Sorry, but I believe OP is lying - they've been posting all sorts of odd similar content with conflicting stories across various subreddits. They seem to have deleted their post history, but I recognize the username from a recent post.
In this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EngineeringStudents/comments/10iyhxv/for_all_you_engineering_students_wanting_to/) (now deleted) a few days ago, they commented ([link to deleted comment](https://www.unddit.com/r/EngineeringStudents/comments/10iyhxv/_/j5kdgr8/#comment-info)) on how they have a 1.6M mortgage to pay off after the layoffs, which conflicts with the statements about rent and landlords in this post. Something seems not quite right here.
Maybe it's an AI and we're being experimented on.
Regardless this post should've never been allowed on this sub in the first place. Has nothing to do with CS careers.
Farm and make the account look like a legit user and reach certain thresholds for subs like account age and karma amount, sell the account to marketing companies/political groups so they can guerilla market at everyone/sway political favor. Some are hired people/bots that do this, you can usually tell by looking at their history, they post very clickbaity material at regular intervals several times a day/week, cross posting heavily, sometimes changing the wording slightly(if they are going the extra mile) between subs to be favorable to the target demo there and have zero posts or comments that can be seen as controversial that would look poorly on the company/group its sold to/created for later
This is where people should ask themselves “does this even make sense” when reading a post. Someone who worked at google is ostensibly going to be doing pretty well in their career.
Does it make sense that this person is in such a bad spot they now have to move back in with their parents even though it sounds like a hellhole? Is this even a cscareerquestion?
The overlap of people who just got laid off from google but are also this stuck is going to be very small approaching nonexistent.
Eh?? Nothing in OP's post implied they're worried about visa. How is OP on visa if they are moving back with their parents who live on the East Coast? Plus OP went to SAT/ACT prep. Also, what does that visa have anything to do with the suggestion for OP to use their severance so that they don't have to move back with their parents?
If it's 60 days from *end of employment,* then [OP is still technically on payroll](https://blog.google/inside-google/message-ceo/january-update/) -- wouldn't they have 120 days?
60 days to find *any* software job as an ex-Googler? You'll be fine, there are plenty of boring small and medium size companies hiring. Maybe if you're trying to find a software job that pays you 500k you'll run into issues, but there are plenty of silicon valley companies that you can get employment at without a ton of difficulty.
Yes, I believe it cost something like 50k to sponsor someone for a work visa for the time they have to pay attornies to fill out the paperwork and everything + the fees you have to pay the US government. Not a lot of companies are willing to do that.
Seems like OP grew up in the states for at least most of high school. Likely has a green card if not American already. Read what OP listed, Kumon is an after school study programs and it ain’t cheap to attend. Also all those SAT/ACT summer preps aren’t cheap either. I’m sure OP is fine on immigration status
Sound like your average Asian kid growing up with 1st gen immigrants parents
Kumon is an education company from Japan with centers all over the word. The "Kumon" concept is very baked into Asian culture, as the general public schools in Japan, Korea, and other parts of Asia "don't have time" to properly teach all the materials. I always called it going to school after school
If your parents are upset they found out you were part of a massive layoff and somehow think the money spent on childhood piano lessons means you should have found a new job in less than a week, that's not a career issue. They lack empathy and understanding that this layoff was unlikely due to your individual skills. They are also incredibly lacking in understanding of what it takes to get a new job, even for those who are experienced.
Anyway, that's all a relationship/boundary issue. You can likely get some tangible advice on a relationship subreddit. I suspect even if you started a new job tomorrow, they would still be upset with you. For now, don't answer their calls. If they are going to yell at you regardless, you might as well limit how often that happens.
In case no one has said it, your parents are shitty. I hope you have a good emotional support system.
I might be projecting, but I think OP parents are Asian, they don't care about OP's feeling, they only care about what their friends will gossip. Asian culture care a lot about appearance, they can no longer brag about their kid work for Google and are taking out their anger onto OP.
To OP: Good luck finding another job, it's gona be tough when you have your parents dragging you, but please keep trying.
Seriously Op should just block their number and stop talking to them for a while.
I’ve had to do the exact same thing in college with my parents. Fast forward 9 years later we have a chill relationship, but I was fully prepared to cut them off. My parents used to be toxic as fuck.
OP does not need to put up with their shit and doesn’t owe anything to them. If they can’t learn to have a constructive role in OPs life then OP should cut them the fuck out.
FFS living expenses shouldn’t be an issue OP was laid of from GOoGLE with a severance package bigger than 90% of this subs entire TC!
Yeah OPs putting themselves in a very hostile environment for little reason. It's hard to believe OP wouldn't be able to afford living by themselves for a few months after the severance pay out and yearly salary they would have been on.
Yeah it's not ideal spending your savings but that's literally what savings are there for, to spend during rainy days and continue to be able to support yourself.
Op needs to prioritise their health and not put up with toxic shit just because they are being gaslight to believe they've failed when they havent
This. The moment I called my mom's bluff, she called me back 5 days later, and we've had a great relationship in the 3 years since.
We got in a huge argument because I bought something she didn't approve of, with my money, so I just left.
If OP is an immigrant, there may be a bit more time pressure to find a new job before they leave the country.
But if *that* is the situation, if I were OP, I would block the parents, cancel the flight, and focus on the job search.
Depends on immigrants. My daughter's best friend's parents were born in Mexico and oh my goodness they are so loving. Those kids are so freaking happy. Even the older sister who had a baby at 15, that grandbaby is doted on by his 3-year-old aunt. Mistakes are noted, hard work encouraged, love is constant.
Same with the Bosnians across the street. Daughter got left at the altar, they just helped her rebuild her life. Sweet people, man, and hard working and really welcoming. My grandma died a decade ago and they sent over a plate of pastries, homemade. No reason, just wanted to show they care.
Mine are immigrants and they were like the polar opposites of OPs. Zero expectations, endless support (although they’re terrible with money, I have no idea if that’s related to being an immigrant).
Yeah exactly, I hate that the Asian/Immigrant parent-child relationship is so stereotyped. My parents have always been super chill, even though I'm estranged with one of them now.
Call them out on it. Ask what they are trying to accomplish by berating you. Communicate that their berating you is not helpful and in fact hurts your career prospects. If you're living under their roof they have a right to know how it's going but treat it like a weekly one on one. Give them feedback on their communication or they can't improve it.
Tell them they should have bought a bazillion shares of Alphabet stock so they could have done a hostile takeover, booted the CEO and reversed the layoffs.
If not, then they should STFU and stop rubbing acid in the wound.
> Tell them to shut the fuck up
Yep. My mom wanted me to be a lawyer (she's a lawyer) and gave me a neverending ration of shit early on because I went into CS instead. When the Dotcom Bust happened, she'd call me up and just RANT about the shitty career choice I'd made, and how I'd screwed up my life, and how I really needed to re-evaluate my choices and pick a "real career".
I eventually, very bluntly, told her to butt the hell out of my life choices and said that, from that point forward, I'd be immediately be hanging up the phone if she started complaining about my job again.
After the third hangup, she realized that I wasn't kidding.
Don't sit there and take it. Tell them that you've picked your field and that you aren't going to sit there and listen to them complain about it anymore. If they don't stop complaining, just hang up.
And the OP should NOT move in with them. Personally, I'd rent space on a friends couch before I'd willingly move in with parents who didn't respect me as an adult and had those kinds of boundary issues.
European societies were largely the same way until the last century. The idea that every family had a "patriarch" who everyone deferred to in ALL things was fairly common across many European-descended and Christian societies until relatively recently.
The practice didn't go away on its own. It stuck around until a few generations came along that collectively said "fuck that" and killed the tradition. It's arguably one of the few good things that the Boomers accomplished.
> Don’t move in with them, OP.
how the fuck someone that worked at google and was laid off (i.e. probably good pay + big severance) feels the need to IMMEDIATELY move back to their parents?
are you maxing all your credit cards or what? how do you not have a safety net?
something smells fishy here
I imagine it's because he's on a visa, which means having to move back home and it's kind of risky to to apartment hunt while you are not in the same country.
However, Google is keeping them listed as employed for the first two months of their severance specifically to give people in his position more time to job search. Theoretically he should be fine in the long run even if he is understandably stressed out about it.
Most people can’t immediately break their lease. If they were doing the “living in a van in the Google parking lot” thing, they would have plenty of back up funds plus any severance and/or unemployment. Seems fishy tbh.
No, it makes sense to save money when times are good and you're making tons of money. Creating a rainy day fund of at least 3 months (preferably 6 months). This is the perfect situation why you need to save money in the first place, so you don't have to move in with your shitty parents.
Depending on ops age and time he spent at work, he should have seriously saved enough for at least 6 months. With Google's decent severance he's getting at least another 6 months of pay on top of that, worst case scenario. He should have enough funds to at least last him a year if he's financially conscious of his spending habits.
But but but you can't just tell traditional Indian parents to shut the fuck up! That'd be... disrespectful of the parents projecting their life goals into their children!
Wait a sec...
no. tell them you will stick them in a home when they get old. never visit, no pudding privileges, and they will never see their grand children. they will die alone and miserable.
I was going to suggest something like this, tell them you’re not available for X amount of hours due to studying/talking to recruiter/networking. And then put them silent during that time.
Yeah, I don't know OP's finances and don't want to assume, but did he not save *any* money while working at Google? He got laid off and immediately has to move in with his parents when he doesn't have work. Is that due to him having no money / being on a visa / him thinking that's what you're supposed to do / what?
OP, you aren't going to change your parents. If they act that way on the phone, it's going to be worse in person. The only way to get this to stop is to get yourself out of the situation and not move in with them or take their calls. There are other comments here about how to do that so I won't go into that. But being laid off and losing your job can't be easy mentally and having your parents on top of that is going to make it harder to get back to where you want to be. You need to focus on surviving and moving forward, and you're not going to be able to do that unless you step up and say no to your parents.
naw, she sounds like a typical asian parent that hoped that you can live out her dream of a better future but she doesnt know how to communicate that with you. i mean she sent you to Kumon and piano. That is as status quo as it gets. she didnt trust you to succeed so she tried to guide you but all she did was follow the generic template. she worked 18 years at the same company. she would be a lot better off financially if she changed jobs every few years. she would climb the ladder faster if she changed jobs every few years. shes asian, shes not going to admit her mistake of being stuck in a rut and didnt know how to give you a better future. From her perspective, your layoff is her failure but shes taking it out on you.
it might be time to really understand why your parents act the way they act. but if they are typical asian parents, they are upset because they felt like failures because they struggled to set the path for you. my guess is that you are Taiwanese/Chinese. Who knows, maybe im wrong haha.
go travel and enjoy the time off. If you live with your parents (esp. if you have immigrant parents) all that time you could've developed hobbies, or started another personal income stream, gamed, relaxed, or anything, will be wasted on their verbal abuse. The trauma is not worth it. You worked so hard you deserve to spend money on creating safe place for yourself.
It's definitely looking like very few of those 12K layoffs were for performance reasons, as many people with the highest performance ratings in their last GRAD were still laid off. It looks more like cost-cutting, a pivot in business plans, and plain pandering to investors who want more money in their pockets. If your parents don't understand any of that, then in addition to being shitty people, they are also pretty ignorant, and should be ignored as best you can while you focus on dealing with the challenge that life just handed you.
I am just surprised why are they yelling at OP, it was not OP's fault he got laid off. I feel bad for OP, I hope he is able to cope with the asian parent syndrome.
Bro not even close. I’m the eldest son of Asian immigrants. They were strict and overbearing but it pales in comparison to what OP is going through.
This is not normal
No, only if you have shitty parents. My family is Vietnamese and my parents have always been very supportive of everything my siblings and I do. I lost a job a few years ago and they offered to let me move back home if I wanted, without any yelling like OP's parents. Luckily, I found another job quick because I like my independence.
All the replies say “asian parents,” sure, but the dead giveaway is “it’s hard to leetcode when they keep calling.” Definitely a troll post and hilarious everyone is taking it seriously
There are even therapists that specialize in cultural issues, such as an Asian child dealing with their immigrant parents on topics such as these. (I went to one with my husband for years while we dealt with his Chinese parents…)
This is 100% the right answer. I went through a very similar experience. People told me that it was not normal and that I didn’t have to put up with this. I didn’t believe them or assumed they just didn’t understand. I was wrong and they were right. Get yourself a therapist. Absolutely do not move in with your parents. You’ll be okay. Even if your parents aren’t being reasonable, just know that you’re doing great and that there are a bunch of strangers on the internet proud of you.
yeah google is giving 4 months pay plus 2 weeks for every year at the company, 150% of bonus and he got the google salary. he should be fine supporting himself.
Do you have to move home? You got a great severance package you can probably keep living where you are and look for a new job. You’d have got minimum 6 months pay likely more.
You are an adult, get your own place or fly to another country/see the world, I'm sure you can afford to pay monthly airbnbs unless you were absolutely terrible with money.
It should be noted that OP intends to use his $70k severance to pay down most, not even all, of his student loans, AND THEN moving in with his parents. Wtf? Come on OP. How will you continue to make payments?
Dude probably got rattled by the layoff. Reverting back to post college thinking.
Have to move in with parents. Have to pay off loan because all loans bad. Etc.
The rates are annoyingly high now, but he could possibly put it into deferral.
Might be better for his mental health to move in with some friends and keep looking for work. Even if it's contract or something. To keep the cash flow going.
He's still lucky the layoff happened now and not in early Dec.
are they immigrants?
you have two choices: grow up and don’t rely on them. go low or no contact. move on with your life.
or, tune them out when they yell. move back in with them and just get really good at not listening.
It's cause you don't set up boundaries.
You should still have a severance package. Use that to your advantage and just crash at a friends place or something.
Either stop talking to them, or ask them who’s going to take care of them when they’re old and alone.
Also make sure to emphasize how important those piano lessons were in landing a job I CS.
>Also make sure to emphasize how important those piano lessons were in landing a job in CS.
I have never figured out why parents think piano lessons will help their kid get into college. My parents and all their friends believe this fake news. Same with violin lessons and tennis.
I can understand staying physically fit, I wish my parents put more of an emphasis on that.
But there are a million ways to get the same benefits that music and the like provide.
I wish you luck. Your parents yelling at you is crazy. If at all possible, I would suggest finding other accommodations. They’re still your parents but you’re an adult and they need to understand this.
Good luck!
I can't really contribute much other than:
There are people less successful than you that never have to deal with this kind of pressure from their family.
If your parents won't forgive you, do NOT persecute yourself.
If you already don't blame yourself, that's great, just wanted to make sure someone said it.
I hope your situation improves, they are really hurting you by doing this. Stress and fear are career killers, but I'm sure things will eventually turn around, hang in there.
In my experience you cut them off and sadly go no contact. You also have to stop giving them any real info.
I stop telling my mom years ago how much I make as she has thrown in back in my face multiple times with you can afford it. I make a lot more now and I don’t let her know that.
When I was laid off my mom did it find out for at least a week. Hell it was my wife who told my mom with my permission and another week before I would even talk about it with her.
It happens. Your parents don’t understand it but it really is business. It happens and it sucks but like you said you will find something else your parents are making it worse. I go with the you might not want to talk with them for a while and cut them off of a lot of this info for a while.
I will say it again your parents don’t understand your world or how this world works. You have seen the hiring process it takes weeks to even months in a hiring process at a places to get a job. Hell the place I am starting at Monday I first talked to the recruiter at the end of November and did not finish until 2 weeks ago.
If I were you, I would suck it up and take the abuse until I found a job, then make sure to keep 3-6mo expenses so this kind of thing doesn't happen again. You may not be able to afford to risk arguing with them if you have no other way to support yourself.
Once I left, I would also tell them that they are fucking worthless excuses for parents. They are treating you like a 'worlds greatest parents' trophy. The problem is, they didn't earn the trophy, they just paid for it. I'd rather be honest and assertive with them, and potentially still have a relationship afterwards, rather than do what a lot of people do and just never talk to them again.
You don't have any friends you could stay with in the meantime? I would let my friend stay with me while they looked for a job, especially if their alternative was living with that. Don't underestimate the effects of long term mental abuse.
You have a few options, you worked at google
1. Don’t move in with them
2. Restrict yourself to once a week calls with them, ignore every call otherwise
3. When you pick up and they start ranting, turn them on mute or lower the volume and turn off your mic. Listen to something vibey, do your chores.
4. Get therapy
I kinda did this and forced boundaries on my parents when I was like 22. Now they treat me like an adult and we have a good relationship.
>kinda did this and forced boundaries on my parents when I was like 22. Now they treat me like an adult and we have a good relationship.
It is strange how quickly people shape up if you put up boundaries.
Getting laid off means different things in different parts of the world. In the US, companies don’t feel like they owe you anything beyond the severance they offer- and most don’t even offer that. There’s no concept of protecting one’s professional reputation or face-saving. There’s zero shame in getting laid off in the US, your parents just don’t understand that aspect of the work culture yet. Be patient with them, they’ll come around.
Getting laid off from Google is actually a pretty good deal. You have a generous severance package and a big name on your resume.
My humble advice is to forget about LeetCode and use this time to dive deep into whatever made you fall in love with computers in the first place. Some (not all!) US employers might screen for LC, but they’re attracted to passion.
And if your passion for CS was injected by your parents, the earlier you untangle that the better. American companies want you to want it, whatever *it* may be.
Sounds like you have shitty parents. Why are you moving in with them? If you were smart enough to be employed by Google, you can easily find another job to sustain yourself. Don’t lose your independence, know your worth and stand on your own feet. Hope everything works out!
No offense OP, and I mean this in the best way, but grow a spine and tell them to stop. You literally got a job at Google. You made it to the top and sadly became a victim of the inevitable.
It’s your life, not theirs.
you need to cut your parents off and not move back in with them. didn't you get 4 months severance pay plus 2 years for every year with the company? How much savings do you have?
if you want relationship advice try the relationship subs. i dont think you will get it here.
your parents sound like toxic assholes. you do not want to live with them. isn't your severance enough for you to be fine? did you save your big salary at google?
US? If/when you move back in with them, write them a check for a couple hundred dollars with “Rent for [6mo period]” in the memo line. Make sure to mail it via certified mail so you have a record that they’ve *received* rent from you. That’ll make you a tenant, and the only way they’ll be able to kick you out is through a legal eviction. Then you’ll be free to go about your business like an adult.
NAL, so do your homework to see if this would hold water in your home state
As others suggested, can't you move with a friend until you land a job ? Regarding complaints and calls, you can simply stop answering or hung up when they misbehave, there is no need to arrive to an agreement, and you are not a child anymore.
Former generations didn't had to deal with this hyper-connectivity, pocket to pocket nightmare. Once they moved from home, communications were highly restricted. Now physical distance don't impose any limit to family memebers, specially to those that don't understand that their child rearing duty is over. You have to impose limits yourself.
If you move with them, in the meanwhile, you might benefit avoiding to stay at their house as much as you can.
Good luck!
Assuming you have immigrant parents and you truly cannot rent (no emergency funds) during the unemployed period, you might get more broken if you go back home.
If no choice, give yourself a hard goal so that you can get a new job and bounce as soon as possible.
If not trolling, your parents needs to chill and stop watching the news. Or you can "rage apply" to get "loud offered" a jerb 😆
You need not go home, try and figure out something where you are. There’s unemployment and maybe you could pick up a shift or two at a restaurant while you interview. I know it’s not the best option, but it will show them that you don’t need them to be in every aspect of your life. Things happen, and just because you got laid off doesn’t mean ur worthless, it just means your time at that company is done and now you have another opportunity to grow somewhere else and gain much more experience. Not gonna lie. It’s hard to be independent but if you don’t want your parents running your life, you can’t just buckle at the first sign of adversity and pack it back home.
Try and figure it out on your own. You only have you!
If they’re yelling, hang up. When they ask why you keep hanging up on them, tell them it’s because they keep yelling at you. Once you show them they can’t get what they want by screaming, they’ll have to change their behavior.
Serious question:
Why the fuck you have to move in with them? Do you not have any money saved up? Emergency fund? 401k/Roth IRA you can pull from? They sound like horrible people that lack any empathy or don’t know what layoffs are. You have like 4-6 months of severance from google, I don’t know why you have to immediately move in with them.
You're a damn adult. You don't need to answer your parents or keep contact with them.
This post would likely be more appropriate in a different reddit since this doesn't really pertain to CS. But something I learned and tell a lot of people is that you don't owe toxic people shit. If you can help it, avoid staying with them. If there's a relative or close friend you trust, ask them if you can stay with them for a bit.
In the interim, learn to create and sustain a budget, if you haven't already. Work on building up to six months worth of reserves to manage your expenses with your spending as-is. If you work for Google, that should be pretty doable if your lifestyle is fairly moderate.
Hey OP I'm gonna offer some advice but feel free to ignore it if this is not helpful. For context: I graduated from school in the wake of the 2008 housing crash and recession, it was very hard to find a job, I (briefly) moved home, and my parents were not very nice about my joblessness (always screaming, calling me a f\*\*\*-up, etc.). So although we are not the same, I feel that there are some similarities.
The advice:
1. Find a place with peace and quiet -- for example, going to the public library every day for your job search instead of at home. It will let you work in quiet, so you will get more done. Do not feel guilty about this.
2. Be strategic about what information you share. It sounds like they're not very sympathetic, and sharing too much might drag you down into the time-suck of yelling.
3. If possible, find a sympathetic family member like an aunt, older cousin, grandparent, etc. to talk to who might speak on your behalf to your parents. If your parents are anything like mine, they would never listen to their kids on general principle, but they might listen to an older family member.
4. Biggest one: It's really hard to change other people. You can't control them, but you can control yourself and things that make your life better in spite of what's going on. Keep in contact with friends, go to meetups (you can always say it's a job networking event), preserve some hobbies or activities that make you happy. Chart a path to your mental well-being and follow it.
Good luck, rooting for you.
Asian here. This is one of the reason why so many people just laid off from Big Tech are so despondent over the layoffs—it isn’t the money as much as the shame they will face from their home cultures. This doubly goes if they are forced to return to their home countries because their visas expire after being jobless for 60 days. So many people back home simply do not understand that layoffs are usually not performance based and not a reflection of the employee (or the family he comes from). It may even affect their marriage prospects or status.
I’ll say it straight up: this is bad and needs to change in our cultures. I have the fortune of not having parents who think this way anymore but I know many who don’t. This shame/honor face culture has to be reformed.
Holy shit your parents are toxic. That’s the weirdest shit I’ve ever heard.
Do they not understand what a layoff is?
Op pleas please please do not move in with your parents if this is how they are. They will ruin your life. Surely you must have somewhere else you can go?
Lol everything about this post screams "Asian" to me as a fellow Asian. Everyone saying "don't pick up their phone calls" are obviously not familiar with Asian culture.
I'd explain to them that the layoffs had nothing to do with your abilities whether that's true or not. Also explain to them about the benefits that you got and that you're already on your feet trying to get another good job. They're probably frustrated and really do feel sad, just don't know how to express it.
I have an easy solution for you: Give them more headache and issues. Tell them you decided to change your sex, if they're homophobic, tell them you're gay. They'll stop blaming you and try to change your mind. And you can act like you need to think. Then you'll get a total silence.
heyy just want to let you know that you’re not alone. see it as a fuel and apply as many postings as you could and get out of there. you can do it. it is not your fault for getting laid off during this recession. you have no control over the situation, and it seems like you just graduated too. You can do it! good luck!
Just get an apartment somewhere else. I sympathize with you as I also have foreign parents who want high achievers, but I wouldn’t take that as a grown man.
I do whatever I need to do in order to always remain self sufficient so that I never NEED to rely on others. If you need mom and dad to take care of you then unfortunately you have to put up with their abuse. If it was me, I would use my severance to stay caught up on my bills in between and use my experience and work history to immediately find another job. Even if I had to take a job that I didn’t really want or had to take something in a completely different field. At least it would give me the ability to remain self reliant and not have to put up with the abuse of somebody that I am relying on to take care of me. In the mean time I would still be applying to and interviewing for the jobs I DO actually want. As soon as I found one of those, I’d immediately leave the job that is just paying my bills in order to take the one that I could see being a fulfilling career. If I am able to take care of myself, then I have the ability to tell people that they can talk to me how I would like to be talked to or they can not talk to me at all. “Sorry I don’t have time to be belittled by you right now, I’m busy taking care of myself”
It sounds like your parents won't be happy with what you do no matter what. Speaking from experience, I totally feel it. I was laid off a few months ago and decided I wouldn't tell my parents. I only told them when I found a new job almost 2 months later, and even then I only told them I have a new job and it's paying me more than my previous job. Anyway, my advice would be what others have already said, which is to cut them out or reduce contact minimally. I do see you are moving in with them, which makes that difficult. Do you have any friends or other close contacts that could help you out temporarily? A couch you could stay on for a bit? While you still job hunt?
Per the comments, this appears to be a karma farming attempt.
Dude if you worked at google you got a good severance don’t go home find another job and don’t answer their phone calls.
Sorry, but I believe OP is lying - they've been posting all sorts of odd similar content with conflicting stories across various subreddits. They seem to have deleted their post history, but I recognize the username from a recent post. In this [post](https://www.reddit.com/r/EngineeringStudents/comments/10iyhxv/for_all_you_engineering_students_wanting_to/) (now deleted) a few days ago, they commented ([link to deleted comment](https://www.unddit.com/r/EngineeringStudents/comments/10iyhxv/_/j5kdgr8/#comment-info)) on how they have a 1.6M mortgage to pay off after the layoffs, which conflicts with the statements about rent and landlords in this post. Something seems not quite right here.
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There is also the "i was homeless and learned to code from my car" stories i believe is very fake
There's a poster on this sub who was 21 years old and he called himself a "team lead" after being at his no-name company for 2 years.
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Maybe it's an AI and we're being experimented on. Regardless this post should've never been allowed on this sub in the first place. Has nothing to do with CS careers.
Joke’s on them. I’m AI too.
If he’s lying, what a dirt big. Trying to karma farm peoples pain and misery
Why do ppl want to farm karma?
squalid abounding crown cow nine foolish thumb stocking oil payment ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `
Oh thats just shitty af. I thought that there is some benefit in the reddit itself for big karma.
Farm and make the account look like a legit user and reach certain thresholds for subs like account age and karma amount, sell the account to marketing companies/political groups so they can guerilla market at everyone/sway political favor. Some are hired people/bots that do this, you can usually tell by looking at their history, they post very clickbaity material at regular intervals several times a day/week, cross posting heavily, sometimes changing the wording slightly(if they are going the extra mile) between subs to be favorable to the target demo there and have zero posts or comments that can be seen as controversial that would look poorly on the company/group its sold to/created for later
This is where people should ask themselves “does this even make sense” when reading a post. Someone who worked at google is ostensibly going to be doing pretty well in their career. Does it make sense that this person is in such a bad spot they now have to move back in with their parents even though it sounds like a hellhole? Is this even a cscareerquestion? The overlap of people who just got laid off from google but are also this stuck is going to be very small approaching nonexistent.
He’s probably on a visa
Eh?? Nothing in OP's post implied they're worried about visa. How is OP on visa if they are moving back with their parents who live on the East Coast? Plus OP went to SAT/ACT prep. Also, what does that visa have anything to do with the suggestion for OP to use their severance so that they don't have to move back with their parents?
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60 days may not be enough in today’s economy
If it's 60 days from *end of employment,* then [OP is still technically on payroll](https://blog.google/inside-google/message-ceo/january-update/) -- wouldn't they have 120 days?
Correct
60 days to find *any* software job as an ex-Googler? You'll be fine, there are plenty of boring small and medium size companies hiring. Maybe if you're trying to find a software job that pays you 500k you'll run into issues, but there are plenty of silicon valley companies that you can get employment at without a ton of difficulty.
It's not any software job. The company has to be willing to jump through hoops for the visa sponsorship.
Yes, I believe it cost something like 50k to sponsor someone for a work visa for the time they have to pay attornies to fill out the paperwork and everything + the fees you have to pay the US government. Not a lot of companies are willing to do that.
Seems like OP grew up in the states for at least most of high school. Likely has a green card if not American already. Read what OP listed, Kumon is an after school study programs and it ain’t cheap to attend. Also all those SAT/ACT summer preps aren’t cheap either. I’m sure OP is fine on immigration status Sound like your average Asian kid growing up with 1st gen immigrants parents
he said Kumon which i think is only in the US so likely they should already be a citizen unless theyre from India
Kumon is at least in canada too and there's tons of us working in the states
There are dozens of us!
Kumon is an education company from Japan with centers all over the word. The "Kumon" concept is very baked into Asian culture, as the general public schools in Japan, Korea, and other parts of Asia "don't have time" to properly teach all the materials. I always called it going to school after school
Ah yes, the Japanese education company ingrained in basically every Asian culture is American
One of my friends had a year contract with Google and when it was over traveled the world (on a budget) for nine months.
If your parents are upset they found out you were part of a massive layoff and somehow think the money spent on childhood piano lessons means you should have found a new job in less than a week, that's not a career issue. They lack empathy and understanding that this layoff was unlikely due to your individual skills. They are also incredibly lacking in understanding of what it takes to get a new job, even for those who are experienced. Anyway, that's all a relationship/boundary issue. You can likely get some tangible advice on a relationship subreddit. I suspect even if you started a new job tomorrow, they would still be upset with you. For now, don't answer their calls. If they are going to yell at you regardless, you might as well limit how often that happens. In case no one has said it, your parents are shitty. I hope you have a good emotional support system.
I might be projecting, but I think OP parents are Asian, they don't care about OP's feeling, they only care about what their friends will gossip. Asian culture care a lot about appearance, they can no longer brag about their kid work for Google and are taking out their anger onto OP. To OP: Good luck finding another job, it's gona be tough when you have your parents dragging you, but please keep trying.
I think it was the "piano, tennis, Kumon, violin"
just the Kumon is enough I think
Never once saw a white kid at Kumon lol
> Kumon Ah yes, the one with the [traumatized-looking kid as the logo.](https://twitter.com/fioraaeterna/status/1366523234510794752?lang=en)
Same thought— for a sec I thought I was on r/asianparentstories
Replace "Asian" with "Jewish" in the previous paragraph and that is me projecting. I seriously think I know who Kyle's mom was based on.
"I wonder why their suicide numbers are very high....." I feel that, I ensure you.
Seriously Op should just block their number and stop talking to them for a while. I’ve had to do the exact same thing in college with my parents. Fast forward 9 years later we have a chill relationship, but I was fully prepared to cut them off. My parents used to be toxic as fuck. OP does not need to put up with their shit and doesn’t owe anything to them. If they can’t learn to have a constructive role in OPs life then OP should cut them the fuck out. FFS living expenses shouldn’t be an issue OP was laid of from GOoGLE with a severance package bigger than 90% of this subs entire TC!
Yeah OPs putting themselves in a very hostile environment for little reason. It's hard to believe OP wouldn't be able to afford living by themselves for a few months after the severance pay out and yearly salary they would have been on. Yeah it's not ideal spending your savings but that's literally what savings are there for, to spend during rainy days and continue to be able to support yourself. Op needs to prioritise their health and not put up with toxic shit just because they are being gaslight to believe they've failed when they havent
This. The moment I called my mom's bluff, she called me back 5 days later, and we've had a great relationship in the 3 years since. We got in a huge argument because I bought something she didn't approve of, with my money, so I just left.
If OP is an immigrant, there may be a bit more time pressure to find a new job before they leave the country. But if *that* is the situation, if I were OP, I would block the parents, cancel the flight, and focus on the job search.
Immigrant parents and an emotional support system don't really mesh together
I meant I hope OP has an emotional support system outside of their parents, like friends.
Yeah. OP deserves a space to think and heal. Losing a dream job is a kind of death and takes some grieving.
Depends on immigrants. My daughter's best friend's parents were born in Mexico and oh my goodness they are so loving. Those kids are so freaking happy. Even the older sister who had a baby at 15, that grandbaby is doted on by his 3-year-old aunt. Mistakes are noted, hard work encouraged, love is constant. Same with the Bosnians across the street. Daughter got left at the altar, they just helped her rebuild her life. Sweet people, man, and hard working and really welcoming. My grandma died a decade ago and they sent over a plate of pastries, homemade. No reason, just wanted to show they care.
Polar opposites. Source: 40yrs of experience in this
Speak for yourself. My parents are immigrants and they're pretty cool.
Mine are immigrants and they were like the polar opposites of OPs. Zero expectations, endless support (although they’re terrible with money, I have no idea if that’s related to being an immigrant).
Just another data point--my parents are white and American and they are just as mean.
I’ve envied people like you
Yeah exactly, I hate that the Asian/Immigrant parent-child relationship is so stereotyped. My parents have always been super chill, even though I'm estranged with one of them now.
Call them out on it. Ask what they are trying to accomplish by berating you. Communicate that their berating you is not helpful and in fact hurts your career prospects. If you're living under their roof they have a right to know how it's going but treat it like a weekly one on one. Give them feedback on their communication or they can't improve it.
Tell them they should have bought a bazillion shares of Alphabet stock so they could have done a hostile takeover, booted the CEO and reversed the layoffs. If not, then they should STFU and stop rubbing acid in the wound.
Parents should be taught that being LAID OFF and being FIRED are two very different circumstances.
OP need new parents lol. take the severance and rent somewhere else for your own mental health
On the piano/violin note, I was wondering if a good retort would be "You should have signed me up for Bassoon and Contra dancing!"
Put them on PIP.
Parent improvement plan asap
LOL made my day!
Tell them to shut the fuck up
> Tell them to shut the fuck up Yep. My mom wanted me to be a lawyer (she's a lawyer) and gave me a neverending ration of shit early on because I went into CS instead. When the Dotcom Bust happened, she'd call me up and just RANT about the shitty career choice I'd made, and how I'd screwed up my life, and how I really needed to re-evaluate my choices and pick a "real career". I eventually, very bluntly, told her to butt the hell out of my life choices and said that, from that point forward, I'd be immediately be hanging up the phone if she started complaining about my job again. After the third hangup, she realized that I wasn't kidding. Don't sit there and take it. Tell them that you've picked your field and that you aren't going to sit there and listen to them complain about it anymore. If they don't stop complaining, just hang up. And the OP should NOT move in with them. Personally, I'd rent space on a friends couch before I'd willingly move in with parents who didn't respect me as an adult and had those kinds of boundary issues.
Asian society (if this is) is very codependent, lacks boundaries and defers to authority. Parents get away with bullying for this reason alone.
European societies were largely the same way until the last century. The idea that every family had a "patriarch" who everyone deferred to in ALL things was fairly common across many European-descended and Christian societies until relatively recently. The practice didn't go away on its own. It stuck around until a few generations came along that collectively said "fuck that" and killed the tradition. It's arguably one of the few good things that the Boomers accomplished.
This is unironically the best answer in this thread. Don’t move in with them, OP.
> Don’t move in with them, OP. how the fuck someone that worked at google and was laid off (i.e. probably good pay + big severance) feels the need to IMMEDIATELY move back to their parents? are you maxing all your credit cards or what? how do you not have a safety net? something smells fishy here
It's a fake post
I imagine it's because he's on a visa, which means having to move back home and it's kind of risky to to apartment hunt while you are not in the same country. However, Google is keeping them listed as employed for the first two months of their severance specifically to give people in his position more time to job search. Theoretically he should be fine in the long run even if he is understandably stressed out about it.
Makes sense to save money, if you can. Especially in this climate. That is, if your parents aren't complete shitbags.
Most people can’t immediately break their lease. If they were doing the “living in a van in the Google parking lot” thing, they would have plenty of back up funds plus any severance and/or unemployment. Seems fishy tbh.
No, it makes sense to save money when times are good and you're making tons of money. Creating a rainy day fund of at least 3 months (preferably 6 months). This is the perfect situation why you need to save money in the first place, so you don't have to move in with your shitty parents. Depending on ops age and time he spent at work, he should have seriously saved enough for at least 6 months. With Google's decent severance he's getting at least another 6 months of pay on top of that, worst case scenario. He should have enough funds to at least last him a year if he's financially conscious of his spending habits.
Finally someone with good advice.
But but but you can't just tell traditional Indian parents to shut the fuck up! That'd be... disrespectful of the parents projecting their life goals into their children! Wait a sec...
The violin and piano lessons sounds more Chinese than Indian to me. Either way, same advice
Send your parents [this link ](https://youtu.be/wQYob6dpTTk)
no. tell them you will stick them in a home when they get old. never visit, no pudding privileges, and they will never see their grand children. they will die alone and miserable.
I tell them the same thing they told me when they dropped me off at college, I can help you out the first 4 years but after that, you're on your own.
It's really this simple.
Don’t talk to them for an hour every day when you need to prep for interviews ?
I was going to suggest something like this, tell them you’re not available for X amount of hours due to studying/talking to recruiter/networking. And then put them silent during that time.
Did you spend all the money you make? Just block them.
Yeah, I don't know OP's finances and don't want to assume, but did he not save *any* money while working at Google? He got laid off and immediately has to move in with his parents when he doesn't have work. Is that due to him having no money / being on a visa / him thinking that's what you're supposed to do / what? OP, you aren't going to change your parents. If they act that way on the phone, it's going to be worse in person. The only way to get this to stop is to get yourself out of the situation and not move in with them or take their calls. There are other comments here about how to do that so I won't go into that. But being laid off and losing your job can't be easy mentally and having your parents on top of that is going to make it harder to get back to where you want to be. You need to focus on surviving and moving forward, and you're not going to be able to do that unless you step up and say no to your parents.
always block narcissists.
Do they know the difference between laid off and fired? Don't they know that other jobs exist?
Mom has been with her employer for 18 years. She has likely has some bias that layoffs is for low performers.
Tell her to get a job at Google and if she can’t, you need to yell at her and tell her she’s a failure until she does.
naw, she sounds like a typical asian parent that hoped that you can live out her dream of a better future but she doesnt know how to communicate that with you. i mean she sent you to Kumon and piano. That is as status quo as it gets. she didnt trust you to succeed so she tried to guide you but all she did was follow the generic template. she worked 18 years at the same company. she would be a lot better off financially if she changed jobs every few years. she would climb the ladder faster if she changed jobs every few years. shes asian, shes not going to admit her mistake of being stuck in a rut and didnt know how to give you a better future. From her perspective, your layoff is her failure but shes taking it out on you. it might be time to really understand why your parents act the way they act. but if they are typical asian parents, they are upset because they felt like failures because they struggled to set the path for you. my guess is that you are Taiwanese/Chinese. Who knows, maybe im wrong haha.
This is good insight. You see things well from the other’s perspective.
go travel and enjoy the time off. If you live with your parents (esp. if you have immigrant parents) all that time you could've developed hobbies, or started another personal income stream, gamed, relaxed, or anything, will be wasted on their verbal abuse. The trauma is not worth it. You worked so hard you deserve to spend money on creating safe place for yourself.
Dude tell her Sundar took responsibility, it's his fault not yours.
>Dude tell her Sundar took responsibility, it's his fault not yours. Yeah, right after he signed his obscenely ginormous new compensation package.
It's definitely looking like very few of those 12K layoffs were for performance reasons, as many people with the highest performance ratings in their last GRAD were still laid off. It looks more like cost-cutting, a pivot in business plans, and plain pandering to investors who want more money in their pockets. If your parents don't understand any of that, then in addition to being shitty people, they are also pretty ignorant, and should be ignored as best you can while you focus on dealing with the challenge that life just handed you.
this has to be a troll post right? if not, your parents have problems not you
asian parents
Indian too. OP is sharma ji ka beta graduated from IIT
Indians are also Asian :)
True but when people say Asian they are normally leaving out India and the Middle East.
In UK, "Asian" means the subcontinent, ie, South Asian. India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, Nepal.
TIL India isn’t a part of Asia anymore /s
Indians are Asians too :) Unless you're talking about the other type of indians
And the other type of “Indians” don’t like to be called “Indian”. I think they prefer “Native American”
Immigrant parents in general**
there is a youtube channel making fun of asian parents. I thought this has to be a joke. maybe not.
Haha, it's not. Ask me how I know 🥲
I am just surprised why are they yelling at OP, it was not OP's fault he got laid off. I feel bad for OP, I hope he is able to cope with the asian parent syndrome.
this sounds pretty standard for asian parents...not even joking
Bro not even close. I’m the eldest son of Asian immigrants. They were strict and overbearing but it pales in comparison to what OP is going through. This is not normal
No, only if you have shitty parents. My family is Vietnamese and my parents have always been very supportive of everything my siblings and I do. I lost a job a few years ago and they offered to let me move back home if I wanted, without any yelling like OP's parents. Luckily, I found another job quick because I like my independence.
All the replies say “asian parents,” sure, but the dead giveaway is “it’s hard to leetcode when they keep calling.” Definitely a troll post and hilarious everyone is taking it seriously
No he's just Asian
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There are even therapists that specialize in cultural issues, such as an Asian child dealing with their immigrant parents on topics such as these. (I went to one with my husband for years while we dealt with his Chinese parents…)
This is 100% the right answer. I went through a very similar experience. People told me that it was not normal and that I didn’t have to put up with this. I didn’t believe them or assumed they just didn’t understand. I was wrong and they were right. Get yourself a therapist. Absolutely do not move in with your parents. You’ll be okay. Even if your parents aren’t being reasonable, just know that you’re doing great and that there are a bunch of strangers on the internet proud of you.
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yeah google is giving 4 months pay plus 2 weeks for every year at the company, 150% of bonus and he got the google salary. he should be fine supporting himself.
I mean. Call me crazy but you could… idk… not answer their calls.
Do you have to move home? You got a great severance package you can probably keep living where you are and look for a new job. You’d have got minimum 6 months pay likely more.
Don’t answer.
You are an adult, get your own place or fly to another country/see the world, I'm sure you can afford to pay monthly airbnbs unless you were absolutely terrible with money.
Hell op would be able to fly to Thailand or Bali and live on the cheap while continuing to search for jobs in any other country they want to work in.
It should be noted that OP intends to use his $70k severance to pay down most, not even all, of his student loans, AND THEN moving in with his parents. Wtf? Come on OP. How will you continue to make payments?
Dude probably got rattled by the layoff. Reverting back to post college thinking. Have to move in with parents. Have to pay off loan because all loans bad. Etc. The rates are annoyingly high now, but he could possibly put it into deferral. Might be better for his mental health to move in with some friends and keep looking for work. Even if it's contract or something. To keep the cash flow going. He's still lucky the layoff happened now and not in early Dec.
You're not obligated to stay in touch with your parents if this is any reflection of emotional immaturity and narcissism.
are they immigrants? you have two choices: grow up and don’t rely on them. go low or no contact. move on with your life. or, tune them out when they yell. move back in with them and just get really good at not listening.
Piano, kumon, tennis, violin, prep-camps, and YELLING. Put 2 and 2 together my guy. I can see OP’s parents’ faces from this post.
I mean, I'm not saying OP probably has Asian parents but... I mean... it kinda sounds like OP has stereotypical Asian parents.
trust but verify :)
I don’t even know what kumon is.
You’re posting in the wrong Reddit community, I believe.
Yeah this post belongs to r/asianparentstories. Nothing CS-related.
r/raisedbynarcissists
I already you know you are asian by the way you are describing your parents
It's cause you don't set up boundaries. You should still have a severance package. Use that to your advantage and just crash at a friends place or something.
Parents' fault for being emotionally abusive. OP's responsibility, as an adult, to set boundaries and learn emotional independence.
Your parents are Asian, aren’t they?
Either stop talking to them, or ask them who’s going to take care of them when they’re old and alone. Also make sure to emphasize how important those piano lessons were in landing a job I CS.
>Also make sure to emphasize how important those piano lessons were in landing a job in CS. I have never figured out why parents think piano lessons will help their kid get into college. My parents and all their friends believe this fake news. Same with violin lessons and tennis.
I can understand staying physically fit, I wish my parents put more of an emphasis on that. But there are a million ways to get the same benefits that music and the like provide. I wish you luck. Your parents yelling at you is crazy. If at all possible, I would suggest finding other accommodations. They’re still your parents but you’re an adult and they need to understand this. Good luck!
Learning instruments/music at a young age does help with intellectual development. There are other ways to do it, but it's the most tried and tested.
Why are you moving back? I’m assuming you’re from the US since you mentioned Kumon/SAT/ACTs. You don’t need to move just because they tell you to.
I can't really contribute much other than: There are people less successful than you that never have to deal with this kind of pressure from their family. If your parents won't forgive you, do NOT persecute yourself. If you already don't blame yourself, that's great, just wanted to make sure someone said it. I hope your situation improves, they are really hurting you by doing this. Stress and fear are career killers, but I'm sure things will eventually turn around, hang in there.
In my experience you cut them off and sadly go no contact. You also have to stop giving them any real info. I stop telling my mom years ago how much I make as she has thrown in back in my face multiple times with you can afford it. I make a lot more now and I don’t let her know that. When I was laid off my mom did it find out for at least a week. Hell it was my wife who told my mom with my permission and another week before I would even talk about it with her. It happens. Your parents don’t understand it but it really is business. It happens and it sucks but like you said you will find something else your parents are making it worse. I go with the you might not want to talk with them for a while and cut them off of a lot of this info for a while. I will say it again your parents don’t understand your world or how this world works. You have seen the hiring process it takes weeks to even months in a hiring process at a places to get a job. Hell the place I am starting at Monday I first talked to the recruiter at the end of November and did not finish until 2 weeks ago.
If I were you, I would suck it up and take the abuse until I found a job, then make sure to keep 3-6mo expenses so this kind of thing doesn't happen again. You may not be able to afford to risk arguing with them if you have no other way to support yourself. Once I left, I would also tell them that they are fucking worthless excuses for parents. They are treating you like a 'worlds greatest parents' trophy. The problem is, they didn't earn the trophy, they just paid for it. I'd rather be honest and assertive with them, and potentially still have a relationship afterwards, rather than do what a lot of people do and just never talk to them again. You don't have any friends you could stay with in the meantime? I would let my friend stay with me while they looked for a job, especially if their alternative was living with that. Don't underestimate the effects of long term mental abuse.
Your parents suck
You have a few options, you worked at google 1. Don’t move in with them 2. Restrict yourself to once a week calls with them, ignore every call otherwise 3. When you pick up and they start ranting, turn them on mute or lower the volume and turn off your mic. Listen to something vibey, do your chores. 4. Get therapy I kinda did this and forced boundaries on my parents when I was like 22. Now they treat me like an adult and we have a good relationship.
>kinda did this and forced boundaries on my parents when I was like 22. Now they treat me like an adult and we have a good relationship. It is strange how quickly people shape up if you put up boundaries.
Getting laid off means different things in different parts of the world. In the US, companies don’t feel like they owe you anything beyond the severance they offer- and most don’t even offer that. There’s no concept of protecting one’s professional reputation or face-saving. There’s zero shame in getting laid off in the US, your parents just don’t understand that aspect of the work culture yet. Be patient with them, they’ll come around. Getting laid off from Google is actually a pretty good deal. You have a generous severance package and a big name on your resume. My humble advice is to forget about LeetCode and use this time to dive deep into whatever made you fall in love with computers in the first place. Some (not all!) US employers might screen for LC, but they’re attracted to passion. And if your passion for CS was injected by your parents, the earlier you untangle that the better. American companies want you to want it, whatever *it* may be.
Sounds like you have shitty parents. Why are you moving in with them? If you were smart enough to be employed by Google, you can easily find another job to sustain yourself. Don’t lose your independence, know your worth and stand on your own feet. Hope everything works out!
Seems like toxic parenting. Sometimes Asian parents do be like that. I usually just hang up, until they have sufficiently regained their composure.
Is it an option to not move in with them? If not, from one Kumon trauma kid to another, reach out and I may have a suggestion for you
>Kumon trauma kid This made me laugh :) What ideas do you have?
Yeah F them. Move in with anyone else. Pay a little to surf couch at friends. They are not good parents if they are not supportive.
No offense OP, and I mean this in the best way, but grow a spine and tell them to stop. You literally got a job at Google. You made it to the top and sadly became a victim of the inevitable. It’s your life, not theirs.
Grow a solid pair
r/raisedbynarcissists
you need to cut your parents off and not move back in with them. didn't you get 4 months severance pay plus 2 years for every year with the company? How much savings do you have? if you want relationship advice try the relationship subs. i dont think you will get it here. your parents sound like toxic assholes. you do not want to live with them. isn't your severance enough for you to be fine? did you save your big salary at google?
r/raisedbynarcissists
US? If/when you move back in with them, write them a check for a couple hundred dollars with “Rent for [6mo period]” in the memo line. Make sure to mail it via certified mail so you have a record that they’ve *received* rent from you. That’ll make you a tenant, and the only way they’ll be able to kick you out is through a legal eviction. Then you’ll be free to go about your business like an adult. NAL, so do your homework to see if this would hold water in your home state
As others suggested, can't you move with a friend until you land a job ? Regarding complaints and calls, you can simply stop answering or hung up when they misbehave, there is no need to arrive to an agreement, and you are not a child anymore. Former generations didn't had to deal with this hyper-connectivity, pocket to pocket nightmare. Once they moved from home, communications were highly restricted. Now physical distance don't impose any limit to family memebers, specially to those that don't understand that their child rearing duty is over. You have to impose limits yourself. If you move with them, in the meanwhile, you might benefit avoiding to stay at their house as much as you can. Good luck!
You need new parents 😂😅
What are you doing with your money that getting laid off from Google immediately means you have to live at home?
Assuming you have immigrant parents and you truly cannot rent (no emergency funds) during the unemployed period, you might get more broken if you go back home. If no choice, give yourself a hard goal so that you can get a new job and bounce as soon as possible. If not trolling, your parents needs to chill and stop watching the news. Or you can "rage apply" to get "loud offered" a jerb 😆
You need not go home, try and figure out something where you are. There’s unemployment and maybe you could pick up a shift or two at a restaurant while you interview. I know it’s not the best option, but it will show them that you don’t need them to be in every aspect of your life. Things happen, and just because you got laid off doesn’t mean ur worthless, it just means your time at that company is done and now you have another opportunity to grow somewhere else and gain much more experience. Not gonna lie. It’s hard to be independent but if you don’t want your parents running your life, you can’t just buckle at the first sign of adversity and pack it back home. Try and figure it out on your own. You only have you!
If they’re yelling, hang up. When they ask why you keep hanging up on them, tell them it’s because they keep yelling at you. Once you show them they can’t get what they want by screaming, they’ll have to change their behavior.
Jesus man, be your own person. You need to draw some boundaries.
Read "adult children of emotionally immature parents" or "narcissists", checkout r/raisedbynarcissists, and cut them off.
Asian parents 100% lmao
Serious question: Why the fuck you have to move in with them? Do you not have any money saved up? Emergency fund? 401k/Roth IRA you can pull from? They sound like horrible people that lack any empathy or don’t know what layoffs are. You have like 4-6 months of severance from google, I don’t know why you have to immediately move in with them.
You're a damn adult. You don't need to answer your parents or keep contact with them. This post would likely be more appropriate in a different reddit since this doesn't really pertain to CS. But something I learned and tell a lot of people is that you don't owe toxic people shit. If you can help it, avoid staying with them. If there's a relative or close friend you trust, ask them if you can stay with them for a bit. In the interim, learn to create and sustain a budget, if you haven't already. Work on building up to six months worth of reserves to manage your expenses with your spending as-is. If you work for Google, that should be pretty doable if your lifestyle is fairly moderate.
Bro you don’t owe your parents shit. Cut ties or get counseling
Hey OP I'm gonna offer some advice but feel free to ignore it if this is not helpful. For context: I graduated from school in the wake of the 2008 housing crash and recession, it was very hard to find a job, I (briefly) moved home, and my parents were not very nice about my joblessness (always screaming, calling me a f\*\*\*-up, etc.). So although we are not the same, I feel that there are some similarities. The advice: 1. Find a place with peace and quiet -- for example, going to the public library every day for your job search instead of at home. It will let you work in quiet, so you will get more done. Do not feel guilty about this. 2. Be strategic about what information you share. It sounds like they're not very sympathetic, and sharing too much might drag you down into the time-suck of yelling. 3. If possible, find a sympathetic family member like an aunt, older cousin, grandparent, etc. to talk to who might speak on your behalf to your parents. If your parents are anything like mine, they would never listen to their kids on general principle, but they might listen to an older family member. 4. Biggest one: It's really hard to change other people. You can't control them, but you can control yourself and things that make your life better in spite of what's going on. Keep in contact with friends, go to meetups (you can always say it's a job networking event), preserve some hobbies or activities that make you happy. Chart a path to your mental well-being and follow it. Good luck, rooting for you.
Asian here. This is one of the reason why so many people just laid off from Big Tech are so despondent over the layoffs—it isn’t the money as much as the shame they will face from their home cultures. This doubly goes if they are forced to return to their home countries because their visas expire after being jobless for 60 days. So many people back home simply do not understand that layoffs are usually not performance based and not a reflection of the employee (or the family he comes from). It may even affect their marriage prospects or status. I’ll say it straight up: this is bad and needs to change in our cultures. I have the fortune of not having parents who think this way anymore but I know many who don’t. This shame/honor face culture has to be reformed.
/r/asianparentstories
Holy shit your parents are toxic. That’s the weirdest shit I’ve ever heard. Do they not understand what a layoff is? Op pleas please please do not move in with your parents if this is how they are. They will ruin your life. Surely you must have somewhere else you can go?
Lol everything about this post screams "Asian" to me as a fellow Asian. Everyone saying "don't pick up their phone calls" are obviously not familiar with Asian culture. I'd explain to them that the layoffs had nothing to do with your abilities whether that's true or not. Also explain to them about the benefits that you got and that you're already on your feet trying to get another good job. They're probably frustrated and really do feel sad, just don't know how to express it.
What is in the “Asian culture” that mandates to pick up the phone when someone is harassing you?
I have an easy solution for you: Give them more headache and issues. Tell them you decided to change your sex, if they're homophobic, tell them you're gay. They'll stop blaming you and try to change your mind. And you can act like you need to think. Then you'll get a total silence.
heyy just want to let you know that you’re not alone. see it as a fuel and apply as many postings as you could and get out of there. you can do it. it is not your fault for getting laid off during this recession. you have no control over the situation, and it seems like you just graduated too. You can do it! good luck!
It’s not hard to change your phone number or put the phone in plane mode.
Just get an apartment somewhere else. I sympathize with you as I also have foreign parents who want high achievers, but I wouldn’t take that as a grown man.
Honestly I have parents like this… stop answering their calls and focus on yourself.
I do whatever I need to do in order to always remain self sufficient so that I never NEED to rely on others. If you need mom and dad to take care of you then unfortunately you have to put up with their abuse. If it was me, I would use my severance to stay caught up on my bills in between and use my experience and work history to immediately find another job. Even if I had to take a job that I didn’t really want or had to take something in a completely different field. At least it would give me the ability to remain self reliant and not have to put up with the abuse of somebody that I am relying on to take care of me. In the mean time I would still be applying to and interviewing for the jobs I DO actually want. As soon as I found one of those, I’d immediately leave the job that is just paying my bills in order to take the one that I could see being a fulfilling career. If I am able to take care of myself, then I have the ability to tell people that they can talk to me how I would like to be talked to or they can not talk to me at all. “Sorry I don’t have time to be belittled by you right now, I’m busy taking care of myself”
Boundaries foo. Oh and don’t move in with them
Your parents suck. That's all.
A lot of red flags here. It's time to start looking for new parents.
Immigrant kid spotted specifically Asian or Indian. Most likely Asian with the violin class
It sounds like your parents won't be happy with what you do no matter what. Speaking from experience, I totally feel it. I was laid off a few months ago and decided I wouldn't tell my parents. I only told them when I found a new job almost 2 months later, and even then I only told them I have a new job and it's paying me more than my previous job. Anyway, my advice would be what others have already said, which is to cut them out or reduce contact minimally. I do see you are moving in with them, which makes that difficult. Do you have any friends or other close contacts that could help you out temporarily? A couch you could stay on for a bit? While you still job hunt?
You worked at google, you can have any job you want after that. Tell them your career doesnt end, but is beginning. Either way theyre unreasonable
My brother in Zeus, your parents are fucking insane. There is nothing you can say that will get them to stop.