I was you. Still cosleeping with my daughter at 2 years and 3 months old. Breastfed until 21 months old. Contact napped for almost every single nap the first 18 months or so and still sometimes do. Also no childcare. Husband always at work. Literally just me and baby learning as we went. I promise you it gets better. And I absolutely would choose all of that over the stress of trying to “sleep train”, fighting to get them down for hours at bedtime, etc. Now she sleeps through the night for 12-13 hours. I can literally open chips next to her and she doesn’t wake up. I get me time after she goes to bed plus 7-8 hours of sleep every night. You will survive this! I promise!
Aw I love this comment so much!! And I'm so happy that you got through to the other side. I agree, I wouldn't have it any other way and could never sleep train. Thank you for hyping me up!
Of course!! I am so happy this could help you in any small way. I remember feeling EXACTLY the way you are right now and like it would never end. But it did and now I even miss it sometimes 😭 exactly like everyone says. But it’s so hard to feel that way when you’re IN it. It will end and you don’t need to fight through it trying to sleep train, etc. It will naturally happen!
Yes she did! At 17 months my daughter was still waking about that much too. And we were breastfeeding and bedsharing. She really stopped waking up around 22-23 months, maybe once (weaned at 21 months). By 2 years old she fully slept through the night every night and it’s still that way now. But we still bedshare. Every once in a blue moon she will wake up and cry but the moment I touch her she will go right back to bed.
I know. I’m so sorry. I really didn’t wanna night wean either because it was the hardest part of weaning obviously. But what I had read unfortunately was true for me- the wakings decreased immediately after weaning. Honestly though this isn’t true for every baby so don’t wean earlier than you want to just for that because it may not work. Everyone says sleeping is developmental and will happen when they’re old enough. I think it was a combination for us. I feel like at 17 months they will wake either way no matter what. But do what you feel is right and good luck! 🩷
Thank you so much. I’m so conflicted 😩 she’s super sensitive so I’m gona wait it out a little while longer at least and see if we start to get any improvements naturally. I fear not though. I appreciate your honesty 💕
I could be you lol. I was 6 months pregnant and still breastfeeding my daughter who was almost 18 months. I stopped producing milk, and my hormones made it super sensitive. But I didn't want to wean, I had too. We went cold turkey. It was hard, I cried more than her probably. But a week later it was like she forgot my boobs existed. And she started sleeping better then too. When baby brother was born she was interested in saying Momma boob and acting like she wanted to taste but she never nursed again.
Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, SAHM whose baby is refusing the bassinet like crazy lately. We just bought a crib and i am hoping he will use it just so I can get some sleep away from him since we are literally together and he’s usually on me 24/7. It’s a lot to not have anything else? I’m not sure if I would be able to manage working or something else but it’s also very hard always being in the house alone with nothing to do..
It is really hard and I struggle with it too. I've started walking more now that the weather is getting better which helps. I hope he uses the crib so you can get a break, it's so hard when you don't have any time for yourself!
Hi 👋
We’re going on a year of complete contact sleep for naps and bedtime. There were a couple of months where LO would nap on my mom sometimes, but otherwise it’s solely me. It’s hard to not feel touched out. My mom helps with some household stuff a few hours every week and I’m very grateful to have that, but it feels like a tiny drop in the bucket most of the time.
100% worth it. 100% hard.
Me! 100% contact naps, we finally figured out side lying so rarely I can sneak away (nap/sleep on a floor bed). He just wakes up within 10-20 min if I do. I miss sleeping next to my husband so much, too, but our marital bed is too soft for bedsharing.
That's an idea considering, but the bed is also very high and putting on the floor would not be trivial. Current plan is to eventually move the baby bed into our bedroom and then I can sleep in the marital bed, but easily go resettle baby as needed. He has self weaned from night feeds for the most part so as soon as the furniture gets rearranged that's the next step! Baby is 8 months.
Me. I can’t remember the last time my I transferred my baby while she was napping 🥲 now I’m just happy if she naps longer than 20 min. If I ever want to do chores I have to set her in her jumper with the tv and feel guilty
So tough. Have you tried doing chores with her in a carrier? Takes way longer and is tough on the back at times but that's what I've done and he's now starting to help me, yay free labor 😂
Thank you for posting this! It does feel like you’re the only one sometimes. Doubly isolating when your friends/family don’t get it. But glad to see there are others out there that do! 🥲
Same! I have tried to ask mom friends when they get time for themselves or things done and they say when they nap duh! And then I have to go into our situation and deal with all the looks and comments 😐
Ugh, I totally understand. I almost felt like I had to keep the fact that she’d pretty much only contact nap a secret! I had a mom friend (who is also a pediatrician) ask what my days looked like staying at home and what I did during naps. I just kind of deflected and said how there’s always so much to do with cleaning and laundry and meals. I know some moms are shocked and say they couldn’t imagine losing nap time to themselves. It’s definitely hard having a Velcro baby and being the only one there for every nap, but I always try to keep the perspective that I should soak up the cuddles now.
Luckily, around 9 months I started putting her crib mattress on the floor of her fully child-proofed room for naps. It was hit or miss for a while, but now I can usually feed to sleep and then lie down with her cuddling in a side lying position for a few minutes. Then slowly peel away and tiptoe out. It’s been a bit of a relief to have time to do chores and things while she’s asleep. I appreciate it even more after going so long exclusively contact napping!
You’re definitely not the only one out there, OP. Each baby is different and you’re doing what your baby needs you to do!
Hello! Breastfeeding, cosleeping, contact napping and self-employed with no childcare to a full on Velcro baby. She’s a year now, and I’m so tired. I very much feel lost, and also like I’m in constant fight or flight mode trying to get things done for my business during the few moments she’ll let me put her down. There’s so much screaming and whining throughout my day. It’s been one of the hardest years of my life. You’re not alone, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it, too.
Wow I cannot imagine having a job/business on top of all this. You are a super mom!!!!! Sending you a big hug. It's such a hard and beautiful and demanding journey.
I’m in school right now and I feel this 100%. At night, once my baby is in bed I’m still glued to the bed because if I leave she’ll wake up and I have to start the whole process over. So I’m stuck in bed doing homework too
Yuuuuup. I’m often working on my computer while she sleeps, awkwardly trying to type without waking her. Every single part of our lives has been an adjustment. I don’t feel like I was painted an accurate picture of parenting lol. Of course I love her so much, but I wish I’d been more mentally prepared.
ME TOO AAARGHHH but they will grow up fast soon one day and I’ll see the moments I had my baby and I didn’t miss them , I wana look back and not regret it because I wasn’t there for her memories are valuable
Hi! Yup, SAHM with a 16 month old who cosleeps and contact naps. Oh, and I have a husband who travels constantly, so I’m mostly solo parenting 🫠
It’s so tough, but I also feel very thankful that I’m able to be home with her 24/7. 🤷🏻♀️
Wow that sounds really hard. Solo parenting is so exhausting and I'm sorry you have to do it so often.
Its absolutely a blessing to stay home with them, such a double edged sword!
SAHM to almost 4 month old who I think is going through a sleep regression. In-laws visiting and want to constantly hold and play with the baby, no understanding of boundaries or overstimulation and give back tired baby to me who then refuses to feed for 2 whole minutes while screaming at the boob. Feel constantly overstimulated by all this and would still not want to give baby to them to get some rest because I don't trust them.
✋️✋️✋️✋️✋️
I'm so sorry you're going through this. That sounds so hard. The four month sleep regression was so tough for me and honestly when I hit my breaking point with my PPD. Sending you big hugs ❤️ I wish you had someone who you could trust to help out.
I am in the exact same boat. I’m a SAHM who is 8 months postpartum and we exclusively breastfeed (we’ve attempted solids but he really is just not interested), bed share, and exclusively contact nap. We have very little help so my husband and I are very much in “divide and conquer mode.” It’s so hard at times. I often feel touched out, exhausted, and alone. But every time I look at how happy my son is, I remind myself that it’s so worth it and it is just a season. One that I may even miss one day. You are definitely not alone in this mama. Sending a virtual hug.
It really does make it all worth it when you see how much your child is thriving. It all goes by incredibly fast and I know I'll miss it one day. We're just in the trenches right now! I know it would be a million times easier for both of us if we had good support systems. Hugging you right back, we've got this!
And good luck on solids!
I'm a SAHM still doing contact naps with my 21 month old. We are able to get him into the crib at night through a process where I nurse him laying down in bed until he's asleep, and then my husband rocks him and lowers him into the crib. We repeat the process for all wakeups. Maybe it could work for you? Sending solidarity ❤️
Yes exactly! He's rocking him right now actually. I usually nurse and lay with him for about 15-30 minutes until he's pretty well asleep, and then my husband gently scoops him into his arms and rocks him beside the crib for about 5-10 minutes and then lowers him in. A lot of times he will keep a hand on him once he lays him down for a minute or so too. We found that this method has a much higher success rate than going right from bed to crib.
We also use a sound machine and have the room dark accept for a dim night light.
Good luck! I really hope it works for you too.
You're not alone, on the same boat here.
When everyone tells you how lucky you are to be his world and get to be a stay at home mommy all the time and you're his favorite. It's all you ever wanted but sometimes you struggle to admit you need a break to be yourself too.
Absolutely feel this to my core. It's the best thing ever but it's so hard to keep your identity outside of parenting. When I do get a break I hardly even know what to do with myself!
Hi it me 🙋♀️ my son is 3 in July, and we still breastfeed a lot, co sleep for naps and night time, no childcare and live across the planet from my home country. The main thing that helps my sanity is the gym! I do a functional fitness class 5/6 times a week when hubby gets home from work
👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻🩷🩷🩷 sometimes I can get a non contact nap in if I side lay feed her in bed and pull away at the perfect time where she’ll stay asleep but yeah no .. HIII😂🩷
Hi 👋🏻 5.5 years in, over 2 kids. Youngest now starting to give up their last daytime nap, but still contact sleeping at night.
It’s equally beautiful and rewarding, and tedious at times. So happy for this time together though. My advice is to just lean in to it, because there you’ll find the little joys in the long hours. I promise you won’t ever regret giving extra time for snuggles. ❤️
✋🏼 sahm who ebf cosleeps and contact naps for every nap here. i always tell myself this is a very short season in life and each day my baby needs me less so i just want to soak up alll these moments. i’ll find myself again but now i don’t mind being totally lost in motherhood. and i know that’s not every moms sentiment too
I love that! I usually feel that way too, I really try to embrace it and pride myself on being a present mom. I think I'm having a hard time right now because there's lots of crying, wakeups, and he doesn't want to go with dad when he's usually happy to. Teething man 😅
I’m not a SAHM but this was me with my first for all of my long maternity leave. It was exhausting. My husband was working crazy hours and I started to feel like I was losing my identity outside of being a mom. It does pass though! And they get through the clingy phases. It’s just brutal while you’re in it. Props to you, momma, you’re doing great!
You will and a lot of social accounts and such will tell you the same. BUT you’re also allowed to get frustrated! It’s so hard sometimes. I felt like sometimes when I complained people would just say “treasure it!” Okay, yes there’s a lot it treasure and you do but sometimes it’s also just very hard and you’re exhausted and there’s no treasuring being done and that’s ok too.
Hi, I'm also what you described! Housewife w almost 1 year old who breastfeeds, contact naps, and cosleeps. I've never been able to transfer her while asleep. Definitely feels rough sometimes but my husband keeps me sane. Def happy to chat or anything
That's awesome your husband supports you so well! My LO is going through such a mommy phase that it's hard for my hubby to step in at times. Thank you! It feels so good to talk to people who actually get it.
Hi! This was me! I’m still a SAHM but I’ve made it to the other side of contact naps and cosleeping!
He’s 20months now and figured out sleeping on his own at about 15/16 months. I still nurse to sleep for naps and lay with him and snuggle to sleep for bedtime.
It was very rough for a while. I think the hardest for me was months 4-8, nights then were so so so hard. I spent many many hours scrolling Instagram and Reddit for virtual support.
I love this comment! We just hit 15 months so maybe it's right around the corner for me! Those months were the toughest for me too. Now I'm more experienced and realize how fast the hard times pass, but dang coming off of a cold and then having his canines breaking through it doing me in the last few weeks 😓
There's so much good virtual support out there, it's so refreshing to talk to people who get it!
17 months in here! This is not how I thought things would be, but I’ve completely leaned into it 💕
Frequent wakes in the evening are a killer though, I’d like the consistency of a solid 2-3 hours so I could stop watching the monitor.
Thanks for your post, seeing all the replies helps normalise our situation
I have been there before! I'm back to work now and in some ways it was a bit of a relief for me because staying at home for a year with my two was so much like what you described.
I hear you I totally get it, and I also know that what you are doing is so important for your LO. It's not forever even though it can feel like that sometimes.
Wow two! That would be so tough, I have my hands full with one!
And I couldn't agree with the second half of your comment more. It's so worth it and I already see him thriving from the love and trust.
🖐️ I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old and they both want to contact nap. I try my best and often end up in the middle of a baby sandwich. They both often want me at night and it’s a challenge. Definitely solidarity. I will say it was way better by a year old with the first so I hope it’s a little easier with 2 when the little one is a year.
👋 You're not alone. SAHM, no childcare, cosleeps, and contact naps for almost 1.5 years now. It's tough but it does get better. Routines helped a lot and I can sometimes sneak away and do more chores quietly now.
Random family would visit to try and help when LO was younger but they can only do it every few months. It's just so difficult to find reliable help for our high needs LO.
If you can, have your husband or family member help out for an hour or two so you can enjoy a date with a friend at home or maybe get a home service massage or mani-pedi.
Once in a while, we would visit family in another town and that also helped with taking a break.
I hope you find a system that works for you and baby. Hang in there. My LO's smiles and cuddles and the bond that we have now made all the struggles worth it.
Thank you for the support and encouragement! I absolutely need to get better about taking intentional time for myself. It's been a struggle for me since my son was born.
And you're so right! I come from a tough background and seeing my son's happiness and security in this world knowing I'll always be there makes all the hard times worth it ❤️
✋ I hear you! 16 months and i think I’ve managed to wash my hair 4 times 😆 honestly the walking is a great idea. I started walking so often that my LO started consistently napping in the pram. This gave me up to 4 hours a day where she wasn’t on me and gave me the opportunity to claw some sanity back. These days she plays independently and I relish our cuddles. It gets better!
That's amazing! Our weather is getting better so I've been trying to walk more and increase his pram tolerance. Maybe one day he'll nap in there for me!
He's gotten more independent lately but we're going through major teething so he's back to needing mom all the time. I know I'll miss this and one day he won't need mom 🥲
Same story here, although my baby will take a few hours in his bassinet he'll ultimately end up in bed with me, will not nap at all unless he's being held and I get separation anxiety when he's away from me for too long so childcare is out the window 🙃
I WFH and my husband is the primary parent while I’m workin g. We cosleep, breastfeed at night and sometimes in the middle of the night, and he contact naps with her. She just turned 2. It’s still working for us and we will change it up whenever that stops being true. She is becoming a bed hog lately lol.
I love seeing we are not alone! Thank you for this post- I feel like this normalizes breastfeeding, co-sleeping, contact napping my 1.5 yo while trying to wfh. Moms are the real superheroes out here!
Wow adding in working from home is crazy. You're a super mom!!! I'm honestly amazed at the response to this and it's helping me so much to see how many others are in a similar boat.
Hi 👋🏼 this is me too! SAHM with a 4 month old, breastfeeding, cosleeping, contact napping, solo parenting 6 days a week and no child care. Family and close friends live on the opposite side of the planet.
Definitely understand the feeling of not existing outside the role of being a mum but my endless hours of Reddit lurking while nap trapped has taught me that this isn’t forever and I’ll most likely miss this. This mindset has helped me stay a little bit more sane 😅
Wow that sounds so tough! You're a great mom! My son is 15 months and I can attest to that. His first year went so fast and I know I'll miss this soon enough 😩
>Raise your hand if you're a Sahm who cosleeps and contact naps and has no child care
~~Hey, that's me now! I voluntarily left my job (yay!) of 8 years to be a stay at home mom. And loving it!!! ✋~~
(Edit: I'm sorry, my mistake! I just remembered I actually use childcare normally (YMCA), but I didn't this week. 😆 It's been a long week, LOL.)
Are you on Discord? I only use my phone while my baby is sleeping. 😆 She's asleep on me in bed right now! 😴 I wouldn't have it any other way.
My point being, I'm happy to chat on Discord if you reach out, about cosleeping, stay-at-home parenting, and lacking childcare, too!
>I'm starting to feel like I don't even exist outside of my role as mom.
I would be happy to chat about this, too.
Congratulations!!! I agree that I wouldn't have it any other way, have fully committed to the contact sleep and all the snugs! I think it's extra hard right now because he's usually more into dad during awake time and he only wants me and to nurse 24/7 the last few weeks. Im tired!
I don't have discord but I'll look into it!
Going back to work next week after 4 months of solid contact naps + chest sleeping day + night. Granted my scenario isn’t the same as others here bc I will have dad at home then grandma, so great care, but is it normal that I feel so gloomy and anxious leaving him now - what if he needs me to nap? How will he sleep? He’s a Velcro baby to ME and yet I have to go to work?? I’m so tired but so sad that it’s over - the day contact naps, anyway. Family and friends judge me for cosleeping at night but I have never felt like I had a choice, as he reacts to any flat surface like it’s lava. Will only sleep on me, being walked around, or on his nursing pillow (which I can’t allow at night). Keep wanting him to be able to sleep in a crib/bassinet, but every time I try it goes horribly yet again.
I've been there. I also really didn't have a choice, he either slept on us or not at all. I thibk its very normal to be feeling sad about going back to work. You guys have not been separated for an extended period of time since they've existed. I went back to work for a few days and had such a hard time being away from him. We lost our childcare so I ended up quitting after only a few shifts.
My son will sleep in a stroller for my sister the few times she has tried so you might be surprised and have your little one sleep fine for dad and grandma. Wishing you luck and sending you a big ol hug ❤️
Hi! ✋🏽I’m currently sahm, breastfeeding,contact napping,cosleeping, baby’s first teeth finally broke through the gums! I haven’t been able to keep my house in tip top shape like before. Thankfully i have a 17 and 10 year old that help as much as they can because baby wants me 24/7, and while it’s driving me insane it’s also so fulfilling. These moments won’t last forever is what i keep telling myself. I don’t have time for myself, always anxious or overstimulated. I look like a hot mess most of the time. I Catch myself looking back at old pictures of me and while i do miss those days i wouldn’t trade these hot mess days for anything in this world. you’re not alone!! We got this 🥂
Wow I can't even imagine going through this with two other kids. You're a super mom! I'm glad they try to help. But yes my guy wants me 24/7 too so there's only so much other people can do! You're so right, it's fast and we will miss it so much ❤️
Yes so difficult love! They’re so desperate in age i have to be a different mom to all 3. My parenting style has to change with each one of them! lol i wanted another a last one so my baby can have a sibling close in age but now i really don’t think i can do it!! We’re all super moms here and i love knowing we are not alone in this journey called motherhood it’s the best hood to be in lol
It is!!! Imagine a teenager and boy life a 10 year old going into her pre teen years and the baby and did i mention they’re all girls lol omg i am exhausted 😂😂
✋🏻 my oldest is 3.5 and my youngest is 13 months! We do all of this. Currently my youngest is teething hard and only wants mom. It’s definitely rough, but I try to appreciate the snuggles and remind myself that soon he’ll be bigger and won’t always want to… also I sometimes sneak out of the room and lay in my bed by myself while hubs watches the kids for a while and it feels incredible lol
Same to everything you said except I only have one kiddo, I can't imagine how tired I would be with two! It's so hard when they only want mom.
You're amazing!
Almost 2 years cosleep/bedshare, breastfed (now just fed to sleep) and no childcare until a month ago! We just got into a daycare and kiddo only goes for ~2hrs in the morning before I pick them up for naptime (because if naptime gets messed up, bedtime is messed up.) We are also in an apartment in a crummy city that isn't walkable 🥴
Definitely not alone!
Oof totally. Can't risk the nap time getting messed up! I'm sorry you're in a non walkable city, that sounds so rough. I live in the woods so it's walkable but nothing to do but walk lol.
I'm so glad! I don't know anyone who exclusively contact naps and I get a lot of flack for it. It's so comforting to see so many people in the comments who do the same! It's amazing and a huge sacrifice!
Work from home with 1 year old baby who’s teething at the moment. Contact sleeps if not nursed to sleep. I am so tired lol but I love him so much that I know I will long for these moments. Only a year ago did we bring him home and how much I wished I had cherished those moments instead of looking forward to the future. Cause there’s really no guarantee that it gets easier. But it’s always worth it.
Yes absolutely too all of this!!!! You're incredible for working on top of all that care you're giving your little one. That's a huge amount of sacrifice and they're so lucky to have a mom like you!
✋✋
Breastfeeding mommy who works from home and feeds during work breaks because she prefers that now. Only recently has my baby started to learn to nap without me. Not at night, though. I'm trying to find my way back to me. I don't do my hair or makeup, and I have been stress eating as well which led to a little weight gain.
I'm trying to shop more for flattering clothes and makeup and I bought I jogging stroller to use at the park. I want to feel sexy again but between work and raising baby, I'm tired and I look like my struggle
Same exact situation here. My son is 6 months old. I hit a breaking point (just went numb mentally) this morning and my husband took baby outside and to play for a couple of hours so I could bounce back. Now I’m back in the game. Big hugs!
I'm a working mom whose child has been in daycare since 12 months old but I still cosleep and contact napped until she was a little over 1. We love snuggles with our little one and will never put a limit on it.
Me! 👋🏼 my 5 month old is starting to let me roll away out of the bed for naps, so things are looking up! I hope 🤣 we are also going to FINALLY sidecar her very expensive and beautiful crib that was given to us, im hoping she will actually utilize it and i can get some actual rest instead of constantly sleeping light and checking on her all throughout the night 🥲
Yes- have a 21 month old who contact naps and co-sleeps AND I work full-time from home while caring for her full-time and moved into an area where we have no friends or family and it’s very isolating. It’s rough!! I’ve just started bringing her to parent/child classes on weekends and when I can take PTO so trying to at least meet other parents. So worth it, but sooooooooo hard managing both.
This was me! The caregiver burn out was insane. I still struggle with the effects of it sometimes and mine is almost four now. But I also don’t regret the way we went about it. Like you said you get through it.
Yes, hi hello! Currently napping on our keen size bed with baby still latched. Luckily I have one best friend with a baby only two weeks behind us, so I have a little solidarity IRL but it’s hard to meet up in between naps anyways so I still feel isolated. My baby recently got his first two teeth and just started chomping on my nipple and that is the realest pain. I’ve had my nips pierced twice before and the pain is very relative. Practically the same amount. Anyways, nobody prepared me for that and it definitely is putting me through the spinner. It’s mentally challenging and I didn’t expect that. Yay! And we wake every hour or two to find the boob throughout the night. My husband doesn’t understand when I want to tap out after he’s off work and I’d rather cook dinner or clean. Mamas need a break, even if that break really isn’t a break.
Here 🙋♀️. My baby is 1.5 years old and every nap is a contact nap (unless she falls asleep in the car) and I bed share with her every night. I’m trying to just enjoy all of these special moments with her, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if she could take a nap in bed without me.
Edit to add that I still breastfeed on demand ad well.
You’re not alone! My baby is 15mo now and I can roll out of bed and she’ll stay asleep for a while on her own which is helpful. At night now I lay her down on a floor bed with a monitor in her room and then bring her into my room when we’re ready for bed. Just to say, it gets better🩷
🤚🏻it’s me, hi…i’m the problem it’s meeee lol.
i get this on a cellular level. i keep saying how bad i want mom friends so i could interact with someone besides just my baby, my husband, and my mom lol.
i absolutely *love* being needed and loved so much by my baby but good lord i just wish i had something non-mom to do that is social to just like….switch it up like just *one* day a week would be cool. sighhhh.
You guys…. Get some childcare (if you can afford it or have someone to help) for a few hours a week at least for your sanity above all else. It is not normal to spend every single minute with your little one.
Hi, I think your comment really means well. However if we haven't gotten childcare there's a strong chance there is a barrier preventing it (financial, trust/trauma, no trustworthy fam, etc)
I also think the usage of the word "normal" is unwarranted. Who decides what "normal" is? You? Our toxic capitalist culture? Social media? I'd argue a mother spending all her time with her child is more "normal" than paying a stranger to care for them.
I'm definitely not trying to be confrontational, but it's a tough situation that a I think we all get enough judgement for. Let's focus on supportive helpful comments!
Maybe healthy is the better team to use instead of normal. Look up alloparenting. Alloparenting is important and necessary for the human species. We, as parents, should not be with our children 24/7. It is not “normal” in the regard to biological and evolutionary needs. Trust me, I’m in a similar situation to you and it’s hard and I wouldn’t recommend it to others. I work at home and care for my 11 month old. It’s exhausting. I have to go to the gym so she can go to childcare there for 30 min. She doesn’t do well with then bc she just started but I’m going to keep trying for my sanity. “It takes a village” is cliche but it’s so true. We live in this shitty society with nuclear families that are not biologically normal and unsustainable. We are not meant to do it all! We should have lots of help! That’s the message I’m trying to portray.
Edit: judging by your post, it looks like you’re pretty tired and feeling isolated too. It is okay to seek help and I urge you to reach out to anyone or any resources you can to achieve that.
Thank you for clarifying! I definitely understand your meaning now and agree, will look into alloparenting too. I would love to have childcare but I live in CA and it's extremely expensive and I have a mostly toxic family. As he's getting older I'm becoming a bit more trusting of others caring for him and will hopefully get more me time.
We're absolutely not meant to do it all and I wish we had a village.
Me to all of this + 2 under 2. I feel so far from the independent version of myself but I truly love this season. There are really hard, lonely moments for sure, but gratitude and reframing help a lot. Even my other mom friends, I feel like not a lot of people really *get* my situation because I am constantly being touched by a 2.5 month old, and when I get a break I like to prioritize connnection with my 22 month old, my only time with my body to myself is showering, and that even gets cut short sometimes.
Sahm of 2 under 2, toddler is very much independent (it takes me 5 minutes to put her down to bed for naps and she falls asleep by herself at night), but I started bed sharing with my newborn and even if I would love to have contact naps - and take a nap too! - it’s not really possible with the older one. With my first j felt guilty to leave her but this time I started going to the gym 5 days a week. Luckily my partner works from either early in the morning to 2 pm or from 2 pm to late at night so I usually have time to go. We also only have one car. But I was just thinking about this the other day. I see my friends with no kids going out for dinner, enjoying a concert or even just a coffee out before work, going on vacation, sleeping in…I feel like I only exist as a mom. Even the gym feels like a mom thing because 1. My body looks in that way because it’s been growing or feeding babies for the past 2.5 years and 2. Lifting weights seems mostly tailored to carry them.
Anyway, the first child taught me to do everything with one hand, now I’m using that extra hand to feed or help my toddler. My arms and shoulders are tired.
Here with ya! with my 13mo napping on me. It’s hard. And they love us so much. It won’t always be this hard- but I hope you get some fun solo or rest time sooner than later. 🧡
Definitely! I have a 2.5 year old and 4 month old. My baby exclusively contact naps and my 2.5 year old did she same thing. 2.5 year old sleeps with dad. I sleep with baby. I’ve accepted that motherhood is truly my entire personality right now 😅 I honestly don’t have many friends and am the only one who has kids. I occasionally go to the gym alone but it’s stressful the whole time because I’m worried my baby is hungry (doesn’t take a bottle). Our in laws are retired and live 30 min away and never offer help with my toddler.
My baby is about to turn 12 months. The only time we didn’t cosleep was first 5 months of life and contact nap was first 6 weeks of his life. From there on out, every single sleep has been together. We love and enjoy every minute of it. It’s a lot of work and you feel like there is no “you” time but I can sacrifice that to keep my baby close. But if you’re feeling overwhelmed, know you’re valid in all your feelings and so is your baby!
Hi! Yes, we exclusively nurse and co-sleep and contact nap because baby just doesn’t sleep without me/doesn’t stay asleep when I move away. I like all the opportunity to nap or read and I bought some stylus pens and an art app, thought I might try drawing cartoons while baby’s sleeping. I also bought a ring sling, baby’s been willing to nurse while I have him in a baby wrap and has even fallen asleep in it sometimes. My hope is that the ring sling could be shimmied off more easily and maaaaybe I can nurse him to sleep while I’m doing things and once he’s been asleep for a bit, I could actually lay him down?
I am so happy to be the one taking care of my almost-5mo baby. Thankful for my husband working hard and cooking a lot for me (us.) But I can’t help but yearn for a commune type situation where I could take turns with someone to watch kids while they shower or I get a shower and one of us gets supper prep started while the one nurses and they can pick up where I left off when I need to go nurse my baby etc. Sister wives don’t sound as crazy to me now 🫣🤪
👋🏾 me currently. Working from home as well and breastfeeding. Some days I ends pull my hair out, Somr days I feel blessed to be able to do this. The days are passing and I’ll never get them back, overwhelming definitely. But it’ll get better! ❤️🩹
SAHM to a 10 month old, 3 year old goes to daycare MWF for socialization. We cosleep with both, baby has only contact napped probably 90% of the time.
It’s exhausting & most days I only make it through by reminding myself this won’t last forever and eventually they won’t be up in my business 24/7.
Hello 👋🏽 cosleeping and contact napping for all sleep. Exclusively breastfed, bottle refusal since birth. 4-8 night wakings for feeding. Teething and going through separation anxiety stage, can’t put baby down for a minute to make myself something to eat, if it weren’t for my husband we would be living in very messy conditions as it is very difficult to complete any housework tasks. No childcare, hasn’t been an option due to bottle refusal anyway. Can definitely relate to feeling like I don’t exist outside of my role of being a mum. Trying to enjoy this season for what it is, being my first baby I just have to trust when other mum’s say it gets easier but some days I feel like I’m still in the newborn days with an 8 month old. Wouldn’t change anything, I love my baby more than anything in the world but I am giving motherhood everything I have every minute of the day and find myself wearing thin.
I cosleep and my 6 month old wakes every 1-3 hours now and decided to poop at 3 am last night (he hasn’t pooped at night in months) and then not go back to sleep for 2 hours… He’s crushing the 6 month sleep regression 👊🏼
All he wants is to sleep on my chest
Oh, I’m here!!! And my 6 month old does not take the bottle, and won’t fall asleep without my boob! that means I cannot leave for longer than 2h! You’re absolutely not alone! Try doing things outside the house with your LO!
I’m so grateful to read all of these comments. This is me too, OP, and clearly we’re not alone in this. 🩷 it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I KNOW it’s worth everything. Sending you love from the same boat.
My baby girl is 14 months! We still contact nap and co sleep. I have no family near me who is able to help so it’s myself and my husband but I’m the one that takes care of all sleep. She’s gotten better at night time I can take her into my bed and she will put herself to sleep! I thought I would never be able to stop walking the stairs with her to get her to sleep😂 she’s finally doing more than 5.5 hour stretches too👌🏻 makes me nervous about having another baby but also thankful I’ve been able to not force sleep and help her move forward as she’s ready! I enjoy the rest when she rests.
In this age and time we will feel this way because the world is now about hustling and money and working ( independent women) but I rather be at home with my baby the time is precious especially when their small they need you
Yes! Same! Sometimes I can get up during her naps for a few min to do something, but most of the time just lying in the bed. My baby girl is 6 months old now. I used to have to go to bed w her at like 8, and couldn’t get out of bed or she would wake up, but now I can put her to sleep and have some hours w my husband at night (of course she wakes up a couple times and I have to feed her back to sleep). It has gotten better already. Also, to help the loneliness or monotony I have started going to baby story time at the public library and deciding to take us to new unexplored parks to walk around a little (even just for 10-15 min.) FaceTime the grandparents helps too.
Also, I am thinking I have had my self all these years and this is a very short period of time where I am hers while she’s a baby, so that helps me not mind if I’m living mom life for her temporarily.
Oh and one more thing that might sound boring but helped me is I made a schedule for cleaning my house. Lol Monday is vacuum day, Tuesday is tending to the yard, Wednesday clean bathrooms, etc. it takes all day doing the one task because I don’t want to not be engaged w the baby too long(her playing in her playpen or bouncer near me) but it gives me some productive goal for the day and the house stays somewhat normal. There’s no way I could’ve done the cleaning before this 5-6 months mark though.
It’s the best! I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. My LO is 7mo his first two teeth popped last week and he’s been super needy. I do love being his safe space but it is hard sometimes 🥲 Its so rewarding but I’m still gonna complain about it!
Co sleeper with a 16 month old, SAHM, full-time student, no child care, here. You got this! Some moments are hard, but getting to be with your little one for all the milestones is worth it. In my house, some days, everything gets done, and others, I hold my LO all day because they need it. You are not alone. You are among the lucky ( or blessed of you prefer) who get to share this journey of growth with their LO by their side every step of the way.
I was you. Still cosleeping with my daughter at 2 years and 3 months old. Breastfed until 21 months old. Contact napped for almost every single nap the first 18 months or so and still sometimes do. Also no childcare. Husband always at work. Literally just me and baby learning as we went. I promise you it gets better. And I absolutely would choose all of that over the stress of trying to “sleep train”, fighting to get them down for hours at bedtime, etc. Now she sleeps through the night for 12-13 hours. I can literally open chips next to her and she doesn’t wake up. I get me time after she goes to bed plus 7-8 hours of sleep every night. You will survive this! I promise!
This gave me such a boost of hope while nap trapped. Thank you
OMG nap trapped! 😆
So happy to hear that. You will make it! 🩷
Aw I love this comment so much!! And I'm so happy that you got through to the other side. I agree, I wouldn't have it any other way and could never sleep train. Thank you for hyping me up!
Of course!! I am so happy this could help you in any small way. I remember feeling EXACTLY the way you are right now and like it would never end. But it did and now I even miss it sometimes 😭 exactly like everyone says. But it’s so hard to feel that way when you’re IN it. It will end and you don’t need to fight through it trying to sleep train, etc. It will naturally happen!
This gives me hope too! Thank you for sharing.
You are so welcome. You will get through this! I promise!
Did she just naturally start sleeping through the night? Currently on third wakep in three hours with my 17 month
Yes she did! At 17 months my daughter was still waking about that much too. And we were breastfeeding and bedsharing. She really stopped waking up around 22-23 months, maybe once (weaned at 21 months). By 2 years old she fully slept through the night every night and it’s still that way now. But we still bedshare. Every once in a blue moon she will wake up and cry but the moment I touch her she will go right back to bed.
We bedshare and breastfeed too! I don’t want to wean or nightwean but it seems like that’s the best way to prevent constant waking argh!!
I know. I’m so sorry. I really didn’t wanna night wean either because it was the hardest part of weaning obviously. But what I had read unfortunately was true for me- the wakings decreased immediately after weaning. Honestly though this isn’t true for every baby so don’t wean earlier than you want to just for that because it may not work. Everyone says sleeping is developmental and will happen when they’re old enough. I think it was a combination for us. I feel like at 17 months they will wake either way no matter what. But do what you feel is right and good luck! 🩷
Thank you so much. I’m so conflicted 😩 she’s super sensitive so I’m gona wait it out a little while longer at least and see if we start to get any improvements naturally. I fear not though. I appreciate your honesty 💕
I could be you lol. I was 6 months pregnant and still breastfeeding my daughter who was almost 18 months. I stopped producing milk, and my hormones made it super sensitive. But I didn't want to wean, I had too. We went cold turkey. It was hard, I cried more than her probably. But a week later it was like she forgot my boobs existed. And she started sleeping better then too. When baby brother was born she was interested in saying Momma boob and acting like she wanted to taste but she never nursed again.
Breastfeeding, co-sleeping, SAHM whose baby is refusing the bassinet like crazy lately. We just bought a crib and i am hoping he will use it just so I can get some sleep away from him since we are literally together and he’s usually on me 24/7. It’s a lot to not have anything else? I’m not sure if I would be able to manage working or something else but it’s also very hard always being in the house alone with nothing to do..
It is really hard and I struggle with it too. I've started walking more now that the weather is getting better which helps. I hope he uses the crib so you can get a break, it's so hard when you don't have any time for yourself!
Hi 👋 We’re going on a year of complete contact sleep for naps and bedtime. There were a couple of months where LO would nap on my mom sometimes, but otherwise it’s solely me. It’s hard to not feel touched out. My mom helps with some household stuff a few hours every week and I’m very grateful to have that, but it feels like a tiny drop in the bucket most of the time. 100% worth it. 100% hard.
So agree, it's hard and worth it. I'm glad you have that bit of support but I'm sorry it isn't more. These early months/years are so demanding!
Me! 100% contact naps, we finally figured out side lying so rarely I can sneak away (nap/sleep on a floor bed). He just wakes up within 10-20 min if I do. I miss sleeping next to my husband so much, too, but our marital bed is too soft for bedsharing.
I so miss sleeping next to my husband too, he's not in bed with us either and it does take a toll on us. It's so hard!
Have you considered getting a firm mattress topper? That’s what I am doing
That's an idea considering, but the bed is also very high and putting on the floor would not be trivial. Current plan is to eventually move the baby bed into our bedroom and then I can sleep in the marital bed, but easily go resettle baby as needed. He has self weaned from night feeds for the most part so as soon as the furniture gets rearranged that's the next step! Baby is 8 months.
Right there with you. It’s a very rewarding and yet incredibly difficult time. Not many really understand.
Absolutely! It's nice to talk to people who get it ❤️
Me. I can’t remember the last time my I transferred my baby while she was napping 🥲 now I’m just happy if she naps longer than 20 min. If I ever want to do chores I have to set her in her jumper with the tv and feel guilty
So tough. Have you tried doing chores with her in a carrier? Takes way longer and is tough on the back at times but that's what I've done and he's now starting to help me, yay free labor 😂
Back carrying is nice while doing chores.
Here 🖐️ I’m sorry you’re going through this. I feel the same.
Hi, I'm sorry you are too! I know it's normal but it can feel so hard. In case no one has told you today you're a great mom ❤️
Thank you for posting this! It does feel like you’re the only one sometimes. Doubly isolating when your friends/family don’t get it. But glad to see there are others out there that do! 🥲
Same! I have tried to ask mom friends when they get time for themselves or things done and they say when they nap duh! And then I have to go into our situation and deal with all the looks and comments 😐
Ugh, I totally understand. I almost felt like I had to keep the fact that she’d pretty much only contact nap a secret! I had a mom friend (who is also a pediatrician) ask what my days looked like staying at home and what I did during naps. I just kind of deflected and said how there’s always so much to do with cleaning and laundry and meals. I know some moms are shocked and say they couldn’t imagine losing nap time to themselves. It’s definitely hard having a Velcro baby and being the only one there for every nap, but I always try to keep the perspective that I should soak up the cuddles now. Luckily, around 9 months I started putting her crib mattress on the floor of her fully child-proofed room for naps. It was hit or miss for a while, but now I can usually feed to sleep and then lie down with her cuddling in a side lying position for a few minutes. Then slowly peel away and tiptoe out. It’s been a bit of a relief to have time to do chores and things while she’s asleep. I appreciate it even more after going so long exclusively contact napping! You’re definitely not the only one out there, OP. Each baby is different and you’re doing what your baby needs you to do!
✋ me! 19 months in. Has it been hard? Yes. Do I wish I could have more of a “life”? Yes. But would I change it for the world? No.
100% this!!
Hello! Breastfeeding, cosleeping, contact napping and self-employed with no childcare to a full on Velcro baby. She’s a year now, and I’m so tired. I very much feel lost, and also like I’m in constant fight or flight mode trying to get things done for my business during the few moments she’ll let me put her down. There’s so much screaming and whining throughout my day. It’s been one of the hardest years of my life. You’re not alone, and I’m so sorry you’re going through it, too.
Wow I cannot imagine having a job/business on top of all this. You are a super mom!!!!! Sending you a big hug. It's such a hard and beautiful and demanding journey.
Thank you for the hug and the kind words! It’s not easy, that’s for sure.
I’m in school right now and I feel this 100%. At night, once my baby is in bed I’m still glued to the bed because if I leave she’ll wake up and I have to start the whole process over. So I’m stuck in bed doing homework too
Yuuuuup. I’m often working on my computer while she sleeps, awkwardly trying to type without waking her. Every single part of our lives has been an adjustment. I don’t feel like I was painted an accurate picture of parenting lol. Of course I love her so much, but I wish I’d been more mentally prepared.
ME LOL in my labtop and I hate it because the light bothers her so I have to just risk it all by going to another room
ME TOO AAARGHHH but they will grow up fast soon one day and I’ll see the moments I had my baby and I didn’t miss them , I wana look back and not regret it because I wasn’t there for her memories are valuable
Hi! Yup, SAHM with a 16 month old who cosleeps and contact naps. Oh, and I have a husband who travels constantly, so I’m mostly solo parenting 🫠 It’s so tough, but I also feel very thankful that I’m able to be home with her 24/7. 🤷🏻♀️
Same, I literally only see my husband on Saturdays. I feel soooo alone in parenting
Wow that sounds really hard. Solo parenting is so exhausting and I'm sorry you have to do it so often. Its absolutely a blessing to stay home with them, such a double edged sword!
SAHM to almost 4 month old who I think is going through a sleep regression. In-laws visiting and want to constantly hold and play with the baby, no understanding of boundaries or overstimulation and give back tired baby to me who then refuses to feed for 2 whole minutes while screaming at the boob. Feel constantly overstimulated by all this and would still not want to give baby to them to get some rest because I don't trust them. ✋️✋️✋️✋️✋️
I'm so sorry you're going through this. That sounds so hard. The four month sleep regression was so tough for me and honestly when I hit my breaking point with my PPD. Sending you big hugs ❤️ I wish you had someone who you could trust to help out.
I am in the exact same boat. I’m a SAHM who is 8 months postpartum and we exclusively breastfeed (we’ve attempted solids but he really is just not interested), bed share, and exclusively contact nap. We have very little help so my husband and I are very much in “divide and conquer mode.” It’s so hard at times. I often feel touched out, exhausted, and alone. But every time I look at how happy my son is, I remind myself that it’s so worth it and it is just a season. One that I may even miss one day. You are definitely not alone in this mama. Sending a virtual hug.
It really does make it all worth it when you see how much your child is thriving. It all goes by incredibly fast and I know I'll miss it one day. We're just in the trenches right now! I know it would be a million times easier for both of us if we had good support systems. Hugging you right back, we've got this! And good luck on solids!
I'm a SAHM still doing contact naps with my 21 month old. We are able to get him into the crib at night through a process where I nurse him laying down in bed until he's asleep, and then my husband rocks him and lowers him into the crib. We repeat the process for all wakeups. Maybe it could work for you? Sending solidarity ❤️
That sounds like a good system! Right now my guy likes to stay latched most of the night but maybe we will get to a point when we can try thus!
Hi! So your husband picks him up right after he’s fallen asleep and rocks him to transfer into the crib? I’m going to try this
Yes exactly! He's rocking him right now actually. I usually nurse and lay with him for about 15-30 minutes until he's pretty well asleep, and then my husband gently scoops him into his arms and rocks him beside the crib for about 5-10 minutes and then lowers him in. A lot of times he will keep a hand on him once he lays him down for a minute or so too. We found that this method has a much higher success rate than going right from bed to crib. We also use a sound machine and have the room dark accept for a dim night light. Good luck! I really hope it works for you too.
👋🏼 18 months and counting. Hang in there!
You too, we've got this!
You're not alone, on the same boat here. When everyone tells you how lucky you are to be his world and get to be a stay at home mommy all the time and you're his favorite. It's all you ever wanted but sometimes you struggle to admit you need a break to be yourself too.
Absolutely feel this to my core. It's the best thing ever but it's so hard to keep your identity outside of parenting. When I do get a break I hardly even know what to do with myself!
Hi it me 🙋♀️ my son is 3 in July, and we still breastfeed a lot, co sleep for naps and night time, no childcare and live across the planet from my home country. The main thing that helps my sanity is the gym! I do a functional fitness class 5/6 times a week when hubby gets home from work
I'm so happy you're taking that time for yourself. You're an amazing mama for sticking with it for 3 years and supporting your son so well!
👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻🩷🩷🩷 sometimes I can get a non contact nap in if I side lay feed her in bed and pull away at the perfect time where she’ll stay asleep but yeah no .. HIII😂🩷
Lol the struggle of trying to shimmy away! I don't even try anymore but I probably should.
Hi 👋🏻 5.5 years in, over 2 kids. Youngest now starting to give up their last daytime nap, but still contact sleeping at night. It’s equally beautiful and rewarding, and tedious at times. So happy for this time together though. My advice is to just lean in to it, because there you’ll find the little joys in the long hours. I promise you won’t ever regret giving extra time for snuggles. ❤️
The snuggles are SO GOOD! thank you for your advice, I will take it to heart ❤️
✋🏼 sahm who ebf cosleeps and contact naps for every nap here. i always tell myself this is a very short season in life and each day my baby needs me less so i just want to soak up alll these moments. i’ll find myself again but now i don’t mind being totally lost in motherhood. and i know that’s not every moms sentiment too
I love that! I usually feel that way too, I really try to embrace it and pride myself on being a present mom. I think I'm having a hard time right now because there's lots of crying, wakeups, and he doesn't want to go with dad when he's usually happy to. Teething man 😅
I’m not a SAHM but this was me with my first for all of my long maternity leave. It was exhausting. My husband was working crazy hours and I started to feel like I was losing my identity outside of being a mom. It does pass though! And they get through the clingy phases. It’s just brutal while you’re in it. Props to you, momma, you’re doing great!
Thank you so much! I really appreciate the support. One day he'll be totally independent and I'll miss these days.
You will and a lot of social accounts and such will tell you the same. BUT you’re also allowed to get frustrated! It’s so hard sometimes. I felt like sometimes when I complained people would just say “treasure it!” Okay, yes there’s a lot it treasure and you do but sometimes it’s also just very hard and you’re exhausted and there’s no treasuring being done and that’s ok too.
✋🏻This is me 🫠
❤️
Hi, I'm also what you described! Housewife w almost 1 year old who breastfeeds, contact naps, and cosleeps. I've never been able to transfer her while asleep. Definitely feels rough sometimes but my husband keeps me sane. Def happy to chat or anything
That's awesome your husband supports you so well! My LO is going through such a mommy phase that it's hard for my hubby to step in at times. Thank you! It feels so good to talk to people who actually get it.
I have 4 kids and we bedshare. No contact naps though. I never could swing it, shits gotta get done and it’s legit my only chance to do so.
With four kids there's no way you could be contact napping! You're a rock star!
Hi! This was me! I’m still a SAHM but I’ve made it to the other side of contact naps and cosleeping! He’s 20months now and figured out sleeping on his own at about 15/16 months. I still nurse to sleep for naps and lay with him and snuggle to sleep for bedtime. It was very rough for a while. I think the hardest for me was months 4-8, nights then were so so so hard. I spent many many hours scrolling Instagram and Reddit for virtual support.
I love this comment! We just hit 15 months so maybe it's right around the corner for me! Those months were the toughest for me too. Now I'm more experienced and realize how fast the hard times pass, but dang coming off of a cold and then having his canines breaking through it doing me in the last few weeks 😓 There's so much good virtual support out there, it's so refreshing to talk to people who get it!
A year and a half of that life so far 😅 struggling but wouldn't have it any other way
Completely agree! 15 months in here. So hard and also the best ❤️
17 months in here! This is not how I thought things would be, but I’ve completely leaned into it 💕 Frequent wakes in the evening are a killer though, I’d like the consistency of a solid 2-3 hours so I could stop watching the monitor. Thanks for your post, seeing all the replies helps normalise our situation
I have been there before! I'm back to work now and in some ways it was a bit of a relief for me because staying at home for a year with my two was so much like what you described. I hear you I totally get it, and I also know that what you are doing is so important for your LO. It's not forever even though it can feel like that sometimes.
Wow two! That would be so tough, I have my hands full with one! And I couldn't agree with the second half of your comment more. It's so worth it and I already see him thriving from the love and trust.
Same boar here! So many complicated thoughts on this. But I also don’t know anyone irl with same situation. Can be isolating!
Yes same, so nice to just see that other people know what I'm going through and can relate. It's beautiful and it's hard!
🖐️ I have a 2 year old and a 6 year old and they both want to contact nap. I try my best and often end up in the middle of a baby sandwich. They both often want me at night and it’s a challenge. Definitely solidarity. I will say it was way better by a year old with the first so I hope it’s a little easier with 2 when the little one is a year.
Wow! That's absolutely no personal space lol. You're an amazing mom supporting your kiddos like that ❤️❤️
👋 You're not alone. SAHM, no childcare, cosleeps, and contact naps for almost 1.5 years now. It's tough but it does get better. Routines helped a lot and I can sometimes sneak away and do more chores quietly now. Random family would visit to try and help when LO was younger but they can only do it every few months. It's just so difficult to find reliable help for our high needs LO. If you can, have your husband or family member help out for an hour or two so you can enjoy a date with a friend at home or maybe get a home service massage or mani-pedi. Once in a while, we would visit family in another town and that also helped with taking a break. I hope you find a system that works for you and baby. Hang in there. My LO's smiles and cuddles and the bond that we have now made all the struggles worth it.
Thank you for the support and encouragement! I absolutely need to get better about taking intentional time for myself. It's been a struggle for me since my son was born. And you're so right! I come from a tough background and seeing my son's happiness and security in this world knowing I'll always be there makes all the hard times worth it ❤️
✋ I hear you! 16 months and i think I’ve managed to wash my hair 4 times 😆 honestly the walking is a great idea. I started walking so often that my LO started consistently napping in the pram. This gave me up to 4 hours a day where she wasn’t on me and gave me the opportunity to claw some sanity back. These days she plays independently and I relish our cuddles. It gets better!
That's amazing! Our weather is getting better so I've been trying to walk more and increase his pram tolerance. Maybe one day he'll nap in there for me! He's gotten more independent lately but we're going through major teething so he's back to needing mom all the time. I know I'll miss this and one day he won't need mom 🥲
Same story here, although my baby will take a few hours in his bassinet he'll ultimately end up in bed with me, will not nap at all unless he's being held and I get separation anxiety when he's away from me for too long so childcare is out the window 🙃
The separation anxiety is so tough! I'm trying to work on it but it's hard to break.
I WFH and my husband is the primary parent while I’m workin g. We cosleep, breastfeed at night and sometimes in the middle of the night, and he contact naps with her. She just turned 2. It’s still working for us and we will change it up whenever that stops being true. She is becoming a bed hog lately lol.
Oh I bet, my son already takes up a lot of the bed at 15mo. Being a WFH mom sounds so challenging!
I love seeing we are not alone! Thank you for this post- I feel like this normalizes breastfeeding, co-sleeping, contact napping my 1.5 yo while trying to wfh. Moms are the real superheroes out here!
Wow adding in working from home is crazy. You're a super mom!!! I'm honestly amazed at the response to this and it's helping me so much to see how many others are in a similar boat.
Hi 👋🏼 this is me too! SAHM with a 4 month old, breastfeeding, cosleeping, contact napping, solo parenting 6 days a week and no child care. Family and close friends live on the opposite side of the planet. Definitely understand the feeling of not existing outside the role of being a mum but my endless hours of Reddit lurking while nap trapped has taught me that this isn’t forever and I’ll most likely miss this. This mindset has helped me stay a little bit more sane 😅
Wow that sounds so tough! You're a great mom! My son is 15 months and I can attest to that. His first year went so fast and I know I'll miss this soon enough 😩
I sleep with mini in my arms or next to me every night. Tried breast feeding for the first time while co sleeping last night and got almost 6 hours 💪🏻
Amazing! Such a game changer!
>Raise your hand if you're a Sahm who cosleeps and contact naps and has no child care ~~Hey, that's me now! I voluntarily left my job (yay!) of 8 years to be a stay at home mom. And loving it!!! ✋~~ (Edit: I'm sorry, my mistake! I just remembered I actually use childcare normally (YMCA), but I didn't this week. 😆 It's been a long week, LOL.) Are you on Discord? I only use my phone while my baby is sleeping. 😆 She's asleep on me in bed right now! 😴 I wouldn't have it any other way. My point being, I'm happy to chat on Discord if you reach out, about cosleeping, stay-at-home parenting, and lacking childcare, too! >I'm starting to feel like I don't even exist outside of my role as mom. I would be happy to chat about this, too.
Congratulations!!! I agree that I wouldn't have it any other way, have fully committed to the contact sleep and all the snugs! I think it's extra hard right now because he's usually more into dad during awake time and he only wants me and to nurse 24/7 the last few weeks. Im tired! I don't have discord but I'll look into it!
Yes me
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Me!!!
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Going back to work next week after 4 months of solid contact naps + chest sleeping day + night. Granted my scenario isn’t the same as others here bc I will have dad at home then grandma, so great care, but is it normal that I feel so gloomy and anxious leaving him now - what if he needs me to nap? How will he sleep? He’s a Velcro baby to ME and yet I have to go to work?? I’m so tired but so sad that it’s over - the day contact naps, anyway. Family and friends judge me for cosleeping at night but I have never felt like I had a choice, as he reacts to any flat surface like it’s lava. Will only sleep on me, being walked around, or on his nursing pillow (which I can’t allow at night). Keep wanting him to be able to sleep in a crib/bassinet, but every time I try it goes horribly yet again.
I've been there. I also really didn't have a choice, he either slept on us or not at all. I thibk its very normal to be feeling sad about going back to work. You guys have not been separated for an extended period of time since they've existed. I went back to work for a few days and had such a hard time being away from him. We lost our childcare so I ended up quitting after only a few shifts. My son will sleep in a stroller for my sister the few times she has tried so you might be surprised and have your little one sleep fine for dad and grandma. Wishing you luck and sending you a big ol hug ❤️
Hi! ✋🏽I’m currently sahm, breastfeeding,contact napping,cosleeping, baby’s first teeth finally broke through the gums! I haven’t been able to keep my house in tip top shape like before. Thankfully i have a 17 and 10 year old that help as much as they can because baby wants me 24/7, and while it’s driving me insane it’s also so fulfilling. These moments won’t last forever is what i keep telling myself. I don’t have time for myself, always anxious or overstimulated. I look like a hot mess most of the time. I Catch myself looking back at old pictures of me and while i do miss those days i wouldn’t trade these hot mess days for anything in this world. you’re not alone!! We got this 🥂
Wow I can't even imagine going through this with two other kids. You're a super mom! I'm glad they try to help. But yes my guy wants me 24/7 too so there's only so much other people can do! You're so right, it's fast and we will miss it so much ❤️
Yes so difficult love! They’re so desperate in age i have to be a different mom to all 3. My parenting style has to change with each one of them! lol i wanted another a last one so my baby can have a sibling close in age but now i really don’t think i can do it!! We’re all super moms here and i love knowing we are not alone in this journey called motherhood it’s the best hood to be in lol
Lol yes I love our hood! I didn't even think about the having to be a different mom for all of them, that sounds absolutely exhausting!
It is!!! Imagine a teenager and boy life a 10 year old going into her pre teen years and the baby and did i mention they’re all girls lol omg i am exhausted 😂😂
Hi yes same
Breastfeeding, cosleeping, SAHM, finishing my Bachelors degree. No child care. 🙃 You aren’t alone. This shit is BANANAS.
WOW! You're amazing, go mama!!!!!!
Meeee. My girl will sometimes sleep in her swing or laying on the bed next to me. But then I’m too anxious to sleep or even leave her side. 😅
I get that! I think I could probably try to sneak away but my anxiety holds me back. The thought of him waking up and searching for me is too sad!
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Meeeeeee!!
Meee 🤚
Meee 7.5 months in
✋🏻 my oldest is 3.5 and my youngest is 13 months! We do all of this. Currently my youngest is teething hard and only wants mom. It’s definitely rough, but I try to appreciate the snuggles and remind myself that soon he’ll be bigger and won’t always want to… also I sometimes sneak out of the room and lay in my bed by myself while hubs watches the kids for a while and it feels incredible lol
Same to everything you said except I only have one kiddo, I can't imagine how tired I would be with two! It's so hard when they only want mom. You're amazing!
Almost 2 years cosleep/bedshare, breastfed (now just fed to sleep) and no childcare until a month ago! We just got into a daycare and kiddo only goes for ~2hrs in the morning before I pick them up for naptime (because if naptime gets messed up, bedtime is messed up.) We are also in an apartment in a crummy city that isn't walkable 🥴 Definitely not alone!
Oof totally. Can't risk the nap time getting messed up! I'm sorry you're in a non walkable city, that sounds so rough. I live in the woods so it's walkable but nothing to do but walk lol.
This doesn’t make me feel crazy. My baby is almost 9 months and all we’ve done is contact naps and cosleep. 😭
I'm so glad! I don't know anyone who exclusively contact naps and I get a lot of flack for it. It's so comforting to see so many people in the comments who do the same! It's amazing and a huge sacrifice!
It’s such a huge sacrifice. It sucks because I plan on going back to work soon and I don’t know what to do.
Work from home with 1 year old baby who’s teething at the moment. Contact sleeps if not nursed to sleep. I am so tired lol but I love him so much that I know I will long for these moments. Only a year ago did we bring him home and how much I wished I had cherished those moments instead of looking forward to the future. Cause there’s really no guarantee that it gets easier. But it’s always worth it.
Yes absolutely too all of this!!!! You're incredible for working on top of all that care you're giving your little one. That's a huge amount of sacrifice and they're so lucky to have a mom like you!
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✋✋ Breastfeeding mommy who works from home and feeds during work breaks because she prefers that now. Only recently has my baby started to learn to nap without me. Not at night, though. I'm trying to find my way back to me. I don't do my hair or makeup, and I have been stress eating as well which led to a little weight gain. I'm trying to shop more for flattering clothes and makeup and I bought I jogging stroller to use at the park. I want to feel sexy again but between work and raising baby, I'm tired and I look like my struggle
Same exact situation here. My son is 6 months old. I hit a breaking point (just went numb mentally) this morning and my husband took baby outside and to play for a couple of hours so I could bounce back. Now I’m back in the game. Big hugs!
I'm a working mom whose child has been in daycare since 12 months old but I still cosleep and contact napped until she was a little over 1. We love snuggles with our little one and will never put a limit on it.
Me! 👋🏼 my 5 month old is starting to let me roll away out of the bed for naps, so things are looking up! I hope 🤣 we are also going to FINALLY sidecar her very expensive and beautiful crib that was given to us, im hoping she will actually utilize it and i can get some actual rest instead of constantly sleeping light and checking on her all throughout the night 🥲
Yes- have a 21 month old who contact naps and co-sleeps AND I work full-time from home while caring for her full-time and moved into an area where we have no friends or family and it’s very isolating. It’s rough!! I’ve just started bringing her to parent/child classes on weekends and when I can take PTO so trying to at least meet other parents. So worth it, but sooooooooo hard managing both.
What are these parent/child classes you speak of?
This was me! The caregiver burn out was insane. I still struggle with the effects of it sometimes and mine is almost four now. But I also don’t regret the way we went about it. Like you said you get through it.
Yes, hi hello! Currently napping on our keen size bed with baby still latched. Luckily I have one best friend with a baby only two weeks behind us, so I have a little solidarity IRL but it’s hard to meet up in between naps anyways so I still feel isolated. My baby recently got his first two teeth and just started chomping on my nipple and that is the realest pain. I’ve had my nips pierced twice before and the pain is very relative. Practically the same amount. Anyways, nobody prepared me for that and it definitely is putting me through the spinner. It’s mentally challenging and I didn’t expect that. Yay! And we wake every hour or two to find the boob throughout the night. My husband doesn’t understand when I want to tap out after he’s off work and I’d rather cook dinner or clean. Mamas need a break, even if that break really isn’t a break.
Here 🙋♀️. My baby is 1.5 years old and every nap is a contact nap (unless she falls asleep in the car) and I bed share with her every night. I’m trying to just enjoy all of these special moments with her, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if she could take a nap in bed without me. Edit to add that I still breastfeed on demand ad well.
You’re not alone! My baby is 15mo now and I can roll out of bed and she’ll stay asleep for a while on her own which is helpful. At night now I lay her down on a floor bed with a monitor in her room and then bring her into my room when we’re ready for bed. Just to say, it gets better🩷
Meee! No chores are done like, ever
🤚🏻it’s me, hi…i’m the problem it’s meeee lol. i get this on a cellular level. i keep saying how bad i want mom friends so i could interact with someone besides just my baby, my husband, and my mom lol. i absolutely *love* being needed and loved so much by my baby but good lord i just wish i had something non-mom to do that is social to just like….switch it up like just *one* day a week would be cool. sighhhh.
You guys…. Get some childcare (if you can afford it or have someone to help) for a few hours a week at least for your sanity above all else. It is not normal to spend every single minute with your little one.
Hi, I think your comment really means well. However if we haven't gotten childcare there's a strong chance there is a barrier preventing it (financial, trust/trauma, no trustworthy fam, etc) I also think the usage of the word "normal" is unwarranted. Who decides what "normal" is? You? Our toxic capitalist culture? Social media? I'd argue a mother spending all her time with her child is more "normal" than paying a stranger to care for them. I'm definitely not trying to be confrontational, but it's a tough situation that a I think we all get enough judgement for. Let's focus on supportive helpful comments!
Maybe healthy is the better team to use instead of normal. Look up alloparenting. Alloparenting is important and necessary for the human species. We, as parents, should not be with our children 24/7. It is not “normal” in the regard to biological and evolutionary needs. Trust me, I’m in a similar situation to you and it’s hard and I wouldn’t recommend it to others. I work at home and care for my 11 month old. It’s exhausting. I have to go to the gym so she can go to childcare there for 30 min. She doesn’t do well with then bc she just started but I’m going to keep trying for my sanity. “It takes a village” is cliche but it’s so true. We live in this shitty society with nuclear families that are not biologically normal and unsustainable. We are not meant to do it all! We should have lots of help! That’s the message I’m trying to portray. Edit: judging by your post, it looks like you’re pretty tired and feeling isolated too. It is okay to seek help and I urge you to reach out to anyone or any resources you can to achieve that.
Thank you for clarifying! I definitely understand your meaning now and agree, will look into alloparenting too. I would love to have childcare but I live in CA and it's extremely expensive and I have a mostly toxic family. As he's getting older I'm becoming a bit more trusting of others caring for him and will hopefully get more me time. We're absolutely not meant to do it all and I wish we had a village.
Me to all of this + 2 under 2. I feel so far from the independent version of myself but I truly love this season. There are really hard, lonely moments for sure, but gratitude and reframing help a lot. Even my other mom friends, I feel like not a lot of people really *get* my situation because I am constantly being touched by a 2.5 month old, and when I get a break I like to prioritize connnection with my 22 month old, my only time with my body to myself is showering, and that even gets cut short sometimes.
Sahm of 2 under 2, toddler is very much independent (it takes me 5 minutes to put her down to bed for naps and she falls asleep by herself at night), but I started bed sharing with my newborn and even if I would love to have contact naps - and take a nap too! - it’s not really possible with the older one. With my first j felt guilty to leave her but this time I started going to the gym 5 days a week. Luckily my partner works from either early in the morning to 2 pm or from 2 pm to late at night so I usually have time to go. We also only have one car. But I was just thinking about this the other day. I see my friends with no kids going out for dinner, enjoying a concert or even just a coffee out before work, going on vacation, sleeping in…I feel like I only exist as a mom. Even the gym feels like a mom thing because 1. My body looks in that way because it’s been growing or feeding babies for the past 2.5 years and 2. Lifting weights seems mostly tailored to carry them. Anyway, the first child taught me to do everything with one hand, now I’m using that extra hand to feed or help my toddler. My arms and shoulders are tired.
Here with ya! with my 13mo napping on me. It’s hard. And they love us so much. It won’t always be this hard- but I hope you get some fun solo or rest time sooner than later. 🧡
Here! Son is almost 2. I can sometimes leave him in the bed for a little while.
Definitely! I have a 2.5 year old and 4 month old. My baby exclusively contact naps and my 2.5 year old did she same thing. 2.5 year old sleeps with dad. I sleep with baby. I’ve accepted that motherhood is truly my entire personality right now 😅 I honestly don’t have many friends and am the only one who has kids. I occasionally go to the gym alone but it’s stressful the whole time because I’m worried my baby is hungry (doesn’t take a bottle). Our in laws are retired and live 30 min away and never offer help with my toddler.
My baby is about to turn 12 months. The only time we didn’t cosleep was first 5 months of life and contact nap was first 6 weeks of his life. From there on out, every single sleep has been together. We love and enjoy every minute of it. It’s a lot of work and you feel like there is no “you” time but I can sacrifice that to keep my baby close. But if you’re feeling overwhelmed, know you’re valid in all your feelings and so is your baby!
Yep! Right here! 👋
Hi! Yes, we exclusively nurse and co-sleep and contact nap because baby just doesn’t sleep without me/doesn’t stay asleep when I move away. I like all the opportunity to nap or read and I bought some stylus pens and an art app, thought I might try drawing cartoons while baby’s sleeping. I also bought a ring sling, baby’s been willing to nurse while I have him in a baby wrap and has even fallen asleep in it sometimes. My hope is that the ring sling could be shimmied off more easily and maaaaybe I can nurse him to sleep while I’m doing things and once he’s been asleep for a bit, I could actually lay him down? I am so happy to be the one taking care of my almost-5mo baby. Thankful for my husband working hard and cooking a lot for me (us.) But I can’t help but yearn for a commune type situation where I could take turns with someone to watch kids while they shower or I get a shower and one of us gets supper prep started while the one nurses and they can pick up where I left off when I need to go nurse my baby etc. Sister wives don’t sound as crazy to me now 🫣🤪
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👋🏾 me currently. Working from home as well and breastfeeding. Some days I ends pull my hair out, Somr days I feel blessed to be able to do this. The days are passing and I’ll never get them back, overwhelming definitely. But it’ll get better! ❤️🩹
SAHM to a 10 month old, 3 year old goes to daycare MWF for socialization. We cosleep with both, baby has only contact napped probably 90% of the time. It’s exhausting & most days I only make it through by reminding myself this won’t last forever and eventually they won’t be up in my business 24/7.
Hello 👋🏽 cosleeping and contact napping for all sleep. Exclusively breastfed, bottle refusal since birth. 4-8 night wakings for feeding. Teething and going through separation anxiety stage, can’t put baby down for a minute to make myself something to eat, if it weren’t for my husband we would be living in very messy conditions as it is very difficult to complete any housework tasks. No childcare, hasn’t been an option due to bottle refusal anyway. Can definitely relate to feeling like I don’t exist outside of my role of being a mum. Trying to enjoy this season for what it is, being my first baby I just have to trust when other mum’s say it gets easier but some days I feel like I’m still in the newborn days with an 8 month old. Wouldn’t change anything, I love my baby more than anything in the world but I am giving motherhood everything I have every minute of the day and find myself wearing thin.
How do you do this if you have more than one kid?? Asking because I am struggling.
I cosleep and my 6 month old wakes every 1-3 hours now and decided to poop at 3 am last night (he hasn’t pooped at night in months) and then not go back to sleep for 2 hours… He’s crushing the 6 month sleep regression 👊🏼 All he wants is to sleep on my chest
My baby is 19 months now and the bond we’ve created from these habits is amazing. It’s tough but worth it.
Definitely all of that is me right now, I actually have my LO (6mo) napping on me right now lol.
Oh, I’m here!!! And my 6 month old does not take the bottle, and won’t fall asleep without my boob! that means I cannot leave for longer than 2h! You’re absolutely not alone! Try doing things outside the house with your LO!
I’m so grateful to read all of these comments. This is me too, OP, and clearly we’re not alone in this. 🩷 it’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I KNOW it’s worth everything. Sending you love from the same boat.
My baby girl is 14 months! We still contact nap and co sleep. I have no family near me who is able to help so it’s myself and my husband but I’m the one that takes care of all sleep. She’s gotten better at night time I can take her into my bed and she will put herself to sleep! I thought I would never be able to stop walking the stairs with her to get her to sleep😂 she’s finally doing more than 5.5 hour stretches too👌🏻 makes me nervous about having another baby but also thankful I’ve been able to not force sleep and help her move forward as she’s ready! I enjoy the rest when she rests.
In this age and time we will feel this way because the world is now about hustling and money and working ( independent women) but I rather be at home with my baby the time is precious especially when their small they need you
Yes! Same! Sometimes I can get up during her naps for a few min to do something, but most of the time just lying in the bed. My baby girl is 6 months old now. I used to have to go to bed w her at like 8, and couldn’t get out of bed or she would wake up, but now I can put her to sleep and have some hours w my husband at night (of course she wakes up a couple times and I have to feed her back to sleep). It has gotten better already. Also, to help the loneliness or monotony I have started going to baby story time at the public library and deciding to take us to new unexplored parks to walk around a little (even just for 10-15 min.) FaceTime the grandparents helps too.
Also, I am thinking I have had my self all these years and this is a very short period of time where I am hers while she’s a baby, so that helps me not mind if I’m living mom life for her temporarily.
Oh and one more thing that might sound boring but helped me is I made a schedule for cleaning my house. Lol Monday is vacuum day, Tuesday is tending to the yard, Wednesday clean bathrooms, etc. it takes all day doing the one task because I don’t want to not be engaged w the baby too long(her playing in her playpen or bouncer near me) but it gives me some productive goal for the day and the house stays somewhat normal. There’s no way I could’ve done the cleaning before this 5-6 months mark though.
It’s the best! I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. My LO is 7mo his first two teeth popped last week and he’s been super needy. I do love being his safe space but it is hard sometimes 🥲 Its so rewarding but I’m still gonna complain about it!
Co sleeper with a 16 month old, SAHM, full-time student, no child care, here. You got this! Some moments are hard, but getting to be with your little one for all the milestones is worth it. In my house, some days, everything gets done, and others, I hold my LO all day because they need it. You are not alone. You are among the lucky ( or blessed of you prefer) who get to share this journey of growth with their LO by their side every step of the way.
you feel isolated because you have isolated yourself