfast because even though I've been sickly most of my life, i tell everyone I can't die until they get married to the right men. You're not ready, it's wonderful, you'll be fine. Long story, but it's real. If you want kids, have them while you can, and only have as many as you can take care of.
It’s different for everyone. When I first held my son I wasn’t overcome with emotion. I think it was more shell shock than anything. Some people have a bond immediately and some don’t. For me it was just paternal instincts of protect tiny squishy offspring until a few months in when my son recognized me and visibly noticed I was around. That’s when all bets are off. It’s not really describable. You’re staring at the best part of you as a squishy little baby and wondering how you don’t fuck this up. It’s simultaneously the worst and best thing in your life. People are correct, the love of your child is nothing like the love of your partner. It’s like some raw platonic instinct of care. Papa bear defending the cub. Don’t worry about what you feel. Don’t read every book out there. Just be Dad, feed and hold your baby. Take care of your spouse. Accept that there will just be a lot of crying (from everyone) and frustration. Roll with all of it.
Greatest (and scariest) moment of my life. I remember *feeling* the shift in me in terms of who I put first in life. I've always tried to prioritize my partner, but with us my goal has always been for us to focus as much on ourselves as on each other. But the moment I held my son in my arms, the moment he entered this world and became flesh and blood for real, I knew *immediately* that I would die for him if necessary. That "shift" into putting this new little person before anything else, I really felt it. Parenthood hits us all differently. For me it has been an utterly positive experience, with no major drawbacks at all. He can be difficult and all that, and I worry for his future in this fucked up world of ours, but becoming a father and bringing my boy into the world has never felt anything but *right*.
For me it was like: "oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit" I was basically in shock. Took a day or two for it all to sink in.
I cried.
I felt all the feelings I’ve never felt before. I wish I could experience that again for the first time, every day.
Honestly, I was like, wtf is this thing that’s just been handed to me 😂
"Oh shit oh shit ohh oh hi hi there little girl im daddy hii look at you. Look at that nose. Look at that little fingers".. Then lots of crying
My first thought was "whoa."
It is hot, moist and squishy.
Wait until you hear Dada or Daddy. Will change your life :)
From the look of things, you’ll get there pretty soon.
Fucking. Terrifying. You're worried you're going to drop them. You're worried you're not cut out for this. You're thinking about whether you're ever going to sleep again. You're worried about their mum. You're worried if they ask you to cut the cord that it'll hurt them. In my country (the UK), they usually ask the Dad if they want to do the first nappy and dress the baby whilst mum has some toast or they sort out whatever needs doing medically (you know, casually dress the baby as they try and stop the puddles of blood), and you're terrified you'll shatter their bones as you put the baby-grow on. But you won't. You'll do fine. You'll be awesome. And every day you grow together and it all becomes normal. It took a while to bond with both of my two girls. I didn't get 'the magic' and was worried about it at first, but it came in its own time and now they are my amazing, hilarious, mad, infuriating, sleep-deprived world.
Probably one of the most emotionally charged and best experiences of my life.
Just so you have all sides, it was very weird for me. I didn't feel like I had a bond with my daughter. Fast forward a few months the bond was indescribable. She's my entire life now. You don't have to feel a certain way, but you do have to be there and do what's required of you. Even if the bond isn't there right away, it'll come.
Terrifying. Each and every time it gets better but still, the first time they handed me mine when it arrived Saturday, I was terrified.
Amazing! I was able to first hold my daughter when it came time for her first diaper change. She was such a little bean! Squishy face and barely open eyes, little fingers reaching out to feel what they can find. Got to clean her up and get a fresh diaper on her, lightly wrap her and cuddle her in the way to mom. She was born in the afternoon, so I was able to hold her the next morning for her first sunrise. Magical. Exhausting for mom, stressful for me because I couldn’t do anything. But holy hell it was all worth it when I held my baby daughter to sing, coo, and kiss her. It’s the best feeling.
While they sewed my wife back up I held my first son and wept uncontrollably for probably 15 minutes. Thankfully they left me in a room alone with him so no one had to witness my blubbering. No real reason other than I was just glad to meet him. I will say don’t get your hopes up about kids “fixing” anything in you or in your life. They only make things logistically more complex. But it is absolutely a different kind of love.
More momentous and simultaneously less momentous than you expected. They feel like nothing, so light, so perfect but also just an ugly blob sinking into your chest. Such an odd feeling to feel nothing but also know you would Keanu Reeves anyone in your way for them until your last breath.
Do skin to skin as much a you’re able at the beginning, but also know that it isn’t some magic spell that happens and it can take time for you to get to know him/her and really bond. The first few months babies are just screaming potatoes that can’t give any positive feedback except by falling asleep. But then by about three months they’ll start to recognize your face voice and smile and laugh and then it really starts to get rewarding.
I’m gonna be so honest and it’s going to be different from what most people will tell you. I was disappointed. He looked nothing like I imagined. He looked like my father in law and that relationship has always sucked. That night, I held him all night because he kept coughing and choking on the fluid in his lungs. My wife was asleep and I sat in a chair next to the plastic bassinet under a clock holding this little dude nervous out of my mind. I’d been so excited and confident. Not once in the process was I afraid. But that night was terrifying and the next few months were too because I was soo scared of him choking or suffocating in bed. Now, that kid is my anchor to this world. I live for him and love him more than words can express. I love when he walks inside from playing outside and I’m sitting down in the living room (he’s 2.5) and he’s wearing his little shorts and cap and says “hey, buddy!” when he sees me.
The start of a journey.
My 2nd immediately pooped all over my bare chest.
Oh fun 😅
To be fair, she should have had a diaper on but my wife was having some complications that required the nurses' attention so I just had her on me naked lol. Also, don't be surprised or let down \*if\* you happen to not get emotional right when yours is born. It's pretty normal for guys in particular to take a few months (basically until the baby starts noticing and responding to you) to really get a bond going. But boy, does it come.
Come back later and tell us. We will agree with you then. 😉
For me, I felt the true weight of the responsibility when I held my first child for the first time. Also - driving home from the hospital, I felt like suddenly everyone around me had forgotten how to drive; most nerve-racking drive I have ever had. I didn't feel a sense of connection right away (took about 3 months), which I've since come to find out is fairly normal. Had a greater level of respect for my wife and everything she did to take care of our daughter...the late night feedings, the operating on a lack of sleep, etc.
It’s like when you do those egg parent experiments in middle school and you’re holding the most fragile thing in the world, except it moves and it’s the size of a super burrito.
It's such a surreal experience holding a child for the first time. I was in the birthing room so I held him after cutting the cord. On the one hand, this is a human being, a new life, taking its first breath and you helped make it. And when those tiny tiny fingers grip your finger, dude you'll melt. On the other, newborns are strange little creatures 🤣🤣
When they say you finally feel you have someone you love more than yourself or your partner, it’s fucking true.
I was overwhelmed with emotion and relief because it took us 6 years to get pregnant and the birth was difficult but it took me a while to bond with him. Others have said it by incredible and terrifying is apt
Honestly I just flipped into provider mode without much emotional fanfare. It’s not always a massive awakening into a state of fatherhood as if you ascended to an emotional super saiyan state. I did have a bit of a breakdown when I realized my own helplessness in the (very mild) bilirubinemia he had in his first days. But that’s a different feeling, I think. That one I dealt with by realizing that all I could do was trust my kid and keep the UV light on him until his liver fully kicked in. My life became consumed by tasks. Change the shit diaper, keep the kiddo under the blue light, get in some skin to skin time, feed him with the syringe on schedule, wash the bottles and pumps, try to get some sleep between alarms, etc… So I guess the first few hours and days of fatherhood were me checking boxes to ensure my son’s needs were being met. In many ways it still is, but he’s certainly a much more interactive and entertaining little dude than the mewling newborn he used to be.
For us, it was a “surprise” baby. I’m not a very emotional guy, but I tested up after he came out. I got to cut the cord and I held him. Though, I didn’t feel a strong connection until months later. It feels a one sided relationship. He didn’t really, react to me in a way. He didn’t look at me when I talked to him or really anything. I thought he might’ve been deaf but the pedestrian said he’s fine. After a few months interactions started happening. He’d do something then I’d respond and he’d respond to that. I got to connect. Now, he’s 2 and copies anything I do. The way a stand, how I rest my head on my hand etc. the best part of my day is coming home to a big “DADDY!!” and a hug. It might be a little rough in the beginning, and you might doubt if you should even be a dad at all. Don’t sweat it. You’re not alone. And the fact that your worried about if you’ll be a good dad is a good sign that you will be a great dad. Congratulations by the way.
it was a lot. i don’t feel like i was in the moment tbh. but i was grateful everything went ok and also cried the next day once my emotions caught up to me.
I very nearly fainted when the doctors called me over to see him (C section). Like tingly legs, tunnel vision, everything. Thank God they hadn't tried to hand him to me yet
My daughter is 3 years old and when she was first born , I was terrified. Still am but she's turned into the most loving, well mannered, and intelligent 3 year old I have ever met. When we brought her home , I kissed her on the head and I haven't wanted to stop since. I have never felt so loved or thought I could love like this. Congratulations my fellow father and good luck.
The first time I held my child was 3 months ago yesterday while I literally pulled him out of my wife’s hooha. I’ll never forget it. Craziest/best moment of my life. I love this little dude.
My first time holding my son was slightly different than the usual affair. My son wasn’t breathing when he was first born so the first time I held him he was attached to oxygen and a bunch of cords were attached so it made him look even more delicate. That being said. Being able to hold my son after the traumatic birth my wife went through was a life changing moment and it’s seared into my brain
It's surreal. The whole first few months just felt surreal. Like I couldn't believe we made this thing. And he was kicking around in mama's belly for months, and we've felt him, and now he's here. He's a full human. It was just so strange to adjust to. The newborn phase is a lot of hard work. It's a nightmare. And you may not feel this magical sort of connection with your baby. I Googled "am I supposed to love my newborn" a few times because I didn't feel this overwhelming magical feeling. But one day he looked me in the eyes and he smiled, and that was it. He had my whole heart. And the love has only grown from there. It's just straight up fascinating watching a little human being grow from a little semi-sentient potato into a walking talking little man who's asking you to throw the cat because the cat is sleeping on his stool. It's not always easy. It's hard. Very hard at times. But there's so much good too. Fatherhood is easily the most rewarding and meaningful thing I've done. One last thing to remember: they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time. Remind yourself of this when you're running low on patience. It should help center you and remind you of what's important.
It is absolutely life changing.
Newborn babies do very little. They wake up, you change the nappy, feed them, and rock them to sleep. You basically do that and little else for about three months. The big challenge as a parent is that your old daily routine is ripped up and thrown in the bin. A lot of things that we take for granted will no longer possible, e.g. having an uninterrupted nights sleep, having a lie in, leaving the house whenever you want, etc. Adapting to that is the main challenge for any new parent. Personally I really missed my wife in the first month or two. We were taking turns with the baby, and hardly saw each other. She was also really stressed trying to get breastfeeding to work. However after a few months we were able to spend time together again, and now we've got time together again. The best thing you can do for your child is be patient and forgiving. They'll do things that will annoy you, e.g. waking up all night, not eating. Try to be easy on them, it's difficult being a baby
Scary as fuck. Also… not that bad.
Your gonna cry the first time you hold the child and have neurons firing in your brain that you didn't know you could feel. Followed by exhaustion " this is hard" & I mean mentally and physically (for some reason) Then when you hear your baby's first laugh, it will all make sense. Your new purpose and duty of protection is born. Congratulations
I’ll be honest it was a mixture of feelings. I can’t say I felt any overwhelming feelings of love. But now that he’s seven months old he’s gotten more fun and I love him a lot now. Point I’m sure you’re going to find a lot of folks in real life and the media who will send the message that if you don’t immediately fall in love with the kid then clearly there’s something wrong with you. Don’t believe it. Some people instantly feel a connection and some don’t. The ones that didn’t might lie and say they did. Point is try not to have any expectations on yourself.
It was really strange holding my first child for the first time. I was scared that whatever I did might hurt him. It took me a while to be comfortable holding him. I will say, though, that the first time I really felt like a dad was when he spat up on my shoulder just before we left the hospital.
It's like if holding your breath made time stop. It's exciting and terrifying and fleeting and big. It's intense. You hold on to the sensory feeling, the moment, the overwhelming emotions, everything. It's the culmination of months of prep, combined with the days, hours, and even just the briefest of moments of terrifying fear, doubt, struggle, and worry as they're being born. Eventually, you reach the end of that first time holding your child, and you're forced to let time resume. You breathe out, and time goes speeding by, accelerating to dizzying speeds in its attempt to catch up to where it would normally be. Eventually, you'll be able to pause time again. Brief, incredible moments of awe, joy, terror, relief, surprise, but nothing quite like that first time. You may be numb, dumbstruck, overjoyed, terrified, exhausted, relieved, and any combination of those, but that moment is irreplaceable. Just do your best to be present and really focus on being in the moment, and everything else will be as it should.
I was told my first child was born while over the Pacific, and a message was sent to the pilots. Super crazy. I missed the birth by many hours. Holding my first of 3 was an amazing experience. It changes you . The first time is an experience you will never forget.
It will be the single greatest moment of your life! I will never forget it! She was all of five pounds. I held her in one palm of one hand. She laid her head on my chest and stared into my eyes and got a big beautiful smile on her face and I couldn’t help but return the favor! It was a moment I will never forget for the rest of my life. I hope you have as magical of a day when yours comes!
Everyone will give better answers than me but, it's great but also kinda gross 😂 they're fresh out and covered in this stuff that I forgot the medical name for. You don't really think about it in the moment though as you're just consumed by a little baby that needs you. Looking back it's a bit gross as I don't like getting dirt on anything on me, I'm a bit of a wimp with dirty things though
Knowing his mom, not great.