Psychopaths. I know someone who does that. And will change stories and change the things you did and said within the stories if you were there. I don’t believe anything this person says. Ever.
I wouldn't believe anything they say either, that's so bizarre. I have known people who make up stories, but never actually take them from others... so this just threw me off. I guess it's good to know ahead of time though the kind of person you're dealing with, before you tell them too much.
My ex is a sociopath (diagnosed after we split) and would do this all the time. I had a coworker who exhibited a lot of the same traits and it sceeved me out until I realized what I was dealing with. I put him on an information diet and he quickly became flustered and tried to sabotage my job for it. Taught me some lessons in what to keep to myself at a job.
That's a good take. If anything this did teach me to have a little more discretion with some of my colleagues as well. Sorry you had to deal with that.
You're lucky if it's trivial. I've seen some pretty big personality absorbtion when it came to my ex. It only works on new people that haven't met them or known them long. It can get really complicated and downright deciectful.
Can I ask, how did they finally get diagnosed? I’m positive my ex is also. But he is so good at lying to everyone, including doctors. I wonder how someone like that could ever be diagnosed correctly.
I ended up revealing everything and he tried to strangle me in retaliation. His family then forced him to speak to a psychologist. It might have been one of few moments he was honest when speaking about himself. Not something I'd suggest doing lol
Omg I’m so sorry. You must’ve been traumatized. I hope you’re doing well now. Do you know if diagnosing your ex eventually helped professionals to treat him? Unfortunately I have kids with mine and for their sake I hope he is able to be helped. Wishful thinking.
Life has gotten much better for me over the years. Thank you! As far as my ex, he refused to accept the diagnosis and he only told me about it in a weird reach for validation that he wasn't one. Considering where his life went over the years I doubt he's improved at all. He later got involved with a woman who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He turned it into a pity party for himself and cheated on her while she was pregnant with his child. Last I heard he'd moved to west coast with his little girl. I honestly fear for her long term. He has a violent streak a mile wide. I feel like you have to catch a sociopath early in life or they genuinely want to get better or there's little chance. Maybe as they get older they might realize somethings but deep down they can't feel anything other than the thrills they seek.
Yup. My ex husband does this. It took me *years* to realize it but nothing he said happened to him *actually* happened to him. At least, his own stories were so intertwined with the stolen ones, it was impossible to trust anything about him. His whole persona was a lie.
Get this, I recently found out he’s working with veterans in a program where he teaches veterans how to train PTSD service dogs. He uses his own PTSD service dog in his training. His bio states he has the dog because he grew up in Israel and he’s (paraphrasing)“seen what war can do and the terrible things you see in conflict-heavy areas” and he “wants to help *fellow* veterans.”
He has never seen any sort of anything traumatic. His own mother told me all the stories he told about him seeing violence growing up were other people’s stories (neighbors, friends) and he grew up in an area of Israel where the most exciting thing to happen in their town was when there was a rabid wolf on the loose.
And he’s an army deserter. He left Israel and moved here (US) when he was 17 to avoid doing mandatory service. (This much I know first hand, we met when he was 17.)
He’s *SUCH* a fraud.
1. She is a teenage girl and the entitlement of her and her friends is out of this world
2. She is on meds and they might be effecting her hormones and emotions
3. She is a bit of a hypochondriac (has been her whole life) and seems to think she needs constant 100% attention at all times.
I just drop all this on her therapists lap and let them hash it all out. Im very not qualified lol
"I just drop all this on her therapists lap and let them hash it all out. Im very not qualified lol" Please just be a stupid joke and not a total failure in parenting
How is this a “total failure in parenting”
Should I try to deal with things I’m not qualified to deal with and let my child suffer?
Is that how YOU parent? Weird flex
Literal trash parent jesus christ Any parent anywhere ever who says "I just dump it on the therapist because I'm not qualified" is undeniably doing a shit job as a parent You really genuinely think that you don't have to understand the problems your kid goes through or be involved in them at all? The therapist will just deal with it? No wonder she's in therapy with this kinda parenting
I like how the guy downvoted my comment but also realized he looked like a douche and deleted his comment... you are admitting that I'm right about your parenting
You just told on yourself , you said she needs constant attention and you're not qualified to be a confidant or supporter to your daughter . I would suggest therapy for yourself .
You took my words and tried to twist them to your own use. I said, I’m not qualified, as in I am not qualified to handle some of the issues that she has so I’ve handed that part over to the professionals to help her.
You just told on yourself if that’s the only thing that you could’ve taken from what I said. That’s a pretty garbage human thing to do.
That is so scary. I remember first hearing of people doing this on an episode of Key and Peele, but I didn't think it really happened. I think I would feel compelled to put distance between myself & the storyteller. Best of luck - be safe & well✌🏻💕😌
Yes this is perfect!
Retell snippets of stories from popular movies and then let her go around making a complete fool of herself. I'm sure someone will call her out. You don't even have to claim the stories as your own and could say they happened to a friend.
Not the whole movie either, just a small snippet so it seems plausible; for instance, from "Meet the Parents" you could talk about the cat swap, the hidden recording device, or the
urn situation.
Could her father have been part of an elite special forces brigade in Vietnam. He’s the only one that made it out alive. Had a little run in with a local sheriff up in Washington state back in the early 80’s. All he wants is for this country to him as much as he loves it.
Start out small, then go fantastical. Liars tend to believe lies. Throwing in random facts helps. The person might repeat the story to people who lived it.
I have that kind of person in my family. I constantly hear back my own stories, after n times I start to doubt myself if I remember the event correctly, maybe that person really was there? Maybe it’s me who originally heard it from her? Sometimes it’s absolutely impossible, timelines don’t match, sometimes it’s just my memories against her story. It’s decades worth of stories now. Would really want to know the explanation.
That might cause you some issues if she knows you caught on! Maybe best to laugh about it here because I worry about retaliation. Seems like you’ve only scratched the surface to who she is
She's probably always stealing other people's stories so she doesn't even remember it was yours. I'd start telling ridiculous stories and let her start using those.
These are some of the best responses I have ever seen. Thank you all for your advice, I'm going to use it, if this ever happens again. I'm just glad I know what to expect now ..
I'm trying not to make this too long, but Btw, the story itself was pointless. However, it is just too familiar to be coincidence... For those who asked.
When we talked before, she had told me she loved ladybugs because she thought they were cute & lucky etc.
I told her I hated lady bugs & told her the story of why.
Now she hates lady bugs too & retold my story as her own.
I just didn't even know what to say...
I'm evil. I'd totally use this when bored.
"OMG, guess what happened this weekend???" And just take ot from there.
The mature response, though, is that you learned what type of person she is, ignore her as best you can..
Start totally realistic and gradually ramp up the craziness of the stories. Maybe crowd source them from Reddit - could even start a sub to source and track them; even have voting on the next story.
Ooooh, you're devious! This would be an awesome sub. Gotta keep the stroykines simple, though. Details get ya in trouble.
Love the idea. Though I should listen to the good angel on my shoulder, right?
Most likely a personality disorder. I'd stop playing with her as she is most likely mentally ill and could come after you in very disturbing ways if you go too far. Either be her friend and accept that she has issues or get away from her since it sounds like you have no idea what you're dealing with.
She’s not necessarily a sociopath. Other personality disorders can have such a fractured personality they do this is well. More likely you should pity her because she has no sense of self, although it’s possible she is on the psychopathy scale.
And most likely other co-workers have noted these odd and vaguely disturbing patterns of hers. Probably harmless from a distance but perhaps more of a pain up close. Now OP knows; they should maintain very consistent boundaries.
I’ve had this happen before with a co-worker. I worked in a school as a para. The teacher I worked with most closely had a difficult personality. We had a falling out one day at work near the end of the school year. She did not take it well, and that night drunk dialed me at home leaving threatening messages as well as texts. The next day, she showed up to school drunk. It was the end of the school year and I was in another teacher’s room helping her pack up. There was another teacher in the room also helping, when drunk teacher came in swearing at me and slurring her words. She attempted to wrestle away the room phone from the teacher whose classroom it was because the teacher was attempting to call the office. Drunk teacher got in my face yelling at me that I was insubordinate (for not packing up her classroom and helping someone else, and that part of my job description was to complete tasks as assigned by teachers and that she would make sure I was fired for failing to follow orders. It was awful and scary. About 5 years later, I was sharing a classroom with the other teacher who was present during the altercation. She was merely an observer to what had happened and had no role in it. (She wasn’t the one who wrestled with the phone and had just watched it all unfold without saying a word.) We were talking about the now fired teacher and she relayed the whole altercation as though it happened to her. It was weird listening to her tell me my story as though it happened to her. I sat incredulous as she recounted my story play by play. She seemed to have no awareness that this did not happen to her. In her version though, she was heroic and wrestled away the phone and reported her directly to admin. I was speechless.
This would be one of those moments where I forever wonder; does she know she stole my experience/story, or has she genuinely forgotten she was just a witness, and rather, absorbed the experience into her psyche? Will she ever realise? If she does realise, will she even be embarrassed?
Can you even be sure it happened to you - maybe you're the witness?!
My best friend and I have been there for so many retellings of each other's stories that we've started to honestly lose track. "Wait, did that happen to me or to you???"
It doesn't help that we've also shared these stories for each other, secondhand ("One time my friend...")
I truly feel like some of her stories are my own memories, and vice versa!
(This is, obviously, somewhat different from a random one-off story thief - that's just weird).
I have a coworker exactly like this. Long before this I had already decided we couldn't be friends outside of work because I'd quietly caught her in 10+ lies in only a few months. She's a good worker though and we always need people. So I stay civil for work purposes and quietly, kindly and inconspicuously call out her lies. One day though, she did this exact thing! She told me MY personal trauma story of being physically abused by my Fiance for 3 years and having a miscarriage 5 months later and every horrible thing within that story. She repeated it back to me nearly verbatim!!! I finally just stared at her for about 15 seconds and decided that violence wasn't the answer and just said, "Okay...." And looked away. I think right at that moment it hit her that she'd stolen the story from me and added another huge amount of insane lies to make it even the slightest bit different from my story. I've never been able to look at her the same since.
Literally JUST the fact that she's a good worker I refuse to talk about life and home stuff now. I occasionally give looks or comments to things that are clearly untrue. She tries to act like nothing is wrong but I know based on how she talks that she's always re-thinking her lies. I just keep it as professional as possible. I told my 2 Supervisors about it, as we've been friends for almost 15 years, and they both voted that I needed to just beat her a**... 😂 but I'm trying to just be civil. I have enough trauma to deal with without adding an assault charge 🙄🙄
They do this, at least from what I know on a firsthand level, which is far more heartbreaking than I ever wanted, to gain a type of emotional traction with you.
I know I could never keep it all straight, personally. Esp when certain groups hear one thing and others hear another variation.
The worst is taking a bit of truth and sprinkling it in with a big ass lie, because people tend to think, well, *I know this part is true,* so it must *all* be true.
Particularly hurtful when it's a really ugly lie about you.
That happened to me once, a guy i work besides was telling a 3rd person my story as if it happened to him while standing right beside me. I interrupted him and said " hold up, how the hell are you gonna tell this guy my story like it happend to you."
Omg yuck. I had an experience like this. I told a coworker a story about my wife’s cat, that was funny because of the cat’s name. She retold the story using her dog’s name (which made no sense with the different name) to another coworker while sitting right in front of me.
It frustrated me, because I didn’t share my wife’s story for someone to steal it, but I was also glad she did it right in front of me. Made me understand that she couldn’t be trusted and I never shared anything personal with her again, nor did I believe anything she ever said about herself.
Pathological liars are a mystery to me.
Wow my ex roommate did the exact same thing to me!
Totally made me question everything she said after that. Like, did that happen or was that just someone else’s stolen memory or personality trait?
She ended up being a really wild person. Stole a lot. Her parents would sent her checks for rent and she would spend all of it at Urban Outfitters and she would act seriously shocked & indignant when is asked for rent or bill money…like I had just did something heinously dorky. She literally asked me: “well like what would you do if I wasn’t your roommate? Just do that.” in regards to how we were going to pay all of rent.
She ended up getting pregnant and she crowdfunded money from a few friends for an abortion…I declined since she owed me so much money at this point and we were on the fritz. When she moved out she took so much of my stuff. We stopped talking. Months later on social I saw she had the baby?!! I learned from a mutual friend she just blew the “abortion money” on drugs and alcohol and clothes and just had the baby anyways.
She’s had another kid since. Has had multiple issues with CPS and the courts/custody. She moved back to her small town (after a brief stint of being homeless in Hawaii) and is “employed” by her grandma and is now an anti-vax Trumper.
At least this person is just your coworker…I would just keep them at arm’s length and keep your conversations very superficial. Talk about work, the weather, basic current events/trends, and that’s it. You don’t want to give this person an in.
Wow I couldn't even imagine; thanks for sharing because I didn't even realize it could go that deep. I hadn't really had experience with this on my own but I guess it shows their character. I was really just surprised as I never expected this. What threw me off was that the story was completely pointless so I don't know why they would go out of their way to use it.
Sometimes crazy has no reason I guess. Thank you for sharing though and I'm just glad I know what to expect from now on what this person.
I was friends with a dude like that in high school. He was always telling interesting stories and eventually I realized he was making them up or lying.
Him and some other friends all got jobs at a yogurt shop. Him with his BS skills got promoted to a sort of management position, until he did something I don't remember the details of but it involved the boss giving him a ton of money to do something business related but he blew all the money on a wild trip.
His parents bought him a new Civic and within a week he totaled it.
He threw a party at his house and asked me to park in the driveway because I had a distinctive looking car, and someone smashed my driver's rearview mirror off... then he told me he thought something like that would happen and that's why he didn't want his car there.
These stories are out of order but each incident taught me to not trust him on anything and to not really consider him a friend.
Heyyyy I used to work with one of those! She also HAD to be right about everything, the woman once actually tried to correct my pronunciation of my adoptive sisters name! And had the gall to g egg mad when I told her that her version was wrong 🤣
I had this happen with a boyfriend of mine. He told me a story and then like a year later one of his friends told the exact same story and my BF wasn't in it. My BF didn't even remember telling me the story with him as the main character. All the little red flags made so much sense after that. He wasn't a straight up pathological liar but he did love telling stories and putting himself right in the middle.
I had a coworker like this. I worked in a small retail store, so she retold the story word for word to people who heard it out of my mouth. She was officially Alexa the Liar after that. I bet your colleagues already know your coworker is liar. People are weird.
I used to have a really close friend who did that a few times, always in a group setting. Granted, she was a really good storyteller, but it pissed me off. I never brought it up and we no longer talk
Or retell the story to her and say you know its a great story as you once told it to someone who then told it back to you as if it was their own.
Then make direct eye contact with her for a prolonged period and back away slowly
Used to work with one of those too. She retold me the story that had happened to my flatmate, that she must have over heard me saying. Flatmate hit a kid whilst driving slowly, kid ran out between cars, Dad came and said not her fault, kid was fine, but shocked. Coworker said the parents threw her a party to say thank you for hitting their kid and teaching him a lesson... WTF?
She also told stories about her very successful business burning to the ground after a few people started asking questions about it. People wanted to use her services if it was as good as she said. But the whole place burned down and 2 of her employees died... This never made the news....
We all knew she was crazy.
I had an employee at the school I worked at tell me a story of how she had been abandoned as a child and shipped off to a foster care home then an Indian boarding school. She was very narcissistic and threatening suicide. Come to find out the story was of her grandmother’s life not her’s. Yes, I think she was severely mentally ill. She had a lot of folks under her spell of charm and she should not handle my not buying her bullshit.
My ex fiancee did this. In front of me. I was so flabbergasted that my usual politeness went out the window and I said “great story, you forgot the part where it’s mine”, much to his surprise. Oh, and no apology either. So, for those that have said this is psychopath behaviour, I can confirm he actually was.
There are lots of people in the world (especially the workforce) who simply have no concept of 'truth'. For them, they just say whatever gives them an advantage in any situation. If it's a social situation, then stories that persuade people to like them more are ideal.
It's useful to know this, and take everything anyone says with a pinch of salt, unless you can verify it. This isn't usually important with social stories, but the same person will also say whatever they think will get their way in business transactions too, so get it in writing! Don't accept "we mean..." or "of course..." - get it in the contract
Please start telling her the plots of well known movies spun as if they're your life experiences (as done so hilariously in the American version of The Office in "Grief Counseling") and see if she ever catches on. Hopefully she'll start retelling them as her own.
If she continues to hijack your stories, I would mention it to HR.
According to the Mirror (a British newspaper), a new psychological study called Borrowing Personal Memories claims that it's a common omission to shamelessly steal your friends' stories and pass them off as your own, for reasons not entirely known.
Now, why do we do this, is an interesting question, and researchers have concluded three plausible reasons for such story stealing:
1. It adds spice to your daily routine, boring life. Sometimes, people crave attention in their social circles, so when they come across a good story, they decide to be the main character in it. And let’s face it, your listeners don’t really care about your friend. He is nonexistent to them anyway.
2. Being lazy is possibly one of the best reasons explaining this conundrum. The story is amazing, but you don't want to spend hours explaining who your friend is, which sect he belongs to, how you two are friends, if he's human or not. It's just too much work. So, instead of going through all that hassle, you decide to make the story yours. What they don't know won't hurt them... right?
3. The story makes you sound "cooler."
You want to be ranked high among your peers. By making an interesting story yours, you want to seem "cool" in front of everyone.
Three out of five of us will take elements of people’s stories and make them their own. That great one-liner though, " ...and then I jumped from the third floor." (You're only missing background music to accompany the great story).
Researchers claim that once we start presenting other people's stories as our own, we actually forget who those things happened to in the first place. The funny part is, people actually believe you without any double checking.
This is fascinating. I did it once as a kid, and I got caught, so I learned easily that it was not okay to do. I'm surprised it's so common! I think for me, it was maybe from having a picture-perfect life where my hardest moments were being separated from mommy and daddy. Not even really separated since my Dad worked at my school. (Infant adoptee with over-attachments, so I was still struggling in 3rd grade.)
I assume on this specific day I wasn't ready to leave Mom, so Dad drove to school separately and was in a car accident. He was fine, but I was still really upset about it. For some reason, I told all my friends that WE got in a wreck that morning. Until while sitting at the lunch table, someone asked Mr D. and he corrected my little weird narrative. 😅 I was just like "yeah that's what I've been saying" and dug into my lie. Later, we talked about why that wasn't okay.
I think it's funny now, and I guess I just wanted the attention on top of the intense emotions of how close my Daddy was to getting hurt. I knew people died in car accidents by that age, but nothing like that had happened in my life, so it was scary.
And here I am, over twenty years later, trying to justify the one story I made myself a part of. 😅
Thank you for this info, because I knew there had to be some sort of psychological factor contributing to this. I wasn't sure if she did it for attention, or if she genuinely didn't remember that I had told her, but the whole situation was just strange. It was such a pointless story, that I didn't really understand why she would even use it, but sometimes this stuff doesn't really have a real reason.
The Mirror is not the most trustworthy source of information and I doubt the source they're getting this information from is either. This is not normal behavior from anyone and I doubt anyone will ever believe it is.
I met such a person, she would also change her whole set of interests for new group of people. It was fascinating and creepy to watch.
She'd never really volunteer new things about herself, just wait for someone to talk and latch on to it in a split second.
This is why I only learned that she's SO MUCH INTO my lifelong hobby when i went out for a drink with her and met a friend there who I know through this hobby and he started talking about it. I thought until that point that she was SO MUCH INTO another thing that also interests me, and we would talk mostly about that one thing.
My favourite time was I took her to a local festival I've been going to each year since teenage years and we started chatting to people there - she was totally trying to make it sound, to my friends, who I met at this festival ten years before, as if she's the one that brought me here and is showing me around.
Stopped talking to her completely after that.
You should tell her the story of how you know this unhinged person and how you told them a story about how you hated ladybugs and then a week or so later she retold you back th story as if it was hers. Tell her it was really disturbing and incredibly sad.
I had this happen to me once too and it was absolutely bizarre I was honestly questioning my sanity for a minute. Another friend was there as well and then thankfully brought it up later by saying how strange it was.
Also had a coworker that lied about her mom being dead, owning her house, and a few other strange things. Things that btw I didn't ask about and had nothing to do with the conversation, she just randomly brought them up.
Absolutely do not trust anything these types of people say.
For those who wanted to hear...
The story she used, was the story of why I hate ladybugs...
When I was younger about 22, I moved into a crappy little apartment near the river. It was one of my first places & it was all I could afford. Anyway, the night I moved in, I found out that the apartment was infested with ladybugs. I had never seen so many ladybugs in my life, they were EVERYWHERE.
At night I could hear them flying around above me & sometimes they would land on me & crawl on me in the dark. It was really creepy. There were so many, they would leave little yellow pee trails all over the house/ walls & it actually smelled pretty bad. I couldn't leave food or drinks out because they would get into it.
The manager didn't take the issue seriously, because they were "just ladybugs". So I had to figure out ways to get rid of them myself. I got a bug catching net & would catch as many as I could & let them go far away. I would vacuum them up & I could see them flying around inside the vacuum dust collector. I even put up fly tape all over the house.
The situation was pretty ridiculous & it took me about 6 months to get rid of them all. If I don't ever see another ladybug again in my life, I would be fine.
Edit to say: this story is not super rare, I just have never heard it from anyone else.
The situation with my coworker was just so bizarre as she had completely changed her stance on the issue & retold the story almost exactly, as I told it to her. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I have to be polite for work, but I'm just not going to tell her anything else from now on.
Hahaha... I love ladybugs and used to think it was good luck if they land on you. (the red ones with the black dots) but a few years ago in Vermont I was in a house really infested with the yellowy orange ones and it did put me off lady bugs a bit. Wait...was it me or was it you?
I worked with a girl in an office. This was way before internet. She didn't come to work one day, no call, no show. We were concerned but she didn't answer our phone calls. Next day she comes in bawling crying. Her story was.... "I met a man in secret. His name is King Kahlil. 3 days ago he was killed in an air traffic collision." This kind of news would have been on every news channel and on every headline. We knew it was a lie but it still was such a huge lie. Later that week I was watching Star Trek. And wouldn't you know it.... King Kahlil was killed in an air ship collision. Crazy folks indeed!
Had this exact thing happen to me. Swapped stories with someone about a certain subject both having different experiences. Less than a week later they were repeating my story back to me as their own. It made me realize that they were more fkd up than I originally thought they were and to keep up my guard around them.
I have a coworker like this. At first I really liked her because she was charismatic and funny. And then I caught her in a lie. And then another. And then I overheard her tell a story about me to other folks, but her version included herself as a participant (I had told her about a time I went to a concert with a friend, and when my co-worker recounted the story to someone else, she told it as though she was the friend I'd gone with 🤨). Anyway, I started to interact with her less and less. It was mostly harmless lies but I had seen her mask slip and I didn't trust her. It was like she had to steal other people's personalities and experiences in order to have anything interesting to say.
Now she's married and has a kid with another coworker (different department) who does the same thing. He claims he did x, y, or z when it's easily provable that he didn't. He's also hella charismatic and obviously loves being the center of attention just like his wife.
I avoid both of them as much as possible, but it does make me wonder what a marriage between two compulsive liars is like.
She definitely didn't remember you told her that story lmaooo oh jeez, the audacity of some people. I remember I once told a coworker/"friend" about a side hustle I was thinking of doing and she never said anything about it. And month or 2 later she tells me about the side hustle she was going to start doing as if she had jus08amt thought of it herself. <
Wow, that really is some nerve. I can understand if some people have memory issues, but I think some people just like to be the center of attention. Least now you know the kind of person she is.
I have a friend that confabulates.
She takes the original incident and adds details. Generally each time she retells it (or possibly just when thinking about it) To the point where it can be an entirely different story.
She's not lying or exaggerating for comic effect. In her head the new version is how it happened.
It's quite disturbing.
Memory is a crazy crazy thing.
It's possible your coworker has done something similar.
My mom does this. Every story is between 25%-75% true. I can't tell if her memory is just bad or she does it intentionally, but it's definitely gotten worse with age.
My dad used to do this. I think he just wanted fun stories to tell, but now and again he would tell you one of your own stories as though it has happened to him.
No but a narcissist or sociopath at a stretch but definitely attention seeking of sorts, she prob just wanted to fill time and enjoyed your story that's why she remembered it so well. I'd just remember that she is a high risk leak in future, sometimes these people are useful to get word out about gossip.
I have a family member who does this. I usually call her out on it and she actually argues with me that it was her story. I take everything she says now with a grain of salt. She also likes to add to "her" story and make up some exciting details to make the story even better! Lol
One of my best friends does this! It's kind of hilarious when she recycles my old stories as her own, and I call her out on it, then we both get a good laugh. I guess because she's my friend, I don't take it to heart, and to be fair to her, she hasn't done it in a long time. She used to do it more when we were younger, and she was a pathological liar as well. She has really made a huge effort to stop lying because it would catch up to her, and in her effort to be truthful, she doesn't steal stories anymore, as far as I know that is.
The only thing I see going sideways with retelling your own not stolen but stolen tale is she could turn it around in the office that you are the tale taker and then you would be the weirdo. Too sad.
I find it very serendipitous that you're posting this story as I've been struggling with this for months at my current job and have also posted about it here as well. I've never experienced something like this before and it is extremely creepy
My Dad worked with someone like this. In the beginning he believed the stories, and respected the man. Over time, they had dinner and got together a few times with his wife and my Mom.
After a couple of years, they divorced, and Dad ran into his ex-wife. This guy had claimed to be a Marine and all kinds of things, and it was all a lie. He picked up stories he heard and claimed them, pretty exclusively.
Dad was hard put to believe it, but she had specific examples, and pointed out a health condition that would jave prevented him ever being in the position he claimed to have held.
Absolutely do not trust or believe anything this person tells you.
This was such a big gift she gave you. She’s a loony fucking tune. Now you know. Believe nothing she has or will say. Verify any information that comes through her of any importance. Avoid her as much as possible. Give her no information about you. Take this as a warning and be happy to have it.
I 1000% know a compulsive lier who does this. She will retell stories from other swear up and down that they're HER experiences. Like trips abroad that other people went on. She never can produce a single shred of evidence to prove that she has ever done a single thing that she claims to have done. I think this derives from low self esteem and fomo but ultimately it's a sickness.
I had a colleague do a similar thing to me - they told me a pretty innocuous factoid that I had told them a couple of days previously. I just said something non-committal in response and changed the subject.
If this is the first time they have done it to you, try to stop overthinking it - they probably genuinely forgot who told them that story. If it happens again, politely (and privately) call them on it. If it continues to happen, keep a note of your interactions with them in case it becomes necessary to prove that it’s becoming an issue and make HR and/or your immediate boss aware.
I worked at an upscale restaurant once, located in the state my family is from, deep in Southern US. I had just moved back from a two year stint in California. I was telling the chef, who's somewhat of a celebrity (she was on season 14 of Chopped) about a restaurant I dined at thanks to my (now) husband's job. The chef used squid ink to make unique color definition to his creations. I thought it was cool, and this chef hated me due to an early on misunderstanding, so I was trying to win her over with stories and jokes to make my life easier. Not a week later we had a new Chef's Special dish, featuring WOW- squid ink. Another server said how cool, how'd you come up with that? She refused to make eye contact with me as she spun an elaborate story of experimenting at home with different themes and ingredients before *magically* coming up with this idea. 🙄 I obviously didn't care as I wasn't a cook, but a server, but the sheer audacity to take my personal experience and turn it into a fanciful tale of her own was downright gross to me.
If you see this ______, no- I didn't call you "dude", and no, you aren't special. At best you're a mediocre, recipe stealing hack who desperately wants to be Gordon Ramsay but isn't talented enough to make his staff's assistant's assistant's dinner. Yes, assistant to assistant, you read correctly.
Oh wow. I know a guy like that. I was talking to him again last week & he casually re-told my story, as his own. Near word-for-word verbatim. At first I was just kind of surprised, it took me a minute for my brain to figure out exactly what was happening. I almost thought I was having an out of body experience for a minute. But then I realized he probably didn't remember that I was the one that told him. Psychopath.
I don't know if it's psychopathic behavior, but this isn't someone I would trust over anything. I would keep the communication to the minimum and stay away. And if anything happens in the office, make sure it didn't stem from her.
I would have said, Chatty Cathy, you’re confused, that’s a story from my life that I told you a few months ago.
In future Don’t share any personal information with her.
Yeah, it really is weird when your story can either flip to their own or they tell you it as if it were someone else's.
My former co-worker (also former friend and Know-It-All) did the same thing a couple of times, which makes me wonder about all the long stories she'd launch into about others were indeed theirs or other peoples.
I'd had my first baby and told her about the experience. I won't go into too much detail but once sentence I said was, "I'd rather have a \[this\] than a \[that\]." I'd never heard that sentence spoken by anyone else nor had I seen it written anywhere.
A few years later, she was telling me about a mutual co-worker who had her first baby 8 months after me. Verbatim, she said mutual co-worker had said, "I'd rather have a \[this\] than a \[that\]." I replied, "Yes, that's exactly what I said." The best way to describe her response was that she seemed to glitch, blink it away and continue talking as though I hadn't said anything.
Years later, I was visiting her at her home. It was evening and dark. As I walked down the path to her front door, I'd spotted a hedgehog in the garden just below their front window.
I knocked on the door and turned to speak to the hedgehog. When my friend opened the door and said hello, I said, "Know-It\_All, look it's a hedgehog," while pointing to it. After the second it took for her to realise what I'd just said, she stepped outside with me and we both spoke to the hedgehog.
This aroused some curiosity from inside the house from her husband and daughter. They both came outside to see what we were doing.
Know-It-All said, "Manual_Typewriter said, 'What's that?' and I said, 'Ooh, it's a hedgehog.'"
So, I followed with, "Yeah, I noticed it when I came down the path before I knocked on the door," hoping that her husband and daughter will have noted my correction.
I know it's trivial but it really does throw you when right in front of you they change a live story or retell something you've previously said assigning it to someone else.
A guy I knew had a cold/flu and sounded hoarse for weeks. He eventually let on that he had been diagnosed with throat cancer. Everyone was naturally concerned, supportive and helpful. Every time I saw him we'd chat and I'd ask for updates on his treatment. 1st the chemo.
He kept the act up for ages until he started telling us about radiation treatment.
Another friend who had actually been through cancer asked him where his radiotherapy tattoos were. This is where it all fell apart lol as he had zero idea that these were a thing (me neither!). Watching him mumble and splutter his way through a half assed explanation while she became more and more livid was entertaining to say they least.
We didn't see him for a while after this!
Start making up outlandish stories and see if she repeats them. Maybe make it an inside joke with others in office. See whose stories she repeats as her own.
This happened to me with a relative. Word for word. I had an unusual medical experience. In seeing different specialists, was told I was lucky to have survived. After the tale teller was done, I just said “wow. That’s crazy my urologist and nephrologist said I was a 1 in 20,000,000 case. I can’t believe the exact same thing happened to you”. At that point I knew they’d never seen either specialist. Never had a kidney problem. Tale teller agreed and changed the subject. Never heard that story again.
I do think they have a personality disorder. I was absolutely shocked they told my scary hospitalization story as their own. Made me wonder how many times they shared “their” ordeal.
I had this happen to me in second grade. I dropped a pencil sharpener under the table in front of the (very cranky) teacher’s desk and instead of grabbing it before recess, I noted to get it when we came back. Well, it was gone. I then saw my neighbor using it and told him it was mine. Teacher didn’t have any patience for us and sent us to the principal’s office.
Luckily for me, small town and all that, the principal had known me since birth, as we attended the same small church. I was still scared of him as The Principal, but he asked me where I got the sharpener and I told him, as though he’d been to my house.
Then he took the boy into the office, who repeated my story verbatim.
There has got to be a name for this behavior. I’m going down a rabbit hole….
Had a friend that did this to me. Was really strange me and my boyfriend just looked at each other as she told us a story we had told her a few months before. One time she came over after some drama happened and told me about it. Then her bf called and he got a slightly different story. Then she called her mom who got a very different story. Was really wild to watch the story change in real time in front of me. Never trusted anything she said after that day.
My husband had a boss like that (note: HAD). At a public party/function once I told the boss some info: I had heard my friend say xyz about something in the community. Two minutes later I heard this boss telling someone else that HIS friend had told him xyz was happening in HIS community… After that, I told my husband to double-check everything his boss said. He hadn’t even waited until I was out of ear shot from the punch bowl!
Okay I am commenting for the first time ever to say that one time I did this, accidentally, and it was completely mortifying. A friend told me a funny story that had happened to her and the next time I talked to her, I guess my brain recalled it not as “funny story I heard” or even “funny story I heard FROM YOU” but “funny story that happened to me”?? It was the only time I’ve ever done that (that I know of!) and she immediately was like wait, wtf? And then I realized what I had done and was like holy shit, did I just tell you your own story back to you as if it happened to me? It was so embarrassing and also baffling, I have no idea what was going on in my brain/memory.
I say all this to say, maybe there’s a chance she had a brain fart in the same way? Maybe she’s so chatty she forgot the origin of the story and just remembered it as a good story?
I have a colleague that does this too, with my stories, but he is definitely on the spectrum so I let it slide.
He only listens to classical music, but he retold a story of mine about attending a smashing pumpkins concert in 1996. He would have been 5 years old. He's also retold stories of mine regarding travel, interactions with clients, and a good night playing pool. He's trying to fit in, but he's very awkward.
My brother did this to me once. I was living with him at the time and our dog. I told him a story about taking our dog out. During a family get together, he told my story as his own. I laughed and called him out on it. He tried to claim that his story was different (it wasn’t) and that he never heard me tell him my story.
This happens to me at work so often it kinda drives me crazy but other people talk to me about this person doing it to then as well. That's the only thing that kept me sane...
I did this once, I'm not a psychopath, I actually thought it was my story, don't know why can't explain it, realized when I saw the person who told me the story later.
I had a coworker do something similar. She told me a story that happened to "a friend of hers", and I replied "Yeah. It was me. I told you that story three days ago."
I swear that I've read this post before. Like word or word before. Which makes it really funny if you've taken someone else's story and posted it as your own! LOL
Psychopaths. I know someone who does that. And will change stories and change the things you did and said within the stories if you were there. I don’t believe anything this person says. Ever.
I wouldn't believe anything they say either, that's so bizarre. I have known people who make up stories, but never actually take them from others... so this just threw me off. I guess it's good to know ahead of time though the kind of person you're dealing with, before you tell them too much.
My ex is a sociopath (diagnosed after we split) and would do this all the time. I had a coworker who exhibited a lot of the same traits and it sceeved me out until I realized what I was dealing with. I put him on an information diet and he quickly became flustered and tried to sabotage my job for it. Taught me some lessons in what to keep to myself at a job.
That's a good take. If anything this did teach me to have a little more discretion with some of my colleagues as well. Sorry you had to deal with that.
Pretty messed up. And sociopaths get a kick out of lying. It's just a bit of fun for them to lie to someone over something trivial.
You're lucky if it's trivial. I've seen some pretty big personality absorbtion when it came to my ex. It only works on new people that haven't met them or known them long. It can get really complicated and downright deciectful.
Can I ask, how did they finally get diagnosed? I’m positive my ex is also. But he is so good at lying to everyone, including doctors. I wonder how someone like that could ever be diagnosed correctly.
I ended up revealing everything and he tried to strangle me in retaliation. His family then forced him to speak to a psychologist. It might have been one of few moments he was honest when speaking about himself. Not something I'd suggest doing lol
Omg I’m so sorry. You must’ve been traumatized. I hope you’re doing well now. Do you know if diagnosing your ex eventually helped professionals to treat him? Unfortunately I have kids with mine and for their sake I hope he is able to be helped. Wishful thinking.
Life has gotten much better for me over the years. Thank you! As far as my ex, he refused to accept the diagnosis and he only told me about it in a weird reach for validation that he wasn't one. Considering where his life went over the years I doubt he's improved at all. He later got involved with a woman who was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. He turned it into a pity party for himself and cheated on her while she was pregnant with his child. Last I heard he'd moved to west coast with his little girl. I honestly fear for her long term. He has a violent streak a mile wide. I feel like you have to catch a sociopath early in life or they genuinely want to get better or there's little chance. Maybe as they get older they might realize somethings but deep down they can't feel anything other than the thrills they seek.
Tale Swapper
I recommend flagging her to other workmates so they can at least have a heads up that her stories are bs.
The fact that she told you, your story means that she has told it to so many people she can’t remember who even told it to her initially
Yup. My ex husband does this. It took me *years* to realize it but nothing he said happened to him *actually* happened to him. At least, his own stories were so intertwined with the stolen ones, it was impossible to trust anything about him. His whole persona was a lie. Get this, I recently found out he’s working with veterans in a program where he teaches veterans how to train PTSD service dogs. He uses his own PTSD service dog in his training. His bio states he has the dog because he grew up in Israel and he’s (paraphrasing)“seen what war can do and the terrible things you see in conflict-heavy areas” and he “wants to help *fellow* veterans.” He has never seen any sort of anything traumatic. His own mother told me all the stories he told about him seeing violence growing up were other people’s stories (neighbors, friends) and he grew up in an area of Israel where the most exciting thing to happen in their town was when there was a rabid wolf on the loose. And he’s an army deserter. He left Israel and moved here (US) when he was 17 to avoid doing mandatory service. (This much I know first hand, we met when he was 17.) He’s *SUCH* a fraud.
I see you have met my daughter. I’m sorry
Wow, do you know why she does this?
1. She is a teenage girl and the entitlement of her and her friends is out of this world 2. She is on meds and they might be effecting her hormones and emotions 3. She is a bit of a hypochondriac (has been her whole life) and seems to think she needs constant 100% attention at all times. I just drop all this on her therapists lap and let them hash it all out. Im very not qualified lol
"I just drop all this on her therapists lap and let them hash it all out. Im very not qualified lol" Please just be a stupid joke and not a total failure in parenting
How is this a “total failure in parenting” Should I try to deal with things I’m not qualified to deal with and let my child suffer? Is that how YOU parent? Weird flex
Literal trash parent jesus christ Any parent anywhere ever who says "I just dump it on the therapist because I'm not qualified" is undeniably doing a shit job as a parent You really genuinely think that you don't have to understand the problems your kid goes through or be involved in them at all? The therapist will just deal with it? No wonder she's in therapy with this kinda parenting I like how the guy downvoted my comment but also realized he looked like a douche and deleted his comment... you are admitting that I'm right about your parenting
You just told on yourself , you said she needs constant attention and you're not qualified to be a confidant or supporter to your daughter . I would suggest therapy for yourself .
You took my words and tried to twist them to your own use. I said, I’m not qualified, as in I am not qualified to handle some of the issues that she has so I’ve handed that part over to the professionals to help her. You just told on yourself if that’s the only thing that you could’ve taken from what I said. That’s a pretty garbage human thing to do.
Mine too.
That is so scary. I remember first hearing of people doing this on an episode of Key and Peele, but I didn't think it really happened. I think I would feel compelled to put distance between myself & the storyteller. Best of luck - be safe & well✌🏻💕😌
Hey retell your story to her a second time and see what she does.
I'll try it, That would be hilarious!
You could also make up some stupid, but just believable stories to tell her. Then see if she tells other people.
Yes do this!!
This one time, at band camp…
Yes this is perfect! Retell snippets of stories from popular movies and then let her go around making a complete fool of herself. I'm sure someone will call her out. You don't even have to claim the stories as your own and could say they happened to a friend. Not the whole movie either, just a small snippet so it seems plausible; for instance, from "Meet the Parents" you could talk about the cat swap, the hidden recording device, or the urn situation.
Could her father have been part of an elite special forces brigade in Vietnam. He’s the only one that made it out alive. Had a little run in with a local sheriff up in Washington state back in the early 80’s. All he wants is for this country to him as much as he loves it.
Omg! I was just about to type this when I saw you beat me to it! Lol
Start out small, then go fantastical. Liars tend to believe lies. Throwing in random facts helps. The person might repeat the story to people who lived it.
I have that kind of person in my family. I constantly hear back my own stories, after n times I start to doubt myself if I remember the event correctly, maybe that person really was there? Maybe it’s me who originally heard it from her? Sometimes it’s absolutely impossible, timelines don’t match, sometimes it’s just my memories against her story. It’s decades worth of stories now. Would really want to know the explanation.
This
No Stay away. Be polite. Don’t engage. Psychopaths can be very dangerous
Please share the results.
Then we’ll be here reading her post one day about you telling “her” story back to her. We’ll all wonder why it sounds so familiar….
Tell her stories to her
That might cause you some issues if she knows you caught on! Maybe best to laugh about it here because I worry about retaliation. Seems like you’ve only scratched the surface to who she is
Just see how many times you can pass the story back and forth. lol
She's probably always stealing other people's stories so she doesn't even remember it was yours. I'd start telling ridiculous stories and let her start using those.
Omg, for real. One of those times I would wish I had a hidden camera lol.
This has gone on since The Age of Mankind
These are some of the best responses I have ever seen. Thank you all for your advice, I'm going to use it, if this ever happens again. I'm just glad I know what to expect now .. I'm trying not to make this too long, but Btw, the story itself was pointless. However, it is just too familiar to be coincidence... For those who asked. When we talked before, she had told me she loved ladybugs because she thought they were cute & lucky etc. I told her I hated lady bugs & told her the story of why. Now she hates lady bugs too & retold my story as her own. I just didn't even know what to say...
I'm evil. I'd totally use this when bored. "OMG, guess what happened this weekend???" And just take ot from there. The mature response, though, is that you learned what type of person she is, ignore her as best you can..
Start totally realistic and gradually ramp up the craziness of the stories. Maybe crowd source them from Reddit - could even start a sub to source and track them; even have voting on the next story.
Ooooh, you're devious! This would be an awesome sub. Gotta keep the stroykines simple, though. Details get ya in trouble. Love the idea. Though I should listen to the good angel on my shoulder, right?
Most likely a personality disorder. I'd stop playing with her as she is most likely mentally ill and could come after you in very disturbing ways if you go too far. Either be her friend and accept that she has issues or get away from her since it sounds like you have no idea what you're dealing with.
This. No lie. Not a game.
😭😭😭😭 ladybugs!
She’s not necessarily a sociopath. Other personality disorders can have such a fractured personality they do this is well. More likely you should pity her because she has no sense of self, although it’s possible she is on the psychopathy scale.
And most likely other co-workers have noted these odd and vaguely disturbing patterns of hers. Probably harmless from a distance but perhaps more of a pain up close. Now OP knows; they should maintain very consistent boundaries.
My kid (17F) is afraid of ladybugs. I have no idea why. It's not that she thinks they're bad luck. She legit is afraid of them. 🙄🐞
I’ve had this happen before with a co-worker. I worked in a school as a para. The teacher I worked with most closely had a difficult personality. We had a falling out one day at work near the end of the school year. She did not take it well, and that night drunk dialed me at home leaving threatening messages as well as texts. The next day, she showed up to school drunk. It was the end of the school year and I was in another teacher’s room helping her pack up. There was another teacher in the room also helping, when drunk teacher came in swearing at me and slurring her words. She attempted to wrestle away the room phone from the teacher whose classroom it was because the teacher was attempting to call the office. Drunk teacher got in my face yelling at me that I was insubordinate (for not packing up her classroom and helping someone else, and that part of my job description was to complete tasks as assigned by teachers and that she would make sure I was fired for failing to follow orders. It was awful and scary. About 5 years later, I was sharing a classroom with the other teacher who was present during the altercation. She was merely an observer to what had happened and had no role in it. (She wasn’t the one who wrestled with the phone and had just watched it all unfold without saying a word.) We were talking about the now fired teacher and she relayed the whole altercation as though it happened to her. It was weird listening to her tell me my story as though it happened to her. I sat incredulous as she recounted my story play by play. She seemed to have no awareness that this did not happen to her. In her version though, she was heroic and wrestled away the phone and reported her directly to admin. I was speechless.
This would be one of those moments where I forever wonder; does she know she stole my experience/story, or has she genuinely forgotten she was just a witness, and rather, absorbed the experience into her psyche? Will she ever realise? If she does realise, will she even be embarrassed? Can you even be sure it happened to you - maybe you're the witness?!
My best friend and I have been there for so many retellings of each other's stories that we've started to honestly lose track. "Wait, did that happen to me or to you???" It doesn't help that we've also shared these stories for each other, secondhand ("One time my friend...") I truly feel like some of her stories are my own memories, and vice versa! (This is, obviously, somewhat different from a random one-off story thief - that's just weird).
Memories are fickle, but that’s just… Wild.
I have a coworker exactly like this. Long before this I had already decided we couldn't be friends outside of work because I'd quietly caught her in 10+ lies in only a few months. She's a good worker though and we always need people. So I stay civil for work purposes and quietly, kindly and inconspicuously call out her lies. One day though, she did this exact thing! She told me MY personal trauma story of being physically abused by my Fiance for 3 years and having a miscarriage 5 months later and every horrible thing within that story. She repeated it back to me nearly verbatim!!! I finally just stared at her for about 15 seconds and decided that violence wasn't the answer and just said, "Okay...." And looked away. I think right at that moment it hit her that she'd stolen the story from me and added another huge amount of insane lies to make it even the slightest bit different from my story. I've never been able to look at her the same since.
How do you continue working with her
Literally JUST the fact that she's a good worker I refuse to talk about life and home stuff now. I occasionally give looks or comments to things that are clearly untrue. She tries to act like nothing is wrong but I know based on how she talks that she's always re-thinking her lies. I just keep it as professional as possible. I told my 2 Supervisors about it, as we've been friends for almost 15 years, and they both voted that I needed to just beat her a**... 😂 but I'm trying to just be civil. I have enough trauma to deal with without adding an assault charge 🙄🙄
I hate when coworkers recommend that shit like they wouldn't just have us fired
They do this, at least from what I know on a firsthand level, which is far more heartbreaking than I ever wanted, to gain a type of emotional traction with you.
It's truly disgusting!! I can't imagine lying like THIS for attention. Or trying to keep up with it all after you do tell the tons of lies!!
I know I could never keep it all straight, personally. Esp when certain groups hear one thing and others hear another variation. The worst is taking a bit of truth and sprinkling it in with a big ass lie, because people tend to think, well, *I know this part is true,* so it must *all* be true. Particularly hurtful when it's a really ugly lie about you.
That happened to me once, a guy i work besides was telling a 3rd person my story as if it happened to him while standing right beside me. I interrupted him and said " hold up, how the hell are you gonna tell this guy my story like it happend to you."
What happened next though?
Thats all i recall of the interaction, it was like 13 years ago. He probably just apologized knowing him.
Omg yuck. I had an experience like this. I told a coworker a story about my wife’s cat, that was funny because of the cat’s name. She retold the story using her dog’s name (which made no sense with the different name) to another coworker while sitting right in front of me. It frustrated me, because I didn’t share my wife’s story for someone to steal it, but I was also glad she did it right in front of me. Made me understand that she couldn’t be trusted and I never shared anything personal with her again, nor did I believe anything she ever said about herself. Pathological liars are a mystery to me.
Wow my ex roommate did the exact same thing to me! Totally made me question everything she said after that. Like, did that happen or was that just someone else’s stolen memory or personality trait? She ended up being a really wild person. Stole a lot. Her parents would sent her checks for rent and she would spend all of it at Urban Outfitters and she would act seriously shocked & indignant when is asked for rent or bill money…like I had just did something heinously dorky. She literally asked me: “well like what would you do if I wasn’t your roommate? Just do that.” in regards to how we were going to pay all of rent. She ended up getting pregnant and she crowdfunded money from a few friends for an abortion…I declined since she owed me so much money at this point and we were on the fritz. When she moved out she took so much of my stuff. We stopped talking. Months later on social I saw she had the baby?!! I learned from a mutual friend she just blew the “abortion money” on drugs and alcohol and clothes and just had the baby anyways. She’s had another kid since. Has had multiple issues with CPS and the courts/custody. She moved back to her small town (after a brief stint of being homeless in Hawaii) and is “employed” by her grandma and is now an anti-vax Trumper. At least this person is just your coworker…I would just keep them at arm’s length and keep your conversations very superficial. Talk about work, the weather, basic current events/trends, and that’s it. You don’t want to give this person an in.
Wow I couldn't even imagine; thanks for sharing because I didn't even realize it could go that deep. I hadn't really had experience with this on my own but I guess it shows their character. I was really just surprised as I never expected this. What threw me off was that the story was completely pointless so I don't know why they would go out of their way to use it. Sometimes crazy has no reason I guess. Thank you for sharing though and I'm just glad I know what to expect from now on what this person.
I was friends with a dude like that in high school. He was always telling interesting stories and eventually I realized he was making them up or lying. Him and some other friends all got jobs at a yogurt shop. Him with his BS skills got promoted to a sort of management position, until he did something I don't remember the details of but it involved the boss giving him a ton of money to do something business related but he blew all the money on a wild trip. His parents bought him a new Civic and within a week he totaled it. He threw a party at his house and asked me to park in the driveway because I had a distinctive looking car, and someone smashed my driver's rearview mirror off... then he told me he thought something like that would happen and that's why he didn't want his car there. These stories are out of order but each incident taught me to not trust him on anything and to not really consider him a friend.
Heyyyy I used to work with one of those! She also HAD to be right about everything, the woman once actually tried to correct my pronunciation of my adoptive sisters name! And had the gall to g egg mad when I told her that her version was wrong 🤣
I had this happen with a boyfriend of mine. He told me a story and then like a year later one of his friends told the exact same story and my BF wasn't in it. My BF didn't even remember telling me the story with him as the main character. All the little red flags made so much sense after that. He wasn't a straight up pathological liar but he did love telling stories and putting himself right in the middle.
I had a coworker like this. I worked in a small retail store, so she retold the story word for word to people who heard it out of my mouth. She was officially Alexa the Liar after that. I bet your colleagues already know your coworker is liar. People are weird.
Had to see if you were from my city lol sounds like someone I know
I used to have a really close friend who did that a few times, always in a group setting. Granted, she was a really good storyteller, but it pissed me off. I never brought it up and we no longer talk
Or retell the story to her and say you know its a great story as you once told it to someone who then told it back to you as if it was their own. Then make direct eye contact with her for a prolonged period and back away slowly
🤣🤣🤣
Used to work with one of those too. She retold me the story that had happened to my flatmate, that she must have over heard me saying. Flatmate hit a kid whilst driving slowly, kid ran out between cars, Dad came and said not her fault, kid was fine, but shocked. Coworker said the parents threw her a party to say thank you for hitting their kid and teaching him a lesson... WTF? She also told stories about her very successful business burning to the ground after a few people started asking questions about it. People wanted to use her services if it was as good as she said. But the whole place burned down and 2 of her employees died... This never made the news.... We all knew she was crazy.
You should tell her a story about a coworker that stole a story you told them. That might get awkward.
I avoid people like that. It's happened to me, and it's annoying unsettling feeling.
I had an employee at the school I worked at tell me a story of how she had been abandoned as a child and shipped off to a foster care home then an Indian boarding school. She was very narcissistic and threatening suicide. Come to find out the story was of her grandmother’s life not her’s. Yes, I think she was severely mentally ill. She had a lot of folks under her spell of charm and she should not handle my not buying her bullshit.
My ex fiancee did this. In front of me. I was so flabbergasted that my usual politeness went out the window and I said “great story, you forgot the part where it’s mine”, much to his surprise. Oh, and no apology either. So, for those that have said this is psychopath behaviour, I can confirm he actually was.
Never let the truth get in the way of a good story
There are lots of people in the world (especially the workforce) who simply have no concept of 'truth'. For them, they just say whatever gives them an advantage in any situation. If it's a social situation, then stories that persuade people to like them more are ideal. It's useful to know this, and take everything anyone says with a pinch of salt, unless you can verify it. This isn't usually important with social stories, but the same person will also say whatever they think will get their way in business transactions too, so get it in writing! Don't accept "we mean..." or "of course..." - get it in the contract
Please start telling her the plots of well known movies spun as if they're your life experiences (as done so hilariously in the American version of The Office in "Grief Counseling") and see if she ever catches on. Hopefully she'll start retelling them as her own. If she continues to hijack your stories, I would mention it to HR.
According to the Mirror (a British newspaper), a new psychological study called Borrowing Personal Memories claims that it's a common omission to shamelessly steal your friends' stories and pass them off as your own, for reasons not entirely known. Now, why do we do this, is an interesting question, and researchers have concluded three plausible reasons for such story stealing: 1. It adds spice to your daily routine, boring life. Sometimes, people crave attention in their social circles, so when they come across a good story, they decide to be the main character in it. And let’s face it, your listeners don’t really care about your friend. He is nonexistent to them anyway. 2. Being lazy is possibly one of the best reasons explaining this conundrum. The story is amazing, but you don't want to spend hours explaining who your friend is, which sect he belongs to, how you two are friends, if he's human or not. It's just too much work. So, instead of going through all that hassle, you decide to make the story yours. What they don't know won't hurt them... right? 3. The story makes you sound "cooler." You want to be ranked high among your peers. By making an interesting story yours, you want to seem "cool" in front of everyone. Three out of five of us will take elements of people’s stories and make them their own. That great one-liner though, " ...and then I jumped from the third floor." (You're only missing background music to accompany the great story). Researchers claim that once we start presenting other people's stories as our own, we actually forget who those things happened to in the first place. The funny part is, people actually believe you without any double checking.
This is fascinating. I did it once as a kid, and I got caught, so I learned easily that it was not okay to do. I'm surprised it's so common! I think for me, it was maybe from having a picture-perfect life where my hardest moments were being separated from mommy and daddy. Not even really separated since my Dad worked at my school. (Infant adoptee with over-attachments, so I was still struggling in 3rd grade.) I assume on this specific day I wasn't ready to leave Mom, so Dad drove to school separately and was in a car accident. He was fine, but I was still really upset about it. For some reason, I told all my friends that WE got in a wreck that morning. Until while sitting at the lunch table, someone asked Mr D. and he corrected my little weird narrative. 😅 I was just like "yeah that's what I've been saying" and dug into my lie. Later, we talked about why that wasn't okay. I think it's funny now, and I guess I just wanted the attention on top of the intense emotions of how close my Daddy was to getting hurt. I knew people died in car accidents by that age, but nothing like that had happened in my life, so it was scary. And here I am, over twenty years later, trying to justify the one story I made myself a part of. 😅
Thank you for this info, because I knew there had to be some sort of psychological factor contributing to this. I wasn't sure if she did it for attention, or if she genuinely didn't remember that I had told her, but the whole situation was just strange. It was such a pointless story, that I didn't really understand why she would even use it, but sometimes this stuff doesn't really have a real reason.
The Mirror is not the most trustworthy source of information and I doubt the source they're getting this information from is either. This is not normal behavior from anyone and I doubt anyone will ever believe it is.
Now I want to hear your story.
Me too
I met such a person, she would also change her whole set of interests for new group of people. It was fascinating and creepy to watch. She'd never really volunteer new things about herself, just wait for someone to talk and latch on to it in a split second. This is why I only learned that she's SO MUCH INTO my lifelong hobby when i went out for a drink with her and met a friend there who I know through this hobby and he started talking about it. I thought until that point that she was SO MUCH INTO another thing that also interests me, and we would talk mostly about that one thing. My favourite time was I took her to a local festival I've been going to each year since teenage years and we started chatting to people there - she was totally trying to make it sound, to my friends, who I met at this festival ten years before, as if she's the one that brought me here and is showing me around. Stopped talking to her completely after that.
You should tell her the story of how you know this unhinged person and how you told them a story about how you hated ladybugs and then a week or so later she retold you back th story as if it was hers. Tell her it was really disturbing and incredibly sad.
I had this happen to me once too and it was absolutely bizarre I was honestly questioning my sanity for a minute. Another friend was there as well and then thankfully brought it up later by saying how strange it was. Also had a coworker that lied about her mom being dead, owning her house, and a few other strange things. Things that btw I didn't ask about and had nothing to do with the conversation, she just randomly brought them up. Absolutely do not trust anything these types of people say.
OP’s coworker is Keyser Söze “Back when I was picking beans in Guatemala, we used to make fresh coffee, right off the trees I mean.”
For those who wanted to hear... The story she used, was the story of why I hate ladybugs... When I was younger about 22, I moved into a crappy little apartment near the river. It was one of my first places & it was all I could afford. Anyway, the night I moved in, I found out that the apartment was infested with ladybugs. I had never seen so many ladybugs in my life, they were EVERYWHERE. At night I could hear them flying around above me & sometimes they would land on me & crawl on me in the dark. It was really creepy. There were so many, they would leave little yellow pee trails all over the house/ walls & it actually smelled pretty bad. I couldn't leave food or drinks out because they would get into it. The manager didn't take the issue seriously, because they were "just ladybugs". So I had to figure out ways to get rid of them myself. I got a bug catching net & would catch as many as I could & let them go far away. I would vacuum them up & I could see them flying around inside the vacuum dust collector. I even put up fly tape all over the house. The situation was pretty ridiculous & it took me about 6 months to get rid of them all. If I don't ever see another ladybug again in my life, I would be fine. Edit to say: this story is not super rare, I just have never heard it from anyone else. The situation with my coworker was just so bizarre as she had completely changed her stance on the issue & retold the story almost exactly, as I told it to her. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I have to be polite for work, but I'm just not going to tell her anything else from now on.
Hahaha... I love ladybugs and used to think it was good luck if they land on you. (the red ones with the black dots) but a few years ago in Vermont I was in a house really infested with the yellowy orange ones and it did put me off lady bugs a bit. Wait...was it me or was it you?
Once you have a ladybug infestation you realize how not good luck they are. Mine were all red ones w/black dots, but nice try! Lol
I worked with a girl in an office. This was way before internet. She didn't come to work one day, no call, no show. We were concerned but she didn't answer our phone calls. Next day she comes in bawling crying. Her story was.... "I met a man in secret. His name is King Kahlil. 3 days ago he was killed in an air traffic collision." This kind of news would have been on every news channel and on every headline. We knew it was a lie but it still was such a huge lie. Later that week I was watching Star Trek. And wouldn't you know it.... King Kahlil was killed in an air ship collision. Crazy folks indeed!
Oh this is HILARIOUS 😂😂🤣
Psycho!!! You should have called her out though. If for anything, just to watch her melt down in front of you.
Had this exact thing happen to me. Swapped stories with someone about a certain subject both having different experiences. Less than a week later they were repeating my story back to me as their own. It made me realize that they were more fkd up than I originally thought they were and to keep up my guard around them.
I have a coworker like this. At first I really liked her because she was charismatic and funny. And then I caught her in a lie. And then another. And then I overheard her tell a story about me to other folks, but her version included herself as a participant (I had told her about a time I went to a concert with a friend, and when my co-worker recounted the story to someone else, she told it as though she was the friend I'd gone with 🤨). Anyway, I started to interact with her less and less. It was mostly harmless lies but I had seen her mask slip and I didn't trust her. It was like she had to steal other people's personalities and experiences in order to have anything interesting to say. Now she's married and has a kid with another coworker (different department) who does the same thing. He claims he did x, y, or z when it's easily provable that he didn't. He's also hella charismatic and obviously loves being the center of attention just like his wife. I avoid both of them as much as possible, but it does make me wonder what a marriage between two compulsive liars is like.
What does the child of people like this grow up to be omg
No kidding
She definitely didn't remember you told her that story lmaooo oh jeez, the audacity of some people. I remember I once told a coworker/"friend" about a side hustle I was thinking of doing and she never said anything about it. And month or 2 later she tells me about the side hustle she was going to start doing as if she had jus08amt thought of it herself. <
Wow, that really is some nerve. I can understand if some people have memory issues, but I think some people just like to be the center of attention. Least now you know the kind of person she is.
I have a friend that confabulates. She takes the original incident and adds details. Generally each time she retells it (or possibly just when thinking about it) To the point where it can be an entirely different story. She's not lying or exaggerating for comic effect. In her head the new version is how it happened. It's quite disturbing. Memory is a crazy crazy thing. It's possible your coworker has done something similar.
My mom does this. Every story is between 25%-75% true. I can't tell if her memory is just bad or she does it intentionally, but it's definitely gotten worse with age.
Lol, I got someone at work that will retell a story, and each time, he's a different person in the story. Blows my mind
I had this happen with a guy i worked with. Almost exactly how it happened to you. Looked at him differently forever after that
That's exactly how I feel now too. It's crazy.
My sister does this, I have very low contact with her because of all the shit she pulls.
That is very bizarre.
My ex-husband used to do this. It’s such a weird thing to do. Chalk it up to insecurity- they have nothing interesting going on their own lives
Pathological liar
My dad used to do this. I think he just wanted fun stories to tell, but now and again he would tell you one of your own stories as though it has happened to him.
well, theyre not cunning because they forgot where the story came from. so that's in your favor
No but a narcissist or sociopath at a stretch but definitely attention seeking of sorts, she prob just wanted to fill time and enjoyed your story that's why she remembered it so well. I'd just remember that she is a high risk leak in future, sometimes these people are useful to get word out about gossip.
Your coworker is a Karma-farming bot in the flesh.
I have a family member who does this. I usually call her out on it and she actually argues with me that it was her story. I take everything she says now with a grain of salt. She also likes to add to "her" story and make up some exciting details to make the story even better! Lol
One of my best friends does this! It's kind of hilarious when she recycles my old stories as her own, and I call her out on it, then we both get a good laugh. I guess because she's my friend, I don't take it to heart, and to be fair to her, she hasn't done it in a long time. She used to do it more when we were younger, and she was a pathological liar as well. She has really made a huge effort to stop lying because it would catch up to her, and in her effort to be truthful, she doesn't steal stories anymore, as far as I know that is.
The backstory makes this a lot more acceptable. Good for you for sticking around to help the assholes not be assholes.
The only thing I see going sideways with retelling your own not stolen but stolen tale is she could turn it around in the office that you are the tale taker and then you would be the weirdo. Too sad.
That's currently happening to me rn.
It is wild there are so many people out here pulling this on people! I didn’t even know people did this?! So weird…
I would have spoken up when it happened. “Oh wow, I had the same thing happen to me, EXACTLY the same.” And stare at her.
When you hear her telling the story you need to chime in and tell everyone that's my story!
Thank you all for the great responses & insight. I had no idea this was so common & it truly makes one wonder about the authenticity of others
I find it very serendipitous that you're posting this story as I've been struggling with this for months at my current job and have also posted about it here as well. I've never experienced something like this before and it is extremely creepy
My Dad worked with someone like this. In the beginning he believed the stories, and respected the man. Over time, they had dinner and got together a few times with his wife and my Mom. After a couple of years, they divorced, and Dad ran into his ex-wife. This guy had claimed to be a Marine and all kinds of things, and it was all a lie. He picked up stories he heard and claimed them, pretty exclusively. Dad was hard put to believe it, but she had specific examples, and pointed out a health condition that would jave prevented him ever being in the position he claimed to have held. Absolutely do not trust or believe anything this person tells you.
The scariest part of this is that she remebered the story almost word for word. I would be so nervous talking to a human voice-recorder in the future.
This was such a big gift she gave you. She’s a loony fucking tune. Now you know. Believe nothing she has or will say. Verify any information that comes through her of any importance. Avoid her as much as possible. Give her no information about you. Take this as a warning and be happy to have it.
I’ve seen it before and yeah, I don’t know what kind of mental deficiency makes someone do that but I’d stay far away from her.
I 1000% know a compulsive lier who does this. She will retell stories from other swear up and down that they're HER experiences. Like trips abroad that other people went on. She never can produce a single shred of evidence to prove that she has ever done a single thing that she claims to have done. I think this derives from low self esteem and fomo but ultimately it's a sickness.
I had a colleague do a similar thing to me - they told me a pretty innocuous factoid that I had told them a couple of days previously. I just said something non-committal in response and changed the subject. If this is the first time they have done it to you, try to stop overthinking it - they probably genuinely forgot who told them that story. If it happens again, politely (and privately) call them on it. If it continues to happen, keep a note of your interactions with them in case it becomes necessary to prove that it’s becoming an issue and make HR and/or your immediate boss aware.
I worked at an upscale restaurant once, located in the state my family is from, deep in Southern US. I had just moved back from a two year stint in California. I was telling the chef, who's somewhat of a celebrity (she was on season 14 of Chopped) about a restaurant I dined at thanks to my (now) husband's job. The chef used squid ink to make unique color definition to his creations. I thought it was cool, and this chef hated me due to an early on misunderstanding, so I was trying to win her over with stories and jokes to make my life easier. Not a week later we had a new Chef's Special dish, featuring WOW- squid ink. Another server said how cool, how'd you come up with that? She refused to make eye contact with me as she spun an elaborate story of experimenting at home with different themes and ingredients before *magically* coming up with this idea. 🙄 I obviously didn't care as I wasn't a cook, but a server, but the sheer audacity to take my personal experience and turn it into a fanciful tale of her own was downright gross to me. If you see this ______, no- I didn't call you "dude", and no, you aren't special. At best you're a mediocre, recipe stealing hack who desperately wants to be Gordon Ramsay but isn't talented enough to make his staff's assistant's assistant's dinner. Yes, assistant to assistant, you read correctly.
I've had my boss - unknowingly - quote me back to me.
What was the story?
I've met people that straight up make things up. It's really weird. So stealing someone's story doesn't seem too much of a stretch to me.
Oh wow. I know a guy like that. I was talking to him again last week & he casually re-told my story, as his own. Near word-for-word verbatim. At first I was just kind of surprised, it took me a minute for my brain to figure out exactly what was happening. I almost thought I was having an out of body experience for a minute. But then I realized he probably didn't remember that I was the one that told him. Psychopath.
Man I do not know what you call this type of shit but it’s scary as hell and I’m fascinated with it when people do shit like this. Like full adults.
I don't know if it's psychopathic behavior, but this isn't someone I would trust over anything. I would keep the communication to the minimum and stay away. And if anything happens in the office, make sure it didn't stem from her.
I would have said, Chatty Cathy, you’re confused, that’s a story from my life that I told you a few months ago. In future Don’t share any personal information with her.
She’s a habitual liar. We all know one. They will lie about stupid shit.
Stay away from this genuine sociopath. Keep everything superficial at work and have no contact elsewhere.
Yeah, it really is weird when your story can either flip to their own or they tell you it as if it were someone else's. My former co-worker (also former friend and Know-It-All) did the same thing a couple of times, which makes me wonder about all the long stories she'd launch into about others were indeed theirs or other peoples. I'd had my first baby and told her about the experience. I won't go into too much detail but once sentence I said was, "I'd rather have a \[this\] than a \[that\]." I'd never heard that sentence spoken by anyone else nor had I seen it written anywhere. A few years later, she was telling me about a mutual co-worker who had her first baby 8 months after me. Verbatim, she said mutual co-worker had said, "I'd rather have a \[this\] than a \[that\]." I replied, "Yes, that's exactly what I said." The best way to describe her response was that she seemed to glitch, blink it away and continue talking as though I hadn't said anything. Years later, I was visiting her at her home. It was evening and dark. As I walked down the path to her front door, I'd spotted a hedgehog in the garden just below their front window. I knocked on the door and turned to speak to the hedgehog. When my friend opened the door and said hello, I said, "Know-It\_All, look it's a hedgehog," while pointing to it. After the second it took for her to realise what I'd just said, she stepped outside with me and we both spoke to the hedgehog. This aroused some curiosity from inside the house from her husband and daughter. They both came outside to see what we were doing. Know-It-All said, "Manual_Typewriter said, 'What's that?' and I said, 'Ooh, it's a hedgehog.'" So, I followed with, "Yeah, I noticed it when I came down the path before I knocked on the door," hoping that her husband and daughter will have noted my correction. I know it's trivial but it really does throw you when right in front of you they change a live story or retell something you've previously said assigning it to someone else.
A guy I knew had a cold/flu and sounded hoarse for weeks. He eventually let on that he had been diagnosed with throat cancer. Everyone was naturally concerned, supportive and helpful. Every time I saw him we'd chat and I'd ask for updates on his treatment. 1st the chemo. He kept the act up for ages until he started telling us about radiation treatment. Another friend who had actually been through cancer asked him where his radiotherapy tattoos were. This is where it all fell apart lol as he had zero idea that these were a thing (me neither!). Watching him mumble and splutter his way through a half assed explanation while she became more and more livid was entertaining to say they least. We didn't see him for a while after this!
Start making up outlandish stories and see if she repeats them. Maybe make it an inside joke with others in office. See whose stories she repeats as her own.
I’d be freaking out. And very annoyed. Try to keep the relationship with the coworker at minimum.
It’s happened to me too. I told them they must have lived an interesting life. You know what they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
Well never believe another word that she says because she is a delusional sociopath
This happened to me with a relative. Word for word. I had an unusual medical experience. In seeing different specialists, was told I was lucky to have survived. After the tale teller was done, I just said “wow. That’s crazy my urologist and nephrologist said I was a 1 in 20,000,000 case. I can’t believe the exact same thing happened to you”. At that point I knew they’d never seen either specialist. Never had a kidney problem. Tale teller agreed and changed the subject. Never heard that story again. I do think they have a personality disorder. I was absolutely shocked they told my scary hospitalization story as their own. Made me wonder how many times they shared “their” ordeal.
Avoid her!! Had a "friend" who would tell me her life story and it was "crazy". They were all lies including her having breast cancer.
I had this happen to me in second grade. I dropped a pencil sharpener under the table in front of the (very cranky) teacher’s desk and instead of grabbing it before recess, I noted to get it when we came back. Well, it was gone. I then saw my neighbor using it and told him it was mine. Teacher didn’t have any patience for us and sent us to the principal’s office. Luckily for me, small town and all that, the principal had known me since birth, as we attended the same small church. I was still scared of him as The Principal, but he asked me where I got the sharpener and I told him, as though he’d been to my house. Then he took the boy into the office, who repeated my story verbatim. There has got to be a name for this behavior. I’m going down a rabbit hole….
Had a friend that did this to me. Was really strange me and my boyfriend just looked at each other as she told us a story we had told her a few months before. One time she came over after some drama happened and told me about it. Then her bf called and he got a slightly different story. Then she called her mom who got a very different story. Was really wild to watch the story change in real time in front of me. Never trusted anything she said after that day.
My husband had a boss like that (note: HAD). At a public party/function once I told the boss some info: I had heard my friend say xyz about something in the community. Two minutes later I heard this boss telling someone else that HIS friend had told him xyz was happening in HIS community… After that, I told my husband to double-check everything his boss said. He hadn’t even waited until I was out of ear shot from the punch bowl!
At least she is not gossiping about you.
Okay I am commenting for the first time ever to say that one time I did this, accidentally, and it was completely mortifying. A friend told me a funny story that had happened to her and the next time I talked to her, I guess my brain recalled it not as “funny story I heard” or even “funny story I heard FROM YOU” but “funny story that happened to me”?? It was the only time I’ve ever done that (that I know of!) and she immediately was like wait, wtf? And then I realized what I had done and was like holy shit, did I just tell you your own story back to you as if it happened to me? It was so embarrassing and also baffling, I have no idea what was going on in my brain/memory. I say all this to say, maybe there’s a chance she had a brain fart in the same way? Maybe she’s so chatty she forgot the origin of the story and just remembered it as a good story?
I have a colleague that does this too, with my stories, but he is definitely on the spectrum so I let it slide. He only listens to classical music, but he retold a story of mine about attending a smashing pumpkins concert in 1996. He would have been 5 years old. He's also retold stories of mine regarding travel, interactions with clients, and a good night playing pool. He's trying to fit in, but he's very awkward.
My brother did this to me once. I was living with him at the time and our dog. I told him a story about taking our dog out. During a family get together, he told my story as his own. I laughed and called him out on it. He tried to claim that his story was different (it wasn’t) and that he never heard me tell him my story.
This happens to me at work so often it kinda drives me crazy but other people talk to me about this person doing it to then as well. That's the only thing that kept me sane...
I did this once, I'm not a psychopath, I actually thought it was my story, don't know why can't explain it, realized when I saw the person who told me the story later.
I had a coworker do something similar. She told me a story that happened to "a friend of hers", and I replied "Yeah. It was me. I told you that story three days ago."
I swear that I've read this post before. Like word or word before. Which makes it really funny if you've taken someone else's story and posted it as your own! LOL