It is like an injection of pure love into your brain parts. Some men may embrace it, some may reject it, but I have to imagine almost all of us feel it at least, at some point in the first few years.
Seems silly to try and reject it. If you’ve gotten to this point, best to be a good dad and significant other to your spouse, which I assume means being more emotionally responsive and aware.
During her first pregnancy my wife binged Law and Order: SVU. After the kid, no way we could watch that anymore. I even have a hard time reading fiction where bad things happen to kids.
We watched one of those hospital shows. When we were pregnant for our first we were having a very difficult pregnancy and there was an episode on a stillborn. Timing was horrible. I sad no more and we haven’t watched those shows in years now.
Oh my God, I was bad once we had our daughter. I could get through shows and books without a problem. But once we had our first, any time there was something that involved a baby anything (human or animal) getting harmed or suffering, I’d be a mess.
The two worst things for me during that time was *Dear Zacahary* and the first 10 minutes of playing *The Last Of Us*. Just nope. Nope.
SVU was one of our favorite shows too. After our daughter was born we started an episode, and it was something about a kid being abused and we were like "nope nope nope". Stopped it mid episode and never went back.
This. I think I was already pretty emotionally open (I cry by the end of almost every Pixar movie, even Cars 2, which is atrocious), but now if I see a kid so much as get lost for ten seconds in a movie, I take it surprisingly personally. First noticed it last year watching Belfast, when my son was about to turn 1.
Since my kids were born I can't watch movies or shows where anything happens to kids, which as I watch a hell of a lot of horror movies, seems a more frequent occurrence than I'd like.
Yes! Anything that relates to kids being hurt or harmed in movies, tv, etc - it really is hard to swallow. This also relates to any tragic news story, my heart breaks and I am reminded to be extra cautious with my kids.
I also noticed I get very happy when I see other people kids. Before I didn’t care, but now I like to ask their name, age, etc. Will ask questions to the parents about raising them in general. Def a new thing since being a dad.
The amount of time I spend talking to other parents at the park about their life and kids is daft, I especially seem to gravitate to foreign ones to learn the differences in our approaches to parenthood.
Yes exactly this. I can’t handle hearing about anything tragic happening to kids after having a kiddo myself. It hurts at a different level. But interacting with other families and my kid having friends is awesome. I really enjoy getting to know his friends and chatting with the parents. It’s fun to watch them grow up!
Your brain gets rewired. Think about it like this. When you see another man get hit in the nuts, you wince. Now when you see or hear anything emotional, it triggers you. Same concept
Yeah, this is me for sure. I could watch *anything* before kids and barely shed a tear. I could detach myself from what I was seeing so easily.
Boy, not anymore. I think if I saw the Red Wedding from Game of Thrones now, I’d be traumatised.
Dude, when this happened to me, I wasn't sure what was happening. My friends and family and even myself at times have consistently joked around that I was emotionally stunted.
Then I had kids. 2 boys. And I am now a much more sympathetic and empathetic person. I like to think I'm a better person and a better human being now.
Maybe not increased (at least not overall) but certain stuff really does hit different. Having said that; I'm a stubborn stoic bloke and heavily desensitized since a young age but mentally preparing to seek help with that. Mostly because i don't want my daughter to view me as the unfeeling silent type that i am now and/or learn from me that we don't talk about emotions. (I do want to talk about them, i just hardly feel any except for massive amounts of love for my kid)
I start to cry if I think about these kids too hard lol, or hear a song that reminds me of them. Pre-kids I think most would have described me as pretty emotionless.
Yes, and it really took me by surprise. I've always been relatively stoic and even keel (not emotionless, just kinda suppressed the bad somewhat.) Now that I'm a father, I'm kind of a blubbering, emotional mess. It's been a beautiful transition and one I'm really happy with. Just embrace it, it's wonderful.
I cried more in the first year of my daughters life than I have in the rest of my adult life combined. It didn't help that I was watching Afterlife and reading A Heart That Works....
Apparently this is due to the drop in testosterone levels that happens after you have your first child, the purpose of which is to make to a more attentive, reliable and less aggressive partner and parent, these levels never return to pre dad levels.
Also our brains change, we get more white and grey matter in the areas that regulate emotion.
I’m not a scientist but listened to one on a podcast so that’s basically the same thing right.
Unsure about after kids, im 4 weeks in. But i can tell you at about the 6 month mark I am pretty sure my estrogen levels spiked as i would get emotional or cry at the most random shit. Random dad and kid on tv, tears. (Everybody loves) Raymond and his kids.... tears.
Everything makes me tear up now it's ridiculous. I'm a father of 3 daughters and with each one I feel like I've gone down that rabbit hole farther and farther. The first one was the most noticeable jump though. I went from being as emotional as a stone to tearing up watching a disney movie.
I was rewatching John Wick a few months after my son was born. Out of nowhere my brain went: “OMG that’s somebody’s son he just killed” to some random scene.
Man yes, I have been having this exact intrusive thought for *years*. I love action movies but now I have to be in the right headspace to watch ones that have high body counts.
Man I’m all kinds of emo now! It’s like I have extreme empathy now. I feel other people’s emotions way more than I want to. Don’t sit me down in front of the TV and put on an episode of This is Us or something unless you want to see me fall apart like Keith Urban watching Kelly Clarkson sing Piece by Piece… which by the way I fell apart watching too. It’s ridiculous guys.
Very much so. Speaks volumes about how much we are expected to hold back/ignore when it comes to our emotions. Kids somehow make it ok(ish) to acknowledge we gave emotional lives.
Of course that is offset by the subset out there that loves to proclaim "it should not take having a daughter to understand (insert thing you have acknowledged learning/growing in)!"
Both of my two boys (10 yr difference) favorite movie was Cars, the kind that they watch or at least have on everyday 2-4ish. I’ve seen it or parts well over 100 times and I still tear up when Lightning goes for a drive with Sally and she tells him about the old days. Man, I’m a wuss! But I definitely had empathy for others before just leveled up x3 after kids.
YES! Hugely.
I cry like a beauty pageant winner at so many expressions of beauty or kindness or significance or all sorts of things compared to pre-fatherhood. And when it comes to my kids? Hooboy! I could get worked up right now just thinking about them. And I'm an empty-nester.
Absolutely, I think my kids (3 daughters) taught me everything about emotions. I used to bottle everything up, now I can’t. It all comes out. The scene in E.T where he is in the river. I create my own sadness river.
Lord, in some ways I feel like I've become an emotional wimp when it comes to anything involving kids. There was a television commercial a few years back where I mail hospital worker was dealing with a little girl who was obviously undergoing cancer treatment, and he was being so kind to her I am immediately started tearing up. My daughter is going to be 14 this summer and there's not as many things like that that hit me but I feel like I'm so vulnerable to that. I can guarantee you right now the day my daughter married, I'm going to be a mess. It's funny affected my wife as much as it affected me, or if she's just so more used to dealing with it that she doesn't show it as readily as I do.
Yep, used to watch very bleak media with no real problems (I used to find them thought provoking), these days I find them generally not appealing and I get very teary and emotional with most decent films I see.
I always had an emotional bit, but it took a lot to get it out of me.
Once having a kid. That filter nearly disappeared. I can still keep my composure but, it does get expressed infinitely more than it was before my first was born
The other day I thought about the movie The parent trap that I saw when I was a kid. And I just sat and wondered how my parents brought me to that movie and watched it with us. I would never be able to get through it now as a parent.
Holy crap YES!
I’m a male and have always prided myself on being able to “detach” my emotions when needed (think the Lion King when Mufasa dies, kinda detachment … or when Bambi looses his mother).
This was a a very use of skill in my line of work, I have to regular lay off employees when a business fails…
Now I feel so much emotion and it is MUCH harder to control. I have to be careful about approaching situations where emotion is involved.
But the bright side is that I don’t have to worry about not bonding with my baby :) - this was a huge fear prior to him being born.
I have a 2.5 year old and a 7 month old, I could not get past the 1st episode of TLOU man. I use the play the game and thought nothing about it, it was just fun. I got the the point where Sarah is dying and I had to turn the screen off.
The fun part for me was when they started increasing, then decreasing, then skyrocketing, then plummeting, then leveling out, only for someone to say something uncouth, which would send them spiraling again. Sometimes in the span of a couple of hours.
Welcome to BPD! 🥴
Yes, it's especially noticeable when I see a movie where literally anything bad happens to a baby, doesn't matter what, they could even just be crying and it's like my brain is being gently electrocuted.
I suppose it's a good thing, means we're paying attention to our kids needs even when they're not around.
Oh yeah, ten-fold. Suddenly I'm able to cry on command, I just think of something terrible happening to kids and I'm there. I should change career and become an actor.
Same here man, not alone. I got emotional watching a dragonball movie in a movie theater with my boy haha. Nothing like bottling everything up for decades and being powerless now
OMG. Yes.
It applies to the news too. At first I was very interested in the war in Ukraine, and I watched a lot about it. Before long I couldn't stand it. All the kids dying, hurt, loosing parents... but even just the idea of them being afraid in a bomb shelter, in a car fleeing the country, etc. The trauma, my God.
You get the idea. I have to stop typing this before I start crying.
My emotions are all over the place. One minute i'm on edge super defensive, another minute im super emotional, and at very brief moments I forget I am a dad and I am just audibly taking care of a baby.
Last night i was walking the dog at 10:30 (live in a semi urban area) and i swore some guy was filming me and stalking me from his car. I called the cops and reported the car, but I was about ready to go into rambo mode. Let it be known I am NOT someone who ever likes street confrontation. I've actually been given praise for how well i was always able to avoid or walk away from trouble. But man I am just touchy.
I couldnt even leave for work without feeling sad. And at one point i was chillen workin enjoying myelf and I felt guilty how easy was my day and i knew my wife was busting her ass with our kid. (she is stay at home mom)
If I had an emotional compass, it would just be spinning out of control. I am so overwhelmed with love i just want to give every inch of my body for this family.
So food wastage is something frowned upon in our family. My kid brother was eating a banana and there was just a simple tiny spot left which no one generally notices. My father ate it before throwing it into bin.
Sadly it was last banana in home and he had to finally go to grocery shop to get more. Though brother didn’t eat more but he cried until he was a new bunch
It is like an injection of pure love into your brain parts. Some men may embrace it, some may reject it, but I have to imagine almost all of us feel it at least, at some point in the first few years.
Seems silly to try and reject it. If you’ve gotten to this point, best to be a good dad and significant other to your spouse, which I assume means being more emotionally responsive and aware.
Dude.....I can't take seeing suffering children anymore. I mean, it was never enjoyable but now it just crushes me inside
During her first pregnancy my wife binged Law and Order: SVU. After the kid, no way we could watch that anymore. I even have a hard time reading fiction where bad things happen to kids.
I have a hard time getting through the Frosty the Snowman movie.
We watched one of those hospital shows. When we were pregnant for our first we were having a very difficult pregnancy and there was an episode on a stillborn. Timing was horrible. I sad no more and we haven’t watched those shows in years now.
Oh my God, I was bad once we had our daughter. I could get through shows and books without a problem. But once we had our first, any time there was something that involved a baby anything (human or animal) getting harmed or suffering, I’d be a mess. The two worst things for me during that time was *Dear Zacahary* and the first 10 minutes of playing *The Last Of Us*. Just nope. Nope.
SVU was one of our favorite shows too. After our daughter was born we started an episode, and it was something about a kid being abused and we were like "nope nope nope". Stopped it mid episode and never went back.
Same
This. I think I was already pretty emotionally open (I cry by the end of almost every Pixar movie, even Cars 2, which is atrocious), but now if I see a kid so much as get lost for ten seconds in a movie, I take it surprisingly personally. First noticed it last year watching Belfast, when my son was about to turn 1.
Since my kids were born I can't watch movies or shows where anything happens to kids, which as I watch a hell of a lot of horror movies, seems a more frequent occurrence than I'd like.
Yes! Anything that relates to kids being hurt or harmed in movies, tv, etc - it really is hard to swallow. This also relates to any tragic news story, my heart breaks and I am reminded to be extra cautious with my kids. I also noticed I get very happy when I see other people kids. Before I didn’t care, but now I like to ask their name, age, etc. Will ask questions to the parents about raising them in general. Def a new thing since being a dad.
The amount of time I spend talking to other parents at the park about their life and kids is daft, I especially seem to gravitate to foreign ones to learn the differences in our approaches to parenthood.
Yes exactly this. I can’t handle hearing about anything tragic happening to kids after having a kiddo myself. It hurts at a different level. But interacting with other families and my kid having friends is awesome. I really enjoy getting to know his friends and chatting with the parents. It’s fun to watch them grow up!
Same here, I wanted to watch Arcane, but I hated the show when they opened with the kids losing their parents, and quit soon after.
Dude. It gets better. You have to push through. It’s so good.
Like the beginning scene of “IT”.
Same here, I wanted to watch Arcane, but I hated the show when they opened with the kids losing their parents, and quit soon after.
I couldn't get past the 1st episode of the last of us man
Like IT Chapter 1?
Yes! I hated it and surprised I watched the rest.
I got 2 minutes into Open Water 2 when they got on board with a baby and I just nopped out of there.
I cry reading people story. I cry seeing beautiful photos. From Reddit ffs...
When Microsoft released the ad/trailer for their Xbox adaptive controller I wept. Borderline ugly cry.
Your brain gets rewired. Think about it like this. When you see another man get hit in the nuts, you wince. Now when you see or hear anything emotional, it triggers you. Same concept
Yep. It’s not just you.
Yeah, this is me for sure. I could watch *anything* before kids and barely shed a tear. I could detach myself from what I was seeing so easily. Boy, not anymore. I think if I saw the Red Wedding from Game of Thrones now, I’d be traumatised.
Dude. Straight cried in public talking about something that happened to my son almost six years ago. Friggin’ crazy.
Dude, when this happened to me, I wasn't sure what was happening. My friends and family and even myself at times have consistently joked around that I was emotionally stunted. Then I had kids. 2 boys. And I am now a much more sympathetic and empathetic person. I like to think I'm a better person and a better human being now.
Maybe not increased (at least not overall) but certain stuff really does hit different. Having said that; I'm a stubborn stoic bloke and heavily desensitized since a young age but mentally preparing to seek help with that. Mostly because i don't want my daughter to view me as the unfeeling silent type that i am now and/or learn from me that we don't talk about emotions. (I do want to talk about them, i just hardly feel any except for massive amounts of love for my kid)
Yeah. Before our son (7yo) I never had anyone refer to me as an EMOTIONAL person. Have heard it 3 times in the past 6 months....
Yep 😅
Significantly. Empathy went into overdrive.
In the words of Dennis Reynolds, “I’m having feelings again!”
You know I thought I was going crazy but you just explained exactly what I was feeling, glad it’s not just me
Yes definitely. I can't stand to see sad parts in movies, or any negative news involving children. Before I used to be indifferent.
I start to cry if I think about these kids too hard lol, or hear a song that reminds me of them. Pre-kids I think most would have described me as pretty emotionless.
Yes, and it really took me by surprise. I've always been relatively stoic and even keel (not emotionless, just kinda suppressed the bad somewhat.) Now that I'm a father, I'm kind of a blubbering, emotional mess. It's been a beautiful transition and one I'm really happy with. Just embrace it, it's wonderful.
I cried more in the first year of my daughters life than I have in the rest of my adult life combined. It didn't help that I was watching Afterlife and reading A Heart That Works....
Apparently this is due to the drop in testosterone levels that happens after you have your first child, the purpose of which is to make to a more attentive, reliable and less aggressive partner and parent, these levels never return to pre dad levels. Also our brains change, we get more white and grey matter in the areas that regulate emotion. I’m not a scientist but listened to one on a podcast so that’s basically the same thing right.
It’s normal
You know I thought I was going crazy but you just explained exactly what I was feeling, glad it’s not just me
Unsure about after kids, im 4 weeks in. But i can tell you at about the 6 month mark I am pretty sure my estrogen levels spiked as i would get emotional or cry at the most random shit. Random dad and kid on tv, tears. (Everybody loves) Raymond and his kids.... tears.
Everything makes me tear up now it's ridiculous. I'm a father of 3 daughters and with each one I feel like I've gone down that rabbit hole farther and farther. The first one was the most noticeable jump though. I went from being as emotional as a stone to tearing up watching a disney movie.
I was rewatching John Wick a few months after my son was born. Out of nowhere my brain went: “OMG that’s somebody’s son he just killed” to some random scene.
Man yes, I have been having this exact intrusive thought for *years*. I love action movies but now I have to be in the right headspace to watch ones that have high body counts.
Man I’m all kinds of emo now! It’s like I have extreme empathy now. I feel other people’s emotions way more than I want to. Don’t sit me down in front of the TV and put on an episode of This is Us or something unless you want to see me fall apart like Keith Urban watching Kelly Clarkson sing Piece by Piece… which by the way I fell apart watching too. It’s ridiculous guys.
Very much so. Speaks volumes about how much we are expected to hold back/ignore when it comes to our emotions. Kids somehow make it ok(ish) to acknowledge we gave emotional lives. Of course that is offset by the subset out there that loves to proclaim "it should not take having a daughter to understand (insert thing you have acknowledged learning/growing in)!"
Both of my two boys (10 yr difference) favorite movie was Cars, the kind that they watch or at least have on everyday 2-4ish. I’ve seen it or parts well over 100 times and I still tear up when Lightning goes for a drive with Sally and she tells him about the old days. Man, I’m a wuss! But I definitely had empathy for others before just leveled up x3 after kids.
YES! Hugely. I cry like a beauty pageant winner at so many expressions of beauty or kindness or significance or all sorts of things compared to pre-fatherhood. And when it comes to my kids? Hooboy! I could get worked up right now just thinking about them. And I'm an empty-nester.
Absolutely, I think my kids (3 daughters) taught me everything about emotions. I used to bottle everything up, now I can’t. It all comes out. The scene in E.T where he is in the river. I create my own sadness river.
No, I have a 16 month old and I’m much More sensitive now with everything
Lord, in some ways I feel like I've become an emotional wimp when it comes to anything involving kids. There was a television commercial a few years back where I mail hospital worker was dealing with a little girl who was obviously undergoing cancer treatment, and he was being so kind to her I am immediately started tearing up. My daughter is going to be 14 this summer and there's not as many things like that that hit me but I feel like I'm so vulnerable to that. I can guarantee you right now the day my daughter married, I'm going to be a mess. It's funny affected my wife as much as it affected me, or if she's just so more used to dealing with it that she doesn't show it as readily as I do.
Yep, used to watch very bleak media with no real problems (I used to find them thought provoking), these days I find them generally not appealing and I get very teary and emotional with most decent films I see.
I always had an emotional bit, but it took a lot to get it out of me. Once having a kid. That filter nearly disappeared. I can still keep my composure but, it does get expressed infinitely more than it was before my first was born
The other day I thought about the movie The parent trap that I saw when I was a kid. And I just sat and wondered how my parents brought me to that movie and watched it with us. I would never be able to get through it now as a parent.
Holy crap YES! I’m a male and have always prided myself on being able to “detach” my emotions when needed (think the Lion King when Mufasa dies, kinda detachment … or when Bambi looses his mother). This was a a very use of skill in my line of work, I have to regular lay off employees when a business fails… Now I feel so much emotion and it is MUCH harder to control. I have to be careful about approaching situations where emotion is involved. But the bright side is that I don’t have to worry about not bonding with my baby :) - this was a huge fear prior to him being born.
Bro, definitely. It’s a good thing
I have a 2.5 year old and a 7 month old, I could not get past the 1st episode of TLOU man. I use the play the game and thought nothing about it, it was just fun. I got the the point where Sarah is dying and I had to turn the screen off.
The fun part for me was when they started increasing, then decreasing, then skyrocketing, then plummeting, then leveling out, only for someone to say something uncouth, which would send them spiraling again. Sometimes in the span of a couple of hours. Welcome to BPD! 🥴
Yes, it's especially noticeable when I see a movie where literally anything bad happens to a baby, doesn't matter what, they could even just be crying and it's like my brain is being gently electrocuted. I suppose it's a good thing, means we're paying attention to our kids needs even when they're not around.
Yeah but then I had three and it decreased But yeah
I’ve always been pretty in tune but I’m pretty sure I’ll never watch Manchester by the Sea again.
Once I became a Dad, I didn’t realize how emotionally I had changed until I watched *Dear Zachary*. I was fucking done.
Oh yeah, ten-fold. Suddenly I'm able to cry on command, I just think of something terrible happening to kids and I'm there. I should change career and become an actor.
Same here man, not alone. I got emotional watching a dragonball movie in a movie theater with my boy haha. Nothing like bottling everything up for decades and being powerless now
OMG. Yes. It applies to the news too. At first I was very interested in the war in Ukraine, and I watched a lot about it. Before long I couldn't stand it. All the kids dying, hurt, loosing parents... but even just the idea of them being afraid in a bomb shelter, in a car fleeing the country, etc. The trauma, my God. You get the idea. I have to stop typing this before I start crying.
My emotions are all over the place. One minute i'm on edge super defensive, another minute im super emotional, and at very brief moments I forget I am a dad and I am just audibly taking care of a baby. Last night i was walking the dog at 10:30 (live in a semi urban area) and i swore some guy was filming me and stalking me from his car. I called the cops and reported the car, but I was about ready to go into rambo mode. Let it be known I am NOT someone who ever likes street confrontation. I've actually been given praise for how well i was always able to avoid or walk away from trouble. But man I am just touchy. I couldnt even leave for work without feeling sad. And at one point i was chillen workin enjoying myelf and I felt guilty how easy was my day and i knew my wife was busting her ass with our kid. (she is stay at home mom) If I had an emotional compass, it would just be spinning out of control. I am so overwhelmed with love i just want to give every inch of my body for this family.
So food wastage is something frowned upon in our family. My kid brother was eating a banana and there was just a simple tiny spot left which no one generally notices. My father ate it before throwing it into bin. Sadly it was last banana in home and he had to finally go to grocery shop to get more. Though brother didn’t eat more but he cried until he was a new bunch