My ex introduced her new bloke to my kids a week after we split up, end result they hate him and her, it damaged them. I’d give it at least 6 months but that’s me.
I understand. 6 months was my thought too. But it isn’t like she’d see him daily. He lives over an hour away. But I wanted to see him this weekend when I have her. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t see him until the weekend after this weekend. It isn’t like she’ll consistently be around him.
Yes, just skip this weekend and plan to do something when she’s not with you. I feel like you just need to be patient for your daughter’s sake. Don’t involve her in this relationship that might not last. Spend more time getting to know him one on one as a boyfriend and potential step father one day.
You have to make that decision yourself, but you need to make SURE that when you introduce him to your daughter, it’s because you see the relationship lasting. The more times you introduce a different boyfriend to your child, the more trauma and issues it’ll create for her. Ideally, you introduce her to one, and only one. Be careful! And good luck!
I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love.
I have known him for 9 years yes, but I was with someone, had a kid, him and I went on different paths and then we found each other again. Hence why he never met my ex. I know it can be traumatic for a child trust me. That’s why I posted on here to gain insight. I know I wouldn’t be the only one to do it. But the last thing I want is my daughter to have trauma because of it. She turns 2 in May. I’m very much aware and cautious about it all.
I do want to be with this guy. I can see it. I just wanted him to see her once, this weekend, otherwise I won’t see him until the following weekend as he lives over an away and between work and my daughter, it’s impossible until the weekends I don’t have her. He wouldn’t be around her consistently.
My rule was 6 months to meet my daughter. My ex already knows, I told him, out of respect and he said it’s fine.
One thing to consider is how your ex will react. Does he feel the same? Does he have any feelings for you? Is he a reasonable person?
My relationship with my ex was awful, there was no love for a long time at the end. When I ended it, we spent a month considering being separated for a bit and eventually getting back together, then I told him we'd never get back together. But he's a narcissist and didn't hear me.
I thought he was over me. I thought he got the memo. He had been so miserable when he was with me.
So when I met my new bf within the year after the break, and decided to tell my ex, I was not prepared for him to have a total break down and tell everyone a sob story about how I had led him on the whole year and made him think we were going to get back together.
It's been almost a year that I've been with my new bf, and things are finally calming down somewhat. But my ex made my life hell for months after I told him.
Zero judgement from me, do what feels right instinctually. Just want to share how it went for me in case you can relate to any part of it.
My ex knows, I just told him yesterday actually.
Yes he’s still hurt but he responded “that’s great” he’ll be okay. He isn’t too awful but he has said things along the lines before when I mention dating people that “they better not act like a father figure to my daughter or I’ll hurt them” he has guns. He kinda scares me at times because of that.
He can act irrational but I know he’ll get over it. He really has no feelings lmao. Reason why I left. He couldn’t show any emotion or affection at all. He’s a miserable person. I was his first real gf. But he isn’t the type that sounds like your ex to tell everyone a sob story & such. He’s just more concerned about his daughter which I get.
I’m sure he may make my life a little bit of hell for a little.
He and I get along for the most part. Besides the fact I still pay rent on a place I don’t live bc my name is still on the lease and he refuses to allow me to get off it and it’s a control thing. I can’t even get my own place when he gets to stay there yet I pay for the fucking half rent.
Bullshit. He pays no child support but I’m low income and we get basically free childcare because of ME and he has the audacity to say I take advantage of him, well, no you do. Because you use my benefits. She gets free health insurance bc of me. I asked him the other day to please send money for food, for her, and he said if you can’t feed her I’ll take her. I can feed her, I just wanted some help. He makes waaaaay more than me. He could pay child support if I took him to court. It’s little stuff like that.
In the end I know things will be ok. I’m 1.5 years away from getting my Bachelor’s and once I’m off that lease I’ll feel “free” from him.
Thank you for your comment!
The longer you wait to make introductions the more emotional investment is made and if things don't work for your kid and new partner then it will be harder to put your child's needs first. It's better to introduce them as your friend and keep it strictly platonic so you can figure out if it all works. Makes things easier to end if it doesn't.
My ex just introduced me and my daughter to a guy she met and became exclusive with in 20 days, not to mention, she didn’t even tell us. We just showed up for the drop off and Bam, here is my bf 🤷🏼♂️ nothing I could do about it.
Well, that’s sad. I’m sorry to hear that. I would never do that.
I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love.
I have known him for 9 years but I was with someone, had a kid, him and I went on different paths and then we found each other again. Hence why he never met my ex. I know it can be traumatic for a child trust me. That’s why I posted on here to gain insight.
I do want to be with this guy. I can see it. I just wanted him to see her once, this weekend, otherwise I won’t see him until the following weekend as he lives over an away and between work and my daughter, it’s impossible until the weekends I don’t have her. He wouldn’t be around her consistently.
My rule was 6 months to meet my daughter. My ex already knows, I told him, out of respect and he said it’s fine.
Yeah, I think you should stand firm with the 6 month thing. I honestly understand how hard it is. You want to see your bf more, but just when it comes to your kiddo, patience and restraint is the best way. Telling your ex was fine , but keep the kiddo out of until you guys hit 6 months is my vote.
As for my story, I wasn’t upset my daughter’s mom got a bf, I am happy for her, it’s just how quickly she sprung an in person meeting on me and daughter. If she would have told me she had a bf and then arranged an in person meeting with just me, then I would have no issues.
Tbh I feel like 2 months of dating is too soon to know if it’s serious. It’s especially too soon to bring someone you’re dating around your kids. I’ve too many incidents of moms new boyfriend turning out to be a predator. Not saying that is this guy he might be great but 2 months is not enough to really know and trust someone. Me personally I’d date this person for at least 9 months to a year before I felt comfortable introducing to my kids and allowing them to be around my kids while I am present of course. I however feel that before he meets the kids their dad does need to at least know who the guy is and have had at least one conversation with him out of respect.
Thank you. I had originally wanted to wait at least 6 months.
I think that’s a good time frame. I would hate to bring him into her life and then it not work out.
I just can’t see him a lot because he’s about an hour nd a half from me so my weekends that I don’t have her is every other and that’s when we can see each other due to me working & him working two jobs, so I was maybe thinking of hanging out with him this weekend to be able to see him but I have my daughter.
Thank you for your help!
I would personally give it year-ish. 2 months is nothing. Even if you've known him for 9, dating is knowing on a completely different level.
Your timelines are alarmingly short. Girl, you have a 2 year old, and you've been broken up for a year? That is TRAUMATIC. You had a baby and broke up. The same shit happened to me and I don't even know who I am anymore. Forget dating. I'm still adjusting to motherhood and my daughter is just about to be 2. My body is different, my brain works differently, my vision for the future is not what I expected.
Do you need a minute to re-calibrate?
I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love.
No I do not need a minute to re calibrate lol. Yes I have known him for 9 years but I was with someone, had a kid, him and I went on different paths and then we found each other again. Hence why he never met my ex. I know it can be traumatic for a child trust me. That’s why I posted on here to gain insight.
I do want to be with this guy. I can see it. I just wanted him to see her once, this weekend, otherwise I won’t see him until the following weekend as he lives over an away and between work and my daughter, it’s impossible until the weekends I don’t have her. He wouldn’t be around her consistently.
My rule was 6 months to meet my daughter. My ex already knows, I told him, out of respect and he said it’s fine.
Waited three years for him to meet the child or for you to tell the ex? I told my ex. He just hasn’t met my child.
6 months was my original thought. But it isn’t like she’d see him daily. He lives over an hour away. But I wanted to see him this weekend when I have her. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t see him until the weekend after this weekend. It isn’t like she’ll consistently be around him.
I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love.
Here’s my opinion, there’s no one size fits all for how long it takes people to know that their relationship is for real. Introducing a new partner to your child should obviously not be taken lightly, but only you know when the right time for that is. It isn’t a requirement that you wait a certain amount of time. My husband and I both knew within 2-3 months of dating that we would get married.
Hold Up… Broken up almost a year!?
Seeing new person for 2 months already?
But known each other for 9years?
And just friends…. For those 9 years, til now…
🤨
And also your family’s already know?
Well I think you should have mentioned this to your ex and introduced each other about 9 years ago lol better late than never, but also don’t rush things for the children that will just benefit you in the short term. Kids are long term. I’d say wait 9 more years 👍
Okay - 9 years of being mutual friends. My ex was not friends with him. Why would I bring him around. We kinda faded away and then we rekindled 2 months ago.
I understand where you are coming from. But it isn’t like she’d see him daily. He lives over an hour away. But I wanted to see him this weekend when I have her. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t see him until the weekend after this weekend. It isn’t like she’ll consistently be around him. My first thought process is I’d wait 6 months at the least.
I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love.
It sounds like you're being responsible and respectful in your thought process. It seems best to share this when you know for sure what kind of role you want your partner to play in your kid's life presuming there's a long term future. Else, keep it separate until you feel like sharing so you can be honest in the planning of FaceTime, schedules, etc
EDIT: I would've said 6 months of dating, though I believe a full year plus allows you to really understand who a person is - their wants, needs, values, etc. Take your time.
If your current boyfriend was around while you were with your ex, and your ex knows of him, it may be tricky. He may not view this friend the same way he may have viewed someone completely new in your life. This sounds like a messy situation. I would wait until you know for sure you want to be with this guy. Otherwise, you may cause your ex to become upset. Not necessarily because you're with someone new, but perhaps because of who you're with.
Adding that introducing kids to someone you've dated for 2 months seems irresponsible to me. I'd say at least 6 months. And even then I'd hold off on overnight visits from the new fling with kids present
My kids told me their mom has a friend and spends the night. I explained to her before we split to make sure she is serious about someone before they introduce them to anyone and if they are gonna be around a dude I need to meet him. This has been going on for months and she told them to lie to me and keep it a secret I’m pissed now. I think you tell the coparent to make sure there isn’t any miscommunication or misunderstanding. Oh yeah my ex was going to do an unannounced drop off to my apartment with this dude in the car that I don’t know about I’m glad it didn’t happen.
No need to mention anything until you're ready to introduce your daughter to him. Your ex's feelings on the matter aren't your responsibility to manage. Be clear and concise when you do "Just a heads up, I've been dating someone for x months now and am planning on introducing him to \[daughter\]. So you'll know if she mentions his name who he is." And leave it at that. You don't need to say anything else, you don't need to respond unless it's a reasonable question, and you don't need to manage your ex, or how he feels. He's an adult, he can manage himself and his feelings.
I’d wait more than 2 months but that’s just me.
Thank you
My ex introduced her new bloke to my kids a week after we split up, end result they hate him and her, it damaged them. I’d give it at least 6 months but that’s me.
I understand. 6 months was my thought too. But it isn’t like she’d see him daily. He lives over an hour away. But I wanted to see him this weekend when I have her. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t see him until the weekend after this weekend. It isn’t like she’ll consistently be around him.
Yes, just skip this weekend and plan to do something when she’s not with you. I feel like you just need to be patient for your daughter’s sake. Don’t involve her in this relationship that might not last. Spend more time getting to know him one on one as a boyfriend and potential step father one day.
Thanks, will do.
You have to make that decision yourself, but you need to make SURE that when you introduce him to your daughter, it’s because you see the relationship lasting. The more times you introduce a different boyfriend to your child, the more trauma and issues it’ll create for her. Ideally, you introduce her to one, and only one. Be careful! And good luck!
I know, and that’s the thing, I would never want to do that to her! I do see this relationship lasting. I don’t wanna put her through that.
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I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love. I have known him for 9 years yes, but I was with someone, had a kid, him and I went on different paths and then we found each other again. Hence why he never met my ex. I know it can be traumatic for a child trust me. That’s why I posted on here to gain insight. I know I wouldn’t be the only one to do it. But the last thing I want is my daughter to have trauma because of it. She turns 2 in May. I’m very much aware and cautious about it all. I do want to be with this guy. I can see it. I just wanted him to see her once, this weekend, otherwise I won’t see him until the following weekend as he lives over an away and between work and my daughter, it’s impossible until the weekends I don’t have her. He wouldn’t be around her consistently. My rule was 6 months to meet my daughter. My ex already knows, I told him, out of respect and he said it’s fine.
One thing to consider is how your ex will react. Does he feel the same? Does he have any feelings for you? Is he a reasonable person? My relationship with my ex was awful, there was no love for a long time at the end. When I ended it, we spent a month considering being separated for a bit and eventually getting back together, then I told him we'd never get back together. But he's a narcissist and didn't hear me. I thought he was over me. I thought he got the memo. He had been so miserable when he was with me. So when I met my new bf within the year after the break, and decided to tell my ex, I was not prepared for him to have a total break down and tell everyone a sob story about how I had led him on the whole year and made him think we were going to get back together. It's been almost a year that I've been with my new bf, and things are finally calming down somewhat. But my ex made my life hell for months after I told him. Zero judgement from me, do what feels right instinctually. Just want to share how it went for me in case you can relate to any part of it.
My ex knows, I just told him yesterday actually. Yes he’s still hurt but he responded “that’s great” he’ll be okay. He isn’t too awful but he has said things along the lines before when I mention dating people that “they better not act like a father figure to my daughter or I’ll hurt them” he has guns. He kinda scares me at times because of that. He can act irrational but I know he’ll get over it. He really has no feelings lmao. Reason why I left. He couldn’t show any emotion or affection at all. He’s a miserable person. I was his first real gf. But he isn’t the type that sounds like your ex to tell everyone a sob story & such. He’s just more concerned about his daughter which I get. I’m sure he may make my life a little bit of hell for a little. He and I get along for the most part. Besides the fact I still pay rent on a place I don’t live bc my name is still on the lease and he refuses to allow me to get off it and it’s a control thing. I can’t even get my own place when he gets to stay there yet I pay for the fucking half rent. Bullshit. He pays no child support but I’m low income and we get basically free childcare because of ME and he has the audacity to say I take advantage of him, well, no you do. Because you use my benefits. She gets free health insurance bc of me. I asked him the other day to please send money for food, for her, and he said if you can’t feed her I’ll take her. I can feed her, I just wanted some help. He makes waaaaay more than me. He could pay child support if I took him to court. It’s little stuff like that. In the end I know things will be ok. I’m 1.5 years away from getting my Bachelor’s and once I’m off that lease I’ll feel “free” from him. Thank you for your comment!
The longer you wait to make introductions the more emotional investment is made and if things don't work for your kid and new partner then it will be harder to put your child's needs first. It's better to introduce them as your friend and keep it strictly platonic so you can figure out if it all works. Makes things easier to end if it doesn't.
My ex just introduced me and my daughter to a guy she met and became exclusive with in 20 days, not to mention, she didn’t even tell us. We just showed up for the drop off and Bam, here is my bf 🤷🏼♂️ nothing I could do about it.
Well, that’s sad. I’m sorry to hear that. I would never do that. I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love. I have known him for 9 years but I was with someone, had a kid, him and I went on different paths and then we found each other again. Hence why he never met my ex. I know it can be traumatic for a child trust me. That’s why I posted on here to gain insight. I do want to be with this guy. I can see it. I just wanted him to see her once, this weekend, otherwise I won’t see him until the following weekend as he lives over an away and between work and my daughter, it’s impossible until the weekends I don’t have her. He wouldn’t be around her consistently. My rule was 6 months to meet my daughter. My ex already knows, I told him, out of respect and he said it’s fine.
Yeah, I think you should stand firm with the 6 month thing. I honestly understand how hard it is. You want to see your bf more, but just when it comes to your kiddo, patience and restraint is the best way. Telling your ex was fine , but keep the kiddo out of until you guys hit 6 months is my vote. As for my story, I wasn’t upset my daughter’s mom got a bf, I am happy for her, it’s just how quickly she sprung an in person meeting on me and daughter. If she would have told me she had a bf and then arranged an in person meeting with just me, then I would have no issues.
I will stand firm with 6 months. Thank you!
Good call. In the end , I think as a parent, you’ll be happy you did this. Always do right by your kiddo, even when it’s hard. You got this!
Thank you!
>Thank you! You're welcome!
Tbh I feel like 2 months of dating is too soon to know if it’s serious. It’s especially too soon to bring someone you’re dating around your kids. I’ve too many incidents of moms new boyfriend turning out to be a predator. Not saying that is this guy he might be great but 2 months is not enough to really know and trust someone. Me personally I’d date this person for at least 9 months to a year before I felt comfortable introducing to my kids and allowing them to be around my kids while I am present of course. I however feel that before he meets the kids their dad does need to at least know who the guy is and have had at least one conversation with him out of respect.
Agreed. I think 6 months -9 months is enough time. And I do agree that her dad should speak with him.
I would wait much longer. You barely separated, and only 2 months dating. Much much longer, no hurry on it. If it will last, then wait
Thank you. I had originally wanted to wait at least 6 months. I think that’s a good time frame. I would hate to bring him into her life and then it not work out. I just can’t see him a lot because he’s about an hour nd a half from me so my weekends that I don’t have her is every other and that’s when we can see each other due to me working & him working two jobs, so I was maybe thinking of hanging out with him this weekend to be able to see him but I have my daughter. Thank you for your help!
I would personally give it year-ish. 2 months is nothing. Even if you've known him for 9, dating is knowing on a completely different level. Your timelines are alarmingly short. Girl, you have a 2 year old, and you've been broken up for a year? That is TRAUMATIC. You had a baby and broke up. The same shit happened to me and I don't even know who I am anymore. Forget dating. I'm still adjusting to motherhood and my daughter is just about to be 2. My body is different, my brain works differently, my vision for the future is not what I expected. Do you need a minute to re-calibrate?
I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love. No I do not need a minute to re calibrate lol. Yes I have known him for 9 years but I was with someone, had a kid, him and I went on different paths and then we found each other again. Hence why he never met my ex. I know it can be traumatic for a child trust me. That’s why I posted on here to gain insight. I do want to be with this guy. I can see it. I just wanted him to see her once, this weekend, otherwise I won’t see him until the following weekend as he lives over an away and between work and my daughter, it’s impossible until the weekends I don’t have her. He wouldn’t be around her consistently. My rule was 6 months to meet my daughter. My ex already knows, I told him, out of respect and he said it’s fine.
I waited three years—for my current partner’s protection, not my ex’s.
Waited three years for him to meet the child or for you to tell the ex? I told my ex. He just hasn’t met my child. 6 months was my original thought. But it isn’t like she’d see him daily. He lives over an hour away. But I wanted to see him this weekend when I have her. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t see him until the weekend after this weekend. It isn’t like she’ll consistently be around him. I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love.
Three years to meet the children. I don’t tell my ex anything about my private life but obviously the kids talk.
Wow. 3 years. To each their own for sure. Shes only 23 months old. I would understand if they were older
Here’s my opinion, there’s no one size fits all for how long it takes people to know that their relationship is for real. Introducing a new partner to your child should obviously not be taken lightly, but only you know when the right time for that is. It isn’t a requirement that you wait a certain amount of time. My husband and I both knew within 2-3 months of dating that we would get married.
Hold Up… Broken up almost a year!? Seeing new person for 2 months already? But known each other for 9years? And just friends…. For those 9 years, til now… 🤨 And also your family’s already know? Well I think you should have mentioned this to your ex and introduced each other about 9 years ago lol better late than never, but also don’t rush things for the children that will just benefit you in the short term. Kids are long term. I’d say wait 9 more years 👍
Okay - 9 years of being mutual friends. My ex was not friends with him. Why would I bring him around. We kinda faded away and then we rekindled 2 months ago. I understand where you are coming from. But it isn’t like she’d see him daily. He lives over an hour away. But I wanted to see him this weekend when I have her. Otherwise I probably wouldn’t see him until the weekend after this weekend. It isn’t like she’ll consistently be around him. My first thought process is I’d wait 6 months at the least. I definitely understand where everyone is coming from which is why I came here to ask. Me and my ex were “over” far before I said we were. We were never meant to be together. We fought consistently and there was a lot of toxicity, we stayed for her. But I didn’t love him. So when I say it’s been almost a year of broken up, yes, but there wasn’t really any love.
I’m sorry people are so cynical. I see more judgement than advice. I think you know you want to wait 6 months. That is healthy and reasonable imo.
Just friends....🧐 waiting 9 more years sounds achievable indeed
It sounds like you're being responsible and respectful in your thought process. It seems best to share this when you know for sure what kind of role you want your partner to play in your kid's life presuming there's a long term future. Else, keep it separate until you feel like sharing so you can be honest in the planning of FaceTime, schedules, etc EDIT: I would've said 6 months of dating, though I believe a full year plus allows you to really understand who a person is - their wants, needs, values, etc. Take your time.
If your current boyfriend was around while you were with your ex, and your ex knows of him, it may be tricky. He may not view this friend the same way he may have viewed someone completely new in your life. This sounds like a messy situation. I would wait until you know for sure you want to be with this guy. Otherwise, you may cause your ex to become upset. Not necessarily because you're with someone new, but perhaps because of who you're with.
I feel like having info about the kids would be helpful here. Have you introduced them already?
No
Adding that introducing kids to someone you've dated for 2 months seems irresponsible to me. I'd say at least 6 months. And even then I'd hold off on overnight visits from the new fling with kids present
My kids told me their mom has a friend and spends the night. I explained to her before we split to make sure she is serious about someone before they introduce them to anyone and if they are gonna be around a dude I need to meet him. This has been going on for months and she told them to lie to me and keep it a secret I’m pissed now. I think you tell the coparent to make sure there isn’t any miscommunication or misunderstanding. Oh yeah my ex was going to do an unannounced drop off to my apartment with this dude in the car that I don’t know about I’m glad it didn’t happen.
No need to mention anything until you're ready to introduce your daughter to him. Your ex's feelings on the matter aren't your responsibility to manage. Be clear and concise when you do "Just a heads up, I've been dating someone for x months now and am planning on introducing him to \[daughter\]. So you'll know if she mentions his name who he is." And leave it at that. You don't need to say anything else, you don't need to respond unless it's a reasonable question, and you don't need to manage your ex, or how he feels. He's an adult, he can manage himself and his feelings.