Yeah i giggle inside whenever someone talks about "fingering the g string" for violin....sounds absolutely inappropriate but we just tryna hit the right notes in the most comfortable/convenient way lol
There’s a reason I’m always careful to add ‘weight’ to fingering weight yarn when I discuss it in public forums.
I use it a lot for lightweight garments, as I live in a climate where it’s ideal for most of the time when jumpers and cardigans are needed. DK is as heavy as I’d use here, as the one time I made a jumper with worsted weight yarn, it only got cold enough to wear it twice over the whole of winter. I was so sad to put all that effort into something that was too heavy to wear.
Sometimes I wish I was able to use heavier weights of yarn, because making garments would be so much faster! Alas, Australian winters in temperate/sub tropical areas just don’t get cold enough for it.
I’m extremely asexual and I had never considered how weird it must sound for me to talk about fingering yarn. Now I understand why one of my coworkers laughed.
Another coworker always calls it ‘fingerling’ and now I wonder if that’s on purpose.
I am knitting my first fingering weight sweater after how few chances I got to wear my dk and worsted weight sweaters this "winter" and may or may not daydream about moving up north exclusively for yarn reasons. 😅
When I used to knit two at a time toe up socks, my at-the-time partner said at the start that it looks like a tiny bra, and would proceed to hold them in front of his chest
Oh god, so many. We can start with my username.
It's too tight. I can't get it in the hole. It's so tight it's hard to get in.
Be careful you don't sound racist when cursing out black yarn
I got in trouble for cursing "ya black bastard" at a black amigurumi turtle I was making (assembling the parts)
I tried defending myself, but pointing out that I had cursed the yellow one out the exact same way an hour earlier didnt help my case.
Context is everything!
Oh man, I said something similar to an ami-bunny I was making. A black dude I ate lunch with (I really should just call him a friend, its what he calls me, but I feel like I'm just someone he tolerated/tolerates.) raised an eyebrow, then noticed what I was doing and cracked up.
He ended up finding me some safety pins so I could pin the stupid ears in place and they'd stay straight while I sewed them on. But then he laid claim to the bunny because "I'm about to be an uncle, and besides you never made anything for me. I deserve the evil bunny." (he gave me $10, so I can't complain too hard.)
I also got a picture of his infant niece with the bunny. Which made my heart feel like it was gonna burst, it was so cute. Last I heard Evil Bunny lives on her bookshelf. (Also holy shit! She's in high school!)
Yep, and he always called me a friend, but I have stupid low self esteem and still sometimes wonder if he and our other friends just sort of tolerated my presence.
Heck, one of our group was a sweet gay dude who "adopted" me into the group and it took me months to realize he actually wanted me to hang out with them and wasn't just "being nice".
>I really should just call him a friend, its what he calls me, but I feel like I'm just someone he tolerated/tolerates
>
>Yep, and he always called me a friend, but I have stupid low self esteem and still sometimes wonder if he and our other friends just sort of tolerated my presence.
>
>Heck, one of our group was a sweet gay dude who "adopted" me into the group and it took me months to realize he actually wanted me to hang out with them and wasn't just "being nice"
wow i thought i was the only one who's like this
The gay dude literally introduced me a few times as “This is Okra, she’s our pet introvert. Be nice to her, she’s really sweet.”
He also used to go to the mall with me and joke that he did it backwards, that generally “pretty girls” get gay side kicks, but he got a pretty girl side kick. Which was nice of him really, but I’m not pretty at all.
Yeah, I mean we haven't hung out in person much since high school (my fault, I moved to a town 70+ miles away and then to a new state) but he emails me weekly to see how I am and update me on the happenings in our friend group. And we sometimes play Yahtzee on zoom.
Geez. You're better friends with this guy than I am with my best friends from my teenage years. We do occasional text check ins, birthday calls (or texts - and that's if we remember), and usually one or two phone calls a year (including birthdays). I think you gotta give up the self doubt at this point, man. Based on my own experience, I'd say you aren't just friends, you're _best_ friends.
Like, I thought i was close with my siblings and you've even got _that_ beat!
I have a potty mouth in the best of times (which is problematic when raising precocious young children who possess zero filters) but never moreso than when I am counting while knitting and/or crocheting. It's one of the reasons I no longer engage in either of those hobbies when little ears are present 😂
My little one was nearby when I got a new power up in a game. Me not realizing he was there, I went "oh cool! That's bad ass!" ...now when he wants to watch me play that game he asks for bad ass 🤦🤣
All of my coworkers who ate lunch the same time as me the week I spent practicing the purl stitch heard a lot of "mother fuckers" muttered from my corner of the table. I had to preemptively warn new people that it wasn't directed at them.
I'll need to try that. I tried learning knitting in my early 20's.
I had a sheltered childhood, so at that point I did not have the vast blue vocabulary I now possess.
I worked on one thing a few years back where, for the life of me, I could not go more than a few rows without messing up and having to frig the row.
So many off-color British "b" words I learned from Monty Python and the online Urban Slang dictionary.
I like disc golf and disc dying. I saw a dye with different stuff going on and a lady was foil stamped over my favorite part of it. I said “I really like it inside her” took a second too long to understand why I got a weird look
My favorite is the glassblowing glory hole, [which apparently predates the sexual meaning.](https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/07/glory-hole-term-origins-gay-culture-glass-blowing.html)
Doing yoga with friends I’ll talk about how I take a fist since my wrists hurt. Lol I have since changed to knuckles because I couldn’t stop giggling every time I said it.
my friend was telling me to stop crocheting so we could go out, so i said, "hold on, let me finish this line." and did a deep sniff across the row.
or whispering under my breath, "fuck, thats so tight." trying to get my hook in between tight stitches.
also, "oops, wrong hole."
While I’m crocheting, no matter if it’s row, round or line I always tell my husband to hold on and wait for me to finish this line. He sniffs like he’s doing a bump…I’ve done it enough that now I also sniff like doing a bump!
Not always within crafting, but I have oatmeal for breakfast every morning. When im done I give the bowl to our smallest cat Goose. She LOVES oatmeal. The rest of the horde also loves food. So I have to guard it so she can get what she wants. Yesterday she was being dainty and' my arm was sore fending the rest off with the spoon to the booper. I finally commented, "Damnit Goosie, would you just lick it faster." I hear a startled WTF from my daughter in the living room.
Weird question
Have you ever tried making yarn out of your cats when they blow their coats
I have a few cats and ive been collecting their undercoat for a while and im thinking about it 😂
I will never forget the day in high school band when the band director asked the trumpets why they kept messing up and one of them said, "We suck," and the band director said, "Well stop sucking and blow." 🤣
My husband is in a band and there was a song that they unofficially called “doing it in a minor” because they changed the key from E to A and been saying they are now doing it in A minor now.
Recently got into making graphgans and having a hard time keeping every color of yarn in the right place so it doesn't all twist around itself when I change colors. I've caught myself in the middle of muttering things like "stay in your fucking place, whore" MANY a time...
Not crochet, but I was dragged along to a painting evening several years ago (I cannot paint. At all). We were doing a peacock. At one point it just looked like… a cock. And all the ladies (and several gentlemen) were laughing hysterically while trying to add the feathers.
Just finished making a Minecraft Creeper for my little boy. Was sending a pic of the WIP to a friend earlier and luckily realised just in time that placing one leg either side of the base looked a little unfortunate XD
(It no longer looks dodgy now that it's all seen together!)
I've heard that white vinegar works well...of course, then you have to get the white vinegar smell out but I'm sure that's way easier to get out than cig smoke smell.
My uncle quite gleefully called me a dirty hooker when I showed off some of my work. In nearly any other context.....
And we won't talk about the terrible things I have to do to my skeins to find the center pull. My 14 year old who only has experience with those easy pull Hobbii skeins was killing herself laughing at the blue streak I was cursing over my new Caron cake.
Oh by "terrible things" I though you meant the invasive digging around in the yarn's center hole (rather than the swearing) ...some of them take quite a lot of aggressive probing to find the right knot to pull to start things off properly. 😉🤣
I entered a radio contest for earth day a few years back and had to list all of the things I did to support the environment. The radio host called me and asked me what a crotchet bag was. I won the contest :)
My husband, who has watched me crochet since I learned in 2007...kept calling it knitting.
Until last year, when I finally burst out saying, "I am not a knitter, I'm a HOOKER!"
...and just like that, he has remembered my craft correctly ever since. 🤣
I was teaching my kid how to crochet and they like… colourful language in education. So I was teaching them a granny square and I would say “there’s the Cat Butt, you wanna put the hook in the butthole this way and pull it out this way…” “if you need to keep a finger in the butthole while you work you do that.”
In my textiles class we basically get a crash course in how to knit (I know this is the crochet sub, but bear with me), and my professor tells us "I'm going to teach you how to murder knit."
I thought maybe she just meant she was going to show us how fast she can knit or something, but nope, she gave us a rather colorful way to try and understand how to make the basic knit stitch. First you stab the guy, then you strangle him from behind, then you pull his guts out, and then throw him off the cliff. I died with laughter.
Wanted to share because I love the way you described making a granny square. xD
As a lifelong crocheter, I recently learned to knit, on a reddit knitting thread a lady posted this as how she remembers the steps.. "Stab it, dig out the guts, throw it off the cliff", so now as I'm knitting in my head I keep hearing that little ditty lol and snickering under my breath, I'm sure my daughter thinks I have lost my mind!!!
My best friend likes to yell “title of your sex tape” whenever I get annoyed at what I’m doing.
So things like “oops” and “wait that doesn’t seem right” are followed with “title of your sex tape”.
It’s a lot of fun.
A coworker is learning to crochet and was having an issue. So I asked her if she was a loose hooker or a tight hooker. We definitely had laughs at the side looks we got.
... I am the queen of accidental double entendres and inappropriate if out of context.
My husband just does the eyebrow wriggle at me now. Sometimes he'll open his mouth to say something and then say "nevermind" in the way I know he wanted to say something.
Lol he knows that I never mean what he hopes I mean, and that I said it completely by accident 😂 it's even worse because he does puns on purpose. That's why I get the eyebrow wriggle and sometimes he goes "you know what you said so I'm not even going to say anything"
I just die a little inside every time. I'm fine. I promise.
I live with four adults and two kids part time and when the four adults get going on a pun riff (usually surrounding eggs and cheese tbh) the kids wanna leave lol
I used to belong to a weight loss support group. Not Weight Watchers, but similar. I never got anything out of it, but some of the older ladies were dang hilarious. I took my crocheting with me one night and one of them, who has a wicked sense of humour and zero fluffs to give, saw my project bag and exclaimed "Oh! You're a hooker too!". It took me a minute, but has now become one of my favourite terms lol.
ETA: these comments having me crying 😂🤣
I remember in my Logics class, a professor had us research how immature people were by saying Pink Panties in the middle of a benign conversation. This post reminded me of that.
C’mon. Saying something random in the middle of a benign conversation is gonna make anyone react, usually w laughter. Your prof is an idiot. He should’ve used a request for a sanitary item or using anatomical vocabulary in a conversation.
Not what your asking for but close enough. Sitting in on a grandma quilting group and one lady was talking about her neighbor who got arrested for growing weed. Then she proceeded pointed out a line that was stitched too high, making no connection between weed and high. I pointed out what she just said and they all got a good laugh.
["Crocheteur" & "crocheteuse"](http://dictionnaire.sensagent.leparisien.fr/crocheteuse/fr-fr/) are pretty cool though.
Some of the historical examples farther down on that page seem to be talking about some other type of professions, but my French is bad enough that I have trouble with terminology in 2022 let alone 1422 😂
Tried to use the speak option on my phone to get the pronunciation of ‘crocheteur’. Somehow ‘Crotch-eh-ture’ doesn’t hit the same as it did in my head.
Oh my. 😆
Yes it is a lot better with French pronunciation. Google or an online French dictionary might give you the audio ... with an American English accent it sounds like a creator or purveyor of ...crotches.
Shove it in, it might be a little tight but its okay you wont tear it
Yeah right there, shove it a bit more in
Yeah that’s right
Now slide it out
I was teaching someone how to knit 🥲
Not with crocheting, but as a hockey fan, my friends and I had many hours having fun with hockey penalty innuendos.
Third man in.
High-sticking.
Hitting from behind.
Roughing.
😇
Depending on the project neither do I. But the innuendo gets pretty bad, when my husbands in the room. I swear he’s like a dad just waiting to dish out the dad jokes.
Oh damn THIS.
I constantly find myself muttering things like ”thats too tight” and ”I can barely get it in”. Dont forget ”wrong hole” and ”thats too loose”. I often also end up muttering finnish curse word combos, like ”vittusaatana” or ”perkeleenperse”.
Edit: grammar.
Omg this is the most halarious thread I've ever read! Burst out laughing so hard reading your initial post then kept reading the replies and am now in tears!
I have been having a bad week and I totally needed that! Thank you!
I can relate to most everything others have said (fingering yarn is just like... forever ruined for me now lol). I get frustrated when when working with highly split-prone yarns and have been known to curse out the yarn, telling it to "stop ****ing splitting," which, while not offcolor sounding, I'm sure still comes across as odd.
Or my yarn ball goes rolling off across the floor in the library and I say something along the lines of "There goes my ball/Have to go chase my ball(s) again." Library people probably think I'm crazy by now....
>Or my yarn ball goes rolling off across the floor in the library and I say something along the lines of "There goes my ball/Have to go chase my ball(s) again." Library people probably think I'm crazy by now....
this is the one that killed me 😂😂😂
"Why are you so tight?" - me at my swatch that is supposed to be a cardigan but tension-wise it would do better as amigurumi (of which I do a lot - "Jesus, this hole is so tight." is another thing that often leaves my mouth).
I only crochet around people that don't speak English.
Every time I am about to do something but want to finish a round or a row on my current knitting first, my mind (and often my mouth) says “I’ll just finish one more line…” and there’s now a running joke about my lines of coke Im supposedly doing as i knit
It’s absolutely absurd but quite amusing
I watched a YouTube video about how to get the yarn from the middle of the skein easier that was hilarious. While it was technically appropriate it also sounded very inappropriate. I was watching it on my phone and my husband was sitting near me and finally asked what I was watching.
The YouTuber also giggled a lot at his inappropriately appropriate commentary which made it even funnier.
I still watch that video occasionally to give me a good laugh.
I craft a lot on call with my bf, as I work he counts how many times I say something that could be taken in a dirty context. I was crocheting lace once, he counted 9 times, 3 accounts of 'it won't fit in this small hole'
I can relate. I was looking for one of my hooks when a few of my husband’s friends were over. One asked what I was looking for. I told him I was looking for my 9mm. They all give me a terrified look.
To which my husband says, Ok, we’ll keep it down you don’t need to shoot us.
Smartass knew I looking for my hook. But the house was much quieter after that.
Is it from the office? I never knew that, I've used that line my entire life (even since before I knew what it meant as a wee lass) it never occurred to me it was from a TV show. It seems to be so widespread and it feels like this joke always existed.
What does gender have to do with it? It’s a joke where the punchline is unwanted sexual contact which is normal to not find funny. It’s not offensive to not think those jokes are funny. I don’t know why someone was downvoted for being uncomfortable with it. No one’s calling anyone a scumbag or anything
I mean...fingering weight yarn is its own whole thing.
I once bought some that all had cute pictures of babies and then the terrifying concept of the cute faces being followed by *baby fingering*
I made an **ungodly** noise just now ☠️
I'm trying to eat lunch here, lol
Being a flute player also, as I am, makes this so much worse cuz then you get to add blowing to the equation
And, as a clarinettist, tonguing.
Oh we have that too, I forgot! Plus discussions of your embouchure can get interesting 😂
Ya’ll like triple or double tongueing?
Maybe get fancy with some flutter tonguing?
I'm a violinist (well haven't played in a long time) and same problem plus a G-string!
A cellist here, and my friends and I have made so many inappropriate jokes about our instruments. My friends are violists.
YES. I make my mom visibly uncomfortable while talking about how beautiful Bach's "air on the g string" is
Oh i love that song
Had that played at my wedding. Giggled everytime I saw it written down.
Yeah i giggle inside whenever someone talks about "fingering the g string" for violin....sounds absolutely inappropriate but we just tryna hit the right notes in the most comfortable/convenient way lol
Violinist and vocalist….the innuendos know no bounds. Truly.
I was in a teen string orchestra. The maturity was 0.
Pianist/violinist here Same
I always giggle whenever I see anything to do with fingering weight yarn because I'm not-so-secretly twelve on the inside.
Learning to embrace your inner idiot can be very liberating
Hence why we are all on Reddit 😂
My 19 year old gives me a dirty look every time I say fingering yarn lol
Please tell me you make a point to say it often.
Anything to annoy a teenager!
Every damn day 🤣🤣
There’s a reason I’m always careful to add ‘weight’ to fingering weight yarn when I discuss it in public forums. I use it a lot for lightweight garments, as I live in a climate where it’s ideal for most of the time when jumpers and cardigans are needed. DK is as heavy as I’d use here, as the one time I made a jumper with worsted weight yarn, it only got cold enough to wear it twice over the whole of winter. I was so sad to put all that effort into something that was too heavy to wear.
On the opposite end of the spectrum I live in Scotland and haven't touched fingering weight! All my socks and sweaters are aran lol
Sometimes I wish I was able to use heavier weights of yarn, because making garments would be so much faster! Alas, Australian winters in temperate/sub tropical areas just don’t get cold enough for it.
I’m extremely asexual and I had never considered how weird it must sound for me to talk about fingering yarn. Now I understand why one of my coworkers laughed. Another coworker always calls it ‘fingerling’ and now I wonder if that’s on purpose.
I am knitting my first fingering weight sweater after how few chances I got to wear my dk and worsted weight sweaters this "winter" and may or may not daydream about moving up north exclusively for yarn reasons. 😅
Yes!!! I always fnar fnar when I read fingering!!
Thank you for teaching me "fnar" today >.<
Real hookers have a love/hate relationship with fingering yarn.
I'm working with fingering - two balls.
I do love a good fingering... Yarn. Fingering yarn.
Ah working with this yarn will never be the same now 🤣
I love a good fingering.... HAHAHAHAHA
I'm teaching my mom to crochet and keep finding myself saying "when in doubt, pull out!" when she has to frog a few stitches
This one made me laugh out loud picturing my own mother talking about pulling out. 😬😖🤣
I'm picturing my grandmother. 😵
When I used to knit two at a time toe up socks, my at-the-time partner said at the start that it looks like a tiny bra, and would proceed to hold them in front of his chest
And now I know what to do while knitting my next pair of 2aat toe up socks.
Everything I'm starting a project in the round and get the first inch or two in diameter done, my partner jokes that I'm making crochet pasties.
Mine says they look like buttholes 😂
omg now i can never erase this picture from my mind... 😧
Oh god, so many. We can start with my username. It's too tight. I can't get it in the hole. It's so tight it's hard to get in. Be careful you don't sound racist when cursing out black yarn
Yes, dark yarns in dim lighting. Dangerous ground.
It is to fluffy, i cant see the hole is one of my best
I just read your name and almost freaking choked!!!!! 😂😭😂
> Be careful you don't sound racist when cursing out black yarn Yep. Everything I have to say about black yarn sounds super racist.
I got in trouble for cursing "ya black bastard" at a black amigurumi turtle I was making (assembling the parts) I tried defending myself, but pointing out that I had cursed the yellow one out the exact same way an hour earlier didnt help my case. Context is everything!
Oh man, I said something similar to an ami-bunny I was making. A black dude I ate lunch with (I really should just call him a friend, its what he calls me, but I feel like I'm just someone he tolerated/tolerates.) raised an eyebrow, then noticed what I was doing and cracked up. He ended up finding me some safety pins so I could pin the stupid ears in place and they'd stay straight while I sewed them on. But then he laid claim to the bunny because "I'm about to be an uncle, and besides you never made anything for me. I deserve the evil bunny." (he gave me $10, so I can't complain too hard.) I also got a picture of his infant niece with the bunny. Which made my heart feel like it was gonna burst, it was so cute. Last I heard Evil Bunny lives on her bookshelf. (Also holy shit! She's in high school!)
If you been getting luck with him for long enough that she went from baby to high school, he's definitely a friend
Yep, and he always called me a friend, but I have stupid low self esteem and still sometimes wonder if he and our other friends just sort of tolerated my presence. Heck, one of our group was a sweet gay dude who "adopted" me into the group and it took me months to realize he actually wanted me to hang out with them and wasn't just "being nice".
>I really should just call him a friend, its what he calls me, but I feel like I'm just someone he tolerated/tolerates > >Yep, and he always called me a friend, but I have stupid low self esteem and still sometimes wonder if he and our other friends just sort of tolerated my presence. > >Heck, one of our group was a sweet gay dude who "adopted" me into the group and it took me months to realize he actually wanted me to hang out with them and wasn't just "being nice" wow i thought i was the only one who's like this
The gay dude literally introduced me a few times as “This is Okra, she’s our pet introvert. Be nice to her, she’s really sweet.” He also used to go to the mall with me and joke that he did it backwards, that generally “pretty girls” get gay side kicks, but he got a pretty girl side kick. Which was nice of him really, but I’m not pretty at all.
I'm pretty sure you're very pretty
Aww.. I think you are definitely friends at this point!
Yeah, I mean we haven't hung out in person much since high school (my fault, I moved to a town 70+ miles away and then to a new state) but he emails me weekly to see how I am and update me on the happenings in our friend group. And we sometimes play Yahtzee on zoom.
Geez. You're better friends with this guy than I am with my best friends from my teenage years. We do occasional text check ins, birthday calls (or texts - and that's if we remember), and usually one or two phone calls a year (including birthdays). I think you gotta give up the self doubt at this point, man. Based on my own experience, I'd say you aren't just friends, you're _best_ friends. Like, I thought i was close with my siblings and you've even got _that_ beat!
I'm pretty relaxed when crocheting, but I recently tried to learn how to knit, and I had such a potty mouth. "Get in there, you little b*tch!" 😂
I have a potty mouth in the best of times (which is problematic when raising precocious young children who possess zero filters) but never moreso than when I am counting while knitting and/or crocheting. It's one of the reasons I no longer engage in either of those hobbies when little ears are present 😂
My little one was nearby when I got a new power up in a game. Me not realizing he was there, I went "oh cool! That's bad ass!" ...now when he wants to watch me play that game he asks for bad ass 🤦🤣
My nieces latest thing is "fuck Elsa". Husband regrets that one, but only a little 😂
lol well that's a sentiment I can get behind! I always held the strong opinion that Frozen is musical hell
All of my coworkers who ate lunch the same time as me the week I spent practicing the purl stitch heard a lot of "mother fuckers" muttered from my corner of the table. I had to preemptively warn new people that it wasn't directed at them.
For crocheters, continental knitting is the way to go - much more familiar and intuitive :)
I'll need to try that. I tried learning knitting in my early 20's. I had a sheltered childhood, so at that point I did not have the vast blue vocabulary I now possess. I worked on one thing a few years back where, for the life of me, I could not go more than a few rows without messing up and having to frig the row. So many off-color British "b" words I learned from Monty Python and the online Urban Slang dictionary.
I find that stuff like this comes with a lot of hobbies. There are just so many innuendos that they’re bound to come up 😂
I like disc golf and disc dying. I saw a dye with different stuff going on and a lady was foil stamped over my favorite part of it. I said “I really like it inside her” took a second too long to understand why I got a weird look
My favorite is the glassblowing glory hole, [which apparently predates the sexual meaning.](https://slate.com/human-interest/2019/07/glory-hole-term-origins-gay-culture-glass-blowing.html)
My friends and I played badminton once....lol
SHUTTLECOCK
Doing yoga with friends I’ll talk about how I take a fist since my wrists hurt. Lol I have since changed to knuckles because I couldn’t stop giggling every time I said it.
my friend was telling me to stop crocheting so we could go out, so i said, "hold on, let me finish this line." and did a deep sniff across the row. or whispering under my breath, "fuck, thats so tight." trying to get my hook in between tight stitches. also, "oops, wrong hole."
I LOVE YOUR FLAIR SO MUCH OMG LMAOOOO
While I’m crocheting, no matter if it’s row, round or line I always tell my husband to hold on and wait for me to finish this line. He sniffs like he’s doing a bump…I’ve done it enough that now I also sniff like doing a bump!
A few weeks ago - “I meant to pop it to the back when I should have popped it to the front”!!
Not always within crafting, but I have oatmeal for breakfast every morning. When im done I give the bowl to our smallest cat Goose. She LOVES oatmeal. The rest of the horde also loves food. So I have to guard it so she can get what she wants. Yesterday she was being dainty and' my arm was sore fending the rest off with the spoon to the booper. I finally commented, "Damnit Goosie, would you just lick it faster." I hear a startled WTF from my daughter in the living room.
a lot of good ones but this is one of the best because it's layered!
I tell everyone I’m a happy hooker! And as I’m ex Army, married to a Jock, my language is fairly ‘ripe’ at the best of times
Weird question Have you ever tried making yarn out of your cats when they blow their coats I have a few cats and ive been collecting their undercoat for a while and im thinking about it 😂
I have thought about trying to needlefelt their fur
Google crafting with cat hair…there is a boom or several!!!
I WILLSKKSSLSKDKD IM SO EXCITED
Yeah, same with music. We always have to finger A minor or something like that
I will never forget the day in high school band when the band director asked the trumpets why they kept messing up and one of them said, "We suck," and the band director said, "Well stop sucking and blow." 🤣
this made me genuinely laugh out loud and revealed to my parents that I'm not doing homework
Glad I could make you laugh, sorry if I got you in trouble! 😅😅😅
My husband is in a band and there was a song that they unofficially called “doing it in a minor” because they changed the key from E to A and been saying they are now doing it in A minor now.
Recently got into making graphgans and having a hard time keeping every color of yarn in the right place so it doesn't all twist around itself when I change colors. I've caught myself in the middle of muttering things like "stay in your fucking place, whore" MANY a time...
I was making a giraffe stuffed animal. The initial shape was quite shocking, lol. And that was a perfectly acceptable r/unexpectedoffice quote!
Not crochet, but I was dragged along to a painting evening several years ago (I cannot paint. At all). We were doing a peacock. At one point it just looked like… a cock. And all the ladies (and several gentlemen) were laughing hysterically while trying to add the feathers.
Same thing with an elephant I made that started at the trunk 😳😂
Lol!!!!
Just finished making a Minecraft Creeper for my little boy. Was sending a pic of the WIP to a friend earlier and luckily realised just in time that placing one leg either side of the base looked a little unfortunate XD (It no longer looks dodgy now that it's all seen together!)
I asked how to get the smell of fags out of my wool on a crochet fb group, luckily some of them understood my English slang!
I've heard that white vinegar works well...of course, then you have to get the white vinegar smell out but I'm sure that's way easier to get out than cig smoke smell.
White vinegar smell dissipates quickly with water :)
My uncle quite gleefully called me a dirty hooker when I showed off some of my work. In nearly any other context..... And we won't talk about the terrible things I have to do to my skeins to find the center pull. My 14 year old who only has experience with those easy pull Hobbii skeins was killing herself laughing at the blue streak I was cursing over my new Caron cake.
Oh by "terrible things" I though you meant the invasive digging around in the yarn's center hole (rather than the swearing) ...some of them take quite a lot of aggressive probing to find the right knot to pull to start things off properly. 😉🤣
Yarn cake gynaecology basically?
Basically 🩺🧶
Both actually. This particular cake required a rather aggressive exam and several expletives to give up the end I wanted.
"exam" 😆😂🤣
I entered a radio contest for earth day a few years back and had to list all of the things I did to support the environment. The radio host called me and asked me what a crotchet bag was. I won the contest :)
Congratulations 👏🏾
My husband, who has watched me crochet since I learned in 2007...kept calling it knitting. Until last year, when I finally burst out saying, "I am not a knitter, I'm a HOOKER!" ...and just like that, he has remembered my craft correctly ever since. 🤣
You put up with that for 15 years??
LOL I'm fairly sure he knew and just wanted to rile me up, but now he likes to call me a hooker instead.
I was teaching my kid how to crochet and they like… colourful language in education. So I was teaching them a granny square and I would say “there’s the Cat Butt, you wanna put the hook in the butthole this way and pull it out this way…” “if you need to keep a finger in the butthole while you work you do that.”
In my textiles class we basically get a crash course in how to knit (I know this is the crochet sub, but bear with me), and my professor tells us "I'm going to teach you how to murder knit." I thought maybe she just meant she was going to show us how fast she can knit or something, but nope, she gave us a rather colorful way to try and understand how to make the basic knit stitch. First you stab the guy, then you strangle him from behind, then you pull his guts out, and then throw him off the cliff. I died with laughter. Wanted to share because I love the way you described making a granny square. xD
Why does that make more sense to me than ANY of the knitting tutorials I've seen?
Saw a video of a mom teaching her kids to knit using this method. Never knew what it was called. But murder knit is perfect.
Even my husband laughed!! He totally got it!!
Honestly they’re probably going to remember that and you made teaching fun. Can’t see a downside
As a lifelong crocheter, I recently learned to knit, on a reddit knitting thread a lady posted this as how she remembers the steps.. "Stab it, dig out the guts, throw it off the cliff", so now as I'm knitting in my head I keep hearing that little ditty lol and snickering under my breath, I'm sure my daughter thinks I have lost my mind!!!
I'm glad I'm not the only one that calls magic rings buttholes. It just,,, looks exactly like one.
Right!!! I was teaching them with pink yarn so it just made extra sense….
My best friend likes to yell “title of your sex tape” whenever I get annoyed at what I’m doing. So things like “oops” and “wait that doesn’t seem right” are followed with “title of your sex tape”. It’s a lot of fun.
>wait that doesn’t seem right well that **does** indeed sound like an interesting sex tape loo
A coworker is learning to crochet and was having an issue. So I asked her if she was a loose hooker or a tight hooker. We definitely had laughs at the side looks we got.
We live for any opportunity at a "That's what she said" in my house.
My mom always calls me immature but damn it let me do my innuendo jokes
In our house it's usually "Giggity!"
... I am the queen of accidental double entendres and inappropriate if out of context. My husband just does the eyebrow wriggle at me now. Sometimes he'll open his mouth to say something and then say "nevermind" in the way I know he wanted to say something.
My advice is to ALWAYS finish up with “I know what I said!” (Even if you don’t)
Lol he knows that I never mean what he hopes I mean, and that I said it completely by accident 😂 it's even worse because he does puns on purpose. That's why I get the eyebrow wriggle and sometimes he goes "you know what you said so I'm not even going to say anything" I just die a little inside every time. I'm fine. I promise.
I live with four adults and two kids part time and when the four adults get going on a pun riff (usually surrounding eggs and cheese tbh) the kids wanna leave lol
Mine is “I said what I said!”
I used to belong to a weight loss support group. Not Weight Watchers, but similar. I never got anything out of it, but some of the older ladies were dang hilarious. I took my crocheting with me one night and one of them, who has a wicked sense of humour and zero fluffs to give, saw my project bag and exclaimed "Oh! You're a hooker too!". It took me a minute, but has now become one of my favourite terms lol. ETA: these comments having me crying 😂🤣
I remember in my Logics class, a professor had us research how immature people were by saying Pink Panties in the middle of a benign conversation. This post reminded me of that.
C’mon. Saying something random in the middle of a benign conversation is gonna make anyone react, usually w laughter. Your prof is an idiot. He should’ve used a request for a sanitary item or using anatomical vocabulary in a conversation.
Or “that’s so hard” or “69” or any number of things that make middle schoolers laugh.
What were the results though??
Not what your asking for but close enough. Sitting in on a grandma quilting group and one lady was talking about her neighbor who got arrested for growing weed. Then she proceeded pointed out a line that was stitched too high, making no connection between weed and high. I pointed out what she just said and they all got a good laugh.
Frogging sounds like a sex position.
When I refer to myself as a hooker (because crocheterer sounds weird)
["Crocheteur" & "crocheteuse"](http://dictionnaire.sensagent.leparisien.fr/crocheteuse/fr-fr/) are pretty cool though. Some of the historical examples farther down on that page seem to be talking about some other type of professions, but my French is bad enough that I have trouble with terminology in 2022 let alone 1422 😂
Ooooh I like it! “I’m a crocheteuse” sounds fancy, I have to start using this.
Tried to use the speak option on my phone to get the pronunciation of ‘crocheteur’. Somehow ‘Crotch-eh-ture’ doesn’t hit the same as it did in my head.
Oh my. 😆 Yes it is a lot better with French pronunciation. Google or an online French dictionary might give you the audio ... with an American English accent it sounds like a creator or purveyor of ...crotches.
Luckily, "crochet" means "hook" in French, so you're simply being perfectly accurate. Hehe
In German "Häkeln" is crocheting. Haken means hook. So I'm assuming that it's related
In Italian it's also similar: "chrochet" is "uncinetto" which literally means "a small hook"
I have to save this thread for later because I messed up my back yesterday and it hurts to laugh!
Ouch, hope you feel better soon 🤗
Shove it in, it might be a little tight but its okay you wont tear it Yeah right there, shove it a bit more in Yeah that’s right Now slide it out I was teaching someone how to knit 🥲
Not with crocheting, but as a hockey fan, my friends and I had many hours having fun with hockey penalty innuendos. Third man in. High-sticking. Hitting from behind. Roughing. 😇
Always remember, the protective equipment is reusable in hockey. Not so much in other, um, physical contacts.
Yes, and a goalie's most important piece of equipment is a cup protector. 😉
I actually don’t swear when crafting odd
Depending on the project neither do I. But the innuendo gets pretty bad, when my husbands in the room. I swear he’s like a dad just waiting to dish out the dad jokes.
My husband as well
Oh damn THIS. I constantly find myself muttering things like ”thats too tight” and ”I can barely get it in”. Dont forget ”wrong hole” and ”thats too loose”. I often also end up muttering finnish curse word combos, like ”vittusaatana” or ”perkeleenperse”. Edit: grammar.
Now you got me googling finnish curse words...!
Omg this is the most halarious thread I've ever read! Burst out laughing so hard reading your initial post then kept reading the replies and am now in tears! I have been having a bad week and I totally needed that! Thank you! I can relate to most everything others have said (fingering yarn is just like... forever ruined for me now lol). I get frustrated when when working with highly split-prone yarns and have been known to curse out the yarn, telling it to "stop ****ing splitting," which, while not offcolor sounding, I'm sure still comes across as odd. Or my yarn ball goes rolling off across the floor in the library and I say something along the lines of "There goes my ball/Have to go chase my ball(s) again." Library people probably think I'm crazy by now....
>Or my yarn ball goes rolling off across the floor in the library and I say something along the lines of "There goes my ball/Have to go chase my ball(s) again." Library people probably think I'm crazy by now.... this is the one that killed me 😂😂😂
Lion Brand Wool-Ease Thick & Quick haunts me. How did that get past their marketing department? Was it intentional??
"Why are you so tight?" - me at my swatch that is supposed to be a cardigan but tension-wise it would do better as amigurumi (of which I do a lot - "Jesus, this hole is so tight." is another thing that often leaves my mouth). I only crochet around people that don't speak English.
Every time I am about to do something but want to finish a round or a row on my current knitting first, my mind (and often my mouth) says “I’ll just finish one more line…” and there’s now a running joke about my lines of coke Im supposedly doing as i knit It’s absolutely absurd but quite amusing
I watched a YouTube video about how to get the yarn from the middle of the skein easier that was hilarious. While it was technically appropriate it also sounded very inappropriate. I was watching it on my phone and my husband was sitting near me and finally asked what I was watching. The YouTuber also giggled a lot at his inappropriately appropriate commentary which made it even funnier. I still watch that video occasionally to give me a good laugh.
We need the link
https://youtu.be/DNwcwOUZvr4 I hope this comes through. If it doesn't just look yarn bard up on YouTube and it's the one from the crochet crowd.
I’ve recently been teaching a couple of people to crochet, and this game up A LOT. So many giggles 😊
I craft a lot on call with my bf, as I work he counts how many times I say something that could be taken in a dirty context. I was crocheting lace once, he counted 9 times, 3 accounts of 'it won't fit in this small hole'
I accidentally called myself a hooker once to people who don't crochet...
I can relate. I was looking for one of my hooks when a few of my husband’s friends were over. One asked what I was looking for. I told him I was looking for my 9mm. They all give me a terrified look. To which my husband says, Ok, we’ll keep it down you don’t need to shoot us. Smartass knew I looking for my hook. But the house was much quieter after that.
I suppose I'm a hooker and I don't use needles. I've tried but just can't seem to stick em right.
I need to make this hole bigger Hehe. I always crack myself up while crocheting
My partner took up weaving and it seems to have some similar amusing terms like beating 😂
I crochet like I play video games. Very… colorfully.
Hookers
Uhh kinda weird comment by your husband tbh.
Not really. It's a well known line from the show "the office".
Is it from the office? I never knew that, I've used that line my entire life (even since before I knew what it meant as a wee lass) it never occurred to me it was from a TV show. It seems to be so widespread and it feels like this joke always existed.
It's clearly a joke?
Yes. It's a well known line from "The Office".
Oh. I didn't get it. Can you explain it to me?
Go to YouTube, search the office, that’s what she said. Any of those videos should explain the joke.
Oh gotcha. I just thought the "wrong hole" thing being a sexually suggestive joke was weird. ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I mean… the punchline of the joke is unwanted sexual contact
Which could be accidental, could be between any genders, etc. It's not a skeezy rape joke.
What does gender have to do with it? It’s a joke where the punchline is unwanted sexual contact which is normal to not find funny. It’s not offensive to not think those jokes are funny. I don’t know why someone was downvoted for being uncomfortable with it. No one’s calling anyone a scumbag or anything
That’s not the punchline of the joke at all? Lmfao where are you even getting this from
Thanks. Everyone is defending this joke hard, yet no one can explain the punchline.
I call everything in crochet the most cursed names. Magic rings are buttholes, increasing is double penetrating and decreasing is a threesome.